The Bobby Bones Show - TAKE THIS PERSONALLY: "Just Show Up" How an Introvert Learned to Build Confidence, Community, & a New Life

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

What happens when you finally reach the goal you’ve been chasing and it doesn’t feel the way you thought it would?  I’m joined by Nick Shelton, a U.S. Air Force veteran, bestselling author, and speaker who has lived multiple lives, sometimes by choice, sometimes by necessity. Nick opens up about growing up painfully shy, being mistaken for hearing impaired as a child, and slowly learning how to navigate social connection as an introvert by breaking it down into small, manageable steps. And on the flip side, Nick shares what no one really talks about: the identity crisis that hit after retiring early at 49, the quiet loneliness that followed “success,” and the unexpected grief of losing structure, purpose, and visibility. We talk about what it feels like to fade into the background, how relationships shape opportunity, and why reinvention doesn’t require a rock bottom, just a willingness to show up. 🎧 Subscribe to the podcast for more episodes. 📲 Connect with Nick Shelton on LinkedIn. 📲 Follow @takethispersonally on Instagram. 📲 Follow @webgirlmorgan on Instagram.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what you're saying. Yep, that's me. Clivert Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits,

my basketball and college football journey, or my career in sports media. Well, now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifers Show. This is a place for raw, unfills of conversations with athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated.

So let's get to it. Listen to the. the Clifford show on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok's podcast network on TikTok. How much you wait, Wanda? Right now, about 130. I'm at 183. We should race. No, I want to leave here with my original hips.

On the podcast, the matchup with Lillia, I pair prominent female athletes with unexpected guests. On a recent episode, I sat down with undisputed boxing champ, Cloresa Shields, and comedian Wanda Wanda Sykes to talk about Wanda's new movie Undercard, The Art of Trash Talk and what it really means to be ladylike. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search the matchup with Alia and listen now. Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of IHeart Women's Sports Network. Readers,

Katie's finalists, we have an incredible new episode this week for you guys. We have our girl Hillary Duff in here and we can't wait for you to hear this episode. They put on Lizzie McGuire 2 a.m. Video on demand. This guy's 2 a.m. Lizzie McGuire. And I'm like

Wild. A wild batch you were with. It was like a first closet moment from me where I was like, You're like, I don't feel like she's hot, like the rest of them. No, no, no. I was like, she's beautiful. But I'm appreciating her in a different way than these boys are. I'm not like, but listen to Los Coleristas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, gorgeous.

It's Lala Kent. Host of Untraditionally Lala. My days of filling up cups at Sir may be over, but I'm still loving life in the valley. Life on the other side of the hill is giving grown-up vibes. But over here, on my podcast, Untraditionally Lala, I'm still that Lala you either love or love to hate. It's unruly, it's unafraid, it's untraditionally Lala. Listen to Untraditionally Lala on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

We're continuing the Fresh Start series to kick off the new year. Today's guest has a masterclass and introverts getting out into the world to try new things and explore new opportunities, as well as starting over after retirement. I'm excited for you guys to meet him, so let's do this. Nick Shelton joins me this week. Nick is a U.S. Air Force veteran. He's a former environmental specialist in the oil and gas industry. He's a speaker, a best-selling author. Nick has lived a lot of lives. So Nick, thanks for joining me. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

I'm excited to hear about all these lives you've lived and how those things have now brought you to where you're at in your life now. So give us a little bit of backstory about you. Started off as a socially awkward, shy, introverted kid and had to learn how to navigate through that. And it wasn't easy. It was really tough. And I started off. The defining story is when we moved from Texas to Colorado and I was in the second grade and started in elementary school here, the teachers, since I didn't talk to anybody. because I don't know why, but I didn't.

And for some reason, they put me in the hearing impaired kids class. They thought that I was deaf or hearing impaired. And it was great because you don't have to talk to anybody. We're just playing games, doing sign language and stuff. And then when my parents found out, they're like, what? No, you can hear. And things were different back then. They probably wouldn't have made that mistake these days.

But then I was thinking, okay, something's different. Something's off here. And now I have to try to figure out of what this is. and I wanted to have access to these opportunities because you'd see, and everyone sees this kids see it, teens see it, adults see it. You see somebody else just effortlessly going and making connections, talking to people, and things are like, what? How do they just do that?

I want to do that. And so I was missing out on the kids' birthday parties, missing out on maybe trying to get a girlfriend or something, missing out on all the little things. And I was like, man, I have to figure out. this out. So slowly, I started putting those pieces together with the Air Force, showed me how they would take something like the making of the bed and basic training, and they break it down in such simple steps that a genius or the opposite of a genius all get the same result.

