The Bill Simmons Podcast - Westbrook Traded for CP3!?!?!? Plus, Cousin Sal on NBA Futures and Kumail Nanjiani on Everything | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons reacts to Russell Westbrook being traded for CP3 and picks (2:22). Then, Bill is joined by Cousin Sal to talk NBA future bets, Wimbledon, Parent Corner, and more (23:24). Finally, Bill sits down with actor and comedian Kumail Nanjiani to discuss stand-up comedy, 'Wrestlemania,' getting older, horror movies, deep fakes, 'Silicon Valley,' 'The Big Sick,' his new film 'Stuber' with Dave Bautista, Netflix, and more (1:06:27). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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All right, coming up, a podcast that we had already finished and I was on my way home and then found out that Chris Paul and Russell Westbrook had been traded for each other. We're going to talk about that at the top. Then Cousin Sal and something we taped at like 2.30 that is now super dated. That's up.

And then Camille Nanjiani. That is all coming up next. First, Pearl Jam. All right, it's a little past six here. I was actually on my way home, Pacific time, and my son FaceTimed me and said, Dad, Chris Paul's on the Thunder. And I thought he was messing with me, so I pulled over and I checked Twitter, and lo and behold, Wosh has the trade.

And here's the trade. It was Chris Paul to OKC for Russell Westbrook. And OKC also gets first rounders in 24 and 26 and pick swaps in 21 and 25. The 24 pick is lottery protected. 26 is protected one through four, according to reports. OKC now has eight first rounders that they picked up just since draft night, including one from Denver in that Jeremy Grant trade. So I have multiple thoughts. Let's go with four.

I'll go with four thoughts and then we're going to get to the rest of the podcast that we have already finished. First of all, the rumors were true. We had heard for the last month that Chris Paul and James Harden were not getting along, that they did not get along for the second half of last season, and that Houston was anxious to move on from Chris Paul if possible. Houston denied it. Everyone denied it. We did a live show on Saturday at Caesar's Palace where Daryl Morey was a part of it. We did a live podcast. He was on stage with me and Marcello and Joe House. And we asked him about what's it like when you're a GM and you read and hear all this stuff about your team and how badly things are allegedly going. What's your role as a GM?

How do you stop it? And he was talking about how it was one of the craziest experiences of his career. He couldn't believe all the misinformation, et cetera, et cetera. And did a nice job of selling us on the fact that it wasn't true. I got to say, obviously it was true looking back because they just traded Chris Paul with a ton of picks for Russell Westbrook. And Westbrook has, I would say, a top three worst contract in the league. I was really curious to see how they would even trade him. We did.

We went through, Joe House and I, in the last podcast we did, we went through all the possibilities of how this would work. And we talked about Houston. And I made the case, like, look, Darrell Legs stars. If he feels like Westbrook is a better star than Chris Paul, he's going to make a move on him. I just assumed it would be like a straight up deal. And maybe there was like one first rounder thrown in. Houston paid a pretty big price here to get the worst contract in the league, or one of the three worst contracts in the league. Sorry. Westbrook, here's what he has left. 38.5 million, 41.3 million, 44.2 million, 47 million.

All right. So do I like this deal for Houston? I do and I don't. That's such a cop-out answer. I don't like it because I actually thought if they could have figured out all the behind-the the scenes drama with their team I think they were the favorites in the West

they were the most reliable bet the Clippers and Lakers probably had a higher upside especially in the playoffs but we know what we had in Houston what we had was a team that came very close to making the finals the last two years and lost to a historically great Warriors team and especially last year I felt like that was such a weird series.

And, you know, they almost won game one. They got really bent out of shape about the refs after. And I thought it actually hurt them in game two. And they had just a great chance to beat the Warriors. And I felt like they kind of blew it. And there was obviously a lot of stuff going on with them behind the scenes. But I think if they run it back and it's drama-free, I still feel like they're the favorite. So this tells me it could not have been drama-free,

that there's no way this was going to work. And the State Farm commercials are a lie, Jim Cunningham. Yeah. Jim's in here because Kyle's already gone. Kyle left. He was going to finish the pot. So now I, Jim Cunningham. Yeah. Jim's in here because Kyle's already gone. Kyle left. He was going to finish the pot. So now I have Jim Cunningham here. Yeah, now I don't know if I can ever trust the State Farm commercial again.

I'm just kidding. We love State Farm. But what do you do with those commercials now? I guess that's another variable of this. We lose all of those. But they're better next year because I think Russell Westbrook, despite the salary, despite how weird he is to play with and all that stuff, he's just a better player than Chris Paul is.

I voted for him second team all NBA last year, and I didn't even think he was that good the first two months. I thought the last two plus months he was really good. He's a walking triple, double, or close as long as he has the ball enough. And I think this comes down to simple math for Houston. They're looking at somebody who has pretty consistently for three straight years averaged 28, 10, and 10 or whatever it is.

And then a guy in Harden who's pretty consistently now above 30 and seven rebounds, nine assists, whatever he is for an average last three years. And they're just like, if we have these two guys, we can figure out the rest. And short term, Westbrook is better than Chris Paul. It's a much riskier trade for them because if it doesn't work, well, Daryl gets fired. So he doesn't even care about those picks, but you've given away those picks way down the road when James Harden's going to be at post prime Westbrook will probably won't even be on the team at that point. And, you know, this is, this is the ultimate win now trade. So the only reason to do it is if you feel like you can't bring Chris Paul

back and you have no other market for him. Well, all right. Why wasn't there another market for Chris Paul? Well, I'm glad you asked. He also had a terrible contract. His contract expired a year earlier than Russell Westbrook's, but he's also older than Russell Westbrook. And Jesus, these numbers. 38.5 this year, 41.4 next year, 44.2 in the 2021-22 season. All right, so why would OKC want this? Well, this is the case I made a couple of days ago to House.

Actually kind of like having Chris Paul at least for a year on a young team in a city that you know he had to play there for a year after Katrina when New Orleans moved to OKC for a year the locals like him he was great for them that year

he was great in the community all that stuff and you know could he be a mentor slash whatever for that team maybe the other way they could be looking at it is they might flip Chris Paul now and you know Miami was rumored pretty heavily for Russell Westbrook for the last couple days

and it just seems like they were at a standstill on what his value was Miami makes a lot of sense for Chris Paul if they can just dump contracts for him. So now if you're OKC, you're dumping three years of Chris Paul and trying to get expirings and guys with two years left in their deal. Dragic is an expiring. He makes, I think, 19 million. And you take two more contracts back and you call it a day. Then if you're Miami, it's like, hey, we have Chris Paul and Jimmy Butler. Cool.

So I have no idea whether OKC did this to keep Chris Paul and make him kind of the leader of the franchise and the mentor, all that stuff, or whether they took him to flip him. Clearly they wanted to do right by Westbrook. And Westbrook wanted a chance to try to win the title. So now he's going to a team that has another one of the best players in the league. And he has certainly a better chance to win the title than he had the last three years in OKC. What's really crazy to me, all right, so you look at the all-NBA team from last year, right? Or the all-NBA teams, I'm sorry, from the last two years. And all of the guys that have moved teams just in the last two years. So the first teamers from last year, Paul George already is on a different team. So is Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard, Kyrie Irving.

Those were three second teamers. And then Westbrook on the third team and Kemba Walker. So we have six guys who are on the three all NBA teams that were named two months ago are now on different teams, six of the 15. Then you go back to the 2017-18 team just a year before. LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Anthony Davis are all on different teams from that group. DeRozan and Westbrook on the second team, those guys are on different teams. And then on the last team, Paul George and Jimmy Butler.

So, seven of the 15. This is just where we are with the league now. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I, as an old guy who loves watching continuity and really appreciates teams staying together and

you know, like a situation like what the Warriors were in last year where it's year six of Iguodala and Draymond and Clay and Steph and those guys all together and they're gutting it out Durant goes down and the character that you build when you guys have been in a lot of battles together is probably my favorite thing about basketball and we're just losing that now we have we have a league now where the guy who has been on the team the longest is Steph Curry, who was in the 2009 draft, which was 10 years ago. And he is our longest terms of service guy. We're in a situation now where even Kawhi and Paul George commandeer this whole Clippers thing. And then they don't even sign max contracts with them.

They put the Clippers on the clock immediately. You have two years to make this work and we might not come back. Dan Devine wrote about this for The Ringer. He called it the new normal. I think it's abnormal. I don't really like it that much. And I do wonder if it's a generational thing

to some degree because the younger people love it. It's like it that much. And I do wonder if it's a generational thing to some degree because the younger people love it. It's like a video game. The 20-somethings that work for The Ringer, they're all in. They think this is great. They're like every year they just shake the league like a snow globe and let's go. I definitely think it's better for a site like The Ringer and ESPN

and all these places that get content for stuff. But as just a basketball purist, I think to just turn the NBA into AAU is pretty appalling. I just don't like it that much. And it's fun to see Westbrook and Harden on the same team for a year. And then next year, one of them will probably go somewhere else. And that's just where we are.

With that said, it's more fun to have Westbrook on the Rockets than Chris Paul. So from a fun standpoint, I like this trade and it'll just make the league more interesting. Now, also, we get Chris Paul trade drama. We get to talk about where Chris Paul's going to go

for the next two weeks, potentially. Keep giving us content, NBA. We need it. All right, So that was my first long thought. The second one is just that the OKC 2012 finals team that we thought we'd never see again. Not out of the question now. Now we have Westbrook and Harden together. We have Ibaka as a free agent a year. Maybe he comes back. And then Durant, that dude switches teams all the time. He's, he's probably,

he's probably trying to get traded for Brooklyn right now to go to Houston. It would be fun. It's going to be fun. The Westbrook carded thing. It's amazing that all four of those guys are now off that team. And we talked about that was the team of the future. I went to that NBA finals.

I think I went to every game. I took a picture of Westbrook, Durant, and Harden with their arms around each other. And I remember writing about this photo and just, this is the NBA in this decade. Like you just never know. And now it's like on steroids, whatever my opinion was in that 2012 post-hard to trade column. It's crazy to think that OKC has none of those guys now. That was the team of, that was the young, if you could be any team, you would pick this team of the decade at the start of this decade.

And now it's not. And now it's probably, you know, now we're heading into this next decade and you'd probably say New Orleans. And Zion's not finishing his career in New Orleans. I hate to bring it to you, New Orleans, but he'll probably be somewhere within five to seven years because that's just what happens with the league. what are the potential flaws of this Houston team? I was thinking about it from a standpoint of Eric Gordon and PJ Tucker, where it's like, hey, good news. We now have the two highest usage rate guys in the history of the league. You're going to stand over there.

They might as well just pull people out of the stands to be the fourth or fifth man. Because Harden and Westbrook are going to take 80% of the shots. I already feel Eric Gordon. We might have to get him a therapist. He might need to talk to somebody, Eric, stand over in the corner. We're going to run a play for you every once in a while, maybe like once a quarter. That's it. But otherwise stand over there. We don't need you. But if you just look at their five, Westbrook and Harden, I still feel like, I personally feel like Westbrook's a top 12 player.

Still. He's at least top 12, top 15, wherever you want to put him. He's one of the guys that still matters. So you have those two guys, Capella, Gordon, Tucker. Assuming they keep Tucker. Maybe he gets traded too.

That's a pretty loaded team. It's pretty good. If they get the good version of how this Westbrook-Cardin thing goes. Who the F knows? They clearly felt they weren't, nothing else was going to happen with this nucleus unless they did something crazy.

The last thing I wanted to mention, what a blow for Chris Paul. Pushes his way out of the Clippers to end up in Houston with his friend James Harden. They're up 3-2 against the Warriors in the 2018 playoffs, and he gets hurt at the worst possible time. And they end up losing that series that I personally think they probably would

have won if he doesn't get hurt, but that's the NBA. That's what happens. And that's what happens when you have old point cards, older point cards. Signs the huge extension, takes a step back last year, no question. And then they come really close again. They get Golden State in round two instead of round three. Durant gets hurt and they still can't pull it off.

It still doesn't happen. And now he's on OKC on a rebuild unless he gets traded. But what contender is trading for him? Everybody's, the merry-go-round has stopped. You're looking at teams like Miami and Detroit and Minnesota. Those are the type of teams you're looking at

if you're Chris Paul for a trade. None of the contenders, you're not ending up on them. I made a list actually of who I thought were the top 40 players in the league. I just did it for myself because I was curious where I would have different guys. So I had Westbrook. He was in that 11 to 18 range. You know, you were talking about it's after the 10 stars.

Kawhi, Giannis, Harden, Curry, Davis, Jokic, LeBron, and then MB, George, and Durant. I think that's your top 10 right now in some order. I just gave you an order that I think it is. But then the next group is Lillard, Beal, Towns, Oladipo, Kyrie, Kemba, Butler, and Westbrook in some order, depending on if you're just throwing out contracts from a talent standpoint, Westbrook's probably a little higher. If you're talking about them as assets, he's lower. So the Rockets have two of the top at least 18 guys in the league, let's say. you're talking low, high 30s, low 40s, where like I have Blake Griffin, 32,

Drew Holiday, Chris Middleton, Al Horford, LaMarcus Aldridge, CJ McCollum, Tobias Harris, DeMar DeRozan, Kyle Lowry, Nikola Vucevic, and then he's kind of in that Kevin Love area. And then there's a bunch of rookies nipping on his heels. So is he a top, is he like the 42nd best player in the league? Maybe. Is he worse than that? Maybe. You could have talked me to put him lower in the list. So it's an upgrade. And that's why you do the trade. I just feel like, man, you are, this is, I'm getting fired if this trade doesn't

totally work trade by Daryl. You could feel it. You could feel the energy of him at the live show. He was, she was a guns blazing. He was going at Rosillo. He's going at me. He was talking about rocket haters. Like he was definitely, definitely, definitely a little unhinged in a good way. It was fun. It was enjoyable, but now we know why he was a little unhinged. He was trying to get Russell Westbrook. So I still don't think they're going to win the title. I think they're going to be a lot more fun to watch. I think what OKC did is just astounding, getting all those picks for one guy who definitely didn't want to be there

and then another guy that they had to trade who had one of the three or four worst contracts in the league. Amazing. Amazing job by them. OKC. It's all looking good. Amazing job by them. OKC. It's all looking good. I will tell you this, though. I wouldn't count out OKC as a playoff team.

