The Bill Simmons Podcast - The Somehow Alive Packers, Zombie Bucs, Won’t-Die Pats, and More Improbable Week 18 Playoff Scenarios With Cousin Sal
Episode Date: January 2, 2023The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Steelers’ comeback win over the Ravens, Dolphins-Patriots, the Packers earning some respect by beating the Vikings by 24 points, Ea...gles-Saints, the Buccaneers pulling off another come-from-behind win to save their season, Raiders-49ers, and more (1:53). Then they guess the lines for NFL Week 18 and run through all the wacky scenarios that could occur after the season finale (44:18). Finally, they hit on some other non-NFL topics before closing the show with Parent Corner (1:12:49). Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producer: Kyle Crichton Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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And unfortunately
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and fortunately
the Patriots
are somehow alive.
And now I have to talk
myself into the Patriots
potentially going into
round one and beating Buffalo.
I'm going to do it.
By Thursday
I'm going to talk myself
into the season.
We'll walk through it
right now with our pal
Cousin Sal.
It's all next.
First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, we're taping this.
It is 835 Pacific Time.
Just watched these Steelers beat the Ravens on Sunday night,
which added to all the playoff scenarios we have for Week 18.
Sal, they did something really mean to us this year.
They have not announced the schedule yet for week 18.
What the hell?
I don't fully understand it.
They gave us two games Saturday.
We know Chiefs Raiders is Saturday
and the nightcap is that Tennessee Jags game,
which I predicted would be Sunday night,
but the league is so embarrassed
by the prospect of Tennessee making the playoffs
that they moved it to a different day,
but still prime time-ish.
But why don't they,
what do they need to know?
They know everything they need to know now.
Nothing's really, I guess they want to wait to see if Buffalo has to play for the one.
That game might mean nothing, right? Because I guess their ideal scenario
would be if Bengals-Ravens was for the three seed, and then they could put that on
Sunday night next week, right? But if the Bengals win tomorrow night,
then they're done.
That's done.
Yeah.
Right.
I don't know.
I don't know what they're doing. The other one that's confusing is Packers-Lions,
which seems like, oh, just put that one on.
It's basically a loser leaves town,
but it's not because Detroit needs a win plus a Seattle loss.
So if Seattle wins, then Detroit basically has nothing to play for because Seattle's making it or Green Bay's making it.
I don't know what they do with that one. They could basically put
Seattle and the Green Bay basically at the same time
on Sunday in the afternoon, but I don't know how they figured this out. I feel like we're
going to end up with that crappy Jags-Titans game. Well, no, that's Saturday night now.
Oh, they definitely said that Saturday night?
Yeah, they gave us a little taste.
Two games Saturday. One's
Kansas City Raiders and one's
Jaguars and Titans.
So that's definite.
That's definite Saturday night. Yeah, you're right.
So I don't know what they're going to do now.
The one thing about Green Bay-Detroit is
you know Detroit will play their starters, right?
You don't want to be in a situation where you're going to have one team
just like slow it down and play their backup.
So that won't be the case for that, even though it might not mean anything for Detroit,
but it's kind of messy.
They might've gone two or three weeks too long this year.
It does feel like the seasons shifted and turned 20 times.
Let's talk about that Ravens-Steelers game quickly. I think you could make a case the Steelers are the fourth best shifted and turned 20 times. Let's talk about that Raven-Stewars game quickly.
I think you could make a case the Steelers are
the fourth best team in the AFC.
Wow. They're 2-6,
but they're 6-2 in their last
eight. But even the 6-2, I felt like they
could have snuck out at least one
of those. Their defense is good.
They know who they are. They can run the ball. Najee Harris
was fantastic tonight. And they
look like they struck oil with Pickett.
I would take Pickett right now.
He's solid. You know, I had
a miserable time watching them last year
with Big Ben. And if you look at it,
they probably don't score that many more points.
I knew the final score of this game would be 16-13,
16-14, or 17.
That was somewhere in there.
What was it? It was 16-13.
It fell in the four scores
that were absolutely
in any possibility
that it could fall in.
But yeah, man, he's good.
He throws hard.
He rolls left and throws.
He's got pickings.
It looks like a stud.
And I don't think,
I don't know that they score
a lot more than they did last year,
but they're so much more enjoyable
to watch them move the ball
than Big Ben's terrible team.
That said, so they'll be a seven seed.
Who are they going to go?
They're going to go to the Chiefs and lose again.
They're going to go to Cincinnati.
Cincinnati, I guess, could be good and go to Buffalo and get walloped.
I don't know.
I don't like that seven seed for any of those teams.
Your team, the Dolphins or the Steelers are the only possibilities, right?
Well, the Chiefs, I think there is a recipe
to keeping a playoff game close
against them, right? The Steelers are probably better
equipped than the Patriots, but
very similar blueprint. Good defense,
run the ball, kill clock,
keep Mahomes off the field.
You know, I think Pittsburgh
is just a better team than the Patriots
right now. The Patriots,
I don't know how we ended up here, Sal,
where the Patriots are 8-8.
They're somehow alive.
My dad's getting excited.
He's like, who knows?
Play Buffalo, could end up playing them in consecutive weeks.
Two weeks in a row, yeah.
The defense is, since week three, is number one overall DVOA.
And they've been really good.
They have seven touchdowns.
And over and over again,
they've been able to not just keep the pats in the games,
but actually have been more of a scoring weapon
from time to time.
But somehow I was prepared for this team to go seven and 10.
I was thinking about who would be like the ninth pick
in the draft.
And now I have to talk myself into
just them being in round one
and just becoming a good fan
and just not looking at the glass half-empty stuff,
like the worst offensive coordinator
we've had since Dick Corey.
None of that stuff.
Just the positives.
How good the defense has been.
That we can run the ball.
That Mack throws a nice deep ball.
I just got to get my head wrapped around it.
Yeah.
You got it.
You're wrapped, man.
You're already wrapped.
I heard it.
I heard the whole unwrapping right there. And
your defense is good. They somehow
score a lot. Don't they have like nine touchdowns
your defense? I think it was
seven plus a couple special touchdowns.
I'm just going to add. Oh, okay. So that's what it is.
Yeah. Not non-script. We have seven
defensive touchdowns though. Yeah.
Okay. And two runbacks. Well, the one today was
crazy because it felt like
Miami had that game.
It was 14-7.
Pats can do jack shit.
And all of a sudden,
Bridgewater throws the pick six and gets hurt on the pick six.
Right.
And in 10 seconds,
the game's completely different.
Yeah.
And then Skyler Thompson comes in.
For a second, I was like,
oh, Skyler Thompson's not that bad.
But that's a tough spot to throw him in
a home game.
It felt like the home crowds mattered today.
Did you feel that way?
I thought it mattered in the Niners game.
That definitely mattered in the Packers game.
It mattered in this game, the Pat Stauffens game.
Even the Ravens game, the crowd was great.
I think the Steelers are a better team
and the crowd kept the Ravens in it.
Well, I thought so too.
But then when, like the key is when you hear like
Friar Muth catch a pass and how many Muths do you hear?
And I don't know.
It's kind of lively, I thought.
But yeah.
Yeah, it did seem like there were a couple of Steelers fans.
They do travel a lot.
When you do that Muth thing though,
I never know what does that mean
for how many people are actually at the game?
Because that's like the loudest sound you can hear, right?
The boo.
Yeah, I guess so.
It could be like a 100 people and it sounds...
That's true.
It sounds huge.
And they could be booing.
You never know what it is.
You really don't.
Well, let me get your honest opinion on the Pats
because I can't look at it objectively anymore.
I don't think the Pats are good,
but I know their defense is good.
But offensively, I just know when they get to the playoffs
that I just know what's going to happen.
It's going to be all the same shit.
I've been watching for four months.
Am I too negative on this team?
You might be a little bit, but what do you mean good?
Like they're as good as any seven seed should be, right?
If you end up nine and eight, that's probably about right.
Before we did the season, right?
We did our totals.
By the way, you're killing it.
I don't want to give you any credit at all, but you are kind of killing it.
I think both of us did well when we did that over or under before the year.
I think both of us have a chance to get to over 20 wins.
I have a chance to go like 22 and 10.
Yeah, and I'm like 11 and 7 or something.
This guy, Chris Haynes, shout out to him.
He keeps track of all this.
We're better than that.
God forbid Kyle keep track of something like this.
No, he would never do that.
No, I thought I was like 18 and 6
and you were like 16
and 9. Is that where you are? With some stuff
decided today. Yeah, no, we're doing really
well. Yeah, but anyway, so
we had to decide between the Dolphins
or Patriots. Didn't have to decide. They could have both
gone over. Weren't they both 8 and a half?
I think we argued on the
pod. It's like, all right, you got to, it's one or
the other. You can't have both. Yeah, I took the
pats. I went under on the the pats I went over in the dolphins
and you did the opposite yeah and we're
right there we're right there with each other
so that's the thing I think
that's where you are I think you're a seven seed you're
a nine and a team you're decent
offense not explosive
at all and as good a defense as
most teams except for like maybe two
or three yeah that
I guess the real question is, does the seven seed even
matter in the AFC? You could argue
maybe if Baltimore is the six seed,
that might not matter as
much either. It feels like
four teams plus Pittsburgh, I think
will at least be a bitch to play.
But then you go in the NFC, and
if Green Bay gets the seven seed, that is just
a different animal than Seattle. I've been
poo-pooing and dismissing Green Bay for weeks.
And look, they caught some stuff happening
that Minnesota, they get that special teams play.
It looks like it's going to be a touchdown.
Guy gets tackled at the one.
Minnesota's the ball first and goal from the one.
They run a terrible play.
Then they run another terrible play
and their center gets hurt.
And when their center gets hurt,
it felt like the whole game changed. They end up getting a field goal instead of a touchdown.
Kickoff return. All of a sudden, they're down
7-3. And you just knew
right away. I was like, how do I lie
bet to get out of this? You couldn't even do it.
But it does
feel like the Packers, they at least have
a little swagger back now.
And defensively, Jair Alexander was unbelievable today, but defensively, they at least have a little swagger back now. And defensively,
Jair Alexander was unbelievable
today, but defensively, they had a little bit of a pass
rush. Now, I don't know what to say.
I'm proud of you. You said it right. You're one of the few
people in sports media who could say,
oh, that was a come on.
Will you come over my house
and teach me how to say pass rush?
Well, and then the Giants is the sixth seed.
I don't know. Not an easy team to, crush. Well, and then the Giants is the sixth seed. I don't know.
Not an easy team to play either.
So I feel like all the five, six, seven seeds in the NFC are dangerous.
And then you get to the AFC.
Well, we thought the Chargers were going to be.
Yeah.
A couple of weeks ago, we thought Chargers could sneak in as the seven.
And if you're the Chiefs or the Bills, whoever's the two,
you don't want to play them.
Now it's not as imperative to get the, obviously the one's great
and you get a bye, but the two is going to
go against New England, Miami
or Pittsburgh. Not as
terrifying, I think, as the charges. But yeah,
Packers have come on and
I don't know what it is with
that Vikings team. I don't know if we'll ever see anything
like it. They're a 12 and 14 with
a minus 19 point
differential. I couldn't believe that. Yeah.
