The Bobby Bones Show - BONUS: A Message from Bobby + Too Much to Say With Kalie Shorr: Who Get's the Couch?

Episode Date: December 4, 2020

Bobby has a podcast for you to check out! Too Much To Say with Kalie Shorr. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!Too. Much to Say with Kalie Shorr: Who Gets The Couch?Okay, break ups suck. We all know that. But what happens when you share everything from your Nintendo Switch to your dogs? Chaos, that's what. Kalie shares her experience of moving out, moving on, and moving up. Follow Kalie on social media:www.instagram.com/kalieshorrwww.twitter.com/kalieshorr Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Dot APUS.edu slash military. Open doors to the future for you and your family with the help of American Military University. That's AMU. APUS. Dot E-DU slash military. Hey guys, Bobby here in a kitchen again in California. So if it sounds like I'm not in the studio, well, you are correct. Because right now I'm sitting in a kitchen and an Airbnb as we're shooting, you know,

my National Geographic show that we'll be out in hopefully early next year, early to mid next year. I'm steering it some bananas. I don't even have the bananas got there. We didn't order bananas, did we? Oh, Mike bought bananas today. Sitting to my right in the kitchen is Mike D. Where this is a minor league version of us living together in California because we're only doing close to two weeks here now.

At one time, we lived together in California for all. almost four months whenever I was doing dancing. So for us, it's just a trip down memory lane, right, Mike? Like a dorm room. This is a big dorm room, though. And we have four people staying here now. But I wanted to come on and say thanks. And I wanted to share an episode of a podcast I think you may like.

It's called Too Much to Say with Kaylee Shore. She's such a good artist. She is a singer-songwriter here in Nashville, very unique sound, a message in her music that transfers over so well into her podcasts. And great on Twitter at Kaylee Shore, K-A-L-I-E-S-H-O-R. Very real. She says it like she feels like it is. I never am into people going, well, I say it like it is.

No, you say it how you think it. Now, that's cool. She doesn't say this. I'm going on a tangent rant. That's when people go, I like that guy. He says it how it is. He says it how he feels. There's a difference.

I don't really believe there's in like it is. I think everybody's truth is basically perspective. Anyway, I digress. I wanted to share this episode she did about relationships and what it's like to break up with someone that you've been living with. She shares their own experience from a breakup to where she had to figure out how to split all their stuff. And also, my nose feels stopped. I just got a massage. Do massages step up your nose? Maybe it's because I was leaning. So I was doing stunt work today. And so I was falling off stuff and doing fight scenes and my neck is killing me. So they sent a massage therapist out here. And he shows up.

basically a spacesuit. He's got the mask on, something over the mask, and then a helmet and a face shield. So I never actually knew what the guy looked like. And I'm wearing a mask too as I'm getting a massage and your face is down the whole time. Maybe that's where it comes from.

My face, is that a thing? Probably not. Well, there was one point where he was like, massaging my hands. I was like, he had to put his hand in mine and I caught myself holding his hand back. Yeah. Anyway, check out this episode.

Although I like a male massage therapist. Just want to say that. I think so many guys don't. And then I'll go to want a guy. It's because you never had a good one. Right, ladies, once you get a good man, nothing's the same. All right, anyway. Check this out.

Be sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. The episode here is Kaylee Shore. Once you like it, once you listen to it, literally, type under your phone, too much to say with Kaylee Shore. It'll pop up, subscribe. Be a fan. Thank you. Enjoy the podcast. Hey guys, I'm Kaylee Shore, and this is too much to say. This week we're going to be talking about breakups, but not any kind of breakup, particularly

the kind where you live together and then you don't. And I've been through several different types of breakups, but I can tell you without a doubt that this type is obviously the most inconvenient, but there's just so many things that you don't realize you're going to have to deal with when this happens. So with a normal breakup, you know, you might go through the motions after, which are like deleting their number, unfollowing them on Instagram, you know, talking shit to your friends and just trying to put some distance between yourself and the other person. And sometimes when you break up with someone, you don't go the same places, you don't have the same friend groups and you really don't have to see them again. And that's great. And you can kind of just like put them away in a box and not have to think about it. then there's the breakups where your lives are really entwined maybe you work together maybe you go to school together maybe you have all the same friends and you have to kind of plan who's going to go to the birthday party and who's not and this is all under the assumption that these are messy breakups not like the ones where you can like go get a coffee after and check in on them

