The Bill Simmons Podcast - Tiger is Back! Plus Guess the Lines Week 4 With Cousin Sal and Joe House | The Bill Simmons Podcast (Ep. 418)

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons talks with a fired up Joe House about Tiger Woods' first event win in 5 years (2:48). Then, Bill calls up Cousin Sal to recap another NFL Sunday including the second straight Patriots loss, the Dolphins' 3-0 start, Jimmy G's injury, another impressive Rams outing, and more before they guess the NFL Lines for week 4 (30:44). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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in October on October 1st. You can subscribe to it right now on Apple or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Eight episodes about the last 40 years of horror movies through the thread of Halloween. Coming up, we're going to mix it up just slightly today because we have to, because it's Tiger Woods Day. And also I didn't want to start bitching about the Pats. We're calling house, Joe house on the line, host of shack house, host of house of carbs. We're going to talk Tiger really quick at the top. And then we're going to call cousin Sal and we're going to do guest alliance. And I'm going to panic about the Patriots. So if you're waiting for that, it'll be about 25 minutes in. But now our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, Joe House is on the line,

host of the Shack House podcast presented by Callaway. Speaking of Callaway, this segment is brought to you by the chrome saw from Callaway, the ball that changed the ball, the ball that will be used by Phil against Europe, and then he'll use it to take on Tiger on Thanksgiving. House, you're fired up for that, but you're not nearly as fired up for anything in your life, except for this Tiger Woods thing. You were calling it, you were saying it, you were clamoring for it. You wanted it. Your zipper was ready. It finally happened.

The gallery's following him down the 18th. thousands of people. He's got this big ass smile on his face. I got emotional. I swear to God, I got emotional. I didn't start crying, but I welled up a little bit. How about you? Well, it was a goosebumps on goosebumps moment, my friend Bill Simmons. You said it all. We have been clamoring for it.

We've been begging for it. We've been talking for years. I've been coming on your show with each moment of the last, say, three years or so, where we've seen Tiger show a glimmer of his past coming back, that there was a pathway to restored health. And, you know, we kind of use this deadbeat dad analogy, you know, he, he'd show up and he'd, he'd take us out for ice cream and it would be like, Oh my God, this is all good. It's all coming back. And then he'd be gone. Yeah. Well, uh, he wasn't gone this time. No, he,

he stuck around this season and I have to tell you, I went to bed Saturday night and I felt pretty confident that he was going to win today. Yeah. Just because of how, uh, relentless his focus seemed to be like, you know, um, the expression on his face, the number of par saves, you know, he was, he was executing at a very high level and his accuracy off the tee in this particular event was his very best of the entire season. Like nearly something over 70% in terms of fairways hitting regulation. Yeah. The two things that jumped out to me, one was just the body language, the chest puffed out, the big confident smile. He seemed very alpha doggy. This was the Tiger that I don't want to say we grew up with because we're in our late forties, but this was the Tiger

that we loved. This was the MJ Tiger. This was the LeBron against the Celtics Tiger that just a charisma and a swagger and invincibility about him. I think that was the most surprising thing to see that come back. But then there was this great moment. I think it was the 18th and he just crushed that last drive, just crushed it. And him and Roy were walking and he just had this look on his face. Like I'm back, baby. I can't believe it. I never thought this would happen. I'm back. It really felt like the old tiger. And it felt like the last nine years were a dream slash nightmare. I know they weren't. I know they won't. But this was the tiger we thought we'd be getting at. How old is he now? 42? 42. He turns 43 in December. Well, that's a great segue. You and

I have been having this ongoing conversation. I don't know if we should mention the third party in this dialogue or not. I don't want to be named dropping if it's inappropriate. I don't name job, but it isn't a, Oh, I won't say as initials even then, but,

but, uh, a highly esteemed and acclaimed sports fan, uh, and writer joined us. And we were trying to rank this tiger comeback and the animals of all comebacks. Where does this one rank because of

the combination for tiger of him being the the um absolute very best historical figure in his sport yeah who uh experienced and it's all extremely well documented, a combination of both, you know, psychological issues, enormous physical issues, potential, you know, drug dependency kinds of issues. Not potential. What do you mean potential? He had drug dependency issues. He admitted it. He went on the record and said, I'm addicted to stuff and I need to not do them anymore. That's a great point.

You're right. And yet here he is all the way back. And it's not just that he went and won, you know, no offense to any of the other regular tour stops. He took all, he was, this is the top 30 over the course of 2018, the 30 best players over the course of this year. And he just went out and put it down on them. Yeah. I would say, so when we're talking about, I was saying, I think the Ben Hogan car

accident is still number one. He broke his back and he had a car accident. Well, back when they had cars that I don't think you're wearing seatbelts and you probably just go right through the front of the car and nobody thought he was going to play again. And then he played again and succeeded. That's way up there. I think a couple readers pointed this out. Mara Lemieux coming back from Hodgkins, winning the scoring title. That was amazing. It wasn't an injury, but just Ali having the four and a half year layoff and coming back to a sport where you have to be quick and fast. Not kind of the same overcoming the odds, but just it's not a sport where you want to have a layoff. Not that long. And then you have to go to like the Sean Livingston blowing out his knee and never thinking anyone would come back and Grand Hill.

But those are all like, we come up with a million of those. To come back. Yeah, that's right. To, for, you know, a Pantheon type guy to have a career hurricane basically and come back from it. Um, just didn't seem like it was going to happen. And even, you know, there was, maybe it was a year ago he did, or a year and a half ago, he did that long interview with somebody weird. It was like a golf magazine or remember that or it was time magazine or something it was something i do

remember it and we were like why did he pick that and he just kind of seemed so sad and pathetic in it you know and it really seemed like like he biography oh yeah the biography didn't help either but it just it just seemed like like he hated himself almost. I don't want to speak for him, but it really seemed like he was as disappointed in himself and the way things had gone. He was more disappointed than all of us. So to, I can't even imagine what that was like for him today. Not just being able to get his mojo back in the gallery and people chanting Tiger. And this was a guy that, you guy that really hit rock bottom in 2010 and then kept hitting rock bottom.

But 2010, punchline joke, late night jokes, all the conspiracy stuff about what really happened that night and the embarrassing press conference. It's just, you always expected the comeback to happen, but not the way it did today. This was the best version of it unless it had happened at the Masters. Yeah, and I would say 2010, how about 2017? He drove his car off the road, and he was intoxicated.

I mean, he had no alcohol, but he was under the influence of drugs. He was lucky to survive that car accident. I mean, who knows how fast he was going or any of those things. And properly was put under arrest for that. He's a father of two young children. I was mad at him last summer when that whole thing went down. And, you know, to sit here today and have the conversation that we're having, part of the thing that I think is going to

be incredible over the next couple days is the outpouring i mean we've seen it already in the social media and the television and everything yeah there's just he he has become an incredibly sympathetic figure i'd be interested in somebody like like kosherman you know to hear his kind of take on how it is that that redemption story, where it came from. I mean, part of it for sure has to do with the American comeback. We always love an underdog. And somehow along the way, Tiger became an underdog. We don't need Klosterman.

People love comebacks. To me, this is no different than Ben Affleck. Tiger is better at his sport than Ben Affleck was in his field, but same kind of mechanics, right? Did Ben Affleck come back? No, I'm talking the first time. We haven't even had the second Ben Affleck come back yet, but he has Gigli, he has J-Lo, all that stuff,

and just hits rock bottom by 2007, 2008, and then has this five-year comeback leading to winning the Oscar and becoming Batman. But he hit a point where he went from punching bag to people rooting for him. And that's an American story. We build stars to break them down and then build them back up again. That's what we do. The Tiger thing, I think, has a different element to it because Goff was just never the same since he disappeared.

And when they were talking about this year at the Open, it was a 10-year anniversary of him winning the U.S. Open on the torn ACL. 10 years is a long time. I mean, even they said today it was 1,876 days since the last time he won a tournament. And I was like, I was, I was trying to count it in my head how long ago that was. And then they said it was August, 2013. And I'm thinking like August, 2013. Okay. I, Grantland's two years old. Um, my, my son is, is not even six yet.

And we're worried that like, he might need a helmet or something. He's just insane. Just all the ways your life changes over the course of five years. And, and, and now he's back. And now, now he's back even better at the perfect time for him to be back because we have Ryder Cup next week. And then we have this crazy tour scheduled next year where it goes basically April, May, June, July, the four majors. If he can keep the house, if he can keep this going for eight,

nine more months, I forgot to mention the Mickelson thing on Thanksgiving, but all he needs to do is stay hot for another year and just more good things are going to happen. So give me the counter case. Why can't that happen? No, the only reason it couldn't happen is because of the health. But he looks incredible. I mean, he looks the thing to me that over the last like two months, as you sort of watch him on television, that's striking is how skinny he is. Yeah. And he said today that he can't run anymore. So I just, I don't know what he's doing

in terms of this fitness Careful house. Careful house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not ready. I have my guard up. Careful, please. Careful. No, no. This is going to be, Tiger's on the throne today and I'm on my knees. I mean, you're not going to hear me say anything bad. I'm genuflecting in front of the goat. That's what, that's what I'm about to do. i i i'm just saying uh you know

if you're trying to anticipate how his health might go over the next handful of months like we had lots and lots of validation that that um he could survive these these rounds under a whole variety of conditions you don't see him wincing anymore. You see him taking pretty aggressive swings all the way through the entirety of his four rounds in an event. And the health is the thing that I would be worried about. And he had a really smart approach game plan in his schedule this season. I hope he replicates that. I hope everybody in his team and in his walk of life gives him the good advice and good counsel, and maybe he'll be making his own decisions about this,

that an 18-event kind of schedule is a really good number of events. I hope nobody gets crazy and thinks that he ought to be flying off to Dubai or off to China and, you know, China. Yeah. He's not doing that anymore. There's, there's too much more money at stake for him when he's succeeding on the PGA tour. You know,

like you got to pass up the Dubai paycheck because I'm sure he's going to get more sponsors over the next couple of weeks and all that stuff. Oh, it's going to be insane. I'm interested in seeing what the overnight number, I mean, I want to wake up tomorrow morning and see how, like,

you know, at five o'clock Sunday, what number NBC got, um, for that broadcast. One of the things I'll just do a quick shout out NBC, uh, and its partners on this particular broadcast Coke and the Southern company,

um, had this deal where for this tournament, they show the final nine holes without commercials. Yeah, it was cool. What great luck was this for today to be watching Tigers back nine without commercials? Holy S. It also is one of the cooler courses. I love that hole.

I think it's the, what's the hole that is basically the three-story building around the green? Is that 17? That's 15. what's the hole that is basically the three-story building around the green. Is that 17? That's 15. It's a par three. Yeah. It's hard as a mother. Um, I've been lucky enough to play down there a few times. It's a very cool course. It's the core course that, that, uh, Bobby Jones kind of grew up playing. So it's got all this history to it. Super cool. I like that little building. I have one more theory on Tiger, and this is something I think I've talked about on the podcast before. I have a lot of thoughts on bad backs because I had a bad back and I had a herniated disc and I have like a little compressed fracture and all that stuff

somewhere in there. And what you learn as you research backs, I ended up not getting the surgery in 04. I think Tiger did get the surgery, but what you learn about backs, the more you learn is that, um, a lot of people have messed up backs to varying degrees and the things that can tip it are, you know, poor habits. Like if you're sitting at your desk too long, too long and, or you're not stretching or stuff like that. But then the bigger one is stress. And there's this book that Dr. John Sarno wrote that, uh, Howard Stern, actually, I found out about it from the Howard Stern show. Cause Stern was a big fan of this book. And it was all about like how, how much of a back issue like was mental and stress. And if you're not in a happy place and you have all these things that

are piling up, that's kind of the tipping point for your back sometimes. And that's what happened to me. I was at Jimmy Kimmel show and I was also trying to write my column. We just moved to LA. My wife hadn't made a lot of friends yet. I had all these things piling up. And of course my back goes out and you'd think like, well, he's never, and I ended up playing basketball in my forties. Like my back was fine. I am convinced it was stress. And I look at the tiger situation and I know he's structurally messed up and whatever. But I also think like when you're happier, your body feels better. And you watch him like with the swagger and stuff. And it's like, his back's probably the same. it was last year. He just feels better. And he, you know, he's moving better. And when you don't have that

constant anchor over you, maybe, maybe that's part of this. I don't know. Just a theory. No, I like it. I mean, you, you literally carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and on your back. I totally get that. And it's not even career stuff. It's also like he has an ex-wife and she probably isn't a huge fan of his. And he broke up with his girlfriend a year ago and his kids probably are old enough now that they can Google him. And God knows what kind of shit that guy

is running through his brain. I'm sure it affected him. Oh, undoubtedly. I mean, the one intervening event that's occurred for him physically as it relates to the back is this fusion surgery. Yeah. And it seems like he finally got like a diagnosis that, that made the most sense for him and get put him in the best position.

