The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Very Special Episode with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Jay starts the show all alone with more technical problems. When Ari finally shows up, they examine the "very special episodes" of 80's sitcoms. Webster burns the house down and stops a pedophile. The dad from Silver Spoons addresses an assault. As it turns out, Jacob has a real life special episode when he was repeatedly bullied growing up. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Am I The only host of the bonfire who has ever had to I believe this now the third time Third or fourth time just go by myself I'm pretty sure I'm the only one I think this happened to Dan before I Don't know if it happened with Bobby particularly, but this is having before the guest host Maybe Bobby Now Bobby was alone for a little bit, but he had somebody to join him

Well Bobby was alone for a minute when I had to the one time go to the bathroom and it was a problem. Right, right, right. So he did that. But I'm saying just start the show cold like you had a whole plan. Hey, I'm thinking, I'm like hey we have Ari Shafir, by the way, that's who's late, Ari Shafir. Sitting in for Bobby today at the Bonfire, Faction Talks here at XM 103, I'm sitting in for Bobby today at the bonfire faction talks here sex and 103 on big jail person Robert Kelly often comedy camp or

dead in the woods As you know be really funny Let's do a heavy metal version of having the Gila when Ari comes in and maybe he'll even be like oh look at that And we'd have a little fun back and forth and maybe even a conversation about heavy metal versions Of religious songs being sacrilege. It could have went into a million avenues. Ari's balls could have been out by now. But here I sit, Jacob's off getting waters for a ghost.

Waters for a man that isn't here. We have no Jacob in the room, Black Lou's out this week. Just DJ Lou and Christine. The two people who like talking the least on microphone. And I don't even have my sounds because my computer is down. And also Lou's computer is down. Christine's got a busted monitor. Guys, they're killing it over here at SiriusXM.

Let me talk to you the consumer right now. I don't know what you pay a year because they give it to me for free. But whatever you're paying They are not putting into the infrastructure of broadcasts I'll tell you what they're doing and they're doing a fantastic job of it giving radio stations to everybody I Say ask call her daddy if we could drop Ten mil let's get her 115 million dollars

and we take 10 million of those dollars and really, my thing would say, get these motherfuckers running on Apple. Call me an Apple guy. If you want to say that about me, maybe it's the case. But everything in here is from companies that make my TV. And I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. This is satellite broadcasting. Lou can't find songs on the proffsys, is that what it's called?

It used to be called Proff. It's called Zetta now. On the Zetta, it's wacky. I know the technician guys here so well. Now, have I ever taken the time to learn their names? No I haven't, Lou. I'm not crossing that line. You blur that line things start getting dicey. But I know there's the Asian guy who likes to stare and look at stuff. Sometimes he used to bring in that other guy. Puppy baby monkey.

Used to get it done. That guy did get it done but I mean we saw him so much on the most basic of like, hey this computer I use every day, it is now not working at all again. Christine's computer monitors were hammered into the ground like cartoon spikes, and now probably whatever smashed them into the ground is what made that monitor wonky is what I would guess. What's wrong with the monitor, Christine? Give your grievances. It's blurry, but it's not- Jamie, get your spiral notebook out.

Take this to the meeting for me. It's not just today. This is something that happens from time to time where the monitor that you guys see, this is the monitor that feeds for you to look at things, just goes blurry. It goes fuzzy. And I don't know why they haven't fixed it yet. Jacob, you went to go get waters for a Jewish ghost.

He's not even here. The show's on, by the way, so don't start confessing the gay stuff. I know before the show you had to come in and part of your pre-show mantra is to scream out all the gay stuff you've done that you don't want us to ever tell anybody. So if you could save that today.

I would insert Jacob gay drops here. Yeah, there would be so many gay drops here, but Lou's computer doesn't work. Where are your drops? They're right there in that Lou's computer doesn't work. Where are your drops? They're right there in that dark screen that doesn't work. Why is it not on? Because Marquise, see I know their names, Marquise. No, I know Marquise.

He's the cool black guy that was under Christine's console yesterday. That's right, he's in line now. Oh, Mahoney. Wait, he's here? No, he's not here. Yeah, he wants to go get some more. Now he's going to get into your console.

Where's Maurice? He went to get what, more what more what monitors what a studio, huh? I'm honest to God have you ever seen anything like no stuff that doesn't work in this room This is a bad studio. It's a bad studio. We were run out of every studio We've ever been in by somebody with turntables. Yeah, I Would this be the first studio if the turntable showed up you'd be like, okay Okay, I want to say we were We've over the years. I think we've been like seven studios. We've been pushed out of oh easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure. I

I loved Radio Andy I got very attached to Radio Andy Ari Sh Shaffir. I know dude you're riding that Yankees high. Yeah there you go. Nagila Hava, Nagila Hava, Nagila Doosh. Bold intro to that. Dude I opened the show with it. It would have been such a moment if you were here. Yeah. What was it? Heavy Metal Hava Nag Gila's playing I was on a big kick of punk covers of Havana Gila's are really going by like a surf punk band maybe me first this is metal man I'll put your cans on you'll be able to hear oh don't tell me with a good time yeah yeah pop them shits on

is that really how judge Aaron judge is spelled no misprint bodega ten bucks goooj Okay, it's our year. It's good. I would just assume that I know so little about baseball that I Last year, buddy, but a good the good G Yeah, Ari Shafir. He's gonna be on the farewell tour with dates coming up in Atlanta, Seattle, Calgary, Portland, Brea, Vancouver, Edmonton, Portland, Denver and so much more for tickets and all tour dates visit Ari Shafir.com Christine this video I would say this screens blurry to my nuts. No, it's a little it's a little blurry This is a screen that's blurry because this connects to that, but that's what I'm saying So I'm seeing the blur you're seeing the blurriness of this

Weird make sure you check out Ari's brand new show, UBTrippin at youtube.com slash at Ari Shafir. It's my pre-sale today. Yeah. So you use the promo code Ari today, and I guess tomorrow only. And then pre-sale, because it's before the general on sale for those people. Oh, sale in general. Things are up for sale. The farewell tour. I'm leaving. I'll tell you this. this is my only date. If you go right now and use promo code bonfire,

you are gonna get tickets for one third of the price. One third. Oh my God. He will drop it to one third the price. And a free t-shirt if you get that deal. Now I'm losing money. That's pretty good. It's a deal though.

This isn't even working. Good man, he'd love a bargain though. Son of a bitch. Why don't you have a sale? A what? A sale. A what? Because you ever go to a store and they have like a sale?

Oh, I love sales. Why don't you have a sale? What is that? What's that? Huh? Do you remember that? Family Guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No American. What is it? Family Guy? It's Family Guy. Is this still the Heavy Metal version? Turn it up. Punk covers do it. Does it have to be, has somebody covered it? What makes punk?

Wouldn't it be annoying if somebody covered it who wasn't Jewish? I'd be weirdly annoyed by that and I don't even give a shit. No, because I think the band Cake did a cover of Jun Rhee means fight for life. I hate them. Well, for that reason. Oh really? No. Not Asian, didn't take self-defense classes.

Do you remember those commercials? Jun Rhee means fight for might. Nobody about me, nobody about me either. It's just Delaware and Maryland. I just remember that I always thought it was hilarious that Tiger Shulman was the most famous sensei in all of America. And it hilarious that Tiger Shulman was the most famous sensei in all of America. And it's just Tiger Shulman.

