The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Angry Bunny (feat. Andy Fiori)

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

Andy Fiori hangs with the guys as they chat about watching their friends have sex!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Here we go. She plans her test for Stereo. She wants no falling green with a lot of him. Robert Kelly. It's Greg's gone to the silver pole. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Welcome back to the Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM103, the great Robert Kelly and I, Big J. O'Courson, hanging out with Merckface Andy Fiori. We're going to get now. We have to get to this video of Charleston White getting attacked on stage. Black Lou. Does he, is he like considered like a smart guy Charleston White,

or is everyone is just kind of like a thing where it's like just like a provocatory, he's just doing like myelinapless stuff for like hip hop? Yeah, I think he's a provocatory. There's an interview with him and Cam Newton where he's, they ask him like, you know, really, really runner who is it Brittany runner yeah of course they ask him how he would get her and keep her as

a female and basically he said that you got to abuse women like that that's a choice of why it's absolutely yeah he's that easy I might change from influencer to product what did you call yeah if I could say it provoc. I think I like that better. I can't find this set longer. There is other standup of his. Oh, can I see it? Oh, please, yeah, give me a taste.

Give me a taste, because this can't be good. I can't be. Let's just take a vote ready. Ti, Ti, I was like, I feel bad. You got a boot by everybody, but like, I can't, here's a thing though. They should also be allowed to try it, right? They should, but here's a sh**. You should hate everybody allowed to try it, right? They should, but here's a fun thing.

You should hate everybody to like, because they want to fucking try it. It's fun. What happened to stand up though in the last 10, 15 years that became a job like acting? Stand up was never like that. Stand was got pops and became big, but then died when they figured out how hard it was.

But now it's like acting. You can just become a stand up and have that as a thing. That's what it is. You can just do it. And I say like a guy like this who really isn't coming through the ranks and then people already know who we, it's just a weird situation that sets up. But I mean like, it's not, I said before,

and people want to try them. I was like, I guess I get it. I think if you go to it enough, like people want to, John Mayer started doing comedy at one point and had to stop. You know what I mean? It happens. You see on the show.

So I'm not, uh, no, never, never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. No, he was here once I heard. No way. Scored. But um, so these guys in fairness, then don't get a chance to develop it at all. But again, it's such a weird thing to come out like what a, what a celebrity will not be able to do out of the gates that a, you know, Joe average can do. It's be self-deprecating though, also. It's like your self-deprecation isn't real because his other thing is like,

you got a slap-itches if they get out of line. So he has to kind of live that on stage too and it's gonna get people like on top. When John Mayer did stand up at the cello, there was a bit of humility to it. Knowing that like, hey man, I'm trying this. I usually do this, this is fucking crazy. So he did have...

But there also wasn't a 4K camera in everybody's pocket. Yeah. You're absolutely right. These guys... I'm just going to be the best example of what's going on right now, but I've never seen this. These guys have to come out with the confidence of... Yeah, like T.I. can't be out there and be like,

hey, I'm trying out some new stuff. But they want to see T.I. can't be out there and be like, hey, I'm trying out some new stuff, but they wanna see T.I. come out and be like confident, and they just think it's probably gonna be like him telling stories and shitting on people. And then people get mad, and then their girlfriends are going nuts because it's a celebrity.

And then they're mad at the guy, for it's such a bad situation. But I'm sure he also sucks. We'll see. We'll see. Also, I'm sure Charleston was not gonna comedy What here we go I didn't understand where he's at not one. I don't think those subtitles matched up to the audio

What is it she plays for the Pittsburgh steers lost the ball in Reno, Ohio If your car so good, why didn't life keep getting it if God is so good It's God he's talking about God you know, those motherfuckers in church praying to God, if God is so good, why you broke? That's true though. If you're God, it's so good. Why are you lights off? Why are, yeah.

Is that McGoobs? Play McGoobs. Play McGoobs. Play McGoobs. Right there, right there. Who's in McGoobs? Oh, he's playing McGoobs. Here we go.

If people look, guys, like myself. So I bought the gun. And I snuck the gun in the club, and there was a bunch of guys that sitting around in the strip club, like most rope on the fucking wood. I say about a rope on the fucking. He made it. And he was sitting around looking.

