The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Airb N Pee with Mike Finoia

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Jay is enamored with the lineup for The Tom Joyner Cruise which includes Tyrese, Kat Williams, Adina Howard, and After 7. He wants DJ Lou to go on the cruise with his girlfriend and Jay wants to finance it. | Mike Finoia fills in for Robert Kelly and has a disgusting surprise in his Airbnb. | Jacob admires the vocal style of Stephen A. Smith, especially when he talked about the seriousness of the Diddy trial. | Everyone hates musical performances on the subway but some of them get creative. Mike Finoia will be on tour with Ron White. For his dates and podcast info go to punchup.live/MikeFinoia. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I was saying this to Black Lou outside. That Adina Howard was never smoking hot. So she has to... Bring up Adina Howard today. Still a pretty lady. Because she didn't have to go to any extremes. Little Kim looks like a fucking goblin now.

Oh, my God, dude. She scared me at the show. Mary J. Blige is like a little fucking turkey with a fucking cabby hat on. they all have fallen the pieces yeah a dean of Howard looks like a real estate agent

no Dean Howard just a pretty lady is what I mean yeah she's just still holding it together nice yeah

yeah totally super happy with that I'd rent a condo from her I think she was selling sexy more than classic like Hallieberry pretty

I mean she was like look I'm not stunning but I will fucking suck your dick on the roof of a car in front of all your boys. Because she's a freak in a morning, freaking a-ne-freaking-a-ne.

Do you know what she needs, Mike? What? Do you know what she needs? Yeah. She told you in the song, do you remember it? Yeah. Oh, what is it? You don't hear black women when they speak?

Wow. Wow. I heard it. Wow. Hang on, I got to walk away from the microphone for a second for dramatic effect. Oh, she's got tour dates coming. Damn, dude. You don't care about black women and what they look like.

Oh, damn, damn, damn. Look at these days. The microphone's picking up my distance dams. Damn, damn, damn. You can catch a deal. Howard in Wichita, Memphis, Cleveland, Richmond, Biloxi, Columbus. Oh, and the Tom Joyner Cruz. Who's on Tom Joyner Cruz, Christine, please?

Bro, T.JC. Can we get booked on that? They need comedy. Let me tell you something I want to get into. We may have already talked about this on Tuesday. We'll figure it out organically. But I'm just putting it out there in the world because Terminator timelines, yes. Look at the fucking dork on that dude. I need to see the ass on those, please. Not that color. You can't rock that color.

No, no, but I need to see if the ass has the lines that really hug my ass. I want to show. No, no. I only have dent. The only part of why I have any muscle in my ass is the very top I have the dense up top. The rest is just a flat, awful ass. But these dents, if you really hugged in there with those seams, they make a workout pants now that have them, too. It's gripping your ass.

It's like the lines are going towards your ass crack. Is it rousing, and they call it, I think? Is that the word for it? Christine, do you know? S-C-H-I-N-J-R-R-O. All right, who's performing on the Tom Joyner Crews? This is exciting. Whoa, Cat Williams. Mary, Mary, no idea what that is.

Neo, I've heard of him. Cat Williams, that's where all the money's going. That's 100% of the money. Is that Tyrese is going to come for some reason? Collar up. Can you roll up for him? Tyrese? Tyrese? Tyrese. And by the way, when he sings, he's just Tyrese. When he's Fast and Furious, he's Tyrese. Is that how it works?

Cheryl Underwood. What the hell is Tyrese? He's going to do. Oh, he sings, right? I'll tell you what, every time he would stop singing, if I was on the Tom Joyner Cruise, in my heart, I would want to go, do the Coca-Cola song. Because that's what got him famous, right? Do do, do, do, do, do. We already did that. Do it again. Remember that commercial? A black guy just gets on listening to his headphones and singing top volume and all the white people just accept it. That's what they should have shown was the people's faces going like, I don't, can you say something to him? I don't want to say something to him. He's probably dangerous. What a weird cruise. I would lose my shit if some guy got on singing

beautiful R&B on a bus I was on first time I ever got on a subway train and a flamenco band got on there and I almost screamed I was so scared I didn't know what it was a dream what's happening who does this

I want to go back to normal Philadelphia no but there's no the subway system was foreign to me and I didn't bus around Philadelphia I lived in like a walking place you walked and biked everywhere if it was far you biked

or your mom had to drive me yeah where the talented hung out around trash cans saying. Yeah, exactly. Take me back. Take me back. You got to sound good. Damn, dude.

There's going to be some soulful sex happening on the team joining. Oh, lots of long strokes. Joe Underwood. First of all, Dina Howard's going to get everybody all boned up. Yeah, dude. I'm all freaking the moment. I'm freaking the bean. This is the type of cruise that Candyman would be on.

Knocking the boots. Absolutely. Melting your mouth, not in your hand. Skip, Scott, body, rocking, flop, knocking the boots. There was something like that. Undercover lover and a soul brother, man. On the other hand, introduce me to your mother. I like trivializing musicians in their amazing art.

I was making Lewis laugh this weekend because we're going to see System of a Down and Corn in like two weeks, whatever, next week I guess. And we were doing like their songs. I was like, I like System of a Down a lot. In concert, though, the first time I ever saw them made me, it's what kept him at bay from being one of my favorite bands at the time ever was because the guy talking,

bands talking about government, Sing the fucking song, dude. Oh, yeah. And I was like, bring on the song, Prison Song by them. It's such a great example of their thing. Me and Lewis just kept singing it.

And if you know that song at all, prison song. You're like, utilizing secret wars to pay for drugs around the world. Drugs are now your global policy. Yeah. Oh. After seven, shut up.

Yo. Jay Brown. I'd be front. Roe for after, this is Tom, my back to the Tom Joyner crew, sorry, but I'm shut out of a cannon today. After seven, ready, yo, no. I'll put that on, Lou. This is having sex with an older, put together, thick Southern black lady. Church picnic sex, dude.

After seven, you know, this is baby face's brother and his friends. Even baby your face? You hear Christine laughing because these are fun facts that I have to make her memorize, and now it's your guy's burden. Mmm. Yeah. Oh, look at Black Lou remembering. Hell yeah. This is songs your mom blew your dad to.

Nah. Lose dad left. This is songs your mom would cry to looking at a window waiting for him to come back. Songs your mom blew your dad. Your dad's best friend to. I, listen. I should be embarrassed the amount of times I listen to songs like this alone by myself. In the car, not sad.

Not sad. Believing I'm also nailing it. Turn it up, Lou. Reaching for that star and pulling it down. This is cover one ear and harmonized music. Oh, yeah. It's fucking three smooth-ass brothers and suits. Have I worked this out myself in a shower before?