They're the embarrassment. Like the bears have three wins, but the Vikings to me are the
embarrassment of that division. So weird. For these seasons are so long now. Like I made a
list of who seems healthy, healthy or healthy ish, a little depleted or just plain unhealthy. And I had five teams
in the unhealthy group.
Philly, Minnesota, Miami,
Baltimore, and Tennessee.
Where all five of those
feel like they've had
so many injuries
that it's starting to
actually crater their season.
Philly's the surprising one.
But Philly is just,
you know,
they lost Josh Sweat today.
I don't know when he comes back.
I had him too.
I know where you're going with it.
I mean, I had him on a bunch of Moneyline parlays.
I thought that was so easy.
I only did one tease and I swore all week I wasn't going to do a tease with them.
And I woke up this morning hungover and I was like, I don't have enough action.
I'll do a Falcons-Eagles tease.
Let me get that.
The Eagles won't lose.
Minshew.
Minshew mania.
The Minshew maniacs.
I don't know.
We're going to have a meeting tomorrow to decide if we're going to continue the Minshew society.hew mania the Minshew maniacs I don't know, we're going to have a meeting tomorrow
to decide if we're going to continue the Minshew society
oh really?
he was so bad today
he was awful
he was not good, I don't know why
you don't expect that team to not score
and we'll go over because now they have a game against the Giants
and basically the Giants back up
right? I mean they're not going to
it's going to be Ty Taylor in there, right?
So we'll figure that line out.
And this is just a bummer that that keeps it going.
I know the Eagles are going to win next week.
I know they're going to get the one seed,
but boy, did they look bad today.
Well, it seems, I asked our Philly special guys,
Shio Kapati and Solak, like, what's going on?
Like, it was pretty clear early in that game
it was going in a bad direction. I was like, what's going on? Are they going to clear early in that game. It was going in a bad direction.
I was like,
what's going on?
Are they going to fucking blow this?
And they basically said when they don't have a pass rush,
the whole team falls apart,
which is you could feel in that game.
How did they say,
did they say it right?
Or did they say like,
they said pass rush.
Yeah.
Wow.
They got it right.
They nailed it.
Um,
but yeah,
it feels like we've had a couple teams peak a little too early and they
might be one of them.
Now, if you're looking at the NFC,
I mean, anybody would say San Francisco seems like the safest bet.
Meanwhile, they have a guy who had never started before five weeks ago.
But San Francisco seems like the safest bet now.
To me, and I think you're right.
I think we're both right.
The season went a little too long.
But it's also why now people are screaming, Philly fans especially.
You see why Jalen Hurts is
the MVP? And it's like, no, I think
because the season is so long and
because Mahomes is making it look
so easy and coasting through these games
that he has no interest in covering,
I kind of think Mahomes should get it. I think like in a
17-week league,
you can't sit two and three
games anymore. So that's why I would give
it to Mahomes.
Well, if Hurts wins again and he finishes 14-1 for the season, basically,
and they lose the two that he didn't play,
I feel like his case is better than it was a week ago.
But I think you're right.
I think Mahomes is going to win.
They don't have odds up yet.
No, they don't have the odds up.
The Super Bowl odds, at least on FanDuel,
everything's cluttered now. We have Buffalo's basically 4-1. KC's plus 450. Philly's 550 now, so they
dropped to third. San Francisco's 550, so same odds for both. Cincy 8-1. Your team's 10-1.
And then it drops off a cliff to Tampa 22-1. By the way, anyone who wants to bet Tampa to win the Super Bowl,
I'll book the action myself.
You'll take it?
Yeah, just bet it through me and Sal.
Tom doesn't have three.
He doesn't have three wins in him?
No.
Chargers 24-1, and then Vikings 27-1,
and then the Packers all the way down there at 31-1.
Yeah, I was looking at that.
The best odds are the Chargers.
Because those odds haven't moved since last week.
But, I mean, you could argue they're going to be favored in round one.
Right?
They'd have to win four games in a row.
But 24-1 for the four games, I think the odds are better on the 24-1
than the four-team parlay of the Chargers winning four times, right?
Yes, I think so.
That's the only one where there's a little bit of value left.
And then Green Bay, if you want to get excited about that one.
Yeah, Green Bay is the only one that's going to change after next week.
It's either going to be off the board because they don't make the playoffs
or you're going to get substantially less than 31-1.
That's basically a five-game parlay because you're betting them to win week 18
and then four games in a row.
I don't know.
I'm not ready to get that excited about the Packers,
but they certainly do look a little friskier than they did.
They looked like they were dead. What was that, four weeks ago? People were talking about
whether Jordan Love was going to come in. Oh, my Cowboys were killing them. That would have been it.
That would have just been it. Did you end up hedging your Panthers bet? You put it
out there. No, I looked at halftime. Could have just
hedged with Tampa.
But you made the key point
because we were debating it.
Even if the Panthers won,
it didn't necessarily mean
that they're going to win the division
because they still have to beat the Saints next week.
Right.
Let's talk about that stupid game.
The fucking zombie Bucs,
they're down 14-0.
They're down 21-10 in the fourth quarter.
Carolina scores.
It's 21-10.
Tampa just rips off the three-play 75-yard drive.
Mike Evans on your championship-winning fantasy team,
who's been dead for three months and just went nuts today.
But Carolina had that game 90 different ways.
I mean, they had a fumble where Darnold, he wasn't looking,
and the snap hit him in the chest,
where I swear that's like the seventh time that's happened to him.
And they just basically, Tampa didn't screw up,
and I am not any more sold on Tampa than I was a week ago.
Are you?
Here's one thing that concerned me as a team fan.
As a doubt.
I might play them.
Almost definitely going to play them.
Yeah.
The quarterback sneak for the score.
Evan stuff.
Sure.
Terrific.
I mean, he should be scoring all year, but that quarterback sneak and think about it.
It's really underrated.
I know it was all the Patriots offensive line, but Brady's quarterback sneak in New England
was the greatest short yardage play in the history of football.
Not to get three yards, but to get close to two or one and a half.
And now if that's back, at least if he has the confidence to run that,
that's just a little weird tweak of a thing
that makes me think that offense could be back.
I mean, they scored 30.
And really, like you said, they looked dead to rights.
But that stupid play got me nervous.
Well, counter.
We knew the Panthers were going to be in trouble
because they didn't have J.C. Horn.
And the cornerback they did have,
who was experienced, Henderson,
just sucked today.
And it just felt like,
it wasn't just that Brady played well.
These guys were open all over the field.
Like, the Panthers couldn't.
What did it take?
Bowles and Leftwich took them almost three quarters
to say, we should just chuck it.
What are we doing?
Let's just throw it.
They were trying to do that weird short year.
You're like New Year's Lenny.
New Year's Lenny wasn't doing it for you.
But the thing, thinking about the matchup
against your team in the playoffs,
I could totally see you guys
going up like 14-3
or 21-6.
And then it's like,
oh, you got it.
And then all of a sudden
here comes Tampa.
He's done this now,
what,
eight times this season
where they've been down
and they've kind of
just come crawling back
and he's made some throws.
So,
it's weird.
I don't think they can win the Super Bowl,
but I also wouldn't want to see them for one playoff game
just because we've watched them do this again and again and again.
Damn it.
I know it.
We're going to be like a touchdown favorite
or five and a half or something like that.
It's going to sting even worse than anything.
I don't know.
Did you allow yourself to seriously think about
you guys winning the NFC East?
What if the Giants try in that
game? Dayball's a
badass. What if he's like, fuck it. Let's try
to win the game. I did have
some Giant fan friends saying that,
and we're not going to go over the line for another
few minutes, but it does seem by the line that
they're not going to try.
They're not going to. And if the Eagles
defense can't shut down that second string Giants offense,
then they definitely don't deserve it.
But yeah, they'll play at the same time.
The Cowboys will play Washington, who's out of it.
So that helps.
But I don't know.
I think you see a lot of backups by the second half of those games.
Yeah, I made my guess for that game, assuming the Giants wouldn't care.
But I bet they do a rope-a-dope
and try to pretend that they might care
when they actually don't.
Let's take a break,
and then I want to go through some quick Week 17 stuff,
and then we'll do guest lines.
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was Purdy versus Stidham.
Where just year after year,
it seems like these two kids,
they just seem to
go head to head like this
and go nuts.
So I wasn't totally surprised,
but we had Stidham
on the Patriots.
I thought there was
a 0% chance
he'd ever have a good football game as a starter.
He was awesome.
Like, he was awesome.
I thought he was fantastic.
He was awesome if you weren't going against
the best defense in football.
Right.
And he was.
Like, 365 yards.
No one does that.
Three touchdowns.
Well, the thing with him,
he actually stood in the pocket he took
hits and i think i thought car was afraid to get hit i i think that was one of the many reasons
why the raiders were like you know what let's move on it just i i thought i want to say he
played scared but it just he was playing like a finesse quarterback stidham was like i'm gonna
take hits i'm gonna scramble i'm gonna try stuff. I'm going to play like my entire life depends on this game.
And it worked.
And they hung around, they hung around.
And I thought that was a really nice little test
for San Francisco and for Purdy, right?
I thought the Raiders are that great, but they're decent.
And they kept hitting them back with haymakers
and the Niners had to kind of kept creating offense.
And I thought that was a good
win for them. Crowd was into it. And if you're the Raiders, you're totally vindicated by that
weird Derek Carr decision. I had the same stuff written down. The 49ers needed a game like this,
just like the Cowboys junk win against the Texans, but they went 98 yards, right? And won that game
and same kind of thing against the Eagles. Okay. It's Gardner Minshew, but they came back. Brock
Purdy didn't have that. He didn't have a game.
We would have gone in there.
Our analysis in the playoffs would have been like,
have we seen Brock Purdy down 10?
What does he do?
Well, now we have, right?
And the offense, the way it's run, helps a lot, right?
And the defense, too.
They were back against the wall, too.
They had a cruddy game and still came up with a good stop at the end to win.
Bosa created the interception.
Just ridiculous. He shoved him.
What'd they call it? Shopping cart?
I forgot what they called when you shoved the guy
right into your roller skate.
Purdy threw the interception
but 284 and
won a game that he was down double digits.
It's huge. It's a good one.
We have... I mean, Derek
Carr, this is the worst day of his professional
career, right? He wasn't even on the field, and
this was the worst.
It's pretty bad. It's pretty tough
for his free agency.
You know, and whatever
team ends up signing him, and somebody will talk themselves
into him, and
I don't know. If I'm a fan, I'm like, well, wait.
What happened in Vegas?
They sucked
when he was the quarterback and then somebody
the Pats traded with the seventh round pick
for a sixth round pick.
That should be his thing. What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas, guys. You want me?
Who wants me now? Let's go.
I thought Vegas...
