The Bobby Bones Show - BONUS: Velvet's Edge Cassidy Bentley, Wife Of Dierks Bentley on How To Teach Young Girls They Are Beautiful
Episode Date: July 5, 2020If you enjoy this episode, Subscribe + Follow 'Velvet's Edge with Kelly Henderson' wherever you listen to podcasts or tap/click HERE. Kelly records a phone call with dear friend, Cassidy Bentley askin...g for advice on teaching young girls they are beautiful as they are. Cassidy shares two daughters with country music star, Dierks Bentley and Kelly is now dating a man with two young daughters. Kelly asks Cassidy advice on finding the balance between feeling good on the outside while teaching the girls to love who they are on the inside. The women also discuss their own personal insecurities and inner critics that having young girls around has made them face. socials: @cassrunsboston17 Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Own the dream. Hey, it's Kelly Henderson. Thanks for checking out the Bobby Bone Show replay podcast.
This is a preview of my podcast, Velvet's Edge, with Kelly Henderson. I have worked as a stylist
and hair and makeup artist in the country music industry for over 12 years, so my business is beauty.
but this podcast allows me to take a deeper look at not only external beauty but also beauty on a
greater scale which I think comes ultimately from the inside. I like conversations that will stretch
and challenge me so some topics can include hard conversations like racism or spirituality,
while others in the Act Casual series may include uncomfortable yet laughable topics about sex and dating.
Obviously because I am in Nashville and I work in the country music industry, you will also find
conversations with some of country music's biggest stars in their wives, such as Jason Aldine and
Dirk's Bentley. In fact, in this episode, you will hear a conversation I had with one of my best
friends, Cassidy Bentley, who was the wife of Dirk's. I called Cass to talk about a topic that I've
been circling around lately about teaching young girls about beauty. I am currently in a relationship
with a man with two young daughters, and those relationships have really made me question some of the
external beauty rituals that I indulge in, like hair extensions or lashings. Or lashes.
and just the kind of messages that's sending to them about beauty.
I look at them and I just want them to feel beautiful as they are,
so I just started bumping up against a lot of mixed feelings about what kind of programming
was in me and why I do the things that I do beauty-wise.
As a person in the business of beauty, it really stopped me in my tracks.
Cassidy helps me to navigate through some of these questions and find some middle ground,
as well as gives great resources on how to talk to young girls about this very topic.
I hope you guys enjoy listening.
You can subscribe to Velvet's Edge on Iheart Radio, Apple Podcast, iTunes, or wherever you listen to podcast.
Okay, so this whole thing happened.
I'll just tell you the story about what happened and why you popped into my head with this whole thing.
So we were at my boyfriend's house and I was watching a movie with him and his due daughters.
And like, we were just kind of cuddled on the couch.
And, you know, I do their hair all the time, obviously, because that's what I do for a living.
Totally lucky girls.
Yeah.
So, but that's kind of their new thing with me is they're like,
oh, can we braid your hair?
Like, can we, you know, play with your hair?
Because they just think it's fun.
And so the older one started to mess with my hair.
And she puts her hand in my head.
And she's like, what is that?
Because I have hair extensions.
And literally, I'm thinking about her.
I mean, she's eight.
She's probably like, oh, my God, she's an alien.
I knew it.
You know, like, this is so weird.
And I just, I didn't even, I kind of froze.
I was like, um,
it's hair extensions and she's like, well, what are they? Why do you have them? What do they do? And I literally
did not know how to answer. And so, and it kind of made me sad too because I was thinking to myself,
what am I going to tell her? Like, I have these because they make my hair thicker and because they
make me feel better about myself when I want her to just look in the mirror and feel so beautiful
exactly the way she is, you know? Totally. So it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It honestly,
It was. I felt so backed into a corner, too, because I've never experienced that. And I was like, ah, I don't want to even tell her, you know? I didn't want to answer. Right. And you feel like you encounter these moments where it's like, okay, this is kind of important. It's very important, right? And I have like moments like that with my girls, too, where I'm like kind of stunned in the moment.
Yeah.
realizing like how I answer this question is important, you know?
Yeah.
Like I remember when Evie was like, she was little.
Like she was like, we were at a pool somewhere probably on the road swimming.
And I remember like she was in the bathroom.
And she couldn't have been like she was like seven.
Okay.
I think my legs are fat, you know.
And she looks at me.
Oh my God.
