The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Acting Auditions

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

Jay and Bob trade stories of old acting auditions and parts that they got. They both got parts on Louis CK's "Louie." Jay explains the horrible crime that happened to his former manager. They dive into the topic of Donald Trump vs Taylor Swift. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Rob Zombie thumps dude. Yeah, I'd go see him. How was it? Fun was it fun. It was fun. The mushrooms didn't do I didn't have like any great epiphanies or anything Oh, you did it. No, sorry. I couldn't zone it. My big thing with they do, what they did the last time that got me excited, was I was able to disconnect from everyone I was with. Who you were with? In the sense, well same people. No same people. It was the same exact people as Josh, Justin, Christine. I was able to like just zone into the show and be super into the show and I couldn't do that this time.

Why? I don't know, I just couldn't, I was just. How was, how was Hamburglar and fucking Dog Whisperer? Oh, they were great. Were they good? They were great, Justin, yeah, Justin had a good time. Everybody had a great time. They had a good time, no.

I think Christine had a okay time, I think she had a good time. You had a good time Christine Like Alice Cooper puts on a phenomenal show and Rob Zombie and that girl I mean I thought I'll all of us we said I said in front of Christina go I don't feel bad saying this front of Christine cuz she would say it too I would just turn it all around for her tomorrow She's a luring who need a Strauss. We looked her up last last time we went I showed her to you. She's Unreal how hot she is on stage. I've seen plenty pictures of her offstage where you're like, all right She just performs her ass off, but she's just sexy as shit playing that guitar on stage. Is she married? Is she a lesbian?

She's married to a Manager drummer guy. Yeah, it sucks, but man. So she settled for less? But she is so hot on stage. That's what I love about rock star girls. They always settle for the less. Oh, there's still some guy that gets him under thumb. Oh, she's far more popular than he is, without a doubt.

She's hot. What's his thing? It's like a drummer for something You're like, you see him and he's like, all right I guess yeah, you got in her head early. Yeah, you gotta get it. You gotta get an early dude You gotta get everything off the bus. Yeah, he got her when everyone's calling her a dumb dyke She probably had a bad haircut and like they're like, oh, you look like a dumb lesbian playing guitar and then yeah She's figured out. They got engaged in 2023.

You know, his father owns like a fruit stand in an Italian section of wherever he's from. She's stunning. Josephi Josephi, bring her over. Yeah. Hey, this is uh, this is my girlfriend. Super amazing guitarist. He has to cook. Yeah, I love her.

She cooked last night and it was phenomenal. Oh Oh you did. There you go. What happened? That's nice. You cook last night and you made up for the fucking lemon shitty dish from that crappy recipe. Yeah, it was bad. I talked to my therapist about it today. Why? It's not your fault. Christine, it's not your fault. Why? It's not your fault. There's so many bigger fish to fry with your therapist probably.

He has to looped into other things. First of all, why are you the only one going to therapy in this relationship? I don't know. Why? Neither does my therapist. I love that Jay is like, I'm good. I'm good.

I'm good. I have actual medical issues. Listen dude, you should go to therapy. Yeah, that you take psych meds for. If I get you like four sessions with Alan, will you go? No, not Alan. Why not Alan? Therapists are the stars.

Just go to Alan before me. Uh huh. So you can hear me cry? You go, and then I go, and then we come and do double bonfires. Double B's. Jay, you don't want a therapist who has 17 different views of the same event Oh, yes Therapy to you lonely ass

You get into a bickering match with another comic who you know goes to that therapist you're like well I know you've already heard what an asshole I am. Let me tell you what an asshole they are now Dude, I had to follow the regs one day I'm gonna just go you got it what an asshole I am. Let me tell you what an asshole they are now. Dude, I had to follow the regs one day. Oh. I was just like, I'm gonna just go, you got it. You know, it's Lewis. You got it. You got it.

Is that what Lewis uses too? No, Lewis doesn't go to therapy. He has, yeah. Not to Alan. Not to Alan. No. Yeah, Alan like, yeah, no way. It just feels weird.

Well, there was that weird thing with Fanoia, which was weird. What, he molested Fanoia? No. No. What happened? He met a guy at a Grateful Dead concert who was like, I know about you, and he started telling Mike like,

some things he said in therapy. He goes, yeah, I'm friends with Alan. No. I swear to God. No way. On my life. No. I swear to God.

I'm gonna fire him. Bobby, your therapist is a snitch. He's a, he's a snitch. And Mike was like, wait, what do you mean? And he's like, I know, I'm gonna fuck. Bobby, your therapist is a snitch. He's a, he's a snitch. And Mike was like, wait, what do you mean? He's like, I know, I know about you. Yeah, I know about you. And I'm like, that's a fucking crazy thing to say. You and Jay lie naked on the bed tummy time?

I know, he knows. He knows. And he doesn't want to do it, but he doesn't. He knows the good stuff. Man, look at how much better looking she is than her husband. He looks like a dildo. He's not that, I mean, he's all right looking, but he's not. No, look at how much better looking she is than her husband. He looks like a dildo. He's not that, I mean, he's all right looking,

but he's not. No, he's not a bad looking guy. He's just, she's just unreal hot. Oh, she has the fucking Jacob hood. She's wearing a Jacob hood. Here, see, why don't you get one where they cover her face completely. She's beautiful.

I like the face cover. All right, we can see her tits and puss. Wow. Can't see her puss. Wow. Her pants. Wow, she has a guitar in front of her puss. Wow. Can't see her puss. Wow. She has her pants. Wow. She has a guitar in front of her puss.

I saw it. Alice Cooper always puts together an awesome band. Oh yeah. And they're older. They're like road dogs. His band's like older dudes, almost all of them, except for her. You better have it together if you play for him. Does he have an electric chair with wheels?

Does he have to walk around so much, or does he just stand in one place like Kiss? Alice Cooper? Yeah. Kills it. Kills it. Alice Cooper puts on such a fucking phenomenal show. He kills it. He moves?

Oh yeah. All over the place. He's not like Ozzy where he just bobs his head? Not even sort of, no, he works the whole stage. He does the whole, they still at the end. They do, is it school? No now I forget the song they do oh he does a Bowdage White Fry and then they have him in the he comes out and sings that whole song in the straight jacket and then his wife comes out and they do the

whole I love this song too this looks like a fun concert it's so by the way twice both sides way twice both times I saw it when Alice Cooper's over and you like go to bathroom and stuff you go. Holy shit I can't believe it's still a whole Rob Zombie cons like he does it such a headline. It's a headline set he does But at the end of this he stole the thing where his wife his wife is hot I gotta see what she looks like looks like cuz she comes out in that uh Marie Antoinette outfit with the zombie eyes and she looks so hot and it's his wife and she does the puts him in the guillotine and she holds the head up and

does the whole show it's great it's it's it's complete theater. Good thing about this is when he does die he could still do concerts. Is that her? She's pretty. They're just gonna wheel him out and fucking bob his head around and put strings on his arms. He's 76. Wow. They've been together a long time. He's an in shape guy though. He plays golf all the time. Works out all the time. He's like an athlete for his age I guess. He's got great stories. She comes out and thinks she looks great. He's as old as my dad who's been dead for 13 years. I interviewed him on an SDR show. He was fantastic.

