The Bobby Bones Show - Fri Post Show (03-25-22)

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Bobby starts by talking about how he can’t believe how fast this year is going by. There was a student left at a Zoo during a school field trip. 48 year old identical twins are receiving heart transplants 6 months apart. Why experts say you should only check your email 2x times a day. Bobby talks more about the Arkansas basketball game and win last night. Bobby gets into why he thinks people are always against him. We get into a weird conversation about testicles and male birth control… Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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departing from Tampa with stops in Key West, Bimini, and Cosmell. Open booking is finally here for Topshelf Country Cruise, so go to Topshelf Country Cruise. to book your cabin. It's time for the Bobby Bones post show. Here's your host, Bobby Bones. And I guess people say this when they get older, but it just feels like this year is flying by. Like, we're almost April.

It just happened. Like, the year just happened. It's definitely fine. Is it because we're getting older? Probably. I don't know. We get to leave the house now last year. I mean, the weather is nice today. Do you guys see that?

One day, it's stupid, though. It gets cold and I'm just ready for it to be warm. I hate cold weather. It's the oldest conversation ever. No, but our kids, like, I look at them. They're old. Oh, gosh, I know. How's your health?

You know, the back's not that great, but we'll get through it. An Alabama student was left at the Nashville Zoo. Saw that. It's a filter. What did you say? Yeah, that they left without them. And I guess people at the zoo had to, like, the workers had to just keep them in the office until they came back to pick them up. That's crazy.

An elementary student on a filter from Alabama was left. behind at the Nashville Zoo. Nashville Zoo spokesperson Jim Bartu, so the child was at the zoo on Monday. The filter from Athens, Alabama. The student became separated from the group, found a zoo employee at the restaurant, and said, hey, I think they left me.

Then they started their lost child protocol. Security was called. They took care of the kid to the parents showed up. See, the parents had to drive up from Athens, Alabama? Yeah. So somebody's in trouble. The chaperones, or whoever's in charge of that. And you could go, well, the kid ran off.

I don't know if he did or not. But isn't it up to someone to do a head count and a list check to make sure everybody's face and they're all here? Absolutely. How old was the kid, Eddie? I don't know. I don't either. I think they kept that. Elementary school, I think I read, but I don't know exactly how old.

It's from WKRN. That would be a nightmare if you're the mom. You get a call. Hey, your kids at the zoo. Yeah, I know. We sent him up there. We signed a permission slip, remember? Yeah, but no, yeah, we get him 10 bucks for lunch, so he's able to eat.

No, no, no. Man, they forgot them. What? It's still there. And we need you to drive up, leave your job, and go pick them up. Yeah. In Nashville.

Like, at least throw us some tickets to the opera or something. Right. I just to drive up. So saw that. These identical twin brothers each are receiving heart transplants. And it says it is quite unique. Boy, that is so genetic, huh? If both of them have this situation.

identical twins Donald and Ronald I love it yeah have been through just about everything together including life-saving heart transplants the 48-year-old twins from the St. Louis area were diagnosed some long heart word Donald in 2011

Ronald in 2014 and so they both got their transplants but they were six months apart but they both needed them and got them same thing like that is genetics right I mean, pinpoint. I wonder what their dad had. Yeah.

Or their grandfather. It can skip a generation, obviously. You know, with us, and at some point, we're going to have a family, but Caitlin has twins everywhere in her family. Both sides, everywhere, all over, and it skipped right above her. So, not probable. I don't think it's ever probable that you're going to have twins, but it's definitely a possibility, more so than just luck of the draw. Like, it is in her family.

Well, and that's what you want. Well, that's what I want if we can stop after. Like... What if it's triplets? Great, whatever. Whatever. Yeah, I don't think so. Hey, all the same, right?

Eh. What you do is you train two of them to take care of the other one. But when they're all the same age. Yeah, but you train two of the... Still, you find the two smartest ones. I mean, like, hey, we're gonna... I have a lot of theories. You observe them and see which ones as the smartest ones are?

I have a lot of theories. A lot of theories about this. I can't wait to try them out. Experts said to check your needs. email no more than two times a day. Experts probably don't have a good job or don't have the pressure of having to keep up with crap. Who these experts are? I probably do that though. They're saying batching. That's what it is. It's time batching. Like you batch your time of like. Yeah, I get it. But I have to be on my email more than twice a day. Yeah. Most people do. Especially if you have a job where you have to pivot midday or pivot,

hey, we need this done in the next hour. Or Scoob is like, any way you can hop over to your studio in your house and record this. But they say if you're checking your email more than two times a day you are eliminating productivity and efficiency. I mean, I guess if you live in your email and you're just dicking around with your friends, saying forwards. That's not even a thing anymore. My dad's not even a thing anymore. My dad still does that.

He still sends forwards. Here's a forward. Funniest Michael Jackson jokes. You're like top ten. All right. They found that people who opened their email longer ways, yes, yes. But if you're using your email like you should, just to check, I don't stay in mine, but I will look and see, okay, I'm.

know who this is from. I'm already the first little line of the email. And I won't get to all of them, but I'm always checking it to see. I look at my hand. I still have notes written on it. I've shower twice. That's from a couple of days ago. Two nights ago at the Opry, when I was doing some new jokes, I wrote them all down on my hand. This is what happened. Not the whole joke, but I wrote down what I title each joke so I can remember them. And then I got out there. My mouth was so dry, which it is again this morning. And then I thought to myself, I don't remember my order of jokes. And I forgot I'd written it on my hand. So I wrote it on my hand to not forget the jokes, but then I'd forgotten it had written it on my hand.

