The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Against Society (feat. Rachel Feinstein)

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Rachel Feinstein joins the The Bonfire to chat about Dan's anger issues and becoming a mother.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle   

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson. And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to seriesXM.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Back to the talk, Series XM 103. I'm Dan Soder, that's Big J. Okreson.

Our guest is going to be at Caroline's on Broadway August 5th through the 7th Get tickets to Caroline's calm. It's Rachel Feinstein. Just dancing like a real big idiot Happy you were able to get out of bed today is probably crushed by the news of the passing of the drummer from slipknot at 46 years old, right peacefully to sleep. Also I hate to tell you this because I know you're a big ZZ Top fan, Rachel, but I just found out that Dusty Hill, the bassist of ZZ Top passed away. So all of your musical heroes are dying.

We know you're a big Slipknot and ZZ Top fan. Yeah. You picked a weird day to wear joyful colors. You know what, I'm in a fun-loving mood despite all the death around us. Yeah. The world is just soaked with death. Here I am in a sprightly sundress. You are.

You're really putting it out there, Rachel. Now, one of my favorite stories is a lot of your stories are dating a frontman of a band, but we yesterday on the show talked about Woodstock 99. Did you go or did you have any, did you, have you seen the documentary number one? I have seen the documentary. I did not go. I, I know we went over my time with living with Dick's sister. Yes. I know we went over my time with living with Dick's sister, you know, me, and I've been with a couple of guys

in worthless, humiliating bands. I was in it with another guy in a band called The End Is Near. And I got it. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, dude, that's pretty awesome. Right? What's the word? I dated a guy in a band called Against Society.

Yes, dude. I love, I love angsty names of bands that don't go anywhere was the words written in like metal Like the yeah, yeah, there's bolts in them I had their first either first two albums. Yeah, dude. I like the early stuff the end is near Either first two albums. Yeah, dude. I like the early stuff the end is near Always picking a strong stance and good society and I respect that but I'm too full of fear to take it You know, I want to say it, but it's too big of a swing for me Yeah, Rachel's Wi-Fi is so terrible No, it was working for a little bit, but now you just look like you're in a Kung Fu movie where we're talking to you

No, it was all right. It was working for a little bit But now you just look like you're in a Kung Fu movie where we're talking to you I want you my brothers house to fix my Wi-Fi. Let me Guys, let me sign off and sign on again because I don't want this to happen again It's gonna mess my reputation up with Lewis. Oh my god. Yeah God you can sign out and sign back on it. We'll say that yeah sign outside back in it or probably it'll work It'll probably work that's why I come here is because we've had Wi-Fi problems. Man, that's one of the being to be the great things about being back in studio is just when people walk in a room and you're like, you don't have to worry about everything. Commercial break, I don't have to walk off camera to go fart. Yeah, everyone

I've tried to talk to a friend. It's like the Princess Leia message through R2-D2. Yeah, you're early. You're early, Ho. Rachel can Oby,-D2. Yeah, you're early, huh? You're early, huh? Rachel can Oby be safe. Rachel, you're gonna be at Caroline's August 5th through the 7th. Rachel, you're gonna be at Caroline's August 5th through the 7th. It just keeps looping. Yeah, it's looped on. What do you think it means?

Is that a good C-3PO? That was pretty good. It wasn't good at all. Stop it! You're beating yourself up because Joey George's instead, and then you found out about dusty Hill I was down to man. What's the point? Oh, I had to go to that retirement home in the sky They got a lot of old bitty's ready to fuck out there

Now meeting job I went to my leave just saw and it goes to the pearly gates. Guess what? Jesus was black, y'all. And when you see your family members, yeah, there's a lot of people that owed your money. You realize you can't believe it, that you're Uncle Dave, got to heaven, you're gonna get to date it. Hitless here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ceezy top go down When you die and you see the golden gates, oh, that's gonna be a couple surprises. Oh, they let in Mussolini Well, I noticed that Jimmy Hendrix isn't here, but Frank Sinatra is y'all Oh my god, oh my god, heaven's racist. Oh my god, heaven's

separate for white some blacks. Oh, ha, ha. You know, I just saw a son on the gates of pearly heaven that says no white t-shirts and you can wear unlacedzed timbulans they get sense of message ain't looking to make up here Oh No, Paul the Reakings. I know backwards baseball Do rags not welcome. I just say it heaven. You got a lot of races policies. Yeah, don't doubt God will the racist Yeah, it's policies yeah Don't doubt God will the racist Dude what a great way of having it If Rachel just skunks us and doesn't show back up it would be really funny

