The Bobby Bones Show - FEELING THINGS - A Nightcap Ritual That Actually Works + What Makes People Successful

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

This week we're breaking down a 75-year Harvard study that found the biggest predictor of a successful adult by age 25 wasn't grades, test scores, or extracurriculars, it was whether they did chores starting at age three or four. We get into why that is, plus three rules for making chores actually work in your house (hint: don't pay for them). We also share an easy first-date hack from Logan Ury (whose new Netflix show, The Later Daters, we mentioned last week): ditch the small talk and jump straight into the middle of a story instead. It works for any nerve-wracking new-people situation, not just dates. Plus, a simple nightly ritual called C.A.P. (Celebrate, Appreciate, Prioritize) to close out your day, a few decluttering tips for a clearer mind, and some sentences that we can't stop thinking about. Oh, and we finally watched "A Toxic Love Story" after all our talk about it, and we have thoughts. Get some Feeling Things merch by clicking HERE! (FeelingThingsPodcast.com) Sign up for the Feeling Things newsletter HERE! Watch us on Youtube HERE! Find us on TikTok: @radioamy Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077 Email: [e-mail] HOSTS: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburenSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pastos survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, A.O. Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysell, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. A.O. Rewatch on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

Your duolingo is not going to come back to you. when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Tuturo. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lease Black Landsman. And on my new podcast, delivering happy with Nick Totoro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins.

What are you doing my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, Delivering Happiness. And many, many more. Open your free High Heart Radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Tutro.

And listen now. One, two, three. Fear where I tell us to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just out. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy.

And I'm Kat. And we're going to kick things off with a quote like we used to on the fifth thing back in the day. I love that. So if you're an OG listener, you'll kind of get this. If you're new, welcome. Here's a quote that I saw today in my Anna Voss Whimsie newsletter. I love her newsletters. so much, which we have a newsletter, too. If you all want to sign up, you can. The link is in the show

notes. This quote is unknown, and it's if you fail, congratulations. Most people don't even try. Amen. So good. Whatever you're doing, just go for it. Yeah. You're doing more if you're. There are things that I've wanted to do recently, and I'm like, oh, I don't really want to pour myself into that because it's already seems hard. And what if we fail at it anyway? And now I'm walking in on some stuff and I'm dialed in. I'm like, it's okay. We're going to get this. Well, you know, what's so interesting to me and it helps me try is that a lot of times the reason we don't try is because we don't want to fail and we don't want people to see us being a failure. A lot of times. Yeah. Well, a lot of times when people watch somebody try and fail, they're still in all of them.

Like if you put yourself out there and did something and it didn't work out, I'd be like, good for her. And so actually failing works out for us. It gets us that would be down on ourselves for it not working out. Other people are like, good for them. But if someone happened to have other feelings of like, oh, they got some weird joy out of your failure, then that's a messed up thing that they should deal with. You don't need to worry about them anyways. But some people do get joy out of, or like, huh, or I knew they were going to be able to do it.

But I think that's their own fear. And that also, they aren't going to root for you if you do well, either of those same people. All right. Our feelings of the day. Mine is nervous because I watched that documentary on Netflix that you told us to watch, a toxic love story. And now I'm nervous to date, get married, anybody ever again. I don't want to say too much because there's some twists.

Okay. For sure. But also. There are some twists for sure, but there are red flags on everybody's part. And I do not, that could happen to anybody. And I clocked some things that if I saw happening with you, I'd be like, Amy, knock knock. Like, open your eyes. Right.

You probably wouldn't let it go to the point of where it went in these relationships. Like we wouldn't be buying condos or getting married or within a couple weeks to months. So no, I get it. There's definitely red flags, but it's just, you never know. I mean, there's so many stories like that. Remember the Tinder swindler? Mm-hmm. All of those.

So, okay. So I'm a little, I'm just a little nervous. I said, don't worry, I haven't made a LinkedIn profile or anything because certainly that's all the rage now. But don't give up on it just because then I'm going to feel bad because I recommended you to watch that. Yeah. And then that would have backfired.

Okay. Okay. Well, I'm not going to give up, but. It's okay to have a little fear. out there. Just like every week I'm showing more clues of how it's the wild, wild west. And I should just enjoy my little life, me and my dog and my cat and my kids occasionally. I mean, I always like want my kids, but I don't have them all the time.

All the time. Well, I'm feeling frazzled because I almost died. again no that was your baby your baby your babies almost died twice but now you and the baby on this side i guess she might not have made it either so i was on my way here and you had just called me so this is this is what got me thinking really is have you ever been somebody's like last phone call which let me set the scene for y'all cat walked in and she's out of breath and she's just feeling very very frazzled is a good word like you were frazzled and you were like you were almost the last person I ever talked to and I'm like tell me more you were like hot in in the zone so I think

I was working yes and I don't think it fully registered how much your life was in danger so why don't you tell us well it's not that I mean it's simple I just was at a stoplight and a fire truck was coming from behind and I couldn't turn because there was oncoming traffic and also the fire truck was not in my lane but then right before it got in my lane and then I was like what am I supposed to do because you know usually you pull off to the side of the road I was in the middle of the road I couldn't pull off to the side and I couldn't turn and it literally you guys can't if you're not watching this on YouTube which you could watch this on YouTube if you wanted It last minute did the swerve.

Like he was, they were coming full force at me. I literally was looking at my rearview mirror being like, oh, my God, what do I do? Do I pull into the middle of the road? And then it last minute went around me. And I almost died. So for a split second, you thought they were going to injure you on their way to an emergency. And it didn't register at first. Like, I think I was like, oh, that was crazy.

