The Bobby Bones Show - Best Bits: Eddie & Morgan Open Up About Their Grief

Episode Date: August 31, 2024

Morgan and Eddie have a hard, but important and vulnerable conversation this weekend as they help each other talk about their grief. Eddie shares details around his family’s loss and how he’s been coping. Morgan admits how she’s really feeling following her break up.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Tickets are on sale now. Get yours before they sell out at Ticketmaster.com. The Best Bits of the Week with Morgan. Part one. Behind the scenes with a member of the show. Here we are. It is part one this weekend of Best Bits and Eddie is joining me. Hi, Eddie. Hey, Morgan.

I just told Eddie before he came on, I have absolutely nothing planned for this because honestly, like, I am in a mode right now where I'm just surviving. Yeah. And I'm doing the bare minimum. Normally that's not my personality at all, but it's the only way I'm, able to survive right now. Yeah, same here. I mean, one step at a time, one day at a time, right? Like, it's just kind of what you do. Yeah. How are you? How, like, how's the family? Like, give me a little check-in if you can. Yeah, the family's good. I mean, we, like I said, it's just

one day at a time. Some days are good. Some days are better than others. Um, you know, just to kind of catch people up, um, at the start of August, um, my brother had a stroke. my brother, my older brother. He's been in this podcast. He's called in. Talk about his like FedEx days. He was he's 51 years old and he had a stroke and it's a little brain bleed in his head and it paralyzed the left side of his body. Mainly limbs, not so much his face or anything. Like his speech or anything like just like his left arm. He couldn't move it. His left leg couldn't move it and really had a hard time just moving. So that happened. And then two, three days later, my dad had a freak accident, fell down some stairs. And, you know, he ended up passing away.

And it was just kind of like a boom. It was a huge bomb in my life because everything was just so sudden. Like. Yeah. And none of it was planned for. Nothing you could be prepared. Nothing. So, yeah, it's, it's, that was, it's been a few weeks.

And we've kind of. I have personally kind of just gone back into the routine of my life, which is chaotic and busy. My brother, his whole rehab and like his recovery was kind of priority one after my dad passed. Like, all right. So dad's gone. What are we doing my brother? Like we got to figure his stuff out because he didn't have health insurance. And that was a whole other deal.

And luckily my sister and I. We were kind of, we're wired differently. My sister and I, her and I are wired the same, but we're wired differently than the rest of our family. We're like, all right, we got to get crap done. Let's get it done. So you kind of went into action versus the emotional side of things. Yes. We went into like, how do we get through this?

My mom obviously has been a wreck. And my mom and my sister are really close. So my mom's like, let me take care of mom. You take care of bro. Got it. Those are our assignments. And so, yeah. So my brother, you know, didn't have health insurance.

So immediately we had to just kind of go like, how are we going to pay for this stuff? And we kind of got our money together. And we're like, well, that's not going to, that's not going to do anything. So my sister kind of made the hard, hard decision to be like, should we do a Go fund me? Like, it's just not our style. And I said, you do whatever you think we need to do.

And she's like, okay. So she set up a GoFundMe. And Morgan, the amount of money that we were able to, raise from that GoFund me. I mean, just from friends and family and the B Team Facebook page, which I didn't even know it made it to the B Team Facebook page. Like it had gotten on there somehow. And then my sister texted me. She's like, hey, we're getting like a lot of money from B team members. Did you say something? And I'm like, what were I said something? Like I haven't even gotten on Instagram. I haven't said anything. And she's just like, well, it's like B Team stepping up.

Yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh. This is. amazing. So it was a huge, huge, huge, huge blessing in that time where we really didn't know what we were going to do, too, we're like, holy crap, this is actually possible where my brother can get some good treatment. And because he's all alone, he's not married, he doesn't have a family, he's all alone in Pennsylvania. And so that happened. And then my cousin, who lives in Florida, he was there for my dad. He's very close to our family. And he was there for my dad when he passed. and he said, listen, man, like my wife is a occupational therapist. That's what she does for a living.

He's going to need some occupational therapy after a stroke. Why don't you send him to Florida with me and we'll kind of set up what he needs. Physical therapy, cognitive therapy, occupational therapy. Like, my wife knows all these people. So let's just do it that way. That way you can get back to work and mom can get back to Texas and we can kind of figure everything out. I'm telling you, man, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it because it was,

in a hard, hard time. It was a light in a very, very dark time. And we're just so thankful for the way everything's playing out. Like, it's just great. You just had a lot of people stepping up and showing up for you. Huge, huge. When you're in such a dark moment and you see people showing up and you're like, where are you coming from?

Why are you here? You don't have to be. It's okay. Like, we'll figure it out. Yeah. You know, but you're like, no, we're, you know, people were like, no, we're going to step in and we're going to do this for you. Because you guys deserve that.

