The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Farter and a Liar

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

Rapper Tekashi69 has a lot of troubles but that doesn't stop Jay & Bob from appreciating his music. | Bobby admits to lying about committing a heinous act and blames it on his protein intake. The crew thinks that he just loves farts. | The toilets at the workplace are constantly clogged and Jacob investigates the reasoning behind this phenomenon. | A clip is played of a comedian who claims to hate shock comedy, performing a set that may be shocking. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Chew-choo! Come on, Jacob. Don't you want to grind on some fucking big old butt to this? I sure do. You do. Just deny it. And yeas don't knock it until you try it.

Jacob's on small butt camp with me. He's on team Little Butt. We like little butt We like little butts And ride it Surprisingly you want to live in Florida Home of the Fat Ass And ride it

Come on ride the train What's up buddy I'm riding the train You love this I didn't say You remember when I We went to Key West With Lewis

Christine Rebecca And Lewis's brand new girlfriend at the time It was a nightmare. The one, oh, that one's gone. Yeah, yeah. The Philly one. No. The other one.

This was like years ago at this point now. The fucking dud. Sure. Yes. But we all went out to this thing and, you know, Lewis, where he wants to ball out are like the funniest things. He's like, we rented as two convertibles. I go, dude, convertibles suck so fast. They suck.

He's like, no, you got him. I go, all right, well, then if I'm driving a convertible, I go nonstop at top possible volume. I'll be listening to Quad Cities DJs the train on loop wherever we go And I mean I live true to that I think I can I think I can There's a guy that drives around the street The block here

Player in this music Does he? Yeah you When we leave every once in a while It's a Puerto Rican guy In a shitty Maroon Toyota Jamming all the windows down He just goes around the block And he just has it pumping for everybody

Paula, Walla in the back of my Impala. Woo! Come on! Did you guys not fucking... You guys didn't try to fuck ethnics in the 90s? I did. Well, this song wasn't in your atmosphere? Not in the 90s.

Late 80s. For a spell. Oh, yeah. The Curtis Blow era. For a spell. Go these, all the breaks. Ha, ha. Who was that song I was listening to?

Oh, we listened to it last week. ready for the world, all those slow jams. I love how much you've gotten into, at least are interested by Takashi 6-9. Well, here's the problem with what you did. Max had a lacrosse game the day. One, we get in the car, I put on Billy. A nice hype. I put on Billy to hype up the car, and it kicks in.

I'm kind of like, dude, he's going to love this, said I'm letting them listen to this. And immediately he goes, Dad, why are you listening to this? That guy's a pedophile and he rape young girls. Well, that's settled down. Well, that's what he said. That's what he goes, do you shouldn't listen to this guy?

He rapes young kids. He's a pedophile. Now, listen, that does sound bad. But listen to when this beat kicks in. It does kick it. Jacob, tell me this doesn't make you not give a fuck if he fuck kids. Trey Way. Let me hit my, feel my nuts, Lou.

You. Guess what? Whole squad full of fucking killers. I'm a more to two. Shot, one more. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

To be going, la, la, rah, rah, rah. Shot, shot. Big J this and big J that. All my dick and all my yak. I'd have to drop my address. You know what's six nine at. Jacob, come on, dude.

Smash you a fucking wall, dude. Headbut DJ Lou. Make a move. Oh, somebody called fucking doctor Gushy Gushy Pussy I like my dick trip while I get my dick lick TIP

Jacob Find your enemies Find your enemies Call now And tell those motherfuckers Say one smoke I don't really see you Oh

Her to you For I murder you Whole squad full of a fucking killers. I'm a killer too. Send a shot, shot, shot, shot, shots. Pop, pop, Nick. There you go, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

Shot, shot. I'm going to be careful. Very careful with that song. Oh, yeah. I was singing that song. I see I wouldn't be able to. You would just, you're editing out the N-word, and it's 80% of the song.

We know that I have a problem with that. with the NWA. Yeah. Yeah. I was singing that song walking down the street. I was, I was blaring that song

walking down the street and I was trying to, I was on St. Marks and I kept having to go stop short at the old N-word there. Pop, pop, but you really the motherfuckers

and St. Marks know which I appreciate. Oh. Can we look up the accusations of 6-9 and the settlements and whatever,

his legal issues? I'm just going by what a 13-year-old told me that. He said, you gotta get this off. He is a pedophile. Don't take his word for it. Well, you know, I took your word for it,

and then you made me look like a piece of shit in front of my kids. No, I told you this guy is not, I told you to watch a documentary. I did, I watched a documentary. You watched a documentary. You watched the documentary. I watched a, I watched two documentaries, actually. I bet's Kashi 6-9.

Yeah, very interesting guy. Okay, here we go. Here we go. It's a good song. federal racketeering and firearms. He was arrested alongside alongside members of the nine Trey Gangsta Bloods.

Treyway. He faced the mandatory... Treyway. Trayway. Scum gang. He faced a mandatory minimum of 37 years to life for racketeering, drug trafficking, firearm offenses.

He had a highly publicized cooperation plea deal testifying against his former gang members. Just got two years in prison. fucking hate snitches didn't you hear the thing though where he says what's loyalty though if your boys kidnapped you and shit remember and they fucked his girl

they got to take that you don't snitch they fucked his girl and they kidnapped them and they kidnapped him yeah dude what would you do if they fucked your girl and they kidnapped you I don't I mean I don't snitch is there a company jay that we can hire to kidnap jac one day after work yes like a van just pulls up and throws a hood over his head and they kidnap him See if he gives information up. Yeah, we just take him somewhere and we, yeah, he rats us out to see if he's a snitch or not. Maybe he's kidding up.