And then as I was going to get food and I was walking out of picking up. my food and i was like oh my gosh amy was almost the last person i ever talked to that's wild and it made me think about like what are the last text that i've sent what's the last thing i said to my husband which was i miss you and pew yeah and uh and that was this morning at like eight o'clock wait so he'd like left for work and you're already like i miss you he left at like six something probably but and then it eight you just texted him i miss you yeah oh that's sweet um but then i was thinking like amy would be the last person that i talked to like what would she tell people about like how i was because i don't think i was like super cheery

but i would want people to know i was like in a good mood before i died and then you offered to give me a salad i did offer that but then i was thinking like have you ever been somebody's last like were the last person somebody talked to before they died were you like your mom or your your dad. I was with both of them when they died, but they were both unconscious. Oh. Both. My mom, we didn't have to unplug. She just slowly left her body over like a couple days. And then my dad, we had to unplug. And the doctor was like, this could take anywhere from three minutes to three days. My dad likes to go out. So he was pretty quick. He was less than three minutes. So it was pretty. Oh, wow. Well, so That's a big, then I was just thinking like, that's a lot to carry that like you were the last

person. I mean, we were talking to them as if they could hear us, but I didn't hear from them. But I think those where we knew they were dying situations. Some people, like in your case, this would have been a sudden unexpected event. I think of that when I get on an airplane. Almost every time I fly. I think, well, this could be it. but I don't I don't assess the text messages that I've sent I should start doing that

like take notes I'm like you're such an amazing person in front like every time I fly I send like the nicest notes to everybody so they're like she just sent me the sweetest text and then she died oh she was so thoughtful this is who she was it's all always be remembered I just send out like 50 texts um I'm feeling better actually now that we're talking about don't feel frazzled anymore. I just was. See, so sometimes it's good naming it and then talking about it. Yeah. And then the feeling will go. They probably knew what they were doing. They probably knew they were going to do that swerve. I didn't know they were going to do that swerve. Yeah. I do have a question that doesn't come up. Okay. And this is something that you said before we hit record and I made a mental note.

Yeah. To ask you this. Okay. Why did you say you were going to be a history major? Because before we hit record. Kat and I were just talking about the news article from a couple of weeks ago where in Arizona there's a college that is made influencing a major. And so this is just casual conversation. And then we got sidetracked because other people were coming in and we were about to record. But you casually said, well, I was going to be a history major and my dad said he wasn't going to pay for it. And I thought in my head, Kat is a therapist. What? What would she? have done with a history major and why did you want to do that? I think that's my dad's point is the question you just asked like what are you going to do with that. So I didn't know what I wanted

to be. I did not know what I wanted to major in when I went to school. I was a nursing major, but that's just because I had no desire to be a nurse at all. But my mom was a nurse, thought you could make a good living being a nurse. And I liked my anatomy class in in high school. But I can't even look at a cut on my own hand. Like, there's... You're like, I pass out the sight of blood. Literally.

Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pastos survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave Netflix and Disney Plus from 90s. $24 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh no. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us, not a lot of people smile around here.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart

Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us or rather you know them, Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, The Chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guestrars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo, rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stillard. The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology.

Danny McBride. He loves Nova. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great. I call him Tarot Reed. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie.

Yeah. Oh, gotcha. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. Yeah, I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time. Yeah. Then Mary Steenbergin.

Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play, play game? I just really. I get it. I'm trying to set you up for success here. Listen to Hollywood.

handbook on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i like cut my thumb open a couple years ago and i had to like change the bandage every day and i couldn't even do it patrick had to do it like that's how bad i can't so i took one nursing class or one intro and i was like i got to change my major but then i had never thought about it so i think i changed it to like fashion merchandising at first because that's like what cool girls were doing back then But then I was like, I'm not really good at this. That's not for me. So then I was like, well, then I'll be a business major, like just a marketing major or something.

And then whatever. So then I took my intro your U.S. history class in freshman year. And I loved it. Loved it. Really? I loved it. Except I do have one traumatic story from that class. But I loved learning about because in, I feel like in high school, I never really paid attention to history.

like, you know, read this and have this test, but I wasn't really realizing what I was learning is like real? I don't know. So is your professor really good? Do you think that played a role in it? I don't want to say that, though, because this professor made me cry. Oh, okay. So is this a traumatic story?

Yes. So I, it's looking back, it's not that big of a deal, but it was a big deal to me then. It was one of those, like, big auditorium classes because everybody had to take it. And I had asked if I could take my midterm or my final early because I lived really, I lived six hours away from where I went to school. And I was trying to ride home with my sister. And she was leaving earlier. And I was like, no big deal. Like, who wants to take their test early?

Like, surely she'll be like, you're a good student for wanting to do that. She didn't reply to my email. And then she scolded me in front of the whole class. how dare I do that and ask that I knew. Wait, in an auditorium style class, she called you out? Well, here's the thing. She didn't say who did it, but she said, I got an email from one of you asking.

She never responded to me. And then she responded to me without naming me in front of the whole class. But obviously, I'm like bright red. And she was basically like, you knew the schedule before. Like, it felt like the cry. the punishment didn't fit the crime. Like I didn't understand her saying, no,

you can't, but why did you have to, it was mean. Like she was angry. I don't know what was going on with her that day. She also, she was British. I liked that about her.

So me, that's why I liked it. She was British teaching American history. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Then later, what's crazy is later

when I was, I was because I was a child and family studies major, and so I had to work in the daycare on like the child development center on our campus, I had to care for her child. Oh. So what'd you do? Well, I didn't hurt the child. Obviously, I cared for the child well.