He was great interview. He takes it all not very seriously. Sorry, Lou. Fun, good guy. God rest his soul. Holy shit. He just opened up and be like, yeah, he's a good guy. That's weird because it's the anniversary of his death day, 9-11. Oh, you know what? We forgot yesterday. Is today 9-11?

Today's 9-11. Today's 9-11. God bless all of you. Well, never forget. Never forget. And you didn't forget. Louis' dad? Not Louis.

Well, his dad too, but 9-11 today. It is. Never forget. Never forget. That was 24 years ago? I don't like to bring it up because Jacob, as you know, barely escaped the towers. I watched it, I just came up, Stern finding out, while they were on air finding out that it was happening,

that clip just rolled up in my feed. It's literally what happened, I was driving home from New York, in the middle of, I came home in the morning, I was out all night, and driving home by myself to New York, is when I heard Stern say that I went home and saw it. And then Kevin Hart came over and we watched this, we saw the second tower, it was crazy.

I was in my trailer on the Jersey Shore shooting an episode of The Job, which was huge. I had my own trailer. And I was in my trailer listening to Stern and I thought it was a bit. And then all of a sudden I heard this shit happening outside. Then the job got canceled and it's like really, a lot of people, sure we know about the 3,000 people

that died in the actual towers. But they don't talk about the losses and casualties that came outward. The job was canceled after that, Bobby. Your biggest gig to date. It was the biggest gig as Luis. Yeah. But it did, was the birth of Rescue Me. Yeah, and but it did was the birth of rescue me

Which was a better show? Okay. So now we're actually happy 9-eleven happened or else you couldn't have been on Yeah, well, yeah And what you know, you don't know if something's good or bad until later on right? And you know through the ashes of the town. So currently now where you stand is Thank God 9-eleven happened or else you wouldn't have been on Rescue Me. No, I wasn't on Rescue Me at all. You just loved the show. Never been on it.

I thought I would get on it. On the job, I was thinking in my head, oh, I'm gonna be a recurring character. Dude, the pressure, I feel. The buildings, the planes hit the building, and then the job was over. We had to go, they came to us, they're like, all right, everybody who has a car, you can leave,

everybody else who doesn't, we're gonna actually put you up in motels. I was like, I'm not going back, I'm not going to the city. I wonder if Shane must be feeling the same thing that I'm sure Dennis Lee, of course. Looking at his bank account? For sure, yeah. No, but I mean, in so many ways. Looking at his bank account? For sure, yeah. No, but I mean, I definitely feel for the situation of,

like he's going to the game with us on Monday. Okay. We're going with him, I should say. And like, in messaging him even, it was like, because I keep telling you I was gonna buy tickets if he doesn't go. So I'm giving him the nudge of like, hey, I'm just finding out if you're going I just want to see you buddy

So if you don't know if you're gonna go last minute, I'll buy tickets and then last minute Let's just hang or because I go I think everything he's involved right now Like tires how many times I've been asked lets me know how many times he must get asked like why are you not? Putting on the people like hey, not you don't tires yet? I'm like, they did six, like 15 minute episodes. I'm like, relax. And it's also just like, so I'm saying the pressure of like people who don't like, that must be coming at him constantly.

Yeah, I mean, me personally, I would never expect to be on anything that anybody does. Cause I know the casting process is such a crazy thing. Well, I said too, Ray used to have that with like Kei, so I was just kind of like, how come Kei is just not putting us in something? I'm like, I don't know, man. Like, I'm like, you can't really,

I'm sure it's like, we should be, as we absolutely should be, the thousand and one first thoughts of this person, like in a day of what's going on. It's actually worse when they try to. When they try to force, like I want my friend in it, it's worse, because that's what Dane did to me. He forced me into some things, and they were like,

I mean, I think it was Kate Hudson. He was trying to get me to be the, like his friend in that movie, whatever the fuck movie it was. And I was like, dude. Good luck, Chuck. No, no, good luck, Chuck. Whatever the fuck, my best friend's girl

or something shit like that. He was trying to get me to be that. He was trying to use his power. Like, I want my friend Bobby. He's a great, blah, blah, blah. I was like, dude, I don't wanna be that. Let me audition. Of course, yeah.

And she actually said, I'm not gonna, who is that? I'm not gonna fucking date him. I don't even know who he is. Ouch. I mean, she's got a point. Why? I'm just some fucking comic friend of Dane. So what?

She's a star and she wants another star to be in the movie. Leah Remini had to pretend Kevin James was hot. Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're right. to pretend Kevin James was hot. Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're right. It's called acting, bitch. Yeah, you're right. She treated me like a bitch, too.

Fucking Neppo, baby. She didn't like me. And you did the other one, too. What's the other one that was in the first one? Edie Falco. Not Edie, Falco. He loved me. Oh.

Loved me. OK. Loved her more. I would say that. OK. Who's the first one? All his movies are the same thing. Oh, Jessica Alba.

Jessica Alba, we got in a little fight. You and her? Yeah. Why, you put the mirrors on your shoes, look up her skirt? Yeah, no. She was on the one I actually did. Good luck, Chuck. I did both of them, no.

Was it good luck, Chuck? Yeah, yeah, good luck, Chuck. But I walked up and I was like, hey, nice to meet you. And she goes, what are you? And I was like, hey, it like, hey, nice to meet you. And she goes, what are you? And I was like, hey, it's nice to meet you, I'm Robert. She goes, what are you? Hard. She should have said, what are you?

Raging hard. I go, nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. She goes, what are you? And I go, I had a, she beat me. I was like, Italian, Irish. She goes, oh, I thought you were Spanish, and that was it.

Yikes. Yeah. I thought she meant like, what is your job? Like are you a comic, are you an actor, like are you? What the fuck, are you my water bitch? Because if you are, get me water bitch. It's like is the crew talking to me?

Yeah. I do have crew face. I have PA vibe. Are you wearing headphones? If you're wearing headphones, you have PA vibe. I really do have, can you get me a fucking pancake and a cup of coffee vibe? Absolutely.

No, but it is that thing of when the last one that Kate Hudson won, the director was like, I don't, we are looking for somebody, they want star power. And they want people who are gonna buy tickets to see everybody. I get it, let me audition. Don't do that.

And the director fucking hated me because of it. Because I was his friend, not an actor that he picked. So now there's this fucking weird thing on set. Is that, a lot of people, they say behind the scenes, hated you on Louis. Because Louis was just like, Bobby's doing, he's playing my brother. Everyone on the crew like, fucking, did not like you.

And it's not your fault. He made you the part, but on set, you're like a pariah. Everyone doesn't like Bobby Kelly, because he just got the role. I never heard that. I don't know, is that a true thing? Is that real? BTS, just total behind the scenes though.

