The Body Collective - Finding The Love You Deserve

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

In episode 3, we’re talking love, sex, and dating with Ronald Young Jr., the host of Weight For It podcast. The ladies discuss how they met their partners and alongside Ronald, they give advice on dating, IRL and on the apps. Because let’s be real: It can be hard out there, and even harder as a plus-size person! So much of how we relate to our bodies is about how we relate to one another – so we’re debunking what society tells us is attractive, and the ladies have great tips on how to find your own spark.   SHOW NOTES The Body Collective series is sponsored by WeightWatchers. The content in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. You can follow our hosts  Katie Sturino @katiesturino on Instagram   Hunter McGrady @huntermcgrady on Instagram   Ashley Longshore @ashleylongshoreworld on Instagram Tracy Moore @thetracymoore on Instagram And our guest Ronald Young Jr. on Instagram @ohitsbigron. You can find his show Weight For It, wherever you get your podcasts. Link also here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/weight-for-it/id1686599391  Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.  Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.  Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows: lemonadamedia.com/sponsors To follow along with a transcript, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/ shortly after the air date. You can share your story at https://www.speakpipe.com/bodycollective See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada. Yes, I will say, if you guys are listening to this with young ones in the car, or if that's not your headspace right now, maybe come back to this one another time or skip this one. Or if you're my mom, just turn it off. Skip this one completely if you are my dad or my mom, 100%. Everyone else, enjoy. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Body Collective Podcast. We're here to change the conversation about weight. We're going to take everything we've learned about shame, unlearn it, and transform it into a source of power. And I'm doing it with some of my greatest girlfriends.

You're going to love them. Who am I? I'm Katie Storino. I'm the founder of Mega Babe Beauty. I'm a body acceptance advocate, and I am the co-host of this podcast. Hi, I'm Hunter McGrady. I'm a mom of two, a plus-size model, body image advocate, and we are going to dive in. And my name is Ashley Longshore. I'm an artist, an entrepreneur, an author, and an overall wild woman that loves chicken strips and ranch. My name is Tracy Moore. I've been a broadcaster in Toronto, Canada for over 20 years. And man, has my body changed over my time on television.

Let's face it, everyone. We are in a whole new era for the body. With medications on the rise, people seem to be talking about weight more than ever. But how do we do so in a way that feels healthy, empowering, and informed? In this series, we're chatting with friends and experts to help us navigate the hard conversations, they are hard, so we can listen to our bodies, advocate for ourselves, and feel comfortable in our own skin, the most important thing. So no matter what your journey with weight is, and I know we've all been there, please trust this is a judgment-free zone.

And today we are talking sex, love, and dating with Ronald Young Jr., the host of Wait For It podcast. Seriously, let's just get into this. First things first, in this segment, we are talking about dating. We're chatting about how our bodies have affected our love lives and how hard it can be to find your confidence along the way. Plus, tips to make it happen. Okay, Katie, if this is the topic today, I have to have you share your story. Our audience and listeners really need to hear all the details on how you met your husband. I absolutely would love to.

It's one of my favorite things to talk about. First of all, for anyone out there who is currently dating, I think my number one piece of feedback for people's profiles is that I'm often seeing a close-up of a face with sunglasses on or a group photo where I can't tell which one you are. So my advice is simple. It is just face shot, full body shot, face shot, full body shot, just so everyone knows what's going on. And you can really get the people in who are looking to love you. That's my first piece of advice. So I, oh man, I got divorced and then I got on the dating apps because I had never been

on the apps before. So I was like, oh, this is going to be fun. And I was excited. And I had like photos taken. I was like, I was just going, oh, I met John, whose name was Frank on the app. So like just super weird. It was a fake. That's so John. Right. To be, have his name was Frank on the app. So like just super weird. It was a fake. That's so John. Right. Like to be, have his name be Frank on the app. Frank on the app. Um,

and we, we chatted and then I was like, this guy lives in Queens. This is not my man. Um, but I'm going to have him over because it's Valentine's Day and I deserve something nice for myself. So I was like, why don't you just come over and we'll just meet up because we've been chatting for a couple weeks. And then I put on lingerie.

I lit candles. I had like the – on Valentine's Day, meeting someone for the first time. I had like the apartment. As a plus size woman. As a plus size woman. And I had the apartment ready. And I was like, I'm going to leave the door open a crack. You just come in. Oh, shit.

I did. Don't you guys? Who are you? I did. I feel like somebody else is going to walk in there. No. No, he, no, this is the part is i was like yeah this is fine he was scared that of two things you're gonna be the one he was like oh i'm gonna get jumped like i'm gonna walk

in and this is gonna be a setup and i'm gonna get robbed so that was his one fear so he was like 30 minutes late because he was standing outside my apartment building just being like should i go in or not? Because this doesn't seem right because girls don't do this. That was like his thought process. And then he got, the other thing he thought was, and he asked me this in his accent. He said, are you a cam girl? Do you record it?