But I just was like, oh, I don't want to like this kid because your mom was mean to me, but like she probably doesn't even remember. But it was like full circle. It's like, I'm going to be the bigger person and, you know, not put this child in danger. Anyway. So I can't, all that to say, I don't, I don't like that teacher. I don't want to say it was her. I think it was the content.

I just really liked learning about history. So I told my dad, I want to be a history major, thinking I could be a professor. And you would be a nice one. I would be a really nice one. If someone needed to take their exam early. I would totally let them because what a good student. And my dad's response was, I'm not paying for that because what are you going to do? I think his point was I've never heard you talk about this before.

so it's not like you grew up love going to museums and stuff and you're really enthralled in it and it was very random and he didn't want me to spend a lot of time and then have a major that I couldn't use to do what I really wanted to do. Sort of a dead end. Yeah, which I didn't know what I wanted to do. So that was hard. And guys, that's okay. When you're a freshman, you don't really have to know.

When did you realize you wanted to be a therapist? Probably not until I was a junior because I ended up changing my major to child and family studies, which I didn't know was a thing. That's the other, you know, we probably have a lot of high schoolers listening. But like, I didn't know all the options. That was part of my problem. That's joking, by the way. Yeah. We maybe have one.

So once I learned more, I had met somebody at a camp. I was working at a Young Life camp in the summer. and my boss was a child of family studies major. I'd never heard of that. And I was like, well, I want to do what you're working at Young Life Camp. I want to do that. I'll do that major. And so I changed my major to that.

And then my advisor was also a therapist. And she encouraged me to take a marriage and family therapy class. And I loved it. And so then I wanted to be a therapist. Which I know two people later in life that they're adults, their moms, that have since gone back to get their degree and whatever other things you need to do to become a licensed therapist.

But it wasn't something they did early on in their 20s. They pursued it later in their 40s, and they really love it. You know what I think? Because there was a couple, in my class when I was in grad school, it wasn't all people that just graduated school. It was pretty diverse.

I think that being older going back, because a lot of people don't want to restart, they think it's going to be so hard, which it is hard, but that keeps a lot of people from making changes. But what I saw from the people that were older in our cohort was they had a, this is from my perspective, it was easier for them because when they were interns or new, nobody assumed that they were new or interns because they were older versus I'm. I'm 22 trying to give therapy to a 45-year-old, and that person's probably like, what the heck do you know? You know what I mean? But they come with a certain amount of life experience, but also, I think just because they're older. Just the look of wisdom.

Yes. The perceived. Yeah. So I always was very jealous of them. Like, dang it, I wish I was 45. You'll get there. Yeah. When you were talking about the in-school daycare and caring for your mean performance.

professor's child and then also liking U.S. history. It made me think about the book that I'm reading right now, which is the Calamity Club. Now, it's fiction, but you get, it's just, there's some history intertwined. It's during the Great Depression. And there is a situation of someone having to care for someone else's child that they don't like. They don't like the child or they don't have the person. I don't want to give away too much, but it made me think of that storyline of having someone in your care and let's just say she's doing the opposite of you you're like no i wasn't going to treat the child any differently that was not the case well i don't want to give myself that much credit because i was also getting graded yeah so if you weren't getting graded i don't i would hope

i wouldn't but you never know um if she wanted to pick her child up early you'd be like no you can't pick her up early keeping her you have to you can't pick her up till five o'clock literally you knew the hours You know. Four. Yeah. We already had, I'm already scheduled. Did we hear till five? So your kids staying here till five.

You should have known better. And you make this big announcement. Okay. So that is Katz's journey to becoming a therapist and not a history professor. I think I would have been, I do think I would have really liked teaching. I will say that. I would have like teaching college. I don't think I would have liked teaching high school or middle school or laundry school.

Yeah. I saw something crazy. from last week. We were talking about the Golden Girls thing. Yeah, because my friend wanted to know if I would live with her in a Golden Girls type house. Okay. Yeah. So we talked about that.

And we talked about, I don't know if it was on that same episode or the Couch Talks episode that week, but we talked about Logan Yuri. You remember that? She is a dating coach and she has a Netflix show. I want to say it's called like later daters or something. I could have made that up. But it's about older people dating, like not like a 20-year-old dating show. Okay. It was crazy.

We talked about those two things. Guess what? What? She lives in a commune with her 20 best friends. She does? And she's like young. So she's single? I don't know that.

Some of them have families because she talked about how they spend time with the kids and stuff. Right. It's not just. Girls. It's not as girls. It's not like the golden girls where they've all ended up single at one point in their life. So it's more of a compound. Like the family compounds you see sometimes where everybody's living together and they have a shared pool. Like I saw something pop up on my Instagram the other day of like all these cousins that live on a bunch of property together and they built one huge pool in the middle of all this property. And there was probably, it looked like a hotel like 25 lounge chairs. But all the cousins lived there. And then. and all of their kids. And they would all just, yeah, it's not like, oh, we had to pay to put a pool in. You got to split it. Yeah.

And you can make it really nice. Eight ways or however many. Yeah, the show is called the later date or see right. It's cute. And so I watched her actually a client of mine told me about that show. So I watched a couple episodes. And there was a tip that I want to give this to you. But also, you might not need it.

