The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Tale Of Two Weekends

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Returning to the Bonfire with a disappointing turnout in Raleigh, Big Jay is a little down. Meanwhile, Bobby had an exceptional weekend in his hometown of Boston and takes pleasure in Jay's NBA playoff loss. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly We got a lot of reads today, this is the only CCR song that That I feel you could really just genuinely like I forgot to listen to this once in a while ago. Oh yeah, they didn't just make songs for landing in NOM and directly into combat. Ha. It's all their songs are made for that.

Or a boy who wishes he could play baseball professionally. Those are their only subjects. You know what song I love? What? My favorite song. Come on everybody, everybody get up. Let's do this. Come on. Clap your hands.

Everybody. Fuck you and death. Go fuck the six. Fuck you and death. Come on! Go fuck the sixes! Come on, Jake! Get up! You know you love it! There they go! Oh, shit! Well, news. Hello. I got bad news for you. What's up, baby?

One, you're hilariously out of breath for that. Yes, I am. Two. I'm 53. First, that shouldn't be a thing that makes you that upset. Well. Or that agitated inside The by the time you

Land in Los Angeles. Yes Sunday. Yes, the Sixers will have Already taken game seven in New York. So that's fantastic You know what we'll do before then what is get a steak dinner Why while you're wearing a hat Wait, why is that cuz we made a bet on the game? Which kid they won the game that night? No, they didn't did they absolutely I? Don't think so hundred percent hundred a hundred percent. Yeah, then I we tonight. We made the bet. Yeah, absolutely Jacob They won one game

And then one and then lots again. They wanted what they was oh and two they were down to and they won the next game the night we made the bet? Yeah, absolutely. Jacob? They won one game over the weekend and then lost the other. That's the game they won. They was 0 and 2. They were down 2 and they won the next game. So I have to take you out? Just take dinner and wear a hat or something? You don't remember how high I am right now?

I'm always pretty high. I'm always pretty high. You're fucking stoned. The series is almost a rapsky. Did we bet on the series? I don't know. We bet on something. I thought it was the next game. If it was the game, I won that. we bet on the series? I don't know. We bet on something. I thought it was the next game.

If it was the game, I won that. If it was the series, you're still looking pretty good. Dude, what are you going to do? Celtics won. I had such a little Creedence Clearwater revival right in my head and Bobby just sucked the life out of me. I'm sorry dude. It's okay. I'm sorry. Here we go. Let's get back into this. He had a rough weekend. He had a rough weekend. Oh yeah. Why? Raleigh, North Carolina. Yeah. Yeah. Word didn't spread about the show and shows. But yeah, Friday I got knocked out. Friday they condensed it down to one show, just the early show. I love a one show Friday. We all love one shows Friday when that's the plan.

We don't love to get knocked back to a one show Friday. Right, okay. Well you have to make song calls to the... So then... You alright Lou? I got a zin'd. Oh. He took a zin'd and he got zin fingers. Oh, you got zin fingers. Holy shit

You know people they react like that you gotta get the yet when the zin goes in and it hits a nerve on your teeth You got to get that get it out through your fingers Hiccups I bet you oh dude. I'll get hiccups in 50 seconds. Do the heck the zin hiccups are the worst Bobby it's you it's a an addiction you picked up three weeks ago. Yeah, I'm fucking into it You're talking about the bad side effects, you know having terrible nightmares though, but you know, I'm addicted to the stuff Better than small spoons from states around the u.s. That's not true. I Had that for a couple couple years Tom went I don't want any more

spoons. You're all now you're all geeked up on zins. Look at you, you're moving, you're moving the whole time. That's that Sixer song still in my balls. Shane got you hooked in the studio. We watched you take it for the first time and that was it. You were off and running. The ultimate bully, Shane Gillis, he bullied you into. He did and I and I took it I took it and I love it. I'm a Zen boy They call me Zen boy Kelly So well to tell you that this weekend thing. Yes, sir is a So hit me up last week. Well, you just that six or sing I was really ready to get past that and start to get him the winning mindset that like

Sixers have won three games in a row before this year. It's not crazy They won eight games in a row going into their playoffs. So everybody calmed down. There is an odd. Huh? There's odds against coming back. Yeah. They're pretty high. I said the highest odds are probably this team

takes a nice wrap up tomorrow. If it doesn't get wrapped up tomorrow, I do believe it'll go seven. But I was already past that I went to this gig Riding a Sixers win. Mm-hmm. They once Wednesday night they did they did So I you know, I went to do the gig Well, they asked me last week if I would do a phone or cuz sales were so light. I said, yeah. Yeah, sure So I did this phone or think I upset the guy

I didn't I know the guy called me and interviewed me for a minute and it was good nice interview And he goes you strike me like a like a country guy man He goes like you like and I thought something a little black dude. It wasn't it's a white dude I didn't acknowledge it either way, but just this is why it struck me When he goes he goes you just like a country dude man you just some country before you go on like some Morgan Wallen and I was like I thought he was doing like the black guys doing like the you like white you know I was like oh yeah you probably listen to country music and blah blah blah and I was like no I don't I don't even know a Morgan Wallen song

and he's like no he's like country music's not your thing little country to get You go before the show and I went No, I was like no, I'm not really I mean some older stuff But I'm just country music's not really my thing at all and he goes alright well I thank you for hanging you know after the unit we did this talk for about 15 minutes goes well Thank you so much for hanging out man. This is a Nick Jordan coming to you from 105 You know what a Raleigh's home of today's and hit country hits of shit I just turned the entire I did a

phone or into all the fan base you hillbillies listen to dumb music I don't listen to this sister fucking shit why is that who's listening right now you didn't know my show you fucking hillbilly. You didn't Google the channel Why I always Google the channel before I'm going on radio. I Google the channel I want to assume they're not gonna put me on like what I've done before. What was it when I did a I Want to say Rochester maybe or somewhere like that? But one of the gigs one of the radio gigs they took us to Was like I've done like top 40. I've done a But one of the radio gigs they took us to was like, I've done like Top 40, I've done,

hip hop stations I love doing, they're always fun. Because it lives inside you. But I thought this hip hop guy was trying to chump me for being white, and then it turns out it was a white guy trying to get me on his team. Yeah. It's like Morgan Wallen, like nah dude,

all this music's for queefs, you know what I mean? Queers and steers, that's what I've always said. Dude, I always Google bad. I never go on a radio fucking blind. Have you ever done like an oldies? Like a, you, hey, you. Dude, I've sat in the room with a fucking like NPR dude who wanted to get into my inner thoughts.