How about that? If they kept Chris Paul, they have Shea Gildress Alexander, they have Danilo Gallinari, they have Steven Adams, they still have Roberson, they have Schroeder it's not a bad team

it could at least be a little frisky and this is the fifth and final bonus thing I wanted to mention you might remember I've had the Ewing Theory forever Jim Cunningham you know what the Ewing Theory is right? yep of course as a Knicks fan I remember I can't imagine

a juicier Ewing Theory candidate in some time than Russell Westbrook. Media-hyped superstar. Considered to be one of the best players in the league. Never really won anything. Made a finals one year as the second best guy in OKC. And as somebody that is just unclear if he's the best player on your team,

if you're going anywhere. And it's also not clear if... He definitely affects his teammates in a mostly negative for their stats way. So removing him after what we saw with guys like Oladipo and Sabonis, removing him in the shadow and just how dominant he is with everything he does from that team, it feels very Ewing theory-ish, especially if Shea Jill just Alexander can continue to mature and whether they keep Chris

Paul or whatever, but I have my eye on you, OKC, for the Ewing theory. All right. What a trade. If you want to hear more from the Ringer NBA show, you can listen to Chris Ryan, Justin Verrier. They're doing a little powwow right now about this trade as well. Coming up, Cousin Sal. We taped this about four hours earlier.

Sorry when we're talking about NBA MVP and stuff that we did not know this trade was coming, but that is coming up right after this. Let's take a break to talk about WGU, an online university that's changing lives by changing higher education. It's innovative competency-based learning model designed specifically to fit in the lives of busy adults.

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You know what? This reminds me that football is right around the corner. Thought of you last night. I did the Instagram picture too. I put on my story. I saw I was in Barnes & Noble in the Grove. And they had the whole giant shelf of fantasy football magazines. Got a little giddy.

It's, I think, my favorite day of the summer when they are officially on the shelves. Other than the day I nail my wife with a,

my wife with my toenail, my sharpened toenail on the beach and she screams. That happens every year. I love that and I love on the fantasy. Why do you have

a sharpened toenail? I sharpen it for the 4th of July and I paint different colors. It's nice. You do cocaine on them or something? No, no, no.

Stop it. Don't be gross. Yeah, so I thought of you with that. And then I thought of you because this is the worst gambling stretch of the year, as you discussed on Against All Odds this week. Yesterday was actually the worst day. Right. It's the all-time one, right?

Because you can't bet on the ESPYs. It's predetermined. Right. So what do you bet on? Harry found a WNBA game. I think he lost money on the Mercury day. Right. It's the all-time one, right? Because you can't bet on the ESPYs. It's predetermined. Right. So what do you bet on? Harry found the WNBA game. I think he lost money on the Mercury yesterday. Other than that,

once the tennis is over in the morning, there's nothing. That's true. The tennis ends like what? By like three o'clock? Oh yeah. So I wanted to go backwards

and we're going to talk about NBA futures in a second, but just talk about another incredible batch of terrible bets from me and us together. But let's start with Kevin Durant not going to the Knicks. Did that happen?

I was adamant he was going to New York. At some point, I told you, I was like, every instinct I have tells me he's leaving Golden State and going to New York, assumed it was the Knicks. That's the right assumption. The most famous franchise in basketball other than the Celtics and Lakers. Biggest city. Seven generations of fans. Biggest challenge a player could have.

Now he went to the Nets. We even thought to be like, we should just hedge on the Nets just to be, what were they, like 20-1? 30- 1? Heads up there, somewhere in there. Or the Warriors, there was nice odds on them. Well, let me backtrack even further.

What typically happens every year is we lose money in football, and then we lose a little money on March Madness, and then we'll have the Celtics over wins totals, and we'll have lost the Madden and the NBA playoffs. But we're usually able to dig out. You had a Hail Mary with LeBron where he's going to end up last year, and we did it. But we were usually able to dig out. Like you had a Hail Mary with LeBron where he's going to end up last year. And we did it. We loaded.

We didn't even tell House because like this will screw it up. Yeah, we left House out. Yes, House can't be involved in this. This guy won money in football though. And then I just proceeded to blow off. Yeah, the basketball. Yeah, we're terrible at this.

But then, but that was it. All right, so Durant was going to be our go-to. We're going to make it all back with Durant to the Knicks. What do we have? Like four and a half to one? No, what do we have? 4.5-1? No. It was plus 250. It was great. It was a layup.

And the Nets were probably 20-1. I can't kill you too much because everything I read says before the injury you were right. Well, unfortunately, that's not the story going around right now. Oh, really? Now you are right. No, we were right. We were right until about March. That's it? March?

I keep hearing that Dolan really soured them in a couple of different ways. And the Nets were more and more on the radar. Before the injury? Yeah, we're talking March. Wow. I think it was definitely either or. The Nets didn't really enter the mix until February, March. Because Dolan just acted crazy in a bunch of different ways.

Remember? Did the whole thing about I'm not selling – the story came out partly driven by me about I'm not selling the team. But then he gave that crazy interview, and then he's like, I'm very confident we'll be good with free agents. And then I think he might have said some stuff privately. But I think Dolan's the reason those guys didn't get them. The Nets on the other side,

they're 49% owned by the Alibaba guy. They're just saying China, China, China, 50 million NBA fans, you guys can make so much money there. Rock Nation's like, hey, we can do this. And I just think they outwitted a guy who's not very smart. What they need is

they need someone like magic for the Lakers, but for, for the Knicks, like no one should ever see James Dolan. Like our friend, Brad, he hires the special interest guests on our show. So if like the Cincinnati mayor throws the first pitch and it goes a hundred feet outside, or let's say this bagel boss guy who want to try to get this guy on the first guy they have to deal deal with is Brad because he's good at tracking them down. But fine, great that you could track them down, but maybe you shouldn't be the first person they interact with representing Jimmy Kimmel Live, you know, because that could really squash the deal.

Good point. And has the time. So yeah, so they have, he's their Brad. He's basically their Brad. James Dolan is Brad. Yeah, in the TV movie, that's how it'll go too. It's pretty insane that he's so bad that they just can't get anybody. We're talking about Brad still?

Both of them, Brad and James Dolan. But we should have known because this happened in 2010 with LeBron and those guys. So the move should have been, I should have said to you, he's going to New York. I just have this feeling he's going there. And then we should have talked it out and be like, well, wait, what about the Nets? Dolan will fuck this up. Does Buffalo have a team? We should bet against Dolan. So we lost that one. And then I made my last Hail Mary bet on Coco. I watched her second round match. The odds were I'm like I'm in on Coco another Hail Mary and

and then two rounds later she was a 15 year old girl I loved Rue before it was really fun it was actually that bet was actually worth it

and I think we'll make money betting her in the future but when they hang 19 to 1 odds on her after the big upset you're like she's 15 years old

and they're factoring that in there right in there you know the fact that she didn't get tired was great it's like oh that's nice i look at serena and she's like she's like in a in a fetal position after the first set sometimes because you know whatever it's hot and she's older but this was great she didn't get tired we did all the body language was working our way but yeah she's 15 years old and a year older than my daughter it was really fun to root for so yeah that capped capped off other than the NFL playoffs,

which anytime the Patriots are in the Super Bowl and doing well, I'm usually going to do well. Right. But the 67-win Celtics thing was a debacle. Right. I wasn't allowed to bet on MVP, even though I was saying Giannis was by far the best bet. That was a debacle.

I made something off that, but thanks to you. We had the Lakers over. We missed that by 20 games. Right. And there was some other stuff, but this is brutal. So now we're going to bring in the NBA future ads.

Let me just say this. And again, I didn't know shit. I actually felt crap. Like, obviously there's opinionists and there are journalists and we're still opinionists,

right? Or are you a journalist? What are you? Who knows at this point? It's so blurry right now, but even you and I could pick a game that loses by 30 points and it's excusable because we're using data and everything. But for experts to come on and say, Kawhi is definitely going here. He's definitely, we're in this mind of this guy who doesn't announce it on Canada Day that he's staying with Toronto, doesn't announce on

the 4th of July that he's coming to the US. He avoided all the pit bulls. He's smarter than everybody. And everybody was still in his head. All the experts knew who it was. And it just felt kind of shitty to me. It was like a waste of time, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, does journalism take a hit here or is it just there's no accountability, so it doesn't matter? Well, I think what's happening now is you can say anything that sounds like it's from a position of authority and it will get in the cycle. So the thing I've always wondered is when is it worth it for somebody to just roll the dice and make it seem like they know what's going to happen and if it happens. Right. Jalen owned up to it at least.

He's like, I got bad information, you know, whatever. I didn't know about this extra wrinkle where a guy could sign a max deal and then demand to be traded to a specific team and nobody knows about it. But that's the thing, I felt bad for Jalen because he was right. I was hearing all the same stuff last week that he wanted to go to the Clippers, but they couldn't find another star and they struck out on everybody and he just wasn wasn't going by himself. So it's like at that point, who's left? But you do it the right way. You go on Francesa, and you're like, I have no inside information, but I think KD's going to New York. It all makes sense. Here are the reasons why. Unfortunately, I said the Knicks.

You said the Knicks. Yeah, right. I said Becker House is going to the Knicks. Francesa lost his house. He did. I don't have a house. My house is gone. I'm living with the horses in the stable.

Yeah, I don't know. But you have the disclaimer in the beginning. Like, I have no inside info. Maybe you could read KD's eyes when you fly up to Oakland to interview him or something. But beyond that, you're not getting anything. And I think just people are giving a disservice when these guys come on. The other thing is, it was absolutely the only thing going on sports-wise. So people really dug their heels in and forced themselves into an opinion that maybe they didn't even believe, you know? Kawhi, whether he did it intentionally or not, he played it perfectly because everybody else shot their wad and decided it.

And then he got this whole week of Kawhi talk. Yeah. And then I just, the Friday night, the earthquake combined with the Kawhi trade was really like a memorable day. The Friday after July 4th, normally like just a fun... July 4th's on a Thursday, which is great. Friday, everybody has that day off. And that's when you bury news, right?

Friday night late. So yeah, he had it down perfectly. I was stunned that the Paul George stuff never came out. Just in general that he was even unhappy or thinking of jumping or anything. Conspiracy Bill has some thoughts. What is it? Can you hear it? I had always thought

he was going to the Lakers and they tampered so badly with him that he basically wasn't allowed to go to the Lakers. And this is just a conspiracy bill theory. Because everything I had heard for two years was a lot like the Kawhi stuff.

He's from here. He wants to come back. He wants to come here. And then for him to re-sign with OKC before July 1st was just so... didn't match up to anything. And it made no sense. So my theory a year ago was like something's fishy here they might there was so much tampering they must say you can't go

so now he ends up not going to the lakers goes to the clippers he waits a year like what made him unhappy in a year i still think it's suspicious so it'll end up being one of those things we never know what happened well we do know that people don't like Westbrook and they don't like LeBron. So in this specific case, which put them over the edge? Did he do anything to not play for the Lakers because he didn't want to be associated with LeBron? Maybe a little mix of what you're saying

too, like he was told not to, whatever. Or is just Westbrook such a cancer and just like, everyone's got to get away from him. It seems like people like him though. Westbrook reminds me of my son where people just get Stockholm syndrome by being around him. He's like such a pain in the ass,

but everybody loves him, but he's a handful. And I think that's what Westbrook's like. Yeah. I think you get, when you're in the middle of it, you don't even realize like, oh yeah, that's weird. That guy took 32 shots. But he probably played like 15 games and realized I can't win a championship with this guy.

Right. I doubted my guess, especially if Westbrook slipped a little, or he was just like, I'll play here for one more year and then figure out how to get doesn't go to the heat. Are the West all-stars are favored by 15 points. Oh,

wow. What's the opening line? Does Westbrook hurt or help this? Oh my god. You're right. Maybe that does hurt. Kemba's like an All-Star starter now. Yeah. So the NBA Futures

I've never seen this before. Really ever since we've looked at Futures where 4-1 is the best odds you can get on a favorite or like the lowest odds that's never happened maybe it happened

in 06 but I don't at least 10 years never happened what was the Lakers 3 to 1 3 and a half yeah something like that

I think they were even yeah this was before the Davis trade yeah right yeah so now so it's Clippers 4 to 1 Lakers plus 550 Bucks same thing I think they were even... Yeah, and this was before the Davis trade. Yeah, right. Yeah. An hour before. So it's Clippers 4-1, Lakers plus 550, Bucs same thing. Warriors 10-1, which is just absurd.

Phillies 10-1, Denver 15-1, Houston 15-1, Utah 15-1, Celtics 30-1, Blazers 35, Brooklyn 40, Indiana 45, Dallas 55, everybody else. I can tell you, sports book wise, the sexy picks are Denver and Utah right now on that list. I think you like them.

I think you like Utah's over wins that people are pounding. I'm not as high in Utah. You're not? I think Utah's better, but I actually think it's veered too far.

All right. I've been thinking about their team and it's a little too perimetry and I worry about they're missing one thing. They could also make a trade. There was

a couple division bets but not all of them. Celtics, right? Atlantic? Is that what we're doing? Oh, it's on the back. Okay, there you go. You know we're betting that. I really like so this is just my instinct we're betting that. I really like... So this is just my instinct mid-July. I really like Denver as a regular season team this year.

I think they're going to be really good. I just... They're going to build on what happened last year. They've usually been good at home. I like Jokic, MVP-wise, all that stuff. I'm still mad at them. I like the Jeremy Grant trade. You should still be mad at them.

See, that's the thing. Why? I'm still angry at them. Well, they lost me money, at should still be mad at them. See, that's the thing. Why? I'm still angry at them. Well, they lost me money, at least. I forgot. Oh, the Portland series? The Portland series. No, I thought we hedged that

19 different ways. I know. And you know what? I hedged 20. I hedged one extra way you didn't know about, and I lost. Oh, no.