Probably. Then falsetto brother comes in. This guy barely got his fucking pleated suit pants off. before his dick was getting sucked backstage. The worst is when you come before the talkdown. Oh, I need this, Lou. You should be staying listen to it? After a full weekend of clown rap?

I need a little after seven. Yeah. This is sorbet, ba, boom, boom. Oh, that's the guy right there. Shit, dude. That guy shaves his dick hair, no way, Hitler mustache. You can't be that smooth and not pay attention to your dick hair. Nothing will discourage me.

Lou, you lucky son of a bitch, you have a black girlfriend, sex are up to this shit I was just thinking that she probably loves this. Absolutely. Lou, you guys are learning how to fuck like this, one hand planted and the other one on your own ass like this. Yeah, dude. She watched her aunt sexy dance at a wedding as a kid. Bebe is your little girl. Call her little girl a lot too.

They love that. Little girl, it's all yours. Oh, they joke. Look, yo. Damn, man. What a fun cruise. If After Seven played twice in that cruise, I'd be at both shows. Is there another hit by After Seven?

There's another one. Tell me one other hit by After Seven. Oh, wait, Christine, go back to that. Go back to that out of the page. Tomorrow can we? Until you do me right. To you do me. I don't feel like I'm going to give a shit about any of these.

Never mind. Go back to Tom, Jordan's Cruise. Let me see who else I'm excited about for one song only. They really leaned in on the... Someone's going to come to a buffet and go, Dude, after seven's doing ready, you're not on the poop decking. Oh, God, hold by nachos. Bivens of Belle Biv DeVos upstairs, sitting in with After Seven, dude.

You know, Biven DeVoe are upstairs. Bell couldn't get a passport in time. Bell got detained by ice. Bell fell off over in the Caribbean. They found ketamine in Bell's bag. All right, Dina Howard. Damn, dude. We know what she's laying down.

Hell yeah. That fucking... Dude, she definitely waxed her pussy for this trip. She's hoping Eric Bonae, who is Haley Barry's former husband, right? He held up pretty good looking. I mean... Christina'll get so excited. TMF formerly Mays.

Why did they change their name? Yeah, if you're going to change it, don't put what you formerly were. Let's guess. Too many... What's the word for black groups? Too many... Fellas? Too many, too many, too many, shit.

I'm out. What did Mays do, M-A-Z-E? What was their hits? Mays changed their name to, the music forever. Oh, because they had a breakdown in communication with new management of Mays. They go, hey, you know what? Want to know how to shelf this argument? We're going to change our names.

Come back. Same people. Oh, it was Frankie Beverly and Mays. I remember that. Frankie Bev's. Those were the days, dude. What did Frankie Beverly and Maceing? There's something we know.

There's something. Frankie Beverly and Maze. There's six to seven black people listening to this show. I want to make them proud of me. Look at it. They still perform the iconic Maze catalog. Yeah, of course they do. You don't just end up on the Tom Joyner cruise

because you're going to try out all your new shit, dummy. You don't win this? Dude, I have sort of feel like you don't even know who Tom Joyner is. I just have Ruehue and say, Christine, can you bring up Tom Joyner to just prove who he is to Mike, please? Whoa, Maze is funky Hmm Okay, so this is good

This is gonna get fucking mom-mom and pop-up on the dance floor Yeah, this is sick It's gonna make her remember Do you think old big huge black weaners require more Viagra? Probably Yeah, I mean it's a, yeah, of course Yeah It's a thing of like, you know, a bigger engine needs more fuel

It's a good lie, you can tell people though, it goes Do you have a big dick? I go, you tell me I gotta take like two and a half Viagra what does that mean you tell me i don't know that's what it takes from my fucking huge cock to get hard you know how it says adults take one to two two to four oh yeah he's like a radio personality right tom joiner yes is he uh he seems very pleasant he's not a hard hitting guy i want to know more about this cruise yeah get back to the cruise uh performers because so far i'm pretty excited but i've only been pretty excited for two people kevin ross that's not that's a lie i'd go watch

Tyrese and I will keep screaming do the Coca-Cola song Do-da-do-do-do-to-do-cola Kevin Ross You run into him in the in the cafeteria What are you getting to drink, buddy? He's like, I'm just going to get some lemonade, I think. Nah, do the thing.

Come on, dude, pour it out. Do the thing. What was Paul Walker like? Kevin Ross, that's somebody's nephew that's hooking up. Yeah. Oh, that boy can sing j brown in his wedding cake hat j brown no idea but i'll tell you what that's a nice

big flatbrim hat it holds a lot of appeal to me if you could pull it off corey holcomb rocks that a lot too uh go down is that s wv no we just saw s wu v at uh wu tang remember they came out oh my god that's right they did i think it was just s and v uh brownstone i have no idea who that is me neither the one girl's got tits painted on they were dungaree shirt yeah and One's got legs for days. Wow, I'll tell you what, the list of performers really tails off. EU featuring Sugar Bear. Oh, nice.

Oh, EU, that's the butt. The butt doing the butt. That's doing the butt. By the way, could that guy's face more say without saying words? Just give me, give me, give me that butt. Give me that butt. What's Brownstone do? Dude, all these Envogue kind of spinoffs.

If I love, how great. If this girl wants me to prove that I love her, I'm going to give her some hard truths. You're going to have to grow that hair out. Yeah. I don't like your bald head. It's intimidating, and it's going to make my white family uncomfortable if I bring you to meet them. Why do you look like season four? My family's not racist, but they don't want me with a militant black woman, I can tell you that.

You got season four Greg Brady hair. Hey, listen, my parents are really cool, but your hair's going to make them uncomfortable. I can tell you that. They think you're going to be coming and judging all of our white food. These motherfuckers put manis on earthing Stop Don't come to my parents house with your These Mike motherfuckers put manny's on earthing hair

I don't like your casserole do Oh man There's so much lotion in her hair for sure Oh Say it Motherfucking do it Now do you think blacks What is it black stone?

Brownstone Brownstone blackstone's what you cook on That's the best grill ever what's their name uh fucking two family Ray's Ranch Brownstone dude Brownstone Brownstone

Wait like the house Yeah Got it Brownstone Is that you think that's what they all went in on together When they got the money from this one hit Does one of them have a funny name Like a earlobe

It's like do they have like a left eye in their band Do you know what I mean? Do they have one fun Like planters for shitis Dude, if they open with this song If they open with this song The echo in the emptiness of that room After everybody leaves

They're gonna look up, they're gonna go They open with that They're gonna start looking up What are some other brownstone song What are they gonna close with then? They go, oh no They're just making an artistic choice And I'm leaving

And I'll tell you what It would be the most satisfying concert Because we both just went through this I know Mike, what would happen though If we went to POD And they fucking came out And they were like Guys we're gonna do those three songs

You wanna hear right away We'd have been like Dude, I'm going to be as sweet before 11. Remember when we were at Toto and Christopher Cros. Toto did. They should have just played all the hits twice. I agree. I mean, literally.