I don't know a whole lot about those ones so those pose a different type of risk because you know you're seeing them and that's hard because it's kind of reopening the wound all times. And, you know, they may have left some things in your closet. You may find a sweatshirt, et cetera, et cetera. But then when you lived together, it's a whole different thing. So it's not, like, necessarily a divorce, but it sure shares a lot of similarities. And when I was going through the move out of the breakup, it's like you're dividing everything. And obviously, like, you know, you're dividing the obvious things. Like, you know, um, okay, you can take the, TV in the living room and I'll take the TV in the bedroom or okay yeah those are your pots and pans I'll take these ones and like you know after six years who remembers who bought what anymore I mean

there were so many things we bought together and you know there was furniture but then there were like super super random things like Christmas ornaments and I wasn't thinking about that at first because we broke up in May of 2018 and as like you know that the year goes on I'm finding more stuff and I'm like, fuck, he's probably going to want this. And, you know, sometimes I would find something that, like, I found a book from one of our friends who had passed away. And there was this really, really lovely letter to my ex-boyfriend written in it. And I was like, he's probably going to want this. And I'm not excited to go talk to him.

But, like, I'm an asshole if I don't give him this thing. That's super, super important. And that was like, I feel like a year after the breakup, too. So it was just, I was kept finding these things and reasons to talk to him. And I remember, like, the week after we broke up, I was like, you need to get off my cell phone bill. And I was so pissed. Like, this was a very messy breakup. So all of this was like 10 times harder than it should have been.

There's just no such thing as a clean break in a breakup period, but especially in one like this. I had to get new car insurance. And, you know, he had to move out and find another place to live. And I took the apartment. But there were just so many things everywhere reminding me of him. And I felt like my house was a minefield of things to stumble across. And like it was super weird because he didn't move out everything all at once. And I remember the first time I had another guy over after we broke up.

I still had some of his clothes hanging in my closet. And I felt so fucking weird about that. And totally ruined it. And I was like, I'm not ready to get back out there. And, you know, I cut things off with that guy. But it was just his ghost, his energy, his shit was all still in there. And it just felt like the break. was even more recent than it was. And it felt like that for a really, really long time. And I mean,

I still, I just moved into a new place like right before quarantine happened. And thank God, I like, I used to live by myself, obviously after my ex moved out. And now I have roommates. And that's like totally saved me during the whole COVID thing because I'm such an extrovert. It would have been really, really hard to live by myself. But I was moving and I like found a bunch of stuff that I didn't even know I had it. It was just like hiding in boxes and like I found letters and pictures and I was just like oh and I don't necessarily like want to throw everything away like I don't want to hang on to it so I can still feel it but it's like I want to keep those six years of my life somehow so I just shoved everything in a box and put it in my storage unit and I don't really think I'm

going to look at it but it's also like I don't want to erase a six year period of my life. life. Like if I had gone through a best friend breakup, like I talked about on last week's episode, I would have kept like the pictures and I would have kept the presents they gave me and stuff. And maybe I wouldn't have looked at them all the time, but I still would have held on to them. So I kind of saw this as the same thing. And they're just in a box with his name on it, shoved under some, you know, Halloween decorations in my storage unit. But I kept them. and I think after the move, it was so good for me to get out of the apartment that we used to live in and get into a completely new space and be able to go through everything I owned and like purge everything that made me think of him. But there were so many things I had to get rid of in order to do that that I didn't necessarily want to get rid of.

One of those things was a bed that he had built for me. And he built me this really big king-sized bed frame and it was stained. gray and it was really cool and, you know, it was exactly what I'd wanted and he'd made that for me. And I had it for a really long time because king bed frames are really expensive. I really liked this one and I had him make me one like that for a reason. But it was really fucking weird to have that bed frame and, you know, have a male guest over in the bed that my ex-boyfriend built for me. It was really fucking weird.