Well, it's weird. Utah's even to win the division, and Denver's plus 160. Interesting. And I actually would have thought Denver would have been favored to win the division. So I was surprised by that.

Where do they put OKC in there with this Westbrook thing? OKC is 75 to 1 now. No, no, no. For the division. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Wow. 75 to 1. I guess it's not like they can sign anyone. You know, it's interesting. If they turn Westbrook into somebody who is actually pretty good,

I actually like some of the guys on that team. They still have some bets. Houston was minus 140 to win the division. And that's the division with Dallas, San Antonio, New Orleans, Memphis. I don't even know why we're talking about this because we lose division bets every year. The Clippers are even to win the division.

The Lakers are plus 200. So I thought that was interesting because I don't really see a scenario where the Cl. The Lakers are plus 200. So I thought that was interesting because I don't really see a scenario where the Clippers and Lakers are that good as regular season teams. They're smart enough to figure out. Kawhi's a 60-game guy in the regular season. Then people seem to think Paul George

might not be ready for the start of the season. So they just have to avoid each other for the first two rounds, right? Isn't that how, like, you just do that in wrestling. You'd wrestle, one wrestle 145. You see the tough guys wrestling 138. Like, all right, you gain weight to avoid it.

It's kind of, you just don't want to meet up in the first round or two, right? Yeah, because it ends up like what happened in Houston Golden State last year. The thing is, like, this is why I like Denver at 15-1 and Houston at 15-1 to win the title

because I think they have the best chance to be one, two, or three seed. And you might see the Lakers. How many games is LeBron going to play? This is year 17 or 18 for him. Davis has perennially been banged up or always had stuff. What would you say for over-under for games

played by those two guys? It would be like 135? 130? Oh, interesting. I was going to make it more specific in how many more games Kawhi and George play

versus LeBron and AD. Oh, wait. What would you say? I would say less. Really less? Because Kawhi has to sit as 20. I'm not sure George

is going to be ready for the start of the season. Really? And then Kawhi is like 60 to 62, right? He has to sit those. It's just they have to do it that way. I would say over under – no, you have to ask Todd Furman this. All right.

I'll ask him. I would say 130 for Kawhi and George. Maybe like 132, something like that. So more than that for Lakers. Lakers could be a little higher. Wow. I think Lakers would be like a four-game favorite. Because one of those

guys could just not get hurt and end up playing like 75, 76 games. I think a lot of season ticket holders are going to be disappointed. Not season ticket holders because they could see it every night, but if you have a spot ticket here or there for a Laker game, you're lucky to see both of them play together. It's 50-50, I think.

I know I'm on a gambling slump, but my Clippers tickets, not in a slump. What do you mean? Oh, your tickets, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sell those to pay some of your gambling bills. After holding the Clippers tickets for 15 years, and it seemed like Lob City was going to be the gold mine, and it never was.

And then people didn't even really like watching those teams. And now it's like, all right, this is a two-year run where they have a chance to make the finals. You can maybe finally rub it into our cousin who throws that back in your face the whole time. The Clippers. Yeah. Yeah, I never understood that.

I explained it to him 10 times and it just keeps bouncing off him going for the other teams. I don't want to toot my own horn because I had nothing to him 10 times, and it just keeps bouncing off him, going for the other teams. I don't want to toot my own horn, because I had nothing to base it on, but on July 4th, yes, we did lock it in on July 4th, I said the Clippers at 16-1 wasn't a bad bet. And everyone else saying Toronto at 6-1. I was like, no, if they don't sign Kawhi,

Toronto's going to be 60-1. And they're actually 80, I think, to win it. The Clippers, you're getting a nice, at least they're fun to root for, even if they don't get Kawhi. Whatever, it's stupid. But they pulled some upsets here and there, and they got them. Maybe that's why they were taking so long, because Uncle Dennis went to Vegas and bought up some Clippers

16-1 for the Kawhi side. That might be it. So, the other thing that jumps out to me here, the first eight teams, there's eight teams that are 50-1 or lower. Six of them are in the West to win the title. The Bucks are plus 550 in the East, and the Sixers are plus 1,000. That doesn't add up to me.

There always has to be three teams in a conference that have a chance. Celts 30-1, Nets 40-1, Pacers 45-1. The Pacers. Well, what do you mean? Where's Philly? Did you say Philly? I said Philly. Oh, you did.

Okay. Yeah. There's going to be a three seed that plays a not very good team in round one and then gets a shot at the second best team in round two. This is basically the Toronto-Philly path last year where the 2-3s ended up going to the finals. So who is it? You can't pick it.

You're going to hate me. The South's 30-1 I don't think is a terrible bet. Don't do it. Come on. I don't think it's terrible. They're one trade away. They have good players. I texted you.

I feel like we bet they're over on the win totals and lose every year. They won four to the last five years. It was the only last year. This past year was the only one. But why are they going to be better? You just think. Well, I think they're going to be better. But I also think they have, out of all these teams,

they have a chance to actually package some contracts and picks together and try to get one more guy. So I think the team they have right now isn't maybe the team they have in February. And if you look at these other teams, Clippers are the team they're going to be unless they can get Iguodala. Lakers are the team they're probably going to be. Bucks don't have a move. Warriors have a D'Angelo Russell trade, which I think is why their odds are low at 10-1

because I think people are starting to wonder if they flip him in December for whatever. Sixers, I mean, it's a really expensive team now. I'm not sure what the move is there. But you go on down the line, the Celts actually could package somebody together. I just don't know who the player is. Well, I don't know the packages either, and you're going to hate me for doing this,

but people are sleeping on the Bucs, the favorite, and Giannis for MVP. Now, the Bucs, the favorite, and Giannis for MVP. Now, the Bucs, the one team they couldn't beat was this Toronto Kawhi team. That was it. They probably would have mowed through everybody on that side and would have beat up this MASH unit that Toronto was fortunate to face in Golden State. But, all right, if you love Brogdon, that's one thing.

But I kind of think they're getting better. They win 60 games. They had 45 wins by double digits. Giannis' numbers are going up while his minutes are going down. It's really phenomenal what that team does. I wouldn't sleep on them. That's a nice price for them early on. And the motto would be LeBron 10 years ago.

Yeah. He won in 09. Team 1C did the whole thing and then in 2010 he won it again not quite as good of a team as 09 yeah so we've seen it usually usually with the mvp you win it if it's a younger player they usually win it in a cluster so if they're gonna win one there it's they will it might be two in a row or three in a row or whatever. He's only three to one. Right, I know.

It's because he's going to win. And I don't even feel like he peaked as a player last year. That was the funny thing about voting for him last year. I still feel like two years from now, he's going to be better than he is now. Yeah. So he's three to one. Harden's five to one. Curry's five to one.

Kawhi's eight to one, which is ludicrous. He's going to play 60 games. Davis is 10 to one. LeBron's 10 to one. And Bi's 8-1, which is ludicrous. He's going to play 60 games. Davis is 10-1. LeBron's 10-1. Embiid's 12-1. Jokic, 12-1. Doncic, 15-1. And then it gets silly after that. You could throw Davis and LeBron out of there,

because that's the classic cancel each other out thing. I'm going to flip it on you for a second. Tell me, how many games would they have to win for one of those two? So here's the upside with Davis. Yeah. For the last five years, he was the guy most mentioned as who's the most likely guy to win an MVP out of all these 25 and under guys. He was always the first pick, right?

I think I even have stuff written in my archives back when I used to write. From 2014, somebody asked me that as a mailbag question. pick. I think I even have stuff written in my archives back when I used to write from 2014. Somebody asked me that as a mailbag question. Who's the next best choice for MVP after LeBron? It was like Anthony Davis. He's never won one. We know his ceiling is

best player in the league, potentially. He's going to be in LA. He is going to have LeBron as the best guy he's ever played. This is the best team he's ever been on. There's a chance he just kicks ass. This is why I can't count out the Lakers. Well, just throw me numbers. Tell me how many wins the Lakers would have to have

and what his stat line would have to be versus LeBron's. What would for Davis to win? So realistically, because he did this two years ago, the second half of the season with New Orleans, realistically, he could put up like 30 and 13 every night.

All right. That's a realistic, realistic stat line for him. Mm-hmm. That's already better than Giannis. And if LeBron's doing the thing, so the upside, and this is why I like

the Lakers regular season upside more than the Clippers regular season upside I think the Clippers are a safer bet but I also think there's a world in which Davis just crushes next season he's fucking awesome and that's the variable I don't think the Clippers have for the regular season

so he goes and he plays let's say he stays healthy he plays 80 games LeBon is like totally happy just to be his sidekick and take over when it matters and do that whole thing how is that gonna happen well he's this is 17th year kyle's loaded up on painkillers right now he can't keep a straight face you want to talk about kyle's bike accident i kind of do it's staring us right in the face. Kyle is bandaged on both arms.

He has scars everywhere. He has a slight cut on his head. He has two fingers in a splint. I just broke a pinky. That's all. Are you missing a tooth?

You broke a pinky? Yeah. It's all right. And then what other injuries do you have? I just had a contusion on the leg, but it's all right. So Kyle,

is this a bike, like a Schwinn bike? I'm embarrassed to say no. It's one of those, you know, the ones you see zipping around. Kyle does the bird scooters and the bikes, and he flies around. And these people are getting wiped out left and right on the streets of LA.

It's going wrong all the time. But I had a faulty bike, though. I didn't do anything wrong. The thing that I did wrong was getting on that one. So you knew it was faulty. Yeah. I didn't want to be late for the pod. Where did it go?

It was loose. The steering column was loose and I knew I shouldn't do it, but I was like, I got to go. I was just crossing this intersection and the top just came off. Wow. I'm over the weight limit. No drinking? No, not at 9 in the morning. Our friend Jake, who wrote with us on Jimmy Kimmel Live and then inexplicably became a doctor,

says he sees bird scooter accidents. He can't get out of the ER. He's like, ah, fuck another bird scooter accident. That's what they said to me. They were like, Jesus,

we've had five of you guys today. So many. Bird scooters are the new market in efficiency for ER. You think they're in cahoots with them? Or like for like, healthcare or something? Replenishing hospitals?

Yeah. So I like Davis at 10 to 1. I like Jokic at 12 to 1. I like Jokic at 12 to 1. The only thing with him is, I mean, that's a bet.

You're betting that the Nuggets are the best team in the West. Yeah. I don't know statistically how much room there is for him to grow. I guess it would have to resemble his playoff stats.

So it would have to be like in the playoffs, his stats were even better than they were in the regular season. I guess. He played like a six overtime game in there somewhere. Well, that's true.

That probably helped. But no, I could see him winning in the next three or four years. But man, this year is so, so tough with all those big guns at top. And then Curry was the only one I had five to one. Just the odds are too low. It's not good value. But could he just have an incredible year keeping the Warriors as, you know, we counted these guys out.

Right. Nobody could have expected this. Yeah. Steph Curry's never been better in one of those seasons. But again, like, so you have to, aside from that Westbrook year, you have to end up top two seeds, right? So are the Warriors going to, how many wins would they have to have? You'd have to hope everyone cancels each other out.

So you think with Davis, the roadmap is, the Lakers are even better than we thought. Yeah. He's 30 and 13 every night. Has to be. And everybody's like, holy shit, this guy is now the best player in the West. We knew he was good. We didn't realize he was this good.

But don't you think LeBron at some point, like, hey, calm down. We don't have to win all these games. We don't even have to play all these games't you think LeBron at some point was like, hey, calm down. We don't have to win all these games. We don't even have to play all these games. I think LeBron's at a different point in his career. Yeah. I think he wants to win, but I also think on Wednesday at 3.30, his son's going to be playing a basketball game, and instead of doing the hybrid back chamber for three hours,

he's going to be driving a Sierra Canyon to watch his kid play. Interesting. And so Davis actually helps him in a lot of ways. Davis can carry the burden. So who rubs off on who is the question. Yeah. Or do you think LeBron's just wired like our cousin, where he just has to work all the time?

I think that's it. Like LeBron's like he has to just work out all the time. Yeah, I think so. But also smart about it. Knows which seeds you have to avoid. Well, the smart move is to ride Anthony Davis like he's secretariat these six months. Right. And just climb on that dude's back and be like...

Yeah. Like, if I were him, I don't know if he would do this, but you start laying the... So here's the thing. Here's what we have to watch out for. Because LeBron is the most manipulative and a good way athlete that we've had in a while. Everything he does has a purpose.

If there's a narrative in September that LeBron is going to get the MVP for Anthony Davis this year, this is a big thing. Like we immediately bet Anthony Davis. He'll back that. Right. Or there's some clutch narrative

or clutch has some reporter. And then all of a sudden there's this big Anthony Davis puff piece, but the centerpiece of it is I want to win the MVP this year. Right. And then Le of a sudden there's this big Anthony Davis puff piece but the centerpiece of it is I want to win the MVP this year. Right. And then LeBron's on board with it in the piece.

Right. We got to go all in on Davis. So he's basically coach of the year too. He should have odds for LeBron. Yeah. Well, I mean,

it's actually a really good thing for LeBron if Sure. You know, he gets credit for he brought Davis there. Davis is the MVP. This is great. I just don't like

their team that much. I really did not like a lot of their moves. You think Kawhi, I mean, you said he shut out the media. Did he shut out the late? Like you think that was all part of the deal too? I know you've talked about this,

but it seemed a little intentional. I waited on it. Like, well, who would the like, it seemed very, a very Italian move by him. Are we sure Kawhi is not part Italian?

He's very Michael Corleone. Yeah. Interesting. Kawhi Corleone Leonard? He's very Michael Corleone-ish. Yeah, interesting. Kawhi Corleone-Leonard. What about Wimbledon? I like Joker. We have him on the pod. We all bet him.

He's only 162 to win this thing. I think you go by grass. You look at what these guys have done on grass the last few times. He's beaten Federer. He's the last two times in four and five sets. And I think he's beaten Nadal the last time in four sets. So if he gets by, if he wins tomorrow, I think that's good. At minus 162, he'll be like a minus 350 favorite.

So that's the semis tomorrow. Yeah, if he gets past that. I can't believe Nadal and Federer are playing again. You can't touch that. How are they playing again? I know. When is that? That's 10 o'clock ET.

You have to wake up a little early to catch that. Good Lord. That'll be fun. Then the women's Coco is out. It's great, though. I have a hot take on the women's final. I watched a lot of Wimbledon this year. I think Halep's really good.

I think that was one of the reasons Coco fell apart was because Halep's just a machine. She was painting the corners. And she's never won. And she does feel like one of those that has the talent to just be like, oh, she won a Wimbledon one year? Which seems like it happens. Well, Serena's won like eight out of nine against her.

And she's what, a 180 favorite or something? So we could do well betting Halep. Is there a least fun person to wager on than Serena? Where the histrionics and the sighing and every point looks like her body's going to break down and I just never know how to read what she's thinking. I liken it to our boxing bets. Remember we lost like six boxing bets in a row when we first met? Yeah, yeah.

That middleweight, we just couldn't figure it out. It's the same thing. You're feeling every punch with Serena because her body language is just, she brings you in. She's just so exasperated

and exhausted and you're just like, oh my God, is she going to pass out? Yeah. She wants to kill the official more than win this match.

Yeah. And God forbid she look over at her coach, she'll be fined or penalized a point. Right. So much to worry about with her. It's funny.

You go back and you watch her in the early mid-2000s because they had some old matches on and I was watching her. She didn't do that stuff. It's definitely like, I'm old. She's almost become like one of those cops in a cop movie. The guy who's like,

I don't have time for this shit anymore like that's kind of how she's yeah yeah also she's a mother think about our wives play oh my god no patience at all right why should i have patience with anybody oh my god can you imagine she's furious at her kid going out there oh you have a parent corner speaking of oh i do i don't know if you have one. So I'm home a little more. Locking in is over. I have like a month off.

I can chill a little. But I forgot it means like being around the kids and they fight just all the time. So we promised them we were going to get one anyway. But we promised them we'd get a dog at the end of the summer if everyone behaved themselves. If they can keep the fighting to a minimum. Didn't work. They're at each other's throats like immediately. Especially my 5-year-old and 11-year-old right after each other so i was like hey you get three fights and then this dog idea goes away and they want a dog they really do they just don't know how to get along and they don't catch themselves in time so

we counted down actually gave them five fights so kind of five really in the car i'll yell three three left and like you know what are we we're we? We're second week of July. They're not going to make it another six weeks. They had one more fight. They got to zero fights. I was like, that's it. No dog. No, come on, please. They're begging me. I'm like, all right. Next fight, though, the dog loses a leg. We get a three-legged dog. And I'm not kidding. And all right, fine. All right, fine. That lasted like two days. And they were fighting again.

I was like, three-legged dog. So now they've been good for like a week. And they're researching three-legged dogs and how to care for a three-legged dog. This is real? And I keep saying, you know, one more fight, a leg goes away. Figuring they'll figure out that I'm joking. Now they're all in on the three-legged dog. And not fighting anymore.

And not fighting. And I'm like, I don't want a fucking three-legged dog. How did this happen? How is this going to be worse for me? So they're doing honest research. Like, there are, like, damaged dogs out there, which is fine. It's nice to care for the needy. But I don't know how this backfired.

Like, most things I point out too. But yeah, we're getting a three-legged dog. At best. If anyone has any tips on how to raise them. My parent corner is my son is bored with all of his video games. No. And he's just played all of them. He created a baseball player for MLB

named Alexander Hamilton. That has now just progressed and is the best player at MLB. He's tired of Fortnite. Apparently, Fortnite's not cool anymore. It's great. He's learning history, though. Right?

And I promised him years ago he really wanted Grand Theft Auto and I was like you're too young that game's totally inappropriate no way and then last year he was like what about it no no way now this year

he'd been good I was proud of him for a couple different things so I was like alright we'll get it so we get Grand Theft Auto. Might have been a mistake. Oh, no. It's the greatest game he's ever played in his life. Oh, yeah.

He absolutely loves it completely. He can't believe. He's never really driven before. He discovered how to just drive over the pedestrians and get the cops to chase you and all that stuff. Is he the one that hit Kyle on a bird scooter? He might have been. So he's playing this game,

trying to see if he can get to five stars, which is basically like they've sent the entire SWAT team after you. And it just might have been a mistake. I'm like, what about the missions? He's like, yeah, there's some missions, but I'm just trying to get to five stars. Didn't he throw a remote through the TV or something?

That was like a year and a half ago. No, he didn't. No, less than a year. It bounced and ricocheted and hit the thing. So, bud, you replaced it? Are we sure it bounced? We know it bounced? His story was that it bounced. It bounced off Bill's head into the TV.

Oh, that's great. So my son's playing Grand Theft Auto and I'm sure I'll have some more stories about that. By the way, not a not violent game. No, no. I think they put a little rating on that. It's supposed to scare everyone away. It didn't scare off my kid. Did I tell you the Big Mouse story?

No. We found out he had watched all the Big Mouse. We didn't realize. He was stealth watching all of them. And they had this puberty talk at school. And it was the day before they knew it was coming. And they said some of the kids would have to ask a question. So I'm like, what's your question going to be? And he's like, I don't need to ask a question.

I've seen every episode of Big Mouth. There's nothing about puberty I don't know. Awesome. I'm like, really? You're not going to ask a question. I've seen every episode of Big Mouth. There's nothing about puberty I don't know. I'm like, really? You're not going to ask a question? He's like, I might ask how to clean up a wet dream. Well, you need to bring the ringer crew there if that's the case, if he's going to ask that. So

I was like, don't ask that. Do me a favor. so so so I was like wow so I was like um don't ask that do me a favor please don't bring that up so he did not ask that oh he didn't so yeah

so I feel like my son has learned puberty through Nick Kroll and Big Beth which I'm not sure this is a good thing or not so you owe him he hooked you up there

the thing is if we were 11 30 years ago we would have watched all of those shows I don't know for sure how can you stop it you can't stop it either way and also as soon as one of their friends The thing is, if we were 11, 30 years ago, we would have watched all of those shows. I don't know. For sure. How can you stop it?

You can't stop it either way. And also, as soon as one of their friends is doing it, you can't, you know, whether it's getting an iPhone or anything, you got to be the cool parent, right? So if anyone out there knows how to clean up a wet dream, email us at mailbagattheringer.com. Or three-legged dog care. Three-legged dog care, whatever you want. So you're done with locking in for how many weeks? That's it.

Four. In the middle of August, we go back. I came in second. I lost to Furman, Clay Travis. So you kept it like a season,

week after week. Week after week. We made, between the three of us, we made 2,200 bets and like 1,200 parlays. It's insane. Like my head started spinning once I saw it.

But it'll be good to recharge for football. Is there a strategy you learned actually worked? You know what? The big ass long range parlays kind of are helpful, right? The big ass, the big mouth. A lot of wet dreams to clean up on it. You know, I took a lot of big swings there to try to catch up to Furman.

But who always says, and I laughed at him, he says, you guys bet games, I bet numbers. Like, you bet teams. I'm like, yeah, I don't give a crap if the Patriots are favored by one and a half and it moves to two and a half, they're going to kill the Titans. Why do I care? But over the course of a year, it makes a difference. And we're talking about going to Vegas end of August

to do a big NFL preview podcast at our cousin's comedy club. Do you think they'll have us? I think they'll have us. I think they'll have us the first Sunday, too. He's trying to look at something. I didn't tell you. I talked about it on the pod the other day. I had an epiphany with just Vegas.

Oh, no. About Blackjack there and how all the shit they're doing to basically just take our money as fast as we can so i talked about in the pod and got some recommendations from people and and this is like the bigger casinos are all doing this six to five thing now yeah it's just like they know they don't yeah they're just doing it they don't even tell you you just assume to know right but i got uh a couple casinos that don't do that right including my beloved treasure island is that right where i lost my vegas virginity not my actual virginity my vegas virginity we stayed there and uh we stayed there

a few times but apparently they are three to two split aces however many times you want yeah um they they're basically rebelling against all these other casinos right and then everybody else was saying old vegas well the yeah old vegas old vegas has all the old rules and and um but people are really dissatisfied with this this is feels like this is a crisis point for vegas where i think everybody kind of feels the same way fuck you you don't want me to win anymore. Not that they ever wanted you to win, but at least, you know, the difference between six to five

and three to two in blackjack is significant. Especially the way you play. You play for seven hours straight. Two hands. It's not like you get lucky. I don't see one blackjack in over 20 minutes, so it doesn't matter. But yeah, the way you play it is,

I've lost like six times in a row playing blackjack. I can't. You've had some luck. No, I've lost like six times in a row playing Blackjack. I can't... You've had some luck, but... No, I've lost the last seven times I was there. Yeah. Dating to... What? Right after I left ESPN,

you, me, and Jacoby went there. Remember? Yeah. And like, in the end, we all lost. And I haven't won in Vegas since. Yeah, it sucks. There needs to be a new game or something. And it's tough to switch tables because they're

all full. They're all full. They all have the same terrible odds. And, you know, I... So anyway, I have some... I haven't gone through all the emails yet, thanks to everybody who emailed. But it does feel like there are still fun places to game on in Vegas. I would also advise

the casinos doing the 6-5 thing to just switch back because people fucking hate it. Maybe they don't care, but I don't know. It bugs me. They make enough money. I think somewhere in there. You were doing great with 3 to 2. Give us anything.

You'll smoke cigarettes with half the nicotine that they pass around, right? If they give you 3 to 2. I even smoked two cigarettes and still couldn't win on Saturday night. It was my first two cigarettes in 2019. I love it. It was so sad. I woke up the next morning.

I had no money left. I had 18 cigarettes and I'm like, do I pack these and give them to nephew Kyle? And then I'm like, no, why do I want to give him like more cigarettes? I wanted him to stop smoking. Not realize he was going to flip on his bird. It was a bike.

It was a bike. Bike, whatever. The Cuz. All right. So against all odds, you can listen to that here, Sal. Against all odds, I have Paula Dukon this week. The General Trifecta and I go over MLB mid-season props. Your Red Sox are plus 180 to make the playoffs.

I kind of think they're going to get there. That's one of my bigger bets. Plus 180? They're only like, what, two games back in the wildcard? Game and a half?

They're maybe one game on the second wildcard. It's been between one and two in the second wildcard. So you need some guys. It's a weird Red Sox season because statistically, offensively,

it's actually as good of a team as last year. And like Devers is much better than he was and stuff like that. But the bullpen has just murdered us. It really has.

It's completely stolen the season. Yeah. But I feel like they could trade for a closer. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, next two weeks. I didn't ask you about

Pete Alonzo. I forgot. Love him. He's the greatest. Is this your first great Met hitter that your kids would like since you've had kids? Well, David Wright, my oldest, caught him on the tail end. On the tail end.

This is so much fun. But, you know, with the Home Run Derby, you know, you're so now accustomed to thinking, this screws up your guy's swing the rest of the year. And then I'm like, what the hell do I care? If he wins the Home Run Derby, this is like a top 10 Met moment. Of the last 30 years. Yeah. And I think it was.

And then he singles off a Yankee glove in the All-Star game. So maybe he has to swing back. It's nice. It's fun to have a good slugger on the team. I enjoyed the All-Star. I liked how they mic'd the guys in the All-Star game. I actually enjoyed that. They were talking to the left fielder, and then somebody hit a ball to him.

It was like right after. That was pretty funny, though. The Cuz, always a pleasure. Good job by you. Good job by you. All right, Camille's coming up. But first, let's face it, guys are terrible at taking care of their health. Studies show 70% of guys who experience erectile dysfunction don't get treated for it. And that's bad.

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ED is a problem that guys don't tackle, but it's really important. And now with Roman, it's really easy to take care of it for a free, repeat, free online visit. Go to getroman.com slash bill. Camille Nanjiani came in and we had an awesome podcast and talked about a lot of things. And I had been dying to have him on for a while. Here he is. All right, Kumail Nanjiani's here.

I said that right, right? Yeah, perfectly. Because you had the whole thing when you first became famous. And you were saying, like, my name is pronounced exactly how it looks like it should be pronounced. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. So I sat behind you at WrestleMania, but you sat next to my son.

I did. You were fanboying out big time for Batista. Yes. But you had this beard, and I just didn't— I was like, that guy looks like Kamau. But I know it's not because he's just going crazy for Batista. Wow. And then he's leaving, and it was like, boy, that Camille was really out of control.

I'm like, that was him? And my son hung out with you for, I don't know, 45 minutes. Yeah, I talked to your son a bunch. He's very smart. With wrestling. But he really, because I am not, I'm just friends with Batista. I am not a wrestling fan. You know, I was like back when it was Hitman Hart and all that stuff in the 90s.

But I haven't like kept up. So your son was sort of catching me up and telling me about some of the storylines and all that stuff. Yeah, he's like the Stephen A. Smith of the WWE for 11-year-olds. Is he really? He just, he knows everything. Yeah. He was in our, because WrestleMania went forever. You were able to come in and out.

It was like five hours. He was just talking to everybody. It was more than five hours. Five and a half? It was like, well, with the pre-thing, it was over seven hours. Yeah. True. You weren't there for that, though, were you?

I was up in the box. So Batista had like a box. So we were like hanging out in there. And then I went down for the fight. The match. They're very specific. Can't say fight. I did an interview

afterwards with WWE and they would be like, hey, could you do that again? But instead of fight, say match. And instead of wrestler, say superstar. Seriously?