Yeah, he thought I was going to live stream this interaction. And I was like, no, I am not was like no i am not a cam girl are you a cam girl yeah you cam girl um and then he came in and i was like okay is this guy even cute he was wearing an l a shirt too tight said el capitan on it. It was from the Banana Republic sale rack and jeggings. Yes. And I was like, okay. But he brought me flowers, which was so cute. And so he came into the room. His face hits the light and I see his face and I'm like, oh, you're really cute. And you have lingerie on during all this. I loved getting my lingerie ready for dates, please. Yes. And I was like, oh, your face is really cute. I really like you. And then cut to later that night, he told me that

he actually is going to delete the apps because he doesn't think he needs to date anyone but me. Oh, that is beautiful. Were you going through a moment of I am like, I am woman hear me roar, like to have the door open a little bit. I was but that was my my dating style post divorce was very much like that I was it was a celebration of me. But I love that because most women it's not like that. It's a Oh oh, what, like I'm now feeling defeated. I'm feeling, you know, especially as a plus size woman, you know, and I love this story because when I first heard that, I was like, oh my God, Katie, I would never do this. But you did that. And it's so great. Okay, guys, I shared my story. I want to know, how did you guys meet your partners?

Ashley, how did you meet Michael? Well, I was married for a minute Oh, T! And he was a sweet pea, okay But also, I told him We were married for like nine months, alright We dated for a little while I was 30, it was like a starter marriage You know what I'm saying?

But I was like, look If some things don't change around here I'm gonna be gone all right like like you know if he got a headache he would go to his mama's house and get Advil I'd want to go have dinner and then we'd end up with his parents anyway he was a nice guy I'd always kind of been with the assholes so I told him I was going to a concert and I never went home and I met Michael the next day really and I've been I've been with Michael at the concert no I went to the concert in Birmingham I went to go see Josh Rouse then I drove back to New Orleans and stayed with my friend and Michael is my friend's brother well Michael was getting a divorce from his wife. And it was just like, you know what? I, oh my God, this guy. We've been together for 19 years, by the way. Wow. But I was like, what in the name of God is happening? And I went outside and I was like, I'm gonna lay it on him honey because my friend had a guest house

and I looked up at the sky and I've asked the universe for a sign a few times in my life I looked up at the sky and I said I need you to send me a sign universe send me a sign and there was the biggest shooting star at that moment I had ever seen in my life and I went in that fucking guest house and it was like there was you wouldn't want to have a black light in there the next morning I'll tell you that you never drove back home to your husband no no no and and honestly honestly i was i was too much woman for him he really he really i'm very strong-willed if you didn't know and um yeah he bless his heart he was sweet you know michael is just like he's wonderful and nurturing and i have always yo-yoed throughout this whole relationship never been skinny okay that man I could fucking cry

right now he's so sweet he's always told me that I'm beautiful he's always you know he just when I have felt ugly and horrible he's been exactly what you would want in a partner he's your soulmate anyway yeah yeah I love him and he's not skinny uh either he's not like mr muscles um you know i like a man you know i like yeah um and uh yeah so yeah i love that i think it's a beautiful thing i know for me my weight has fluctuated the entire time we've known each other for like 20 over 20 years We've been married for 18 years. And you've had children. I mean, yeah. We've had kids. I've gone from midsize when we met to super duper lean and eating disordered

to pregnant to plus size to super lean again to plus size. And he's been there for the whole gamut. All of it. plus size and he's been there for the whole gamut and I always joke around to him that I could come home with like a very low afro flaming red and he would probably look at me and just be like how's your day today Trey but he'd also be like something's different I don't know what I can't put my finger on it but anyways um like he's just that person And he's the only man I've ever asked out. And look how it turned out. I asked him out. How did you guys meet? Where did you meet? So this is a total nerd reporter journalism story. But we have you guys have NPR in the States, we have CBC, that's Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. So it's our public broadcaster,

we were both reporters there. And I was I was actually working my way up to reporter. And I, for the first time in a long time had no boyfriend because I'm like serial monogamist. I always had a dude. I was like, I'm going to be single. I'm in my early twenties. I'm going to sled it up. I'm going to sleep around. I'm always going to have a guy, right? Like this was the plan. So I'm at work and I'm in the newsroom and I have a date for lunch. It's this guy named Claude and he calls me up on the landline. Cause it was those days, it was like 2000, the year 2000. And he's like, I can't make it. And I'm looking around the newsroom, like shit, like I still want to go out for lunch. And I was like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do with my little radar. And I saw Leo and he was over in another section and I was like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do with my little radar. And I saw Leo and he was over in another section. And I was like, he's hot. So the next'm off whenever you're off. I was like, okay, you're here.

