The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Aaron Berg & Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Big Jay and Luis Gomez teach Aaron Berg how to cheat on his wife.

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Man, finally we get to use that song with licensing. That was nice. Thank you, Sirius XM. And before I get started, even thank you Big Jim. Forgetting shit sorted out. Big Jim came in here and gave a clinic I heard to those doofuses who came in here yesterday and said the headphones don't work and they stared at them and then handed them back and said they're good

It was crazy. It was that insane. I don't know any of these people are but shout out the big Jim big Jim I thought it was you the whole time. No, no, no big Jim is the he's the main guy over here at series XM faction talk Years working with Howard Stern. He fucking rules. Yeah, he got shit done. Did he get us to the Motley crew, Joan Jet, Def Leopard Poison concert? No, no, he didn't. Did Tom from guest digital make that happen in a couple phone calls? Yeah, he did. Wow. It's pretty crazy. Tom called in pretty cock sure about it. He got himself press passes and serious extent we couldn't get in. They wouldn't let us record.

We had a ton of press passes. Just made some calls. Using gas digital, I was like, he's, Tom doesn't even work for gas digital. I don't know if it was even for gas digital. I don't even know what. So he did it. I bet it was.

Maybe. Either way, so what? You got some press passes that go see Motley Crew. It's great. You love it. I love it. Everybody, Dan Soder out today, lost his voice again. So what you got some press passes that goes he might be crew. It's great. You love it. I love it everybody Dan Soder out today lost his voice again is God telling him something stop with the voices already

Also, I said he said he lost his voice and I said can you come in and do it as Roddy Dangerfield all day? And even now all of his voices are gone So Dan feel better soon buddy Sickly boy that Dan Soder. I know what's going on his immunity is down Well, he yeah, he lives his life like a child So you you want you ever wonder why like an eight-year-old child is always sick? It's because they eat candy and they're noses are not yellow. They help late. They don't wash their hands They dirt they watch wrestling all day. Yeah, this is Dan

Everybody sitting in for Dan today. First what we have, it was going to be a guest, but when Dan was out, I said, buddy, come start the show with me. Please. And let's do this together, everyone, from the Legionist Gangs podcast, Noreal As podcast. You know I'm in love with my supporter, Reacon Rattles, Nick Lewis, Jay Gomez. Thank you everyone. Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. I know you like a chance so we have a lot of people a lot of people keep on telling me that they think that I'm not allowed in serious exam I'm sorry. I think this is a bit that's been on this show for a little bit. No, are you not allowed? I don't know maybe I've

I forgot that I banned from serious exam. I don't think you were banned at all. I there's a person who like I Said that I was gonna have on the show and then they're like, no, they're banned from here and that person's like, no, no way. I don't want to say their name, please. I'm not saying their name on the air. No, because I think I'm, I don't know if it's true or not, but I think I was told from the company they can't do the show, but he was like, no, I can. Just mouth it to me.

Uh. But he was like, now I can just meld it to me. I get you said it you whispered it in the mind. No, did anybody hear it? I heard it. One now. Now Louis will pull it out and post it. Fine. Um. All right, you're out car, Mike.

There it is. There we go. It's there. Fine. Everybody is. There we go. There. Fine. Everybody happy with this. This gives you this game. It's not allowed in here once you turn gay. No way.

That's what I say to the gay. Once draw a car mic, I'll made the obvious choice to become gay because it is a choice. Well, anyway, Lewis, Jake Gomez is here hanging out. This we have most of our crew. Christine still sickly home with that fucking filter though on looking noise. Toit. Just looking toit. And puppy Dawkins. We

got our black king, the black tiger, Lewis John. Son. DJ Lewitsky. Jacob, a tauts off getting his sunglasses because I thought he was inspired by you know it's Wednesdays where we film so now I got to come in cool guy with the shades. Uh Jacob said he has to get his shades but his was for a much juier reason. He had an eye exam today and they dilated his pupils and the lights are hurting him. Oh wow. Yeah this is the shades inside days.

Very he's cocky. Oh shit here he comes. He's confident. Damn dude look at this helicopter. Also black blue did you put French vanilla cream right in this and give me a splendor on the side No, you said one splendor and one little creamer. I'm just a regular creamer. Okay. It's very sweet Vanilla No, it's delicious black people love sweet things. We do they love it. They go extra sweet that watermelon's really good

All right hot sauce in this coffee. It's going on here. Yes, it alcohol, right? Very sweet drinks, black people. All the ones that I know were made popular when I was in the black comedy clubs were like when you try them, you know, like an incredible Hulk. Yep. Like, and they'd be colors like really tropical colors. Like a blues, like Windex. They're looking like Windex. Be incredible Hulk. And the incredible Hulk was green. I was just saying it was green.

That would be green. Yeah, that was greenless scope. But there was a couple things that were like. Blue carousel, it's called, and it makes things bright blue. Yuck. It looks so gross. But I tell you what, it made fucking tall black women with salt and pepper hair once to fuck. Yeah, they love it.

Yeah, yeah, it's a. Well, it's goto. Yeah, it's, I mean, look, it's not a, it's not a good, every one of those drinks has like 800 grams of sugar. It's fucking, I got dick and diabetes. I got drug and I get dick and Diabetes. I got Drunken to get Dick and Diabetes. Aaron Berger is going to be joining us in studio here very shortly. You guys are out on tour together.

The offend everyone towards Jacob. You look pretty dope in those glasses, dude. These are the right glasses for me. Yeah. You like them the night they're wide? No, they're perfect for my frame. They are, but they're real wide. They're cool.

They look a little bit of oversized aviators. Yeah. Yeah, they look pretty cool. They're like Maverick. Yeah, I love your glasses, Jay. You really do enjoy these. I really do like them. Can I tell you something?

They're douchey sunglasses. They are, they're Ferrari. They're Ferrari Ray-Bans. They have a Ferrari symbol on the side, which is pretty douchey, but I did like the red. Yeah, but your aesthetic is kind of like douchey. Don't say that. I'm saying because I won't think it.

Yeah, don't say that. Just live inside of you. Really hard at you right now. I mean, you know that, but it's not like it works. You're so funny and likable and insecure, that it works for you. But if you were confident and a dickhead, oh my God. You were so stupid. Could you imagine?

That look with confidence. That was also cock-sure. Oh my God. Look at world, I'd be hated. Just a total dick bag. Yeah, you're very, very sweet and very likeable. Dude, Justin, I was making fun of Justin Silver last week at an Albany because he's got a joke where he says,

now he goes, despite my douchebag looks and like, like, a asshole fucking like face and body, you know, I'm actually a really, really nice guy. And he goes, moves on with the store, I go, it was a funny way to glaze over, he goes, guys, I'm not just awesome and hot. I'm also a pretty great dude. It's also like when people make fun of their look

that they are 100% in control of. Oh, like a very, like the obvious look, yeah, exactly. So you get a stupid haircut, you know, like the one. Yeah, one guy that's like back hair, I mean, what an asshole, right? So it's changed your fucking hair then. Yeah, you're in control. I'm just Justin. Let's do all of this Justin. Yeah. I know what you're thinking did King Kong Bundy And now the generous advocate lose weight you asshole

Does this guy always dress like this? Yes What is this father Denzel Washington and his mother as a jolloppy man I got it I check out of comedy pretty quick when it starts with I know I know what everyone's saying Don't I look like yeah? This person who sort of looks like me and this person had a kid who would be yours though it would be Kevin Smith no no no the other guy the the the the wrestler no the guy the guy no one diners driving's and dives guy fiori guy fiori and Are you going purely for hair though consider that well now also has like aesthetic in his glasses and

Everything about you dude if I start rocking bowling shirts around. Oh again AS whole Flame Everything about you, dude. If I start rocking bowling shirts around, I'll look again AS whole Flame Now I can do it. Oh, do you speak? I had a bowling shirt once I did not it wasn't my thing. Yeah, it certainly was not my look not good Yeah, I would say Guy Fieri and who could your mother be? Oh Yeah, it's gonna be a woman the girlfriend. This is us Guy Fieri and the girlfriend from this is us. Guy Fiora in the girl from this is us. Chrissy Matt. No, I meant whatever the hot one was. My mom, Elevinc Fierce, like Elevinc Fierce and Guy Fiora yet a kid.

Chrissy Matt's let's see her. Me, they say I'm a mix between John Goodman and Pam Anderson. Okay, she's a big girl. Yeah, I know I had to almost kiss her. I know, you told me that. You auditioned for that. Yeah, we said it on skanks today. I, yeah, I had to get really close to kissing her. How'd you get close for her? Huh?

How'd you get so close? Did she ever in gravitational pull? Yeah, I was able to pull away. I was just in a way for her. I had to fight a current. It was crazy. Like two magnets trying to either pull away. Yeah, I was like, uh, the producers screaming cut.

Cut. I'm trying. God. I'm in a orbit now. It was like, uh, what's the space movie? Someone's topper from turning gravity. It's a gravity. It's like floating out there.

A wrench goes to your head. Spitting in space lost. Dude, Chrissy Metz and Imax 3D. The only way to experience Chrissy Metz. No, but she's hot. We have to say that now. We're going to say it. Yeah.

I talk about that in my act now. It's like all the plus size models and retarded models we're going to pretend they're hot. The retarded ones are pretty good. I will say though, the plus size one, I am surprised now. Like when you go, again, they've over-correct everything. It's disproportionate on the commercial and the Victoria Seagraposers now. It's mostly larger women. That's crazy. And that, and by the way, good for, I don't care. I, but I really care.

I'm, I'm in Times Square. I don't need to see a plus size plus size billboard Plus size model. It's crazy. Yeah intimidating. I'm trying to eat. What is that a commercial for back fat? Dub soap Dub soap now for back fat? Holy shit, they need a lot of soap That's a big bar soap. Let's gotta get to her back fat. How's she even gonna wash her back? How do these bitches even wash their back? With those tyrannosaurus rex arms and those back fat. She needs a retarded model to wash her back.

Um, no, the fucking, the, the, what's the correct term? Mental-y challenge model. She was hot, right? Which one? Did we put a regan one? Oh, there's multiple. There's the Puerto Rican one that was like, Victoria's secret angel.

Really? Yeah. Maybe she's Puerto Rican. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell Nationality. I think she's Puerto Rican, dude, yeah. But the one that came. I'm typing mentally challenged model.

You could type retarded out here. Dude, they can't see what you're typing. No, I know, but it's probably won't come up. You think it'll come up faster? Louis C. Which one comes up faster? Type in the retarded model and pull up the first image of each one and see which one gives us a correct one. So this one came in point six, one seconds. Is that what we're going by?

This right here. Oh, I'll have that. What's up, fast. Madeline still with the Australian or she's Australian with the on syndrome. Now this one's Puerto Rican. I'm positive. The Victoria Secret one. Okay. here we go

Retarded supermodel She's just a model but she calls herself super I Bet I would with every one of them. Yeah, but the one the one that was like doing like that one there that she's a super duper model Super duper super duper model. Yeah. Yeah. Super duper. I'm a duper duper model. She's a duper duper model. She is pretty nice tits, dude. Not for another.

I don't know if this is illegal to say, but I'd, you know. Is that illegal? Can you fuck? She could make a decision to do scantily clad pictures, right? Maybe. She could fuck. I don't know, dude. Who knows?

Maybe the handlers, man. This is a bird, what's up, buddy? Aaron Berg joining the show, everybody. You came in a weird time, but a good time. Oh, dude, who knows maybe the handlers mean this is a bird. What's up, buddy? Aaron Berg joining the show everybody. You came in a weird time, but a good time. Oh, man. We're talking, you just walked into, we're looking at the supermodels that are overweight versus the ones that are handicapped.

Oh, what do you think of ours? I think what's worse. What's worse? We're good. One of them looks Indian. One of them's got to go. Either retarded or fat, we can't have both. This is a crazy way to be. Oh, there's a Sophie's choice of who we got to live.

