The Bobby Bones Show - FEELING THINGS - 3 Traits That Make You Likeable, Tactics That Toxic People Use & More

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

Amy's feeling eager, Kat's feeling refreshed, and they’re getting into all the things! First up: the three traits that make someone instantly likeable (hint: it's not just being nice). Then, how does Maternal Instinct compare to Love Trapped?? Amy shares sneaky ways toxic people test if they still have access to you after they've hurt you, without ever actually apologizing, plus what to do about it. And finally, describing your ex as a store. Some of these are “afterdark”...you've been warned. Get some Feeling Things merch by clicking HERE! (FeelingThingsPodcast.com) Sign up for the Feeling Things newsletter HERE! Watch us on Youtube HERE! Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077 Email: [e-mail] HOSTS: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburenSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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From the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just out and feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy. And I'm Kat. And I am feeling eager. I am so eager for our trip next week. We're going to Canyon Ranch. And I am just counting down the days. I know you normally get really excited for things on the calendar. I don't really do that as much. Like you love trips. Like you just got back from a trip and you're going on this other trip. You're like, yeah, this sounds fun. Let's do it. I'd be like, ooh, I just got back from a trip. I need to not do anything for a little bit. Oh, I know.

When we were flying back from our trip, I said to Patrick, I said in one week I'll be on another plane. How do you feel about that? And he was like, what? I was like, yeah, I'm going on another vacation. Wait, he didn't know you were going? He knew, but I don't think he realized how fast it was. I was like, I have to get these things in before the baby's here. Yeah.

Yeah. So eager is my feeling of the day. And it's just exciting. So that's another feeling pumped, amped. Well, I'm glad that you can get. I've never heard you say that you were amped before. But that makes me happy that you are allowing yourself to feel excited about this if you normally don't. I think it's going to be good.

I'm excited to read. I was trying to figure out my book for Poolside. Are you going to bring more than one book? No, just one. What if I finish it? Yeah. What if you finish it? I'll find a big one.

Wait, so on your last trip, you took my happy place, my. Emily Henry Happy Place book. Did you read it? I believe I got to page 74 or something. Okay. Which is a big deal. That's better than you did with Theo of Golden. Theo of Golden, I think on vacation, I got to page 12. Okay. I can't speak for Theo of Golden because, no, I have not finished it yet. I believe it's probably a very good book. It is not a beach read. Right. So Happy Place is different vibes. It's very easy. I can like be in two places. I don't have to pay a tension as much. I can put it down, pick it up. You don't have to, you feel of old and you have to be in the zone. Right. To be in the story. Happy place, it's just you can, you could read it while you're walking on walking trails reading a Kindle. Wow. I would be so nervous I was going to

run into something. But true. That is the same thing. So thank you for that book. I'm going to bring that one with me because I don't believe I'll probably finish it. I don't read as fast. I don't read as Save it for the trip. If anybody has any good recommendation, y'all can send them my way, hey there at feeling thingspodcast.com, just put book recommendation. So I can nail down the perfect book.

Maybe I find one that's based in Arizona because we're going to be in Tucson. Well, you already read four wins, didn't you? Mm-hmm. Okay. But that wasn't in Arizona, though. Don't I have to go through Arizona to get to where they're going? Sure.

Yeah. I think that it's Arizona. It goes Texas. to California. You have to go through Arizona. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. They were in Arizona for a bit. Didn't they pass through Arizona on their way? So it's basically about Arizona. And it was like the dust bowl and Arizona is dusty and hot. Yeah. Yeah. Four wins. People, some people did not like that book at all. I posted about my Kristen Hannah books the other day. And someone was like, all of them except for Four Wins. And I'm like, whoa, I really liked Four Wins. But it's just like you like people obsess over Theo of Gold. in and you're like, I couldn't get into it. Okay, I'm still going to finish that book. I'm not saying it's not good. I bet if I listened to it, I would have been obsessed with it.

Okay. So what's your feeling of the day? Well, I'm feeling refreshed because I just got back from vacation. I'm about to go on another one. But to be fair, you're still working. Like, we're actually working extra this week to get in our work. And we worked extra before you left to get that done. And then so what are your therapy patients doing?

They're just being patient, being patient patients. before I left and then this week I have more clients packed in so then I could take off the other days if that makes any sense. So yeah, I am still working but I've never taken two vacations in the same month before. This is a new me. I like this version. Yeah. And I was thinking the other day how excited you must be for the baby to come because remember how excited you were for your wedding and then after your wedding you got so sad because you had nothing to look forward to? And I was like, oh no after cat has the baby is she going to be like oh but they have the baby okay yeah i mean it's like there but you don't have the birth to look forward to well who said i want

forward to the birth does anybody look forward to the birth i don't know i'm sure there are some people i'm getting are you saying if you're doing this medicated or unmedicated they'll be medication okay have you seen the influencers lately that are like posting these entire documentaries of their unmedicated birth i don't want to watch that Yeah. And by documentary, I mean like five reels in a row about each step of their unmedicated journey. Do whatever you want to do. I'm, I so, this is a personal journey for everybody. And for people that want to do like a home birth or a this or that or unmedicated or the water birth, that is great. I am not one of those people. And I am going to utilize every piece of modern medicine that we have.

I am actually really terrified of childbirth. I had a little bit of a moment the other day. Just, I know I can do it. And I know after it's over, I'll probably be like, that was the coolest thing ever. And it's something I've never done before. And there are so many unknowns and there's so many things that can happen. And it's, nobody can describe to you.