I'm saying this is like. I never felt that. No, no, no, they're told behind the scenes. Oh, I'm saying this is like never felt that he was no No, they're not gonna do that. They were professional staff pig Newton fault Totally professional first of all there so but the thing is but behind the scenes it's everyone was just kind of like hated my we could have had Anybody to play this brother anyone people were dying for the role and then it's Bobby kill and then Bobby walks in No, hey, Bobby. Yeah. No, you're doing great that one thing when you cried that one time. I Mean, I didn't hear that but I guess that might be true. That might be a fact Hardcore fact. Okay, great. Everybody on the set. I thought this was lore in Hollywood this point everybody on set Somebody was on reddit

Yeah, well, they knew you're not a guy who's willing to play ball. They saw fucking they saw a dane cook show tourgasm I think I'm doing you have to somehow get in and break a rule. I can come break a rule tell you I saw you J. Davis all day. I saw your clip from Louie today. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he posted. Yeah, I said he like linked me in it So yeah, I actually did he didn't uh Did you I'd like that? Yeah, is that true? That it, so. Yeah, I actually did, he didn't. Did you? I linked it, yeah. Is that true? That's 100% true, he doesn't even know who you are.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Skank something. I bet he has to do this. Jay, when he sees me. No, he loves you, I actually was talking about you yesterday, I went to his house.

Oh. We talked about you, it's very nice to meet you. You went to his house, huh? I went to his house yesterday. It was his birthday. Oh. Went over and said hi. Oh. Yeah.

And we talked to him. Smoked a bat? No, he doesn't smoke cigars. Okay. No, he doesn't do it. I think he does some stuff though. I think he's gotta pick up some new vices. You know what I mean?

He's gonna do the old stuff. I think he sculpts now, he paints. He's like, Bobby, you wanna smoke a cigar while I wag off in front of you? No, Lou. No, I know you call him Lou in part. No's like, Bobby, you wanna smoke a cigar while I wag off in front of you? No, Lou. No, I know you call him Lou in person. No, Lou, not this time. Not this time, man.

Not this time, bud. What would he do though, like if, if in the middle of all that heat when he could just give you a show, if he was like, yeah dude, I'm gonna have to do this in front of you. Oh, I woulda let him jack off in front of me. 100%.

I woulda laughed my ass off at it. I wouldn't laugh, I'd lick my lips and make sexy face. Oh no. I'm not going to give him what he wants. I'm not going to be a little dirty slut for him. But I mean like, you're going to start pulling your wang. I'm going to watch because I'm going to go, what the fuck are you doing? You're just going to whack off? He goes, this is my thing. I go, yeah? Well what do I get from this?

And then if he starts laying out the things I'll get, I'll just accept them. Well maybe that's why you only got one role on Louis and I was his brother. Actually I was his brother Actually, I was on the show three times. Let's not make it a whole thing. Sorry a utility player They would call me although I started the worry I go Hey, guess that truck driver that needed to take a shit in episode one pilot is the same guy Who's a strip club DJ and for some reason his voice says the n-word in season three Those are my three appearances at least you are the same size in every appearance. Well, one of them I'm not in it at all.

I'm just the voice saying the N-word. It's pretty crazy. It's fucked. Well, what was crazy was you recording that at the stand. Well, it was in a timely fashion. In front of a live crowd. He was doing it on his phone in the office. And I just said, I remember our dishwasher, Kof Kofi walked down and I was like, ah! I was like you don't

understand it's acting. Anyway I'll be right back. By the way, because they were like you know if you were doing it with like if the word was laundry they want you to go laundry laundry laundry laundry laundry laundry, laundry, laundry, laundry. And I'm just doing that. But you just did it this way, laundry, laundry, motherfucking laundry. So much laundry, oh God, all this laundry. Laundry so loud.

I'm not going to a movie theater with those laundries. Laundry walks so slow in front of my car. Neighborhood was great, so all this laundry moved in. My daughter's not dating a laundry. Oh, yes, she is. What? One thing I said, oh, your pop-pop's rolling over in his grave, dating his laundry.

It was great how they used it, though. How did they use it? I don't think I said it. They're in an interactive museum. Yeah. Oh, I saw that. And one of the things says, don't push the button. That's great.

And then he pushes it and it's me saying the N-word. That was you. Yeah. Everyone looks at him. You can bring it up. I nail it. It was one of the funniest episodes, one of the funniest scenes in Louis. Yeah, everyone looks at him. You can bring it up. I nail it. Uh, I don't mind being sick. It was one of the funniest episodes,

one of the funniest scenes in Louis. And he, uh, he pushes the button and it says that, and then everyone turns around and looks at him with like a, what the fuck, and he's like, no, no, no, it's a... And he pushes it again, and it's just like a cow sound, just like animal sounds after that, never repeats the word again. But for a while, I eventually went away,

because I've looked for it at times, but I had a message, a voice memo on my phone that was always just at like two straight minutes of me saying the N word. Of laundry? I think I got rid of it when I was like, I think that's not good to have anymore. This is a funny episode.

Why it says press. See, you can hear the timber in my voice. Can you press a thing because it says press? You would not have survived the camps. Why? Why is it? See you hear the timber my voice I didn't say it. I didn't say it, it's the button, it listened. Okay, no, no, no, wait a second. By the way, what's funny is, in two episodes, in two episodes, I'm just realizing I play a person or a voice that eventually they mistake. For something else.

For him. For him, right. The first one I'm banging on the door to say I gotta take a shit while Chelsea Peretti's in the bathroom and Then uh and I guess I bail like she's taking too long So I just like leave and he's just still standing there Yeah, and then she comes out and thinks it's him and then the other one was a strip club DJ That's what they played today. That was today with Robin Williams. Yeah, Robin. Did you meet him?

We got to make amends even for an argument. You know, we were in He was nice that time dude. He came to the cellar a few years before that, when I was there every night. And I went on towards the end, and he was off the wagon, he was hammered. Came in with his, you know, remember this night? This was a pretty big story, like, there. He came in with his, when he was, like, the nanny,

he was with the nanny, he was fucking, or maybe it was his wife at that point. And they came in, they got hammered at the cellar. when he was like the nanny, he was with the nanny, he was fucking, or maybe it was his wife at that point, and they came in and they got hammered at the cellar, hammered, and he, and I was on stage and he was doing this to a bunch of comics, he was like trying to interfere with their set, almost like jumping, stepping on punch lines and stuff,

and it was really weird and awkward. And when I went on stage, I was just like a little shitty, but at one point I was like, hey dude, you're already Robin Williams, can you not fucking, I'm not Billy Crystal, dude. I don't know what happened, it's back and forth, I'm Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg. And when I went outside, I was like,

I think I'm gonna punch Robin Williams in the face. And then outside Steve and Big Daddy Steve were like, nah, relax, relax, relax. And I was like, I think I'm gonna punch Robin Williams in the face. And then outside Steve and Big Daddy's, he was like, nah, relax, relax, relax. And I was like, fuck that guy. And they were like, dude, he's out of it. And then they had to put him in a car that night. Like someone had to put him in a car, he was so fucked up. And then he got clean again, like right after that.

It'd be so great if you punched Robin Williams in the face. It would have been a great story. But he doesn't have any recollection of that night or what he did to me at all. He moved on probably moments later, but it stuck with me ever as a fuck Robin Williams. And then when I saw him on the thing, he was just like, hi, it's nice to meet you.

And I was like, all's forgiven. I'm over the whole thing, honestly. You're Robin Williams, this is crazy. Probably one of the nicest guys I've ever met in the business. Well, when he's sober and not fucking two knuckles deep into his dumb nanny. I met him one time at the cellar and the next time he came back I was down in the hallway.