I think there's like five teams
that easily could have been like a six or
seven seed if like five plays have gone
differently this season and Vegas is one of them
Atlanta is another one
I think there's a world where Atlanta easily is like
nine and eight right or nine
and seven right now Carolina
was another one
Pittsburgh could have two more wins
you know the Pats could have three more wins or losses either way
depending on how you look at it but there's
a bunch of teams in that middle that
in New Orleans New Orleans is another
one right if they win that Tampa game
that stupid game that Dennis Allen
blew they're in control
of the division right now
yeah all those teams you named like had
eight or nine or ten games that
could have gone any
either way you couldn't look away right the raiders had 14 of those i think they only had
one bad game against the saints where they struggled to get like three first downs or
they got shut out but they they really are like a combination of uh like it's like a car crash
where a gender reveal is happening at the same time it's like oh that's nice but
oh should i look i don't know if i should. I definitely shouldn't bet on it because I'm going to be on the wrong side.
49ers minus four on a teaser.
Thank you.
But yeah, so it's very strange.
They'd never disappoint in such a big team.
So you had the Niners teased minus four?
Of course.
Everything was looking too easy.
So you thought that guy was running it in and you're winning.
Well, when we're up
seven, the Raiders wouldn't score at the end
either. I mean, I guess I was lucky to be back
in it. They were down 10, but for God's
sakes, I didn't think they played for me.
They played for McDaniels. That's the one thing we're not
talking about. They stepped up for McDaniels.
Yeah, I feel
like that team's quit on him this year.
I don't know where that narrative...
They've blown some games, but I never felt like... team's quit on him this year. I don't know where that narrative, they've, they've blown some games,
but I never felt like,
like what's happening with Indianapolis right now,
where they've,
now they're quitting on their second coach.
Sure.
But I felt like they've hung around.
I want to,
another four team tease in real life where the,
the key piece of it was Miami had to somehow,
there was Miami plus eight and a half.
They're down nine.
I needed Skylar to bring them down and either get Miami plus eight and a half. They're down nine. I needed Skyler to bring
them down and either get a field goal
or a touchdown. And he actually
did it. He pulled it off. So
those four team
teasers are like three to ones.
I bet one quarterback
will still be in the league in three years.
Let me hear the four. Who are they?
Skyler Thompson.
You had Bridgewater. you had Bridgewater.
You had Bridgewater.
All right.
Okay.
I had the Chargers, so I had Herbert.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
That's good.
And then I forget the fourth one, but they all hit.
It's respectable.
But then the Eagles somehow smartly didn't put...
Oh, what was the other one where it went backwards?
The Panthers.
That one covered.
Yeah, I think that was the fourth one.
That did cover.
Yeah.
So Miami gets three concussions in the same season.
It doesn't seem like last week was their fault,
but it does feel like the karma from the whole thing sunk their season.
They're somehow not going to make the playoffs.
It's kind of a stunning collapse.
I was trying to think like,
imagine if the Cowboys,
you know,
loss,
what are they lost five in a row,
six in a row,
five in a row,
five in a row.
Oh,
and now they're not going to make the playoffs.
Probably.
It would be like the biggest, like it would lead all the TV shows on Monday. Right. Oh, row. Oh. And now they're not going to make the playoffs probably. It would be like the biggest,
like it would lead all the TV shows on Monday, right?
Oh, sure.
Oh my God, Cowboys.
What are they going to do?
What's Jerry going to do?
Because it's the Dolphins.
People are like, yeah, whatever.
But what a colossal fuck up by them.
They had it.
Yeah, we were talking about our over-unders, right?
If you had over eight and a half,
and what did you say?
They were eight and three,
and now they're eight and eight.
That's awful.
Commanders is a bad one too.
They had a,
they were like seven and five
and needed,
it was eight,
seven and a half or eight
or something like that.
But yeah, the Dolphins,
I don't want to make
head injury jokes,
but for God's sakes,
I mean, could you be
more unlikely?
They brought,
I think they just,
they brought the tent
to Bridgewater.
I'm not even making a joke here.
Did you say it was like
sitting down and they brought it
over him? Oh my God.
What is going on with this team?
And why would Skylar Thompson
want to step up in this role at this point?
So they beat the Texans
right
after Thanksgiving.
And in December, they lost to the 49ers,
the Chargers, the Bills,
and then that Packers game.
And what's crazy is, look, I don't think the Packers are going to make the Super Bowl,
but if they did, it's going to come down to that Tua getting concussed in that game
was this fork in the road in both conferences.
Because the Dolphins, I thought, were going to win that game.
And if they win that game, they're in the playoffs.
We're not even worried about who the seven seeders and they have seeds
already wrapped.
And then on the other side,
the Packers,
they're out.
If they lose the dolphins game now they're in,
and it's just like five things have changed.
And the Packers are a more dangerous seven seed than anybody who would have
made it right.
Washington,
Seattle,
Detroit,
like they're better than all of those things.
Yeah.
That was a big,
a big turnaround for sure. And the game before that was Buffalo, right? That was Seattle, Detroit, like they're better than all of those teams. Yeah. That was a big, a big turnaround for sure.
And the game before that was Buffalo,
right?
That was the Saturday.
Yeah.
Like they could have won that one.
Yeah.
That was,
that was that one.
They probably look best out of any of the four that you mentioned the last
month.
A couple more notes.
I think day ball has to be coach of the year,
right?
The only other contender was Shanahan who was 12-4 with three quarterbacks.
Pretty impressive.
Your guy
McCarthy, we're not allowed to vote for him, right?
It's 12-4.
No, but I'm looking at his resume.
When we talked about this last week, he's way
far from being fired. He just has two
regular season wins in the last two years.
He would have to lose to Tampa
40-10.
And then he's going to fire.
But Dayball, they're 9-6-1.
I still can't name
three receivers on the team, even though I watch
football every week.
Dayball saved Danny
Dimes' career.
And I got to say,
I'll
admit defeat on the Danny Dimes thing.
My whole philosophy on QBs were like,
he kind of should know after three years, right?
If it's not there after three years, it's not happening.
And I think that's 19 out of 20 times the case with quarterbacks.
And he seems like he's the 20th.
Where not only do they have to resign him now,
I actually think he'll be in demand.
I think multiple teams would want to have him.
It's because of what you said.
Like this experiment, whatever, this union
that wasn't supposed to work out in 12, 14 games
with Dable and Daniel Jones, right?
And it certainly wasn't supposed to work out
with Richie James and Darius Slayton.
Isaiah Hodges.
Who would I receive?
Zombie Kenny Galladay.
I don't even think he's on the team anymore.
Oh, no.
Remember the first few weeks we were joking that they were trying to kill Danny Dimes
because they kept rolling him out into like three guys.
It's like, is Danny Dimes trying to kill him so he could play Tyrod Taylor?
Nope.
And his numbers aren't even spectacular.
I think he was 19 for 24,
19 for 25, and less than 200 yards.
But he extends drives,
right? I don't know. You don't want to use
this Colts game as everything.
No, but he's scary. When you bet against the Giants,
you're scared of him on like third and five.
For sure. Right? That's like the ultimate
test. I'm like, oh shit, what's Dimes going to do?
But you give it to Dable over Sirianni?
I think he's the other one that's going to get it. Yeah. I'm like, oh shit, what's Dimes going to do? But you give it to Dable over Sirianni? I think he's the other one that's
going to get it.
I don't know. I think
Sirianni kind of blew that one.
They're good, but their record
is not really that much different than the
other six teams.
They played...
I don't know. I think it's
Dable. I can't believe
that team's 9-6-1.
I mean, we were trying in the,
before the season,
trying to make a case for the Giants,
I remember.
And I was just getting talked out of it
by Giants fans in my life.
No way.
We don't have the talent.
So it's like, no,
they got the easiest schedule.
It's a weird division.
The Cowboys are going to be worse.
Everyone's on the Eagles bandwagon.
Like, I don't know.
Maybe there's a zag here with the Giants. And all the Giants fans were like, nope, there's no zag.
It's not happening. They also nailed the draft pick. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, not a good guy,
right? Rubbing it in when a guy's basically crippled next to him. He's doing snow angels,
but no, no, but that's, and he didn't even play a lot and they didn't buy the receivers play that.
Like I bet them over their win total.
But if you would have told me the receivers are out,
we're not going to see Thibodeau for a while and all this other stuff,
I might've turned around on it.
But yeah, they're damn good.
They're going to be tough.
I wouldn't want to play them.
More stuff from week 17.
Tampa had a heroic moment with their punter.
That's going to probably get lost.
Yeah.
Where they're up,
they're punting a midfield.
There's like a minute left and it's a bad snap.
And I don't know how Carolina doesn't come around the side and just tackle
him.
This guy wheels around the left.
Like he's fucking Tyree kill.
Eludes two guys and punts with his wrong foot and punts it 35 yards, and it somehow
goes to the one-yard line.
There's a flag on the play.
Carolina has to take the penalty because better chance of field position.
It kills another seven seconds.
It was like one of the five greatest plays of the year.
And then the second punt was inside the 10.
I think he kicked with his right foot, his correct foot, but rolling left, kicking with your right foot
is almost impossible.
That was a bizarre play.
He wins MVP, whatever his name is.
Another MVP for this week was
Ron Rivera, who in his post-game press conference
didn't seem like he knew
that they would be eliminated if Green Bay
won.
Is that a fireable offense?
Afterwards, he's like, no, no, that's not
what I meant. It's like, no, you seem
confused when you were told
that you might be done in three hours.
I was shtick. I was doing, that's
my joke. That's my whole thing.
That was bizarre. That was bizarre.
Poor Ron. Well, I mean, he seems
so lively during the games.
Oh, no. We knew that was fixed
though, right? We called that last week.
We're like, the league wants the Packers in
and Washington out,
and they don't want to have to worry about them
week 18.
And boy, the Browns and Deshaun Watson
made that a game for as much as they could
the other way by not scoring.
But then eventually,
that game was brutal.
Well, they got winced.
Those were miserable passes and winced through.
I mean, I guess they took the Heineken thing
maybe as far as it could go.
Yeah.
But to put Winston in December with his track record
seemed risky on paper.
And then within a quarter,
it seemed like the worst idea of all time.
John Jastrzemski, he was saying this last week
because he was on the pod.
He was calling it
one of the games
that had a suspicious sign
he called it a rat line
uh huh
I thought that was good
I think that would be
a good
I might add that to
million dollar picks next year
the rat line of the week
nah bro
that's a rat line bro
that's a rat line bro
I'm staying away
but the Browns
it's like
why are the Browns
only one point
underdogs
in like this makes no sense they're eliminated from the playoffs Washington has everything to play for The Browns, it's like, why are the Browns only one point underdogs?
This makes no sense.
They're eliminated from the playoffs.
Washington has everything to play for.
Why is this line minus three?
And the line actually moved toward Washington as the week went along.
So that was a classic rat line.
We'll have to see what the rat line is for this week.
It's funny.
It's about a dozen.
Watson had some of the worst plays I've ever seen in the first hour of that game,
but then he kind of rallied and even got a weird LeBron James supportive tweet that then LeBron got crushed on Twitter for.
Yeah, good for LeBron.