That's a great way to get out of this doing a radio show We got our plug-in Alpski And then hangs up she's like It's fucking idiots Fucking idiots are gonna plug me at Caroline's August 5th through the 7th of their whole show. Go to carelines.com for tickets,

it's probably what they're saying. There's probably gonna be a lot of funny stories told there. It's probably gonna be a two drink minimal. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're gonna spend a lot of money on Times Square. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha. I'll take the train in, cause I heard parking is a nightmare. Yeah, that junior is cheesecake. It's a lot of people

Yeah, but not the guy. So now there's just a beard and the guy named beard. Do they do they shave his beard off when he dies to see what his face look like? It's interesting quite no. He's they're putting them down with that beard. Do you think that is that what they light on fire for is Viking funeral? I'll tell you what though if you wanted to see what I think if you were a Lorna. Yeah, or whatever or you know a medical examiner something you could Definitely shave his beard and then because those beards look like the ones you just put over your beard. Oh, the fake ones. Yeah, fake beards. It's like a fake elf beard.

Yeah, put a fake beard on him and just take a look underneath what looks, I bet that skin is baby-ass soft. Yeah, you think that beard? I do. Yeah, underneath that beard. For sure. Rachel, you're with us again.

Oh my God, my brother just went into his kids' room and was like, everybody off-screed time and they all started screaming. Right, that's so funny. We just ruined a bunch of kids having fun. Yeah, my nephew's like, I was a level seven dad. I'll never be a level seven again. Oh my God.

Well, your aunt Rachel has to go plug her weekend at Caroline's with a couple stoners so let her I'll never get to level seven again is such a thing and we know it's funny Rachel I don't know if you can understand how much me and Dan appreciate that we're like damn Rachel we would have just said your dates man yeah, let the kids on level seven. What if he doesn't get there again? Let the kid go. I think he's got a lot of issues with remembering socially that people aren't necessarily interested in the game because he tries to talk to all the other kids about the game. Like he'll be like talking to a girl at school to be like, see, the thing about level seven is

that you know, after you've called the dragon, you're going to get the princess, but there's that weird tote thing that you have to fight first my brothers like you know people don't always want to talk about that Buddy, yeah, and if they don't by the way you could tell when someone someone's aged through their video game references She just describes only things from the original Mario princess I said over here going is a third person or first person I don't even know what's going on. Rachel said it up a little bit more.

We have never played a video game. I've done voices on Grand Theft Auto and people care about that more than anything else I've done. I feel such a low grade depression when I even see a man playing a video game in a room. I just don't relate. Yeah. Dan, you have wild fights over video games, right? Like you know, I mean, not while fights I've gotten angry over video games. Yeah. Yeah. I've definitely

no, it's not a fight. She doesn't hit him back. Yeah. It's it's usually a real Mike Tyson 88, you know, I walk her down, but she'll start finding out walk behind the couch when you're passing through the living room. Yeah. So learn. I actually get more in trouble with Katie because she plays video games and I'll come in there, I'll bound in there being like, her this thing happened and she's like, I'm in the middle of a... So, Dan, I was on level seven,

I'll never get to level seven again. I go, you will, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You ruined my whole life. Did it be funny? I'm like, that's a woman in every movie, every romantic comedy That's the fun girl the guy really wants is the one that's just like

I can go down and down and I'm just like Yeah, I'm a fan of it You know what I don't like is women that are 70 on the inside Like you Rachel that put thumbs down to video games What do you want to sew? What's your time? What's your good time, huh? Just having some sun tea getting in. I've been Rachel.