They can describe it, but you're not going to really understand it until you do it. So, yeah, I'll be, I'll be. I'll be taken. The epidural will have that. I'm afraid of that needle, though. Have you seen how big it is? Yeah, but then in a matter of moments,

you're not going to be able to even feel anything. But yeah, don't look. Just close your eyes. I don't think you can look because I think it goes in your back. I know, but like when they're preparing it or walking in, just be like, I don't want to see the needle. I don't want to see the needle. Yeah.

Close your eyes. That's what I have to do with the little one that they even put in your arm when I'm getting like blood drawn. I'm like, I don't want to see. Yeah, that's true. So yeah, it'll be fine. It'll be great. It'll be wonderful.

But I will say I'm not, I'm looking forward to what comes from the birth. I'm not looking forward to that process. Gotcha. But you're feeling refreshed. That's your feeling of the day. From your trip. Now I'm feeling scared. Sorry.

That's okay. I need to think about it because I need to be realistic about it. But yeah, I'm feeling very refreshed. We went somewhere I have never been before to Cape Cod. I don't know that we'll ever go back. Not because we didn't love it. but it was kind of a trek to get there. It was exactly what I needed.

I wanted it to be not hot, but not cold. I wanted to be on the beach. I wanted to read 74 pages of a book and relax. And it was wonderful. The food? Was the food good? The food. Yes.

Every day since I've had this one ice cream sandwich, I've been thinking about it. So I saw you post that. What was so special about this ice cream sandwich? It was just really good. I don't know. I don't know. It was just so in the cookie was a sandwich part a cookie like a chocolate chip cookie yeah yeah yeah chocolate chip cookie dough inside of like ice cream in it and the cookie was like soft it was it felt like it was

freshly baked it probably wasn't but felt that way it was so good all the food was amazing we went to one restaurant we went twice because it was so good it was sushi restaurant of all places I don't even really like sushi that much so highly recommend chatham massachusetts That's what specifically would be right. Chatham. Chatham. So where'd you fly? Flew to Boston.

Okay. Drove there. And I think a lot of people when they go to the Cape, they'll like visit different, the different towns because they're all kind of close together. Or they'll take a ferry to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. We didn't do any of that because I just wanted to like lay. I didn't want to, you know, exploring. You have to like, walk and your sight scene.

Cat from my kitchen into the podcast room. She's like out of breath. She's like, okay. Yeah, it hit me out of nowhere. This, like, my waddling, I feel like I'm walking different and just getting, if I talk too much, I get out of breath. So I just wanted to lay. So I did that.

Highly recommend we sit at Chatham bars in. It was so cute. So cute. Yeah, definitely made me want to go. I've had, we, well, when I, my, had a boyfriend. Last summer, we went on a trip to, where'd we go? Cayman Islands as like our, we took our kids, like a little joint family trip. And Nantucket was on our list of things to do if we didn't do that. That was a, but I mean,

other than Boston, I haven't spent much time in any of the, like Martha's Vineyard, never done that. Cape Cod. I didn't even know when you said you were going to Cape Cod, I had to look up. Where it was? Yeah. Well, I think a lot of people think it's in Maine. It's in Massachusetts. It's confusing, especially if you, we don't live up there. It's not like our normal vacation. So, yeah, the more you know. Now we know.

Well, I still have, so I still have that I've Nantucket or Martha's been on your list. That's been on my list ever since we were considering it last year. And then I was sold after I saw you post that ice cream sandwich. Do you remember exactly where you got it? Yeah, it was called Buffy's ice cream. Okay. That place was hopping every night. Buffy?

Yes. It must be like the place to go in Chatham because there was a line down the sidewalk every night. And we weren't even like June is not their season because it's still kind of chilly. So imagine in July it's even crazier. I recommend June if you don't want to sweat. So I know we talked about what you read on vacation. I also know you watched maternal instinct because well I had watched it and then you watched on your trip, which I was like, oh, what? What an interesting way to spend time on your vacation with you and your husband and your cute little hotel. We, okay, so we just listened to what is the podcast about Love Tracked? Me and Patrick just finished that. Okay. I know. I'm slowly, well, I don't know.

I feel like a lot of people are still learning about Love Trapped. I am listening to that one episode every two weeks because that's what I listened to at my last appointments with Amy. You're behind it then. And so we are so desperate to finish this, but we both don't want to cheat on each other because Amy's into it. I'm into it. And it's like, it's like our thing. And so she's like, okay, she'll send me a screenshot at the end of every appointment. She's like, this is where we left off.

And so I am taking that one every two weeks. And I get to listen to it this week with her because I have an appointment. But do you know what episode you're on? Yeah, like the end of three or four. How many are there? There's 12. Oh my gosh. Wait, what?

Okay, I thought there was probably five or six. You guys have got to find a different rhythm. Okay, we're going to have to listen to it on. We're talking to the Rutherlander of the Fest. Or maybe you guys listen to one episode together when you're, and then you listen to one episode while you wait to see each other again. That could be a fair. I know.

It's going to be Christmas before I'm done. What is crazy about that podcast is when you first start listening to it, you're like, I mean, that's why I would think it would only be a couple episodes. Like, how far could this really go? Okay. Wait, so it's going to get even crazy. Okay, because someone, when I posted about maternal instinct, someone sent me a message. They're like, oh my gosh, I just finished love trap.

Like these two ladies. And I was like, I wouldn't even put these people in the same category. Well, I actually wouldn't either. Because to me, she hasn't, I'm not to anything. I mean, of course, what she's doing to trap him is a little crazy, but I'm not to like super duper duper duper unhinged yet. Oh, no, you'll get there. She is super duper, duper, duper unhinged. there has to be like some stuff going on with her that we just don't know about.