You got a model context. Yeah. I would keep the plus size. Yeah. Yeah. I was saying there's also a disproportionate amount of plus size that went as well. She's got a disproportionate amount of chromosomes. Yes. So both are working with

disproportion. Yeah. Um, Jojo Rosa had a bit on this. Yeah. We heard it. Mm-hmm. Where he said like the down syndrome models are barely down syndrome. Like they're just passively down syndrome. So that's why they're still kind of cute. And he said back in the old days we had a show called life goes on with corky and people would giggle at him because they didn't know any better back That so these downs models that they're passing off are barely even downs models Oh, the fat models are really fast some are really fast They're on here, dude. I do appreciate the I Appreciate the confidence. I really really did. I was in Times Square.

I looked up at a billboard. I thought it was a stay-puff marshmallow man. And? It was a fucking Victoria secret ad with two fat models stuck together. Do you mind if they fuse? Yeah, dude. You hate tubby girls. I don't hate tubby girls.

Last time you built a tubby. I hate paying them to be beautiful. That's crazy. Okay. Let them be tubby all they want, dude. Why are we giving them a salary for being hot? It's a crazy fucking thing We got to pretend well There's something that are pretty hot, but I get what you're saying. I said I used to have that I woke up one time

And I lived in Queens. I always remember it was it was interesting to be on one side of something and agree with the other side It was a bunch of like and they did it perfectly. They got like the douchebag Like fitness people, you know, I mean, shirts off the girl. I think Jillian Michaels may have been one of them even, but they were all these like douchebaggy guys that were jacked in these like fitness girls, and then a bunch of like fat guys and girls on the other side. Yeah.

And it was like the crowd of course, just going boo all day to the muscley people and Say like why can't just let them be like they're beautiful. They're beautiful too And as a fat person I was just like I don't think that's the right message I'm not saying you should make people feel shitty obviously. Don't make people feel shitty But I don't know to go. It's like fuck yeah, you should be in lingerie When you look in the mirror, do you sometimes go, oh yeah, I'm hot.

Never once in my entire life. Some days I go, oh my face doesn't look repulsive today. I don't even know why. If I get a little bit of fat on me, I go, oh that's awful. I gotta change that immediately. And then I need to. Yeah. And then I never do.

But fat people are funny. Sure. Yeah. Right, thank you. But the problem people are funny sure. Yeah, right? Thank you the problem is women aren't so what are we gonna do with these Well now we've hit a crossroad. I'll give you fat and funny, but you don't bring in the funny We had an empath here. I gave you that it is kind of true because look at like my list of McCarthy was really funny for a while And now she just has serious movies because she ran out of fatness to get funny this is right she had all her giggles sucked out yeah rebel Wilson to right she's got to make a dramatic turn anymore she's got to do like weird movies now at

same who else who else was fat and funny guilder adner was she fat no but in the 70 she was fat Roseanne she turned it. I'll tell you what is funny when they all like I said, the the the big is beautiful fucking. I mean, Lizzo's definitely sticking to it for sure. What the the seats of her car? Yeah. Yeah, couch for my 600 pound life. When they have a blowtorch or I watch, I only get hooks onto her skin. I thumb through three episodes only but her show Give it up for the makes me noise for the big girls where she's trying to find her morbidly obese back back up dancers. Yeah, and I mean like one of my favorite things in the world is the the thunder

Of a 300 pound woman. Give it up for the big girls. Give it up for the fucking guy who built that stage. Yeah. No shit Well, by the way, she also if you remember Lizzo. It's one of the most sympathetic things I've ever felt where I also laughed My ass off was on some award show the screen the floor was screens of the stage Yeah for like overhead shots and then one of her dance jumps one just fucking goes out She's breaks it under it's I felt terrible, but you don't give a fuck she's into it Do she tried to do the uh In another video she tried to do the thing where she danced on the keyboard from big and you just smash in each

Key did just about an under a feet it was crazy Elephant graveyard yeah, chopsticks. It's hard ladle full of soup It's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's hot, it's audition. It's like, they have to dance for like a minute, something like that. They are exhausted immediately. How they got to do a whole concert? Bustin' it open like that. They needed to be running in the streets doing cardio preparing for this.

Or they just switch them off. I see it should be a lot of fun. They'd be like, that was fat tabitha everybody. Welcome to New Danza, Fatsumata. If somebody comes out and puts a rope runner neck and walks through off stage slowly And then brings us some new ones are we got some fresh fats for you? Jingle these ones around for a little bit Lizzo. I need nox is intact to fatty number three And then they just bring it over the fat. I want to see these women dance. Have you seen Vinnie? Those of them dance. Yeah, pull it up. Please. And no, don't pull up the,

it's fat video by. Yeah, we're now. Yeah. I do want to say what's really hilarious is when I was coming in today. Lou said that the people upstairs said they don't want to become a classic start with the Legion of Skanks. And we'll do the takeover. And he goes, yeah, he doesn't want to become a Legion of Skanks episode. What? And I was like, what little faith in me you have and it's completely It's maybe worse than what we've done Recently, you know what is all eyes are on us, but Legion of Skanks right now. I feel like I'm naked

There's no video now. There's video Currile it's why the lights are all on whoops There's video people listening live all over the globe Yikers this This isn't just... Yeah, you're missing a couple people, Dan and Christina at SIG. Christina's on Zoom. She's lying pancillus in bed, which I think is bizarre. Yeah.

Two days a month. I don't know, short fun. Kind of. I don't know, today. And she's nice. She's got a ring light there or something. Right. She's got a fucking filter.

But it makes you feel like, shit, Christina, that Aaron knew you had a filter on. Just say you look good. What's going on over there? Really pretty. Women are disgusting. They make me sick. Are you a tech wizard? They were makeup and then they also wear filters. It's psychosis. She doesn't make them and she's sick. So she looks pretty great. What's wrong with her? What type of sick? Christ only knows. It's not COVID. At least three tests have said it's not COVID. Do you get weird and like try and stay away from her? Yeah, I'm not weird. But no, I got so much coming up. I've had yeah, I've slept. You don't get around the mouth, right? Well, he never he took her like a high-end hooker. Yeah, I

give her she gives me the full girlfriend experience. Yeah, but no, we stayed away this week for sure. Yeah, I got so much coming up. Yeah, so my guy can't get He's been down for six days. I used to just not my attitude about being sick Forever up until COVID was all right. I said my life. Yeah, who gives a fuck I'll get sick. I'll get you sick. Let's move on Is that we've wow? That's weird. You have sibling. The thing is, I'll get sick. I'll give a lot of people this sickness. Who gives a shit? Yeah.

It's just being sick. Since when is this fucking sniffles on a cough that big of deal? Yeah, so what, I'm a little bit sick. So what, I might have a little bit of a flu, okay? I'm going to my sister's wedding rehearsal tonight, okay? And if you guys get it, you get it. If I was this sick Christina's not sick

I'm looking at Christine right now look at her fucking She's on her six day. They told her not to come and She told her not to come in this week. Yeah, that's the filter and I think if Lewis goes is like yeah It's a family event families more important than being sick and then you just go and get out the whole family sick that'd be awesome Yeah, no, it's not that's not you should steer clear for you But if I have a cold if I feel like I can get something done, I will do it. Yeah, that's dirty pool nowadays. You're not supposed to do that. If you they want you to stay home for two weeks.

I know. How were we? What are five days or whatever? You got to test every five seconds. Lewis is friend, Vic. Can I say this? He he had COVID. do you remember that good to tell you that get COVID like right when it started and Vic is a big guy like it's actually Dan Soder's from Phoenix Dan Soder Yeah, I know Vic yeah great guy and he and he's a big guy and he's like I had COVID when like when Noah everyone thought You were gonna die and he's like I thought I was gonna die and I went to the hospital. And he's like, my family are such dicks after I lived. They're like, this piece of shit live. We're okay.

By the way, I hate to say it. That was when Zac Amico was like, I got COVID. I texted him every day. I'm like, he alive still, buddy. And when he came through it, I was like, that COVID's fine. They did the world did that with Chris Christie. And like when Trump had it too. Well, no, that was old, but they're rich.

They probably bought the good vitamin C. No, they definitely, I mean, pump them up as like good as you could be. Yeah. I mean, I don't think so. Like, dropping them course. Chris Christie was like a tub of crap. Like, even if you had money, you're like, oh, if it's going to kill fat people, it would have killed him. Yeah. That's what I thought.

Yeah, that's right. Morbid obesity taking you out in COVID is a myth. I feel like, a couple was killing fat and old people. It was like, it was like only people who couldn't move swiftly and up to get away from it. To dodge it. Yeah, dude. If you could just fucking move, that was the measure. Can you fucking run an eight minute mile?

You're probably not going to die of COVID. Oh, shit. Why do I live in China town? Oh fuck me running. I can't fucking run eight minute mile. Probably not, maybe. If you really, if you needed to, you could. Yeah, zombies.

You're fat. You're probably actually literally faster than me. If you got moving, I bet you could actually run. Uh-oh. No. I smell a contest. A race. I don't have to come. You guys can race. No. I smell a contest. A race. I don't have to come from soda. You guys got it. But I'll tell you what. I think a short, a long distance I beat you.

I did a, we did a, from center field, lying to a, essentially like third, like first base. Yeah. Something like that, to a sprint with Burt and a bunch of people on that tour. And I wasn't last. Who was last? I think Bert.

No. But he was also blackout drunk in a wheelchair. He was also blackout drunk. And in a wheelchair. And in an egg brace who went to the right or left. I remember one of those little fucks. Yeah. Probably one of those crew pieces of shit

and great shape. Fortune Fimster. Fortune Fimster was all I asked to. I think that was a show she was all know yeah yeah they had to make a run he glazer took her shirt off on stage one show now bra so people wouldn't look at her feet for Christ your show she has bad feet huh oh yeah you're seeing a feet I think I have long toes, right? Is that what it is? Oh my god, dude. He's like dinosaur. Look at my tits instead.

Look at my tits, please. I'm wearing flip flops and the, to bark, right? She lives his life in flip flops. Yeah. And as two guys who I think have an eye over their shoulder at all times for problems, I could not feel comfortable that I would get away from any problem in the world or

Be able to handle it head on in flip flops I would I could but I would kick my flip flops off and I would fight shoeless. Yeah, shoeless is the way to fight Yeah, yeah, dude And yeah, when you're outside you'd rather have shoes on over to the grass right now. Yeah, you know We're not you're afraid you're nervous. Take it over to the different terrain. Sidewalk, you could sidewalk barefoot. I'm so good. Yeah, but you do it rather than keep your flip. A adrenaline kick in, you would not feel anything, but your

feet will be torn. The fuck. Yeah, you definitely have a AIDS feet without a doubt. By the time you've done that, the fucking needle hanging out of it. It's tied off. Your feet would look like Nikki Glaser's feet afterwards. What's a sneer dog shit off of a bassie of foot? You know the smear when the New York dog shit on the sidewalk and people pick it up and just scrape it along It's what I do every goddamn day. There's no choice. It looks like it looks like her foot has a skull Yeah, the one on the right foot's like a mega death ticket. That's it over there

It's an iron made now. I'm covered. Dude, her foot's so fucking metal dude. I am Mickey's foot down. Mickey's foot down. That's hilarious. I mean, in that picture where she's like, is it something she talks about? Yeah, she's like, she dressed them.

Remember she had a show on Comedy Central, so she talked about it, and that's why so many people talk about it. And I think Mickey's like really attractive and Really funny too and just like the one there with her feet together really really cute that whole that whole gagal of women was really cute for a while The Schumer her Rachel like the whole crew of them. There was something really cute and really fun. There are bunch old bags No, it is funny though. It's funny. Amazing how long I've known. They're the real haunted. Come on. That whole guy, they're fucking, they're hot.