And then the last time you and I talked about this, uh, last couple of weeks about tiger, one of the things that seemed to be going on over the course of this season was him sort of rediscovering his physical capacity. What can I do? You know, I'm inside kind of a new body here. How,

how far down can I push the pedal? And you know, what am I sort of capable of? It's partly why I think over the course of the season that we talked about this a little bit, he seemed to be playing a pretty conservative game. He wanted to make cuts

so he could play four rounds in each of the events that he entered. He only missed two cuts the whole season. It's clear that over the course of the season with today as the culmination, that getting in those reps was crucial and him kind of rediscovering what he was all about was crucial and him getting comfortable again,

hitting a driver off T was crucial because he kicked everybody's ass in that regard. He was awesome off the T and then he putted better than everybody with his old trusty Scotty Cameron. 14 majors, all that big. He was doing the follow the putt to the green a couple times today, which I loved. Yeah, the fusion surgery, some people have had that,

and it hasn't gotten better. And other people have it, and it does get better. I also think we should mention, and if you read the book that came out last year or earlier this year about him, he's got an incredible pain tolerance. So he might not even be out of the woods. I think his back was obviously so bad earlier that even he couldn't overcome it. But this is a guy, I don't need to go through all the injuries he's had, but his knee was deteriorating for the first 15 years of his career. And to me, that's more shocking than the back

because when you read about the stuff that's happened to his knee, the state that his knee is in, that he shouldn't be able to come back from. The back thing, I can see it coming and going and Pilates and you have the surgery and you have less stress in your life, but your knee is kind of, once it goes, it goes, there's no coming back from it.

And you never hear about it. Well, it does look like he's, he's walking slightly affected and I don't know whether it's the back or the knee, but yeah, he's definitely got a gate. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I don't care. I just want him healthy.

Cause listen to this. We talked a little bit about what the future holds. Yeah. Obviously, this was yesterday. He was installed as the favorite to win the Masters next year. Oh my, that's crazy. That's crazy. One of the things you and I observed, I wonder, we were wondering to each other, is Augusta too hard for Tiger? They have been with the game that he showed up with in April, the first week of April

2018, but if he's anywhere near the condition that he's in right now, with the kind of accuracy and the confidence that he has, I think he'll be up to the challenge. But listen to where the next two majors are after that. The PGA Championship is competed in May in 2019. They're going to Best Page, New York, New York's best. Do you think that that crowd will have some Tiger love? Will be prepared to go crazy for Tiger if there's any possibility at all? And then it goes from there, the U S open next year,

Applebee's. How about all the history there? I mean, it's really time for us to start thinking about, and it's just cause I'm feeling greedy in the moment. We had all, you know, five years since the last win, uh, on tour next year, it'll be 11 years since his last major win. But why can't we start talking about how many more majors he has in him? Yeah, well, and then you left out the British Open,

now called the Open Championship or whatever the fuck they decided. That's in Ireland. I know, right? And you know who loves Tiger? A bunch of drunk Irish people. Oh, he's fine.

Stop giving Tiger so much crap. I can make these jokes. I'm 25% Irish. Yeah. They'll be rooting for him too. That accent was terrible. Yeah. That was like,

that sounded like Bono crossed with the, the, the Mike Myers, his dad. And so I married an expert. Yeah. So listen, he's the majors is the next piece. Mike Myers' dad and so he married an ex-murderer. Yeah, so listen. The Majors is the next piece of this.

This was great. This was awesome. It was so nice to have him back. But now that he's got the Tiger, Tiger, Swagger back, now that he's got a little something, something going on, now we're talking. Now he needs a Major. And we were there at the Masters

and we were there for at least the first day, but then watching on TV and he could never... It always felt like he was one hole away from getting it going and it was just like, oh, that putt didn't go in or that drive hit the wrong... He just couldn't get it. He didn't have the

short game. His wedges betrayed him. But it was so early. He lingered, though. And then it got to the US Open. He was lingering. And you were calling it. You were saying it on the podcast all year. You were talking about daily fantasy and gambling stuff.

And you were like, I think Tiger's in the mix here. And I went from thinking, oh my god, you're just in the bag for Tiger, to you were right. Tiger played really well for, you know, five, six months there. He was lingering

and he was around and he was in the mix and he wasn't even playing that many tournaments. No, it got real on that Sunday at the Open Championship when he was,

he held the lead standing on the tee of the 11th hole. Yeah, and he had a shit drive. Yeah, but he was there. Yeah. I mean, that's when it got real. But he was there. Yeah.

Are you okay with, uh, with Justin Rose winning the FedEx, whatever the fuck it's called? Yes. The PGA tour. I really appreciate you, uh, calling it that.

Um, that's what it's called, right? The FedEx, whatever the fuck it is. That's, is that the name of the trophy? It's the FedEx WTF.

Yes, it is. There you go. You just gave it. It's been in search of a brand identity. Among the many talents you possess, Bill Simmons. Can you name the last five winners of it going back to 2013? I can name a handful of them because I know Rory won it. Yeah, nobody knows. Nobody remembers. I mean name like a handful of them. Cause I know like Rory wanted. Yeah. Nobody knows.

Nobody remembers. I mean, you know, it's awesome. Bill Haas backed into it. You know, people remember majors. Well,

you know, who remembers the players because they get a $10 million check. They remember that part. They remember cashing the $10 million check. Be great. The idea isn't, isn't crazy. They try and create a system by which to reward guys that have been consistent over the entire season.

And they've tried to come up with a way to give a little bit of extra recognition for players that have done particularly well. I like it. You end up in the top 30, and then once you have these points, you can work your way into possibly winning the $10 million check if you win the tournament. A name way off the board coming into yesterday, Billy Horschel shot a great round today 65 i think uh and you

know all of a sudden he had a chance to win the 10 million bucks and he's won it before but you know it's it it is it's a they're trying to find that balance between on the one hand recognizing great uh performance over the course of the season and on the other hand letting the guy that wins the tournament have a great chance at winning the $10 million. It's also a huge purse, though, for this thing. I think Tiger won almost $2 million today, maybe over $2 million. You know what they should call the FedEx Cup?

The $10 million check. Yeah. I wouldn't even... The FedEx $10 million check. That's what I would name it. Okay. The race for the check? You don't like that idea?

It's fine. The announcer should say, oh, he's leading the FedEx $10 million check. They should just remind everybody that $10 million is at stake. Not that I really care. I don't remember where I saw it. Somebody tweeted that at some point they need to just show up with a wheelbarrow filled up with hundreds. I need to let the people see.

Yeah, it should be like World Series of Poker. They should just have the $10 million in bags. That'd be great. What a great idea. Yeah. Next year, it's $15 million, but that just means a bigger wheelbarrow. House, we're going to the Masters and we're going to the U S open and it's going to be fucking awesome.

I'm just telling, I haven't, I haven't even, I haven't even told Calloway yet. I'm not positive. We even have a whole plan, but we're going Calloway. You're sending us.

We love you. I'm still in the, in the refractory period. I I'm still recovering over here. I don't, I have to get it all worked up again. This is a very exciting next year we have in front of us. Let's knock on wood. I'm hitting myself in the head right now. We need all the forces to come together because this moment where the Tiger is at the peak

of his powers and he's showing all the young guns what it's like. Walk alongside Tiger. You see Rory today, by the way? Yeah, he was. Rory, he was in high school when Tiger was at the height of his powers. He shot 74 today alongside the GOAT. Yeah, well, you saw it during MJ's Wizards run. That was actually a little more entertaining than I think people remember. But on the days MJ had it going,

he melted everyone in the crowd and everyone on the court. Everyone was so excited to kind of be on the court as MJ was feeling it. And Tiger felt it for the whole weekend. All right, we got to go. We got to get to the football. Maybe I'll let you back on. You got football. Maybe I'll let you back on Friday rolling this week.

You're a mush. If the Bucs pull it out, it'll be a two-in-one week. Just so people know, all I did was take your picks from Friday. I listened to your podcast. I gave them back out of his mind. I thought that would be funny. I appreciate that.

All right, House. Shaq House. Shaq House, House of Carbs. Subscribe to both. Oh, yeah. Well, how about this? The Shaq. The Shaq.

Oh! Ryder Cup preview show Tuesday. Me and Jeff Shaq. Shaq, the Shaq, Oh, Ryder cup preview show Tuesday. Ooh. Me and Jeff Shaq, Shaq is in Paris as we speak. So we're going to convene. We're going to talk about now. I don't know about the U S fortunes.

I'm looking for some value. I want to bet on something built them. The bottom four guys in this event, uh, at, uh, Eastlake where we're all American guys on the Ryder cup, but I guess it doesn't matter.

I look forward to wagering on whatever you tell me to because you've been red hot this whole season. House, talk to you soon. Oh, thank you. Talk to you soon. Talk to you.

Bye, bye, bye, bye. Before we get to Sal, you've heard me talk me undies a million times. Why am I actually so obsessed with them? It's simple. When I wake up in the morning

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15% off your first pair of free shipping, a 100% satisfaction guarantee, and something in common with me because all I do is wear MeUndies. Go to MeUndies.com slash BS. That is MeUndies.com slash BS. All right. The cuz is on the line. All right. On the line. Usually he leads off this first of the week podcast, but Tiger Woods, he hadn't won in five years. We had to talk about Tiger first. Now he's here. Now you can gloat about the fall of the Patriots dynasty. You did your best, cousin Sal, to jinx it all week. They're going to win. You made it one of your best bets. Let's throw them in every tease. There was a voice crying in the wilderness, which was me, which was like, I don't know. This game makes me a little nervous. No, you're fine. The Cheatriots by 17. I know you

enjoyed this tonight, Sal. I know you did. Don't lie to me. Well, I don't know how much someone who lost thousands of dollars on the Patriots today could I could enjoy it, but, you know, I didn't enjoy it. What do you mean did I enjoy it? I lost everything, and then I tied it to the Patriots tonight, and you guys went down in flames. Yeah, I had everything tied to the Patriots tonight. I bought everything you were talking about. And by the way, I have been put up by a lot of people

to give you a lot of shit for this loss, especially this loss, because you've been going off on Matt Patricia for months and I bought into it. And I just figured that Belichick is going to, you know, he was embarrassed in the Super Bowl. He was embarrassed last week against the Jaguars. They got their comeuppance. And I figured one of these times he's going to want to step it up. And it wasn't tonight though.

It wasn't tonight. I'm not even sure Matt Patricia did that much. If anything, I couldn't believe they didn't go for it on fourth and inches. I couldn't believe they were on the first drive. I couldn't believe that they were only up 10 at halftime. And it had all the makings of, after the terrible Stafford interception, it had all the makings of the Patriots' comeback. Then Stafford made that one nice throw on that third down

that Collinsworth pointed out. It went right over the guy's head. It was perfect. And then that was it. The Patriots never did anything again. I was tweeting about it during the game and trying not to have a freak out. It's really alarming how few kind of impact guys the Pats have now.

Nefica and I watch Rams Chargers today. The Rams, there's like 20 guys. You're like, oh, that guy. Oh, there's that guy. And they just, they have stars all over the place. And then you watch this Pats team and it's like, where are the stars?