So like what's the mental? I know you can't diagnose them. But as a therapist, like I guess I don't know what's going on with these. They live in fantasy or they delusional or what's the? I don't know. I think I think I don't want to give anything away. But towards the end, there are some, there's some speculation of like diagnoses she's had and I think she admits to certain things.

Sorry, love trapped or maternal instinct? Yes, yes, on love trapped. Sorry. But the reason I brought up love trapped even is because Patrick saw a ad for maternal instinct and was like, oh my gosh, we should watch this. It seems similar. So we watch it and not the same vibe. Not the same vibe. No, yeah.

I mean, some of some with like lying and deception. But how you will feel after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Like listening to Love Trapped, it's like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. Or like, I can't believe that happened. Or, you know, some of it's a little funny or some of it. After watching maternal instinct, I was literally catatonic could not speak for about 10, 15 minutes. Because I didn't.

Like, how do you? It's disturbing. Yeah. And you had a similar reaction because I saw you posted on Instagram. Well, yeah. And then I was like, okay, I'm hungry. and then like now suddenly I don't have an appetite. Like the more I thought about it, like I didn't want to eat.

Like it was a, it was a weird show. And I will give a, what's it called it? Rating? No, like a trigger warning or a, what's it calling you? Just don't watch that. I know. You're pregnant. I mean, we've said on the Bobby Bone show, like the preview has her getting pulled over

and she's got a baby. And then they're like, that's not your blood. That's not, you know, so that part is out there that there's obviously something weird going on. I will say I told Bobby to watch it with his wife. And I wasn't thinking about how like she's very postpartum, like newly postpartum. The baby's, what, three months old? So it wasn't for her.

She wasn't. Did she watch it? I don't know if she finished it because she, I think she said, I can't keep watching this. But Bobby said, oh, do you think that Caitlin will like it? And I was like, yeah, she'll like it. Like I wasn't thinking about how. Well, pre-baby, she probably would have been interested in it. Maybe it wouldn't have impacted her the same way.

I mean, I think it's impacting everybody. Like, everyone's like what in the world? And then also I'm like, Wade. Wade. Oh my gosh. Wade. Poor Wade. No.

I don't feel that way. You don't feel. Well, okay. I don't know his history, where he comes from, what he's dealing with. but I just felt like there is some signs that were pointing for him to maybe do his due diligence and make sure she was. I just don't think he was as into it as into her maybe as she was. So he was fine with like, and there's probably a little bit of denial.

Yeah. Okay, that's fair. You know, I get what you're saying. And we don't want to give anything away in case someone's just not watching it. But that, that is definitely for me, the craziest true crime thing. I've ever witnessed. There is nothing I can. There's no crime, no podcast, no anything that I have listened to that has made me feel that way. It is a one of a kind. That's a one of a kind situation, surely, hopefully. I know, I should feel bad that you were on vacation and then you

you hit that moment. Patrick were like, why did we watch that? It kind of ruined the night. Like, no, we actually we left the beach a little early so we could go finish it because we had tried to watch it the two nights before but I kept falling asleep like seven minutes in and then like 12 minutes in so I was like why don't we go in early and watch this before we go to dinner so I wasted beach time to watch this not knowing and then we had to go eat after oh gosh yeah so crazy and again, if you guys are, you haven't watched it and you don't know what happens, just be careful. I don't want to say too much again. Yeah, I think we've painted a good picture of like that it's, it's heavy. It's almost like you want to recommend it. I felt the same way of like, oh, you want to recommend and say yes, watch it. But why?

And then also you want to be like, but don't. But why? You know what? Patrick made this comment and I was like, we are a sick community of people because I was just distraught and he said well that's what makes it a good documentary is that you just really had no idea what was going to happen and it's making you feel something and I said for a movie sure but this is this is this is real it really happened what why are I have this dissonance within myself where it's like I love documentaries I love them I love and I I don't mind true crime stuff like I

I enjoy that. But also, I'm getting entertainment out of watching these, like, it's the same thing with, was it Jeffrey Dahmer where people were like, we're like glorifying this serial killer and that's what he wanted. And so I don't know that that's what this person wanted to be, I don't think she wanted to be famous for, per se. But it is a weird feeling of, yes, we want to recommend this documentary because it was so shocking and good in its own way, the way it was made, but also we're recommending to

perpetuate the story that in some regards doesn't deserve to be retold. Yeah, there are other people in the story, though, where it might have been healing for them to put their side out there of what, because there are multiple victims in the story. And some of them got to be highlighted of like how amazing they were. and it's tragic they were a part of this situation. That is fair. That's a good way. And for me, I have my guard up with like anybody knew that you kind of meet.

Just like, what? Yeah. You would just. Well, the most charismatic people. I don't want to live that way of being suspicious. Suspicious, yes, of everyone. Because I don't think that everyone has whatever she has going on. But gosh.

Yeah, but how do you? No, but I think also there are some, you get some glimmers of people who did see the red flags and listen to their gut. And so that's a good. I mean, we can listen to our gut. It's not like this is just going to happen to us willy-nilly. There will be signs. We just have to listen to them.

Yeah. And it sounds like some of the people, like you said, they were featured in the documentary that had a gut feeling and then set a boundary and then held a boundary. Yeah. Let that be an example for. us off. Pride is like love. You feel it in your heart. IR. Radio, Canada's number one streaming app for radio and podcasts, including IHart Pride Canada, your favorite hits and must have party bangers, plus personalized and curated playlists like back in the day pride. Come together, celebrate,

love. Take pride with you anytime, anywhere. Just ask your smart speaker to play IHartPride Canada. Stream us on your phone. Or listen now at IHartRadio.com. Hey, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. Okay, if you know me, you know this. I'm always searching for inspiration, for support, and useful tools to help maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover all of that together. We're going to have these meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people, like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges that she never saw coming.