He goes, hey Robert. And I was like, what? He's like, Robert, right? I was like, yeah. I go, you remember? He's like, yeah, yeah. How's it going? I'm like, good. How are you? He's like, I'm great. Good to see you. I was like, I was like- I've been thinking about getting into jerking off and hanging myself. Do you think I should do that? And Bobby was like, yeah, man, whatever gets you through the day, man. He came in one night with Colin, it was me, Keith, Norton, and Colin,

and he came in and sat down and he went into Robin Williams mode. Might have been when he was drunk out. Hey, hey, hmm, yeah, oh Bobby, got a bald head. But he started doing that to Colin, and we were laughing so hard, he kept going, making fun of Colin. Colin got so pissed, he was gonna punch him in the face.

Oh, Colin Quinn, oh, tough crowd, it's a tough crowd, ooh. And we were, howling. I read the news, oh, hey, oh. Ooh, I mumbled, I mumbled, I mumbled. Colin was like, all right, buddy, okay. Colin Williams was the opposite of funny. He was all right. Nope, never any point. Was he very, very funny?

Jay, was that the night where they had to carry him out? Yeah. Like, everybody took a limb? They put him in a car, yeah. He was obliterated. So he was in the audience, and then people just grabbed his arm, his other arm, his leg. I think when the show was over, I

was towards the end of the show. I always went second to last or last. But they lifted him out. They had to put him in a car, yes. I think he was funny when he hosted things. No. Yes, when he just did stupid silly shit. Like what, that's all it was was stupid silly shit.

I don't think his standup was that funny, but I think his uh. And then you go around the corner, there's a black guy there, hey my man, what it be looking like? And then there's a gay guy going oh to tell and something something and sizzle sauce and everything So silly sassy silly and then the black eye go. Hey, man. What did homo do look around my mind Jack? Jacob does love it Maybe you're right. Maybe wasn't't funny. He fucking... Please.

You were too old for Mrs. Doubtfire, so you didn't appreciate it. Mrs. Doubtfire is legendary. It's a children's movie. Him is a genie in Aladdin, legendary. Children's movie. You're talking about children's movies. He's a good actor. He's a phenomenal actor. When you grew up with Robin Williams, you loved him.

I grew up with him. Morgan Mendy was not funny. He was not funny. Morgan Mendy, for the time. You just watched it. You just watched it because it was on. Happy Days isn't really funny. Um, it was just me knocking on the door. Look at me. What a little catalog I've been a part of. Was that Ben's? Ben's Pizza. That was the most disgusting bathroom in New York City.

It was gross. I took a shit in it once. This is a clip from Louie we're watching. Yeah, this is the pilot episode. He's waiting for her to go to the bathroom. Oh, King in that bathroom was so awful. Oh, these two's in there. Let's go! Come on! We gotta take a big dump out here! Such a great show. You know, hell with it. I'm gonna go in the van? What van? I'm gonna take a shit in the van. And then she's mad at him. That wasn't me.

That was somebody else. And he sounded exactly like you. Where is he? Yeah, anyway, go ahead and take him in the dump. You're the misdirect actor. Could I be Louie? Maybe. Maybe.

Could you be a racist in a box? I'm not a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box.

I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a box. I'm a racist in a minute down. You're the misdirect actor. Could I be Louie? Maybe. Maybe. Could you be a racist in a box? Sure. Sure. Let's see. Here's my impression. I'm gonna whack off on you.

Jacob? Was it like I was right here? Was it like he was here? I got tense. She's that voice. It's like Craig Gass just sort of sounds like Sam Kinnman all the time You look so much like your Z Rock character in that but I thought I mean it was it was later than Z Rock But like not much later. So it's funny. Just have a look. I mean, when did Louie start?

2012 2013 You can look it up. Yeah around there. Yeah, it makes sense. I finished the rock in 2010 You can look it up. Yeah around there. Yeah, it makes sense. I finished the rock in 2010 I miss shows in New York like what the rock I loved. Yeah Before I knew where'd you feel that here, right? Mm-hmm Brooklyn usually and then a second season was in the city They don't film shit like that in here anymore No, I mean it was so far. I mean talk about not knowing anything about I was paid so crazy. Non-union. Can I tell you? Six hundred bucks a week.

And then what season two they gave me, I got two hundred more bucks. Oh, I thought to stay in like feed like wild lines to people. And then they fired me from that. Because six you got eight hundred bucks. Six hundred generally six hundred bucks. And a couple times. Is that legal? You got $800? $600 generally. $600 and a half. $800 a couple times.

Is that legal? Yeah, and then I had to negotiate that they would pay for my parking. How much I got for sex drugs? No. Yes. $10,000 episode. I got $20,000 episode. Really?

Yeah, next year for $25,000. Pretty good. That's pretty good. I was only promised 25 an episode. I was only promised 25 an episode if I got the role of Fat Guy with Fat Girl on This Is Us. Oh, that would have been a good show. But the first contract, you know, you gotta,

I get, I've only been, it happened to me once, but when you get to screen test, you already, you fill out the contract like you got the part, it's very strange. You have to fill out, I've done that a few times. Time card, like a whole thing, like you already have the part, you're signing up. You have a deal, you have the deal,

and then what people don't know too is when you get that money, that's your quote. So any show that you go to next time, they have to start at what you got paid at the last gig. Which can fuck you sometimes. Oh yeah, I bet. Yeah, can fuck you, where it's like, we would love you but we can't pay you.

I wonder what that guy made by the end of the show, the show was so pumped, I'm sure there was a renegotiation heavy. Yeah. I'm sure he didn't get 25 grand for. Back in the day when they did like 23 episodes for a season, like Criminal Minds, there's like 20, what is it, 24?

That's for you, still does that. I mean, you get one of those gigs, which was my dream gig. That was the crazy thing about Supernatural, wasn't Supernatural like 22 episodes every season? 22, 23 episodes, that was my dream, before the bonfire. Yeah, yeah, your new dream?

This is my dream gig. I'm actually one of those key players on this show. I just kind of fit in where I need to fit in. No, not at all. You're Robert Kelly. Yeah, that was my... If you could get one of those shows and then get 100 episodes a few years in there, I mean, you're set for life.

I have to like acting. Yeah, you have to. I love it. I don't. I love being on a set. I love... I hate that particularly. I love the trailer. Not me. The trailer's my nightmare. I love taking naps. Oh, I can't sleep.

Acting is napping and then pretending. I know. And then eating. And then taking more naps. Yeah. And then pretending like you worked hard. If you can't nap, if you're not a napper, they really crawl on you, man.