That's so awesome. And I remember you telling me that story when you had first gotten back. And I think it's so awesome of your cousin to have stepped up and done that. So is your brother's recovery going well then? So while we record this, in a couple of days, I'm going to pick him up in Florida. And we're going to take him back home because he's made significant improvement. He's been able to walk on his own without a walker. He's able to write and do everything or not right because he's a right-handed.

But, you know, everything. He's got motion. He's got motion. He can move his limbs. He can kind of, he's a little slower. He can't do everything at full speed. But he's been cleared to go back home, which he has stairs. And again, he's by himself.

So he's going to have to drive places. And they've cleared him like, okay, I think we're at the moment. We're at the point where he's able to do all that stuff a little bit. Yeah. So I'm going to take him back and I'm going to set him up. Is he ready to go back to or is he like kind of? He's so ready to go back. Okay.

I mean, he has two cats. Oh. And they weren't able to come with him. Yeah. So the, like, priority one for him is like, I need to get back to my cats. And we're like, priority one is you need to get walking and driving again. Like, that's what you need to get at. Has somebody been helping up out there to take care of him?

I imagine. Again, and he's been telling me about his neighbors and his friends that are like, man, everyone's stepping up. Everyone's been able to go to the house. They take videos of the cats. They hang out with them. He's like, it's just everything. Everyone's just been doing so great to us at this moment.

And we're just very, very thankful for us. everyone. Well, I think it's really hard to, like when you, you go in day-to-day life and you get used to your life, right? And then something just comes and blows it up and you're like, I have to lean on people that I haven't been leaning on because life was just working for all of us. You know, the motion was happening. I didn't need anything or they didn't need anything. And then when you see like the community that you have around you that you did build along the way of your life, start to show up for you when that moment does come because it's inevitably going to. Like that's insane.

That feeling and that experience amid something really dark. You're like, okay, I really want to cry right now. But like thank you at the same time. And like my heart feels happy, but like it's not. It's a weird emotion to experience. It is. And you're right. You do see, you see it from a different perspective because we're all just a little selfish.

And we live our life just thinking of, you know, what I do every day. And how am I going to do this every day? And but when something like that happens and you have no control and you're just like, I have no control and everyone steps up, you start seeing like, wow, we have created a community of people. We have affected people in different ways where they want to help us. And after this is done, I'm going to look at that differently. When someone else, when someone needs help, it's like, guys, we need it all step in and help them now. It's a beautiful thing. And unfortunately, it takes something really, really bad in our lives for us to realize that.

And I hate that part, but we kind of need it for it to happen for us to even think about that. Well, and I don't know if like you're like this too, but I don't like asking for help. I don't. And that's what I'm saying. My sister and I were like, I don't want to do this. Like, I really don't. Is there any way we can get a credit card and pay for all this stuff? And my sister's like, we can, but we want to do that?

And like, mom's going to need help too after this. And like, oh, I don't know. And it becomes overwhelming. And you become so overwhelmed that you're like, okay, I don't have any other option, but to utilize like my resources that I have. Yeah. It is that.

Like it's certainly an overwhelming feeling to be like, my life is really hard, but I know your life is really hard. And I don't want to ask you for anything. And I don't want you to stop what you're doing to fix me or to do things for me. Like I'll figure it out. That's a constant thing that I battle whenever I'm in like a really hard place.

It's like I can't ask for help. I'm not good at it. Yeah. People just kind of have to force it. Like I had a girlfriend literally force me a grilled cheese or sitting in the sonic parking lot. She's like, eat the freaking grilled cheese. I'm like, I don't want to. Like, there's no part of me that wants to.

And she's like, just eat it, please. And like, that's the stuff that like people show up to do. Yeah, sure. And you're laughing in the moment, but you're like, what is wrong with me? You know? I don't know if you had any of those that have happened to you recently where you're like, what is going on with my brain and my body. You know, it's funny because yes, I don't know.

I don't really know how to like grieve, obviously. No one really does. And I don't normally do this. It was just weird. And it was at the hospital in Pennsylvania because so the hospital. My brother lives in Pennsylvania like maybe an hour outside of Philadelphia. And so a lot of Philadelphia Eagles fans. And we had been in the hospital for four days, like just back and forth.

My brother was on the seventh floor. My dad was on the second floor. And it was just every day back and forth, back and forth, crying a lot and joking a little bit with family crying again. And it was just like it was just that kind of like weak. And one day I decided to wear a Dallas Cowboy shirt in Philadelphia Eagles territory. And I just thought it would be funny. And Morgan, I would never do this. Ever.

