The Bobby Bones Show - FEELING THINGS: Ways You’re Training People To Disrespect You & Why Amy Can Never Drink a White Russian Again

Episode Date: March 8, 2026

Kat is feeling antsy for a getaway (and a Paradise binge), while Amy feels excited for her "More Whimsy, Less Worry" talk. Those are their feelings of the day and here’s what’s discussed in this episode: - The 8 & 80 Rule: Amy shares that there are only  two people you should be living for. What would your 8-year-old self say about your silliness? And what is your 80-year-old self yelling at you to do right now? - The Disrespect Trap: Are you accidentally teaching people that your time has no value or that your decisions need their approval? They break down the 4 ways we "train" people how to treat us and the specific scripts to use to take your power back. - The 5 Levels of Listening: Are you actually tuned in, or are you just "waiting for your turn to talk"? They audit our listening habits from "Distracted" to "Hearing what’s unsaid." - Cocktail Lessons: Why the White Russian is now a "no" for Amy & how it’s different from a Bushwacker! - The Pillow Hack: Why we are all moving our pillows into the sunlight this week to kill bacteria and clear up our skin. Get some Feeling Things merch by clicking HERE! (FeelingThingsPodcast.com) Sign up for the Feeling Things newsletter HERE! Watch us on Youtube HERE! Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077 Email: [e-mail] HOSTS: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburenSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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This is Amy Roboc alongside T.J. Holmes from the Amy and T.J. podcast. And there is so much news, information, commentary coming at you all day and from all over the place. What's fact, what's fake, and sometimes what the F. So let's cut the crap, okay? Follow the Amy and T.J. podcast, a one-stop news and pop culture shop to get you caught up and on with your day. And listen to Amy and T.J. on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. One, two, three. I got you covered low in the spirit where it's telling us to the chill stuff and the in-between. Sometimes the best.

This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy. And I'm Kat. And my feeling of the day is excited. That's one of my feelings. It is?

Oh. They're definitely for two different reasons because does yours have to do with leading a health and wellness talk on a cruise? No. Okay. So I'm in charge of a talk on our cruise that we're doing, the Bobby Bone shows on a cruise. and I got an email from people in a company. They're like, do you have like the theme of the topic?

And I don't even know really how I got signed up to lead this talk. But it's on my agenda or my itinerary. You know, doing a sunrise walk, line dancing. Wait, walk on the cruise boat. Don't know yet. Okay. Don't know yet, TBD. I don't know if we're like walking the deck or like if we've dogged somewhere.

then we do that. Okay. So I decided the title of my talk. Dun, dun, done, done. More whimsy, less worry. Huge. I know. And I like that there's whimsy and worry. Yeah. Are you going to pack some garlic? Alliteration there. Well, I am doing a pizza class, a pizza making class. So maybe. You're participating or you're hosting it? I'm there. Come make a pizza with Amy or something like that. I'm not like to cook or the chef. I was like, I've never known you to make a pizza. I'm going to be doing a pizza making class. Okay. So perhaps I will be able to undress the garlic. Take its coat off. Take its coat off. You made it a little more dirty. Yeah. Get a little cozy, comfy. Kick your shoes off. Stay a while. So I just thought of that. So it got me excited that now I have a title and then I'll know where to go and like what

my theme is going to be because I think with all the craziness in the world, the whimsy needs to from all of us. And if collectively, collectively, I feel like I just, I feel like I just glitched. Collectively, if we all contribute more whimsy, then there will just be more whimsy. And the, and you were going to say then the everybody needs to be arrested from the Epstein files will be arrested. No, that's probably not going to happen. But I think that the easier it will be to create more whimsy. Yeah. Because there will be so much momentum from everybody's whimsy that the whimsy is just going to flow. Because sometimes we're like, I don't know. I just can't tap in my whimsy. It's just too much.

But then take some of mine. Like if we just get it going, like let's, and and less worry would be like there's also a lot of worry about things that are very much out of our control. So we say a lot on here wait to worry. Obviously, you need to worry when necessary. But if you could wait to worry, anyway, more Wednesday, less worry. I like it. That's my. So you have to come up with that all by yourself.

It could be whatever you. Well, I sure did. I meant like they're not giving you like, we want you to do this. They're like, you can do whatever you want. I guess. I almost replied back to the email. Well, I thought about, I replied back to the email just with that title. But before I gave the title, I was going to reply back with, well, do you have any direction or what would y'all like or what are the parameters or can y'all give me? And then I was like, no, it sounds like that they just want me to take control of this. And I personally need more whimsy, less worry in my life. So yeah, why not? It's one of those things where like as I'm talking, like I'm going to be talking to myself. Yeah. So the talk that I'm leading isn't me talking at anybody. It's talking with.

Yeah, which is the best talks. She wants to go on a cruise and get talked at. Well, I guess if it's you and they're like a fan, I'd be talked at by the people that I look up to. Maybe. So why are you excited? Well, I just added that in because I have another feeling. But I'm excited because I learned today that Paradise Season 2 is back. Oh, yeah.

And I was worried that was going to be a show that was just a one and done because it was so good. So good. One of my favorite shows, except there was one episode. Don't spoil it. I'm not going to. Okay. Sorry. You put your trauma on me.

I'm projecting because I spoil things on the Bobby One show often over the years. I just, it's almost like become one of my things like I'm known for. Not proud of it. But so that, yeah, I'm projecting on you like, oh, no, I think she's about to spoil. And you're not. No, I'm not going to. No, I won't spoil. because the show is so good.

If you haven't seen it, I don't want you to know anything about it. But I was just going to say there was one episode that gave me so much anxiety. I couldn't even watch it. I had to listen to it. It was play on the TV. Patrick, I'm not kidding.

It was playing on the TV. Patrick was watching it. And then I was doing art on my kitchen table, just listening to it. And every so often I'd be like, what happened? Because I couldn't watch it. That show, I guess it's the acting.