Where are they? Do we have anybody? It just seems like they're weak. So I think, I don't want to panic about the Pats in September, but I got to admit I'm a little panicked. I don't, from a talent standpoint, this looks to be their weakest roster since 06. It really does.

Well, yeah, defensively, if you look at football focus, like they were supposed to be at least on par or in the top 10. So I don't know what happened. Also, by the way, they gave up 13 points at half on par or in the top 10. So I don't know what happened. And also, by the way, they gave up 13 points at half. I know they weren't putting any pressure on staff or anything, but 13 points at half, you should have more than three.

It should be closer than that. Especially since it's been, since the jets ran for one 69 on them and then Breda and the, and the Niners ran, I don't know, I think one 85 or something total against them last week. You should have been able to run your offense the way you wanted it to. The problem is, I think you missed Deion Lewis a lot more than you thought you would.

What offensive player have you missed more than Deion Lewis in the last few years? There's many excuses to be thrown around for how bad the Pats have looked through the first three weeks. I'm stunned by how ineffective Sonny Michelle is. I don't know if he's hurt. I don't know if they missed on the pick. I don't know what happened, but they traded Brandon Cooks for him. That was basically

the trade. They have no deep threat anymore. Brandon Cooks has looked pretty good on the Rams, I got to say. They didn't want to pay Brandon Cooks. They didn't want to pay Deion Lewis. They didn't want to pay Danny Amendola. And now you have all these guys in a situation when you're down 10

that just haven't been in that situation before. I thought Michelle was particularly bad tonight. And there was one time he kind of screwed up a screen pass with Brady and Brady like death stared him. And the announcers let it go. I was surprised they didn't let it go. I was surprised they didn't pick it up, but it just, he doesn't seem comfortable. We, especially when

you're watching the rookie and the lions who look so much better than him, um, who was picked, I don't know. No, the, uh, the running back Johnson. Oh, carry on Johnson. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then you see, I dropped him in like four leagues. There was a lot of fantasy drops. Like Jordy Nelson was another one of these guys that got jettisoned who, um, ended up being great. But, um, but I think they thought Sony Michelle was going to be the better version of Dan Lewis. So far he's been worse. The other receivers don't get open. You know, Collinsworth was good about pointing out all the coverage sacks. They don't have a left tackle that I trust. And then on defense, just not a lot of impact guys anymore. The defense didn't kill them today, but it certainly didn't help that the Lions were on the field basically the whole game. And then, you know, last but not least, the story came out about Gronk that they tried to trade him in April and he threatened to retire, whatever Schefter reported. That makes me nervous because Belichick has been the master of cutting the cord a year or two years too early over a year or two years too late.

And if he was going to cut the cord with Gronkowski in April and the deal fell through for whatever reason, then he's, then he saw something and Gronk certainly has not been an impact guy these first three weeks. He's getting double teamed a lot, but. Well, it's hard to tell what's going on with Gronk, but that story cannot come out because he's like a child. And that's like telling your kid, Hey, you were adopted and not waiting for the right age.

You know, he's not 15 yet or whatever you want to tell him, because who knows what he's going to do with that information. And, uh, but I don't understand the numbers of it. 15 yet or whatever you want to tell him because who knows what he's going to do with that information. But I don't understand the numbers of it. I do see on the replays that he's double-covered and he's getting jammed at the line, but then like Dorsett is double-covered too. One of these guys has to be open. This doesn't make

any sense at all that nobody's open. Maybe it'll be easier when Josh Gordon spreads the field next week, I guess. He's coming back and then Edelman in two weeks. But Brady does have that Danny Glover, I'm getting too old for this shit, look. He does. More often than not, in the last couple weeks, I think.

It's September. You and I always swear never to judge, really judge a football team that we think has a chance to do anything until November. Right. With all that said, it just looks like from a talent standpoint, this is a pretty weak team. Now in 06, they were pretty weak on talent that year too.

They had more talent than they do this year, but that team literally almost made the Super Bowl. So there's a little bit of a trust the infrastructure piece of this. They have to say they're also in a terrible division. Miami is 3-0. Yeah. I don't know how they're 3-0. They've certainly, they played Tennessee, that weird hurricane game.

They played the Jets. And then today they played Gruden and the Raiders. So we were saying before the year, we did our podcast and we were trying to figure out who was going to be the, how the hell they are for an O team. And this was one of the candidates. We looked at their schedule. We're like, wow, that is a really easy first couple of weeks before they get to that Patriot game. Yeah. I pick Miami every year, every year they come back to bite me in the ass. And then of

course this is a year they're good or whatever the point I have to say, they look a little faster than they typically do. I don't know if it's Albert Wilson. Kiko Alonso on defense is lighting it up. They do look faster. They're gelling. Better chemistry. I think Tannehill will fall apart, but I think from the Patriots standpoint,

you can win 10, 11, 12 games still, but what are you going to do against the Chiefs? I have to stop this team. The thing is, you gotta, ultimately, you have to have a hook. You have to have that one thing you're really good at. You know? And last year,

at least the Patriots, you knew that they could go two minute and that he could move the ball against anybody no matter what the situation was. Now, Amendola's gone.

Dion Lewis is gone. Gronk just isn't the same guy. I mean, I still think he's a very good tight end, but man, go back and watch Gronk just isn't the same guy. I mean, I still think he's a very good tight end, but man, go back and watch Gronk from 2010, 2011, 2012. The guy was a wrecking machine.

He's not a wrecking machine anymore. He's still a very good tight end. Well, he's wrecking my fantasy team, that's for sure. He's still a wrecking machine in that regard. I picked up Fitzpatrick because I have four QBs, not to talk about fantasy league. I swear to the story, I have a point. But I have Jared Goff, Ryan Fitzpatrick,

Phillip Rivers, and Tom Brady. And I ended up starting Tom Brady who had like eight points. And Goff had like 29. But even going into this game, I'm like, oh, we'll be fine. He'll figure it out. He'll spread it around.

And then you're watching the game and it's like, man, who's he going to going to throw to like Dorsett just doesn't get open. And I think one of the things that happened, unfortunately for, for Pat's fans, nobody feels bad for us. We won five Superbowls, but the Houston game really threw people off the scent. I think I left that Houston game thinking, oh man, we're this defense is much better than last year. And, Oh, this is Dorsett's going to be,

he's, he's like a faster DM branch. And sure. It turns out Houston is atrocious. And yeah, Deshaun Watson has not found his footing at all. And this is, no,

and they're poorly coached and JJ Wada. I'm not sure he's an impact guy anymore. Clowney. Well, he had three sacks today. Oh, he had three sacks today? I don't know about the rest of that defense. What's that? I didn't see the game.

He had three sacks today? He had three sacks today. Oh, J.J. Watt's back. I take it back. They had four overall. But no, Eli was 25 for 29 today. And he connected with everybody. With no name receivers you've never, ever, ever heard of.

He wouldn't pick up on six weeks in fantasy. So, yeah, there's nothing special about that team anymore, that Texans team. I'm going to tell you why I didn't see that game when we get to parent corner much later on this podcast. Give me your top three in the AFC right now. Are the Pats still in your top three? Yeah, I'm going to keep them in my top three. Only because the AFC North hasn't sorted itself

out. In fact, we think we cornered the market having Cincinnati and Cleveland winning the North. We'll see. The Jaguars, we made a bet this morning that the Jaguars, the Rams, and the Pats. And then the Pats, minus 109.

Jesus, the Pats. And the Jags took a shit against Tennessee. I didn't see that game either. Nine to six. Final. It's just like they kept waiting. I don't know. Gabbert's out.

You don't even know who you're rooting for anymore to play quarterback for Tennessee if you're the other team. And then Mariota's in, and Mariota runs for as many yards as any running back they have and throws for a touchdown. He has a typical Mariota game, and the Jags didn't score. I mean, these teams get up for the Patriots and nobody else, it seems like. By the way, kudos to the Titans. They're 2-1.

They don't have a quarterback. They've gotten just a goose egg from that position. They certainly have, I would say, a top five or six quarterback crew right now. I mean, it really all starts and ends with Trubisky. We'll get to him when we talk about the Bears. Oh, man. Poor, the Bears fans. It's like, it's bad enough they traded up for Trubisky

when they probably didn't have to. But then Mahomes goes 10 picks later and he's like the Messiah. Mahomes is the best quarterback I've ever seen in my life. It's like, he's like Aaron Rodgers crossed with Johnny Menzel in college, crossed with nine other, Brett Favre. What the hell is going on? He's smart, too, and he whips around in the pocket.

It's amazing. He'll find Kelsey on the lateral screen. Just new plays every week. It's incredible with this guy. And they get ahead, and it seems like that team has to get ahead to keep these leads. That defense breaks down eventually. And we know Andy Reed breaks down in the last two minutes. So yeah,

if he could put up big numbers, they're going to go far for sure. That game had all the makings. And then tragically, Jimmy G goes down torn ACL. I think if, if we had done a captain Morgan's make-believe casino for who gets

hurt in 2018 first, Tom Brady or Garoppolo, I think Brady would have been like a minus 500 favor, right? Right, which is why I thought the Patriots, I was even more confident in the bet tonight because I thought they had the mojo. I was like, well, this is a sad thing with Jimmy G, but Pat's win again.

Right, and now it's like, look at Brady still chugging along and Jimmy's gone. Yeah, and a weird thing too, like he posted his foot, he was out of bounds and then got hit. It was very strange. There was, the Rams were minus 650 this morning to win the NFC West and we threw them in a parlay with the

Pats and Jags and we did another one with the Pats and the Browns. Meanwhile, the Rams minus 650 will probably never come along again in our lifetime as the safer, easier. It's like that's the equivalent of having the 2007 Pats after like four weeks in the AFC East or something. The Rams were already going to run away with that division. And then Jimmy G gets hurt. Arizona is a disaster. They benched Sam Bradford with five minutes left to play Josh Rosen. And it was basically the opposite of what happened with Baker Mayfield on Thursday night. They're terrible.

Seattle looks like they're just trying to get through that. Earl Thomas is making game-deciding turnovers. He's just jogging around like he can't wait to get traded. That team is just a complete mess. The Rams might. Yeah, they'll win at home and then they won't surprise too many teams this year. Would you have the Rams versus everyone else in that division? I'll give you Rams plus two.

You get all the other teams, their win totals combined. Who would you take? Okay. Arizona 3-13. Seattle 7-9. And who am I missing? San Francisco. I mean, do those three add up to 14 wins?

14. That's pretty close. Right. The Rams are going to go 14 and 2 or 15 and 1 unless they just have injuries or something. You don't believe in TJ Beathard? He might be better than anything Arizona has. I don't.

You know who I believe in? Tyrod Taylor. I think somebody should trade for him because he's never going to play again in Cleveland. He should get traded, and Mike Lennon either should start over Mitch Trubisky or get traded or Tyrod Taylor should get traded to the Bears. I don't know what the Bears do with Trubisky. Cause I think the Bears, if you remove everybody else, but the quarter, if you remove

the quarterback and just, you're talking everybody else, I think they have one of like the six best rosters in the league. I'm like really impressed by how much talent they have. They have so much more talent than the Patriots do. And then Trubisky is like the great equalizer. It's unbelievable. Well, I think Khalil Mack, I don't know what he's planning on getting Khalil Mack for Christmas, but that guy saved his life. I mean, he's going to make turnovers. He's going to put them in position. They're going to, they're going to have good field position all the time. Mitch Trubisky is very lucky to be on that team. For a young quarterback, that's the best. I mean, Goff, who has it better, Trubisky or Goff,

in terms of what they're surrounded by? Goff at least makes plays. Goff was really good today in that Chargers game. That Chargers game. No, he's good. I'm not comparing their talent. No, no, I know what you mean. These young guys get stuck.