I said, you can take things and break them down. So why don't we do that with making social connections and all the social things that are so difficult, maybe if we can just break it down in little steps, it'll work. And so I was the guinea pig. I did that. I observed, the superpower of introverts is observation. I observed. I put myself through these little steps like not only what could I do, but what would I actually do? And then it started working. People started noticing other shy introverted, socially awkward people would ask me, what are you doing? How did, And I'd say, oh, do this. And then started getting momentum.

And that brought me pretty much to the present day. I started being asked to speak on it. People ask, hey, where can I get your book? And I didn't have a book. And so I said, okay, so when wants a book? So then I wrote the book. And I just been helping people navigate all these little social situations a lot easier. And especially these days when people are lost with the electronic stuff.

So even adults, kids, everybody seems to, like adults say, how do I make friends as an adult? And kids are like, how do I actually talk to a person face to face? I figured these out using myself as a guinea pig and now I show other people how to do it. Yeah, and you have your book. It's called an introverts guide to world domination, which I think is so fun because you said an introvert superpower is that they're great observers. And truly, that can be a great super. skill to have because as somebody who is an extrovert and very outgoing, it's oftentimes that I miss

the little things. I had to really take a page out of an introvert's book and say, what are you doing that I'm missing? Isn't it funny how the roles are always reversed? We always want what somebody else has? Yes. Yes. And a lot of these techniques can be used by any personality type because you can see a way that you can communicate better, or as an extrovert, you can see how to communicate with introverts better. And so how do when we look at an introvert or somebody is an introvert, how are you helping them to work through a communication or something that they're trying to break through with other people?

How are you managing with them to work through those problems? You mentioned breaking it down. Can you explain that a little bit more? So introversion is about energy, really. And so it's about when you wake up in the morning, you have so much. And each interaction drains a little bit of it. And you have to have some solo time to recharge. An example is a lot of times for social situations, people think, if I go there,

then I have to meet like 20 people. And I have to meet the star of the show when I go to somewhere. But I say, no, don't overwhelm yourself. First, just show up and you can leave. You could be there five minutes and go, okay, that's a lot. it and you can leave because maybe your energy is just done at that point. So people always try to overwhelm themselves. So I say, try to set your goal for one person. I'm going to talk to one person. I'm going to try to have one meaningful conversation or I'm going to try to meet

one person that I would like to follow up with and find out more about. And then if you do that, you're like, yes, I got my one. I can leave. Or you might end up meeting other people. but set that bar really low, so then at least you'll show up and it's not overwhelming or intimidating. And so that's like the first step is for showing up and then just set that bar super low. Like maybe walk in, say it might be a thing that's a two-hour event and you say, I got seven minutes, seven minutes on the clock. Let's go. It's building confidence. You're building up that idea that you can do this one.

And then you're also building up that idea that I think comes with introverts often is there's this uncomfortability with talking to other people because you're unaware of what the response is going to be, what the reaction is going to be, what is that interaction. There's just so many questions that come with that, at least in a lot of my introvert friends, I always love having them because we balance each other so well. And I think that's what's beautiful is they always thought that there would be a scare of having friends because. it was, those feelings were too much because they couldn't understand what it was going to end up being like. But once they did it, they're like, oh, this isn't that bad. And I really like these interactions and I like having these friends. But it's almost breaking through a barrier. Is that personally how you felt also what you see happening? Yeah, I see a lot of. So on this angle here, there's a lot of anxiety that people have because they're like, what if I say the wrong thing? They expect that people are thinking that you know something.

I say, just take the pressure off once again and just when you show up, say, I have no idea what's going on. I don't know what's going on here. And then pressure's off. You don't have to prove anything. You just said you don't know. And then there's always somebody that's going to take your hand. And there's tons of people that want to show you what they know. So if you say, I have no idea how this works.

How does this work? Someone's going to be like, oh, I will show you how this works. And that might be you, Morgan. You might be the one that says, oh, I got you. Come on. First we're going to go over here. Then you've got to talk to this person. And then you'll take it.

All I have to do is just, I don't know. She told me to stand over here. So that anxiety on feeling like you have to know, you have to say the perfect thing. You have to know what's going on. You can easily just throw it up in the air right at the beginning. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

Can you help me? And that not only get something like you to help out, but you also are, it's like you would take me under your wing. You're like, that's one of my people. Now I told him to go over there and get that. And now he's doing it. I'm keeping an eye on him. And so it helps with that anxiety.

It's building that community too, because everybody needs community, introverts, extroverts alike. Everybody wants to be connected to. It's a beautiful thing to watch something like that happen because it's two people doing what they're really good. at. You have an introvert who says, hey, I just want to show up and I'm willing to learn. And you have an extrovert who wants to be like, I want to lead. I want to help you with this. And you see a bond form there in this perfect kind of friendship because you balance each other out.

