The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Pretty Sick Wave

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

After Jay and Dan go over a story about a surfer spearing his own children believing they had serpent DNA in them,  Jay starts planning his own funeral.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com #CrackleCrackle

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocresson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocresson and Dan Soder. What is this subject surfing Dan kills kids with speargun? He was surfing Dad, not Dan. Oh, not Dan. Dad.

Oh, it was like surfing Dan? Is that a different, is that it? Do you want to dance? Has like guys hang loose and kill your kids. What if it turned out that I was actually from the big island and I murdered my family before I got into comedy? Hey, you guys bring it up.

You guys bring it up. I remember I killed it up at the top. You guys bring it up at the top. Hang loose and get rid of your kids So they had serpent DNA had gotcha gotcha gotcha It's a pretty big story now is a surfer surfing instructor in California. Yeah, good family man Got into I said before the surfing is I said surfing is a stupid sport for assholyteets Sorry, Christine's entire family and what she believes to be her legacy

I thought it was real estate No, yeah, well no, yeah, they're all surfers and they do real estate. Yeah, dude. That's bad ass How are they not selling every house with the real like you know what? I'm gonna take you out on a fucking pretty sick wave, and then we're gonna look at a two bedroom one bath. That's right up your alley. That's what I was gonna say. It's like you said,

we surfed all of our showings. Yeah. They started a company down in Costa Rica so they could go and surf there and work. No, Christine, I hate to tell you this. It's so they can go and have sex with trans. That's why they did in Costa Rica, but it's been easy.

That's not how I hated it. I actually did it yeah, well there's water over 80% of the earth, but I guess I Guess I'm gonna tell you where all the trans are the actual idea was there are gun runners That's why I even know you guys. I'm been trying to infiltrate from the way out. I'm CIA. Oh shit That's right. You've been working this whole time the surfing crew. Yeah, you guys know I've been working at the Utah. My I am an FBI agent. You're breaking the law. Jacob's my pop is my papis. I used to surf. I have never come up before six years ago. You serve. It's a lot. You don't know about me. It's true. We don't know. You guys never took time. Maybe if you guys stopped talking and started listening, you were so long. So long we've been together, Jacob. I still you still miss three to me.... the jay go as well you guys remember my three nvp seasons on the roller

derby what is yet you never have spent a row double trophies i always have as i was have out come on i wrote i wrote i wrote premo in the taxes tornadoes i was the head of the line i'll you uh... the story is a santa barber father suspected of killing his two children in mexico told the fb i he was a q-in on inherent

and had to kill them because he had been infected with serpentine a and he was saving they had been infected with certain tn a and he was saving the world from monsters according to criminal complaint filed in law's federal court on Wednesday now i will say now i mean right here a q-in on like, you don't even hear Q and on out loud, much anymore, since the documentary just basically said it was like a Chinese door, right?

Doing the whole thing. He's a guy and his dad at the Canadian door, wasn't it? Yeah, right? He's American. I don't know if he's Canadian, but he was Asian and he dressed like me. He's got over the world. They don't stay in one place, those two. I asked my uncle if he knew him.

Last time they were in our programs. He said he was running a Christian surf school also. Yeah. This guy. It also may have been that Mr. Potato had guys, too, right? That was the other question that could have been the potato head dude. What do you mean? You know, they're like head and torso in a chair.

That guy. I think it was the dude that that moves the potato head hates. Yeah, the Asian kid. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, if it's either one of those, you look like an ass following them anyway. So only a lunatic would still say they're in the QAnon would murder their own children because they were infected with Serpenty and I. What's worse when these fucked up stories, when the suspects start being near the same

ages me, it just hits different. Because now I see 40 and I'm like, damn dude, I would have known that guy in high school. I'd be like, Matthew Coleman killed his kids because of QAnon. I was in math with Matt Coleman. He was a good kid. Oh, Mattie Taylor Coleman? Matthew Coleman. Oh, Matt Matt Coleman. He was a good kid. Oh, Mattie Taylor Coleman. Mattie Coleman. He was a fucking surfer. He was like always at the beach.