And I'm saying, what are they be looking at me? And there's all these girls in the other fucking club. So I go in the corner and pull back the gun and cock it Oh, I didn't know what it was What's great about this is like seeing a guy like I've only I never seemed to comedy so it's like his confident like Fuck you Joe Budden and he just like gets in all these like beefs and you've seen him before on stuff, right? So he's like that like I just know what's going through his home because you heard that you hear the dry of somebody goes, so I bring the gun to the thing. And you feel the mouth

getting dry. I want to hear the rest of the plexico burst. I really wish I could have a cool accent like this though. Only that swagger. Yeah, wow. I can buy my chick. Claire. Yeah, it does sound like it's it's C U L R B. I like Southern black comic. Dude, such a great fun. Yeah, yeah, man, my kid my wife being, you know, pussy be dried up and shit, but it's all right.

You want to talk about my mama. You don't talk about my mama like that because she's Catholic and shit like that. Yeah, like what's his name? Claire, I'll be said, Deek. Oh, God. He sells for a man. He's so fucking mad. It's a damn damn.

Damn, that is sexy. That's, he's funny though. Got the energy. He's so funny. Curb. We still got the exit. He's gonna give like Southern black exit.

We should fake that one, right? He's just going stage of faggot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, everybody here, Daniel? Be Daniel Beach, Florida is a place to be now damn it We do it fucking swampers. I know I say I say I say You know I ain't performing on the other over both Bobby Gator Kelly you guys are wearing a flixing shirt

What's going on you two old for that shit? I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm? Oh my God. I forget the gun is in this pocket till I reach in the pocket. So I constantly tell myself as I'm sitting down, as I'm getting ready to sit down to get him to weed, outside of the CBD. As I'm sitting down, I move my thumb and my thumb burning, tuck the trickle, pop, and people duck over the news even. So somebody heard me. I say, this is, you can stop that, it's going nowhere. on the bomb and people don't over use it so so i think that this is uh... you can stop that it's going nowhere but i uh...

but i know i will say impressively enough for his like new i think he is the comedy is like uh... wasn't cursing a ton you didn't say the n-word at all in the whole thing with the he didn't lean on any kind of like crutches the stuff so yeah he just leaned on boring storytelling. It was a long while he thinks that he's gone and whatever stories are gonna be exciting And maybe there was audience it is yeah, it went pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop Everybody went and jumping I could do it I'm gonna jump suit with all the same color just oh my god, please. Yes, please start performing it Please have a road suit. I'm gonna do a light pink. Mm-hmm. That's my thing. Everything's pink. Okay I like that my socks are pink rave Bobby rave Bobby pink Bobby rave. Thank you. Thank you Kelly. Pinky Kelly. You're You're Bobby raves. I went more on at first stole my first gumble machine. I say I say I say

Here we go. I want to hear Charleston way. This is where it goes bad. This is Charleston. What's comedy going bad? Oh, I fell apart He just started cursing a bunch and saying the inward a bunch. That was exactly the opposite was that a fat stack It was a fat stack. He pulled it out of his pocket, which is a rookie. Rookie mistake. Yep. It's a rookie mistake. Yeah Guys huge guys here I'm gonna get the pot of flowers I'm a pot of plant. Yeah, so now I don't go stage trying to Oh, he takes the pot flowers He threw the pot of flowers. Oh God. Oh, and he got on stage. Oh, we went them with the bike You got bang with the Mike like here's a prop. It's got a chair

He's got a little all he's down. Posit Christine for a moment. Please can I say this? Is it like Lou? Do you agree? We bring back the baggy pant and That won't happen like that. He's a guy trying to get up on stage. He couldn't Separate his legs enough to get the one leg up. It's a high stage. We did the push, but he couldn't separate his legs up. So he had to basically like snake crawl onto the state and the guy and he got bashed. Oh yeah. You got the only way around it. The way you do a push up and to ask. Yes, which is that guy probably can do. I would

look like a fool dude. I'd love for you guys to film me trying to do a a jump up and get my ass on something because I bet it's hilarious You're right it lives you vulnerable then you got your back turned I jumped off stage during the creeps with kids tour And I couldn't get back up on that's I had to go around awful That's my that's one of my biggest fears if I'm ever in a I'm falling over a building and I'm just done because I can't pull my fat ass back up over the ledge, even in a life threatening scenario like that. It's a hard thing to do. Yeah, even at a little guy, hard thing to do.