And we need balance just as much as we need community because trust me, I have a lot of extrovert friends too and not at either one of us get a word in edgewise. And if there isn't somebody that comes and takes you by the hand, it's something like I always say, I call it hunting introverts. So you can walk in and look for somebody that looks like you feel. So they're going to be around the edges and be like, okay, there's one right there. And somebody standing by themselves and maybe looking at their phone or something. And then you say, I'm going to rescue them.

I'm going to rescue them. So then you go over and then you say, yeah, I have no idea what's going on either or whatever. And I came to shake some hands. Let's figure this out together. And now, and they're, yes, thank you for coming over here. So now they don't have to try to find somebody. So now you have a little team and I always tell people. So that's where you start, but you need three.

The magic of three, because if you start talking to this person, it's hard. Sometimes it's hard to keep that conversation going with two, but with three, it balances out because someone's always got something to say so it keeps going. If it's four, usually there's somebody that's quiet and not saying anything. Three people can keep it going, plus the advantage is if you need to leave or you're like, okay, I don't really want to talk to these people. So if there's three, you can say, oh, I'm going to the bathroom or I've got to get a snack, and you can just pivot out and you're not leaving one person by themselves.

They're still together. So you can comfortably leave. They'll continue talking and then you can exit. I love the magic number of three. I've never thought about it, but you're totally right. Because three is the magic number and the conversations that I've had when I'm thinking back to all of these. It's such a perfect situation. A win is a win.

A win is a win. I don't care what you're saying. Yep. That's me, Clifford Taylor the fourth. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined. And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show.

This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. One week, I'll take you behind the scenes of the biggest moments in sports and entertainment, and the next we'll talk about life, mental health, purpose, and even music. The Clifford Show isn't just a podcast, it's a space for honest conversations, stories that don't always get told, and for people who are chasing something bigger. So if you've ever supported me or you're just chasing down a dream, this is right where you need to be.

Listen to the Clifford Show on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. You can have opinions, you can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and hosts of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships.

I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On a recent episode of the podcast, Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant, I sit down with Tiffany the budgetista Aliche to talk about what it really takes to take control of your money. What would that look like in our families if everyone was able to pass on wealth to the people when they're no longer here? We break down budgeting, financial discipline, and how to build real wealth, starting with the mindset shifts.

Too many of us were never, ever taught. Financial education is not always about like, I'm going to get rich. That's great. It's about creating an atmosphere for you to be able to take care of yourself and leave a strong financial legacy for your family. If you've ever felt you didn't get the memo on money, this conversation is for you to hear more. Listen to Money and Wealth with John O'Brien from the Black Effect Network

on the I'd Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. American soccer is about to explode. The World Cup is coming. Ramos sending on to Ernie Stewart the chip. I'm Tad Ramos. I'm Tom Boe. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, you'll get the real storylines. I'm not worried about Policic.

I'm not worried about Balligan. I'm not worried about McKinney. My only concern is what happens in the back. The biggest decisions. If you're going to look at stats and numbers, he has no shot at making this World Cup team. And the truth about the U.S. national team. It wouldn't be a huge surprise if our team ends up in the quarterfinals or potentially a great run into the semifinals.

The World Cup is almost here. Experience it all with us. Listen, inside American soccer with Tom Bogart and Tabramos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. I want to ask you from a personal standpoint, what was that first time like for you as an introvert when you decided, okay, I'm going to break the barrier. and you are the guinea pig, right? You're creating this entire formula that you're sharing with us right now. But you were the one who did it first.

What was the experience like for you to do those things for the first time? Oh, it was terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. And as people say, I'm scared of you, you're not scared. Oh, yeah, completely scared, just doing it anyway and seeing, I try to reframe it like, this will be a good story.

This will be a good story. Let's see what happens. And sometimes you'll learn. and say, okay, that didn't work. So if it's, before I came up, had the three, it was just two. And I was like, how, I don't want to talk to this person anymore, but I don't know how to get away. What do I do?

And then when there was three, I was like, oh, I can just leave. And when there's four, then there's always someone around that person, they're not saying anything. They're just standing there. And so it was just going through it and gamifying it. And so I'd be scared, but then if I look at it like a game and like it's going to be a good story, then that helped break through those little barriers. And why did you feel like it was important to do this?

Because you could have gone through your whole life being an introvert, and it would have been fine and life would have worked out in different ways. But why did you feel this was important to accomplish and do differently? Because everything that you want to do, or I learned that everything, that I wanted to do or other people want to do. Somebody else is doing that. Someone knows how to do it. And so I can access my dream life through relationships.