But also I want to give this because this is something that I'm. I can see helping, I mean, it's helped me just as like a person who doesn't feel like they do the best with small talk. So she was talking to this sweet woman. Oh my gosh. You have to watch at least one episode of this show. Oh, I totally will. And kind of coaching her on how to start the date and how to, because she was like, I don't know like, what questions do I ask or what if there's an awkward silence or something. And so she said a anti-small talk technique.

is called in I don't know how this is really said because it's Latin but in media res which means in the middle of things so she said instead of sitting down and asking somebody like where are you from or whatever she said start talking about something that you were just doing so it's like you are jumping into a conversation so you sit down and you say hello and you're like oh my gosh on the way here I was I almost died that was an interesting way to start the conversation. You were here. You were almost the last person I ever texted. She didn't give that example. She gave the example of I was on the way here and I was listening to this podcast and I heard this crazy thing. I want to share it with you. And then that just like gets you guys talking. And then you are learning about the person like their personality versus just like facts about them. And then she said you can always once you go through that like who knows where it will lead, you can always come back to where are you from or what do you do for work you can always come back to those questions but it just is an easy way to jump in and feel like you guys kind of already

know each other in a way i feel like after watching a toxic love story i would sit down and be like so i just watch this documentary a toxic love story and i need to know your thoughts on this particular thing the one thing that the guy this is this is not going to be a spoiler of the show at all whatsoever because there's a lot happening happening in this love triangle situation. I will, what I think is okay to say, if you don't want to know, I don't know, hit the fast forward button 30 seconds. He, he asked someone he was dating or married to or whatever their relationship was,

to, that he wanted to watch her be with somebody else. And she had zero desire to do that. and and also she said that sort of came out of nowhere really wasn't his he was sort of she was girl next door he was guy next door if you was like a disney adult like wholesome it seemed right and then one day out of the blue he hits her with that question and she's saying no no no no no until i guess do do people just get worn down and then they don't want to lose the person so they give in and she ultimately gave in to his request because she thought if I do this,

then he'll get it out of his system and we won't have to worry about it again. Yeah. Like so now I feel like my question is going to be, do you ever have this desire? Because if you do, like, I'm out. Let me know now. Let me know now.

Just let me know now. Because that just was such a, I was shocked that she was so against it. And then ultimately she was worn down. and decided to do it. And I'm sure there's a lot of people they get in those situations where they end of doing stuff that they don't want to do. And they had a firm boundary to begin with.

But if people are relentless and depending on the emotional abuse in a relationship or whatever's taking place. Yeah. And I think I could be wrong about this. I'm pretty sure she hadn't dated a lot. Correct. And she was young. Yeah.

So she didn't know how. probably she didn't have the awareness she has now of like how abnormal and scary that is not for somebody to request that so much but for somebody to not listen to you and listen to what you're saying yeah because she did say you're right she did say maybe this is just how all relationships are because she had already built I think this is something because at first I'm like why would you do that but she had already built a lot of trust with this person and so this is she thinks he's this way so she's seen it through the that lens of this is a good guy he doesn't want to hurt me. This is just something he wants. So maybe

if I give it to him, then we can move forward. Versus if that was a stranger or somebody you didn't have trust built with. And that's where a lot of manipulation happens. It's like, well, I already, this is who I think this person is. So they can't be doing this to hurt me or because they don't care about me or because they're a bad person. Yeah. So do you think that's a good icebreaker or no? You know what? I actually do think it would be if you went on a date and you had just watched this show, it would be funny to sit down and be like, oh my gosh,

I just watched this documentary last night called a toxic love story. And it's making me feel a little nervous to be here with you, like to make a joke out of it. But if you sit down and you're seriously like, have you ever wanted to watch your partner be intimate with somebody else? Seriously, I think he would have been like, that that person might be a little off put. Right.

Then he's going to be like, how do I, how do I end this date? What did you say the other day or like a couple? Last week or the week before, you were talking about how you end one of your dates you went on. It was 35 minutes long. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That one would probably end pretty. Sooner than that.

Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pasto survive? the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.com for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo

is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone,

I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. So whether you're a solo travel veteran

or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, The Chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years,

but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life.

Guestrars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were going to write a song for you. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia.

Ayo, rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clemens. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes

and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller. The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some. sort of technology. Danny McBride. He loves Nova.

Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great. I call him Terro Reed. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie.

Yeah. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. Yeah, I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time.

Yeah. Then Mary Steenbergin. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play game? I just really, I get it.

I'm trying to set you up for success here. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So sometimes on dates, you may have a little nightcap, but I have a new version of a nightcap. Okay. Now, the nightcap could be with you, your friends, someone you went on a date with yourself, your kids, whatever, however you want to see this

nightcap. Because really, it's just the acronym of CAP cap. And it's good to do at night. Okay. So cap your day off with this. C. Celebrate even the tiniest win. Maybe it's unloading the dishwasher. That counts. So C for celebrate. That's a big deal. I hate unloading the dishwasher. I will take one thing out of a time. I'll take a couple. things out and then reload it with new stuff and run it again. Okay. A, appreciate something from your day no matter how small. Like unloading the dishwasher.

Like I didn't get hit by that fire truck. And if I did, that's so sweet that Amy would have been my last phone call. Yes. P. Prioritize. One to three things for tomorrow so your brain can rest easy tonight. So that is your nightcap. Celebrate, appreciate, prioritize. I like it.

I mean, you probably don't want to do that with your date, but I guess you could. Or your husband, you might be able to. You could do that. Like, you could do that after you're dating. You're like, I unloaded the dishwasher. He's like, oh, you're a winner. And then you're like, you give something you appreciate.

And then, like, all right, what's our to do list for tomorrow? Really, it's just a little prompt for you to have. I like it. Cap, which thinking of things we like, Kat put some sentences that rewired this girl's brain, Alex Aubrey Poetry on Instagram, and Kat listed all the ones that were her favorite. And I thought, okay, Kat can go over this. But Kat is very, very pregnant. And she was like, can you read the sentences? Because I feel like I'm going to be out of breath.