I mean, that's my, it's so close to my grandmother's maiden name. He really leans on the tiger part of that. Yeah, he's relying on Tiger. Yeah. Tiger Shulman. You ever see his daughter? No, she's hot. Only fans? Not only hot, but dangerous. You remember this commercial?

Let me see. You have to hear it. When you take jewelry, self defense, then you too can say nobody bothers me. Nobody bothers me. Wait, wait for the kids. You're making it racist. It'll be June re what does it mean? Minutes after that that daughter was sold and the Sun was building an iPhone so my I go to the streets of Bangkok

Really made some of herself The local commercials are great. Yeah, RU Garbage guys came in here with a great one for like a person, a guy who just owned like a party place, you know, where you could just do whatever. And it was so funny. It's obviously the creepiest guy, and his big titted wife, I think. It was such a odd situation.

I'm glad you bring up old commercials like that, Ari, because I started flipping around YouTube today. For commercials. No, but I found a video and me and you are ages close enough that this is perfect for us I stopped watching after two of the examples Yeah, but I want to go through them with you on this YouTube video. It was It was a good good good good. It's very now we all know there's there's As I started seeing why I wanted to do this was because I feel like I did know all of the very special Episodes of sitcoms when we were kids and we're you obviously were you kept away were you kept away from? Sit comes up as a kid or you were not allowed just no shot with sitcoms

So it was a hazard was a problem gotcha Friday night stuff right nice stuff Yeah, but. So go back, go back to the beginning. Once it does reruns, oh, that kid is getting beaten nice. Oh, yeah. They did a couple of pedophile episodes of. Different Strokes had one, two, no. It was that one guy.

One pedophile, one kidnapping. Different Strokes had two, but this has a list of very special episodes that I wanted to go through. Because I'll tell you what, the second one on the list, I would have been like, what was the special episode of this show? And then I saw what it was and I go, oh yeah, I remember this.

Can we pause for a second? Of course. You know how something you take for granted when you're little and then you get older and you view it again for the first time 15 years and you're like, oh that's fake, that's not real. Like the premieres of Flashdance and Footloose, people were dancing in the aisles in the movie theater and then I got em old and I'm like, oh, that's fake, that's not real. Like, the premieres of Flashdance and Footloose, people were dancing in the aisles in the movie theater,

and then I got em' old, and I'm like, no, never. Where are they doing that? Before we didn't know about yet. No one got into movies that much. So here's my question. Especially white people at Flashdance. Was there a set up to this old rich white guy getting two browns?

What was, why, why then? Oh, I recall this. What was it, a cousin, a maid? Yes. A maid. Their mother, their mother was his maid. Yeah. And then she passed away.

Hold on, no, he didn't just lose weight, did he? And he inherited the kid. No. And he. Wait, wait, his mother? His mother was. No, no. Wait.

Arnold and Willis's mom. Was a maid. Was Mr. Drummond's maid. Yeah. And then she died. And he took the kids. And he took the kids in because. Out of an orphanage.

He's a pretty good guy. They were already put into the system. He waited for a while. They were in the system. No, no. They weren't out of an orphanage? Came right to his house. And I'll tell you this.

Interesting. I'll tell you this right now. Crazy though, a little bit crazy. This story. Did he have to go through proper, like channels and paperwork? Did he just get two kids? He was a little bit crazy. This story. Did he have to go through proper secure, like channels and paperwork? Did he just get two kids? He was a Fifth Avenue billionaire.

You can move stuff through the rank. You know who to talk to. But can you just speed this up? But Mr. Drummond. I'm gonna say Mr. Drummond, can you please? Taking in these kids? Unrealistic to say the least. Unless, unless he was molesting them

and selling them to his billionaire friends to have sex with at night. Yeah, he did later get to that. to say the least, unless, unless he was molesting them and selling them to his billionaire friends to have sex with at night. Yeah, yeah, he did later get to that. What you talking about, Jay? What you talking about, Jay? Yeah. So go, skip to the first one here,

let's go to what the first example is here. I mean, nothing is child proof in this house. Gilligan's Island? No, no, no, the first example I believe is Silver Spoons. Oh no, no, Webster. Webster, believe is Silver Spoons. Oh, no, no. Webster. Webster. Hold on.

Hold on. So to see if you remember what the Webster one was. Now Webster, for anyone who doesn't remember out there, was Emanuel Lewis. It was a reboot of Different Strokes. No, but it was another thing. It was, listen. It was the GoBots, the Different Strokes Transformers. You know, black kids with pituitary and kidney issues were all the rage in the 80s.

I don't know why we loved it so much. Like a black kid that couldn't grow, something about that made white people very comfortable. The only thing I'm worried about is never going to be with you. The fact that these black kids couldn't grow into anything terrifying, I guess, made us love them so much that white people would adopt them out of nowhere.

They went to the studios and goes, hey, how about a show with a black person? Like, people are gonna be scared. Like, all right, all right, let's just start a black. Let's get an incredibly tiny black who will not be able to get bigger. Alfonso Ribeiro lucked out because he had the run with silver spoons for so long. And then they were like, uh-oh, he's about to become a scary black guy. And they go, oh no, he didn't grow at all.

And they go, he's Carlton, make him Carlton. And he got a whole second life. God bless him, yeah. Way out on the. Absolutely way out. Just go this way. So see if you can remember, I know this one already, so I have the answer.

If you can remember the Webster special episode. Webster special episode. This one I didn't remember. Nothing's coming to me. I'm remembering the parents now, Also weird mustache, all of them. So it's, you can let her play. Give the credit to the YouTube person because I wanna make sure they give their shit.

It's my so-called, My so-called Gen X life. I mean every episode of My So-called Life was a very special episode. Oh yes, but that's for sure. But that's going through her teenage years. She says, Gen X, she's describing But that's going through her teenage years. She says, Gen X she's describing,

she's right in my wheelhouse, I think she was born in 77. So it's like, just enough where you're like, yeah we know all these. And we all saw the reruns all the time anyway, so it doesn't matter if you were there when it came out. It was on 50 times a week. Constantly. Absolutely, so go ahead.

I don't remember this one. So go let her explain it. Couple Alex Karras and Susan Clark, who adopt their adorable godchild, played by Emanuel Lewis, after his parents passed away in a car accident. Shortly into the second season, there was a scary episode where Webster

accidentally burned down the family's high rise Chicago apartment with a. But that's not what it is. That's not what it is. It's not about the fire safety episode. Their special episode is made, I'm surprised, I wanna see how dark these go. I mean, I know that Dudley got fingered by Mr. Carlson, but I don't know how dark the rest of them go,

because they're opening up. This one's pretty fucking dark, the Webster one. Also, this is not a deal breaker. You're adopting somebody, the maid's kid, or whoever's kid. Now, Webster was just a friend's kid, right? Is that what he said? He said his parents died in a car accident,

but it didn't say how they knew the parents. Okay, so listen, I'm gonna do the right thing and take in this fucking child. They were the ones that killed the parents in the car accident. Oh, that would have to be it. That'd have to be it. Cause otherwise, okay, I'm taking a chance.