So I always tell people, for example, if I want to go yachting on a nice yacht, I don't need to buy a yacht. If I have a friend that has a yacht, I get to go yachting because they're not going to go by themselves. No one buys a yacht and it's just me out here on the open sea. they bring their friends. So if it is my goal to go yachting and I have a friend that has a yacht, I get to go. And I have a story about, I went to a meetup of pilots. And they're all private pilots and personal pilots. And they said, oh, what do you fly? And I said, I don't fly anything. I just wanted to

meet some pilots because I figured I should know pilots. And people that own planes, then sooner or later, they're going to say, hey, we're going to go just hop over here and get breakfast. at this one airport, do you want to go? Yes. Yes, I do want to go. And so it's all of these things, these opportunities are through relationships, plus for dating and things like that. You can just sit there in the corner and say, maybe somebody will come and ask me if I want to do something, or if I am out there. So one thing I was telling someone the other day for the dating thing, if it's okay to segue to this real quick. Absolutely. Okay. Is A lot of times with these, like with the apps and all these other things, you're just like,

hey, let's go miniature golf. And then it's just you and that person and you're trying to put on your best self. So you're not really you. They're putting on their date personality. And it's just this weird artificial thing. And at the end, nobody really knows the other person. So I always tell people, if you go to some activities. So like if it was a, like here in Colorado, there's a, they'll have this art walk where people just go walk down the street to these different art galleries, look at stuff and walk and there's these little meetup groups that do it.

And if you do that, you're not on a date. You're just there at the meetup group. Someone else is there. And so you can just be yourself and be goofy or whatever. And they're being goofy. And you might say, oh, I kind of. like that person, but you're seeing each other in more of a natural environment because there's no pressure. You don't have to be cool. You're not on a date with them. You're just at the art walk. And then if you see them like the second time, then you go, okay, I like how they are. Once again, there's no pressure because you're not with them. You're just at this event. Then you might have say, oh, they like art, I like art. I have tickets to this one thing. And then you can say, hey, would you like to go to this? I have a plus one.

And then you could go, but you've already had some time with them in these just common outings where there was no pressure and you met them just as themselves. And you were just being yourself. And so now when you escalate it, you already have that baseline done. And you don't, it's not just like, hey, I've never seen you, never met you, just read your self-promotion thing that you typed out and now we have to do this. It just makes it so much easier. Yeah, and a lot of what you're mentioning and the dating and with the examples you were giving about like your friendship and the people you were creating around you was this authentic

side to it of where you just wanted to be in situations where you got to be yourself, where you got to be the exact person you are without having to put on this facade. And I do think there's a into that with introverts where a lot of that draining energy that happens is happening because they're having to put on a face. They're having to be somebody that they're not. So do you see that association together often? Yes. Sometimes putting on the face, there's the anxiety of the, what if everyone turns and looks at me. And then there's the, sometimes it's just, you can be comfortable in it and you'll still drain your energy. But at the same time, I think everyone has like a conditional introversion or shyness.

For example, there might be an engineer that's talking about a certain thing and loves this thing. And if you get them talking about that, oh, they can talk for hours, they can talk to groups, they can talk. And everyone's like, oh, man, we don't want to hear about this. But they can talk about that. But if you ask them to talk about anything else, then, okay, now it's a problem. now the energy's off, now they're because they're out of their little pocket of specialized knowledge. So some people have that. And then they would be super confident going in any situation where they say, oh, just talk about this one thing that you know everything about.

Yeah, I guess it just depends on the setting. Okay. See, I like seeing the personal side of this because I'm very much, they call it extroverted introvert is very much who I am. and then you have introverts, you're introverted extroverts. There's so many terms and words I know. But really, the point is that I'm super outgoing most of the time and other times I need to recharge. But for you is that you tend to really like to keep to yourself,

but you've been forcing yourself to be extroverted. Yes. I love being alone, but then I say, got to get out there, got to do something. Yeah, and there's a need. We talk about this, the need for community and the need for connection. And you mentioned that when you were meeting those friends. I also heard in that you had this openness about you where you were wanting to just learn.

You were wanting to explore other people, other experiences than your own. Is that connected to, I know you also talk a lot about reinvention and identity. And is that connected to that piece to all of this for you as well? Yes, because there's on that topic, so there's two things. There's one thing where I say, you should, a lot of times in our lives, there's a lot of things that we used to love that we got too busy and they fell to the side. And so we forgot that we loved that sort of thing. For example, for me, I used to write a lot of poetry in high school. Then after high school, never wrote poetry again.

I don't know if it's because I was too cool or what it was. But then I said, let's revisit that. I might like that. I forgot all about that. Let's revisit wanting to be a chef. Does that still light me up? Does that do something? So there's that.