I'm in a tank with the guys, they're fucking against me. Yeah. Girl plays video games. That's not what a lady does. A lady doesn't play video games. A lady sits in listens. Dan does not.

No, but a Rachel. But a Rachel for that. You came. I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm going glad 80 plays video games you can fight for her right to party you I think actually She's incredibly lovely. She's gonna fight you now. I'm gonna get her hyped up. She's coming for you I don't want to fight her because she's like Boston. She's from Boston and she's gonna fucking cut you You ready to get fucking cut? Watch Rachel just drop Katie,

and then it's awkward between us for the rest of the time in the comedy. Or I'm like, hey, you guys know that Rachel's got a devastating overhand, right? Rachel's level of ball, Rachel's level of ball bus because you guys have been friends for a long time. Oh, yeah.

Close friends, and I have always been, I was like, oh, nothing romantic ever. And it would be impossible, Rachel. I think knowing both your personalities, you would have zero respect for everything Dan loves. Video games, professional wrestling, milk with dinner. I think these are all things that you would have like, she's already discussed it. She's already

Let me get some of the other things down like Stressing. Oh my god. He put it for honest to god I'm sure you feel comfort when you have a problem you like to just Sobs some ranch on something help. I swear to you if you put floor. I didn't he brushes teeth with it I love it. He loves it that much And also toss a little hot sauce in there. And what is this? Is it taco night? Why do we have a flavor grant?

You know, I didn't put product in my hair today and I just was having a natural bowl cut with a jerk off, I love like. You have an extra rough look today. You look like a little like, you've kind of got, you're super bad boy. You're extra naughty today. Oh yeah, a little violet in my hair

Little low hookers. You're worth it. Jay woke up and chose violence. I chose violence today. He's just that bad ass I feel to say dance speaking of Dan and I not dating Dan's descriptions of me. I might say this in the last time, but I feel like it's dating, Dan's descriptions of me, I might have said this in the last time, but I feel like it's worth repeating. Dan's descriptions of roles that I should play when you guys were writing on that comedy central pilot of mine, or some of the most devastating things I've ever heard to myself,

is Dan would be like every sketch, whatever you think about yourself or how you think men see you Dan would really knock me down. He'd be like, okay, so in this in this sketch, you're a Thrice divorce real estate agent from Tampa, okay, and you have a lot of anger issues and you're crying. Yeah. Dude, I'm sorry, I tried to make, I tried to give you, yeah, you're lonely in a Walmart with matching colors, sweat pants and sweatshirt. All right I go I go fade in a bedroom and all your magnets are there that say box wine is my juice box

You've just hurt your seventh kid Fade in fade into you bear mattress. I got the shakes. It's another episode of your DTs I'm sorry that I tried to give your pilot a little gravitas Believe he believes in your ability to stretch it. That's what he likes He likes to sell you can really drop there and explore some new. I was giving you an entire playground to play with These description was darker more painful. He's like this is it. This is Rachel. Yeah, you're a woman who has a woman It's dancing alone in a dive bar. Yeah, you have your period always Oh, just constantly have your period. You are just leaking all the time and

And this character this girl's her personality reflects it. Well, it's so funny is like the two differences when I wrote on both the Rachel's pilots, I would in the morning have coffee. So I'd just be very energetic and full of ideas. And then when you do a walk away lunch and I would get high and come back and just not talking the afternoon. Everyone's like, Dan, you got an idea about this? I'm like, what's up? Why? No, but in the morning, I'm like, so we put Rachel. All right, check this out.