I've never done NPR or anything. I've done that. I've done the husband and wife radio. Oh Christ. Oh, this is Sarah and Mickey. So you're married. And I'm like, yes, I sure am. I changed my accent.

I dropped the Boston accent. I'm like, hey, you know, being married is tough, but thank God for women, right? They're always right. Yeah, dude. You just fold to them? I're always right. Oh, you. Yeah, dude. You just fold to them? I assimilate. Not me, dude.

Sell that fucking room. My instincts are to blow it up, that's why it's bad. I learned Spanish to do the Spanish station. No, I say very little because my inner monologue is saying don't say the N word, don't fucking say the F word, don't hilariously take the wrong side of the Palestinian conflict. I'm not leaving your studio until, from the River to the Sea, y'all.

What the fuck? What is that? Biggie Okerson's doing that? That's the wrong side. No, no, no, no. That's the best side, dude. I had to do radio in Boston. I had to do Kiss One Away, which is, you know, disco and, you know, the top 40.

Disco. Disco. You know. which is you know disco and you know the top 40 disco disco you know this there's a station that plays disco and top 40 I call it disco top 40s disco to me yeah yeah no yes this is this is a ballad but it's disco sure disco I love just saying the word disco I wish my middle name was Robert Disco I mean we could do that. Let's do it. You can legally change your name. It's better than fat robot Kelly Been swinging around the circles. Can I change? Can I give it? Can I also say that you could should possibly change it that your first name is disco Everyone is so call you Robert, but your actual name would be disco Robert Kelly, please introduce me right now

Yeah, do it Absolutely do it right now. Disco Bob. Yeah, do it. Absolutely. Do it right now. Disco Bob himself. Are you guys ready? Can I get a little reverb, Alou? For this intro, and then I want you to, what's the song, it would be...

Saturday Night Fever. You Should Be Dancing, I think is the one that should kick in. Yeah. The one from the solo dance. Get that off the fucking screen. What are you talking about? That's disco bob. That's fat robot bob.

No, you bust that out, you do the robot for a while, then you take that off, and then you're all thin, yeah. I have a white suit on. Of course, yeah. It's sexy. What are you doing? Are you doing a symphony of fat bobs? Fat robot?

So many of them. Just a bunch of them all over the screen like pop-ups? Are we ready? Is that my reverb? All right everybody the moment you've been waiting for coming to the stage from Boston Massachusetts everybody it's the favorite son Disco Bob Kelly! Yeah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Woo! Damn. Coming down the line.

Platform shoes, I feel. Look at him go. Damn. Fat Bob would cry in a shed at night, smoking cigars, thinking he would never be able to move like that again. Oh my God, I'm out of breath right now. I know you do you kill yourself with every minute with every movement, but But it is it but you're doing it dude. You're doing it I might not be fat Bob on the outside, but I'm sure fat Bob on the inside three years ago

You just fell you fell from that because the bottom of your feet were rounded This fuck this Lesbian alien Bob fucking bitchy Bob This fucker, this fucking lesbian alien bob. Fucking bitchy bob. Are you guys gonna be loud all night because some of us have to wake up in the morning? He's opening for Eliza all summer long. Oh god. It's bitchy tit nips.

I, yeah, radio, I did, and then I went and did sports radio, which was. I always like sports radio I do too except when I have big Jay Okerson in my head going dad You don't know nothing about sports dude. Oh, they started asking questions. You start failing they had You're like you run for the Cavs this year at all you go Ron Now we're talking about pats the new the new Shit new quarterback sweating now thinking about thatats the new the new uh, oh shit new quarterbacks sweating now thinking about that conversation

The new quarterback his name is uh coyote ugly I kept mac jones still right black blue. They're keeping him now. They're keeping him, but they're gonna put the new guy in what's his name? Uh, uh jj no, it's um, they're giving up on mac jones already. They're not gonna give up on him, but this new guy is um, He's gonna be able to compete your son He they're gonna kill them compete for the they're gonna do a mahomes with this kid Like they do it my homes when they brought him in they kept him off, and then they slowly added him in so Which is cool? Joe Milton what who's Joe Milton?

This that's a quarterback that they said you're getting no. That's not Joe Milton. It? Who's Joe Milton? They said the quarterback that they said you're getting? No, that's not Joe Milton. It's Pat's quarterback. It's the new kid. What's his name? It's like me. Yeah, Drake. Drake. Good looking kid.

Kristin, you made me look like a fool back there. Who the hell is this guy then? No one fucking knows. No one pays attention to the Patriots when Tom Brady went away. Good looking kid. Plays golf, baseball, basketball, football. He is a just like made in the basement athlete. This is a young kid No, well scribed no, dude. This is this guy plays

College everything baseball baseball basketball golf. He's just a made them his family just white cat white kid I mean white white now a little baby kid face with six four I know you fricoli fucking sunburned back people of Boston really want a white man to succeed and you had Tom Brady for years We just don't want him to wear a weird hat and some jewelry at the press conference. He just looks first of all his neck neck is girthy He is a stud look at that said that damn what a grip a neck that guy's got He is a stud. Look at that. I never said that. Damn, what a grip a neck that guy's got.

He is a stud. Look at him. He's gonna grow into that face too. I can't wait till he's a never was. What are you talking about? I can't wait till he's never was. Look at him, he's gonna be dropping an anvil on his head. All of his features.

His lips are too close to his eyes. Looks like someone did this to his face. He does have a little boy face on a man body. Yeah. Look at that girl. There's a girly date rape. That'll come out soon. Oh, well, that's just, that's not happening, Jay.