I'm going to need you here. Like, calm down. I'm off at four. And he's like, let's get a bite. Let's go. Let's go do something. And so we went to this bar restaurant that was close to our newsroom. And that was our first date.

And I remember I went back to his apartment and he was wrestling his cat and I was like either he is so secure in himself that he is okay bringing a girl back here and wrestling with his cat in front of me and wearing his grandma's like crocheted slippers when we got in I was like he's either very confident or very much does not care about me. And it turns out he is just a confident motherfucker. Like this guy knows who he is. And that was the beginning of the rest of our relationship. It was a little rocky for a little bit, but it ended up going the distance. So he's the dude. He doesn't care about my body. I think what you said is so crucial in something that we've been discussing this whole

time. Knowing who you are, that inner voice, you knew who you are, you know who you are, he knows who he is. So you're together and the weight, it doesn't matter. You're two incredible, self-realized people that are confident. You love you so you can love him. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. How about you, Hunter? I have a very interesting story.

I love this story. Yeah. So I met my husband on Snapchat. And the way that we got there is he was on a date with a woman. And they were kind of talking about like, oh, what kind of types do you usually go for? And he was like, I love blonde curvy girls. Like I love a curvy girl. And she was like, oh, I follow this girl on Snapchat.

Her name's Hunter McGrady. She's a model, whatever. And he was like, okay. And she was like, no, you should like follow her. She's so funny and I think you'd really like her. Obviously the date wasn't going amazing. But but so he got he downloaded Snapchat. He's 17 years older than me. So he did not have social media. He was like, I guess I got to download this now since we're here. So he downloaded it. He followed me for a few months, not just me, but kind of like checked in here and there. It was

like, not totally on the top of his mind. I had come to New York where he was living on a modeling job and I had just broken up with a very toxic man and similar to you Tracy I was like I have to be single for like five minutes. Like I have to. I have to go out and have fun and whatever. So I went to New York a few days early because I was like I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna be single in New York. I'm gonna because I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to be single in New York. I'm going to slide it up. And I had put out on Snapchat, I was like, what are some fun things to do tonight? Like, where's a great place to go to dinner? He had taken that chance to say, hey, let me take you out for dinner.

I want to take you to this place. Come meet me. And I was like, fine, whatever. So I show up. And immediately when I saw him, I was like, that's my husband. Like right off the bat, I was like, that's my husband. He didn't even see me yet. I just saw his profile. And I was like, fuck, I'm going to have my mom's going to be so mad. I was 22 at the time. He was 38. And I was like, my mom's gonna be so mad. He has a kid. He's 38. I'm going to have to move to New York, all these things. Anyways, long story short, we shut down the restaurant. We had so much fun together. And we've been together ever since. And when we got married, I did the cover of The Knot. And I did a press tour around it and told this story. And that girl who he was on a

date with had messaged me and she, but she said, Hey, I'm the, I saw you in good morning, America. I'm the girl who told him to do that. And I was like, bitch, let me buy you champagne. And now we're friends. Wow. And we talk all the time i love that shout out to riot yeah literally and then hunter the first day that you didn't i run into you in person for the first time when you were moving to new york city it was my very first day i literally had my suitcase i came with one suitcase to new york city i was there like one day before i was signing my sublease that's when i ran into Katie. She stopped me and she was like, hi, I follow you.

I had worked on something with her ex-husband a few months before. And I was like, no, I've heard about you. Like, I so nice to meet you. And that was what, nine years ago. Is that crazy? When we come back, we're sitting down with our guest, Ronald Young Jr. to talk about what we are told is sexy in the media. Body Collective. Here's a clip from a real Weight Watchers member speaking about their experience, sharing how vital that power of community is when it comes to health. Take a listen.

The Weight Watchers community, it offers a supportive network where individuals from all walks of life turn to each other and share journeys towards healthier, sustainable living. It's truly a space of encouragement, accountability, and celebration of progress, large or small. The members, we motivate each other by cheering in our successes or comforting when feeling challenged. We share tips and recipes and just foster those lasting friendships, making the path to wellness not just achievable, but fun. Together, we learn, grow, and inspire each other to reach our goals.

It's truly unmatched. Do you ever get hit with a cringy memory of your 13-year-old self out of nowhere and suddenly you're panic sweating and laughing at the same time? Don't worry, don't worry. We all get that. It's because being an adolescent

is one of the most visceral shared experiences we have as people. And we want to talk about it. Join me, Penn Badgley, and my two friends, Nava and Sophie, on Podcrushed as we interview celebrity guests about the joys and horrors of being a teenager and how those moments made them who they are today. New episodes of Podcrushed are out now, wherever you get your podcasts. And we are back.

