The Bobby Bones Show - AMY: The Hot Girl Hamster Wheel

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

FEELING THINGS WITH AMY & KAT: Amy and Kat explore the subtle (and not-so-subtle) pressures women feel and how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of “doing all the things” to feel worthy. Inspired by the book Rich Girl Nation, Kat breaks down the idea of the “hot girl hamster wheel” and what it’s costing us (not just financially, but emotionally!) They talk about the power of opting out or just simply learning to do something because you actually WANT to do it (and you can afford to do it) not because you feel like you have to!  Also in this episode: • The “choose your hard” list you didn’t know you needed • Embarrassing moments that shouldn’t be embarrassing • A listener’s card-free journal tradition that could be a Hallmark movie  Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077 Email: [e-mail] HOSTS: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburenSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Owens, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing.

Greg Gillespie and Michael Mianini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. this is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed, I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves.

We always say that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe. On the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Ikew, I got you. And I'm I go on. My next guest, it's Will Farrell. My dad gave me the best advice ever.

He goes, just give it a shot. But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit. If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration. It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat. Just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be. Right, it wouldn't be that. There's a lot of luck.

Listen to Thanks Dad on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I got you covered ladies and folks. We just follow in a spirit where it tells us to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can. Do it just stops and feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things.

I'm Amy. And I'm Kat. And I am starting with the feeling of the day. I'm feeling relieved. Ooh. I don't know what you're relieved from, but you know my favorite thing about relief. Whenever I hear relief or relief, like, I exhale.

So it's like, to me, relief is permission to exhale. Yeah. You made it. Exhale. Well, I actually did do that. Okay, so I'll get into why I'm relieved, but at the same time, my relief comes with a lot of excitement. It's a lot of convoluted stuff. I was in my therapist's office talking about it this past week, and she said, like, what does that bring up for you?

Or what does that feel in your body or something along those lines? Very therapist-y? And I said, I feel like I can just breathe. Really? Yeah. I did not know. Obviously, I don't even know exactly what you're going to say, and I had no idea that you had that moment with your therapist. But it's so true.

That's just the gift. Like sometimes you talk about the gifts or the impairments of a certain feeling. And relief is just such a good one because it's just an exhale. Yes. And so it was funny as I was talking to her because I was so excited and I was like talking so fast. I was like I feel manic. And at the same time, I feel relieved. It was just like this weird dialectic like two things happening at once.

Well, so what are we relieved about? Yeah. We want to exhale. Are we going to exhale with you? Maybe. Because at the same time, this brought up a moral dilemma for me. So this is a mixed bag, but the biggest feeling is relief when I sit down with it. So I was reading this new book called Rich Girl Nation by Katie Gaddy Tasson. Katie Gattie Tasson. I might be, those are two last names. I might be saying, it might be Tossin. It's not hyphenated. It's just double. She has a double last name. I don't know if one of them's her maiden name or maybe her name's Katie Gattie. I don't know. I don't know. And I think it's tossing now that I'm thinking about it. Anyway, her Instagram is at Money with Katie. If you're not following her, highly recommend it. She is a finance expert, but she specializes in helping women with finance. And she originally was in marketing.

And so she also talks a lot about the psychology around money and finances and women and the economy and all that. It looks like you're about to yawn. Are you tired? I'm just yon. You're like money, finance. No, actually, I think I yawned because I woke up really early. I'm intrigued. I actually was just thinking my mind, like, oh, I'm very interested in following her or seeing what she's about. Because in the last two years or so, I have taken over my money, my finances, and I've had to learn a lot of things. Yeah.

A lot. Because of 17 years of marriage, of not being involved in that. By choice, it's not like I was married to someone that was like, you can't be involved. I was like, yay, you handle all that. I'm scared of it, so I'd like to avoid it. And what I now know is that it's very empowering to know. Information is empowering. The knowledge is empowering and knowing every detail of my life,

even though sometimes it can be overwhelming. At the end of the day, it's information and information is power. And I'm sure she's full of helpful things for me. When you say you are scared of it, do you know, like, what made of it? It was because my dad. He had a lot of highs and lows, business. Okay. So I recommend her because she doesn't talk down to people, you know, how some finance people

can be so confusing. They use all this lingo. She uses some of the lingo, but her book, I think anybody could pick up. She has a podcast too. The book is really great because I think it's high level covering stuff that then on her podcast and stuff she goes into deeper, which can be overwhelming. But her whole point is like money is power. and historically women haven't been in charge of money and they've had a harder time making money and

creating financial freedom and wealth and so she wants to help women understand that they can do it and she's also self-taught because again she was a marketing major so that is in itself i think helpful to hear that like okay she taught herself this that means that like i can have somebody help teach me this it's never too late it's never too late that's that's one thing that i've yeah yeah you're in my mid-fifference in my mid-40s. I'm like, oh, wow, you know, and I still have more to learn. And I also just want to say about my yawn. You're like, I've been thinking about the yawn. That we've talked about this on the podcast before. And that's just me sending oxygen to my brain so that I can absorb. We know. You need more exhales. We know it's not always because somebody's bored and tired.