Ever. I'm not that kind of fan to go up to a random stranger and be like, hey, look at my shirt. But there was a guy walking towards me. And the hospital is not a place to joke. Like it's just not. But for some reason, I was like, watch this. This will be funny. And I was with my whole family.

And I had my cowl, underneath my sweatshirt, I had my cowboy shirt. And there was a guy walking with an Eagles shirt. And I say, hey, man, watch this. And my whole family was like, what is Eddie doing? And the guy is like, what are you doing? And so I pick up my sweatshirt. And it's the cowboy star. And I go, boom.

And he goes, okay. I don't care. And he walks off. And my whole family was like, what's wrong with you? And I said, I don't know. Honestly, I don't know why I did that. And then my cousin goes, bro, that wasn't even a Philadelphia Eagle shirt. I think that was like an elementary school.

I'm like, you know, so it was like. That's probably why he didn't understand what was happening. No, we had no idea. And in my mind, I'm like, and my sister, I think is the one that said, you know what? Just pain makes you do weird things. So, yes, that was my moment of like, what am I doing? and I feel like I don't have no control over my body right now. Yeah, like out-of-body experience.

Yes, it was so weird, Morgan. You know what, it is. And I want us to take a quick little break here, but when we come back, I'm going to ask you, like, how the grieving process has been going for you. Because we can get into my grieving too. It's been interesting.

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I went and sat on the little Ottoman in front of him. I said, hi, Dad. And just when I said that, my mom comes out of the kitchen, and she says, I have some cookies and milk. This is a badass convict. Right. Just finished five years. I'm going to have cookies and milk.

milk at all. Yeah. On the senior show podcast, each episode invites you into a raw, unfiltered conversations about recovery, resilience, and redemption.

On a recent episode, I sit down with actor, cultural icon, Danny Trail, talk about addiction, transformation, and the power of second chances. The entire season two

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We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships. I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts. or wherever you get your podcasts. We have the two parallels here, right? You are grieving somebody very important to you that's no longer here.

Yeah, my dad. I'm grieving somebody that's still alive that I'm probably never going to speak to again. Yeah. Both grief, just different kinds. Different ways, right? It's life, just different ways of doing things. Yeah, and grief comes in a whole lot of different forms. That's right.

How has your process of being grieving go? Like maybe there's been funny moments, sad moments. It's like, what does that grieving process been like for you so far? Gosh, I don't know if I have completely grieved. I think that the process of when my dad was in the hospital for five days, you know, just nothing was getting better was the main grieving process because it was like so much sadness. But fun to see family members. then sat again and just the roller coaster ride of like

I think I said by to my dad probably I don't know 20 times you know and then and then the nurses would come in and be like hey his heartbeat's getting strong again like okay okay and then I would come back you know a few hours later and like no it's not it's getting worse

roller coaster ride of like not knowing what's going to happen Morgan and it was like that for five days and so maybe even seven days geez i don't remember but so i think at the end of it there was a big feeling of peace of like okay he's no longer suffering what's happened has happened and he's in a better place. And so many things kind of came together, you know. There's a weird part of all this that was that just kind of resonated in me while it was happening was that my mom told me when my brother was in the hospital after he

had a stroke, my mom said that my dad said, you know what? He told my brother. He said, for some reason, I feel like Eddie's going to come and see you. And my brother was like, you think? And he's like, yeah. I don't know. Something's telling me that Eddie's going to come visit you. No.

And not one, there wasn't one thought in my mind here in Nashville thinking like, I'm going to go see my brother because I knew he was in stable condition and that he was just, he was okay. Yeah. And that all he needed was therapy to get back to normal. So I thought like, maybe I'll go see him in a month or so. But not, I didn't even think about coming to visit him in the hospital. Oh, my gosh. But somehow my dad knew. that I was going to be there.

And so there was also that feeling of like, like, look, look how it's all kind of coming together. Dad knew that I needed to be here. I didn't know that I needed to be here. Now we're all here. And so. But that's also hard because it's not the reason you wanted to be there. Absolutely not.

But it's almost like my dad knew. And I do believe that God tells us things. And we don't know what they mean at the time. But he knows. And by my dad saying that, it's like God was telling him, like, this is going to happen. But it's going to be a good thing because your family's going to get together. And my family, we've always been just, we were close at the beginning. And then as we got older, I moved to Nashville.

My sister lived in Texas. And my brother lived in Pennsylvania. So just we kind of separated a little bit. And I would talk to my parents maybe twice, maybe once every two or three. weeks, but not as much as I wanted to. My dad and I didn't talk that that much. I would text him. We would text each other little things back and forth, but never like real good conversations for a lot. That just wasn't our thing. So like, I think my dad always wanted us to be closer. You know, I think he always wanted us to be a close family, live close together, help each other out.