I could have heard Rosanna and hold the line again. What cruise line is Tom joined her cruise line on? Because I don't know if you've heard the news, but Carnival Cruise Line doesn't want blacks anymore. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. They said it a wordier way, but yeah. Because of all the fighting?

Well, Mike, no. I don't know if that was the reason you raised. Oh, I saw videos. No, no, no, stop it. Oh, boy. Why, because they don't know how to act? It is Carnival Day. Why, because it's terrifying to have them all together on a big boat?

You said that, I didn't. You're worried they're going to have a flashback and fucking rebel. I mean, this goes directly against carnivals. How would that? Wouldn't that be reparations? What? That would be perfect reparations. Cruises for life.

For black people. We use the boats to get you over here for the wrong reasons. Now you get endless true cocktail. And now you get to enjoy the boat on the top. A part. While people wait on you. While people wait on you. Exclusively white staff.

Eastern European white. Like real white that you could really hate and are afraid of you desperately. Like dick skin white? Yes. Dick skin white. English people. A beigey pink. Scottish blotch type white.

Where you can really bitch them around and they take it well. Yeah, you're like getting a massage from a Scottish golfer. And they were like, even when they do the right thing, they're like right away, sir. And you're like, MC, sir. I would just make it difficult for him all day long And they go MC sir It's DJ sir Oh you think we're all MCs

Oh this guy thinks we're all MCs Because we're on a boat for free Because we're getting paid back for slavery This is a long cruise too huh 19 to the 26th Fuck that, dude Seven days I'm so What do these people think people want to do it longer for

I know give me two days on a cruise And I'm done Damn me and Mike would have took a dingy to shore By the third day I'm gonna make a dingy at a POD fans I'd have been on the deck be like, yo, can we lower one of these things down? How many people are on this?

You need every one of these dingies. Okay, can you give me one of your cigarettes? I could set this boat on fire and shunted by... I'd ride a shark home before I fucking stayed on that boat one more day, dude. Jesus Christ. God made us earn it, though. Oh, yeah.

We did not get home quick and easy. No, we didn't. Remember that hotel situation? It's Carnival. It's on Carnival cruise lines? Yep, Liberty. Oh, my God. Black people can't line dance to fucking, if you want me say it.

Is there any... Can you see, like, the events in something? stuff? Did they have like a schedule? Mahogany Bay. Nice. Itinerary. Itinerary. Here we go. Port-a-call. Full day at sea. Oh, this doesn't have the actual... Oh, the fun stuff. But didn't you say, Jay, if it's like a charter, then you could do whatever you want?

Sure. So they, he's Tom Joyner's making the rules. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, no. As soon as this cruise is over, carnival is going back to it. Oh, oh, you might be right. I get what you're saying. And yeah, you may be right. Whoa, Meth and Red were on it. Yeah, a different time Yeah, I know That's the one I would

Now you're going to get maize without Frankie Beverly And I wouldn't care if Frankie Beverly was there But now that I know he's not there I know I'm getting a watered down version of Frankie Beverly and maids The song is Frankie Beverly? They just canceled up That's like going on a cruise ship to go see the news or the range Bruce Hornsby in the range

No, we couldn't get Hornsby on the boat Just the range What? I'm here to see the satellite Georgia couldn't make it They just canceled Michael Fronty You know that dude's Spearhead

Michael, one of those hippie bands He got accused of sexual Misconduct And they canceled his whole cruise He had a sold out boat Nice Of all fucking, you know Devil Sticks and Hackysack tournaments

And shit on the boat Sexual assailants And they canceled it What's the name of the band? Spearhead Michael Fronte F-R-N-T-I He's some like reggae-ish You would have heard it

Do they have He did some. It's because you did some. You did some. Damn. Guilty. That's right, Stephen A. Hey.

Stephen A. Smith, uh, 2020. Oh, man. He said on Bill Maher. He goes, I'm considering it. Please don't. That's just, fucking nitwit. What are you doing? Oh, my God.

Yo, I see Gaza and Israel's a lot like the 2006 Super Bowl. Victoria Canal is a singer who toured with Franty's band. Now, Gaza is an underman Giants team. off the 9-7 season. They weren't he's supposed to be there. It's like you spitting in people's face. Some of them is raining. You get Palestine, boomer Ossiocin.

Shit on change. Now, Putin's like Tom Brady down by the sea of 2012. The people started turning on him, but he still was a hero locally. Come on, Stephen A. What season, Tom Brady are we talking here? 2012, Tom Brady. You know the one of top Tom Brady I'm talking about. We don't want to address the big elephant in the room, but we ain't going to run from it today.

It's because you did some. You did some. Tom Brady's starting to look like... Steve Ney Smith commentates on everything. He can't be... He's a sports guy. Now they're like, what about politics? Oh, and then also, what about Will Smith?

That's got nothing to do with fucking basketball or sports. And then he does a whole sit-down, like a 30-minute thing. He goes, I'm going to talk about Will Smith. Why? Aren't you the Sixers old in-Hexam? house announcer? He did a thing, the guy Gary Breka that saved Dana White and Joe Rogan and all them, Stephen A did a thing about him too. How do he save him? What do you mean? He like, this guy Gary Breka worked for insurance companies where he would tell people, he would tell insurance

companies, don't insure Jay because he's based on the algorithm. He's going to die at like 50. You're a liability. We're going to lose money insuring you. I feel that's true. I know. That's why I pointed to you. Oh. And, but. He goes, me? Meginsurable. But this guy goes, Breka said, why don't I do this for better, aka make money, and all these rich people. Dana White went to him and had like 7 million diseases, it was on a million pills. And Gary Breka took his blood and did the tests that he would do for the insurance companies and did the reverse of it and goes, yeah, you're going to die like in the next two years, basically. And here's how you fix it with supplement A, supplement B, this, that.

And like, I happen to sell all these things. And I happen to sell all these things. Of course. So he did it for Stephen A. But did he? Yeah. He just saw. But he likes, he's, you know what this guy's thing is?

Make America healthy again. He's like a big, uh... Dude, that's a really cool slogan. I wonder where he got it. That's dope. I watched Stephen A. Smith when he did the, when Will Smith, not, uh, the Diddy story broke when he got arrested. It was so funny. He put, he got really emotional at one point.