It's not your hit. But imagine those were the hot girls in a high school. I'd fucking kill myself dude. I would shoot up my own school. Well, he's also the crew of hot girls. I would show with a fucking air of 15 for sure below the fucking walls of the school with the service. But that said in the crew of Hot Girls I would show with a fucking air 15 for sure below the fucking walls of the country. But that said in the world of this is also the same thing. And we're all the comedy.

It's what you're saying in the world of comedy. Also, you have to take in the couple things consideration. They're also naming people who are funny at the core. You know what I mean? So for being funny women and whatever, yes, I would argue that Schumer, Rachel, Nikki, all. Shout out to Pracka Miko for actually putting out a song with all the bad bitches in comedy.

That was hilarious. What are we even talking about, these fucking, these dinosaur, what are we, we're talking people have been in it for like 20 years. Yeah, these hot young, who is the fucking, who's trying to get more plugs in for the hot young comics.

Well, there are even kugas, they They're fucking come on. No, I still find at least two of them cute I'd yeah, I'd smash how you get America which too And that's like an image one with Aaron Burke not dunk is dork into yeah, and it's probably the richest one would be the no The shoe mollums. Yeah, the shoe mollums. Yeah, that's the one you don't go for now. I mean, there's been, there's kid damage. It's just luck going on now.

I mean, I do it for the story. Sure. Why not? It might be great at it too. So I know somebody that went to her house. This is back when she was single before she was married. I don't know, I'm talking out of school, but I don't like the guy that it's about anyways.

So he, he meets her at the seller and... Have a funny video, Gina. I don't think she knows fucks him. She's just somebody like us. She goes, I don't like the longest guy anymore. But, okay. Oh my God, I need to get married and have a kid. My life is falling apart.

Well, there's a lot of these like famous... You know what, I find funny? Fucking make me shumore the mess. There's famous girl comics that are very famous where guys who are still swinging around the clubs have intimate knowledge of which is always very funny and the world of celebrity, you know what I mean? Just like there's also, it's like,

I'm just making up as an example. It's not a thing but like Who's like a famous like like black female comedian? That's like big big famous. Exactly. Well watch them So more right now and I'm a small back Janelle James is now like up for an Emmy really like for her She's on a sitcom. It's like doing well. What's the sitcom called? Something I could that all right. It's good. The fuck is it? a habit elementary. Okay, I think she's like I didn't teach her something. Yeah, so she's like she's up for it. No exactly as I'm saying But like I'm just making up like and she also could have fucked like Derek gains. Yeah Derek gains has intimate knowledge of like an MU award-winning. That's like pretty because it's just the world

The same thing Comedy club waitresses of intimate knowledge of every famous milk comedian as well Much more so than fucking every waitress ever I mean Probably everyone I'm like most of the good I'm a female comedian female waitress Most of the good stories you hear are like waitresses like and then screech tried to rape me What's funny about comedy club waitress on road, especially that you want to be a little careful with, is that like, now think of how much they're telling you everything they've ever heard about every comedian from them and think of what they're going to do with

your information next to you. That's okay though, because it just keeps you on us. You're like, all right, I can't rape these women. No, but they're just like, you know, they're like, so and so does so much coke. Like, you did all my coke. And then we had to go into this bad neighborhood to get coke turns out he's by because he's sucking a guy's dick fork. Yeah. What the fuck? That story happens so much more than you would know. That's a, that's a really accurate story. Or there's also waiters I met who think that they are in a real like long term like distanced Telled to Rosa I said what's up

Tell Joe the Rose Has this little sandwich thing doing I told you remember a barc right you did with a girl and then like you do stringer along like the girl Even random fans have intimate knowledge because you also like continue to reach out to them after you fuck that Well So I'm gonna be your personal Well I'm not talking about keeping it. I'm talking about who believe that they're like they are and something which like they spend The money and just keep your fucking Dixon your pants then we wouldn't have this problem tell Tony Woods My kid doesn't need anymore shoes.

It's not so much your dicks and your pants is your, you know, emotions not so out there. Puck Christine down Luke. Whatever you know what? You're fucking sheep bat yam right about over there. Christine you know what? Sometimes we need to make love to our mistress. They need to be love too. What are you just gonna treat them like, pieces of shit? Well then they're gonna fucking try to cancel you You gotta make sure to treat them good so the like oh he's a nice guy when they reach out they fall in love with you It's the fucking angel when they reach out you better reach back at your pot of down Christine Luda what I said and you turned your goddamn mic off He's a barking your bed shit. Yeah, you're fucking lady stuck in bed crap. I'm sick, but I could still vape

Still crushing that vape Sitting in what I can only say is a baby pulls worth a dog hair. Yeah, oh man. It looks the new place looks great, Jay I love it. Yeah, I do that up got the mirror Do dads some do dad's oh boy, Jay. I love it. I love the setup, get the mirror, the, the, do the ads. Some do the, oh boy. I know, I, I wonder what it'd be like to have a mistress. I think it would be the coolest thing in the world

until she started calling. No, somebody's left listening to this, today's show. It's, I wonder what it would be like to have it and meet a cheat. You know what it would, you know what you're saying? Do you have a horrible, it is to be so faithful. Well, you're saying different things though. I'm saying like forget, let's just say

it's not this relationship, other relationships. Like cheating. Good safe. Yeah. I'm saying, but like cheating is something you can like wrap your brain around. You're saying you don't know the idea of having like a fuck like a side girlfriend, like a mistress.

No. I don't know that. That's what you're saying, right? I mean, I cheated once and it was with this girl that had a broken arm and it was over the front of my mom's and he's saying, I'm actually cheating. Yeah, and then I told Melissa,

where do you hit her with your mom's and these some of that stuff? My arm shut up. I'm just starting to laugh on her. And you fuck there instead of giving her a true information. Here's the insurance information to take my balls Myself I cheated on my girlfriend with a girl with a broken arm

Dude Christine's out of the picture. What if she shows up here with a robe and a rolling pin pissed off Portland helium Jay Yeah, I used to have full-fledged mistresses. It must be the best. Oh my god No, I'm telling you put me in the hospital. Okay, so let me picture this okay So I have my wife right so she's she's there and then say like a go-to club I meet this girl And I'm like oh this is awesome and then what do you do you you have sex with her Aaron whatever this song dances for your wife We don't care, dude. You know how to cheat. Shut the fuck up.

