The Bobby Bones Show - Foster Care: All Kids Need Love. A Practical Health Journey. How to Cut Back on Salt. Stop Comparing & Start Loving Your Body.

Episode Date: July 11, 2019

FIRST THING: Ever thought about fostering kids that need a home? In honor of "National Foster Care Month," Amy sits down with @ProducerEddie from @bobbybonesshow to discuss his life as a new foster parent and the steps he and his wife took to get their! SECOND THING: Nicole from @KaleJunkie is back to discuss a realistic & practical approach to have on your health journey! “You are so much more than a number!” THIRD THING: Its all things salty!! How much salt should you consume on a daily basis? How quickly are you hitting that limit? Amy discusses tasty tips & tricks to help cut down on your sodium intake. FOURTH THING: Continuing our series with @kim_anderson_life Amy & Kim discuss perception, comparison, & the power of self talk! “You can’t look at your body and ignore your mind, or look at your mind and ignore your body!” Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Thanks for checking out the Bobby Bone Show replay podcast. This is a preview of my podcast, for Things with Amy Brown. On my podcast, I share four. different things on family, health, wellness, faith. I bring in experts, celebrity trainers, specialists, family members of mine, like my sister, my husband, my kids, and even my friends to talk about each of the four things. On this episode, you're going to hear from my friend and co-worker Eddie, who is a foster dad. Now, I'm an adopted mom. I have two kids that we,

my husband and I, we got from Haiti. And Eddie is a parent to two boys, biological. And then now he's a foster dad to two kids. So I brought him on to talk about. you know, how he and his wife decided to become foster parents and what that looks like. And I just thought it was a really special episode that I think could touch a lot of you out there. And maybe, you know, plant a little seed. Maybe one day you might want to foster or adopt. So subscribe on Apple Podcasts, listen on IHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. Uh, left a lot.

Casse up road things. Little food for your soul. Life ain't always pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful. laugh a little more things. Tighten up your core thing. Said EK. You're kicking it with four things. With Amy Brown.

We are back for another episode of Four Things and excited about this one because Eddie's coming on. And he's actually sitting in the room as I record the intro. So what up, what up? What up? And it's cool. You're like, Eddie's coming on. But I'm right here. Yeah, yeah.

So he's coming on to talk about how he's a foster dad now. Like, did you ever think in a million years you'd be a foster parent? No, not at all. Yeah. I mean. It's just crazy that it's all happening and it's like I never, ever had thought I'd be in this situation. I just feel like I get so many questions about adoption from people that I feel like people

will also be interested in your journey. So we're going to chat about that in a minute. It'll be the first thing. I have four things. You're going to be the first thing. Get out. Yeah. Not that really order has a thing.

I hope people listen to all four things, but just in case. Because they're all equally as important. Just in case they only have time for one. They're getting Eddie. And then also I have kale junkie back on. Nicole. She's come on before. she, Eddie, no offense taken.

But have you ever listened to my podcast? No, I haven't. Sorry. But have you listened to sore losers? Once. Okay. But often, so Eddie is on the Bobby Bone show with me. He's the video producer and he's on air and he does a podcast after the show with Lunchbox and Ray and it's called the Soor Losers and they talk sports.

But I mean, sometimes I'm in there when y'all are recording. So I hear some of it. Amy, this is such a different vibe. And y'all play that game. Would you rather? Yeah. Is that every episode? Every episode.

So, like, give us an example of would you rather? Oh, my gosh. So, lunchbox usually is the one that comes up with it. So it's like, would you rather have, like, one toe or 20 fingers? Like, it's like, yeah. I think, I don't know. I think I would rather have, that's a tough one. That was ridiculous.

Like, today was like, would you rather be on Survivor or the Amazing Race? Oh, Amazing Race. But shockingly, I've never seen either of them. Yeah. But which would you choose? I don't know. They explained both games to me. Oh, Amazing Race.

Amazing Race is awesome. Yeah, you get to travel the world and do all kinds of fun things. I think I would choose that for sure. That was my mom's favorite TV show. Like, we would be doing family gatherings on a Sunday, and she'd be like, ooh, hey guys, like, it's almost amazing race time. Like, either we need to turn on the TV or I'm going to go home. And we would have to, like, our Sunday gatherings would be, like, centered around.

That's so funny. Amazing race. Oh, yeah. She loved it. Like, it was like her favorite. So I've got Eddie here, which is check out his podcast. Saw losers. Soor losers.

It can be found on IHeartRadio, wherever you listen to podcast. And I mean, you're not like a sports expert. It is a sports show, but a lot of girls listen. You don't have to be totally, it's not just a guy show. No, no, no. And they make fun of me because I don't know all the details of stuff, but I do watch a lot of sports. And so, I mean, I feel like I am the girl aspect of the show because.

Oh, what are you trying to say? Girls don't know sports? Well, no, some girls that don't know sports, they know as much as I do because they're like, oh, yeah, I watch us, sit down and watch it with my husband. And it's kind of cool. Like, I know the cat. So you're like, there are girls that are super knowledgeable. Yes.

But you're saying you're like, you're like the wife that sits down with the husband. That's your knowledge level. Correct. Right. Maybe a little more than that, but yes. Got it. So, um, so Eddie doesn't listen to this podcast. Thanks a lot.

But there are four things. And, you know, the other things we're going to get to besides Eddie is kale junkie. Nicole, she's come on before. I think that's what I was getting to is that she's been on preview. episodes where she shared her eating disorder and then her recovery. And then now we're going to talk in this episode about just having a healthy balance and lifestyle, something I've covered before when Erin Opry is on. I just like having people on that don't put an emphasis on the number. Like a number shouldn't matter. Like the scale, for example. Do you weigh yourself?

No, but I went to the doctor yesterday and I saw my number. It's not good. So I know I don't weigh myself, but I saw it and I'm like, I got to do something about that. Well, Eddie, you're more than a number. Yes, thank you. But it's also good to be aware of where you should be with your body and try to be on a healthy path, which you did like, you ate a certain, like a diet for a while for your skin, right? Autoimmune.

I had autoimmune stuff going on. So I changed my diet like strict, strict, no carbs, no sugar. Yeah, and how's you feel? Great. Yeah, I know. Amazing, actually. It's just really hard to eat that way, but it does feel good. But then Friday night came around, you know, it's like one Friday, random Friday.

and I was able to fight it for a whole year. And I was like, well, I'll just have a slice of pizza. Yeah, no big deal. And that's just kind of how it happens. You just kind of derail yourself off one slice of pizza. Right. And then it's like, you know what I like with pizza? Coke.

Right. But what you should do is find that balance and not derail. Just be like, you know what? I had the pizza. I had the Coke. Like, whatever, it's not a big deal. It doesn't mean that I have to just like now give up. I just continue on with the healthy.

Your podcast's so inspiring. So different. This right here has already inspired you. Wow. Eddie. Wow. Okay. We're also going to talk, speaking of pizza and junk food and stuff, like salt, like we're going

to talk about sodium. I've got a little segment on that because I feel like salt is in everywhere. And it's a hidden way where you can like add on pounds, but it's not really weight. You're just like retaining water. Interesting. And if you were to watch your sodium, you would like feel lighter, like your clothes will feel better. Sodium's a big thing. And it's hidden everywhere.

So I talk about how to get flavor in your food without necessarily adding salt. And then Kim Anderson, I've been having her on. I'm having her on for four weeks. and this is the third week with her, and she's a therapist and a life coach, and she's talking about comparison and perception, like, how we can perceive ourselves and then how we often, like, maybe are comparing ourselves to others when really that's not a healthy place to be. So, Eddie, stop comparing yourself to me.

I'll try not to. A lot of similarities, though. Is there anybody on the show that you're like, ugh, it's, like intimidating to be around them? Bobby? Oh, Bobby? Yeah. Do you compare yourself to him?

Well, no, it's just because, like, he's so fit. I know. He's so disciplined. That's a thing. professionally it's just like, dang, he's doing so good. So are you. Well, yeah, I know, but he's a different level. Right, I know.

He's like all over place. He's all over TV. Yeah. But that's not, do you have aspirations for TV? No, no, no. I don't. I know. It's all about what are your goals.

Like those are, he's been driven towards that since like birth. Yes. So he's like, you know. Yes. He's still trying to get there. Yes. And nothing.

For him, like, nothing will be good enough, I don't think. Yeah. And for you like, we're, I mean, life is good. You have that conversation with him? What? What? Four Things? No, but I guess I should.

Do you deep dive into Bobby on four things? He's only come on once. Oh, yeah. You didn't have that one. Okay. Good idea. I'll write that down. Deep dive with Bobby Bones.

Yeah. Ooh, it could be a sad one. I know. Well, yeah, if he opens up, if he gets vulnerable, yes. Yeah. And it could. Depends on the day. Okay, so that's a little menu for today's episode.