Yeah. So now if your therapist ever yawns in your session with you, you can have some compassion for her. Okay. So, does. disclaimer. I've only read two chapters of this book. You've only read two chapters? And when I say read, I mean, listen to because I'm an audible girl. So in the first two chapters, you already have this sense of relief? Yes. Okay. What exactly? I know. I'm really giving you the long-winded story of this. So in the beginning of the book, she talks about this thing that I've heard her talk about on podcasts and on Instagram about, I think she coined this, the hot girl hamster wheel. So she describes a hot girl hamster wheel as all of the things that you kind of put into this basket of different

beauty things that you get done or stuff that you buy that allows you to be a in quotes hot girl that gives you power and I think confidence in the world so in her hot girl hamster wheel that would be like facials getting her hair highlighted getting eyelash extensions buying makeup buying certain clothes stuff like that. Oh, I don't get my nails done. Well, this isn't a competition. But I also do my own nails. But before you started doing your own, like getting your nails done was part of your it was part of my self-maintenance, which I always said, I do not like the process of getting my nails done. Like, I don't enjoy it. I don't like going and sitting there. I don't like, it's not relaxing. Like a facial is relaxing. I don't like getting my nails.

nail stuff. Yeah. And I was only pointing out out because I feel like when you're going to run through this, at least what I was getting from the Hot Girl Hamstrel is I'm like, shoot, I do that. Shoot. That's okay. That's okay. Yeah, because you're feeling relieved and right now I'm feeling like nervous. Shame. Oh, okay. So I hope that this in turn will just bring agency to people. Okay, because I'm also, we should, we should address that I'm wearing a hat today because I had my brows worked on yesterday. And maybe part of this is, yeah, part of this can be part of the Hot Girl Hamster will for you. But I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong.

Thank you. So just clock that. I think that's important information. Clock that. Like I already feel shame that I'm doing this. That's part of the whole problem here. Okay. Okay.

So she talks about this stuff and she's talking about this at a time where she was first getting into finance and like learning about budgeting. So when she was in her early 20s, she was probably making like 60K. she started a budget for the first time and she wanted to see what all of her expenses added up to. She did all of those like hot girl expenses. She added them all up and then divided them and then figured out at how it came out monthly. And she was spending over $300 a month on all of that stuff. And the way she described that stuff happening is she was like, I would feel bad about myself and then I would schedule all these appointments.

And then I would go to these appointments thinking that, this is going to be the thing that makes me feel better. This is going to be the thing that gives me confidence. I need this thing so that I can go out into the world and get what I want, whether that be relationships, friends, job, whatever. But she said when she would have that feeling of dread and she would go schedule these appointments, she would have a whole day of self-care, but really it's just buying stuff, she would get increasingly anxious with each swipe of her credit card,

like spending money that she really didn't have on these things that she felt like she needed to feel okay. And the problem is two weeks later, some of that stuff would wear off. You would have to go back and re-get your eyebrows threaded. Redo your lashes. Every six weeks, update your roots, like all of that. This is probably before roots were in. So that's her being on the perpetual wheel. Yeah. And so she was like, I'm going to see what, I want to see what spending all this money is stealing from me. Because it really, the benefit, she wasn't getting that much. It was like this temporary relief that she felt like she had to then keep going. So she put the $300. She basically, I'm new in the finance world, but she used a compounding interest, big word, compounding interest calculator to see if she invested that

money over 40 years, what would that leave her in retirement? It was a million dollars. Wow. And so to some people, a million dollars wouldn't be that much money, but to somebody who's making $60,000, like, that's a lot of money. And her thought was like, these things that I don't really care about, but I feel like I have to do, are stealing my financial freedom for me. And part of that is connected to the oppression of women where you don't see men being pressured to have all the same like hot girl things. like Patrick gets a $20 haircut every couple months at like great clips like he doesn't care where he goes he'll go to a new place every time it doesn't matter and he doesn't have a skincare routine he doesn't wash his face he lets water run down it in the shower he doesn't even use a bar of soap to wash his face it's just water and he has perfect skin like he doesn't have to have any special kind of clothes like for men they're already so much higher on the like ladder to wear a lot of you want to go, especially in business and work, that they don't have to look the same way or keep up the same kind of appearance as women. So like at his job, he doesn't need to look a certain way in order to get promoted. No. He's a man. That's enough. Right. And she looked at the statistics.

Again, read the book because obviously this, I'm giving you just read the first two chapters. Read the first two chapters. But she talks about like all the statistics of like the wage gaps. and what that looks like. And also like, this is really sad that they have done studies on like the attractiveness of women and their ability to make money and their ability to get promoted. That's like just a sick, weird research, what do you call it, experiment to conduct. Like, oh, we're going to rate these women's attractiveness and then see. So, but they've done those.

I know. I'm like, I don't want to be in charge of that. I don't want to be in that. Yeah. But they've proved that like it does matter what you look like. And so that's where I was feeling like multiple things. And I was a little bit like bummed. And then I was because it's like, well, I don't want to be on this wheel, but also like I want to promotion or I want to be successful.

And it feels like you have to pick one or the other. But what I came to is I read it and I was listening. I listened to it right before I was going to therapy. So it was like really hot in my mind. Is this like feeling of liberation. I was like, oh, this is like a act of rebellion almost that like I'm not going to play this game. anymore when it comes to stuff that I don't care about. Now, there are people that love doing makeup. Love it. Like, they love it, love it, love it. It's so much fun for them. It's kind of a chore for

me. Like, I like to do it every now and then. But most days, I just like to put my, like, sunscreen on, my tinted sunscreen and some bronzer and head out the door. So it's, like, liberating for me to say, like, I don't need to go buy all that stuff at Sephora because that doesn't actually matter to me. or like the nails like me saying i'm not going to go get my nails done and spend 150 every two weeks on something that i don't really care about when i can do it myself and i actually enjoy doing them myself or i was talking to patrick about this i just booked a hair appointment i was like maybe i'll just like not get my hair colored i'll just get it cut because i see what happens yeah it's like i've just always been getting my hair colored and it used to be fun because i used to