I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer, and that was more difficult. There's a lot of people who understand postpartum depression. I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety. Olympic champ Sean Johnson revealed why she had no choice but to be a gymnast. There was something about gymnastics that was intoxicating to me. It's given me a belief that we all have one of those treasures inside of us. We just have to find it.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. June is Black Music Month, and on the Drink Chams podcast, we're speaking with the hottest names in the culture, like Sway Lee. Do you realize how legendary you are? I appreciate that. I'd be seeing it, but I'm like, man, I still got, like, so much more to do. Like, Prince, he dropped, like, 30 albums. We dropped, like, five right now.

That's the rate we got to be going. Yep, that's a good attitude. You also hear stories from industry legends and hip-hop pioneers like Fab Five Freddie. I directed whenaz's early videos. Which one? One love. Wow. I literally filmed in his apartment in Queensbridge.

His moms were still up in that apartment. Nans was just beginning to take off. His pops used to live near me in Harlem. His dad introduced him to a whole lot of, you know, conscious stuff, and he made a young prodigy. No matter the era, Drink Chams brings you the biggest names and the most unfiltered conversations. Listen to Drink Chams from the Black Effect Podcast Network

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Keith Giamanka seemed like a mild-mannered suburban dad, but secretly, he became someone else, a master of disguise who went on a crime spree. At the time, did it seem like a crazy idea? It seemed very crazy, but I felt so desperate that I felt it was the quickest, easiest way out.

Did you allow yourself to think about how it could go wrong, on what that might look like. No, I didn't want to manifest that. I was trying to manifest success. Every family has its secrets. But what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life? That is not the look of an innocent man.

This is going to change my life and my family dynamic forever because everything that had existed prior in my reality is now untrue. Listen to deep cover The Family Man on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, unrelated to this, but also might be like a good segue into toxic people. Okay. Because, well, that's definitely, I guess she would fall into more of an extreme toxic case.

But some of these people that she was friends with, they had this weird feeling about her and they had to set a boundary. And so I came across this list of ways toxic people. check in to see if you will still let them in, like if they still have space. Like when someone who's hurt you and you've tried to set a boundary, they may reach out without owning to what they did. Now, this isn't if they apologized and y'all made amends, anything like that. It's rarely about reconnecting. Sometimes they just want to see if they can still take up space in your life. So the first way is a random thinking of you text, like a breezy, no context message. Like they never caused any damage at all. No apology. Just checking the vibe,

seeing how things are going. It's like something happened and then we didn't resolve it. And then they're just like thinking of you like being sweet. And it makes you question like, wait, was I being dramatic? Because they're really nice. Look how nice they're being. They're checking in. Yeah. Nostalgia bait. Bringing up a fond memory to pull you back to the good old days, conveniently skipping the part where things fell apart with y'all. I feel like that would get me. I love to reminisce.

I love to reminisce. Yeah. Or it's just an old story or a picture. If somebody sends me an old picture of a really good memory. Talk at the old heartstrings. I know. Reaching out through other people. Liking old photos, asking mutual friends how you're doing,

leaving a vague comment. They're using the great vine to gauge whether you're still upset. So yeah, like on Instagram, maybe trying to connect that way or then through somebody else. I wonder does that include like it says asking mutual friends how you're doing, like hanging out with your mutual friends and just like making yourself like inserting yourself. I would think so. The half apology.

A vague, sorry if I hurt you that sounds reflective, but stop short of real accountability. Sorry that you felt that way. Isn't that like the worst thing? you can say to somebody. I mean, apology-related. Yeah, it just should be sorry. Period. Yeah. No sorry, but. Yeah. The sorry if I, but sometimes, sometimes it, there's a way to be genuine about saying that. Like, it's one thing if you're like, I didn't mean it that way, but sorry if you took it that way. Like that is, okay, you don't need to say it with less words and it would be way more helpful. but there are sometimes I feel like when people say, I'm sorry I made you feel that way.

Like that can fit, I think. Right? Yeah. I think it depends on the context and the tone. Versus sorry you took it that way. Poking old wounds. Bringing up sensitive topics innocently or saying something borderline disrespectful to see if you still push back or let it slide. That just sounds like it would make things worse.

Well, I know, but if you kind of, I don't know, does this type of toxic person want pushback because they want that engagement with you? Or if you let it slide, do they think, like, oh, I can get by treating you this way? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which some of this could be a friendship that you had to put a boundary on or unhealthy romantic type relationship

for someone trying to weasel their way back in and see where they could poke you. And lastly, fake sweet check-ins. Been thinking about you, you okay? Question mark? It feels caring, but it's often just fishing to see if you still have feelings for them without doing any real repair work. Yeah, that reminds me of just thinking of you text. It makes you think of, oh, they're being kind.

Are you okay, checking in. That's so sweet. But then they actually never maybe apologize or acknowledge what they did. You can be like, yeah, I'm okay. I'm still thinking about that mean thing you did to me. You know, there's still someone that sent me a message. Now, this would be on the more romantic side of things, not a friendship. But I still have not responded to somebody.

And it's not that they did anything wrong, but we did end on a little bit of a shady. There was some shady business going on. You could say that. And then we didn't. Then I started dating somebody else for a long, long time. and then the minute they got when that I broke up with that other person, I got a, hey. Literally the minute. Yeah.

Hey, you just saw that. And I was like, uh, and I really, it was really hard for me not to reply, not because I was interested, but just because I didn't want to be rude. And also I wanted to set the boundary of like, no, I kind of realized like how we were and that was not cool. So we're good. Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't know that I would use a word as strong as toxic. No. No, no, no, no. But I would say the dynamic that was within him and you was not what you wanted. No. And so he does kind of fall into, like that, that message that he sent did kind of fall into some of this.

