The Bobby Bones Show - BONUS: Get Real with Caroline Hobby -Amber Smith: Wife of Country Star Granger Smith shares her story of losing their 3 year old son River to a tragic downing accident.

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

This interview was emotional, inspiring, gut wrenching, raw and full of faith. No parent should ever have to bury their own child. The pain is too much to bare. Last week marked 1 year since River Kelly tragically died in Amber and Granger Smith’s pool. They had a fence and lock and all the precautions. It just happened so fast and silently. Amber tells me how adventurous River was, how sweet and kind he was; always picking her wild flowers and drying her eyes if she would pretend to be sad. Amber walks through the day the accident happened. She talks about her faith, and how she and Granger and their other 2 kids are still finding joy in life, even though Amber said “she may never be truly happy again.” The amount of strength and courage Amber has to talk about River’s death, to still find beauty in life, to be able to go on and want to help spread awareness to other parents about water safety with children, so no other parent has to experience this heartbreak, is just plain amazing. Amber is a shining light to this world of finding hope in the darkest places and never losing faith in God. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Dot, E-D-U-S-Military. Open doors to the future for you and your family with the help of American Military University. That's AMU. . APUS. dot E-D-U-S-Military. Hey, you guys, it's Caroline Hobby. Thank you for checking out the Bobby Bone Show podcast. I wanted to share an episode of my podcast, Get Real with Caroline Hobby.

episode is Amber Smith. She's the wife of Granger Smith and she is sharing her love story with how she met Granger at a music video shoot, their family, and how she coped and is coping with the loss of their young son River. It's such an intense episode. It's inspiring. The love that Amber shares, the heart that she shares is just so moving. So I know you will be so inspired and moved this episode and subscribe on iHeart radio apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast just search get real with caroline hobby and here is the episode now with amber my computer i am so happy to have you here amber smith thank you stunning this is like our first time to actually meet it is um we were just saying we feel like we know each other it's crazy how that happens

through socials but you feel like you've met somebody many many times and we've never actually officially met. And y'all are in Texas, right? We are. We're in Georgetown. Okay, I'm from Waco, Texas. So isn't that, Georgetown's like right by Austin, right? Yes, it's about 20 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes or so. Okay, Austin's my favorite city in Texas, hands down. I've never really spent much time in Georgetown, but we always drive through it because my sister and brother-in-law live in Austin. Do you love living in Texas? Were you and Granger both from there? we are we are both originally i've grown up in texas my whole life he's from dallas i'm from fort worth and then we kind of just picked a central spot we we thought austin would be like a good location

but we didn't want to be in the heart of austin and hit all the traffic so we just moved a little bit out we lived in round rock for a few years and now georgetown for gosh almost going on six six years here nice so i was asking i was like you and grandeur have been together for a long time Like, and you said 10 years and y'all met on the set of his music video. So talk to me about how y'all met and how old were you? Y'all must have been like baby. Yeah, I was 27, I think, when we met. And he actually messaged me through Facebook.

They were looking for actresses for his first music video. And they did, they ran an ad on Craigslist. They held auditions. And I think they actually picked a girl. But then whenever Granger went home, he was like, it just doesn't feel right. So he found me on Facebook through the people you may know, like my picture popped up.

And he just randomly messaged me and said, hey, I'm a country music artist. Would you like to come audition to be in my music video? And I was doing acting like small things, commercials and things like that. So I was like, okay, yeah,

I'll go meet some random guy. Like, not safe, but took my girlfriend. We met in Colleen. We shot the video in Colleen, and I just knew that I felt something that day. You know, we worked together all day. We had our first kiss that day. So your kiss was on set.

Yes. So our very first day of meeting was all filmed. Oh, my gosh. Was that first kiss natural? Was it awkward? Like, how to go? It wasn't awkward. He said the first, we did it four times.

He said the first two times I was acting, and the last two, it was real. Or is it like a all the way kiss? It wasn't just a peck. Like y'all had to get down. No, it was just no, it wasn't any French kissing. It was mainly pecks, mainly pecks, but sensual pecks. They got more sensual as the time went on. I guess that's one good way to break the ice.

Like, you've already kissed. You've already kind of crossed that line. You already had a connection. So, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. So then we left after that? I'm sorry?

Did you all start dating after that? So I messaged him, gosh, I made the first move. I messaged him about, I guess like a week or so later. And I was just like, I need to know if you felt something too. Like I just felt a connection with you. I need to know if you felt that same connection with me. And I was actually had been dating somebody else for like three, three, four weeks before. And he said, you know, being the gentleman that he is, he said, regardless of whether

you feel something for me. Obviously, you need to stop seeing that other person. And he made me wait a month after I stopped dating and then he asked me out for coffee. So, and then we're together. How respectful is that? Not even drinks, coffee. No. Coffee. We closed down to Starbucks in Fort Worth. We closed it down at like midnight. Dang. Yeah. So did you, were you ready to go for this country music life, this, and then, like, Earl Dibbles Jr., I, like, binge watched videos last night.

Earl Dibbles Jr., I can see why people are obsessed. It is a real, huge person, character. Like, Granger really has an alter ego. He has many, many, many alter egos. Earl is the one that kind of

took off, and it's, it's been such a creative release for him, because Earl doesn't care. Earl says what he wants. He sings what he wants. He's guns and shooting and, you know, he's just the country boy. So that is, you know, Granger's a little more buttoned up. And so that is his time to just release everything on stage. And it's just a fun creative release for him. Did Granger grow up a country boy? Yeah, he grew up in Dallas, though. I mean, he lived, I guess he lived in the city, but they always had their ranch. kind of in the west of Waco area. So he always grew up hunting and fishing.