And I'm like, and it was one of those moments where I just like,
froze in my mind because of course I'm like oh my gosh you know her body image and her yeah and then but
at the same time like I had to really like stop and read the moment you know and she I feel like
she's testing me right now you know how do you mean she's throwing out this word that to see
what I say and what my reaction is you know and if I overreact and oh no what are you talking about no
you're not, you know? Yeah. It's like, but I, you know, it's just so difficult. And I honestly don't even
remember what I said. But I think I said, like, well, I don't, I don't see, I don't see that, you know,
and I just actually kind of brushed it off. I didn't go there with her because I didn't feel,
I felt like it was a little bit of a test. And she maybe heard that word. Yeah. And was kind of
applying it to herself rather than, like, really struggling with her body. Which was, like,
really even knowing. And like a tiny little girl. Um, but yeah, I mean, I definitely,
have those moments and I mean from the very beginning like when I found out I was going to have
girls just knowing that I was going to have daughters was a trigger for me you know because I feel like
I've always known um like I've always dreaded this moment where they turn on themselves
you know this this period in their life like I remember reading this book called it's an old book
called reviving Ophelia okay and it's about what happened.
to like adolescent girls.
And I mean, I didn't even have daughters.
I don't know why I was reading.
That's just interest in psychology or whatever, probably for myself.
Yeah.
But like that something happens where girls, you see them on the playground and they're running wild and they're dirty.
And, you know, they're just like, they're fully like authentic selves.
And something happens where they go from being like the subject of their own life to being the object of like cultures, gains, you know.
me sick at my summit. And then there's this loss of that like freedom and authenticity. I mean,
there doesn't have to be, but it does happen, you know. And I think part of that is just developmental.
Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, you have to. That is part of growing up is understanding how you
are perceived in the world. But I mean, that book was like old. So now I'm imagining like social media
and things like that, that I'm thinking that happens a lot earlier.
It must, you know.
Well, I mean, think about, I mean, Evie was seven in a story you're describing and the fact that she even knew the word fat.
I think that's what I've started to even think about is what are we teaching them at such young age or how is this even on their radar, you know?
And I don't even, I don't want to participate in that.
Right.
But yet, like, we all are because like this is our culture.
Right.
So, yeah, I also felt like, you know, like thinking about teaching them to love themselves and to like accept themselves.
Like one of the biggest obstacles is like my own conditioning and my own sense that like I've, you know, kind of felt like I was, I've been like poisoned a little bit, you know, in that I'm just this idea of like beauty and just generally never being having to be better.
You know what I mean?
Or not being quite good enough.
It's just a vague.
Do you know what I'm talking about that sense?
Totally.
That insecurity that we all have.
Yes.
Exactly.
And so it's like I have that poisoning.
And so I, you know, this is the world we live in.
Where people are, this is how we look.
And these are the beauty rituals we all participate.
And there is this conditioning that's happening to them every single day from like no one more.
than the people they're intimate with.
Right.
So for me, I've been trying to, like, balance that out.
Like, even though I know I'm kind of poison, I also fight against that.
There's a different voice in my head.
You know what I mean?
And I examine it.
And I mean, I, so with the girls, I try and talk to them about it.
And I will say, like, the world is going to try and make you feel like you're not enough
that you have to look this way or that way.
you have to protect yourself.
Like I'll even say it.
Like you gotta get your boxing gloves on.
You know,
that doesn't mean that you can't wear,
have fun with makeup,
you know.
There's the energy that you approach things with,
you know.
Like you're in,
you have fun with beauty, right?
Well, it's my business.
It's your business.
It's your job.
But you do it because you enjoy it.
True.
Yes.
And I think there's a,
the energy.
Like, I think there's so much with kids to the energy, like, we approach these things with, you know?
If you have the energy that, like, without your hair extensions, you just feel, like, complete shit.
Do you know what I mean?
I don't think that's true.
Well, I know, but I've gotten kind of attached to them, to be honest.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's, I know.
You know, it's like, it's sort of like we were, I mean, I don't have eyelash extensions right now because of coronavirus.
And you and I have talked about the lash extensions before.
But, like, you start to feel naked without them.
once you've had them.
And so then it's like, and that was another thing they noticed about me is like they'd said to
their dad when we first started, you know, integrating our lives together.
They were like, she's so pretty.
She has the longest lashes.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I think about it.
I think it's like you have to just own your choices.
And like I honestly feel like so much of this is about like making sure we're in alignment
with ourselves, you know what I mean?
And that you feel good and are on your path and your feeling whole.
And like, they will sense that, whether you have eyelash extensions on or not.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's, I think it has more to do with that than, like, you know, just making sure
you're living true to yourself.
Like, they will see that.
Well, and it's interesting.
Like, maybe you feel like, you need to let your, like,
extensions go for a little bit.
Cass.
No, okay.
I mean,
look,
I'll give you another personal example for me.
Okay,
this is something a bridge I haven't crossed.
Okay.
I have implants.
Right.
You know?
Right.
I mean,
that's a pretty hardcore.
Like body image thing.
Island.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I mean,
I've come on the cusp of talking to them about it because Jordan,
who's like tiny,
you know,
is like,
am I going to have boobs like you and the girl with the right doctor you will
I feel like when we come to it I just want to be really open with them I think you should we have a super
open dialogue and I maybe that's the best we can do you know is just to tell them like yeah I do
I did this and this is why, but I still have ambivalence about it.
You know?
I do feel better.
I like the way I look when, you know, I wear these lashes, but they're expensive.
Right, right.
I have to pay money.
So sometimes I, that part I don't like.
And just calling these questions, like, to the surface.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's actually huge.
Letting the questions and, like, the struggle of it that, like, live in the light rather than just
I think discussion around all the stuff is important
because I think when the time comes with the implants
I'll be able to be honest and be like
I have really mixed feelings about it.
Yeah, I was going to say even to your own battle maybe
because that's sort of what I think what it's really,
if I'm being really honest,
what it's made me do is start to ask myself
why I'm doing these things.
You know, it's become
yeah, like it's become such a motorized thing that I do.
Like I go to the gym.
gym, I get eyelash extensions, I go to the hairstylist, I go get my Botox, I, you know, it's just like
all of these things. And truthfully, this pandemic has been one of the major wake-up calls for me for
that because one, financially I've been like, wow, I have a lot more money because I'm not doing
these things right now. It's so expensive, like you said. But also, like, I didn't look terrible.
I missed my Botox. I'm not going to lie, but like, I let the lash extensions go for now. And
a lot of what I feel is like either being on TV or like putting myself out there on Instagram,
it is this pressure that it's like you're comparing yourself to everyone else and you want to look
the best you possibly can. But why? Like what's not healed inside of me that's like not able
to look at myself through a different lens maybe and be like, but you're beautiful the other way too.
You know, like it's just making it start to ask myself these questions, I guess. Yeah. And there's like a lot of
freedom in that, you know? I mean, you're in that Instagram, like, well, we're like,
that's the game you're playing. You know what I mean? That is the, like, the sport of it, you know?
But, like, the same, like, the way you're saying the pandemic, and I think a lot of people feel this way of,
like, like, like, giving people space and freedom from their just, like, like, un-con-they're just,
like, knee-jerk behaviors and, like, habits and patterns. Like, yeah. I think our, the kids offer us that
same fresh lens.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
And it's like there could be an opportunity for there to, there's, there is a
freedom and being like, oh, maybe I should rethink that.
Looking through it their eyes, right, that you never do it again, but you're able to
like detach, like even a little bit from it.
Right.
Which is like healing for us, you know.
Right.
Like it doesn't, yeah, it doesn't make or break you as much when you start to take a step
back from it.
I thought about you too because, I mean, obviously you're married to Dirk's.
And so you have to go to these events that are on TV, like award shows.
You're on red carpets all the time.
And like that's the same kind of pressure that we talk about like on Instagram and all that stuff.
And so how do you balance that?
Like how?
Because obviously when you're in the public eye in any sort of way, having your picture taken,
you want to look your best.
So how do you balance that with like then going home to your children and being a mom?
right well I feel like for for me it's you know how you've been with me on like a lot of those things and you know those things are like really hard for me yeah and I think part of that is like um just in that world and dirt's and like the glam thing I've never really felt like it's that same feeling you know what I mean like I'm just like do you not feel like yourself fully I don't feel like myself and I just feel like I don't I don't look good I don't know how to you know how to you know how to
to pose. I don't know how to like I just and so it's
sort of a little bit of like a I mean I hate to say this because I wish it was different
you know yeah it ends up being like kind of and so I for me it's almost more like my
challenge is to show the girls this can be fun like being empowered and like get dressed up
every once in a while and go like go to a fancy event like have a great time and don't be hard on
yourself and don't like so and that's been my challenge so it's like kind of the reverse in a
way because it is hard for me to like see myself in a not a positive way but it's just you know
how it is I just feel a lot of pressure it is a lot of pressure in those in those circumstances and so
um I would hope and wish for them that they could like have more fun with it yeah than I have
yeah you know well and especially if it takes away it's like it's not the every day you just have like a
normal life and then it's like and then you go do this fun activity that's a good way to look at it
I hadn't thought about yeah like it's like the idea of um another person who's like in terms of
like the kids and stuff who's been like and honestly just in life that I love is this person
called Dr. Sheffali um her that's her first name her last name is like she never really uses
it but she wrote this book called the conscious parent okay um and it's really good but
She also does other stuff just about life, but it's like you play with these things.
You know what I mean?
You know, you're entering in culture.
You know, like these, like the award shows or the glam or the Instagram, but you're, like, aware of your separation from it.
You know what I mean?
So you're not, like, so enslaved to it, if that makes sense.
It's like just completely being able to separate yourself from it.
We're not going to, like, I mean, what are we going to do?
Like, stop doing beauty stuff.
Am I not going to be?
Another thing for me is aging.
Like, aging.
I'm aging. I'm in my mid-40s.
Right.
And I have, like, one of the moments sort of like with Evie, but like this is more recent was, I probably told you this because in some ways it was really funny.
But Jordan started crying in the car.
She started sobbing and she wouldn't tell me why.
Yeah.
And she finally was like begging her to tell me what is wrong.
And she told me this is because I look, I look old.
So hard.
getting old.
It is like the ego.
Of course.
You know, I'm doing quite a bit to try not to have someone say that to me.
Which is when I know she's being completely truthful.
Of course she is.
They don't have a filter.
But like here I am in this moment where it's like, how am I going to react to this
idea of old?
What did you say?
old.
I was like, okay.
You know, I said, all right.
Like, what, like, what specifically is, like, is it about me?
Like, that's making you feel like I look old.
And she's like, your face.
Oh, my God.
It's just like bomb after bomb.
It's like, you know, I am, I'm getting older.
Like, okay, I just didn't, I didn't want to be like,
offended or show it.
Right.
How much did you think about it the days following after though?
I was just like,
I would have been in the mirror like calling my doctor.
And I really feel like they're helping me.
And I think honestly all this stuff like it does in some ways,
it gets easier.
Like as I get older.
I'm just, you know, I feel.
I mean, yeah, it's scary and you're like, ugh.
And I'm not like not going to.
but you know it's like yeah I am I guess I am and I'm it's
you have to show how you can gracefully that yeah and like I think that is a huge like
role for me right now it's how I embrace that and how they witness that well it's sort of like
you said you know you can't just stop these beauty routines and I'll tell you the truth like
when I was when I first like reached out to you about just even like I need help with this like I
literally in my head was like, I have to stop Botox. I need to get rid of the lashes. I got to get rid of
the extensions. Like I go so black and white with it. And okay. Kelly, Kelly, baby steps.
I know, but this is how I do life. I'm very like, wait, what? No, I got to stop. And then I'm like,
wait, but then I'll feel bad. Like, I need to either like, you know, ease into it like you're saying or
just like kind of embrace and maybe be honest about some of the things and then some of them
be honest about how I feel. And I think it's about really looking for you, like what you said.
Yeah. What are you actually questioning and going, I don't actually really need to do this.
I'm just a knee jerk. Yeah. And that may not be everything. You're like, no, I really love this.
And just that like little shifts. Oh my God. Well, when I got Botox after three months of isolation,
I felt better. Like I truly, I just felt like I was looking tired. And so like I can't say that it didn't
make me just feel a little bit better about waking up every morning. And I know, you know, that's just
one of the things I'm not ready to let go up for sure. Completely. And that's like why millions and millions of
people do it. And I don't think this is about right or wrong. I really don't. But I think it's about
constantly just reflecting. That's what the kids help us do on like, why am I doing this?
You know? Yeah. When am I getting out of this? Is this good for me? Do I really need this?
all of these, and that's what I mean when I'm like trying to bring up the questions with my kids.
So they like learn that muscle, you know?
Right.
Of asking the questions of having like the critical voice when culture and everything saying or even their mom is saying, you got to do this.
You got to do this.
You know, like I think I mentioned to you like one of my like personal triggers from like growing up.
It was like I have really thick dark hair, you know.
Yeah. Like, I have, like, quite a bit of hair. Like, this is like, I grew up before laser, which is like, life-changing, you know. Um, but like, you know, unibrow, like, I rose. Like, I am entering, you know, a, like, almost 12-year-old with, like, the exact same hair that I have, which now I'm actually, like, thankful for, you know. Of course. Um, but, like, people making comments to her and, like, I, you know, dealing with, like, like, I, you know, dealing with, like, like,
waxing or tweezing or you know what I mean like her eyebrows and stuff yeah right and it's and also having
to like do something painful mm-hmm to you know and I felt myself going I think you should just
wax you know she's getting comments comments hurt her feelings but I'm putting I'm pushing
her in that direction and meanwhile George's going I love her uni brown
leave her alone.
And she's all like
pumping her fist like
you know she's fine the way she is
and
but I did push it
and I don't know whether
and we did it
and it hurt you know
and I'm like
I'm pushing her in this
beauty
this direction of like cultural beauty norms
beauty is pain
kind of mindset.
Well also wanting her to fight against them
so it's like a completely
there is so
much hypocrisy.
Yeah.
All of it.
Well, and it's interesting that that was something that is a trigger for you from your
childhood, too.
And so it's like, in some ways it's making you face that again, too.
But I wonder if there's other things that you're like, oh, that's not a big deal
because it wasn't something that you struggled with, you know?
Like, I'm having to ask myself that stuff too.
And like, my boyfriend is so natural.
And he, of course, is so protective of his little girls in that capacity.
and so like it's like and i know your boyfriend yes you know and they're in that like beautiful
oh they're so beautiful oh yeah like that and that complete and that like embodiment of just like
they don't need anything yes exactly but i think what the way that like the other like component
of this is like what you said like the the male figure in their life how do they talk about women
How do they like, what are their expectations?
What do they witness?
You know what I mean?
In terms of how they talk about beauty.
Of course.
But like he likes me in tight jeans.
You know, like, do you know what I'm saying?
Like it's interesting to put, I've asked him this too lately because it's like he would probably say, you know, he likes, he likes me natural too.
But like, actually I think he likes me natural better.
But like when I'm done up, of course he's like, you're beautiful and, you know, the clothes I'm wearing.
or sometimes tight or something.
And so I'm like, you have to think about like what you think about me is like what
someone's going to think about your daughters one day.
And like what do you like those messages are extremely important.
And he literally said the other day he's like, he's like, it is interesting because I just
think of it totally differently.
He's like, I think of you as one thing and them as another, you know.
And I'm like, yeah, but do what, how do you think my dad thinks about me?
Like it's just, it's just an interesting thing to think.
about you know i'm sure darts loves you on the red carpet all done up and all this stuff but he wants
his little girls just running around wild and free right yeah exactly well i i mean i think same as
uh your boyfriend yeah uh durks also i mean i'm i feel lucky that he does like there's not i don't
feel that pressure right like he loves you now i think i would grumble oh me too i couldn't keep
Yeah, so, like, in my house if I felt that pressure.
Me too.
Like, to have my nails done all the time or something?
I know.
I think we talked about that.
Like, yeah, I mean, it's just, yeah, like, there is, like, a freedom here, and hopefully
the girls feel that.
But, I mean, I don't, I, like, one of my big fears is, like, the social media thing, you know,
because I don't participate in it very much.
And they're already, like, watching all this TikTok stuff, you know?
I'm literally straddling a world where they're like making like clay gnomes and are so pumped about it.
And then on the other hand, they're like like completely enamored with TikTok.
And I don't even know what they're watching.
But I think there's a lot of adult sort of.
Yeah.
Like dances and the way people drive.
I mean, even my son knows like duck face.
Knox can let us go.
Just all of it.
Oh.
And none of us grew up.
that way. So I think it's such a hard thing to navigate because I mean, I as an adult really
struggle sometimes with the comparison and like needing to get the likes and all of these things.
And I'm 37 years old. Like right. It's like a fully developed brain.
Completely.
You know, that doesn't even happen until you're like 25. Right. You know, like I just think it could
it worries me a lot. And I'm not trying to be like that person. Yeah. Because I know there's
like positives to it as well, but I'm the same.
Like, it's part of why I don't do it because it like makes me feel weird and vaguely bad sometimes, you know, in my experiences with it.
But for their little brains, you know, I don't know.
I just don't.
The likes, I mean, I have, we just saw Evie showed us one of her friends' Instagram.
I mean, again, they're only like 11.
It looked like curated.
It was almost like professional looking.
Like a blogger.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like a curated feed.
The perfection.
I mean, Jers was like, why does everything have to be so perfect?
Yeah.
But this is the world we live in.
So I guess we just have to like give them just as long as they have the tools to like challenge.
Yeah.
And even if they're participating in it, you know.
to even just be able to go, you know what, this is actually bullshit.
Yes, I was going to say even that conversation of why does everything have to be so perfect?
Like, we know that's not real life.
And my parents, I will say, from a pretty early age, always taught me like the comparing the insides and outsides.
So although I still do it, I'll catch myself quicker maybe than some other people and go, I know that's not really true for them.
You know, like it's like I can go deep into it for a while.
while and then I can kind of talk myself out of it.
Like, we know reality.
Their reality probably looks a lot like my reality and we just all make it look a
certain way on social media.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Her body image and beauty and all of it.
Completely.
And it's like those conversations like with the girls help develop that inner conversation,
you know?
Yeah.
And that inner dialogue for later.
Yeah. I loved what you said about the critical voice versus like the real voice and knowing starting to decipher between that within your own brain.
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like even like with the hair, like the shaving of the legs and the waxing. It's like, well, why is hair so bad on women? Right. It's like not a big deal on men. I mean, we had that conversation and I'm like, it's bullshit. I probably said that.
Yeah. Guys. Like bullshit.
fiddle or, you know. That doesn't mean like you're going to go around and like never do your eyebrows.
Like you most likely are. But let's not like, let's at least examine it, you know.
Okay. And I have like a cousin who is more like, I mean, she's like actually, this is like creative, beautiful actress, but she's girl, but she like never shaved her arms.
Yeah. And I love that, you know, because I like to point to that and be like, she, she,
You know, she's a lot younger than me, but it's like, look, she's making a different choice.
Like, she made a choice for her.
Right.
Like, find your own identity.
I think there's more examples of that in culture.
Yeah.
I'm kind of hoping that, like, maybe they're entering a time where there's more individuality and range.
Are you feeling that?
Like, being in this world, like.
I do feel, honestly, in 2020, with all of us kind of going through this collective, whatever
this is together, it's made every.
it's made everybody have to stop.
And so I don't really know yet what's going to completely stick.
But I do feel that there's been some shifts.
And I know my mindset and a lot of my friends' mindsets just about what's actually important,
what, like, moving forward, where you actually want to take with us and what we want to leave behind.
And I think some of those messages are part of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
It changes so much slower
Than we want it to be
Yeah
Yeah
But you can like
You can kind of
You get glimpses of it
You know
I think so
I mean and even with all of the
Just equality for everyone
Like those conversations happening
They're happening on such a bigger scale
Than I think they ever have
And so
I don't know
I definitely know that we've had to have
Those conversations too
And like that's great to me
To start talking about that
at such a young age with kids, you know,
so that it's just a part of their natural life versus what we grew up with.
Yeah, for sure.
Do you have any other, like, resources that you go to when you're, I don't know,
trying to figure out how to navigate all this stuff?
I would just say that book I mentioned, which is kind of old, but reviving Ophelia,
but the newer, like, teenage girl Bible is called Untangled.
Okay.
And it's like seven transitions into adulthood.
And she's amazing.
Her name's Lisa D-M-O-U-R.
Okay.
It's D-A-M-O-U-R.
And then I link, like, Dr. Chafali has been like the big, the conscious parent.
I mean, she really just is like this philosophy.
Your kids are here to like grow you up.
It's so, I mean, I'm so good to see that.
Yes.
And if you use that as your guide, like anything that comes up with the kids, like,
what is this about me?
You know, that I'm looking to heal.
And it's really, it's a total, like, paradigm shift.
And it's amazing.
So she's been really, had a huge effect on the way I, like,
approached parenting or tried to.
Mm-hmm.
To look into that one.
Try it.
Try to.
Try to.
On your good days.
Doing the best we can over here.
Yeah.
I think we all are.
Oh, well, this is very helpful to me. Thank you for talking to me about it.
Well, I'm just missing you and love you. I love you too.
Let's talk soon.
Okay.
Hang in there.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
This is Kelly Henderson and you've been listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast.
I truly believe that every one of us has a little velvet and a little edge.
So it's so important to remember that to be strong, you must be soft too.
Thank you.
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