But he's just poking to see like, will you respond? But also what's crazy about that is sometimes people will give themselves away because he literally said in the, the message. That's not why I'm reaching out, but it was obviously why he was reaching out. It's like, I heard you guys broke up. Not that that's why I'm messaging you, but, uh, is it true? Do you want to go out and get a drink? Like, it's exactly why you're messaging. So, but he, but that person also, I hope you don't mind me saying, but he also kind of poked a couple times while you were dating just to, I think he was trying to see if you guys were still dating. And you didn't take the bait. so healthy.

I try to be, but not always perfect at it. But all these are hard, especially if you have a relationship where if it's a toxic relationship anyway, there's been unhealthy patterns probably between both of you. And you might not see it. Or if the veil is starting to lift and then you do within implementing some of these things, or sorry, recognizing some of these things they might be doing. is difficult at first.

Once you see it, you might not be able to unsee it. And then you have to hold your boundary. Yeah. I think that it would be harder for you to hold this boundary if you had certain feelings for that person. So yeah, it's easy for us to talk about this kind of stuff. And it's easy in hindsight to talk about these things. But when you're in a situation, whether it's a friend or a romantic partner, especially

I think a friend, when you, especially if you have a long relationship with that friend and you don't want to give up on that friend, it's hard to acknowledge that this is what they're doing and I have to cut the cord kind of. I have to stop playing this game because there's history, yeah, there's history there. And it's not as, it's not as easy as like they're toxic. It's like, well, this person has been with me through a lot of life. Yeah. Well, I think the big takeaway from the list is that they're not actually wondering if you're okay. And sometimes that's hard to accept. like they're wondering if they're still welcome in your life or if you're over them yet and if there's a way. And then if you respond warmly or neutrally, that can signal to them that they still

have access. If you hold firm and ignore them, they could escalate things. So warning with that, but they also could back off and then just go away, which has worked for me. So for now. Yeah. So some tips on what to do if you're in this situation. Be wise to their tactics. Initiate a hard conversation if one needs to be had. Set boundaries. Don't respond at all. Don't respond with much detail.

Limit how vulnerable you are with them. Stay true to your character. Don't take the bait and get offended. Walk away. And finally, pray for their maturity and growth. That, oh. Could you send that message?

I'll pray for you. Praying for your maturity and growth. Namaste. They message you and they say, I've been thinking about you. Are you okay? Yeah, I've just been praying for your maturity and growth. I don't recommend you doing that, but you could.

Well, I mean, you could do that quietly in your head. You don't have to tell them. Yeah. I'm praying for you. My friend's going through something difficult with a toxic person, more of a business relationship situation. And she has typed out a very specific prayer. And she's praying it every single day because it's crushing her spirit.

And so she has it on her. And she came over the other day and we were talking through it. And she was like, I have a prayer that I've typed up. Can we say it to? Like, would you say it with me? She's like, I'm doing it every day no matter what. But, you know, we're two more gathered. So she was just like, I'm desperate. She's like, well, that's so mature though. I know. It really was. And she was, she's just in the thick of it right now with something very scary that could impact her entire career. And I have found myself wanting to pray for maturity on her behalf of this other person because what they are doing is very toxic. And it's made me wonder like how if I can find any evidence of if they've been

shady and deals before prior to her. And so now I've been doing my own Googling and I'm trying to figure out that this person. I have no idea who they were before her. Like I'm not friends with this other person. They're not in my ecosystem at all whatsoever. But, I've been stalking them online, basically. And I... Have you found anything? I think there's some crazy to uncover. And I told her she might want to hire a PI.

Because her lawyer has one that they've used for something else. And I was like, maybe the PI could look into this. And I was just like, oh, I'm watching too much. True. I'm like, I need to back off. But then I was like, what if you do that? And then she goes even more crazy. that could happen, but I have learned through mostly listening to Love Trapped, and I won't

say too much since you're not, you're only on episode three, which also cracks me up, because you've told me about this podcast so long ago. But yeah, I didn't tell you that I was having to listen to it one episode every two weeks. No, no, no, no, no. The, like, what do they call the, like, community sleuths, like the online? That thing is what they're called is sleuths. Okay. They are the ones that are cracking the case.

Like if you get enough people in a Reddit thread, you will crack a murder case, I swear, these days. So you might be on to something. I know, but I can't publicly do anything. Reddit is private. People don't know your username. Well, I know, but if I put something up about her. Yeah, yeah.

It might not work for this situation. Yeah. But I will say it is with like, there's a lot of issues with social media. and technology and all of that that I feel like are making the world worse. But the online community of whatever you want to call them, I don't want to call them sleuths because it's almost like they're justice seekers. Sleuth sounds very negative.

What does Sleuth even mean? Sleuth, I hate that word now. Well, I guess I've always associated with like online vigilantes. Yes, yes. That's what, okay. Negative. Okay. That's a better word.

I think because it's close to like slug or. Because sloths are cute. Sleuth is like. They're like sleuthing. In there, they're like. It just feels like, I don't know. Maybe I'll look up why. I like the vigil ante were better.

Like these online people like, yes, sometimes I'm like, how do you have the time to do this? But they have, there's been multiple situations, not just with love trapped, where these people have figured out in cracked cases that could not otherwise be cracked. because it's all these people coming together. So, you know. People will be, you know, like, maybe this isn't sleuths. No, I think it was sleuths. What was that documentary about like the cats?