like diet silver and like purple and stuff like that and that was kind of fun but like I don't know like it's not that fun to get for me. See I that's what I'm hearing is for you you're able to dictate it's been empowering because you're like okay I have agency over what I want to do I'm not going to just do it because it's what's expected of me. Yeah well and I think because other people may really enjoy they love their hair they love their like you said they love the makeup or they enjoy getting this done of their skin. And financially, they can do it. There's not this anxiety that maybe comes with like every swipe of like, oh, shoot. Yeah, but if I'm feeling this anxiety of like, I'm spending my resources on this and it's a temporary high and I also feel like I'm, I have

to. It's like, well, you don't have to. Like we can take some agency back. I think what I'm getting, and I'm, again, just in the beginning of it, but just seeing how the like, beauty. and wellness industry. A lot of it, this is not blanket. So I think that's why I want people to hear that this is not all or nothing. But a lot of it has been created and sustained in order to oppress women. So for me to say that like, I don't need that feels really good and almost like, I knew I didn't like that. Like when I was hearing her talk, I was like, yeah, I don't like doing that. Like I don't want to do that anymore. And yes, that's going to come with discomfort because I then have to know that there could be a consequence because not everybody's going to be in that boat with me.

And I might have moments where I'm like, I do kind of feel everybody else has their Botox. I'm like, their foreheads look pretty good. Like that's one thing that I notice when I see like a lot of people that like do have these perfect looking like, you know, when you get Botox and your forehead is just so pretty. Trust me. I know. And I'm listening. So, but like when I'm not around it, I'm okay. But when I see it, then I'm like, now I feel different. So I know that that's going to be there. But right now that's not overweighing this like, yeah, I don't feel empowered when I go to get it.

Some people might. Yeah. I think we were talking about that I was getting comfortable with my wrinkles the other day. And I truly am. Like there's a time whenever I was really into my Botox because I got it for well over 10 years. if there was the slightest movement or wrinkle. And I still thought in my mind I was getting minimal amounts, but then the more I went over the years,

the more it felt like I was getting and the less it was working. So that's where maybe there was some discomfort with spending. Because I'm like, oh, this seems to be adding up. This is just more and more and more each time. But then you get used to looking that way. And then it took me while to get used to now looking back the other way. but I also think I have I take better care of my skin even when I did before I got Botox so maybe you know who knows I'm I'm not giving up my skincare routine that's not happening well you

that's important to me well so the reason that this also felt so like I get safest of word that's also coming to me like hearing her say this is she was like I'm not telling anybody to not do any of this stuff yeah because I'm still going to get certain facials and I just got the I'm still trying to figure out my eyebrows I'm on a journey and I was talking to my lash extension girl, which I will still get those, about, could you think you could do eyebrow extensions and like glue little. Oh my gosh. She said she ordered some.

No way. I'm a beer guinea pig. Okay. So you get to keep that stuff. No pressure to anybody else to get it. But for me, like I don't really have a lot of hair there. And I've learned how to draw them on, yes. But now what do I do when I go swimming?

You keep your head above water. Or you just embrace it. You just embrace it. And I'll be like, I know. that before I went underwater, I had brows. And I know when I emerged from the water that I did not. But she said, like, what she was doing, she didn't just stop getting all that stuff. She just kind of addressed, okay, what stuff do I care about and what do I not? And she tested things out. Like, she even made a joke. She was like, I wasn't going to just stop getting highlights in my hair.

Like, I still wanted to do that. But I think she stopped doing her eyelash extensions or maybe it was like her eyebrow threading. It was one of them. Or she said she stopped getting her expensive facials. And she was like, and I got a manageable skincare routine that fit in my budget. She was like, it's not that I wasn't doing any of this. I just realized that like I can fit these things in my budget and then realize the things that like I don't care about.

I get to throw those out. So it just was like. That is a relief to like know that, oh, you get to do that. I don't have to play this game. You don't have to stay on the wheel. You get to exit the ride and then decide what you want to do. And I like that she put it that way and you're reiterating that it's not that she's saying any of this stuff is bad or we shouldn't be doing it. But just understand what's behind it and the root of a lot of it.

And then step back and decide what you want to do for yourself. Yeah. And I would even encourage, like just play around with it a little bit because you never know how you're going to feel. I didn't know how I was going to feel until I stopped getting the Botox. And guess what? If I go to get Botox again because I'm not anti it or I decide to get something else again, like I hope I'll be coming from a place of like, I've put a lot of thought into this. And ultimately this is what I want to do. And I'm doing it for me. And to be honest, in my profession, I do feel a lot of pressure with that. And I am only getting older. And it is my job. And I am on camera a lot. And I'm interviewing artists and at functions where, yeah, is my name coming up to be considered to host this? or why don't we have Amy Brown do that? And then it's like, well, have you, she's, look at her eyebrows.

Has she quit getting Botox? Or she's aged. Like, let's go with the younger girl. Or, you know, I don't know. Yeah. But that's okay too. I'll also, there's enough room for everybody, so then I've got to find my space.

But there is that fear that creeps up in there, to your point of, like, opportunities come when we're taking care of ourselves. Yeah. But it's a big conversation. Yeah. And I'm sure I'll hear more of this as I continue the rest of the book. But I also think I would be remiss not to say, I think the world, and we've talked about this on the show before, women are in a tough place because I think also the world kind of, not demonizes, but they make women feel silly for caring about things that like the world has told women to care about. Exactly. Yeah. It's like you're damned if you do. You're damned for that.

It's like, oh, you're going to spend money on that. But then if you don't spend money on it, they're like, oh, you look old. Yeah. Or like, oh, you care about that the, like, you care about shopping and clothes and this and that. It's like, well, that's what you groom women to care about that stuff. Like, that's what society tells women that they should care about. And then they're like, oh, you're silly. You're not smart.