Garoppolo doesn't have a lot of playmakers. Braid is coming on, I guess. But, yeah, typically you don't get that kind of juice around you. I've watched, I think I've watched all three Bears games. It's shocking how many guys are open. It's shocking how good their running backs are, considering that everybody knows their quarterback basically can't throw the ball straight. I mean, the thing with him is as long as it happens within the first two and a half seconds, he's fine.

So if he drops back to pass and he's immediately thrown to somebody, it's great. As soon as something breaks down or gets chaotic or he has the audible or ad lib, it's a disaster. And I just don't feel like he has much of a feel for that position, which is a weird thing to say. It's almost like watching Sonya Michelle play running back actually where, and I don't know if Sonya Michelle might be hurt. And if it turns out he's hurt, I feel bad, but you watch Sonya Michelle and it looks like he's a converted D-back who just started playing running back last week. I know he was great in college, but man, it's like he has no feel for screen passes and he gets hit by the first tackler every single time. And I feel the same way about Trubisky.

That's SEC football. All these guys fail. But man, it's weird. And Trubisky, what did he have? He had 220 and an interception. He's bad though. I think that's good enough to win some of these games. The way he played, the way the Bears play. If Sam Bradford, you know, didn't stink,

the Kaepernick case, all they have to do is just show Bradford highlights and just be like the defense rests. This is Sam Bradford. He keeps getting started jobs and he keeps getting paid. The defense rests. That's it. The Bears were 14 to 10. I was going to text you,

and then I was like, I've done enough damage with you, and I'm on a cold streak. But the Bears were down 14-10 with the ball, and they were minus 160. And I jumped on it. It was my only win of the day. I jumped on it.

I was like, Arizona's not scoring another point, right? Well, congratulations on that. I was stunned. The Fox crew, for some reason reason was treating the Bradford benching like Tom Brady had gotten benched. They kept cutting away to him. It's like, guys, we get it. Sam Bradford sucks. Like you can stop showing him, show other people. Before we go to a break, I want to say quickly, the NFC North, you know, I usually it's two weeks when you start to have a field this week, for whatever reason, it's been three weeks. And we didn't talk about the Minnesota losing to Buffalo and killing every eliminator pool, every 10 point Minnesota played Green Bay in week one or week two,

and it was a tie, and we thought that was a really good game. But now Green Bay just lost to Washington. It's like, oh, all these teams aren't very good. It's like this voila moment where it took us three weeks to realize Minnesota's not that good. I don't know if anyone's not good or if no one's prepared for this season yet. It just seems like all these teams are ill-prepared because they that good. I don't know if anyone's not good or if they're just, no one's prepared for this season yet. It just seems like all these teams are ill-prepared because they were good.

These are playoff teams, a lot of them we're talking about. And they're just not ready for football this year. You know, Green Bay could be 0-3. Chicago could be 3-0. Miami's 3-0. Philly could be 0-3.

Cleveland could be 3-0. It's weird the way this all goes on. Houston is 0-3. I haven't seen anything like that. I don't remember anything like this. And I definitely, well, we'll get to the lines, but boy, do I have a three-team teaser in store for you. Oh my God, fresh off you getting your ass kicked.

To get it all back. So Minnesota plays San Francisco in week one. Yeah. They're at Green Bay week two and then Buffalo today. And at some point between week two and about the second quarter of that week three game, it's like, oh yeah, it's ridiculous that they were favored by 16 and a half points over everybody. It did not seem ridiculous on Friday. It was more of a pick against Buffalo.

But I think, I just don't think there's a lot of good teams. And I know we do this every year, but the Rams really jump out to me. I think the Chiefs offense, the Rams, I think the NFC South is good. And, you know, Atlanta and New Orleans had to play each other. I think New Orleans is better than Atlanta, but I think New Orleans is good. I think we go backwards and you go, well, week one, New Orleans is better than Atlanta, but I think New Orleans is good. I think we go backwards and you go, well, week one, New Orleans is playing Tampa and they give up 48 points and it seems crazy, but then Tampa does it again the next week

and Tampa's clearly better than people think. Then week two, they almost lose to the Browns. It's like, actually the Browns have a lot of talent. Like that's not crazy. And then they have this character win today in overtime in Atlanta. And I think New Orleans is fine. I would have them in my top five. I think the only three teams you could definitively say anything about

are the Rams and Chiefs are very good or excellent somewhere there. And the Arizona Cardinals suck. And then everybody else, I don't know. They could win between three and 11 games. And, yeah, that's a good one.

I don't know, I don't know who else you're throwing there. Let's say, I need to merit on that. Let's take a quick break. Okay. Let's talk about FanDuel.

Football season underway. I'm sure you have major regrets about your season-long fantasy teams. Sometimes it can be over by the end of September and you feel bad about yourself. I actually feel pretty good about my fantasy leagues right now. That hasn't stopped me from playing Deli Fantasy. You know what I feel bad about though? I was in the FanDuel Eliminator Contest. I took Minnesota this week, like the rest

of the country. So long, FanDuel elimination contest. That was the eliminator, whatever they called it. But at FanDuel, you get the excitement of researching and building your team every week. They have something for everyone, more ways to win than ever before, like gridiron, pick them every week. Free contests, all you need to do is pick winners, no spreads.

10K is split among the top pickers. As you know, I like to play single entry contests. I like to know that I'm only playing against human beings who enter one lineup. This week's spike contest, only $5 to enter with a 100K prize pool. First place is 10K. Join this week, play against me at fanduel.com slash BS.

New users get a $20 bonus when they make their first deposit on FanDuel. Again, fanduel.com slash BS. If you played against me this week, I did not do well. Along with my gambling, my fantasy choices were not great this week. But FanDuel.com slash BS. All right, coming back. One thing that jumped out to me, I hate to single out bad coaching when my own team didn't seem very well

coached today. And there was a lot of bad coaches and I think the chargers yet again, have done it. They've figured out the perfect recipe of how to have a talented team that also does dumb things and shoots itself in the foot and just doesn't seem cohesive that Anthony Lynn did something today. There was like, shoots itself in the foot and just doesn't seem cohesive. Anthony Lynn did something today. Oh, yeah.

You hated this. A couple teams did this, yeah. What was there, like seven minutes left? No, maybe like nine minutes left. He's down 15, and it's like third down and goal from the eight. For some reason, they throw like an alley-oop pass in the end zone and double coverage and then kick a field goal to cut it to 12.

And there's like eight minutes left and they've already given up 35 points to the Rams. It's like, it's still a two touchdown game, you morons. What are you doing? Worst case scenario, you don't get the touchdown, but at least they're on their own eight yard line. You might get the ball back. You still need two touchdowns, but it's like the chargers are, they're just a mess.

They're really, they, and they have talent. They have good receivers. They have a good running back. They have a quarterback who can make plays. They have guys on defense that bozes out, but they have at least a couple of guys who can make plays on defense. And, uh, I just feel like from a talent standpoint, they're like in the top eight,

and it's embarrassing that they're one and two. And that, you know, if you're at Arizona, down 15, cutting it to 12 with nine minutes left, that's one thing. But the Rams, Cooper Cup is open for 12 yards every single play. So they're going to score again. You have to keep, you have to get sevens on the board

and not threes. And by the way, your field goal kickers traditionally sucks. I don't know why you're so excited to kick a field goal anyway. Yeah. Yeah. They needed to score more obviously, but I don't,

I'm yeah, I'm not giving up on San Diego just yet. No, they played two, they played the two teams that I just talked about, the chiefs and Rams and that those are their losses. Well, cause we,

we think a nine and seven team could make the playoffs in the AFC. I think that's reasonable. And it might be my New England Patriots. You might have two 9-7 wild cards. I don't know. Your team, I don't know if Dak Prescott's good. I'm just going to bring that up. He's got a lot of guys in his face all the time,

and they're on the other team. Yeah. So that's bad. But he needs to be a little more accurate, a lot more accurate. I mean, I think they had one play over 20 yards in 11 quarters. So, yeah, after a while, it's the quarterback that has to figure that out. But the pieces aren't there. And it's just like Jeff Swain and all these, they'd never figure out what to do with Tavon Austin,

except for the one play against the giants. But, um, and Zeke Elliot, like I've had enough, like he's reaching Tio level of selfishness. Like he'll, he'll,

you don't have to eat the soup when you, when you catch an eight yard pass down to touchdowns in the fourth quarter, like pass on that. He likes to give us a break. Yeah. He does like a lot of soup. It's like Jacoby, but,

uh, I don't know. I'm really, uh, fed up with that team. And Jason Garrett, I was discussing it with the parlay kids. Like he may be the worst,

you know, considering everything, he may be the worst coach the Cowboys ever had. And that's saying a lot. Do you have Dave Campo? No, I know. But these guys went on, they were good coordinators and everything, but they did. But, and a lot of them had nothing either. I mean, you're talking about like, uh, you know, you got like the Quincy Carter years and everything, but, um,

I can't take it anymore with Garrett. I don't know what to do. What has to happen for that guy to get fired? Would you rather have Dak Prescott or Blake Bortles? Wow, that's a dramatic pause. I don't know what to say, because Bortles looked great last week, but what is it? It's the Patriots today.

It was the Patriots, and they had nothing today. I guess I'd go with Dak. I would go with Dak. I would go with Dak. I trust him with his legs more. The, though, the one team

that I thought could have and maybe should have won and this was one of the games I was watching on my iPhone in the story I'll get to later. The Colts really could have stolen

that Eagles game and a couple things had gone the right way. I still, I'm not, the Colts are definitely not a cross off to me. I'm not sure how good the Eagles are.

I'm not worried about them till November. They'll have guys come back. They'll peak at the right time. But that was one game where I really feel like the Colts could have stolen that one. I think the Niners might have come back and made that Chiefs game interesting too if Garoppolo maybe hadn't gotten hurt.

But from a- No, they were too far behind. But the Colts definitely, yeah. Luck, luck was good. Uh, when split, okay. I thought he coughed it up a couple of times, threw a pick and I think he fumbled once. Um, they had an 11 minute drive that spanned the end of the third quarter, well into the fourth quarter. And that's like Philly just punished Indianapolis. They got a couple of calls from the reps to keep the drive going,

but then luck came down. And, uh, what was odd to me is when have you ever seen someone else throw the hell Mary to end the game? Jacoby Brissett was brought in to throw the hell Mary. Like that tells you everything you have know about luck in his arm. Like this is the,

you have Mariano Rivera coming in and, and finishing up with the most important path of the game. It is humiliating, right? Yeah. It's, there's some sort of virility aspect to it that you're not man enough to throw the Hail Mary.

Right. They have to bring in the other guy to throw the Hail Mary. Your arm isn't strong enough. It's totally stupid. Yeah. They showed him on the sideline. He was like, yeah,

that's your guy. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not cut out for this. They were like, it's your fucking fault, man. You were snowboarding. If you hadn't snowboarded, you'd be throwing the Hail Mary, but we can give it to this other guy.

That's right. The Eagles offense doesn't scare me. I know it's early for Wentz and everything, but there are 10 offenses that scare me more than the Eagles right now. We have, the other thing I'll just mention about today's games is Rogers is really hurt. He's just hurt. And I would,

I would love to know what his knee injury is. We speculated last week about whether he has a torn ACL or something. I, I think every possible knee injury is on the table for him because he does not seem comfortable or right or anything. And there there's definitely something more wrong than just, he has a sprained knee. I refuse to believe it's a sprained knee.

Getting off to a slow start for sure. I don't know. They got beat up all over the place. I mean, you would have thought that Peterson 20 carries 120 yard days were long gone, but is that what's going to happen to the Packers defense? They just show they have no killer instinct at all,

except for Rodgers. And like you said, he's playing probably at 65%. They need him at 100% to do anything with this weird team. Maybe not for the NFC North this year. I don't know. And man, Trubisky's getting better each week. Oh, no, he's not. He's not at all, actually.