Yes. Weren't they looking at outlets like in the wall? They're like, that particular outlet is only manufactured in this part of Germany. I mean, they find all these little details that will narrow down exactly. what apartment this was filmed in based on light fixtures

and you know what was that called it's pretty impressive about don't mess with cats or something I didn't I never finished it because I I did and I loved it and now I can't even remember but yes it was something like but I think it's because you have so many people that have they each have come from their own place and have their own pieces of knowledge and then somebody's going to know where that outlets from you know what I mean so yeah power to those people and

if you wanted to be one of those people, I would support you. But you probably can't do it for your friend because you would give away some identity. Don't F with cats. Yes. Hunting an internet killer is what it was called. What did you call it? Don't mess with cats. Yeah.

That's the same thing. There is the PG version. Yeah. Because F means mess. No, no, no. Okay. Yeah. Now I know we're talking about toxic people, but I do have three traits behind every

likable person. Okay. So you could try to be like this. Three key qualities. Every likable person boils down to this. Number one, empathy. Show people you're truly listening and that you get where they're coming from even when you see things differently.

Yeah, I feel like empathy is key in anybody that I want to hang out with. Two, authenticity. people are drawn to those who feel at ease in their own skin. When you carry yourself with genuine confidence, others sense it and naturally trust you more. Three, enthusiasm. Good energy spreads. People gravitate towards those who bring positivity into a room. Nobody wants to be around, you know, a Debbie Downer.

Sometimes if you have to be a little Debbie Downer, it's okay. I know, that's why. I mean, I sometimes it's just who I am. No, but I prefaced it with like, not to me want-womp, but here we are. Also, I would say about authenticity. This is something I like to talk about around this because a lot of people think authenticity means that I am, you know everything about me and like I'm so open and I'm so this and I share all.

I mean, you know, we've heard the stories of people on the first time they hang out. They're sharing all of their trauma and all of that. And to be authentic, I think, really means to be honest and real, not transparent. Like, you don't have to be transparent with everybody. And so if you want to be a likable person, it doesn't mean you have to tell everybody your deepest, darkest secrets. You just have to be yourself. But being yourself doesn't include you sharing every single piece of yourself with everybody.

It's a little word to the wise if you're working on being likable. Yeah. You don't have to put everything on social media. Yeah. And maybe don't. Yeah. Well, some stuff is good to share, like updates here and there or, you know, it doesn't have to be like every single detail, five paragraphs on Facebook. Yes.

Well, and I think a lot of times, I mean, for some people, it's their job. Fair. If your job is, if you're an influencer and like, I guess your job is to share your life. But even within that, there's. There's boundaries, right? I don't put myself in that same exact category, but on the radio show for the last 20 years, we've shared a lot of our lives.

But even within that, there's boundaries. Not everything is told. Yeah, I feel you've kept a lot of people. And then in the last 20 years, social media has become a part of our storytelling. But I wouldn't say a lot of it is on there. I still share more on the radio show. But you're also not, I think that there's this. line of the and people have probably heard this term like performative vulnerability where I'm posting

this and I'm sharing the story to appear vulnerable but not actually to be vulnerable and a couple years ago I interviewed a singer J.P. Sachs and this is one of my most memorable. There's like a couple interviews that I've had that I've had these like memorable like responses to questions I've asked and this was one of them. I asked him because he is somebody, I've probably shared this with you more than once. He is somebody who is very feelings based. Like his music is very emotional. He comes off as a more in tune with his emotions man in the world. And so I asked him like, what's it like to put all this stuff out there? Because his music is about his own life. And what's it like to be so vulnerable as a, as a male in our society. And he said, well, that's what's interesting is I don't

really consider a lot of my music vulnerable because I have curated it to be exactly what I want it to be. And so that you hear exactly what I want you to hear. It's not me just sharing something off of like the tip of my heart. Like I've worked on this. I've again curated it. And so it's not vulnerable. That's not what I would consider vulnerable. And I was like, thank you for saying that. I feel like that was a very honest answer. And in our world, I feel like vulnerability and vulnerable and authenticity. All those words are very big buzzwords. And so people want to appear that way.

So they say those words and they try to appear that way to gain whatever it is they're looking for, whether that's attention or connection or admiration or whatever. But a lot of what we're putting out there on social media is curated. Like we've recorded this video. four times until we've got it to look the way we want it to look or we've written it out before we've said it or we planned this thing or you know we've forced the tears or whatever or we're posting the video of us crying because we want to get something not because we're open to what true vulnerability is which is the unknown like we don't know what's going to like

to be vulnerable is to say I don't know what the reaction is going to be versus when I curate something, I'm expecting the reaction to be like, oh, that was so real or raw or beautiful or whatever. Five months, Toronto. Pride is an opportunity for you to create your own space, to celebrate your existence. Iheart Radio is proud to be an official sponsor of Pride Toronto Festival and we won't stop. Celebrate Pride. Turn up the love and listen to IHeart Pride Canada.

Your 24-7 radio stream and the only playlist you need for your Toronto Pride celebrations. Pride is so great because it gives a whole bunch of people this visibility that they've never had before. We have a ton to celebrate Toronto. Happy Pride. Iheart Radio. Hey, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. Okay, if you know me, you know this. I'm always searching for inspiration, for support, and useful tools to help maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover all of that together. We're going to have these meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people. Like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges

that she never saw coming. I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer, and that was more difficult. There's a lot of people who understand postpartum depression. I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety. Olympic champ Sean Johnson revealed why she had no choice but to be a gymnast. There was something about gymnastics that was intoxicating to me. It's given me a belief that we all.

have one of those treasures inside of us. We just have to find it. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. June is Black Music Month, and on the Drink Chams podcast, we're speaking with the hottest names in the culture,

like Sway Lee. Do you realize how legendary you are? I appreciate that. I'd be seeing it, but I'm like, man, I still got like so much more to do. Like Prince, he dropped like 30 albums. We drop like five right now. That's the rate we got to be going.