And that was one of the last things I got rid of because I just, I liked the bed. But it eventually ended up being too much. And I was like, yeah, I don't want to do this at all. So my roommate actually bought it off of me. So now it's in her room. I'm like, you can do whatever you want with that bed because you have no emotional ties to it. Then there was the Nintendo Switch, which is like I'm still very, very salty about. So back when they first came out and they were sold out everywhere, it was. Christmas or his birthday. I forget which one. And I got him an Nintendo Switch. But because they were sold out everywhere, I think I paid like double for it. Like I paid like 600 and something dollars for this Nintendo Switch, which in retrospect, I realized was a little stupid, but you know, it made him really

happy. It was a great gift, whatever. And I got so obsessed with Zelda, Breath of the Wild, like, so obsessed. So I had beat all four of the divine beasts and those are like really hard to do. And I learned so much about Zelda and I got really into it. And it was during the winter. And so I just didn't have a lot going on and I was just sitting on my couch playing Breath of the Wild for hours at a time, which like, maybe me losing the Nintendo Switch was necessary because of how much time I was spending on it. But I really, really liked that game. And so I'd purposely beat all four of the Divine Beast. And so I could go into the final thing and beat Gannon, who's like the evil overlord, whatever. But I wanted to play it and do every single thing and beat like all 120 shrines or whatever there were.

If you guys have not played Zelda, I know I'm just like, this is gibberish, but just bear with me. So that was very important to me that I played the game like that. And it wasn't easy to get to that point and to get all the resources and like, you know, do the damn thing. And so when we broke up, I was still in the process of beating this game. Fuck me. I'm so mad because he took. it when we broke up. And I don't know how that works because it was a gift I gave him, but we used

it equally. And I paid a literal arm and a leg for it just for him to cheat on me and fuck my friends. So I'm definitely still a little salty. And I could go buy a new Nintendo Switch. Actually, I probably couldn't because, you know, I don't really have a job right now. But when I have money again, I could go buy a Nintendo Switch. But I'm kind of like maybe I need to just leave that in my past no matter how much I loved Breath of the Wild, I need to let it go. Then there were things like books and records and, you know, all the poetic things that you hear about in the Keith Herbert's only, take your records, take your freedom, take your records. No, actually, I will take the records. Thank you very much. I'll take the record player. Fuck off. So the things I got in the breakup

are mostly, I didn't have a TV for a really long time. I just didn't really really. I just didn't really care because I was doing so much, like, after we broke up. I don't even really watch that much TV now during quarantine. And there's a couple shows that I get really into, but I don't think I had a TV for like six months. And then finally my friends were like, Kaylee, get a fucking TV. You are a weirdo. So I got a TV and I got like a really small one that's like barely a computer screen. And my friend Catherine was like, Kaylee, get a big girl TV. So I got a big girl TV because she gave me one or else I would not have done it. But I was like told him he could have the TV and I would take all the other things, but it was really like, I made it seem like a sacrificial thing. I was like, I guess you can have

the television. But really, I just did not give two shits about it. So there were easy things to part with. There were difficult things to part with. But the really shitty parts of breakups like this aren't the material possessions. It was obviously the loss of friends, which I talked about on last week's episode that's really difficult and how do you divide a person i mean it this makes me think of that story in the bible about there's two women fighting over a baby and they're both saying that it's their child and the king is like okay well what we'll do is we'll cut the baby in half and then he was like that's how i'll know which one of you is actually the mother because the one who says no she can have him is the actual mother and i don't know what was running through the other

lady's mind where she was like yeah yeah i'll take like half a baby i'll take the torso please what the shit anyways there's a lot of weird stuff happening in the old testament but it makes me think of that because you can't just like cut your friends in half but i have this theory that okay picture a spectrum where i'm on one end and my ex-boyfriend's on the other and our friends are dead center so if our friends are in the middle they're too far away. way from either of us to actually be a good friend. And being Switzerland and being neutral seems like it's the adult thing to do. But I actually really disagree with that because you have to pick aside, especially if it's a messy breakup. Like you have to. You can still love the other person,

but like at the beginning, you really need to decide who you're going to be there for. Because if you're in the middle, you're too far away from either person to actually be a good friend. You can't actually listen to them objectively because you're too close to both people, but you're too far away. And then if you go a little bit over to one side, you're just getting further and further away from the other person. And so you just need to commit to one person over the other. And it blows my mind that in breakups, sometimes people go to the side of the person that their friend introduced them to.