They fixed it at the Providence, where I'm gonna be this weekend. Providence, I think, but it used to have a high stage without like steps to it. Yeah, you had a step up. You do a high step think, but it used to have a high stage without like steps to it. Yeah, you had a step up. You do a high step up, but it was like a weirdly high step up. I've seen people eat shit on that before. Yeah, I love that club. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what island the comedy connection. So now the guy finally gets on stage after eating a full plant and a microphone to the face. He's coming. I don't know who's

on who's team here, right? This guy threw everything he could as guy and he kept coming, which is terrifying to me. Yeah. If you threw a potted plant that somebody's had a microphone at his head and then a chair. Yeah. And the guy was still coming. It's terrifying. And there's a guy. I motivate people. There's also a guy with no shirt in the shirts wrapped around his head. I saw a chick run on at one point. Yeah, but the end is the best the girl filming who can't get up a stage is because she's fat No, no complete a different girl watch you'll see her is begging is begging Hey, there we go there she is listen Put me up her There she is listen Now there was a follow-up thing of him in the car

She she wanted to get this video so bad and knew her tight fucking jeans She's never making it up on that stage dude. I Dude, I would be one of those guys who comes in 40 seconds later to look like I was a part of it and trying to help. Yeah, I'm good at that. We can go in front of the stage and just do this. You just look both ways, put your hands up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, so we're like, I remember a chill, chill, chill. Is this him afterwards? Is that already? I think so. Looks like Arty. I would have beautiful day.

But a beautiful mother-look-a-day. The children out there, and what? Oh, well. I just wanted to stand in front of the sunlight and let them... He's a wacky-looking guy. I'm on a touch. I'm on scave, and I'm undefeated.

We went again. The Internet man. The Internet man. The Internet man. The Internet man. The Internet man. And I'm undefeated we went again Man in the mother didn't it man in the mother they can't beat me Boy the internet man the mother fucker. They can't beat me. I was called by the euphirious to take KB because the lights up the internet is mad They say they wait a little more y'all they say they let it go to bed tonight He's gonna get wait a little morning. He go out and lost and not on his head. Here we go. I can't.

Here we go. I can't understand what it is. I need, he has a giant forehead. I don't know whatever it is though. He's happy. He's a giant forehead. Oh, he does. His hairline goes back.

Back goes back. Yeah. Can you play? Ah. His hairline goes back goes back now Hey, that's all I'm gonna get waiting on What I'm Jamie got no other way Now now hear me out you put this same rant in The guy walking down the street. It's just as crazy. Yeah. If he's walking down a street, I'd argue, I'd argue you got on the streets and we're loose. That's what I'm saying.

I think he's, and actually, yeah, his vibe is better. His vibe is also better. They have the same outfit on the other. I like his aura. They have the same color shins. Here we go. They have the same bomb as you. Oh man.

So nothing happened to him. He didn't get his money snatch room. Wow. Look like he had a well. That's surprising. That's surprising. They didn't get that money. He was off the stage pretty quick.

I mean, the Usher amount that back door, you can see pretty good. Oh, they did? It looks like it. Damn. On the video you get out there. You know, internet, y'all can't beat back door, you can see pretty good. Oh, they did? It looks like it, yeah. Damn. On the video, you get out there. He goes, y'all, internet, y'all can't beat me. They try to keep me down, he goes, I think I'm just a thing you have with a guy.

That's a big guy. You know that guy, you were taunting? BAM! BAM! I gotta do an intro real quick. Oh, sweet. Yeah. This is Ian Foddance, and you're listening

to the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarson and Bobby Kelly Bobby is touching me right now and I couldn't be happier because I'm also at comedy on state this weekend June 8th through the 10th I'll do it. I'll do it. Hey, this is Ian Fy dance. I'm here on the bonfire. Go see Jordan on July Fuck on the bonfire, go see Jordan on July fuck. There have been told how to do station IDs before. You're supposed to be like, you're listening to this, Jordan. Oh, did I fuck it up?

Hi, let me try it. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. I'll show you how to do it. Hi, this is Jordan Jensen, and you're listening to the bonfire. On fashion talk 103. On what?

Fashion? Fashion. Okay. Talk 103. Okay, ready? Hi, this is Jordan Jensen, on fire on fashion talk one or three on what fashion fashion fashion okay talk one of three okay ready hi this is Jordan Jensen and you're listening to the bonfire on faction talk 23 okay hi this is Jordan Jensen and you're listening to the bonfire at faction talk one oh three I thought you told me you could plug the podcast but nothing you know can I redo it? Yes? Yeah, they have my tape. Oh, are you fucking with me? No, they got more tape. I would wish for you to be truthful with me Hey, this is you finance and you're listening to me on the bonfire with big J. Ogerson and Robert Kelly

On serious XM, Faction Talk 103. A-Woo-ga! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Here we go. We're back. Check out some videos.