And he goes, this is bad. This is bad, y'all. Lord, this is bad. You know when Stephen A calls down the Lord? Foxy Brown Shit's bad Foxy Brown getting gang bang

in the grotto I never thought I see today I would do that Farnsworth barely did what the Spinning an umbrella At who Put his umbrella up and where

Come on Imagine it did Farnsworth Dodge a bunch of Comshots with that umbrella That's what the umbrella Was for No one ever saw the top of the umbrella Who just covered

It was like a fucking bird It was fucking bird Caged newspaper I like the way you move That's why he would spin it He'd spin it to clean it off Yeah, yeah, try to send it, sending it, boing That's great

Fonsworth Bentley never speaks up, does he? Where is he? I don't know, some are ice in his asshole, probably He's the easiest one to go, dude, if you say anything, I swear to God Advil's suppositories, I bet Is Pete that he's still in jail? He's waiting for sentencing, right? Is he at Galene Maxwell's jail?

That one that... Oh, that'd be nice. one I'd like to see him getting a pickleball I'd like to see P. Diddy pick up pickleball that'd be nice. P. Diddy pick up pickleball tournament? The guy just liked the party. You think he's ever, you think in this world

do you think Diddy makes a comeback in any way? After all this dust settles I always say just no because he's too old. Oh yeah but I mean like is someone going to go here's $2 million let's make a fucking show Oh no he could find it maybe but I think more like I think financially he'll be fine though I think because here's what he can

do always quietly is just produce in the background and like still people if if someone goes hey did he'll produce this and not even like stamp his name on it half the people be like can he stamp his name on it yeah totally they don't give a fuck i know very true like it didn't happen so what you like to watch the punisher fucking choke face fuck your chick doesn't mean the guy doesn't have an ear for tune take that take that take i mean dude he still made mace huh he still made mace i know i mean and you can't turn it down. Sometimes you got to fucking crack a few eggs

or fucking watch guys gang bang your chick to make an omelet. Make me feel so good. Did I say that phrase that? I believe so. Sometimes you got to fucking despite the oil. Sometimes you've got to hire prostitutes to bang your girlfriend to make an omelet.

Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, I'll be doing this seminar every week if you guys want to swing by again. I'll be getting you out of your time shares. Transportation for the purposes of prostit. Constitution, dude, slap on the wrist. He wouldn't have even been arrested for that, initially.

Oh, yeah. Me, you know how bad my pothead memory is? Thank you, Christine, we're bringing this up. I'm like, yeah, dude, this guy's going to walk and he's going to be absolutely fine. Oh, yeah, and I forgot there is a thing of him violently beating a woman up in a hallway. That's probably going to stick a little. But it didn't stick with me. I'll tell you, there's a good chance.

I could hang out with Pete Ditty for three hours and then leave and go, dude, why would you talk to him like that when he beat that chick up? I go, oh, fuck, he beat that chick up. That's right. Forgot about that. Damn, dude, I smoked too much pot. I forgot. He got her into a step over.

What is a strain of weed that makes me forget men's misgivings? Dude, what confidence in that fucking towel knot, too? I'm smoking sour, didn't do it, gelato. That's my strain of weed. Oh, look at her face there. She loved it. She's fine. He kicked a conch shell onto her ear.

There were, listen, wasn't that the thing? That was, like, the damning thing, I think, that helped him out a lot. was like they just got her messages with him and he and she was like hey can we do this can this weekend we do something you know it's like she's like asking like can we do it and so it's like that's what i think fucking it's like yeah i'll punt you down a hallway on saturday i don't even believe that she didn't hate it or whatever i'm not even challenging i'm just saying like the damning evidence shows that she would out of the blue be like oh you're going away this weekend can we please like fucking do a freak off freak off freak off what a gay term for it that's like make him whoopee

But first of what you have to say seriously, he goes, he goes, I do have a phone call at 7 p. I guess I could freak off at like 8. I got like 20 minute freak off in me. Yeah. He goes, I can like freak off a little if you want to freak. Can we freak off a little? And then I got to go make a phone call,

but then I'll come back and we'll freak off. Why don't you start yourself off? Then I'll come in and freak. I'll come in and freak. You already doubt the off. Can you get yourself off? Off's already cooking. And I'll come in and freak.

Now I'm going to come in and freak you. What do you think did he freaks off? to musically oh we got that answer oh music you fuck suit what was it what he's Miguel really oh Hispanic music yeah Hispanic music who called it that no that's what he watches his wife get plowed out to his that's his that's his that's his soundtrack for the punisher yeah I want to know it his his you're digging into the batters box music oh I think it's Frankie Beverly and Mays I think it's what he jams out I think it's a great karate kid soundtrack yeah you the best you get

probably learned something about having sex with a black woman DJ Lou from P. Diddy. And I'm telling you, that hand's definitely on the hip the way I showed you. I'm going to use that. And you're going to use your non-dominant arm. You're a righty, right? So you're going to plant that left arm. We're going to get that thing built up good.

And then your right arm's going to be the one guiding your own ass. I could do that. God, I'm so excited. Like a caneless man that needs the cane. Yes. Holding on to that L5S1. Like you're doing, it's, it's going to look like you're doing, yeah, you're doing one-arm push-ups, dude.

She's going to be so hyped on it. It's like you're at the bottom of a couch that's being moved upstairs. She's holding it. You're going to have to play her this part of the show so she doesn't think you've been having sex with another black woman who showed you these fucking sick-ass, sensual, soulful moves. She's like, how do you know the swashbuckler? And then, I would say, presenter with two tickets to the Tom Joyner Cruz. Oh, dude. With a balcony.

Can you go infiltrate the Tom Joyner Cruz if we send you? When is it, Christine? What would it take to get Lou and his lady a nice cabin? I think it's like happening right now. No, it's October. It's October. It's October. It's near my, it's my birthday, actually.

All right, you can go too. I'd like to be there. It's departing from New Orleans, so we will be there for Skangfest anyway. No, that's a different time of year. That's a month or early homes. Oops. You'd have to go twice. Have you ever been to Cosamel or Belize?

I've never been on a cruise. Guess what? You can do both. Oh, Lou, don't listen to what I say all the time. These things are so fun. It's crazy. Don't listen to my constant complaining about what a nightmare is and how me and Mike both wanted to jump.

We would have Thelman-Louisd if they said we couldn't fly out. We would have held hands and jumped off the front of the boat. Seriously, dude. I've just done that. Oh, my God. Neither of us. So sick of it. So sick of it.

No, that's not going to happen on this. Black people don't poop. Don't you know anything, dude? First of all, they're supporting historical black college and university. So by the time you come out of this, I think you're going to learn a step routine that's going to knock our dicks in the dirt. Five beta Kappa. A variety of entertainment

Man, I just realized what a thin line it is between doing black step team operations and hailing Hitler. Did you see that? I went like that and that wouldn't that would read different in a black fraternity as the only white guy

doing a routine by myself that no one asks me to do. Yeah, and I think it depends on what you're wearing too. Hey, what's up? Good to see you guys here at Georgetown. Now if you wouldn't mind, sip, pop! Hail Hitler! Jesus. Jesus Christ.