I don't know. Sterling K. Brown is. is like so amazing. Also, James Marsden is so beautiful. I forgot he was in it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. He's 50.

He might even be at this point, 51. That's crazy. He doesn't, he doesn't look. He does not look 50. Like that. But also, talk about underrated haughty. He doesn't get talked about as much as like, you know, Brad Pitt over the years or something, which he's probably, I'm talking about other men his age.

Who else is in their 50s? Is he in? Exactly. That's my point. Yeah, I can't name. I know he's in other stuff. Jury duty. Oh yeah, I didn't watch that.

Okay. He was in that though. But I mean, his career certainly began well before that. So I don't know exactly. But that's my point is like, is that James Marzen's not, I don't know why. I mean, maybe for some people, he's always been at the top of the list. But what do you call him the underrated hottie? Yeah.

Maybe for some people he's always been under him. Maybe. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm late to the party, but he is very, yeah. Sounds like very attractive. I do. I think. Okay, well, that's, I'm excited because of that because it comes back out on.

So every month, this was really hard for me to understand. So just bear with me. Comes out Mondays at 12 a.m. Which means it comes out Sunday night. But you'd have to stay. day up. Right. So it's like the Hulu's love story every week Thursday at 11 p.m. It's out. So it's really midnight, Eastern time. Same thing here. Okay. So you could watch it Monday. And they're doing, they release the first three. This is what I do like when they do this.

They give you three episodes to start with. And then they do week to week. But I'm pumped. I am also pumped. And now I'll have two shows that are released. seeing weekly to look forward to. So I've got love story and paradise. And you're going to watch Love is Blind season 10. No, I'm probably not. Although I know that that's a hot topic. Like after we talked about love is blind, it was all, that's all my, thankfully my algorithm was giving me some of that so I could take a break from some of the heavier stuff in the world. And I was like, oh man, cat's cat was on to something with this. So you have a different perspective. So last week, we talked about this. You have a different perspective. You have a different

now you've seen it. Yeah, I totally get it now. Like this guy, what in the world? Who does he think he is? Did you see that his ex-girlfriend was like playing a voicemail that he left her? No. Yeah. And he was deeper in the time now.

He's talking about how he spent like $900 on dinner and first of all, why and what? I don't know. Apparently he's in a lot of debt. Well. And he's short. Which is if he was a good person, person in short. Nobody would be saying anything about this.

It's just that he was so rude to her. Anyway. Me. Not even rude to me. We'll move on. I have a little game you get to pick. Okay. We're going to talk about both.

But it's which one are we going to do first, okay? Do you want four ways you're accidentally training people to disrespect you? Or the five levels of listening. Which one do you want first? Is this the game? Yeah. Okay. It's really just pick which one we're going to talk about first.

We can do the first one. I was kind of waiting for you to want them be a game. Wait, so, no, neither one is like a game. Okay. It's just, it's like pick your topic. Okay, the first one. Okay. We're just going to order.

That's the one I have first anyway, so thank you. And I'm curious your take on it as a therapist. like the how we train people to treat us you know some quotes I love like that this make me think up is like yeah you train people how to treat you and then also the other one just escaped me I had it in my mind oh shoot no come on come back no it was right there you train me okay the quote the quote that I wanted to remember is what other people think about you is on your business that not that no oh now I'm even more oh Okay, okay, you train people how to treat you and then how you treat.

My availability. My free time is not your availability. No. I'm just thinking of sayings. My treat, you treat me how you treat me. I treat myself. Treat others as though you would like to be treated. Love your neighbor.

Love my neighbor. No, okay, it'll come to me. It'll come to me. But these are ways we're accidentally training people to disrespect us, okay? And again, give us your thoughts as a therapist. Okay. Okay. Because we train people how to train.

I was seeing if I said that line again. Because that's where I lost it when I said, I'm curious, your thoughts as a therapist. Okay, it'll come back to me. The first way is the availability trap. You drop everything for people. You know, like you're the one they call, they need you to drop them. You're teaching them, my time has no value. So you could try this instead.

I can help you with this on Thursday after 2 p.m. Yeah, I like that. Like you give something that works for you. I do think that is a training people how to treat you thing. I do think that though if someone is dropping stuff, well, when necessary. Obviously this was if it's like someone has a flat tire. Sorry, I'm watching love is blind. Yeah.

I can come Thursday after two. Okay. So obviously within reason. But I do think why some people drop things is they think they're being helpful. And they are. But they don't. Yeah. Also, I think people, there are people that need to be needed.

And so that's like they get a high off of that. Like, oh, you need me. I'll be there. But then that ends up backfiring because you become so run down. You don't take time for yourself. You're always fulfilling others. And then people end up not be doing that same thing for you and you can become resentful. Yeah.

It's a big old trap. Trapped. Yeah. But yeah, fine line. Help people. Yes. Also, you can have boundaries around it within reason. Okay.

The second way is the permission slip. You laugh off their disrespectful comments. Yeah. So what you're thinking and doing that is like, oh, I just, I don't want to be dramatic. I want to keep things drama free. What you're teaching someone when you do that over and over is that disrespect is acceptable and even entertaining. Yeah.

This one's hard because I feel like a lot of women do that because we've been taught that like people will just disrespect us and people will talk like that. I think this happens more with women than with men. But also can feel like self-preservation because if I say something, is there going to be some kind of punishment or consequence for me sticking up for myself,

especially in the workplace? Yeah, like what's the backlash? Yeah. So, but yeah, that's tough. But also what I try to remind myself is because oftentimes I will laugh something up because I don't want to make them uncomfortable, especially if I feel like I'm not sure if they meant to be rude or not. But then I'm like, wait a second, I'm uncomfortable.