Andies and studio. What a fun day. And if you already did in the studio, Dubai, you're going to love it. So fun. His fun. Lou was doing something. Black Lou was playing on his phone. Jacob's wearing 17 layers.

No matter what he's called. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. We're back. The onstage fight. Again, it is weird to go to a comedy show with anything in you that can be turned into a fight. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. To go to a comedy show to be like, there's something that can be said that's gonna make me get into a fight. Yeah, it's scary, man, because there are certain people. And I did at that, it was at that mall of America. I think it was the last time I had a guy say he was just gonna kill me.

It was like it went from him talking good dude. Stop talking. Can you please? I and then do shut the fuck up. Can somebody shut him the fuck up? And he went, I'm gonna kill you. Speaking of DiPolo, he was like, well that's just too, I mean that's fast. DiPolo had a guy open up his jacket, show him a gun and close it again.

And what did Paul do show him? He was like, I shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah. This was like years ago. The lay of factory, which turned into a Times Square art center for a while when that was going, they hired like a real, foggy street team for the ticket sales.

And I was like, my impression of it, you'd see it happening outside. I'd be like, yo, my fuck, you want to see comedy? And I was like, I don't know, is that shit hilarious? He was like my impression of it used to you'd see it happen outside of it like yo my fuck you want to see comedy And I don't know is that shit hilarious Those are the guys would come in they just like we were and it's also again They'd walk in and be like rich or priors on the night. I was told Me and Billy Burrow walking through over there and they were like, yeah, who's on tonight? And like Billy Burr, Patrice O'Neill and Bill's like, I'm not there. I'm like, he's right here.

Somebody show you a picture of yourself. I had that at the time of Square Arts saying that's those guys and the guy, he's selling me on the show and I was like, and he was pushing Dean Edwards. He's goes, Dean Edwards is about what I love Dean. I was like, oh yeah, he's great. I go what about this guy here. It's just a picture of me This guy goes nah man, you don't know where about him. He goes D-N Edwards man Pete he's comic view deaf comedy jam blah blah. I go yeah, no, he's great I go, but I just like what's cute, but this guy goes man goes that guy. I know on the night or nothing, which I was

Yeah, he goes and then he goes he goes nah man, that guy's fucking corny man. He's like, shitting, he was like, yeah, he was getting no good man, he's fysux. He goes, this guy here and I was like, and then I had to go, it's me. And he was like, I know, you're corny. I'm gonna shit motherfucker. No, it was weird, so it won't work.

I was trying to spay your feelings. For when you say, do you face bitch, you stink. I'm trying not to sell you to anybody. He started going, he was like, oh no, Jay, come on, it ain't like that. Come on, big Jay. I was like, that's fucking sucked. But yeah, the fake people come in.

Funny that people come in, they'll tell people, somebody who I've heard come in, like Al Bundy's not here tonight. Not even Ed O'Neill, just like the character. Anything funny they like, they told him what they would be there. All right, Chee Bunker here. Yeah.

The movie Friday isn't happening on stage. That club was weird though, because it used to be the greatest peep show in New York City. Oh, which one? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The last show. It was a show, show world. I don't know.

That sounds right. But it but it had show world right it had it had three different sections and You'd go up and had the the round room that you could put your head in then it had the The door Well, you know you go in and she's in one room. You're in the other with the plexiglass I just beat off in the room and then it had the one where you could go in, and there was a no-glow, your head could go in. And you could like lick a boob for three hours. Really?

Yeah. You could lick a boob. Just in there, getting titlicked? Dude, ticklicked. What a job. Yeah, I remember one. Hey, can I get a smoke rig and dry off my tit? Well, yeah.

These, these, they clean their tits off of baby wipes. They all had baby wipes. Should we get T.L. all day? I remember when the show was going on. Here goes, he goes, Janice, you got another one. She goes, here we go. There's pops in the hole. Well, I guess that's it.

Well, the first time we came to New York, it was me Patrice, Bob Marley, Dane, and Billy, and we all went to that peep show, and we went in, and we all, I remember we put our money in, and then our heads all popped in at the same time. And I was like, what's up, man? And then we went out, and then Patrice ran out of money, all of a sudden, my door opened behind me. Oh, you came in behind you, yeah.