Because he would say that too, just like, why don't you guys like, why don't you guys move like in the same town so you guys can be there for each other and be like, nah, dad, I live in Nashville. What are you talking about? Like, but. I think he wanted us to be closer and this has definitely brought us all closer. Not a great way. Not the ideal way. But I talk to my brother every day now. Twice a day, three times a day.

My sister and I talk way more than we've ever talked. You know, my mom, I'm like, come on, come stay with us for three weeks. I stay with us for three months. I don't care. You know, so I don't know. It's just a lot of the grieving. process has been thinking that this happened for a reason. How long did it take you to be like this happened for a reason?

I would say pretty quick. I would say pretty quick. I mean, the shock of what had happened and kind of just being there for that, there was a lot of confusion. Why did this happen? Like, I don't understand. Like what does it make any sense? But then once you pass and everyone started telling stories,

they'll be like, you know your dad said this. And then my sister saying is like, you know, dad always said this. And you know, like there were too many stories. And even when my cousins came in, they were just like, did you know your dad like said this? We're like, ah, this is all making sense a little bit. You know, in the darkness of all this, a lot of stuff is making sense here. So with that, I think it's brought a lot of us, a lot of peace. My mom is having the hardest, hardest time because she's lost her a little, you know, her partner.

and she's all alone and she doesn't know what to do. And so she has her days where she's just like, really, you know what? I'm having a good day. I saw my sister. She came to visit me. And then later on that night, she's like, I'm having such a hard time. It's just tough. Those ups and downs, man, when you think you're doing really well.

And then it just comes out of nowhere and hits you. And you're like, I was fine. Why? Why is this happening in this moment right now? And you're like, you want to be? be mad at yourself because you're like no no no no we're moving forward right but then you're like okay well some reason i have to feel that i don't like it doesn't feel good go away and that's the thing too when i talk to my mom it's like i want to tell her like mom you're it's it's going to be okay

like you're going to be good just it's just it's going to take time but you're going to eventually know how to do things by yourself and it's going to feel okay and it's going to feel normal but she doesn't understand that right now and she doesn't need to understand that right now she's going through her thing and it's really, really hard and all we can do is just be there for her. Well, and the heartache of that, like, if there's something that I wish as humans we never experienced, it's heartache. I know. You know, like you want to talk about one of the worst feelings in the world that you have

zero control over and your whole body feels it is heartache of any kind, whether you've lost somebody in your life, lost a partner, lost a pet, like the heartache of losing. because you can't the only thing that mins it is time yeah and time never comes fast enough when you're hurting right you can you can know in your mind that two years down the road this'll be a blip on my radar i'll be okay and i'll be able to move past this but in that moment in like the suck of all of it you can't even see two feet in front of you let alone think that this is going to get over anytime soon oh there's it's impossible and that's what's the hard i've had that's the hardest part about any type of heartache.

Like I genuinely just wish as humans we didn't have to experience. But we have to in order to know what's good. And to your point, what is important, what matters, and how to appreciate those things. We have to have loss to appreciate the things that are in our lives. And that sucks. Yeah. I don't know that there's anything that will ever make it okay in my mind.

Isn't it weird that the heart hurts? Yeah. Like how does the heart hurt? Why does the heart hurt? But it really does feel like your heart is breaking. Oh, yeah. Like, and they do say people die of heartbreak. I know.

That's not worry about my mom. I think because you guys are surrounding her with so much love, it will be different for her. But I do think that exists with those couples who they're the only two they have left. It's just them. And one of them is left behind. And I think that's when that happens. I think when there's family involved and you have a community around you, it makes it really hard for that to happen. because you have so many people pushing to be like, checking in, are you okay? How's today?

And I can't not respond because I want to make sure they know that like I'm here. I'm just, I'm not great, but I'm here. You know what I mean? Having support is everything. And so like on that further extensive level, it's like those people who don't have support and experience that. I do want to say this too, you know, because I had a buddy of mine who lost a son, I don't know, four years ago or so somewhere around there and i remember thinking i don't know what to say to him i don't know what to do for him and now being on this kind of this end of it it shouldn't be an awkward thing when anyone still today comes and says oh my gosh i'm so sorry how's everything going like how's your brother doing i'm so sorry about your dad how's your mom doing all this stuff

It's, it actually feels good to talk about it and not forget it and be like, thanks for asking. Like she, she is, she's doing okay. She's still has hard time. Whatever it is. But I remember thinking like, I don't know what to say. And I think now I understand what to say. Like, just check to see how they're doing. Because anyone going through that really does not want to feel alone.

Mm-hmm. But they're going to push everything away because they're hurting. 100%. it's natural to push everything away because you just, you want to, you're barely getting out of the bed in the morning. You're barely eating the food, putting your clothes on,

brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, existing as a day-to-day human. Yeah. Let alone wanting to bother anybody with that much heaviness. Yeah. You know, besides the direct people,

like I'm sure your wife and kids have been great support and distraction for you. For sure. But like, they're still existing with you in day-to-day. Yeah. And like, how do we manage this?

with him every day and make sure that he knows like we're here but also trying to not make him talk about it all the time. You know, it's that delicate balance. But back to your point of like, just reach out. It doesn't have to be anything special. Just say hi. It really doesn't. Like, I'm here.

Hi. And too, I always wondered like, oh, do we want to talk about him anymore? But I love talking about my dad. I love thinking about my dad. I love it when people tell me like, man, your dad one time, he did this. And it was so funny. Like, it, I love it. I love that.

And I think that when you're on the other side of it, you're don't, you really don't even know. Do we want to talk about him or her? You want to keep their memory alive. You really do. I love it. Like, I love hearing stories about my dad now from people. Do you have any of your stories you want to share about him? Oh, man.

I mean, my dad was just a jokester. I think, I think one of the stories that always sticks out is, I don't even know if I can say this. Because. I don't know what that means. I'm not sure where we're going. He was just, I don't even know if I can say this. He would take an awkward situation and put a spotlight on it and be like, this is funny. I'm going to take advantage of it.

We were, oh my gosh, I don't even know if I can say it. I will say it. We were at a Japanese restaurant. And you know where they cook in front of you? Yeah. And the guy that was cooking had a very thick accent. And one of us at the table didn't even realize that we had repeated what the chef said in that accent. No.

And we were like, what did you just say? And the person didn't realize they said it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I said that out loud. And so my dad was like, this is great. So my dad got the waiter, the server and said, hey, I will pay you, you know, 20 bucks if you can come back to the table and tell. this person that the cook heard you and he wants a verbal apology.

And so the server came back and said, did somebody knock, uh, mock our, um, our cook? And the person's like, yes, I did. Yeah, he heard you and he would like for you to apologize to him. And like the person was like, okay, just tell me where do I go to the kitchen? Yeah, follow me to the kitchen. And they started walking to the kitchen until the server. was like, I'm just joking. Your dad, your dad, you know, he paid me to do this or whatever.

And it's like, oh my God. And my dad was cracking up. That's the kind of stuff he would do all the time. He's like, I'm just going to make so much fun out of this. And he would. Like, I think every time anyone talks about my dad, like, oh my gosh, he's just, I tell you about the time he did this. It's ridiculous.

It was so dumb. But we all laugh. We've been laughing for years about it. Like he was just always making people laugh in different room. That's what he did. He was a jokester. He was just a big clown. That's what he did.

And that's hard. That's a big personality, especially for your mom. Oh, yeah. You know, she had this huge light in her life. And to fill that is going to be really difficult. What's really cool is that my dad towards the, when he was younger, I would say maybe when he was like 30 or 40, he had bought a children's home in South Texas. And this was like an orphanage in South Texas.

I didn't know this. I had no idea. I was still young back then. So I had no idea that he did this. But he had enough money to buy a children's home. And he would go and like hang out with the kids and do whatever, play games with them. And there was a kid that he kind of just connected with all the time. Well, he grew up.

And I guess they never really saw each other anymore. It was just kind of one of those things. Like I remember him. He was cool. Well, later on like I'd say like 10 years ago or five years ago, my dad had to stay. He had kind of like was in financial problems, financial trouble. and him and my mom had to stay at a hotel. They didn't have a lot of money, so they're like,

we need to stay at a hotel. Well, the manager of that hotel was one of the kids that was at the children's home. And he says, oh my gosh, I don't know if you remember me. I'm so-and-so. And he's like, yeah, I remember you, of course. And he's just like, wow, this is so crazy. You stay here at the hotel. Like, yeah, we may be staying here for a while.

Don't really know what our situation is. And so the guy was like, you know what? You stay here as long as you want. Like, I'm the manager at this hotel. I run this hotel. like you have a place to stay. Wow. It's stuff like that where it's just like, God.

One, I didn't know dad had bought a children's home. Like that's crazy. Yeah, I'm surprised him or your mom never like, no, he never highlighted that, never talked about that. And I'm like, dad, no wonder you liked when I adopted when I was a foster parent. Like he would always be like, this is awesome.

He never told me that this is what he enjoyed that. And that was like something that he liked to do too. But like, Dad, talk to me. You missed a whole chapter of y'all's life that you never informed. Wow. Okay. That's a really cool story.

And those are some really, really good stories to share. Eddie, thank you. Yeah, thank you, Morgan. I mean, I'm glad we could have it on a positive note. We're going to take a quick break. And then I think I need your help. Come on. I'm here for you.

After these two. We're here for each other. American soccer is about to explode. The World Cup is coming. Ramel sending on the only. I'm Tad Ramos. I'm Tom Bo. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, you'll get the real storylines.

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Listen to Dos Amigos as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network available on the I-HeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I went and sat on the little ottoman in front of him. I said, hi, dad. And just when I said that, my mom comes out of the kitchen, she says, I have some cookies and milk. This is this badass convict. Right. Just finished five years. I'm going to have cookies and milk at them all.

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Like, you're going through the most difficult thing you've been through and you're okay and you're not emotional. And I'm sitting over here just like emotional wreck. How are you doing it? Like, if I'm being honest with you, Eddie today, it's been so hard. I could tell.

I could tell. Like, I can't even tell you that without crying. Yeah. Like I'll just go to the bathroom. You guys make fun of our couch in the bathroom. This is why we have couches in the bathroom. Did you lay down on the couch? I didn't lay down, but I sat there and I just crying in the bathroom instead of having to sit on a toilet.

Because I don't, it just comes out of nowhere. Yeah. And like, but you went through so much and you're doing so incredible with how strong you are. And I don't know. This is such a stupid thing to feel. so sad about like genuinely because it was somebody who just said you know this isn't going to work well one it's not stupid two you are um you went all in and that's that's a hard thing for you to go all in into something and then it not work and it be it blindside side side you too like something to blindside

you like that is you don't know how to prepare yourself for it and that's why it's going to take you a while you know it was it's like my dad like if it would have been cancer i guess i could have really just like known that this was coming or it was something like that but since it was just an accident i wasn't ready for this none of us were ready for this same with you you were blindsided you you weren't ready for this and you had opened up everything you're like i haven't heard you on caroline hobby's podcast you know like yeah you're like all out this is the best thing in the world like he is blah blah blah blah blah but and that just came to a quick halt yeah that's not going to be easy Morgan it's not going to be easy and you're not stupid for feeling this way or acting

like this this is completely understandable no but I also just you know you get mad at yourself you're like why why do I care that much you know like it's one of those where I'm like just stop just he did it why can you do it you know like like you know like Like, other people can just turn it on and off. And I'm sitting here like, okay, I'm going to be a little blubber mess because I don't know how else to get all these feelings out. This is how I exist in the world. And it makes me mad at myself. So then I'm like sad and then I'm mad on top of it, you know?

Like I should be able to just talk about these things and be okay. No. No, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. And we're all different. You know, we're all different. But you are so strong in everything that's going on. And I'm like, you're literally looking at me and I look like I'm a kid that somebody just like really hurt my dog, basically.

This is what it feels like. My one's a different, complete different situation. Like, if you would have seen me three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah, I wouldn't have been like this. But I prayed really, really hard. And I've, you know, I just, like I said, I've just, I just, I, I just. I feel a complete peace with all of it. I don't like it, but I'm at peace with it. You're going to be there too.

You will get there. You will get there too. And this is so hard right now. And you know what? Our job is really hard when you're going through something like this, which is I'm so thankful to Bobby and Scuba and everyone letting me have my time because there's no way I could have even thought about coming back or even doing videos because I thought about while I was over there.

I was like, let me text Morgan to see. you know what, there's a lot of downtime. I don't need to be hanging out with my brother for this long. Like, let me just step away and do videos for two hours. But then really when it came down and I'm like, I'm going to cry all over this keyboard. I'm going to do a video. I want to misspell stuff. The emotional capacity.

Like it wasn't there. It wasn't there. You know? So like our job while you're going through something like this is hard. You have to sit there to tell your opinion about something where you're like, like you, You know, like you really do care when all you're thinking about is my life is crumbled right now. Yeah, like I just want to be crying in a bathroom. Please don't ask me what I feel about this topic.

Right. And I think Bobby does send some of that, which is really awesome of him. He'll like look and if I'm just like down. I'm like, please don't come to me. Please don't come to me because I might just cry and it's not even a crying subject. Does lunchbox help you, you know, with his ridiculous questions? Yeah. And does he help you laugh a little bit about that?

Yeah. You know, the comedic relief, especially at the end of the announcement, really helped because I was just like, it's also like, I'm back in therapy and I'm like having to relive it in my head is what I think is hard because I'm like, I just keep getting more sad and then more angry. And those, those keep, the emotions keep piling on. And so like when you, when that happens, you feel so emotionally exhausted after having to share that much of who you are. And so like when lunchbox comes in and makes a joke, I'm like, okay, I can breathe for a second. You know what I mean? Like is he probably making fun? Yeah, sure.

And just give it on me right now. But like it at least allows, I think, my heart to breathe from the vulnerability that I'm exposing myself to. How hard was that for you to come on here and tell everyone what's going on? So hard. Eddie, I wanted to like literally cry a river. But so much of my healing, like the only way that I was going to move on, or at least start my process of moving on, was to tell everybody. Because I had already shared multiple times, like, this is a guy that I cared so much about. And now that's not happening.

So, like, I had people that were in my DMs, like, kind people who were like, you're so happy. You're glowing. Over the weekend of, like, the breakup that happened. And I was like, oh, God. If you only knew. Yeah, I was like, this is so bad. I can't keep getting these messages because I'm not. I'm like literally not okay.

And I was like, I have to share this so that I can, they can move on with me. You know what I mean? Because I had led him into that part. I hadn't shown him. And I, you know, nobody knew his name or anything. But like I had posted about him and I had shared really happy stories about all of that. So of course they were going to think that I was continually to be happy until I told them, I wasn't. So I was like, regardless of how much this is going to suck, I have to stop this

because I can't move on and I can't process this until I'm no longer getting messages of like I'm so happy for you and you finally found it. You know what I mean? Is that a big part of your process to just be open with everyone, tell everyone what's up and get rid of everything and just clear him from your life? I think so because I don't. This is also so. You know, this is also so, unique, Eddie, I've never exited a relationship that wasn't horrible. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I didn't think about that.

So, like, all of them have, I've had a reason to. You had good reasons to get out. To hate them, to be mad, to be, and just, like, move forward. This one was like, what the? No. And this one, I'm still trying to understand and come out of. So, like, I get that. I don't think my body even knows how to process what I'm going through.

So that's also, like, a. extra layer on that. But yeah, I mean, I, if I don't be open and vulnerable, I will shut down. And I, I will legitimately be depressed. Like, we're not going to do that. I'm trying not to. We're not doing that. I'm like, I am not doing great right now. Please put something on my schedule. So I don't go here because. Oh no, Broadway Morgan's going out again. Oh, gosh, no. That I refuse to go to broad. I'm not drinking, Eddie. Like I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't drank anything. Since?

Mm-hmm. Because I know that it's going to make this worse. Good call. Good job. Good for you. That's awesome. Like one, I'll also. That is so mature of you.

Well, because also I don't, I'm not super hungry anyway. And I'm not, I don't even want to like drink water. So like, I'm just like, okay, I need to not be adding alcohol to this process. We've got to work on that part, though. I know. You need your friend to feed you. More forced cold juices. But yeah, it's like, I'll,

just go, I will literally go into a depression. And so I've realized the only way I don't is if it's like I have people holding me accountable. So if I'm so open to honest about it, I can't lie to myself. You know, I can't lie that this isn't happening and I can't take it back. Yeah. So if I just tell everybody, then everybody's going to be around me and say, hey, how are you doing today? Yeah. And I have to face it. Because I will. You know, I live by myself. I have my dog and my cat, but like I lived by myself, I could go into a hole if I wanted to. Oh my gosh. This is the same thing was talking about with when someone loses a loved one like check on you you want people to check on you you need people to check on you again but I sit right next to you and you walk in and I'm like

oh no Morgan's having a bad day do I leave her alone like really I think like do I leave her alone and if you notice I tapped you kind of on the shoulder rubbed you just give you a little love tap on your shoulder a little bit every now and then because I know that like I don't have the words right now again I don't have the words for you but I want you to know that I'm here for you You know what I mean? Even just you doing that. I was like, okay. It was like a calming.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But again, most people think like, let me just give her a space. Morgan doesn't need your space. Morgan needs the love. Yeah. And I did. I mean, just to your point, you were talking about earlier how you just felt like you just felt so much around you.

And I have. I mean, people have shown up. I've had multiple people stay the night with me. I've had neighbors dropping off wine. dudes? No. A girlfriend. Good.

All right. Making sure. No, no. I'm not spiring in alcohol. We're not doing that. Okay. Hooking up. And I'm not even on.

The idea of dating again literally makes me sick to my stomach. I can imagine. So I have. I've had people surrounding me. But like when you have a history of depression, it's going to come back no matter what you want to do. You know, you can have the whole world around you. And you're still going to be like, yeah, no, I want to, you know,

jump off a cliff real quick your therapist good yeah she's amazing but like it's just still hard it's it's fine you have to find your own ways to manage it so yeah because it's just like you know you go to church go to therapist whatever it is you know you feel good at that moment or you're learning so much at that moment but you're going to walk out those doors and you're going to face it again yeah back to real life waiting for you so that's where you need to take over you have to you have to find ways to manage it because otherwise you don't exist. I wouldn't be at work. I wouldn't be coming in every day if I didn't.