It really crawls. Well, I like, what's funny was, what I was just doing, because I just hated sitting around, was I would watch them, like, if it was two scenes filmed, three scenes filmed without me from the one I had to do and then the one we're closing on, I wouldn't, like, go sit in my car and I would to do and then the one we're closing on, I wouldn't go sit in my car and I would just watch them

film the stuff just to go like, oh, you should say this, you should say that. And then someone was like, you're writing on this show, oh, that's what it was. They took a goddamn thing I did, it's like free lines, you just get to say whatever you want. And then they'll edit it together and figure it all out. And one of them, the cold open, I made a joke

that was just like off the car. One of the takes they took as a joke. And then it became, that's when someone was like, you should see if you can get some money for that because it ended up being like the plot line of the show. Like a joke I made, which was like the, I shouldn't say the plot line, but like the full run. It was a girl, they were like a pregnant woman woman just came where that woman just came here looking for David

And I was like why so we can get his jacket back or his coat back It was like a mink coat or something. She was wearing a very girly coat And I made a joke like just those the joke I mean I go why because he wanted to get his coat back and Then it was like they thought she was pregnant and saying that he the baby was his and at the end of it came out When she wasn't telling him that she was there to give him his coat back so they took your idea and I was like well that was a joke I made so how am I not writing on the show technically the story arc yeah yeah I'm like that seemed

weird I would just watch the episode so when they came out I didn't know how it was edited so I remember watching I go that's funny they use that joke and then and then when it wraps around later It's like I was just here to give you back your your mink jacket I was like wait a second watching that at home like hold the fuck on Writing room they did that to me on the to to you remember the to to No, it was a Was it like precinct it was called the to, Robert De Niro and his partner show,

CBS. Okay. And like a cop drama, Baywatch cop show, Hot Young, all the rookies type thing. And I was in the pilot and during the, I was just a fucking cop. And the director was like, say something, do something, guys, he's gonna say, the sergeant's gonna say this,

but then, you know, say something. So I was like, some kid said his line, and I was like, all right, Wikipedia, enough out of you. They used that, that got me on the show. They were like, we want you to come back because you're good with improv, we need a guy like you. And that guy, they put him on the show as Wikipedia. That was his nickname.

Really? In the show. His name was Wikipedia. So when you read it in the script, it was like Wikipedia. You got a bigger part, and you named him? And he would actually say shit from, like, you know, facts every week, like he's Wikipedia. I got that guy a gig.

Damn. Yeah. That sucks. No, it was good. We fought. Dude, that was one of the... Fuck that guy. One of the best gigs ever, dude. Just fuck it. I had three lines of show. You like being episodic, dude. I really, that's the thing. You did, like, you've done the run, and it's impressive. I auditioned for all these things. I just didn't get parts, but like, uh,

SVU, criminal intent, regular law and order ever? Yes. Also regular law and order. I believe twice. I've done four law and orders. I believe, uh, criminal intent, SVU. SVU was once.

SVU was once. SVU was once. SVU was once. SVU was once. Also regular Law and Order. I believe twice. I've done four Law and Orders. I believe Criminal Intent, SVU. SVU was once. SVU once, and I did Law and Order, I believe, twice. Regular.

One of them I did twice, I think it was Law and Order, yeah. That's fucking wild. And then it said all these other shows you're saying, like the 2-2. Yeah. I was, once you get, here's the thing, once you get in that, once you get into casting, once you get in that mix, you get, they're just like,

you're solid. You're not wrong. That's literally how I got it, was through auditioning for Louis. No, no, no. It was, I just got the part to play in Crashing. Pete Holmes, he just gave me the part. You mean Louis too? I had me come, yeah. I think they had me come read for something,

but like, and then Louis, I went in and just met with them sort of, and they were like, we're gonna have you do the strip club DJ for this. But Louis was before, Crashing be a strip club DJ for this. But Louis was before, crashing was after Louis. Yes, he was. Yeah, they brought, they did crashing because it was like Louis. No, no, for sure what I'm saying,

but I was in the mix with Pig Newton Productions basically on that. And what made that great was one day we were just in LA out there and they called me and they were like, will you, there was that lady who was like, hey, you wanna play a strip club DJ again in the J.Lo movie? And I was like, what's it gonna audition on tape or something?

They were like, no, no, no. They was like, we've seen you play a strip club DJ before. Like, you wanna just do it again? I was like, sure. So I was like, that's a cool way to get it. Like, uh. The Louis show actually helped me. Like, I would go into casting

and I was actually kind of treated like royalty because I was on that show But when the shit went down with Louie You're a pariah. I was I was part I was part of that thing and they they just shut it down I remember I got one audition out in Brooklyn and I was walking by and They were and I left my I left my bag in the in the hallway down and I came by and the door was open And they were just talking shit about me. And I was like, bye, and they were like, oh, bye. And I was like, ugh.

Yeah. He can get past it for sure in life, Louie, all the stuff that happened, I suppose, and get through it and like, you know, I don't think he's a terrible person by any stretch, and I think a lot of people don't. But does he ever not have the asterisks next to his name, or is it always be?

No, he could get past it because of, everybody knows that what he did isn't what the other people were doing. It doesn't matter. To some people it doesn't matter. I'm saying is there always gonna be that asterisk? Yeah, he could get past it if he put something out. If he did something or released something that-

You have to get several things released before, because the first thing that gets released, it's big, and if it's good and everything, there's still gonna be like, the negative around it. Well, he did a tour, a world tour, and it had no problems. The fans are there, I'm not arguing that, I'm just saying that the fans are there.

I'm saying, are the haters ever gonna be like, when you hear his name, they don't right away go, oh great, another thing for this terrible fucking piece of shit. There's always gonna be someone saying that, that sucks. Those people are gonna be there no matter what. Yeah. But no, I think that if he wanted to do something, a movie,

he would have to fund it, or he would have to do it himself again, and if he put it out, and because he's that good, his stuff he produces is so good, people would be like, this is unbelievable. In Trump's America, you can jerk off on whoever you want. Yeah, not in... That's why I'm voting twice. Last night, you saw it, right?

Oh, I saw it. It was like a roast battle. It was, uh, it was pretty good. She's ugly, and he's dumb. She went like this. This is funny. It was like a roast battle. It was pretty good. She's ugly and he's dumb. She went like this. This is funny. It was so weird not to have an audience. And then it was dead silence when they walked out.

And she walked up and she goes, I'm Kamala Harris. And he was like, hi. Then he went, good luck. I was like, what? Good luck. What the fuck is good? Have fun. No, did he say have?

Oh, he said, have fun. You have fun. Have fun. He went, have fun. It's like, what the fuck is good? Have fun. Did he say have fun? Oh, he said have fun. Have fun. Have fun. He went, have fun. It's like, what the fuck is going on, man? He's a weirdo. And his face, he's so unlikable.

He listens to the show, though. He's so crazy unlikable, but I will. You think so? I think he's a Bonfire fan. Why is that? And I feel bad, because I misdirected him with my crackle crackle with my crackle crackle. I miss I miss Dan Bobby's. All right. I like Bobby. Love the new show. But his hair looks fantastic.

He he he actually talked about maybe yesterday. We talked about the Ohio fucking Haitians. Oh, yes. Yeah. He brought that up as fact. They're eating pets. It turns out. And I apologize. I apologize to the fans,

I didn't do my research either. Apparently, apparently I set Trump up for a big stinker last night, because that's not, there's no facts around that. I think they might have just took a couple people saying, they're eating fucking dogs. Yeah, I hear they're eating people's pets. The cats are missing.