So why am I swallowing the discomfort? Like they're allowed to be uncomfortable too. Yeah. And one way to handle that is just that's not funny. And then move on instead of laughing at it. But like you don't have to make it dramatic in this whole thing. of like, why do you think that's funny? Like, don't, just like a statement of like, oh, that's not funny.

Yeah. And move on. Yeah. You, there was some list at some point you read, I honestly don't know what it was for, but I liked one of the statements where it was like, well, that's a weird comment to make. Like just being like, huh. It really thought. Yeah, that one will really throw people off.

It's an odd thing to say out loud. Like, oh, yeah. Interesting thing to say aloud. Okay. Awkward. The third way is the approval seeker. So you explain yourself when you do not need to. Yeah. I do that. Yeah. I explain a lot. Over-explain. Over-explain. You've helped me a lot with over-explaining. Oh, my gosh. If we could, I wish we could show like a case study of your progress. So you've noticed. Well, I just remember back in the day working on some.

things with you like texts you would send people or stuff like that and I'd be like this is too much information and now I feel like you've become good at I think it's because you have your scripts now sometimes oh I love a script yeah but I just remember you used to give so much information I think you wanting people to understand you but sometimes people aren't they're not they're just going to choose to not understand you so this doesn't matter and clear is kind is something I think you've adopted too um what we think when we do this is I'm being polite and considerate in giving all the details. Do you relate to that? And what you're teaching people when you do that is my decisions need their approval to be valid when really a simple

response could be that doesn't work for me. Full stop. Would you send a message like that? Yes, I have done it in my relationship. That doesn't work for me. You know that. I've told you. That exact line. This doesn't work for me, I think is how I said it. Do you relate to the part that says I'm being polite and considerate? Or was there a different? I think that's in general why a lot of people do it, but I'm doing it to make sure that they don't think negatively of me

or that they understand the full picture so they don't, it doesn't reflect poorly on me because I feel like the more information I give will be helpful. I also feel like there might be a part of it doesn't want to come off as mean. You want them to understand that like. Yeah. So they think positively of me. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Or does this not work for you? Well, I think it's both. Them not taking it personally is also going to help them think positively of you.

Yes. Exactly. Okay. The fourth way. The enabler. Are you any of these, by the way? Or are you just so healthy? I do the laugh at this.

respectful comments. That's when I struggle with that I'm actively working on. I definitely don't fall on the availability job. You're not. Oh, you need something? Do you even offer Thursday at 2 p.m.? No, I will offer a time, but I don't think I'm anybody. When I think of my friends, I don't think any of them think of me as the person that like the go-to. Call catch who's always available. Yeah, I'm not, yeah, I'm not arrested. They'll come to me for like support or advice or questions, but they're, okay, if something happened, I'm painting myself as a bad friend.

If something happened, people know that I'll be there, but I'm not always available. Sounds like you're being an approval secret at the moment. You don't need to over explain. We know who you are. I'm too. Just kidding. The enabler. You give second chances to everyone.

And what you think is, well, everybody makes mistakes. and or something that just came to mind for this one a lot is like their childhood or what is that called? Like a excuse. Like you you excuse their trauma. Like you feel bad because their behavior is a result of something that they went through. But it's got a word. Like apologist. I mean, I can't even think of the quote I wanted to say earlier that I thought was so good.

So don't ask my brain right now. but you know like a never mind. Your defense. A palt. Justify you justify you. I feel like there is an exact saying maybe it'll come to me. Maybe not.

What you're teaching them when you enable that way is actions don't have consequences. And what you could try instead is I've already addressed this with you moving forward. Dot, dot, dot. Fill in the blank. I think I used to do this, especially with men. I would excuse them. But I think that was more because I wanted to squeeze the lemon out of a relationship when it was really over.

Yeah. That one last drop. Yeah. Kat made me laugh the other day because we were talking about just breakups in general, like in life. And Kat was like, I don't know. Like I've never been the one to break up. Like I've only been broke enough with.

And do you want to admit, are you going to admit what you say that you do? now as a married woman. Yeah. It's funny. Okay. It made me laugh. So I've never, I mean, I've ended something with somebody that was like a fling, but not like a serious.

I've never had to break up with somebody that I think somebody like cried over me, you know? Whereas I've been broken up with multiple times. And I felt that like sadness, whatever. So sometimes, and I would do it, I mean, sometimes I still think about it, but I would do it more when we were dating. I would just picture what it would be like to break up with Patrick just to see his reaction, to see what he would do and how he would feel.

Because I think this comes from like, I want people to like long for me the way that I have longed for other people. And so I'm like, I want someone to be heartbroken over losing me. But then guys, I would never do it. I would just have thought about it. You just think about breaking up with him so you can see how sad he'd be. Yes. And like would he cry and would he like try to hang out with his friends? he would go to the bar and he would just cry so he would you have to go home and then his friends would be like

Patrick come on out there's girls here and he'd be like I don't want to see any other girls I love cat and then he'd like call me every night beg for me to go back yeah you just thought about it a little bit just once or twice but hear me when I say I would never ever yeah and after you said that you're like also this isn't healthy I was like I'm crazy but I love that you're like that you're like I'm crazy but I love that you admit that sort of stuff. And it's, I feel like it's a thought that a lot of people have. Yeah. And I don't know that I've, I mean, I had two serious boyfriends before I got married.

And I pretty sure they both, I mean, one ended because it needed to end, but I think I probably would have stayed with him. I would have been an enabler. He did a lot of like not great things. But I was, oh, that's just a mistake that you hooked up with your ex. girlfriend. I know you feel bad. And I came to your house to pick up my cell phone because I forgot it and I caught y'all. Mm-hmm. Just a mistake. Wait, did you stay with them? Well, I'm pretty sure we kind of broke up that night and then that's when I drank too many white Russians and I cannot, to this

day, to this day, I cannot have a sip of a white Russian. Where were you going where you were ordering a white Russian? A win is a win. A win. A win is a win. I don't care what you're saying. Yep. That's me, Cliver Taylor the fourth. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined. And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite athletes,

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And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. You can have opinions, you can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and hosts of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships. I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change.

