The Bobby Bones Show - TAKE THIS PERSONALLY: When You Love Someone in Recovery: The Truth Families Need to Hear

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

Caroline Beidler's story starts at just 9 years old... sitting under a tree, taking her first sip of alcohol, searching for comfort in a world that felt unstable and lonely. What followed was a journey through addiction, trauma, and ultimately recovery. She shared what addiction really looks like beneath the surface, why recovery is about so much more than sobriety, how families can show up in ways that actually help everyone in involved, and the six words that changed her life forever: Your life has value and purpose. 🎧 Subscribe to the podcast for more episodes. 📲 Follow Caroline on Instagram: @carolinebeidler_official 📚 Read the book: When You Love Someone in Recovery 📲 Follow @takethispersonally & @webgirlmorgan on Instagram.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum. I said, I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grave. Listen to the devil's quarry in the Bone Valley feed on the IHart Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, listen up. The Jonas Brothers here.

Our podcast is called Hey Jonas. We've here since everyone has a podcast, we want it to as well. And we've had some incredible guests so far. And now our good friend, Nile Horn, is joining the show. How's it going, boys? Hey, Niall. It was the same thing with Slow Hands. Slow Hands is not about anything else, really, is it?

You know, or taste so good can't be about food. You do the same, Nick, with some of the stuff that you've done. You too, Joe. Drop what you're doing and listen to Hey Jonas on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Everyone sees me as a football player. But before anything else, I'm human. Every single day, I'm still learning how to live with problems, mistakes, relationships, emotions ever since I was born. This isn't a normal podcast.

Everything here is spontaneous, real and genuine, just honest conversations about what it means to be alive. I'm Javier El Chicharito Hernandez and listen to Learning to Be Human on IHard Radio, Apple Podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed the last series as we are about to embark on a new one. Over the next two weeks, I am having two women joining me and their stories are powerful and incredibly impactful. These are some sensitive topics to talk about, but they are important ones to have. And I highly encourage anyone to listen to the interviews. That being said, I also wanted to share what they are about in case it could be triggering for some people. Some of the topics we discuss are about addiction and sexual abuse. And now that we have

the formalities out of the way, I'm excited for you all to meet Caroline and hear her story. Here we go. This week I'm joined by Caroline Bidler, and I'm so excited because not only is she great at so many things, but she's an author. And the biggest one is when you love someone in recovery, which is what you're here today to talk to us about. So tell me how you use. even get started on this path to ride a journey like this because I'm sure there's a story behind all of it. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. When I'm asked that question in my mind, I always picture myself as a little girl. So when I was about nine years old, I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. My dad worked a lot. My mom had taken off and my grandpa had a six

pack of beer in the fridge for my dad when he'd come pick us up. And I remember I was about nine and I stole a can of beer from my grandpa's fridge, and I took it, and I hid under this oak tree. And I just remember, like, cracking that can and that sound and taking a sip. And at nine years old, I mean, I was a baby, I felt like I was finally, like, going to be okay. And I think I was feeling so alone and scared and had spent a lot of years, even as a nine-year-old child, like, just feeling. untethered, not having a foundation, not being supported. And so I was seeking for something outside of myself to fulfill me. And that first sip of alcohol at nine spiraled very quickly into other substances. And as a woman with addiction, I then went through a lot of trauma, sexual violence and other things

that just led to as a young girl already having gone through hard things to it snowballing. and just going and going. I felt like I was on this ride that just wasn't stopping and I was just going downhill so fast. By the time I was 17, I experienced an overdose and at the first time I was in addiction treatment, my counselor there really encouraged me with six words that I will never forget.

And he said, your life has value and purpose. And as a 17-year-old, having survived an overdose and sexual assault and abuse and neglect, and so many different traumas, I needed to hear that. I can only imagine. And starting out, you go way back to when you're a nine-year-old kid and you're having a drink of alcohol for the first time,

and as a nine-year-old, you can't even comprehend what's about to come. That taking that drink would have sent you down this path that you went down. Because it doesn't sound like you had the influences or the right structure in your life to even provide that support. Am I correct in assuming that? Yeah, there was really no foundation for me and no one to be pointing the way of like how you should live. I grew up in an alcoholic home and so it felt so unstable and the solution to anything going on that was hard was to drink. It was to escape.

And so I think what I was trying to do as a child was follow that example, which was escape. When I wanted comfort and I wanted peace and the only way I knew to find that was to use. And that is a lie that I believed for a really long time that substance use could somehow fill that hole in me and we feel okay. And you speak a lot about that childhood time too. I'm assuming some of the work that you've done is realize how much those childhood years are really impactful. In realizing that as a kid, we like to believe you can't remember a lot of things that happened to us. You push things away and try and recall memories from when you were 5, 6, 7, 8, and you can't, right? But those moments in your life impact you for the rest of your life.