Yeah, that's a good attitude. You also hear stories from industry legends and hip-hop pioneers like Fab Five Freddy. I directed when the Nas' early videos. Which one? One love. Wow. Yes. I literally filmed in his apartment in Queensbridge.

His moms were still up in that apartment. Nas was just beginning to take off. His pops used to live near me in Harlem. His dad introduced him to a whole lot of, you know, conscious stuff. And he made a young prodigy. No matter the era, Drink Chams brings you the biggest names and the most unfiltered conversations. Listen to Drink Chams from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the Iheart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Keith Gianmanca seemed like a mild-mannered suburban dad, but secretly, he became someone else, a master of disguise who went on a crime spree. At the time, did it seem like a crazy idea? It seemed very crazy. but I felt so desperate that I felt it was the quickest, easiest way out. Did you allow yourself to think about how it could go wrong or what that might look like? No, I didn't want to manifest that. I was trying to manifest success.

Every family has its secrets. But what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life? That is not the look of an innocent man. this is going to change my life and my family dynamic forever because everything that had existed prior in my reality is now untrue. Listen to Deep Cover the Family Man on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, it makes me think of when I opened up about my divorce for the first time. That had already been going on for over a year. Yeah. Over. When you first traded. Over. Okay. So, I mean, the separation. And there's still so many details about that that haven't been shared. And I don't know if one day they will. But I knew when I was ready to announce it, I knew what I would say. And he was aware. My ex-husband was aware. I was going to talk about it. The kids were aware. But so many things were already in motion. That information wasn't happening in real time. So part of that.

felt weird. It didn't feel part of that season didn't feel authentic because it was something so personal and I wanted to be careful with how I talked about it. And so I wasn't sharing it. So it felt weird to kind of show up and try to do everything that I do and talk about it. Like when I had shared, let's say probably the first real vulnerable thing that I shared on the radio was my mom was diagnosed with cancer. And I would be doing the show like from Houston if she was was at MD Anderson, I would go into the Houston studio and do it from there. So that was live experience. No, it was it curating that. But that was something difficult that I was experiencing that was happening in real time. And listeners do it was happening real time because it was

like, oh, you know, Amy's not in the studio. She's in Houston. I'm like, oh, yeah, my mom's having but that was the first hard thing that I shared, but it was happening also in real time. So I guess it also depends on what it is you're sharing and how you're going about it, because that was a situation where that made sense. And my mom was also okay with it. Obviously, there was some stuff. And there was support. We shared some stuff. We didn't. And we had support. And then other people were going through it. And then the Pimp and Joy movement. And all of that sort of made sense. But then, you know, fast forward to another really big life event. I was absolutely not sharing anything in real time. Even if I was in a different studio working

on something to do with the divorce or whatever the case, like I wasn't saying that's what I was doing. So I feel like depending on what the life experience is, some of it might be in real time just because of your, yeah, like you said, your job or your circumstance and what you're willing to share. And then other stuff you might be learning well after the fact. You think it might be more real time. Like some people that might have been news to them and they're like, oh, wow, they're getting a divorce right now. And then, but some online sleuths had figured it out well before. I guess there were some people who kind of were on to it or like, oh, I haven't seen her husband in front of. And then, but some people. I haven't seen her husband in forever but that did feel authentic though like you shared when you were ready yeah

they were different those were shared differently but both felt authentic to me I'm just saying it felt a little weird yeah when I was in like not saying anything like having to show up or if listeners would be like oh my gosh how's your husband or call in and like we just had to like divert yeah because I wasn't ready to talk about it um or I would still tell stories like oh we're you know and that felt a little well And I don't want you to think that I'm saying that you had performative vulnerability. I didn't take it that way. I don't think I did.

Because yeah, I don't think you did. I hope I did it. And there's a, there's a, you can, I want people to be vulnerable online to, to an ex. I want them to do it authentically. Yeah. I want us to do that authentically. And I think that's what you did in both of those situations is it, it made sense. You weren't getting some, you weren't doing it to get this like secondary gain that wasn't

to just be honest and real. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, I just think that there is, like J.P. Sacks was saying, I think there is something like you're putting out something that's curated. His is art. Right? And then sometimes there's real live in the moment stuff, which some people, because of the way of the world and social media and all the content that's out there, there's things that can be happening in real time. And you just have to gauge, yeah, are some people doing it in a performative manner? Yeah. Sure. Are some people genuinely

sharing some of their life and hoping that it can be helpful to other. and they want support from their community. Okay, sure. I think both of those can be happening. Speaking of exes, my ex-husband, I saw this funny thing from the Tinder blog. You can describe your ex as a store, and I'm going to read these,

and I think that you will laugh, okay? A woman asked people to compare their exes to a store, and some of these are a little after dark. So heads up if your kids are listening, but I don't think they'll be able to figure it out. Okay. Sheen. You know that fast fashion website for PeopleShop?

He lied about the size. See, after dark a little bit. Netflix, because I share with him four other girls, and I'm the only one paying. H&M, him and his mom. I don't get it. H&M. Like you're dating him and his mom.

I got it, I got it. I got it. Uber, because everyone got a ride. These people have terrible exits. Some should be like, I don't know. Wait for this one. Microsoft. Oh.

Micro and soft. Dang it. Okay. Apple, because the updates but never changes. Get it? Like a software update? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Hello Kitty, because he said, hello to every kitty. Rolex because he rolled back to his ex. Oh, I've had one of those. You did? I thought he went gay. Oh, no. Is that somebody different?