Yeah. So I can read them and then we can discuss them. And I can like tell you which one is my favorite. Okay. I already have my favorite. Okay. Because I read over them as well. Okay. Let's see if ours are the same. Same. Okay. This is the first sentence that rewired Alex's brain. Never tell a person to be strong when they come to you to be weak. I do too. Patrick and I were watching like a, I think it was a TikTok. It did make me cry. It was like, oh, it was an Instagram. carousel. And it was like things that every man should know that nobody tells you about pregnancy or something. And one of them was like, when she's screaming in pain, don't tell her that it doesn't hurt. And he was like, why would anybody's response to somebody being in labor be like, it doesn't hurt or it's not that bad?

And I'm like, I don't know, but somebody probably was saying that to be, I mean, there's probably somebody out there that was like, well, if I tell them that they're fine and it's the pain's not real, it's not that bad. I think that's what it was. It's not that bad. Then maybe that will help them. And it's like that's, it's the same kind of idea there where if somebody needs to acknowledge where they are and just like fall apart, there's a time and a place to remind somebody their strength. And then there's also a time and a place to just let somebody fall apart. As a parent, that one really speaks to me is sometimes our kids need to just fall apart. part at home.

Yeah. And we need to give them the space to do that. Next one. The world around you is beautiful when the world within you is peaceful. Mm-hmm. I think that the truth. Maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you deserved more. That's such a good one for reframing a situation.

Yes. I love that one. I don't want to say it's my favorite because it sounds cliche, but the best cliches are cliches because they're true. Yeah. No, I think this is excellent for, that's exactly what it is. It's a statement you can tell yourself to try to reframe a scenario. And I don't think it ignores what you went through.

And that's the best type of reframing. You can still acknowledge what you didn't get. Yeah. And then say, well, and it's even saying maybe. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you deserve more. So go find it.

Yeah. I will say in those moments, I'm like, well, I don't care what I deserve. This is what I want. You know? Like, I don't care if I deserve somebody better. This is the person I want to be with. You don't really feel the like, oh, I get it until it happens.

Mm-hmm. But I still love it. Next one. If your life were a 24-hour day, it would only be 7 a.m. when you're 30 years old. Okay, that's my favorite one. Okay, explain that one. But I didn't do the math on it.

But I guess because the day starts at 12 a.m. So when you're 30, it's still only 7 a.m. And then you have so much time left because I think a lot of people hit 30 or name whatever age it is. And you're like, my life is almost over or I've lived a third of my life or whatever. But when you look at it like that, it's 7 a.m. The day is my oyster. Like at 45, do I really need to give up and move in with my girlfriends in a golden girl's house? No, because it's probably only like 10 o'clock.

like a whole another chapter with a partner somewhere now i will say this one does backfire when you get to be like 70 because then it's probably getting into the evening hours yeah next one i don't think bad things happen to good people i think bad things happen to everyone and the way good people respond is what makes them good i like that aiming for a life full of we saw so many cool places together and not we have so many cool things so it's more about experiences versus possessions yeah which i think well i don't know that the possessions thing fits but i do think millennials are more like the seize the moment sees the day travel do things while i can spend the money and we're seeing there's a lot of i feel like we get a lot of flack for that but then we end up doing so

Yeah, we might not have all of retirement saved up. But our life feels so full by like age 35, you know? Next one. We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are. Is that your favorite? Mm-mm. Okay.

I'm going to read them all and then I'm going to tell you my favorite. Oh, okay. This is the final one. How long are you willing to postpone the life you want in exchange for the comfort of where you are currently at? that reminds me of like the one you like the clock is ticking yeah so which one's your favorite maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you deserved more oh sweet that would probably do my second it's just yeah so good yeah and it can apply to so many different things it doesn't even

have to be a romantic love it can be with like or fertility stuff work um other opportunities anything anything yeah i like that and again i think that's one where you have to like just believe it until it happens because in the moment you're going to be like well i wanted that job or i wanted to have a baby that way or i wanted to marry that loser i do like the one about aiming for a life full of we saw so many cool places together versus we have so many cool things i do yeah i do like that one okay what you got to go to Paris. Well, I know.

I know. But when you look at how far out you're supposed to plan a trip like that, an international trip like that, you know when I got word on when my next vacation was with not enough time to build a trip to Paris like I would want to build. Yeah. So I'm still going to travel. I'm like 99.9% sure at this point that I'm going to Ecuador to see my cousin Amanda. So I'm still leaving.

I'm still going to go. do that but I don't have to get a hotel I don't have to go places she lives there I'm going to be staying with her she's telling me where to fly into where to fly out of I'm going to be she's got our whole itinerary we're going to go to her spa that she likes go to her work out places we're going to hike like she has everything that will probably stay at her house a lot in our jammies and just talk because our moms would love that because that's what our moms used to do together yeah wake up have coffee like that will that's an easy international trip that I don't have to think on.

And I just think I need to be a little more proactive about figuring out, okay, when my vacations are going to be and then dial in. Because I thought about doing the whole last minute thing. But that's a big investment to go all the way there and not have a sufficient plan. There are people. I have a friend. When we went to, I've only been on one big trip like that. We went to Italy.

So I have no expert in traveling. But I have a friend who literally will decide. two days before and then take a flight and go to Europe. Yeah, I know you're talking about it and I've been motivated by her before. No, this is a different one. Oh, really? I have more than one friend. Wow, yes.

She's, okay, the girl, you have so many friends who you're talking about does spontaneous stuff, but she did plan those couple trips. I have another friend. She just, her and her husband just travel everywhere. She, like, when I was telling her about my trip to Italy, I was asking her of, like, advice. And then I was like, wait, you're the wrong person to ask because she's like, just show up in the city and see where you can stay. And I'm like, absolutely not. Like, first of all, I don't know how to get there.