He came in behind me, he said, Bobby, get that moment right over there with the C-section scumball in about. And I was like, no, and he started yelling at me. He goes, just get that bitch over here. And I went, excuse me, it was just my head. I go, Miss, can you come here? He goes, give her three bucks. So I gave her three bucks.

And just the big black hand came out and just started playing with her tit with my head next to it. And I just had to, I had to just sit there while he, he was just playing with her nipples. And I was like, okay, and she's looking down at me like, what's up, baby? I'm like, you should have played with the other one. Yeah, I learned, it took me to become past my 20s, I think, to learn the idea that like you really don't want your friends to see your fuck faces. It's one thing you gotta keep separate from them. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You gotta keep it. You know what I see? You know what I see? Your goofy, stupid, come face? Yeah, just like, yeah, because whatever like the, even, but even like the into it thing, that story I told a while ago, me, Kurt,

and my buddy Glenn, all bang this chick together, like, Kurt zones out. Like, he goes somewhere else and he just fucks like a machine. Big monster dick he just fucks like a machine and it's but his face is just like he's like blank. He's like he goes just somewhere else. He's actually solving time travel. He's autistic head. He's just searing theories and parentheses x plus y solves for a pot. Yeah. Oh, you know what I'm doing right. High square plus b squared. Yeah, we could travel to Mars in a day

when he gets done coming. Starting trying goes in Rombus. And then at some point, you just go, just goes, huh, huh, huh. And he's coming, I guess. Dude, that's the thing. What is it? Huh.

Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Oh my god. He just blanks. Like the rest of us like the rest of us,

I solved the rest of us when we were doing it. Yeah, almost half, it's not gonna be a great sexual situation because with your buddies, you kind of gotta look over and do like this thing like. That's the thing to want to. Like this is stupid, this is so crazy, right? You can't really give like the, yeah, it's good. I couldn't do that with you.

I can't leave your face already. If I was like, Bobby wait all their leg up Cuz you look like an angry bunny I love Easter you like Easter bitch You and your friends are comics in general so many like three sims with your buddies I've only had one and I couldn't stop giggling yeah the entire it didn't last like it was ten minutes I've only I'm sorry no no no it was me and my friend one girl is the only time it's ever happened to me And she was kind of she was blowing him I was going down her I was laughing into her vagina

I only did one I was laughing right into it. I gave away. good weafs. I didn't want to know what you were. Stop laughing. But that was weird, because he was he was a guy. What? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It was weird. You know where the second dick was gonna go,

since he was only one whole back there. It was very confusing. It was, it was a girl. This is this is pre, this is early Norton days when he was still holding on. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. northern days when he was still holding on. And I remember he he kind of went first to something because he didn't want you know

what I mean. And then he went on his computer when it was my term which was weird because I was responding to you. He was just on his fucking computer and he looked over everyone's with that norton physics. Yeah. it's weird. It was weird. Now it's the other two. It's a I don't know if it's a race to come first or come second because coming second has to suck. But coming first like. You have to like remember you kind of fuck it up for you. You kind of believe the situation. I'd feel Well, you can almost tell who you can't hang out in the room and do something else. Women can't make it, they always will let you know who they're into more.

Yes. They just, they can't. They'll always, you know what I mean? Because you'll try something and be like, and they'll kind of like, yeah, push you off a little bit. And if they're into that, I was with somebody once, they would just end to him.

And I was just trying to squeeze my little pecker in somewhere. And it was just like, I just felt like a nuisance. They got an armpit. And I wound up just going to sit on the couch and then after they would go, she was like, come over here. And I was like, okay. And I was like, you know what, I'm good. I don't, I don't feel like.

It's so, yeah. Karim Green got us a good couple of chicks one time. Black, beautiful. Girls, black beautiful girls black. And they, like he basically was like, talked them into it the first time. You know, I mean, like, ah, that's gonna be fun. And then they were like, it was not like,

that's where a place where I should not have been. Just a fat white guy with two hot black chicks and kareem's like in shape. You know, I mean, I was like, yeah, they're like, hey, is your retarded friend over here, done with my butt? I'm just touching it. You got jerking up in the corner.