There's so much with it, but on fourth and one, are they going to do it?
Yeah, they're bringing in Brissette.
They're bringing in Brissette for the snake.
I'm like, what's this guy's worth?
He's 17 for 26 he throws about 160 yards a game watson and he can't even
convert fourth and one like yeah brissette does it all right he's out now and let's see some more
sean watson mediocrity yeah i want my 250 million dollar quarterback to be able to be on fourth and
one place i had uh 80 for Brady written down
with WTF next to it.
They started running ads for it today.
That's your project, isn't it?
Yeah.
Isn't that your thing?
It is not.
Who's that for?
Yeah.
Honest question.
22nd debate.
Who is in the theater on Friday night
for 80 for Brady?
I don't know a single Pats fan is going.
It's not a date movie.
You and Melissa would be like, what did you and Melissa do last night?
We went to 80 for Brady.
Is it my mom?
Our moms wouldn't go to that movie.
Ask her. Get her on.
I'm just trying to figure out what's the demo. I don't think Kyle would go. Kyle, would't go to that movie. Ask her. Get her on. Get her on. See if she would go. I'm just trying to figure out what's the demo.
I don't think Kyle would go.
Kyle, would you go to 80 for Brady?
Kyle, would you go to 80 for Brady?
No.
No?
Definitely not.
Jim Gray.
That's it.
Jim Gray will go.
And then that's it.
Nobody else.
Jim Gray.
That's enough, right?
Okay, there's one.
If he pays like 55
grand for it, it's almost worth it.
The crafts.
Right.
There's some... A lot of people
are asking me if Brady's going to Vegas next year.
Yeah.
And my...
I don't think the... I won't have
inside information probably until after the season,
but my gut would say no because his kids are on the East Coast.
I think he's got to stay on the East Coast would be my guess.
So I do think there's some smoke to the New Orleans stuff.
New Orleans?
Yeah, because they have the same agent.
Him and Sean Payton.
If Sean Payton went back there, I could see it.
Yeah.
Maybe that happens.
I mean, I wouldn't count anything out.
I know this is a lame take, but I really, I don't know.
You can't get in these guys' heads anymore, right?
Like all the NBA players that want to move from week to week
and the quarterbacks are just as bad.
I mean, I was looking at it for next year.
There's only like seven or eight teams you could definitely name
that have their quarterback set for next year.
The carousel is going to be moving fast
in a few weeks. Is it nuts to think the
Jets are a possibility for him?
I've heard that too.
Because that team has a ton of talent
and maybe
Salah, I
don't necessarily
think he's on the cold seat.
I haven't really been that impressive
in this season.
And I wonder, could that be a Sean Payton Brady combo destination? think he's on the cold seat. I haven't really been that impressed with him this season. Yeah.
And I wonder, could that be a
Sean Payton Brady combo
destination?
Jets have maybe a pick to trade
to get Payton and maybe they
lock that down.
That would be a really good
moment in the Jets-Pats
rivalry.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
Which is like a weird rivalry.
It's like two sad sacks, but
then we were good for 20 years,
but now we're both kind of
in the middle of the road again.
See, then he has to stay around, right?
Then Belichick can't leave.
Then he's like,
because then it looks like
he's leaving because of that.
Well, if you're saying
what is the best team for him to go to
from the standpoint
of the National Football League,
it's the Jets.
Because then you get
the two Jets-Pats games a year,
Brady versus Belichick.
You get him in New York.
I don't know.
Yeah, for the same reason,
it should have maybe been the Dolphins last year, right?
And I know they tried to get that together,
but yeah, it would have been the same similar thing.
It might have worked too.
Well, shit.
I mean, not to sound too morbid,
but the Dolphins might be a possibility too.
Like two or three concussions this too. Two had three concussions
this year. How many fucking concussions can you
have and still play? I don't
know if we'll see him again.
If that was your son,
Archie
had three concussions in the span of two
months. Would you be like, cool, when can you get back out
there? That's
fucking nuts. It's got to be close to it.
I mean,
I mean,
I remember watching Aikman and we wouldn't even know that much about concussions back then.
It's like,
this guy is not right.
You know,
like the stop,
stop the bleeding.
Right.
Yeah.
It's,
I don't know what's going to happen with that team.
Um,
all right.
Then the last thing I had for you was best home teams.
Can you name the two teams that are 8-1 at home this year?
Oh, interesting.
It's got to be NFC teams, right? Because
NFC teams had nine games.
Eagles?
Nope. It was Dallas
and Minnesota are both
8-1 at home this year.
KC was 7-1. Buffalo was Dallas and Minnesota are both one at home this year. Yeah.
Wow.
Casey was seven and one Buffalo was six and one since he was five and one with two home games left in Philly,
six and two.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Philly lost that home to,
uh,
the one today.
Washington.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh,
wow.
I'll tell you what,
I'm proud of my team.
I don't care what anyone says.
I picked them for 10 wins. Exactly. I'll tell you what. I'm proud of my team. I don't care what anyone says. I picked them for 10 wins.
Exactly.
They won 12.
They won a quarter of the season with a backup quarterback.
Potentially win 13.
And then what'd you say?
They're going to lose 40 to 10 in Tampa.
That'll be a different story.
But as of right now, I'm in good shape with that.
There's certainly no great team.
No.
It felt like Philly was edging toward it about three weeks ago
and then that
who knew Lane Johnson was the most important player in the league
I had no idea
yeah
I guess we found that out
but it just
KC week after week
is just rope-a-doping teams
and just begging you not to bet them straight up ever
Buffalo I think has had a few injuries
and I'm still not sold on Allen being 100%. Not sold on them being
able to run the ball up 10 in January when it gets
cold, etc., etc. Even San Francisco. Brock Purdy
is going to have to win three playoff games. Nobody knew who the fuck that guy was six weeks
ago. I was reading his bio. Remember? Was that four podcasts ago?
I was reading you. We knew nothing about
that dude.
Now they're in the two seed, right? Now they
leapfrogged Minnesota.
And so they're in the two. Which is death. That's death
for Minnesota. To me, no
chance now for them.
But if Green Bay is going to be the seven, that's not great
either coming to San Francisco.
I think San Francisco takes care of business
for a little bit. I think they're going to last. Yeah, you're right. Maybe that's the Minnesota chances. Green Bay upset San Francisco. I think San Francisco takes care of business for a little bit. I think they're going to last.
Yeah, you're right.
Maybe that's the Minnesota chances.
Green Bay upset San Francisco.
But Minnesota will not go into San Francisco
and beat San Francisco.
We saw today them outdoors is a little sketchy too.
They were talking on the broadcast about Jefferson
on turf versus Jefferson on grass.
And Jefferson was a non-factor that whole game.
For fantasy, I'd imagine your fantasy matchup on turf versus Jefferson on grass. And like Jefferson was a non-factor that whole game for fantasy.
I'd imagine like your fantasy matchup and waiting for Jefferson to do
something,
which is segue to our last thing.
Your fucking team won our fantasy title.
My team.
Well,
not yet.
I'm up 24 and I have,
uh,
and maybe you should stop calling my fucking team because my fucking team
could vote somebody out.
And I just assume you're going to vote me out. It's so negative about it. team because my fucking team could vote somebody out.
I just assume you're going to vote me out. You're so negative about it.
It's the funniest thing to vote me out next year.
I'm already resigned.
I don't even want to talk about this
because I'm up 24 and he has digs and I have mixing
and who knows what kind of game digs could have.
And I also don't believe that you don't.
I mean, the guy who kicked you out,
you haven't spoken to him in like three years.
He's a bad friend.
He is. the guy who kicked you out. You haven't spoken to him in like three years. So I got to, now I have to wait. He's a bad friend.
Your team was six and eight.
You were the fourth team
in a five,
in a five team division.
That's right.
Somehow we had some rule
that after the top seed
in each division,
it was like everybody
could make it.
You sneak in
and then you,
you have all these guys
that have been on fire.
George Kittle george kittle
is now travis kelsey 2.0 mike kittle and evans yep brady won me two playoff games and got me
goth uh put me in line to win this week i'm not counting it as a win because this is going to
sound terrible if i uh if i blow it's amazing well nobody enjoys the power of voting somebody
out more than you you created the rule yeah you get to hang it over everybody's head for nine months.
I will have more fun with it than most people if I get to do it.
I just don't know why.
You should watch it.
I know you love this league.
I know you'd be very hurt if you had to go.
I'm going to take you and House out to dinner this week.
Oh.
I'm going to pay for it, And then you'll feel bad when,
when it comes to vote out time.
Can I say this before we take the break?
I was,
um,
well,
you know,
uh,
as every year,
my resolution was to lose some goddamn weight.
Cause I'm coming in heavy.
And then you're like,
guess who's in town Wednesday and Thursday.
I'm like,
Oh Jesus.
And I'm like,
you know what?
I'm going to delay this.
You know,
the,
the people who lose weight January 1st,
they go on a diet.
They're losers.
They really, and I don't mean weight losers.
They're just losers in life.
You don't do it like that.
Those aren't people who should be taken seriously.
You lose weight starting January 12th or 14th, I'll say.
14 sounds great.
Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
All right.
You take the first week of the new year to kind of regroup
and then you're planning to tax late January 10th. Yes, I'm going to do. All right. You take the first week of the new year to kind of regroup and then you're playing them
in tax like Shane and Rutan.
Yes.
I have to regroup.
Thank you.
All right.
We're going to take a break and then we'll do a week 18 lines and all the scenarios.
When you ride transit, please be safe.
Yeah.
Be safe.
Because what you do, others will do too.
Others will do it too.
So don't take shortcuts across tracks.
Don't do that.
In fact, just don't walk on tracks at all.
Not at all.
Trains move quietly so you won't hear them coming.
You won't hear them coming.
See, safe riding sets an example.
Yeah, an example for me.
Because safety is learned.
It's learned.
Okay, give it up.
Give what up?
Really?
Really, really.
Ugh.
This message is brought to you by Metrolinx.
All right, Sal.
If the playoffs started today,
it would be Bills versus Pats,
Cincy versus the Chargers,
Jacksonville versus Baltimore,
which is the shakiest pizza shakies game.
Oh, yeah.
I think we've ever had.
Especially if Lamar doesn't play. Shakey should... That's like the shakies game. Oh, yeah. I think we've ever had. Especially if Lamar doesn't play.
Shakey should...
That's like the Shakey's Bowl.
Then in the NFC would be
San Francisco, Green Bay.
I'm assuming Green Bay.
Even though Seattle's
tentatively the seventh seed right now
if Green Bay wins, they're in.
Minnesota Giants,
which is one of those games
where I'm just telling you now, I think it'll is one of those games where I'm just telling you now,
I think it'll be one of those games
where you look at the stats
of the different gambling apps
and it's like 88% of the people
have bet on the Giants.
Right.
It's just like,
that's going to be a rat line,
whatever it is.
I'm already scared of it.
And then your team
going to Tampa.
What's the Tampa-Dallas
playoff history? 1980?
Didn't they beat you?
They won that 80.
The John McKay team? Yeah, they beat us, right?