So was that a lot of your healing journey was working through a lot of those things that you faced really early on? It was. And I think at the same time, it was also about learning how to live in a new way. Like I shared, I didn't have a role model or example. I would actually come to experience faith and what that meant to my life in my early 20s. But through the recovery journey, I was able to, and still today, have been able to not just heal from some of those past hurts and harms, but learn through the process of recovery how to live in a healed and whole way.

And when I am struggling, which we're human and we all do, right, I know where to turn. Like, I know that using substances for me will never satisfy. And so I am, just like my counselor said to me early on, that my life had value and purpose, I am passionate about sharing that message with other people because I know how impactful that was to me. And there are so many young people today, so many women, specifically I work with a lot of women and families who need to hear not just the message that their life has value and purpose.

Also, that recovery is possible. That recovery is a way of life that can help us heal and also be a kind of lead us towards those solutions that actually do work. And I talk a lot about those in my book. And talk to me too, beyond the child that you talk about having that overdose when you were seven, Was that a catalyst for things to change for you? Or was it just kind of part of the story? Yeah. So I wish it was. I wish it was a turning point for me. I think what ended up happening and part of why I wanted to write this book for families. My family had no idea what recovery was. They had no idea what addiction was. They had no clue how to show up for me, how to help me. And I think they were really scared because they didn't have the tools that they needed. They knew I needed treatment. but for them at that time they thought treatment was this thing that I would do, go to this place, get better, and then I would come home and I would be cured and it would be fine. What happened was I did go to this place and I got better for a time, but what they didn't know, what I didn't know was I needed a process of recovery to help me over the long term and that it wasn't just this kind of one and done healing experience, but it really is a journey and that it includes so much more than just. stopping substances. And I love to talk today about how recovery is more than sobriety. It's about learning how to become someone new. And I think often to that little girl sitting under the tree,

who is so scared and so alone and just wanting to feel okay and feel okay in her own skin. And there are so many people like sitting under their trees. Wanting a solution, wanting to feel okay, wanting to learn how to find that peace and that comfort. And through the recovery journey, we can do that and we can share that with other people. I love talking about it. It's hard for me sometimes to go back to that place and remember some of those moments. But as I've learned in my own recovery story, it's important to do that because when we talk about those parts of our stories too, it can bring hope to people. We can go through hard things and things can get better. And it's probably addressing too that you, it's not shame.

You had experiences and you were shaped by your experiences, but it's proof that you can come out of them and you can find a new path at any given moment. And you did and you mentioned that healing process for you. And I imagine it's not a linear journey. One, and two, that you're also always going to be through that healing process. It's not just like you mentioned. You don't go to a treatment center and it's all over. You might get healed and it might help you in that moment of time, but this will be something that's part of you forever. It's not this thing that just, okay, put a band-aid, it heals. We're moving forward.

Am I wrong in that? I think you bring up an interesting point. And I remember early on in my recovery, people, I'd say I was in recovery or I was sober, and people would look at me with almost this pity. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. And feeling bad for me for like I was missing out on something. And I think the reality is, and I love to share, that recovery is so much more. and it brings us to a place of being able to live in such a more full and joyful way.

And so when we think about sobriety versus recovery or what we learn in this process, yes, it can be seen as like a lifelong thing. But I like to focus more on the fact that I get to do this. Like I get to live my life in a way that is more honest, in a way that is more connected, in a way that is more in tune with my faith and just with. with my purpose and with sitting here with you, having conversations like this, when people ask me that and I get that question a lot, like, do you have to do this forever? I just want to reframe it just a little bit. So I get to do this. I get to do this. And it's just such a wonderful way to be. Like I wish, and I think my conclusions titled, Recovery for everyone. Recovery can be for everyone. And I kind of wish everyone could be in recovery, but that's just me. I love it

so much. And so walk me through that feeling because I think that is, right? Like I even ignorantly can see that from my point of view. That's the experience that I've seen. That's what I witnessed through other people, but I've never had that personal experience. So walk me through why you get to do this. What that feeling is like for you as you are teaching other people, you're sharing your story and what those experiences are like for you because that might help us start to really understand that other side versus that always belief of thinking, okay, this is an entire lifelong journey. Walk me through these feelings and stuff that you're talking about. So I actually start the book with a scene.

And it's a scene that's played out in the lives of so many people that I've worked with. And I've been to a lot of recovery meetings and different recovery spaces where you'll hear people say the same phrase over and over, which is when someone finds recovery, it's like the light in their eyes comes back. And you might have encountered someone who has been through the process of recovery or has gone to treatment. And then you haven't seen them for a while and they come back. And they're almost like backlit, like the lights in the space. and they're shining from the inside out. I think that what we miss when we think about addiction recovery is something that you're stopping substances or it's a lack of or you have to live a certain way that's so restrictive.

We're missing the point that it allows for this openness that I think connects us as humans in such a true and just the way that it's supposed to be. There's a lot of folks that talk about this idea of fellowship and sharing and recovery circles, this honesty, where we can lead with being vulnerable. And I always encourage folks, if you haven't been in a recovery meeting or a space, there's a lot of them that are open where you can just attend as a family member, but sit in a space like that. And you will experience amidst probably more pain than you've ever heard of or really hard things than you've ever heard an incredible amount of joy and laughter and lightness. And when I think about that, I hope folks who are

watching or listening, notice when you meet someone in recovery. What are they like? Does it look like when you look in their eyes that they're lacking or missing something? I would say 100% of the people that I've met in recovery, a sustained long-term recovery, it is like this joyful gift that we want to share. It sounds like community, right? You're relating to people who have had shared experience in some way or form or who have experienced this side to all of this, that a whole other group people don't understand. So to have a community around something that's really hard or at one point was really hard for your life, I imagine is really a cool experience, especially today because community is pretty lost on us. So having a shared community like that is beneficial for anything.

I remember the first actual recovery meeting I went to and I was probably in my like mid 20s, late 20s. And I walked into the space and the room, everyone around the circle of chairs looked different men, women, different ages, socio-demograph, but just all of it was just this diverse group. And I remember the feeling, though, when I walked in and I sat down and I finally felt like I could take a deep breath because I felt like I was home. Like, I felt like I found my family. And I've heard of people talk about churches this way and certainly if I've had experiences there, but there's something about when you're connected to people that have that same lived experience, it's like you get each other. I could be sitting next to someone who has different life

experiences, but they're in addiction recovery. I connect with them almost immediately because we know each other. The experiences don't have to be exactly the same, but like they know what it feels like to be that little girl under the tree because they have their own version of that story. And so community is one of the key pillars that I talk about in my book that is instrumental to recovery. And so for families especially who are trying to discern and figure out how do I help my loved one, maybe their loved ones coming out of addiction treatment. One of the first things I recommend is make sure your person is connected in that community. Now, it's not on the family to do that for them, but having community and social support is one of the key pieces of, I think, the puzzle

in terms of how we get support. And it's not just addiction recovery, right? It's any type of grief support, divorce support for fitness, health, wellness. But yeah, I think it's an amazing part of the journey. in my late 20s when I walked into that space, that was the beginning of my actual sobriety and recovery story. And I had spent almost a couple decades at that point struggling with substance use. It was the beginning of my finally understanding that I didn't have to do this by myself anymore. And that feeling that I had been seeking and searching for my whole life, it wasn't like in something that I was going to be taking as a substance. It was in the circle. It was in the fellowship of people who had that same lived experience.

You were talking about loving somebody with this and community being a big basis of that. What are some other things? You're probably going to have people on both sides of the spectrum, one that's in recovery, and you have one that's dealing with the person who is in recovery. So how is the best way to walk through that? Let's look at it from the outside point of view, because that's what your book is really about, is loving somebody through their recovery. How do you show up for them in a way that really matters?

because they'll have this community. I'm sure they'll have other ways of working through it. But how can you just a normal person show up every day for somebody that's going through this process or have maybe already been through the process? Yeah, I think that's such an important question. When I was really struggling as a teenager and like I shared, had been through some really hard things. I remember my family and other people in my life saying and questioning me, like, Caroline, what's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?

why are you doing this to us? And I really wish someone would have asked a different question, which is what happened to you. And I wish people would have just sat with me like this and listened to my story. And I think we overcomplicate support sometimes where we feel like we have to say the right thing or do the right thing when really is a showing up. it's the listening and doing so in a compassionate, empathetic way. And I, in my book, I have some practical like how-toes of, okay, here's some ideas of how you can show up, communication, things you can talk about with your loved one. But the listening is just such an important part of that. And I think so many families have been burned and maybe feel really hurt and

discouraged. And will this even matter? Showing up and showing love in those simple ways of sitting and listening or texting. I even tell families, buy your loved one lunch. Go out for lunch. Buy them groceries. My dad did that for me when I was really struggling. And I'll never forget it. And it wasn't some big grand gesture,

but it was showing up and meeting a need that I have. Yeah, and I think one of the biggest needs we have is to be understood and to be heard. And so we can do that for each other. And it will go a really long way in supporting our loved ones. Pride is like love. You feel it in your heart. IR Radio.

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They turned black. It scared the hell out of me. That was your first murder case? Yes, sir. Fear to say this was the biggest case of your career? Yes, sir. Rape a murder for a child. Just as bad as it gets.

I would think so. Evil, wake up. I'm the one that saw the murder take place by Crevent and DePippo. Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse. unphased after being sentenced to the maximum. I said, I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grief. Listen to the devil's quarry on the Iheart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the devil's quarry ad free with exclusive content, subscribe to Love for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Hey, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. Together, we're going to have meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people. Like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges. I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer. And that was more difficult. There's a lot of people who understand postpartner depression. I was not prepared for

postpartum anxiety. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. Highlights are trending. Opinions are flying. And nobody's telling you, exactly what happened. That's where SportsSlice comes in. I'm Timbo. Every episode, we're cutting through the noise. Breaking down the plays, the controversies, and the stories behind the headlines. We go straight to the source, the athlete themselves. Their locker room stories, their reactions, the stuff nobody gets to hear.

The laughs, the drama, the triumphs, the moments that never make the highlight real. From viral moments to historic games, from buzzer-beaters to controversial calls, we break it down, give you context, and ask the questions everybody wants answered. Sports Slice brings you closer to the action with stories told by the people who live them. Listen to Sports Slice on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Slic Life 12 and the TikTok podcast network on TikTok. You mentioned the groceries and having things delivered because one of the things when it comes to supporting somebody, we often will ask them, what can I do for you?

How can I show up for you? Or let me know if I can help you. but I feel like the best way to truly support people is showing up without asking. And sometimes you have to force your support because it's often that we don't want to ask for help in any scenario. I would especially imagine that it's this type of recovery where you're not trying to ask for help. You're not trying to bother people. You just want to move through and work on your recovery. So the ways of showing up just by listening and by buying groceries,

I feel like are really impactful. That's it exactly. And I think, like I shared, we overcomplicate showing up. And I think sometimes just having that space to listen can be so impactful. But yeah, that moment with my dad, we had a really tumultuous, really hard relationship for a very long time. And I remember I was living in this like rundown apartment and hadn't seen him for a really long time. And I came down the stairs and walked outside the building. And it was like the way he looked at me, I could just see it in his eyes.

He was so sad and so worried. When he took me out for this meal and then he took me to the grocery store and I will never forget that. And they had to have a lot of boundaries around how they showed up to support me. But just that extension of I'm here. I want to meet what need you have in a way that's safe for me. And it made me feel loved. And I think one of the things that family members may forget sometimes is that through the process of addiction and some of the traumas we've experienced because of that or leading up to why we want to

use substances problematically and end up developing addiction, we carry so much shame. I had so much shame because of what had been done to me and what I had done in my active addiction. I didn't feel worth help. And it wasn't until I walked into those rooms of recovery in my 20s where I'm like, wow, I'm not alone. And you know what? Maybe I do deserve connection. And maybe I do deserve help and care. And yeah, it's a beautiful gift that we can give other people. And I also want to make the point, too, that because loved ones often are burned and hurt and are having a hard time trusting, you don't have to show up and love your person in recovery or struggling with addiction alone. I think that's when we can really lean on our community, too, as affected family members and loved ones to get support.

Sounds like to me that there's also a lot of steps in this process. So tell me what that was like for you, because it wasn't just that you were also recovering from addiction, but you also had things that happened in your life. You had mentioned right at the beginning that there's all of these moments in times that are happening. Connected, I would imagine, but isolated as well. So tell me what those experience were like as you were healing because you were not just on this addiction recovery side. You were healing trauma. You were hearing experiences.

You were going through stuff that was really difficult on. its own. Yeah, and I think that's one of the things that folks get wrong sometimes and they think that it's just about the substance use. Like, you need to stop using substances and then you'll be okay. But the reality is most of us end up using substances and get trapped in addiction because of the trauma that we've experienced. There's these conditions and things, these challenges that we face, that addiction is just the symptom of something greater going on. And so what I learned over time and I've worked with so many people and it's, it is a hard but amazing experience is that through the recovery process, you have these layers that kind of get stripped away. So for me, it was after

actually five years in recovery. It was five years I was sober until I started digging into some of the trauma that I had experienced because while I had stopped using substances, I still struggled with other things, relationships with men and food and exercise and some of these other ways that I tried to feel better to get that comfort and support. And so I think what's incredible, and I talk about recovery pathways in my book is recovery is not just, like you said, it's not linear. It's not addiction to recovery. It's a journey and it's a winding one where we find out and discover that over time, we need different things in different seasons. And so in five years in recovery, I needed mental health support for my trauma, you know, and then seven years in recovery, I needed a lot of support with

learning how to communicate with my now husband. And fast forward, I have seven-year-old twins. And so now it's, how can I show up and be a mom in recovery? How can I write books and be of service and live out this calling and purpose on my life and show up for the people in my life? So it's, I love how in different seasons of recovery, what we need changes. Yeah. And wow, you, the polar opposite, right? You're now raising. You were talking about the very beginning of this podcast, the young girl sitting underneath the tree. And now you're about to have your boys, you said they're seven years old. Yeah, boy and a girl. Boy and a girl. Okay, so twins. And there are two years from hitting the mark that was like a big changing point for you. When you think about that, does that bring a lot of emotions and

experiences that you feel like you're going to have to work through and understand what that all looks like? Or are you like, no, at this point, I got this. I know what's happening. I hadn't thought about that. Them being so close to that age, we are very open about addiction and recovery in our family now. And so that's a gift that I want to give to my kids, that it's not something that is hidden or secretive. I and my husband, recovery is a way of life in our home. My daughter's so cute. She tells me, Mommy, I want to be in recovery. I'm like, awesome. Hopefully you don't go down the same road I did to get there. But yeah, if you want to be in recovery, that's cool. But being open about having those conversations because even at elementary school, they're having kids talking about substance use. And so I

always encourage, especially parents with young kids, teenagers, even young adults, you cannot shy away from having those uncomfortable conversation. We talk about drug use. We talk about substance use. Just the other day, my son told my daughter, I think you're addicted to those cookies. And I'm like, yep, but sugar is very much a real thing. It is very, very true. So just being able to have those conversations is so helpful. but I hope that they have the tools that I didn't have. And so I think part of what I try to do is share that message with other folks and families. And it doesn't stop with our experience. And it doesn't stop with our loved ones.

We need to also look at the next generation coming up because what the research shows is most people like me who develop a substance use disorder or addiction start their drug use or whatever use, whatever they're using. And as that like 10, 11, 12 age range. And so, yeah, it's so important to have those conversations. When you think about that, you're like, there's no way. They're too young. But even in your experience, it all depends on the environment you're around, the things that you're exposed to. And I think kids are being exposed more earlier to things than they ever have before, especially with internet and technology and the things that they can see, even on just going on YouTube, but so many of them have access to. So I do think it's an important conversation and one that we should be having, unfortunately, sooner rather than later.

But were you also experiencing as you first started talking to your kids about this where they were like, what is that? What are we talking about? What are these things? Because they obviously probably weren't exposed to it yet. But you do want them to be aware of it when they do get exposed to it. As somebody who doesn't have kids, maybe as somebody who has really young kids and hasn't faced this yet, what was that like in those moments where you're trying to explain everything and how. have them be informed while also educating them on what a lot of things are. Yeah, I live in our house. The starting point is an addiction. It's actually recovery. And so we started the conversation

talking about what recovery is. And so I actually asked my daughter and son just gearing up for the book release, what do you guys think? And it was so cute. My daughter said recovery is healthy. And then my son said it's about giving back and being thankful. And yes, those are key pieces of the recovery journey. So for them, their starting point. isn't stopping something or staying away from this. It's where's the starting point? How do we want to live? Because if my kids are grateful, if they're being of service in their communities,

and if they're healthy, if they're treating their bodies and minds in a healthy way, they're going to be a lot less likely to be sitting under that tree, looking towards something that's going to be unhealthy for them in the future. So I don't start with the whole like dare, let's say no, which I was in the dare generation, if you all remember. I actually won an award, I think, for an essay that I did. back in elementary school and then fast forward, here I am. It didn't work for me.

But I think instead of focusing on like the no and what not to do, what kind of life do we want to live? And I was speaking to a group of high school students, this was a couple years ago. And we were talking about substance use and they said it is rampant in our high school. You can't even go in the bathroom in a public high school without all the vape smoke and the pills and everything else. And it's just, oh. And I asked them, I said, why do you think it is? Why are so many kids turning towards? substance youth. And they all had the same answer, the same word, and it shocked me. And it was

stress. Stress. So maybe they didn't experience someone like the major traumas that I had. But kids today, young people are so stressed and they're looking for ways to cope. So again, that starting point of not, let's not do that, but what can we do to help you cope with being a human today? So I love to have those conversations too. I think it's so important. And then, of course, also, again, not shying away from talking about things like we've already started talking about prescription medication. You shouldn't take a prescribed medication that wasn't prescribed to you and just some of those other things that they're going to be facing as they get older. No, and that line that you said of learning to be a human today, which is really important, right?

Because our experiences that we had as kids are drastically different than the experiences that they're having today. And it means we have to adjust. You have to look differently at how that's happening. And a lot of what you're talking about, too, is rewriting that script. Instead of focusing on certain negative things, it's just let's figure out how you want it this way. And it's like a Jedi mind trick a little bit, if you will, where you're just trying to focus on how to change that narrative of speak that we're using. You mentioned that with the, don't say no to drugs and all of that.

And said, what do you want your life to look like? Redirecting the energy to things that are more positive and more focused on you being able to write that? I think that's a lot of what we get wrong with so many things is don't do this. Don't do that. You can't have this. Be aware of this. There's no conversation around, well, then what should I be doing or what should I be looking at? Right.

Exactly. It actually reminds me an addiction treatment. When I was a teen, we had an exercise that we did. And it was impactful. I still remember it. I'm in my 40s now. But it was write a list of on one side of the paper, what you're doing now, everything you're doing now, all the behaviors, all the things. And the other side it was, where do you want to be? What do you want your life to look like? And then we look at both sides of the paper as those aren't lining up. But how do we get folks, kids, all of us really to the point of here's what we want for our lives. What are we doing now that's going to get us there? And I think it's more than like this goal oriented mindset, which I also love. But it's a recovery-oriented one because we're, again, we're focusing on those positive, healthy things, ways of being, ways that we can be a human in our world today that aren't just healthy for us, but they're healthy for our families and our communities. And yeah, I love that what you're sharing about focusing there instead of on what not to do.

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Take pride with you anytime, anywhere. Just ask your smart speaker to play IHart Pride Canada. Stream us on your phone. Listen now at iHartRadio.ca. In the moment, it felt like it was going on forever. I didn't think I was going to live. I was terrified. There was no anything inside those eyes.

They turned black. It scared the hell out of me. That was your first murder case? Yes, sir. Fear to say this was the biggest case of your career? Yes, sir. Rape the murder for a child. Just as bad as it gets.

I would think so. Evil, wake up. I'm the one that saw the murder take place by Crevent and DePippo. Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum. I said I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grief. Listen to the devil's quarry on the Iheart radio app,

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And for more, follow Timbo Slic Life 12 and the TikTok podcast network on TikTok. And flipping to the other side, because we talked about the family side, but I do want to address because how was it for you? Can you speak to those people who are potentially on this road and they don't know it? Maybe they don't know that this is happening in their life. Maybe they're unaware that they're having an addiction even at that point because I think a lot of what struggles for people to get to the point of recovery is often that they don't know it's happening to them or it takes a catalyst to show them that it's happening. But I want to speak to that community too because I don't know that we do all that often. So can you talk to them and what that experience was like for you? Because maybe they're going through it and they just can't identify it.

Yeah, I think that's such an important question to ask because there's this like either you're this or you're that, but some of us live in the middle. And if someone's trying to figure out like, do I have a problem with substances? Could this be spiraling out of control? I think the first thing I would say that if you're asking that question, be mindful of that, that you're to the point of asking yourself that question. And then focus on, again, where do you want to be? So I've worked with a lot of mothers who are like, It's the whole like mommy wine o'clock thing, right? Five o'clock. And I think society has kind of normalized some of that behavior and almost kind of made fun of it and made light of it when it can be very harmful for women. But if you're finding yourself like preoccupied, thinking a lot about drawing these boundaries, I'll only do this on the weekend and then you cross that line. There's some of these key indicators that there could be more going on. And actually for my day job, my husband jokes, I have so many hats that I wear. But one of my hats, I work for recovery.com. And so it's a website that helps people connect with treatment, either mental health or addiction treatment. We actually have quizzes on there. So you can go and take a quiz. Hey, the alcohol quiz or alcohol tests. And it guides you through some questions like, do I have a problem with this? So I would suggest if you're asking that question, pay attention to it. Pay attention to maybe some of the things that you could be doing or thinking and then reach out for support because there are a lot of options available. And you say reach out for support. I have to imagine. and that's not an easy thing to do.

So what if you're struggling with that, of reaching out, starting to make that change? Because change is also really hard. We love to be comfortable. We love to believe that what we're doing is totally fine. It's okay. It'll work itself out. But making that step, that very first step that really matters,

that's going to change the trajectory of everything. Talk to that experience, because I know that's one that people will definitely have questions about. Yeah, change is hard. Change is so hard. If you've tried to change anything, maybe it's a diet or, yeah, stopping drinking alcohol or whatever type of change, it can be comfortable to be in the same spot and just keep doing what we're doing. And not only that, like our brains, the whole neuroscience behind habit and behavior can become just this like pattern that we continue and it's really hard to break from that cycle. I think the hopeful, though, and encouraging thing is we can. And with addiction recovery, substance use, it used to be, like when I started my journey, it used to be this very stigmatized, like, you know, ooh, you have a problem with substances like this, almost like this, it's like leprosy almost like, it's like, oh my gosh, that's so different. I'm definitely not like that person. Whereas today, because of like social media and people talking about recovery and very open about

either being in recovery or alcohol free, there's this whole alcohol free movement that it's normalized. It's becoming more normalized. So I would just encourage folks, if you're a few, feeling scared to reach out. It is not an unusual experience today. It's actually a really common one. In the U.S. alone, there's like almost 24 million people in recovery. It's just like a wild number. It is a very common thing. And, and I have a love, hate, relationship with social media, but the good thing about social media for people in recovery is so many of us talk openly about it. So you just do the little old school hashtag thing or look at some people talking about recovery, it's like, wow, it's amazing. And not just that, but there are people who are openly