I don't know what else I can do. At one point, did you remember it was on your hand? When I finished the set and walked back into the Opry dressing room, I was like, oh my God, it's on my hand. The whole set? Yeah, and then I looked at the jokes and I looked at, I have video the whole performance, because if I can't like to video it, especially new jokes to find little ways I can make them funnier. And I pretty much was right on. Oh, good.

Missed a cup out of order, didn't get to one, but it did pretty good. I forgot it was even written on my hand. So, but it's still there. Last night, there was a basketball game. There were a bunch of basketball games. There were three, actually. A crazy night for upsets in general. I'll talk about my game in a second,

but Arizona lost. They were number one seed, which is crazy. I guess the other one wasn't so much of an upset. But for a while, Duke was an underdog in that game. But Duke beat Texas Tech, and then we beat Gonzaga, which was the biggest upset, because Gonzaga was the number one team overall,

and nobody expected us to win. And we had a crazy point spread. And so I bet it many times. But like Eddie was like, oh, you got this. Midway to the first half. Stop texting me that. I don't need to. I was very careful on like when to text because all I wanted to do was be the first person to congratulate him.

Because I knew, I mean, it was getting so close. And I had the text ready. And I'm like, okay. You just don't want to do it though. I know. But I ask myself like, when is that moment when it's sure? Because I know that if I. I text prematurely and they lose.

He's going to blame it all on me. He's always find a way to blame Caitlin for losses. It's just amazing. I can always find a way last night. We're sitting there. She didn't watch most of the game because I am pacing back and forth the whole time. I'm rubbing my hands. During commercial breaks, I'm signing these book cards for my kids' book because I have like

20,000 of them to sign. So I'm always trying to find places to sign them. I'm just on on. So much energy. Nervous energy. I can't just, it can't escape my body fast enough. And so she walks in. She's like, oh, wow.

There was like 14 seconds left in the game. I think we're at 5 or something like that. And she's like, you guys got this. Unless they make some crazy three-pointer, dude comes down with two guys on them. Makes like a falling back. Unbelievable. She goes, oh.

Like that. That's what I was talking about. I said, I said, see? And she goes, I did not just lose this game. I had no effect on this. Oh, so luckily. That was a crazy shot that one. It was crazy.

He was falling. Two guys on them is the whole thing. Crazy. There are a few times in my life where I've gotten so many text messages when I announced our engagement. It's like so many text messages you can't scroll and get back to everybody. Wanting Dancing with the Stars. It was crazy.

Last night, one of the top ones. Because everybody just knows how important it is to me just in general. And it was such a surprise to people. We made it at the same spot last year, but we didn't beat a number one team to get there. And so this is... Durek doesn't text, so he just sends videos of him doing things. Here's Dirk Spentley texting me after the game last night How about them hog?

He snorts like a hog What is the proper call? I mean we do We do a call but not there It's a whole long thing like Woo pig suey Yeah But no you don't go Woo Pig Sui

You can go Wu Pig Or you can go how about them hogs We don't Mostly we don't No we never sense You don't do that What Dirk's did Yeah no

Most time you'll see somebody It's like I gotta raise it back on the shows Maybe you'll go like Woo Pig. People from Oklahoma go boomer sooner. They do it to Caitlin all the time. They'll just go boomer and she'll go sooner and they'll just keep walking. It's weird.

It is unless you're in it. No, I get it. I'm saying observing it from the outside. Yeah, like a longhorn would be like hookum. No, they say Texas fight. I think hookum is... Eddie, I grew up in Austin. No, I know, but...

But I think if you see someone out, you say hook on more than say Texas fight. Man, I'll never forget I went to... I actually have never had to be like a Texas fight. But also at Texas A&M, like people might... be like a giggle them and you're like whoop. Okay, but my point on the Texas fight is if you're walking to the mall and someone goes Texas, you'd be like, yeah, that's where I'm from. It doesn't screen Texas, yeah.

I just went to that game, what's it called the Red River Shootout or whatever rivalry. Yeah, I went to that and the entire time all you hear is boomer, sooner, Texas, fight! Like the whole time, so that's kind of where. That's the stadium chain. With cheers.

That's like, ooh, that's that. But I would say hook them. Walk around, say hook them? Yeah. What about? A&M. Gigum?

Yes. Giggum and then whoop. Yeah. Both. The parts go gigum, gigum, right? Eh, eh. Huh? Gigum?

Like they say gigum, gigum, gigum. You might, or you might just be like, yeah, whoop. Whoop and gigam to me. Again, I was a 2% or in Texas A&M, but, I mean, shoot, even a howdy might count. Everyone says howdy on campus when you're there. Yeah, but I think if you're older, again, I just think walking around the mall. I know. Somebody goes, howdy, you go howdy.

I know. was the mall scenario. I know. But if you're wearing something A&M and someone says, whoop. Yeah. You'd be like gig them. Yeah.

Or you'd just the thumbs up. So I didn't fall asleep to like one last night. Because I was just. Yeah. And then I got it. I was on Twitter. Same thing with Eddie texting me. What were you doing on Twitter, man?

Well, you won. It's safe to be there. I saw a sucket in there somewhere. Yeah, it happened. Yeah, it happened. It happened. It happened a lot, actually. I was.

Telling people to suck it. I was just tweeting during the game, and I wasn't out of control, but I like to make a couple comments. It's like four or five tweets the whole game. And then at the end, I was just tired of people constantly dragging us for one reason or the other. All the national media, even the CBS announcers, you got to admit CBS announcers. Oh, I saw it. I saw it.

Even replays, showing replays of stuff like, why are you even showing that? So I wrote, in the heat of the moment, Gonzaga, soft like baby poop. suck at national media, suck at CBS announcers. Arkansas versus everybody in the whole world. Then I put a picture of my bracket up, which is still perfect. There's not one single miss on this bracket.