So with all that said, Eddie, thank you for joining us in the intro. And you'll hear Eddie in about, I don't know, five seconds. First thing. Okay. As you know in the intro, Eddie is on today. And I am just super excited that he's taking a minute to chat with us about foster care because you are officially a foster dad. I am. And it's funny how you came up to me.

You're just like, hey, so I don't know how much you want to share or what because I guess I am private in a way, you know, with my kids. For and for a while, y'all did keep it private. We did. But you had to. And that's for the security or the protection of the kids, you know. And I didn't really want their parents in case they're listening or family members or friends to kind of connect the dots. If I started talking about, oh, I got two kids and this is the time frame and this is how old they are and whatever, I felt like, oh, people could connect the dots and it could be dangerous from. So that's why we did that.

But yeah, so I'm like, yeah, I really have become an open book about fostering because I slowly am learning so much about this as we do it. And I think people, sometimes it's like, even with our adoption story, my husband's super private. And he wasn't always sure how much he wanted to share about it. And I don't know if you felt the same way or your wife. But it's like we, whether we planned it in our life, like, I don't think you and I ever thought we would end up in radio and on the Bobby Bone show. Like we both just became friends with Bobby and it happened organically. And here we are on this platform. And even when I started the show with Bobby, like we were just in one little market. So it's a whole different ballgame now where you kind of look at your point. platform and what we've been given and like that we can be a voice for certain things and people have questions and they want to know and, you know, whether they pull the trigger on it and decide to move forward with being a foster parent or adopted parent, it's like hearing

our perspective sometimes can be a little, a little nudge for somebody to maybe go for it because there's kids that need homes. And that's sort of how you and your wife share how y'all started the journey because, I mean, it definitely wasn't something you thought you would be doing. And I've always said to, like, you know, growing up in like South Texas, Hispanic culture, it's not something that you ever really talked about, you know. You never talked about adoption, never talked about foster care. That was just what other people did.

We didn't, we don't do that, you know. And if we had a family member that had to give a kid up, no one ever talked about it. Yeah. And so I didn't grow up that way. But I guess when we lived back in Texas, you know, my wife and I, when we were dating and right before we got married, my wife was a caseworker. for child protective services for the state of Texas and she had always wanted to adopt. She's always said like just since we've known each other.

She's always been like, oh, I eventually want to adopt a child. And even if we have our own, I'd like to adopt. And I've always been let no, no, no, no. Like, let's just, well, we'll have our kids. And then maybe we're older and we feel like adopting, we'll do that. But, and now that we have two kids, smash cut, flash forward, like we are, um, At church and Jimmy Wayne, who's a country singer, he came and spoke at the church and he was talking about how he was a foster kid.

And he just, I mean, got straight to my heart with his stories of how he jumped from home to home to home and really just was looking for a place to land. And he never could find that place because people were doing foster for wrong reasons, you know? But then he finally found that one foster home that eventually became his adoption. a place where he got adopted. And it made him. And then you see his success.

And he's like, really, I could never just be who I was. It wasn't for them. And he's still in contact with them. And to me, because I guess I don't want to call myself the roadblock to all this for my wife. But I really was the kind of resistant one to just kind of see us doing any of this kind of stuff. But when I heard that from him, I thought for a second, like, what about fostering? Like, I don't know about adoption. We have our two kids.

And it's almost a comfort thing. Like I'm comfortable with our family of four, but we do have a good home. And so you could have seasons of bringing in kids. Yeah. And we do have space. Financially, we're at this place where we can do something like this. I'm like, why don't we just give it a shot? And so we did.

And so we got certified and it felt really good. And so how long did that take? Oh, certification takes a while. It's like one class once a week. It's like a four hour class once a week for about two months. Okay. I'm sure there's a lot of people are curious. Yeah.

And so, well, back up to when you left church and you all have that conversation, and you decided to dive in. It was just simply like me saying, how about fostering? And your wife's like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then did you go through your church or do you go through the city or I don't even like.

So we went through the church just kind of to ask them because they had their Yeah. They knew that they were going to get inquiries as soon as they brought Jimmy Wayne, you know. And so they just told us, yeah, this is the, here's a Tennessee Baptist Foster agency. And they're holding these certification classes. And you can go there. And so that's what we did. And so you complete the two-month process and then what?

You wait. And then you tell them, they come to your house and they do a little survey form of just like, what are you looking for? Can you take kids with special needs? Can you, what age range do you want? Do you want males? Do you want females? Or what can you take? Which is especially important, especially.

because you have two biological children already living in your home. Correct. And that's what makes it difficult to kind of decide. But what we had done is said, we said, we can't really take anyone older than four because our youngest was five. And we didn't really want to mess with their dynamic. The age. Our biological kids' ages.

We didn't want to put a kid right in the middle and kind of mess with, you know, what they have already. So we said below four and then just one, basically. Special needs. It doesn't matter. We can handle all that. And so then we waited and waited and waited forever. I think it was about five months.

And we finally got a call late at night. It was like about 10 and said, all right, we have a newborn. And he's at the hospital and we need you to come spend the night with a newborn. Wow. And so my wife did. She packed her bags and she went to spend the night with a newborn. And the next day I went with my two kids and we went to go pick him up. And we brought him home.

And we said, you know what? This is it. This is how it's going to go. So you have a baby. So we now have a new born at 40 years old. We have a new baby at the house. I'm like struggling how to put a car seat in the car. Okay.

And we should talk about too that with your biological boys, like you weren't much of the diaper changer around the house. No. Like what's up with that? Like I just like you didn't. How many diapers? Honestly, honestly, I changed more than five. I did. Like I say five.

boys spent like a while in diapers. Like if I had to come up with a number, I would say like no more than 50. Okay. And I have two kids. Yeah. So it's not a lot. I mean, adding a baby to the mix. Yeah.

You're changing more, right? You've matured. Oh, man, I'm all about it now. Yeah. Like really. Like I know, adulting is hard, but. But no, when you grow old, when you're an adult, that stuff doesn't matter anymore.

Like, really, I felt so immature when I had my first two kids. I did. And I feel like I'm a completely different person from that, from that point. So now that we have a baby, I'm like, whatever, diaper change, burp. I got throw up on my shirt. No big deal. Change the shirt, whatever. Okay, so you have the baby and then.

So then we have the baby for like a day. And then we get a call and they say, well, he has a brother and he needs a home too. And how was the brother? He's four. So we're like, great. I mean, because you have to. Do you? No, right off the bat.

I mean, I guess you don't have to do that. Right off the bat. Here comes, you know, resistant Eddie again, roadblock Eddie saying, I don't think we can do two. Like really, we were pretty firm on one. And then my wife was like, well, I don't want to give the baby back. Like, we just had the baby. I'm like, I know. But I mean, they can maybe go to, they have to stick together.

Right. So I'm thinking, well, they can go to another, you know, a home. And both of them can spend time there. This is my thought process. And my wife was like, no, no, no, we can do it. Trust me, we can do it. And I'm like, there's no way we can do four kids. Like, there's no possible way.

I don't feel that. And then my 11 year old comes down the stairs. He's like, ah, dad, come on. We have to do it. I'm like, how long have you been listening to this conversation? And then the five-year-old comes down. He's like, we have to do it, dad. Come on, dad, let's do it.

So then, I mean, they cornered me. And I was like, okay, we can do it. Oh, that's a cute story. So you had the kids and your wife being like, roadblock Eddie. Roadblock Eddie, we can do this. Lift up the roadblock. So we said yes.

And so now you've got your, it's about a nine month-ish commitment. It is. It's about nine months that they give the parents. So they can kind of prove that they can, they're responsible enough or whatever problems they're going through, they can prove that they're over that and they can have which ultimately the goal would be for the children to reunite with their parents. Yeah. If they're in a place to care for them and stable.

Like I get like, yeah. That's something, Amy, that I didn't really think about the foster process of just like that really is the point of it. Right. There's like a little moment. There's just like a little moment of time where they're kind of in indecisive of like, okay, what do we do with these kids? It's like second chance for parents. You got nine months to figure your crap out, fix your life and prove to us that you fixed your life. And then you can get your kids back.

But then, you know, there's also the parents that're just like, well, I mean, I don't really want to fix my life. Or I'm not able to fix my life in nine months. Which then if that's the case, we hope the kids end up not bouncing around, but with a forever home. Then the next step is, yes, adoption. So y'all have like five months, four or five months left. Where are y'all in thinking, like, you know, if it was that scenario, hypothetically, like, would you consider foster to adopt that? I know it's a big question. Yeah.

And then second, if once, hopefully they are reunited with their family, would you foster again? Yeah. So answer both of those. Okay. So the first one, if we are interested in foster to adopt, if, you know, we get to that end of that, that mark and that does propose itself. Right now, Roadblock Eddie says no. And I want to explain Roadblock Eddie. I don't think there's anything wrong with that answer.

Roadblock. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying no. But Roadblock Eddie really comes from. And you love these kids. I do. Oh my gosh. And I love them so much. And to see the progress that mostly the four-year-old than the baby, because the baby,

you know, he's just a baby. So all he knows is us. Doesn't really know his parents. So, but the four-year-old, he has, he grew up with his parents. Right. It's hard. It's like my daughter. She knows her mom.

she was in a girl. She was five. Yes. And then at an orphanage from five to ten, but she tells me things about her mom all the time. And I'm like, oh, my heart, you know, where my son doesn't know anything about his mom. So, yes, to answer your first question, my wife and I talk a lot about the next step. And right now it's just stick with the plan to foster. Right now, my answer is always like, we have to stick to the plan and just foster because that's what we're able to do right now.

I mean, I can't answer what will happen in five months if, you know, they, they come up and say like, all right, they're up for adoption. When you take them? I don't know. I don't know. I think my wife probably feels like I will have some kind of feeling of like, yes, he's going to want to adopt. And I might, I might. Knowing me, like you said, you're really just with these kids every day. And I love them so, so much.

And you get attached. And they become part of your family, Amy. This four-year-old is only one year apart from my five-year-old. old and they are best buds. Like they are best buds. In the four months that they've known each other, they're buds. So I don't know. We'll see what happens there.

But and the second one, if I, we will continue to foster, I would think so. I've liked this process so much because because of the outcome of knowing of whatever we're doing is really just changing, changing the lives of these kids. you can see it every day. Right. And I think if you keep that perspective, because there's highs and lows in this. I mean,

you're dealing with kids that have gone through a lot. That you and I, we grew up in secure homes, like for most, like your parents are still together. My parents separated when I was like eight, but I would say most of my childhood, but still my dad loved me.

It's nothing like this. It's nothing like I was separated from my mom and my dad and didn't experience. I mean, I had some abandonment stuff with my dad, but we all have our, baggage from our childhood, but when you really think of, maybe think of when Rodney Atkins was in, he's a country singer. He's got a lot of hits probably that you don't even realize you know,

but I never knew he was adopted. But he was adopted like a couple of times because I guess he was a colicky baby. Then the family like returned him. Then another family didn't like him returned him. And then his, so when he started playing country music, he had a similar last name to like Trace Atkins and Rhett Aikens. And so they were like, maybe you should change your name. And he was like, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do it. Like, I have that last name because a family took me in and like, I'm proud of my last name. I have goosebumps when I say it because it's like, he's like, that family gave me identity because there's so much of him that still feels like lost because when you don't know your whole story and where you came from and that's what these kids are, this is the beginning of their story and they're starting out that way. Right, right.

So it's already like a rough beginning. and then there's so much to process and they don't know how to do it. And I was just at this gala in D.C. for Case, which is a group that I work with up there on our station in DC, WMZQ. And it's the Center for Adoption, Support, and Education. And they had, like, seven of the foster and adoptive kids get up and speak at the gala. And, like, everyone's crying because the kids ranged from 13 to 30, because the 30-year-old was an adult now, but went through the program when they were a kid.

and just they offer counseling and therapy for the kids and the parents because a lot of times people think, oh, adoption, foster care, like, yay you, you're so awesome. That's so great. I'm so happy for you and your family. But then sometimes there's some heavy lows that you're going through that you're like, it's just emotionally takes a toll where you're just like, yeah, yay. Yeah, adoption and foster care, but nothing against the kids. But it's part of the journey and you need that support.

And so which their website is adoption support. dot org if anybody out there is feeling alone and anything like they have a lot of resources on their website but it was interesting to see these kids get up and speak and share their story and i couldn't help but think of stevenson and stashara my kids and and even these kids that you're fostering like literally you're you are you're doing you are making a difference in their life especially because i know you're and your wife and y'all are doing it for the right reasons and you're a good family and you know it's it's it's a game name changer.

Like a lot of these kids could end up ultimately not getting educated, end up on the streets, or incarcerated. That's it. And I always look at it as like giving them a chance. Yes. Because you don't want a child just to not have a chance from the start. And to not ever experience what love is. Right.

Even though it's going to be hard for them to accept because of what's happened, but you're still showing it. Yeah. And that's the tricky part about fostering is that next step, you know, of we are showing them what love is. And now I don't want them to get scared when they've got to go somewhere else, you know? Because with a lot of this, like, jumping around comes, like, detachment or attachment disorder. Attachment disorder of just like, oh, my gosh, like, I trusted you.

You loved me. I thought I was staying here. And now you just give me away again. Yeah. So there's that kind of stuff, too, that you talk about the highs and lows. It's very, this is an emotional roller coaster. Right. And I want to bring that up just to be transparent for anyone listening that thinking that they

want to get into it and that it's, you know, you know, just kind of like the Instagram version that's like, oh, happy stuff. But there, you just have to be prepared. But there are resources because I don't think anybody's really ever fully equipped for these situations. So that's why I love Case, which again, they're adoption support.org. And then there's a group in Austin called Austin Angels, but they're branching out across the country.

And they're actually opening a Nashville branch. So hopefully you're going to, I know you've already. connected with them on a few things, but they walk alongside children in the foster care system, as well as the caretakers like you and your wife, and they just offer support too. And I know on the shop forward right now at the shop forward.com, they have we care shirts, which you and I both have. And they're super cute. So if you're into foster care, it might be something if you wanted to go by, then it supports

Austin Angels and their mission and what they're doing. So that's another way people can help if they don't want to, because some people are like, well, foster care, that sounds great, but I can't bring kids into my house. well, you can maybe buy a cute t-shirt and help. Right, and help. Or go to, you know, Case's website at, you know, adoption support.org and make a donation because they really are doing life-changing work. But then you have another group, too, that helps with the-

Oh, gosh. I wish I had the name of it. But I was talking to someone. It's a group out of Tampa. And what they do is they not only care, they do a bunch of foster care help. And a lot of the stuff that you've already mentioned, but they also focus on the parents of the parents of the, the children that get put in foster care.

Right. So just to guide them in the right direction because what a lot of people don't think, they don't think about is the parents. Like they're lost. Whatever they're going through, there's a reason. There's a reason why they're going through it. And they need that guidance,

whether it's to do the paperwork or whether it's to complete those, that checklist that they need to be working on to get them in the right direction. So they get their kids back. Yeah, someone to hold them accountable. Yes. Yeah. So I guess whatever city you're listening to this, then maybe there is something in your community where if you're curious about foster care or adoption, you can look into resources in your area or resources on how to be assistance to these groups that are helping the actual parents of these kids. Because, yeah.

There are hundreds of ways to help. So yes, and they're all out there. Yeah. Well, I just admire you and your wife so much for taking this on. Amy, you too. Well, no. It's not about that. Like, Foster, like, I just, I think it's amazing.

And I think that, you know, it's your, these kids, I mean, I even met them. I only met them at the baseball game that one time, but they're so cute. They are so cute. And they're precious. And it's like, all kids deserve that love. All kids are precious. Yeah. And you know what's weird?

The first, the baby is starting to look like me a little bit. Oh, my gosh. Well, somebody told me. Is that possible? That nun in Haiti once told me that my daughter looked like. like me. And I'm like, oh. Okay. And like the thing, like, honestly, you're Hispanic and the son is your baby. They're white. And like my daughter's Haitian, so she's, you know, brown skin, totally nothing like me. And I'm white. So it's really sweet when people start to notice us

looking like our children that are nothing like us. It's very sweet. I love it. No way. Well, thank you for coming on and chatting and sharing some of your story. And I just know that people will appreciate it so much. Even if they know. ever even thought about foster care right now, boom, maybe somebody listening right now, some wife, you know what is listening right now and they're going to their roadblock, Eddie husband that's been putting up that roadblock and they're like, honey, I just want you to listen to the first thing on the four things podcast. Just the first thing.

Just the first thing. I mean, but you can listen to the other three are great. You can listen to the other things too because, yeah, those are going to be good. But yeah, well, thank you for coming on. Thanks, Amy. I'll see you on the Bobby Bone show. Yeah. Tomorrow. Exactly.

All right. Every morning. Back by popular demand is Nicole at kale junkie on Instagram. So Nicole has been on two previous episodes. I highly recommend you go check them out if you just want to search in the little search thing. Cale Junkie should pop up. So I am so glad that you come back on, Nicole, because I feel like people are loving what you have to say. And just to recap about previous episodes in case people are just now.

listening to this episode and they're like, wait, hold on, what is she about? What does she talk about? Because we're going to talk about a little bit more of like self-care and body image and how you juggle all the things like being a mom and running your blog and Instagram like an entrepreneur. And then also finding that balance of staying healthy because you are very vocal about how you are in recovery from an eating disorder. And I appreciate you for sharing the beginnings of that. And then on another episode, sharing the recovery. And so I'm excited to see what your life is like now, now that, you know, it's not an issue. And I don't want to say complete non-issue because everybody knows that the thoughts can still be there.

Once you've gone through that, you still have the demons. But how you keep that in control and like what your life is like now. And I love how proactive you are about healthy body image and self-care because we're all about that here as well. So Nicole is back and I'm going to let her touch on some of that. Hi, guys. Thanks for having me again. Amy. I'm excited to talk about life now as somebody who is currently in recovery.

I don't have the issues with binging and purging anymore. But gosh, you know, I'd be lying if I said to you every single day. I look in the mirror and I love what I see. I don't think that that's realistic. I think it's you have to love your. yourself enough to know that, you know, you're perfect as you are, but some days we feel, some days we feel bloated. Some days we eat a little too much that goes beyond our comfort zone, but that's still

perfectly healthy to have those type of thoughts. It's recognizing them. And I think, you know, as we touched on in our last episode is knowing that that, there is always going to be that inner voice in you that comes up, that the, that's the critical little voice in your head that's pointing out, you know, a little extra skin on your stomach or whatever it is that, you know, is sticking out to you, but to know that you are more than your body, that who you are as a person isn't defined by what you look like. So that's first and foremost, is that it doesn't ever really go away.

You just get better at managing it. you get better at, you know, find it, you know, name your inner critic and put her in the backseat, hammer her in the back seat and say, okay, great, this is a feeling I have today. It's just a feeling. It's temporary, it's fleeting, and it's not going to stay with me. One of the things that I do when I start feeling like uncomfortable in my skin or I start, you know, feeling like, okay, I need to do something is I really do use working out as a tool for my mental sanity. and not in a way that's excessive or abusive to my body in any way.

I train now for mental sanity and feeling strong and not, I don't train to be thin. I train to be strong physically and mentally to be equipped for, you know, my day-to-day job, whether that's testing recipes in the kitchen, holding events, writing, writing, or whatnot, that or dealing with, you know, two kids, I have a two-year-old and a four-year-old boy that, you know, my life is really full right now. But dealing with all of that, you know, I find that my daily workouts are, you know, something that are so, it's a non-negotiable for me. So when I start feeling uncomfortable in my skin, get out there, exercise a little. And it doesn't matter, again, it doesn't matter what you do. I think it's about finding what you love. So I don't know about you, Amy,

but I like working out with other people. I thrive off of group energy. So for me, you'll always find me doing like a buried boot camp class or, you know, training with somebody else or whatnot. Yeah, I'm pretty similar. I think there's an energy there. I mean, sometimes you just got to knock it out on your own because it's time, but it's definitely different when you have a buddy or like a group.

Definitely. Go on a walk with like your neighbor. Go on a walk with a friend. Go on a hike, do something. but whatever it is that's going to get to you feeling grounded again and feeling more connected to yourself because again, like I said, if you're feeling uncomfortable in your body, chances are you just need to move it. I've never, I forget what the saying is, but like something about, you know,

you never feel worse after a workout. You can only feel better. Yeah. I mean, you don't ever regret working out. No one's ever like, oh, man, dang, I wish I had not worked out just now. Right. And it's not to say that sometimes it's not pleasant. You go in there and you're like, gosh, I'm not, I'm not motivated today or I don't feel good today or, you know, you've had a little, you've had a couple glasses of wine the night before and it's really hard to get that sweat going. But gosh, if you can just push through it, that's like, you know, having a little bit of mental strength to crack that sweat, you will feel so good after. And using that really as a positive tool in your life versus trying to, you know, having a little bit of mental strength to crack that sweat, you will feel so good after. And using that really as a positive tool in your life versus trying. to control the way your body looks through the use of exercise. Yeah, no, I feel like that is, it's a non-negotiable for me.

And sometimes I feel selfish doing it. But maybe you could touch on that too when it comes to self-care or time that you take for yourself and how you, you know, have realized like, okay, yeah, being a mom of two and, you know, being an entrepreneur, like what, how do you balance that and not feeling like, oh, maybe I shouldn't take this me time? Because ultimately, here's my ears might be similar, but mine is like, I'm going to be a better person to be around and I'm going to function at a higher level. So I have to do this. So it seems selfish, but I got to do it. It's so true. I mean, when I don't do it, I notice significantly like I become snappy and I get irritable and I get, you know, really short with other people in my life, my husband, my kids, I don't have that patience that I normally do. And I realize that, you know, Yes, self-care, you know, if you say, oh, it's selfish or whatnot, you can only be as good as

you are. And if you don't fill your own cup, how can you be there to serve the others in your life that you love so much? Yeah. So, you know, if this is, you know, sounds, I don't know, you know, how this might sound, but, like, on the weekends, like, it's really important to my husband, too. We kind of alternate Saturdays and Sundays, like, he knows, like, I have, I want to work out one day. he gets to work out the other day. We kind of tag team to make it a priority in each other's lives where, like, you know, I don't feel guilty for stepping out the door and leaving both of my kids for that hour, hour and a half that I take to feel good because when I walk through that door,

I'm so much happier and I'm more grounded and I can actually be present for the rest of the day versus feeling like crap because I haven't done anything. Right. And there's always a trade-off. You know, sometimes I've had to have, you know, have a babysitter where, you know, I didn't necessarily want to spend the money on a babysitter. But, you know, I got to take care of my mental health, my physical health by doing something so that I can be better all around. And you just, it's just that is my non-negotiable. Yeah.

And part of that's, you know, yeah, you loving your body and part of that self-care and having positive body image. Like when you feel better, you're able to like probably keep. a lot of the former thoughts at bay and you know that helps you not spiral into anything like you've maintained this recovery like you're you're i feel like you have to do things that are going to keep you on that right track and some of the other things that you touch on which you mentioned in a previous episode that you were on how you had to uh stop getting fixated on the number on the scale and when you started taking care of your body and fueling it properly and you're working out and, you know, the scale was starting to change and it went up and it's hard to accept that.

But I loved that, you know, in some of your body image talks, you speak to the fact that we're so much more than a number. We're so much more than a number. And sometimes we get fixated on that or we get fixated on ideas of the past of how we looked at one point in our lives. Like, you know, there was a time when I was seeing a nutritionist that had me on like a body strict bodybuilding. diet and gosh, I was so mean and I was so in shape and I kept holding onto that image in my head about what I wanted to look like in my ideal, you know, holding, clinging on to the past essentially. And I had to let that go because that wasn't, that wasn't me.

I am, I'm more than my body. I am more than the scale. I am more than the clothes that I'm wearing, you know, and I know I did talk about this And our body love talk that I gave was, you know, I had to get rid of certain clothes that I had in my closet that were really, that were triggers for me. I was holding on to them because I thought one day I'm going to get back into this bathing suit and these jeans that looks so great on my body at one time. But, you know what, that's not my reality anymore. My reality is that my body is in a comfortable place now that, you know, I can still, there's, you can still want to work out and have goals to, like you can still look good, want to look good, take care of your body, and look hot in a

bikini. Who doesn't want to look good? But the issue is when your self-worth is tied to your physical appearance. And that's what I like to work on, you know, with clients is like, how do you have a healthy relationship with wanting to look good in a bikini and feeling good and secure, but it's also not tied to who you are as a person? And therefore, you know, can translate into eating disorders. Okay. So when you, Nicole, when you mentioned clients, can you expand on that as to what you do? Yeah.

So right now I'm a full-time recipe developer, but I do also have a small, very small, limited coaching practice where I work with clients one-on-one on body image issues. So, you know, they can reach out to, people can reach out to me directly and if it's a good fit that I will take on select clients. Yeah. Okay. I didn't know that. I didn't know you did that. So that's awesome. I felt like I had been stalking you on Instagram for a while now. We've been Instagram buddies, but I definitely didn't know that you had that aspect going on. So I think that that's great. And again, that's probably, you know, that's part of your journey of your healing. And now you can share your wisdom with others and share what you've learned and coach them through it. And I, wow. I mean, one other thing that I love you for now. Yeah, it's my passion to, my passion is really to bring the joy of food back to people's lives and to help them through the difficult times and to be that voice of reason when, you know,

you need a resource, you need somebody, you don't have that person that, you know, I want to be what I needed when I didn't have it. And I gosh, I just, you know, I wish I had more time in my day and more, there were more hours in the day to do all of these things so that I can, you know, work with everybody and, you know, do everything seamlessly. But, you know, as you know, being a full-time working mom, and it's a balance. Yeah, and you have to be realistic about what you can take on for sure. So you have to protect your space.

But you do a good job sharing everything on as much on your website that you can to put out there and even on your Instagram. And I love that you share products that you really love. That's another reason why if people want to go forward. follow you at kale junkie like you're like i feel like i feel like i'm in a nickname you like snack queen um you always have snacks with you but again is that part of your recovery too is just making sure that you're never in a mode where you've gone too long without food so you don't get all ravenous yep i always my backpack is always stocked with with snacks because i don't want to be hungry i don't want to be out um where you know i'm i'm stuck making a poor choice that

But again, I don't consider good foods or bad foods per se, but I look at foods as how they're going to make me feel. So if I don't have healthy snacks on me, I'm more apt to go pick up, you know, something that's convenient that might satisfy the hunger in that moment but leaves me feeling really icky. So, you know, that's why I'm always, you know, I have snacks on snacks on me. And, you know, I think it's such a good example, too, for my kids when they want to eat something. I'm like, here, I have something healthy I've got in my backpack for you guys. And, you know, it helps with that too. And again, you know, I only share, you know, snacks and products and things that, you know, I use in my day-to-day life that are part of my life so that you guys to have an opportunity

to try them too and see if they work for you. Yeah. Well, I think that that gives hope to people watching you, how to you have. having recovered from the immune disorder and moving to this place where now you're coaching and helping people and you're a recipe creator and it's good stuff y'all. Like it's not, it's really good. Trust me. And that you can always have snacks and you're always fueling your body. I feel like that could give hope for people listening that feel like they have to restrict, restrict, restrict, restrict. But, you know, you may, if you're in an unhealthy place and you,

you know that your body does maybe need to take off some weight as an adult listening, I'm cautious to say it if you're if you're a teenager listening please know that but if you're an adult listening and your body's developed and you know that you're at a place or like hey I probably need to lose some weight then you know hearing something like this is not free rein to oh I just need to feel my body all that I want maybe you could find a healthy plan that can get you to a healthy place and then you know there's hope that you can be that person that can have the snacks and the food because I feel like sometimes when people are stuck in an eating disorder phase and they feel like they can't have any of that, they may look at your page or see your snacks or maybe even look at how I eat and things that I do and be like, oh, I wish I could be that way. But this gives hope that you can.

You can have a healthy relationship with food. Yeah. And that's why you'll never see. Because I know my body really well. And I know what my trigger foods are. My trigger foods are the refined sugar. Anything that's made with corn syrup or, you know, gosh, it's not. We just had Easter.

Those Cadbury eggs used to be those were my crack. I could eat 20 of those at one time. I know that that is something that that's not a snack that I would keep in my backpack, right? I keep things that I know that are going to keep my body fueled and my brain sharp. And, you know, to your point also, you know, healthy eating doesn't have to be eating lettuce or carrot sticks or, you know, celery. Healthy eating, gosh, it can be so tasty. You just have to find the right recipes. You have to find the right, you know, again, identify what things you really like.

And then, you know, go online. There's such a great, you know, so many resources out there nowadays. I mean, I really like, I find my own inspiration from Pinterest. I look at different recipes. And I think, gosh, how could I make this recipe healthier? How could I, you know, I'm going to make this, you know, for my family tonight. You don't have to think of healthy eating as, you know, you're stuffing your backpack with carrot sticks, although that's great too if you want,

but there are other snack options now on the market that makes, you know, convenient snacking a lot healthier. Yeah. And I mean, even just like in my brain just popped into sometimes when we think back to how we used to be or snacks we have with us and maybe we have to let go of once we once looked like because you were on some crazy, you know, bodybuilder diet or something. But I don't know why it's popped in my head, but my husband and I were literally talking about how I was kind of getting rid of some stuff in my closet that wasn't serving me anymore

definitely didn't fit. And I was like, gosh, how has my body changed? I don't even understand. But I'm fueling it so differently. And I'm also working out way differently. And I'm lifting weights. And I don't have, I wasn't a mom then. My job wasn't as hectic. I didn't have near as much going on. So, I mean, yeah, I drank green juice like all day long and did yoga, hot yoga, sweaty yoga like twice a day and I walked my dog like my it wasn't I may have appeared healthy but and also too to speak to I don't know if it's on a previous episode or even today but you we feed off of people complimenting like oh my gosh you know you look so skinny and you're like oh wow okay they think it looks skinny so then it fuels it and you keep going and this wasn't even in my my eating

disorder I was this is what I would call like a healthy phase of my life but I was definitely not giving my body the nourishment and nutrients it needed, even though I thought I was because I was drinking green juice and eating spinach out of a bag, which I still do that on airplanes. So if you see me travel, but that's because I'm trying to get my greens and why not throw some lettuce in a bag and munch on it, but that's not the only thing I'm eating. It's just like that's something I'm eating maybe before I eat a real meal. So. Exactly. Yeah. So I love that you touch on some of this stuff that's similar to me and that, yeah, we have to have a healthy expectation of what our body is comfortable.

Where are we comfortable and healthy and not totally depriving ourselves? And sometimes that might mean getting rid of those pair of genes, you know? Totally. And then, you know, and then the one last, you know, thing that I'll touch on too. I know we've talked about this is it's so easy. I love social media. Social media is, you know, my business and what I do is based on sharing my recipe, sharing my life story, all of that stuff through social media.

But social media is also a tool where it's really easy to compare, you know, ourselves to other people. And you have to do an inventory of, like, you know, maybe who you follow. And ask yourself if that person is adding anything to your life or making you feel bad about yourself. I mean, for me, there were a couple fitness accounts, for example, that, you know, are maybe putting out really positive vibes and captions. But for me, for whatever reason, it didn't resonate for me. And I knew that I'm going to be happier as a person if I'm not following him or her. So I think it's important. Like, we have, you know, we blame social media in a lot of ways, but there are things that we can do to protect our social media and the information that we can see.

Zoom so that you, so that we all feel better about ourselves. So doing a little inventory and a clean out too, both on social media and I think also in real life of people that make you feel bad about yourself that aren't positive in your life for whatever reason. It doesn't have to, you don't have to have rhyme or reason for not wanting to follow somebody or it's just, you've got to surround yourself with people that make you feel good. Awesome. I love that.

Well, thank you for coming back on, Nicole. Again, she's at Kale Junkie on Instagram. And let's go ahead and keep with the theme and leave people with, I know the last few times you're on. Okay, so first time was people needed to check out the life-changing tahini chocolate chip cookies. And then the second time you're on, it was your mug brownie in a mug. What paleo mug cup? Tell me what it was called again. Paleo Brownie mug cake.

Oh, paleo brownie and mug cake. Single serving, easy, only for. four ingredients. So that was awesome. And then what are you leaving with us today that people definitely should go to kalejunkie.com and check out. I'm leaving you guys with a savory recipe because although I love my treats, gosh, and I wouldn't be a kale junkie if I didn't leave you guys with my garlicy kale niliki from Trader Joe's. Oh my gosh. It's so good. You pick up a pack of Trader Joe's Nyoki and you have to ignore the directions on the package or else you will end up with soggy milky and nobody wants that.

You got to saute it in a pan and get that crispy, crunchy outside and follow the instructions in my recipe. So it's called garlicy lemon yokey with baby kale. And it's on my website, kalejunky.com and on Instagram at kale junkie. Yep. And I have personally made it a couple times and it is fantastic, but definitely follow her Nicole's instructions. It's different than the package.

and you will not be disappointed. And Nicole, thank you so much for coming back. I mean, I know that we're going to have you back on again because I can already see, you know, my Q&A box in my email, like filling up. If you all have questions for Nicole, you may to pass along that maybe she can help address just four things with Amy Brown at gmail.com.

Thanks so much. Okay, no, thank you. All right. I'll talk to you soon. All right. Talk you later. Bye. Let's talk about salt and sodium

and why it's important to, watch how much you're consuming because you can really be holding on to some water weight strictly because of sodium. And when you cut it back, like you'll, you'll see your clothes fitting better when you start paying attention to it. So Aaron Opria, you know, the trainer that comes on from time to time to talk, she has mentioned that she really watches sodium. So I've been seeing emails and questions from other people. And so I know it's a concern. So I thought we would address salt and sodium as a thing. And pretty much we should, all be having no more than 1,500 milligrams per day. That's for most adults. Now, just to be perfectly

honest, I don't always track it and measure my salt. And especially if you're eating out, like we're exceeding that like crazy because the restaurants is where you get all kinds of hidden sodium. Like you think you're being all good or maybe you're having some sushi that's super healthy, but you're using the soy sauce. Like, I mean, boom, that in itself right there is going to bloat you the next day. At least that's the case for me. So I have been known to use my own coconut aminos when I get sushi. Like I avoid soy sauce anyways because I don't want it. But coconut aminos are amazing and they're way less in sodium, like a way, way, way.

Another thing that I use to help cut back on sodium, which the salt that I use at home is Himalayan pink sea salt, FYI. That is all we use in our house. I don't use table salt. If I'm at a restaurant, I definitely am not adding salt to already salted food that they're probably serving me. because why would I want to add more sodium? But Himalayan pink sea salt is what we use at home.

And obviously, I'm trying to limit it. I think of other ways to add flavor to my meals. And Dulce is something I've been sprinkling on to stuff. And it's a dark red edible seaweed. So I will say it kind of tastes like the sea. So just heads up on that. But it does add a salty flavor and it's way lower in sodium. And bonus, it's like really, really, really, really good.

for you and good for your liver. So just as an example of how quickly you could consume 1,500 milligrams in one day, according to Healthline, a restaurant prepared slice of pizza. I'm talking one slice averages 957 milligrams of sodium. So that leaves you with like 540-something milligrams left for the whole day. And that's just after one slice of pizza. So you can imagine how it adds up quickly. Now, granted, you're not all going out to eat and having one slice of pizza, but that's an example of when you eat out something like really, really small, maybe loaded with sodium. So another tip would be try to avoid eating out where the sodium's hidden in almost everything, like try to cook a lot at home where you can control the salt.

And some substitutes for salt that I tried to use around the house would be spices and herbs like parsley, ginger, oregano, basil, cilantro, all that stuff's going to help you cut back on sodium. And all that stuff is going to be really healthy for your body as well. it's going to offer other health benefits. Like parsley and cilantro are really good for removing toxins from your body and just helping removing heavy metals and stuff. That's just something I remember from putting cilantro and parsley in my Kimberly Snyder glowing green smoothie.

So I remember her saying that it does that. So it's a great way to also get some antioxidants. So try doing that. And then here's a tip that I found when I was researching how to kind of get that salty taste without really adding salt and cinnamon. Here's a trick. It's mostly thought of as a sweetener. I mean, obviously we put it in sweet things, but you can actually use cinnamon to reduce sodium by combining it with low sodium broth when preparing whole grains like barley, millet, or quinoa. And I guess it'll add a really nice flavor. So I'm definitely going to have to try that one out.

Something else I use to add for flavor is lemons. Lemons, Limes, obviously no brainer that those are good for you. And then you can also cook with wine if you want to. If you want to sprinkle it into a dish, it'll be something that adds some flavor, but not necessarily sodium. So I hope that this helps y'all. I know that it's hard to incorporate a lot of different health tips. But, I mean, just for your own well-being, we need to be looking out for sodium intake, not just for how our clothes fit.

Like my dad's girlfriend, she has major heart. problems and some other stuff going on and she's 83 but she like can't have any salt like none siette foods that's a chip that i love that siette chips are amazing if you can find them in a store near you but they're a great company and they have a salt free chip so she would eat those which was really amazing i think when companies are aware that some people hey can't have salt because of health reasons like they make a potato chip which is fried in avoccal oil, so that's healthier than other oils. And it's made with cassava flour. So they're gluten-free. But then they make a salt-free one. And it's actually really good. So that could be a chip

alternative for you if you wanted to. Or I love rice cakes. I mean, I really do. I know some people like, oh, that tastes like cardboard. And maybe I've just trained myself to like them. But I genuinely do. If you get some good hummus or a nut butter or something or maybe put some avocado on there with a tomato and hey a little bit of sea salt which you're allowed some it's not like you can't have any salt but maybe instead of sea salt you could sprinkle a little paprika on there or cayam pepper or something with some sprouts like that is yummy to me but rice cakes are another thing that can be sodium free where you can kind of make a little snack out of something because i'm just trying to think if if you're consuming meals throughout the day and having snacks i mean try to calculate one day

how much sodium you're having like calories and fat and And all that aside, I'm not someone that counts any of that or my macros or anything. But sodium, I think, is something that you would be shocked by if you just tracked it for a couple of days. And you'd be like, okay, whoa, I'm far exceeding that 1,500 milligrams per day, especially if you have meals where you're eating out. Or maybe check on like something that you're drinking. You never know there might be hidden sodium in drinks. Like you think, oh, I'm not really having sodium, but I'm drinking X, Y, and Z. protein powders, sometimes those can be loaded with sodium.

I will admit, like, I'm a fan of the new zest protein powder, but it's pretty high in sodium. And Aaron's actually the first person that pointed that out to me. She was, I told her I was feeling like bloated and puffing. She's like, okay, let's take a look at your sodium. And I had been having a lot of smoothies because I was super busy, but I still wanted to get nutrients and protein and calories. And she was like, oh, I think you may be.

exceeding sodium because you're having so many of these shakes and then you're also having some other meals and stuff so and you're sprinkling salt like ah salt to me sea salt the Himalayan pink sea salt honestly it's kind of good and my kids love it too I probably need to be watching their salt intake but make sure you're consuming tons of water like if you go out to eat and you know you've had a lot of salt like chug the water drink the water drink the water not like with your meal this is another Kimberly Snyder tip I'm kind of going off here because it has nothing to do with really salt but digestion. She recommends that you don't drink a bunch of water while you're eating food. Like try to drink it 30 minutes before, and she's not the only person to ever say this, but,

and then maybe 30 minutes to an hour after. So that way you're not causing this, like, you create like a lake in your stomach and then the food just goes and like sits there and your body can't digest it as good as if it wasn't. And then it's just like gross hanging out there and like all the water. So try to keep your water separate from your meals, but definitely try to make sure you're consuming a lot if you're having some extra salt that you know you wouldn't have. So I don't know if I ever went back to my point of having salt at home. Oh, Aaron was looking at my protein powder. And yeah, she told me to be to watch out for that. So I still love news. I have a couple other brands of protein powder that I like. They're all pea protein,

vegan, whatnot, except for my vital proteins, my collagen peptides are not. But yeah, like look at the back of your protein powder. It may have, there's some that I just have 90 milligram. and then others that might have 300 milligrams. Well, boom, that's a really big difference. So you can pay attention to labels and on things that you wouldn't think would have a lot of sodium. So there you go. A little chit-chat on salt and how it's hidden in things and maybe ways that you can start to lighten it up. I just was getting a lot of questions from y'all.

So thought we would address this as a thing. Okay, it's week three with Kim Anderson. So she's back. and as promised last week. But in case you're just tuning into this episode randomly and you're like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, she's been on again. What? What? Who is this Kim Anderson?

But she's a therapist and a life coach. And so far in the past two episodes, we have covered perfectionism last week. And then the week before that, the power of saying no and creating boundaries for yourself. And that it's okay to say no. And then last week since we were talking perfectionism, it seemed natural to flow into this week with the comparison. Because you brought up social media and I was like, okay, okay, let's save that for another topic of like for it to be its own. Because I feel like that's a place where we end up comparing ourselves to others. And then we also like really care a lot about what people are seeing in us.

So I know it comes in like various forms. So what would you say if someone is really struggling with comparison and they can't seem to just. just accept themselves for who they are. Yeah. It's so hard, isn't it? I mean, everywhere we turn, we are invaded by images of people, you know, having fun on great, amazing trips with people that we'd like to be with. Oh, which side note have you seen?

I forget now what it's called, but there are websites now where you can send them pictures of you, you know, at your house, but they will Photoshop you into like these exotic vacations. I have no. And you can post them on Instagram and they look real. And they're doing so well with it. They charge you like $19.99 for a package of pictures. But they're doing so well with it because people want it. And I've seen the images and they look real.

Like it looks like they are on this fabulous island vacation. Wow. Or people rent out private jets for photo shoots. I mean, because it's obviously much cheaper than taking the jet. But they will take a picture like looking out the private jet window and put on Instagram and be like hashtag, you know, blessed. Right. I mean, let's just think about where we are as a society, right, that we are needing to fake our vacations. Right. Oh, oh, that's hard. And I think, you know, before we can really jump too far into comparison, I really like to capture the topic of

self-talk. Okay. And the stories that we tell ourselves, because it's the stories that we are telling ourselves that create the behavior of, I need to fake my vacation. in the French Alps on a ski slope, even though I don't ski. You just put on your ski suit in your living room and they photoshopped you in. Yes. But the thing is, is we, like we see life as we are not as it is. We see life through the lenses that we have come through. You know, our childhood experiences, our life experiences, our personalities and temperaments, our family systems. You know, they all shape our perspective and our truth.

And when we are looking through lenses that tell us that our life is not enough, our life is not what it could be, what it should be, then it leaves us nowhere but comparing and looking to somebody else to kind of fill that hole that shouldn't be there in the first place. Yeah. Well, and so sometimes I feel as females we struggle with that when it comes to like body image or why is why won't my body look that way? And that's something we cover a lot on this podcast is health and, in a way, like health and beauty and fitness stuff.

But I also want this to be a place too where I want people to know, like, I don't want that to be an obsession, but I know that's an important topic for a lot of people. But I also want it to be a healthy one where it's like you need, this is information we're giving you to be the healthiest version of yourself, not to form you in to. an unrealistic expectation. Right. You know? And I've given myself as an example of sometimes I look at different girls.

Like I'm working out hard and I'm doing this and like I see these girls and their bodies on Instagram and I'm like, but like I literally know like my body can't look that way. Yes. Like genetically that's not my body. Right. But sometimes we have a hard time. Still like not. Then we do this unhealthy thing.

We're like, okay, well maybe I'll just cut this out of my diet for a little bit or maybe I won't. eat or I don't really need that. But then that's not healthy because you need to be fueling your body and giving yourself the things that it needs. But because of a dumb picture you saw on Instagram, suddenly you're skipping lunch. Yes. Yes. Well, and that's why the podcast that Lori Zabkin and I are doing together that we've talked about before is tying those two things together because you can't look at your body and ignore the mind and you can't look at your mind and ignore the body because our body is, our stomach is really another brain, And so when we're looking at them together, we need to identify like what is true, right?

Like you said, I'm 5-3. I would love to be taller to have a different shape, but this is how I'm made, and I'm never going to be taller than 5-3. Right, right? And so part of that comes with just this acceptance of being able to identify, again, like we talked in the last episode, why? why is it that I am unhappy with who I am? Because it goes so much deeper. We need to go back. We need to float back to earlier things that are impacting us today that showed up previous.

Does that make sense? Yeah, no. I mean, I think that we all have, whether you want to call it the roots of the issue. Yes, it's the root of the issue. And so someone might come to me and they might have an issue with their weight for one reason. And somebody else might come to me with something completely different. And you can't lump them into the same category. But at the end of the day, if we're looking to somebody else to compare to, we're always going to feel worse.

Right. And so we have to choose. We have to make daily choices to curb that self-talk. So when I'm getting dressed, I might look in the mirror and go, oh, gosh, I can't believe how this looks on me. Right. And I can take that and I can sit in it. And then I can build on me. right and so that I can go to the next step and go oopsie I knew that outfit looks better on her than it does on me right or um you know she always looks amazing and everything she wears or I can look at myself and go you know what I feel great and today's going to be a great day and I'm choosing to go a different way right so we choose the words that we put in our head and I know it's easier said than done right but I mean our thoughts are so powerful our thoughts are

everything. And if we're ignoring how we're feeling, you know, our body, like what we need to do is feel good. We need to feel strong. We need to feel powerful. We need to feel capable. And if we're feeling strong and healthy, then we can go out and make an impact on the world. But if we're sitting and we are thinking about ways that we want to be different, nobody's getting our gifts. Nobody's getting served by the gifts that we could bring into the world. Right. No, that's true because all of your energy is being spent up negative. Right. Self-talk. Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

Because it perpetuates. Right. It does. And it's amazing. I had a client share a story with me, and she gave me permission to share it as well. But she was seeing a movie with a friend, and the movie ended, and they walked out of the theater, and they were standing and they were catching up for a few minutes. and as they were standing there, another movie let out, and this crowd of people started walking by them, and she saw an acquaintance that she knew through a friend, and this person, you know, was a little bit more shy, and it's hard for her to kind of greet people, but she was about to, and got ready to say hi to this person, and the person just walked by and ignored her.

Oh, okay. Which is what she told herself. Oh. Oh. She also told herself that that person was having more fun and was with people that she wanted to be with. Okay. And so as this person walked by, what really happened is the person didn't see her. But she told herself and then turned to her friend and said, see, I knew she didn't like me. Okay. And then so that's the mindset. That's the mindset. And that's the perception. Yes, that's perception. There's no evidence that this woman doesn't like her. Right. And not only that, that's where envy begins. That's where comparison begins. That's where our mind starts to take over and tell us that it's better over there, right? The grass is greener.

Yeah. Okay, that's so interesting. So I got, quickly, I'll just share with you, I got an email from some, a mom in my neighborhood. I don't know her, but she signed it that it was from a group of moms in neighborhood. Like she put our street name like da-da-da-da-da moms. And she sent it to my work email and basically in a nutshell said that, you know, when I'm on a walk with my husband or my kids or my friends, she listed all three, that I do not need to worry about my celebrity status, that they could care less and that they know that I live on their street and they're aware. I can wave. I don't need to turn around and go the other direction. And all of these things, like accusing me of purposefully not waving and, by the way, turning around. Wow.

And so in my mind, I get the email and I'm immediately like, I'm feeling like an awful person. I'm like, have I done that? So I send it to a group of girls that I walk with and they're like, what? Yeah. Like I really had no idea. But it's interesting that you say this now because it's almost like, okay, maybe I'm having grace on the whole situation. And at the time that you and I are recording this, because this obviously isn't live, I have not replied yet. But maybe you have advice for me.

But I plan on replying because literally I threw her email, found out she didn't sign her name, but she sent her real email. So then of course I'm like, okay, I don't know who. I didn't even know there was like moms on my street. Like seriously. I mean, okay, I need to be literal here. I did know there was families on my street, but I, I'm not ignoring them.

It's, I, it's not even registering that. But although, by the way, in the email, it's, and this is how I read the email. Once I read it a couple of times, it was basically like jab, jab, jab, like you suck, you suck, you suck. Oh, our kids should hang out. You suck. Sincerely, you know, da-da-da-da-moms. Because it was like saying all the things and then basically called me rude, not polite. like, oh, that I'm concerned about my celebrity, which first of all, what I seriously know, what I know I said I seriously don't know moms on my street, but I just don't.

Like, and it's because I am working a full-time job. I have two kids that are adopted and they are only been here a year and four months that are older and there is a lot going on. I have, you know, other passion projects that I'm working on like Pimp and Joy and a Spoa. I, a lot of times am on conference calls when I'm on a walk. You may not be able to see my earbuds, but I'm in something. If I'm walking with my husband, that might be literally our first time catching up for the day. I am, rarely am I ever just on a la-la-la-la-la-na neighborhood stroll where I'm trying to stop and talk with people.

And I would love to get to know my neighbors. But I literally can't think a time in my mind where I just wasn't saying hi or someone waved at me. If someone waved at me, I did not see it. And maybe I should have been more proactive and just. waving everybody. But again, I'm engaged in so many different things. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind with my dad and back home. Sometimes when I'm on a walk, I'm on the phone with his caregiver trying to figure out. And I'm not like making excuses like, whoa is me. Like I can't believe you sent me

this email when you have no idea what's going on in my life. Because I would never send an email like that because I have no idea what's going on in someone else's life. But the story you shared made me think of this because obviously she had a perception. Yes. That I, oh, and let me get back, to my serious note. I seriously can say that I never walk around assuming anybody knows that I'm Amy from the Bobby Bone Show. I don't even consider that celebrity status. And if somebody else thinks that I do, that's comical. Because, or just like on the radio doing our thing, like, I never, I never, that's not even a concern of mine. I assume people don't know who we are and that's like more my attitude about it. I'm like, oh, if they do know the show, I'm like, you know the show,

that's awesome. Great. Great. But I would never assume. someone knows who I am. And I would never purposefully not wave to someone because of that. And I don't know this instance where she's talking about where we've turned around or I or my husband. I don't even know who I was with. But clearly she seems to think. And honestly, I was like, well, there's been times I've turned around because either did I forget something or did I decide I wanted to go a different way? Because sometimes I do. I'm going one way and I'm like, you know what? I really want to walk this side of the neighborhood. Or maybe I want to go to the grocery store. Like that's a few blocks in my house that I walk to and I think, oh, boom, I need to go that way or I want to go to

this store. Like, our neighbor, we can walk places in our neighborhood to do things. So I'm thinking, that must have been it. And her story in her head and maybe what the lie she's told herself, which I'll have grace here for that, is that I think that I'm a celebrity and I'm better than her and the other mom's on her street. And I don't, I'm not polite. lie and I don't weigh, then I'm too good. I'm too good, which is not the case. Well, it's definitely

not the case because that's not who you are, but even deeper, it's her longing to matter, right? And you can't fix her longing to matter. Well, I don't know if she, I mean, she made it clear. She was like, we've all lived. I mean, and I don't know if the other moms know that she sent this on their behalf. Right. Because she did sign it all the moms. But until I did a little research and I found Now I know exactly, I know, I mean, Google is amazing. Yeah. Like, I know what house is hurt. I know.

But before I did that, and the reason why I had to do that was because I was literally going on walks now, like freaking out every person that I passed. Is that the woman that sent me a sort of like not nice email? Right. That really hurt me. Yeah. And made me question because that is not me. I felt, I've never, I felt so misunderstood.

Yeah. And imagine if she had taken the time to speak to you. kindness about her feeling. Yes, like, hey, or like she, she made it clear. She's like, you know, we're the kind of moms we sit on the front porch, have wine, like to hang out, almost like, hey, you know, we're cool. She goes, and we're from Nashville. Like, we have celebrity friends.

Like, don't, you don't have to worry about that with us. And I'm like, well, wait, why now would I even want to be your friend? Because, or let my kids play with your kids. Yeah. Because of that kind of a note just wasn't, well, why maybe why not send a note that. it says, hey, like, seeing you in the neighborhood, maybe, honestly, I don't have, like, a lot, like, friends on my street. So that might be great. Like, it might be nice to be invited to one of the porch nights. But, like, I don't know that wine nights happening on a porch.

Like, I'm not honed in on everything people are doing on their porches. Yes. I'm just not. Like, I'm on. And maybe sometimes if people seem engaged on their porch, if they're on the porch having wine with friends, I'm not the person that's going to be like, hey, and wave. Yeah. Like, I'm going to be involved in my conversation. whatever I'm doing. And it's not to be rude. Right. It's, that's my time.

And that, and maybe that's me giving them their space and their boundary. Right. Like you're not wanting to invade and assume that they would want you there. But now having this conversation with you and seeing how I know that I've probably done what she's done before. Now have I emailed them about it? No, because that's not my personality. Right.

And I don't know again how we're going to handle this. But now, like, she's definitely, now that. I know where she lives. Like she's definitely, it's now I know. And so like now, honestly, I'm probably just not going to walk that way. But not to be, I probably should. I need to be the bigger person. But it's just awkward now because I'm like, I had no idea I was ignoring you in the

first place. And now it's going to be awkward if I walk by. And I'm like, hey, thanks for the email. Thanks for the email. It was great. Made my day. So, oh, it's like, but I know that I've probably been that person at like your client. that was at the movie theater that was going to say hi to someone and then they didn't.

And then you build a lie. And then it perpetuates. And then like you said, that leads to these unhealthy thoughts and the perception is wrong. But then the comparison sets in and all these other little things like, I don't know, me and them. And they're just our feelings run amok, right? Right. Like as a strong feeling person, a strong feeler. I'm a feeler.

Okay. Right? I feel everything. I do too. And it's important. But they're not always a compass. Right. Right. Like we can look to it. We can make note of them. But at the end of the day, it doesn't mean that it's a fact. Right. So like my client in this situation, she felt like this woman didn't like her. It didn't make it true. Right. Right. Sometimes our feelings are true. But it's important that we stop and we do filter and really assess, is it true? Like before this woman sent the email, right? Maybe she could have talked to you.

I think maybe she had had some wine. Maybe she'd had some on the porch. It was a really good wine night. Yeah, because I'm like, who sends that to somebody? But again, I'm going to have grace and just think that she, yeah, her thoughts got away from her and they perpetuated into something that wasn't true. Yes. And then it led to her having me being misunderstood.

Right. Right. Well, when we're, you know, if she could have really figured out what that was about, it would have served her because when we know what it is, we're really feeling and what it's really about, then we have power. We have power over emotions. So as somebody who can feel emotions really quickly, I know that if I act out of each emotion that I'm feeling, I'm going to be reactively acting in life, right? So I'm going to be constantly, you know, if the pendulum is swinging this way and that way and I feel this way, so I'm making decisions.

I feel that way, so I'm making decisions. At the end of the day, I'm not going to be making the best, most purposeful, intentional decisions that are moving me forward where I want to be. It doesn't mean I stuff the feelings. It doesn't mean I don't acknowledge the feelings, but I do give them space. Right. So if she had given those space, like it sounds to me very reactionary. Like, I just saw you walk by. I've had two glasses of wine and I'm going to let you know how I feel that.

Right. Like it feels very reactionary. Well, that doesn't serve anybody, right? But if she were able to sit back and give it space before firing off an email, which, I mean, how many times do we do that between text and emails? Oh, yes. Right. Yeah. I'm guilty of that.

But mostly with people that I know, not neighbors that I don't know. Yes, that you don't know. But it is easier because you're not sitting across from somebody, right? So having those hard conversations authentically face-to-face does slow that down. Yeah. Okay. All right. So sorry I kind of, when you told me that story, I was like, oh, my gosh, I've got to tell Kim about this email because maybe you would have advice.

And now it is making more sense, which I am guilty, 100% of doing that. So now my grace, I have more of it. I was having grace for her to begin with, you know, but it was sort of like a forced grace. Right. And I think now it's like, okay. Yeah. It's more genuine now. Like I've got it.

And I'm going to extend that wholeheartedly. Absolutely. And, yeah, just kind of see where it flows. But I definitely need to handle that. But so it's important to just kind of put a bow on this because we went from perception to comparison to, you know, kind of sharing the story. stories of the lies that we tell ourselves. But it all plays together. If we get carried away with comparing ourselves with others, it's still part of the, maybe even the perception we have of ourselves, which could be a lie. Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's capturing that negative self-talk.

It's knowing just because you walked by and didn't say hi doesn't mean that you're not interested in getting to know them. Just because our child comes home from school and another child was mean to them doesn't mean or let me back that up hurt their feelings right so if our child comes home from school and has hurt feelings it doesn't necessarily mean the other child is mean right our child just might have heard it wrong just because our son doesn't make the school basketball team doesn't mean that their future's over they're never going to go anywhere in life which is sometimes the things that we can get caught up in, right? And so just because we feel a certain way doesn't make it true.

Okay. Love it. Okay. So hopefully that helps with any perception and comparison issues that if you are listening right now and you struggle with that, especially with Instagram and social media and Facebook and all the things that have made it ten times worse. Totally magnified it. But, you know, you have it on an everyday level too, maybe in the workplace or in the

parenting, home life, kids, and all that. So hopefully you can just know that you can shift it with your mind and your thoughts and cut out the negative self-talk. Yeah. And sometimes we say things to ourselves that we would just never say to our child or to a friend like we do to ourselves. Yeah. We're hard. We're hard on ourselves for sure. And that we just would not put that out there for other people. So well, thank you, Kim, for coming back. She's going to be on next week where we're going to cover a purpose, kind of finding your purpose, your passion, right? Absolutely. Okay.

Can't wait. Okay. That was quite the episode of interviews. We had three. So a big thank you to Nicole, kale junkie for coming on and Kim Anderson and Eddie for sharing his foster care journey. He's a foster dad. I mean, I just still think that's so cool and I'm so proud of Eddie and his wife.

And now it's time for my email shout out. This is where I share a fun email that I've gotten at four things with Amy Brown at gmail.com, which is where y'all can submit questions or comments or cute little stories like this email from Han. H-A-N, like I think it's Han. I don't think it's Han, but here is her email. My best friend, Sidney, told me about your show a few months ago, and it has added so much value and joy to my life. Thanks for teaching me about four different things each week.

I've tried to implement some of these things into my daily life as I practice being a more well-balanced person. Since your four things have brought me so much joy, I thought I would share with you four things that I have come to know recently. First thing, it is perfectly acceptable for the four things with Amy Brown theme song written by Walker Hayes to be my favorite song. And I'm not even mad when it gets stuck in my head because it's catchy and uplifting. Second thing, creating a four things tote has become my absolute favorite gift to give. I made one for my friend Sydney and for my mom and mother-in-law for Mother's Day. Honestly, it is probably more fun to think of a person's four things and give them the tote than it is to receive one.

Third thing, face shaving rocks. Four thing, I cannot get on board with macha. It tastes like grass. But I do love to drink a cup of coffee with a splash of fat-free Fair Life milk. And if I'm feeling fancy, I will top it with almond milk whipped cream. Yum. Love Han or hand. Sorry, Han or Han. I don't know exactly how to say your name, but I just loved your email. It made me smile so much. And I love when y'all adopt the four things theme into your life and send me little notes with four things. And there was even a picture I got in the email of a person that recently graduated and decorated their cap with the theme song. So it was the four things. But she didn't have room for the four, all four. So she eliminated eat cake. So she had on her graduation cap on the top, be kind, choose joy, laugh a lot.

So, I mean, I don't know. If you had to take away one of those being kind, choosing, joy, laughing a lot, or eating cake, which one would you choose to not put on there? Because eating cake is so important. But I guess so are the other things for sure. So congratulations to all the graduates out there listening, any of you about to enter the real world, just a heads up. Like, adulting is hard.

Some days I still wonder, like, am I really an adult? like I figured by 38 I wouldn't be dealing with some of the stuff or having some of the same issues in my life or I wouldn't have it all together. I wouldn't forget, you know, I just figured at 38. I would be much more of an adult than I am. But heads up, it's all good. You're kind of going to never feel like an adult. And you have just to be okay with that.

It's fine. So there you go. Thank you for the nice email. Thank you for listening to this episode. A big thanks to Mike D and Elizabeth and the Nashville podcast. podcast network, Bobby Bones, and everybody that is joining, it's pretty cool. Like I love that my friends are on here, too, like Kelly from Velvet's Edge and Caroline Hobby with her podcast, Get Real.

And then Bobby has the Bobbycast and the Soor Losers, which Eddie's on and Lunchbox and Ray. So I don't know, kind of building like a fun little network here. And there's others too and more joining. So it's a lot of fun. Just check it all out wherever you listen to podcast. And if you haven't subscribed to this one or rated and reviewed, we're. okay if you want to do that like that would be amazing no pressure to get five stars but five stars would be cool okay thanks bye okay okay you cast up roll things little food for your soul life

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