He didn't back down though, it was awesome. I love it. That was a good bait for her, I'd say, more than anything else, but here's what, I hear they're eating people's pets the cats are missing. He didn't That was a good bait for her I'd say more than anything else, but here's what isn't it funny Could the world be more summed up the United States right now be more summed up than this because she got the big endorsement From Taylor Swift last night Which is the big deal because the does she mobilize a bunch of 18 year old girls who couldn't have given a shit about politics and the answer is very much maybe or Does Kid Rock still keep the middle this country engaged the United States has come down to really Taylor Swift versus Kid Rock

That's our actual election. It's happening right now. Yeah The Swifties versus the Rockheads, I think he's gonna lose if the Rockettes Don't forget Hulk Hogan Oh, yeah, the Hulksters also over there Yeah But if we're going by just like musical like who's like the iconic musical person there Taylor Swift kid rock that's the closest He's got kid rock has 1.3 million followers and Taylor Swift has 283 Okay, hang on but consider this 280 million of those followers are children

I don't know everybody gave it a lot of thought I was just more making a joke Seems like you're giving some bad facts. OK, so let's cut it in half and call it 141 million followers. Well, they were going to vote for her anyway. Did you think I was taking the jump on that Kid Rock was possibly doing better than the Taylor Swift? No. Is that what you were, were you fact-checking to make sure

that maybe, oh, OK. That's fact-checking, correct. Christine threw all of us over. You're like, that does make sense. OK, so he's only got one point and she's got 283. Okay. All right So just is so fucking unlikable. What's kid rock? Shut the fuck up. Dare you Bobby? Are you ready your mind? Bob oh, yeah, is he despicable because there's a picture of him hanging around a despicable I said unlikable and I didn't say he was rude or mean or untalented. He was rude and mean to me and I still like him.

He doesn't like us. And I love him. He just doesn't like my cigar choices. And I got the Hemingway so next time we do meet, I'm prepared. Mr. Rock. Bobby. Bob. I got a whole box of them. No, no. We're going to be friends with Kid Rock for this day.

I don't give a fuck who wins the election. I want to be friends with Kid Rock. I want to pick him up You know what if Kamala Harris wins, I want to be there to pick up the pieces of Kid Rock and put them back together Dude, you're the fucking you're the cowboy dude. What are you doing? I would rather shoot guns with Kid Rock than hang out with Taylor Swift. You're the early morning stoned pimp Yeah, Taylor Swift, but she might genuinely mobilize. I saw Tim Dillon. People make a difference, I think.

Tim posted this with the bougie cat and he said the cat's voting for Trump. Cat looks like Tim Dillon. The cat looks like Tim's cat. That's so funny. Yeah. Taylor Swift endorsement. She's actually, she's in the lead today by a hair,

but everybody's saying that she took it it last night and I watched what is the value of those dumb numbers? She just moved a little bit ahead like in what in the polls But like what what does that mean those are people who say I want to vote for her I mean, we really have no idea. They just go. Oh, it's head-to-head. They're pulling a little bit ahead now. And fictitious, do you know what I mean? You're saying right now, it's like, oh, 50% of America thinks this team's gonna win this week, and it's just, it's ridiculous, it means nothing. We'll see.

Well, we will see. I mean, Hillary Clinton was ahead, was supposed to win, it was supposed to be her. That's almost my point I'm saying. I'm like, that's the big point of it, was Hillary Clinton was ahead, was supposed to win, it was supposed to be her. That's almost my point I'm saying. I'm like, that's the big point of it, was Hillary Clinton, that night was boring. I was like, this is gonna be a boring night. Hillary Clinton's gonna run away.

Everyone's so stoked for the first female president. This is gonna be an amazing thing. And then she got trounced at the end. Here's the problem, is people are afraid to say they're gonna vote for Trump. When they do it, they're gonna do it at the last minute, sneaky. Not Noam.

Noam's pretty self-stubborn. I don't know if he's gonna vote for Trump. You think he's gonna vote for Trump? What? He's a Democrat. Democrat with money. Don't forget the Jew part. Oh, you said money.

You think Noam's not gonna vote for Trump? You're friends with him, right? I'm very- You're very close with Noam? Very close with Noam. And you are unaware if he's into Trump. I Don't know. He's a he's a you know, he's an enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a rubik's cube. That's a good impression I love your Joe Pesci. God, that wasn't it. He's a father the fucking Jew guy is an enigma He's a fucking puzzle wrapped in a fucking rubik's cube with mac and cheese on top. You can't throw me out.

Estes a monster and Gnomes a hardcore trumper. She is not a fucking... Dude, she's fucking a nice lady, dude. What's good for you is good for you. What's good for me is good. A nice lady. The fucking end of people at A. I think...

I don't know. Estes a nice lady. I should be on a T-shirt. She's a... You're a piece of shit. I don't talk about your club like that. She's a nice lady. What club? The stands? Shit a piece of shit. I don't talk about your club like that. She's nice lady

What club the stands? Dumb fat Chris Italia Jay's mall we lost the good one Fucking wrong kid died. My lord. That should be a documentary. Well yeah, it has to have an ending to it first. The Kimowitz, we're talking about my manager getting murdered. It's such a weird...

I'm surprised somebody hasn't done one of those internet sleuth things. I'll tell you exactly why. There's no resolution. Nothing's happened. He's just sitting in jail. Like there's no trial yet. Bananas. How long has it been? Can I ask you a question? Because I wasn't, of course, as close to Kimberlitz.

I loved Kimberlitz. Sure, sure. I mean, one of the good guys in the business, anytime I saw him, I was like sad because I knew the other one was behind him. But. But. Hey, Bob.

Well, if the other one was in front of him, you wouldn't know Dave was there. That's true. Or the son. But he, the babysitter, he went home, the babysitter's there, the babysitter's boyfriend came there. I don't know, so.

Isn't that a weird, like what, why? So, what happened? No, it'll be, listen, I think one day it will be, like, one of those true crime stories for sure. I don't know if they have his interrogations or what, but, uh, the nanny had broken up with the boyfriend. But she had given him a key, unbeknownst to anybody in the family, when she was told not to do that.

Was he the Puerto Rican dude? Yeah. Her boyfriend, Colombian. You know that your girlfriend, your daughter's boyfriend, that's his brother, right? You know they're related? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. But I know that your girlfriend, your daughter's boyfriend, that's his brother, right? You know they're related? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool.

But I know the brother of the guy who killed Natalie Holloway. He's a great dude, too. Yeah, brothers, siblings don't always turn out the same way. That's true. But he, yeah, so Dave was celebrating, they were doing Patrick's birthday or a year at the stand or something. It was Patrick's birthday.

It was right after Montreal. Right, Patrick's birthday, and he at the stand or something. It was Patrick's birthday. It was right after Montreal. Right. Patrick's birthday and he stayed with his family all the way. Was that right after I got that awesome pic of all of us? Yeah. No, I think that was a year before actually. I don't know.

I think that was that year. For the story, let's just say it was that year. It makes it better. Yeah. It was. You got terrified. I thought there was something wrong with the equipment. No.

No. We can't fix this equipment. No, Paco's face came in the door. No, I know, but Paco's here to set up new equipment. This equipment's beyond fixing. There's no way to fix it. No one knows. Every time somebody comes in there, they just sit next to Lou and watch Lou and then nothing happens different.

It's pretty fantastic. It's working now. Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine now. So what were you saying? I'm sorry for interrupting. So Dave went home and his family had gone, thank God, like the whole family, yeah, it's a very close family.

Kim went to his family there. So they all went, all the kids and everybody went down to the shore, and Dave was just staying behind that night, and he's going down the next morning. He went home, the nanny had her own room, they had like a nanny room downstairs. They have a sex room. Uh, sure.