WWE superstars. That's what they're called. Well, the funny thing is Batista got the shit kicked out of him in that match. That was a really violent match and we were right there

and they were just beating the shit out of of them in that match. That was a really violent match. And we were right there. And they were just beating the shit out of each other. I was really scared for him because he's 50 years old. Yeah. And I was like, his movie career is doing great. He's lined up the next four movies and they're all huge. And I was just like, why would you put yourself in this situation you could like ruin this thing that you've worked so hard on but it was really important to Dave that he end his career right so when we were doing our movie last summer he was like you know I

really it's really heartbreaking that my career didn't go the way I wanted it to I want to go back and end it however his wrestling career yeah what didn't go right about it? He was a massive star. From what I understand, yes. But apparently, I don't want to speak out of term, but apparently he was a bad guy. Right. Heel, right? And he was very popular. And then he was so popular that they made him a good guy.

And then he wasn't popular anymore. Yeah, that ruined it. It's always better to just be the heel that the people like anyway. So I believe then, again, not a wrestling fan. This is what I think he told me. He left. And then when he came back for his comeback, he came back again as a good guy. And again, it didn't quite work.

So he was like, I want to go back and end my career as a bad guy because that's what people really want. And that's what he wanted. I think it's funny that you've been in my life for a decade and you grew this thick beard and I didn't know it was you. What do you mean? And I run a sports and pop culture website. Some people grow a beard and they just like transform into different people. I grew a beard for this movie and I just didn't get rid of it. I'm going to get rid of it soon.

It definitely gives you like a little edge. Yeah. I mean, you know, a part of me was, okay, so I'm 41 now. Yeah. And I was always afraid of being old. Yeah. And I was scared of

when I hit 30, I was devastated. Devastated about my age through all my 30s. And then when I hit 40, I kind of like suddenly actually felt better. I felt like

this pressure was off or something. And so then I'd always- You look like the Dos Equis guy now. Thank you so much. You should be flying around. Is that the guy whose identity they had? Like the actor? We don't know who he is.

Yeah, he's a mystery. So now I grew a beard being like, you know what? I'm 41 and it's fine if I look like a grown man. So why were you- Because I felt the same way when 30 was coming. I was freaking out because I felt like I had had all these plans when I left college and I'm like, I'm going to be 30. I haven't done anything yet.

I feel like the biggest fucking loser on the planet. That's exactly. Is that how you felt? That is exactly what it was. Yeah. I sort of, not a late start. I wasn't like Rodney Dangerfield or anything. But right after college, I went to Chicago.

And the plan was I'm going to do stand-up in Chicago for two years, move to New York. Sort of got stuck in Chicago for six years. Yeah. So I always felt like I kind of wasted most of my 20s doing these shows in Chicago that ultimately, it turned out, were very beneficial. But at the time, I felt like I was just spinning my wheels. So you're like, that was five years, and it should have just been 18 months. Yeah, yeah.

Time goes by, though, in your 20s. You look up. Watch out, Kyle. Kyle's only 25. Oh, my God. But yeah, all of a sudden, you look up, and 30's not that far away, and you do have this crisis of wait a second well i haven't

done anything and then what happened was when i moved to new york i started doing open mics because you have to start over yeah so i was doing oh i was about you know i was like 27 and everyone else was 22 so i just kind of felt like everybody was like a little bit further ahead of me and i felt like at my age i should have accomplished more than I had. Plus, as a minority comedian, you have your own kind of baggage that comes with that where you're being measured. I don't know, the scale just seemed a little different. Yes. Although when I got to New York, that pressure went away. Really? How come? I think, you know, right before I moved to New York, I think Aziz was like the biggest thing in New York.

And he really sort of defined himself by not doing that sort of hack ethnic material. Yeah. So when I got there, I wasn't like the first brown guy who wanted to just do stand up and not really talk about, you know, stuff that could be cliched or whatever. So I think that's what I meant by the baggage by it because this was the decade where that flipped. I think the same thing with female comedians. I think in the 80s, when I was growing up, the 80s, 90s, if you saw somebody

who wasn't a white dude doing stand-up, you were just kind of like, okay, let's say you're a female. Talk about all your stuff. It just was what people expected and when people tried to veer away from that

it was almost like wait what yeah yeah exactly and I think most of 2000s

was like that too I agree when I was doing when I was first started doing stand-up that's what people expected me to do and right after 9-11

there were actually a lot of I don't know if you remember this but there was like a huge burst of that's not a if you remember this but there was like a huge burst of, that's not a good term to use but there was an explosion of brown

comedians, that's horrible but there really was, there were a bunch of like brown dudes from Middle East, Pakistan, places like that who sort of came up and were doing stand-up and talking about that stuff and I was doing stand-up then and I was like well I don't want to, I didn't want and talking about that stuff. And I was doing stand-up then and I was like, well, I don't want to

I didn't want to talk about that stuff so I didn't. Well, now you have the last couple years here and immigration and all that stuff. Are you still doing stand-up? How much do you do? I haven't been able to do stand-up. Because you're doing acting full-time, basically. Pretty much full-time acting and writing.

And part of the problem with me with stand-up was and I'm trying to figure this out myself, is my stand-up style changed. And then I was very happy with where it was. And I feel like in the last couple of years, I can't quite figure out what the next thing would be. Like, you know, I sort of went from doing one-liners and bits to doing stories.

And then now I feel like with the stories, it feels a little unsatisfying. And I want to try and see what the next thing would be. But honestly, that's probably just a cop-out. I'm probably just... But you have to go out and you have to do six months and hone your material and hone different pieces, all that stuff. And it's hard. It's a haul. It is. hone your material and hone different pieces all that stuff and it's hard it's a haul it is

like right now you know acting promoting this stuff writing at night I don't want to go

do stand up I'm creatively satisfied and I'm really tired you have a great beard I've got this great beard I want to stay in it's broken like

brushing it have you had a beard ever? I did I just shaved it I bet you'd have a great beard it I want to stay in his troker. Brushing it. Have you had a beard ever? I did. I just shaved it. I bet you'd have a great beard. It's just laziness. Mine gets too white now. It actually weirdly makes me look older. No, but you're I was going to say your hair your gray hair looks great. Thank you.

Silver fox. Yeah, I'm trying. Total silver fox. No, I like having the beard. I need like 20% more. Like yours is nice and full. Oh, yours is not. Mine is a little more, you know. Yeah, you can kind of see each individual hair if you look closely. Yeah, you don't want any of them to stand out.

You want them all to hang out together. Do you think, would you be messing around with stand-up if we didn't live in a world where people are just sneaking iPhone videos of people trying out stand-up material? Because't live in a world where people are just sneaking iPhone videos of people trying out stand-up material? Because I would be really intimidated by that. I mean, I remember, yeah, that's really, really scary. It's also, you know, we're just...

As you become more well-known, each thing you talk about on stage comes under a bigger and bigger microscope. You have more to lose. You have more to lose, and also people can misunderstand what you're saying. Someone can quote something you said on stage, and it can be completely, like, misconstrued, mistake. I even think of, like, someone like Hannibal with the Bill Cosby bit that somebody taped.

Yeah. I'm sure Hannibal is probably like, kind of sucks that that's the thing I'm known for. Yeah. You know? If you look at Hannibal, he was, like, really, really, I felt like he kind of sucks that that's the thing I'm known for. Yeah. You know, if you look at Hannibal, he was like really, really, I felt like he kind of decided to retreat a little bit for a little bit right after that. Because that's all that anybody wanted to talk about. I don't like where that's gone with stand-up comedy. Even somebody like Jesselnik, who was on this podcast actually last month, who pushes the envelope a little.

And when you're getting damn close to the line, right? And the line's right there. And the funniest thing about some of the jokes you're doing is how close you got to the line without going over it. You're going to have to try jokes that accidentally go over the line. And they're like, oh, I didn't realize. Okay, the line's there. I'll scale that back. And I don't know how you practice that anymore. Well, Anthony, I think is realize. Okay, the line's there. I'll scale that back. And I don't know how you practice that anymore. Well, Anthony, I think, is such a specific example because he could do it better than anybody. He can get away with jokes that other people can't.

And I've seen people online try and come after him. And the way he handles it, he's not... He just laughs at them. He just laughs at them. He makes fun of them. He's like, yeah, it is really offensive. Yeah, you're right. I'm the worst person.

Yeah, that's exactly right. And then he doubles down. And so he's kind of like, he's Teflon, you're right. I'm the worst person. Yeah, that's exactly right. And then he doubles down. And so he's kind of like, he's Teflon, you know. He's never going to apologize. Never has to apologize. But also it's his comic persona. This is a big thing that I've noticed that happens when people misconstrue stuff in TV and movies now. They think what a character is saying is what the creator is saying.

And that's not true. So, for instance, there'll be a, I've seen like, so there's YA novels, you know, young adult novels. They're like really, that community is very intense about policing itself. I would say. Do you know about this? Well, I have a 14-year-old daughter. Yeah, I'm aware. So what they'll do is they might quote something a bad guy says and be like, this is what's in this book.

Do we want our kids to be exposed to this? When really, that's what the bad guy is saying. That's the point. Like, for instance, in my movie, The Big Sick, in the beginning, for most of the movie, my character is wrong, right? He's wrong about the way he's approaching his relationship, his family life, whatever. And people use that as an example of thinking how I think, which is completely not true. That's that character. That's that version of me.

Wait, you're ruining this for Kyle. I saw it. What are you talking about? He thought you were the same guy. He didn't realize. So that's, I think, a big weird thing is that a lot of times the context is taken away. And also it's hard. It's a hard time for nuance. And I also think stuff that sort of checks a bunch of...

And again, I am the most liberal guy in the world, like truly, truly. But I feel like stuff that checks all the boxes of being woke is received better than stuff that is actually of a better quality, but may not go out of its way to make those points. Because it's a pander culture in 2019. I think. You know, you can say certain things and everybody's going to be, if it checks all those boxes, everybody's like, great. Yeah.

And they're like. You've checked all the boxes. Good job. I've seen so many things that I'm like, this is not a well-made movie. It's the dialogue is bad. The story doesn't work. The jokes aren't funny.

It's politics are right. Yeah. And so that's why it gets really lauded. I'm hoping it's an overcorrection and that things will sort of go back to how they were. But there are certain things now that you're kind of not allowed to dislike. You know what I mean?

Yeah, and I also don't like that the exchange of ideas used to be better. If you didn't agree with somebody else, there was more of a discourse about it. And let's say I had somebody who, the most conservative person ever on my podcast who was really over the line. My job, if I'm talking to them, is to talk about their ideas.

And if I don't agree with them, pin holes in them and pick them apart and try to flip the ideas on the person, right? We don't do that anymore. Everybody's just in their own corners talking about stuff. And that's the part. It's just people who agree with each other talking to each other. And I don't know if that's a good thing at all. That's exactly right.

There's two sides to what you just said. As we agree with each other. No, exactly. Well, I'm going to slightly disagree a little bit. The idea, what you said of having someone conservative come on and actually talk to them. And I understand that, but I also understand that someone who truly has really virulent ideas coming on your podcast, that it could be seen as legitimacy for that person.

True. Like if you have Alex Jones on your podcast. I don't think that that's a good idea unless you do what you want to do, but I wouldn't have him on a podcast. I would not either. That he's worthy of talking to. And he's really not worthy of talking to. But I do think, and I think maybe it's probably the internet, right? We sound so old with our gray hair and our beards.

The internet mobilizes. Like it's Clint Eastwood in The Unforgiven getting a posse. And they're all like, go get them. And then they all gather together. That's the thing. You know, the initial promise of the internet. I remember when I was in college studying computer science in the late 90s, my professor, Dr. John Stone, who was this sort of philosopher, computer scientist, just a really smart, great guy, was so optimistic about the internet. And he had this quote up that was something like, the rise of the internet is the

promise of the return of voice. Basically, he meant true democracy. Everybody's going to be able to contribute and everybody's ideas will be considered. And you'll be able to talk to people who disagree with you, people that you would not have had access to without the internet. That was the promise. But what's happened is the opposite, which is what you're saying, which is people who agree with each other, talk to each other and just yell at the people who disagree with them. And there's no real discourse. I mean, I really can't really go on Twitter like I use it to promote. But I used to be on Twitter and I would talk to people.

But you really cannot do that anymore. Yeah. I wonder as we head into this next decade, because I remember when I was growing up reading about somebody like Lenny Bruce. Yeah. And Lenny Bruce was operating, you know, he was taking how uptight everybody was and flipping it against them. And George Carlin was doing it too. And all these comedians who eventually became these reverential figures, Richard Pryor. Right.

And part of the reason they became so revered was because they were pushing the envelope with stuff like that. And I wonder now who's the generation that's going to push the envelope and be like, actually, we've swung too far the other way. We're too uptight and I'm going to have fun with this. I'm going to make fun of you for being too uptight about this, this, this, or this. Who's going to do that? It's interesting because I think what those guys had was obviously they were pushing the envelope, but they had a point of view about it. They had a philosophy about it. There was reasoning behind it. I feel like now, at least online, it's edgelord is the term, right? People just try and make the most shocking joke you can. You know, jokes about Jewish people, black people, whatever, that don't really have a point of view beyond shock.

Yeah, shock and be mean. Yeah, shock and be mean. And so it's not really the same as Lenny Bruce or George Garland because those guys had something to say. Richard Pryor, too. But that's my question is, could we have the next generation of those guys? What would that even look like? It's tough because people are dismissed so quickly for certain things that then it can be hard to fight against that sort of tide that comes after you.

Yeah, there's no room for error at all anymore. Yeah, and I really hope it's just overcorrecting and it'll fix itself at some point. I feel like it's not. I hate to sound bleak, but I really worry about comedy. Because comedy was supposed to be the one thing we had that no matter what else was going on in life, we had this. And these guys were off limits. And this goes back to the fucking court jester a million years ago. Yeah.

And comedy was always like a safe haven. And I wonder if that's just going to continue to lose its impact. Yeah. I mean, so I haven't been doing standup really for the last couple of years. And part of it is I talked to my friends and I'm like, what are people talking about? And they're like,

most people are talking about Trump. The audience is sick of it. They don't want to hear it anymore. He's orange. great okay yeah i've heard that one i mean that's the thing it's really hard because the stuff that's happening in the world is so big and specific that and depressing and depressing that if you don't talk about it it feels like you're ignoring it and if you talk about it well then you're talking about what everyone's talking about and people go to the clubs to not want to hear that shit anymore.