The cruise features a variety of entertainment I need some pricing here We already know he's got the time available We got you dude Throw a black glue back there on the ones and twos He's been dying to remix this show 4K for a double Fuck

All right they have Oh a balcony room Okay Holy shit look how much is sold out man This shit Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Four grand

Ocean views Four grand You have to have have a balcony. Yeah. If you don't have a balcony, there's no point going. I mean, interior is devastating. Absolutely.

Do they have interior balconies where you look at like the, you know, down the thing? No. That would be awful. I know. No. I'm not saying it's a good... I'm not saying I want that. No, not at all.

So it would just be a... No, the inside rooms have no... The first time we did the crew is we had more than once two people, like a Lewis and Dave and stuff, like in an inside no window room. room it's it seems awful yeah no way I mean air conditioning wise it's fine but you are like it's a tomb of course it's a cell you're in a cell on a boat on those no so I wouldn't do that to you I would not do that to you at all um you'd be on a balcony Lou and uh I want you to become best friends of Cat Williams here's the things I'd need you to accomplish on this cruise to make it

worth my dollar I need you to become best friends of Cat Williams I need you to record every second of after seven singing ready or not no matter how many times they're doing you do it. I want you to keep calling the members of May's Frankie Beverly on camera. Are you Frankie Beverly? Are you Frankie Beverly? And they go, no, he's not in the group anymore. It's why we changed the name. No, I don't understand, though, but it's Frankie Beverly in you guys. What else would I want you to do? Oh, Tyrese, nonstop doing, I want you doing the Coca-Cola song behind him every time you walk behind him, and really until he turns around and has a problem with you. What about it for a whole day you wore a Coca-Cola, like, costume and just chased him around

the boat? Oh, my God, that's a good idea. Christine, can you get to the Coca-Cola commercials? I don't know if everybody knows what I'm talking about it was it was Tyrese's hello to the world what's a quad or a triple I don't understand what that is four people to have room three people two people to room oh um because why is that kind of it is to seem oh oh that price goes per passenger per passenger oh so this is 8000 for you and your girl dude is that how it works well look price per passenger stop yelling I'm not um I'm sorry was I yelling no all right dude you're freaking the fucking I don't get it.

Don't listen to Louis. He's trying to get you on his side so he doesn't have to go on this cruise. But you want him to go on this cruise more than anything. This is like fucking hell on the sea. And then I want you to tell a Dina Howard to her, I say, don't take this the wrong way.

You've held up. I want all these things on video. Oh, here we go. Dude. This is what I'm seeing Tyrese for. A young Tyrese. He's walking through a bus. Headphones on.

I mean, I mean, just being wildly obnoxious. Yep. Yeah, really. Now, if this story ends, if there was a fight on the bus, and they go, what happened? They go, this white guy called him the N-word. And I go, well, what happened? He came in and, like, almost challenging all of us, like,

do-da-da-da-da-da. He's going for it. And, I don't know, the guy cracked. So no, is it the right thing to do? No. But, I mean, like, come on. He hit him with a royal crown bottle on his way to the Coke commercial. It's a commercial for Royal Crown Coke. Do-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-th it's why my dad left my mother This is all we can't afford

R.C. Cola. Look at those shitty headphones. Yeah, really. 94. Old school, dude. Play it. Yeah, one girl is excited. If that was a video today, the bus driver

would have fought him. Come on here. Come on, player! Come on, player, you fucking with the wrong one. This is such a 90s video. Everyone's happy. I know. He took this He was so happy with himself

He took the headphones off to go I fucking nailed it I know all shucks Meanwhile I really get I nailed it Meanwhile the people in the road Right in front of them were just like God damn finally

The fuck was that Was this guy owned the fucking bus? You did it man Who's yeah You made this bus fly Damn man You made this better for everybody today Everybody wants Coca-Cola

That's a separate ride When you have your headphones in And then a guy comes into the subway And starts singing at the top of his lungs Yeah, Tyrese had subway bum behavior And we celebrated it The 90s were a different time You could scream at a woman

To pull her tits out And if you were black You can go fucking cool your way And they're making white people Except outlandish public behavior Did it By the time you get to the third passenger He was walking by

They should have been like My man, my man You're like being like You do the thing with the headphones You do the motion You go dude like you're singing like crazy laugh You just go Oh!

Zip it Hey! I like Sprite! There's other people here on this bike. If you're on the train, you're on the train and that happens. Skywalks into your car. It's fucking belt and something out weird, right?

What do you do? Do you get up in a karate's car? Now, dude, Jacob's in a karate stance. Well, a lot of times it's just opening a knife and sleep. He does this at the end of it. He does the come here with the fingers. Come on. Warriors

Lately it's been the the mariachi band A whole band Because and I'm playing like 4 4 rock and roll song and all of a sudden They're in a totally different time So the drums

The beat is completely wrong And it's maddening It's a very specific It's a very specific complaint though These guys time signatures are all over the place I don't know what they're doing Well maybe you should When you have the two side time

signatures going at once, it's awful. It's awful. It really is. What are you guys playing? Frank Zappa shit? I can't even follow it. He goes, come on, can you play some Los Lobos for me? Maybe in the middle here, guys, huh? When the circus comes to town, LeBomba, something.

It's a fucking... Gypsy King's a little. He's like, how about some Santana? You haven't experienced it, I guess. The time signature is just throwing your office. I didn't have that. Completely. I think when I first... I don't know what the headphone situation even was when I first got on the subway that first time.

But I remember I was in Astoria Queens, in a terrible neighborhood part of it that I didn't know even existed. But I moved there because it was Astoria. And I was like, oh, it's Astoria. Greek town. But my car was stolen, robbed. There was a padlock on the front gate of the place because it was just wild. A terrible place.

And I got on the subway the first time my ex-wife, Carla, dropped me off. at a stop, it was one stop before 21st Roosevelt, which is a weird place to stop also anyway, because if people live there, they have chosen pure isolation on an isolated place. They're in an island inside of an island that it's like a grocery store, it's very

weird. It's a very weird fucking place to be. So you pick up riffraff from there and then you hit the city. But that last stop, that Queensbridge projects, I was like, this is the one. the one I'm going to keep my eyes peeled on who's getting on and should I stay on this cart and right when the doors were closing a full mariachi band got on and started playing

fully and I'm looking it was like a David Lynch movie because I'm looking around everybody else subway riders just heads down doing what they're doing already continue reading continue listening to what they're listening to anything or just quietly just listening and not paying attention to it and I was looking around everyone's face like I go who's in my mouth full the whole bandplings no one realized this is happening He's like, this guy's got a... There's a guy with a kayak-sized guitar, just like spinning it.