I don't know how to get any. I don't know. So. Yeah, people that can live that way, that's amazing. Yeah, great. Not for me. But maybe I could try it out. But I just, when you start to look at the price tag of everything, you're like, well, that seems a lot.

That's why big thing is I am going to, we spent a good amount of money on that trip. I want to make sure it's what I want it to be. Yes. Versus just like hope it works out. And I want to know like the, the really off the beaten path places to go. Yeah. Like I sure, there's some big, like the Louvre, love to go there. There's the, okay, I want to see the Eiffel Tower.

Like there's some big ticket things where it's like those are easy boxes to check. Yeah. But I also want to know. I just, I was talking to my sister's mother-in-law when I was in Colorado. And I think that's what made me shift from like, I probably should be a little more patient with my planning and try to do Paris right because she was talking about all the places she loves to go. And I want to poll people and talk to people and figure out, okay, you give me this restaurant,

not just Googling like, oh, this is the best restaurant to go to. And it has all these reviews. I have people in my life that have gone multiple times and go to different shops there. and look at antiques and see other historic things. Like, I don't know. I just want to mill about on the streets. I want to mill about. And see those.

So another one that made me think of some decluttering tips that I know that you have had in our Google talk for a while. So I was like, maybe we give Kat the opportunity to go over the decluttering tips because we see so many cool places together versus we have so many cool things. That's like we need to not. not buy more things. We need to declutter and then not just replace it with more stuff. Because I know you've been in a big nesting phase.

You've told us about it with the baby coming and trying to get everything ready. And so I was like, hey, these decluttering tips might come in clutch for some people. And I think I would like to know about that in there because I was like, I think that was a couple of weeks ago. And I was like, all I want to do was throw everything out. And like that's also not the way. That's not the answer. Because then you end up throwing things out. that you actually cared about, you know?

Yeah. Just a little behind the scenes baseball, though, because I like when stuff ends up, like we have this Google Doc and we add things take away. Like Kat has a folder. I have a folder. And then we have dates of episodes and they've got a folder. And this is one that has bounced around.

And so I dropped it in there and I'm like, we're doing it. Three tips on decluttering. Yeah, well, let me give them to you straight then. Give it to me. Tip number one. Use every cleaning opportunity as a chance to rid your life. You know what you just did? What?

You tricked me. because I asked you to read the things before. I just started reading that sentence and I was like, I'm out of breath. I know. I can read them for you, but I wanted to give you the credit of putting them in. I can try.

I can try. Use every cleaning opportunity as a chance to rid your life of unnecessary possessions. My favorite minimalist move is to constantly be decluttering. Instead of trying to figure out where everything should go, always declutter as I clean. It's easier to get rid of something than create a new organizational system for it to fit in your home, which I like that. So like as you're cleaning, you don't have to like have a declutter day where I'm going to throw stuff out. But as I'm cleaning, if I don't have a home for something, instead of reorganizing, ask myself, do I actually need this or do I, can I get rid of this?

Because what I do is I say, I don't have a home for this. I'm going to shove it in this drawer. Then one day the drawer stops shutting, you know? So that's tip number one. Number two, have as many blank surfaces as you can. Oh my gosh, this is so hard for me. Stop filling every shelf and see how you feel when there's more room to breathe. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense.

Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pasto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with great. Crave Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell, connection is everything. On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes. without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're sold about it. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us or rather you know them, Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike and yes, The Chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO, rewatch, our brand new podcast. each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process.

How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysle, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann and many more. Kyle is going for it here.

You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo, rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller. The definition of what is a movie

has kind of changed anywhere too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology. Danny McBride. He loves over. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own.

That's great. I call him tarot read. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie. Yeah. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. Yeah, I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up.

Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time. Yeah. Then Mary Steenbergin. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play, play game?

I just really. I get it. trying to set you up for success here. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Stop filling every shelf and see how you feel when there's more room to breathe. Because when you enter, now you don't want your house to be blank. You know, you want there to be stuff. You want there to be things on the wall.

Some decor. Yes. But you feel different when you're in a house, when there's stuff everywhere and when it's you know there's a method to the madness however Patrick and I were just talking about this because we were we're almost done with the nursery and I was I haven't hung anything up and he was like Catherine you need to leave blank space

on the wall he was like I'm worried that every part of the wall is going to have something on it and I was like but I have so many things to put up and he was trying to tell me you don't need to do that so that one on the nursery wall you want to put stuff up I'm like I'm going to put this on this wall and I want a shelf on this wall and I want this mirror on this wall. And he was like, this room is really small. You're going to make this. He said it in a nice way.

But then, you know, he doesn't have the best design taste. So what do you know? Yeah. I gave him one thing. I told you about this, the tree. I said Patrick could pick one thing out for the nursery because I felt bad because I feel like I made every decision. And I wanted to put an olive tree in the corner. Which we love a good olive tree.

Yeah. And I've seen that in their trees. It's behind my head right now. Yeah. And your head. We both have them. He said he didn't like the look of the olives. So I said, okay, well then you can pick out a tree to put here.

And he ordered a seven foot phycus tree, which I sent it to you. It's all right. It's not what I would pick out. It's huge. And it is either going back or it's definitely going somewhere else. Anyway. Yeah, it's not like the delicate dainty baby vibes. Yeah, it's definitely, it was a hearty tree.

It was not going to fit. Yeah. But you have worked really hard to curate and create. I tried to get. I was trying to be cool. I was trying to be like, you pick it out, whatever you want. It's okay. You tried.

Yeah. I had to try. I just want him to, he doesn't really care that much, but I want him to feel like he's a part of things, you know. Yeah. I'm sure he's fine with like not. Yeah. He picked out some baskets. For the closet?