You're an idiot. There's not one single miss on this bracket. I know, technically. Why technically? Because he only filled out Arkansas. I fell out Arkansas all by the championships. He left all of them blank, except Arkansas. Oh, that's how you have a perfect bracket?

I was so confused. I was like, wow, he's going to be. The only one in the world. I haven't missed a single. game. I just did Arkansas all the way through. Okay. And so... Technicalities.

Somebody named Keith Ramsey tweets me and says... Keith. Wait. Good old Keith. Oh, Mr. Ramsey. There we go. You won a game tonight, but you lost a loyal listener

to your morning show. I've already changed the channel for the morning. I mean, that would be you though. I hope you're happy with all the people you ticked off. And no, I'm not a Gonzaga fan. What did you do? No idea. I wrote LOL and put a hog picture. Nice. I get to be me.

me on Twitter. I don't give a crap. I just get to be unapologetically me and not, I don't come on the radio show and just talk about Arkansas sports all the time because this is the show, that's not that's not what people come here for. On this, we do whatever we want. The post show, who gives a crap? We'll do betting odds for an hour, which we have before. Yes. Lowest rated one ever, but you know what? We had fun doing it. But I wrote last night late. Hey, I was a little out of control earlier. How long after? Hours. Okay. I said, hey, I was a little out of control earlier, but I don't apologize. but I will refrain from hyper-emotional tweets from here out. Can't wait to play Sunday, Wu Pig. And that was it. I don't understand you guys against the whole world, though.

Like, who is the whole world against you guys? Always. Always. And me. They're not, that's what Kailin says to me. They're not. She's like, the whole world's not against you, man. You're really or not?

No, they are. You don't even know the whole world. I've been in it. I've lived in this world. The whole world's against me. You just feel that way. I was like, it's me against the world. She's like, man, it's not.

They're actually, you know. A lot of support. A lot of support out there. Then she'll start listing them one by one. And I'm like, except for them, asterisk. She's like, no, it's not. And she's, you know, the first time I ever got to play the Grand Ole Opry, Sally Williams was running the Opry.

And still close to Sally. To this day, she works in a different part of the industry now. But no one up until Sally would let me be on the Opry stage. And so many times, a lot of people were like, he can't do it. It felt like everybody was holding me back. And I was telling Caitlin's story. And she was like, is that true? And I was like, yeah, you wouldn't believe it, everybody.

Everybody was like, don't let him. He doesn't deserve to be on the opera stage. We talked to Sally. And she was like, no, I just thought it'd be good. So we put him on. No one was against you. She was like, it just really hadn't come up to me. I thought it'd be, yeah, he's pretty funny.

You hadn't built all that in your head. And she was like, see what you do? And I was like, no, I had to walk up uphill both ways to get to the opera. Yeah. And I think I just do it naturally. I think you have a natural lifelong chip on my shoulder. It was set there through some trauma early on and I just will not release it.

Well, we got your back, man. Thank you, because the whole world's against me. Honestly, my whole house was cheering for the Arkansas Razorbacks. I mean, it was crazy. You have us now with you. Thank you. You're my asterisk. All right.

So when will you release it, though? Never. I've released some of it. I'm definitely way healthier with it, but I do feel like I'm constantly, at the center of either attack or the center of people's plans to attack.

Yeah. I just feel like you're aware of it now, so you can welcome it and acknowledge it and then release it. Yeah, let's go. I don't even let that motivate me as the most thing anymore. What motivates me now is

to prove people right that believed in me, more so than prove people wrong that don't. And that turned for me when I got the million dollar fine at the FCC. I was like, I was just embarrassed.

Find a million bucks. and I was like, ah, man, there are people that invest in a lot of time and money and, uh, radio real estate in me, put me all these places and here I go and you can find a million dollars. And so once that happened and we got through it, I was like, you know what, I'm kind of, I don't, I just need to prove the people right now that took big chances on me. So, although I still like to see the people that, and even today there's still those, there are a lot of haters. I like to see them suffer.

But mostly I like to see the people that believed feel good about it. And then I like to believe in others in the same way. But I still like to see them suffer. I do. And some days are better than others. And some days I'm holding like a seven-year grudge against one person. And then I got a new grudge. I'm not telling you.

And I got a new... Seven years? Oh, I was really done wrong. And I got a new grudge against... Not a grudge. I'm talking about. A full scale, 100% drip drop, slow drip. I think you know where I'm going with this.

You know, my favorite is the slow drip. Well, seven years seems pretty slow. Slow drip. Revenge? Like, you're slowly getting back. But there's a new one. Oh, there's a new one. And it's going to slow drip.

They'll have no idea it's happening. For how many years do you think? It was done so dirty. How many years? I don't know. And most of them I get over, but when you go real dirty, I'm going to drop you forever. We've got real dirty. Oh, you know.

Do you know, Amy? You mean the current one or the seven-year-one? The seven-year-one, you can probably be able to. The current one, you know. I don't even know either one. Yes, you do. Look at my eyes. You do, but I feel like the seven-year ones I'm stumped on.

But all of it. You just, yeah. I'm healthy. I'm good. I only have two. I used to have like 90. You know, we still have to take a class for your million dollar fine every year. I get text from all my friends in the radio going, hey, we're taking the Bobby Test.

I have to take the Bobby Test. I have to take a test. Time for the Bobby Test again. I have to take a test that I made everybody take. And I'm like, and then I fail it. You get all the answers wrong. Scientists have printed 3D human testicle cells that actually work in human testicles. What does that mean?

Like testicular cells? Well, if you have testicles, what do they have? Spirm? Exactly, cells. Researchers have prevented 3D printed human testicular cells that might be able to produce sperm. Like, that's the whole point of them. Like, you lose them or accident or... Lance Armstrong?

Yeah, you had to lose one. Cancer. One pellote. Pelota. So, infertility in general. I mean, really, it's infertility in general for different things, but they think that they can help with this. by producing these cells.

That's from the Journal Star, if you care about that. Probably add on, too, if you want. Have four? I don't think they make new nuts. It's testicular cells. You think they're doing balls, adding extra balls? That'd be crazy.

Stop. You're doing the circus. That's a lot. Sometimes, though, I can't find one of them. Stop. I don't. Wait, what are you talking about? You can't find one.

What? Okay. Headstone top. You can't find one. Where is it? Well, like, ninjas can like stick... I don't want to talk about this. I'm talking about ninjas.

Ninjas can hide their vulnerability because they get into a fight. They don't want to get punched in the nuts. Yeah. Because that will knock them down. So they can take their genitals and put it in their stomach, push it up in their stomach.

Cool. Really? Cool. I've never tried that. I probably won't. Try that. Stop. I've signed us all up for ninja class next week.

As our group bonding, the name you wanted. Uh. What? It's the post show. We go places that no man. has ever gone before. I know, but I stopped to sit here in between it. Between you two, talking about your...

Well, you can talk about your period. We were, yes, true. And we can do that. Yeah, we were literally talking about testicular cells. Yeah. And then I said something... And then you said, sometimes I can't find one. That was weird, bones.

But it's okay, though. Not all the time. That was a little weird. Absolutely. Okay. But it's okay. I mean... I haven't a lot of guys.

Mitchelton Penny is on the Bobbycast this week. It was really great. Came over for an hour yesterday. We tried to find a time, and it kept getting bumped, and he had to go fly down to have dinner. He had to go fly to have dinner, and then fly right back with somebody in Dallas, like a radio person.

Oh, wow. And so we talked about that, and he's engaged to an artist, and you would know him from this song here that's drunk me. Go ahead. And then we talked about his ACM performance, and he got the flu right before it.

had to get like all shot up to go on stage. Here you go. I was trying to impress Chris Young when we wrote it. And so I sung it way too high. And then so now it's a challenge. And I had the flu at the ACMs. I go,

I had the flu. And so I had to get a steroid shot. I had to get a... I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to hit the note. The adrenaline kicked in. It was fun. You know, it's my first ACM performance ever. And so we just kind of, like you do,

you turn it on, you figure it out, and then you kind of black out and then it's over. But I was so nervous all day, man, to be honest with you ever really was. A lot of fun. Mitchell 10 penny is on the bobby cast today if it's not up right now to go up as soon as we're

done here because Mike has to push a button it is up now he just pushed the button oh wow you heard it right there there it is so male birth control is it like a pill you take well so yes it is actually a pill the male birth control pill for men is expected to start

human trials this year so right now I don't think any of us would try it because at the stages of our life that we are yeah he's got kids but they probably Eventually, I'm going to have kids. Well, my question is, at any point in your life, would you have tried this? Hey, we have a trial for the dude birth control pill.

Would you do it? Eddie, at any point in your life, would you have tried this? I mean, I wouldn't be the first one to try it, but if it was... Human trials, Eddie. I'm not big on trials of anything. So I'd say no. I'm good. I'll do it the old conservative way.

So you're telling me you won't do a free trial from Netflix or Hulu and get that too. Very different. I'm talking about this one. The first male birth control pill. Would you do it? I probably, yes, but I don't think I... I wouldn't be against the trial part of it. I wouldn't be against the pill. I think, oh, that's great.

But I wouldn't need it. Girls didn't want to touch me. No, no, I get it. But what if the trial ended in the result? I'm not going to take a pill just so I can bang. No, no, no, no. The trial is, oh, it failed, Bobby. Now you have a kid.

Sorry. Like it was a test You're the test You're the test And it didn't work If I'm the placebo So now you have a little Bobby Okay but what's your question

Would you still do that That's the risk Okay but women have to take birth control all the time You probably fine with that The first person No no you're making up a scenario They're not placeboing people Not not placeboing

I'm saying placebo I'm saying it It doesn't work on you You try it It doesn't work You have baby Bobby They're trying to get the concoction Just right

And yours well Well we failed You got the concoct Now you have a kid. But I wouldn't have because I wasn't. Okay, but hypothetically speaking. Yeah, you would be like, well, I kind of want my kid. And also, every time a woman takes a different birth control, it's trial and arrow because

everybody's body is so different. That's very true. Like, the first time I got on it, I was like 26. It was documented live on the air because I had never taken it before and it was like right after I got married and I was a crazy person. It's pretty tough. It was tough. I was not.

And other people that took it the same kind. They were fine. I took that kind and I was crazy, so I stopped taking it. Weird. Everybody's body's different. Exactly. It's tough. But women have to trial and air it all the time.

So you're saying we should do it? No, no, no, not trailing it. You didn't have to do a trial of the original birth control. But I mean, I feel like it is. But, okay, you can feel like it, but it wasn't. I know. I understand your point. No, no.

Yes. But different ones that already work and don't. And then I was like, forget this. They've been proven to work with other humans. This hasn't been proven anything. Amy's was already approved. Yes. Yeah, except for, I don't know.

Who knows? No, no, we do. We know. They weren't giving you. 2030. He's like, I don't know. Who knows? Yes, we know.

You got it from your doctor. Who knows the hormones and all these years from now what might be causing. Yeah, it's true. Let me ask you a question. What is? I saw you talking about bad vegan. Is that a restaurant? So it's a documentary on Netflix about a woman that had a vegan restaurant in New

York City. And she ended up, like, so she had, she was, I think, like, featured in, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow's magazine, like different things, like a lot of, yeah, goop. All, like, famous people started to gravitate to the restaurant because it was like the best place to get vegan food in New York. And like Alec Baldwin frequented there. She kind of struck up a relationship with him, but then it's actually he met his current wife at her restaurant. Then they got married. But because she had

befriended Alec Baldwin and she followed him on Twitter, she kind of noticed this other guy that would tweet Alec a lot and she thought they were friends and then they all started tweeting and then she started dating him and he ended up brainwashing her and

I'm a little... I'm very lost. Yeah. Well, don't be. Okay. I'm found. I'm found. I'm just saying if poor Alec Baldwin, like he probably doesn't even want to be a part of this narrative because he did nothing wrong, but he's in this documentary or mentioned in it. And it's kind of like if you think about it,

if Alec Baldwin had never eaten at that restaurant, she would have never met this guy and then her life would have been ruined. She went to jail. Like she ended up because of the brainwashing, if you believe her, she like got money from people and he took money from her

and other people close in her life. And then she ended up... Will you say that thing again for me? Which part? Were you told me to get caught up again because I'm lost to me. Okay. Say, don't be lost. Don't be lost.

Oh, brainwashing. There you go. Yeah. Audience scoring rotten tomatoes is 26%. That's it! Oh, wow. I'm not saying invest your time in it. I just felt bad for Alec Baldwin.

Well, this is the third scammer show out now. Like, I think people might be over the whole scam story. Oh, I think they're right into it right now. You think it'll burn soon. Listen, honestly, me repeating it. It's probably a little hard for me to say work for where to happen. Gaffigan joke this morning. Good one, huh?

You can't tell it. After you heard it though, was it better? When I, we play, yes, when we, Morgan, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, Amy, do you want to finish on this? I'm just going to say, I didn't watch the whole thing. Oh my God, we just did that and you, okay.

But I watched enough. We feel like we just watched the whole thing. You did. And I give that a 26% on that story. I read about the story. I read about it. Morgan. Yes.

Okay, cool. Eddie was trying to tell you the joke as well, the Jim Gaffigan joke. Yeah, he was sitting in there trying to recap it. I was like, Eddie, this joke isn't funny at all. And then we played the actual like Jim Gaffigan joke. I was like, oh, that's hilarious. And Eddie didn't even tell it remotely correct. Because he sounds funny.

Like, he just talks and he sounds funny. But you can do impressions, so why not? I didn't want to do it like him. It was just the premise of the joke. Because I feel like, and Lunchbox was with me too. We feel that humor because I think our wives do the exact same thing. Like you're going to the bathroom again? Where are you going?

The bathroom? What? Why? Like that's funny. And that's all I was saying. I wasn't trying to retell the joke the way Jim did. My wife is a bit different because I have such stomach issues. She gives me, she cheers for me.

It's like a pep rally when I go to the bathroom. It's like, all right, babe. It's a win. It's a win. It's like, all right, you're going to do good. You're going to go in there. You're going to give it your all. And you're going to come out.

And I'm fired up. I'll run through a wall. It's like, coach, give me the pep talk for I'm going into the game. She's like, you got this. Now you go into that bathroom and you do what you do and I'll see you in about an hour. I'm like, all right. Is your phone charged?

She's checking on me too? Okay, you got your phone charged. Yeah, yeah, I do. Okay, good. There's toilet paper? Yeah, okay, good. All right, so what's the goal? Poop.

Okay, you can do this. You got this. Quite the opposite. So a little different. Yeah, a little different. But that's just because, you know what, I have to eat now, not half, recommended to eat now

because she's strategic about where she'll put them in front of me prunes. Oh. Because she knows I'm 11. 11 years old. Yeah. And I'm 11 and I'll just eat nothing to fix what's wrong with me. And so she'll be like, hey, I think you should have, maybe have a couple of these if you're hungry.

I'm like, I don't feel like snacking, but I do. I'm starving. I just don't want to eat a prune. And so I eat a couple of prunes. And the truth is, I actually kind of like them. But I don't want to admit that now because I was so anti-pruned. So you're not going to tell her that? So I'm like, oh, I'll eat another couple of prunes.

And then I eat them. and inside I'm like but on the outside I'm like oh yeah and she's like thank you for eating why is everything a game

why can't you just be like okay I'm starting to like these who would do that I don't know that'd be boring I don't know and that means she's right again she's all right

do you like plums oh yeah well that's what a prune is right a dried plum I love a plum but plums are seasonal at times you can't get great fresh ones

and they're all Also not in a bag that you just buy at the grocery store and keep for a long time. Yeah. Yeah, they go bad pretty quick. But I do love plums. But if you're going as far as the ranking of fruits, like the one I like the most is a peach. Oh, not banana?

No, banana's solid. It's always there for you. It's like the most solid. Yeah, it's always there for you. But they can get a little long. Yeah, double thumbs up on banana as always being an option that you like. But a good soft peach. there is no fruit like it.

Better than a strawberry? Oh yeah. Nothing hits like a soft peach to me. Strawberry is like the best. Yeah, I guess. I like strawberry flavored stuff. I just like red flavored stuff. Like cherry, like strawberry.

But when it comes to eating a fruit, and a hard peach sucks. It's got to be perfectly soft. Yeah, sometimes I'll beat it on the... Too soft in it. But that's not the same. No, that bruises it. Yeah, that's same.

But I do like a good soft peach. And sometimes I'll pull over one of these roadside peach stands. They're like fresh peaches from Georgia. And I'll stop, and there's the same garbage at the grocery store. You lied. These aren't from Georgia.

