The Bobby Bones Show - BONUS: Velvet's Edge Cassidy Bentley, Wife Of Dierks Bentley on How To Teach Young Girls They Are Beautiful

Episode Date: July 5, 2020

If you enjoy this episode, Subscribe + Follow 'Velvet's Edge with Kelly Henderson' wherever you listen to podcasts or tap/click HERE. Kelly records a phone call with dear friend, Cassidy Bentley askin...g for advice on teaching young girls they are beautiful as they are. Cassidy shares two daughters with country music star, Dierks Bentley and Kelly is now dating a man with two young daughters. Kelly asks Cassidy advice on finding the balance between feeling good on the outside while teaching the girls to love who they are on the inside. The women also discuss their own personal insecurities and inner critics that having young girls around has made them face. socials: @cassrunsboston17 Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Make every day feel epic in the all-new Hyundai Palisade hybrid. The Palisade hybrid is packed full of features, cutting-edge tech, and up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on select trims and class-leading interior space. Seating configurations for 7-8 passengers,
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Starting point is 00:02:06 free custom yard analysis. That's get sunday.com. You're listening to a podcast, so you're doing something else too. Like maybe scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving places you like without thinking you'll get them, because that's what house hunting has become. But Redfin isn't built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. Redfin agents close twice, as many deals as other agents, which means when you find a place you love, you got a real shot of getting it. Redfin helps turn saved listings into real addresses. Get started at redfin.com. Own the dream. Hey, it's Kelly Henderson. Thanks for checking out the Bobby Bone Show replay podcast. This is a preview of my podcast, Velvet's Edge, with Kelly Henderson. I have worked as a stylist
Starting point is 00:02:51 and hair and makeup artist in the country music industry for over 12 years, so my business is beauty. but this podcast allows me to take a deeper look at not only external beauty but also beauty on a greater scale which I think comes ultimately from the inside. I like conversations that will stretch and challenge me so some topics can include hard conversations like racism or spirituality, while others in the Act Casual series may include uncomfortable yet laughable topics about sex and dating. Obviously because I am in Nashville and I work in the country music industry, you will also find conversations with some of country music's biggest stars in their wives, such as Jason Aldine and Dirk's Bentley. In fact, in this episode, you will hear a conversation I had with one of my best
Starting point is 00:03:36 friends, Cassidy Bentley, who was the wife of Dirk's. I called Cass to talk about a topic that I've been circling around lately about teaching young girls about beauty. I am currently in a relationship with a man with two young daughters, and those relationships have really made me question some of the external beauty rituals that I indulge in, like hair extensions or lashings. Or lashes. and just the kind of messages that's sending to them about beauty. I look at them and I just want them to feel beautiful as they are, so I just started bumping up against a lot of mixed feelings about what kind of programming was in me and why I do the things that I do beauty-wise.
Starting point is 00:04:13 As a person in the business of beauty, it really stopped me in my tracks. Cassidy helps me to navigate through some of these questions and find some middle ground, as well as gives great resources on how to talk to young girls about this very topic. I hope you guys enjoy listening. You can subscribe to Velvet's Edge on Iheart Radio, Apple Podcast, iTunes, or wherever you listen to podcast. Okay, so this whole thing happened. I'll just tell you the story about what happened and why you popped into my head with this whole thing. So we were at my boyfriend's house and I was watching a movie with him and his due daughters.
Starting point is 00:04:49 And like, we were just kind of cuddled on the couch. And, you know, I do their hair all the time, obviously, because that's what I do for a living. Totally lucky girls. Yeah. So, but that's kind of their new thing with me is they're like, oh, can we braid your hair? Like, can we, you know, play with your hair? Because they just think it's fun.