It is a very difficult time for comedy. So that's what, it's been hard for me to figure out what I would want to talk about on stage. Well, I think you should just go have a meeting with Netflix. And they'll be like, hey, can we help you figure this out

with $20 million? I would love to do it. That's a great idea., can we help you figure this out with $20 million? I would love to do it. That's a great idea. I'm happy to go figure it out. I'll call Ted Sarandos. Netflix is throwing money out. Netflix has really skewed the stand-up market. Skewed?

They blew it up. They blew it up. I don't want to say overpay because you know what? If you can get that money, get that money. A lot of them are my friends. That's awesome.

But what's happened is that nobody else can afford, Comedy Central can't afford to pay that. You know, I mean, people are making like millions of dollars and I'm not talking about just Dave Chappelle and stuff. I mean, people who are very funny, but no one near Dave Chappelle are making great money. Well, it's also globalized them. Yes.

And now they can go to, you know, 50 countries. Well, look's also globalized them. Yes. And now they can go to, you know, 50 countries. Well, look at someone like Ali Wong, right? Who was a friend of mine and a very funny comedian, but she was just doing local shows. She had her Netflix show come out, a special come out,

and it just like made her overnight someone people knew. Yeah. And then she did another special and then that did even more. And then she did a movie that she wrote that she stars in and that did even more. So it's did a movie that she wrote that she stars in. And that did even more.

So it's interesting, the streaming. Was that the one, You're My Maybe or whatever? Always Be My Maybe, yeah. Needless to say, my 14-year-old daughter loved that movie. Oh, that's great. Yeah, she likes all the Netflix rom-coms. There's a lot of Netflix rom-coms. Oh, yeah.

They've really decided to go all in on that. It was a great idea. Yeah. Because they stopped making them. They did stop making them. Because we had this 15, 20-year run of them. And then people stopped going to see them in the movie theater. But then every time they're on cable or in Blockbuster or wherever, everyone would eventually see them.

Right. So I think Netflix just looked at it and goes, ah, we'll just make them. Yeah. They're cheap to make. Did the Big Sick have a Netflix run? No. It's Amazon. So they think Netflix just looked at it and goes, ah, we'll just make them. Yeah, they're cheap to make. Did the Big Sick have a Netflix run? No, it's Amazon. So they're like competitors. So it's on Amazon now,

which is great because they were great to us. But if it was on Netflix, that would be... Amazon forever? Amazon forever. Until Amazon's around. Is Amazon going to die? I don't think so. Not only is Amazon not going to die, I think... They're just going to eventually, they'll figure out this content thing like they figured out groceries.

You have to. Yeah, or music and all the other stuff they've done. And at some point, they're just going to be like, hey, let's just take content from everybody. It is interesting because, you know, I would say that like content, you know, there's a creative aspect to it that doesn't really apply. But Netflix did it. Netflix figured it out netflix took sort of a silicon valley approach to yeah to entertainment and it has worked for them and it's for them it's volume right they like make a lot of stuff five percent hits but that's still a huge i i had a meeting at netflix a couple years ago for something. And in that year, they were making 80 movies.

Eight zero movies. No studio ever in the history has made 80 movies a year. It's crazy. Yeah. And you said volume is one thing. The other thing I think is intelligence. They study the behavior of who watches what, and they've mastered this algorithm now

that now they're making all the stuff the algorithm has told them people like this. Dude, they know how we think. There was a show, I believe it's David, I think it's David Fincher. It's an animated show called Love, Sex, and Robots or something like that. Have you seen it?

I haven't. I know what it is though. So yeah, so it's sort of like an old school heavy, you know, remember heavy metal, that animated thing? Yeah. It's sort of like that. So there's like 12 episodes. But depending on who you are, the order of the episodes is different. Oh, wow.

So there was a guy, he was like, Netflix clearly figured out I was gay. And so this is the order I have. And then my order is different from someone else's order. So there's like a bunch of different orders based on, I mean, they know everything about you. It's funny. I have an account. So I have, it's labeled, right? It's like dad.

That's mine. My wife's name. My daughter's name. And then my son's name, which you've met, it says dickhead. And he can't figure out how to change it. So Dickheads, it's got like, you know, Big Mouth and all this stuff that he's not supposed to watch that he's watching. And then My Daughter, you go on her main screen

and it's like all rom-coms. And Alexa and Kate, whatever that show is, all those types of shows. Mine is like all action and horror. Oh, you like horror? Oh, yeah. I've seen every horror movie ever. That's my favorite genre.

I'm out of horror movies. Yeah, me too. I actually want to get amnesia and then come back three years from now and have like three years of new horror movies to watch. Dude, my wife and I...

I'm so tired of... There's nothing left. Do you have Shudder? You know what that is? Do I have Shudder? Yeah. Okay, all right. They've sponsored the pod too.

Yeah, we have I'm on all of them we're always looking if something's wrong with the house I'm in if you bought you bought

you bought a new house and it's like it seems great and the guy's like just don't go up in the attic some weird shit went on there I'm like I'm in I'm in

that's all I need I'll watch the whole damn thing have you seen anything recently that you liked no it's hard no I'll watch the whole damn thing. Have you seen anything recently that you liked? No. It's hard. No.

For a genre we love. We're actually in a little bit of a slump right now, but I think it's going to come out of it with the new Conjuring movies. What? January, June 26. We're taping this in June. But that one's coming. And I think Annabelle.

Yeah. That one will be good. And then apparently there's I think Annabelle. Yeah. That one will be good. And then apparently there's a couple later this summer. Yeah. But they know. Child's Play. Child's Play is coming out soon. Yeah, I'll see Child's Play.

Yeah. I like the Halloween remake. Yeah, me too. I think The Conjuring. The two Conjurings I think I've been the happiest with. I feel like those movies are weirdly underrated and I know they're huge hits, but people don't see them as like sort of horror.

Like how they should be nominated for an Oscar potentially? We've talked about that because we talk about movies a lot here and if you look at the 2013 Movies Day,

I think it's 2013. Yeah. It's like, it's one of the five best movies of that year, but you would never, it would never get nominated. Well, he's a great director and a director of that caliber

with actors of that caliber. Was it Conjuring 2? There's a scene where, I think it's Patrick Wilson's in the foreground and in the background, you see that person like change into a demon, but they're out of focus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, any movie that has that scene

is worth spending money on. So what are your all-timers? Oh, man. It's tough. It changes. It's hard to get away from The Shining, of course. I would say The Descent

is one of my... The Descent. So I had not seen The Descent until last year. What'd you think? I just missed it. And a couple people at The Ringer were like,

yeah, I see The Descent. Yeah. I thought it was incredible. Isn't it amazing? It's definitely, it's a Hall of Famer. It's not Mount Rushmore for me, but it's a Hall of people at the ringer were like, yeah, see the descent. Yeah. I thought it was incredible. Isn't it amazing? It's definitely, it's a hall of famer. It's not Mount Rushmore for me, but it's a hall of famer. So that's up there for me. I love the original Texas Chainsaw.

You know, that's- Great ending. Great ending. Yeah. And the first time he shows up with the door is awesome. I like when he does like the whirl with the chainsaw at the end. It's not enough he's running at it. It's like the 360.

It's like Vince Carter. Still in the league chainsaw at the end. I don't know if he's running at it. It's like the 360. It's like Vince Carter. Still in the league. Still in the league. Yeah. What else? What are your top ones? So Mount Rushmore for me would probably be, I mean, probably older just because I've seen them the most, but

Halloween, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shining. It's weird. The Shining has actually gained steam for me. And I saw that movie in the theater when I was 10 and I was freaked the fuck out and probably saw it way too early. Right.

I was 10 or 11. Well, there's a sequel to that coming out too. The Shining? Yeah. That's sacred ground. I know, it feels weird. They recreated scenes from it. They reshot part of it.

Anyway. Halloween, Shining. I would probably say The first Conjuring. And then the fourth one just would depend on what mood I was in. Because I love the original Amityville Horror. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

I love the dad just starting to fucking slowly lose it. He's staring in the fire. I love all that stuff. I think the first scream is actually like really great. It's so good. It revived the whole genre and the whole thing. First saw was really good. Yeah.

It became whatever it is. But yeah, I mean, I actually made a list. You can come up with a couple more. I'll read you a couple more on my list. Okay. Okay. Have you seen... Have you seen like...

Okay. So this is a fucked up one. It's not on my Mount Rushmore. But it's like a really, really messed up one. I guarantee I've seen it. Martyrs? Did you see Martyrs? Martyrs?

What's that? It's a French movie. Once we leave America... You don't get into it? No, I'm spottier. I've seen a lot. Martyrs is probably the most fucked up movie I've ever seen. And it's a French horror movie.

Home Invasion? No. So the movie starts where most movies end. So it's basically this girl gets kidnapped. She's like 13, is tortured forever. And the movie starts with her escaping. Oh. So then the whole time, the structure of it's so weird that you kind of never know what's coming.

And it's basically she's 13 and then she kind of grows up and goes back to that house where she was taken. And the stuff that happens, it's just... Martyrs. Martyrs. Yeah, but I kind of recommend it because it really is... It's a fucking mess. It's really, really well made. It's not just like gore piled on gore.

It's like a well-made film. Like it's sort of designed to really unsettle you all the way through. Here's, I have, so I made a list. Yeah. Halloween 1. Yeah. Sounds of the Lambs 2. Sounds of the Lambs.

Sounds of the Lambs. I can't believe I forgot that one that's on my top 5 sorry to Hannibal for sure The Shining 3 Scream 4 7-5

Get Out 6 Exorcist 7 Drag Me to Hell 8 Drag Me to Hell I fucking love Drag Me to Hell you know what

what movie I just thought of recently that I loved was Demon Knight do you remember Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. I thought that was awesome. Not, you know, top 10 or top 20, but really, really awesome. Conjuring 9, Amityville Horror 10. That's my top 10. That's a good list. Most underrated, Silent Rage. Silent Rage?

Silent Rage with Chuck Norris. I don't, that's a horror movie? Yeah, 1982. It was a Halloween ripoff. He's a sheriff in Texas. The movie starts, this guy, he just has like a mental breakdown and starts killing everyone in his family with an ax.

Chuck Norris kills him. So they take the body to the hospital and the two scientists are like, hey, we should try that potion to revive people. That's never a good idea with a killer. Let's try it with this guy. His family won't care. That's the a good idea with a killer. Yeah, with a killer. Let's try it with this guy. His family won't care.

That's the worst guy to try it with. Yeah, so they put the medicine in and he becomes, he wakes up and becomes the serial killer again but now he can't die. Now he can't die.

Does he look human or is he all fucked up? He's human, he's fine. Yeah. But he's like, people are killing him, he's just getting up.

So then Chuck Norris finally has to take him down again. Okay. It's fucking great. It's so good. I can killing him. He's just getting up. So then Chuck Norris finally has to take him down again. Okay. It's fucking great. It's so good. I can't believe they haven't remade it. It's my number one.

I can't believe they haven't remade this movie. It's like a martial arts horror movie. The guy won't die. I did a podcast with Ron Silver in like 2000. Not a podcast, an interview with Ron Silver. I was the assignment who read about the movie Ali. Remember? Of course.

So he was the trainer. And he had like 10 minutes with each person. I was doing, I was, they assigned me to read about the movie Ali. Remember? Of course. So he was the trainer and he had like 10 minutes with each person. Right, right, right. So I'm doing this junket and then Ron Silver's there and I'm like,

I'm a huge Silent Rage fan. He's like, the guy who wouldn't die. Like, he got immediately excited. It was like, nobody had mentioned it to him in 20 years. I mean,

so how does it end then? I'm not going to tell you. You got to watch it. It's on Amazon, your favorite place. But yeah, we want, I'm in for any home invasion movie where, especially like if it's like a resort or like a, like a, uh, uh, not resort. What's the word?

The, uh, remote location. Like us. Yeah. Like a cabin. Yeah. I like cabins where it's like, oh, it's so peaceful out here. I'm just going to write a couple of chapters of my book and then, right. And then it's like a knock on the cabin. Yeah. I like cabins where it's like, oh, it's so peaceful out here. I'm just going to write a couple chapters of my book. Right.

And then you know you're not. It's like a knock on the door. Yeah. If you survive this, your book's going to be way more interesting. And I like a house where something's in the attic and they find it and it's like, what's this? Uh-huh. What's that one? What's the Ethan Hawke?

Is there an Ethan Hawke one? Ethan Hawke one, yeah. They find the thing in the desert. It's cool. Yeah. I like that one. What is it? Like a little statueke one? Yeah. They find the thing in the desert. It's cool. Yeah. I like that one. They find like a, what is it?

Like a little statue skeleton thing? Yeah. What is it? And the kid's like, I'm not going to tell my parents. I'm just going to bring this with me to our house. Never get it.

Always tell your parents. Always tell your parents. You find something creepy, tell your parents. Oh, It Follows was really good. That was a reason. That was a classic. I really liked the new It too.

Oh yeah. Super fun. Really funny. So haters in It too, they're like all grown up. I really liked the new It, too. Oh, yeah. It's super fun. Really funny. So haters in It, too. They're all grown up. I know. I know. Very jealous.

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Cancel anytime. Terms do apply. I wanted to ask you about the big sick. Yeah. Which I know you've talked about ad nauseum, but now it's two years. It was two years ago. No, I'm ready to talk about it. No, just like you threw yourself in this movie.

You wrote it with your wife. Yeah. And it was super personal. It was the kind of movie when it gets made. It's cool. You do your round of interviews. It makes like five million bucks and then has a life on video or Netflix or whatever. And it's like, oh, that was adorable.