I am so excited to welcome our guest for this episode. He is a performer, a planner, a producer, and a storyteller behind the award-winning podcast, Wait For It, a show for people who think about their weight all the time. Please welcome Ronald Young Jr. Hello. Hello, hello. I want to talk about a topic you explored in your show, Ronald, about what society and media tell us is attractive and how that affects who we want to date and who we think wants to date us. I am going to say that I think that there are more, this is my hypothesis, I think there are more men that prefer curvy girls than are allowed to admit it for right sure i think so i would absolutely agree i feel like in in most cases it's it's this this like unspoken idea probably that's purported in through decades and years and years of ingrained societal thinking that uh that fat folks generally aren't attractive yeah but especially when it comes to like like men and their attraction to women like oftentimes it's like they like a big butt they like big tits which is just basically like big soft jiggly parts so why would it not go to further to say

that they like a big soft jiggly woman like why would that not go to further to say that they like a big, soft, jiggly woman? Like, why would that not be, why would that be unattractive to them? I don't know. My, my DMS are full of women who are scared to get on dating apps because they think that no one is going to want them. Yeah. I think, well, I think part of the other thing is like, is the way that, that women are treated on, on dating apps where it's like there's this idea that if you are a bigger woman that there's an expectation that comes sexually that is like really gross and completely unfair and i wouldn't want to be on an app either if i were them i need to say this i've been with my man for a while and before that you know i was with lots

of other men and uh i was i was also i went through a period where I was with some women too. But let me tell you something. Never, and I've always been curvy with the titties and the belly and all that. I have never, in the heat of the moment, ever had a man that turned it down or didn't want it once my shirt and panties came off i'm telling you that right now yeah being curvy and soft and beautiful also also i mean let's get it right now i know this is like the thread throughout all of these conversations when you are feeling hot yeah when when you are at when you're feeling confident let me tell you something you are the sexiest motherfucker on this planet yeah so true

i think there's like a all of that i feel like there's like a dual it's a dual-edged sword for me because i found that what you're saying is 100 true like i feel like if you're feeling sexy it's true especially in sexual moments if you're in a moment everything's hot and going there's a there's a there's no there's not many reasons to say no in those moments, right? Which feels good. I feel like what I found for me personally is like the idea of attraction and the idea of actually wanting to be wanted, it more often comes in those situations than it comes with me just walking down the street. And what I found is I find a lot of big women just walking down the street as attractive as I find them lot of big women just walking down the street as attractive as I find them in

the bedroom. I haven't seen that same congruence when it comes to like myself as a fat man, if that makes any sense. You don't feel like you're getting that energy? No, I don't. I feel like it's not like, I feel like there's, there's some incongruence there, both in the bedroom and walking down the street for me. Cause I feel like if you said that same thing, cause we can all agree that men like fat women. It's not like nobody's off the table, anything like that. Can you say that again for the listeners?

I said, I think we could all agree that men like fat women. There we go. It's 100% true. There's no caveat to it. The caveat that comes is with what society is still putting forth as what is deemed beautiful, right? Yeah. But I feel like when it comes to men, it feels like I know that there's an imbalance with

the privilege that men have and what is considered to be attractive. But I feel like in terms of raw animal instinct, I still see a lot of women like really going gaga over Jeremy Allen White's underwear pictures. And I'm like, if Ronald Young Jr. had done that, I don't think it would go as viral. Yes, it would. Same on the other side. We're seeing all of the thin women get all of the attention.

I mean, I think if anything, the top of the standard of beauty would be like white, thin, blonde. And then everything comes from that pyramid. But I find it so interesting that you would say that as well because there's a whole dad bod movement. Like there's a whole- Exactly, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

You have a dad bod and fat. Yeah, can I say something, Ron? I'm going to go against actually what you're saying here because I think that's the difference between a male and a female gaze, right? So I think that men think that women want the Jeremy Allen White, but I know all my girlfriends, all my model friends would prefer actually the dad bod. Yeah, same.