But then for these things like going to the pilot meetup and things like that, it's just that curiosity like, I might be into this. I don't know. And so you can show up at places just because either you want to learn more about the thing to see if you might like it or for me, I like to learn about the people that do that thing. So for like beekeeping, I always use this example. for beekeeping. I'm like, huh, that's interesting. How does it work? But more importantly,

who does that? What type of person is a beekeeper? Let's go meet some of them and see who does that. And like glass blowing. Who's blowing glass? That's fascinating. I used to see it on like Sesame Street. They did a thing about it back in the day and I'd never come across someone. So someone a few months back said, oh my brother, he's a glass blower. And I was like, what? I have to go meet him. Because it's not like you met an accountant, no disrespect to accountants, but you're like, okay, yes, I've met accountants. But who's blowing glass?

How does that work? I have to talk to them and see what's going on. This reminds me I went and did something at a haunted house. And there was a clown there who was doing magic tricks. And I was really interested about him. I was just curious who was behind the mask and what he was like. And we found out that his day job is he was a lawyer. what he did on the weekends was scare people in this clown and do magic tricks.

And we were so fascinated. This guy just had such an interesting story. And I think that's a really beautiful way to live life is in curiosity. It's how you do so many things. We spend a lot of our time on our own. And it's okay to have those moments of alone time and being in our own space. But curiosity is what I guess helps so many of us just feel. better in our existence because it's beautiful. It's cool to see that there's all these other things

out there that we don't know about or don't understand. And I think that's such a cool way to live life that you sparked that in me just on such a different idea. That wasn't even in my frame of reference for this podcast, but it's really cool. I'm glad that it opened up a little door. Yeah, I like it. A win is a win. A win. A win is a win. I don't care which I'll say it. Yep, that's me. Cliver Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined.

And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. One week, I'll take you behind the scenes of the biggest moments in sports and entertainment, and the next we'll talk about life, mental health, purpose, and even music. The Clifford Show isn't just a podcast, it's a space for honest conversations, stories that don't always get told, and for people who are chasing something bigger. So if you've ever supported me or you're just chasing down a dream, this is right where you need to be.

Listen to the Clifford show on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. You can have opinions, you can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and hosts of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships.

I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. Listen to a slight change of plans on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On a recent episode of the podcast, Money and Wealth with John Hobriant, I sit down with Tiffany the budgetista Aliche to talk about what it really takes to take control of your money. What would that look like in our families if everyone was able to pass on wealth to the people when they're no longer here? We break down budgeting, financial discipline, and how to build real wealth,

starting with the mindset shifts. Too many of us were never, ever taught. Financial education is not always about, like, I'm going to get rich. That's great. It's about creating an atmosphere. fear for you to be able to take care of yourself and leave a strong financial legacy for your family. If you've ever felt you didn't get the memo on money, this conversation is for you to hear

more. Listen to Money and Wealth with John O'Brien from the Black Effect Network on the I'd Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and IHeart Podcasts presents soccer moms. So I'm Leanne. Yeah. This is my best friend Janet. Hey.

we have been joined at the hips since high school. Absolutely. Now a redacted amount of years later, we're still joined at the hip. Just a little bit bigger hips, wider. This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey. With all the snacks and drinks. Sidebar.

Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Oh, they had a bogo. Well, then you got it. Do you want a white collar or something here? Just hit it. Oh, what are y'all doing? Microphones? Are you making a rap album?

Oh, I would. Come on. Could you imagine? I would buy it. Cut through the defense like a hot knife through sponge cake. That sounds delicious. Oh, you're lucky I'm not a drug addict. You're lucky I'm not an alcoholic.

You are. I'm lucky I'm not a killer. I love this team and I'm really trying to be a figure in their lives that they can rely on. Oh. Listen to soccer moms on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You also talk about it. there's a whole other piece to this. So obviously the introverts and that's this book. You talk a lot about that. But also a big part of this for you was retirement and then feeling lost and getting

into this new way of life after that period of your life. So walk me through what that all looks like for you and how you're helping others with that same thing. So I retired at 49 and I'm 51 now. And people say, how does that happen? It happens when you have. an older brother that you're really competitive with. And so I said, I have to beat him. And I did. And so I won that, but at the same time, I expected it to be like endless summer. I've always won an endless summer as a kid. I can retire and I can do whatever I want. But if you spend your whole life not doing whatever you want, it's really weird to suddenly not have that structure. And so I got a little depressed because I didn't really, when I woke up in the morning,

I was like, what am I doing? I'm not really doing anything. And I started feeling down because I didn't have that North Star to orient myself to anymore. And I kind of felt guilty to. You can't complain to anyone because no one feels sorry for you. You just retired. You can do whatever you want. Like, I don't feel right.