Here's what's going to happen. Here's me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're going to talk. You're going to talk quick. What do you want me to do? Probation, supervised release violations after multiple infractions during his five years supervised release. Unauthorized travel to Vegas, failing drug test, domestic violence.

dispute he served 45 days in jail in late 2024 following further violations unapproved travel and a physical altercation a federal judge ordered him back behind bars for three-month prison sentence child sexual performance before gaining mainstream fame he pleaded guilty to a felony count of use of a child and a sexual performance involving a 13-old girl well there you go snitch bitch yeah i feel like still wait a second now go ahead no no i fuck him i'm a he's a bad guy i said before he's a bad guy Pedophile. I don't know if he fucked a girl. I think there was a girl backstage when he tells a story.

See, if you find the story, it would happen with the guy? He tells it. We're just saying there's levels to the pedo game. No, I'm saying, would you want your life ruined if, like, a fucking 14-year-old girl came backstage with a guy and was like, hey, look at my pussy and stuff. And you were looking, and then they were like, oh, that girl was 14, by the way, or whatever, 16. I would say, this is more of a question for me. I don't know if that's what happened.

He may have fucking raped a girl. for all. I know I have no idea. This is more of a question for Lewis. No, no, no. I know his answers and they're bad ones. Yeah. They're bad ones. But I don't know. If a 13-year-old girl comes backstage, you kind of know. You gotta know she's 13. I don't know. I mean, that girl

came on Stern years ago, whichever one of those groupies it was and she was like, that was when the Allman brothers gang banged me when I was 15. And I was like, huh? That was a different time. That's what she said. And it was a different time. That's what she said. At the time of the offense, he was 18 and the alleged victim was 13.

The video depicted another man having sexual contact with the guy while he simulated sexual acts from behind and groped her. He pleaded guilty to one count of using a child in a sexual performance. He stuck a plea deal that allowed him to avoid prison time and required him to complete a thousand hours of community service and mental health treatment and returned from pushing explicit content. Did he say something afterwards? I think he said something about it.

Like when he tells the story. I don't know. I saw a documentary, not the documentary. Yeah. But you know what? Well, here's the thing. I said before it, but just because he's saying it,

like, you know, he didn't know or whatever like that. Like, that doesn't mean he didn't know. I don't think we shouldn't invite this guy for dinner. I would. But that song makes me want to fucking put somebody through a wall. I want to just ride on the outside of a car through Harlem. Well, I told you there's too. He's on too much video because the problem is,

even with the songs that are so hard and the one we used to play for Jacob all the time, remember? gummo oh gummo oh gummo is good too it's great yeah

so I said those songs are really fun but like yeah once they looked in to him he was like yeah this guy's just kind of a piece of shit but I don't think he started as a piece of shit

maybe he always wasn't but he seemed like he was like an artistic kid it was gonna like figure something out it was like pretty industrious what he did and then does anybody start as a piece of shit Jay I think we all start

in a good way and then you know somebody brings a 13 year old for a video and you just a local what are you gonna do The local people in his neighborhood seen when they talked about him. They was like, no, it was always like an interesting kid.

He was very, like, industrious. Like, sold his shirts and, like, he made stuff. He was sounding he was, like, a decent kid. And then, I guess also because you're industrious and a decent neighbor doesn't mean you don't beat the shit out of chicks. Well, I mean, look, that culture is fucking crazy. It's, you know, fighting and all that stuff. And then he, the thing about him getting the tray bloods, is that it? Treyway.

Treyways in just in the video. And because they got him in the video, they just kind of. They made him a gang member. absorbed him him and what are you going to say no that's what I'm saying then they came to him like so now you got to do some stuff as a gang member he's like no I was just the video guys and they're like no you're in the gang now he's like fuck if Jay ever met the trayways he would be in the bloods the next day he can't even not tell no what he thinks of him never mind the bloods Jay would have a bandana I haven't said no to a black guy ever I gotta tell you this the shorts that I'm wearing as we speak I'm glad I brought this up. It's now my second clothing collaboration because the guy got me at the mall. Oh, you got to explain. Guy got me at the mall on a...

We were out front one day, and this guy, you know, they walk around with their stuff, their clothing things, and this guy walked up to me, and he's like, yo, man, I got these shirts. I'm selling these shirts my design, and I went, he'll buy them, and I pointed to Jay, and he went over to Jay, and sure enough. Now we're in a collaboration. Long term. Every day for like a month, he was like, yo, where... a big guy. It was more than a month. I think he changed

his route though, because I haven't seen him since in a while. But then the guy got me walking through the mall the other day and he was like, my man, I like your style, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he sort of recognized me and then like, when he recognized me, he's like, man, he goes, let me hook you up, man goes, I'm going to give you half off, which I'm sure it wasn't half off. But he's like, what do you like? He's like, zip up hoodie? And he's

show me all the zip up hooties. I'm like, no, I'm a pull over hoodie. I'm going to pull up hooties. How much are they? They're $500 usually. I'm going to give him for $200 each. Yeah, kind of like that. Yeah, kind of like that. It was more like 300 down to 150 kind of shit. That's what they used to do at the leather stores in New York, when they'd say going out of business, half off everything.

Then you go in and everything's still $1,000. No, it was. It was $2,000. That's what he did. He showed like he just kind of showed me the stuff when he started doing math on a... I ended up picking these shorts and a hoodie that I do like the hoodie. The hoodie's actually very, very cool.

You can see right up your stomachier in those shorts. Can you? Yeah, well, Jacob can. I got a good shot of your release. Wow, look at that. You gotta start tanning that upper leg, dude. That looks like an oil cookie, man. No, I know.

Yeah, it looks like my mom's leg from the fucking knee up. I gotta get back to spray tanning. You gotta, you gotta go out in the backyard nude. No. Come on. I won't. Why? Nobody sees you. You got a nice backyard with a big high stuff.

Not high enough. No. I don't be able to see my dinker. Just get some bikinis. No. Go out in the backyard. come over one day with bikinis we both do it why are you bullying me come on let's have bikini day

why don't have bikini day so bad with me I don't know dude I want to do bikini day with you fucking I need my spray tan again I'm missing my spray tan real bad you just added a new accoutrement to your repertoire I don't know where to go when to do it

to do it Jersey it's the fucking almost that's the problem it's almost like they're three months backed up on the things I was like oh fuck that I was going to do it this week And then I was like, well, what we could do it? He goes, no, it has it July looking. And I was like, yeah, never mind.

You can buy one and have Christine spray tan you in your garage. There's not a chance. I'll come over and spray tan you. Do not. Why? Because you used to fucking airbrush the backs of denim jackets. Buddy, I had my own airbrush. No.

I was an artist. Just because you made Bobby and Dawn shirts with a Tweety Bird and Sylvester hugging. It was first. It was first, it wasn't Bobby. I was Kristen Foley, my first girlfriend. I made all her sorority sisters' hoodies for the hockey game they were going to, and she was fucking one of the hockey players. Oh, my God, dude, you sap.

Yeah, he probably came on the airbrush shirt that I made her. He busted all over for sure. Play that video of Takashi explaining the misunderstanding here with this 13-year-old girl that he hung out with and groped. I would say out of all the groupies, though, puck bunnies are the hottest, out of any sport. I believe that, the puck bunnies. What's a puck bunny? The girls are like...

Hockey players. You sure about that? Yes. Really? Puck bunnies? I would say maybe baseball bitches. What do they call baseball? Baseball bitches?

Baseball bitches? I don't know, but Puck Pwnies is... Home plate whores? Maybe. That's not bad. What about football? How about bunt cunts? Bunt cunts?

Bunt cunt? I don't mind that. A couple of buncunts. Go to the 6-9 thing. No, this is fine He's probably got a great Now this guy, I watched his documentary This is his friend, right?

This is his pal I don't know I think they kind of came up together And he knows him Maybe? Well, that's right, he's Nugie Lamont Oh, oh, it's Nugie Lamont I was a kid myself

And Did you know she was younger? I don't know, like no Like I actually was Told that she was 19 By her Like, you know what I'm saying? The video that was uploaded of her that got me in trouble was uploaded by me because I thought it was completely illegal.

I literally like first 48 in myself because I'm just like, yo, like, I can't get in trouble for this. Simple misunderstanding, guys. I'm going to call Max right now. I'm going to tell me he's a simple misunderstanding. He's got to do a little more investigating before he shames his dad out of listening to build. She was 19. He's 17. Come on.

This is bullshit. My kid knows nothing. that's fucking Max now's throwing out wild accusations That's what they do now There's how racism continues on This guy's not able to do his music anymore He was actually He was looking out for his dad

Now did he try to tell you That song wasn't hype? No, he said the song was good You can't not like that song Yeah I mean you played that song for me last week And I've listened to it I almost know the words Yeah

How many times I've listened to it But it is hard to stop every other word It's the best word in the song musically. Still my favorite at the end of that one little diggy song, white dude. And he was like, hey, he goes, if I could say the N-word, it would really help out my rhyme scheme. I mean, if that Joe gets to say it,

and he's like Puerto Riga or something. It's pretty great. It is wild that he does get a... He means around all the black dudes in the bloods in Harlem, right, of Brooklyn. Yeah. Scum gang. He's just screaming that word, every other word. Yeah, well, I mean, he came in, I mean, looking like a lunat.

tick he's got rainbow hair and rainbow teeth damn you gotta figure out first yeah that was Jacob that was Jacob's old drop when Jacob started talking

we would just play that first because it's so funny hearing this and then Jacob being like I think we have to stop doing American and got talent clips because of something so much N-word huh

what did you say Jacob the whole song is N-word oh okay he was like so much N-words I'm like whoa whoa dude it's a music video those are Gang members, don't say that. No, I'm talking about the lyrics.

I'm looking at the screen. Now I understand. Now I understand. Oh, I get it. Jesus Christ. It's like a lot of N-words. Holy shit, Jacob. Black loose.

You figured black loose right behind you? I mean, it's not wrong. Oh, bitch. We were talking before you came in, the chick from HGD. chick from HGTV when she let it slip out with the word fart in front of it. Yeah. It's like, that's your word. Like I say cock sucker.

Oh, yeah. And fucking douchebag. Oh, fart N word is definitely her jam. That's her. Anytime something doesn't work out, anytime a door slams on her, that's her little fart N word is her word. It's funny. They do it around the house with her mildly racist boyfriend.

They have a good giggle. And they say things like, get it out before Flora comes in, their cleaning lady. Yeah. Yeah. She drops a meatball on the ground. Oh, fart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All day long, that's her word.

She doesn't mean anything by it. I genuinely believe she's just like, just the word sounds funny to her, and she goes forward. I don't think she means anything racial by it whatsoever. But what a dumbass. Yeah, put such a cute word in front of another bad word. Bobby, only you think the word fart is cute.

Oh, I wasn't. The rest of us hate it. You don't think fart is great? Cute? I don't like that you got everybody in the room on your side before asking. What? Fart is a cute, awesome word. Maybe.

Christine? Fart. Cute? Fart. There we go. Say it. You fart. You fart.

You old fart. Take it around the horn. Thank you. Lou? No, I don't like it. Of course you didn't. You love day. Because I hate farts.

I'm not talking about the word. All right. Well, it's your fault. You've conditioned us. I have. I've turned everybody against the word fart. You did this too. You've farted at a long time.

And I have to have a long time. I do think farts were funny until I lived with them. Remember the other day when you accused me of farting? Yeah. It was me. Of course it. Of course it was. Farter and a liar.

It sounds like a new movie. You cropped us to the whole room and, I mean, really left us in it. Well, I didn't think it was me. You're a child. At heart? Yes, I am. You're a child, that behavior. That was crazy.

We were all sitting here talking biz, talking shop. And we had to leave. It was that bad. And then I came and Jay stopped me before I saw you outside and said, Bobby swears that was not him. Yeah. But everyone believed you. In my defense, can I say in my defense, is that I didn't think it was me. Why?

Would you have a memory? But you did it. You did a pro-pressed memory in therapy? You think, why did you think that? Bobby, think back. Think back. Maybe you did fart. It was probably someone else's. And I got blamed.

Because I When I was leaving I didn't fart You understand? No, you did. I think it might have just snuck out. I'm seeing you, you're drinking fart juice as we speak.

Why do you require so much protein? This is not fart juice This is to make my cum black Because that's what dawns into now. Oh, okay. That's fair. I have to drink. I work out every day.

Five days a week. You get an inordinate amount of protein. Have to eat. But you eat meals. I do. I had turkey, ground turkey, this morning. You eat meals. You're not supposed to be stacking protein on top

of protein meals. I need 200 grams of protein every day. And it's hard to get that much protein. So the only way I can get close to that is by adding a protein shake in there and some chick-fil-at. At some point. I had ground turkey this morning with You're going to have lunch in 45 minutes.

Yeah, I got to eat. I got to eat, man. And you need protein in between? I woke up this morning at 7. and did a hour chess workout and pushups and I sauned. Our chest workout, including sit-ups or push-ups? I did push-ups first. Joe DeRosa, who actually is looking good, by the way, muscle-wise. He's been working out a lot. I don't know if you've seen him lately.

He's actually looking good. And why are you looking at me like that? Why are you staring at me? You're taking your word for it? Okay, I thought you were staring at me. I just put you in a haze saying that Joe DeRosa looks good physically. Yeah, okay. You don't believe me.

I'm sure he looks great. I just saw him like a week ago. But he sent me this push-up video that I did this morning. Like there's a right way to do push-ups. And he let you know. You're getting your workout advice from Joe de Rosen. It's a sad day in life. And he's convinced you that he's looking really muscular now.

Well, he's looking. He went to Austin, Texas, and got muscular. Well, I've seen it. I was on FaceTime. He actually looks pretty good. Part of comedy in Austin, Texas, though, is working out somehow. Always, yeah. You have to get involved in exercise.

Shane looks great. Well, I just had a friend of mine. He's in the hospital. He almost fucking died. Tell him to go to Austin. He thought about doing comedy in Austin? Because it's honestly, I've got, like a personal training session. Yeah.

I'm just at the age where I'm so... Everybody around me is getting sick. Like, it's like that time where just people are falling off. and getting sick and things are happening where I'm 55 going on 56. I just don't want to have that. Here's what you do.

You got to think of all the people who are going to die before you probably. Greg Rogel. Natarman. Now, Natarman's going to live forever. He's one of those 100-year-olds. Yeah, he's going to be walking around the village. For no reason. Doing what he did yesterday, 50 years from now.

Yeah, plus his meal is boiled chicken and green beans. So you're going to live forever on that. I know. Every day is not a gift, though, when it's like You're really not seasoned life by the horns, you know? Yeah, like, cool. Noron's going to live forever because he's Nosferatu. You think so?

Yeah, he'll just crawl into his casket and come up in 100 years and get another tranny. Very possible. Go back to his crypt? Yeah, Voss, unfortunately, he's going to live a long time because he just turned a new leaf with Moses in Israel. You have to assume Voss did enough pre-damaged to his body, though. He's been sober for 40 years. He hasn't done drugs or alcohol in 40 years,

and he's in pretty good shape for a 70-year-old guy? Of course. Pretty good shape. I mean, Colin, he had a heart attack. That sucked. I have another friend who has heart problems. I just don't want to be a burden. Keith.

I don't want to have to have to do a go-fund me because you guys won't help her. What are you talking about? I call Jay. I'm going to do a benefit every year for you. I'm going to make sure, and I'm going to buy Dawn a fur. a fur coat every year with it.

Don't buy her a fur coat. Why? Just get her a house. No, she's fine. I'm not going to do it for other things. You're going to get her, like, jewelry and shit? Isn't like Patrice's mom bought, like, a vacation house? It's, like, what they get with.

They give her so much money. No. She bought Johnny Depp's Island with the money from the Patrice was. She's like, I'm fine. I don't need this money. She's worked her whole life. I don't know what this benefits for. She'd be living in a box, if not.

No, she can't work. She's got bad feet. She's got diabetes. Of course, but she's an old lady. She has retirement and all this. By the way, make her life comfortable. I get that. But I think she's like a comfortable at a point with this where she's like,

I guess I'm going to get a monster truck. Well, you know what she does with the money. She donated to Diabetes Foundation. Fat kids? Yeah, fat kids. Good move. Diabetes Foundation. What?

You know your shakes is the reason the last time when you went on a farting spree. I changed my shakes. It's not working, obviously. No, dude, it's worked for the thing. the majority when I was farting at the beginning it was a different shake but I was having like three of them a day now I changed my shakes up I don't fart you're over protein I I actually 42 grams of protein in that tiny bottle yeah that's right that's right I think your body can't handle it it's like eating a stalk of broccoli I just don't have the time to eat a stalk of broccoli

this is easier for me I'm trying to I got to get 200 grams of protein in my body every day Brock is not approaching. I'd like that what you're doing, your workout, you're bulking, you look like you're, you're muscular. Wow, dude, you are fomfering with those lines. No, I was going to say, you got bulk. You and Jay both have bulk. Yeah. Like your muscles are big.

That's a weird way to say. Mine are, well, I think I'm more defined, but you have more, you guys are bulky. We didn't ask about you. We were waiting for you to talk about us. I don't know why you're going to bring you in this. I'm giving you credit when I feel your chests and your arms regularly. I think we all know that by now. Jacob,

come get a taste right now. As we're just sitting here casual. Come get a taste real quick. Come over, go get a taste. If you wouldn't mind, Jacob, just go get a taste real quick. Just give me a little pat down on the chest. By the way, I wasn't fishing, but since you're asking.

Yeah, come over here, just give me a taste. I'll come over and give it again. Just give it a feel. Go get a nice taste of it. Tell me what you think. Just feel the upper chest. I'm just like sitting at ease. You know what I mean?

It's fun. Not bad at all. No, C.J's got a big chest. Okay, well, get over here, sweet. Sweetie. He's got big arms. Yeah. Come on over here.

Yeah. Come on over here. He's got the valley. You both have a valley. I got a nice valley. I want you to find out about my valley right here. Let me feel your chest valley. Yeah, come over here.

He squeezes his boobs together hard. I'm going to squeeze my boobs. Bobby's arms. Look how much he's squeezing his arms. He has a bicep bulge right here. Yeah. You can do that. You can check the tricep too if you want.

It's a tumor. You want to check that out. Get it that way. That big fucking bicepso. I don't know why it's so gay when you guys do it. I'm going to feel his valley. Check his valley. It's like, you could die falling off this cliff.

Yeah. Check the upper chest, though. Check that upper chest, though. Feel, I've got to there. I get it. I get it. He's got a nice valley. How's that?

Because he's holding a little more weight than I am. That's nuts. That's just a nuts thing to say. I mean, that's fat on fat crime. If I... He's just holding a little more weight there in a moment. So his valley feels a little bigger. I think you're eating too much protein.

I do think it's all. Bobby. Is this healthy for its 82 to 110 grams per day? And I saw eating a lot of protein that... Christine, if you haven't realized this yet... Did you crush protein? Hang on a second. Christine can just go on and ask her question in her way

and come up with her answer. But when you're working out, when you're working out, when you're lifting weights four to five times a week. Now type this in. Bobby, you're not going out there and you're doing grueling fucking NFL workouts. Buddy, I'm more... I mean, my workouts are nuts. nuts.

I'll come over and work out with you one time, and you tell me how crazy the work is. I'm not going to believe that's the one you do every day. So when I do every day, I believe you'll come over and do some hard workout that day. That's what I would do if I was lying in the same lie. Then you don't trust me, and you think I'm a liar, and I don't know where we go from here.

Because I trust you. No, you don't. I do trust you. Neither of us. I trust you. Can I show you my super difficult workout when you come over? How about this? I'll come over.

It's three and a half hours. Yeah, dude, you're working. It's nuts. You don't have a three and a half hour workout. Wait, when are you gonna smoke? In between sets. It's in a garage, I can smoke whenever I want. Type in a 230-pound man working out.

Look at that, right there. Jeff Cavalier says you should have one gram of protein per pound. 125 to 175. Yeah, for weight, what's the weight? A 230-pound dude working out five days a week, say four days a week. Yeah, it's 175 grams of protein. There you go. How about four days a week?

Because now he's not at four days a week. Well, I just want to balance it out because sometimes I do four, I try to do five. Work it, girl. Work it. What does it say now, Christine? There you go. Bang. Yeah, there you go.

So what are you going to say now, Christine, that you have the actual information and the facts to ask my question? She still seems like a lot of protein. It doesn't matter if it's a lot. It seems like a lot to me. That's why it is a lot. It's hard to get 200 grams in. That's why I have to drink one of these or I don't get the amount of protein in. Jeff Cavalier says you're on track.

Thank you. amount of protein that's right who's jeff who's that that's that gay guy that jacob likes to phone over he's got a family he kids who's the gay guy you like to fawn over i know the jeff cavalier's the muscular guy that he masturbates oh you mean the rubber band guy yeah the guy these own bonus card to him out there he's slaps his penis around to him he's the guy did the we i showed you all the test to prove whether you're in shape of his spank bank over here oh yeah oh that's guy that guy's a hundred percent gay his sweatpants are too tough absolutely dude he like showing jacques i actually i actually i do one of his workouts.

He's the best. I don't know if he's the best, but I do. He's the best for guys over 45. Let's put it that way. For older gentlemen? He does a lot of stuff for older gentlemen. Well, he does videos about how older people should approach weights. That's right.

That's why I do watch him. But he's awesome. Yeah, he's awesome because he's mostly shirtless in the videos. You do love shirtless guys. You do. It's pretty crazy, I much you love shirtless guys. I sure do. I'd like to look like that.

There's Jacob right there. There you are, buddy. Jacob, you do look like that in my mind. There you are, clanging and bang it. Yeah, get after it. Get after it. Two more. Two more.

Two more. It's hard. I have to get into it. Is that from our workouts? The band workouts? Don't we have audio from the band workouts? The band workouts sounds like gay porn. If you don't hear this.

But if you can hear Jacob in the band workout, little Zoom we do. It goes for it. Put it out. You can hear it. He's probably using the thickest band. Oh, he's... Do you use the thickest band or use the medium?

I change the free exercise. I used the... Damn, dude. Can you use the heavy? Have you ever used the heavy? I used the heavy for a bunch of stuff. What? Squats.

Stuff you can understand. Things you gotta get big dicks in your ass. Christine, I work out about 15 minutes a day, three times a week. And I do. 25 shower squats every day How much protein should I be getting in? 125 grams of protein How big are you? How heavy are you?

What's your weight? Fuck, I have no idea. My last time I weighed myself ever, I was 250. I don't know, that was a long time ago. So you probably weigh the same as me, 230? No, no way. No? 225?

I guess I'm still running 250. 250? I guess 240 maybe? Yeah, you'd be 200 grams of protein. Maybe. Maybe. two if you want the muscle to actually grow buddy come on muscles there dude Jacob you saw Jacob just get half hard touching me oh I need 250 grams Bobby breaking up

one of them shakes dude yeah I got the fucking fart attack this place I got a bar for you no thank you I can't I can't over protein yeah I don't I only have one shake a day I don't like eating or drinking thick stuff that much I love I love protein drinks I love it I love drinking it. Do you fart or am I having phantom fart smell right now? Did not fart. I promise you right now. I will make a promise to everybody in this room next.

If I fart again, I will own it immediately. I will make it feel where we just everything that's rather you. I will make another promise. I will make another promise. I will try not to ever fart again in the air. And you guys, I've made a conscious decision to change my protein drink, to change my diet, and to not fart in the studio. I hope you know there has been progress.

Oh, you lied so well. When I went down outside and you came up to me. I didn't even say like, I want you stop me before I said a word. I want you to know that wasn't me. Well, because it was so real. That was not me. I want to say this. I didn't think it was me. I swear to God that was not me. You understand? I swear to God I didn't I didn't fart on the way out. It must have been like a fart. Remember you said I thought you were a liar? maybe this is the reason why. The fart started from it went from this way, like a shoehorn from where you sit around the table. It might have been a fart pocket. A fart pocket that I had

that I might have tuted it a little earlier and then it was a little pocket that stayed in there. And then when I got up, it kind of released. How do you not... I mean, there's something wrong if you don't know that you farted. There's something wrong with your asshole. I'm not perfect, Jacob.

I'm not a perfect human being. Yeah, but that's more concerning than not perfect. Well, be concerned. I'm sorry. I'm concerned about you. I was going to ask for your thoughts on this. This goes along with what we're talking about here. Your own farts?

No. Okay. I discussed this with Lou and Lewis a few weeks ago now. I swear to God, the last thing, after the show, after our live show, right before I go home, 37 bathroom, I go and pee before I leave, right? But invariably, every time you look in the stall, every one of them is clogged. Am I lying? I mean, they can attest it.

On this floor? No, 37. Even up, okay. Every single toilet is like completely clogged, destroyed. Here's my thought. That's the people that work here. The talent floor is always nice. The people that work here, you guys are animals.

No, I've seen it down here, but I'm telling you 37 is a special case, I guess. It's a bunch of people in a cube working all day on a phone, eating all kinds of horse shit, and they go in there and they do shit it out. Well, all right, that's my question. I've never clogged a bolt. I don't understand what it is. Is it the duty or is it the paper? Paper.

Yeah. See, now I think, that's what Lewis said. I wanted your opinion, because when I go in there, it looks like they wrapped a catcher's mitt of toilet paper around their hand. Of course. What is happening? They do. I do that too, but I mean, within reason of this. And also, it's people not being smart enough to like, I'll do that.

I'll wrap toilet paper around like crazy too. But every two, I'm flushing. Do you know what I'm saying? I'll flush six times if I have to get it. But I'm not going to, yeah, the people, they just don't give a fuck, they just go, someone else will deal with it because there's pieces of shit that work here. I swear, that's my thought. You, I'll wipe a couple of times flush.

I usually poop, flush, wipe, flush, wipe, flush. Oh, public bathroom, I'm going to definitely flush before I even take a peek at what I've done. Yeah, it's going to be gone. Yeah, I don't want that around. Okay, but you're wiping once and then flushing, but still, you're wrapping, wrapping, wrapping, what are they doing different than you? They're not flushing. They're shitting, wiping, wiping, and then flushing. When they're done, they wipe, throw it, wipe again, throw.

throw it, wipe again. They're a one flush person. We're a three flush people. If need, I'll be a six flush person. But I'll come, I'm not going to, because two things I'm not going to be embarrassed by clogging the toilet, but I'm not going to leave with a shitty ass. All right. We're your stupid dry toilet paper. I swear, this is the thought that came to me after all that.

It was like, these guys, I think they actually, it's so regular to them. I think they prefer clogging a bowl here because they don't want to deal with it at home. Well, also, these, let the help do it. These toilets are automatic flushes, too, right? They're way more powerful than a home flush. But sometimes the automatic flush doesn't go off. Is there not a button you can push, though, an override? There is a button.

There is a button. Yeah. But these toilets are way more powerful. They could suck your asshole out. You feel the suction. It's by law. In a place of business, you have to have the most powerful. Vacuum suck shit.

Yeah, it's called the super flush, I think. You have to have that by law. I just, I don't understand what is going on. on what you're asked, you need that much paper that you're... What's up, buddy? Is there any reality to what you just said? Yes. I had to get the super flush for Max's toilet.

You were tired of cutting it up with the wire? By law? No, that was because he has fucking logs the size of fucking pool sticks. So when I had the two bathrooms redone, I go, look, my kid's shit's really big turds. He goes, super flush. It's a certain toilet that has more,

Yeah, it's more suction And it just But it's loud You know like my toilet upstairs is a regular So it goes who it's nice and quiet But you get the super flush It's like Super flush

It also says super flush Has nothing to do at all with the Thing of the flushing It's the high efficiency Some for poop Some for P Yeah well Well you

There's a double You can do a P one And then a poop A poop one No right But it's a very loud toilet Like this flush is like the toilet's here. They're loud.

So a lot of people don't like that loud flush sound. To me I just think, if you're doing this regularly, like change your life if it's happening. It's the fact that they don't care. They treat this these bathrooms like a McDonald's. Somebody else will deal with it. That's it.

I'll do this at work. Everybody who works here except who deals with us is a piece of shit. Unless you deal with the bonfire, but everybody else is a fucking piece of shit scumbach. No, I think it's that. I don't I don't think it's people going in there and I don't give a fuck like someone else will deal with it. I think it's a guy in a suit 90% of the time.

It's always been like this for as long as I've been here. 20 fucking four years. And it's not to bring it up. And it's every bathroom. It's downstairs too. It's always worse. I bet they all blame the rap guys in the meetings. Pieces of shit.

Like, oh, who kid took a Duke again? I just never. If somebody went through and flushed all the toilets, would it solve the problem? Like, is this like an actual overflowing thing? It's up to the top. Because they clogged it. They clogged it. And then they flushed.

And then they flushed it again. And then it kept going. Ew. So they're like that. Gross. Yeah. They don't, they don't, they don't, they don't, you can't shit, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, and then flush because you're going to clog the toilet.

You got a shit, flush, wipe, flush, wipe, flush. You got to flush a couple of times. I, shit flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, flush. I actually shit flush, wipe, wipe, wipe, flush. check, wipe, flush. Oh, well, I go, check, check, white, white, flush, white, flush, wipe, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, flush. Wipe, wipe, wipe, flush. Wipe, wipe, flush.

Can I tell you? The last one I didn't care if I clogged it, I threw an extra wipe in there. I don't know if you caught that. I don't give a fuck. It's somebody else's problem. I'm also a piece of shit. I'm not here, you know, I don't like to brag, but my duties are never messy. the least amount of paper.

Because it's what you eat. You eat very clean. Like dogs eat, the food that dogs eat are very clean. The dog can just shit and then jump on the couch and put a ass in your face. It's like little lettuce and carrot poops. Yeah, we're supposed to shit like that. They're manly, but they're not a problem. We're supposed to shit like that, but we eat so many processed bullshit that we get mooey-poohy butthole shits.

So we have to wipe more. But if we ate better. Their diets are terrible. So their diets are causing the amount of paper they're using. Yeah, the guy's bringing in a fucking bag lunch from his wife or he's fucking studio apartment from Astoria. Chick-fil-A. Yeah, some horseshit.

And he's just trying to... The other one downstairs, the stupid taco place. Yeah, the guy's trying to get through the day. He's going to a food truck out front and eating that. He's going to go back on a phone so, you know, he can pay our paychecks. So sorry if he leaves a fucking fat loaf in the toilet where you're just trying to take a piss. Come with me to 37 after the show.

show. I'm all I'll show you the I don't want to do that. Don't invite us all to men's rooms with you you fucking weird though? Here we go again this guy's getting racist

and gay today. You want to check out clogged toilets that's your fucking idea of adventure? It's like 100% of the time Let's make sure there's not too many N-words up there before we go in the bathroom together

This guy's having a day Huh? Piece of shit, This guy's having a day It's not my duty This is Jacob's coming up already I feel like they want you to smell it too

For real You think a guy takes a shit and then wants other people to see it? I don't think so. At the gym, it is 100%. They want you to smell their power, their protein. You go to the gym?

Yeah. You have a gym? I have a gym for leg workout. I thought you were just a, at home. For leg workout, I go into gym. Oh, just for legs. For legs, yeah. That's fucking weird.

I can't get the leg workout. I want. The guy, your boyfriend doesn't have a leg workout, like in the living room? Bodybuilder.com. I don't know why you're putting down. our band workout. He can't do it at home, dude. It's impossible for him to have a reason

to get knees slightly bent while he leans forward in a shower at home. Right, I guess you. He has to do that, yes. Thanks, Jay, for making sense. So you need to lie on your belly and then curl your little legs up so people can see your butt flexing.

In public. See your fucking cornhole? You shower at the gym too after your leg workout? No fucking way. What? No fucking way. Oh, what do you do? You just come walk home? Yeah, well, I live alone.

I walk home. He said come walk home. You didn't get it. He said, come walk. Jacob goes to load all over his face and part of a dare. Hi. Hi, everyone. I'm Jacob doing a little cum walk back from the gym.

Just coming back from the gym, gang. Hey, guys. Come walking, Jacob. Someone's going to make that AI. You know he's the guy. Jacob doing a come walk after the gym. He's the guy at the gym. people talk about, oh, this leg guy

shows up once a week and just does legs and leaves with cum on his face. And then he watches the other people work out and does this noise a lot. I fucking hate going to the gym. What? I hate going to the gym. Why? Too many N-words there, too.

Too many people with their fucking cameras. They have to live stream their workouts. What gym? Is it Equinox or something like that? It's a New York sports club. By the way, 15 women there, Jay. I keep saying, every time on there, like, Jay would love this girl, Bobby would love this girl. Woman.

Stunning. Well, you know I'm talking about women. They're all women. Not anymore, I don't. Not since we have this Takashi 6'9 hubbub's going on. Next thing you know, I'm like, Jacob told me she was of age. Yeah, the camera's at the gym of nuts now. It's awful.

Yeah. You walk a gauntlet to get to the other machine. I kind of like it. He's mostly guys. The gym I had in my building before we moved out to Jersey was no one in there was filming. It was so small. Like the thinness of the actual gym was just like it would have been dumb to. It didn't look you were working at an awesome like big gym.

Yeah. And I haven't gone since like Crunch, which way I don't remember that ever being a thing at Crunch years ago. It was kind of just before the influencer workout shit. Yeah. I do anytime fitness. I remember and there were a bunch of them around and I used to go in at like one in the morning. And it would just be me and some Spanish dude. And we would just work out every once in a while.

Sex. Some, not with him. Oh. But every once in a while, a hot check would be in there on the treadmill or some machine. I bet she was super comfortable. I'm sure you guys made her feel very comfortable, too. Man. I'm sure you and that Indian weren't fucking falling over yourselves over.

I have a rule, but, man, it's difficult sometimes because there are some mega-hotties there. You only come on my hand? You'll do it, but you're only going to top? I drink it from my hand I don't want to drink it from the tap Is that your rule? No kissing I have to sip it

I can't guzzle it Kissing's for your relationships only Yeah No no Look don't leer What? That's my rule If I see a hot woman

You just can't Because I see the guys That are just way too Too much Yeah And you don't know how a woman's Gonna snap at the gym so you know you got to get a look in

you can't go crazy I think if you put fate in front of me I go with it I never would post up necessarily when I like crunch fitness now in in what you might call it CrossFit always if I'm getting through this dude for like that warm up thing I'm just like I'm posting up in front of a girl

I was wearing these stupid we all let her know the society's let her know these pants are see-through yeah and if you're not wearing underwear for sure your pussy lips are going to be visible and if you're going to show me I'm going to look at them But when I started going to the crunch gym, I let it all work out through fate. So I wouldn't set up like on a treadmill. I wouldn't sit up on a treadmill because there was any girls around.

I would set up where I couldn't really see much. I would just kind of focus on my phone or whatever I was watching or listening to. But then you put your fucking fat ass right in front of my face. I'm probably going to look at it a bunch. Yeah. I did that hot yoga in Cleveland a couple weeks ago. I was surrounded by 25, 20 to 30 year olds, smoking pretty much all of them,

except for one, was smoking hot in yoga pants. And it was just... Also, you don't have to work out in pants that have an extra seam that, like, hugged your ass crack. I mean, like, you're doing that for people to look at your ass. Yeah, if I can see the wrinkles on your asshole from your yoga pants, I should be able to look. That's a thing now that,

Cover your asshole. I work out in basketball shorts. Yeah, I worked out in a Ron Bennington Fuck Kansas shirt and a pair of Nike shorts. If you're a guy who's wearing like bike shorts to like work out in the gym, you want people to see your, like you, it's because you want people to look at your fucking outline of your dick,

for sure. Yeah. I don't want that at all. No, I'm not looking for that. I like big, big baggy pants. I like baggy pants. And then I hope that my, the strings of the pants as they bounce around

when I move, you think it's my big dick banging into it, but it's not because my weaners all tucked away and sweaty. I just don't want my shirt popping up in my stomach popping out at any point at the gym. Yeah, if the argument here is that these are just the most comfortable, it's like, that's great. It's just a stupid thing to say. That's, oh, God. But I was surrounded by those pants, around 25 smoking hot girls in their 20s, and that was in front of me the whole time. It was so hard not to look. Yeah. So hard. But I mean, leggings are, listen, the most regular just like leggings that you're just going to actually work out

and I mean are still like if it's a sexy girl it's going to be sexy to a degree you know no matter what but I mean those those ones seem like they're saying to look at your ass the only thing that makes those not sexy is when you can see the sweat in the twat area when you know that their vagina I don't mind sweat sweat I hate it really

yeah I don't want you it's a weird line to draw I don't want to see your your twat sweating Twat's wet None of the women at the gym actually Maybe a couple dressed like Slet athletic but they're just hot like you said They're just insanely in shape If you're wearing those to a gym

You want people to look at your smoking hot ass You know There are quite a few of those But that does Speaking of Twat and sweating Why is it say Leslie Jones has a stand-up set here Oh I just I didn't know if you guys were

I have my finger on the pulse Finger on the pulse I don't There was a clip of her Performer because she doesn't like What was the comedy she doesn't like? Oh the one of the Tony thing She says shock comedy

Shock comedy Shock comedy She doesn't like shock comedy Where they're just like yelling And just shocking things to get a crowd Right Yeah she did say that Yeah

Is that just that plays in here? I don't know Okay let's see Who would Stacey Stacey. But alas, you know them dicks is never connected to anybody.

The good dicks never connected to a good man. She looks like Sidney Portier. What? It's like Sidney Portier. It's almost like God just getting drunk. She looks like old Harry Bella Valde. Hey, put that dick on him. Go kill him.

He's going to kill him. Putting his groceries and his up. Not his, but his mama's refrigerator. No. She'll say Al Jiro. Some walk by night, some fly by day. Mama was standing there and she was like, you can do so much better.

You just can't. It's my son, I know him. I got another son, okay? He is a good man, he got a good job, he'll do you right, he'll treat you so nice. Now his dick is not as big, ya. as Stacy's what he's a good man and I was like no I think I loves it I teach Stacy how to read I teach why she pushing your belly out like that this is

not she's not she's gonna fuck the shit up I think that's her belly dude fuck I didn't hear a word of that I didn't hear a word I I I love it it's like guys talk about the dicks and pussy that's all we talk about it's like every time I turn on a female community about a dick or a pussy. Sure. Oh, her complaining about the shock. But I don't think she was saying dirty comedy even. She was saying like shock comedy, but it's like she's just, I don't think what she was

doing there was shock comedy necessarily. Not to me and you, because we talk about a dick's all the time. No, yeah, there's anything shocking about that. It was just, uh, so. I'm just joking. I know. I know she's just like, uh... When I say something funny and you go, no. No, I'm being serious, Jay now. Fucking CNN

Jay. No. Jesus Christ. I was getting towards funny stuff. I was trying to do it to you. No, that's not it. Anyways, let's move on. No one else's doing anything is what she looks like. I had so many good ones. We landed on Al Jeroe and that's playing now,

but there's so many more. DMX now. He's dead, guys. Omar? Omar. Omar from the fucking wire. Looks like Jay-Z now. She does look like Jay-Z now.

That's a goodie. She looks like KRS-1 and the lady who started me too. I thought I was alone in the world I thought I was alone in the world and that one I've popped up yeah better like KRS one

and that lady look exactly like boy is it true it's true it's so upsettingly true for her I desperately have to eat okay let's go

let's wrap it up Bobby Kelly if you want to see if he survives the woods he's gonna be a governor's in Long Island Levittown June 19th and 20th that's the following weekend

then the comedy mothership no it's two weeks away then the comedy mothership in Austin Texas July 3rd to the 5th That is going to sell out. So if you want to see Bobby, get your tickets now because they filled that place to fuck up.

After that, he's going to be in Port Smith, New Hampshire, Saratoga Springs, and Brooklyn. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly. Check out his YouTube channel at Bobby Kelly at Robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, Fat Black Plist Cat Lounge at the Comedy Sower. Christina doesn't even move the thing up anymore.

No, she doesn't get a shit. She's doing her hair, getting it up. She's got her fucking hair done. Big J's going to be in Spokane Comedy Club this weekend, June 5th and 6th, and then the Pantage Theater in Minneapolis, June 12th, one night only, then the Egyptian theater in Boise, Idaho, June 13th. After that, he's going to be in Buffalo, Harrisburg, PA, and Winnipeg. For tickets on all the tour dates, go to bigjaycom and YouTube.com slash at BigJ.okerson,

and make sure you follow our YouTube page and make sure you check it out. get the DJ Lou shirt over at Comic Wearables.com and check out. Go buy the end. Right? Go by the A.R. A. A.Shafear show, the storytelling show. Still killing it. Still killing it. Go buy that right now if you haven't bought it. We'll see you guys.

Next week. Well, maybe Jay. I might not be here. We'll see. Oh, boy. With the Ramaphos bring.