Can I just say with the Vikings thing, how every time I looked at the TV, I couldn't believe that score. They didn't even want to put up a touchdown until the very end. But this is... It seemed amazing, and it is because as long as we've been watching

football for 40 years, I think R.J. Bell or someone threw you this, a team that's been a 14-point-plus underdog has never won by more than a touchdown in the last 40 years. And they shattered the hell out of that. I saw a stat that it was the biggest spread anyone has ever covered and won since 1992, which was like the third

year I ever gambled. And I probably lost on that game, whatever it was. Oh yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think the bills are still a cross off, but listen, Josh Allen made some things happen in that game and look super athletic. Kudos to him.

Now, so we all picked that game wrong for sure. We're not saying we had it right but in retrospect I think like that something happens when these are grown men and they say that these teams are so even anyway in terms of talent when you're a grown man and you have another grown man on your

team quit on you and then you hear your 16 and a half 17 point underdogs you're going to fight with something that you've never reached down for before, I think. And I think that's kind of what happened. I think we're going to see that the Bills aren't a very good team. Didn't make any sense. LeSean McCoy's not in.

I don't know who Allen's throwing to half the time. Yeah, but he did a job on his feet. There were some red flags. No Dalvin Cook. I ignored all the red flags and plowed ahead and bet the Vikings by the 60 and a half. It was just like, it really did seem like the bills had a chance to be the worst team of all time.

And, uh, it turned out that, that it's, do they need their dome back? Maybe Minnesota doesn't seem like a great, I don't know. The new field doesn't seem like a great advantage for them. Let's quickly talk about it. The Monday night game tonight, which has become increasingly interesting. The line has moved. It is, I think it's now even. There was Le'Veon Bell, trade rumor stuff going on all day today. Fitzpatrick is now owned at every fantasy league and being started on a lot of teams. Not mine, unfortunately today, but, uh, I, I really like Tampa was probably my favorite game on the board this whole week, other than new Orleans.

And, uh, I just really liked Tampa in this game. What am I missing? Is it what, so let's say we're backseat driving after Pittsburgh wins by 15. Oh, we should have seen this. Oh, we should have known Fitzpatrick. Like, I just don't think Pittsburgh, it's a very similar situation to the Pats where there's just not a lot of talent on both sides anymore.

And I actually think this could go the other way where Tampa can just dominate them. What am I missing? I was looking at some of my futures, I bet. We're still betting futures as the season goes on. nominate them. What am I missing? I was looking at some of the, my futures, I bet. And we're betting, we're still betting futures as the season goes on, but I have Tampa on a big parlay to not make the playoffs. I have Deshaun Jackson under four touchdowns receiving. I think he already has four. Yep. And I have Jimmy, Jimmy G over 15 and a half interceptions. So I'm looking rock solid

on a lot of these. But the only thing I would say is at some point, shit has to normalize in the NFL, right? And does it start Monday or does it start like week five or something?

And I think... Maybe November. Maybe November, yeah. Didn't we talk about that most interceptions bet? And didn't we talk about the way to get screwed in that bed as quarterbacks get hurt all the time?

Yeah. And we were like, yeah, that's why you don't do it. I have Darnold over 12 and a half. I just took like all the young quarterbacks over. Cause even if they have great years, I think they'll throw a few picks, but how does it happen? What one thing that did happen, like Dirk Cutter is right,

right in line with Mike Tomlin for first coach fired. I'm not saying either one of them is going did happen, like Dirk Cutter is right, right in line with Mike Tomlin for first coach fired. I'm not saying either one of them is going to happen, but it was Dirk and Hugh Jackson at the top when the season started. And now Dirk has dropped all the way down and Tomlin might pass him. Where's, where's Bill O'Brien in this conversation? He's a number one with a bullet right now, but he literally may,

he might be taken out with a, with a job bullet that might be happening. Um, all right. So actually let's take one more break. We're going to get to the guest lines. Hey, let's talk about Starbucks.

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Guess what I had? Starbucks double shot. Energy to do things you actually do. Find it in your local convenience store. The Starbucks double shot. Week four, two bye week teams this week. The Redskins of Washington and the Panthers of Carolina. Panthers 2-1

looking pretty good. They took care of business today and you and I have them to win the division so we're kind of rooting for that. I guess the biggest thing that happened is McCaffrey McCaffrey just looked good this year. It's like they figured out how to use him. He had 184 yards rushing

he wasn't good for half that. Yeah, he's just dangerous. The combo of him and Cam, that's just a tough team to play. We'll see if they can stay healthy, especially on defense. Cam in the red zone is spectacular. It's just him getting there is the problem.

They'll still have games where they have 13 entering midway through the fourth. It's like, how the hell is this guy not taking them downfield? Well, Thursday night is a great one. It's Rams-Vikings. The Rams are going to be getting three straight days of, is this LA's best team? Could the Rams, they're going to go 6-0 in their division.

Could they go 16-0? Every talking head thing you're ever going to be afraid of. Actually, could the Rams go 16-0? What would you put for odds on that? 12-1? 20-1? I was going to say 9 or 10. But now, are these cornerbacks, I don't know.

I think they're okay now. Yeah, but both of those cornerbacks got hurt in the second half. And now you have the Vikings with Diggs and with Adam Thielen. Right. You know, but Thursday night, I have, I picked the Rams minus seven and a half against the Vikings. All right. I'm going to get this.

I'm slightly closer. I said minus six and it's six and a half. That seems too low. Yeah, but I think this is where you get screwed. This is where everybody jumps on the Rams and the Vikings game goes to overtime or something stupid. I have a counter to your counter.

Go ahead. The Rams are just beating everybody by double digits. At some point, maybe they should just be favored by like at least seven and a half and higher until they don't beat somebody by double digits. Their gas pedal is as good as we've seen in a while. They really turn it on.

They're always guys open. They're always going for it. They are by far, offensively, the most impressive team, not just talent standpoint, but the way they're coached and the play calling. They're just on it. Best coaching. McVay's best, great coach.

Oh, yeah. And Wade Phillips on defense figures everything out eventually. Since Belichick retired, we were wondering who the next guy was going to be, and now I think it's Sean McVay. Yeah, for sure. You just let that joke go. You didn't even bite at it.

No fake chuckle. Wait, what happened? What? I said, since Belichick retired. Oh, I see. Oh,

I thought he retired. Yeah. He didn't play off the joke. He just kind of let it hang there like a still fart. Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. When did he retire?

Before the Malcolm Butler? I'm trying to figure out when he exactly retired. I think he retired when he's like, I'd rather lose a Superbowl and start Joe Schmo than Malcolm Butler. Yeah. And I'm not going to blitz for this entire fourth quarter and just let the Eagles go for 10 minutes. God damn it.

You know what people don't want to hear is me complaining about the Patriots after five rounds. Well, I'll tell you what, you're being cavalier about it, but I don't think you're ready for this. I don't think you're ready for the downfall. I'm ready. I grew up with this. The downfall was the first 30 years of my life.

I think you need to get therapy. No, it's fine. Honestly, I'll be you or a lot of the Patriots. Right to the Celtics. You're not prepared for this. I'm mentally already with the Celtics. I'm just ready for the 68-win Celtics season. Oh, I don't want to hear that.

And the Red Sox playoffs. I'm just ready. No, you're going to have some sad days. It might not even be for another two years or so, but Brady is going to crumble and Belichick is going to be right there. And he might be laughing at him at that time. When you have three super successful kids and one's a doctor and one's an attorney and one's, one's a Supreme court judge,

maybe a bad time for that analogy, but one's a judge, one's a federal judge. And then, you know, all three of them are doing great. And you, and you have your friends and they're like, how are your kids doing? I'm like, Oh, the Red Sox are great. They just had another kid. Celtics are looking, they just moved into an awesome mansion. I'm bragging about the kids. And then it's like, Oh, the Pats, you know, Bobby's in rehab, but he's going to get out, and it's great, and things are good, and, you know, that's where we are.

Yeah, your lawyer kid is about to be disbarred, I think. I don't know if you're ready for it. I don't know if the family's ready. Just out of curiosity, what would you have had for the Sunday marquee game? I'll let you pick. You know, I was just going to say to you, and with the Redskins and Panthers off the board, I don't know what the hell you did with this.

I was looking at this. What would I have had? Is it Bucs Bears? I don't know what you did here. So, I left it empty. Eagle Titans? I was going to say no marquee game this week, but I got to say, like, Pats

against the 3-0 Dolphins, a week of complete panic about the Patriots and what's going on. Is Brady done? I mean, you should have seen the Ringer NFL slack today. There's a lot of people who there might be retribution

in a bunch of different ways. Really? Good. For some of the behavior in the slack today. I noticed all your slacks. Look, it's fine. It's fine. For some of the behavior in the Slack today. I noticed all of your Slacks. Look, it's fine. It's fine. Call out some names I want to hear. No, it's fine.

I took a lot of mental notes. I took a lot of notes. I'm glad these guys stick up here. The behavior, the gloating, the Pat Muldowney's bragging about the Steelers

having six rings and the Pats having five. Oh, it got to that, huh? There was some dancing on Brady's grave and it just got super personal in there and I remembered all of it. I can't believe they

weren't ready for this game tonight. I cannot believe it. Do you think Belichick, he's just like, you know what? I'm going to throw away this season. Maybe Brady will retire. I'm just going to tank this season. I'm going to trade as a deep threat. I'm going to trade his only deep

threat. I'm going to frame Julian Edelman for a PD suspension. It doesn't make him look good, though, does it? No, it doesn't. I don't know. I'm losing my mind. What's the long game here? Now, will you go three games? You can't drop three games behind the Dolphins, right? I mean, I know

it'll still be September or Sunday might be October, but this will drop you three games, you can't drop three games behind the Dolphins, right? I mean, I know it'll still be September or Sunday might be October, but this will drop you three games. Yeah, how are we having this conversation? It's not even my birthday yet. I'm not supposed to panic. My birthday's on Tuesday. It's not, I'm not supposed to panic. That's right. Big birthday Tuesday.

Yeah, not really. It's more of a sad kind of depressing birthday, but it's usually like the week after my birthday when there's like real Pats panic. This time. There's something bad. I have Pats minus eight and a half against the Dolphins. I think Vegas still pushes it toward the Pats.

I got this. I said seven and a half. It opened at seven and a half. And then after the game went down to seven. You know, there's a recipe. I mean, Ryan Tannehill, he can move around, make some plays, tends to be the kind of quarterback that when you have the slowest linebackers in the history of football, that becomes a problem.

They had one play in that game today. Nephew Kyle and I were going nuts. He stopped Googling what his next tattoo is going to be and just got super mad. They did a swing pass on third down to the running back. And they had this behind the camera shot of, of, uh, of Bentley, the rookie linebacker on the pats reading the play, reading it actually had probably a yard of a step on the running back, knew exactly where he was going, and sprints to the spot.

And the guy not only beat him to the spot, but made up five yards vertically and was just so much faster. It was honestly disturbing. I was disturbed. But then that guy made a pick, right? He had the interception, didn't he? Yeah, because Stafford, all he had to do was throw it over his head. It would have been a touchdown.

Instead, he threw it right at him. See, that's the difference between your team and my Cowboys. Like, we could pressure the quarterback and maybe even get a sack now and then. We'll never force a turnover, whereas you will always make the other team do something stupid. You didn't really capitalize on it, but it's a nice thing to have. I have three watchable games this week.

The first one, Falcons-Bengals, which Andy Dalton, a lot of fantasy buzz for him. A lot of daily fantasy buzz for him. Is this the year for, what, he had four picks today? A couple of those four picks weren't his fault, but yeah, he had two touchdowns, four interceptions. Don't ruin my narrative. He had four picks.

I don't care. I'm sorry. I love that we had them. I had them picks. I don't care. I'm sorry. I love that we had them. I had them all over the place against the Panthers. Yeah. It was 7-0, right? I had the classic moment where on Friday's podcast,

talked myself out of the Bengals because they didn't have Joe Mixon. I was like, normally I'd take them, but they didn't have Joe Mixon. And then today I texted you and I was like, I'm betting the Bengals. And I totally forgot about the Joe Mixon thing. Why would I ever think they were going to... It was that defense. You can't give up 184 yards to a running back. That's true. But I think maybe they could have outscored them.