That movie actually succeeded. It made money. Was there a point during that whole run where you're like, holy shit, people are seeing this? No, even still. I mean, we got nominated for a fucking Oscar for writing it. No, I don't I can't I mean my problem is

I don't really ever enjoy any success it's always like the next thing I remember when I first did Letterman as soon as I got done I was like

alright how do I get to do this again so there was no like enjoyment of it you know there's never really a time to be like, okay,

so it was a platform release so it opened in five theaters then like 20. So we were trying to get it up as much as we could and we got it over a thousand eventually

which was amazing or maybe over 2,000. Like, we went pretty wide but those five weeks you're like going town to town pushing the movie,

right? You're almost like, yeah, you're like a politician like stumping and trying to get right? You're almost like, yeah, you're like a politician, like stumping and trying to get recognition. Yeah, I'm stumping, trying to get people to, you know, more theaters to open it. So that whole time there's like a goal, right?

You're not like, I've done it. And then when it finally starts, like, stop making money, you're like, oh, I guess the run is done. I was hoping for a little more, but this is fine. And then you start doing the, what people don't know is that, you know, when you are campaigning for an Oscar, it's so much work.

It's not a pure process in the sense that, this is a great movie, now it gets nominated. Like you said, The Conjuring, right? They probably didn't do a campaign. Get Out did a campaign. And Get Out got nominated a campaign right and get out got nominated a ton and it deserved it get out was you know an awesome movie it's on your list yeah one of the all-timers for sure um and so then you're sort of pushing for that so it's all and

then you get nominated and you're like and that we i did enjoy the day we got nominated that was a good day good and then you're like, all right, now to keep going and see if we can win, even though we knew we weren't going to win. And Jordan Peele won, and he deserved to win. It was awesome. But there's never really a moment

to sit back and enjoy it. Now I can look back and be like, I mean, it changed my life. It changed my career. It was great. We're wired the same way. I never enjoy anything. I would have guessed that.

Yeah. Yeah. I think if you do, it's actually probably dangerous. What do you mean? Like you become fucking? No, if you're like, all right, that was cool. We did it. No.

It's not a good thing. Absolutely not. When you said that, it felt so alien to me. Never. So like this movie. Amazon bought it, right? Amazon bought it and to me. Never. So like this movie. Amazon bought it, right? Amazon bought it and distributed it. Yeah.

I mean, that's like one of the better streaming. It was like one of the first streaming success stories, I feel like. Now it's a little more common. Yeah, I think the year before us was Manchester by the Sea. And that did really well for them. And then we did really well. And then it's getting harder and harder to get people to go to the theater to see movies. They'll go for Avengers.

They'll go for, you know. You're dealing with this now, this Batista thing. We're having this terrible summer and you have a movie coming out. And these movies are bombing left and right. Everything's bombing. I mean, I was in a movie that bombed last weekend. Oh, the Men in Black? Yeah.

I thought you were just a voice. Were you actually in it? No, I'm a voice. I'm an alien. But I'm in a bunch of the movie. And people just didn't go see it. It's tough to redo that one. I mean, by the time people hear this, it'll be some distance from it.

But it's tough to redo a franchise like that and not have Will Smith in it. I mean, obviously. I can't disagree with you. No, no, no. I think they really, you know. Yeah, I mean, with someone like It's like we're rebooting the 2012 Heat, but we don't have LeBron. Right, exactly.

It's like, okay. Yeah, I mean, that's such an iconic role for him. It's tough to separate it. I think that might be when he went, might be when he became full movie star was Men in Black. Was that his first huge, crazy movie star performance? I don't know. His whole decade.

Yeah, I remember Bad Boys. Bad Boys. When it was like, holy, Bad Boys is coming. Holy shit. Him and Martin Lawrence. I mean, he's so good. I want him to go back to making another just... Aladdin I thought was great. in Lawrence. I mean, he's so good. I want him to go back to making to make like another just... Aladdin I thought

was great. People seem to like it. He was great in Aladdin. The movie you did with Batista though. Yes. I still feel like people will go see a good action movie. I hope so. It's a movie called Stuber. It comes out July 12th. And I really, really love this movie.

I really, really do. And, you know, sometimes you do stuff that doesn't turn out well. Certainly dealt with that a whole bunch. But this one is fucking great. I love this movie. And Batista's great in it. It's funny. So best case scenario, it does well.

The other scenario is it doesn't do that well, but then people will eventually find it. I hope so. I mean, you know, I want to say like the satisfaction is in making a good movie. Everything else you can't control. Yeah. But the reality of it is if this movie doesn't do well, it does hurt my career. It hurts my opportunities. It hurts what I can do next.

If it does well, you know, it's fucking great. Then I can go buy an island. I think you get the Dos Equis thing either way, though. No matter how it plays out. I want to go beyond Dos Equis. No offense to the Dos Equis guy. That's not like the career high point I'm aiming for. What kind of opportunities did you have after the big sick?

A lot. So basically what happened... Were you careful? Yes. Stuber was what I picked and I didn't do anything for a long time because you... What happens is

when there's like a new person who's seen as like a new comedy person, right? New face. New face in comedy. Like it happened to Tiffany around the same time. All these studios will dust off scripts that they've been sitting on for decades

and they'll send them to you. Yeah. And you'll see like, oh, at one point, Jim Carrey was going to be this. At one point, Will Ferrell was going to be, you know? So you get all these scripts that are, to be honest, not good enough to get made.

And it is, it's seductive, you know? You're like, you have to work so hard to get even small parts in movies. And now people want me to be the lead of these like big studio movies. But I didn't like any of them yeah um and and I was so like nervous after the big sick like where do you go like a movie that my wife and I wrote that's so personal to us did so well where do you go after that

so I had a little bit of paralysis for a little while and I kind of didn't pick anything for a year and then I read Stuber and I really liked it. And I love Dave Batista. And the director was great. He did a movie called Goon, which I'm sure you know. By the way, I never offered you water. I've got water.

Oh, yeah? Sorry. And so... Goon was good. I like Goon. Goon's really good. What's the director's name? Michael Dowse.

Yeah, that was good. And so I picked Stuber because I was like, okay, that's so different from The Big Stick that it cannot be compared to it. You know? So'll just do this and it had some stuff in it that i was like if we can push this aspect of it then it will really become something that'll be different from anything so it's a great action comedy but it has some stuff in it that you wouldn't really expect

in an action comedy like this i I liked him in... Blade Runner. No. Heist. Is that what it's called? I don't know what that is. De Niro? I don't... He's in that. What's Heist?

It was... They do a heist and he's one of the bad guys in it. Yeah. They do a heist. You're not going to believe this, but there's a heist. And it's like a double-cross heist movie

and he's one of the guys in it. And that was the first time I'd seen him in a movie I was like I know this guy this guy looks like Batista and then you hop on your phone IMDB it as you're watching it are you a wrestling guy? oh yeah big wrestling guy

I was like oh my god that is Batista he's great in this movie man he's so good. He's just so soulful. I don't know how else to describe it. Have you met him ever? I've never met him, but I became fascinated by him like a year ago.

Somebody wrote a big feature about him. I don't know if you read it. I'm sure I did. It was a newspaper magazine. It was an online something, but it was just a big feature about him trying to cross over to acting. And he was way more thoughtful than I expected. I was like, what's going on here? Because I just knew him as the meathead wrestling star guy.

I mean, he looks so specific. It's going to be hard for him to get the types of roles that I think he truly deserves. I'm always for more action stars. I love action movies. He's so, I mean, he looks like a million bucks. He's huge. And he's just so good in this movie. I'm so

happy to just be, I said like, I was like, even if this movie tanks, you know, the reviews are bad. I'm just, it'll be worth it just to have met Batista. Well, you'll have me and Ben Simmons because Ben Simmons loves you now

yeah he was so mad that I didn't tell him when he was sitting next to you that you're a famous person oh and I was like I didn't realize

but what do you know me from nothing right he's not watched The Big Sick or anything no he wouldn't know you I was gonna say did he see Silicon Valley but I don't think

he's watched that if he did a voice on Big Mouth, he would have been really super impressed. I love that show. Work on that one. You should be like a new hormone monster. I'm friends with Kroll. Why would he not put me on? Tell him you want to just be hormone something for one episode.

Just put me in for one episode. My son, they did like the birds and the bees talk at his school at the end of fifth grade. It was like the first one. And I'm like, I was like, do you want to talk about that? Do you want to talk about this before you have it? He's like,

dad, I know everything. I've seen every episode of Big Mouth. But he was dead serious. That's how he found out about puberty from Nick Kroll.

Is that a good thing? No. Is it good that Nick Kroll is shaping the puberty of the entire generation? It is better that it's through a TV show and not like Nick Kroll sitting your son down to be like,

you didn't like higher. Rolling his own cigarettes. Yeah, exactly. He was rolling his own cigarettes for a while. Yeah, he'll do it every once in a while. Have you seen Big Mouth? I have. We didn't know that he was watching it

until he watched a season and a half. I mean, it's a filthy show. It's really filthy. He was watching South Park before we realized he was watching it, and we didn't stop that in time either. But he seems very smart and like a normal good kid. My thing is I want my kids to have a sense of humor. Yeah.

If they have to watch this stuff three years before they would have watched it, it's probably okay. I mean, the shit I watched when I was a kid. That's how I felt it. I watched everything. I mean, other than like porn, which I didn't get to watch until I was probably, I mean, even that was too early. There was just scrambled porn

back then. Yeah, you just flip channels back and forth. You see like a green nipple. A nipple for three seconds. Yeah, like a square nipple. You're like, pretty sure that's a nipple. Yeah. The first boobs I saw was in Total Recall. Remember the girl with three boobs? The three boob lady.

That was the first boobs I ever saw. I've actually been in conversations with people where we argued about whether it was okay to be attracted to her. And my angle was, yes, she was attractive. I mean, of course. Yeah, the three boob lady was iconic. Yeah, no, I remember. Iconic 80s, babe. Yeah, I remember being so confused, being like, oh my God, couple questions.

Some things need clarifying. It was crazy on Mars back then. A lot of radiation. So you have this movie. Oh, baby, you make me wish I had three hands. That's what he says. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. That's what he says. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that.

That's what he says. This movie, what else do you have? So Stuber. Then I got, we start Silicon Valley the last season. Next week, we start shooting. Emotional? Yeah, of course. Really, it is emotional.

It's, you know, a very special job and situation. Never going to have anything like that ever again. It was great. It's great to be on a show that you would actually watch even if you weren't on it, you know? Well, also, every rich guy you ever meet for the rest of your life will... Oh, my God. I mean, all of them watch that show. Yeah.

They're watching it like the same way doctors would watch ER and criticize the... Right. Oh, you'd never do a surgery that way. Exactly. A lot of them are terrible do a surgery that way. Exactly. A lot of them are terrible people. Spoiler alert. Yeah.

We've met a lot of these big tech people. Who could have guessed? And they... Well, here's the thing. Right now, everyone's upset at Silicon Valley tech industry. Yeah. And they're like, they're douchebags. I'm like, we've known for six years.

Yeah. When we first did the pilot and we went to Silicon Valley to meet these people, we were like, oh, these people fucking suck. And now you're seeing how much they suck. Like all the Facebook stuff and all that. Well, the thing is, if you watch Silicon Valley, it's not like the

characters who had a ton of money were these awesome people. No, no. It's pretty much from the get-go. Right. Mike Chedra's trying to make a point. Yeah, yeah. Like these are not great people. No, they're assholes.

Yeah. They're like somehow in some ways very smart. Like Jack Dorsey, the Twitter guy who says he eats like one meal a day and on weekends doesn't eat at all. Yeah. I don't buy that. How could you live like that? I had him on a pod like four months ago.

I didn't ask him about that, and I should have. What was he like? It was actually a really good pod, right? Yeah, he was really skinny, though. I might buy it. He's really skinny. I got to say, he is skinny. But we really went.

It was weird talking to him about the whole abuse thing. And it's weird when somebody. You asked him about that stuff. Oh, we talked about it a lot. Because I was like, how have you not fixed this yet? And he's doing the thing. Yeah, I mean, he was really nice.

But he was doing the whole thing like, yeah, it's something we got to fix. I'm like, you're the guy. Why are you here? Go fix it. I'm literally asking him like... Eat a fucking hamburger and fix this. I'm like, you're the guy who could fix this.

It's your thing. Yeah. Yeah. It was just so weird. I really think his brain would work better if he wasn't, if he was eating on the weekends. If he didn't have some chips. Yeah, man. Have you had a French fry recently?

They're so good. I've given him ideas. It was like talking to the head of a fire department as a building's burning. Yeah, that building's burning. It's like, yeah, we got to do something. And he's just kind of standing there looking at the burning building. It was bizarre. Well, the main thing that I've noticed, at least in my opinion, is that a lot of these tech people see themselves as, see their technology as amoral.

They don't think of it as whether it can be used for good or evil. They're just making technology and however people use it is how they use it. And it has nothing to do. They're sending it out into the world. Right. I remember I did a conference a couple of years ago where I was supposed to judge like these apps that people had made. You know, it was a big corporation and their employees on the side would make these apps and they would have a big big contest in front of like 6,000 people. And I was one of the judges and they show like the 10 apps and what they can do. And one of them was, this guy was like, look at this.

It's a picture of Obama or whatever. And I have 20 minutes of dialogue of him. So now give me a sentence. And you give him a sentence. And it's a video of Obama saying these things. And people are clapping. I'm like, this is awful. Yeah. This you give them a sentence. And it's a video of Obama saying these things and people are clapping. I'm like, this is awful.

Yeah. This is very, very scary. How can you not think of the obvious ethical implications of this? And now this is going to be next decade. It's going to be the deep fake era where you can basically make a porn video with any actress and it'll look like it's the actress. You can fake anybody's speech.

You can do anything. I remember when the first deep fake thing was going around, it'll look like it's the actress. You can fake anybody's speech. You can do anything. I remember when the first deep fake thing was going around, people were like, it's great. It's like you can watch Jennifer Lawrence have sex. I'm like, this is, it's going to be horrible. Can somebody ask Jennifer Lawrence if this is great? Yeah, how does she feel?

I promise she doesn't think this is great. Yeah, it's impersonation and all that shit is going to be one of the dominant. I worry about the DNA. DNA? I have all these relatives who are like, I got my DNA test. I found out I'm 60% Irish. It's like, all right, but now they have your DNA.