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We're there to support and celebrate each other. And that's not like your story versus my story. You're going to walk up and over that dang mountain. You're not just going to put your mind over it. Yep, yep, exactly. And if I can't walk up and over it, I'm going to go through it. Listen to Mind Over Mountain every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Where were you going where you were ordering a white Russian? Tarmigan. The Tarmigan. We would call it P-Tar. It's a bar in Bryan College Station across from Carnies, the 21 and up bar. So there's two bars in Bryan College Station area, Texas A&M. And they were, I have no idea. I'm sure they're still there.

But these were very popular when I was there. And one was 18 and up. That was Carnies. And across the street was Tarmigan, and it was 21 and up. And I must have been 21. That's the only reason why I know. Well, I mean, it's not like I didn't get in sometimes before I officially turned 21, but I'm pretty sure at the time that this relationship ended or when this would have happened,

I would have been 21 at Tarmigan having white Russians and I got so sick. Was that your drink of choice? It was that night. Okay. I'll have a white Russian. I mean, and I was like crying. It was like not good. I'll take another.

I don't recall that ever really being my drink of choice to answer your question. I just know that night. I must have really wanted to turn into somebody else. And they taste like milkshakes. Yeah. So it gets out of control real quick. Is it like a bushwhacker? I don't know.

I would have to, okay. So a classic white Russian cocktail requires, according to Shannon, three main ingredients. Vodka, coffee and liqueur, like Kalua. And cream, heavy cream, half and half or like whole milk served over ice in an old fashion glass. Okay. So that is so much of a bushwacker. It's like the same thing. Bushwacker.

like it's coffee. I think it's like chocolatey. But it might be, I actually don't know what's in a bushwagon, but they're frozen. They're actually like milkshakes. But they're like more icy than yeah. But okay. Well, this, uh, I enabled his behavior, behavior a little bit. So then I'm sure, I think we dated a little bit more after that at some point. Is this the egg boyfriend? Egg. We cried of the eggs. Oh no. That was that was that. That was. That was. That. That was the one after him. Okay. And he definitely broke up with me.

There is no confusion on who ended it. The thing about the one before, actually, I think meeting him is what helped me not go back to the other. Do you know what I mean? Like the enabler, I probably would have gone back to multiple times because I always did. And he was the way that he was. You need to distraction. A lady's man, if you will. There was one time, have I ever told you the story where I was, we were in.

in college, but I was, we were back in Austin. I was home visiting for the weekend. He was from Austin too, but he was in our driveway and just had left. And so we cell phones and house phones still coexisted together. This isn't like cell phone time. So he called the landline and said, is, I won't say her name now. I think I used to tell this story and say her name, but that feels weird now that I've matured. But he was like, let's say it was Catherine. Is Catherine there? And I was like, what?

You're, what? This is Amy. Like you're in my driveway. But Catherine was another one of his ex-girlfriends. And my mom just looked at me and she was like, Amy, you know what he's doing? He's literally leaving here and calling her because he's going to meet up with her. He's going over to her house. Like, that's what he's doing.

And I was like, like, no. Okay. Because he had some excuse. Oh, well, da-da-da-da. But, like, his, I could see his taillights in my driveway. He hadn't even fully left. And from his car was calling what he thought was her landline. Because it's not like, he probably didn't have those numbers saved.

And he probably just went to, like, the recent, you know what I mean? Yeah. So anyway, same guy. So the girl that when I left my cell phone at his house in college station, now that we're back in college, that was a different ex-girlfriend. And so who knows? He just was a mess. But then I met the other guy and then that helped me not go back to him. And then I acted like a psycho. And he made me eggs one day. And I was like, you know I don't eat the yolk. I was like crazy person. Oh my God. You were doing the best you could at the time. I my disordered eating was so out of control it was almost like do you not even know me I can't have the yoke yeah but also that was what 2002 like what did we where was were we eating yoke

then or was I just not eating yoke because you know we've had a love hate relationship with the yoke I just can't get past the way you say it and you know I was going to say that you kept saying it Okay, say it your way. Yoke. Yoke. Yoke. I don't say with a British accent. Well, that's how.

When you say yolk, it kind of sounds gross. Well, that doesn't work for me. That's not funny. We try all the ways. It's like, I feel disrespected right now, and I'm like, I'm never helping you. I've already addressed this with you. Those are all the things. Okay.

I think it was just the amount of times you said it. Yoke. You just said it once. Okay, fine. Yoke. Okay. You can say it however you want. It was just you said it like six times.

Okay, here's things I can't say. Yolk. Dwar. Crown. These, those are three words. I'm never going to say how everybody wants me to say them. No, I say almond. Oh.

I only say. Oh. I only say. Poem. Okay, fine. Okay, four words. Poem. Poem.

Poem. Those are words I'm going to say. That's okay. So I have four words that I struggle with. You're right. Poim, Dwar, Crown, Yolk. And why do I say it? Why do I not say it correctly? You're asking me? Well, I don't know. I don't know, but either. But I think it's okay for you to say them that way.

I'm going to work on not calling it out. Okay. I don't care if you call it out. Everybody calls it out. I was talking about these color sticks. Crayons. I grew up saying crown too. I think a lot of people say crown. So what is it? What's the correct way? It's spelled crayon, but they are crowns. So what am I saying wrong?

I don't know. Why did we ever start saying crowns? They are crowns. Crowns. You'd kind of say a mixture of crayon and crown. Crown. Crayon. But I don't know why.

Was crayon hard for people to say as a kid? So we just all started saying crown. Okay. That's it. And then you just get used to it. I say bagel instead of, bagel. Yeah, you should not be talking. Begill. A bagel with butter. A bagel.

Begill. Do you say grocery? Do you say like Shannon's in here, so I'll say use her as an example. Like she'll say I'm going to the grocery. I say grocery store. Yeah, but some people just say grocery. Yeah. I think that's like a where you grew up because also my friend that is from Boston says she's going to food shopping. Food shopping. Instead of grocery shopping. Okay, Shannon used to say that. Where did you grow up?

Oh, okay. So Philly. So I think in the northern parts, they say food shopping instead of grocery shopping. Okay. So because I always grew up saying we're going to go to the store or the grocery store. Yeah. And then some people just leave it as, oh, I'm headed to the grocery. And then I'm always-

We fill in the blank. Well, it's just, that's what it's, to then that's the store. Yeah. I'm going to the grocery. Like, I'm going to the mall. Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, speaking of words and listening and hearing and talking, we can move on to the next category. The second part of the game.

The second part of the game. Class, did you know there are five levels of listening? This is going to be a little test. You and I both are like the number one. The number one type of listening, we're the way to talk. Well, can I give a caveat? Yeah. I feel like in my personal life, I listen differently than my professional life. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I don't want anybody to listen to this and be like, oh, she's probably terrible at her job. Oh, no. I think that you can definitely prioritize. Yeah. But like when I'm not working, I'm like, oh, I just want to be myself. Absolutely. And also, yeah, your primary job when you're listening, because the number one thing is waiting to talk. Like, when you're a therapist, you are listening most of.

the time. You can't be like waiting to, like, I'm trying to imagine if I went to a therapist and then they talked the entire time. I feel like, especially if you had stuff to say. Some clients like it. Oh, but the entire time? No, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't, no. I'm saying, like, if you had stuff to say that would really bother you, which it would bother me too. There are some clients that, like, don't speak much. So we end up talking, facilitate them to come out. Yeah. You like to prompt. massage the conversation. I don't like that. Okay, waiting to talk.

You're quiet, but only because you're thinking about what you'll say next. And I'm itching to do it. Yeah, I do that a lot. Waiting to talk, waiting to talk, waiting to talk. It's also called self-focused. Oh, I don't know. That doesn't sound very good. I just, one of the reasons I do that is I get really excited.

Mm-hmm. And also, we've talked about this, which clearly you can see how easily you forget things that you want to say. I forget stuff if I don't say it. Sometimes that means it wasn't that important. It might not need to be said. Don't worry. This entire conversation I've been trying to think of that quote in the back of my mind. And I'm like, stay focused, stay focused.

But think of the quote. What is the quote? Can't think of the quote. Still haven't thought of it. My goal is to think of it by the end of the episode, but also if I don't, it just wasn't important. Yeah, what it meant to be. But it feels so good to think of it. You still probably have a little bit of time. You can be hearing the words. So this is a distracted listener. You catch parts of the conversation, but your attention drifts. I don't think I relate to that.

Unless I'm really preoccupied with something going on. Yeah. I don't know what that would be right now. Well, I can give you an example. Like when I'm at the grocery store, because I've done this with you before, if I'm at the grocery store and I'm on the phone and I'm at the grocery. When I'm food shopping. And I'm on the phone with somebody and they're talking and I'm looking for something and I'm trying to. And I'm have. I'm oversimulated. I will be like, oh, shoot.

Like I just missed a part and I need to like admit like. Do you admit it or do you just like act like you know? Well, I'll try to. I feel like I know. Try to survive. What? Sometimes you're just like. yeah and I'm like

did she you know like that? Maybe I guess you'll never know you'll never know maybe it was a yeah or maybe it was a yeah

I really hope I can pick up on what she's saying but it wasn't intentional and I care about what you're saying I know there's been a time where I have like had to say like I'm sorry I don't remember

what you're talking about grocery shopping and having a serious conversation is really hard I can't even I used to try to Well, let's not call it serious. But. But I would not end up hearing what it was said because I'm so focused on finding my broccoli, you know?

So that's tough. Yeah. So be easy on yourself. Okay. Thank you. There's the understanding the message type of listener. This is the focus. This is who you want to be.

This is who you want to be. To all you focusers out there, you're tuned in. You hear not just the words. but what they mean. You're listening to understand, not reply. How to be this person who just listens, no reply. But what if you want to reply? Like, what if I want you to reply to me?

You wait. I imagine that you wait as a listener. And then you say, probably the question we've talked about, even when a listener remind us about it of, do you want me to just listen? or do you want me to give my thoughts? Do you want my feedback? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Okay, next up is the listener that recognizes emotions. This is the empathetic person. It feels like they're getting better as we go. You go deeper. You sense their emotional state and recognize how they feel, not just what they say.

Yeah. Okay, I just have to say this. I think you do, anim to myself in this category, we do all of these. It's not like you always, are the waiting to talk. It just is...

That's true. And I can be, I can feel... You know what I really feel the most is a sort of unrelated? But like, Stevenson and I were watching, like, funniest-tone videos the other day. And I have a really hard time watching the videos where people fall or hit their groin area. Or, like, they slide. Like, I don't... Stevenson's, like, dying, laughing.

and he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I am uncomfortable. I don't like it. I feel it in my body. Like, my body feels it. It's painful. I do love a slipping video. There's some funny videos of people falling in time.

I don't like when people are embarrassed, I do not find that funny and I get very uncomfortable. Like, I don't want to embarrass somebody else. And if somebody else feels embarrassed, I want to rescue them. But I can watch somebody fall. Unless it's like they break. broke a bone, then that's like... Well, yeah, but a lot of times when it's submitted to the America's funny some videos, like it's not a tragic event.

It's... They're even laughing. Yeah. But my body feels it. Like I... Yeah. I don't like it. Okay.

You have feelings. You have emotions. You're connected. And then finally, someone who hears what's unsaid. So they're fully present. Like, you can pick up up on the deeper meaning, like the thing. like the things that someone might be struggling to express, but would they need you to hear?

So you know the unsaid. Yeah. I don't know that I have that gift. I need more like, so tell me, you know? Yeah. I'm not a mind reader. Yeah, I don't know that anybody is fully this picking up on, yeah, we can pick up on the deeper meaning.

But like, yeah, we're not, that's, I can't read people's minds and I listen to people for a living. because when you assume things often, then we're just planting that in their head and we don't know if that's really actually what they need or not. You know what assuming does. It makes a bad word of you and me.

So do you think that falls into the category of bad word? Yeah. I don't know. According to the FCC, Shannon, look that up. I mean, podcasting, you can cuss. Not that we're not a podcast that cusses. What's the FCC? FCC.

for the federal the regulate they regulate what's allowed on airwaves like the radio and tv but podcasting doesn't have the same regulations but that's like would you want your six year old saying that word no but i don't i do think i on radio and tv we might be able to say oh i just don't like that word the word oh really yeah like i'll say other curse words no willy nilly i just don't really like that one You know how I know that you don't like when I say pisses me off? You don't like that? I don't like that word. Okay. Okay. According to the FCC's website, Federal Communications Commission, to be exact, they do consider that word. You can say it. A.S.S. I feel like we're children.

A vulgar, indecent, or profane term that is in a verbat. appropriate for broadcast between 6 a.m. and 10.m. So 10.01 p.m. Let it rip. Yeah. But what is that saying for real? I'm trying to think of it because I can't, my brain does not. You know what assumptions, you know what assuming does. Makes that ass out of me. You and me. You and me. It's like how you spell it. You and me. Because assume. Yeah. That's how. Sorry. I decided me to throw you off. No, I get it now. I know the saying. But I also call you that quote. I just almost want to sit here and stare at you until I think of the quote. Like, you train people how to treat you. That's where, and then I had another quote that's similar.

What if we just sit here until I figure it out? Let's just like, we just sit here. Let's just, let's just say some quotes. I can tell you a story of when I was broken up with. I mean, I broke up with somebody once. Okay. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what you're saying. Yep, that's me, Cliver Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football,

or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined. And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand-new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard,

but celebrated. One week, I'll take you behind the scenes, of the biggest moments in sports and entertainment, and the next we'll talk about life, mental health, purpose, and even music. The Clifford Show isn't just a podcast, it's a space for honest conversations, stories that don't always get told,

and for people who are chasing something bigger. So, if you've ever supported me or you're just chasing down a dream, this is right where you need to be. Listen to the Clifford show on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network

On TikTok. You can have opinions. You can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and hosts of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships.

I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On a recent episode of the podcast Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant, I sit down with Tiffany the budgetista Aliche to talk about what it really takes to take control of your money. What would that look like in our families if everyone was able to pass on wealth to the people when they're no longer here? We break down budgeting, financial discipline, and how to build real wealth, starting with the mindset shifts. Too many of us were never, ever taught.

Financial education is not always about like, I'm going to get rich. That's great. It's about creating an atmosphere for you to be able to take care of yourself and leave a strong financial legacy for your family. If you've ever felt you didn't get the memo on money, this conversation is for you to hear more. Listen to Money and Wealth with John O'Brien from the Black Effect Network on the I'd Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Hi, everyone. I'm Cheryl Stray, author of Wild and tiny beautiful things. I'm excited to share that I have a new podcast called Mind Over Mountain. In each episode, I interview athletes, adventurers, and adrenaline seekers to discuss the inner landscapes and life experiences that informed and inspired their extraordinary feats. I also bring a bit of advice into the mix so we too can better understand how to face our own seemingly insurmountable challenges. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to pull out what you already have inside. We're coming into this world,

fighting for our lives. All I'm going to do is pull out what you already got inside. We're there to support and celebrate each other. And that's not like your story versus my story. You're going to walk up and over that

dang mountain. You're not just going to put your mind over it. Yep, yep, exactly. And if I can't walk up and over it, I'm going to go through it. Listen to Mind Over Mountain every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I can tell you a story of when I was broken. up with, I mean, I broke up with somebody once. Okay. It came to me earlier and I didn't think it was important, but now it feels important. Okay, I'm going to be listening as much as I can while I also try to think of the quote. Okay.

We'll see what your reaction is. Semi active. So this was in fifth grade. It was my first boyfriend. And he was so cute. And he asked me to be his girlfriend. And then we didn't talk because, you know, when you're in fifth grade and you have a boyfriend, then you get scared of them. And then so I had my friend break up with him because I wasn't talking.

to him obviously. And he was really upset and he sent me an email that night. Well, first, he called me and asked me to get on AIM so we could talk. So we could talk to talk on the phone. And I said no. So then he sent me an email and he said that the only two things he wants out of life are for me to go back out with him again and to go to heaven. Oh. So did you? I think I just was so anxious about having a boyfriend because then I wouldn't speak to I got nervous when I would see him but like before we were friends where is he now oh he's like a professional baseball coach shut up yeah dang you kind of said that with i mean obviously you're happy so it's fine you're dating or you're married i've been married for a couple years now um i don't think as because we continue to go to

school together. I don't think as we both go into the people that we are, we, it wouldn't have worked. No. I mean, there's nothing, I don't, there's nothing wrong with him. I just don't think it would match. I feel like baseball players are a unique breed. Yeah. Fact. Yeah. There's just something. They, well, back in my day, I don't know, because I don't know. Their whole vibe. I mean, not fifth grade, but since he went up to be a professional baseball coach, I assume he played in like in college, I think. High school college. Like, I don't know. They just. I can't speak to the ones now, but in my day, growing up, they all had the same aesthetic and vibe and demeanor. Yes.

And, you know, those little hemp necklaces. That's what I was thinking of those titanium. For a while, they were wearing, like, titanium necklaces. Yeah. They just have a vibe. Yeah. And I, thinking about this now, baseball would be like, if I had to marry an athlete. Like what athlete would you marry?

Because baseball, I feel like, would be hard. There's so many games. Yeah. Like, I would want the shortest season that makes the most money that has the smallest risk of energy. Okay. Injury. Tennis? Or golf.

Ugh, golf. They're gone a lot. Yeah, but they're not going to really get that hurt. But, like, if you had to watch them, don't you think, like, a tennis match would be? Yeah, tennis would be cool. A little more fun. And I think golf also, I would get really anxious. because you never like,

I feel like people are more consistent in tennis than. Yeah. I don't know. I think I take either though. I'm choosing tennis. I'd rather have tennis because then they could teach me. I'm more interested in also playing tennis with my husband than playing golf. Yeah.

When you said the, that your fifth grade boyfriend was like, there's only two things I want in life. It made me think of something unrelated, but two things. Like two. Not the quote. Not the quote. Not the quote.

Another quote. Okay. This is from, this is an unknown, I think. Okay. I don't know. I don't think there's a person for me to credit. But it's that quote of there's only two people you should be living for. And it's your eight-year-old self and your 80-year-old self.

Ooh. And if you can make both of those two people happy, then you're doing good. Then most likely your present self will also be. Yeah. So like that's who you should refer to like when you're thinking through. Like what would eight-year-old me think of this? Or is 80-year-old me going to think this is the right thing to do? Yeah.

Like 80-year-old me is thinking a lot about alcohol lately. In white Russians? No, just like not drinking alcohol. 80-year-old me is... I hope when I'm 80, I'm still having a margarita every now and then. Yeah, that would be great in all. I guess I'm just like, yes. I just think my algorithm right now is showing me.

toxic things. And maybe I need to get off that and just live in la la land and be like, oh, alcohol is totally fine. In moderation. Yeah, they say that. But then those that are adamantly against it, they, and they're doctors and they're building a case and they're like, there's no way to spend this. People like to do these studies and tell you, oh, well, this could be good for your heart

and a glass of wine a day. And they're like, no, no. But then you hear of people that live until they're 100 and it's like, what's your secret? And they're like bacon and beer. Right. And also in Italy, they drink water. I mean, wine like it's water. Like, and they're relatively healthy.

Their food and wine, I think is very different than America's food and wine. I'll be drinking wine from Italy when I'm 80. Well, there you go. That's true. I think your lifestyle probably has more to do with it. I don't want to fearmonger people into like you're not allowed to. I guess I'm just, I'm not. Okay.

I still am drinking a lot. I'm just kidding. Prove it. Right. I'm cool. I still drink. Yeah. Well, right now.

Just not a white Russian ever, ever, ever again. Isn't that crazy to think? Like, I've not had a white, I don't know exactly what night that was. Well, because it's just like that's a very definitive moment of a time where I remember having something and then never having it again. Well, maybe you got sick off of it. And it's like you can never. I did.

And I don't also just the memories from that night are so bad. Yeah. That would. Everything about that was so bad. Where did you wake up? So bad. I'm telling you it's so bad. Oh, okay.

Everything. I could talk about it later. So bad. Like I'm not ever having a white Russian again. But yeah, I don't, you're right. I don't want to fearmonger either. I guess it's just when I think of 80 years. Like I went to a stretch class for the first time ever.

like a week ago at like a ploddy studio or just oh oh where they stretch you yeah i've been wanting to do that um for an hour and i ended up getting a little three month membership because i want to stretch on my own and i know that i'm capable but this is sort of like my kickstart yeah like they're going to like kickstart me and i'm doing that for 80 year old me eight year old me you probably like why are you spending money on that this is silly um yeah but 80 year old me is like think Thank you. Yeah. Did it hurt?

Because I've been wanting to... No. Okay. You're probably more flexible than me, though. I'm actually not that flexible. I'm pretty, it's pretty bad. Okay. My hamstrings are so tight.

And I learned, too, that my Achilles, who knew, are so tight. They have this video, like, camera that will take video of you squatting and you're kind of mimicking this cartoon person. And then it looks at like how you're, like your range of motion. and she was like, ooh, what's going on with your ankles? Like, I don't know. I've never really thought about it. But my, when she was stretching my calves, my Achilles, and my feet, like, I was like,

oh my gosh, this is so painful. And she's like, yeah, I think this is what was being picked up on the screen when you were doing the squats. But I just never pay attention to that part of my body. So I didn't know that it was a little, needed a little attention. Yeah. I'll be scared to see what they say about it. me. Yeah. So I'll say they give you a range of like if you feel one to 10 and they're like we want you

to feel like we don't want you to feel a 10 like if it's anything past. Yeah like don't speak up because that's not the goal is to be in pain and power through. It's to be still comfortable but like making. And then you like push against them and then release and that'll hopefully allow you to push a little bit further. So you have to be active. Like I kind of thought like sometimes when she kept asking me to push I'm like You're supposed to stretch me. This is work. This is work. Like, I just want to lay here and you do it.

But it did feel really good. I enjoyed it so much so that I'm letting you know, like I got, I'll let you know after the three months how I feel. I love that you just did three months and you didn't sign up for a whole year. No. Why would I do that? You signed it for the whole year of Pilates? Well, yeah.

But that was a really good deal. Yeah. That was a really good deal. Best decision. And so far, the amount of classes that I've done, if you divide it by the amount of months, I've been going. Saving money. Yeah.

Making money. That is girl, Matt. You're making money by going to Pilates. Making money. Yeah. Okay, well, maybe you've motivated me to go do something like that. Or I could show you some of the stretches. This is my thing.

I'm not going to do them. I have stretches that I should be doing right now that a physical therapist has given me. I'm not going to do them unless I did them when I went to the physical therapist. But I can't. You know how you said? it sometimes you'll lay on the floor and say you're going to stretch with and you'll just lay on the floor. I won't even get on the floor. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, after all that, I still don't know the quote. Well, you know what? Maybe you'll think of it over the next week and we'll keep everybody

on their toes and then you'll have it to start the next episode out. If I think of it, I'm going to have to call you or text you. So we have it in writing and I know what it is. Text me then. Because right now I've romanticized it that it was like, oh, going to be such a good quote. Those are life change. to the episode. People probably stopped listening after. She didn't know the quote I don't want to listen. Oh, it could have been so helpful. I just know it. But a quote that we do know that it is very helpful. Before we say it, I do want to give our email and our phone number. Do you know the phone number? 207. 207. 2077. No. That's close. 877. 207. 207. 2077. Yeah. Okay, that was basically it.

So you can call and leave us a voicemail. 877, 207, 207. Sick. Sick. And then. You can email us. You can email us. Feeling Things Podcast.

Hey there. Hey there at Feeling Things Podcast. I created the email. I know. And then Kat also does our newsletters too, which we have one going out. Next week. Next week. Every other week, we don't spam you.

Yeah. They're easy to digest. Oh, if I think of the quote, we could throw it in the email. Yes, yes, yes. That's great. Yes. Totally. So many people are going to sign up now. They're going to be like.

We know how to put clickbait out there. You're going to want to know the quote that I may or may not come up with. It will change your life. It will change even though we don't know what it is. Let's end on this before I share our ending quote that we say every episode. This also may or may not be life changing for some people. but do you ever sanitize your pillow that you sleep on in any way, shape, or form? I wash it.

Not your pillow case, your pillow. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah. You're just trying to find other ways. No, I'm not. Not shaving you. No.

Have you always sanitized? No, I'm telling you something I saw, a little tip, a little tippy tip. Okay. And it makes sense. So at the orphanage where my kids lived, any time you, like, once a week, they would rotate all the mattresses and put them out in the sun, and they would just lay there all day in the sun and then it would be time to go to bed. They didn't have to really make the beds because the kids just slept on pretty much bare

mattresses. So it wasn't that big of a deal to move all the mattresses outside. And then they would let the sun sanitize it. So I saw similarly, we should be every so often, maybe every couple weeks or once a month, whatever's doable for you. Like throw your pillows outside in the sun and let the sun sanitize them. I wonder what that does. sanitizes them.

Because there's all kinds of little like mites. Well, I'm wondering what this, like, I'm just wanting to know the science of the sun sanitizing, like baking off the mites. Ew, gross. It's your hand and put it in the dock. Oh, we have it in the dock. Well, let me look it up. I close my dock.

I did too, but it's okay. I know my password. It's zero, zero, zero, zero. I don't like that you said, there. There's mites in my pillow. Now I'm going to be grossed out. Oh, well, I'm not trying to gross you out. Okay, placing pillows in sunlight once a week naturally sterilizes them with UV rays.

Research shows that ultraviolet radiation kills dust, mites, bacteria, and mold. Bonus. This gives you cleaner sleep and clearer skin. Crazy. Okay, that's easy. Oh, Shannon also put maybe some quotes in here that she thinks might be the quote that I was trying to say. Okay. We train people how to treat us. Okay, we talked about that one. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce. It definitely was not that many words. What you reap is what you sow. No, it wasn't that. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Nope. The way you believe about and treat yourself sets the standard for others on how you demand to be treated. Nope. Dang. One day. You are what you eat.

Yeah. then I'm a thin mint right about now. I'm not a white Russian anymore because gosh how many years has that been? I'm an orange. I cannot stop eating oranges right now. You definitely are an orange. Yeah. And I'm a thin mint. I don't. Wait, what was the hack you had the other day? You put the Yaso in the thin mint. Is that you? Yes. I had. I'm out. So I say had. I had some Yaso mint chocolate chip. Which is my favorite one. what are they Greek yogurt popsicles or whatever? Ice cream pops.

So it was a popsicle. So what I did was I opened it up. I didn't even eat the whole popsicle. I kind of cut it in half and put it in the freezer for next time. And then from that I made, I got thin mints and I made miniature little ice cream sandwiches. Thin mint with mint ice cream in the middle. That was probably, I don't even like thin mints. That probably was really good.

Oh, it was. Because I love mint ice cream. What does Bethany Frankel say? Devoon. Do you follow her? No. I'm not the biggest. No.

I'm not. I don't know that I am either, but she does say divoon. I don't know what that means. Like divine. Oh. Devon. Is that like just her fun way of saying it or is that a different language? Or is that like her crown?

Plim. She thinks she's saying it, right? No, I don't know. Okay. Well, we hope wherever you are, you are having the day. You need to have. Bye. Bye.

A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what I'm saying. Yep, that's me, Clivert Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, my basketball and college football journey, or my career in sports media. Well, now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Cliford Show. This is a place for raw, unfilled conversations with athletes, creators,

and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. So let's get to it. Listen to The Clivert Show on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes, Follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. Hey there, folks. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes here. And we know there is a lot of news coming at you these days from the war with Iran to the ongoing Epstein fallout, government shutdowns, high-profile trials. And what the hell is that Blake lively thing about anyway?

We are on it every day, all day. Follow us, Amy and TJ for news updates throughout the day. Listen to Amy and TJ on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and hosts of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. You can have opinions. You can have like a strong stance.

And then there's your body. having its own program. Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Financial Literacy Month, and the podcast Eating While Broke is bringing real conversations about money, growth, and building your future. This month, hear from top streamer, Zoe Spencer, and venture capitalist Lakeisha Landrum Pierre, as they share their journeys from starting out to leveling up. There's an economic component to communities thrive. If there's not enough money and entrepreneurship happening in communities, they failed.

Listen to Eating While Broke from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.