We put Rachel on Ellis Island with real dynamite honor. Yeah. You're gonna have to do it. You're me out. You're the after-do, and I'm like, I don't know. Is everyone mad at me? Is everyone freaked out? Rachel, we were asking for-

It's true, at the end of the day, you would have your hoodie up over like this, and you would just kind of like, yeah, you look like you were at for the end of the day would you would have your hoodie up over like this and you would just kind of like Yeah, you look like you were like at the very end of I don't know like you were in a break up for something You're about to walk in the rain or something they used to joke they used to call you Speed so there could be their real brand Two-speed soter. Oh, yeah, you're with know you know it's zero and it's a 60 yeah zero to 60 no but there's no there's no 32 or 50 something now it's zero or 60

yeah and when he's 60 the sweetest compliment he just hits his ears like you just told him his mom's a cunt. I mean he really it just You know the hell of those moments today They're my favorites. I want to go get a coffee and just this lady was on the side of it I was standing behind the guy in line for coffee and then I went and she's like are you next and I was like Well, yeah, I was behind him. You know how lines work and I was like because I was mad I was just like a bad man. Yeah, yeah, then she goes, okay? And then I like walked away and I was like, what did I say that? What are you doing? You know, Lions work.

Yeah, well I was like, man, because she just came up to the register on the side and like took her ear buds out and then like looked at me and she was like, oh, are you next? And I was like, yeah, I'm standing behind him. You know how Lions work? And she was like, okay. And there was just like this. I was just shitting. I felt bad.

You went big. I'm a dick. I said, that's what it is. I leave it and I'm like this I was just shitty. I felt bad. You went big. I'm a dick You know, that's what it is. I leave it I'm like I'm a piece of shit. Dude, they were just playing on one of the stern Thologies recently the Howard Stern anthologies. It was you could probably find this audio It wasn't from the stern show he's playing David Crosby is that isn't it? Yeah, Crosby sells Nash David Crosby like it was like him getting angry at a report like some kids like, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me,

maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me,

maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me,

maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, maybe someone's been asking me, All right, I'll do it. I'll do the thing and then he goes goes So you wrote that song you had to sing that song about Joni Mitchell when she was with Graham Nash But she was your ex-girlfriend was it difficult. It's like now. I'm a person. I know crossbite those Nash music But not their story like that. So I'm like, I don't even know they both dated her and and he was like This is such stupid shit. You are

Just goes out of nowhere, dead stop, he goes, man, he really, all right, dumbass, aren't you? He keeps calling him an asshole. The kid, eventually the kid's like, I can't just sit here, he's insulting me, sir. He walks off and leaves, David Crosby would.

So even if he's annoyed, like I get both sides of it for sure, but it's just definitely a guy having a bad day. Have you ever, as he old, like, hey, is this seat taken? It does it look taken? Yeah. That's what I wanted. Okay.

You could just say no. Have you ever snapped on anyone in an interview, Rachel? You're a very nice person, but I can also see you getting a little fed up with someone was sucking. I get there's a few questions that you get asked like for the 90th fucking time. I mean, you guys know when you do morning radio, there's a one age, get a comedy. What made you get into it? like for the 90th fucking time. I mean, you guys know when you do morning radio, there's certain ones that you have to come in. What made you get into it? Yeah, then they go, now, one I get a lot is,

what do you have to say? Just take in the specifics, because everybody's heard some, I mean, every female concert, some version of this, but this specific version is a particularly impure rating. What do you have to say to all those guys out there that say women art fun?

Oh my God. Also, it's like at this point, I'd rather debate where they're like, Jews can hear or something. I don't even understand. Why wouldn't we be able to be funny? It's like saying that we don't have a very basic component of our personalities, like just wild, pointless holes,

just mouth-breathing idiots. It's such a, and I'm like nothing. I wouldn't particularly want to engage that person because I know those people because I read all my comments under my videos and there's some guy named Mr. Twatt Waffles who always reminds me that women aren't funny. And then another guy who's YouTube... Oh T-Dub, he's just going through something right now. He says what? Ha ha. And then there's another guy whose YouTube's screen name is women aren't funny, but they always want me to answer to that guy like, well listen, you better give me a night chance buddy.

Yeah. Hold it right there. Hold it right there, mister. If this doesn't make you laugh, I don't know what will. It's baffling. It's baffling how we comments. The positive comments are always like so funny, hilarious, loved it, hearts, whatever, the fuck, laffy faces.