And then also surfers being into conspiracy theories with that, like, hang loose bra energy with the. Whoa. I don't know if you know this, but they're serpentine DNA in my children. And because Donald Trump is the rifle president, I got a murder Yeah, my kids are getting pretty crunchy. No, what I mean? Oh, man I live the gnarly ass wave and then coming through and realizing that my kids are lizard people And it's time to take the spear gun dude my own kind a spear gun That's why I'm not gonna lie you fucking come on your kids if you're gonna murder your kids. If you're gonna murder your kids, do it. The fucking Captain A-habway.

Go get him. Go get him. Go get your white whale. I hate saying this out loud. It makes me sick to my stomach. Say it out loud. As a father myself, I'm appalled that the idea of this being the case, but you have to admit,

it'd be pretty badass if he got him on the same spear. Same shot. just got them both two birds one spear two birds one spear He shot through him. I mean he's got through to one of his line. He was lining him up He was I fit to my mind. I'm picturing he was surfing while was happening And he's riding the wave. He's like no not yet And you see him in the you see him in the crosshairs We're just lines up where they're

both in front of each other and then he just gets it. No, that's either way I the way I see him double get double kabab in his kids is if he was crying but he's still a surfer you know he's like bro I can't fucking do this bro this is not chill and then he shoots he shoots through both of them and when they go through brother he went oh rad oh man I can't take him out of this sadness he was like I can't believe I have to murder my serpent kids I rad oh that is so rad he's telling the cops goes then when I saw that sick-ass shot that I laid it totally took away all my sad. He's like full spacoli talking to the FBI.

It really milled out my harsh. Oh man, you have no idea what it's like for your children's DNA to be compromised. Then you roll through it. Do you guys even think like, what are the odds? I don't even know. Like I heard there's as many planets as there are grains of sand in the world

and that's just like bonkers to think about bro. Anyways, I found 4chan gotten some pretty fringe ideas. Some pretty fringe shit. I got into some pretty outlier shit bro. You know, like people that run the world. Do you guys get it? Do you guys even know who really runs all this shit? It's definitely serpent to eat children. They're pedophile serpents, bro. Yeah, exactly I believe me or a guy wears a uniform every day of course, bro You probably took the vaccine because you're an idiot I'm gonna be your just surfing USA put my kid put my spear on kids

Man, it will be really fun for the cops to shoot a guy off of a surfboard man I've had all those Malibu cops are dying for that moment that's a carnival game someone tries to escape on surfboard I'd say well I'd say I'm for Dan I'd aim for the surfboard blow it out from under him just chip it away and see because by the way if this guy is totally gnarly, he'll be able to hang long while I'm busting off chips of that thing.

Jay, I'm gonna tell you right now, big problems need big solutions. And I think this is when the Santa Barbara should have busted out their shark cop. He's having a run in Munchem. Munchem while he's shark cop. You feel like release of a shark cop. He's like, we rarely have to pull this lever, but hey, shark cop, it's like we were we were really have to uh... pull this lever but uh... hey

sharp cop shot you know you're going to the server who killed his kids he's taking the seas with a spear gun well apparently uh... colman told FBI agency killed his children by shooting a spear into their chests explaining that he had been enlightened by qonon and Illuminati conspiracy theories and believe he was saving the world from monsters. This also might just be the greatest excuse for insanity in a murder trial. Dude, murdering a ten-month-old little girl with a little excuse. That's how old it was.

The girl was ten-month-old. I mean, she's only chest. Yeah, that's just crazy two-year-old and a ten-month-old. Wow damn dude That it's like postpartum psychosis, but with a dude Now this is straight up fucking misinformation even at frying his surfer mind Well, there's more than just the information. Yeah, it's like He's obviously not well, but also I will say. What point do you have to get at when you know, you're going along reading and then all of a sudden you make that switch in your head that says

they could have serpent DNA. Yeah, you guys look, and by the way, it's a big switch. Because he's telling people, by the way, when he tells people he's going like, no, no, you guys don't by the way, switch because he's telling people by the way when he tells people he's going like No, no, you guys don't get it of course. Oh my god. I'd be devastated if I killed my kids No, they they were monsters. Yeah, those were my kids. Those were serpentine monsters If you guys run my kids, please, but I'd assume they're dead, but those were serpents

Those were serpents that were due to rise and become monsters and kill everybody so you basically any word on mom Any word on mom because if this guy had custody, you know, what is that lady story? She was just, she was finding this eating surf wax. Oh, wow, okay. They never argued once. He just took them and left. Yeah, that's what you said. And that was it. It was not she called the cops and she said that he left the couple's residents in a Mercedes Sprinter van.