No, it will, for sure. No, it didn't happen. He's not a... Dude, for a white man to achieve the peak of athletics... You have to date rape? You have to date rape at some point, because there's skeletons in your closet. You're fueled by vengeance and anger. You have some local girl at a lake that you went to camp at.

You and your friends date rape during summer vacation. Constantly cheating on this chick right here. There's the girl, they keep showing her. Constantly cheating on her. No, he's not cheating. Constantly. He's a Christian. No, that's what he says, but he's actually not.

Oh, look at him, dude. Look, I think he's married. Is he married? In fact, he had a blood orgy once. A blood orgy? Carved a pentagram, killed a squirrel. I'm gonna throw up, that's gross. I know, right?

Well, that's your hero now. Well, that's him. Also, that girl in the picture rightagram, killed a squirrel. I'm gonna throw up. That's gross. I know, right? Well, that's your hero now. Yeah? Well, that's him. Also, that girl in the picture right there? 13 years old. She's not 13. It's not Jacob's family.

She's 13 years old. Jacob's getting hard. Jacob, she's 13 years old, but not that kind of 13. Not old-timey 13. Look at this jerk off. Look how big he is. I can't believe you're excited to have an athlete who dresses like that in his off time. That's exactly

That's exactly who Boston wants. No, that's not what you want. That's what Boston last now you want That's what that's what I want a Jalen Hurts who goes out and buys the whole offensive line Rolex's No, because those are the guys that got to protect them. Yeah, that's what he did Brady did the same thing I understand that don't get mad at me because the sixers lost. You can't keep reverting back to Brady on everything. I can for the rest of my life. Nope. Even in my marriage. Brady did that. Brady did that. Well it wasn't like that when Brady was here. You look back on it finally and Brady goes man what a great time. My relationship was great. Brady was at the peak of his career. So good.

Now this guy's wearing no socks and loafers. Fuck that dude. Yeah, that's a nice Cape Cod look. We love that. I want a guy that buys nonsensical jewelry. No, I want a guy who saves his money. Fuck that dude. Does charity work. You got his mom a fucking fur bathroom.

I want a guy who has like a Timex. Look at that. Look at his, look at his, look at his, to make you poke Look at this. Look at this. To make you poke it out right there, by the way. Let me see. Nah, he's doing that with his hand to make sure it folds up there.

I know the old look at my fucking tube stake move. His girlfriend looks like she's tucking a cock. That's even better. What's wrong with that? This guy's very progressive. Look at that. Look at, he's, I mean, this is great. Pats are coming back.

It's not great. Not this year, but maybe next year, we'll have him in there pulling it out, baby. But back in the playoffs, and then the Celtics won, the Bruins won, woof! I mean, we're on fire. Let me tell you something about Boston. I'm gonna say this, and you might disagree with me.

It's the best town in the country. What? I'll say it again apparently the headphones aren't working today and don't look at me like that Christine. Boston is the best town in the country. Food, vibe, you can walk around and not be murdered, there's not shit in the street. It's clean. Oh, I think wait I think you forgot the parentheses what? Boston is the best town if you're a white Irish man Yes, if you like old-school living yeah, if you don't like homeless people Shit in the street piss if you want to go yell shit out at a professional sporting event

and not worry about some black guy looking at you. I don't know about that. If you don't want to smell weed every five feet. I walked around. What are you talking about? Of course you'll smell weed every five feet. Well I do, because it's me. Not in Boston.

Yeah, it's you. You're bringing your Philly trash shit. It's completely legal in Boston. Buddy, it's so nice there. We walked around the new seaport. It's incredible. new seaport is Incredible it used the seaport used to be where they had all the old factories and they had all the old rock clubs You're like you go see warrant and some fucking old factory bars. Just some like like touristy pier now It's beautiful man. They got all Billy Joel Billy Joel warns about this what to close all the factories

It's getting very hard to stay. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay how beautiful, I mean it's insane. We got the Wynn Casino now in Everett. We got roast beef, steak tips. We got the North, we have- What, steak tips? You don't know what's, you don't know what's steak tips. I'm just telling you, that was pretty high up on the list of things that rule about Boston. You went to steak tips quick.

Buddy, steak tips. Here's what you haven't said once, the people. The people are amazing. Well, you said steak tips before people. I'm gonna say this, the crowds are aggressively drunk. I had one guy, one guy, I was just, the second show Friday, all shows were packed. You went home.

All right, you're right. Dude, second show Friday, I said something to one guy and he went, fuck you. And then I go, Jesus Christ, dude, what, you mad? He goes, no, I was just kidding. I'm like, well, your Boston tone sucks. Boston tone is fucking atrocious, because it's all fuck you, you fucking queer. Yeah, it's just terrible.

But the people, man, the North End, I took a walk from the se, man, the North End, I took a walk from the seaport over the North End. They have a whole part of town that is still Italian. All Italian. It's all Italian. And it's all Italian restaurants. There's four bakeries. There's 900 restaurants. There's all, I mean, everywhere. They have a grotto, a park that people are playing with, a tree, they have a church, they have churches with little, with dog trees with the leaves falling down and pink little leaves all in the grass.

Nobody's fucking with you. You can wear your Rolex, you can walk around with your family, and there's no riff-raff because the locals will fucking beat them with bats. And it's, you walk in, and it's, thank God if you walk in and it's thank God for the you walk in And it's Italian people. Hey, how you doing? How many you want to all right? Come on? We got you but the bomb I mean you promoting a town and wink winking that they keep out the minorities I'm just saying I like an Italian section of town sure your and you said like and if you don't belong there

You're gonna get it with the bats Boom bats. I'll tell you this drop my food off on your bicycle and get the fuck back in the other part of the One street and we've seen Patrick's Cathedral you have one church and people banging churches, but we have a great church We have I don't know. I got us to God wouldn't care if a meteor hit both places mm-hmm no church with Paul Revere the country started Christine yeah you idiot I bet you want to be on the freedom trail now dude we have we have a Chinatown that's Chinese food man it. It's, it's... I'm telling you, I like...