Yeah, that's when we lost three years in a row like that.
Yeah, they beat us.
Wait, hold on. Is there more?
I think that might be it.
I don't know. That might be it. Maybe early 2000s?
Not a Brady team.
Yeah.
Was there like a Quincy Carter type of...
What was the year Quincy Carter...
He lost to Carolina.
He lost to Carolina that year.
Yeah.
He lost to Carolina a couple of times.
Yeah, that game scares me.
I was so excited for it.
Now I'm scared.
Well, the most fun version...
And it'll be a night game.
And they'll make that the Saturday night game, right?
Oh, that is unquestionably the Saturday night game.
We are getting... The first game
will be Jacksonville-Baltimore
if that's the game. Right.
Some NFC game, and then
your game.
The most fun version
of the matchups...
I think Cincy-Baltimore
is the 3-6.
And Jacksonville-Chargers as the four or five would be more fun.
There's Herbert versus Lawrence as a playoff game.
That's like,
yeah,
I agree.
They,
they probably still stick that in shakies,
but now it's like,
at least there's some pepperoni on the pizza for shakies.
We lost our shakies,
by the way,
we don't have a shakies.
I know there is.
There's someone said there is another one across town,
so we may have to go there.
Well,
I'm going to have to sample the Mojo
Potatoes, see if it's worthy.
Alright.
The week
18 lines.
So we have...
What are the records? Well, you're up
8-5-4.
Does that make sense? Yeah. 8 wins, 5 losses,
4 ties. Week 18 now.
Alright, so the two Saturday games, Chiefs at Vegas.
Mm-hmm.
KC gets the one seed.
If they win and Buffalo loses, one of the next two.
Right.
The Raiders get nothing.
The Raiders at least have their pick, unlike about five of these teams.
I continue to think the Raiders are pretty good.
I had a lot of trouble with this line,
and I ended up landing on Chiefs minus six and a half.
All right, I said eight and a half.
It's nine and a half.
So I get that one.
No, that's stupid.
Well, the Raiders zigzag, right?
Because they were good
tonight
doesn't mean today
they're going to be bad
next week
isn't that how it goes
I don't trust this
Chiefs team against
anybody as a high favorite
anymore
never ever cover
they never do cover
so the other Saturday game
Jags-Titans
it's in Jacksonville
yep
it's basically
a loser leaves town
for the four seed,
except there's a scenario where the Jags can get the wild card.
If New England loses, Miami loses, and Pittsburgh loses.
The Jags could lose this game and somehow get the wild card.
Right.
Now, that seems like a lot, but then if you actually look at it,
the Steelers would have to lose to the Browns.
Wouldn't be inconceivable.
The Pats would have to lose to the Browns. Wouldn't be inconceivable. The Pats would have to lose to Buffalo.
Conceivable.
And then Miami would have to lose to the Jets.
We don't even know who Miami's QB is next week.
So it's actually not crazy that we could have two AFC South teams in the playoffs,
which would be fucking batshit crazy.
Oh my God, that would be crazy.
By the way, that parlay that you mentioned, if those three things happen,
is only like five to one.
It's not that out of this world.
Well, and then, yeah.
And then the other piece of that would be
the Titans would have to beat the Jaguars,
which is probably the most improbable part of all that.
They played Josh Dobbs on Thursday against your team.
He actually looked pretty good.
I watched a lot of that game.
So he's the guy. Was that an audition?
Or was that we want to
save our Malik
Willis who we picked four rounds too early?
No, they can't play Willis in that.
It's definitely Dobbs.
You can't play Willis. He can't throw the ball.
Unless Tannehill can miraculously
come back with some Terrell Owens style
out of nowhere.
I don't know why.
Jaguars are so much better.
Not even because they thrashed the Texans
today and that was never a game.
And talk about a
swagger, but I don't know why. I feel like
Vrabel's not done here.
I wonder if this is close.
Could not agree more.
I was thinking about
teams that I wouldn't want to just completely discount. It's always
Vrabel. Don't just
assume with the Titans. They've done this over and over again. And then
on the flip side, why do we trust the Jags? What's
trustworthy about them? They beat the Texans. They beat the Jets the last two weeks.
They beat your team in OT. They beat the Jets the last two weeks. They beat your team in OT.
Yep.
They beat the Titans
four weeks ago.
They got killed by the Lions.
40 to 14.
And that was the one
where people were like,
oh, Jags,
we fell for it again.
Right.
So I don't know
what to think with them,
but they at least have a chance
to go nine and eight.
You know what makes me think
that Vrabel's not done?
Did you see the last two minutes of the Cowboys game?
He didn't stop the clock.
He had three timeouts and didn't stop the clock and they weren't down 40
points,
right?
Like he could have,
there were a broken tackled score and an onside kick away from being in it.
Didn't stop the clock.
Makes you want to think that he's done with this team,
but Oh no.
Oh,
contrary.
He's not.
Well,
they fired the GM,
right? They're on quarterback. Number three, who knows? Henry, But oh no, au contraire, he's not. Well, they fired the GM. Right.
They're on quarterback number three.
Who knows?
Henry, if it's a three-hour game and you have Derek Henry
and you have a lead in the first quarter,
you're nervous if you're the other team.
Yeah, he's still the best player on the field.
Yeah.
So I have Jaguars minus six and a half at home against the Titans.
Yeah, you got it exactly. I said seven. You sure you want to minus six and a half at home against the Titans. Yeah, you got it exactly.
I said seven.
You sure you want to go six and a half?
You got it.
I'm surprised.
If it goes to seven, I think I'm taking Tennessee.
I thought I was going to be too low, but I just respect Vrabel.
Okay.
So I separated.
We're doing it a little differently this week for the Week 18 Lions.
I separated in categories in order of importance.
So this category is NFC playoff spot on the line.
Packers,
Lions,
and Seahawks Rams are the two games here.
Packers are home for Detroit.
Packers win their end.
Detroit needs a win.
Plus they need Seattle to lose. Seattle needs a win, plus they need Seattle to lose.
Seattle needs to win.
They need Green Bay to lose.
Little rock, paper, scissors action.
I am going to say Green Bay is favored by three and a half against Detroit.
Who gets this?
I think we split it.
I said five and a half, and it's four and a half.
I went too high.
I don't know why.
Red in the Vegas zone, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's about right.
I do think this game will come down to some sort of massive coaching mistake.
Hmm.
Like some terrible fourth and one call or a special teams.
Yeah.
Something, something stupid.
Don't you think?
Yeah. I just, I't you think? Yeah.
I could see between Campbell and Vrabel,
I could see one of them being carried off in a positive way.
Like, I can't believe they did the impossible.
They beat the Packers or they beat the Jaguars.
Yeah.
Something stupid will likely happen.
When was the last big Lions game?
Well, it was. Couldn't it, was it a Cowboys
playoff game?
Was there another one
after that?
Yeah,
and we're going back
like five,
six years for that
when Stafford made
the playoffs.
Yeah,
maybe more than that.
But this is like
playing the Packers.
They have a chance
to not only make
the playoffs,
but send Aaron Rodgers
home.
Yeah.
He's never said
he don't own them,
right?
That's just the Bears.
No.
No, they could win this game.
I mean, the irony,
the most Lions ending
to this would be
they beat the Packers,
but Seattle wins.
And then Seattle makes it.
Detroit has the sports movie
ending of beating Green Bay,
but it means absolutely nothing.
Right.
It's like winning.
It's like in wrestling
when you win,
you beat the champion.
Yeah, the non-title match from the late 70s.
Yeah.
All right, let's do that one.
Seattle and the Rams.
So I have Seattle minus seven against the Rams.
Let me get this because I have to find it.
The line is...
Is there no line here?
No.
It's six and a half.
And I said...
Why am I so lost here?
I said six and a half.
There you go.
Wow.
What just happened?
Sounds like I screwed up.
I swear.
I'll show you the thing.
People say I cheated the lines.
All right.
It's right there.
It's there.
Jesus.
You've never read the line and then your pick after.
Because your beloved sports book doesn't have some of these numbers up.
I got to fish around.
All right.
Seattle 6-0.
Let me tell you this about this game.
Yeah.
I could totally see the Rams winning this game.
Really?
I could see McVay.
This would make the...
They don't have their first round pick anyway. Yeah. in this game. Really? I could see McVay. This would like make the nice.
They don't have their first round pick anyway.
Yeah.
I'm not even positive he cared about this week's game
against the Chargers.
It's all about like next week,
knocking Seattle out.
Who knows?
But I could see,
I think there's a little rivalry there with Seattle
and the Rams anyway.
And I could see,
I don't know.
I could just see this one.
Cause this, one of these, one of these animated, uh, anyway, and I could see... I don't know. I could just see this one. Because the Seahawks...
One of these animated
underdog road coaches,
either Vrabel or
Campbell or McVay, is going to pull
off an upset, or multiple of those.
I agree. Feels like it.
The Rams, if they got the lead
and they started running... Cam Akers
has been playing better, but they're running the ball.
That was something the Jets couldn't do.
We didn't talk about that Jets-Seahawks game.
White Lotus was... I think White Lotus
has like seven cracked ribs and they're just not telling
us. He was a mess.
He didn't want to get hit. They didn't really have
any other options, but he was awful.
I don't even do that much in that game. I think they had 20 points.
Their defense, which is not good,
looked good today because Mike White was so bad.
Right.
But I could see the Rams hanging around in this one.
Yeah, I don't love Seattle.
This was their first good game in a while today.
AFC playoff spot on the line.
We have multiples, so I'll just go in order.
We did Jaguars, Titans already.
Bills, Patriots.
Pats get the seventh seed with a win.
Pats could also get the seventh seed.
If Pittsburgh loses to the Browns,
Jacksonville beats Tennessee,
and the Jets beat the Dolphins,
which would just be the absolute worst way
to get into the playoffs.
We're eight and nine.
We needed three other things to happen.
Buffalo gets the one seed if they win these next two or if Casey loses.
It's in Buffalo and I have the bills by eight.
Yeah, you got this.
I went low.
I said six and a half.
It's eight and a half.
That's a tease.
You think so?
Because as part of it, if they're going to play him two weeks in a row,
or maybe you just beat him and then don't worry about play him two weeks in a row or maybe you just beat him
and then don't worry about
playing him two weeks in a row
you don't want to show too much
in this game right
they
killed us
the last time we played
which was
what a month ago
yeah
it wasn't close
it was an absolute
debacle
and I just don't see
as good as the Pats defense has been. Allen just
has the Pat's number.
It's the way Brady had Buffalo's
number forever.
It really does seem like Pittsburgh
is going to make the playoffs.
How are they doing that?
What's their scenario? What do they need?
They need the Patriots to lose.
Yeah, let's do that now. They're home for
the Browns. They need to win. Pats need to lose. And they need Miami to lose to lose. Yeah, let's do that now. They're home for the Browns. They need to win.
Pats need to lose.
Yeah.
And they need Miami to lose to the Jets.
Mm-hmm.
Why can't that happen?
Yeah, that's only like 4-1, 4-1, or maybe less.