And then the die tribe just starts with like, couldn't even get through 20 seconds before just being disgusted with it. And it's like a four paragraph thing and you're like, what a playcare so much more than the people who enjoy it The people hate or so much more bad. I was having a good day and then I watched this comedy clip and now I'm Drounding my three kids in the bathtub Well, her's the most is when it is the cocktail of comment where they start with something perfectly accurate.

Like she really has a man voice and I'm like, my dude. And then like he says you know too much. You're like, no, fair. You had me there to outwapples. And then they go to she's so disgusting. I want to die just watching her. And that's where you're like, because it starts with two reasonable facts. I'm like, oh, yeah.

Or sometimes they'll be like, somebody else stick up for me and there's one guy named Muffeater, 69 that always sticks up for me and I get deep in the threads. And Muffeater will be like, do you think she's actually leading this? Do you think she actually has the time to sort through your bulge? It's like, actually, I do.

I've got this. And I was with him for 40% of his comment. So he doesn't know that he had me and lost me. And I would say that was like quarantine was the biggest for that reading college. Just like, hope there was a bunch of them. And like, I would just assume it's like, I didn't go read them because in my mind, I was like, well, if they're commenting as probably as probably just people going like this is funny or showing a friend or tagging a friend, you know, a stand up clip. But now, as the numbers would go up, I said, like, they know that the algorithms and your videos get out there much more. Well, I did so I was like, oh, let me go look at some of the videos,

cheer me up while we can't work or do this or it's just, it's like the biggest, the most like engaged comments are all like, I hope this guy gets hit by a fucking bus like he is despicable Oh man and when I read it I said the What do you call that the fucking like viciousness and like this one anger? Yeah, the visceral anger in the things and like When they're saying those terrible like horrible things about it is funny That your reaction home is like come on Me come on. I just remember doing cone in the second time And I was completely by myself in my hotel room and I was like oh they a post of this the YouTube

Well, let's go see what the people are saying And I just remember you are born of Satan's dick. I just remember okay, well that's probably that's just one man's opinion. Let me go to the next come. The hotel they put me up in was across the highway from the vivid office. And I just remember standing I just remember staring at my hotel window going sawing looking at the vivid office going. Sigh.

Sisc is everyone like this guy sucks. Why is that one? What a james is gonna walk out? Do you think Tara Patrick lives there? Yeah, I mean, the reading the comments. Oh, okay, as a please. Now that you have a family, Rachel, you can't be reading comments.

You gotta, you gotta. During COVID, I was pregnant like the beginning of COVID. So I was pregnant just spiraling online. So it was like just spiraling online. So like, you know, he was on the job. So he's out fighting a fire somewhere and I have nothing left to do besides, you know, hate myself just a little more.

So I leave over to YouTube and see what 12-watt waffles has to say. Whoa. I was, it was, and he's like, during COVID, he's like real positive in a way that infuriates me. So like, he would be like reading all his bedside books or like get into the top of the mountain. They're all about like success and stuff.

They're on for new worship and shit. They're all just like, how does succeed? Get on and I'm just like, I can't be around that. All my books would be like, second to last is fine. Yeah. That's hilarious. Your books are like, hey, you got the job done. Yeah, it's over.

I'm reading this new book. Look, just do enough. Sorry, my nose were there. We don't have a scene. My favorite, my favorite self-help book is, I mean, I guess you clean up. I just get out of there. Yeah.

Do you know what to get? I was like very, yeah, I mean, I was such a wild moron in school, like a deep emergency idiot that I never thought I would succeed in anything. I was always surprised when I got that 20%. You know, you should do that, like that, you know, like a science exam or something where I never knew what the fuck was going on in class. Like some people would be like, I didn't get that part. I was like, I don't know where we are. Yeah, I was lost. Yeah, I was lost a lot. No, my entire schooling was to just get through it. Yeah. And not fail. I have to repeat it. My last school now, when I like smell a school, I just like brings me back there. You know, like I would get 23% and then have this thought. Did you guys ever have this where I'd be like,

well, I didn't think I knew 23% of that. Like, I'm not that I didn't make up a path in the back. Cause I'm like, yeah, I'm through a game. Instead of upside, it's not that bad. I'll tell you what, 23 is 23% a lot more than zero. It's what yeah, it's 23% more. Yeah, I got an exact number of how much more I have. How are you going to now that you have both bad students?