Where the fuck did he get a Sprinter van? Yeah, what is he taking around bands? Yeah. Hey guys, do you have to get him to main stage? Did you have to get your kids to the side stage before? Everybody having the Sprinter. Guys, hop in the spring. We got to get the set. So weird. Well, it's a good van private a whole surfboard, I guess. Oh my God, yes. If they owned a Mercedes sprinter, you think he

ubered to murder his children? Now he took the Mercedes sprinter van. No, when down to Baja, California, so they were in Rosarito, like, I guess an hour, thousand, the board go down the 110 a guy to Rosarito, brought your kids 405, which you're about to murder. Take your kids down. Um, that's, no, no, I know he's, like, went down, I said he left their house in a Mercedes-Benz.

It doesn't mean that he was driving it. I can't call it. It sounds like he took the kids and left and she never heard about a human being an individual person having a Mercedes-Brenner van. You got to get better friends, Jay. All my boys drive sprints. It's for like surfers and camping. What?

Yeah, I like camping. Maybe. So I'm so about my guess. So my point is if they own a Mercedes-Benz. Look at the average cost of a Mercedes-Benz. Oh, they're wealthy. They're definitely wealthy. This company's wealthy. So he's wealthy and bought into every, you would not shit. No, I know but wealthy people tend to lean more the other direction of this. Well yeah, because the other one benefiting off idiots fucking buying into this shit. The other one's making money off it. Do you remember when that guy, when we went to Monday Night Raw, do you remember when that guy was telling us

to check out QAnon back in like 2016, 2017? Oh yeah. He was like, do you guys check it out? We're like, no. And he was like, why? It's pretty sick. Pretty crazy shit 36 to 57,000. Oh, yes, a lot less than I thought but that's before any options

Did this have options like I guess a spear gun holder or a surfboard that it come with extra for child targets Yeah, yeah, baby size targets. I think you guys are on a tiny targets. I'll make my own. It's fine. I'm in the sprinter van boys or boy. I mean like I'm 10 month old is in a fucking car seat. Hmm Damn, dude. So it's a two year old probably. Yeah, when people, yeah, when people kill there, I mean a rear facing still. Yeah, when people kill a kid, which I've watched so many, you know, date line NBC's tend to be about that 2020s a lot of time when it's so

vile and then they're able to go back and just be like, all right, guys, let's anything we have to do. Let's hunt all night for these kids. When you know you like put them into a fucking cement mixer and shit. Yeah, like, hey, all right. That's, you're right, that's always the craziest word. We gotta find these children. You're just in a field knowing that you put them in a well.

Put the cell, the cell like control to not only not like confess, but also go to the self-absorbed nature of just like, I'm gonna make sure I don't get in trouble for this. Yeah, it's pretty wild. That's one of the craziest things about murderers. Is their ability to absolutely lie when they know they're caught still. They're just even like, yeah, I don't know.

Let's fucking, if I killed someone, I'd be like, I did it. I did it. I suck so much. I'm sorry fucking Framing would you no matter what? I mean it dude if I'm killing my kids all right killing your kids is one thing. Okay. I'm asking you this Guy on the street looks like a let's say looks like a biker so he might have done some bad things Maybe he's just a nice biker But you can rationalize that this biker has probably been involved by what I've seen on television shows meth production And a lot of

Volatile crimes themselves you hit this guy and he is dead. Yeah yourself in Tell somebody I tell somebody for sure now. Do you tell somebody you might as well turn yourself in You don't have any good friends like that like a black Louis a Paul the way you just said We're gonna see Daniel over 20 20 and then you're getting caught you can't tell any of your friends dude Not one of your friends should think it says crazy as anything if somebody accused you of it I got these sweat fists. He's like, oh, okay. So Dan, he killed a biker and then fucking showed up for work the next day and was funny.