For the closet. He picks some baskets that aren't going to be seen. They're actually really cute, actually. They're really, they're pretty. All right. The third tip, remove some of your storage. The more shelves and drawers and bins you have, the more you fill them with stuff. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that your organizational system is going to save you from your clutter.

Less storage means fewer belongings. I have so much stuff in my garage, you know, on shelves. I probably will never. Well, that's the thing that a lot of people, before you give birth, maybe if the nesting like really kicks in, and I know that you're a little out of breath from talking, but if you and Patrick, and gosh, it's just summer and it's so hot in the garage, that's the only thing that's like a negative for you right now to go out there and tackle it. But before the baby comes, because the next thing you know, you're raising a child or

multiple children for the next 18 plus years and you're not going to get to it and more stuff is going to add and pile on and pile on but that's where I was like when my parents passed away my mom specifically like having to go through all of these things that I wish she would have taken a little more time to declutter because then now I have to make this it's like this emotional heaviness and responsibility of now deciding like now I have to get rid of it but I want to hold on to it because it was my mom's. But if she would have just done it for me, then I would have been left with only important things. Yeah. I don't want to keep. But to do it before they grow up and then you die and they have to do it for you. And it is true, the more space you have,

the more stuff you're keeping. So that's why in like my last house, we didn't have barely any storage. But now I have all these spaces I can keep things. Well, don't add to it. Take this advice and don't add to it just because you have. When all else fails, hire somebody to come help you do it. You know, I really want to do and I'm going to have to hire somebody or have a friend to help me because it's just not my gift is I want a photo gallery or a picture gallery up my stairs. Oh, yeah.

Where it's different sized frames, different colored frames, like everything's really mismatched. Yeah. Maybe it's family photos mixed with art, mixed with like everything. A gallery wall. Like it looks like it doesn't go together, but that's intentional. And you see, this is the thing about that is like you can do, I can do that on my own. It will look like this doesn't go together and it doesn't go together. But if somebody else does like you're saying like hire somebody's help, they can make it look like this doesn't go together, but it does.

Like I don't, I don't have that gift either. I've tried to do a gallery wall in my. I took a screenshot of one. I don't know if something popped up in my for you page, it wasn't even about the gallery wall, but it was some. woman her page popped up and she happened to be walking up her stairs to go show something else and I took a screenshot of her gallery wall and I'm like that's it now I at least have the inspo and I can show someone who can like help me and has that gift and you know those people that will actually like get construction paper and they'll cut out the size of the picture frame and put it on the wall and

trace it and they like everything is mapped out or there's blue tape or something like I'm just to stick a hammerer in the wall and send a prayer yeah But I feel like with a wall like that, I can't. I'll end up with holes everywhere. If I was just hanging one thing above like the toilet, okay, that's pretty easy because you can't, you can, I feel like I could eyeball that. You have a nail up your toilet. I know. That's what made me think of it.

In my guest bathroom, I hung this horse photo. Yeah. A photo. This piece of art of a horse, but the frame is metal and it's very heavy. And the type of nail that I chose isn't. strong enough to hold it. So then you'll also notice that there was like sticky. What's that?

Command strips. Command strips stuck on the wall because then I just decided to stick the metal frame on the wall. And it all, it lasted for a few months. And then one day I walked in and it had fallen on the toilet. Oh, that fell. Yeah. So that's why it's still there looking. So you just need to figure out like a drill situation.

Okay. You should, we should have somebody. come do that, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. You also have perfect staircase for the gallery wall, so I'm co-signing that for you. I agree.

I think it'll really change the vibe of the room, because you know in the last couple weeks I've been trying to move everything around and figure stuff out, which you haven't understood. But I'm not trying to buy more. Or if I do buy more, it's like we're in the club.

We've got a clicker. Yeah. If something's coming in, something's going out. Yeah. I saw a very interesting study recently. I want to share with you. That surprised me.

It was a study from Harvard. And this was from, I can't take credit for this, obviously. But this was posted by my Max Life speaker on Instagram. And it was just a title of what makes children successful. So when you think about like what makes, did you know what I'm about to tell you? No. Okay. Perfect.

When you think about like what makes kids successful later in life, what would you think are like the markers? what level of like responsibility were they given or like what was expected of them in their home you're like very close sorry say the question again what do you think helps to make children successful later in life yeah what was expected in their home because i feel like um when everything's given to a kid yeah or when everything's done for them that's what i've heard the most as a parent is like you have to kids have to learn to do things for themselves if you swoop in and do it every time and that's something that I had to yeah because like when it's okay speaking of unloading the dishwasher or loading it I have a particular way I want it loaded I have

particular way I want it unloaded where everything goes and so I would just be like it's faster it's fast just put your dish in the sink like I'll handle it because it's faster for me at least and I would micromanage and I really need to be like okay yeah well you wash your dish and put in the dishwasher and then not be so particular do you do your kid's laundry um they have learned to do it I I will at times but no they they both pretty much do their own now um as a kid I did my own laundry but not because I think my mom might have done everybody else's laundry but I wouldn't let her wash any color with a color that didn't match it I've had one yellow shirt I would have like a meltdown if she washed it with like a blue shirt.

So that means my mom let me wash a yellow shirt by itself, which I guess it was better than my meltdown. I don't know. Okay. So you're very close. So Harvard did a 75 year long study on what makes children successful and found it wasn't grades, test scores, or extracurriculars. It was something that parents generally, which this also shocked me, stopped doing. stop making their kids do by age 10. It was chores.