Oh, boohoo. Boohoo for you. And people say, did your family? family and friends, did they reach out and say, what's going on? I said, no, no one noticed. No one noticed at all. And so I felt like I was fading away like I was becoming invisible. And yeah, it's hard. It'd be like if you were an Olympic athlete, you went to the Olympics, you got a medal, and then you came home and you're like, they said, you're done with the Olympics now. No more Olympics for you. But my whole life was training for the Olympics. And then everyone said,

hey, you got a medal. So you're fine. You're like, no, I'm not fine. I need something else. So I had to, there's one night I was laying in bed and I said, if only had a reset button that I could just hit and start over. And I saw somebody was saying, in another life, I could do this. And I was thinking, maybe my other life could start right now. I've been given that first set of circumstances, but now maybe I can choose this other chapter and I can just start it off. So I can get into the steps that I took, if you like.

I do want to ask before you get into like the steps because retirement is such a big part of our life. We spend our whole entire lives working towards retirement. You work a job and you save all this money and the whole point is one day you get to no longer work and do nothing. And that's what people have ingrained in us. So I'm curious, did you have any regrets as you're going through? this kind of identity crisis that you did retire early, or were there moments where you're like, I'm really glad that I ended this when I did? I don't regret it.

No, I just, what I could have done differently is I could have actually planned it out better how it was going to go. And people tell you stuff like that, but I said, that's for regular people. I am the exception to the rule. I don't have to plan it out. I'll be fine. And then I was like, oh, I should have really planned this out. I have not the exception here.

And planning it out, meaning what you were going to do next, what your life was going to look like, is that kind of the things that you're talking about? When having a few versions of that, and I know much better now because at the time I said, I'm going to move to Mexico and go on the beach and hang out. And I moved to Mexico. And then after a few months of that, you're like, okay, it's going on now. Just sitting here. Okay, so you did the thing that everybody says they're going to do when they retire is I'm going to quit everything and go live on a beach or in a mountain somewhere. Yes, but I was, yes, like, huh, it wasn't as thrilling as it seemed. I read some books and had some margaritas, but it's like, I really need to do something.

I need to, I need another mission. Yeah, I would imagine having that structure, like you mentioned, your entire life and something that you're working toward each day, whatever your goals may be for your. your job to then all the sudden that's just over, that is an identity crisis that starts to boil up and happen, even if not right away, but eventually, and you're looking at your life going, what have I done? And there's a part of it where there's a shift where it goes from the achievement based where I am what I do and how well I do it to more of a relationship based. So it bridges into that to the introvert things as well, relationship based on, so for example, I'd always talk about like the hunter on the plains versus the village elder in the tent. They're like, we need you here now.

And you're like, I still got it. I still got what it takes to be other. Yes, we know, but we could use your knowledge here in the tent. Or I tell people with the sports teams, nobody ever grows up and says, I want to work in the back office of a sports team. They want to be on the field. And they're like, We need your knowledge here in the office to help us win from here. When I was working, my victories were through my own achievement. Now my victories are through helping other people. So when they get their victories, that's what lights me up is helping other people achieve. And so there's that little shift there from it being turned into me to turn outward to how can I help somebody else.

Yeah. And you found a new purpose. which is really cool. So talk to me now about those steps you mentioned that you took after when you had this realization in Mexico of, okay, what are my next steps? What is my life going to look like? Tell me about all that. So it starts with a audit. So not the scary IRS audit, or hopefully not that. It's just like a personal audit where you actually have to look at yourself and say, okay, what's my baseline? What am I working with? Because if you're going to change something, you have to know where you're at. and so you're looking at all the stuff that you want to keep.

What are the good things I want to take forward? And then once again, we're revisiting some of those things that we used to love in our childhood that we stopped doing, bringing those back up and saying, do I want to revisit this and see if that will still do something for me? And then there's a lot of habits and a lot of things that you do that you don't need to take with you anymore

because they were for that achievement-based life. They worked it there. but maybe it's not useful here for this phase. So you have to identify those so you can let those go. And it's so interesting because there's things that you don't think about, but if you shine a little light on it, like, for example, if you are a morning person. I've always been a morning person, but who says that I have to be a morning?

I could just say, you know what, I'm going to be a night person now. There's no commission that's going to come knocking the door. Hey, no, you're a morning person. You can't switch. Sure. There's no rules saying I can't switch. I can make that. I can decide, oh, I'm only going to eat cereal for dinner now.

That's all I'm going to do. Yep. It's all decisions-based. We've just been tricked to believe that we're stuck in a category. Yes. You can change like your morning routine, what you're going to do. Are you going to exercise? Are you going to not?