He did start a fire and burned down our high rise apartment. You know what? We tried. We tried. Yeah. Tom, we tried. We did our best. We gotta live our lives too though,

and this is never gonna work. Of all the problems, let me tell you something, ma'am and George. Ma'am and George. Ma'am and George. Of all the things I thought could go wrong here, none of them was that this little can't ever grow big black kid was gonna burn our home down.

Yeah. What, the bed? Was it gonna be annoying already? Was it almost a deal breaker? And what does he do on day two? Burn the fucking house down. Wait, that's day two? Day one's all cute.

Day one was all pictures on slides and holding him up and being like, he's 37 years old. You gotta have him going, you got a fridge and a freezer? I could sleep in both of those. Go ahead. The science kit. There was also an episode where a kid who was living with his mom after a divorce was kidnapped by his dad, but they really went for a very special episode in a season two titled the feeling. This is crazy.

Well, pause. So it's a molestation for sure. Oh, wow. But let me tell you something. I've never seen But let me tell you something. I've never seen, let me tell you something. This guy, this teacher. How old is he here? Well no, he's not here anymore. He's 45, Nero. Yeah, right here, he's 52 years old.

Um. What is this, 1983? I'm gonna say he's 52, 51, 52 years old. He was still complaining about the Brooklyn Dodgers moving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was still complaining about the Brooklyn Dodgers moving. He was still sore about that. He's made it through Jim Crow. He's made it through so much already, this guy.

No, it's a girl gets molested, but what I wanna say about this, what's gonna make us all laugh, unfortunately, is that this is the most, this guy, this molester is, he's on the most basic level, like let's wait till we're alone, quote unquote, but I'm not gonna really do my due diligence to make sure no one's overhearing

my extraordinarily loud advances. Oh my God. What? Just look both ways, what a day. That was as much as you did. I'll walk you through this here, so play. Webster's friends with a girl with a girl You probably liked her cuz he didn't know she was a slut her name is Elsa. Yeah, she's Jenny

As the unseen teacher dismisses the class he tells Beth that he wants her to stay and sends Webster away But he comes I heard but it's okay my day is tomorrow yeah well see ya hold on she's allowing to happen to him too she thinks it's happening to him too she's like yeah and she's like yeah tomorrow's your day yeah she's like that's I she's resigned to it we can't get it out of our reality oh we are the molested absolutely she's just like well this is what life is here for sure. This isn't day one, right? Go on Go and close the door, honey. Oh, did you just tell Webster to leave close the door? This is private He forgot though. He had her by the way great had her box. Holy shit

Yeah, but he had a he forgot that he was carrying her belt full of books, like she's Balkibar Takumas. Yeah. These fucking hipster parents. Where is this? They're trying to go back to the olden times always. Your fucking belt of books. These are the people that are ruining Brooklyn. People giving their kids those book bags now.

These are the people. Oh boy. On his way out of school, Webster realizes he's still carrying Beth's books, so he goes back to the classroom and overhears Beth's objections to touching and tickling. And I'm so proud of you. And now that we're friends, why not be a good little girl and give Mr. Totson a big hug? Okay.

Oh, what a nice hug. Thank you. Mr. Tottson, stop tickling me there. Webster's quick thinking leads him to yell at the door to tell Beth that their ride is waiting. But here's the part where I was saying he's over. This guy does not have chill. Didn't even hear him open the door.

No, this guy has no chill in his game, but watch, it gets worse. Mr. Tottson open the door. No this guy has no chill in his game, but watch it gets worse Sir, Toddson warns bosses by the way. I don't mean it gets worse the molestation gets worse his actions I mean how bad he is at molesting it gets worse go ahead trying to get caught Up there little secret or else her parents won't like her anymore, and she'll get into big trouble. Beth, it's me, Webster. Mom and George outside. They came to pick us up. They said come right away. I'm coming. Beth, this has got to be our little secret.

Trust me. If you tell your mother and dad, they're not going to like you anymore and they're going to be very mad at you. Is he screaming? How is it in the hallway you're hearing this at normal volume. Webster's in a hallway through a classroom door. He's like hey Don't tell anybody what I just did to you. I believe this is over the speakers Yeah, he was fucking on top of the hit

No. You've got to promise not to tell. But we'll get in trouble, please. Damn, trouble sucks, huh? Okay. I promise. She goes, it's, listen, it's my job as an adult here to tell you, we're telling your parents Oh Skip ahead to uh so what does he tell them? Oh?

Yeah, we should always read this to the people yeah We should always see when they give the how they flip over because that was I mean Ari me and you got to witness together Not in real time, but in real time together rewatching the show what Johnny? Not in real time, but in real time together rewatching the show what Johnny Depp's? I don't know a whole lot about AIDS Yeah I mean the speech he had to give after his I won't share a milk with you first of all I wouldn't share a milk with A milk no way you don't share milk milk show its wife. It's like white paint shows all the flaws. What happened if my nephew says You want more milk.

You want the rest of my milk? I know a lot about AIDS. When I was in sixth grade, I had to share my juice, but not because, not because I wanted to. Reggie Johnson took it and spit in it, and said, here, you can have it back, and I said, oh no, you take it it. This went on for half a year. Every day? He just took my juice went you don't want this do you? No. You just let him bully you out of your

juice every day? His name was what? Yeah he could wreck me. Reggie yeah yeah you did the right thing. It wasn't just me. He could have killed everyone in the school. And if you dared to actually beat him up, his brother would come to the school and kill you. I got you. But if you have, my thing is, and Jacob, this is maybe where our personalities differ. This isn't a man, I'm not saying I couldn't gotten bullied the same exact way. Where we differ was that your internal zen is beautiful, I'd almost have to say, because if that was happening to me for six months,

which was very possible, it could have, every day of my life would be dedicated from then on to finding out a way to hurt him and his brother for the rest of their lives. Here's what I would do, two things. They're both dead. Nice. Nice. One, I would try to avoid coincidence. They're both dead. Nice.

Nice. One, I would try to avoid all costs. Coincidence. And if I saw him coming, I would slurp my juice as fast as possible. Two, here's my biggest question. How much does Reggie love juice? God damn, that guy loved juice.

By the way, he didn't just love juice. Mine. He loved your juice. There was something sweeter about taking it. My mom gave it to me with love. Is he definitely dead, for real? Yeah, he died. By the way, I'm not joking when I say this, it sounds like I'm making fun of you, but I'm not, I'm telling you. That would absolutely have meant something to me, especially grade school times, that I was like, my mom worked really hard to make sure I had

butterscotch Cripits in my lunch. No, I mean I had fought him, but there was a cutoff. He just became massive and there was nothing to beat. I hated myself for, till I was in my 20s. I would still, I should have beaten him up. I should have done something. Him and his brother both dead. Yeah, I actually feel very bad, cause he had a bad life.

How'd they die? Trying to save people in 9-11? They died in a fire trying to save animals from a pet shop like Pee-wee Herman. Everyone's like, he was just an amazing dude. And Jacob was home seething. I'm glad he's dead. I'm so glad he's dead.

Dude is the best. Hero, godfather to my children. I'm so glad he's dead. He's the best. He's the godfather to my children. I'm so glad he's burning hell. Fuck, Reggie goes, pastor Reggie? The guy who built the shelter and got all the guns off the street? Yeah, that Reggie, this guy fucking stole my juice. He made a new game called Blips and he had them together.

How did they die? I don't, it was after school. I'd heard about it like, I wanna say, it was almost 20 years after school. After high school. And I found out. One of them died. They're pretty infamous dudes.

I'm almost positive he died from diabetes. No. The diabetes? From juice. From so much juice. He goes, that guy was more juice than water. I don't suppose I can say it because there's so much truckin' juice. He was so tough. He was like one of the, he was the best fighter in the school.

But no clue how they died? Either of them. I think one of them was in jail. Reggie, I think it was something like a brain aneurysm maybe. In jail? No. I cannot remember. One of the brothers was. The other one died, and the other one's in jail, died from butt fuck? I couldn't say, I couldn't say.

Well, if he was so tough, maybe he did the fucking. Maybe he died from butt fuck that way. You know what I mean? The long game. I'm afraid, they were so tough, I'm afraid they'd come back as a ghost and wreck me for joking about them. For saying about this right now?

Yes. In his bed. Get off my hair, stop. That'd be so great in the morning, Jacob's just sitting at a table at his house and it's fucking, no. And just like, his juice cup just starts going down. It's like fucking Ghostbusters, like Dana's house. It just pops over like there is no

Dana only Reggie. I watched yeah his brother because Reggie got picked on once by like the quarterback. Mm-hmm. And it almost picked on. Well the quarterback actually fought Reggie and it was kind of a draw. Well the quarterback held his own. But Reggie never saw that coming. Reggie thought it was gonna be a domination show all the time. That's the downfall of Reggie. That's what probably ended him with that aneurysm. This is the same thing that happened to Kubiak

in Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He eventually was challenged to realize he was just a paper tiger. And just a nice guy. Yeah. This is classic Kubiak from Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Car anemic's finest vehicle. That was the only guy who I guess had the nerve

to take him on, but then his brother found it, heard that this had happened, and that quarterback made a mistake. Really? Oh my God. Yeah. So he took your juice in elementary school, and then still in high school. No, I was sixth grade, middle school.

Then he took your beers in high school. He took your chips in college. Then he took your mom when you went to summer camp that one year. It's just such a life-changing moment. This guy just takes and takes until somebody takes him. That's Dalton logic from Roadhouse. Reggie was gonna take and take until somebody takes him.

And then they did. The diabetes gods, they took him. Oh my God, I'm sorry. It's alright. Oh. Um. Let's, okay. Let's go on. We gotta give it up for the hotline.

Make sure we get the hotline out there. If we are gonna laugh at all these questions. If someone abused us waiting for the hotline, it's coming still. It's gonna be cool. Yeah. If your extraordinarily loud English teacher is fucking your child.

Yeah. And your child's, uh, yeah, no one who says does anything about it. I promise. If you tell her. That night at dinner with George and ma'am, Webster wasn't interested in talking about Mr. Toddson. He went so far as to fake being sick

to avoid going to school the next day and ends up terrified in his closet, refusing to go. Oh shit, that means Webster thought the next day he was gonna get fucked. My day's tomorrow. Oh no, he's like, you know what, I'm feeling sick today. I don't wanna get tickled. And when Webster's found by his parents,

he finally tells them about his tutor. He kept the promise for under 24 hours. This little bitch. Son, go to school. You are 64 years old. Not now when. I know your tiny clothes are adorable, but you are a 46 year old man. He finally tells them about his tutor. And then he said,

mom's and daddies get mad, and Beth made me promise not to tell. And I did promise, and tomorrow was my turn, and today's tomorrow. Oh, honey, I know, I know. You must have been very sad. I'll tell you what. No, no, different response.

Could ma'am look more like the generic paintings that were in every, or posters that were in every single hotel in the 80s, just like a woman that would be wearing like black and white sunglasses that have heavy like sharp edges on them Yeah, she really had that what a dumb 80s girl haircut that was going right everywhere What are the worst thing of the 80s that short fucking poofy haircut? It made it made many pretty women not Unnecessarily unattractive they all all fucking Ellened out for no reason, a whole generation. I'll tell you why.

Because the lesbians were still laying low at this point and they were influencing culture. That's it, you're right. There it is, yep. Man, looks like all of those. Lesbians are influencing culture, you're right. Come to us, we're not gonna go to you. Yeah, just short hair and dumb fucking hats.

The artist of the find Things they are Patrick Nigel, yeah Close easy just cuz black glue is not here doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want still on the edge of fun It was the danger of it. So this little rat fucking gave away, also her reaction's not like, oh honey, it's not like I'm scared someone else died in a bus accident, I don't want, she's like, oh no, we gotta look into this. She'd be like, wait, what? Yeah.

Not, oh honey, it happens, but it's just something we gotta, very calm reaction. And the dad's probably like, it's the same motherfucker that burned our house down, we're gonna start listening to this bullshit now. Everything that take fucking attention away from it, that's gonna burn the house down. We're gonna start listening to this bullshit now. Everything that take fucking attention away from it. That's when he burned the house down. Every day it's something else with this kid.

Yeah, he goes, why did we take this kid? I'm sorry we killed your parents in that accident, okay? I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't anymore. You should just let him go in the woods, dude. Hope another family finds him. It was dark, there weren't any streetlights. They're black people.

Hey, can you guys help me out with a black person who's never gonna get scary big Get over here Yeah, I guess you could live with us forever Do you look adorable on top of a slide? Oh my god, he does Put my hand your titties You guys don't mind I'm 37 year old man I'm 37 year old man.

Man, we're. As George's anger swells, Webster says he's worried about getting into trouble for telling on his teacher, but his parents assure him that he did the right thing. Then they tell that small one. What a different time the 80s was, by the way. I would've said Webster's dad was fat. Yeah.

I would describe Webster's dad as Alex Kass. I know he's a former football player, but I mean, he's not even kind of fat. Yeah, the fat back then, well look at Penhall too. It's just not a fat of now. It's just standard, like no, he's big, but he's not like. Yeah, I would say NFL player. Everybody got so fat.

They made it, they changed it. This is what they did with Magnum condoms too. Mexico can't fit into them anymore. I'm like, your dick grew. They made them smaller. Because they made it smaller, make everyone feel like they're doing Magnums. They did it withum condoms too. Mexico can't fit into them anymore. I'm like, your dick grew. Because they made it smaller. Because they made it smaller to make everyone feel like they're doing Magnum's. They did it with the SATs too.

Everyone just gets 200 points higher. So my fucking 14, whatever, 90 doesn't fucking mean shit anymore, but. 1490? Yeah bro, I'm a smart. Wow. Yeah. Did you get a 1490 on your SATs?

I don't remember Jay. I know it was a good score. Actually it might have been 1250. I think it was 1250. That's more like it. But it's like a now 1450. But anyway, but also, Magna Conor's smaller and fat people are fucking fatter now.

Oh yeah. Oh, the fat difference is fat. It was nothing like Tim Dillon in the fucking shows before. No, no, Tim Dillon, they would've been murdered. He was one you couldn't get. He'd be like, we can't do this movie because we can't get insurance.

I would've been, yeah. You know? And now'm always headlining things. Buddy, am I heaviest, am I heaviest for sure? In fact, right now, right now I'm big, I'm definitely bigger than Alex Carras in this. Yeah, for sure. Right now, and I- Didn't they say that about like,

about like John Candy, that he was too fat to get- Insured. Insured for movies. And then it was, at that size- And Candy? He was too fat to get insured for movies. And then he died young of fat. But he wasn't that fat. No, he was fat. John Candy got pretty big. I bet Uncle Phil still seems fat. The last movie he did, he was enormous.

No, Uncle Phil's fat too. Those guys who have the, and they wear the pants across the belly is Where you really see it to? Yeah, all right. Yeah John can you like a refat always yeah, I use fat And it probably made him so sad give me juice It's my juice and I want it. That's it Jacob. Christian, let's get to the hotline of Webster.

We haven't even gotten to the second one that I said I remember. Oh yeah. What are we going to do about the hotline? It's all right. It's a good show. Somebody's being molested right now. I'm like, come on. I told you it was under two minutes I had to get this molesting happening.

Why do you think George was angry? Because he didn't know he could have gotten him some too. Damn. He refuses to believe Webster's story. Oh, pause, pause, pause. Wait, the dad doesn't believe it? No, wait, don't move, don't move. No frame on this poster, huh?

What a rich family not to get their posters framed. Yeah. I know it's a kid's room, but it's a staple? No, I think there is a frame. Looks like a staple. Looks like a white frame right there. Oh, but it's one of those shitty ones you just put a poster frame in,

and I'll be honest with you also, the whole thing, first of all, the low coat hooks is hilarious. Low coat hooks, oh my God. Hilarious for a poster frame in. And I'll be honest with you also, the whole thing, first of all, the low coat hooks is hilarious. Low coat hooks, oh my God. Hilarious for a little Webster. This is a little Webster's room, so everything's gotta be reachable. Yeah, what are they putting coats in his room for?

They could put a coat by the door, not by your bed, he's not in a hostel. They don't want their highfalutin' friends to know that they've. Adopted. Yeah. Well no, they want them to know, they show them a show piece, like look how wonderful we are.

Now get back to your little tiny room with your tiny your tiny feet back to your Harry Potter wing. Yeah Under the steps with you much gany, but it is nice when you go Webster in that drawer You have 7,000 shirts in that drawer of 850,000 pairs of socks They're also tiny wait. So how old was the actor here was he still he's a kid here or think in real life here? He was 34 Really? No, I don't know how old he was here, but he all he was by the way, he got three inches taller and fucking 80 pounds heavier when he was Harry how old was Webster during the film of wester also

What is one of big J's biggest fears? Also, what is one of Big J's biggest fears? I'm on air for the most. Okay. Yeah. By the way, Webster moving in on fucking ma'am's tit. By the way. Ma'am's tits, yeah, exactly. Any excuse to get a hug from ma'am.

Went back and forth. But both cheeks in there, cheeks. He's like, ain't my mom. Yeah. Ma'am, contact the authorities, call the Center for Child Abuse, and bring in a therapist to talk to Webster and his class about good, bad, and confusing touches.

There are some touches that are good touches. Look at the guest of honor up there. Yeah. I have a letter of notice, hey, she got touched bad. Yeah, while they were sectioned off, she's like, now. You sit up there. I mean, you already know this, so you know, you could go on your phone or whatever you gotta do but this is what bad touch is. She's got her hand over too

she's still bad touching. I know. Look at this picture. Leave me alone. She'll just take it. And there are some touches that are just plain confusing. Sometimes a good touch can turn into a bad touch and then you start to think, uh-oh. It's not true. Well, if it dries out, Jacob was saying, if it dries out, like a wet hand job feels great, but if it dries out, then the good touch becomes bad touch. That's not, but. Or confusing touch, because you're confused, like why won't she just re-wet it again? Stop trying to be a hero with this one gob.

Yeah. Do you think that's what the girl's saying? It applies. Okay, it applies. I think it applies think that's what the girl's saying? It applies. Okay, it applies. I think it applies. It's really, it's interpretive. Anymore. She's up there.

How do you know for sure when a touch is really bad? Yeah. Future Small Wonder. Wow. That's right. Little Easter egg, by the way. I knew it for a second. What a good ad.

I was like, I recognize it. Future Small Wonder. They made her a robot after she made fun of a girl for being molested by her wild teacher. Oh, really? You have no morals? We'll show you no morals. Listen, you used a bit too much teeth today, sweetheart. Tomorrow, we're gonna have to change that

when we have actual sex. What a terrible molester. Also, can I say, these are the kids of Hollywood of the 80s. Half of them are getting molested in real life. 100%. They're trying to be stars, which means you have to get molested. Yeah, well the next,

That's why the kids are good actors in this episode. What's the rest of this role? Method acting. Method acting. M-E-T-H-O-D act. Ha ha ha. Different feeling inside. It's kind of a tingly little feeling that says,

uh oh, and that uh all feeling tells you something's wrong As the episode comes to an end the national child abuse hotline number You're holding her down always the episode a little cheesy Maybe but it was definitely informative the therapist talking to the kids on their level at the end. She's like it's all good now Okay, guys, that's 1-800-4-A-CHILD. That means if you're looking to fuck, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD. It's the National Child Abuse Hotline.

That's a terrible thing for a hotline, if you call it. Yeah. I mean, you could accidentally dial that, you go, how would I order a child, you think? Well, let me just try 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Should we call it right now? Do you think it still works?

Yeah, let's try it. I like that Webster, uh... Hold on, here we go. Can you call from the, our phone, Lou? No, let Ari call from his phone. I remember that number. He's responsible this way. No, I saw that number when I was a kid.

You thought about calling it on your parents? 1-800-422-4453-1-800-4-A-Child. For a child. You have reached the Child Help National Challenge. Wow. Yay! I'll say quattro. If this is a life-threatening emergency,

then ask the question at 9-1-1. You should tell them, though, a girl got molested at Webster School. Do you have a service or more information to ask about? Visit Child Help National Challenge. You're on a list now, Ari. I am on a list.

Get off that list, hang up. Get the notifications before making us a lesson. If you are currently being molested, press one. By the way, the emergency things must all be that. It's like if it's an emergency, press one. Boop! And they go, leave a message after the targets. Oh my God.

Wrong number, wrong number, I was not looking for a child. Wrong number, wrong number, wrong number. Sorry, bye, I was not looking for a child. Wrong number, wrong number, wrong number. Sorry, bye, I was not looking for a child. Nice. Nice. That's fine. Good cover. That was, that threw a shit.

That threw him off. That really threw him off. All I did was call Brad for advice on how to not get arrested for making jokes. Well, the next sitcom, Ari, is a show called Silver Spoons that... Okay, I do remember. What I believe is a very serious episode

is when he, to impress a woman, he got a singer, a band to play at his birthday party. One of those singers, lead singer, went on to become Macarena. Not Macarena. Ricky Martin? Ricky Martin, yes. Menudo. Menudo.

He got Menudo to play. The chick was so impressed that she went off with Menudo, thereby showing Ricky that it's not about what he can garner to his place, but about who's hot or who's the more exciting. That to me was a very special episode. Manudo. And then he was gay.