And he's a country boy at heart, but he did live in the city. Did he, when he created these alter egos, like, did they come to stage right away? Or did it like slowly? Because how did he became a Texas big artist in Texas first, right? He did. He did. He did. We were doing the Texas scene, the ban and trailer days for, when I first met him, he had just kind of started

started touring in the van and trailer. And then so we did that for, gosh, a few years. He didn't hit, he lived in Nashville for five years before he met me, but we didn't, he didn't sign his record deal until 2015, I believe, in Nashville. So were you in the van and trailer? Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was, we were just talking about that yesterday.

Those were some of the most fun days, you know, we just, we would, we would, we would, fall asleep together on one bench of the van seat, you know, with all the guys and it's super late driving, just gas station stops and junk food and just, it was just really fun. Like, having to stay in like really gross hotels, just trying to make it work and hitting the pavement. And that was really fun. Then I got to go with them before we, before we had our babies, so. And the thing that I think is so crazy about all that is because Michael is the same way, like

vane and trailer days forever. I mean, they were in the van for years before they got a record. record deal and got onto a tour bus. And like you think never going to get out of that phase, you know? It's like you think it's never going to get, you're never going to get to the next level or you're going to be an advantage trailer forever. And then one day you're looking back and you're like, dang, those days were actually really, really sweet, you know? Even though they're so hard and the struggle was so hard, there's something so beautiful about it. Absolutely. It makes you appreciate. It makes you appreciate. It makes you appreciate.

where you are now so much more by having to fight and grind and work super hard to get there. So it wasn't like an overnight thing. He's been singing since, gosh, I think he picked up a guitar at 14 and he's 40 now. So he's been doing it a long time. So what about your acting career? Tell me about that. Like, how did you get into acting? Because I just interviewed Dennis Quaid and you're like, I acted with him.

I did a role with him. So, I mean, that's awesome. How did you get into that? Yeah. I went to school for broadcasting, and I always thought I wanted to be like an entertainment reporter on E or something. And then I just, I did like a few open casting calls of commercials and print shoots and things. And I, I really just loved it. So in 2008, I found an agency in Dallas and I just started doing commercials and small movie roles. And one of the first

ones I did was Beneath the Darkness with Dennis Quaid. And I played his, his deceased wife. I played a ghost. But he was just one of the nicest people. You know, you know, you spoke with him, and he's just a great guy. But yeah, so I, then I was doing commercials and small roles, and I did a couple of things I'm proud of. I was on a small role on Dallas and a small role on American crime. And I just enjoy it.

You know, it's, I don't know, I just, I love it. I love the set and all the waiting around. Granger doesn't like that too much, but I enjoy it. Yeah. Is it hard to get into the mind? mindset of someone else. Like I feel like I would feel so awkward trying to like trying to play a role of someone else. I feel like I would be so awkward about it. Do you just naturally love that? Like are you, can you switch it? I don't. I'm not saying I'm a good actor. I just love it. Like I am not one of

those people who can who can meticulously or like change into morph into somebody else. I don't have that gift. But I just love it. I love doing it. So I look up to two actors who, can do that and it is hard for me it's not it doesn't come naturally or easy i have to kind of work at it so but i just love it and i guess brander's an actor too honestly he yeah he i would say he's better than i am he can change into i mean he keeps me laughing he can change into character with just like that um he could he's very good in impersonations too he can impersonate anybody he meets change his voice you know he just yeah he could step into all kinds of different characters Does he have lots of voices in the house, like when y'all are at home?

Is there lots of alter-degos flying around? He does. He'll, he will. He'll talk like his friends and his family and come up with characters to make the kids laugh. So, yeah. So I wore my Live Like Rib shirt. Yes. You have been the just the bravest, beautiful, most beautiful soul and mom out there.

you've gone through something that no mother whatever should ever go through like I mean you know it's just it's hard for me to even talk about with you because I feel so much in my heart for you and your family but you've been so vocal about the loss of your littlest river and I feel like you're intentionally speaking about that I am

um do we want to talk about what happened or yeah I mean whatever you're comfortable with. Okay, so I guess for people who may not know, we lost our youngest Sun River. He was three, and we lost him to a drowning in our backyard. You know, we thought we had done everything right. When we moved to Georgetown, we moved to a house with a pool,

but it didn't have a gate. That was one of the first things we did was installed an iron four-foot fence with a lock. We always talk to our kids about not going near the water. we had swim lessons you know it just is something that happened so quickly um grainger was outside with with all the kids i i was in the shower and i heard my daughter scream and when i went out there granger was already doing CPR and rive um and he he had it just goes to show how quick and silent it is i mean it there was no splash there was no

sound of the gate. Nobody saw a river go on the gate. Nobody heard the gate close. And Granger was 20 feet from the pool, just doing gymnastics with London and turned around and he was in the pool. So it's something that we will never understand how it happened, how it was so silent, how fast, how quickly it happened. But we made the decision that, you know, we could either hide away and not ever talk about it and not honor his life, or we can. could do everything that we could to hold our family together and to share our story and try to help this, try to prevent this from happening to anybody else. So I've kind of made that my mission to honor River in that way. So I was, I've been, I love following you, but I've been like

reading all your, your posts today and yesterday especially. And you talked about ambushes and Godwinks and how they both happened. And like you got hit with an ambush, I guess you were saying, because they're like a fire stations and he built a couple of miles from your old house where it wasn't there when the incident happened. Yeah, so we've learned a lot about drowning and how fast you need to get the heartbeat back before brain damage occurs. And we were on the phone with 911 for 10 minutes before they got.