Like two is not playing next week.
Teddy Bridgewater, I don't know what happened to his hand.
He wasn't even good before he got hurt.
Right.
And then Skylar Thompson?
Yeah.
Skylar Thompson and Mac Jones have to lose.
And Salah.
Let's be honest.
Salah might be coaching for his job a little bit.
Like if they end the season shitty, I could see them moving on from him.
I just, I don't know about these ribs though.
That's the whole thing.
Mike White?
Who they put in there.
Yeah. You know, what they should have done today is know about these ribs though that's the whole thing Mike White who they put in there yeah you know
what they what they should have done today is
they should have had
who's that backup who can't throw
but he's a good runner
for who the Jets yeah
you know I'm talking about the guy who came
in on Thursday and the Thursday
oh yeah yeah yeah you were
like who the fuck is this guy
we forget his name already.
I can't remember his name.
Streveler, right?
Streveler?
Yeah.
I would have had a series for him where they just kind of ran the ball and didn't taste some Hill stuff.
Because White, you could tell pretty quickly, didn't have it.
Yeah, they had some short yard and stuff that they could have converted and they didn't.
And that was the game.
Well, let's do that one.
Dolphins-Jets.
I have Dolphins minus two and a half.
Well, we didn't do Steelers.
Did you want to do Steelers?
We're going to do both of them.
Okay.
Dolphins, Jets.
I have Dolphins minus two and a half.
So I got to find it on here.
Promise I'm not there.
Probably no line, right?
Because we don't know the quarterback.
I had two and a half also.
It's three.
Okay.
And then Steelers, Browns.
In Pittsburgh. Yep. I have Steelers-Browns. Mm-hmm. In Pittsburgh.
Yep.
I have Steelers minus four.
No, I said two, and it's two and a half.
Ooh.
Why are the Browns getting all this respect from the Lions?
I don't get it.
They expect an explosion out of Deshaun Watson?
Is he going to have a four-touchdown, 350-yard game?
I don't think this year. I bet that one tonight.
Yeah.
I really respect the Steelers.
We make fun of coaches all the time.
Tomlin's fucking awesome.
I love that guy.
He really is.
He's really something.
You're betting on the 9-8, right?
If you're betting on them to win.
Even if they don't make the playoffs,
that's got to mean a lot to him, right?
I went over with them
when we did the over-under.
What was it? Like 7.5? Mm-hmm right? I went over with them when we did the over-under. I met, what was it, like seven and a half?
And I went over just because of Tomlin.
There was really no real reason.
They had a couple of good players on both sides of the ball,
but ultimately there was no reason to think that team would be 500,
but the coaching infrastructure is so good.
Well, also I took them, Watt was coming back
and their adjusted over-under was five and a half.
And I was like, well, they should get to seven wins.
And here we go.
They could have more than that.
All right.
This next category is AFC seeding on the line.
So we have Bengals-Ravens.
This is a little hard because they probably shouldn't have a line for this
because so much of it depends on what happens tomorrow night.
Yeah.
They do.
They do have one.
If Cincy beats Buffalo tomorrow,
they're the three seed.
If they lose,
this becomes a
winner gets the three seed game. So I have
Bengals minus four and a half.
That was too low.
I said five and a half. It's six.
What did Baltimore beat them the first time, right? That's why
this means something, potentially.
The Ravens.
That team. I think they're my least
favorite team. Just irrational
just as a Pats fan. They just bother me. Today,
Hayward gets that penalty because he gets basically
shoved back into the pile. The play's done. They're about me. Like today, Hayward gets that penalty because he gets basically shoved back into the
pile. And the
play's done. They're about to kick a field goal
and the ref's just like, oh, 15
yard penalty on Cameron Hayward.
And they get the extra four points.
It just seems like that kind of shit happens with the Ravens
all the time. Yeah, they need the
extra four. Or the field goal hits the upright.
Always against them. Right, right, right.
Yeah, is Tucker hot today or is he not?
Is he going to get a kick block?
I think in the last six games,
they've scored 20 points once.
I know it's because Lamar's out,
but how great is he going to be
coming back for this first week?
I think that line's about right.
That might be a teaser.
That might be a teaser game.
You know, there's a penalty today
that made me think of the rule I always wanted them to have.
Did you see Fred Warner's face mask on Hunter Renfro?
No, I missed that one.
In the Niners-Raiders game?
It was one of those where he grabbed the thing and Renfro had like the exorcist head.
It did like the 180.
And he not only stopped his progress, but he got flung backwards the other way.
It was like the worst face mask of the year.
And it was 15 yards.
It was the same penalty as the Cam Hayward play.
And it made me think, I say this every year,
I think the unnecessary roughness,
they should be able to go more than 15 yards.
Oh, really?
This was like a 40-yard face mask.
Yeah.
This should have been like,
we're waving the 15.
It's going to be first down
Raiders of the 10.
We're just, that's the worst
thing we've seen all year.
Well, in college, you know,
they review it all now.
They look for, they look for
targeting.
We're going to throw you out
of the next game.
We're going to notify your
parents as a whole litany of
things.
What happened in the semifinal
on that targeting call
when they reviewed it
and they decided it wasn't targeting?
They said no.
The one that ended the game?
Yeah.
What was that?
It was 100...
If that's not targeting,
what's targeting?
It's absolutely the rule.
They were just like,
the refs went rogue.
They just wanted to go home.
They're like,
we're not ending this game like this.
We're too precious.
That was stupid.
All right.
Bengals minus six over the Ravens.
Next one is Chiefs at the Raiders, which we did.
And then the last one for AFC seeding on the line
is Chargers at Denver.
Yeah.
Chargers get a five seed if they win.
I have the Chargers favorite in Denver by eight.
Oh, wow.
I thought I was off.
I went plus one and a half.
It's plus three and a half.
What do you mean?
Chargers by three and a half.
Home team's getting points.
It's only three and a half?
It's in Denver, you know, right?
I'm aware.
Have you seen Denver?
Yeah, but do the teams care at five, six seed? We're going to see Chase Daniel in this know, right? I'm aware. Have you seen Denver? Yeah, but do the teams care
if they're a 5-6 seed?
We're going to see Chase Daniel in this game, right?
So they can rest everybody?
Why wouldn't you want the 5-seed?
You get to go to Jacksonville. I would really
want the 5-seed.
Can they lose and get the 5-seed?
No.
Wait, Baltimore could get the 6
if they lose to Cincinnati Cincinnati which they're supposed to
right
I'm pretty sure
so you're saying if the Baltimore loses to Cincinnati
the Chargers get the five seed anyway
yeah Baltimore's 10-7 and the Chargers are
10-7 the Chargers are above them now
the Chargers are the five now right
yeah but if they have the game at the same time they're not going to be able to
yeah
I'm not messing around I want the five seed
I want to go to
Jacksonville or Tennessee. Well, that's a long line.
What happens if Tennessee wins that Saturday
game? I was way off.
Yeah, then you'll know.
Oh, that's an easy bet for you
then. Take Chargers' first half at least.
At Denver's.
I mean, how many
times have people bet
on a Broncos game
and hated themselves for one reason or the other?
Like today, right?
They were pissing me off today.
I had them against the Rams
just because it was Christmas and I was bored
and the game was over in two minutes.
Eagles-Giants.
I had no idea what to do with this.
I just guessed if Philly wins, they're the one seed.
We have no idea what the Giants have to play for.
Eagles by 10.5.
I have no idea.
Oh, you jerk.
That's exactly what I had.
But the way you were talking, I thought you were going to go way lower.
It's 14.
Oh, my God.
14.
What the hell?
So they just think the Giants are going to completely roll over. 14. What the hell? So they just think the Giants are going to completely
roll over.
Yeah. That's what I mean.
That'd be a huge
surprise if Daniel Jones or
any of these guys played.
It's a monster
number. This is why I think Cooper Rush
starts for Dallas.
Let's do that one. Cowboys
at Washington.
Dallas can win the NFC East if they win
plus Philly loses.
Probably not that likely. I put this in the
Vegas zone. I have Cowboys by five and a half.
You're just off. I got six.
I had it exactly.
Plus six.
Yeah, it's
a tough one. I mean, I imagine they're going to run these all at the same time, right?
So it would have to be Dallas, Philly, Dallas, Philly, San Francisco.
So these have to be late afternoon games.
If San Francisco is going to play at home, they're home, right?
Yeah.
That's the next one.
Niners are home for the Cardinals.
Niners clinched a two seed with a win.
I have the Niners favored by 13 and a half points.
All right. So, I mean, who's cheating now? That's exactly what it is. 13 and a half.
I said 11 and a half. You got it.
You know why I guess that? Because I knew they would have to put it high enough.
I don't cheat on guess the lines. I knew they would put it high enough. I don't cheat on Guess the Lines. I knew they would put it high enough
that we couldn't put them in a three-team tease
and feel good about it.
Oh, we're going to do it anyway.
We're doing San Francisco.
We're doing Philadelphia.
And we're doing the Georgia Bulldogs.
And we're going to cash that.
In the old days, this line would have been like 11 and a half.
But they just bump it because of people like us.
They don't want us to tease the games.
Yeah. You know what? 13 and a half.
Fuck you. That's their attitude.
Oh, yeah. You guys worry
about the McSorley or the McCoy
or whatever comes down Friday.
Never disaster.
The guy, the Cardinals guy
who I was watching some
of that game because I had the Falcons
in a tease.
Blow?
Blow?
Blow?
Blow.
Yeah, that's our Thanksgiving guy.
He always started like that. I never heard one minute of the announcers because I had them on one of the small TVs.
Right.
But he made some plays.
They hung around that whole game and Atlanta had to kick a field goal to win it.
Cool.
Yeah.
So probably irrelevant.
Only one in this one.
It's Vikings-Bears.
The Vikings can get
the two seed
in Chicago
if they win
and the Niners lose.
But as we just covered,
the Niners are playing
the Cardinals at home.
Right.
Probably not going to lose.
So
I'm sure they'll put
this Vikings game
at the same time
as the Niners game.
But this has all the makings of let's start taking guys out in the second quarter once the Niners go up.
So maybe you bet Vikings first half.
I have Vikings favored by six in Chicago.
Way high.
You know they hate the Vikings.
I said three.
It's two and a half.
You know Vegas hates them.
Yeah, but have you seen the Bears?
I know.
And the Bears, now they can get the second pick.
Did you bet that with me?
They could get the first, right?
I mean, they have three wins.
Texans have two.
They could still have the worst record, couldn't they?
Which one beat the other one, Texans-Bears?
They played.
Oh, that didn't happen.
That was like week two, and we were joking that.
But it doesn't matter because they have a tie, the Texans,
so that won't come down to that.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
They're 2-13-1, and the Bears are, what, 3-13?
You know what that was?
The Bears beat them in week three, 23-20.
It was that game when the Texans had the ball.
It was 20-20 with like 40 seconds left.
He knows the interception in his own territory,
and the Bears won.
Yeah, you're right.
Ended up getting the Texans the number one pick, probably.
So the Bears, who are a delight to watch,
Justin Fields is 100 yards rushing
like midway through the second quarter, most games.
They have three wins.
They could really get the first pick here.
And they traded multiple dudes during the season.
Yep.
Nine in a row they lost.
All right, three irrelevant games.
Falcons, Bucks, and Atlanta.
Are the Falcons favored by three?
I was way off on this.
I said three also.
It's seven.
So just assume.
Yeah.
They'll assume the Bucs aren't playing anybody.
They'll assume Brady's playing.
That's how bad it's gotten.
Panthers, Saints.
Who's their backup?
Oh, it's Gabbert?
Is that who Tampa Bay has?
Yeah.
Well, they drafted somebody too.
I think that they like. We might see that guy.
Remember? It's like a second
or third round pick.
Panthers, Saints, and Carolina.
Saints are playing pretty well.
Yeah.
I got Panthers by
one and a half.
The Saints are favored by four and a half.
I said three.
Wait, this is in Carolina?
It's in New Orleans.
Oh, I screwed up.
There we go.
I did it again.
Yeah.
That's when I clinch it.
Jesus.
Yeah, it's in New Orleans.
Just laziness on my part.
There's a lot to remember, buddy.
I'm blaming.
Oh, I like the Panthers now.
Last one is Colts. Please, Colts. Stop with the Panthers.
Stop it. You're going to lose a lot
with them.
It probably hasn't jumped in your account yet.
Has it? No, I need
Oh, you have the
win total thing. I need the win
total. They're at six.
And now I can't
hedge this. What a dumb team.
They should have nine wins.
Bane of my existence. The fucking
Panthers. Unbelievable.
What a stupid year. All those
South teams.
Colts-Texans is our last game. Really,
really awful.
They should
not show this on the red zone.
Give me one reason this should show on the red zone.
Fantasy is done.
Nobody cares about this game.
They should ban it.
Ban it from the red zone.
Fine.
I got Colts by two and a half.
All right, you're going to get this.
I said four.
It's three.
If Houston wins this game against Allinger,
I can't believe the Bears are really likely to get this last pick
the way it might work out.
You know, I just thought of something.
What happened?
The Colts should throw the game.
Why do you want Houston to get the first pick?
Yeah.
Oh, interesting.
They could make their pick even better.
Where are they in the standings right now?
They are 4-11-1.
So they're locked into the fifth pick
unless Denver or Arizona moves past them.
But then you could sabotage Houston,
who's in their division.
Although I guess there's no Trevor Lawrence this year, right? but then you could sabotage Houston, who's in their division.
Although I guess there's no Trevor Lawrence this year, right?
It's pretty polarized in the first pick. No, it looks like Bryce Young is probably going to be the first pick,
but yeah, I mean, they've lost six in a row.
You're not asking a lot here.
They'll probably lose anyway.
True.
Colts are minus 137 for the season,
which is actually the worst in the league.
Wow. Houston's minus 137 for the season, which is actually the worst in the league. Wow.
Wow.
Houston's minus 132.
And the Bears are minus 121.
Those are only triple-digit minus teams.
And then the Vikings.
Cards at minus 84 is pretty fun.
All right, that's it.
Oh, is that it?
All right, so I win.
So, all right, we're closing the gap here Simmons
good job
week for me
8-6-4
let's take a break
and we'll do parent corner
alright we'll do parent corner
in a second
college football
who do you like
so you're in on
you're all in on Georgia, throwing them
in a parlay with a couple NFL teams.
Yeah, just put them in everything.
They're destined. I mean, they played
the worst game they played probably in five years
and they still came out on top over
Ohio State. It's part of my parent
corner, the way that went down.
Did you watch? Do you like the high
scoring games? I did. I watched both games
and I thought the TCU quarterback was good.
Duggan's good.
Yeah.
Doesn't he have third,
fourth rounder.
And then all of a sudden,
two years from now,
he'll be starting for somebody like,
Oh,
I like that guy in college.
Kind of has that feel to him.
Right.
And it's funny because I think he probably had nine completions like
halfway through the fourth quarter,
but it does seem like he has more control of the game than he does. He takes off
which didn't seem like Michigan knew
that he did that. But it is weird
with just in football in general. We loved
that Raven-Steelers game. It was hard hitting
but we knew, like we said, the score was only
going to be 16-13 or nothing. And then you
can watch a game like that where the
live over-under in the
beginning of the fourth quarter was like 99
and a half and like right
that seems too low that that assumes that somebody's going to get a stop but uh yeah i
enjoyed both games that was a good one that was a really rough jim harbaugh game yeah yeah really
rough all kinds of weird shit going on the michigan fans could not have been happy yeah
that ruined ruined any dream
because you were getting an ideal matchup no matter what.
If they won, they played Georgia,
so that'd be one or two, one versus two.
And if Ohio State had won,
you get the rematch of the best rivalry in college right now.
Yeah, TCU's a tough one for the ratings, I would guess.
Georgia, TCU.
What's the line in that game now?
It's 13 and a half. Oh, my God. What's Georgia? What's the line in that game now? It's 13 and a half.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that's like all these NFL lines.
It's like Philly Giants and San Francisco, Arizona.
They're all the same.
So I texted you in-house a couple days ago about the Nuggets.
Oh, yeah.
Who beat the Celtics tonight.
They're still on FanDuel.
They're still 13-1.
What were they when you sent?
Like 15?
I think they were.
Yeah.
Like they were right around there.
I don't think it's.
Okay.
I think they are by far the best bet right now for a championship bet for
value and the whole thing.
Cause I think they're going to get the one seed.
And I think they're,
they have a couple of traits to make.
I talked about it on the podcast the other day with a was,
they have a 9.7 million trade exception and then they'll get a buyout
guy,
but they're going to be able to get a backup center and one more shooter.
And,
and I just think they,
I think they're the safest bet of anybody to make it like Milwaukee is a
mess.
There's rumors about chemistry going on and weird stories floating around
about them.
Now,
um,
the Celts feel like they're a guy short still,
and I'm not sure how they're going to fix it.
But now that Sam Houser crashed back to earth,
who knows?
Brooklyn's coming on.
But just in general, the West is such a mess.
Denver seems by far the safest bet.
I don't know why their odds aren't better.
Because you said this,
and then you talked about getting the center and everything,
but I was looking at Nuggeteltics is almost 17-1.
You don't like that?
I don't know if I trust my team.
All right.
Nuggets-Fox, 20.
I don't know.
I think it's too early to jump on an East team.
All right.
So 5-1 for the West, that's what you said?
Yeah, I think...
Do you like them for the whole thing?
I just think the 13-1 is better
because then you can go against them in the finals
even though you never would.
Right.
But they pass a lot of...
They have a lot of check marks
if you're just looking at
this time of year, where they are.
I think getting the one seed,
just the road having to go through them,
the fact that they definitely have one of the best players in the league.
I think he's the best player in the league,
but he's in that short list of guys that usually win titles.
And the competition.
I watched the Clippers lose to the Celtics,
and I watched them lose.
I watched the fourth quarter when they lost the other night.
And
I don't know.
It feels like they're missing something too.
Even though they're
completely healthy now.
But it's like they don't know
who their five is.
Even though they know
they have the Kawhi George part
but they don't know about the guards.
The one that's
the wildcard team
is Brooklyn.
Because of the way
Durant's playing
and the fact that Kyrie
for whatever reason, has been normal
for a month. But, I don't know.
That team...
The East is just in flux to me.
Don't you think you can get 30-1
for Brooklyn-Denver? I'm just reading
numbers. But that would
mean you'd need five more...
You'd need five more normal months
of Kyrie.
Oh, yeah.
No, you're not getting that.
That's why you don't do that.
Right.
You could actually say the Bucs are the best value because in March, all of a sudden, they've won 10 straight.
And we're like, oh, why did we ever think the Bucs
weren't the best team in the East?
The Celtics just aren't good enough.
Is this a stretch?
I was talking to our buddy Alec about this.
This is a stretch of great
player performances that's going under
acknowledged, I think.
We haven't seen...
I look at the MVP awards every day
and it's like, all right, Luka's just on
ridiculous run and Jokic
had a crazy stretch and Tatum
was dynamite for three
straight weeks. He couldn't touch his numbers.
And then MB like,
and,
and Curry,
what's he shooting?
Like how old is he?
And he shoots great.
The best shooting year ever.
I don't know.
I mean,
you got to do more to publicize basketball.
I like for value.
I vote on it.
So I'm not allowed to bet on it.
That's right.
Well, you know, I don't bet on it. No, I don't. But for value. I vote on it, so I'm not allowed to bet on it. Oh, right. That's right. Well, you know I don't bet on it.
No, I don't.
But for value,
I think KD at plus 850
is probably the best value.
Because he's...
I think him and Jokic and Luka
have been the three best
individual players this year.
But Brooklyn has a chance
to be one of the top five teams.
Dallas has basically been a 500 team all year.
That's why I think the Luka case, I don't know why he's the favorite.
You know, they have these numbers.
I was surprised to see that you didn't like that they named it.
It seemed right up your alley that they gave player names.
They assigned former player names to all these awards.
That's right up here.
That's something you would have done.
No.
No?
I didn't like that at all. All right, but what about this?
Because I feel like every other day
someone's name is put up
against Wilt Chamberlain.
I think you even tweeted,
like, Wilt hasn't even done this.
Should there be a
compared to Wilt award?
Like, how many times
Jason Tatum's numbers
were compared to Wilt
or Yoki or someone like that?
Or even Wilt would be impressed.
Yeah, there's...
Well, that... There should be, be like a best individual player award,
which I think...
Did they do that one or no?
Different from MVP?
But then that complicates MVP.
They had Clutch Award.
You're saying the Clutch Award?
No, I'm just like the best individual season.
That's what baseball should have.
Right, right.
But Jokic is the best player in the league.
Right. And people are like, no,
Luka, 50, whatever.
It's like, Jokic,
the way he affects the other dudes,
there's nobody like him in the league right now.
The only other one who really does it like that
is Curry, but Curry's hurt.
But Curry, same thing, where he can just lift
an entire
group of players just by being on the court and all the things he does.
Oh, he's absurd.
Jokic fucking killed the Celtics tonight.
And Denver shot 60%,
and anyone's going to win when they're shooting like that.
But he was the best part on the floor,
and he was going against Tatum,
who was the MVP favorite for a month.
If you watch the game, you're like,
how would anybody not think Jokic is the MVP again?
I want to,
Fandle,
somebody's got to put up
the clutch award.
No one's putting up odds
for the clutch award.
Because no one knows what it is.
They don't even want to put them up there.
But what is it as you understand it?
Do you have a vote
for the clutch award?
I think I have to vote
on all this stuff,
but I think clutch is just like
who kind of came through
in clutch moments the most.
So the last few minutes or?
Yeah.
So I guess it would be.
And it's a regular season award, right?
It's like when, like when Dave Lillard has those stretches when he hits a bunch of like
game winning threes.
I'm like, oh, right.
So do we have a new favorite for the Jerry West award?
But I just.
I'm excited to see odds for this.