Yeah, he was gay. Turns out he was gay after all that. He was gay the whole time. Can I tell you a story I just remembered about this? Sure. So I'm in Israel. This is the Kibbutz, Kibbutz Lavi. Is this Manudo you're remembering something about? Yes

Okay, a second. Give me a second. Minuto is back by the way just you know, actually I don't think they ever they never went away But they went on America's Got Talent this year and got booted pretty quick because they're right there. No, no, no There's never there's never a reunion of minuto because it's always they constantly just change But he was one of the members of Manudo. He was just in one iteration of Manudo. He was in one iteration of Manudo. When they launched in the US.

Yep, and then, yeah, he happened to be the one that launched in the US, but he, but there's never been not a Manudo going, and there's currently one. So I'm hitchhiking, we have to walk to the main road, hitchhike to the next town over, I'm going to try to get laid for the first time, trying to lose my virginity to someone I never did.

Is this birthright? No, this is when I was in for- It is your birthright to get laid eventually. Yeah, eventually, yeah. She did say, eat me out, and I bit her pussy. Nice. But that never went further than that. But anyway, we're in the back of a car,

we're getting a ride to the bus station. I'm looking out the window on my side, he's looking out the window on his side, we're just thinking about stuff. I'm thinking about different strokes. And then then I went from different strokes in my head to silver spoons I'm out the window just looking at the scenery passed by and I started thinking about that episode of silver spoons and I go like Oh, yeah, you got that band. I was like, I couldn't remember the name of the band still couldn't even today You'd hurt just saw me struggle with it. And I was like, what is that band?

I couldn't remember I couldn't remember thinking about it so I turned to my friend Avi, Avi Lerner and I said hey and he's looking at his window the whole time he turns and goes Manudo and I was like that's that's odd and I went out back in my window and I thought did I say anything were there any clues I was going there I know I started with different strokes and I go I turn my head why'd you say Menudo? He goes, I don't know, what were you gonna ask? Wow.

That is weird. Is that real? Is that a lie? Are you lying? That's real. I absolutely believe that's real. I've had moments like that. I did the math.

There'd be any tale of what I was thinking right now. There was none. I have a weird. ESP. You all wanna explain it away, but. Yeah. I thought of it even then these things happen You were in the Holy Land. I was in the Holy Land Trying to get laid the holy act very the holy act of getting laid and chewing on a girl's pussy

She screamed out She threw up later Silver spoons the show is about a young man, I don't know, does his mom die or does she just ditch him? I forget that. He's also adopted. No, he's not adopted. He went to go live with his dad,

who he didn't really know much, who's an eccentric toy maker, multi-multi-millionaire. Back then, that's a billionaire today. It is a billionaire today, and his father, I believe. He had unlimited wealth. And his father, though, was definitely a billionaire take and his father unlimited wealth and his father though was like Was like definitely a billionaire and like didn't like his hippie-dippy Life he'd ride train cars through the house and the Sun

This was a big thing back in the day like having a rough-and-tumble dad have to deal with a fucking dork son Over-the-top had that that's what the show was Dorky Ricky Stratton came down he's like ready to live like grandpa oh Really yeah, he wants to be like grandpa. He was he's the stuffed-up kid the dad is going no people and the duds like no man Come on. This is all fun silly stuff and Ricky Stratton was uptight. That was the point of the show The very special episode of this one is And I did remember this one at first. Drugs? Nope.

It's a new kid, new friend. Race. Who starts coming to hang, he is Hispanic. No, but. I think. But he is showing up every day to the house to play with Ricky with a new hospital-worthy injury, I guess his father's beating the shit out of him. But again, they're just so fast to just get through it

in the sitcoms. It is funny when, and you'll see this in the little description here. Wrap it up in this episode, this life-changing thing. But just to get it so the timing makes sense, it was like, then the kid came over one day and was like, what do you mean, dude? Why can't we play with a scarf covering my face completely?

Why, and he's like, pull the scarf, he goes, oh, it's because my face has been mangled by my father's fist. He still sent me out to play like it's nothing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Every one of these molesters and beaters and abusers in these very special episodes, because it's sitcom format, 22 minutes,

they gotta get to it, man. There is no finessing their crimes whatsoever. Let's say the Webster episode. There's never like three weeks later going, hey, ma'am and sir, I'm still having trouble with this. I'm not, you know what I mean? You didn't just get it because that one talk. Cartoonishly move on.

Just like Simpsons cartoons. Someone can get burnt to beyond recognition one week and the next week they're back. Yeah, I know I said I'm glad I told, but I'm having trouble sleeping. Did they even have to move after the house fire? Did they change the set of the show? They just put all their money into replacing it completely

as is. Yeah, because, look, we've already had to completely restore our home from adopting you. When to throw that one glass of water on the fire you fucking gold Now let me tell you about oxygen what it does to fire instead of water then I blew wanted a bunch ma'am Use that big fanny thing so go show the silver spoons one Who's the older? Who's the? Aaron Gray is the hottest.

Who's the black kid? Dexter was his, uh, servant? No, it was like his lawyer that was always with him. In fact, that's how Alfonso Ribeiro ended up on Silver Spoons. That character was Dexter's nephew or son

that was coming to live with him. No one ever took care of their own children in shows. Everybody was having to take care of someone else's children always. Or if it was black people, that's what was such a great thing about making those great families in like family matters and stuff. Like a big family being together and a husband,

because it was really always like, hey, what do you mean, it's just our rich, beautiful family and these two piece of shit black kids that my maid fucking died and left in the street. By the way, gorgeous house. I mean, what an estate that is. That's an estate. With the yard, a big hill behind.

For a guy and a son, and now, and then Erin Gray from Buck Rogers. Buck Rogers, she was beat off a bull in Buck Rogers for sure. Oh my God. Arguably beat off a bull in here. Yeah, I think here might be where I started beating off to her.

Was Buck Rogers after this? Buck Rogers before. Before, because I remember being in this and I was like, that's the Buck Rogers lady. I think Buck Rogers was before. It was before. No, it was before, but I believe I became familiar with Erin Grey from this and maybe went backwards

on Buck Rogers. I never watched the show. I know I always knew it was Colonel Wilma Deering. That's from Buck Rogers? Yeah. Do you remember the first time you realized actors just get extra parts? When you're like, it's like it takes a second. Like no, you're in another thing. Oh, hey look, she didn't she didn't hold up at all. Oh look at that. She's... she just...

It all fell to shit. Oh, look how hot she was. There was an episode on Buck Rogers when there were space midgets. Okay. Fucked them all. I don't understand. Space little people, Jacob. But that's what they called it back then. Yeah, of course. I believe. But by the way, if it's space midgets,

it would only be midgets once they found out there was other life forms that weren't midgets. That's true. If they grew up on a planet... That's fucked up. Millions of years of just evolution that made all of them that size. Oh, so they weren't called space midgets in the show. I don't remember.

Because if they were, I wouldn't have even thought of that. That was a well-thought-out point, Ari, that... We're not space giants if we came across them. If's no regulars. Yeah, then what's a midget? I Cannot remember what the word of their of their culture rise up and leave and get to space The midgets were the smart. Yeah, we were the midgets where we were so we left and now we're still apparently midgets I was about six now when people go. I'm not a major. I'm a little person. I'm gonna go Yeah, dude midgets were like was about six feet. So now when people go, I'm not a midget, I'm a little person, I'm gonna go, yeah dude, midgets were like far more advanced than you. You wish you were a midget?

No one was saying you're a midget. Yeah, yeah he goes, oh don't worry, I'm not gonna call you a midget, you wish. What are you, go to MIT? That's like, do we start with that? You're a dwarf, you're a little person. People like, you're a Jew, I'm like, you call me a Nobel Prize winner?

No, no, that's the best of you. Well, I'm a Nobel Prize winner? No, you're not. Oh, dude, it would be such a great topic to bring up with you again at all, just your thoughts. Have you seen Christopher Columbus's probably Jewish pictures? Before and after, Ari.

The before and afters? What's before and after? Well, before he looks like Jimmy Garoppolo on the Santa Maria. Before they realized he was Jewish? Before they said he was Jewish, when he was just always thought of as a Spaniard. Spanish Jew, though.

But they only heard about him. No one was really seeing him. But they picked every pic. Would everyone just, you know, he's going for Spain, everyone that, or making him Italian and everything. He was always, every picture was, I said, like a fucking model. Like a young Rob Lowe with long hair just floating. Yeah.

That's always Columbus. And then they go, actually, he's Jewish. And then the depiction they have of him now is like, oh, God. I know where the stars point to. I can't be on a boat that long. He looks like the most money grubbing faggot you've ever seen in your life.

My eczema. Oh, God, these sails are unblocking any of the sun. The salt water's terrible. Can't get over this. Oh, my God, before and after. They made him. Oh, he was Spanish? Oh, no, he was Jewish.

They would make him gorgeous in everything. Now he's a cave troll. Pardon me. Do I have to wear all of these layers in here because it's pretty hot? How long do I have to sit still for? Well, if I was naming the books, I wouldn't have went with those. Wow. I actually think they're gonna...

Outfits better. I think they'll cancel Columbus Day and de-holiday it. Because of that, because he's Jewish. Catholics don't want to celebrate this now. Native Americans can't stand them, and the Jews don't want them. We don't want to celebrate this now. Native Americans can't stand them and the Jews don't want them. We don't want the he. I'll tell you what though, on the low he's fucking sliding

in a little fucking east coast though. East coast is the beast coast. What do you mean? Oh he's, yeah he's right through on the he. He's giving you a little fucking beast coast for the gang sign. What do you think he's doing, east coast of Spain? No, no, no, no.

He landed on the east coast. He landed on the east Coast, he started it. He goes, y'all don't know about this? Yo. He's all in Spain and he doesn't know about this for quite some time. Hello, I'm Columbus and this is the East Coast, we'll call it the Beast Coast. We didn't get a Columbus day off,

but I know other companies did. That's because you didn't get discovered by him. You idiot, East Coast. Yeah, your least coast. You were discovered by Tupac, I think, or Dr. Dre. Yeah, one of those got there first. Whoever put his flag there, a bear, I guess apparently a bear.

Your greater Chinatown. Well, I just want to finish the story of the space little people. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry, space midgets. Yes. Cool. So their power was, there was like 20 of them

that they found on a ship. I'm trying to remember. Yeah, for sure. Last time I thought it was one of the kids, but they had telepathy. They could will something if they thought it together. Oh. And so they had never seen a hot, tall woman like Colonel Wilma Deering before.

And they, I remember them saying, she has bumps. Really? We must, we must, we must inspect them, and they all went in unison. Off think, off think, off think, off think. And then the buttons on her outfit started coming undone. I lost my shit. I was gonna say, you must have exploded. I exploded, I called my friends, are you watching this?

And they all had. Yo, you fucking seeing this right now? To this day we still say that. How far do they get? I'm rooting for them. Buck Rogers came in, she was covering her tits as I remember. It slowly came off and then it was gonna come down.

And they started chanting like the accused guys. One, two, three, four, fuck that pussy till it's sore. I will never forget that, off think. And then Buck came in and that was the one time I hated him. Oh, yeah. Even though, I mean, it's sore. I will never forget that. Oh, think. And then Buck came in and that was the one time I hated him. Oh, yeah. Right before the good stuff. It is wrong. He did the right thing.

Yeah, he did the right thing. I know, but Jacob, do you think we could get that going again? Get that back? Oh, think. Let's try it on Lou right now. So. The videos are unavailable. Well, no one's doing that.

That's never gonna work if no one else is doing it. I guess that is molesting, no? You can's doing that. They're taking them down. Well, no one's, that's never gonna work if no one else is doing it. I guess that is molesting now, you can't air that. Oh, you can't air a bunch of people going over just groping their fucking cans. Can you find it on there? Oh, think. This is video unavailable.

Oh, think. Yeah, that's one you should just sort of take down. Because you would be rooting for the, it's. Yeah. Because you're like, oh shit, Aaron Gray's about to, well, because here's what it is. I said, this is the problem with people getting mad at you not being forever like, you know,

crushed feeling by like scenes and things because at the end of the day, it's not a woman being attacked viciously on a pool table. It's a movie, it's Jodie Foster. Like, part of what you're whacking it to is that like, man, that guy, it's like Jodie Foster agreed to be in this movie and let Some guy act like he's pounded her. Does that make sense? Like that's more like what the the thing is of it and I get certainly not the scene

Found it. How did she find it dude right where you pop Gilgerard was the man Space midgets I'm wasn't wrong was I? Here it is no I never thought you're oh they must have muted it Because it's very molestee what they're saying But it does it pop one of her buttons Yes, what the button comes off? You can see she is getting oh yeah, they they're surrounding her. She's like, alright guys, alright. Man, she was just hot, huh? She was exactly that time hot.

God damn, she was... Okay. Her belt just flew off. And look, her titties are moving around, yeah. She's very calm. Go space midgets! Go space midgets! I like the noises playing in the...

I'm gonna say as an adult now, Go space midgets. Like the noise is playing in the... I'm gonna say as an adult now Because I only know this as kid Jacob thinking about this memory is the first time I realized this was wrong No, but no. Yeah, just now. Yeah, I mean... You see it 20 years later. You're like, oh shit. It's wrong But what's really wrong is that the person who was working on Buck Rogers was trying to find an excuse to see her to see her And I promise you on set when that thing popped open her bra was showing a bunch and she was just being Completely objectified and humiliated. That's the camera guys all waiting Not this fictitious space midget rape. That's who we

Go show the silver spoons very special episode and then we'll take oh should we take a break first man I don't think I get this one yeah cuz they after this I'm flying blind okay remember silver spoons is having one of the greatest houses in sitcom history a mansion filled with video arcade games and a train that ran right through the living room but the show is about a kid named Ricky Stratten played by by Rick Schroeder, who goes to live with his wealthy, eccentric father that he never knew, who happened to own a toy company. Silver Spoons had a few special episodes that tackled topics like teen pregnancy, drinking, and drugs. But in

late season two, they brought their very best with the episode titled, Spare the Rod. It begins with Ricky's new friend Toby explaining that he broke his arm because he fell out of a tree when he was trying to save a cat. Okay, believe it. Cut to Toby and Ricky playing ball in the house and they caused Kate's birthday present to break and Mr. Stratton yells at Ricky. This bums Ricky out but Toby thinks that he got off easy. Then he suddenly opens up and tells Ricky that he's a victim of abuse at the hands of his father Toby confesses that he didn't break his arm attempting to save a cat now pause it. I'll tell you this

Here's also the thing and they casted this perfectly if you are in time crunch This they casted this perfectly what do you mean? It's just his arm. Yes. His arm is perfectly has No, it's the character perfectly. So I will tell you Every kid in school that I was pretty sure you would have guessed, like, oh, I bet this kid's got an abusive dad kicking his ass at home, they looked like assholes. And a lot of times, they themselves were assholes at school.

Now, I know it's a thing, but when you're just at school with them, you can't, you know what I mean? You're never gonna get them like, hey, listen. Listen, Reggie, I'm not gonna give you my juice. But can I take you out for a cup of coffee and we can sit down and really just like, what's going on man? Like why do you feel you gotta come to school every day?

So it's always a kid, you're like, fuck Reggie, you know what I mean? So they cast this kid, this kid doesn't look- Doesn't look lovable. He does not look lovable at all. He looks like a kid where you're like, what did you do something again, you dumb shit? Why is your hair like that, you dumb ass?

Idiot, idiot, dumb, idiot. Get your own damn juice, Reggie. There, I finally said it. I finally said it. Release it, dude, release it, buddy. It felt good. Fuck you. Fuck you, man.

Go, Christine. Bring up this kid's dumb face. Andrew was a result of his dad's reaction to Toby for having to take out the trash. He then swears Ricky to secrecy, threatening to pull out his nose hairs one by one, should Ricky ever tell anyone. And this leaves Ricky conflicted.

How are you gonna do that with one arm? I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what,

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, You are not gonna be the lead of an 80s sitcom apparently if you are not a fucking narc to anything you promise. You wouldn't think you were gonna say. You have to be prepared to fucking just narc out any, immediately. They are trying to tell kids, like hey, don't narc, but do narc sometimes.

You gotta narc sometimes. Don't do that don't narc thing, whatever will help somebody. Yeah, I mean, always, he goes, all right, I will tell. Helby shows up at the Stratton house with a scarf covering his face. But still not full.

And when Ricky pulls it off, it's revealed that Toby's face is covered with bruises. Toby tells a story about falling off of a fence, but Ricky calls him out, and the truth about Toby's dad is revealed. Toby is adamant that it's his fault, and he's a scrooge. So his dad has to be tough on him

so he can learn how to behave. Toby doesn't want his dad to get in trouble. Mr. Stratton's right here. Toby right here should also roll. By the way, Ricky, you're getting those nose hairs taken out. You guys deal with this right now? You're getting those nose hairs taken out.

It's gonna be a while, but it's gonna happen. So, prepare. I mean, when you least expect it. Every one of them, one by one. You motherfucker. But anyway, all right, Mr. Stratton, what? I'm coming in hot. I'm coming in hot. Mr. Stratton shares a story about a kid who was beaten to death by his dad. Toby got the bruises. My first child before Rick came in.

I swore I'd never be that serious again. That's why your mother took you and ran for me until she died and you were ultimately given back to me by the state. Why did his father never know him? He seems like the perfect type that would want a child around. I think he knocked some chick out. Kristine, look at Wikipedia on social media. It's such a bad thing.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Why did his father never know him? He seems like the perfect type that would want a child around.

I think he knocked some chick out. Christine, look at Wikipedia on so many things. Except your father. He seems like he'd want it more than the mom. Yeah. He really takes to it. And Ricky is just a complete, like he wants to be richy rich.

And the dad's like, no, man, be a fun, goofy kid. And he goes, well, I played basketball in the house one time, you got mad at me. And he's like, well dad, if I'm not here budgeting the groceries, then who's gonna do it? Let's see, it focused on wealthy playboy, oh that's interesting, Edward Stratton the third, well he was, fuck, I mean, he was fucking Aaron Gray. And his relationship with his young son Ricky,

who was the product of a brief marriage between him and Ricky's mother. He was unaware that he'd had a son until Ricky comes to live with him at the outset of a brief marriage between him and Ricky's mother. He was unaware that he'd had a son until Ricky comes to live with him at the outset of the series. So they got divorced, but she was like two months pregnant at the time. Or he still slid her one.

Oh, look at that. By the way, he crosses big lines here, too. By the way, this was never an issue in old sitcoms. That would be a total issue today, I think. And Aaron Gray, as Edward's personal assistant and later love interest. They wouldn't allow that. He abused his power. He used his position to garner fame.

By the way, same thing happened to the nanny. She eventually falls in love with a guy. It was almost like a redemption, a plot line for women. Like maybe I can get this fucking rich guy to kick it with me. By the way, little information I forgot and don't even really remember except for the picture they showed.

Jason Bateman played his best friend for the first two seasons. I don't recall that because Jason Bateman, for me. Replaced by Alfonso Ribera. And Jason Bateman, I'll tell you what, go back and prove me right if you want to go look it up. Go watch Valerie and then the Harper or then the Hogan family.

Watch Valerie and the Hogan family that had Jason Bateman as a young, that kid, always the funniest thing on the show. Like even at that age, he definitely had like comedic like timing. Jason Bateman was always funny as shit. He was great in everything. Yeah, but even as a kid, like when he was in that show,

like I remember as a kid, like I still remember some lines that were just like his shit from those shows. Even when I found out he was like, you know, fucking killing children. His stuff was great though. I could separate the art from the artist. That is one thing about me.

One thing about me for sure. Kids would be like, beware of the bait man. The main stars were the dad. Bait was candy. Ricky, his attorney, and his business manager. That's what he was always around. That's who he hangs out with. He's like every comic becomes big. All the friends are like, what?

Nobody from high school still? You got it, champ. Let's go to the next sitcom. So that kid was getting beaten. Okay, great. Should we break? We should break. Oh yeah, we should break.

I'm very, very sorry. I forgot, I'm having so much fun. I know we have to do commercials, everybody. We have Ari Shafir hanging out with us today Robert Kelly possibly dead in the woods Ari Shafir is gonna be on the farewell tour with dates coming up in Atlanta Seattle Calgary Portland, Brea Vancouver Edmonton Portland Denver and so much more for tickets and all other tour dates go to Ari Shafir calm I'm a promo code Ari. Thank you for the pre sale that starts today promo code Ari pre sale starts today And make sure you check out his new show you be trippin at YouTube.com I have me has Bobby done it Bobby's not done it yet. We're met you went from Cuba

What's where you guys are going to Cuba? That's available youtube.com slash at Ari Shafir Bobby Kelly of course gonna be the American Comedy Company this weekend everyone tomorrow Acme I'm sorry Acme comedy company in Minneapolis that is tomorrow through Saturday after that Point Pleasant in Dunhill New Jersey and Boston you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge the comedy seller for tickets and all tour dates go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly I'm gonna be coming up in a Buffalo helium I got a

Brick Town Comedy Club Oklahoma City coming to the Red Dog for those after meet-and-greets after that Austin Texas mothership Louisville Kentucky Houston Texas Philly coming home for Thanksgiving weekend also doing a story wars in Philly that Wednesday tickets should be going up for that very soon for tickets and all other tour dates bigj comedy.com we'll be right back. It's... Go Jekies! Go George! Go Gooch! Go Gooch! It's the bonfire.