He's jerking up the corner with socks. Still I'm going, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Camp 2, Kevin used to give me those situations where it would be like a couple of black chicks and like me. And I just like, man, the one, the black women that liked me were like, it was like their cornrows were so big

that it was like they had like five on their total head. It was like one down the middle. Do you know what I mean? Like those like, you could count on one head. It's like mostly to live under wigs. You know what I mean? It's just like, it's not,

and those ones would be like, even they were like, I'll do it. And I'm like, I thought I'm doing you a favor. They call you child. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do that big white bitch. Yeah, literally,, I'll do it. And I'm like, I thought I'm doing you a favor. They call you child. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do that big white bitch. Yeah, literally, like I'll occupy,

they were doing like the sheet, this ugly son of a bitch is gonna jump on the neon the grenade so Kev can get laid. Fuck you, lady. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, man. Here we go.

Here we go. Robert Kelly's to be in Daniel Beach, Florida, December 15th and 16th. After that, he's going to be in Fort Wayne, Indiana, two shows one night New Year's Eve. Sarah Togas brings it Wisconsin. Protectants and all their tour dates visit Robert Kelly Live.com. Check out a special kill box available on PunchUp.live. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. And if Yuri's gonna be a comics mohigan son January 4th through the 8th. After that, we'll be with Tom Poppin Baltimore, Huntington, New York and Glenside PA. Get tickets at anyfuri.com. Here we go. Here we go. Be sure to watch a special check right streaming now on YouTube.

He wants to hold the pavement. He can't believe it's happening. I'm going to be at the comedy connection in Providence speaking. That's all. That's it. And then Pittsburgh for New Year's Eve weekend. Christine's going to see the Pittsburgh's tailors. After that, I'll be in Liberty, Ohio.

She's gonna be home for that one. Then over to Salt Lake, the Mormons have some strange ideas. I like the way they think. And then Denver for my crowdwork special. Gonna be talking to the audience. Some will get mad. Some will stay. Either way, your phones are in your pockets. For tickets and all their tour dates visit figjacomedy.com. Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy. We'll see you live Monday I'm loving Listen She get none of them

Yeah DJ Lou probably think has a boner right now he probably loves George Thurough good dude I'm not I'm not hating how to not I'm not hating it's bad shit come on Come on now now I'll yeah, look man come down. I wish I talked like that in real life I don't get me a big man with a large fry and get me a 10-piece McNugga with a special sauce right here. Hello Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order? Yes, the look man. I want a happy meal, but I'm an adult and I don't care. Come down now! Give me some apple slices with that because my carol's really high. Go to Starbucks. Can I help you?

Let me get a comma macho yado here. I'm on the streets. I said look man! I'm Macho Frappuccino! I'm Macho Frappuccino to go! Oh, he's back. Chino a match of rap a chino to go Here he back. He's back We know

I think it's such a horse shit song. I think everybody should talk like this for one day We should see everybody listening for one day. You should go in and go, hello. Welcome to work. Look, man. I need a large. Do you have a large? Sir, what size shirt do you wear? I wear an extra large. She says, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's a double neck, sometimes triple in a song. It depends if it's your opinion So I come on Christine I said I'm fired say yeah Yeah, look man You're picking up a couple of your ships in the comedy club Now the door I went

I came in the studio and it was a big chill-ass. So I grabbed my blanket and I said, who touched the dial? Christine, man. Don't touch it. Who are you going to go to? So I'm wearing a blanket. I'm wearing a fleece. I'm wearing a shirt.

Still cold. I look at a shirt. Still cold. I look at the thermometer. I can see it was down. I said, oh man. So yeah. I tell you what, I wasn't wearing my necklaces. Oh yeah. I said, look man.

Probably didn't see my... Just a gas chain. Oh my, my double bracelet. And then when Christine realized she didn't touch the thermometer at all, she was so nice. How nice. Long, you love it, Debbie. I love it. You love it now. Come on. I was doing it.

I love, I love talking like that. I look at my teeth. They were kind of yellow and a little messed up. I said look man Make me smile like a heaven. He said look man. He said what you want I said I want to teeth He said I don't know. I don't think I could do that new thing. I said I want the teeth. And out the door I went. I couldn't chew for three days because they put to a placement here. I was nervous on stage.

I said what did they fuck out? Instead I didn't know. in the front row everybody nervous Now you know I love it. I love it. I'll do it all day. I'll talk doing it. I'll talk like this for a week I'll go hat in hand to a friend Jacob, I have to stay at your house. I said, what you want, man? I said, look man, I'm out on the streets. I need a place.