talking about their challenges too and their struggles. We don't need to feel alone in our experience. That's where I would suggest if you're feeling scared to reach out, you're not alone. So many people are in that place. And then maybe go back to that assignment that I had in treatment, which was, what are you doing now? What's your life look like now? Where do you want it to be? And are those things lining up. If they're not, you have options. There's things that you can do to change that. Yeah, that's really good for that whole process. And you mention it too. It is. There's a love, hate relationship with social media for sure. But you see it more often now and it's normalizing it, which I think is the behavior that we need when it comes to conversations like this. A lot of

conversations we have on this podcast, the whole purpose is to normalize them and having the conversation versus not. And it brought out something that I wanted to ask about because I also imagine with that many people struggling. You have so many people out in the dating world and dating partners. What was your experience like with dating as you had gone through this because I imagine that also brings challenges? That's a whole other podcast episode. There's a lot to unpack there and I'll just, it was challenging at first. I think for a lot of different reasons because I needed to find out who I was. I needed to find out who I was sober in recovery. And I also needed to heal from a lot of what I'd experience. So I needed to feel at home in my body and myself before I was able to be in a relationship

with someone else. I had a mentor early on who told me I was kind of obsessing about, I want this kind of person and I'm in recovery. So, you know, this is what I want for my life. And she said, are you at the point where you can be that person for someone else? Are you that person that checks all those boxes? And that was a moment from him like, oh, I need to do some more work. So did I have some questionable dating experiences in early recovery? A hundred percent yes, and I wish I could turn back time and change those. I think we recommend people don't date until at least a year in recovery. If you were having some challenges and things like that, I just rebelled against that. But I ended up finding an incredible partner and have just had not always

easy, but this amazing experience of being in a relationship and a loving relationship, healthy one. He's not in recovery, which some people are like, oh, really? Which I love, because I bring my experience and then he brings his. But he's been so willing to learn and listen. And part of why I wanted to write the book was to have the guy that my husband wish he had when we met, that my family, my parents, wish they had when I was struggling. And yeah, he's so funny. My husband.

When the book came out, all the Amazon reviews are coming in. And I looked and I'm like, Caroline, my name was on there. I'm like, honey. And then he put, I'm Caroline's husband and I think just about the book. I'm like, you've got to change the name. But anyways, it came from your Amazon account. But it was so sweet because he's, I think, something like, my family has lived this. We've lived this journey.

And relationships are hard no matter what. When you're in recovery, I think you need to be at home and yourself and learn who you are first. And maybe that's advice for everyone, not even in recovery. But yeah, and then I think the other thing that was so helpful for me was bringing other people, specifically women who had walked the road who were a bit older who could help guide me through through that who could speak that truth and girl like you better slow down yeah i wouldn't date that guy in that meeting but who could provide some counsel and wisdom definitely folks listening who may be thinking about a relationship in recovery have some discernment and i think bring some people

around you that can help you with them and you mentioned being there for other people i'd love to know about this and are they called sponsors still is that still a thing Yeah, so for some recovery pathways, there's 12 step, there's sponsors. There's a whole, it's like a whole menu now of like sponsors, recovery coaches, peer support specialist, mentors. So it depends what recovery pathway. I love to say mentor because it adds all of those different ones together. But yeah, I think throughout different pathways, the key part is someone who has been there, who has been there first, lived through it, and can now look back and speak truth and speak in a way that provides, like, wisdom for you and direction for you. It's one of the things I wish everyone,

again, everyone could be in recovery because living with that type of support is just incredible. If I'm struggling, and this happens even today, I will call a woman who has 40, almost 40 years in recovery and tell her like, hey, this is what's going on, and she'll tell me, she'll share her experience, and she'll listen to me. And there's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. I love hearing those because that's another back to the community, but that's an extent. of that community. And you see stuff in TV shows and stuff, and I wanted to make sure we're sharing the true side of it, not just the depicted side in entertainment, but I think those support systems, it's something that I think mentorship in general is just such a huge asset to anybody, but

especially of somebody who, again, can create that lived experience for you and really help you navigate through it is invaluable. So those are cool. And it's cool to hear that you had those, then you still have those. Yeah, and I think anyone who's walking like a long-term sustained recovery is a key piece of it. I actually started a nonprofit called the Women's Recovery Leadership Foundation, and that's exactly what it does. It pairs younger women with women who've been there and can walk alongside them and help support, empower, equip them, not just professionally, but personally too. You really are wearing a lot of hats. I am.

Yes, indeed, I am. He's coming on. But it's all under this same umbrella of really just trying to expand. this community and help in the ways that it helped to you, which I think is really cool. Yeah, and going back to what my counselor told me in treatment as a teen, those six words, your life has purpose and value. I needed to hear that. I didn't know it.

I didn't believe it. I didn't think I would live to be 30. I didn't think my life mattered. I had so much shame and I just had such low self-worth about who I was. I remember I used to walk around like with my hoodie up, looking at the ground. I couldn't even make eye contact to people in the grocery store. I've had such a low feeling about myself. Yet those words that were spoken to me just, it was like a seed was planted in my heart.

And today I want everyone to know, especially women and families, but people struggling in addiction and also in recovery that your life has value and purpose. And it's incredible what can come from that pain, what can be redeemed through the hard parts of our story. And recovery is just like a light that is a lot. that is a light along that path that kind of illuminates that road for us. Yeah, I want everybody to be backlit and just bright eyes shining in recovery. I'm thinking now, too, you just said that. You didn't think you would live till 30 at one point in your life. But now you're married.

You have two kids. You got a book. You're created nonprofits. You've done all of these things. Like, if you could tell that young nine-year-old something, what would you tell her? If you had the chance to go back to her and give her a little. little bit of insight, what would be that thing that you would say that would matter to her? Yeah. I want to add to that list. I drive a minivan too. We love that. That would happen. But I would just pull her close and give her the biggest hug and tell her that her life had value and purpose. And I would walk alongside her. I think a lot of people need to hear that today. That their life has meaning, it has purpose, as value. We are truly in a loneliness epidemic across massive amounts, which is also resulting in a lot of things of addiction and substance

abuse and everything across the board. The gosh, six words, you never know they could have so much meaning. But it's cool to see where you're at now and walk through the entire journey with you. And I appreciate you sharing it because, like you said, I know it's still hard. It doesn't even though it's gone doesn't mean walking through those moments again, doesn't bring back certain things. So I appreciate you sharing that. I like to end the podcast, It's not that this whole podcast has not been a piece of advice or motivation. But maybe something that's heavy on your heart. It can be inspiration or motivation or just something you want to mention that we didn't get to.

I give the floor over to you and you end us on something. Yeah. I would say, and this has just been heavy on my heart, if there's someone listening or watching who feels like the weight of their loved ones struggle with addiction or even into early recovery is too much to bear, that they don't have to carry that weight alone. And I think a lot of families feel this burden of and these questions, am I enabling? Should I show tough love? Am I doing the right thing? Am I helping? Am I harming?

And I think families and loved ones need to just have this invitation to set that weight down. You don't have to carry your struggle alone. Like I shared, addiction recovery impacts almost everyone, if not everyone, in some way, whether it's your spouse or your neighbor or your child or your pastor. all know someone. And so you don't have to carry it alone. You can reach out for support. And I just want to end with a story. So there was a woman I interviewed for my book. And she told me about a small group she had at her church. And while she was going to this small group, her friend's daughter was in cancer treatment. And her daughter who was in cancer treatment, this friend had all of the help.

She had prayer chains and meal chains. We love to bring our casseroles. And she had all of this support and she said during that same period of time my son was in addiction treatment and I didn't have any phone calls any texts any prayer chains any flowers any casseroles she said but my son was sick too and I needed support too and I like to tell that story and be reminded of that because I think it it shows something important which is it shouldn't all fall on the family member or the person impacted by addiction or recovery, the community, other people need to step up and love. Need to step up and step in and love that family member when it's hard for the other person to do. We need to pray and to send those flowers and to bring those casseroles and to show up in those

simple loving ways because addiction is when it boil it all down, it's a human struggle, just like any other hard thing that's human, right? And so we need to show up for each other. Yes, we do. That's a really good message, and I'm glad you shared that because it is. We often, it's with most things in life. We love to highlight certain things and downplay others, and it's a perfect example of it. So hopefully we can stop doing that.

Hopefully that's the momentum forward to just at least be a little bit more curious, ask more questions. We also never know the struggles that people face in their everyday life, and that's often where we get caught up in. It's easy to see a lot of the really bad if people's posting it on social media, but a lot of struggles come into. and we don't discuss them. So people silently struggle and I hate that. So I appreciate you being here to share and talk about everything. So thank you so much. Thank you. I've really just enjoyed talking with you. And thank you for highlighting this issue. It's so important. If you'd like to check out Caroline's book, I'll link it in the show notes. And I just want to share a special shout out to all of those in recovery and those walking with your loved ones in recovery. You're doing great and we see you.

Subscribe so you don't miss Darlene's story next week wherever you get your podcast. I'm so happy that you're here. Love each and every one of you. Bye. Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence, Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Cotopy is presented by CVS. There was no anything inside those eyes.

They turned black. It scared the hell out of me. People wake up. I'm the one that saw the murder take place by Crevecette and DePippo. Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum. I said, I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grave. Listen to the devil's quarry in the Bone Valley Feed on the IHeart Radio app.

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Hey, Niall. It was the same thing with Slow Hands. Slow Hands is not about anything else, really, is it? You know, or taste so good can be about food. You do the same, Nick, with some of the stuff that you've done. You too, Joe. Drop what you're doing and listen to Hey Jonas on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Everyone sees me as a football player.

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