Anyway... Think about it the other way. How many times have we taken the Panthers laying points at home and it just never, ever works out? That's true. They are kind of... Just a huge slap in the face. They're a black cat for us.

I have the Falcons by four at home over Cincy. You're going to get this. I said three because the Falcons only gave, that was a weird line with the, with the saints. They only ended up giving them one and a half or two, but it's five and a half this line. So you get it.

Holy mackerel. Okay. Hmm. That's an untouchable. I don't know what you want to call it, but that's very strange. That's firmly in the Vegas zone. I don't think the Falcons, I just don't see it. I just think it's one of those years for them.

And they definitely missed Deion Jones today. I think we can safely say that one. But I don't see it. Heading into overtime, did you think the Falcons were going to win even before the coin toss? You knew nothing. That's what I mean. It's like, you know, it's better that you need to score a touchdown to win, but whoever won that coin flip was going to win that game. Right. So you felt like if Atlanta won the coin flip, you thought they were going to win? Yeah, I did. I did. I think they played the time, right. They didn't, they

didn't, you know, they were up, what were they up? 37-30 with four minutes left. And they just didn't leave themselves enough time to score in regulation, I thought. Something about that team. I wouldn't really go for a dollar or two in our league. And he looked bad in week one. And then. He looked bad.

You couldn't even find him. It's like he never left Alabama. Something about Atlanta where it's like it goes maybe it's the Super Bowl 51 residue, but it goes to overtime. They're like, oh, they're going to lose. I didn't even know who won the coin toss. Now, you're right. Maybe if they won the coin toss. I still feel like they would have gone down

and just gotten a field goal and then the Saints would have scored the touchdown and won by three. I thought Sean Payton, that was like the first game he won in a while as far as I've been watching. He did well. He outcoached the Falcons staff, I thought Sean Payton, that was like the first game he won in a while. Yeah. As far as I've been watching. He did well. He outcoached the Falcon staff, I thought. Not hard.

Bears, Bucs. I also thought, one more fantasy note, because my team's going to be 0-3 in our league. I had Mahomes and Ryan, 73 points out of my quarterbacks. I started the wrong one, which was Mahomes. Jesus. Ryan had 49. It's not like Mahomes is bad. No, Ibacks. I started the wrong one, which was Mahomes. Jesus. Ryan at 49. It's not like Mahomes was bad. No, I know.

I know. I just can't get it right. So we've used the same website, I think, since you started this league. You had this league before I did. And now it has this thing where you can go back year by year

and look at the standings. And then it says, like, head-to-head matchup, but it doesn't, it has the career head to head matchup. Hench emailed me or texted me and was like, we're 13 and 13 lifetime against each other. I'm like, what? And had this new, new thing on the website that has the history. It's pretty cool. You pay like $7.

And some of the guys don't want to pay it. They want to do a free league or something, but I like it. I like having the stats there. So we could go back and look at every season we've had, which of course I did. Well, how was I not going to do that? What's a better time waster than going back through old fantasy seasons?

And I went back to go look at my 2017, the greatest fantasy team ever assembled. Of course. I wrote a column for ESPN about what's harder to go undefeated in your fantasy league or your real league. And this was when the Pats were 6-0 and my fantasy team was 6-0. And I came to the conclusion it was actually easier to go undefeated than the NFL because in fantasy, one of your best guys could just have an off day. You have to bench people on bi-weeks. And I was right. The

Pats went 16 and 0. This team ended up 13 and 2, which was the best record this century in our league, 13 and 2. So then I went back and read the column I wrote and had all the guys and it was like LaDainian Tomlinson, Adrian Peterson as a rookie. I traded for Tony Romo. I had three of the best 10 receivers. And then I'm texting you and Hench about it. And I'm like, oh my God, and I'm sending you stuff. And this is a Saturday night. And I'm thinking like, my life's really over. This is what I'm doing on Saturday night. I'm texting two other married guys with kids about my fantasy team from 11 years ago and who was on it. Somebody should come here and just shoot me right now.

And we didn't ignore you. No! You're going back and forth. Here's why you're right about it being easier for a pro team to go undefeated versus a fantasy team. Your fantasy quarterback gets

knocked out in the first quarter. You can't put anybody else in. You're stuck with a zero or a four or something. There's too many ways it can go wrong. Yeah, you can go against the wrong team at the wrong time. You go against Mahomes during his six touchdown thing, but it was fun. I have a chance to be three and 0 in fantasy,

and I'll be, that's not going to last. Here's what I hate about our league. So they have like a guru, and it tells you who you should start. I hate the guru so much. And not only does it tell you who you should start, if you're making the wrong decision, it will put in big red bold number what you're giving up. So for instance, I start Royce Freeman. Yes, this is how bad things have gotten for me already in week three. I start Royce Freeman, Denver running back. I have Phillip Lindsay on the bench, big red number saying Phillip Lindsay is going to score two more points or 1.8 more points than Royce Freeman. So I stare at this for about seven to 10 minutes and then I'm like, all right, screw it. I'll put Phillip

Lindsay in because you know why? Because on Tuesday, this website sends us a taunting email if you lose. And they'll call you out by name to a point where you hate your own name. Like, Coach Sal Icano disregarded our advice. And because Coach Sal Icano keeps disregarding our advice all year, Coach Sal Icano paid the price. And it's like, all right, I can't take this anymore. And there's nothing more. I can't get back at them. And I can't email them back. So what do I do? I put in Lindsey for Freeman. Freeman gets a touchdown the first drive.

Lindsey gets thrown out of the game for punching some guy in the face. Yeah. So I'm screwed. I'm sick of the guru. I won't say what league this is, but I'm done with this guru. Somehow we signed up for the sarcasm league. I don't know, the fantasy guru. It's like having Anthony Jeselnik as the fantasy guru. Somehow we signed up for the sarcasm league. I don't know. The fantasy guru, it's like having Anthony

Jeselnik as the fantasy guru. It's like, Sal's a fucking moron and that's why he lost this week and he sucks. It's like, what? Continues to make wrong decisions. I have John Hamm yelling at me. I think that's enough. I don't need you, this

faceless creature. Shoot me down for a 0.3 difference. Oh, my God. Screw you, fantasy guru. Nobody likes you. Yeah, no kidding. All right, let's go to the next game. There's more? Yeah, there's one more watchable.

Raiders-Browns. All right, so you ask, why is this one of the watchables? The Raiders are awful. They're 0-3. Well, here's my case. First of all, Baker Mayfield is going to be playing in this game. And like everyone else, I'm enamored and excited and delighted by Baker Mayfield and everything that's happened, including on Coward Show on Friday. Jason McIntyre, your coworker. That's right.

Because you're on Lock It In. He comes on Lock It In sometimes. Did a whole bit about how Baker Mayfield looked at his phone walking to the postgame. Just complete contempt. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know if it was a bit or there was like some new comedy segment in Coward's thing where somebody comes in with fake takes. I didn't hear it.

What did he do? He had this whole thing about, here's my issue with Baker Mayfield. Look at this. He wins a game. He's walking back to the thing. He's on his phone. Why is he on his phone? Did this.

It's crazy. It honestly seemed like the onion was filming this, but this was apparently a real sports take. But I love that there's Baker backlash and it's, it's all good. It's fantastic. People love Baker. People are trying to undermine it. And then on the other side, John Gruden, who's 0-3, we are, every, every Raiders loss brings

us one loss closer to a bunch of Raiders bets we made that, that I really enjoy. I have the Raiders somehow favored in this game, Sal, by one and a half. Oh, they have to be favored. They have to be. And I went too far. I said four because it's still the Browns on the road. So this is a whole different 600-day thing. It's two and a half, so you win that one.

The Browns have talented dudes. I'm in on the Browns. They can't get points on the road. I know their defense is good and everything. Baker plus 140, offensive rookie of the year. Do you take it? Barkley, I think, is too scary. Oh, really?

Barkley? I would... Really? Who would you say? I guess they're starting to use him right now, Barkley. I think Barkley has a 260-yard game in him this season. Something crazy. Where he breaks two different

78-yard runs. I really do. I think he's going to have one of the crazy fantasy days of the last five years this season at some point against the right team. Every time he has the ball. And Darnold has played himself out of the race.

Ridley's in and Darn Donald's out for those top three. You know, uh, I'm only doing this because he was being to the Patriots in the slack today, but Sean fantasy, who's been driving the Sam Darnold bandwagon, uh, both publicly and privately in our slack.

By the end of that Browns jets game was like, Oh my God, we drafted the wrong QB. Fuck my life. That was basically just Slack that whole Thursday night. So that happened. They're witnesses, and you can keep those Pats Barbs coming. But you sold out your big adult red-headed son, Sean Fenton.

People forget, like three days ago. Yeah, poor Fenton. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad for the Jets. Let's do the barely watchables, of which I had six. This is a bad week. I got to say, if there's a week to either hang out with your kids, go to your kids' sporting events, go apple picking.

We used to call that apple picking. We said apple pick. I think it's October 1st. It's not too early, I don't think. Well, this feels like a very apple picky weekend. There's just a lot of games that are entertaining just for gambling and fantasy purposes, and that's it. First one, you're Cowboys going against this weird Lions team

that we watched tonight. I had the Cowboys. You know, I did my guess before the Lions game. Now I'm going to cut my guess down. Go ahead, change it. I just minus three. I'm going to cut my guess down. Go ahead, change it. I just minus three. I'm going minus three Cowboys over Lions. Yeah.

You got it. I said two before I even saw tonight's game and it's three and a half. Oh, initially I had four. It doesn't really make any sense to me. Yeah. Cowboys by three and a half.

If you lose this game, what happens? It's over. If you lose this game... What happens? It's over. If he's ever going to fire Jason Garrett, it would be after this game. If it's like Stafford throws 400 yards and five touchdowns, or something bad happens, fans are booing.

This has potential to go that direction. Next one, Packers... Listen, I say it all the time. They were eight and three with Sean Lee, one and four without him last year. And those numbers are not going to change. He's all the difference in the middle of that defense.

It helps Dak out a lot. He could screw up a little when Sean Lee's there. And yeah, I don't see them favored by more than a field goal without Sean Lee. It's funny. I always thought Lawrence Taylor was the best linebacker of all time, but apparently it's Sean Lee. Oh, stop it.

Stop it. He said the same thing about Brewski back in the day. Brewski won Super Bowls. What the hell did Sean Lee win? He didn't win anything. Tom Brady won Super Bowl. Oh, my God. Brewski was the heart of that team.

I love Teddy Brewski. How dare you? Stop it. How dare you? How dare you? We're you? How dare you? We're the great Patriots ever. Both of our teams are junk. Let's be on the same side for once.

I would take 45-year-old Teddy Brewski right now as my middle linebacker. I think he would be faster than he might come back. Don't laugh. Packers bills. This is in Green Bay. I have no idea what to make of the Bills. Who knows? But I think they shoot this line high because the Packers are a public team.

I have Packers by nine. I said 10.5. It opened at 10.5 and went down to 10. I'm going to take that one. And you like that on a three team teaser. You don't have to admit it to me right now. No, you will not see me put any money on any Aaron Rogers game this season until I

find out what's wrong with his knee. Yeah. He's officially, he's a complete cross off for me. Unless I was betting against him. Two games, they were double digit underdogs. They would win two in a row.

It's fine. Aaron Rogers can do whatever he wants. I'm just not, I'm not betting on him this season. You're so mad at Aaron Rodgers. I'm not mad at him. I think he's playing on one leg. He's hurt. He's not healthy. He's not. Not getting better.

It's not like he's healthier than he was two weeks ago. Looks the same. I think you have a crush on Danica Patrick. I think that's the whole thing here. Someday she'll be available. I can feel it. We can move on. Titans-Eagles in Tennessee. I can feel it. We can move on. Titans Eagles in Tennessee. I think we should just combine Marcus Mariota and Blaine Gabbert and just call them like Blarkus Gabberdiota.