Those big stupid Mexican guitars. David Tell said that on skanks last night. He was like, we thought a guy was Indian. He was like, I'm Hispanic. He goes, give him a two, too big guitar to play. That's great. I completely agree with you when your music is in a certain time and something else that's playing

in a different time. Your brain is trying, it's like your brain's holding on and going, no, no, no, no, stay with this. Oh, my God, I've seen these guys on the archeranged. I gave him five bucks. Well, that's great, dude. Now you fed.

By the way, it's like raccoons. Now you fed them. Yeah. You happy? They're aware now that $5 is a possibility from any confused, scared white guys. Next time you're on the chain, you've got to pour ammonia

on a cube steak and give it to him. I have bait for these guys. I have a barrenia. I have a beeria taco with arsenic for Cotia cheese. I'm going to put some anthrax in my pollo. Here's the thing now. And by the way, I still haven't, I'm not still not a frequent subway person,

but I've been a New York person long enough and been on the subway enough that a mariachi band, you don't think, wouldn't freak me out. I would be annoyed by it. That's annoying. But the first time I got on, I was like, all my mind, I was like,

well, I'm freaking out, but I have to keep my head on a swivel because I'm in a situation where people I can only assume get shot and stabbed regularly every day. And it could always be me next. Didn't even bat around the idea of like performers coming on and dominating with like, and dare I say, intimidation factor. Most of those performers, the ones that come on the train,

try to use a weird form of intimidation. Oh, of course, dude. A lot of them do like the thank you so much, thank you, but there's definitely like the speech guys as pure intimidation. I could be killing y'all. You could be dead by now. I got the means And I got the crazy to do it

Now there's a child walking around But if you all would just help me get to my brother's house I'm just trying to get a bus ticket There's a guy walking around selling candy You buy that candy The people that set up shop Where one guy's got a boom box The other dude is literally like

Parkour breakdancing on the beams Oh they use the beam And the one guy's foot Came like slow motion Right in front of my face Pass your face Yeah Did you say something?

No. You should have untied its laces with your teeth. What were you going to do? Go, hey, man, that's fucking crazy what you just did. That's what I would do. I don't like it. Well, there was a whole team. Do you want me to taking on this?

I don't know. This is when I feel like... Break dancers don't scare me. They've decided to take to the streets with the art of dance. They were doing it to everyone. No, all right. I know it wasn't personal, but you'd be like, you can't do it in front of me, dude. You know what I've been running into a lot?

And even two today. Very aggressive Jesus people. those are the worst people that are screaming about Jesus in your face not blinking shirtless was also aggressive he was a Jew I know but I mean what's their close rate these Jesus on the street people does anybody go up to him and go like you know what dude you're making a lot I'd love to hear more like zero right what the fuck I'll tell you why though I do know the actual reason behind that this is it's the Jehovah's Witness theory and I only know that from Kurt from being friends with Kurt I'm dying to know right when he was getting out of that it doesn't

They genuinely, I mean, they do care, at least if they're being genuine and crazy. They do believe in their heart of hearts that, like, it is their job to, like, tell you what's coming, and you got to fix it. You got to fix your shit to be right with it. But they know and sort of expect that you're going to be like, fuck out of here, get out of it. And so they get to go, when the time comes, they get to go, I did everything I could. Yes, and they go, I'm praying for you, so you'll listen. That's what it's based off of, though. Oh, it's so annoying.

It's hilarious. When Kurt told me that, even young, in my, like, early 20s, I saw it. I go, what a selfish thing, actually. So it's like, you think you're knocking on people's doors. It is to save them, but it's to save you. It's because if you don't tell people that it's happening and you should change, you're fucked up. So when, like, oh, you just, it's actually shitty for you to just accept, you're not going to just going to get it and not let other people know they can have it too. So when the world's burning and Jesus is standing there with his hand on my shoulder and I can look up and go, I tried, man.

And he goes, I know my son. And I saw you on the corner of 42nd and 5th with a fucking speaker screaming at people getting out of cabs that the watchtower is lit and the lights are on and there's a place for you. But you really need to change your ways. Yeah. And no one listened. No one listened. He's going to take you up to heaven where you're going to find it to be probably just pretty boring for a guy like that. Right?

I mean, if a lunatic Jesus freak goes to heaven, what's his heaven? It's going to be boring also His heaven is hell And he needs to tell him how good heaven is You guys want to know what you're missing out on up there Endless pancakes Bottomless In room pancakes

Pancakes in bed In cloud pancakes That guy, the guy who owns governors I think all of them But when I was at the Levitown one Yeah Jimmy Jimmy got a Guccio Super mafioso

Energy that guy gives off That's so fun But that was one of his Very nice guy Great guy Yeah Funny it's funny as hell of his thing But just when he comes in and tells him

He goes I always wanted pancakes in bed So now I got the Chef The in-house chef With a pancake station Right in the bedroom So I get pancakes

Right from where he's making him To a plate right in front of me In bed in 15 minutes I'm like Weird It's disgusting Oh weird Oh weird

Oh Garsohn Can you come in here And look at me in bed And cook me something I'm going to be watching TV and pretending it's not happening You could lean that orange juice on my haven't peed yet boner I can have slaves I just can't look at them while they're working That's what I feel about when the cleaning people come

And they just start cleaning it Christine was gone last time they came And so I was just there I sat outside for three full hours just to not be near them Because I'm like I don't want to just walk around and be like Hey do you guys mind if I watch TV while you scrub my fucking floors Miss the spot Hey, yeah, hey, as your master, do you guys have, like, a hard out here?

I have warm water if you want any. Yeah, yeah. He goes, anybody want to slap in the face before I go upstairs to let you know I still care? You got a half full soda? You guys want to share this? Hey, you guys want to drink my piss before I wasted on the toilet? It is hard when they come over and you're like, I'm going to go sit outside. I've done the exact same thing.

Dude, the electrician game over and I still have to leave. He starts unscrewing the panel and I leave the room and I go, just let me know when you're leaving what the fuck is that is that we just don't think that we deserve people helping us it's not that you're just like i feel like i should be helping it's just things in your life that you've had to do before and we're happy not happy to do but you were just like yeah no no i'll like do a deep cleaning every once in a while of the house you know every couple weeks i'm gonna go like i really got to like get in here and wash this and do the showers and the tubs and now you're like

well I can have I don't have time so I could have somebody do it and then I feel like it's just that it's feeling goes finally I can have somebody else do slave like work in my house and I don't have to do anything it's just that simple things I the things that I want a handyman for hilarious like hey when the handyman's here also

can you just get that ladder and go micro fiber the screen of our television that's up high yeah I don't like getting on ladders it's hikes or inky it's four stairs to the ladder I would need to go up on dude it's not it's not a fucking Sky Mansion it's up on the wall a little bit but I need a ladder to get to it and I'm like can we just have the guy there's a ladder I would need to change an air filter that I have to

assume at this point is just covered in nonsense this filter is it since you did you have you changed it since you got no a different air filter there's intake filters also there's squares big squares right there's the one for the AC unit that's like a big accordion looking thing yeah yeah and you change those that you have to change every month and then And also, there's two things that I thought were just AC, fancy, nice, bigger AC blowout things. But it's actually what sucks the air in. And there's a big, there's a big stupid. There's a Bob Schneider.

There's a big stupid thing that you could put in. I think it's just simply taking off the tabs, sliding them over, digging this thing out, taking the other one out, and the other two that we have, taking one of them, and putting it in. I don't think, I bet it's the most easy thing in the world. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm probably going to fuck it up. though. So we just have that maintenance guy or that handyman come over there and do that. Buddy, my refrigerator, the red light came on that says filter. Yeah, I'd throw it out. And I'm like, refrigerator's broke. We need to get a new refrigerator.

We had a full panic on that too. My mother had to come over and say, like, I know what this is. The filter is broke. You have to change the filter. We're like, there's no ice working. Let's burn the house down. That's exactly. I got an ice machine. Yeah, we're plucking ice thing. Like, I don't know what's going on. You just got an ice machine? I got an ice machine instead. I plug it in and make ice now. A new product. And then I bag it and put it in the freezer. I don't need you to make ice anymore.

Only fridge ice. I got another machine ice. Do you guys clean before the cleaning lady comes? I do. No. Well, I mean, it's always... Clean up. It's always relatively clean.

How often do they come? Two weeks? Every two weeks. Yeah, same here. But I mean, we... It's the best thing ever, dude. Yeah, but I'm saying like, no, but daily it's cleaning house. Oh, of course, yeah, totally.

No, you live like a college slob for sure, but me, I don't choose to live that way. Inside my microwave is just cheese. Exploded hot dogs. Fuck. No. No, there's also that too. When cleaning people don't do a certain thing, I also hate, I mean, I farm that out to Christine for the most part. But the fact, because I really, I just, it said, it's the awkwardness of going and goes, hey, do you guys, I noticed you guys never ever clean the window sill bottoms there on the inside where there's definitely a lot of dirt built up. Do you guys, would you like me to put on some lipstick before you fuck me up the ass like this? Do you like it tight? Yeah, he goes, now what do you want? You want to do some kegles? so I can make you come quick because I feel like you're really shoving it up my ass pretty hard.

Slave, clean, now. I'm going to be outside playing in my pool. Scrub, idiot. Yeah, I can't do that either. I can't go in the pool while they're doing it. I think Christine suggests that. She goes, oh, if you're going to be outside, just go on the pool while there. There I go.

Yeah, that looks cool. Just floating all my back. I guess he goes, yeah, got a couple of Mexicans in there. You're just sitting at a table. You're just sitting at a table looking at an unturned-on computer. pretending to work. Holding and stirring a drink with one finger like this. He goes, yeah.

Yeah, I definitely have one of the phone head pieces that has the full microphone in front of you. Yeah. I don't know. I got a couple of these Mexicans in there, scrub-a-dubbing away at the old Casa. More a Mexicant, if you see how bad they did, if you know what I mean. Who do you guys use? Hey, muchas! On the way?

I don't know. Don't forget the Sills. Come is the D.J. Want me to spray the Windex? Oh, shit. Wipey. I'll tell you what, though. Another thing, she's not wrong about this.

They go, they do the sheets changing as part of the service. They do. Great. So, Christina will leave out sheets for them to change the bed. And to go notice, like, the thing, they make it so hilariously, like, is this how you make your own bit? It's like, it's like. It's wild.

It's wild. She's told me about it, but I never noticed it. I never saw it before. Because I remake. When you just come in and it's just all tied into a hammock, if I can hang from the ceiling. It is, it doesn't make any kind of sense. Everything's sideways or the wrong direction. Really?

Next time they do it, I'm going to take a picture of it because it's like I can't. No, you got to re-do it. You have, like, deconstruct it and take pictures. Nope. They don't. They almost don't tuck anything, and it looks like. They put the comforter, like, over the pillows, but only some. It's wild.

I've never seen anything like it. Wow, that's weird. I'm particular if I would make it anyway, but it's bad. I don't know there was more than one way to make a bed. It looks like what a frustrated teenager would do to piss his mom off when she's like, you're not going. You're going to make the bed right. He goes, this? What?

It's covered. I didn't even know there was another way to make a bed. Neither did I. I didn't know either. It turns out you could just layer everything on one at a time like a lasagna. I hope it bakes out right. Jay, it's a tachito. That was a weird feeling.

They came, I was already gone and they came, well, Jay was at the house. And so I came home from this trip, and it was so weird walking in because everything was clean, but everything was just slightly off because they move everything when they clean it, and I wasn't there to put it all back. So it was just like every time I turned a corner, like, it looked like everything had been rifled through. I think about that, too. We put our shit in the safe.

No one's going to steal anything. Let me ask you this. Checked into an Airbnb this weekend I walk in nice place But I'm like what is that smell It smells like old stale urine in here And I open up one of the toilet lids And there is like

Gatorade orange urine Nice Now that's been sitting a while That's gonna have a stink And it's stink hit me in the fucking mouth When a smell gets in your mouth you know So I took a video of it And in the back you hear me going

And so do I put my review on Yelp or just on the app? And, oh my God, I'm so sorry. They called me immediately. I'm so sorry. This is this house clean? And they go, well, obviously it's clean. Yeah, the cleaner just has weird piss. I go, obviously it's clean?

I go, there's fucking orange piss in the toilet. What the fuck? Are you kidding me? So, no. Now, if that's your Airbnb and you're renting it to me, they go, oh, the electrician came, must have not, but we're so sorry. I go, is the rest of the house clean? Yes, we promise.

And he goes, I don't know. I think he likes to shit and piss in different toilets. I go to this guy rub his nuts on my pillow. Like, what the fuck? You know? Oh, sorry. The plumber came. He likes to fuck all the pillows.

Oh, you know what? He does use our charger as a tourniquet. Oh, wait a second. Now, let me ask you this. That's our landscaper and he also has bad diary every time he comes. In this world of reviews, right? If that's your house, do you offer me some type of, like, reciprocity? Do you say, tonight's on me?

It depends, dude. What is reciprocity? They... Do you give me something? No, I know what I meant. I know you know. No, you didn't, though. You lost faith in me.

You're a good word, man. You, did you... Yeah, they should have. Right? I mean, how many nights were you there? Two. Knock... Checked in on Friday.