I haven't seen him anywhere.
Yeah.
I guess I shouldn't be so down on it because it's more stuff to bet on.
Yeah.
By the way, the fact that Jerry West got a trophy name,
was that really just like playing nice with him?
Like, all right, they made a whole documentary
about you destroying trophies in your office.
So here's an actual trophy they're going to name after you,
which you would probably break if you won.
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All right.
This is a topic
that's going to dominate
the next decade plus.
When we're getting old
we're going to have to care
about the climate.
We are.
All right.
What do you got?
Parent corner.
Well,
I got a couple
real quick thing.
You know,
like Harrison,
my littlest one
was like just
kind of an a-hole the last week of
the year. Even with the elf and everyone watching, it didn't matter. So I asked him, I asked him
today, I'm like, Hey, are you going to behave yourself in 2023? And he said to me, I don't
know. I can't tell the future. So that's good. I think I'm going to use that line for now on.
When you asked me who's going to win, if the Cowboys are going to beat the Bucks in round one,
I don't know. I can't tell the future.
So you wouldn't even humor me and say, oh, of course, I'm going to try.
But I think my parent corner comes.
We had family over for New Year's Eve.
And it's like my cousin Sally and Mickey.
And everybody has kids. And they're running around.
And they're doing what they want to do in the basement.
They're playing tag.
I don't even know what they're doing.
But I'm watching Georgia, Ohio State, which is coming down to the wire. It's coming down to
midnight on the East Coast. And the only thing these kids care about is doing the countdown
on the East Coast at nine o'clock. And I don't know if you know how that timed out, but they're
lining up for that game-winning field goal ohio state
right when it's like at 40 seconds and like in my office i have the tv that splits into four screens
but in the living room where everybody is i have one tv you know i don't have i don't even have
picture in picture so i gotta i'm for once i'm like sympathizing with like these coaches that
screw up the clock management because i have to figure out how to go back and forth.
I'm like, all right, we have to count down at least from 15, right?
And everyone's like, no, we got to do it at 8.57.
I'm like, no, we don't need to count down from three minutes.
So you were like Dan Campbell.
You were just like doing the headlights.
I really freaked out.
I was like in a sweat for a second.
A lot of people are going to be mad at me one way or
another. And when you're on the West Coast, you're watching the East Coast feed. You're watching
people freeze in Times Square. It's a waste to put on. I've watched for 40 years and you don't
see one pickpocket, which would be the fun part, but they don't show that. So I got it and the kick
lined up exactly. Now I know there's delays and everything, but this guy missed the field goal, this Noah Ruggles, exactly when it struck midnight.
And I had to put it on my phone and have the kids count down from four.
And so everyone got mad at me, and I didn't see the field goal.
And I had kids screaming at me, and then they went back to what they were doing.
I was like, let's stay up for the real, the midnight.
That's what we live on the West Coast.
We got to celebrate the West Coast New Year's,
not the 9 p.m. Eastern.
A lot of you haven't even been in New York.
Why are we doing this?
So I was the bad guy with all my kids
because I only caught the countdown at five or six.
They should have figured out a better way to do that.
The game should really have to end before New Year's.
People like you should have been put in a position like that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I was over-served last night, but at one point, I remember looking in the TV and Andy Cullen
and Anderson Cooper were interviewing the dad from Succession.
I was like, what's going on?
A lot of jokes there.
Did somebody slip me a gummy?
What is happening?
I have no idea why he was there or why that was the big interview for them. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. I don't know. I don't know how it
would be better, but it does seem that it's not good on the West coast. We don't have a countdown
out here. We don't have like, now there's so many good reasons to live on the West coast.
And one of the worst ones is the new year's thing where it's 9 o'clock, but
we're living vicariously through the East Coast New
Years, even though it's not our New Years. It makes
no sense. And then when it's our New Years, we have
to watch the same
feed as we watched at 9 o'clock.
Yeah, like when
Harrison's birthday, it's like,
it's 9 o'clock. It's your birthday on the East Coast,
Harrison.
It's the day of the birthday. Yeah, it's your birthday on the East Coast, Harrison. Right. It's the day of the birthday.
Yeah, it's stupid.
I really want to do Parent Corner about my daughter,
but I'm not going to because we're feuding right now.
Oh, no.
You never had girls.
No.
Somebody told me senior and high school girls,
it's a way more annoying experience than you're prepared for.
And let's just say that person was right.
My son goes out.
So I'll do my son just because I don't,
I don't want to.
You're not feuding with him yet?
Yeah, I'm not.
Somehow he's winning the sweep.
He's winning the contest now,
the weekly contest with my daughter,
just in general, in my life.
Goes to the Palisades for New Year's with a friend of his.
We come home.
It's like,
I don't know,
10,
10 30.
We come home because he's home,
which we find suspicious.
Go in the back house where I'm doing the podcast right now.
And,
uh,
and he's back here with two friends and two girls that they just met at the
party. And the party, I guess, the party got blown up because somebody called the police.
And they just all decided to come back here. And they were all in the back house.
And I pulled them out. I'm like, who are those girls? And he's like, I don't know. We met them
today. My son is 15. And he's bringing girls back to our house on New Year's Eve.
And we just kind of left them alone.
And they left a couple of hours later.
And I just got a glimpse into my future of what my next couple of years are going to be like with my son.
Were they also 15?
Yeah, they were ninth graders.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, because he's been pushing me to go to parties with the football team.
The older kids wanted to go to these parties.
And I'm like, you can't.
I'm not allowing you to do that.
But now I just feel like I'm starting to feel like Dan Campbell with my kids.
I just can't manage the clock.
I'm not calling the right plays anymore.
They don't listen.
They're not really afraid.
The threats don't work anymore.
Right.
Really, my only threat left is you ground them.
But then if you ground them,
which by the way,
it might be happening with my daughter this week.
Um,
but then I,
then we have to drive them around.
So it's like you're putting rules against them,
but now you're the one that suffers.
Cause now it's like,
instead of her driving,
I take away her car,
but now,
but now we're having to drive her around. Yeah. And it's just, it's like, instead of her driving, I take away her car. But now we're having to drive her around.
Yeah.
And it's just, I think they hit some point where they just figure out like, you know,
it's like, you can only call the Wink Martindale blitz so many times for the, yeah, I'll just
have somebody pick that up and I'll throw the flat.
Right.
And I'm out of moves.
I'm with you.
I mean, my kid told me he can't tell the future.
What the hell am I supposed to do with that? We're screwed. Once the elf on the shelf is gone,
there's no, you know, fear is a mother effort. And now when that's gone, you know,
there's really no way to zigzag. You know, when Kyle was young, he was like nine or 10 and we were visiting his family. We were at Kyle's dad's house. And Kyle did something where he got in trouble. And big surprise. Kyle's like 10 and they're on the stairs. And Kyle's dad is talking to him. And I just happened to overhear it. and Kyle's dad says, you're going to sit here
and you're going to sit here until you come up with an answer for why you did what you did.
I don't remember what he did. And Kyle's like, but dad, I don't have an answer. I'm going to
just be here 10 minutes from now and I'm not going to have an answer. And Kerry's brother's like,
I don't care. You're going to sit here until you
have an answer. You're going to come up with an answer. And he walked away and Kyle was going,
but I don't have an answer. And my wife and I thought this was the funniest thing.
And we joked about, I don't have an answer. Anytime it became a running joke for like five
years. Kyle, did you eventually have an answer? Kyle, did you come up with an answer? What
happened? No, guys, I was the king of the stairs. That was the joke in my house. I was the king of
the stairs. There was four of us. I was the king of the stairs. Yeah. But my point is that was some
sort of discipline where at least Kyle, his dad instilled some sort of fear in Kyle of,
oh, I hope he doesn't send me to the stairs where I just have to sit there and think.
Yeah. I don't have my version of that.
Maybe that's what we need, Sal.
You don't have stairs?
You have like 14 houses.
You must have stairs somewhere.
We got to hang stairs.
I'm saying my kids aren't afraid of like,
oh, dad's going to send me to the stairs.
I know, you're right.
Dad's going to send me to the basement.
Maybe we need like more threatening things.
Maybe Harrison should be afraid that you're going to send him to the stairs.
I'm with you.
I think me, you, and House, and if Kyle wants to join us,
we have to figure this out this week while we're stuffing our faces.
You're right.
You're right.
We need something threatening.
Kyle didn't have an answer.
Kyle, you better find an answer.
But I'm going to be here 10 minutes from now,
and I'm still not going to have an answer. I'm gonna be here 10 minutes from now i'm still not gonna have an
answer i'm the king of the stairs how did the stairs work out for you ultimately
no i just started i would start to make noise and i think they were like we can't do this because i
would just start you know banging my feet and they're like oh now we got this kid on the stairs
making noise so i think it was eventually i had to go to a room. He's going to hurt himself. Yeah. He's going to hurt himself in the stairs.
Wow.
All right.
That was,
that was a parent presented by the cool down.com.
Um,
so what do you have to plug?
Uh,
well this weekend,
Simmons and I'm going to, yeah,
this is the weekend.
I'm going to kidnap you in house.
I'm just going to take you there.
Cause it's extra points live proper Palooza with the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club
Monday, January 9th. We're there
for the pregame and the game
right there. Georgia
TCU, Extra
Points Live, Propapalooza, Vegas.com
or Ticketmaster. Get it. They were there the day
before, also Sunday, all day
for the watch party, 10 to 430
Kimmel Comedy Club brought to you by
Crown Royal. You could come out.
We're going to have giveaway betting slips.
You could come.
Come on.
Did Najee Harris need an exorcism?
Did you hear that one today, O'Connor?
Oh, yeah, that was good.
He's possessed.
Oh, he put a humdinger on that throw.
He said humdinger today.
You know, we talked to them about Kenny Pickett,
and God, Mike Tomlin just loves this guy.
Does he love this guy or what?
I'm going to be there on Monday.
Don't rule it out.
Really?
Okay, good.
One more.
He had one more with Mike.
Mike, you and I were watching Isaiah Likely in practice,
and this guy is uncoverable.
I don't care what the pass rush
looks like. He is unguardable.
Forget that he only has two touchdowns on
the year. You just can't cover him.
He's got like
20 fantasy points for the season.
By the way,
that game, was that the first
game in like 10 years where somebody
doinked a field goal, but then they
still won the game?
Because usually when somebody hits the upright on a field goal, but then they still won the game? Because usually when somebody hits
the upright on a field goal, I just assume they're going to lose
from that point on. Oh, you're right.
It's like the worst omen possible.
Yeah, like a punt return for a touchdown or something stupid
like that. Yeah, you're right. Could have been.
All right, Sal.
Good job by you. Good job by you, buddy.
All right, that's it for the podcast.
Thanks to Cousin Sal.
Thanks to Kyle Creighton for producing.
As always, don't forget,
new rewatchables going up Monday night.
Sly Stallone.
One Word Movie Month.
Great stuff.
I will see you in this feed on Tuesday. I will see you on Tuesday. I don't have
feelings
within
on the wayside
on the wayside
never
I don't have
feelings