I'm gonna stay at your house. I'm warm in some of your Titanic stuff. I promise. Why you got this Hitler book here? Why is this book got a big ol' swastik on it? You with it some crazy white supremacisty stuff? I said look man! I got a black trumpet player! I said Jacob! Why the reach so small? Make it big I gotta learn a disability man. I said look man, the picture's small.

I asked my figure double space it. I can't read things, well I don't see the period man. I can see by his face, it was double space. He double space it. I can read the reads, I went on my way. And there I go. With another hand. And now the dough Bobby went. I have beat the song part now we just need to talk and shit

Yeah, I shit, I mean that's when you go And these back of the bar The bomb, the dick, the hunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the gunk, the g I'm drinking a scotch. I'm drinking a beer. One beer, man. The lyrics are light. Hi, ever. With me and you'd be one egg roll, one rice, and one beer. A number two, a number three. Hey, you guys have any of them there? Homemade hot mustard sauce, the hot in the Hurt your nose nostrils.

You said we only got the packets. That's a look man. I'm a little stuffed up. Charlie's man said let me check in the bag. So they all leave every left? Every left. They all left. So it's already so fixed Oh man, come on I want everybody who heard that to do that for a day

Look man It's like a great I went to Chick-fil-A. I didn't know a Sunday. I rode up to the window and nobody was there. And then I knocked on the window, I said, look, man! I'm being myself a sandwich. I can see the black lady in the cashier was not like in my white bullshit today. She said, hey, man. I said, oh, yeah. It's the Lord's day.

But I'm tired tired Jesus is tired I just want some chicken I can see in the face I knew it was no. I'm just doing my wildest out you ain't getting chicken from before you ain't getting chicken never done chicken no never. I keep thinking it's gonna be that not the door I wear it. I can't time it at all. Oh shit. Just big fat mom boobs.

Working with some mom boobs. I wrote this with Josh Adam Myers. Just don't seem to have nothing to lose. Working with your mom boobs. We kept saying that because there was so many of those in Austin. This girl's walking by with big sun burnt mom tits I love mom tips working with your mom. I love a friend. I do Well, we're at the center thunder look to my right. So what a wonder

I saw a set of titties born in 1961 In a funny how those mom boobs it went by the sun friggles everywhere whoa my boobs and the black chicks come in mom boobs they were my limit I uh one nipple bigger than the other working with your mom boobs

Mom boobs will bruise your chest I love she hasn't been able to run since 1999 But she keeps me fine like why? Working with your mom boobs. Oh. You know what? I wrote that with you. Not Josh Edomars, I'll tell you why. What I'm really saying is I kept saying it outside the Josh Edomars and he wasn't giving

any love and I was pointing that out. And then I finally got him to go, working with the mom, but he was responsible for nothing else. No, no. We just wrote mom boobs. And then after the show, I was talking to this, work it with the mom, but he's responsible for nothing else. No, no. We just wrote mom boobs. And then after the show, I was talking to this really smoker, hot milk. Oh my God.

Where she working with a mom boobs being an eagle. Oh my God. She was there with her daughters. I wanted nothing to do with those young plump girls. I wanted those big, sagging, mad boobs. Working on her mom boobs. I heard that you had a sleeve, like a divorce sleeve. How'd you get your tan?

Yeah. How'd you get that tan line so low on your boobs? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just. Where does your goddamn nipple start in regular titty begin? What's on your stomach? Your nipples resting in your stretch marks don't gang on Big titties they got zits on them you nipples a chewy like a piece of

Working with your mom boom really makes me come Mom boobs are the mom boobs I like mom boobs. I love a mom. I'll pick up a pair of mom boobs One hangs lower than the left one Once a bee and once a double-d I can plug the hair off your tinny hair. Your little hair comes in dark and long. I see them whiskers.

They're gray and brown. Girl, I see them whiskers. I can see them whiskers whiskers whiskers whiskers whiskers. Hey, my turkey, Top Deck. Ha, ha, ha, ha, you don't mind walking around with an aluminum cane for a wall of Mom boobs, we know you don't have tapots cause you don't have you peered anymore, Mom boobs, you still buy your make up from right age, Mom you eat hot and cold cause you're pre-man apart You wear a moth in the m and shirt out for fashion. Momboops! You take a painting class out of moth! Momboops!

You still got little pom-poms in the back of your socks. Ooh! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na So I got to write 17 verses of bamboo. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo