The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Pound of Gnats

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

Do you know how much plastic and insects you ingest accidentally each year? Jacob knows.

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire, with Big O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley.

AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley.

AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. AKA Not Damn. Robert Greley. Hey, no, this is not everybody. It's the bonfire. Big J. Ockerson and me.

Robert Grelly. AKA Not Dan. AKA Not Dan. AKA Not Dan and Jacobs here sucking on an orange. Very attractive. Orange all over the computer. I mean, I mean, okay. Are you gonna citrus cleanse it? I think it's hot. Keep eating it. Dude, suck on that orange for us. He's an orange like a sexy donkey.

It's terminator timelines, I know, but Black Lou is expecting his child today, maybe happening by the live show. I would think. Yeah? But now is he, is it a C section? Is that, is that where they know? Oh, okay, so that's a crazy thing.

Lou needs that wife to keep it tight down there, Nami. I wish Don did. Max had a big head if you know what I mean. Oh yeah? He bust out. He busted out. I'm like, keep thinking she's cheating on me. You cheating on me with a big guy?

They told us, they told me they don't go in the room. A lot of fathers don't want to go in the room when it's happening. Yeah. Because it kind of ruins sexuality in the relationship because you see like, such a side of it And I went fuck you I'm watching my daughter be born and we never fucked again. Yeah So let me tell you something I told Dawn and Dawn said I don't want you down there I don't want you down there. Yeah, she was like and she told the doctor. I don't want him down there

Yeah, and then they had me down there the doctor needed me down there because it was at 3.15 in the morning And when I saw Max was born with hair, I mean hair, like a monkey. And... You cried your bald eyes out. Her hair and his hair were together. It just looked like a big hairy lump. It came out with bush.

And then she pooped. I'll never forget it. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. I didn't tell that part, but it. Yeah. Okay. All right. I didn't tell that part, but it's a little boop. Yeah. Hey, what are you gonna do? That's all right.

When I was younger, I saw them cut my mom's pussy to her ass hole. When I saw my sister get born. I'm sorry. What? My mother. Same thing. I took her to the hospital in Pennsylvania Jefferson Hospital. Yeah. And she was like it was happening. She was having the baby was going quick. It was her fourth one and she No, it was my sister's show and actually so I was 14 years old so I was 14 yeah

and I take my mom in my step-by-step park Because it's like you know, there's right when you put them in front of the thing. It's like, yeah, just a city street. And you have to go park. So I took her in and they just rushed me in with her. And they like never had me leave the room. So I was like watching it all happen. And then they cut her from the cutter, charge open to get my sister's big alien head out to the Stamink. Yeah, they went from the charge to the Stamink. Yeah, it's a terrible. Just you know, that's how

tight my mom was Jacob Look at me my mom was so tight a baby couldn't fit through well Or your sister was so big. No, they're all tiny But her head came through my mom's super tight pussy, dude. They had to cut it open. Jesus Christ Yeah, it was it was it was I it took me around a year to get it out of my head. Yeah. Yeah. And she wanted to have sex like three months after, not even like four weeks after.

She was like, no thanks, shit bucket. She got this. She was, she was like, we need to have sex to get over. And I was like, honey, it ain't gonna happen. I, that was the time when I threw up a lot, like I threw up an anything. It took everything in my power not to throw up a max's head. Well, it was coming out of a Harry box and poop. Like I threw up an anything it took everything in my power not to throw up a max's head Well, it was coming out of a hairy box and poop and they take the baby out and

It's covered in this look. Yeah, and even when it hears a thing when she actually legitimately shit max out When the I remember the poop the poop was like a little stick. Oh. Just a twig of it. It was terrible. But it's life and that's what happens. Yeah, it's the miracle of life. When the water comes out, when they break the water, they will like, you have to smell it. Why?

I'm going to tell you why, Jay. Because you got to make sure it doesn't have a bad smell and you have to look at it. You have to touch it. Why? I never really missed this. Because look, I heard this stuff too, but that's what that doula said. That stuttering hot doula that we had. Oh, she said you have to smell it. Make sure there's nothing wrong with it.

Oh, it's doula's name. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Viscayla, you like I had the viscaya is like parallel it wasn't watery. It was creamy. Okay, and that almost me throw She's like smell it. You know, Don smell it. You got a smell it. She said smell it. Tata Tata Tata Tina Tata Tina said smell it smell it That's I don't think you have to do that. I think that's a lie It might be might be it might be and then we went to the the hospital and they checked us in And then like she's not ready yet bring her back back No, this is in the middle of the night bring her back tomorrow at two. I went to In the afternoon. They're like yeah, we we don't need her yet. She's not ready So we had to go home and then I'm lying there like there's no water the stuff that was I don't know how babies work

But I'm pretty sure the stuff that was in her That's what keeps the baby alive. I was thinking and that's all on the floor so I had a cr... Creamy stuff. I had a clean up the creamy stuff. Is that the stuff that comes out while black guys are fucking white girls? The creamy stuff?

I've never heard of that either, but I don't know if there's cream stuff. You know watching that, I've got an racial porn. There's always some kind of a glock that's coming on the weeners. I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up again. I don't you it's baby fluid. I

dude I want lunch today. Okay. Terry Ockie. Not anymore. Not anymore. No soup. No Terry Ockie. No anything. Nothing runny. Not. But I don't know how tacos will be any better. A big messy tacos not gonna make you feel any better. Oh God. Everybody can smell my dirty pussy. Yeah. Well, you're talking to everybody to smell it and feel it, Christine. It's time you accuse me of farting. Maybe go that way. I was that way. Yeah. We, I remember just lying there like the baby's dying inside of her belly. It's dying. It has no juice. It has no baby juice. It needs, I don't know, because I didn't have a baby. And then, uh, and then we went in at two and then they check she didn't have the baby till 3.15 in the morning

Damn, that's regular natural child boy. Yeah, yeah, he was he was he's also her first to child so that's why yeah I hope so the one that came out fast that they had to cut my mom's hooch open was her third kid So she would her post was just fired him out We know what she was like. Like, like, what's it called? Airsoft gun. Ffff. Ffff.

Fires out, kids. I suppose it's not like a t-shirt gun. Also, my step-pop isn't like Barry tall and my stuconic day were all very small kids. Max is a big kid, big baby. I was born seven pounds. Max was born 27 pounds. He came out with a full ding dong. It was hard, too.

It was hard. He had hair on it. Yeah, pubes. So what? He doesn't have to have a head of hair still, so that makes sense. He can't talk with that. His head of hair is sm...

I hope he doesn't have my genetics. It's probably your mom's dad. It's my mom. Not your mom's dad. His mom's dad. His mom is Sedona's dad. God died with a marine crew cut full head of hair Full for I mean you're good to go probably six six four you're probably good to go all her brothers a big big boys Yeah, I hope he doesn't have my my my little

Packer too. Hope he has a their packer. I never saw their package, but I'm assuming boy He's already using it as a television stand It's an iPhone stand. I don't know if my I don't know if my door could hold my iPhone up My would never seen my mother bag of Cape Cod chips up You'll see you'll find out one day. I think he I he's already Really big kid and he's already a Really big kid and he's solid too like when you fight him when you know you fight him You'll see he reminds me so much of me as a kid. He reminds me of you too because musically

He knows he's a savant like I told you he's all over the place. Well yesterday I came home and he's like dad. I learned Pantera on the drums today So he went when I told him we're going to see Pantera heard him yesterday in the car for the first time and then came home and listened to them, got into him and then told his drum teacher, I want to play this. Hey, show him. Show him how to play him. Yeah, really? He's not good. This is fucking hostile. No, what song was it walking or something? Walk. Walk. That's the song you play. I'll put that on, Lou. That's their most famous song.

That's the song you know for sure. He was playing that on the way to school today. I dropped them off. And here's the funny part about this kid. That's why I love this kid. His teacher was throwing out. You know those little, it's like, it looks like a little file cabinet on wheels with a handle.

It's a canvas file cabinet. And you put all your stuff in. His teacher was throwing it out and he was like can I have it and she was like sure so he instead of his backpack he went to school today the canvas roll file desk we got out of the truck listening to Pantera with a rolling file cabinet to go to school look at world Max Kelly's coming through Maximus style Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Maximus

Oh my god is Max carrying a full cabinet to work for school? Yes, he is What do you say? Oh dude, yeah this is the jam. So, uh, yeah, but I asked him, I was like, dude, I go, buddy, what about your backpack? You bring a file cabinet, he goes, cause I like it, dad. That's why I want it. I like it.

I was like, dude, enough. Enough, that's fine. Don't even say anymore. If you like it, wear it. Like the other day, he will all orange. Like complete orange, head to toe. I appreciate the gumption Yeah, I was like dude you you're gonna wear it wear it. What I would crap you get. That's what you get He whoa this is the other things. Well believe me so for a little bother because as an influencer dad

You're probably putting a lot of pressure on him. Yeah to look fly as an influencer I there is a certain mistake. I have to keep up if he's gonna be my videos on Instagram first of all Yeah, why orange head to toe blue cowboy hat that said happy birthday on it With the aren't she's just like a fettled lady in Vegas She's you know, free monster Circle is a great circle outfit Just doing like one like hand on the hip dance folder. Yeah, I'd take photos. He should go. I saw a little kid outside right outside notoriety in the circle drumming

and I filmed him for a while and he was great. Yeah, Matt, I don't know if Max is that good to fly a drum kid out to Emma. Yes, the Skankfest. He is me though. Man, I love to bring him to Skankfest. He loses mind. He's too young though. Next year.

Yeah, too young. I can't put him around you guys. They say it is a bell is too young. Next year. She's mind. He's too young though. Next year. Yeah, too young. I can't put him around you guys. They say Isabella's too young. Next year, she's 20, Isabella's not allowed. Yeah, dude, maybe 10 more years. Yeah, I don't want, I think it's different. I think it's different for the boys.

Everyone does, I think 16, 17 for the boys, but Isabella's gonna have to be either this year and next year we're gonna have to just drop and stop giving a shoot. I just don't want, he'll disappear with Shane and then he'll be with Lewis and I'll see him walking with Jay and I'm gonna send him to be on the naked roast battle naked up judging it. But I'm not gonna if your side ever comes

this thing, I'm not gonna corrupt him with a bunch of naked stuff. Haha. Oh boy. Come on, dude. You have to pose post production. I don't look at you. But I set it up so easy. I went, don't worry, dude. I'm not going to do anything from Max Rees going to see any naked people. I'm a J. Seriously, I don't want him to see.

I don't want him to see, I don't know how you are with girls, but I don't want him to see, I don't want him to be sexual until he's like, I think Tilly has a full patch, right? I don't want that. 16, 17 at Skankfest seems way too young. I don't want that either. I don't want that either.

I don't think 20, he's not gonna wait till he's 21 to see, to hook up. No, that's unrealistic. I just think 16, 17, 18 is pushing it. It was weird. Isabella came around when she was like 13 14 okay the comedy clubs not skank fast. Oh no she was at the first Skankfest when I said the break in the cave remember she got her ears pierced. I know yes. So but then it was like as she got a little older

It almost became like more inappropriate. Jacob hates baby talk. He really does. Well, he really hates family stuff. Here's the thing. Jacob had a full history of me about a year ago, so we can't have children. I didn't know that. And he gets very upset. I didn't know that.

So he's probably out there just crying right now in the fetal position because of his barren insights. Oh no, that's terrible. Why did you tell me about that? Well, I keep telling him he's a guy. It was never going to happen anyway.

Yeah, but he has a love is stupid to you. He is great. You know, speaking to influencers, I mean, Christine started watching this series yesterday on Hulu about influencer stuff going like criminally bad. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of people using influencers shit to like scam people hard. Yeah. And the first one was this like really not very attractive chick who just like influenced herself into... Did you watch it at all, Luke? You're looking at me like you saw it a little bit? No, no, no. I was thinking of something else 2020. What was 2020? That was the new one with the Facebook post?

Yes. I didn't see all that yet. It's good. Jacob just touched the heat. What's the reason? His reason. He raised it. heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat.

Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat.

Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat.

Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat. Jacob just touched the heat rather not get touched. I would not take a penny. I promise I will touch you. I'll fight it Dude Bobby's not gonna touch you at all I swear to God, I'll never ever touch you. Just next to me I'll never rub the top of your Jimmy jam Listen, I'm certainly not gonna try to suck you off and no one's looking. I'm certainly not going to jerk off while he's doing that. Well, there's our break.

Oh, is this the girl? Yeah. This is the girl we watched, Danielle Miller, who is not really attractive at all, but she really. Well, here's what's happened. That's right. I love it. I'm not going to be chicken a pantsuit. Why she got notoriety, which I've never heard of this at all.

This must be an age thing because things right, because everyone in this documentary seem like it was an important thing. But back when she was in eighth grade, with the exact fear I had about being in school to time of like cell phones and shit that Max and James and Isabelle did have to worry about is this girl they called it a swiffer girl because she made a video fucking herself with a swiffer mop for a guy she liked and it went around the hole yeah but it didn't go around your whole school yeah because I wasn't an influence yet yeah exactly well the guy had kindly send it to her best friend. Oh, really? Yeah. And then it made its way around.

But that was like, so shitty. And then, so it is super shitty. She starts off as a victim, and then she just became, like she was known, like she became an influencer and just fucking, like, conned everybody, like rob people. How'd you rob people? She started writing that checks to her, or writing good checks from her friend's checkbook that was like a rich person, so she just figured that like she wouldn't see this money

leaving her home. She would hang a rich people basically, like thin them out a little bit. Yeah. It was a, thin them out, I like that. Yeah. It's so street, you're so street sometimes. Yeah, I'm pretty street.

Really, I'm street thin them out. You know I keep it raw. You're like a raw. You're like a raw. Oh wait, where's our old thing, Lou? Where's my hey big J? I got your money. Okay. That was such a fun one. I'm so busy trying to make you wink. It's okay. Whenever I get gangster, we used to play this, but I don't you worry big J baby I got you money now you better give me some money big J there's some more of my singing hits oh yeah I love you say dig your ass watch yourself shake your ass you can't even put my dick in my hand don't make me leave you with my foot in your ass. He cool

I was doing pan-dabic. I was in a sad mood. I loved it. Those are addictive. Is that it? I think so. Is that the only two hits? Yeah, do it. Keep your own two hits, but yeah, all these influencers are terrible people. Well, that's not true I would like you to take that back. Not all influencers tell a terrible people some of us. Who are you calling? Dude, we influence. I'm an influencer dude. I can make people use certain things, help their lives. I mean, I got new toothpaste by the way called bite and you know what it is? No plat, you know toothpaste has plastic in it. Not with my toothpaste It's a little pill you chew on and then you brush your teeth teeth You listen to one commercial and believe that all it takes on one commercial Go all the takes you don't even brush your teeth with plastic non stop all the takes is a red headed girl

That tell me something and I believe What do you mean there's plastic and toothpaste? Plastic in toothpaste the toothpaste uses just all plastic and chemicals and bullshit You don't even know where I use and And I do know what you use. What? Use a Colgate bright. Nope. Use crest strips. Nope.

Use, uh, use Papa John's. No. Pizza toothpaste. You're out of the toothpaste world, huh? No, Bob, that's not a toothpaste. What do you use, Jay? Usually. Yep.

Scentedine. But I said it. The P. Scented dye, but that's what I said. But lately I've been using Colgate gel toothpaste because the temporary, you can use harsh toothpaste. Using the same stuff that you put on a dishwasher. Yeah, you bite one of those little tablets. Yeah, I just tied, potted my mouth. Yeah, because you have teacups in your mouth right now.

The maximum number of microplastics in the toothpaste was 167,000, 508, and 193 respect. I don't know what that means. Yeah, I don't know what these numbers mean. There's plastic in everything you eat. I know, but not this bite. Bite the new toothpaste, little cap, little tiny, almost like dried up, little toothpaste. You put it in your mouth, you cry,

like almost like a gum or a mint, but it's toothpaste and you put it on. They filled her out all their plastic. And this, yeah, I don't listen Jake. I don't like your attitude today. Alright, I want you to remember one thing. I have a video. Oh yeah. Listen to me, Jake, I have a video. So yes, I would like to introduce you to this toothpaste. And maybe you take a different spin on it. How's that? So much plastic in that toothpaste. I have a video of you doing something to our, remember I really

should feel, do you know him? I don't remember. Guess what? He's back in town. He's back for the next month. And we're gonna have him in. Yeah. Love our, yeah. Love our. Of course you do. Then do you love? Lonnie Special Jew. Really funny, special.

Very, very funny, special. Executive produced, my special. Right. Super talented. Help me promote my special. Jack of all trades. Yeah, he is. He is.

Yeah, I got this new toothpaste, and I'll bring you some. I'm gonna get you some. I would try it. Well, you might as well now. You don't want any plastic. You know there's so much plastic in the other toothpaste. You know that, right? Who needs plastic in their system?

None of us, it's crazy. Do you know we do eat apparently a credit card worth a plastic a week? Is that real? Wow. We eat. Yeah, it's in everything Look what?

Well any any like fish fish has plastic the whole ocean is plastic them It's talking about micro-shopping. I got what you're saying in their system Yeah, I'm gonna get in our system the whole ocean is plastic. Yeah, I didn't know that you thought it was water I thought it was water. I thought it was water I thought mostly this idiot stupid me Plastic with some water in it. Do me a favor throw that plastic get her out of my stupid face right now Yeah, why why you just eat it? Yeah, eventually anyway get it all in 5.25 trillion macro and micro pieces of plastic in our ocean Let's not forget the cigarette butts I throw in there let's not forget Christine when I knock

our off on the barcratia cruise Christine oh my god you're the king of the world wink yes that's never gonna happen I'll make sure you don't fall. Jay, you joke it around, right? You're never gonna do that. What, push Christian up thing? Listen, I love Christine. You think my life would be better without her? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like my new toothbrush, my new toothpaste that I'm gonna give you? I love it. There's no, no, there's no wink. I love it. Okay, yeah. Yeah, don't you wink. Don't you dare wear it.

Seriously, Bobby, you should just get rid of that video you have a Jacobo together. I'm gonna delete it right now. Look, it's deleted. You're on the clear pal. Oh good, I'm gonna go suck some ocean plastic. Brush my teeth with some plastic. Yo.

Yes. That is crazy. I hate learning facts like that though. What about how many insects we eat a day? Probably a lot. Yeah, that's probably that a lot. I eat 27 willingly. Is there delicious? Yeah, that's probably that a lot. I ate 27 willingly. Yeah, I do. Have you ever had a bug? Yeah, you have eat like a worm or a cricket? Oh my god. Look at

this stat. I couldn't get it. And that's made of the average pretty good. It was one of the two back of it. A pound of gnats. No, I'm saying a lot of- It's warm, just dive bombs your mouth. Well, it says within a year, it doesn't say that it's happening all the time. I mean, we feel your stupid plastic sat in the same area, so.

That's true. That's true. Why is this stupid plastic sat in the scene? It's just how it does to be snuck. How much is a pound of gnats? A pound. It doesn't say gnats. It says that.

No, no, no, in numbers, like how many gnats equals one pound? Yeah, how much is a pound of feathers, Jacob? You're making too much of this gnats that I'm saying. I'm saying it's like gnats the size of the room. You would not notice in a year year like little tiny things like that like that's really are like getting inside your mouth over the course of a year it could be thousands upon thousands of the body why did you just that come up and then we're all like cool and then you lose that comes up and you like

fuck that I understand suck my dick I believe bugs but I'm saying a pound of that's that and that's are so small. That's impossible to do a few milligrams daily a Milligrams. Yeah, you consume one to two pounds of that's a year a year. That's a year dude You're getting a couple milligrams a day you said you said we eat a credit card a week Yeah, fuck is that you Dude, that's a lot. My credit card's heavy. Well, there's plastic in everything you eat. And there's bugs in all kinds of stuff.

In the air, and you're eating them. You don't know you're eating. There is bugs. Also in your food. In your food, yeah. I was like, we had farmed a table up in the Hampshire. Brand new place open up. So excited.

I mean, on this beautiful river, overlooking, I was so beautiful we We sat down and we don't order this amazing sandwich with beautiful lettuce right from the farm. And she's just about to take a bite out of it and a big fat green caterpillar was just crawling. And I, it took everything I had to stop her because I wanted her to bite it. I for the story wanted her to just go hunk and just see a half a caterpillar fall down her cheek. Or a butterfly fly at a verse. One day a butterfly just emerges from her. Wow, wow, we're having sex.

I come butterflies baby. You have a genus magical. Uh, uh, if a woman swallows a caterpillar, can she shit a butterfly? Christine, check it out. Check it out. Fun fact. Fun fact, women actually shit 19 butterflies out of here. The credit cards worth the butterflies.

Fun fact. Fun fact. Did you look up how many gnats equal a pound of gnats? I'm not finding an answer. It's a pound. Somebody said, LOL, is that worth knowing? That was the answer, it failed.

Oh yeah, yeah. That's true. A pound of gnats is a pound of gnats. Yeah, one pound of them. Is a pound of gnats. Oh, way. I swear to God, I'm not minding it. I swear, Christianity.

Pounds of pound. See, the equation will always more pound of feathers or a pound of I swear Chris. Pounds of pound. It's the old question. We'll always more pound if feathers are a pound of bricks. People have a way of pound. They will. Jay. They built way one pound. Ha ha.

Ha ha. The plastic thing is a little tough. A credit card a week is a little tough to believe. Now can I just say something? You just said that too. We didn't look that up. Okay. Look that up. Okay. Look that up.

Also, Christine, look up. How much is the average penis weigh? That's actually a half a pound. I don't think that's true. In my house. I think the credit card's worth. I measure everything in credit card weight. How many penis weigh different weights?

The average penis. Yeah, but it's different. You talking full of gorded or you're talking regular. What is the average bone or way? A bone or a bone or weighs more than a regular PB. Oh yeah. Yeah. How do you weigh your little tiny mushroom?

How would you weigh that? Oh me on a foot scale. Really? I do them on those doctor ones. I have to hang it off a luggage scale. I have to stop at one of those truck way things, truck way and things in the highway. I have to go to the zoo. I go minus 2000 for the truck, whatever it else is my dick.

Do you find out? I'm looking. I'm looking for answers. I'm looking for answers. I'm looking for answers. On America's Eat On Average, two pounds of flies, maggots and other bugs each year. Megat's. Oh, that's horrible. We eat maggots?

Yeah. Oh, God. Well, I mean, you see a half a pack of donuts in a trash, what are you gonna not eat it? Because there's a couple of maggots on it. I'm not sure. You ever see the, at the, I don't know, one of those Walmart or whatever target

where they have food now, and they have like salmon, and they go in and they look at the salmon, and there's literally just worms crawling in the fish. No, really? Yeah, well look, it's not that they, they're just fish have worms. Look at grocery store exposed videos. Oh.

When I, you know what. Oh, when I you know it's hilarious when I When I would did a one of my best stories of going to do comic view for like do a lot of teeth smacking today It's these those teeth are ready to come out. Yeah tomorrow Well, they're out of the out now when you're listening to this, but Right now I gotta go before I talk you got new new ones in now but right now you don't. Yeah, I had a good point I was gonna make too and I lost it. It's alright, find it. Look over my finger.

Follow my finger. Stay right here. The place. The place. The thing. Nope. I got nothing. I was even listening.

I was listening but I wasn't. What is a penis way? I was looking at Jacob. I don't know why he fastened his way. What does a penis way? I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was listening, but I wasn't. What is a penis way? I was looking at Jacob. I don't know why he fascinated me. What does a penis way? I was gonna say what does a penis way, but then you went to yeah, we can totally get back. Let's figure this out. Jacob, how was this? What was Jay about to say?

Gross restores, right gross restores. Yeah, but she's a bit back. We're back. Yeah. Yeah I saw a video recently about like somebody was filming a bodega cat Why don't you have a sudden become from Long Island? I saw I saw I saw a bodega cat the other day it was fucking mind I'm a hot dog. I don't even know his new teeth are fascinating. I can't wait for you to see them I can have a black child. You could. I swear to God you could. It's okay, no, I'm not even cared today.

I mean, I'm called Jacob's cold. Maybe I did the heat. Maybe I didn't. I don't know. Oh my God, I can't wait till Jacob's out of town again. No, dad. Bobby, you wouldn't try to fuck Christine while out of town, would you?

Are you out of your mind? I would never try to fuck Christine. Oh, I would never come over the house around 930 when Donna Maxxers sleep and then slide in a watching movie with Christine. Oh man. That's Christine's wettest. And bring non-fat Carvelle, the Walnut maple that she likes.

I would never do that. I would never start smoking with Christine outside with the dog. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to I would never do that. I would never start smoking with pristine outside with the dog. I'm not talking about a black dick, but not a dick. I just started, it was like walking in the produce, it was supposed to be a cute video, and then it just started pissing in the produce. I was like, oh I wonder how much that happens in this city, because there's bodega cats everywhere.

I watched a 20-20 type thing a million years ago living with my parents. I love you Just did a swish with your hands. I was giving you a way back way back when I was a child I watched my stepfather and me watched this Thing that had like food lion they were exposing food lion and showing that they were selling Like when when meat would turn gray they would sell it as turkey and when things, it was just like showing, they didn't give a fuck, they didn't clean out the grinder, well I'm sure it still exists.

Food lion, but I'm stupid, I thought you met like the cat, the big cat, so. Oh yeah, but the ones that are for food. I was like what's food lion? They're the lion's you eat. That's so dumb I am all the time. I'm sorry, food lion is a franchise, I guess in the south. Okay, there you go

Because I don't know what food line was I thought there was food lines that they were eating line meat or something I apologize now that was my old when I did Comic view the first time I went to Atlanta and then I uncle down there my dad's brother who was like you have to come stay at the house Is that the one that slept with your mom? No, okay. This is my dad's actual brother Oh the other one and he's like you have to come stay at the house. You've got to come stay at the house. Everyone's waiting up to see you, which was not true. I needed food.

I was like, I haven't eaten, so I need to get some food. And he goes, there's a grocery store right by my house. Food, lion. I didn't even go in. I got Subway. And then I walked in to start the nightmare of that story. I walked into his house and which everybody was asleep except their giant dog who came. And Subway used to give you the bag where it's like, it looks

like a sleeve to incriminate cows. She's like a long, thin sleeve and you hold your sandwich like swinging at the bottom and the dog came up and when one chomp smashed my entire sandwich. Go on. Go on. And they were just like, you know, they were just like, you know, Isaac, you know, whatever, just dumb name was. Jewish big dog. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Eber him.

No, I'm. No, I'm. No, I'm. Why is my wife calling me during the show? Gosh, she probably felt talking about. Should I answer it? Yeah, why not? All right, here you go.

This is a dawn, you're on the air, okay This is a dawn. You're on the air. Okay Dawn Yeah, you're on the air. You know, I'm doing a radio show, right? It's a pre-record. It's okay. She could say the end work Family crazy might just send me a pound of bees Oh, I gotta go goodbye. I got to go goodbye. I love you Max My call My call to is a piece of crap. Why? I'm so mad at him right now.

Why would you do? Because he's so rich, he does stupid gifts. Beats are nice. Not beats. Headphones. Max has a lift. He said bees. I didn't want to bring it up, but apparently you're going to bring it up. He has a a lift. He said bees. I don't want to bring it up but apparently you're

gonna bring it up. He has a list a little lift. He didn't say beats. He said bees. We all heard beats. I thought he got headphones. I think I'm like beat like root vegetables. Yeah, I thought it was a vegetable. Max. I am so mad at it. A pound of bees. Max went to the neighbor's house. Okay. Max is friends at school. He has kind of hippie parents,

and they have a beehive in the back. And they make their own honey. Max, for his birthday was like, I want bees, I want a bee suit, and I want to have a beehive, I don't know, make honey. I was like, first of all, no, second of all, no. And third of all, I'll get you the bee suit, That's it. That's why I bought them the B suit 38 bucks on Amazon. He can walk around the B keep a suit and then go over there and hang with them for the bees

Mike Kautta caught on the phone. He goes, what do you want Max and Max? I want a B hive. I want to make my own bees this rich son of a bitch Went in bottom bees on bees this rich son of a bitch went and bought them bees pound of bees been honey bees bottom bees they're the Kelly bees now there you're problem now you know my wife's maiden name is what weather be is it really he just bought him a pound of bees and he bought him the bees that's dangerous hey also I sent up a I sent up a semi-trained crocodile also And you know, they were she want to send up. What am I gonna do with the bees? Oh wait, oh wait I'm sorry. I went to the wrong place. They're hornets He bought them he bought them the bee hive thing

Two he's just gonna be a bee farmer now in your backyard. I'm not you can't I'm not doing raising bees bees Bees alike pets. I'm not doing bees. They swarm. I'm not a bee guy. Apparently beekeepers have like really long lifespans What the fuck does that mean Google that you know who that dumb fact up your asshole? What super cool guy who does this might change your mind Bobby what's up? Does beekeeping also James head field? Yeah, he's a gazillion are also. He doesn't do it. I promise you. He says, no, he's into it.

He goes to beekeepers. Stevie Ravon. Stevie Nussie Ravon. A Steve Vi actually is a beekeeper too. The guitarist. Look at the company. There's a lot of famous beekeepers. But look, I'm right.

What? Beekeepers have generally been proven to have a longer life. Do you know why? Because they eat honey honey has Crazy stuff in it that makes you plastic. Huh mostly plastic. No At least the credit cards worth honey honey has amazing now You're fucking pound of bugs are gonna be mostly bees are gonna eat What would dick get somebody alive animal? That's crazy.

I know. But not even a fun one. I want a puppy, I want a kept. Hey, because I said, Mike just sent us a pooma. Ha ha ha ha ha. He's such an ass. It doesn't understand people yet.

The image bees cost 200 bucks. It's $2 for a thing of bees. It comes with the queen and the worker bees. Wait, how weird is it that he said though? We were just talking about, that's weird. We were talking about insects by weight. Right. And he said, I got a pound of bees.

It's very weird. If you're smoking weed like you, yes to me, it's a queen. It's a queency dink. It's a pretty big coincidence. So we were talking about and the argument over the pound of, Jay, when I say quinky dick, can you say it too? Oh, yeah, you know, it's a pretty cool word.

I feel weird. Sweet keeps bees. Flea, all right, flea keeps bees. I'm going keep going keep going. We go flee. That's not bad. Robert Kelly. More Gio. Morgan Friedman. She was given one by Sam Jackson. Boy. As a wedding present when she married Ryan Reynolds, I guess before she was with Joe's. I wonder if Ryan Reynolds got them in the divorce. No, he lives near me, so he doesn't have bees. Michelle Obama ain't keeping no bees,

and that's how she says it. I ain't taking care of no bees. I got a bigger fish to fry. But I can't peel a bit where they would have interpreters. Yeah. Michelle Obama and Michelle, they'd be like, well, we're gonna try to do the best we can with this. Bitch, you're wrong. Yeah, fuck y the best we can with this bitch. You're wrong

Yeah, fuck y'all Karen second lady Karen Pence big deal Steve. I Steve. I told you that we owe. Yep. Who else? Sir Edmund Hillary the mountaineer know him Sylvia Plath Mario Vaughan trap of the Vantrop of the Vantrap Henry Fonda Euster. Yeah, Martha Stewart still does and I'll'll tell you what, is it keeping her looking young? Cause she was showing that saggy gash all over the... I thought it was hot. You didn't think it was hot, you thought it was fun. Buddy, you know I like older women.

I like cancer freckles on the breasts. Leo Tolstoy, it's what he used to call me about how long my setups were in comedy. He was slumped to go, hey man, get to it Tolstoy. I was named John. He's a really funny comic from Philly that said that. When I audition for the comic strip, Starla, the older you pen, she goes, you're very, very funny.

She goes, but your setups are so. Oh, yeah. It's like so, so long. And then that comic came with me when she walked away because you had Tolstoy. So get to it. You got a long setup, Jay. Tolstoy. It's worth it. You got a long set up, Jay, but it's worth it.

You were a jay, all grousin genius. My sets probably 85% set up. But man, those 15% of punchlines did like thunder, do those six, those six huge laughs you get. Yeah. As they on birds tour, I go, what joke do I do? Aristotle, that's, I think we're, that's a bit of a guess.

No one knows what Aristotle is. The rapper. Not the philosopher. Oh, I didn't see the spell. I didn't realize there was a Z in Aristotle. Aristotle. Is that it? That's all of them.

And now Max Kelly. I mean, dude, I think that field in the Robert Robert Kelly to that was I can't take care of bees You will be gone you will be gone and don't will get stung and don't is gonna kick over the bee hive And then run around and long like a lunatic while she has to roll around because she's covered in bees Oh, and you're gonna have that little puffer thing that kind of keeps them like agitated. He sent everything We really he sent the box, but I told him not to get the bees. Because first of all, the bees you have to do in season. Like you can't get bees now. You're supposed to do it like a month ago. Some bees. There's no summer. There's no summer bees.

Some of bees make me feel fun. Seals and craft. Were you wondering who sang that song? Oh, bees and craft. Whoa. We need to get you in don outfits. For sure. Oh, you're going to get assholes. outfits for sure. Oh you're the assholes You guys are just gonna be a beekeeper family now. I don't I look I definitely want the honey I'll take the honey, but I don't and be swarmed local honey for allergies. Come on It's not local honey. They were sent from Florida These are Florida bees. They're gonna hate the winter. These are Tampa bees. They have big tits

They don't mind taking them out. They're all former wrestlers. Yeah, they lit other wrestlers fuck their wives They're all shock jocks and former wrestlers Man, this is why do you get the XXL suit up there by the way? That's just what it was all available Available on that but you know you know what yeah, dude Christine When you order Bobby's, make sure you order the large. Fuck.

What are that large? I'm a large, man. Yeah, yeah, Bobby's a large. Jay, I'm a large. I'm a large. I'm a large. I'm a large, man. I'm a large, man.

I'm a large, man. I'm a large. I'm a large. Jay, I'm a large. I'm a large. I about here's the problem with I'm gonna live longer A lot of time they're not no, not if I get small You're gonna live longer What if I get killed what if they kill me? No, I think you're gonna work for you like candy man You're gonna open your room

You're gonna be just bones and bees You're gonna open your room. You're gonna be gonna be just bones and bees What if he actually got me murder bees Oh shit I said from the wrong box Hey, I gotta tell you Mike every time I open this box these things come at me hard Can I tell you something to I ordered like these these bathroom speakers the waterproof blue-through speakers It's taken seven days to get them Mike yesterday We had the conversation about the bees when Max was in there's already bees there dude in Tampa He ordered bees they came living animals came to my house today these stupid bluetooth speakers haven't showed up in seven days

what shower speaker uh... it's a good one which uh... i i don't know if it's a good one i think it is a good one why why do you say it like that you make me you make me see that the best one what do we mean you got the good one which one do you got i got this one it's not the good one

why is it not the good one you know what you got go boz micro link look up best waterproof shower speaker. You're gonna see that Bo's what is it the real move is to get sonos through your house and then have a sonos installed in the bathroom But we're not there yet. That'll be in our home Micro link speaker. I got it bows, but that thing yeah Dude that doesn't have a Dude that doesn't have a... Sorry. That doesn't have a suction cup.

A suction cup? No, it's not a piece of trash. Yeah, mine has a suction cup. Yeah, it's not a garfield thing you hang in your window. It's got a very tight strap that goes around the shower rod. How much is that? That's $100. I don't know, man.

Get out of this guy. If you have to ask, Bobby, you probably can't afford it. I bet you. All right. Who brought the hillbilly? My speaker was $32. It's a fucking shitty product. It's a shitty product, you asshole.

That doesn't look cool. Mine looks cool. Mine has the time on it Who's in there with you? Dude mine has the time look at mine that looks cool and it has lights that go with the music Cause it sounds it sounds awesome. No, it doesn't what is it cost it cost I'll tell you right now It's $700 no, it doesn't where did you hear how it sounds? It's $29 he didn't he didn't hear how it sounds He bought off he bought't. Where did you hear how it sounds? It's $29. He didn't hear how it sounds. He bought off a thing.

I heard how it sounds. Lou, you heard how it sounds. Mine cost $7, mine cost $29. I don't know. But I got two of them. I got two of them. So do we. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not ballin' like you, dude.

I have a son. This is an employee. I have a son. You want your son to listen to good music and why he takes a shower in tubby time? I didn't think Tubs. He still Tubs. He's English.

Oh, sure. I mean, when he comes to my house, he's pretty good. Definitely is gonna take a tub there. Pup-pup, what? He's not tubbing at your house. Yeah, when we watch him over night, he's gonna take a tub.

First of all, I'm not leaving my son overnight at the Okreson's house. No, it's fine. It's not fine, he's not staying at your house. As long as he's not tall enough to reach my drugs. 100% tall enough, you leave them on the kitchen, fucking table. I mean, go walk in to your house,

it's like walking into a weed store. Nah, if we know children are coming. Dude, you have so many different colored top jugs. Yeah, glass cages everywhere this is your house looks fun Looks like a candy store of weed. Oh, there's a dog with a bonded on right now Oh, the house is a blast I'm stuck a big fat shit in the house today Christine's fault. Why is it her fault? The doctor's ship my fault. Why is? I love when you cues Christine of something she freezes like you hit her. Yeah, she goes like this. I won't say anything. She can't believe she's

responsible for so many bad things. She looks like a girl in that documentary with that little magic girl when they yell at her when they caught her in a lie. So Christine say you lied. Christine say you tried to murder me. I tried to murder. I want to murder you I think. Yeah that's probably my fault. Bose sound like it doesn't look. Here's the problem with Bose. Can I tell you what the problem is Bose. Sounds too good. Nope. Doesn't it sounds good. I understand you're all you're you're you're you're a what an audio file. Yeah. Oh I hate that name by the way. Audio file. But here's a thing is that it doesn't look good. They don't look good does though. It does not Well, there's no time on it No time which is awesome when you're in the shower you want to know what time it is so get it out

You want to know how long you've been in so I can look in this at time there's a clock There's an alarm clock you can set it that would stress me out actually I don't want to look at the time wasn't Why hours where you relax apparently you thought I deleted that You think I deleted it was What if it works for you? I'm happy for you. That's all I'm saying Jacob Just saying if it works for me. It's good for me is good, right? You got the right product as whole I actually think you got the right speaker for your shower for my show

Thank you. That's all I'm saying I don't know as I don't know. I don't know, you're in there yet to time yourself because you went there for so long. What are you doing that fucking shower? What are you running from? I like, I like, I like, I like. Oh, the bees?

Is that your running from? Because you're constantly covered in bees and honey. Oh, he's constantly covered in bees and honey. I don't know. Oh, he's constantly covered in bees and honey. I He's got slick-oared and bees and I don't even got to keep shower He's not stuff. Here's a problem with me with the stupid bees first of all back to the shower thing I love having the time, but I like having the little light in there because it goes with the music Which is kind of cool because I shut the lights out when I take a shower

I like the light So you play in the music I should lights out when I think a shower. And I like the light, boom, boom, boom, boom, so you play in the music. I should have lights out and I put my phone light on. What? Yeah. Well, that's stupid. Why would you do that? Well, I can't share in the pitch dark.

Yeah, I know, but I, you wouldn't if you had a speaker with lights on it. We have the best speaker, Christine. Is there a shower thing that like a light that reacts to music? It has to exist. A shower light that reacts. Yeah, there is one. It's called my speaker that I bought. Yeah, well, listen, I'll spend $30 for the shitty speaker just so I get the lights bouncing to my good speaker. Okay, I'm buying, I'm buying you one right now. I don't want this crap. Too bad it's bought. Oh, I bought it. Hello, look at this. What is that? Waterproof lighting. It's gonna bounce to my music

Yeah, but it's it's just a light right there lights to sync with music waterproof. Oh my god. Oh, this is perfect Christine, let's just make a full disco in our shower. I just bought two of them. For what? I bought two more, for you. We're gonna find out who's is better. You're gonna take yours, right? You're gonna give me one of yours. You have two, right? You give me one of yours.

I'm gonna give you that one. And then we'll see who's is better. Who's, and it has to go on, not just sound. Sound is one of the criterias. Fun is another one. Okay, well that's not fair. You can add fun knowing you're buying the more fun one. Why? Why?

No, I'm talking all around fun. Okay, could I say something? Yeah. When I was listening to John Cougar, really loud in the shower today, I was having fun. Yeah, it was. Because it sounded so good. How great would it be? I don't want to hear a tinny version a lonely old night while some dumb lights blinking

back and forth. You don't know that yet. You don't know how tinny it is. I don't listen to $30 or anything. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I bees. You know I'm an addict. I get into stuff. And now if I get into stupid bees, I might become a bee guy. And I smoked one cigar at Paul Versey's house 11 years ago. And now I have English standing humidor with 700 cigars in it.

And a million astrays and lighters, pipes, I have an Italian pipe that's worth $500. I don't smoke pipes Huh be get into it. I get into it if I get into bees. I don't want to have a whole You're gonna be selling honey in a farmer's market as a family You want to try your the honey you want to try my honey? I'm already excited about Listen how fast do we get honey? Yeah, it takes a summer. I think it's a good thing I think it's a bad thing because now I'm gonna have like nine hives Christine go to the bear bear grills Beast thing hey guy. Hey, he's collecting honey. It's one of the funniest things going down to get dinner after the show tonight

What are you doing? Oh, I have to go collect honey? Oh? Yeah, sorry guys the bees are harvesting right now They're making pollen that stinks I bring in don's honey cake you guys look forward to every every fall. I love it. Yeah None of us are gonna have allergies ever again at least not in white planes. That's is that weird. That's crazy better for you Oh, you're crazy one of the funniest things ever watch this what is this? We're watching a video on you here. It's bear grills. Yes He went to a natural beehive and he's collecting honey

In a tree. He's in a tree. I mean this is just nuts. Oh this gets weighed nutty or in funny Oh my gosh, he hacks off a nice honey Nope flick it buddy don't do that. You don't touch a bee. They tell the other bees that you touch them nice honeycomb. He got a full head, full head, get away. He got stung. Go away. Nope, flick it, buddy. Don't do that. You don't touch a bee. They tell the other bees that you touched them. You got one stinging.

You stung them. Oh, God. But here's the thing. Good news. He's allergic. No, the honey itself acts. A little stinger. Has what?

It has healing properties. So he got stung on the forehead by a bee. And the stinger is still stuck in his Baby stinger nothing You can't see that and that's where they Deliver it, but you know one sting for a load of small price honeycomb isn't too bad. There's nothing in there Oh, what are you talking about? Oh, Bobby? This is your life now. I am not doing this You're using your bush, but using your bush mills knife bush craft grass face

Your bush mills craft. I mean bush mills. It's nice. It's nice. Sure there is bush mills as a beer company Look delicious honey And it all said good thing about this stuff. Yep, tell them, tell them. It can actually help my sting. This guy knows how to survive. It takes a little bit of the honey, rubs it on his sting. And I'm rubbed that onto it.

Honey's got really good antiseptic. He's rubbing antiseptic. And that one helps. Is that true? Yeah. And look, if you do that's all of your bee stings, Bobby, because you're going to get a bunch. I'm not doing any of this.

I'm not doing any of this. No, you need a punch. So look, there you go. I can't believe that. Oh, Christ almighty. Okay, his face is swollen. His eyes are swollen shut completely. Both of his eyes are swollen shut. He looks like a different human being.

He should be brought to a hospital immediately. Where they have to cut open his eyes like Rocky one. He looks like he looks like Ronnie Chang. I mean, what? This is crazy, James. One thing. His whole head. One sting. This looks like Rocky Dennis.

Yes. Think about how worse it would have been if he hadn't or of the honey. Yeah, well, Bobby, so here's the reason that's why you got to rub the honey So you only look that ridiculous. I mean bro. That is nuts his face his whole head is swollen Yeah, he looks a different person. He looks like you got beat up really bad. It looks like he got hospitalized beat up Yeah, from one beast. Crazy Everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomfire for a special offer.

That's right. And go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go you. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.