Starting point is 00:05:05 And so the older one started to mess with my hair. And she puts her hand in my head. And she's like, what is that? Because I have hair extensions. And literally, I'm thinking about her. I mean, she's eight. She's probably like, oh, my God, she's an alien. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:05:19 You know, like, this is so weird. And I just, I didn't even, I kind of froze. I was like, um, it's hair extensions and she's like, well, what are they? Why do you have them? What do they do? And I literally did not know how to answer. And so, and it kind of made me sad too because I was thinking to myself, what am I going to tell her? Like, I have these because they make my hair thicker and because they make me feel better about myself when I want her to just look in the mirror and feel so beautiful exactly the way she is, you know? Totally. So it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It honestly,
Starting point is 00:05:54 It was. I felt so backed into a corner, too, because I've never experienced that. And I was like, ah, I don't want to even tell her, you know? I didn't want to answer. Right. And you feel like you encounter these moments where it's like, okay, this is kind of important. It's very important, right? And I have like moments like that with my girls, too, where I'm like kind of stunned in the moment. Yeah. realizing like how I answer this question is important, you know? Yeah. Like I remember when Evie was like, she was little. Like she was like, we were at a pool somewhere probably on the road swimming. And I remember like she was in the bathroom. And she couldn't have been like she was like seven.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Okay. I think my legs are fat, you know. And she looks at me. Oh my God. And I'm like, and it was one of those moments where I just like, froze in my mind because of course I'm like oh my gosh you know her body image and her yeah and then but at the same time like I had to really like stop and read the moment you know and she I feel like she's testing me right now you know how do you mean she's throwing out this word that to see
Starting point is 00:07:11 what I say and what my reaction is you know and if I overreact and oh no what are you talking about no you're not, you know? Yeah. It's like, but I, you know, it's just so difficult. And I honestly don't even remember what I said. But I think I said, like, well, I don't, I don't see, I don't see that, you know, and I just actually kind of brushed it off. I didn't go there with her because I didn't feel, I felt like it was a little bit of a test. And she maybe heard that word. Yeah. And was kind of applying it to herself rather than, like, really struggling with her body. Which was, like, really even knowing. And like a tiny little girl. Um, but yeah, I mean, I definitely, have those moments and I mean from the very beginning like when I found out I was going to have
Starting point is 00:07:54 girls just knowing that I was going to have daughters was a trigger for me you know because I feel like I've always known um like I've always dreaded this moment where they turn on themselves you know this this period in their life like I remember reading this book called it's an old book called reviving Ophelia okay and it's about what happened. to like adolescent girls. And I mean, I didn't even have daughters. I don't know why I was reading. That's just interest in psychology or whatever, probably for myself.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Yeah. But like that something happens where girls, you see them on the playground and they're running wild and they're dirty. And, you know, they're just like, they're fully like authentic selves. And something happens where they go from being like the subject of their own life to being the object of like cultures, gains, you know. me sick at my summit. And then there's this loss of that like freedom and authenticity. I mean, there doesn't have to be, but it does happen, you know. And I think part of that is just developmental. Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, you have to. That is part of growing up is understanding how you are perceived in the world. But I mean, that book was like old. So now I'm imagining like social media
Starting point is 00:09:15 and things like that, that I'm thinking that happens a lot earlier. It must, you know. Well, I mean, think about, I mean, Evie was seven in a story you're describing and the fact that she even knew the word fat. I think that's what I've started to even think about is what are we teaching them at such young age or how is this even on their radar, you know? And I don't even, I don't want to participate in that. Right. But yet, like, we all are because like this is our culture. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:43 So, yeah, I also felt like, you know, like thinking about teaching them to love themselves and to like accept themselves. Like one of the biggest obstacles is like my own conditioning and my own sense that like I've, you know, kind of felt like I was, I've been like poisoned a little bit, you know, in that I'm just this idea of like beauty and just generally never being having to be better. You know what I mean? Or not being quite good enough. It's just a vague. Do you know what I'm talking about that sense? Totally. That insecurity that we all have.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Yes. Exactly. And so it's like I have that poisoning. And so I, you know, this is the world we live in. Where people are, this is how we look. And these are the beauty rituals we all participate. And there is this conditioning that's happening to them every single day from like no one more. than the people they're intimate with.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Right. So for me, I've been trying to, like, balance that out. Like, even though I know I'm kind of poison, I also fight against that. There's a different voice in my head. You know what I mean? And I examine it. And I mean, I, so with the girls, I try and talk to them about it. And I will say, like, the world is going to try and make you feel like you're not enough
Starting point is 00:11:11 that you have to look this way or that way. you have to protect yourself. Like I'll even say it. Like you gotta get your boxing gloves on. You know, that doesn't mean that you can't wear, have fun with makeup, you know.