I think knock off half price of a day. Right? Here's, yeah, here's 400 bucks, 500 bucks. thank you so sorry for the problem four or five hundred bucks is a lot for a bowl piss you could flush but I mean is it though the whole house stunk like old piss you know what it had you know when um it had a ring like it like it left a ring I had to clean the toilet I had to get it from piss dude that's how old the piss was yeesh I didn't know piss

piss leaves of it ended up getting a uh a texture to it yeah piss leaves a pink ring that's gonna make me sick to my stomach I think um don't throw up I'll tell you this Speaking of a similar thing, why? I watched to get all of my fears, like, personified in somebody's speaking. And I was one of the guilty parties of accusations. There was a, they give you a trailer, it's gathering a jugglers for us. All of us, just one trailer. Me, Tim, and Lewis, and Zach hung out in our trailer.

He didn't have his own, I thought, because he was there with, like, he's there with production. Who? Zach. Oh, right. So he was hanging out with us. and we had like Tom and G Mike with us and went in the trailer hung on that for a while

and the first time we left the trailer together Tom points out he goes oh man he goes Zach just went into the bathroom before when we walked out when I was walking out I saw Zach going into the bathroom

and you know it makes some joke I'm like boy I hope he knows you're not supposed to shit in an RV at all and he which went and we left and then we came back in when we came again smelled like shit

brutally every second of the entire rest of the time he were there brutal i mean like spicy like that sour stomach acid shit i was trying to explain that it smells like it was like it was like citrus shit oh no that's bad and i was like fucking zack didn't know and he shit now i was holding this accusation firm in my mind for several hours and then lewis brought it up in front of zach of course he was like Jay's committed that you just shit in the thing and I was like I don't have another answer for what's going on and Zach said to me he goes he goes dude I know you can't shit in RVs I didn't and there is no toilet paper in the bathroom in fairness probably for that reason they do that no toilet paper in the bathroom and no uh and it's extraordinarily small yeah

bathroom so when he said he didn't do it I believed him but again what the point of all that was it made me feel immediately bad because I was like that is why my concern in life always of is when they go, they go, this place smells like shit, it must be Jay. Like that's my concern. I just did it. I did it the same thing with Zach. And I believe Zach.

But, and also in fairness, the reason we thought it was that, if they said, G. Mike had gone into the bathroom before we left, I thought it was G. But it wasn't just that. But I'm just saying, like, how much it also sucks to go, it's putrid. It must be Zach. And I'm like, no, it's not what I mean.

Because you went into the bathroom. But I'm saying, like, that feeling is like the... Was that the first day? That's why I'm always such an asshole scrubber. of my own because again when they go it smells like shit in here I go it's definitely not me I promise you it's not I've done everything in my power to make sure it's not me I'll tell you what

we lived in a very tight apartment the three of us and yeah Christine smells like shit your asshole we did a pretty good job of keeping that place not funky like that like there was there was a book of matches always to light a match after shitting which is the best neutralizer

we also had a we had a window bathroom. No, I know that, but that doesn't always help. It definitely does help with the, but sometimes that almost makes it worse in a New York apartment because it blows it into the fucking kitchen. But we had, remember, there were days we would scrub the fucking shit out of that place. You know, we kept it pretty clean. Yeah, but I said, no one here's like a dirty person.

You get started with the people who don't give a fuck about shit like that, like the, a young Kurt Metzger would just be like, hey, do you mind if I put this, do you mind if I put this bucket of dirt somewhere? I had one college experience that changed me forever with kids. keeping shit clean. You were raped by your football coach? I was raped by a garbage bag. God damn it.

We had a table, a big octagon table in our apartment in college, and we would smoke butts in the apartment, and we would put them in cans, you know? And I remember I fucking walked outside, smoked the joint, whatever came in, went to drink my beer, and took down, like, two cigarette butts and a mouthful of wet ash. And I was just like, oh, God. And I ran outside and vomited everywhere, and I'm like, I can't. And from that point on, And it wasn't a conscious decision, but it was like a, when we would be drinking in our apartment, I'd walk around with like a trash bag and like go empty the cans, throw them out while we were.

So just keeping the place somewhat clean while we, instead of waiting until tomorrow morning, I had to keep going around because that taste and then going for that millisecond going, is this a fucking cigarette? But yes, it is. The memory of the taste is what it'll get you almost every time. It still makes me, yeah. Yeah, I've had that. You could still, when you could still smoke in Caroline's Comedy Club. Oh, that must have been a dingy room when you could still smoke downstairs like that. Yeah, for sure.

But I remember sitting down there and smoke when I first started smoking even, Patrice would make fun of me for it. And it was such a double hit of terrible things happening. While I was, this was, cigarettes weren't quite as expensive than either, but still pretty. Yeah. But he had taken my, when I got off stage. I see that he had taken all my cigarettes and wet them and then put them back into the case no but that was just a simple you saw and you're like oh you fucking ruin them you know go outside and get another five dollar pack or whatever but like uh or he would give me five you know if you're sure sure sure yeah I think he was also making a moment of like what the fuck you do and smoke like stop kind of thing and then I was bummed though because again I was broke so you're like fuck man like my cigarettes are all on there and then I grabbed my beer and like took a swig of it and I forgot that that beer was like pretty empty and before I went on stage I'd put in the cigarette and I just felt that like the paper like hit

your lips and you go it's not even the cigarette wet cigarette butt touched your lips it's that it's made like some sort of a broth that's and I definitely ingested something of that it's like garbage stew dude it's disgusting it's so long it's so And it's got like a grit, and then it's in your tongue grooves. Oh, I still feel it, dude. I still feel it. For dates, go to punchup. Live slash Mike Fanoia, F-I-N-O-I-A.

Subscribe to Mike's podcast, Are We Old? He just did a bunch of episodes today. Yes, I did. You having fun with the show? Loving it. Nostalgia. Fuck, yeah. And make sure you follow at, are we old, A-R-E-W-E-old, on all socials.

And follow at Mike Fanoia. Bobby has a gig in October I'll tell you about another time It doesn't matter really, right? Comedy to Carlson, you got plenty of time for tickets I think it's two months away Bobby's gonna be in Rochester And then Skank Fest

And then also doing New Year's somewhere Bobby's gonna be this kid's graduation eventually God bless him God knows how has had a live life man Yeah take it sleazy Not me everybody I'm grinding and out making sure I get to you in your city This week's Stress Factory

Oh I get to sleep at home How nice is that? Dave Temple going to be there with me. Dylan's coming out. Probably have some guest spots popping out all weekend. Maybe. Crackle, crackle.

Keep on a crackling. Keep on crackling. Crackle on cracklers. I think I just wrote a fish song.