Not like that North Korean shit they're giving us over here in this bullshit ass Chinatown. You've lived in New York for what, 25 years? Yes. You keep saying we. What do you mean we? You keep saying we like you contributed to this rebirth of Boston. Oh, like you don't fucking see a surfboard and think of home? Bobby's the sitting rebirth of Boston. Oh, like you don't fucking see a surfboard and think of home?

Bobby's the sitting chairman of tourism. She smells wax and her pussy gets wet. Listen, dude, I'm Boston through and through. Where are you from? Boston originally, New York for the last 25 years. Sure. Yeah, this is the way it is. That's what I always say.

Of course. I mean, for Philly. I will not tell you that Philly is the best city in this country. Food-wise, it's my favorite. I don't know if I would tell you it's in the top 25 places to live. It looks some places like something bad already happened there.

Yeah, Philly is, I mean I'm petrified when I go to Philly. There's so many places in Philly that if you were walking around at night, it's desolate and there definitely is like weird mole people that will come out of holes and fucking do it. And their skin's melting off because of that drug, that trank shit that's all through Philly.

No, it's not like. None of that in Boston. None of it. Now if you could zip line from wah-wah to wah-wah so you hit the turnpike, fucking all day long, dude. Ha ha ha ha. Even the protesters in Boston are like nice protesters. Like the Palestinian people are like. See, that's Palestinian people like yes, I'm saying I took your over

Selling everything there even the pro-palestinian people right there. They also love the Jews They're like Palestinian lovers for for Israel. It's all confusing out there It's I like I look I don't like segregation even the racism is like just against Native Americans like the way it should be We have a casino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how you feel. It goes, we gave them a fucking casino. And shut your yaps about the country.

Dude, I just like that, I like a Chinatown. I like an Italian city. I like the North End. I like that segregation of cities where you can come here and where these people came first, it stayed the same. I love the north end in Boston. I would love to take you and Christine there and just walk around and-

Is there Series 6, 7 in Boston? Let's just go, let's just move. I would move to Boston in five seconds. I know you would, buddy. You would love it, dude. You get teams that go to the championship. I wouldn't root for your fucking stupid team. All right, well, all right, I took it too far.

I took it too far. That's great. And by the way, you took it too far. Let me tell, well, I took it too far. I took it too far. That's great. And by the way, you took it too far. Let me tell you how fast you took it too far. I was batting around what you were saying. Until you presented it to me like that, whenever I go, like, wow, I'm gonna stay, like, you know, the Jersey Upstate or whatever area, Long Island,

because my daughter's, like, still here, that I panicked much harder when you were like, hey, you root for those teams, and I was like, yo, I can't be like five hours away from going and watching the Eagles or the Sixers play. I'm not moving. I'm not moving. Jersey, I could be there in an hour 20. Right.

Yeah. Dude, I love Boston so much. I love it. I love the, it's like you're walking forever. Faneuil Hall is- It's where your voice makes sense too. The Common is beautiful. You walk around the Common, little squirrels run up

and you can give them a nut. You can't do that in Central Park. It's a homeless guy. Sure. Showing you his nuts. And then what? I mean, honestly, what? Every 30 30 40 years

Two Arab kids go and blow up a fucking marathon. So what? Yeah, well, they don't at least they did a little rice cooker They didn't fly a plane into a building. That's true. That's a that's overkill. If you're right New York's Arab attacks are worse We got two kids that are a couple of runners and I mean like good riddance Yeah, we got two kids that are they just murdered a couple of runners and I mean like good riddance What we gonna say Christine the Commons like if you took like I don't know a tenth of Central Park and that's it Yeah, like it's not it's I mean you can like see across it You can only go in a small does the common have all the rapes the Central Park has no no, okay Well, oh wait, that's the pro. That's right. Okay. That's the problem I was presenting that like there was the thing it would be cooler if there was more the comments like you walk around

It's got two parks that you can black and white no That's another thing about Boston, it's very diverse It is there's all kinds of people walking around Boston now. It's not, you know, it's not like, you know. Hang on, Lou is not seeing your, he's calling for the blink, I think. Are you calling for the blink, Bobby? No, watch me.

It's very diverse. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That almost called for 35 seconds of uninterrupted Mark Normand. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That almost called for 35 seconds of uninterrupted Mark Norman. I did his radio show once and they had me Did you ever see man cow radio before That's what that reminds me of man. How do you see man? How do you radio I did his radio show once and they had me I raised my hand To talk he was like when you want to talk raise your hand And I was like this is just read I didn't raise my hand it was there a video on YouTube of him doing radio It was the most I Mean it was like if cocaine was like, in a room was cocaine energy. A lot of sound effects, right? But sound effects and throwing the 50 different things,

like bits, and I mean, like, you know what I mean? He's like, oh, it's so, so in the morning, and it's crazy timing. This is about the time when I always gotta do blah, blah, blah, and then he just hit a thing, and it's like a three minute bit that plays, and then he comes out, we're going to Trafficopter, and it's like a real or fake traffic copter,

I have no idea, but man, he blows. It was bad, it was bad radio. I hated it. Type in Mancash or live. But type in like 2004. Not now, because he went political too, which was hilarious. He got off the air, something happened, and then went, there it is right there.

Yeah, it's terrible. What did you oversee him, by the way? I forget, was it Stern or something? He did our interview not long ago. Did we talk about that on this? Where he was really like, he was like, Howard Stern said things about my parents and stuff, but it's just like, that's not okay.