What does it look like? So first we do that audit to see where we're at. And then we do a thing that I call recognize and release the old version of us. So what that looks like is writing a letter, a sincere, heartfelt letter to yourself and thanking yourself for all the good stuff you did, acknowledging all the victories, but then forgiving yourself for all the missteps, but saying, hey, we learned, you made it this far, good job. And so you write it all out, and then you say, I'm going to take over now, but thank you for getting us this far. And then you sign it with love.

and then we do a little ceremony, a bowl burning ceremony where we light it on fire. First we hold it, feel the weight of it, read it out loud, light it on fire, and then we like breathe, we sit with it for a while and just release that old self. And then we start making room for the new self. And we can continue in these steps or we can pause for a question if you have a question. No, I love the part about the releasing the old self, because I'm sure it has to be very emotional because, right, you mentioned your age. You were 49 when this happened and 49 years of your whole life that you're saying,

okay, I need to let you go and start fresh and see what's next for me. And I imagine that comes with emotions just in a way of not necessarily sad, but just that it's a new beginnings are happy and sad at the same time. They have a lot of things attached to them. Yes. Oh, yeah. there's a lot of emotions in there. So what other steps are there in this process? Because I think this is so important for people who are retired and trying to find their new ways and what their

lives look like, heck, if you're retired and you just want to go travel the world and you're happy as can be, that's awesome. And I think that's beautiful. But maybe that's not what it looks like. I think we're in a different time in our society too where retirement doesn't quite look like what it looked like 50 years ago. We're learning some new things and unlearning some old ways. Yeah. So I think the next thing, I think most of us have seen somebody else's life, how they're living it and saying, and I do this all the time, I say, man, if I switch places with them for like two weeks, I think I could straighten all their stuff out. They don't know what they're working with. I think I could do it better. And so this is what we, our next step is what would it look like? Like, what would I like it to be? So like I told you about the, morning routine or being a night person, what ideally would this look like? So if you were writing a screenplay or something for a movie and developing a character, okay, if I get to choose, so the previous me, that was just like, here's you. But now, what would I like the habits of this person,

this new person to be? And so we'll write all that out and get a framework on this new version of me. But then you would say, how do we get that to stick? Because sure, you can burn a letter and then write this out and then go back to the same thing because it's there. It'll be like, nope, back to how you were. After we have that out, now we're going to, this is the default. You can tweak these a little bit and change them around, but I tell people take a dance class, a cooking class, and a language class. And what this does is you can't really, there's nowhere to hot. You have to be active. So the dance class, you're intimately dancing with someone,

and people always say, I don't know how to dance. It's a class. No one knows how to dance. Just get in there. You can't be embarrassed. It's fine. The cooking class, you're burning something with a stranger and bonding over that experience.

And then language class, you're butchering a language with somebody and learning about that. But what this does is, now you're going to introduce yourself. So people say, normally they introduce. themselves as their title. But now, that's not you anymore. Now you're going to introduce yourself as your interests, like what you're interested in, and it doesn't have to be a permanent thing, but you could say, hey, I'm Nick. I'm working on getting my pilots license, and I'm exploring

beekeeping because what's going on with that? I don't know. And then now this person knows nothing about your past. All they know is this guy's working on his pilot's license and he's interested in beekeeping. So now this version of me, I introduce myself as that version in these classes and that's all they know. So any time I'm interacting with them, it defaults to that version of me because that's all they know. They don't know anything else. And they're going to, they might know something about pilot licenses or beekeeping. They might have a cousin that does, they might introduce you. You'll go out and do things. Usually the dance classes, they'll do something afterwards, a social event where you dance. The food thing,

someone will invite you to their house to practice a dish and the language thing. They'll say, hey, let's all go out to this restaurant where they speak that language and practice. So you're getting all this exposed to all these new people as the new version of you. And every time you're interacting with this new group that reinforces that version of you, And sure, I'm not saying you have to get rid of all your old friends that know you, but this just helps solidify that this is the direction that you're moving. I'm recognizing too, as you're talking about, this is so important for somebody who goes into retirement,

but it's also important for somebody who's reinventing their life if they've gotten fired from a job and trying to figure out what's next. It's important for somebody if they're just feeling lost in their identity. I think this particular step that you have, right here can be aligned with people and going and throw so many different things in their life that I think that exposure on so many different levels can be helpful for such a wide range of people that it's cool that it really works for people going in retirement and this next step. You need the other steps to work through this.

But for those other phases of life that people are going through, I think this is also a really valuable one for them. And I've had a lot of people that are going through divorces that have had success with this because their life was, oh, me and my family here, okay, now that is no longer my situation. How do I bring on this new version of me that's not that identity anymore? And this is a great way to do that. Yeah, exactly. I think everybody should also try this because this kind of experience of going to a dance class and learning a new language and picking up at cooking classes are all valuable. Those are all, could be really important in your life. And to your point, in general, the thing that I'm also noticing

about our whole conversation is that you just never know what situation could lead you to a new opportunity. You could be down so many different paths just by putting yourself in one new situation. And I think that's a big piece of your work, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, absolutely. Because I talk about finding your purpose, but it's really what happens is your purpose is revealed because out of getting the exposure to all these different activities that you didn't take part in before and all these people and seeing what they love and what they're doing, you go, oh, I didn't even know that existed, but I think that I want to try that. And when you try something, people always think, oh, now I have to do that forever. No, you could try it for a few

months and then decide to pivot out and do something different if it doesn't feel like it's aligned. We're looking for alignment. And also, the next thing would be curating your environment to go along with this new version of you. Your home is, everything's exactly the same. Then that kind of pulls you back to the old view too. Ideally, if you could, you move. Like the divorce people are like, I'm in an apartment over here now. So now you decorate that to this new version of you.

And if you're not moving, which, you know, it's not easy to move. So most likely you wouldn't be moving, but you could get something that reminds you like maybe there's a lamp or something that you're like, this is the lamp that the new, The old me wouldn't have this lamp. This lamp is for that. And just have a few little pieces that kind of remind you that this is like a voluntary. People talk about those like parallel universes and you're like, for example, that lamp and that chair, that is not what Nick has in his place. So this, I've shifted over.

And in this version of me, we have that lamp in that chair. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I like this. It's also really identifying with reinventing yourself on just so many levels. I think one of the coolest things in life is that we do get the choice to reinvent ourselves at any point in time. It doesn't have to be retirement. It doesn't have to be the stage of a divorce.

It doesn't have to be the ending to start a new beginning. And I think like you had mentioned, you can wake up any day and say, today is going to be the day that I'm eating cereal for dinner and I'm becoming a night person. And I'm going to change who I am. And I think so much of that is rooted in our own choices. We forget that we have control of our own choices and the decisions that we make. Do you work with people through that too? It's like finding their own voice to be able to then reinvent themselves whenever and however they see fit.

Yes, absolutely. I work with people to find themselves in there because a lot of times I don't know. I never really established a formal identity, I don't think. If you could choose, what would you like that to look like? And one funny thing that's really applies to this time of year is people say, okay, let's say I'm doing this and I've taken those classes, I'm rolling out the new me and then I'm at like Thanksgiving dinner with my family and they don't recognize that, hey, no, I'm a new person now.

I'm different because they're like, no, we know you. We know the old you. I say, you can have your dinner and then leave. You can leave. If you're not forced to be there, you can go see your family and just go, yes, okay. Yes, yeah, I'm doing some different things, but you don't need them to validate it for it to actually be real. You do what you got to do, try to stay in your new frame as best you can, and then you can, this new version of you doesn't have to put up with any mess. They can leave and go go hang out with one of those people that you met in the cooking class.

See what's going on with that? Yeah. Two things can be true. That's what's resonating in my head right now as you're saying that, where, yes, you can still have this old life and you can have the people with it. And you can also have this new version of you that you've created. And sometimes they might butt heads, but both are and can exist. Like you mentioned, parallel universes, they are often right alongside of each other,

just having two different experiences. I love this. Nick, it's been so much fun to talk to you. I love to end my podcast on something. that is inspiring that you want to share or motivational or just maybe something we didn't get to that you feel is really heavy on your heart that you want to share. I bring the floor over to you and let you decide how you want us to end. I would say first show up. Just show up. That's the number one thing. Nothing happens if you don't show up. And you don't have to promise to show up all day.

Just show up to a new space, look around, and you can leave if you want to, but at least show up. And then I would say, I would like to challenge your listeners to make someone's day. Every day when I wake up, I say, I'm going to make someone's day today because I can't control how my day is going to go, but I can absolutely make sure that I make sure someone else has an awesome day. And I don't know what it looks like. I just say, I can keep my eyes open for an opportunity to make someone's day today. And it could be a small, tiny little gesture. could be just seeing someone, seeing them as a human being, listening to them, making them feel seen and heard,

or it could be like a grand gesture. Maybe you're buying someone a coffee or getting someone gas at the gas station or salt or paint for someone's groceries. It could be big things or it could be small things. But I challenge all your listeners to, you don't have to do it forever, just today or tomorrow, just say, I'm going to make someone's day and see how that feels because, like I said, those little victories when you see the impact you can have on someone else with something really simple, it changes you. If there's something about it that's just remarkable. I love that. Baby steps are where it's all at too, because baby steps always lean in to big steps and big steps always lead

into big jumps and then you never know where you're going to be after those big jumps. So it's cool to see what life happens. Nick, thanks again for joining me. It's been great to hear your story and I appreciate all your wisdom. Thank you very much for having me. It's been a pleasure. If you want to connect with Nick Shelton, you can find him on LinkedIn. Next week, I'll be bringing on Shana, who is giving us all the information we need to change our relationships with money. If you've ever wanted someone who had compassion when it comes to money talks, she's your girl. So subscribe so you don't miss it. And I'll yap with you guys next week.

Bye, everybody. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what I'm saying. Yep, that's me. Clifford Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, my basketball and college football journey, or my career in sports media. Well, now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show.

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