I mean, I have like, yeah, but I don't know what it is, but I think that that is the male gaze for the male gaze. Right. So like you guys think, oh, we want this big, not saying there's not women out there who want that, but this big ripped like, you know, and for us, it's like, oh, no, you know, it's sexy, like a forearm. Right. Or like a shoulder or like a big, broad man, right? Like that to us, we're like, oh my God. And I think it's flipped also with women thinking, oh, a man only wants a teeny, tiny little gymnast blonde girl. And it's like, no, but back to what you're saying too, we're not talking about it. No one's talking about it. So we all think this. But what I guess what I'm saying is like, I still see the same things. Like, for instance,

I think the one thing I've been talking about the most recently is the idea of ugly hot. You remember everyone used to talk about this thing called ugly hot. They'd be like Steve Buscemi, Jerry, Jeremy Allen White, all of that. And I'm like, okay, so let's say that that's a thing. Ugly hot is a thing. Do y'all think that that is something that anyone would describe a fat person as? They would describe them as ugly hot. And I'm almost convinced that is only, there's a certain size parameter that comes to that. And I feel like those are the discrepancies that I come in. And to be clear, I appreciate everyone that said everything about loving big men, all of that.

I'm saying the heft behind it or the enthusiasm behind it is what I don't, I don't see it regularly is more of what I'm saying as to say it doesn't exist. I know it exists. Yeah. I want to talk to you about desirability though, because when you talk about that idea of what people say and what people do, and there being an incongruence between those two things. I listened to the shame spiral on your podcast. What an amazing episode. Like what a full circle moment. So like the onion needed to be peeled so many layers there. So just for the listeners that are tuning in, do you want to explain what happened in that episode? So in the shame spiral, that is episode two of Wait For It season one. I take listeners on a

journey to a time when I was not fat, when I was in college and I was dating a woman named Caitlin who was fat. We really liked each other. We're really into each other, but we were just hooking up and I kept everything a secret because my friends were making fun of me a lot for it. So in that the course of that episode, we go over the course of our relationship and then we kind of flash forward to the future where me and her sitting down together and we have this conversation. And it kind of ends with a revelation that is, you know, I mean, every time I even listen to that, I get chills all over again. So it's a good episode, but it's kind of a pontification on the ways in which I treated fat folks when I was straight-sized as opposed to being fat and feeling treated differently now that I'm fat and other folks are straight-sized. Now, what I loved about that episode was that it looked at the fact that even if you were

tuned in and into, is it Caitlin? Caitlin, yes. Even if you were okay with being open about that, the world will find a million ways of telling you that it's wrong. Yes. And for you, it was your boys. I've been in a situation where I dated a guy that was much smaller than me and very good looking. And people would just let me know. Like we'd be walking down the street. That's not cool. Yeah. Like they just in subtle ways, in overt ways, it was sort of like, you shouldn't be with her, like that sort of vibe that you get. So what I want to know from you is, do you feel it takes a certain amount of courage to be in those spaces between the external desirability and the internal desirability that you might feel desire for this person, even though the rest of the world is not feeling it.

You can live within those spaces, but does it take a certain amount of emotional maturity to be in that space? Yes, but it shouldn't. I feel like this goes into that same that that when people call women brave for wearing certain outfits. Yeah. So it's like, yes, it does take courage to do it. But it's like, but it should take courage to do it. I'm just wearing a shirt or I just like this person or I love this person. It should not take courage to go out there and do it but yes it does it takes a certain fortitude and the unfortunate part about it is because of the fortitude that it takes you could just be going to get ice cream i just want to go get ice cream with my lady and now i gotta be ready to be like here goes a dozen looks and stares and i gotta be on on high alert all the time what's

gonna happen it's almost like being in an interracial relationship at times too when you're just like what is someone gonna say about my partner or about me in these spaces where my partner or me may not be accepted? You know what I mean? And it's like, you have to gird your loins as you walk out to say like, this shouldn't take this much effort, but is it going to take this much effort? This idea of like, when I think about, and I guess when I talk to y'all about Jeremy Allen White, this'll tell you more about ronald which is like the insecurity that i have is that i hear hundreds of thousands of people telling me that michael b jordan is michael b jordan my god look at him dripping with the abs and all that stuff and i'm like can you give me just more james james gandolfini in a wet shirt

you know can you give me more of that so that or i just saw i don't know if y'all saw this there's a verbo ad going around where there's a fat black man taking a shower on a resort. And it's like a raindrop shower. And he's like taking a shower. And then in the next scene, he has a robe on and it's open.

And I'm like, yes. Yes. And it's not a joke. It's not a joke. And I'm like, if they gave us more images like that, that just of women saying, yo, actually, this is cool with me. You know what I mean? It feels better because I feel like I'm like, if they gave us more images like that, that just of women saying, yo, actually, this is cool with me. You know what I mean?