I think that that happened to. Oh, yeah. You sent somebody back to their ex and you sent somebody to the other sex. No, no, no. No. I don't want to say that. Okay. I've had a lot of interesting relationships.

Yep. Okay. I'm getting hot right now. Duolingo, because I never learned my lesson. Starbucks, because he screamed the wrong name. Oh, no. Ikea. He looked amazing at first, but he came with too many issues.

Not enough parts. So. Okay. So nobody has a positive store for their exes. I think it would be funny because they're exes. Because they're exes. Oh, yeah. That wouldn't be funny.

It would just be like sweet. It's like, why are you with them? Yeah. What's a cute one? Like, let's do a cute one. What's a store that you love? Like if you love R.E.I. Ready every intimate time.

Like with fresh market. Why can't I think of like a... He's so fresh all the time. Um, what's another one? H-E-B. H-G-B. Hitting every... Booty.

Did you know H.E.B. His last name is Butts, Herbert E. Butts. Oh, really? Okay. What's some positive ones? I'm just trying to think of a store I like. And you know when, like, you have to think of something. I can't think of one store I like.

Target. He hits the target. Bullseye. What else do we? What stores do we like? Oh, Chipotle. He's got a lot of different kinds of. Chipotle.

Hey. Something maybe about Glock, tortilla. He can wrap me. I don't know. It's taco. I'm trying to think of things. Césidea.

What is that even me? You're just naming all the things that they offer. You're just to go with it. First rule of improv. Just go with it. That has a good menu. Yeah. Lots to offer.

Oh, radish. Chippole, because you always know what you're going to get. We want a consistent man. See? Sometimes it's not consistent. Well, it's their spice. Yeah. You can switch it up.

Oh, look at you. He's consistent with options. Chipotle. See, we got there. You just have to like, be patient. What else do we like? Papa John's. Oh my gosh, I love Papa John's pizza.

Yeah. The dipping sauce. taste like the butter did the best cheese I feel like on their pizza or like mellow mushroom made the best crust so what's that?

Mellow mushroom What you're saying all of them He's got a mellow mushroom I don't know if that's a good thing Hold on let's think of a few more What are some other stores we like Surely we have to like

Home Depot Oh I thought you were saying Home Goods Home Depot He's so handy He has all the tools that we ever need. He has that they, from from the garage to the bedroom to the, to therapy, to the mind. I like when they have good therapy tools. Okay.

I was just, I was thinking too literal. Home Depot. I thought you were saying Home goods. Home goods would be another store to compare them to. I could stay in there for hours. Yes. See? Yeah.

You're never going to leave there disappointed. Yeah. you'll always find something extra at the checkout. You're never like, why do I buy this? But you kind of are. You're always wondering that. I love those videos where people, they go with their friend and they make those little silly videos where they're like,

I'm looking for a big size Chinese box that could double as an end table in my living room. And then it pans to like this random side table Chinese box that you would like never see. Did you see ever those videos where people were collecting, like, from home goods, the, like, food stools? Do you know? Okay, clearly you didn't. So you'll notice them now when you go there. They oftentimes have, like, a stool of, like, a food. Like, it would be, like, I don't know, a taco or a margarita.

But it's a, as big as, like, a nightstand. And so there's a lot of people that collect those. So if you find one, post it because somebody's probably looking for it. Okay. You might be able to make some money. Doesn't really look like your vibe of your house. No. What about Chick-fil-A?

It's always his pleasure. Or my pleasure? My pleasure? Well, they say it's my pleasure, but it's always his pleasure. Right. No, it really would be. My man is like Chick-fil-A. It's always.

But you want it to be my pleasure. So it's always my pleasure. Okay. It's always my pleasure. That's good. That's another good one, Chick-Ply. Well, we should in there. Yeah.

Unless you guys have some more positive ones, send them our way. Yeah. Maybe it should be how would you describe your current partner as a store. Krispy cream. You just couldn't wait to get that out. I just thought of it. So what's the tagline? And the donut hole?

I don't know. The donut hole. He's always, I'll always. I'll always do the hole to his donut. Wait. No, no, no. He's the donut. Okay, she isn't saying we need to wrap it.

We've gone too far. I told you it was a little after dark. If you have a positive store for your man. For your current partner. Yeah, or your, maybe if you're a guy listening. No. Well, I mean, if you have a positive relationship with your ex, yeah. Yeah.

let us know Taco bell Who always rings my bell Makes me want to run for the border That would be negative That's good McDonald's Oh what's Burger Kings have it your way

Yeah McDonald's is I'm loving it Yeah so this both would work And they could both not work You'd say I'm never loving it Or it was I never had it my way Oh yeah Yeah

It's a lot easier to be negative. It really is, and I think that's a problem in our world. We'll work on that. We'll solve that next week. Okay, y'all can email us, hey there at feeling thingspodcast.com, or give us a call. 877-27-207-2077. And have the day. You need to have.

Bye. Bye. Joy is essential, and it's also elusive. But now, there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Open your free Iheart radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby is presented by CVS. Hey, this is Chuck from Stuff You Should Know, and we're submitting our most sciencey episodes for your

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That is not the look of an innocent man. Is everyone lying to me about who they are? I felt such desperation. I felt it was what I had to do. Listen to Deep Cover the Family Man on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. June is Black Music Month And on the Drink Chams podcast We're speaking with the hottest names

In the culture like Sway Lee Do you realize how legendary you are? I appreciate that I'd be seeing it but I'm like Man I still got like so much more to do Like Prince, he dropped like 30 albums We dropped like five right now That's the rate we gotta be going

Yeah, that's a good attitude No matter the era Drink Chams brings you the biggest names And the most unfiltered conversations Listen to Drink Chams From the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.

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