And so... I know a peach truck you need to go to. Everybody's got a peach truck. Everybody's got a guy. It's right around the corner. He's not my guy. I don't like eating peaches on corners. I like eating peaches in cul-de-sacs. Oh. If I'm going to pick a... Don't know any of those.

Well, I like a nice pear. I hate pairs. Pairs are... Maybe the worst. Might be the worst. Maybe the worst. No, no. Canalope is the worst. You know, I'm growing into canaloup. Oh, I like canalope. Didn't for a long time. Didn't like grape fruits. Honeydew.

grapefruit ugh it's so bitter don't sleep that's right I hated it don't sleep on a grapefruit

though I love grapefruit juice now I don't know why there's a change in my

taste buds and even a great fruit I can do is pretty good but I would go peaches and apples

are below bananas and I can eat an apple most of the time but that's like a cracker

like an old saltine it's just a cracker it's good it's always solid it's there

but I go peaches if someone will peel the orange for me, an orange. Somebody has to do it for you? If they do, I put it up there. If they do, I put it up there. If I have to, if I cut it myself and out of the side, it falls down a couple spots.

Yeah, that's not a way to eat it. And I don't like to peel it myself, so I just won't eat it. Did you ever try to put a straw on it like they do in those commercials? No, but a coconut. It doesn't work. Coconut, fresh coconut water. Yeah. Was down in Costa Rica and they're everywhere.

They have them here too. Yeah, but down there, they pick them right from the trees. Yeah, I know. Doesn't that make you poop? Not me. You know what does? Prunes. Okay.

Peaches. An orange that's peeled for me. Why is that so funny? You guys. I don't want to peel an orange. Because why does somebody else have to peel your fruit? It's not second thing. I would put an unpealed orange at like sixth.

But why can't you just peel it? I can't, but I won't because I don't have any fingernails. Look. You can use a knife. And it's not worth the time for me. The joy I get from the orange isn't worth the time that I've spent peeling it. especially because I know there's always that little orange stuff still sticky on the outside of it. And then I end up trying to get off my teeth like, and then the taste is in my mouth,

and it can't even enjoy the orange because I'm eating the orange peel. How old do you turn next week? I mean, next weekend. Time, age, only a number. Doesn't matter? But how old do you turn? 42? If I wasn't this old, I wouldn't have these poignant beliefs on fruit.

Peeled orange number two. All right. Pilled for me. I feel like you're forgetting grapes before you do your list. I'm only to two. But which color are grapes? Oh, only, only. Only what, green?

Hold on. I just want to get to my list, guys. Peaches. Appealed, orange. Appealed by somebody else. Watermelon. Now. Somebody have to cut it for you?

No, but I hate seeds. Seedless. Oh, now we're talking. We're getting to where. Yes. Isn't that weird that, like, that's science, right? Like, somehow they scientifically made, they bred watermelon so there aren't seeds. That's crazy.

That's not the way they're supposed to be. Did you all the animals, too? Did you do that a watermelon would grow in your tummy? When you were a kid? Did you think a watermelon would grow in your stomach? No. If you ate a seed? Yeah, I don't think I was ever.

Oh. You're smarter than that. Amy's like, well, I went to A&M on that premise. How could you think that if you never knew anyone that had a watermelon tree? I was a kid. I can see where people would think that. I did. I used to think it took seven years to pass gum.

Oh, yeah. Watermelon at three. even seeds in a watermelon although I hate seeds so much but I love a watermelon smoothie for sure those pre-cut watermelon because cutting a watermelon may be the biggest pain in the butt

ever. I won't cut it. The same person that pills my orange cuts my watermelon. Oh really? Good. That's like fresh pineapple cut. Yes, same thing. Yeah, pretty good. Three is watermelon. Okay, so I got peaches. Don't forget strawberries. I haven't forgot a single fruit. Just saying there are a lot of fruit out there. You may not be

thinking of all of them. There's not one single fruit I've forgotten right now. Kiwis? Oh, I forgot that one. Cherries? You did. Fresh cherries. Cherries is the word. I like cherry. Again, cherry Coke, the best. I like cherries. Cherry, uh, icy, the best. A real cherry?

Get it out of here. Oh, I love a real cherry. Nice. I like cherries. Yeah. I'm probably going to go at number four, a banana. That's where it's where it falls in for me. When I weigh it all out, five, probably a grape. Now, does someone have to peel the banana? No, I'll do that. I'm like, I'm not crazy.

Do you peel the banana from the stem or from the, The butt side. No, always the top. But the monkeys do it from the... I don't murder people in their sleep. So I'm a psycho killer. It's not psycho. It's actually the easier way to peel it.

You saw a monkey in a news story about it. You don't peel it that way. Somebody told me to do it that way and now I do it that way. It is easier. When I remember... Sometimes I eat the peel in all. You don't. Okay.

I used to put the peel in my smoothies because someone said there was nutrients in it and it was all blended up so you couldn't tell. I got a peach, a peeled orange, watermelon cut by somebody else, a banana. grapes at five. Never get blueberries. Doesn't matter the color.

The thing about blueberries is I like them as a flavor, but just as a fruit itself, not for me. I've been very disappointed in the taste of blueberries lately, though. Really? Yeah, or maybe my grocery store hasn't had a good harvest. You should change grocery store, yeah. Because I buy a whole box and then they taste. I got a guy down the corner. I buy you a peach guy.

All right. Okay. Wait, what's your four? Banana? Grapes. No, banana four, grape five. Probably a good strawberry. Finally.