It feels better because I feel like I'm not, I don't get that type of validation. I didn't mean to take it back to that. That wasn't my intention. I'm sorry. What are some of the things that you think women who are plus size who are on dating apps can do in their profile to not only represent themselves in a, like a not honest way, but just like be who they are. Like what, what do you see out there? What have you seen out there that women should do or shouldn't do on dating apps? I feel like in most of the dating apps, uh, I feel like the women that I've been the most attracted to are the ones that look like they're having fun. Um, because mostly,

mostly it doesn't really matter because i feel like the ones that are boring is just like here's some here's some you know pictures of me and some friends and we're kind of just standing there or the ones where everyone has the same picture of the same art exhibit that came to town and everyone took the same picture oh yeah i feel like i get tired of those but what i do like is like if you're laughing if you look like you're having a good time uh if there's one where like even your hair and all that stuff doesn't have to be perfect. But if you're like, if you're like smiling and happy, and there's joy, and this isn't me like saying women need to smile. I'm not saying that. But I'm like, the joy is what attracts Ronald specifically, because I'm like, Oh, I want

to have fun, too. So let's have fun. But I feel like outside of that, it's, there's a lot of people that are trying to do the angles and the, you the sterilized pictures and that just makes your account look boring and sterile so i feel like those are things i look for but also i do not i'm i if i wind up single again i'm never going to do the apps ever again why just the apps are a garbage dumpster fire hellscape, like what is a post-apocalyptic terrible place. Y'all know this is true. I'm not making this up. I met my husband, yeah, on the app. I'm not saying that people don't meet partners.

I'm just saying like, how many, you have to have like 40 horror stories before you got the husband, unless you got lucky and the first one was him. No, no. I got you.

And we're back. In this segment, we're talking about how bodies ebb and flow and how we ride those waves. I want to kick it off again with a listener story from someone who went on their own internal journey through age and sizes, and I just really love their perspective on relationships. Roll the tape. Hi, Katie. My name is Stephanie. I'm in St. Louis, Missouri. I'm 60 years old, never married, but lots of long-term relationships. And weight has profoundly affected my dating life. I've had men use it as a control issue and hold it over me. I've had men embrace it. I've been told that I was a beautiful woman, but if I dropped weight, I would be dropped in gorgeous. I've had men tell me that they really liked me, but they would like less of me. And I remember being shocked, but still sitting there and letting someone talk to me like that. And I would never let someone speak to me in that form.

Now I would excuse myself and leave. It's a really interesting journey to get the confidence over the years when you've been told that you were, because of your size, your size was too much, but you were less than. And I don't let people speak to me like that anymore. I'm a vibrant, beautiful woman that works in luxury retail and I own my own home. I have a lot to offer. So I walk in now wondering, what do you have to offer me? God. Nice.

And I own my own home. And I own my own home. Imagine someone telling you they want less of you. What a disgusting garbage thing to say. But isn't this what we've been talking about? Is that inner monologue i know i say that all the time but to get to a point where you're like i i love me i know my self-worth this is also why and and i i say this all the time you know these 20 year old

girls they put up with a lot of shit you know you get into your 30s and you're like you know what i i i i know what i like i know what i don't like what you'll never hear is a man say i want to go out and find me a strong-willed plus size 49 year old woman because let me tell you something we ain't putting up with shit do you know what i mean i know who i am i know what i You know, I'm so happy for this lady. I'm so happy that she figured out how beautiful and radiant and authentic and what her worth is. Damn it. You know, enjoy that house that type of comment from a man. And I personally have done that over a dozen times. Just been sat down and told basically, I'm good looking, but I should lose weight because I'd be even better looking. And I left those interactions being like, God, they're so kind for telling me that, for being honest. What?

Really? Oh, yeah. That didn't piss you off? I was in my 20s. being like, God, they're so kind for like telling me that, you know, for being honest. Is that? Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It didn't piss you off? I was in my 20s. I was like, I was like, you're so good for like wanting to help me, you know? And I was a size 12. Come on.

I was like, not all the way. I was not all the way on their side. But I do remember a guy spooning me once again dumb dumb 20s like i just think we're dumb dumbs yeah a guy spooning me from behind and playing with my stomach and being like oh you got like you got a lot going on there and me being okay with that like he wasn't playing with it in a good way like the way my husband would now it was in a oh maybe you need to work on that and i was just sort of like I remember feeling like hot with embarrassment, but also not saying anything against it, but also not being happy with the fact he said that, but also not leaving the relationship. You're like, oh my God.

He made you feel ashamed. Yeah. off the hook and having some of these behaviors in the past but i will say it it just feels wild to open your mouth and say that to someone that you are sleeping with that you are regularly talking to like to run them down in that way it's just like then you also how are you not indicting yourself for saying like you're involved in something that is repulsive to you somehow you know what i mean like that's just it feels wild to do that they're both paths where you need to walk yourself out of that shame to say like what is the issue here but why are you like looking at this person and saying like you would be better if you if you changed you know what I mean like

that just feels like like I don't know why well that person is making you an object not their best friend no that's that's that's not your best friend that's not your soulmate that's not your person that you spend your Sundays with you know's somebody objectifying you. And I think 20-year-olds, women for sure, maybe we think we're supposed to be these perfect images of what women are supposed to be because that's what we see in the media. It is. It is bullshit. It is bullshit. We didn't know yet. I want to know, what if the shame is not coming from your partner? What if your partner is like, I love your big fat ass, and you're like, no, I'm gross. Don't touch me. What if it's you?

How do you find your own spark? For me, my whole thing has always been about erotica. Like, I feel the horniest I have ever felt. I don't know if it's because I'm in the dirty forties, but it is about erotica. And I mean, not like straight skinny erotica. It's usually like,

it can be plus size erotica, neurodivergent erotica, diverse races erotica. Like I fucking love the recos. Yeah. I have so many, I have so many. I have so many. And there are more authors I find these days coming out.

I think we all get our sex kink and our aphrodisiacs from different things. For some people, it's movies and porn. That's not really me. But I want to read it because I am such a book girl. So I have a few authors. So I have a few, you're reading, you're reading books, not listening to stuff. I'm not even listening to them guys. I'm reading it. Wow. Yeah. Like a 98 year old woman, but like, I love that. I think I, I have totally been in this moment a few times in the last few years. husband he literally like i could i mean as i was

giving birth he's like and gaping baby coming out like a vag open he's like you are the sexiest woman i've ever seen in my life straight i mean literally he is that not a day goes by thank you katie and thank you actually uh not a day goes by where Thank you, Katie. And thank you, Ashley. Not a day goes by where he doesn't make me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the room. And the thing is, though, is that my own shame when I had my first kid and my second kid, how I got out of it was I had to really like date myself. I had to like learn what makes me tick again, learn that this new body, how it moves through life, because it did move through life differently after my kids.

And I really think that we all kind of go through that where we date different versions of ourselves. The version of us when we were 20, the version of us when we're 30, the version of us when we were 20 the version of us when we're 30 the version of us in a relationship and single uh after giving birth like we are constantly doing that and so i've had to get really good at that and i think because i found myself feeling that shame of no i'm not sexy anymore i'm a mom now and i have these new stretch marks and i this that and the other thing and so i've had to learn that I really have. And I've gotten good at it now, you know, over the last four years. And, um, and,

but I do think it's important as women to make that a priority because we will ebb and flow. I also think, and this, this helps me when I got to get dressed up and go even just be confident in my business or if I'm gonna lay it on my man hell I'm gonna well you know you know I'm gonna lay it on him girl I mean that's we know that Ashley girl if there's one thing about you you're gonna lay it on your man we gonna get it done I am not gonna stand in front of a mirror and pick myself apart. I am going to stand in front of that mirror and I'm going to find the things that I actually love about my body. I love my legs. I love that my thighs touch. Okay, I love my big titties. I love my hair. I love my. I'm going to make a list of what I love. Now, I could also, if I had to tell you all the things that I don't like about my body.

But guess what? That ain't going to get me anywhere. I don't want to be in that headspace the same way I could tell you why this morning was a train wreck or I could tell you why it was a great fucking morning. I want to talk about what was good about it. I do think that that type of exercise does help with confidence and good energy. I really do. I think it's a good practice. Ronald, what about you? Do you have any tips for dudes? Over the course of my life, there have been a handful of women who made me feel sexy. You know what I mean? They just said something about me where I'm just like oh my god thank you like that that really feels good every other most

other women have always used phrasing in which like i felt like divorced me from being like a sexual being and that's what i struggle with every day of my life they use words like teddy bear and i'm like and i'm i'm trying to and i've been like on a teddy bear to world tour because i've been listening to women be like what are you talking about i want to bow to teddy bear i'm like but just the words teddy bear does not evoke sexuality is all i'm saying so it's like i feel like that's the war that i'm having in my mind and so i feel like for me like because there's been like like a few women that i feel like i've just like really been like no ronald you are hot and here's why here's a list of reasons i feel like I kind of have to like tap back into those because otherwise I do fall into the trap of being like, am I, I'm not good enough for any

of that stuff. So I feel like I don't really, I wish I had more tips to say like, this is working out, but Ashley, even listening to you, I'm just like, it's not even an issue of like, I look in the mirror and I'm like, Hey man, you all right. Like, which is fine. like it's not even an issue of like i look in the mirror and i'm like yeah man you're all right like which is fine and that's not like me saying it's bad i'm saying like you're all right but i feel like i'm gonna tell you what i told oprah winfrey you need to french kiss yourself in the mirror and then holler i would fuck me now i didn't say i would fuck me to oprah because i got scared but i actually even wear a necklace that says i would fuck me yeah if it's just me we we good. Yeah.

But I'm saying like, if there is another person, where's that heat? I need that heat. You want them to feel the animal. Lust. I understand. Lust. I also wonder how much of this is also goes into love languages and speaking love languages. Like, obviously, I can tell Ronald yours is affirmations.

Mine is too. Words of affirmation. Yes. Yeah. I can tell you that's your number one. I think that's also crucial in a relationship, especially in plus-size dating and honestly all over the board for sure. Yeah, I got to feel seen and heard and loved and adored. Yeah.

Tracy, you brought up erotica before. Yes. Do you want some authors? I do want some authors because I want to know where you guys see healthy examples of plus-size bodies in media. Personally, I actually wrote a rom-com that is coming out in June of 2025. It's a book. I feel like she's not busy enough.

And I'm so excited about it because it is all about a plus size woman who gets divorced in New York City, gains a bunch of weight and like totally finds love. Do you guys have any examples of great plus size? Art. Yeah. Talia Hibbert, guys, that's the author I definitely recommend. It's always very diverse in every way you can imagine i think all of her protagonists are plus-size women fat women um there are fat men um but talia hibbert has like a bunch of titles olivia dade is another one some of them good some of them i got a little i don't know if i like that portrayal, but she's got a few good ones. Julie Murphy as well has a...

Yes, I was going to say, If the Shoe Fits. I love that book. If the Shoe Fits. That was a good one, right? Yeah. So they're out there. They're not as plentiful as they should be, but they're a good start. At what point are we just going to start celebrating our individuality and the idea that we're all so

different and authentic and fucking gorgeous i hope that social media the good part of it will lead to that in the next decade at least just just the idea that we're not all the fucking same how boring would that be but actually do you feel like we're moving away from that right now? Because I feel like that's been my biggest fear is like Ozempic and post and post the pandemic, all that stuff. Like we're in a different world now. Yeah. Ronald, I am learning so much by being a part of these conversations about what I don't know and about about myself, about how i feel about things i i i guess live in my own little um happy optimistic joyful bubble you should stay there stay there stay there stay there please stay there don't

leave don't leave i just i just i don't i don't understand when people are mean i don't like you we were talking about um something uh you know, on our last recording. And I was like, what? Well, I just things that just shock me that I've never even thought of before. Like, I just I just want to celebrate how different and unique and beautiful and special we are. And if we know how special we are, then we just shine, man. We shine. And that is sexy. That is hot. That is joy, you know? And it's magnetic.

It's magnetic. Ronald, thank you so much for joining us. Can you tell us where people can find you? You can find me primarily on Instagram, but also on ThreadsX, which I don't believe in that. But also on X at TikTok. At, oh, but also on TikTok. Oh, it's Big Rod. That's at O-H-I-T-S-B-I-G-R-O-N.

And you can check out my podcast, Wait For It, W-E-I-G-H-T, available everywhere you get podcasts. And I'm also the host of Pop Culture Debate Club from Lemonada Media, which I just took over as host there. So please come listen to us as we debate all the popular pop culture topics. Thank y'all so much for having me. This has been great. Thank you, Ronald. Thanks, Ronald. Thanks so much for listening and to so many of you for sharing. And thank you to my fellow collective members, Hunter, Ashley, and Tracy. We hope you learned a few things today and you can keep unlearning with us this season. We want you to

feel good no matter what stage of life you're at or what size you're wearing. We all deserve love, pleasure, happiness, and that can be with just yourself or with somebody else. And you can still share your story with us. Find a link in the show notes. Oh, please do. So please join us in the Body Collective Club. Keep listening. Give us feedback. We'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye.

There's more of the Body Collective with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like outtakes that didn't make it into the show. Subscribe now in Apple Podcasts. The Body Collective is a production of Lemonada Media and Weight Watchers. Your hosts are Hunter McGrady, Ashley Longshore, Tracy Moore,

and me, Katie Storino. The Body Collective series is sponsored by Weight Watchers. The content in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. This series is produced in sound design by Mariah Gossett.

Additional sound design and engineering from Ivan Karyev. Music by APM and our senior supervising producer is Kristen Lepore. Our VP of narrative content and production is Jackie Danziger. Executive producers include Stephanie Whittles-Wax and Jessica Cordova-Kramer. Series consulting and production support from Anna Pascal, Kelsey Merkel, Lauren Zeinfeld, and Vivian Walsh. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing us a really, really great review. Follow The Body Collective wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad-free on Amazon Music with your Prime membership.

Thanks so much for listening. See you next week. Bye-bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Rivera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's

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