Because whoever it is, it's not somebody you want to bet on. On the other hand, the Eagles have really no explosiveness at all. And their fans, it's funny, their fans, I hear you. I know you're out there. You're doing the whole, oh man, it's so weird to go through an Eagles season where I'm not freaking out when we're playing like this. It's like, we know what you're doing. It's like a humble brag.

You're still humble bragging about how you won the Super Bowl. God, it's so disorienting. It's like, settle down. But the players were complaining that they weren't getting any respect. Humble bragging about how you won the Super Bowl. God, it's so disorienting. It's like, settle down. But the players were complaining that they weren't getting any respect. Like, after almost losing to the Falcons, which easily could happen. Yeah, so they can settle down too. And then they got beat. Who'd they lose to in week two?

Go on Pornhub and Philly Special the hell out of yourself. Go to hell. Yeah. It's just like, you don't get a parade every time you win a game. Yeah, congrats. Just for the big one. Congrats. There's been 53 Super Bowls and your team

won one of them. Shut up. Move on. Titans minus one over the Eagles. That's what I had. I had Eagles minus two and a half and it's Eagles minus three. I think that's a mistake. You're way off there, Bill.

I believe in this Titans team as a keep-it-close, tough, well-coached team. That means you're taking them plus nine on a two-team teaser. Definitely not. I am not putting Blarkus Gabariota in the tease.

Blarkus Gabariota? Gabriela Sabri... Yeah, we have to figure that out Colts at home against the Texans I have the Colts favorite in this game

I think they're a dangerous bandwagon pick because nobody thinks the Texans are good and people kind of like the Colts even though they're 1-2 I have the Colts by 4 I'm going to get this I said good and people kind of like the Colts, even though they're one and two. I have the Colts by four. I'm going to get this. I said three.

It was two. It moved to two and a half. Houston's not good. What are, what are people looking at? I wonder if this is a, this is a division where everybody beats everybody on the road. It seems like, I don't know, that might not even be accurate, but it does seem like any time we try to take a home team in the inter-vision game, we can't come back with money.

Well, 0-3 is a playoff game. You're going four-year season's over. Right. Unless they fire Bill O'Brien. Now, if Bill O'Brien got fired before Tuesday, would that line go down? I don't think they'd do it yet.

I think this is the game. This could be the game. This could be the fire of the coach week. This could be Jason Garrett and Bill O'Brien. Parlay. And whoever blinks first. Yeah, we'll parlay them together. Saints at Giants?

Saints at Giants. That's right. Yep. I have Saints by three. Yeah, you're going to get it. I said one and a half. I don't know why. I believe in the Giants a little bit.

It was three and a half. It's down to three. Can I walk you through all my fears for this game? Yeah, sure. First of all, we're going to have money on the Saints. You could mark that down right now. That's happening. About the second quarter when it's Giants 4-3, Saints 3,

and Barkley has two TDs already, and Breeze has thrown two picks, and they start running the outdoor stats, that's when I text you and I say, what the fuck are we doing betting on the Saints outdoors? Why'd you let me do this? That's going to be our Sunday around 10.50 Pacific time. I know, but it's not, okay. Bear with me here. Just like the Jaguars. I said the same thing when the Jaguars went to MetLife State, what is it? New Jersey, Meadowlands, whatever. This game is not November. If that was a November game, I could see the Giants winning by 13, stupidly. It'll be 77 degrees, right? Late September, early October.

I think this is a nice spot for the Saints. I don't like the Saints outdoors, but I'm still betting them. Listen, I'm backdoor logicking it. Last one, Chargers at home against C.J. Beathard and the 49ers. I got Chargers by 10 and a half. All right, yeah. Man yeah man you're gonna get this I said 9

and that was light and it's 9 and a half now this is a game you got that now this is a game you could talk me into throwing into a tease well I am

this the Packers and there's gonna be one more wasn't there another no there's one more coming up I think the Chargers are very easy to figure out they're

this is the kind of game they win 38-10, and everybody's feeling good after. And then they'll blow whatever the close game that they should win or the one they need. That'll happen later, but this is the kind of game they'll take care of. I could see that. I could see that. I'm not down on the Chargers.

Like I said, they lost to the Chiefs and the Rams, who seem to be heads and shoulders above the rest of the league. One more break, then we're coming back with the Poop Fecta. Oh, my old friend, SimpliSafe. Built strong, smart, easy to use. Exactly how your home security should be. SimpliSafe goes on beyond what home security should be. Its intuitive design influences every step of securing your home.

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Good. But that wasn't the poopfecta, the games we went over just now? No, there's two bad ones. The Jags are home against the Jets. I don't want to watch one minute of this game. I have the Jags minus nine. Yeah, you get that.

Wow, I'm so off today. I said seven because the Jaguars didn't show me a lot, and I thought the Jets had 10 days rest, and that would help. But it was nine. It went down to eight. You get it nonetheless. You know what we forgot? And that's our third team on a three-team teaser.

Packers over Bills Chargers over Niners Jaguars over Jets not doing that nice not Aaron Rodgers like he might they might have to

amputate his leg by next week we don't know what's going to happen why are you still against Aaron Rodgers I don't know what's wrong with him

Sam Darnold's going to throw over on their two interceptions well this all of this is bad for Sam Darnold. The Baker Mayfield thing's bad.

Yeah. Josh Allen having some mojo. It was like Sam Darnold had the QB mojo from this draft, and it's been stolen from him. Yeah. He had it for like an hour. He basically had it. It's Monday night.

I don't even think he threw for 200 yards against the Lions. I mean, it was mostly because the Jets were running back punts and pick sixes against the Lions. But he was a star of the league. It all went away. When Beth Mowens is announcing his games, that's when he has his mojo. It's him and Beth. They have a connection.

We forgot with Jags-Titans, the Titans kind of have had their number lately, and I think that's something we should take into account a little more often. Sometimes certain teams just like playing other teams and the Titans had handed to them a couple of times and you get a little conference from that. I just said, we have to figure out who we're rooting for Gabbert or Mariota. I'm rooting for Blarkus Gabriota. You're moving for the combination.

Blarkus. It just kills our momentum though. This second poop fact, the game is really one for the ages. Larkas. It just kills our momentum, though. This second poop-fecta game is really one for the ages. I didn't even like, I only had three games. Weren't there three games on the TVs, Neficaio? I won? Yeah. I didn't even want this game on one of the three TVs.

I had four TVs and three games, and I didn't even feel good about the Seahawks-Cowboys. The Seahawks are just depressing. It's like watching a zombie of a team. It's like, yeah, Pete Carroll's still there and Russell Wilson's still there and there's Earl Thomas, but they're just a zombie. It's in The Walking Dead, like before they shoot the zombie that used to be the little girl that they loved and they know they have to shoot the zombie. That's the point they're in. I don't like watching them. I know I don't like watching the Cardinals and they're playing each other in Arizona. I have cards by one. Oh, wow. Yeah. Cards by one. Yeah. Yeah. You know why? We saw the best of the Cardinals, I think, a few hours ago. No, I threw this pick away. You know

why? Because screw cause screw you Seattle. I'm so tired of hearing you whine about the Superbowl. Screw, screw everybody. Screw Seattle, screw Philly, screw Sean Fennessey. Everybody can go to hell. Seattle, I have you underdogs in Arizona this week. How about that? Suck on that for a second. It doesn't mean that they're underdogs because you have them. I had Seattle minus four and a half and they're minus three in the desert. But I will agree with you. I'll agree with you.

I think everything's, I even think Pete Carroll's gum chewing is slowing down. I mean, they say the first thing you lose is speed. And it just, it looks like a whole different team. It is a different team. It's a different team because it is a different team. Yeah. Arizona has three, two real chances to win a game this year, and this is one of them.

And the other one is when San Francisco comes there. Well, the other one was today, yeah. And the other one was today, when Mitch Trubisky was dying to let them win. Sunday night, Ravens-Steelers. This used to be a really fun game. I think you missed one. Did you miss one?

I don't think so. We didn't do Bucs-Bears, did we? Yeah, we did Bucs-Bears, didn't we? Or we talked about it? Maybe we never don't think so. We didn't do Bucks-Bears, did we? Yeah, we did Bucks-Bears, didn't we? Oh, we talked about it? Maybe we never actually did the line. We didn't pick a line for it. Oh, that was in the watchables. Oh, you brought it up and I never did it.

All right, the watchables. Sorry, we're going backwards. Bears-Bucks in Chicago. Tough one because we don't know what's going to happen with the Bucks on Monday night, but I had the Bears minus three. I had three also, and it started at two. It's two and a half now. I really enjoy the Bears. I think they're my league pass MVP so far. I love the defense. I like watching Cohen. I like their receivers. And every time Trubisky

goes back to pass, it's absolutely mesmerizing, captivating. I love it. It depends if you're betting them or not, right? No, it's just great's you don't know where the ball's going to go. You don't know what's going to happen. He's so much fun. It's like, it's like when you have an 18 month old kid, that's just running around a living room with a lot of like obstacles. And you just don't know if this is when they impale themselves against

side of the TV. That's how I feel at your whiskey Sunday night. We're mixing, we're mixing watchables with the parent corner here. I'm trying to figure out what I want the Bucs to do in order to be able to handicap this game. I guess it's fun if the Bucs win big, right? And then we can bet against them on the road.

No, we want Tampa and the Dolphins to be 3-0, because that's just ridiculous. Sunday night. Well, I have them under 6.5 wins, so I don't want them to keep winning. They have to lose at some point. You're going to have to disappear with the way your year's going. I know.

At Baltimore. This magic will make me disappear. Well, at least you're not on a gambling show every day where you have to give your picks. No, that's right. I'm an expert. Ravens, I have minus four at home over the Steelers. Yeah. Ravens, minus four. Yeah. home over the Steelers. Yeah.

Ravens minus four. Yeah. No, it's Steelers are home. Oh, Steelers are home. I wrote that down wrong. My apologies. Well, then I have Steelers minus four at home against the Ravens. All right.

I had that also. They have it as Steelers minus three. Hmm. Wow. We'll find out tonight. I guess the Ravens just kicked the crap. They're a better home team than whenever I take

them, that's for sure. They seem, when I stay away from them, they seem to dominate at home. What would be the most fun team to trade for Le'Veon Bell this week? Well, the worst team would be yours. Do you have cap space? I was thinking about that today.

Pittsburgh's never trading him to us. We've been beating them this whole century. Yeah, that's true. They're not giving them. Screw Pittsburgh, too. Add them to the list of people who can go screw themselves tonight. So a team that has a chance to call. Wait a second

would Pittsburgh take Sonya Michelle straight up I'll make that offer right now just don't watch any of the first three games

you know what they'll probably throw Jesse James in the mix too just to put a bow on it that'd be great let's see

Jaguars have it back Dolphins what about the Dolphins I was thinking the Bucks yeah you trade Le'Veon Bell Um, let's see. Jaguars have it back. Dolphins. Oh, what about the Dolphins? I was thinking the Bucs. Yeah. You trade Le'Veon Bell to the Bucs for Aaron Jones, the high second rounder they picked.

Ronald Jones, yeah. Ronald Jones, I'm sorry. And then maybe throw in Winston. Interesting. Have Winston and Roethlisberger on the same team. They want that? Just team them up. That'd be trouble. You don't think the NFL would?

They already have players threatening to not show up for the game. Monday night, Chiefs at Broncos. The ESPN really hitting the lottery with this Monday night schedule. It pays to get rid of politics on your air. You get better NFL games. That's right. Chiefs, Broncos. I have the Chiefs minus four against the Broncos.

I had four and a half and it's five. Now, wait a minute. Let me add these up real quick. Oh. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. This might be your only win today. It is my only win today. Oh, there you go.

I pulled it out. Congrats. Beautiful. Thank you. You did it. It's all today. Oh, there you go. I pulled it out. Congrats. Beautiful. Thank you. You did it. It's all worthwhile. You did it. You love the chiefs here.