What game are we playing right now? I've never... But maybe he's never had a side girl. I don't know. I've never... I would be so worried. You make sure that she's cool. Side girl has to be cool. And these days...

I don't know, she's cool. 10 years ago, you just had to find a dummy. Side girl has to know everything. But the problem is, here's where I found out. Oh, you have the towel side girl. Yeah, I've got a new problem is, here's what I found out. You have the towel sidegirl. That's what I found out. Here's what I found out. Like even with that, like it's gonna hit,

you're gonna hit a fucking impasse where it's dangerous still. Which is her telling real girl. No, she's gonna want you to tell, here's the problem. You are not really honest with sidegirl, us, meaning you are right, right? Sidegirl, we're like, I don't know, we don't even really like real girl that much. Fuck him noise. I'm gonna break up or eventually you

plant that scene. I don't do that. And then side girl. I don't, I've, I've, I've, in my old relationship, I did almost exactly that to make, because I have a kid too. So I was trying to make it seem like we're staying together for the kid. You know what I mean? Like I was trying to make that. That's what I was trying to make happen. But like, uh, great thing. Sometimes I lie about having a kid just for that reason. Oh, you say I don't have a kid No, I say I do have But I mean most almost a hundred percent of people I've opportunity to sleep with ever are someone who's aware of me from like broadcasting Who is completely aware of it? So I'll be like I actually I wouldn't be like I actually hate Christine

I go I wouldn't give someone that information listen to the show they go get you hate Christine I put her down there because come on now. No, she also her sound is like terrible. This to me is very exciting. And Christine, my Christine, not your Christine, here's a sick mind said, oh, you could do whatever you want as long as you tell me, which you know is the biggest trick in the book, right?

The biggest or what would say? Hey, I would take it. I would get her, I would disensitize her at a fucking other women's wonder back. And just start doing it all the time, dude. She could stop doing this again. Ring around the rosy bullshit with us about what's a mistress and what, you haven't even spelled that.

That's who S's? What is this game we're playing? Why, why are you at the funny stop and go all the falls nine times in a month? I love their open mic. They've got a lot of talent, huh? I'm scouting for frantic. You try to get frantic on the map, man. So your wife said you can cheat, you can use it the teller. Yeah. You have to wear a rubber. She didn't mention a rubber. She didn't know rubber. No, she meant to use a rubber. I did. I'm telling you, she's

assuming it's rubber, go rubber. No, dude. No, when then we won't do it. You won't, I don't think I could do it. I will get you to cheat on this or the everyone. You don't think I've already just like, but you think you don't think you could cheat or you don't think you could cheat and tell her. I don't think my wife already dislikes you think you don't think you could cheat or you don't think you could cheat and tell her I don't think I would cheat. I think like because I got married and because I used to like be a sex addict I think that's all behind me now, and it's like I feel like it's another life Sure, so you're not sure. I mean you don't sound convinced. I'm saying you're saying you're not hungry for other pussy What is your wife? Why isn't your wife like me? What?

My wife loves you. What the fuck in end of her life? Kidding. My wife loves you. The only protection she has is that she's your wife. What do you mean? Jesus Christ. But if you were to be like, hey, I'm gonna get burnt to cheat.

Oh, maybe she'd be like, good, yeah, he needs that. All right, I'll ask her. Maybe. How do you lose wants me to cheat? Let me text her. I'll text her in it. Yeah, that's good later. I'll tell you, I think Christine's had a thing before where she's like seeing my life like in a chaotic or whatever, just a lot of shit going on.

And she's been like a part has been like, I help this guy as a fun night this weekend or something. You know what I mean? Am I wrong, Christine? Potter up for a second. And unless she says no. She's in the potter back there. You're wrong. Yeah, I mean, we got there in our relationship. I can unless she says no and Potter back there long Yeah, I mean we we got there in our relationship after being a mistress for 11 years, you know rules change Potter do oh

Matter back down Mistress for 11 years you fucking it him going through the course Right in the days at it journal Counting like you're on Shawshank Not like all that money you've been hiding from your ex-wife in escrow accounts What especially this Swiss bank account? 72872. What's this off shore thing? But my wife had a friend she's dating this young latino guy and she's like I think he's cheating on me

And I just found 30,000 dollars in cash in the underwear drawer. Yeah, like that's the thing you say. The cheating is the smallest thing right now. Yeah. Am I involved with a cartel? Maybe the next question. 30 thousand cash in the underwear drawer. Damn, was it cat Williams? No, it was a real young lat. Any cheat in honor and then she took them back. So I should, you know, she took him back Well, guys got 30k and 30 scratch line around I've ever taken back a role. Let's shoot it on you. Yeah, Kathy gave me chlamydia She didn't I heard I was 19 not allegedly proven Kathy follows me on the gram, too

She knows what she knows what she did and siff. Give me the siff, too That's Lou you have for sure right DJ Lou? What you have what? Got like a girl cheated on you and you know I thought you're in you have syphilis I was like he don't know I just have cold sore guy black love of you I've never been cheated on mine is the worst that he knows of Mine is the worst true. I heard her fucking the guy down the hall. That's tough It's like oh fuck me not Aaron Burr Exactly like and this Oh, man, I owned it out. Oh my god. You're so not Aaron. Yeah, and he was huge

They called him ice that was his name because he looked like vanilla ice, played on the rugby team, and it was a little squirt. And then after that, you know what happened, Jay? steroids. steroids. That's it. And then you went back and started fucking people up. It's fucking banging hotter chicks.

She tried to bang me again. Guess what happened? Banger. You banged him. Nope. I thought you said you would. You said you took her back. Yeah, I took her back.

But after that, I wouldn't. You never got more goes. Yeah, I did for sure But I also cheated on her. It was like my younger. Oh, yeah, of course My younger girlfriends the worst it's like I it's you I cheated so much on my exes and then one little indiscretion like the slight I'm talking about oh yeah Be a guy just being like hey, I think you're really pretty and her saying thank you because not bullshit It's more emotion on there and also you know the emotion No, that's not true cuz I did make love to these women

No, I know my love kiss that I took them to nice places. Yeah pretty woman those girls It was physical and there was a ton of emotion on my end to be honest in what like mr. Says oh yeah all of it Oh, yeah, no, no me too. Yeah, well, that's why we say that we say oh women are more emotional about it But I'm just saying no they're not I'm no they are though. No, we're manipulative And we get them to be a no but he also has like a Latin heart So he feels that type of love no, he said this about me years ago in a conversa a good bro conversation We had Jay brings his love with him. Yeah, and it was like, but I think you recognize that,

I think you do a similar thing. Yeah, for sure. I'm passionate. I get it too. I get the instinct to do that where it's like, just give him all. This is what a fuckboy is, by the way. If you guys don't know what a fuckboy is,

it's when you make a girl feel like you want something more with them, but you really trying to fuck them. I was on a fuckboy, it was a homosexual. I thought he was a Tommy Gay, I was a homosexual. I thought you were a little bit gay. I did too. Call me gay and gay and bitch. You're a fuckboy, isn't it? I'm just gonna give you the extra wear on the radio.

He fucking jail talking to me, motherfucker. You're a fuckboy. Shut up. Shut up, lesbian bitch. Yeah, you're a dite girl. Whatever, trans smile. Doggy, I'll tell you, and then you find what a fuckboy is. I'm saying. Doggy, I'll tell you and then you find what the fuck was. I was like, oh yeah, I'm definitely a fuck boy.

Every girl that's ever called me out, I was like, oh yeah, you nailed it. But you don't really feel those emotions for them. I think I've voiced that in my life. I think now I'm fine to walk away from something if it's not like. I can walk away. I'm saying in the moment, like if I, even if I'm just hooking up with some random chick, I wanna take her to dinner, I wanna hold her hand, I wanna kiss her and fucking, like, talk about our future together,

plan a fan. Yeah. I just heard Fred Armiston on Howard Sterns today talking about this while he's a bad boy, for things it's same thing, he goes, I'm all of it, and then one day, you're just like, oh, I don't wanna fucking hold your hand, the movie's god damn it, let me just watch the movie. You know what I to fucking hold your hands. The movie's good. Damn it.

Let me just watch the movie. You know what I mean? It's all until it's nothing. But love kind of dissipates sometimes. Sure. You know what I mean? You'll be all in on it and then you're like, ah, I don't. This isn't.

And that's why marriage is hard because you have to go through those peaks and valleys. That doesn't dissipate. You start to erode the bullshit right so what happens is everyone have puts on whatever master putting on and then eventually you just chip away at who they really are and eventually you're at the core of who they really are and you realize you don't love that person yeah you love the exterior that they put on this fucking underwear model picks her fucking nose she's we're talking about she's actually a retarded person. I just finished her. I had no idea. I thought she just talked silly. I mean, I love my wife a lot most of the time. Then there's times where I hate her. Don't stare at the camera when you say it like that.

Listen, listen, listen, where I'm at. But then she doesn't listen. Before you hear anything crazy in the news, I love my wife. I took serious out of her car. So, but there's times we're just like, oh, okay, this is the flaws that this person has in my life. And I either have to accept those or if we look those or just deal with those. That's what a relationship, a long term relationship. That's what it is. I hate these flaws.

Like, she has the same pussy every time I take her pants off. What is it? No lips don't get tighter. Get a new pussy! I was trying to get... In fact, it's crazy more colors than when I first found that... Chad sex with her last day. Yeah. So I'm going at it and I won't have another kid, but she doesn't want to. So I'm like, just let me come in you. Come on, let me come in here. And she's like, no, I'm like, I'll buy you new debts. Let me come in here. And she goes, no, I'm like,

I'll get your lips down. Let me come in here. Come on, give you your lips. What's wrong with you? Put her over the edge. No, I said land Rover. And she's like, we don't have that type of money. I was like, all right.

And then I was just like, we will have to sell this kid. Let me come and say, I already got a buyer for K. I miss cream pies. I don't even get to cream pie. I'm married now. I'm talking about this a bunch, but I'm not a... I don't know how to cream pie.

I'll cream pie growing me on the first night. You don't pull out. You don't pull out. I'm... Well, I sometimes pull out, come on there and then put it back in. Yeah! My preference has always been a nice pull out. See it.

You like to see it. Yeah. Which is bizarre to me. Why? Why? Because I feel like, instinctually we're designed to cramp high and it's designed to feel better and we're designed to like it more

because we have to procreate. So I feel like you're going against the instant. A couple of things I feel like too, because this might be like insecurity stuff too. But I'm pretty sure that after I fuck, for another couple of me if I feel like She's got another com or two left in her. I'll jump back down and Pussy for a few more and I don't want to do that

Jump back down turn around pick a baila pussy Jump down turn around pick the baila pussy But I would not want come seeping out of it when I went back down there You would not want you would not want come seeping out of it when I went back down there. You would not want you would not want come seeping out of Some guys are into eating their own cream pie Justin Justin eats his own cream pie. No, he likes it. He licks it. He's come off of them He tried to come on here and back pedal out of that, but then we had I did read that somewhere time magazine Where I read that read what new Jason's journal. I stole it

That's right Love sucking my come up girls belly is there also I'm doing to your diary. I love the taste of my own calm hoping high fidelity comes back for another season I did a great call back God. I missed the taste of my calm diary. You won't judge me. I miss my calm I miss it so very much Lewis if you see my diarrhea I You blame her you yell at her. I don't make a whole scene about I've gotten chum on my cheek. I've definitely Getting all like my body somewhere from like you know, whatever like their leg all the other men that are involved all the other guys

Also there come friendly fire a lot of friendly fire. Yeah, I said three times in my life I've been orgasming and in the middle of orgasming doing like a nice o-face like oh And then I shoot one of the ropes fires right into my mouth really at least three times you're laying down Yeah, laying down fucking cuz you I lay a t-shirt or a towel on my stomach Come on to the t-shirt towel rap, but I so I have it on my stomach right come on to it Wrap it around my dick fold it over really give myself a nice cleaning pull it off throw it up shoot it into the laundry basket I have no consistency and I miss every time I'm not gonna pass you ball. I'm gonna fall. I am yeah I really my I'm so inconsistent I've hit the headboard I've not

made a pass the pew-blown it's all it's all or nothing again. Yeah mine's just dropped. There's no way to have you know as blue chew makes you come less No like actual less Gisms Blue chew or just like in general those medications. I only I took a cup on your Recommendation I took a gas station pill like twice boss or I know Samurai X what's up? They're fine, but there and you still have long con bows about those a comedy close Which one he goes well Aaron had a long combo you had an average size combo. Yeah

But it was a thick conversation Dense it was girthy it was a lot of veins in the top Because that thing was dense. I think it was dense with info a pink helmet Punishment yeah, no, but I've done those gas station ones on your recommendation. It worked. Yeah. It's not blue. If you're in a bind, if you're in a bind, if you're in a bind, if you're in a

picture, I agree. I didn't. I do. Blue. Do you advertise on the show? No. This is just a free advertisement for Blue. It's, it's Bob.

They dropped us. They're not even a sponsor on Skanks anymore. They dropped us. I wish I could hate on them. It's a fucking, they dropped us. They're not even a sponsor on skegs anymore. They dropped us. I know. I wish I could hate on them. It's a fucking, it's great dude. It's a good product. Lay your fucking thick cock down dude.

It is a good product. Listeners of the bonfire, remember if you use code bonfire, you will get 10% of boss rhino at local wall walls throughout the greater Pennsylvania. I heard about it on bonfire. I know, the reason I was so intimidated by the boss rhinos or the Samurai X's or any of those things

is because when you see it, it looks like a fucking gigantic horse pill. And you're like, how am I supposed to get that in my body? But it's inside something. They have like a special like capsule around the capsule. That capsule I think is to keep cocaine. It's what it looks like to me. That's what it looks like.

And I'll tell you this too, here's what's intimidating about it. They, as they make new ones, so it's like samurai 2000. Then you get samurai 3000. It's like now no headaches or night bleeding. What's that? I had a bunch of samurai toothed houses. New and improved. No night bleeding. No night bleeds. What are night bleeds? doing improved no night bleeding no night bleeds what are night bleeds from what those are not fun time no carcinogen free exactly yeah

now with less fentanyl yeah now only the equivalent of three packs of cigarettes per pill when you would take a full Viagra and you would have sex with a girl and then she'd leave and then the rest of the night you'd just be up like with a rock hard erection and you'd be high on Coke in some hotel room and you'd just be like what am I doing with my life? Oh I've taken I've taken a useless like blue chew before yeah cuz maybe and then I'm like no well I just got this fucking thick dongle

For no reason whatsoever He just admire it when you're pissing There it is the exactly I do if you don't look in the mirror be like damn Look at that thick of point down. I gotta go to some public restrooms with no walls and be cut the urinals and show off Sup guys Sup guys you enjoying the game so far. Yeah, Yankee Stadium. Just in the drop.

Yeah. Oh god. Damn, dude, this thing's so thick for no reason. I love pissing at the stand and watching outside. I like to do that. I'll pull a beefy one out and just wait for a black guy to come up. Be a little bit.

I was nothing like a bunch, but nothing like a beefer in your pants, walk around, basketball shorts, no underwear, just letting it work. Looks like when they do the magic with the ball coming up. Yeah. It's nice. It's nice.

I'm never that beefy. No, you beef up like that. No, really? I don't have that beef. Yeah. No, but those bludges make your softy nice and bigger too. Sort of. No, it doesn't affect my dick unless it's being sucked.

Like I don't, I'm not just walking around getting hard from taking the blue juice. No, no, I know, but I'm saying like, it beefs it up for sure. So here's the thing, you take it and you were in that mindset. So all it takes, buddy, is like the sheets rub it against it when nothing's gone down and you're like,

ooh, look, there's a wake a little bit. I mean, I have jerked off on Bluetooth because you waste it. You think it's gonna happen and you're like, oh shit. This is the whole thing we just said. I know, I know, she canceled, but then I had to, you know, pleasure myself multiple times throughout the night.

Oh, really? Yeah, cause once you start touching it, then you're done. I think I admire it for while maybe hit the sack. Yeah. I try to find an artist to draw it. Oh, look at that. It'll be laying. It'll be laying a little bit instead of just retracting.

Hey, that guy, huh? Excuse me. Draw my penis like one of your friends. Titanic. Absolutely. We should take our first break here. We've been rowing. Hell yeah. We're hanging out with Aaron Berg and Lewis J Gomez today, everybody. They are on the offend everybody tour coming soon to hunting huntville. Next there's a hunt fill. The next weekend will be in Nashville, Tennessee. Friday and Saturday is ain't he's fuck yeah come the fuck out Lewis of skanks.com Aaron Burk comedy.com

Aaron Burk dot com those tickets are out. Yeah fuck yeah, we're gonna love the place this tour is phenomenal. Yeah, we're hilarious together Lewis. He's killing. He's killing it's a good fucking show. I know you guys started advertising and it's how funny the show is Yeah, Lewis is your spokesman's always like come out to the offender everybody tour. A grandmother killed herself in the audience once and there's also 14 confirmed pedophiles at every show. It's so dirty. You know, I'm like, one thing in hog. He's here. Oh, he gives a great comics. Say how funny it is.

Yeah, it's really funny. It's just like do not bring anyone who you are not super close to with because you will leave anger each other Did your grandmother of a heart condition don't bring her odds all your car will be broken into and set on fire If you don't like dogs smoking drugs again If you're a girl without a face guard, stay the fuck home or... It's the bonfire. You've been listening to... SiriusXM's bonfire!

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