Like really, that makes sense to you? No, you need me to say it and mean that. Oh, nah, I wanna tell you. I mean tell me. I'm like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. I knocked this biker out and he died. Tell everybody that I'm the coolest. I mean tell me dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, up. I'm wondering who's, you know what, I'm not gonna think of who I'm gonna do it to. I'm just gonna do it in a moment where the two of us are just like sitting in a green room and I can go like, I wonder why Gary Veter is a good person to pick

that he killed somebody. We had a fun surprise, I got word that there was a chance that didn't have happening, but there was a chance of a very fun surprise happening. I'm gonna set somebody up. I'm wondering who's, you know what, I'm not gonna think of who I'm gonna do it to. I got word that there was a chance. It didn't have happening. But there was a chance of a very fun surprise happening

for Skankfest. Yeah. And I mean, Lewis couldn't have said quickly he goes, go, see, don't tell anyone. I want it to be the awesomeness surprise for everyone. Comics, everything. Don't tell anybody. And I was, again, no, dude, it has to be a surprise

or the whole thing's fucked up. And I had to make sure the phone was hung up. I dialed Dan so fast to tell him. I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, and you wanna let me go, and then I go, but this, look, I know I just disobeyed this,

but now you really can't tell anybody. And I didn't. No, I know, but I'm saying like, here's the thing I'm still going on at some point on the road. I do, I'm still in know, but I'm saying like, here's the thing I'm still going on at some point on the road. I do. Some stone moment, you'd be like, Veter.

No, this is gonna be it's getting fast. Probably dude. Saturday night. Make sure you can't say a word though, but seriously, you can't say a word. You don't make sure you get much. You just stay. No, it's fine.

Yeah, make sure you're close to the stage. All I'm saying is. It's so fucking funny. So that's why I'm telling you, Dan. Don't tell me either that. Something that big? That's too juicy. Maybe that guy shouldn't have ran into me.

Listen, people you fucked, people you don't like. These are all things that are easy secrets to keep. But I'm telling you, at some point, I just see my neck crooked over while a TV show is getting boring or fail- fail army videos. I can't find any good ones. And it's leaning over and being like, hey, Joe, Shadow Myers, guess what Dan did? Yeah, he did it, dude.

Fucking marked somebody and then just fucking took off. Look at the bench. Dude went home and played play. I think he's a sociopath. He's disconnected. I think he gets a sociopath. He's disconnected. I think he's a sociopath. No, I get the, listen, you kill your kids or a family makes some kind of weird psychosis rage,

you turn yourself in, I get it. But man, I don't know. I think I live with, it depends who I kill. If I accidentally kill a kid, you know what I mean? If you're driving a car or something like that, like I think no matter what I turn myself in For a kid for sure Yeah, and like

Like I'm trying to see like where does the line get like blurry Mentally challenged adult That's the word of the line. That's what I think about it. I go. I mean, I might have took it a matter of misery You know, I mean they just fucking they know who knows what they do all day It's probably you it's a constantly stop from biting railings and shit like I've probably done everywhere a couple of years a favor Maybe oh my god, no, I didn't I'm not I'm not trauma being I definitely didn't do any one of favor I'm just saying the rationale you could work. It's a murky area where you're like maybe I didn't do something I mean at the end of the day, you know, I sent him back to

I sent him back to the kingdom of heaven and his parents now I could they know that they have a little angel in heaven, but they don't have to like, you know spoon feed a 30 year old anymore Yeah, but this is this is you saying all this in between puffs of a cigarette while you're crying and telling me about it You go, okay, so maybe you know, maybe it's Maybe it was good that I struck him with He was gonna strike with the car. No, you're right. If it's a gray area, if it's a murky area like that, I may tell a friend.

Then I tell a friend, I think. But if it's a- Black Lou's still shaking his head now. No, no, I think it's a bad idea. I'm just saying I know myself enough to know that if I feel like there's a way I can go, but listen, maybe this was a terrible person somewhere. You just twisted that you didn't do

something terrible. I might tell a friend, if it's cut, if I said before, if it's just like, you know what? I certainly think that I, I healthy stranger, I might just split. Yeah, dude, I think honestly, go ahead, you're somebody that wrote a shitty article about you. Well, you didn't mean it, but Oh, I didn't mean to hit them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no didn't mean it, but. Oh, I didn't mean to hit them. And that's karma, I sure. And check it out.

In fact, I also didn't mean to, when I backed back up over them, I was actually just trying to see if there was anybody there. But I did mean it when I got out and took their wallet and the money out of it. Yeah, I did mean it when I did a burnout on their nut bag. Oh, doughnut. Donuts.

Donuts. Donuts. Donuts. Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. Donuts. I think the way I'm rethinking this is, if I killed someone, I would hold on to it until I was an old man and that with my grandson was sitting on the porch I would go, I've taken a life.

Did you know that Joshua? And he go, we're talking about grandpa Dan and I would go I've taken a life did you know that Joshua and he go we talked my grandpa Dan and I go I watched her die I share and I watched her die lights went out what don't tell grandma it was her it was her adopted sister I had to get her out of the picture. She wanted my money. Yeah, don't confess anything on your deathbed. That didn't work out good for the Emmett Till lady. You know what I mean? I mean, it's she didn't get in trouble though. She just said it and then died.

No, I know. It just stirred up. Everyone's just furious again. You know what I mean? But then she did the old- She did the old- It didn't matter if he did whistle at her. It's a shitty story.

She's like, also, by the way, he really died for nothing. I mean, that lady didn't do anything. That lady is a full piece of shit. And you wonder if her kids immediately were like, fuck, why did you say that, grandma? I know. Some say it started up. And then that, whatever that family's last name is,

that's spoiled for a while. Oh my God, dude, could you imagine just being a regular guy on Instagram and you're like a sophomore in college and you're like let me get on Instagram today. Why are you there? Oh my god. 500 comments. Who's caught and it's like fuck you. Fuck you and you're like you don't know your grandma was the lady who's like the emettel lady. Yeah. You know, that's the emitsill lady. Carolyn Bryant. Kobe took it back. Oh, yeah.

Did he take it back? Or is it Kobe's mom? Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Yeah, what is it? Real quick. Yes. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don don don't don't don't don't don't don't don don don't don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don don Yeah, so now he's a serial killer. Yeah, you know, I'm also sitting there now you're right You know too much. I'm sitting there doing coke with the studio. God Would you do this we gain black glue Anybody I know you talk a lot when you watch Cowboys games. He didn't tell you I'm not gonna talk anybody about the thing we talked about did you? Hey, you talk about the incident that I had a couple weeks ago

Well, you're washing hands next to each other in a bathroom. Okay No, did you can't you really got a hold of it and not tell anybody and just torture yourself? Yeah, if you want to stay out of jail You just got to be tortured and you got to be really good when they go have you ever killed somebody you go? Stupid question. Yeah, I killed somebody. Sure. I took it alive. Oh yeah, I hit that fucking biker guy

and assumed that he was probably piece of shit so it wasn't a big deal that I just left. Yeah, on a hiking trail in 1998, I didn't go on the inside and pump a guy off and he died. Yeah. Damn, wouldn't it be great if you played the Dexter music? Wouldn't it be great to be a Dexter though? To kill serial killers methodically

That's all I mean like think of any secret you actually have never told anyone No, no one ever no one ever I mean maybe from some from I was a kid that I just wouldn't try to think it wouldn't remember what it is like a big thing that if people found out about me then uh anybody that I hold completely to myself I don't think so. Where's something somebody told you and you actually never went and told another person? Oh yeah I'm the same. Sure yeah. I got a lot of those.

You guys really want to spill it? Let's get nuts. Yeah. Oh Dan's got a whole file cabinet of things I told him about you, Christie. Oh, he knows it all. He knows it all. The sex change, the resex change, then the gender reassignment with the sex change combo, they all put back to girl. Well, it was a wild couple years. A lot. Right there. And dance all that inside of him all this time. Right, my say. Jacob's got a crazy secret for sure. DJ Lou, I don't know. Seems like

an open book to me that DJ Lou. Yeah, DJ Lou sometimes it mits too much stuff. Yeah, he keeps it close to the hip, but like when he rolls, he rolls though though Yeah, get a few years in me and I don't shut the fuck up But all your grunts I'll tell you where it is. Do you want to know where the treasure is buried? I don't hey tell you I'm stealing cable Hey guys guess what I'm stealing cable. I'll tell you exactly what's going on right now. I did kill a guy I know I found my couch my favorite couch in right now. I did kill a guy. I fell. I found my couch, my favorite couch in an alley. There I said it.

I slept on it before I brought it in. I hate the already lying confession you do of me. All right, we can change it. You know what we can change too? We can change it to maybe we should always do British when we're talking about Lou. I can't keep it accent good enough. I can just do it.

Oh no, it's me DJ Lou. Hey, what's up, everyone? It's me DJ Lou. I'll be knocking around having some brews. I actually don't think they're far off when hammered Lou. That's kind of how you. You talk Lou. By the way, you're the most fun drunk I've ever been around. I don't think anyone would disagree. You make me feel like I'm a God when he is drunk. He pumps you up, man.

Oh my God, dude, you're so great on the fucking show, man. Dude, when you first got here, we were afraid you weren't going to be with us for long. You are the best black Lou. Don't fucking ever leave. We love you. You need confidence boost. Oh, I love you. a confidence boost all around loo well see things like I love them

hey guess what black loo I say things like that to you when I'm not drunk because I just give a shit yeah real nice yeah no you don't forget lovey dovey you got black loo so goose up he took a hot public piss in front of Dan special all in front of the barricade I'll never forget that right on to the main street very busy street facing the cars

facing the traffic there was there was between two cars yeah but there is a you were yes there was a one person in the back of the cab telling a story to somebody and they're like and that's what I said Listen, I'm not gonna go to work. Oh my god. There was just a guy in between two cars pissing in the street No, yes, you're right you were between two cars your piss was going into the street Yeah, yeah, you have but I try to find real corners I'm worried about and then I always find I play what I don't that I've

never found a paste of piss that didn't have a rollback right back towards me. It's crazy. It's coming right back on you. Yeah. I'm always down. Do you want to feed? Oh yeah, yeah, for sure. I'll say it but then straddling your own piss streams while you're pissing is pretty, it's pretty acrobatic. I gotta say, I'm, it's not up there with, it's not down there with like tunnel scurrying, but I see it's not necessarily a tunnel scurry. Just see all the people sending pictures of tunnels

in their towns, like tunnels like this. Yeah, dude, people get it. My tunnel folks are out there. Yeah, I'll tell you what, if I had those in my town, I would have never gotten them because of the young age. I watched it. I watched it pretty young and it really made it much more intense. I did it a couple times.

I guess with a group of friends, I've been talked to going to it, but again, that was the fat kid problem with me. I'm like, sometimes I can fall behind if something requires a scurrying run. Oh, no, and now you put me in a smaller space of a tunnel. I'm like, now I'll be the fucking, I'm the guinea pig. You know, I'm the fact kid that gets dragged back out of the tunnel by something no one can see. And everyone starts hauling ass the other way and you guys also get on bikes. Guys, you even have the innocent eyes of the kid that's like, guys, yeah, no one can see and everyone starts hauling ass the other way and you guys get on bikes you even have the innocent eyes of the kid that's like guys yeah please help and you can't

help me and listen so I don't want shirts with my face on the made I want you guys to soap your back car windows rest in peace peace, big guy. Yeah. A couple of tattoos would be nice actually. Done. And then I want a big papa like procession through Philadelphia. Well, well my crowd workout was playing everyone's single long. Yeah.

People in the audience are like, oh, have you ever fucked a black guy? Oh, are you guys dating? Are you cheating? It shows me like the PDD. I go, you know Me or you to you dating it shows me like the PDD I go you know We had to drop that Asian pussy joint right is Ask it was going through North Philly. No, we have to drop that Asian pussy joint. Yeah, you know what I'm saying Oh, and then I come out of the song just about missing you Who's gonna ask if you've banged a black guy?

Who's gonna ask if you two were married? Instead of staying, I do Steve Winwood's Valorys So I go, Burr-Jay! Rest in peace, Burr-Jay! Now you can do call on me, like your audience member. Call on me, ask me if I'm from around here. Dude, I can't, yeah, we're gonna have the best funeral for you. Yeah, it's gonna be great.

Alia, I remember had a glass, uh, coffin, horse drawn, horse drawn cart with the coffin. That's crazy. That's just great. Done like a main street.

She died, never finished. I never finished. Really? It was so. Yeah,, somebody put her back together No, I mean the coffin was in a glass Dean if I when I die I need you to wear black the rest of your life non-stop Not all black clothing. I just want like a black stripe on the shoulder of all your shirts like an NBA player That'd be bad ass and my initials also in the corner and my number

I don't have a jersey number just like you know my social or something. I'm dead. It's fine There's a my grand my great grandmother was in mourning for the rest of her life after her brother dies She's just more black every day. You're supposed to. That's what Greek people do. That's fucking that's our minions too. Here's a Leah. You're supposed to wear black every day. Oh, so it's like, oh my god, you don't see, you don't see her though. Yeah, you know, yeah, that's what I thought. I thought they were doing like those. You know those weird feets rolls where they just dress you up or they we've gone through those where they sit you down at a table and you play PlayStation Hang on this is pretty well, and it might not even be true, and I'm crazy

Christine she's playing a starter home clothing line. Wait Christine. Yeah, did you tiger balm in that other room? No, I want to but I didn't okay. So my eyes are all like fucking wacky. Do you have a tiger bomb issues from yesterday? It's just though. No, it shouldn't be. I'm just gonna tie my bomb on the break. To what all in there, please. I will. I'm waiting. Stuff is fishy. Oh, you know what? Let's get to it.

Let's get to that break you can't let's get to Christine you really want to see my eyes go wonky I want to see you do blind radio again well I was planning my fucking hip-hop funeral but I guess fuck me oh we are not that we had it all what else is missing I want to be in a Steve Harvey suit I've got some things go let it be a Steve Harvey suit a real suit suit with a hat even though I'm laying back on my head Tilt the head up soon. We're gonna have to have what are we gonna do? We're gonna pin it to your head No tilt it forward like an Annie are you okay?

You know, I mean okay, oh, but that's gonna look like you're a a nap and sheriff Yeah, that's fine It says no one's gonna see and then like my look like a tuckered out tuxi you're gonna be tuckered out in a Steve Harvey tuxedo. Well, no, here's the thing I wanted to be funny is that my the hat will be covering my face when people lift the hat up. I wanted to have posed my face with a really wacky like tongue out or something. Yeah, I want my face posed weird. Is he face? Yeah, can you? Yes, can they sew me duck lips? Christine please when I die you'll be charged all this She's not gonna do

Dan I'm gonna need to in my will I'm gonna put this on you now I'm sorry to say because Christine's not gonna do it. Bring it. She's not Creamy you and carry you in a little necklace. That's not gonna happen Christine not on my watch We're going full pose J. I want to be posed Yeah, you can go or you do this. You can cremate like my lower half if you want and then just pose my upper half of the funny little things. That'd be badass. Honestly, there's a lot of cool things we can do. We can make you an actual centaur and just do a horse bottom. Can you have the top of my body so onto a horse? Bronze the

whole thing and keep it in the front yard of wherever you live. Oh my god, yeah. Yeah, make me a fountain, make me a centaur fountain. Oh my god, I will go sit by you and think every day. Yeah, it'll be a reflecting centaur. Yeah, dude, you can be my reflecting centaur. Yeah, Dan will do all his best writing underneath the centaur, put a bronze of me, bronze. You're going to be the only Centaur still with a tank top on cause you refuse to take off your shirt.

Dude, it's just having a golden tank top on. It is so funny. I swear to you, I was thinking it and you said it. What? Still not shirtless. It's a, it's dark. The bottom is just horse with no pants, but, uh, the, but the top have his wearing a tank top.

Yeah, don't worry, guys, we don't worry. Jay wanted a tank top. So we're gonna hold him I'm holding like a javil inner something crazy. Yeah, I'll be giant Thor hammer, but like I'll be wearing a tank top I'm still a little on the obscure side But no It's good. Well, you heard it here for Serpent Dan kills his children with a Certain Dan maybe the deep station have infected my babies with all that laser DNA. Idiots.

Let's take our break because we have reads. We'll be right back everybody. Christine cracked that tiger bomb. Oh, did I feel like my eyes are so cold. That's the feeling I just got. They're cold eyes. You've been listening to... SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows,

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