So I'm managing it. Good. But it hurts like hell. Yeah. Like just like I want to take away the pain for you that you felt and that you're feeling, like I take that on from everybody else. But for mine, I just let it stay there. You know what I mean?

And why I do that to myself, I don't know, but that's just what it is. It's good. I suppose the healing will come quicker that way, but... It'll take time. It just takes time. Time is the one thing I don't like. I know. I don't like that we get older.

I don't like that we lose people. I don't like that time is the thing that heals all the wounds. There's this component of our lives, time, that we literally can't control. It's really patience because all that's going to happen. Everything that we've talked about is just going to happen to everyone. I literally thought about a year ago. I was like, wow, man, I really haven't lost anyone in my life because I've seen like a lot of my friends lately kind of just like, oh, my parent, my dad passed. And we're just at that, I'm at that age where like our parents are getting older.

They're getting that age. It's funny. My dad would talk a lot too about all his buddies like, man, my buddies are dying around me. You would wake up, look at the obituaries, and be like, God, I lost another buddy. Like that's just kind of the age he was at and he wasn't that old, but you know, you're at that time where you're like, this is just going to happen to everyone and we're never going to be ready for it. But it's just, that's life. I know. Life kind of sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

It does. It does. My sister and I were saying that a lot. We were saying that a lot. It's the only thing that I can say to be like, you know, it just sucks. It's hard. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

Like the whole human. experience. It's just, and we choose to do it every day. Yep. Isn't that crazy? It is crazy. But we're good. We're good, Morgan. Yeah, we are. We're knocking feet right now. Thank you for coming on, Eddie. Of course. And crying with me and opening up about your family and stuff, you know. I hadn't really talked about it, really, you know, you can't talk about it on the show. That's part of it too, right? Like, my job here is not to be sad like and I like being happy like don't get me wrong I'm not acting happy I like being happy I like feeling happy and I really couldn't wait to get back to feel happy

with everyone with all you guys because um that's just a part of I just when there's a stressful situation or a negative situation I don't like it yeah want to get out well because it out is healing yeah you know you stay in it it, there's no healing. Yeah. So I like we're playing games again. I like winning easy trivia. Rude.

I like all that. You had to throw that one in there? You just came back in one. Yeah, I had to. I had to. I know. I know. But you also deserve to talk about it, you know,

because that's also something that I had to learn a lot later in my life now within probably the last few years of like, I can't always put on a brave face. Yeah. I can't. It was killing me. Like everybody constantly wanted to think that I was okay and I wasn't. And so you as a human, even though you are happy laughing Eddie, just had a really crappy thing happen.

And you get to be sad. You get to come in here and like not be okay. You know? Might need your couch a few times. You can use my couch as much as you want. Put a little sign out there like don't go in there. Eddie's on the couch. Yeah.

You can have the couch. Like, because it's, it's going to hit you out of nowhere. Yeah. And you can't stop it and you shouldn't stop it. But you deserve to have that too. Don't forget that when you're, you know, you're in here and you're being strong and it does make you feel good to be back. Like, because you feel so strong right now. But life just has a funny way of making you face your crap.

Yep. So. Right in the face. Don't be too strong. Okay. Deal. And I'll try to get strong. There we go.

Is that a compromise? Let's meet in the middle. Yeah. Okay. We're going to end this thing. Yeah. Thank you, Morgan. Thanks for coming on.

Of course. It was good to have a conversation with you and, you know, grief of all kinds. Sorry, guys. This wasn't the happiest podcast, but. That's why part two and part three are happy. Yes. I had a feeling that Eddie and I just needed to chat. Yeah, we haven't.

We haven't chatted. And you just heard it. Other than the videos are in. Eddie and I. have been on like survival levels of just like different proportions. And that's okay. All right. Everybody, I hope you have a great weekend.

Eddie, thank you again. Yes, you're so welcome. Everyone have a great weekend. Bye. That's the best bits of the week with Morgan. Thanks for listening. Be sure to check out the other two parts this weekend. Go follow the show on all social platforms.

At Bobby Bone's show. And follow Ed Webgirl Morgan. To submit your listener questions for next week's episode. On the senior show podcast, each episode invites you to a raw, unfiltered conversations about recovery, resilience, and redemption. On a recent episode, I sit down with actor, cultural icon Danny Trail to talk about addiction, transformation, and the power of second chances. The entire season two is now available to bench, featuring powerful conversations with the guests like Tiffany Addish, Johnny Knoxville, and more.

I'm an alcoholic. And without this group, I'm going to die. Listen to the Nisino show on the IHR Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Bob Pittman, Chairman and CEO of IHard Media, and I'm kicking off a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Magic, stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. Math and Magic takes you behind the scenes of the biggest businesses and industries while sharing insights from the smartest minds in marketing.

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Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.