Starting point is 00:11:25 There's the energy that you approach things with, you know. Like you're in, you have fun with beauty, right? Well, it's my business. It's your business. It's your job. But you do it because you enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:11:38 True. Yes. And I think there's a, the energy. Like, I think there's so much with kids to the energy, like, we approach these things with, you know? If you have the energy that, like, without your hair extensions, you just feel, like, complete shit. Do you know what I mean? I don't think that's true.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Well, I know, but I've gotten kind of attached to them, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I know. You know, it's like, it's sort of like we were, I mean, I don't have eyelash extensions right now because of coronavirus. And you and I have talked about the lash extensions before. But, like, you start to feel naked without them. once you've had them. And so then it's like, and that was another thing they noticed about me is like they'd said to
Starting point is 00:12:17 their dad when we first started, you know, integrating our lives together. They were like, she's so pretty. She has the longest lashes. Right. Right. Yeah, I know. I know. I think about it.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I think it's like you have to just own your choices. And like I honestly feel like so much of this is about like making sure we're in alignment with ourselves, you know what I mean? And that you feel good and are on your path and your feeling whole. And like, they will sense that, whether you have eyelash extensions on or not. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's, I think it has more to do with that than, like, you know, just making sure
Starting point is 00:13:04 you're living true to yourself. Like, they will see that. Well, and it's interesting. Like, maybe you feel like, you need to let your, like, extensions go for a little bit. Cass. No, okay. I mean,
Starting point is 00:13:18 look, I'll give you another personal example for me. Okay, this is something a bridge I haven't crossed. Okay. I have implants. Right. You know?
Starting point is 00:13:25 Right. I mean, that's a pretty hardcore. Like body image thing. Island. Yes. Yeah. And I mean,
Starting point is 00:13:34 I've come on the cusp of talking to them about it because Jordan, who's like tiny, you know, is like, am I going to have boobs like you and the girl with the right doctor you will I feel like when we come to it I just want to be really open with them I think you should we have a super open dialogue and I maybe that's the best we can do you know is just to tell them like yeah I do I did this and this is why, but I still have ambivalence about it.
Starting point is 00:14:09 You know? I do feel better. I like the way I look when, you know, I wear these lashes, but they're expensive. Right, right. I have to pay money. So sometimes I, that part I don't like. And just calling these questions, like, to the surface. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:26 Yeah, that's actually huge. Letting the questions and, like, the struggle of it that, like, live in the light rather than just I think discussion around all the stuff is important because I think when the time comes with the implants I'll be able to be honest and be like I have really mixed feelings about it. Yeah, I was going to say even to your own battle maybe because that's sort of what I think what it's really,
Starting point is 00:14:52 if I'm being really honest, what it's made me do is start to ask myself why I'm doing these things. You know, it's become yeah, like it's become such a motorized thing that I do. Like I go to the gym. gym, I get eyelash extensions, I go to the hairstylist, I go get my Botox, I, you know, it's just like all of these things. And truthfully, this pandemic has been one of the major wake-up calls for me for
Starting point is 00:15:16 that because one, financially I've been like, wow, I have a lot more money because I'm not doing these things right now. It's so expensive, like you said. But also, like, I didn't look terrible. I missed my Botox. I'm not going to lie, but like, I let the lash extensions go for now. And a lot of what I feel is like either being on TV or like putting myself out there on Instagram, it is this pressure that it's like you're comparing yourself to everyone else and you want to look the best you possibly can. But why? Like what's not healed inside of me that's like not able to look at myself through a different lens maybe and be like, but you're beautiful the other way too. You know, like it's just making it start to ask myself these questions, I guess. Yeah. And there's like a lot of
Starting point is 00:16:02 freedom in that, you know? I mean, you're in that Instagram, like, well, we're like, that's the game you're playing. You know what I mean? That is the, like, the sport of it, you know? But, like, the same, like, the way you're saying the pandemic, and I think a lot of people feel this way of, like, like, like, giving people space and freedom from their just, like, like, un-con-they're just, like, knee-jerk behaviors and, like, habits and patterns. Like, yeah. I think our, the kids offer us that same fresh lens. That's true. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:16:34 And it's like there could be an opportunity for there to, there's, there is a freedom and being like, oh, maybe I should rethink that. Looking through it their eyes, right, that you never do it again, but you're able to like detach, like even a little bit from it. Right. Which is like healing for us, you know. Right. Like it doesn't, yeah, it doesn't make or break you as much when you start to take a step
Starting point is 00:16:59 back from it. I thought about you too because, I mean, obviously you're married to Dirk's. And so you have to go to these events that are on TV, like award shows. You're on red carpets all the time. And like that's the same kind of pressure that we talk about like on Instagram and all that stuff. And so how do you balance that? Like how? Because obviously when you're in the public eye in any sort of way, having your picture taken,
Starting point is 00:17:22 you want to look your best. So how do you balance that with like then going home to your children and being a mom? right well I feel like for for me it's you know how you've been with me on like a lot of those things and you know those things are like really hard for me yeah and I think part of that is like um just in that world and dirt's and like the glam thing I've never really felt like it's that same feeling you know what I mean like I'm just like do you not feel like yourself fully I don't feel like myself and I just feel like I don't I don't look good I don't know how to you know how to you know how to to pose. I don't know how to like I just and so it's sort of a little bit of like a I mean I hate to say this because I wish it was different you know yeah it ends up being like kind of and so I for me it's almost more like my challenge is to show the girls this can be fun like being empowered and like get dressed up every once in a while and go like go to a fancy event like have a great time and don't be hard on
Starting point is 00:18:23 yourself and don't like so and that's been my challenge so it's like kind of the reverse in a way because it is hard for me to like see myself in a not a positive way but it's just you know how it is I just feel a lot of pressure it is a lot of pressure in those in those circumstances and so um I would hope and wish for them that they could like have more fun with it yeah than I have yeah you know well and especially if it takes away it's like it's not the every day you just have like a normal life and then it's like and then you go do this fun activity that's a good way to look at it I hadn't thought about yeah like it's like the idea of um another person who's like in terms of like the kids and stuff who's been like and honestly just in life that I love is this person
Starting point is 00:19:17 called Dr. Sheffali um her that's her first name her last name is like she never really uses it but she wrote this book called the conscious parent okay um and it's really good but She also does other stuff just about life, but it's like you play with these things. You know what I mean? You know, you're entering in culture. You know, like these, like the award shows or the glam or the Instagram, but you're, like, aware of your separation from it. You know what I mean? So you're not, like, so enslaved to it, if that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:19:49 It's like just completely being able to separate yourself from it. We're not going to, like, I mean, what are we going to do? Like, stop doing beauty stuff. Am I not going to be? Another thing for me is aging. Like, aging. I'm aging. I'm in my mid-40s. Right.
Starting point is 00:20:03 And I have, like, one of the moments sort of like with Evie, but like this is more recent was, I probably told you this because in some ways it was really funny. But Jordan started crying in the car. She started sobbing and she wouldn't tell me why. Yeah. And she finally was like begging her to tell me what is wrong. And she told me this is because I look, I look old. So hard. getting old.
Starting point is 00:20:31 It is like the ego. Of course. You know, I'm doing quite a bit to try not to have someone say that to me. Which is when I know she's being completely truthful. Of course she is. They don't have a filter. But like here I am in this moment where it's like, how am I going to react to this idea of old?
Starting point is 00:20:56 What did you say? old. I was like, okay. You know, I said, all right. Like, what, like, what specifically is, like, is it about me? Like, that's making you feel like I look old. And she's like, your face. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:21:16 It's just like bomb after bomb. It's like, you know, I am, I'm getting older. Like, okay, I just didn't, I didn't want to be like, offended or show it. Right. How much did you think about it the days following after though? I was just like, I would have been in the mirror like calling my doctor.
Starting point is 00:21:40 And I really feel like they're helping me. And I think honestly all this stuff like it does in some ways, it gets easier. Like as I get older. I'm just, you know, I feel. I mean, yeah, it's scary and you're like, ugh. And I'm not like not going to. but you know it's like yeah I am I guess I am and I'm it's
Starting point is 00:22:04 you have to show how you can gracefully that yeah and like I think that is a huge like role for me right now it's how I embrace that and how they witness that well it's sort of like you said you know you can't just stop these beauty routines and I'll tell you the truth like when I was when I first like reached out to you about just even like I need help with this like I literally in my head was like, I have to stop Botox. I need to get rid of the lashes. I got to get rid of the extensions. Like I go so black and white with it. And okay. Kelly, Kelly, baby steps. I know, but this is how I do life. I'm very like, wait, what? No, I got to stop. And then I'm like, wait, but then I'll feel bad. Like, I need to either like, you know, ease into it like you're saying or
Starting point is 00:22:49 just like kind of embrace and maybe be honest about some of the things and then some of them be honest about how I feel. And I think it's about really looking for you, like what you said. Yeah. What are you actually questioning and going, I don't actually really need to do this. I'm just a knee jerk. Yeah. And that may not be everything. You're like, no, I really love this. And just that like little shifts. Oh my God. Well, when I got Botox after three months of isolation, I felt better. Like I truly, I just felt like I was looking tired. And so like I can't say that it didn't make me just feel a little bit better about waking up every morning. And I know, you know, that's just one of the things I'm not ready to let go up for sure. Completely. And that's like why millions and millions of
Starting point is 00:23:33 people do it. And I don't think this is about right or wrong. I really don't. But I think it's about constantly just reflecting. That's what the kids help us do on like, why am I doing this? You know? Yeah. When am I getting out of this? Is this good for me? Do I really need this? all of these, and that's what I mean when I'm like trying to bring up the questions with my kids. So they like learn that muscle, you know? Right. Of asking the questions of having like the critical voice when culture and everything saying or even their mom is saying, you got to do this. You got to do this.
Starting point is 00:24:11 You know, like I think I mentioned to you like one of my like personal triggers from like growing up. It was like I have really thick dark hair, you know. Yeah. Like, I have, like, quite a bit of hair. Like, this is like, I grew up before laser, which is like, life-changing, you know. Um, but like, you know, unibrow, like, I rose. Like, I am entering, you know, a, like, almost 12-year-old with, like, the exact same hair that I have, which now I'm actually, like, thankful for, you know. Of course. Um, but, like, people making comments to her and, like, I, you know, dealing with, like, like, I, you know, dealing with, like, like, waxing or tweezing or you know what I mean like her eyebrows and stuff yeah right and it's and also having to like do something painful mm-hmm to you know and I felt myself going I think you should just wax you know she's getting comments comments hurt her feelings but I'm putting I'm pushing her in that direction and meanwhile George's going I love her uni brown leave her alone.
Starting point is 00:25:23 And she's all like pumping her fist like you know she's fine the way she is and but I did push it and I don't know whether and we did it and it hurt you know
Starting point is 00:25:35 and I'm like I'm pushing her in this beauty this direction of like cultural beauty norms beauty is pain kind of mindset. Well also wanting her to fight against them so it's like a completely
Starting point is 00:25:48 there is so much hypocrisy. Yeah. All of it. Well, and it's interesting that that was something that is a trigger for you from your childhood, too. And so it's like, in some ways it's making you face that again, too. But I wonder if there's other things that you're like, oh, that's not a big deal
Starting point is 00:26:07 because it wasn't something that you struggled with, you know? Like, I'm having to ask myself that stuff too. And like, my boyfriend is so natural. And he, of course, is so protective of his little girls in that capacity. and so like it's like and i know your boyfriend yes you know and they're in that like beautiful oh they're so beautiful oh yeah like that and that complete and that like embodiment of just like they don't need anything yes exactly but i think what the way that like the other like component of this is like what you said like the the male figure in their life how do they talk about women
Starting point is 00:26:47 How do they like, what are their expectations? What do they witness? You know what I mean? In terms of how they talk about beauty. Of course. But like he likes me in tight jeans. You know, like, do you know what I'm saying? Like it's interesting to put, I've asked him this too lately because it's like he would probably say, you know, he likes, he likes me natural too.
Starting point is 00:27:10 But like, actually I think he likes me natural better. But like when I'm done up, of course he's like, you're beautiful and, you know, the clothes I'm wearing. or sometimes tight or something. And so I'm like, you have to think about like what you think about me is like what someone's going to think about your daughters one day. And like what do you like those messages are extremely important. And he literally said the other day he's like, he's like, it is interesting because I just think of it totally differently.
Starting point is 00:27:35 He's like, I think of you as one thing and them as another, you know. And I'm like, yeah, but do what, how do you think my dad thinks about me? Like it's just, it's just an interesting thing to think. about you know i'm sure darts loves you on the red carpet all done up and all this stuff but he wants his little girls just running around wild and free right yeah exactly well i i mean i think same as uh your boyfriend yeah uh durks also i mean i'm i feel lucky that he does like there's not i don't feel that pressure right like he loves you now i think i would grumble oh me too i couldn't keep Yeah, so, like, in my house if I felt that pressure.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Me too. Like, to have my nails done all the time or something? I know. I think we talked about that. Like, yeah, I mean, it's just, yeah, like, there is, like, a freedom here, and hopefully the girls feel that. But, I mean, I don't, I, like, one of my big fears is, like, the social media thing, you know, because I don't participate in it very much.
Starting point is 00:28:38 And they're already, like, watching all this TikTok stuff, you know? I'm literally straddling a world where they're like making like clay gnomes and are so pumped about it. And then on the other hand, they're like like completely enamored with TikTok. And I don't even know what they're watching. But I think there's a lot of adult sort of. Yeah. Like dances and the way people drive. I mean, even my son knows like duck face.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Knox can let us go. Just all of it. Oh. And none of us grew up. that way. So I think it's such a hard thing to navigate because I mean, I as an adult really struggle sometimes with the comparison and like needing to get the likes and all of these things. And I'm 37 years old. Like right. It's like a fully developed brain. Completely.
Starting point is 00:29:30 You know, that doesn't even happen until you're like 25. Right. You know, like I just think it could it worries me a lot. And I'm not trying to be like that person. Yeah. Because I know there's like positives to it as well, but I'm the same. Like, it's part of why I don't do it because it like makes me feel weird and vaguely bad sometimes, you know, in my experiences with it. But for their little brains, you know, I don't know. I just don't. The likes, I mean, I have, we just saw Evie showed us one of her friends' Instagram. I mean, again, they're only like 11.
Starting point is 00:30:09 It looked like curated. It was almost like professional looking. Like a blogger. Yeah, yeah. It's like a curated feed. The perfection. I mean, Jers was like, why does everything have to be so perfect? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:25 But this is the world we live in. So I guess we just have to like give them just as long as they have the tools to like challenge. Yeah. And even if they're participating in it, you know. to even just be able to go, you know what, this is actually bullshit. Yes, I was going to say even that conversation of why does everything have to be so perfect? Like, we know that's not real life. And my parents, I will say, from a pretty early age, always taught me like the comparing the insides and outsides.