You're men care about finance and women care about shopping. I will say more and more men are getting hair transplants in Turkey. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's like I know multiple people that have gotten it done most recently. And Turkey. In Turkey. I was just an appointment the other day.

Can't say who or what? Because I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Obviously, you know it's a man because we're talking about men. And he's like, well, you know, I just got back from Turkey. And I could tell. I was like his hair. I look like you went to Turkey. I didn't know if he went to Turkey.

And I didn't know for sure if he got a hair transplant. But I knew something was up. And he was like, oh, yeah, I went to Turkey. And I was like, shut up. Tell me more. Did they do eyebrows? And he's like, I bet they do. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to Turkey to get an eyebrow transplant.

But Joel McHale in Turkey, yes, it is more affordable and way faster. Like they have a whole team. He said it was so crazy. They're so efficient over there. Whereas here you might go to a doctor and there's like one person working on you and it may take like all day. Over there, there's a whole team of people and you'll be in and out. So where it's here a doctor might do a procedure or two a day over there. They can knock out 10 people in a day so they can make it more.

affordable. Wow. And he said it's one of the best decisions he ever made. And he was just feeling really self-conscious about the loss of his hair. And then Joel McHale was on a podcast recently talking about it, you know, the guy from the soup. And he... From the soup? Has he done anything else? Yeah, like animal, something, animal control. What? Is that not right? He had an animal show? I don't know. I feel like I read in an article when I saw the podcast thing, something about animal control. Oh, okay. But I know him from the soup. So, He said he's had four hair transplants over the years, I think because with technology, the evolution of the process.

Oh, it's like, I want a better one. I need to get a better one because he started off with one process and it's like, oh, you've advanced it. So he's said, he's had four in total. I mean, and his hair is looking. I feel like his hair has always looked pretty thick. No, whenever I googled it to look it up because this is something, I didn't even know we were talking about this.

We talked about this on the Bobby Bone Show. And so I googled it. when we were talking about it there and I saw all the pictures. Wow. And so that's what also has hair transplant for men being top of mind that he wanted to be transparent about his transplants. And I was like, good for you. But I don't think that everybody has to be open and transparent about everything they've done.

Although that has been a thing right now with like Kylie Jenner did that with her boob job. Like some girl on TikTok was like, Kylie, I just saw your boobs and I'm about to get a boob job. and I just like to know exactly what you had done because they are perfect. And so Kylie just responded, hey, I got C's and tripled a little bit. I don't know the lingo,

but she gave every detail that her doctor did, half under the muscle, half over, I don't know. And then the girl, because the girl on TikTok had gone viral. And then Kylie, yeah, so I guess she took that information and probably did a lot of other people. They did look really good. They took that information, and then they probably went to their doctor.

But everyone was praising the fact they thought it was so cool. that Kylie was just transparent about it. And yes, I think it's cool to be transparent if you want to be. And then if you don't want to be, there's also a difference between what are you guys seeing at? Well, I just think that that becomes problematic. Like when we were talking about like the face fitness stuff, like if somebody's saying like, all I do is wash my face and use this serum and I look like this. And behind the scenes, they're getting Botoxin filler and I've had a facelift.

that's okay that's true setting up unrealistic expectations for people i guess i'm talking to like the normal yeah every like every like every day or us normal like we're not we're not we're not don't lie about it i think there's a difference in like privacy and then like lying okay is there privacy and secrecy but what if like what if you did want to do something a little more drastic to your face and you really it is a personal decision and you don't want anybody to know but you get flat out asked by it on a public space are you supposed to what are you supposed to do. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what I'm saying. Yep, that's me, Cliver Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to

college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined. And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. One week I'll take you behind the scenes of the biggest moments in sports and entertainment, and the next we'll talk about life, mental health, purpose, and even music. The Clifford Show isn't just a podcast, it's a space for honest conversations, stories that don't always get told, and for people who are chasing something bigger. So, if you've ever supported

me or you're just chasing down a dream, this is right where you need to be. Listen to the Clifford show on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in someone, correct? I doctored the test once.

It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Alespian and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young.

This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There's two golden rules that any man should live by.

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I thought, how could this happen to me? The cops didn't seem to care. So they take matters into their own hands. I said, oh, hell no. I vowed. I will be his last target. He's going to get what he deserves. Listen to the Girlfriends. Trust me, babe.

on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. It is a personal decision and you don't want anybody to know, but you get flat out asked by it on a public space. Are you supposed to, what are you supposed to do? But you didn't want to talk about it. I think I probably would find a way to answer the question but not answer it. I plead the fifth. But something, you know how I think celebrities in general get coached on how to avoid those kinds of questions?

I think it becomes a problem when, like, you are promoting one thing. Like, I'm promoting the skincare product, but I didn't get this skin from this product. I got this skin from surgery or something more drastic. That is problematic. I could debate this both ways from my own mind, you know? Have you seen, there's a plastic surgeon, I don't know, he's out of L.A., but he had a funny little real meme thing the other day. He was filming one of his colleagues who's a female plastic surgeon.

and it's like those, the meme videos where it's like, you know, she doesn't know it yet, but she's about to, you know, the theme, it's like a trend. Oh, yeah, but she doesn't know it yet, but she's about, well, but this one he did it with her. Well, normally they're inspiring. Oh, I get the depressing ones. You get the, I get the ones that like she doesn't know it yet, but she's about to like touch the seashell and become paralyzed. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, that's what I get. What's wrong with my algorithm? Kat. I get the like, she doesn't know it yet, but she's about to embark on the green. greatest journey and like ever and her life is going to change she's going to meet the man of her dreams mine's like she doesn't know it yet but her she's going to walk in her boyfriend cheating on her oh god i i've like she doesn't know it yet but she's about to score a perfect you know grade on this test and then become a world renown doctor yeah like i haven't seen that you have that is it's

giving me this stuff yeah it's i don't know that's interesting okay so his was funny but also sad because he's like, she doesn't know it yet, but she's about to go perform a facelift on an influencer that two months later is going to claim that to her followers that her face is this way because of guasha. Yes. And she's going to sell some guasha tool to like all of her followers and like not disclosed. So that's what I think you're talking about. Like that is a problem.