Um, I think this is a kind of perfect, uh, kind of a perfect game for them. Cause I think they're going to score against every defense. And, uh, you know,

I don't think case Keenum has enough, no, not enough fire, but I guess Amanda Sanders does. Well, has one big catch every game. No, I like the Chiefs here, I think. Denver as a home dog on a Monday night is just inherently frightening. It's just high. It's just, yeah.

I'm inherently frightened by the line. All right. Let's do parent corner. You go first. All right. Okay. inherently frightened by the line all right let's uh let's do parent corner you go first all right uh okay so my my middle kid the 10 year old yeah he wants to live with ken and harry he wants to live with ken and harry doesn't like the circumstances around here and uh one of the things he doesn't like is we make him do something so like when he quit piano like all right you have to do something what are you gonna do you to swim? He did swimming for a minute.

Didn't like it. I was like, how about Taekwondo? He's like a 57-pound weakling. You know, he has no interest in sports. Otherwise, he played baseball. Didn't like it. So we get him to do Taekwondo, mainly because I kept saying, you know, your four-year-old brother who you hate is getting big and strong.

And, you know, you want to be able to take care of yourself. And my wife didn't hear me say this because she would be mad that this is, this was the pretense, which I got him to agree to take Taekwondo, but he took it and I'm not around because I'm working. So my wife takes him to the lessons and, you know, they give you like a belt, like every, like every two or three months, it seems like you get a belt. You test for a belt. Just new colors. Yeah. You get all the colors. It's, um, what does it start? It's like yellow, orange. He's had, he's had green and now, but now he hates it. Now he can't stand it. He's

just going through the motions and he's going through the testing and he's barely, you know, you have to break a board with a different strike or a different kick every time you test for a new belt in addition to going through all these cadences and everything and he's breaking the boards on like four attempts and so now he doesn't like it and he doesn't want to do it and he's like I'm going to stop at blue belt

and I'm like no you have to do it and he's like he really puts up a fight and he's like I don't want to do it I don't want to do it and then my wife tells me how much this costs and it's like $75 a lesson he's going twice a fight and he's like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Then my wife tells me how much this costs. And it's like $75 a lesson. He's going twice a week. And I know people think I made a money and I was before this Patriots game tonight, but that's not the case. So I was like 75 a lesson. I was like, wow, what is, and what is it to test when they test you? It's $250. It's like, yeah, of course they're making him test every two months when he's not ready to go from belt to belt. Of course, this all makes sense now.

Like, alright, tell the teacher, this is it. He's getting his blue belt. He's probably not going to, he's going to have to do a spinning back kick to break the board. So you're not even really looking at the board now. And he has to do that. He has to break that. A board that he can't really break on four attempts

otherwise. Okay, so now he's testing for the blue belt. And the Sensai knows this is his last thing. What does he do? He goes up there. He breaks the board on the first chance. And in addition to that, he gets a trophy for best student, a big trophy, like three feet tall, like almost his height. And you know what happens? He wants to fricking stay with Taekwondo. And now every lesson is now $90 and the test is like $290. They know what they're doing. In fact, I think they rigged the board. I think the board was, they scored the board. It's like that. And he broke it. He broke it, already broken board. It was like the hell in the cell when they messed with the cage so mankind would go through it. Yeah, exactly.

That's it. There's chicanery. Now it's like $340 to test. Taekwondo sounds like one of the biggest Ponzi schemes we have. Yeah. It's right up there. It's a huge, huge money grab. I mean, this kid's going to be a black belt and he's going to get blown over by a light fall wind.

Well, at some point, maybe you're going to be like in Mexico or something and muggers come. And then maybe that's when you'll find out if this taekwondo is a really good idea. Maybe. That's how the children's book ends. Children's book version of my life ends. But he's probably just going to crack his four-year-old brother in the skull, and that'll be that. Jack will come in like Mr. Miyagi and just clean out all of the robbers. Well, there's nothing to rob because I have no money because it's all gone to the Taekwondo.

My wife went to Boston this weekend, and so I had to be Mr. Dad all weekend, which is great for the kids. There's just a lot of like, all right, do what you want. Hey, let's get Postmates. A lot of that. A lot of that's going on. Last night, my son and I watched The First Purge.

My son loves The Purge. Nice. And by the way, not appropriate for a 10-year-old. I don't really care. We passed the point of no return. Yeah, we know. We know you don't care. That's the one thing we learned from Parent Corner. Yeah,-year-old. I don't really care. We've passed him point no return. Yeah, we know you don't care. That's the one thing we learned from Parrot Corner.

Yeah, I don't care. You don't care. First purge was really great. It really delivered the goods. So anyway, he had a doubleheader today because he's playing travel baseball now. And our team, I think, is AA. But Southern California is really good. And they have teams in the majors, AAA. So we're in this tournament.

And we're playing AAA teams. So already, my guard's So we're in this tournament and we're playing triple A teams. So already my guards kind of up, like this might not go great today. Get there. We left the house at like seven 30. We get there. The game's at like eight 45, nine o'clock.

And they're like, Ben's Ben's going to start for us. This game one. So now Ben's pitching comes in. First batter swings late, hits a liner over the second baseman's head, gets on. Steals second, steals third. Ben bucks. I didn't even see it. I thought it was a shaky call by the ump who is making $20 to be at this game and be stink-eyed by the parents. And he's just never the same after that.

Ends up, he gets yanked in the second inning. Tears in his eyes as he's leaving. You're just watching as the parent, you're like, oh my God, please don't be the one that melts down on the mound. Little do I know that every pitcher we have is going to get shelled and we get mercy ruled within an hour

then the next game of the doubleheader comes then we have all this time to kill I'm watching I have my airpods in I'm watching football on my iPhone trying to watch the red zone channel and these other things while popping my head up and seeing a lot of the baseball game but also listening to the football

and pretending to be good at it. It's the same team again, or it's a different team? Different team comes in. Okay. They also kill us, and we get mercy ruled again. And now we're driving home at noon, and Ben's bitching, and he's mad, and he hasn't eaten, and he's like, I'm never pitching again.

I'm like, really? You're going to not pitch? Every pitcher you had got shelled today. And we're going back and forth. He's like, no, I'm not pitching. No, that Bach rule is stupid. I'm not pitching. And we're just going back and forth and I'm yelling at him and he's yelling at me and it ends with me yelling at him. I gave up football for you today. An actual quote that came out of my mouth driving 75 miles an hour on the 60 West,

whatever it was. What did he say to that? He doesn't give a crap. No, I think he came back with, just watch football every Sunday. I don't want you to come. I want mom to come. We were just like yelling at each other. Yeah, it was one of those. These kids, I'll tell you what, this is your fault

because you show them these movies, and it teaches them how to argue back, these movies. I don't even think they learned it in school. It's these dumb movies, and it's YouTube, and this is how they fight back. And now your feelings are hurt. Yeah, the move is always just to say, the other parent's better, you like the other parent more.

He actually said, I pitch better when mom's there. I'm like, all I do is sit there. I don't say anything other than yell to throw strikes. So anyway, we, we hashed it out about six, seven hours later, but yeah. So anyway, I did miss football today. I had to watch it on my iPhone. I lost a lot of bets. My fantasy wasn't very satisfying. And I didn't really enjoy it. We got mercy ruled twice. So thanks for that, Ben.

I love travel baseball. Let's keep going. Two more next week. Have him join Taekwondo. He'll have eight belts in like three days. He won't have to drive anywhere. The mercy rule, I wish we had that like in other forms of life. What is it? 10 runs after three innings?

What is it? I think it has to get to 15. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's what we're talking here. We lost 15-4 and 15-6. The problem is they get on base. These kids are 10.

Nobody has Johnny Bench behind the plate. they get on base these kids are 10 nobody has nobody has like Johnny Bench behind the plate you get on base you're running yeah you could just you just advance I will tell you that

it's fun to watch him I'm glad he's baseball but I am still pro soccer it's over in an hour it's great you know when the game's starting you show up it's outdoors

game's done in an hour I want to have baseball's tough you're worried your kid's going to get slammed done in an hour. Baseball's tough. You're worried your kid's going to get slammed in the face with a line drive. For some reason, it's colder than everywhere else as a spectator sport.

You're shivering. Yeah, baseball has the most moments where you just go, what are you fucking stupid? You just want to yell that at every kid because it's a lot of brain farts and somebody forgetting that the runner could tag and or somebody getting caught off and it just constantly reinforces that 10 year old boys make bad decisions um yeah but still super enjoyable soccer it's really hard to it's really easy to

blend in and just make mistakes and only people who are really sophisticated would know you know yeah it's like oh she shouldn't have been offsides on that. It's like, you'd have to actually, you know, in baseball, the ball goes through your legs. It's like, oh, that guy's a dumbass. He should have been over. Yeah. For me, it's safety.

I have the four-year-old playing soccer and, you know, there's not a lot of spacing in four-year-old soccer. So as soon as someone falls, they're getting cleated in the hand and in the arm and then there's tears. So you just want that to happen less than five times in an hour. It's a big pig pile. Um, at some point I'm going to have, I think maybe in February, I'm going to have a special podcast where I rank, I'm going to have multiple parents involved. I'm going to produce it ahead of time and I'm going to power rank the worst sports for parents for 12 to one for youth sports. Yeah. Cause this has been like that.

A topic that I've had with multiple parents, including you, where we've talked about Cleopatra's lounge in Vegas. There's one clear number one, but I don't want to give it away. We should do that at Cleopatra's lounge. That would be great. And we'll have to convince Michael Gruber. That's a good idea. I think we could do it. And then the women and a lot of the wives that were dragged along will actually

maybe have a good time. They would love that one. The Cuz, lock it in on 430. You can give out some more losers on FS1. And Against All Odds is usually we put that up on Wednesday.

The Ringer Podcast Network on Wednesday. Wednesday night. The Ringer Podcast Network, Wednesday night-ish. And then Jimmy Kimmel Live. You're still on that too. You're a busy man. That's right. 11.35, Monday through Friday, every day. And then we're doing this again next Sunday night.

So I will talk to you in a week. Let's do it every Sunday night. Yeah, I do like it. I mean, Ben doesn't want you going to his games anyway, so you're free. I gave up football for you. How did I say, how did that come out of my mouth? I'm so embarrassed.

Happy birthday to you, Billy. Thank you, buddy. Appreciate it. Good job, Billy. All right. Thanks to Joe House. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Tiger Woods.

No thanks to Bill Belichick and the Patriots. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to check them out at ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to check them out, ziprecruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to FanDuel. Football season underway. That's why I'm so excited to be playing on FanDuel. Never been more fun or easy.

The place to play. Even if you're not a fantasy expert, something for everybody. More ways to win than ever before, like their gridiron pick'em contest every week. Guess what? New users. $20 bonus

when you make your first deposit on FanDuel. Come play with me at fanduel.com slash BS. Also, thanks to SimpliSafe. Goes on beyond what home security should be. It's intuitive design influences every step of securing your home, like installation. SimpliSafe ships right to your door,

ready to go, never stops. Built-in backups protects you through power failures, wifi outages, even baseball bats, all for just $14.99 a month. Order today, free shipping and free returns, risk-free 60-day trial. SimpliSafe.com slash BS, that is SimpliSafe with two I's. SimpliSafe.com slash BS. Oh, let's thank Starbucks Double Shot. Bold Starbucks coffee. That's what it starts with. Blended with milk for a smooth, creamy, delicious flavor. Enhanced with ginseng, guarana, and B vitamins.

Gives you that little extra boost that I know I need every day around mid-afternoon, late afternoon. Starbucks Double Shot. Energy to do things you actually do. Find it in your local convenience store. Thanks to Nephew Kyle. Back with at least two BS podcasts.

And I'll tell you another thing. If Jimmy Butler gets traded on Monday, we'll put up an emergency pod right when that happens. We'll be ready. I'm watching you, Jimmy Butler. My prediction, I would rank it heat number one, Clippers number two, Cavaliers number three we'll see what happens

back later in the week some really good guests this week too so stay tuned for that talk to you later I don't have a few years with him

on the wayside on the first I never said I don't have a few years