He got choked up and he was like, that's mean, that's very mean stuff to do to somebody. It was so like, like he gave exactly what he wanted. Yeah, when it's revealed of who they really are. I mean whining about it was very weird. He was like, why you don't say things like that about people? Yeah, because he talked about his one and a half sex

with his dead dad. Oh yeah, that was on the 90s. There it is right there. And then some of Howard's people backed him up in this documentary too. Yeah because they're bad because they're out of there. I get that. I'm not even saying who's right or wrong. It's just-

It's fucking right. Oh no, I'm not saying who's right or wrong. It's like yeah, whatever, be sad about it. And if Howard's people want to be mad because they're not there anymore I don't give a shit But it's like I'm always just gonna err on the side of what's funny And I mean man Cal gave him a double whammy funny. I thought it was funny when it first happened now It's hilarious. He's crying about it years later

Yeah, because these guys these guys aren't really funny on radio, and they surround themselves with funny people, and then later in life they reveal they were just sensitive humans that didn't know what funny was, and now he's a crying out. Look how, he always, this is what bugs me about him. He always wears sunglasses.

Yeah, Stern did that too. Yeah, I know, but Stern was Stern. This is Man Cow in Chicago. I couldn't, I was so annoyed with him. I was like, oh wow. How the fuck did cow use cow head for so long? It sounded so close. That was his nickname. And he had a fat, if you look at Mike, bring up Mike.

He's got a cow's head. He looks like a cow. No, no. Undeniably. I'm saying, I'm just saying like, but it's too, like I would've just been like, shit, that sucks because there's already a person, that's gonna come up a lot. And the first time I did.

Look at that head, that's a cow head. Yeah, first time I did cow, yeah for sure. I wanna put a bell around his neck. Yeah, come on, why would you not call him cow head? What are you gonna call him? No. I changed his name to nonchalant elephant. Nonchalant elephant?

Yeah, look at that's when they gave him the nickname. And Bubba gave him the name, I think, when he was on Bubba's show. But he changed it. I didn't know he was on Bubba's show. He was an intern on Bubba's show and then he was part of the show for a while. Really? Yeah, and then he went and did his own show and then they got into that whole big beef they got.

Yo, I know the ultimate fight. I didn't know it was when he was working there. Yeah, he worked for, he was on the show for a long time. He was his, he was his Jacob. Just bigger and with more energy. Jacob, maybe one day you'll have a sleep apnea wing of your house. laughter I do want to give a little man a...

... ... Now he couldn't be quieter. I do want to get a little man. Oh Now he couldn't be quieter Howard Stern's former rival man cow slam the evil radio host in the upcoming vice documentary series dark side of the two thousands He doesn't have a first Doesn't what's his actual name? No, it's wasn't born man. Cal. You don't know that. You don't know that. He still goes by this dumb name? No, he doesn't.

I swear, the last time I did the show... Wouldn't you go by Tim by now? Yeah, Matt. Last time I did the show, it was his, the next day, he was off the air and it was turned overnight into like Christian music or something. Yeah.

I mean, he didn't know either. I was like, when they told me that from Zany's, I was like, for real? Did he know that was coming? I was like, no. He went in one morning and they were like, format of the things changed, but you're done. Yeah. And that was it. Yeah, radio was ruthless back then.

And now he just cries. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, aka The Rooster. I'm Big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show. That's right. It's the podcast version, everybody. So if you want to hear the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire to get the

whole thing. Yeah you get tons of other entertainment too it's not just us you got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show you go to all kinds of other shows and uh you know what tell a friend but most importantly this show yeah this show just go to the show. Do something resembling anything? I wanted to mention something about the weekend. Oh, please tell me about it, because I had a great weekend in the greatest town ever. Chicken cutlets, steak tips, went to the New Bridge, had all kinds of food. Chinese food, but not Chinese people food. White people Chinese food, which is awesome that Boston made that.

I had Wendy's one day. What? And this place called the Flying Biscuit, that was all right. Um, so yeah, so when I was going, they, yeah, I did the radio show, that's where we were, I said, how do we veer off on that radio shit?

I did the phoner with there by insulting the very fan base. Then they said like, hey, like, it's better if we cancel the shows. My agent and manager, like they were texting, like they were on suicide watch, it's better if we cancel the shows. My agent and manager, they were texting, they were on suicide watch, it was so funny. Because I was like, so we're canceling a show in Raleigh? I go, awesome, that's great. And they go, so it's only gonna be three shows?

And then they write back, my agent wrote back, three great shows. Oh boy, oh boy, oh shit, oh shit. He goes, three packed great shows. Which was not the case. Then, but so Friday we're flying out. You know we would never know about, you can just tell us they're all packed.

Nobody's gonna know. Oh I would have known. We wouldn't have known. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys wouldn't have known. It's fine. Okay. But yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys wouldn't have known. It's fine. Okay. But yeah, so when we're flying out there, me and Dylan are at the airport Friday morning.

And when we're sitting at the gate, getting ready to board, this guy comes up to me, very nice guy, and he's like, dude, I'm sorry to like, fangirl out here, but like I'm coming to your show and I'm also traveling to Raleigh. And I just would really like, could take a picture and everything I'm like yeah very nice guy he's like I do this I reruns like steak houses or something it's why he's traveling around and he's like gives me his car I'm coming out

with friends and I'm like oh that's great that's awesome and then I he's like oh you know what I realized I'm on the wrong flight here I'm on a Raleigh flight three gates over so it's nice to meet you man what, I realized I'm on the wrong flight here, I'm on a Raleigh flight three gates over, so it's nice to meet you, man. I'll see you on the other side. We board our flight so delayed once we're on the plane that when we land and go to get our luggage, this guy's boy landed also.

Oh shit. Which is fine. Again, I have no issue with him, it's just this is what this set up. Right. We're getting picked up by the manager of the club very nice guy Deandre and Irish nope gotcha

He goes Canadian wink But Deandre picks me up and this guy comes He's like oh small world. I was like I thought you guys left earlier blah blah blah He's like well anyway, I'm really excited for the show tonight, and I was like hell. Yeah, man. We'll see there doesn't bring in some friends and then uh He goes he goes 915 right? I think it's 915 and he goes he goes he's like no no There's uh there's no 9 to 915 and the 7 o'clock got combined or whatever so they're just they're putting them together so and the guy's like oh all right okay I don't think he came. You can't make it. Right so then I go this is my favorite thing the guy goes I said I've had this before my favorite ever was in Hartford Connecticut. Did I

tell this last week when the guy was like sorry man Wiz Khalifa is in town that's why the crowd's like okay. This guy goes oh man it's like 10 miles down the road he goes the problem is there's like a beer fest happening right now. I was like okay so he goes and he goes and your fans are like big drinkers and stuff I assume so like they're probably the beer fest. I went so they could have had beer and watch me and they you're saying they chose instead to go you know wait we get Beer Fest, and I went, so they could have had beer and watched me, and you're saying they chose instead to go, you know, wait, we get to get beer, and then I have to listen to that bullshit? Nice.

So sorry everybody went through the thing. Yeah, Beer Fest closes at eight, but listen, the thing is... Um, the one show Friday was a good show, and then I go out back, smoke a cigarette after the show, and bullshit with a couple people that came around there. And a car pulled up, multiple people,

those outside came up to me going like, and they'd already gotten the news there, and it's like them leaving going like, Jay, what the fuck happened, man? Why'd you cancel? And then you get DMs and whatever, you know, it's like messages and people going like what happened. Why'd you cancel and you're like I? didn't You did you did yes cancel because you brought one person you piece of shit

So the club didn't get in touch with the people club and everything huh they didn't get in touch with actually the best they can I don't I'm not like mad at the club For everything it's just a more like this is the club's fault club staff was great. Everyone's really nice Why wouldn't you just do a very beautiful club? Why don't you just do the second show as a who gives a shit? You know what I mean even if it was only you know 50 people no people nope 10 people five now I would all that would all hurt how many people more That would all hurt more. I Thought they were combining them right you know I mean like I think just a lot of people maybe didn't know or but

Or by the way, maybe that was combined Yeah, but I mean the shows we were fun two of the three shows were really fun Saturday first shows 630 It's can I tell you it's such a strange time to start a show. I don't feel funny They know I'm up there right away talking about butt fucking and shit. I'm like I'm like I know guys. It's like 630 I have I think I have a.30 show this week in Sarasota. But Sarasota's a bunch of old fucking people. So it's actually, they can't have it past a certain time.

I don't mind the 6.30 because when you look at it, it's like, okay, we go to the show, then go for dinner. Right? We're out by eight. I know, but the energy for comedy's not great at that time. It's a little different, but, you know, it's... The sweet spot is between, like, 830 and, like, 1030, 11. Yeah, it's a tough one. That's a tough one.

But my shows are great. Did Godsmack come? No, Godsmack was actually, I believe, Buffalo. Sully was in Buffalo this weekend, so he did not come. But Boston is a very underwhelming city with 99% of the world's population of ginger, gross. You know what? That's a point.

Yeah, wow. I mean, there's a lot of- You really tried to shoot that down. There's a lot of pale people, but some people like that. Boston is not an underwhelming city. The history of this country is in Boston. It is the last place in the country that so outwardly just wants white athletes to succeed so much.

They can't even hide. Philadelphia has a bit of this. But how much they couldn't hide. When that Brian Scalabrini guy would step out on the floor and they were just like, they would go fucking nuts just because of big, pasty, white ginger guy was in there doing something. Yeah, well we had two teams back there,

the white team and the black team. Dude, it's just, I don't know, dude. I like a clean, historic, good food city in Boston is that. The fans, you gotta really have it, clean, historic, good food city in Boston is that. The fans, you gotta really have it because they are aggressive. But if you're looking for those two same things, you could argue Philadelphia. Yeah, but Philadelphia's got all kinds of fucking

zombies and shit and it's dirty and you'll be murdered. But they're drug-made zombies. They're designer zombies. Yeah, we don't have that in Boston. They don't have that section. You just know it's not the dead haven't come to life is my point yes it's that they take a drug what is that on the show with Jacob I believe yeah Frank it's a Christine bring it up it's but it eats your skin

from this looks like a movie it eats your skin from the inside. I've seen that they have like their flesh. It's just yeah. It makes it makes people into like living marionettes just hanging there waiting for somebody. It's terrible. Look at this. Oh God.

Yeah. But this is not for me. What the fuck? It's not for you. It's not for anybody. I just I can't have this. Yeah, yeah, that's the streets of Philly. But here's the thing.

Show the streets of Boston. Jacob, I want you to keep this in mind though. All your problems do go away. If you take the stuff. Right. Yeah, but then, those are your arms. But here's the thing. You're in such a great place, mentally,

that you don't even know what's going on with that arm. Sure. Fair. Sure. Your skin's being going on with that arm. Sure. Fair. Sure. Your skin's being eaten from the inside out. Sure. Yes. But you know what makes that pain go away?

Not even thinking about it. Yeah. Because you are cranked out, dude, writing fucking songs with Jimi Hendrix. Sure. You haven't had socks on for three months, but it doesn't matter. And haven't been indoors. I just watched a special on this. I didn't realize that was the drug, and

this reporter Douglas Murray was following this woman around, he goes to a clinic, the guy's neck or chest is being eaten alive, and they give him some sort of medication ointment to put on it and whatever intravenous to help it. And then he leaves and five minutes later is shooting up Trank on the street, like right back to it. It must be awesome. If you're into that. There you go. Oh, is this him? Oh, my God. I mean, look at this, dude. Damn nuts. Oh, well, that's actually the same skin as Boston people. I mean look at this dude damn nuts Well, that's actually the same skin is Boston people

My aunt Dottie has the same shin All this who's better who's got better junkies Boston Who's got better this who's got better that let me tell you something You know we all have an affection for these places because of our moms. That's where our moms are from. Yeah, I love moms. And if you're looking for the perfect gift to celebrate the mom in your life, well our frames are beautiful Wi-Fi connected. Wi-Fi connected. Digital picture frames that allow you to share and display unlimited photos you do this with your mother in Boston Right. I do she has one in her house takes lovely pictures of the neighborhood and sends it back to me really Yeah, she's like look at this Bobby not a black for miles. That's not what she says Jay No, she doesn't say that out loud not out loud though. I love that though. She texted to you and then she deletes her own text

She unsends it. Oh, jeez What a pitch man loud though. Not loud though, she texts it to you and then she deletes her own text. She unsends it. Oh jeez. What a pitch man. I mean you're fantastic. That was thank you everybody. Thank you. What is this my Raleigh audience? Thank you everybody. Seriously tell some friends. We could pay for the room. Ah god. We've all been there bro. We've all been there. Yeah not this weekend. I was all been there. Yeah, not this weekend I mean this was a funny time to have the homecoming you have your homecoming weekend Oh, he was I be honest with you at my feet never touched the floor this weekend They were carrying me around Boston like some sort of I don't know I mean the standing ovations at the end were just like a Persian Persian king. They carried me around

Boston fans are aggressive though, because this one, some girl said something, some hot chick said something, and then I said, what? No, I wanna talk, she starts going, I was just saying that, you know, she started going on, and some dude from Boston, he went, ah, fuck Christ sakes, Bobby, what the fuck? I was just like, Jesus Christ.

It's just, they were like, dude, shut this fucking broad up, dude. Did you nail her? Bobby what the fuck Shut this fucking broad up dude, did you nail her? No, I was dawn dawn was in the hotel with me Was it I didn't ask if you fuck? What the fuck Did you nail her now? Not this Dom was there she would would have been weird about it if I vanished for 45 minutes. Hey, Donna, I'm going to go downstairs and I... I'm just going to go sit in a Kia for a half hour. It was so triumphant. You brought Max out on stage.

Yeah, Max came out at the end of the show. What a moment. I mean, it was pretty emotional. He came out the place they knew who... They were like, Max, hey! A lot of bonfire fans. They were like, you know They were like how big is his shits, you know, it was great pretty good Yeah I had a black couple who just came for a comedy show and the lady had her head down the entire show

Oh Jesus and the guy was looking at me with a no no no face There were black people who knew they were they were there for and they really had a good time though And a guy was looking at me with a no, no, no face. Oh, well, God. There were black people who knew they were there for and they really had a good time, though. It was just this black couple was very visible. That's the worst. And you can't say no. Did you say something to them?

Yes. What'd you say? Well, I can't legally say it. No, I'm just kidding. I, no, no, no. I got involved. And they were like, smile. But I mean, you just think they didn't know what they were coming in for and this definitely was like

It wasn't like I didn't I made them laugh. I didn't send him home going like, you know what that guy might be my new favorite There was an Indian couple rich little Indian couple in the second row and I walked out of my they're gonna hate me and they loved Me. Yeah, I mean I made a new York Knicks every loose balls go in your direction Me I'm chasing a fucking grounder the one between my legs in the traffic Jay look up there's a car While the club actually fixed a you, last time I was there, I told you, Saturday night, there was something off

about it, the shows, like you can feel it, because we do comedy so much, if the sound's off a little bit, something is, you're just not catching yourself, and I figured out, I go out Saturday night, I look at the guy, this is the last time I was there, and I go, is there stage lights? Can you, do we have stage lights?

He goes, oh, you want those on? I was like, what? Yeah, you fucking maniac. And he slowly pushed the button up and the lights just went up, and the stage was beautiful. So I called the guy this time, and we went in beforehand, we made sure the stage was great, the sound was great, so they did a lot of improvements there over in Laugh Boston.

And it was Pat, like Jesselneck was in town, there was another Wilbur, what's his name, Drew was at, there was a lot of comedy in town too, so it was good. And the Celtics were playing, the Bruins were playing, the Red Sox, I had a lot, I mean, there was no beer fest, but there was a lot of other things. You don't really watch sports? I watched, I watched the Celtics this weekend.

Why, to prove to who that you were a man. Huh? To prove to who that you were man? Huh to prove to who that you were man in that green room? The other the MC who's from Boston That was like hey help you don't mind. I got the game on I was like no this is great No, I was like dude. Where's the game kid is a game on can you get it on the TV? Yeah, you said the game you told me well god one of them teams were on he didn't even know put on the game The boss who's Boston against tonight who's Boston against in that sport? Yeah, it was it was a

Fantastic week the only thing that did suck about the weekend it didn't suck, but when you travel with your family Starbucks had paper straws. They had a Starbucks in the hotel. I'm aware. I'm sorry I just ordered on the app and I went down and got it every morning the Starbucks was I mean that was the best part They don't have that they don't have one that close when you play the Wilbur. I Mean it was the Wilbur one night. Yeah Hold on. I got a lot of Starbucks. Yeah, but because you know, every day it's like, let's go, you know, let's go walk and do it. I don't know why women love walking. That's a shit place to walk from though. No, not anymore. It's all dude, there's so much shit over there. Now. They put so much you just leave the hotel, you can just start walking?

Dude, leave the hotel, and it's a whole neighborhood now. They made a whole new session. It's not crazy, it wasn't like that. It was just highway and road, yeah. Dude, desolate. When I grew up, dude, you didn't go over there. That was over there, South Boston. I don't know it from there.

I'm just saying like a few years ago at Laugh Palsy. Dude, there's everything over there now. Clubs, bars, hotels, restaurants. They got like an outdoor mall now. They got all kinds, Lululemon's all that bullshit over there now. So anywhere you walk, you're walking into. Dykes, faggots, real nice place to raise a family.

They got muzzies. That was one of my favorite Dice Clay jokes by the Beverly Hillbillies. He's like, so they packed up and they moved to Beverly. Hills that is. Mansions. Money. Dykes. Faggots.

Real nice place to raise a family. Yeah it was, I mean the history there too. So everywhere you walk there's something. This is where they threw the tea over the thing and That's where Paul Revere fucking ran over that thing and I bet that's the exact amount of it that you retain What this is where they'd zip the tea over here, and then the Paul Revere do thing started up there Don't shoot till you see there. You know they're fucking the red of their eyes Mm-hmm don't see you to

the red are you shooting pictures taking on a Polaroid or something don't shoot do you see the red eyes are they moles are you fighting mole people yeah it was a it was a fantastic that's great that's fucking always fun to go yeah I'm happy I'm doing I've this year I'm gonna do helium again. I did the casino last year in Philly and it was fun, but it was like the one night In and out there isn't quite as fun. I'd rather do the club and just kind of be around for a couple It's more of a fun hang fuck. Yeah, dude. I love that clubs hot too I'd rather do a smaller venue and have a good time and make less money Yeah, then go into a club where you're gonna be under pressure for weeks.

But that is the fun, like Philly, that Philly crew will hang after the show. Yeah, that street is awesome. You can walk from the hotel, which I love. Yeah, that's a cool little club over there. Fun times with good people. Fun times with good people. To be fair, Shane took them all to Austin,

so we'll see who's left. To be fair, Shane did move the entire, my entire friendships of all to Austin, so we'll see who's left. To be fair, did Shane did move the entire, my entire friendships of Philadelphia to Austin, Texas. So it's Thanksgiving time now, so like maybe some of them will be home. Bunch of alternative comics that don't like you now. It's all, it is now people who are like, they're gonna be protesting outside.

Yeah. Hey, should I bring it open? I think you should bring a feature because the local people are not psyched You're here. Yeah, they don't like you Get that piece of shit out of my club. Not in my town. Where you this where you this weekend? Dude San Jose is gonna be a blast. Mm-hmm. What? Yeah, historically I've killed it there, too Mm-hmm. What?

Yeah, historically, I've killed it there, too. I was just there. They redid the whole club. It's great. I know. Yeah, it's a big club. It's in a big, giant, enormous theater. It's in a big room.

Theater. What, the San Jose? Oh, the Impro. You're doing the Impro. Yeah. It's a fucking five-year-old club. Dude, listen to me, dude. You've got to start working the other clubs. Like, you work theick club. Dude, listen to me, dude. You gotta start working at the other clubs.

Like you work the, that's why I went to SideSplitters. SideSplitters is like a fucking kill box. It's this awesome club in the middle of nowhere. It's the only thing around. The ceilings are low. You can touch this. I mean it's just insane. Sell it the fuck out every show.

You know? And then you go to these improvs. I mean, God bless, I love some of the improvs. They're great. But some of them, they did that thing back in the day when comics were and you go to the fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking

fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking Keep doing it. All the new ones they build are like 400 or 500 seats. It's too much, dude. It's too much. A 300 seat club is perfect. San Jose.

How many seats? So everybody listening, tell 6,000 of your closest friends. If you sell out every show you do there, how many people is that? I believe, huh? How many people is that if you sell out every show and has a...

57,000 people? That's just, dude, you should do an arena. Right? One night. I'm thinking if I could sell just one of those shows, maybe I should just do an arena instead. Am I selling myself short by squeezing all that into a theater? A 57,000 seat theater? So I was like, I always have a good time there.

Well, that's what it's about, having fun. And what's great is the green room is high up and you just so you jump out the window You can hang on the sign and call yourself a golden god And you just jump out of the stage if it's not sold out and just kill yourself But then but we are gonna be out in Los Angeles I can't wait all week doing the bonfire live. We do have information people are able to come Cool write it really small put it far away do it small and make it far away Netflix is a joke fest is better we have to read this it's back in 2024 and we

have your chance to join us for a special taping of the bonfire live at the Sirius XM LA studios on May 9th at 2 p.m. Pacific. Visit, Christine move over, Christine visit SiriusXM.com slash Netflix is a joke fest for full details and to enter no purchase necessary must be a US resident, 18 plus. Why? We can't have no illegals in there? How about one all illegals day? We do just the legal... if you have any paperwork that proves you're an American citizen, you can't come in. And for Jacob, it's 18 minus. 18 AAC, and under 18 only. Under 18 Mexican illegals. Yeah, Jacob goes right to the line of consent in every city. He finds out he goes what's it out here 14? Ooh okay. Turn on the charm. Better get my ice

cream truck. That's gonna be fun we're gonna have special guests come in we're working on some very special guests. I heard Denzel's coming in. Are we not? I did hear that too. Yeah I think we're like just a procession of Oscar winners coming in. I'm pretty sure Ryan Reynolds and And you are coming in to promote the movie right? Maybe we're working on that. What movie are they doing the other? Oh, I'm just kidding. It's Deadpool Wolverine and yes, they are confirmed completely Jacob. Yes sign off on that Jacob Are they confirmed done deal nice nice? I fucking knew it dude, and we're probably gonna get Brad Pitt No, probably what do you talk about him and Angelina are coming together?

I know patching things up on the bonfire no shit. Yeah with all their kids I heard what we're gonna do is we're gonna try to chick trick Angelina Jolie into glory-holing Brad Pitt and then when she realizes that was his cock she was sucking They fall back in love I'm not a writer so These are the things I think of yeah um Yeah, that's gonna be fun. So we're only doing the one day with people. Yes, that's confirmed Yeah, only one yes, we can't have any other days now

I don't believe so where I don't believe so. Where? I think they have other stuff in the garage. Huh? I think they have other stuff going on in the garage. I think they have other stuff going on in the garage. That's alright, we got one day. It's better than no days.

You gotta look up, you know, the positive, Jay. That's true. Yeah. I don't have to go back to Raleigh for 18 months? Are you going back? Ever? Why are you going back full? Man, dude, that would be, I've never had that.

If a city defeats me, just... I'd love to just have that. And I go, nah, no, I've never had that. If a city defeats me, just sit. I'd love to just have that. And I go, nah, no, Raleigh beat me. So like, I can't go back there anymore. They don't want me back. You could have your leg being eaten away by Trank. I could, man, but I'm telling you, whatever's going on in their head, yeah.

Whatever's going on in that guy's head, though, on that drug is better than anything that goes through my head during the day His leg looks like like good Alaskan salmon. I know And what he's doing his head is he going I'm a I'm a fry me up that leg I'm gonna get some honey and put that on there my batter it up and fry me up this leg Stuff you're good. I'm gonna sell my leg to a Jewish man for a Saturday bagel. They say it's eating my skin, I say it's marinating me from the inside.

Compared to this guy Jay, you're doing alright. I'm doing A-okay.