Parents are ending chores by age 10? Yes, which that is what shocked me. Is that I'm like, wait, at 10 you start doing the chores? I feel like that's when I would start giving them the chores. Right. So I might have read that wrong when I was reading it. But yeah, it said to grow up happy and successful, a child needs both love and work ethic, which I think is what you were kind of speaking to.

He said, work ethic comes from doing chores. Clear the plate, take out the trash, feed the dog, fold the laundry. Another study traced kids at four points in their life. And the strongest predictor of success by 25 was whether the child did chores at age three or four. Which is interesting. At first I was like, three or four, they can't do anything. But then I was reading, I was like, they can. They can help feed the pets.

They can carry their plate to the sink. They can put clothes in a hamper. Like there are little things that they could do. And so it said this was also, you might relate to this because you said it was kind of hard for you to like let your kids do it. 82% of parents did chores as kids. However, only 28% of those people's kids do chores. Wow. What causes that?

I don't know. drastic drop. I wonder. Because it's like if chores were expected of you, why would you not expect that of your kids? And I'm, we all parent differently. We should parent differently. Like, hopefully each generation you get a little bit better. But in knowing what chores bring about, I wonder if because there's more, is there

more, I don't know if there's more or less. I could be making this up. But I'm like, is there more help outside the house? Like, or if both parents are working, then is there someone that's helping clean so the kids don't have to or it's much more common these days for both parents to work therefore it is much more common to have somebody clean the house or do the things that a typical mom that stays home or dad that stays home would do so that actually makes a lot of sense I know but that I mean still that's an added expense that a lot of people may not or if the moms or the dads are

staying home are they just deciding to do it I mean kids are definitely a lot more busy with five different activities and when i think a lot of people think that if i put my kid in all these activities that's what's going to help them be successful as have them volunteer here and play this sport and learn this instrument and it's it's less about having stuff for them to do and more about them feeling needed and sometimes when you have a chore or a task like that you're part of the system and you're contributing yes so they gave three three three rules that actually work when it comes to doing chores. Okay.

They recommend. One, start kids early, three to four. They can put away toys, carry a plate, feed the dog. So don't wait until they can mow the grass to ask them to do something. Two, show them how. Do it together first and then let them take over. So if it's feeding the dog, it's like, let's fill this water bowl up together or let's scoop the food together.

And then eventually you can say, hey, can you give the dogs some food? And number three, don't, this was interesting to me. Don't pay for chores. Paying turns it into a transaction. Keep allowances separate. So then I'm like, well, I guess you don't have to earn the allowance. It's tricky.

I think they're just saying like that's hard. I mean, or is it? We went back and forth with it. I think we had seasons when Ben and I were married and together where we did, you know, charts with the kids. If they wanted certain things, they had to get a certain amount of stars. Like when we first got them, we had this big whiteboard and we'd have things that they could, this is all pre-COVID.

Yeah. So it feels, I feel like my life with the kids, there was like pre-COVID and Ben and I were still together. And then after like 2020, 2020, some separation started 2021. We were fully separated. And so then they've got however they do it at Ben's house and however they do it at mine. And I think we just, like Stevenson wanted some extra spending money for something the other day. And so I gave him a list of things to do.

And he earned that money. But he still will feed the dog, walk the dog, and do his laundry. And I don't pay him for that. Yeah. We didn't have growing up, I don't, we didn't have specific chores, but there were things we were expected to do. Like for your allowance probably? Well, no. Our allowance was we would get, this is crazy because it probably doesn't feel like a lot of money now, but it was a lot to us back then.

We got $20, when we got to middle school, we got $20 a week. Oh, wow. We could either use that money to buy lunch every day at school, or we could pack our lunch and keep that $20. So what do you think we did? Packed your lunch and kept the money? Yeah. But that had nothing to do with like our chores.

They were just things we were expected to do. Like we were expected to help clean the dishes after dinner. We did our own laundry. from what I remember, at least in high school. We had cleaning days where we would clean the whole house as a family and we would each get like a space to start and we would do that together. But I didn't, we had a dog, but I don't, I didn't help with the dog. That wasn't your thing. Well, so my parents got the dog.

It really, I feel like it was a gift. It was gift to all of us kids. But it was really, I feel like, for my little brother. I think we were supposed to take care of the dog. But the dog loved my dad more than anybody else. And I think my dad just... That's what the kids say about both our pets, our dog, and our cat. They're like, but the cat, they love you.

They do love you. We got the dog for the kids. And then Steshira, it was her cat. It was her birthday present one year. And she's like, but they love you. You probably spend the most time with them. Do you think? I guess.

Yeah, our dog could care less about me. Love my dad. Because I'm like, why am I? I'm like constantly caring for these animals and they're yoles. And then they're like, we want more animals. And I'm like, no. No. But I do think that's interesting.

Like keep the chores separate from money. So it feels like they're a part of. Yeah. They're needed. I feel like we had a really diverse episode. We got a nightcap, dating. sentences that have changed that girl's life, whoever she is. The girl.

Do you follow her on Instagram or something? No, it was a suggested post. Oh, I love my suggested post come up that, like, hit home with me. I'm like, oh, this is good. Because a lot of times they're suggested and I'm like, get this off my page. I don't follow this person. Which that should be, can you block that stuff? I'm sure you could, but it's like too much work.

But this, I was like, well, thank you very much Instagram for serving with me. I think by swiping right through it, you're sending a message to the algorithm. Sure. We also have what makes children successful. Three decluttering tips. We have it all here. Yeah. We got you covered.

What stage of life are you in? We're good. But don't forget to try out your nightcap tonight. Celebrate, appreciate, prioritize. Not on a first date. Yeah. Unless. Unless you want to.

You want to. But wherever you are, we hope you have the day. You need to have. Bye. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together,

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