Dave went up to bed, guy came in and he wanted to like torture and kill the girl who dumped him so he just killed Dave to like, just so he wouldn't get interrupted. And he stabbed. But if the kids and everybody was home, like everybody, I mean maybe he found out that it was just Dave or something somehow, but if I assume if he would have went in there and the whole family was there, he would have just gone nuts and like killed everybody. Was he stabbed like a bunch of times or once? The cop won't say.

You won't say. The cop came out and the thing in the cop, what did he write? It was something nutty. He was like in the article, he goes to the police officer, he goes, I don't want to explain what I saw in that room. I've just, I hope I never have to think about it again. Fuck. Yeah. It was terrible. And thank God, I mean, just really thank God

the family wasn't there. Yeah, and thank God Adam Berg's wife gave a speech at the living room. Oh, God damn, that was so funny. That was great, too. That was so funny. She's like, when I started in comedy. Look, she sat down like a Patrice.

As I started out as a young girl in comedy, one name sticks out to me, Dave Kimmelitz. I just remember I was standing next to Ari, I think you, and it was like, someone went, what the fuck is happening? He didn't get tried already. How is it possible he didn't get tried already and sent away forever?

COVID, everything pushed off. Yeah, I think there were like 21 counts and he pled guilty to like six counts and then not guilty and then they tried to change it where he was then trying to make it out like it was a crime of passion, but all of the forensics show that that's not true, that Dave was in bed alone and she was downstairs. So it's become, it's been, five years ago this happened. It's crazy.

Five years, guys just sitting there. That's why I'm never getting a nanny. I just wish Jersey had the death penalty. I wish he had the death penalty. I wish he had the death penalty. I wish he had the death penalty. It's become it's been a five years ago. This happened. It's five years guys just sitting there That's why I'm never getting a nanny. I just wish Jersey had the death penalty What I tell you that's me that my manager when my manager one time got off the phone me very quickly my Adam my manager now And it's cuz he didn't want to tell me in the moment. He was interviewing nannies You know that I'm like buddy. I'm gonna get a nanny, I get it. Let's assume it's not gonna happen with all nannies.

What if it happened twice? Oh, can you imagine? Oh, God. What did happen to the nanny? She got away. She told me he tortured her for a few hours, and then at one point she had gotten away and got out front, and then he tackled her

on the front of the house and finished stabbing her. He made her watch Joe Maddarese's special Yeah, fucking guys it her's last thing and that's when she broke free and got out. I can't I can't I get it You're Italian. Please stop This is snap the chair Okay, now you're gonna see now. I'm about two picks in eyelids, and you are going to watch Joe Mallory's entire catalog. The entire catalog. And then you're going to listen to his podcast.

She goes, I'd rather die. Well, that's sad. Yeah, that's gonna be interesting when that comes out, because the trial, all the information's gonna come out. Yeah, I think he admitted it right away when he got caught. They got him at Newark airport getting on a plane. Fuck. Yeah, his mom was helping him out of the country.

His mom was trying to get him out of town. Who I have forgiven since in my mind. Why? The mom? Yeah. My mom. If I slaughtered Christine, my mother would try to get me out of the country.

She loves Christine. Do you know what I mean? Like, my mom's like my mom, she won't. I mean, she'd probably be like, are you sure you don't just want to turn yourself? You know what I mean? But like, if I was like, mom, I gotta get out of here, she's like, she's not gonna tell on me.

My mom would. Really? But he's in the basement. No. You have the blow mom. Yeah, that's the mom from Blow. You're not gonna bring this garbage into my house. I knew he didn't do it. He's not sober

He pretended like he had his shit together, but he doesn't he should have been a hairdresser like me Dawn's a fucking bad influence Don't the problem. Yeah, she'd wrap me out in a second your mother really. Yeah, fuck you. No, not you DJ Lou your mom No way. She's on my side. DJ Lou, your mom? No way. She's on my side. She bury a body with you? Yeah, she's not with us, but she was on my side.

I should call my mom. What do you think? Christine, would your dad help you bury a body? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I'm wrong. Hmm. Jacob.

I don't think he'd tell my stepmom, but he'd help me. Would your family help you out of the country if you committed a vicious murder? I'd like to think so. But maybe not. Maybe not. Damn.

Which one turns on you first? Which one turns on you first? Maybe you should turn yourself in. My father would probably turn on me for money. How much? If he could offer to money. 500? No.

Just some press. If you broke my dad off, she broke my dad off six figures. Six figures? Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know, can I be honest? He turned on me.

What's six figures? Like a mil? 100 grand. 100 grand, okay thanks. How about, A mil's seven. Ma? Ma?

Do you think you can't see me? Oh it's hilarious, it's a voicemail. Yeah Ma. Oh, it's hilarious. It's a voicemail. And she turned me she can't even answer the phone when I call. Yeah. Well, she can help you out of the country. She doesn't want to talk to you. She's she's cutting some old lady's hair right now. My guy got the country. Finally.

I'm dying. Mrs. McGreevey's had. I'll call you back. I remember saying that that's the scene that movie blow. That's what stood out to me so much when I watched that, to like, you gotta... Black Lou, make sure you go to the lobby until we have him in. You got it. Because there's gonna be a walk right into the studio moment. And I hate that.

Jay doesn't like that. Um... It's weird. Yeah. Fucking... It's coming, hey, Odie, you guys guys on air and then we have a whole weird fucking moment It must suck on your end Lou. You hate it. There's a protocol. There's a protocol protocol Go through the protocol go through the fucking protocol Act like you've been to the party. There's your Ari

Shane Shane Edie Falco Falco also has that kind of pull with us. Yeah, she does now. Yeah, for sure. Who doesn't? But that scene, when I saw that movie in the theater, that scene resonated with me so much because I just thought right away, I'm like, whoa, dude, my mom, no way. Especially with the crimes that he was up for.

Yeah. Just like high level drug dealing. No way my mom would be like, it's immoral. I'm calling the police on you. My mom, Ma, you there? Hello, you've reached Cathy. She hates me. I tell you what, can I tell you something?

By the way, her answer machine is a fucking prank without her even knowing it. Hello, you've reached Kathy. When I got arrested for the first time when I was going to, I was 13, in court, going to jail. Hate crime? No, not hate crime. Unarmor robbery, assault and battery, military destruction, trespass and break of probation. I was on probation. Burning down a church?

Nope. Synagogue? Nope, robbing a pizza place. That's pretty good. But I was going to jail. And the judge, because I was so young, he was like, listen, first offense, I'm going to make his bail. They make your bail this much, but all you have to pay is this much type thing. So it wound up being $10.

Really? $10. Jesus. So they brought my bail down from, I don't know, there's $10,000 to $10 bucks or whatever the figure was. It was $10. My uncle had $2,500 cash on him to get me the fuck out. And she was like, no.

Let him stay. Yeah, because she went in and saw a judge a month before and she goes, what do I, she came in with all my, I used to make bongs, because I loved weed so much, I used to make my own bongs, I used to steal vases and shit and sit there and just carve holes, and I made all kinds, I made a bong out of a pool stick that was awesome, you could just stick it in the ground and spin it,

and it was awesome. She took all my paraphernalia and brought it to the judge. Oh, jeez. And she's like, what do I do? And he's like, let him go through the system. That's your enemy. Yeah, she let me, I had to go downstairs. She was, he goes, it's $10.

And she goes, I'm not, she was crying. Cath. She was crying and he was like, you're not gonna pay it. She's like, no. He goes, all right, take him away. Took me downstairs to the jail cell and I was fucking crying, dying, because I'm going away.

I don't even know where I'm going, but I'm going away from. And you can almost assume when you get there, you're gonna be aggressively raped by every man there. Yeah, it was kids. Probably the biggest kid. The sweetest fruit, dude. That was back like when, boys, that type of shit.

Like so she came down, they let her come down to the jail cell and she was crying her eyes out. She was like, Bobby, I'm sorry I had to do this. It was hard and I was like, I just looked at her and I just kept going, why? And I was crying, I'm like, why, why? And she's like, it's because you have to go through, and I just started doing pushups.

She's not wrong. She's not wrong. Listen, I don't think my mom was above the, again, no long term repercussion, learn your lesson. Do you know what I mean? I had the beggar, I tell you, when I went to that school, when I went to summer school and was officially the only white kid there,

and I got fucked with the second I got out of her car... What did they do? First, no one would... I recognized a few people from my school. That's why you're so good at saying laundry later in life. Yeah, yeah. You had a lot of laundry at this school. Very little soap.

Um... Uh... But, yeah, so I went... at this school. Very little soap. But yeah, so I went they were they were they would like talking to people I knew would like were almost giving me like I remember John Walden, one kid did the cut signal when I was like, John, what's up, man? And I just know him from my school. And he was like, no, I'm not going to be the guy who's talking to the one white kid here.

Oh, shit. And I'll say, all right. And they told me my class didn't I was like just getting man, I'm not gonna be the guy who's talking to the one white kid here. No shit. And I was like, alright, and then they told me my class, I was just getting the side-eyed a lot, and then they told me my class that I was in wasn't starting for an hour still. When I went inside, and I was like, oh well, can I stay in here and go, no you can't be in the school if you're not in a class. So I was like, I don't wanna go wait outside,

it's just bad out there, and they were like, you can do whatever you want, but you can't be in the school. So I called my mom, I was like, I don't want to go like wait outside It's just like bad out there and they were like you do whatever you want, but you can't be in the school So I called my mom. I Think mom can we just go to like breakfast or something like it's go to a diner real quick Just come get me cuz I don't have to be back here for like an hour and a half or something She goes, okay, but wait on the curb because like I'm not stopping there for long because of all the laundry laundry and Jump in.

It was just particularly a shitty neighborhood part where Overbrook High School was. And I was like, uh, so I went outside and what I was waiting for, like a car pulled up and a guy like grabbed my shirt, like pulled me in like the window over a girl. Like there was a girl in the passenger seat and he grabbed me and pulled me over girl.

And he had two friends in the back, and he just goes, you have any money? And I went, uh-uh. And he goes, you're gonna have some tomorrow though, right? And I went, uh-huh. And he goes, and you're gonna have some for me every day for the rest of the summer, right? And I went, uh-huh.

And then he let me go and laughed and drove off, and I sat there with a tear welling up in my eye when my mom pulled up and she got in the car and I was just like, I can't go back there. Someone's gonna kill me, he says, I don't bring in money every day. And then I went to some different thing for the summer. She put you in another school?

Yeah. Oh, good mom. Eventually, yeah. My mom let me. Not even eventually, the next day. No, I came back, it was a hundred bucks, which was a lot No, no, no, no, it was a hundred hours to go to this thing. It was another school But it was like a room. It was like a storefront somewhere and it was run by a guy I told you this before I think jigger. He had like 18 Like titles and monikers was like dr. Reverend

Something something Brown Esquire, DDS, CPA. He had a thousand things and whatever you were there for, my buddy John went there too. He was going there from the get-go, that's how I even knew about it. My mom was like, no, fuck that, you're going to go to Overbrook. I was like, all right. And she didn't put me in this thing. Whatever you were there for, whatever class, you just sat in this one class for like two hours a day,

and he taught you nothing about any scholastics at all. It was the hierarchy of the mafia and how that's run. This is great. It was so much more fun than doing it. Me and my buddy John just sitting there, and he's like, I remember that line. He was like, that's where the first place I heard it was, Dr. Martin Luther DDS, fuckin'

Reverend Mr. He goes thinking about the John Gotti. He goes, John Gotti go to jail, home off he fall apart. You see, you cut the head off the snake, snake dies. And I was like, what a cool fuckin' line that is. My mom just walked out and I was doing pushups crying by myself. I don't even care.

But I think my mom would like, she'd try to convince me to do the right thing if I killed somebody and went on the run, she would try to convince me to do the right thing, but she would absolutely like not be the person who would turn me in. You're absolutely right though, in the long run, what she did was right because I'm the only friend, out of all those kids that I hung out with.

It's either alive or not in jail. They're all dead or, yeah, in jail. I mean, every single one of them. I believe it. Just fucked up, still on drugs or fucked up jail or dead. My best friend actually killed himself back then. That one guy. And they all got away and all the other mothers were there,

and they were calling my mom a fucking bitch. Because you wouldn't pay for your kid, you fucking bitch. It's the right move. Honestly, on a smaller level like that, it's like, go experience the shit. You know what I mean? It's like, no, you fucked up,

you can't be saved. So I think my mom would definitely do like, mom, if you gotta come get me and give $50 or I have to go see the judge in the morning or something, she'd be like, you're gonna see the judge in the morning. I'm not coming and putting $50. Like, you fucked up, what are you doing? Absolutely, me going through that shit

probably saved me years on the, I hit my bottom way quicker than I would've. Well that's, my mom's the one, I tell you, the girl that I lied and said I had sex with in high school, I told a guy that I did because he was grilling me, and it made me feel like I was being a lame person if I wasn't, even though we were children.

And she found out that I'd said it. Didn't just take it like, tell people that's not true. It became like a parents involved situation. I called in the principal with my mom and the guy was like, if he's gonna be expelled or he has to go make a public apology in the auditorium. You had to do it in the, like a fucking Adam Sandler movie?

In a suit. You had to get a suit? A husky. Oh, I wish there was iPhones back then. It was gray. It would be such a hit TikTok video. Just some chubby kid in a suit. I'm sorry.

I had to go tell the school. Some nasally chubby kid. Fat kid. Husky. What would you give to have a video of that today? I'd kill. I'd kill for it. My mother, but I remember.

But how confident I was when the- Can we recreate that at Skankfest? How confident I was when my mother goes, you know what, we should talk, we'll talk about this with our guests. We'll talk about it with our guests when they come in, because I know we gotta take a break. We gotta take a break, we're going way long.

We went way long, everybody. We got like seven reads, right, Lou? You got one. One this hour and then the other six the next hour? We'll make it good and we'll see if we get more. Wow. Oh, that really hurt. Yeah.

There's a bunch coming. No, that hurt though, the way you said that. He used to do them better and we will get more. Are we bad at them? I mean, listen, I used to be, but I feel like I've stepped up my game. You did great yesterday. Is it because I called?

How many has one day that I did good? Is it because I keep referring to the players on prize picks his laundry Oh, yeah, we're not gonna get more. Well, this is not the commercial yet. No. All right. Well, let's take a break