Starting point is 00:31:00 So although I still do it, I'll catch myself quicker maybe than some other people and go, I know that's not really true for them. You know, like it's like I can go deep into it for a while. while and then I can kind of talk myself out of it. Like, we know reality. Their reality probably looks a lot like my reality and we just all make it look a certain way on social media. Right. Right.
Starting point is 00:31:23 Exactly. Her body image and beauty and all of it. Completely. And it's like those conversations like with the girls help develop that inner conversation, you know? Yeah. And that inner dialogue for later. Yeah. I loved what you said about the critical voice versus like the real voice and knowing starting to decipher between that within your own brain.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like even like with the hair, like the shaving of the legs and the waxing. It's like, well, why is hair so bad on women? Right. It's like not a big deal on men. I mean, we had that conversation and I'm like, it's bullshit. I probably said that. Yeah. Guys. Like bullshit. fiddle or, you know. That doesn't mean like you're going to go around and like never do your eyebrows. Like you most likely are. But let's not like, let's at least examine it, you know. Okay. And I have like a cousin who is more like, I mean, she's like actually, this is like creative, beautiful actress, but she's girl, but she like never shaved her arms. Yeah. And I love that, you know, because I like to point to that and be like, she, she, You know, she's a lot younger than me, but it's like, look, she's making a different choice. Like, she made a choice for her.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Right. Like, find your own identity. I think there's more examples of that in culture. Yeah. I'm kind of hoping that, like, maybe they're entering a time where there's more individuality and range. Are you feeling that? Like, being in this world, like. I do feel, honestly, in 2020, with all of us kind of going through this collective, whatever
Starting point is 00:33:08 this is together, it's made every. it's made everybody have to stop. And so I don't really know yet what's going to completely stick. But I do feel that there's been some shifts. And I know my mindset and a lot of my friends' mindsets just about what's actually important, what, like, moving forward, where you actually want to take with us and what we want to leave behind. And I think some of those messages are part of that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:34 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It changes so much slower Than we want it to be Yeah Yeah But you can like You can kind of
Starting point is 00:33:45 You get glimpses of it You know I think so I mean and even with all of the Just equality for everyone Like those conversations happening They're happening on such a bigger scale Than I think they ever have
Starting point is 00:33:57 And so I don't know I definitely know that we've had to have Those conversations too And like that's great to me To start talking about that at such a young age with kids, you know, so that it's just a part of their natural life versus what we grew up with.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Yeah, for sure. Do you have any other, like, resources that you go to when you're, I don't know, trying to figure out how to navigate all this stuff? I would just say that book I mentioned, which is kind of old, but reviving Ophelia, but the newer, like, teenage girl Bible is called Untangled. Okay. And it's like seven transitions into adulthood. And she's amazing.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Her name's Lisa D-M-O-U-R. Okay. It's D-A-M-O-U-R. And then I link, like, Dr. Chafali has been like the big, the conscious parent. I mean, she really just is like this philosophy. Your kids are here to like grow you up. It's so, I mean, I'm so good to see that. Yes.
Starting point is 00:35:00 And if you use that as your guide, like anything that comes up with the kids, like, what is this about me? You know, that I'm looking to heal. And it's really, it's a total, like, paradigm shift. And it's amazing. So she's been really, had a huge effect on the way I, like, approached parenting or tried to. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:35:25 To look into that one. Try it. Try to. Try to. On your good days. Doing the best we can over here. Yeah. I think we all are.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Oh, well, this is very helpful to me. Thank you for talking to me about it. Well, I'm just missing you and love you. I love you too. Let's talk soon. Okay. Hang in there. Okay. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 00:35:52 This is Kelly Henderson and you've been listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast. I truly believe that every one of us has a little velvet and a little edge. So it's so important to remember that to be strong, you must be soft too. Thank you. so much for sharing in those stories with me. You can follow Velvet's Edge on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as Velvet's Edge.com. If you haven't yet, go to Apple Podcast and subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. Join me every Wednesday for more conversations on lifestyle, beauty, and relationships. Thanks for listening. All right, if you have ever
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