Like, it's like, whoa, wait, homie, the only reason my ex-boy friend knows you is because I introduced you to him. And I just had a friend go through the same thing last week. And I was just like, I don't know why people do that. But honestly, pick aside when they are able to get past it and outgrow those feelings of anger and just be a little less resentful towards their ex. Like, then you can work on that friendship. But it is completely within your rights as a friend to be like, hey, you know, they're going through a really hard time. And I don't want to get in the middle.

and if I'm trying to stay friends with both of you, I am by definition in the middle. So I'm just going to try to be there for them in the best way. I know how. And I'll reach out to you when I feel like it's an appropriate time. Like that is okay. That's called setting a boundary. And I promise you both sides will probably appreciate that you did that, especially, you know, who's ever side you take because they're going to feel supported and they're not going to

have to worry about what they're telling you, you know? Like people want to talk shit. at the end of a breakup. They really, really do. And if they're like, is this going to get back to them? They're not going to feel safe with you. And you're just not going to be able to be the friend that that person needs. And it's just not worth it to be Switzerland. Unless it's the country. Switzerland, the country is a great country. But you know what I mean. Now the friends were hard, but the thing that still breaks my heart a lot. I'm going to try not to cry when I'm talking about it is we had two dogs together and their names are Buddy and June. I got June and I got her in

2013 right after I moved to Nashville. He got her as a puppy on Craigslist. She's a bads headhound lab mix and she's just the spunkiest little girl I named her after June Carter Cash and I got to watch her grow up from a puppy and she was the first dog I ever had. I didn't have dogs growing up, but I always love them. And so it was so amazing for me to finally be able to do that when I was 19. And when I first moved to town, I really didn't have any friends or know anybody. And so it really was just me, my ex-boyfriend in June. And we had his childhood dog, MJ there as well. And she was a really, really, really good dog. She passed away pretty soon after we moved to Nashville. And so June was especially important to have because she got both of us.

through that challenge, but she was technically my first dog. And I just adore her so much. She's, she's so cute and has all these, like, little quirks about her. Like, if you walk in the door, she's just going to, like, like, peddle her feet on the couch and just, like, yell at you and then, like, finally explode and just zoom across the room to go give you kisses. And about a year after we got June, I believe, in 2012. believe in 20, maybe it's 2015, so maybe two years after year and a half, we got Buddy. And Buddy is a

rescue from animal testing. So he came from this group called Beagle Freedom Project. And they rescue dogs out of labs and give them a second chance at life, whereas the lab would normally euthanize them. I'm probably going to do a whole episode on this because I want to be able to share the things I've learned from both adopting and fostering dogs from Beagle Freedom Project, but Buddy's a little miracle dog. He has tattoos in his ears from the lab and definitely some major anxiety problems, but he's so precious and like just wants to love people. And it's so beautiful to watch because all people really did the first year of his life was hurt him. And he's still so trusting of people and so loving and just wants to be everybody's friend. And he came with the name Buddy,

which I probably wouldn't have picked, but I couldn't imagine him being named anything else because he's such a buddy. And he's a little beagle lab mix and just looks like a forever puppy. Like he's like a little shrunken lab. And he's just the cutest. And so I put in a lot of time

and love and effort into helping him recover from his really traumatic life and give him a safe place to grow up and see him turn into the very healthy, happy dog he is today, and you really would never know that he went through so much. And I just fucking love those dogs so much. But when we broke up two years ago, I was touring all the time, but I was still insistent on us having shared custody of the dogs, which I know that sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. Basically, what we would do is the first few weeks, two months that we broke up, he was living with a friend and the dogs

weren't really an option for him. So I had them. And I'm so glad because it was a really shitty time for me. And also like living alone is kind of scary at first. So having my animals there was really awesome. And then he got his own place and was able to start taking them. So I was like, okay, well, let's go back and forth. So we do like two weeks on, two weeks off to, depending on my touring schedule, sometimes it would get a little bit, you know, rearranged there. But I had to see my ex all the time. We could just like, you know, drop the dogs in a neutral location and I'd go pick them up. Like we had to see each other. I had to go over to his house. He'd have to come over to mine or whatever. And it was always like, it was always dramatic.

And I mean, the first few times, he would always try to like make out with me or whatever. And I was just like, ugh. And it was just messy and super unnecessary. But I would literally do anything for those dogs. And that's why I had to eventually end up letting him have them the majority of the time. And then now he just has them. And I knew that with my lifestyle, traveling 24-7, that they would, you know, have to be with him anyways. And then that I would have to see him or I'd have to bring them to a kennel, which I wouldn't want to do. or pay for a dog sitter

and that just really gets really expensive on a musician's living. And there were just so many different factors but finally, you know, one day my manager was like, Kaylee, you just, you have to stop seeing him because it's fucking with you and it's keeping you in this headspace where you're still going through the breakup. Like the breakup felt so perpetual

because it was just getting so dragged out by all of this. And yes, that was because we lived together. but it was also because of the dogs and I kind of thought so our agreement was that he would get the dogs and I would dog sit whenever he went out of town but then the problem is and I probably should have known is that this is a he's lied before why wouldn't he lie again and he started having other people watch them and I would text him and be like hey um I heard that so-and-so watch the dogs or I would see something on Venmo where he'd like Venmo someone for pet sitting and I was like what the fuck like we had one term of this agreement which was that I would dogs at them and then also that

like if he ever had to rehome them for any reason or he was moving away to another state or whatever we'd have to completely reevaluate the situation because I don't want a new dog I want those ones I'm so attached to them and I haven't been able to shake it at all. Like, I love them so much. And so it hurt really bad when he was doing that because I was like, God, it's just like the fucking gift that keeps on giving. Like this breakup just keeps hurting over and over and over in new ways. And so I don't remember the last time I've seen them. I think I went over and took them out when he had a long workday or something one time, like maybe like a year ago. And that sucks. That fucking blows so bad. And

I'll always see pictures of them on my phone and like I still watch his story sometimes because I want to see the dogs and I have pictures of them and I've had so many fans give me presents like someone did this beautiful drawing of June and another fan gave me a snow globe that has pictures of the dogs together in it and I have these things all over my room and it's just heartbreaking and like last week and the week before I had like a couple of dreams. where, oh God, it just sucks so bad. I had a couple of dreams where I was with the dogs and it felt so normal and like they were there again. And I woke up and I thought they were in bed with me and they were. And it's, I know what sounds like dramatic. And if you haven't had a dog, it's like, oh, well, it's just a dog, but it's not. Like, when I didn't have any friends here, I had my dog. And when I went through the breakup, I had them.

When I was depressed and wasn't eating and wasn't taking care of myself, the only thing that got me out of bed was having to take care of them. And I was able to put their needs ahead of mine because I just didn't feel like taking care of myself. But taking care of them was what got me up and out of bed every morning and kept me from just spiraling because I'd have to get up and go outside and take them out and see the sun and not just completely just be a piece of shit and stay in bed for a week straight

because I probably would have otherwise. And so it's just really hard and it hasn't gotten any easier and I don't know if or when it will. The last time I had them full time, well not full time, but like when him and I were going back and forth. The last time I had them as like their owner, co-owner, whatever you want to call it, was January of 2019. And that was right before my sister passed away. So I had told my ex,

you know, he could come get them. I was going to keep them for a couple weeks and really enjoy that time with them. And so he came over and picked them up. But at that point, it was like the day after my sister passed away. So I had to. not only like leave my dogs and and give them to him but I also had to see him and then it was this a whole mess and I was just like sobbing and it was just probably the worst added layer to what was already the worst week of my life and it just was insult to injury and just really hard but one thing that really helped was when I went back home for my sister's funeral my dad had to um adopt her children, but he also had to adopt several of my sister's animals as well. And I was like,

Dad, you probably need one less mouth to feed. How about I take Monkey? And I think my dad might have actually offered, but Monkey's a cat that I've had since I was eight years old. So he's really old. He's 19, I think, at this point. His age is a little bit nebulous, but I know he's very old and he's like minimum 19 years old. And so I didn't have to. I didn't have to. to come back to an empty house without a pet, which I think was just like the grace of God because it would have sucked. And so when I was going through that and really missing them, I had monkey, and he's just such a good boy. He's like the kind of cat that makes people who hate cats love cats. And he's just so loving and he's amazing. And I have to take him to the

vet today because he's lost a little bit of weight. But other than that, he's, very healthy for his age and he's very spunky and very he got him a christmas sweater and he actually really likes it like i love him so that was the only thing that made this any easier so it's not a divorce but it certainly fucking feels like one and all i would say is think really hard before you move in with someone i wouldn't have done anything differently i have totally accepted that this was part of my life path and I needed to go through this to get to where I'm at right now. And I'm really happy with where I'm at right now. I do wish there were two little dogs here, but that's the only thing I'd probably change. But think really hard about it because it's not really something

you're just trying. It's something that's going to affect you. Even if you break up with them and you don't love them anymore and it's easier for you, you're going to be carrying around that guilt, knowing that it was hard for them and that they were going through all this stuff. And it just makes things 10 times messier. So if you're going to move in with someone, don't do it so you can save money on rent. Don't do it because you feel like you have to do it because you've thought long and hard about it. And you are pretty positive. This is the person you're going to end up with for the rest of your life.

So the day I wrote the song, The One on my album with Savannah Kise and Skip Black, I've talked a little bit about this on the podcast and in interviews, but I wrote that 10 hours after him and I broke up. And that was just a fucking day. And I went in the studio and I almost didn't want to go, but I was like, you know what? Being with Savannah and Skip always feels like therapy. I just kind of want to be around people. I know love me and won't judge me. And so I went into the right. We wrote the one, which ended up on my album. But we also wrote this other song that didn't. And it's called Couch. And so I wanted to play it for you because it's, about, you know, dividing up your things and it's very on point with this topic. So that's why this episode is called Who Gets the Couch? And this is my song. The ceiling fan like my world that's in your hand. Wish I could have said I'd seen this coming like it was written in the stars or something staring at the ceiling fan broken like

that door you said you'd fix I didn't know then that you'd walk out of it saving up for tickets making plans for forever anywhere we go we'd show up together now we're broken like that door you said you'd

fit I took it hard left your future in all your guitars now I'm sitting in an empty room You still belong to me and you A million questions in my head But all that comes out

Who gets the couch Picture On your own night stand Like it's some kind of message Like I don't give it down If I need a reminder that I'm broken-hearted Baby there's a million in this apartment I don't need a picture

On your own night's day Took your pride Left you feel All your guitars Now I'm sitting in an amp in you A million questions In my head But all that comes out

Cows that we saved up for Made out on Will you help me when I cry Call your friend with a truck You can have it Because I'm too tired Now took your pride Took it hard

You took my future and all your guitars. How the hell do we move on and move out? Questions in my head, but it's the couch. It's the couch. I've always loved that song, and it was so important for me to write. And I just want to say thank you to Savannah Kise and Skip Blackford, always letting me be honest and transparent and cry and write. And I'm happy that I got to.

play that song for you guys. If you are wondering, it's been two years now. And the fate of the couch, what ended up happening was he took the love seat. I took the couch. And now that couch is in my new boyfriend's house. So I don't live with him. But I gave him my couch because I didn't need it anymore. Anyways, you got it. So thank you guys so much for tuning in. Moral of the story here is if you're going through something like this, your pain is valid, but people survive crazy things. I've survived crazy things and you will wake up one day and not think about them. And you will wake up one day and look at, I don't know, a pillow or an end table or a book or whatever, something you used to have in your house together.

And you're going to just be like, oh, yeah, that's a pillow or an end table or book. It's not an embodiment of that person. So if you have gone through something like that, I'm sending you my love. I know it really fucking sucks, but I made it through it. And I got a kingbed all to myself now. I love that for me.

Thanks for tuning in. My name is Kaylee Shore, and this is too much to say. See you next Wednesday. All to you. All right. If you have ever dealt with a traditional home security company, you know the drill.

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