But I guess if someone doesn't want to say, like I'm even thinking like in your friend group, like say you choose to have something done and you show up and your friends are like, huh something looks different like did you get something done like what do you do if you're like you don't want your friends to know what do you say and you don't tell them I guess but but you say oh I just oh I got a lot of rest sleep does wonders oh you know you know drinking lots of water I went to the sauna yeah yeah I that's tough I don't think there's a blanket answer for that because if you are trying to be private about it if you're trying to be private then I guess that's your prerogative.

I would be curious of why wouldn't you want your close friends to know that if you don't think there's anything wrong with it. Okay, so fine, you could be your close friends. So that's cool. But not everybody needs to know that kind of stuff. I think that you're right. There's not everybody needs to know that you go to therapy, what you talk about in therapy. Not everybody needs to know like why you look that way, what medical procedures you've done.

Not everybody needs to know that. But I think I would ask, I am getting something like Botox. why wouldn't I want somebody to know that? That means that to me there might be something in there that's shame around it or Or they don't want to feel what if I guess is that their own shame? Or maybe your friends don't like it and your friends are going to judge you for it. Then like I get that and maybe we need to have a conversation with those friends. Yeah, find new friends.

You want your friends to be supportive. But you don't have to like go find totally new friends. Yeah. I didn't mean that. But I actually do understand that like if there's somebody that you know there would be very judgmental and you wouldn't want their opinion, then like I get. not feeling uneasy about that and that's where that like secrecy and privacy stuff comes in like the difference and we've talked about this too before with bernay brown said it about the vulnerability

i think you're the one that quoted her i can't remember the exact quote maybe if i start talking about it it'll jog you your memory but like some people hear oh i need to be more vulnerable and so that means i think they need to put it all out there yeah for everybody on social media it's like manufactured vulnerability. Right, but being vulnerable doesn't mean telling the whole world all of your things. It's not information. Like vulnerability is in relationship with people. Vulnerability is me sharing something with you and there's uncertainty in it. Not me posting something in order to get a reaction if that makes sense. Yeah. Anyway, shout out Joel McHale for his vulnerability and being transparent about his transplants because he does that. Yeah.

I feel like we're constantly having to, as women, when you talk about the wheel that we're on, it's like we have to, if we want to step off, there's unlearning that has to happen. Yeah, I mean, that's what we want. And that's hard. And what do I actually believe versus what have I been taught to believe? Yeah, that is some of the hardest work that I do with people in therapy. We have for everybody a little choose your hard. It's like choose your adventure.

choose your hard. So Kat and I are going to go back and forth on what is hard because reestablishing is hard on learning is hard, not having money for retirement is hard. So assessing where you're spending it and trying to put some money away because we're not getting any younger around here. But not doing all of the things that you're used to doing that make you feel good as hard. That's hard. Yeah.

Letting go of that stuff. And I will say, yes, I really, really struggled with no Botox. But if I do decide to go back to it, I feel like I'll feel like I'll feel. more excited or empowered about it. I know exactly what I'm doing. I know why I'm doing it and I'm going to know like that I want this amount maybe TBD or maybe I do something else. I don't know. I have some things to think about. This is inspired by an article that I saw in Harvard. Harvard. Harvard. What is that from? Harvard Health. Harvard. What is that from? I don't know. Is that like a movie code? It is a famous movie quote. But all I can think about is in Legally Blonde.

And she's like, what? Like, it's hard. Oh. Yeah, it actually is. Yeah. Speaking of it. It's hard. Oh, but shoot.

I know people are listening right now and they're like, we know exactly what that is. We don't have Shannon here today to look it up. You've talked about that before. I probably have. You just say it. Okay. But I may, sometimes you can dig into the back of your brain and retrieve whatever it is. And then sometimes you just can't welcome to my brain.

Choose your hard. So I'm going to say something that's hard. and then Kat is going to follow it up with a relatable thing of the opposite of what is hard. So like both are hard. You get to choose which one you want to be in. Growing is hard. Staying the same is hard. Believing in yourself is hard.

Doubting yourself is hard. Taking risks is hard. Staying in your comfort zone is hard. Setting boundaries is hard. Not having boundaries is hard. Forgiving is hard. Holding grudges is also hard. Saying no is hard.

Saying yes to everything is hard. Loving yourself is hard. Hating yourself is hard. Healing is hard. Staying wounded is hard. Being vulnerable is hard. Building walls is hard. Having a tough conversation is hard.

Living with unspoken resentment is hard. doing that was hard. But I just thought it paints a good picture of like this is hard and then what you were saying was the opposite. And it's like, but that's also hard. So that's part of the adventure. Choose your hard. Yeah.

Like which hard do you want to sit in? It reminds me of like the Instagram quote, life is hard. Get a helmet. It's not very helpful. But like I think that's like a tough love type of. Yeah. Yeah. is hard so we can't avoid all the hard.

But like choose which are one. I think that it's just a good reminder that, yes, like growth is hard or if you want to read that book and you're in the first two chapters and, you know, taking a look at your finances. Like, so set aside hot girl hamster wheel. What if it's just like a challenge you in a way to look at your finances? I mean, I had to do that in my divorce and that was hard. But also ignoring it and being ignorant.

to it and just spending blindly, that would be really hard. Having anxiety, getting a lump in my throat. Every time I had to talk about finances because I felt so overwhelmed by it, that was hard. Yeah. You know what's good now is like I can log in and look at spreadsheets and look at numbers and go to my rocket money app and I know exactly where everything's going and I can open it up without getting a lump in my throat. Whereas I used to get a lump. And it was just because I was completely, detached from it. I didn't even give myself the opportunity. I was too, there was too much fear there and I had spent so many years avoiding it. So stepping into that was hard, but which is harder. Continuing to live that way. So choose your hard. Choose your hard. People are probably going to listen

to that over and over and over for the rest of your lives. And we're like, let me rewind that. Make it your ringtone. Or you're going to call back town when people call you. That's what they hear. Choose your hard. It's like growing is hard. Staying the same is hard. Believing in yourself is hard. You know it's hard. Finding your car in a parking garage, at least for me. Well, I can relate.

So what makes you bring this up? Well, so Alex and I went to the mall, my boyfriend, and we parked on green level two. The poles were green and it was level two. And so we're getting out of the car and we're walking and we go up multiple escalators. And to me, I was like over and over my head. level two, green level two, green, green, green, green level two. And I'm looking for, and I'm like, oh, vending machine there, green level two, which sometimes I take a picture, which that probably would have been better, but for whatever reason, it's not what I was doing. I just was giving myself little

reminders so that I can make my way back to the car. And he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, you don't have to do this. And he's like, no, I know exactly where we parked. And I'm like, so you're telling me, we're going to go into the mall, and you're going to walk all around the mall, to all different stores up and down round and round and round and then you're going to know where we parked and he's like yeah what do you have a photographic memory no but he's like i know exactly where we're parked green level two and sort of round the corner and the vending machine and i'm like you only know that because you listen to my song no he's like i i know exactly where we are and i'm like oh lee the things i have to do to remember like where i parked and if i don't do that and that this is me learning my

lesson. That's why now I either take pictures or I sing little songs and I do little reminders. Because if I just, if I'm distracted and I'm on the phone and I park and I get out of my car and I go in and do whatever, I will get back on the elevator or the escalator and I'll be like, I have no idea. I don't know. I have no idea. Am I going to three, four, five, six? I don't know. I don't know. So this is a little timely that you brought this up because I was on the phone with you. Oh, you were? I parked in this parking garage today. going to the doctor. And the last time I went there, I got lost. But I told myself, that's not going to happen today because it's just not. I learned more about the building, so I thought I would

understand. Well, I leave my appointment, which a couple things happened that now I'm thinking, like, we're so oddly embarrassing, but like really weren't embarrassing. One being, I got on the elevator to leave, and you could either go to the lobby or to the garage. Those are the buttons. I didn't know which one it was. So I pressed both of them. And I was like, I'll just do both and see which one it is. But then more people got in the elevator. And I was like, they can't know that I don't know where I'm going.

Oh, yeah. So then it got to one. I just got off. And I was like, walked around a little bit. And I was like, well, maybe I'll just, I thought maybe I could figure out from there. But like, really, I needed to get back on the elevator and go back down. But that would have been like too much. So then I end up getting to the parking garage.

And I can see my car. I can hear my car when I'm clicking it, but I cannot figure out how to get to it. At one point I stopped and I pretended that I was on the phone and like walking laps around the parking garage getting my steps in. Because I didn't want people to know that I was lost in the parking garage. It just felt so embarrassing that like people were walking around and I was like walking this way and then walking this way and then walking all the way around this way. And then I was going up the stairs and then down the stairs and like should I try to get in the elevator

and try that way? And why are there, it's green over here, but there's blue over here. I knew I parked in green. But like I also knew where my car was. I could see it, but I couldn't get to it. So I just pretended like I was like on my breakout work getting my steps in. And I've had people were like, look at her, getting her steps. Yeah, but like, why is that embarrassing?

Well, yeah, I'm joking because they weren't paying attention to you. And I'm the same. Like, why would I care if I don't know where I'm going? And like, I want to act like I know where I'm going when people aren't paying attention to us. Like, they don't care. But it made me think of like, what are the things of, like, what are the things in life that are that feel embarrassing that shouldn't feel embarrassing like walking like if you're at the you park somewhere and you're like walking in somewhere and then you forget something so you have to

walk back like you turn around I'm not embarrassed by that oh my god it's like oh like people are I don't know that feels similar to like me walking around the parking garage like no people like know that I forgot something that shouldn't be embarrassing yeah you know or like speaking of the grocery store when you are trying or any store when you pay with cats and then you're trying to put the money back in your wallet, but they start ringing up the next person and you're like just shoving it in there? Or do you take your time? I haven't paid with cash at the grocery store and like, I don't even know. Or just like getting your stuff together. Like my receipt and like do you put it like in your wallet? Oh yeah, you're like trying to hurry and you're like

the next person's already. I'm so sorry. Grocery store and embarrassing makes me think of when I had a eating disorder. If I would buy certain foods, I didn't want people like I'd be buying. Maybe I would just be even buying like one thing of ice cream, but because I had shame around that, I would get like a thing of celery too. And somehow, like that, I was like, I'm not just here to buy ice cream. I'm here to buy celery too. It's not like, but you weren't going to. I had a lot, but I didn't need the celery, but I, they probably wouldn't think anything of me buying ice cream because that should be normal, but because I had so much shame, I was embarrassed. So I added the celery. But they, then they're probably like, what is she doing with the ice cream and the cell?

Right. And they're like, you know me. It's a weird combination. Well-rounded. I just came here to pick up a few things. Yeah. Like I didn't come all the way here just because of ice cream. Or if sometimes I'd be doing like a fast food thing and I would be getting a lot of food.

You're like pretending like there's more people. They were for somebody else too. Oh, and my friend once. I feel like. I'd be like so, oh, and I think he wants, I think he wants a diet Coke. Or I think. I think they said a 12 piece. Yeah.

Well, let me check really quick. Or like you're reading off of your phone, but really it's your own order. So I'm laughing, but also this is sad. But it was my own shame and embarrassment. Like I thought they were judging me on what, which really they are probably not paying the attention. Like they don't care. They have people that come through an order like from one little fry to like 10 fries.

Like it doesn't matter. They're just taking order. It's the stories we have in our mind. Just like nobody was looking at you in the parking lot. but you're like, I'm on the phone getting my steps for the day. Like, I work here. I know exactly where my car is. When I found my car, I was like, oh, this thing?

There she is. I haven't been looking for this for 20 minutes. I even texted my mom. I was like, mom, I'm lost again in the same parking garage. So our embarrassment is in our head. Yes. Well, okay, so I looked on Reddit to see like what other things people thought were embarrassing, but really aren't.

And I want to know, because you don't agree. was a couple of those. So I want to know if you think these are embarrassing. Okay. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care which I'm saying. Yep, that's me, Clivert Taylor the fourth.

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I said, oh, hell no. I vowed. I will be his last target. He's going to get what he deserves. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe. On the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. So I looked on Reddit to see what other things people thought were embarrassing, but really aren't. And I want to know, because you don't agree with a couple of those.

So I want to know if you think these are embarrassing. Okay. Okay. So having to sneeze, like when you're like, you know it's coming, but like you're in a conversation and you're like... Yeah, mine's more probably after the sneeze comes out, depending on. on how I was able to control it. Because sometimes I can feel like I can sneeze cute. And then other times I sneeze like, you know, an 80 year old man.

It's embarrassing for me as a therapist in a session. If you're like talking about something serious and you're like, do you know if you need a sneeze, you just look at a light. Yeah. I try to do that. But then it's like awkward. And then if a sneeze goes away, goes away. I'm like, okay, I'm good.

And then what comes back? It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Okay. So yeah. Oh, having a sneeze, calling in sick when you're sick. No. No.

You're like, embarrassed? I don't know. That's what they said. This one, walking to the bathroom with tampons. Well, I guess I normally stick it somewhere. Like, stick it like in a pocket. But why? Because, like, I'm not trying to.

But why? Because, well, because I guess it's not been normalized to just announce to my colleagues that I'm on my way to stick a tampon. Well, Ali Fallon talked about this on Instagram a while ago and I really liked it. She should be somebody that we phone in for this conversation. But she said, like, this is like, shouldn't be embarrassing. This is like a normal thing that's supposed to, this is supposed to happen to us. And it's been happening to women since the beginning of time. So, yes.

So, like, I'm going to the bathroom to take care of something to, like, actually practice good hygiene. And this is something good that is happening. So why would I be embarrassed that I have to use this thing? You know? I didn't want you to try that period underwear. What? Period underwear? Instead of, it just soaks up all your blood.

Yeah. But then you sit in it all day? I don't know. Never tried it. Okay. Don't know how it works. We probably shouldn't talk about it. I don't know.

People were like, cool, I was eating breakfast. Yay. That's fun. Okay. Running through the airport. Oh, yeah. Totally embarrassing. So embarrassing.

So embarrassing. I've had to do it and I it's the worst and if you're like out of breath just the worst it's like and then you got on the plane and you're breathing and you're sweating and then like plane is hot yeah when somebody lets you cross the crosswalk like a car and you like have to like pretend like you're hurrying up but really you're just like walking yeah I mean I guess it feels a little awkward but I'm like totally embarrassed but back to the plane thing like running an airport if I am the last person aboard the flight I'm embarrassed I hate it I get so much anxiety like what if there's not room for your bag or what if you have to ask somebody to move and they don't really want to move? And

people be crazy on the planes lately. Oh, this one might not, you might not relate to this, but going on a first date and trying to act surprised when they tell things about themselves, but you've secretly already stalked them. And you're like, oh, my God, I had no idea that you grew up in Oklahoma. That's so weird. I had no idea that your mom owns a card making business in Connecticut. Then he's like, wait, I didn't tell you it was in Connecticut. Like, oh, did I say Connecticut? I'm sorry. I just lucky guess. I feel that.

Okay. And then the last one, I think you're going to agree, saying goodbye and then walking in the same direction. Oh, yeah, that's awkward. That's awkward, maybe not embarrassing. Yeah. It's just more like, okay, do we say bye again? You're going this way too. Ha, ha.

Funny. He, he, he. Well, I love that, Kat. Thank you for cheering with us. You're embarrassing moment. Yeah. And thank you for bringing to light that it's the stories in our head. you're welcome pause pause we have an email of the day if someone's listening to

today for the first time they're like why they think thank you and pause and you're welcome in pause and i guess yeah that's the first one we've done it in this episode i think we did it earlier i think that was in couch talks oh yeah fun fact we film them on the same day okay email of the day speaking of emails which that's what our couch talks episodes are and those go up on thursdays and then our feeling things are every tuesday and i know you mentioned ali fallon So before I get to the email of the day, I'll just mention that on Saturday is something that you'll see on our feeling things feed. Every Saturday is podcasts from a network that I have that are some really amazing women. And I think you would like their content.

And it's loading up on our feet on Saturday. So if you're seeing that, that's what it is. It's women from my network. And Ali Fallon is one of them. She has a podcast called Write Your Story. Amanda Rieger Green has Soul Sessions and Leon Ellington has what's God got to do with it. So those are three different podcasts you'll see pop up on Saturday. They'll either be in rotation or they're all going to load together.

We're playing around with some stuff just as a way to, you know, spread the news. Spread the news. And so maybe you can find something new to listen to or someone new to follow on Instagram and see if any of their stuff resonates with you. email of the day this oh do we not know who it's from oh we do and she said we could say her name okay cat will look that up while i read it love the show cat and amy so glad you were doing this together it makes me laugh i learn a lot and love seeing two friends shine together i heard the episode you did where you mentioned megan markle sending emails to her kids i wanted to share an alternate idea i hate buying B-Day, anniversary, etc. Carts. I hate trying to keep them so that I can look back at them

when I know I probably won't. I'd rather take that $5 to $7 and add it to the gift. So when my husband and I got married, I found two $9 journals at Home Goods, one for each of us. Every birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and anniversary, we write our own card to each other in the journal. romantically, I want someone to find these journals when we're long gone and turn them into a hallmark movie. Well, the beginning of our marriage may be more PG-13. Smiley face. Probably are. That's what I was thinking. Just kidding. I've gone back to read the entries and it's beautiful to see our relationship evolve over the years. This has been so special to us that while we weren't able to have kids, I have gotten a journal for each of our three nephews and niece. Every birthday,

I write a note to them. It won't be an overwhelming amount to read when they get older, but I hope to encapsulate their personalities and stories through it and maybe pass on some things I've learned. Just thought this might be helpful and less overwhelming idea than the emails. And Kat and I both love this idea so much, and I think it's so great for couples. I'm really, really, really into it and then you have it there and it's like these I'm going to buy two journals you one for you one for Patrick okay did you get her name Heidi Heidi hi thanks Heidi I love this idea because same I have a whole we have cards everywhere because I feel bad throwing them out but then I'm like am I going to go back and go through maybe I don't know but a journal seems much easier to keep up with and it's speaking of

finances financially savvy oh my gosh yeah cards are so expensive now yeah and I usually buy the 99 cent ones and then I'm like this is like even stupid because they're not even like cute yeah they're like the fun ones fun ones are like $10 they can get pricey especially the pop-up ones oh the ones that have music but cryo cat is in here she's working the cameras right now and she loves a good card and she will spend a lot of money on a card but that's something so that's her that's something she knows about herself like she loves to circle back to the beginning of the episode and put a bow on this thing like that's something she knows she loves to do like Cat, I'm just speaking for you, but she loves to pick out the card.

She loves when it's a cool card, and then she loves giving you the card. Do you, she loves even just if she sees a card that reminds. Yeah, she'll buy it. Like it's not even for an occasion. So that's like sweet though. That's like part of her thing. And then she's awesome. It has to be a perfect card.

But that's important to her. Like for her, it's like she may be like, eh, I'm not going to write in some silly journal. I'm getting you a card. And that's what she wants to do. And some people love collecting those. So I save some of them. And then I'm like, how do I decide which ones I'm saving and which ones I don't? And I don't.

I think it's just like whatever mood I'm in that day. But speaking to cryo cat, she will, I'm pretty sure she's going to always pay to get her nails done. And that's okay. She gets to do that. And then I probably won't get my nails done. She pays to get her nails done. You have bare naked nails and you won't even let me do them. And then I do my own nails.

Everybody is different. And that's okay. Yeah. We are an example of the world. This is not the most diverse room. We are so diverse. Just kidding. Yeah, we're aware of that.

That was a joke. See, just make a little jokesy. You're funny. I'm funny. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Kat and I both hope that you have the day. You need to have.

And we want to hear from you. Email us, hey there at feeling thingspodcast.com. If you want email us for couch talks, put that in the subject line. If you want to be anonymous, make sure you include that information. Shout out Heidi. Sorry, we left your name off at the beginning. And then also you can call us.

Leave us a voicemail. 877-207-207. And I guess we'll see you on Thursday for Couch Talks. Follow us on YouTube. Oh, yeah. Feeling Things Podcast. Follow us on Instagram. Feeling Things Podcast.

We made it easy for you. Follow us on TikTok. Feeling Things Podcast. Yeah, follow us on TikTok, please. What? Why? I feel like that's, we need to grow people. people there. No, not follow us. You're just younger, so you feel like TikTok's cool.

Watch our TikToks, please. Watch them. Yes, we need them to circulate. I find so much stuff through just clips on TikTok. Yeah, we have had some that have popped off. We have some clips. I love that you're trying to use that word now. And then there was one video. I didn't even upload it correctly because I'm just not on TikTok as much. And I thought it was a video and it was a picture. That's why Kat is like, can you all please go to our TikTok and help it? Because Because I just- You posted a picture with the music. I screenshotted it and sent it to her and I was like, am I missing?

Is this a trend? I don't get what you're doing here. Yeah, I don't know what happened quite honestly. You like sit on your phone or something? No, no, I posted that. But I thought it was the video. But I did not add the song. I did not.

I thought it was just us talking. It wasn't. I know. It was a screenshot, which I must have clicked on the rock. Listen. Yeah. Cool. We do our own social media here.

Yeah. If you can't tell. But that's what's made it so much more fun. Like, I love having Kat as a partner and we've had a good time and it's fun. And yeah, I can't wait to, like, get out and about if we do some lives and, like, meeting our listeners. And we want to see y'all. So more of that to come soon. And some other exciting news. Yeah. So we leave you with that. Okay, bye. Bye. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Owens, correct? I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Gillespie and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie

Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed, I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends.

Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone, I'm Ago Vodam. My next guest, it's Will Ferrell. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. My dad gave me the best advice ever. He goes, just give it a shot. But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.

If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration. It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat. Just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be. Right. It wouldn't be that. There's a lot of luck. Yeah.

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