Right. Everything gets leaked, left and right. All of our information goes everywhere. It's like, why do I want my DNA out there with some random fucking site? Everything goes everywhere. And I honestly don't know how we go back. Like, I think privacy is such an important part of society. And if you look at societies where privacy

has been compromised at its core, I know people are like, don't use the Nazi example. But that's how the Nazi society was like. People were reporting on their friends, like there was no privacy. It's the same with like, you know, later. Did you see this movie, The Lives of Others? Yeah.

Oh God, I love that movie. Side track. Well, my question is, will privacy, are we just heading toward a world where their privacy is like kind of irrelevant? You know know like people are so deconditioned now to celebrity nudity like when pamela anderson made the sex tape in 1996 i felt like that was like one of the five biggest moments of that year that's like she's in a sex

tape what yeah now it's like yeah anybody could be in a sex tape it wouldn't be a big deal yeah fucking screech was in a sex tape the Obamas could be in a fucking sex tape and it would be like a two-day story and it would go away. I mean, maybe the problem is that each thing that happens

gets disseminated so much that that then becomes the floor. Yeah. So then the next time that happens, it's nothing. So now the next thing has to be like

escalated a little bit and then that becomes normal. It's like wrestling. In wrestling, the moves became crazier and crazier. And all of a sudden you have dudes jumping off 40-foot ladders and practically breaking their neck.

Which is what we saw at WrestleMania. Yeah, because at some point you desensitize the audience where they already saw that. You got to go one crazy step higher. Life is like a John Wick movie or a Fast and the Furious movie. Seriously. Now they're dragging a safe around. John Wick, he wrote,

I love John Wick 3. He's riding a fucking horse through Manhattan. Yeah. And that's like 40% of the way into the movie. Where do you go from there? It was great.

Yeah, it was great. I don't know where things are going. How many seasons should Silicon Valley have been? I think six is the right number. Do you think it's the right number? I think so.

I mean, part of it is that our deals were for six seasons. Right. So if we did a seventh one, I mean, we would make great money. Oh. So I think part of it. But you already have the Netflix special. Yeah, right.

The two-episode comedy special. Ted, sorry, his algorithm told him that we were talking about this. We were talking about it. Well, I mean, the algorithm stuff is crazy because, have you read these articles that came out recently about how YouTube algorithms have sort of... Oh, yeah. That's crazy because that's really so much more like Terminator

or something than, you know, we made an AI and now the AI is making us. I've noticed because my son, he has the YouTube where it skips the commercials. Oh, so it's YouTube. You pay like six, nine out of a month. Yeah. So I use his YouTube when I go on YouTube so I don't have to watch the commercials. And I go on there and it's suggesting like basically wrestling videos and pranks. Great. If he can stay in that zone, he's fine.

But it's also like if he was doing other stuff, I would know pretty much immediately because then the algorithm would be like, your son's looking at like girls on trampolines or whatever. Right. I would know immediately. I would say even that is in the okay realm. Yeah, true. Once he goes to like climate denial, whatever, you know, that stuff. Why is my son on the

Alex Jones Sandy Hook videos what's happening he's commented on every InfoWars video in the last three years we've got to stop this guy

yeah it is creepy so it was so convoluted did you feel like the TJ Miller stuff overshadowed the middle part of the run at all because it became like

the dominant story with the show for like a year. Did it? I felt like it. You know, I was working so hard to avoid it, to ignore it, because it was such a part of our lives

for so long that I hope not. I hope the show is remembered beyond that. But I do know... Oh, I think it will absolutely be remembered beyond that. It just like, it did seem like it derailed the press for it for about a year. I mean, he did three interviews in a row that were like him ripping on the show. Yeah, that was bad. And I remember when Alec Berg is our showrunner.

Yeah. And he still is, has been from the beginning. Now he's with Bill Hader too. Now he does Barry, which is a great show. Daddy's got a new family. Turns out he's getting stuff out, Bert. He's a fucking genius, man. And I remember TJ

like ripping on him and as an example being like, I mean, he's, you know, he comes from the Seinfeld world. So what does he know? You mean the greatest, one of the greatest sitcoms of all time?

The most iconic sitcom we've ever made? Yeah. You're using that to diss him? I mean. And he did Curb. And he did Curb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's using that to diss him? I mean... And he did Curb. And he did Curb. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, Alec is... I haven't met every showrunner, comedy showrunner in Hollywood, but I can't imagine one better than him. You're imagining he's in the upper echelon. He's on Mount Rushmore and I bet other comedy showrunners who have met more people will agree.

He's... I mean, the guy doesn't miss. Do you feel like a show like that is almost like a basketball team? When, is the show better when everybody is getting along and on the same page or does it not matter? Because I look at like how Kyrie Irving has affected the Celtics this past year. Yeah. My beloved team that is now completely falling apart. Is he still there?

Well, he's going to leave. He's going to leave. By the time people hear this, they'll be like, oh, this is so cute. Oh, he's going to leave right now.

I think he's leaving at the end of June. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He's going to Brooklyn. I think it goes both ways. I think that there has

to be some sort of thing. Either there has to be like deep love or there has to be maybe deep hate thing. Either there has to be like deep love or there has to be maybe deep hate. Because a lot of the great stuff you hear like, oh, they hated each other. So you can sort of feel that on screen. I think the worst thing is apathy.

I've certainly worked on stuff where I'm like, nobody cares about this. Nobody's upset, but nobody's like having a great time either. People are just kind of doing it. I think that's the stuff that has nothing. I would much rather be in an environment that's like having a great time either people are just kind of doing it I think that's the stuff that has nothing I would much rather be in an environment that's like loving

and everybody like our show now last season and this season it's like it's gross how much like we hang out all the time still

it's funny I remember I wrote a column about A-Rod 10 years ago and the thesis like he was at his all time most

disliked and he was the steroids thing and he was coming back all-time most disliked. And he was the steroids thing and he was coming back. Wait, he had a steroids thing? Yeah, a couple times. Okay. I'm not a big baseball guy. A couple ones. But my whole thesis was sometimes it's good to have the one guy at work that drives everybody crazy because it brings everybody else together.

Yeah. It's like this common enemy they have. That's therapy strategy. So my wife was a therapist and she, when she would do group therapy, she would make herself the bad guy so that the group could bond together against her. And that's what, you know, that's what happens is like, if there's one who's like the bad apple, once that bad apple leaves, then you got to be a little careful that you don't become the bad apple. Cause the dynamic is that that you know groups work better if there's somebody to work against steve kerr the warriors coach yeah i do

know basketball yeah he's been on this pot a bunch of times he seems like not as much great he's the best yeah but he always had the two knucklehead theory where you can have one knucklehead on your team but if you have two, they might hang out. And if they're hanging out, you know, then anything can happen. And then they might pull the third guy in who doesn't talk well, but that's right. He doesn't talk that much, but he's with those two guys. Now you have three of them. Right. That's what Ray Romano, who's in Big Sick, had twins.

And he's like, that's the problem with twins. It's like if there's one kid who's crazy, that's fine. But once there's two, that's an exponential increase. it's like if there's one kid who's crazy that's fine but once there's two yeah that's an exponential that's like seven crazy kids and i've been like um we have another show coming out for apple app apple starting a streaming service yeah it's called little america i've heard of apple yeah they you know your phones and yeah yeah i think they make the phone app but they're getting into the game now yeah they're getting the game and so we have a show there called little America. Who else is involved in Little America? Me, Emily, Alan Yang.

That's how I knew about that. Do you know him? Yeah, I do. Yeah, and Lee Eisenberg. I'm on a basketball text thread with him. Oh, really? I'm actually on two different text threads with him. Because one is, I'm like, he's friends with Chang.

Right, right right right Chang's great and all those guys so we have like an Asian sports thread that I think I'm the only non-Asian on cool man

but like when for Linsanity in the finals like we were like you know Linsanity it was the first

Jeremy Lin won an NBA ring it kind of felt like it should have been a bigger deal so it was like a running thing the whole time I did see some pictures

going around of him holding the it was good it was like a running thing the whole time. I did see some pictures going around of him holding the thing. It was good. It was a big moment. Insanity finally. Yeah. Maybe he wasn't playing. How did he have that run?

What do you mean? With the Knicks? Yeah. It'll never be explained. How did that happen? He just got really hot for three weeks at the perfect time

for the perfect team. And it all crested with this Lakers game on Friday night against Kobe Bryant on ESPN and it just felt like the biggest deal ever and then it was just he like crushed that game? He cried like 40

against Kobe I remember when it was happening people being like we don't know what's going on it's not gonna last. People weren't like this guy's amazing. Yeah yeah. I mean, he is great. When's the other shoe going to drop? What's Little America about? So Little America is an anthology show

that's based on real life stories of immigrants. So we collected a bunch of real life stories of immigrants to America and we made like half hour episodes on each one. And they're not really it's not a political show. So like for instance, the first episode that me and Emily and Lee Eisenberg wrote together really, it's not a political show. So like, for instance, the first episode that me and Emily

and Lee Eisenberg wrote together is a true story about this Irani immigrant who lives in Yonkers. Doesn't have much money

in a tiny apartment. He wants to, because he had a mansion in Iran. So he's looking for houses too expensive. Then he finds a piece of land for like $60,000.

And he's like, wow, that's so cheap. I'm going to buy it. The problem is there's a massive rock on it, like a huge rock. And so he buys it. And the episode is just about him trying to figure out how to get this fucking rock off the property. And he goes and he looks up like the history of it because people in the past have tried to get rid of this rock, trying to see what they know, what they've tried. It's almost like a horror movie in the sense that every ghost movie is kind of like a mystery.

You've got to figure out where the ghost is from. You go look at the archives, all that shit. So that's the first episode. So it's all different immigrant stories and it's like a mosaic of all the stories. Right. It's eight episodes. That's a good idea. Yeah. It's really... Don't lose focus on the horror movie that you

clearly need to make if you love horror movies this much. We've... Emily and I have actually talked about it and we have a couple of premises, but I don't know yet. Oh, Netflix is on the phone again. They have a horror movie and a comedy special. This is great. This is the best part I've ever done.

Oh my God. You've made $50 million. I can't believe this. I just still don't know how to do a horror movie. Like, you know, most movies I understand the structure. I understand what makes them good or bad. Not to say that I can do it, but I at least understand. With horror, I feel there's like a little bit of magic that I don't understand. Like something like-

A secret sauce. Yeah, like Get Out has like a secret sauce. You should just watch like 50 in a row over the course of three weeks and just have it infect your brain and then figure out a plot. I feel like

You can do it. You can do this. We need more good horror movies. We really do because This should be a mission for you. Horror is the only thing that when I watch

I'm not like evaluating and trying to deconstruct and break down. Other stuff I'm always like trying to see like, okay, so they did that. Oh, okay, so now this is going to deconstruct and break down. Other stuff, I'm always trying to see. Okay, so they did that. Oh, okay, so now this is going to happen. There it is. Okay, now this happened.

I still enjoy it. But horror, I don't. But Little America, I was saying this. So I found, in my experience, to go to what Steve Kerr said. If you're editing something, there's writing, directing, and acting, right? Yeah. If all those three things are great, amazing. If one of those three things is bad, I think you can still save it.

But if two of those three things are bad, then it becomes almost impossible to fix it. So it's like basketball, shooting, rebounding, defense. You have to have two of the three? To at least be half decent yeah yeah so that's that's what i've that's my theory at least of those three things you can get away with two that's a good theory yeah because if there's an actor is not good the director is good the director will know how to get the performance out of the actor if the script isn't good the cast is

good and the director is good then there'll be a pace to it, and the actors will sell moments that you didn't think were there. If the script and the actors are good, even if the director is bad and just pointed at the camera, you'll get something. You've never directed, right? No, I want to. I'd love to do it. Oh, well, we'll talk to Ted.

Yeah, oh my God, another text. This was fun. Good luck with the movie. I can't wait to take my son to see it. By the way, I forgot to mention to you, the wrestling fans are really mad at you at the WrestleMania. Because I was holding up the big head. You kept holding up the sign.

The guy like two rows behind me, I actually thought. Oh, was he really upset? Yeah, I was. I didn't know. I didn't know because you didn't know like some of the rules of. Oh, is that against the rules? I feel bad now. Yeah, you're supposed to bring the sign up and down.

Oh. I had your back if anything was going to happen. I didn't even know it was you, but I was like, I got this guy. I remember one guy angrily being like, what are you holding up? And then I turned it around and he was like, oh, okay. You were so into it and

so selling what your role was that it was, I think people appreciated it. I honestly wasn't. It could have gone badly, though. Yeah, I think people appreciated it. It could have gone badly though. Yeah, I didn't know that. I completely am on their side. I should have been more thoughtful about it. No, wrestling fans are fucking snobs.

It wasn't your fault. You have to obey the rules of whatever. You didn't know, but they're not generous with that. No, I'm sure you're right. Because it wasn't like you were deliberately being like ah fuck these people behind me i honestly you know when we were shooting stuber july 12th uh dave would talk about the career he was like i want to go back and do wrestlemania and then when he he texted me months after the movie and he was like i'm gonna go get

to do my retirement match and i would love it if you would be there. And it meant so much to me. So you guys are buddies now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I talk to him all the time. I feel like this is leading to a tag team match where he does most of the work, but then you come in at the end and just pin the guy.

That's exactly what would happen. That's exactly the story. They do that in wrestling all the time. It's the two of you. He gets hurt like 10 minutes into the match you have to go in yeah

you're about to get beaten up but then he rallies and comes back and saves you and then beats everybody up and then you do the pin that's exactly right

yeah it'll be fine you won't get hurt this was great though good luck with the movie oh thank you thank you appreciate it thanks for having me

thanks to ZipRecruiter don't forget to Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to go to ZipRecruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to WGU, an online university changing lives by changing higher education. A competency learning model that was designed specifically to fit in the lives of busy adults.

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I think we're only doing two podcasts next week. If you miss me, you can listen to the rewatchables that we did on when Harry met Sally and the rewatchables feed. So there you go until then have a good weekend. I feel the air twinkling On the wayside I'm a person never lost And I don't have to be