there. So there was obviously not a fire station close enough to get to us within five minutes. So I was driving home the other day. And our new house is relatively close to our old ones, like two miles. And I saw that they're building a brand new fire station right there. And I was just like, it broke my heart because I thought, you know, what if they could have got there five minutes sooner? You know, could anything have changed? I don't know. And I can't, I can't do that to myself. So I just tried to say, well, now they are. Now they're there. Now if it happens to somebody else they'll get there in time and hopefully they can save them so trying to see the positive but it still hurts when you get hit with that because it's like why couldn't they have been there during our

accident you know and as it you said living in the what-ifs like you can't live in the what-ifs and I'm sure that is just so hard sometimes you probably have to spiral down into the what-ifs do you have to just spiraling sometimes and then you have to just tell yourself like do you give yourself a moment to just go all the way like I had one post you said you just raised Like you had to rage and scream and like let it out and then you had to tell yourself, okay, like, how do you, how does that process go for you? I think one of the big things about grieving is it's so personal and it's so different for everybody. And the time that you talked about raging, we're moving right now. So this is kind of bare back here behind me.

But this was filled with pictures and memories of Riv. And I just lost it one day and I was just screaming. Like I don't want a memorial wall of my son. I want my son and I just I do allow myself to let it out. I scream. I yell at God. I pray. I hit my knees.

I cry because it's healthy to mourn and grieve. And I think if I hold that in, which is what happened that week, I held it in all week. It's not healthy and it takes a toll on your body. And so that's one thing I do allow myself. I still cry every day. I allow myself a small portion of time to cry in the day. And then I pick myself up and I say, okay, you know, I trust you, God. and we're going to fight and we're just going to keep taking steps forward.

And I'll do that for the rest of my life, you know. How have you and Granger gone closer during this? That's one thing I'm so grateful for is we have, we're closer than we've ever been. You know, obviously going through something like this, it could either put a wedge in between you and force you apart or it can bring you closer. And thankfully for us, you know, the day we left the hospital, We looked at each other and we said, we're still a family. We're going to go home. We're not going to let anything tear our family apart.

We have to go home and tell our two children that their brother is gone. And we're going to do everything that we can to stay together, fight through this, trust God. So we did go to therapy. We went to on-site in Tennessee, which was incredible. It's amazing. And deep, intense, hard work. And it really helped us both. And then our children have been in counseling for seven months since the accident.

And yeah, we pray together. We talk about our feelings. And that's kind of another thing through grief is he grieves differently than I do. And you have to accept that about your partner. Like I can't get upset with him if he's happy one day or, you know, or if I'm super sad, like you have to respect the way they feel because it's so personal. Like for him, he can't look at pictures and videos of Riv. Like it hurts him, it breaks him.

But for me, that helps me. It makes me feel like I'm still close to him. So just respecting your partner and knowing when your partner is sad and knowing when to step back and let them have a moment. And then also knowing when to grab them and hug them and help them through it. So we've definitely become closer. Is it hard to allow yourself to be happy? That's one thing we talk about all the time is still finding joy.

And I told Granger the other day, I don't know that I'll ever be happy again, but I have joy. I am so grateful for everything I still have in my life, my kids, my family, you know, our community that has come together, feeling God close to me. Like I find joy in those moments. But yeah, if I'm ever having a good time laughing with the kids or laughing with my friends, you do kind of stop for a second and you're like, you shouldn't be laughing. Why are you laughing right now?

Like your son is gone and that's hard to fight through. but your left ones would want you to keep going and to be happy. But it is a struggle. I mean, you feel guilty, but I'm trying to fight through that. Yeah. So Lincoln had a dream, a really vivid dream. Did that? I mean, you don't know what it's much like give you so much happiness and peace.

The happiness, like true happiness, that must give you like so much joy when you have stuff like that happened. So tell me about that dream because like when you, you typed a lot and I was like, wow, That's such a vivid dream of River. I know. And he remembered it. He came right in one morning and he said, Mommy, I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to be sad.

And I said, okay, he said, I dreamed about River and told me exactly what he was wearing. He said he was wearing some crab floaty. He had on some red goggles. He was holding, he told me a week later, he said he was holding this big leaf, this big Hawaii leaf. And like, just such a vivid dream. And so he told him that God was fun and that.

Bob, he's one. God is fun and that you know he he said did you see me by the pool um he said did you see mommy and daddy in CPR and in the dream you know Lincoln said yes and he said and then I woke up and that gave me so much hope like you know we were doing CPR and then he woke up in heaven and talks about how fun God is and I looked up the meaning I showed Lincoln some photos of different leaves and I said well what leaf was it that he was holding and it was a palm leaf you know which is symbolizes eternal life and I'm just so grateful that he was able to have his brother visit him. You know, kids are so close to heaven. They're so innocent. The veil of heaven and earth is so much thinner than we think, and they're so close. So I'm just grateful that he got that. He got that dream to be with his brother.

How have Lincoln and London been with all of this? Lincoln, London, you know, she's older. She's eight now. When it happened, she was seven. She had some really hard moments in the beginning because they were there and they saw everything. And they kept saying, why was Bobby purple? Why did he have purple cheeks?

And so she was a little scared for a little while. But now, you know, we've allowed them to talk about their brother and remember their brother and look at pictures and videos and laugh. And thankfully, they haven't had any terrible breakdowns, any, I'm so grateful that they are in such a good place and they view heaven in such a beautiful way that they're not scared. They still want to swim, which is crazy to me. Wow. They're doing so good. They're doing great in school. I think counseling has really helped them. But yeah, they're doing the best that I could ever hope for for having to go through such a traumatic thing at such a young age.

Oh, yeah. Lincoln, Lincoln did. Sorry. No, no, go ahead. I was going to say Lincoln did We drove past where River, we call it his angel spot where he's buried. We drove past that the other day and that's the first time that Lincoln cried, really cried, sent in a year. He never, he holds things in, I think, and he actually released a lot of stuff that day. So I'm glad London will cry and let it out. But even still, she's only done that about three times this year. So I'm grateful that they're not extremely sad all the time.

You know, they remember River in a happy, happy, fun life. And another thing you posted was for, like, not allowing yourself to go down the spiral of guilt because you and Granger are amazing parents. Like, I see myself and you guys. Like, we're all just trying the very best we can to provide the best, happiest life for our kids to keep them safe. But, like, no one is safe from anything like this. It just can happen to anyone. at any time and you're doing the very best you can and you said you have to just like not blame yourself

and I totally agree with you because it's so easy to probably want to blame yourself but you even said like what I would have given if I hadn't taken that shower I would love to give that shower back but it's like you just needed five minutes I mean you're with three kids all day every day like you got to find five minutes for yourself somewhere you know that's been that's been really hard because it was one of those nights, I put it on my Instagram, it was one of those not, you know, as a mom, you're exhausted and you have, it's not all over you and you're, you're, they're climbing all over you all day and you don't have two seconds to go to the restroom or anything. Oh yeah.

So that night, that night I was frustrated and I just said, you know, Granger said, they were outside and Granger said, can you take the boys inside? And I was like, I just need five minutes. I just need to go take a shower. And then between the time I took the shower is when it happened. And it's like, how can you not feel guilty about how can you not think, God, if I wouldn't have taken that shower, if I would have just put him to bed. But I'm trying to, as a Christian, you believe that God knows your time. And we're trying to trust.

We don't understand. But we're trying to trust that for some reason, this was, this was River's time on Earth. And that was his time to go home. And we can't beat ourselves up about it. We just have to try to continue trusting and living for River. living for the Lord and just keeping going until it's our time and forgiving ourselves for something that we don't have that much control over. Exactly.

I mean, forgiving yourself for honestly doing nothing wrong. Honestly, I mean, you know, it's just, it's the what if game. And I can't even, I can play the what if game with stuff that doesn't matter all day long. And so when you're in a real situation like this, it probably gives you so much clarity about what actually really matters in life. I bet you don't give much of two cents about stuff that you used to at all anymore.

We waste so much time focusing on stuff that absolutely does not matter. And then you get hit with something like this and you're like, nothing matters, really, except for family and God and trying. I mean, what has that brought to your awareness about what matters to you. I mean, you said it exactly.

I hate that it took losing my son to open my eyes to the world and to what is important. And, you know, little dumb, trivial things that, you're right, they just don't matter. The only thing that matters in life is your family and God and helping people and loving people and trying to bring people to the kingdom of heaven. Like that's seriously the only thing that matters. And people get so worked up over little tiny things. And it's not their fault. It's just until something hits you like this, you don't know.

You don't know. You don't realize the bigger things in life and the most important things in your life are right in front of you. And people get so upset about, well, people get so upset with their families with other people over stupid stuff that like draws rifts in their families or draws rifts in friendships or. People take stuff so personal that was just, like, misinterpreted. And it's like, let's just cut all that out and just see through the lens of love. Because life is short, and it's real short. And like you said, sometimes you look back on these pictures and you're like, you don't even know that you're taking these pictures and that you'll look back and be so thankful you have them. I don't know exactly what you said because you don't know that they're last.

you never know when it's your last moment with something, with someone, or when an error is over, not even just like a death, but like when a season is over, even like talking about the van days and like with Brainger on the road. Like, I was thinking about that with Michael the other day. Like, I remember like on the road with him, I was like, gosh, I'm just like, I'm so ready for us to be able to be in a bus and like, you know, it'd be so great if people actually came to the show and like all sorts of stuff. But then you look back and you're like, wow, like those are moments that.

we're fun. Like we were young with no cares. And you did that on your 10-year challenge. Like, no cares at all. Like, the biggest care I had was like, where am I going to get my drink? Are I going to be able to hang out and party on that I'd have fun? And I'm so glad I had that youth and that innocence and that just like no real responsibility.

Like, I feel grateful to have had a season in my life like that. And then it's over. And it's just over one day. And it will never, ever be back again. And so it's like you have to enjoy these moments because there's sometimes there's just a big end to things. And you never see it coming. No, it's like Ranger said, you know, he said the other day, there'll be a time when you'll run outside and play with your friend for the last time. Or you'll lay your baby down in their crib for their last time or you'll give them that one more kiss.

It'll be the last time. You just don't know when that last time is going to be. And that's why especially now, we're just, you know, he always says it on his podcast. We're planning for the future, but we're living for today. That's all we have. And like I said, it's hard in motherhood when you're tired and you're exhausted. And, you know, you just want a little bit of a break. But just trying to live for today, for the next breath, for the next step,

and just be in the moment as much as you can because you just don't know when your last moment's going to be. Was it hard for you to get back out into public and to get back into your life? Has that been a transition? um we did we we we kind of shied away from because we had just started the smiths two months before on our our youtube channel and we we spent time we stayed with our family for about two weeks we kind of went dark and then we decided that's when we made the choice like let's let's open up let's be vulnerable let's talk to people about our story about what happened about our faith about god's grace and um so it obviously you know with social media there there's a ton of

negative stuff that comes with that. So I think the hardest part stepping back out is just the negative, the negative comments, the negative backlash, but just got to focus on all the good because 98% of it is wonderful and great. But that 2% sometimes it's hard, especially when you're going through a really traumatic, traumatic thing. And you're trying to be vulnerable and share your story to not focus on the negative, the negative comments and that thing. Right, negative comments? Oh, my gosh. we got it it was horrible um you know basically saying um you should have just watched your kid or you know you've you killed your child or um we should be in jail um you know there were lots of comments saying

you know these they're just rich and famous and they they if it was any normal person they would be in jail and i'm thinking you know it's like people think we weren't investigated like we're a normal family police came police interviewed us we had child protective service we had child protective service has come out and interview us and our family multiple times. Like it's just hard when you're going through something that terrible to have, to hear those things about you and your family. When you know in your heart, like you try your best to be a good parent and just tragic accidents happen. So that was hard. But we're coming out of that. We're coming into hopefulness and gratitude and kindness. Like there's so many kind people and our national community is rallied around us,

the music community, our friends and our family. And that's, That's what we have to focus on. It's like Bray Brown says, if you're not in the arena with me, you don't have the, you don't get the right to comment and hurt my heart. So keep your little group together and trust your family, trust your friends, and listen to those people who truly love you and truly matter and don't focus on negative energy in your life. So you said one time you were praying and you actually heard an audible voice from God and

it said something like, I've got RIV, I don't know exactly what you said, I've got rib and everyone is grieving something. And it was like a big moment for you, a big, like a eye-opening moment for you. Yeah, I'm, I've really been trying to cultivate a relationship with God and I feel like I hear him speak to me occasionally. I know that might sound crazy to some people, but I had, yeah, I had been having a really rough, rough time and I had been allowing myself to grieve, but normally it's for a short amount of time. I'll grieve for an hour or something. This was days. Like I was just wallowing. I was feeling self-pity and guilt and anger and sadness.

And I finally just heard like enough. Stop it. Like you're not the only one hurting. Everybody is hurting in this world. You're not any more special than anybody else. Pick yourself up. I've got Rive. I've got you.

And you can do this. And I immediately just like wiped my eyes. And I was like, okay, let's go. You know, and not to say, you can't grieve and you can't mourn because you should and that's healthy, but don't allow yourself to be stuck there. Don't allow yourself to never get out of bed. Like you got to get up. You got to keep fighting.

Everybody in this world is hurting, whether they're grieving a death or the loss of a job or all this stuff going on right now with COVID. You know, everybody is hurting. And we have to just try to live our life compassionately and hopefully and just take the next step. Has it been hard at times to stay. in gratitude with God or to stay. Has it been hard not to be super angry at God at times? That's one thing.

I don't feel like I've ever been angry at God. I've been angry. I've been mad. You know, like, this is not fair. I don't want this, but I've never been angry at him. And I don't know. That's hard to explain. I've just never been angry at God.

It's like I've always just trusted. I don't understand it, and I am angry at times, but I'm trying to not, like I said, not let myself stay in that anger. And I think part of that that's helped me is I have felt so comforted by God since the very first night that it's happened. I just felt him with me the whole time in the hospital and the whole time after that. And any time I'm really grieving or very much desperate calling out to him, he has just showed up for me. And so it's really hard to be mad at a God who shows up for you when you

need him, you know? You can be mad at things in your life. So does he show up for you in all different ways, like a feeling audible? You get signs. Like how does, how has he shown up for you? Yeah, I think, I think starting within the hospital, it was a strange feeling of, you know, you're going through one of the worst things you could ever go through, but it was this feeling of peace. like he was helping guide my decisions because I wasn't in my right mind I was in shock and he was helping us guide our decisions as to what we were going to do next you know we made the decision to donate rivers organs I could have never thought of that in my right you know my right mind but I felt him with me and I felt I felt like river was home and he was guiding us and since then you know

there was a river a rainbow at river service um I asked for I asked for like a physical of a blue butterfly one night and I got that the next day and I was crying out the other day and I immediately looked up and there was a cardinal on the fence and I'm just a firm believer in little signs like that and I know some people think those are coincidences but I just as a Christian you don't you don't believe in coincidences and I just feel I just feel him with me all the time and I'm just grateful for that yeah oh man Amber yeah so what What does life look like for you today? Today, currently, we are moving out of this house.

We moved from the house where the accident happened a month later. We just couldn't be there. Moved into my brother-in-law's house that he was selling. So we knew this was kind of a safe spot for us to regroup and think about what we wanted to do next. So we're going to be out of this house in 10 days. We found a little piece of land and we're going to hopefully live in an RV for a little bit. and we're going to hopefully build a small farmhouse and just try to continue our mission in saving, trying to prevent this from happening to other people, talk about water safety,

and we created the River Kelly Fund to help give to other people. Just trying to speak out and join forces with other moms who have lost a child to drowning and just all of us coming together can hopefully save other lives. So Granger should hopefully get back to touring in the next couple months when that ever opens up again and just trying to move forward, carrying this loss with us and living for RIF and living for our kids and living for our family. So what would you say the mission is that you're trying to speak up about? And like how are you, what are you wanting people to know about water safety? I just want parents and caregivers and babysitters to know that this can happen to anybody. You can think that you're taking all the precautions, but it's not one thing that's going to prevent it.

It's not just supervision. It's not just a gate. It's not just swim lessons. You need multiple layers of protection, and that's what we've been talking about. One thing I didn't know, like, when I always went to the pediatrician, you know, your pediatrician asks you, how's your baby eating? How are they pooping? How is this? No one ever said, do you have a pool?

Do you know it's the number one killer of children, one to four? Like I never knew that. Do you know it takes less than 30 seconds? Do you know that they can have brain damage before four minutes? I just am trying to educate people about that because you don't know. You see it in movies and it's like, oh, you scoop them up and you give them CPR and everything's fine. That's just not the case. It takes you go into the restroom and your child to wander off in 15 seconds, 20 seconds.

And that's how fast your life can get turned upside down. So I think just speaking out about that and telling people about swim survival, you know, I only ever knew of swim lessons, but now they have a new thing called swim survival where it teaches babies to float. So you can start that as early as eight months where if your baby falls in, they can learn to roll over and float. Yeah, just trying to educate people about all of the steps needed and all of the multiple layers of protection that you can have to protect your babies.

So your heart will never be the same. No. And you said you may never know if you can be truly happy again. So what does happiness look like for you now? Just finding joy throughout the day. I think being grateful, having gratitude helps me to be, it's hard to be angry, it's hard to be bitter when you're grateful. So I think just looking around you and still being grateful for things that we do have in our life,

I think that that brings happiness, seeing my kids happy. Seeing Granger working on a song, he's creative again, which that's taken him a little while to get there. That makes me happy, seeing him happy again. Hearing other stories of people sharing their stories saying, we put our baby in swim lessons, or we installed a gate because of you, we opened up our Bible again because of your son. You know, that brings me happiness that his life has meaning and we're bringing people to heaven, you know? that makes me happy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Amber, you, like, you are so strong. Like, I literally look at your Instagram all the time and I'm just like, you are such, if we are talking about how life is just a blink

and the ultimate goal is to get to heaven because we're all on our way to heaven on this earth. None of us are getting out of here alive and somebody are taking, are taken way too soon and some of us live a long life and you never know when our time to go is going to happen but when something does happen that's out of what we think is prepared for or it's tragic i just the way you are handling it and the way you are stepping up and like bringing god into all of your post and like talking about your honest feelings and being vulnerable the fact that

you are willing to share like you do, you are so inspiring, and I know that's not what you want to be. Because I know more than anything you want to have river back, but the fact that you are using your situation that you've been dealt in the way that you are, I just, you are using your life for God in such a huge way. And that is so incredible of you to do that because you are absolutely changing other people's lives by the way you're showing up in your life. And I know that's so hard. And I just wanted to tell you everybody who knows you and sees you and Granger and

your family sees that about you guys. What a light you are and how you are using the situation to still find light. And that's almost near impossible, but y'all are doing it. It's been hard. People say you're so strong. And all I can say is that I'm not. I'm weak, you know, I'm weak, but I got a strong God. So that's what I'm holding on to.

And I thank you for saying that. This river was such a light in our lives, and I can only hope to still continue to shine that and just let people know that you can do hard things. You can get through hard things, you know, but not alone. I love all the videos you posted of him. I love the one where he was, like, eating. It was like some sort of candy, lollipop or something.

And Lincoln and London were asking if they could have some. And he was like, of course. Of course. Like, he's so sweet. The sweetest, yeah. He was the sweetest. And then when he came up to you and y'all were laying on the bed, I mean, I just, like, I stare at your videos all the time.

And he, like, whispered in your ear, Mom, I got to tell you a secret. You got to have a cookie. God, he's the brightest light. It's such a little bitty age. Was he always bringing humor? All the time, always laughing, always dancing. I always felt like he, people always said when they looked into his eyes, it was a, you could just, he could like see inside your soul.

He just had this, this light about him and all of, you know, all of our children do. But there was just something. It's like he knew something that we didn't. Or I don't know, he just, he knew Jesus at age two. Like he said Jesus was his friend. I never told him that. You know, yes. I never told him that.

We talk about heaven and we talk about God, but I never told him that Jesus was his friend. And he just, I don't know. It was like he always wanted to go fast. Nothing was ever fast enough. I feel like he was trying to get in all he could in those three years. It's like he knew. He knew he didn't have much time or something.

He was just a special, special boy. So he was an adventure lover. Oh my gosh. I mean, there's so many videos. I'm like, I'm going to end up in the ER with you. You're going to keep me on my toes. And so many times he could have. really been hurt, but he was spared.

And it's like, I don't know. We always had this sense that something was going to happen in a strange way. And there's a lot of moms that I've talked to about that, that have lost a child, that they said that was the one that they felt something may happen to their child. And that's strange to say, but I'm not scared of danger at all. No, no. He would always tell me, like, if he was going faster, if he was climbing on something,

I would always, you know, try to get him down. and he would go, it's okay, it's okay, mama, it's okay. Telling me not to worry, but yeah, he was an adventure. He loved it. And a video I watched honestly this morning like probably seven times when you were fake crying and came up and helped your face. What he did you and said, don't cry, mama, don't cry, mama. That's what I hold on to, hearing that little voice,

and I actually heard that. I was crying one day at his angel spot. Tears on my desk. I was crying at his angel spot and I heard that little voice say to me don't cry mama. You know, like I'm not here.

Don't cry. Meaning he's not in his earthly body. He's in heaven. His spirit is there. You know, and it's such a beautiful but sad, sad thought. But yeah, I hold on to that little voice like telling me, don't cry, don't cry.

I'm okay. Yeah. So you have something in motherhood that a lot of us don't have yet, which is dealing with a loss of a child. But what has motherhood shown you? Like all the layers of motherhood, the good and the bad? Like, what have you, what has motherhood taught you? That it's the most amazing best thing ever, but that it's also one of the hardest.

It's unpredictable. It can break your heart. but still leave you with joy in a strange way. Gosh, that's a hard question to answer. I've always wanted to be a mom. That's all I've ever wanted to be. And just to trust the process, trust God, and love your kids, love your kids today.

Be with them. Forgive yourself. Give yourself grace. We're all just trying to do the best that we can. And you're a good mom. You know, don't ever be hard on yourselves. Your kids just want you and love. you and yeah I just love them as much as you can today. What have you learned about marriage

in these 10 years that you've been married? That you can go through some of the hardest things in your lives but it can it can make you grow stronger together, make you grow in your face together. I've just learned so much about my husband and about our relationship and how no matter what you go through, you can make it. If you try and you trust the Lord and you join together and you stand together and that we're different and you're going to handle things differently and just to respect each other and communicate with each other and let each other know what you need.

And you can make it. Yeah. Yeah. How has music been a part of Granger's recovery? For a while there, he wasn't feeling very creative. you know, as you can imagine. And then about a month ago, he hit, he hit a really creative, he just hit the ground running and he's been nonstop ever since.

And it's been really helping him to write and create again and be in the studio again. So that's brought, I know that's brought some joy. The guys have been recording some, some shows and they're wanting to do some live shows on Facebook. And I think that'll be helpful for them to get back together and play and just have that camaraderie again together. So, yeah. How has quarantine life been for you guys?

Texas has been a lot different, obviously, than other places in the world. Like, we were quarantined officially, like, stay at home for at least two weeks or three weeks, whatever they told us. And then we started being able to go out with masks and the kids miss their friends. They're, like, dying for play dates. And school was a little tricky, teaching at home. There was a lot of fighting and a lot of tears. But we did it.

But we did it. last day was yesterday so we have now we had the third grader and a first grader now so we did it what was that like you'd be a teacher uh getting what i learned was that my children your children obviously learn and act differently with you than they do their teachers so they didn't want to do work with me they're like they're just like no i'm just going to go watch youtube like no you have to sit down and do your work lincoln would want to do london's work they would want to fight over computers and it was just every person I talked to said it was just so stressful but um it was it was nice for me to be able to see what teachers have to go through you know how they have to handle

different how different children learn and and i just i've always respected teachers i've always love teachers but it i'm sure it's given a lot of parents a new respect for for their teachers man all of the um videos going around like instagram and tic talk and facebook of like parents teaching their kids. And like the parents were like strung out and like it's in the day, they're like holding a martini and they're like, teachers, you got to come back. You got to teach your kids. I'm like, I can't even imagine. I was so bad at school myself when I was in school. I mean, I like kind of, I hate to say, it's sort of like just skated my way through. I didn't really ever learn much in school. I just tried to like get through it. I don't have no idea how to teach. I wouldn't have no idea how to teach

my kid had to learn anything, especially like math. Oh my gosh. Or science. Yes. That was one thing I was grateful for is that my kiddos are still a little younger, whereas some of my friends were teaching older, like algebra. I would be like, no, just Google. Luckily, we're just doing like short addition and subtraction so I could handle that. But yeah, I can't imagine teaching like fifth grade geometry or something. I don't know what I haven't done that in years. I know. It's like, why don't even learn that? Because none of us know how to do it. Right. It need to be. You need to be because how to write checks and clean the house and like actual stuff that we're going to use. Like life skills.

Okay, here's how you balance money. Here's bank accounts. Here's how you have some savings. Like learn about how to set yourself up for your future. You don't really need to know calculus unless you're going to be some sort of math wizard. I know. I think that's taught me is how much can be done online? Like I never knew, like I never even knew I could do interviews like this online.

until I always thought I had to do everything in person and I think what we're realizing is that whole culture is like we can do a lot of stuff online and it's made us get creative with that. Absolutely. I've also noticed I feel like it's made people care more like about people's birthdays or or anything and there's been so many parades and drive by things and like Zoom girls nights and you know it just may I think it's actually made people come closer together in a strange way even though we're supposed to be separated or apart. It's just made people crave that feeling of being close to somebody or taking care of somebody or doing a birthday party or anything.

I feel like it's brought us closer together in that way. And also, online church and, you know, worship services and stuff. I feel like so many more people are now joining the online service if they didn't want to ever walk into a church. So I think that's been a plus as well. And I'm so glad, like you said, virtual girls nights because I have so many friends that I want to keep up with. But, like, honestly, and when you are running your household,

you got your kids running around, it's like you don't, it's hard to get out and, like, leave the house and go do stuff. But you want to have a wine night with your girlfriends. Like, now I've realized, why don't we just hop on Zoom? Have an hour and a half. Yeah. And then everyone just stays in their pajamas and goes right to bed. Yeah, you don't have to drive.

You don't have you to think. Exactly. You have to spend money. Totally. Do you like when Granger, like when the red carpets are happening and, There's all the award seasons and the dressing up. Do you like all that, like the glam and the red carpets? And have you missed all that with Corona and everything being shut down?

So that's funny you say that. So before the accident, I loved getting dressed. Like, you know, as a mom, you don't ever get to get dressed up and get your makeup and your hair done. I love that stuff. Granger, that's work for him. He has to go do interviews and like he doesn't care about fashion. He's just like, oh, I just want to go, you know, watch my peers sing. but I loved that.

I loved the red carpet. I loved the gowns. I loved seeing it when everybody else was wearing. And then, you know, it's kind of one of those things you said about what really matters. After the accident, I just, it's still such an integral part of music. And I love the awards. And I love people getting recognized for their hard work. And that is so important.

But I think, thinking back to, I don't know, it's like, do I really care about getting dressed up anymore? Like, that's not really important. It's important for me to go support my husband and our peers and music, but the whole glitz and glamour of it doesn't really mean the same thing to me anymore after going through something hard, if that makes sense. It's still such an amazing, award shows are so fun and amazing to recognize people for their work. But yeah, I just kind of changed it in that way. So I don't really miss getting dressed up anymore.

Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. I think, honestly, like, I've been, like, Sunny's eight months old right now, and I just feel so, um, in the trenches with it all the time in a good way. Like I'm so grateful for every day I get to be with her. But it's like, oh my God. Like I'm so getting at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is, A, leave her and then B, go get dressed up.

So I feel the same way. I've kind of like enjoyed the Corona break a little bit. Yeah. Paint what's happening in the world. But on the flip side, like just being able to be home and not feel like you have anything that you have to do or the responsibilities of going anywhere. I feel like that's been the blessing of it in my eyes.

I don't know. It's in the longest, the longest that we've ever had Granger home, you know, in 10 years. That's such a blessing for the kids to be home with them and them to get to spend time with him. So that's been, I know it's hard for him because he loves, like I'm sure like Michael, they love the road. They love the stage. They love to perform. But it's been nice to slow down, spend time together and get to actually just be a family, you know, a normal family. So what is family time like for y'all at the house?

Like, what are y'all, what is your home life like? Now that Granger's been here, have you had to create a new normal? Because, like, that's the thing with all this roadwives. It's like, when our husbands are home for a long time, part of me is like, shouldn't you be getting back on the road? Like, he hit the road. I have a routine. Yeah.

I know, because we have a long. It's been good. Without them in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's been a change. We do, like, Ranger, we've been going to the ranch or we'll go to the farm and fish. they've been a Granger and that Lincoln have been playing a lot of video games together they play Zelda we have movie nights um just we got we have chickens so it's like we spend a lot of time outside with the chickens and and a lot of it's just been filming content for the Smiths being together feeling that because that's kind of our only source of income right now because he's not touring yeah doing that together and yeah just just playing being together and you started a rise of amber tell me what's what just what just

what made you want to start that on your YouTube page? I think it's amazing. So I think just because I guess my Instagram post and things, I had so many people messaging me saying, you should do like an online Bible study or I would love to hear more about your faith or your testimony. And so I thought about it for a long time. And then I thought, I'll just try it.

I mean, it's really intimidating to try to, I'm sure you know, to come up with content and put good stuff out there for people. So that's been a little tricky. But I just thought after the accident, I'm going to say yes to whatever God is calling me to do. I'm going to step out in faith. and I just said, okay, God, use me.

And so I just pray like we did before, whatever people need to hear, please let that come through me. And that's all I can hope for. And so I just share my faith. I answer questions. I tell stories. Yeah. And that's more faith-based than our YouTube stuff.

So I just do that every Sunday, Sunday morning at 8, and just pray that God gives me stuff to talk about. I think it's amazing. And I just want to say, like, I don't know how to talk. about this with you. Like, you know, like this, it's hard for me. Like, I don't want to say anything wrong. And to you and to anyone listening, I'm sorry if I have said anything wrong. Like, it's so hard to have these conversations because I feel you on the mother's level. And I just want to make sure I said it all right and done it all right. But when you're moving, when you're talking about

this stuff, like, it's hard to, it's hard to talk about this. You just have to start talking. And it's so amazing that you're sharing your story and you're starting. a YouTube moment where you're just having faith because this is a messy conversation. It's a conversation nobody wants to have, and you're willing to have it and share it. And I think it's amazing that you're just letting God lead you and saying yes to that. How do you know when God is prompting you? I do devotionals every morning, so I'll wake up and I'll just be like, okay, if there's something that I need to talk about this week, please show it to me.

and so I'll feel certain things tug at me and I'll just write down my thoughts and my ideas and then I'll plan it kind of throughout the week and then I just hopefully hopefully that's where it was supposed to go yeah so just little nudges or things that I've stories I've heard from my friends or things that I've seen in the news or whatever's on my heart that week

I just take that little nudge and go forward yeah what's been one of the biggest blessings with your YouTube page having having all of the footage of our family and we could have never known that we would lose RIV, but we have so much video of him during those last few months, and I'm just so grateful that we had that because while I'm a mom,

and I take photos and videos all the time, we wouldn't have had all of that. And I'm just grateful that we're documenting our lives, and we'll be able to watch that forever, and they'll be able to watch that forever. So I think having the time with the family and the footage of that and just the outpouring of love from our friends and our fans and our family it's just been the biggest blessing.

So I'm going to wrap up. I absolutely love and adore your spirit. I think you are one of the brightest lights on this earth and you and Granger are together. You are an incredible couple. You are a shining light and a guiding force of how to handle tragedy together and how to walk on in faith.

And I think the world needs that more than anything. I hate that you are, that you have to be that, but you are that and you are shining such a bright light. And I just want you know, I love and respect you and look up to you and admire you so much. And I know everyone who follows you does the same. I end every interview with Leave Your Light. And what do you want people to know? First off, I just want to say thank you for saying all of that.

I appreciate that so much. And I feel the same way about you. I guess the biggest thing I want people to know is that, God loves you and he is with you and he is with you through everything, through the joy, through the pain and you can do hard things. And just to live like Riv, try to find joy in every day, go out barefoot, run around, enjoy your family, find joy in the small things and just love the people around you fiercely today. Beautiful.

Thank you. Amber, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. That was fun. Thank you. You didn't, you did not say anything wrong if there's no right or wrong way to talk about this. And I'm grateful that you're allowing me to share.

So thank you. Well, I wanted to have you on my podcast, but I just, I didn't know if you want to come on. I didn't know if you want to talk about it. I don't, you know,

like you said, everyone greaves differently. I don't know if, like, sharing your story is something that is a healing process for you. I figured it was because you're so beautiful with sharing. But it is. It's just like,

it's just such a, It's just you're amazing. You're amazing woman. And thank you for sharing your heart with me and my listeners. And for keeping RIV's spirit and memory so bright and alive. And anybody can go, what's the foundation? How do you get to the Rives Foundation? So it's riverkellyfund.org.

And we set it up as a fund so that we can help in many areas in the community. So we change that all the time. One time it could be children's hospitals. one time it could be veterans, one time it could be prevention of drowning, wildlife, anything. So if you want to check that out, it's riverkellyfund.org. You're amazing, Amber. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm going to end the recording, but don't hang up just yet.

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