I just yes, I was. I just did like enough to get by. I was a sea. I was like bees and seas at best. Me too. That was at best bees and seas. I almost failed. Uh, eighth grade. I almost had to repeat eighth grade, but then in high school, I was all like mostly C's, a couple B's. What about you? And then someone wants to know why I was just like, there was an easy thing that could just pick an A. Yeah. There was some easy like, yeah. It's calculus. I always said that it was just, it was called that being so difficult in the rest to calculate her. What's that? Did you guys get laid in high school? Sorry, you're asking me something before. I was asking you what kind of grades you got. Oh, um, I was like, yeah, like, D's and apps,

they had they actually did scans on me on my brain like like suction cups. I was frequently suction cups, you guys. Wait, they stuck your brain? Is that how bad your grades were? Wow, that's fucking wild. You're just gonna let us, hold on, raise it. You are just gonna let us walk away from the fact that in high school, they had to monitor your brain, your grades were so bad.

That's pretty impressive. I mean, that is, that is, that's great. You had to have a done stand. Ray, get up, we have to go down to the center again. Hey, we gotta put you in the incredible Hulk machine because you failed fucking algebra. You guys, we're gonna see, maybe you're so stupid in the school because you could tell me,

what's on this card I'm holding up? Honestly, your mother and I have our fingers crossed for brain tumor because these grades are piss poor. I thought everybody just got scanned all the time. I thought that's just like how it was. And I started to slowly realize other kids weren't getting suction cups. Jesus. One day I woke up and I did and I started to slowly realize other kids weren't getting suction cups. Jesus.

One day I woke up and I heard my parents arguing, I overheard them and my mom goes, she's not normal Howard. And then my dad goes, well, stand on again, man. We'll just keep standing there. Why was it just like they couldn't understand why your grades were so bad? It was that in a series of other things they thought I had this disorder. My mom's a therapist too. So she was like often running with what was wrong with me and having a lot of fun with it and workshopping it with like all her hookups to find out why her daughter was so dumb.

It's funny. But one of the things they thought I had was something called figure ground where you can't tell the difference between like one person speaking and a sea of other voices because they said they would give a direction. Everybody other child would get up and go and do the thing and I would just be sitting there like just a rocking moron. My mom was like she's got figure ground Howard will scan her again. We'll just keep scanning her. We'll find something shit. The fact that you had to, you probably had scanning

treats, you know, or you're like done getting scanned. I'm not doing that. You know, they're like, you get used to. We take Rachel, we're a favorite Rubin place after her scans. We usually get a night at Benningons. We give her a Bennington's night Just let your hair down maybe there's a local DJ spinning hey honey do you want to stop like

I would get an ed cream or a root beer float post scan Dude your parents got to give you scan treats Oh, yeah, dude, your parents got to give you scan treats. I'll tell you what, no parent feels like they're killing it at their job though, when you're standing outside of a glass window, looking at your child with such a cups on her head. You're like, man, this wasn't the plan. Unless you're submitting your kids. This wasn't the plan at all.

Unless you're submitting your kid to be a super soldier. Yeah, you're trying to find a ghost. Hey, does she have metal bones by any chance? I don't know, run through the machine. Hey, what's the odds on She could just project places like night crawler She used to build a lot of forts over by those power lines by our house You think you think we got like a dark Phoenix Or something with a little more evil intended

Dude like can we train it to be good? I would absolutely be the dad that's asking too many questions. Doc, shoot me straight right here. We got an X-man. We got an X-man, just something we're gonna have to put down. Huh? Or is it something I gotta hide from my family? Or her kiss is gonna give us cancer. Yeah, do I have to move to a farm and I have to be the man with no face?