It's six. And then I do grab bag at seven. Whatever. Yeah, just like whatever. A little medley? Different mood. I don't really like a fruit medley though because there's always a fruit. Even if I like all the fruits in the fruit medley,

there are a couple fruits that dominate the medley that I like more and I aim for them and go for them. And then I'm upset at the ones that are left. Even though I still kind of like them, I just wanted more of the ones I really loved. So fruit medleys, throw me off a little. It never fails. I always end up with melons on the bottom. And I'm like, I'm good, I'm done. I like cantaloupe, though.

That'd probably be at six or seven. What's the green one? Is that a honeydew? That's honeydew. Also great. They're in the same class to me, some category. Honeydew and cantalect me are the same fruit. Just different spray paint.

Mike's over it. They taste different, though. I know. I'm... What? I'm like... You're over it? We're broken down fruit.

Nobody likes a pear, so I'm very... Oh, yeah. Pairs kind of like, whatever. Yeah, pears after my own butt. I like my own butt And then a pair I love a good pair And that hurts to do

Like I really got to stretch for a couple days That's how much I do not want to eat a pear Yeah Good? I think that's it Good You didn't want to go down the list of jams I get my peaches and jellies

Do you know what I have at the house? I have a peach salsa That's good Oh yeah And I don't know the kind it is Somebody gifted to us but it's like a guy in camouflage his face,

like he's just hunting. Yes. And it's a peach, it's a peach sauce. Wait, wait, are you sure it's not Newman? Because I think Newman has that too. It's a guy.

And he has a mango. It looks like... Maybe it's the mango one I'm thinking of it. We have mango too. It's good stuff. It looks like Arkansas Keith on the jar. It literally does. Like someone made it down to the corner

next time my fertilizer guy and Amy's Peach guy. And I don't know how we got it. It was a gift from somebody. But it is a peach salsa. And I love peaches. We have mango salsa too. That's cool.

They're both really good. funny you would never think that would go together but it tastes so good Mike do you know what that is I don't I'm looking it up too. I've had a similar one let me ask Caitlin I swear I've seen the guy that looks like Arkansas Keith like I know exactly what you're talking about. She'll probably know hello hey what's the kind of salsa that we have that it it looks like Arkansas Keith's in the front of it and it's a peach and it's a good morning we're talking about salsa all right thank you we'll see if she gets that she does I've turned all the alerts on my phone off So now I still look at my phone enough to see them for the most part,

but she has no alerts and doesn't look at her phone. So she may get that Monday. Yeah, so your sounds all off, but you still get notifications, right? Yeah, so, like, I just got a text. So if the text comes through, it'll show up. Got it. That's not from her. I've been ever, I've been not on my phone as much this week.

And I know it's probably frustrating for some, because if you don't. Trying to get a hold of you? him right away. But also at the same time, it feels nice. It's like who is it that doesn't... Oh, Ed Shearin doesn't have a phone. Yeah, but I always feel like somebody right next to him

has a phone. Correct. Yeah. That's probably accurate. But still, the fact that you don't have a phone on you, it's got to be a great feeling. I know, but I mean, I still need to get... And honestly, we have the... If someone in my family needs something, there's the Alexa, they can drop in, or they can text my daughter or my son.

Like there's ways. So they can show up at the house. Morgan, do you eat a lot of fruit because you're a vegan? She's a vegetarian. But yes, I do eat a lot of fruit. watermelon. What's your top three? Let's hear Morgan's.

Your top three fruits, please. I would say green apples. Oh, at number one? Granny Smith, legit. I love them. I eat them with peanut butter a lot. But just to apple, it's, you can't put peat. Nope, nope, take it back.

This is fruit alone. It would still be. Okay. Because I'll be like, you know what, I like a great, but I like a hidden-in cheesecake. And I don't feel like that is the same thing. Fair? Okay. All right.

Go ahead. It'd still be at number one. Then watermelon. Mm-hmm. And then is avocado a fruit? Yes. Because it has a seed. But come on.

Let's not bull crap with each other here. Right. It may be scientifically a fruit and a tomato may be a fruit. A pumpkin. It should not. Wait. Yeah. Anything they say anything with seeds.

Is it a pumpkin? Wow. They say anything with seeds is a fruit. News to me, I would miss that trivia question if is a pumpkin a fruit. Do not put that an easy trivia. Well, now we know. But I think in this category

Hey, nice job, Eddie Thank you, man In this category we can't put things That don't take like fruit That's a vegetable It's got to be sweet Yeah, so we eliminate that Morgan, no avocado Okay

Okay, so then third would be grapes Red seedless grapes Oh yeah, grapes I love all the grapes The red ones I like the black, the red Oh, the black ones are really good How do you feel about

Morgan You see there's green There's black grapes Yeah they're like really dark They are so good. They look like dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark. It's the color thing to me then. All the dark colors look the same.

Maybe I think they're blackberries. No, because blackberries are bumpy. Okay, you know what's going to be like eight on my list? On a hot day in Arkansas, picking a little blackberry off and not being one of the seasons and eating right there. Yeah, so good. How do you know it's safe to eat? We don't care.

When you grow up where I grew up, you eat on the land. I would get nervous eating off the land because I just am not knowledgeable. And by the land, I mean in the ditch behind the field house, behind the Mountain Pine High School. They just, the blackberries. Yeah, blackberries. Yeah, blackberries.

All right, well, I thought Kately one mess to me back about this salsa, but she is not. Oh, it says she, today. She kept an audio message from you. But that doesn't really mean people keep the message. What does that mean? I thought it did.

No, because I'll send her a voice memo. Why'd you keep that one? She goes, I didn't keep it. So, do you ever see me keep yours if you send me one? Nope. You don't want to send them. Well, because one, I don't. Nope, nope, no keeping.

Just, yeah, I never seen that. But I've seen Caitlin keep mine. So what's the difference? You've seen Caitlin keep yours? Why would you see your... It said keep. I don't know why. I know why it does that.

Why is it dead? Because yours never says keep. I got a new phone, new phone number. Where? Wait, what? This is still the old one, but I'm transitioning. You're going to let us know? Maybe.

Like he doesn't tell us the new number. Maybe some of you? What? That's crazy, man. I got it yesterday afternoon. Listen to this. I go to the phone store. I need a new phone number.

I go to the phone store. And I think you can go in and go out. Like the Apple store, go buy a phone. Leave, set it all up yourself. A little more nuance. And that little, a couple little things you got to do, a couple little conversations you've got to have. I'm going to say,

this guy looks so familiar that is working at the Verizon store. I don't know if I was going to show this on the real show, but I'm into it now. Let's talk about it. And he sounds so familiar. It's all like some shady, not shady, secrety type stuff happening in the back of the room, and they kind of moved out a little bit.

And he looks like Dave Chappelle. And he sounds exactly like Dave Chappelle. His name is Kenny on his name tag. I don't think anything about it. I'm just like, man, this guy looks exactly like Dave Chappelle. Sounds exactly like, exactly like Dave Chappelle. And so we're talking and I'm like, hey, I need to get a new line. I got too many weirdos calling me.

and can I get another phone? Because I'm going to keep this one in transition over the next couple months and I'll cancel it. Eliminate 90% of my phone list. People that are in these... I've had the same number for 20 years almost. He's like, yeah, man.

They're doing her thing. Is he funny at all? I'm hilarious. He's joking, too? Hilarious. And he's like, so what do you do, man, for a living? Well, first he says something real nice because I had to show him my ID

so I could get into my account, whatever. and he goes, dang, you're 41? He goes, I put you about 10 years earlier, dog. And I was like, I text Caitlin immediately. I was like, yeah, I guess you looks 31. And so we're talking. He goes, what do you do for a living? I said, do a radio show, do some TV stuff.

A little bit of everything, but nothing really great, but a lot of mediocre. And he's like, wow. And he's like, you know, I've been working on some comedy lately. I swear to God. This is weird. And I say, really? He goes, yeah. I say, you know, I say, I don't consider myself like a real comedian.

I say, but I guess I do what comedians do. I go on stage and tell jokes for now. I mean, I guess I'm a comedian. I just don't consider that my first number one thing. And he goes, yeah, yeah, you tell, where do you tell jokes? Like the comedy club here, I said, well, I performed at the opera last night. He was like, you did? And I was like, yeah.

He goes, ah, no, you'd like, really tell jokes. And I was like, yeah, but sure. And so we're talking a little bit. And he's like, man, I just, I'm starting to feel like I'm on a TV show. Like, that Kenny has been punking. Are you? That Kenny has been punking me the whole time. And I noticed something in the back of the store that looked fished,

but how would they have known I was going there? I had only told a couple people that I was going there. And all this is racing through my head, so I started to get a little testy with not mean, but I'm testing Kenny on stuff. And he's like, you know, I've been trying some comedy stuff. And people say I sound and look like Dave Chappelle, so I try not to do a lot of material like him. Kenny said this.

Yes. And I'm like, yeah, I see how that could be an issue if you wanted to be in comedy. And he goes, yeah, a pandemic though. So I just did some stuff like around the house. And Chappelle did stuff at his house on Netflix in Ohio. And so I said, where are you from? I said, where are you from? He's like, I'm from the Midwest.

Ohio. In my head, I'm like, I'm on a show. And I know, I called it. Like, I'm on a show. And so I'm like, yeah. So another guy that goes, hey, Kenny starts talking to Kenny for a second. You tell their kind of friends. And I said, hey, where's Kenny from?

And he's about to say something, but he gets called away in his phone or something. I don't know. And I say, where in the Midwest, Kenny? He goes, Chicago. And the guy's coming back. I know they weren't talking to each other. They literally got a call. And I said, hey, you and Kenny, you're friends.

Where's Kenny from? Going to catch him in a lie. Come on. Or going to catch it. And he goes, Kenny's from Chicago. And that's when I realized it wasn't Dave Chappelle a doll. It was just a guy to look like him. Oh my gosh.

I thought you were... I thought you were on that like... Ever. Some TV show that, you know... He sounded just like him. Undercover comedian at the phone store. That was going on in the back. Did you ever find out?

They were just moving some boxes in. They had got a shipment in. Because they did it a little more after I was done with my whole... Oh, man. But I thought for a second it was Dave Schpell. That would have been amazing. Sounds just like him. It wasn't at all.

So that's the story. No. It was Kenny from Shepel. But here's the thing about that story. And if you guys will allow this, that was a great story that had you in. You were listening, you were intrigued. The ending was terrible.

Yeah. But all that time you spent feeling that emotion, that's a win. You just got to experience a compelling story. Well, how does Ray end up? See, Clickbait Ray, he always has a good story. No, no, Ray doesn't have a good story. Okay.

Ray has a good tease and a terrible story. Ray's like, if I were to be like well I can't even do it it's hard for me to do a great tease with no story it'd have been like you'll never guys you'll never guess

happened to my foot I've only ever seen this on the news but it happened to my foot yesterday I'm gonna tell you wait three minutes and it's I'm still concerned and then you come back you're like that's Ray doing that

and you come back like chum bab bones well here's the thing I stub my toe on the bed anyway so aim let's get your skinny that's Ray's version of that

okay we're done I have no salsa and that's it. Okay. Hope you guys enjoyed the post show. And we will see you on Monday. Bye, everybody. All right. If you have ever dealt with a traditional home security company, you know the drill.

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