Cause my daughter and her dragon breath. She's... She's... Dude, that's so funny. to be the man with no face because my daughter and her dragon breath. Funny. I love. My mom was never not talking about me like on the phone. She was always on the phone with somebody complaining about some aspects of my emergency moron situation. One of the things she complained about was she'd be like, well, she steps very loudly. It's not normal. It's a very loud stop. And you've never heard a child like that. So to this day when I walk, I always think about my mom going, well, your step, it's jarring.

It's jarring. It's jarring, dude, mom. She used to say, if you're never going to get married, if you don't lighten that step because that is a lot. It's a lot. So for all of us, it's so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre.

I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre.

I was like, I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was like, I was so bizarre.

I was like, I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I was like, I was so bizarre. I, that tire's still wobbles. But Rachel, was there a moment where they led up on it? Was there a moment where your mom was kind of like, all right, it just turns out that you, school's not for you. Where were they still to the day you got out of the house being like, what is it? What's wrong with her?

Well, I mean, it was a mixture of like, they were always crying about what was wrong with me, but then also she was very liberal. So, you know, I mean, she let a mixture of like, they would, they were always crying about what was wrong with me, but then also she was very liberal. So, you know, I mean, she let me move to New York when I was 17, my dick sister or whatever. So, it was a mixture of like letting me do things I should never be allowed to do. Like, I was, you know, this whole band, like,

like, fuck society or against society would just pick me up after school. It's like, maybe that's contributing to the fact that I can't focus that I'm spending all night with anxiety. Yeah, you're watching him. You're watching a band practice sing against fucking capitalism and then you're going to try to learn exactly my mom would just let that happen and be like strong women rock or some horse shit like that. So it was weird because it was like a mixture of that things that she clearly should have put her foot down with Then she was more concerned about my my walking levels or my stop

Do you think that if you would have gone with a super liberal cause you could have got off her back if you're like mom I don't want to listen to the patriarchy so I don't like male teachers, which she have been like well right on sister Yes, that would have actually been great. That would have been the way to play it with my mom or anything more. She's more of a guilty white liberal than she is a feminist even if I anything that would have to do with race or me denouncing my own rate. Like she just

tries so hard to be accepted by every other ethnicity. So if I basically any guy that I dated that wasn't white, it didn't matter how old they were, they could run a train on me like my mom would be like, man, cast. Look at you, Rach. You're doing it. You're out there. Knees behind the years, making your

mama proud. Oh, you're spreading love the way I taught you with a couple moist holes and a go get her attitude God bless you God bless you for staying moist How you loving motherhood we have to get all the catch-ups before we have to leave in a few minutes goes by so fast You know, we're not close me and my daughter just because we keep really different schedules. I don't really see her. She's up when I'm asleep. I'm up when she's up.

We're always coming and going. I just don't, you know, it's just where ships tonight. We usually go through Pete just to see what's going on with each other. He catches me up. My husband says she's a great baby. He said she's an easy baby. So that's good. Oh good good. Yeah, she's sleeping through. Yeah, she goes, I heard she's sleeping through the night. I don't know. No idea. Honestly, I've been over there in a couple of weeks. I hope they're all right.

No, she's it's actually getting more fun now because she's like interacting and stuff and like, like when I walk in the morning, like this morning, I walked over to her crib. She was standing up in the hotel like this. She goes like this. Okay. That's great. She nods at me like a 65 year old woman would like to probably see the grocery store or something like that.

Has it gone? It stands good? How's he has to like retire? Yeah. Do you guys? He takes a while. Yeah. something like how's it going? Stan's good. How's he has to like, you're kind of, yeah. Do you guys, do you see any sort of like sense of humor out of her yet? Or any kind of like silliness? She's really cute.

She kisses everybody like real slow, intense, romantic kisses. Just kind of like really. You have a central baby, dude. You got to watch out. Yeah, like Amy set me this chef, like I guess somebody sent her husband because her husband is a chef, so it's like a chef puppet with a mustache. And I think she thinks it's my husband because he has, you know, because he has a mustache and when he goes to the firehouse, she just kisses that.

Yeah. Really. Just. The baby loves love. Yeah, baby loves love. You're gonna grow up with a daughter that's just obsessed with chefs, the worst-than-be-date. You've been listening to Sirius XM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM.