The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Awful Orzo

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

Christine cooks a hideous chicken meal for dinner. Jay still wants to dance but is afraid. Bob finds a gluttonous diner. A camper sends a song for Jacob created with A.I. Some people still pee at a urinal with their pants all the way to the floor. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Building is alive today for another event that bonfires never invited to It's retro day for the building downstairs. They have a bunch of games and fun. Sorry Every time there's been a pizza party here, I've seen 60 pizzas in that lobby out there and no one's ever been like,

hey, you guys should get some, huh? No, it's for everyone. You can just take it. They shut down outside and they opened up inside for everybody from two to four every day because they're redoing the outside. So they're gonna have a fun party thing every day from two to four have a fun party thing every day

from two to four. Not every day. Every day? Every day. I have no idea. Every day. I think you're just making that up. 100%.

Uh oh, uh oh. It's the... 100%. No, today's voice, it says September 10th, retro day, but it's our two for Tuesdays day. We record our Thursday show on Friday. Christine, by the way, snail crawling here today.

Will we still? It's Christine's fault. Yes. Us being late today is Christine's fault. She's got a lot of it there. Is it not your fault? I was like a minute behind you. No, no, no, false.

I love couple fights, I love couple fights. No, this isn't a fight. This is one person not seeing reality the way it happened and another person telling you the truth. Yeah, that's a couple fight. She was late. From the time the Uber was in front of our house to me getting in the Uber was what, maybe two minutes?

Five, for sure, five. But I also. It's so funny that women and men see time differently. Yeah, we see it like the way it happens. On a watch. Yeah. We see it the way it goes. When I was getting ready to walk out the door,

Christine's hair was still in a towel. So it was Christine. It was just wrapped so it wouldn't get in the shower. What are you, Rhoda? Who puts their hair in a towel? Her name should be Rhoda. She looks more like a Rhoda than a Christine. Do you wrap it in a little knot and flip it up

and have it on your head, like my mom? Yeah. No, no, no. She has one that's for that specifically, a little head wrap. Oh, Dawn's got one of those too. You look like you work at a bodega. I'll tell you what, surprisingly, it's not sexy.

Um, I guess you'll find it surprising, it's not sexy at all. I'll tell you what, the's not sexy. Um, I guess you'll find it surprising, it's not sexy at all. I'll tell you what, the towel was sexy, but the new, Dawn has one of those, just you put it on your head. Yes. You look like GoFundMe. No, she looks like fucking, uh,

what was the thing's name in Pee-wee's little box? What was it? Not Punjabi. Nobody's helping you. No one's helping me. Nobody, we're just staring at you. Jambi. Jambi. Thank you. Yeah, not Punjabi. Nobody's helping you. No one's helping me. Nobody, everybody just staring at you. Jambi. Jambi.

Thank you. Yeah, that dumb thing. Yeah, I don't like the new ones. The two, I like the towel because it adds a little oomph from the top. Christine looks like she's appropriating African fucking river laundry people. Yeah, she's woke Christine.

Yeah, oh, woke Christine, yeah, Christine Badoo. It's an anti-frizz microfiber towel. It's not appropriation. I'm gonna tell you something. I'm in Amsterdam. Me and Patrice were at a nightclub. And Erica Badu came out. Really?

Was it her dumb hat phase or her dumb head wrap phase? It was a head wrap phase, and we started dancing together. You and Erica Badu? No, me and Patrice. Oh. It was the weirdest moment of my life with him. We just started dancing dancing together. You and Eric Badoo? No, me and Patrice. Oh. It was the weirdest moment of my life with him. We just started dancing kind of together.

And he was enjoying it. And then we were- It was genuine from him? Yeah, we were both dancing. Could you not get a lot of Patrice Cutloose stories? He always kept a little guarded because, and I understand this, you wanna be the people making fun of the people having fun.

Not then. We were in another country, and all of a sudden she came out, the place went fucking ballistic. It was like a nightclub, like a dance club. She came out singing this shit, came out, walked out. And where was this at? This was in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam.

And all of a sudden he started, he looked at me and he just started with his thumbs touching his, and I was like, and I got into it, and then we were just dancing together. And then we found out it was not her, it was a lookalike. That's hilarious, it wasn't Erika Badu. Nah, not at all. You guys grooved to a lady singing Erika Badu's song, I don't like Erika Badu's songs when Erika Badu sings.

She was lip-syncing it. You guys caught the groove. Oh, it wasn't even her singing, she was lip-syncing it, it was probably a man is what it was. It was probably some Dutch broad Yes, I'm probably a guy. That's that's what a drag that's what drag queens do It could have been when you're looking back at it me and totally me and me and me and Patrice would gain out I understand getting wrapped up in a moment, dude. I watched the drag show when I was in

Phoenix last time because the night that you're not there. I was there Friday Saturday. I think think Thursday, they do a drag show. And the hotel's across the street. So I just went over and I see the staff and everything and they were like, oh, gotta watch the show. And for a moment in the drag show, you're like, I think I sorta get it. And then I walk out and I go, get that dumb shit out of my life and never bring it back again.

That was ridiculous. You don't like drag? No, and neither do you. I'll tell you why I like it. Come on. When we used to work at Boston. What are you going to do when Max shaves his eyebrows off and tell you his name is like Queen Bitch Tits or something?

I'm going to be like, this go girl. Don't threaten me with a good time, Maximus. Queenie Bitch Tits? They always got the stupid fucking names. We used to go, me and this comic. If you guys can call Max Queenie Bitch Tits, will you see him, please? We're just trying to foster his creativity. We went to,, me and this comic, and if you guys can call Max Queenie, bitch tits, will you see him, please? We're just trying to foster his creativity.

We went to, there was a place called Jocks right behind Nick's Comedy Shop in downtown, and they did a drag night, and we used to go after, after our shows, we'd pop over to Jocks, which was a gay, whatever club, and they would do drag, and we'd sit there and bust balls and watch fucking. Yeah, let's balls This sucks, right guys

God guys, I'm not turned on by this at all. How do people get so into this? It's not doing anything for me. You can't get turned up by drag, you know, it's not like you know, it's not Liza Minnelli It's not you get turned on if it was Liza Minnelli. Yeah Yeah, I don't mind drag. I uh, have I ever fell into dancing with a friend? I don't think I have. Never danced with, I don't, I get scared dancing, like I get scared singing.

Like when we sang Bon Jovi, I was terrified. I've gotten myself out of being afraid of singing too much. I don't think I'm good at it, but I'm just like, I don't give a shit, but dancing in front of people. It's tough. Scary. What is it that makes it so tough? I have to battle rap at Skang Fest,

and I mean, as I'm writing this stuff myself, I'm getting the idea, I'm like, oh, I'll go like this, oh, and I do this with my hands when I say that. And then when you're picturing it, you're like, phew. I think I could watch something like that and I do this with my hands when I say that. And then when you're like picturing it, you're like, whew. I think I could watch something like that and be like, man, those guys are really good. But I could also watch people trying to do it

and sit there and laugh at how shitty they are. And that's all I think about is those people who are going like, these guys suck at this. And we're not gonna be good. There's a fine line between sucking and being good. Well, in this, again, it's always those things like if you're looking at an amateur versus a professional or anything.

Me and Louis are not rappers, but we're gonna give everything we have, but you have to still put some oomph into it. It's gotta be some moment, besides the rap that you do, that people go, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, maybe like a little, maybe a touching when you shouldn't touch.

I said a lot of hand gestures, like emphasizing your words with motion. You should do a split. Try a split. Bobby, that's fucked up, you just say. Why? All right, by that reaction, I'll pretend like you didn't remember this.

It just seemed like you were saying something sarcastic, because you know my dream is to nail a dance split in front of people And pop back up like Prince and why don't you make it happen? I can't do it you can do it I saw you squat down like a stripper. I can't do a split where I pop back up kitten play does it and that's it I squat a squat is next door to a split What do you say? Not on this carpet. Jacob, a person that can do it can do it on any surface. That's right.

I'm trying to give you a little break. No, I don't need it. Bobby's trying to get me hurt. He wants me to rip my quads. No, here's what you do. You get those little sneakers with the roller skates that pop out, click them together, that will help you down.

No, I don't need help going down. It's just, if I go all the way down, I'm gonna get hurt, and I can't pop back up. I don't have the momentum. It's, Christine, please show Bobby a kid and play dance split, please, so we can see what I'm talking about, how it's done right. I think you got it, dude.

I think you can do it. I think you, if you, this is the problem, is you being negative. No, listen, I think we could learn that new edition dance, Bobby, and me and you can have flowy white suits and really bring the house down Because it's non complicated rhythmic dancing that I got you start getting me in like now grab your leg and jump over it

I'm out. Did you get three weeks to try? I do have three weeks. You have three weeks to try Maybe I will end the whole thing on a dance split. Do you do a dance split? You can just tonight go home It's a blah blah. Do you do a dance split? You can just tonight go home It's a bow bow and then fuck you Lewis Split pop up place goes nuts. I don't know if you're gonna get back up I'm not saying that you're saying stay in a split. I'm saying Stan. That's not cool. And then what put my arms out You put your arms Good it would be funnier if you end it on a split and then we have to come out and help I'm gonna come get me up

That's funny. Or not even help me. Letting someone get up from, if they nail the split but can't do the pop back up, like it's like getting out of a pool. It's like, it's gonna look funny because I'm gonna have to like flop to the side and let my other leg come around

and then roll onto my knees and get up slowly. I did standing ovation. If you get up like an elephant seal at the end of your split. It's not gonna be a standing ovation. It will be a standing ovation. If you get up like an elephant seal at the end of your split. It's not gonna be a standing ovation. It will be a standing ovation. I'm trying to write mic dropping lyrics. You said goodbye to the crowd in your split

and had to watch them all leave. I'm gonna tell DJ Lou my lyrics on the break. How about this, do the split, you stay down, wave goodbye, we come around with a sheet. Cover me with a sheet. Like a, yeah. And then we just push you off to the side. And then it looks like, but then after an awkward amount of time,

that won't even make it impressive anymore, when you move the sheet, I'm gone. But it's like we had several minutes for me to like move and get somewhere else. Yeah. Somebody else covered in another sheet, which will be me, is being walked off the back of the stage. Don't pay attention to it, yes.

Oh, boom! Come on, that's how you do it. There's no way I can do that anymore. They did it in the commercial. Nowadays, they can do it old? They redid it in the commercial. No, there's not a chance they're doing this today. It's 60.

Can I say something? Not him. It's absolutely him. That's a stunt double. 100% him. These guys could move. It cuts away I don't go anywhere yet this movie rules

Oh This is me and you Bobby right now kitten play dancing Ain't my time behind baby be turn it up little if we're gonna feel a feel it dancing your trucks and warehouses everybody up Lou, if we're gonna feel it, feel it. Dancing your trucks and warehouses everybody. Oh I love to slide through your legs like that. I know. Now Bobby we should learn this dance right here with these girls too. I think I got this. We got head movement. Right here. You and Bobby need to dance battle. Battle? No battle. Oh against two women. I say we dance battle, we can dance battle against each other two women. I say we I say we dance battle We did we could dance battle against each other. But then in the end we do something together I don't like being against you. I like us going against two women. I like being against you but not in competition

Just up against me up against you. Oh the backwards kid and play Damn, these guys had it Wow, these guys were so good at dancing. it made you forget how ugly the one was. The albino? Yeah, with the stupid haircut. He did comedy for a little bit, and man, when he would come around to the Laugh House, it was like looking at, Jesus walked into me,

I was like, whoa dude, it's Kid from Kid and Play. And then he did comedy, and you'd be like, ah. Oh. That sucks to have the name play He was the he was the good-looking guy Yeah, but he's got a forehead. God damn. Well, that's kid kids that yeah the light-skinned one with the goofy hair. Oh This girl that wasn't always looking for and then he's getting what a good movie house party Why do they remake House Party?

Who'd they remake it with? Nobody, DC Young Fly. Did they remake, isn't Santino in it? Santino's in it. Santino's kid? He should be ashamed of himself. Look, you take the buck, I get it, dude, take the role, but I mean, holy shit, that is a bad,

why do they remake House, and not make it the movie at all? Why, what was it about? Was it about a house party? Yes, but it was like, it's just bad. And I think Kid in Play showed up for a second at the end. Wasn't it like LeBron's house or something? Was that that movie? Maybe, yeah.

They were like, house sitting? Something. LeBron's house? Maybe. And Santino was the rich white guy? Yes. Wow, I always wanted one of those dance floors in my house, the Rubik's Cube dance floor. Something the bronze house maybe and Santino was the rich white guy. Yes. Wow I was one of one of those dance floors in my house the Rubik's Cube dance floor

girl going on sit inside Remember back in the day when guys Would have dance floors in their house If you've got like a if you're a millionaire The first thing you do is get a dance floor like a discotheque in your basement You're using me with a stripper pole in their house. That guy's a piece of shit. I Ever see one with a stripper pole in their house? That guy's a piece of shit. You ever see one in a van? A stripper pole in a van. That guy's a serial killer.

That guy rules. Yeah, this is House Party. Yeah, it's LeBron's house. Why was this done? I know, so stupid. This winter, see a movie that needed to be remade. By the way, no dancing. Dancing not an element of this at all.

And I don't know if you remember this, house party a lot of that is do with dancing but dancing was big back then this just became a quintessential shitty weed movie I see you there. They're sent it out. I'm saying T. No Hi, I'm Peter is LeBron home by the way Black lives matter they do I posted two squares on my Instagram respect Huh You think this movie has something to do with dancing I'm just saying those girls were dancing. Well. There's a party the stripper Paul There was no stripper poles and fucking Ferraris and that's just be LeBron's house and they look there's kid and play they have

low Wayne Fuck this movie that kid to play in the movie. Well they show up for a quick For a quick thing and there's the other guy from Dave. I hate when they added a fake animal. Yeah. Well, don't you know an animal has to smoke pot or else it's not a good weed movie. That's so stupid. Don't you know that eventually an animal also has to get high?

And then when you look over, the animal will talk to you in English. Bobby, do you even watch movies? I don't watch this shit. I tell you that. Fucking house party. Why is this thumb through it to see? I mean, what are they doing the house? I watched I'll be there with Edie Falco. He sure did

God bless good movie Michael Rappaport was a vision Me and Christine when we were coming here, running late because of Christine, we were held up. Why do you look at me when he says mean shit? I didn't say it. Mean? I need you to protect me and defend the honor. What was mean about what I said? How late, but she was three minutes late.

No. And then she also started really hauling ass to the end. When I was walking out the door, she was on a phone call on her computer with her head wrapped in a towel. When I was getting the keys to walk out, that's what was happening. Then I stalled a few more minutes for her,

waiting for her in there, and then I was like, I'm just gonna go downstairs, smoke a cigarette while I call the Uber. And then the Uber was down there for five minutes. I wasn't even harping on this point. While we were already running late for Christine, next part of the story, she goes, before she has to make, because we're running late for her,

she has to still stop for water and then go to the bathroom still. But that doesn't matter either. Time management is just not her strong point. Doesn't matter, she's a good cook. No. She has to stay hydrated. No, Christine did cook last night though.

We both hated it. What did you cook? I found this recipe online. It was like a chicken orzo bake with spinach, mozzarella, tomatoes, Parmesan. I was like, how could this possibly be shitty? And it was fucking disgusting. The recipe didn't call for a dash of Christine.

That's the problem. The only thing, I remember I was on home for Rebecca. Christine, let my friends enjoy that good one. The only thing different about the recipe was you did it. No, but in all honesty, Christine, tell everybody, I was nice though. I was nice. I was just eating it. No, Jay was eating it.

I took a bite of it. Do you have like measuring spoons? Bobby, I measured everything. There was one thing. There was one ingredient. That you didn't have? measuring spoons and? Bobby, I measured everything. There was one thing. There was one ingredient. That you didn't have? Too much measuring. Oh, I forgot the lemon.

I was on the phone with Rebecca. She goes, that's fine, you don't need the lemon. And then, I mean, this thing, it tasted like fucking dog mush. Like it was so fucking disgusting. I saw Jay's eating it. I take a bite, I'm like, this is horrible. And he was like, yeah, this is.

No, no, no. No, I was like, that's fine. No, I no, no. No, I was like, that's fine. No, I was like, this sucks. I was like, it's really bad. I had to wait for her to say this is terrible before I was like, she started laughing. It is pretty bad. Did you visually know it was gonna be terrible

when you saw it, when she put it in front of you, or were you like, this looks good, and then tasted it? It looked like it was gonna be all right. It looked like it was gonna be fine. Orzo's rice, right? Like a noodle, like a rice noodle. It's rice-looking noodle. Right, yeah. Orzo's rice, right? Like a noodle, like a rice noodle. It's a rice looking noodle. Right, yeah.

And it had chicken in it? Yeah, Orzo chicken, chicken stock, and milk, spinach, tomato, mozzarella, Parmesan, garlic. I mean, it seems like it was gonna be delicious. Sounds great. I was all excited about this goddamned dish. How'd you fuck that up?

I don't know, you throw it all in a pot. Like, I even bought a new pot She bought an expensive pot to make this dish that was terrible. So now we have this pot We've had to throw away two crock pots because Christine says we don't have room for him So that's why she's burned the cords off But we have to have this now pot for a dish we don't like I can make other things in it. Well It's a nine by 13. I'll make a dinner.

What are you cooking tonight? I'm going to cook skirt steak. Oh, some broccoli, some all grout and potatoes. Nice. She's going to make a salad. Nice. You got to season that skirt steak, buddy. I heard you got to marinate for it. Don't you worry. I've dated a lot of Spanish women, and that's what they say. You do have to, yeah. We're gonna marinate it.

You're gonna marinate it. And you got a, what is it, five, five, four, four, three, three, two, two. We have grills on our roof. What if I should go up and grill it? Ooh. Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said?

No. Nice. I cook it at... Nope. Ooh. You hear what I said? Did you hear what I said? No. Nice. I cook it at Nope. Three. Nope. Two. Nope. Other way.

Five? Yeah. No. Yeah. What are you saying cook it at? I had to cook a perfect steak. Okay. It's five minutes, five minutes.

Four minutes, four minutes, three minutes, three minutes, two minutes, two minutes, One minute, one minute. And it's perfect. On what setting? On fucking medium high. You didn't even say a temperature. Why am I saying it wrong? You can't have a temperature on a grill.

You're talking about do a grill. Yeah, you're gonna do the grill. Five minutes, five minutes. Flip it again. Four minutes, four, four, four, four, three, three, two, two, one, one, perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Don't move it. Okay. You can't move it. 4 4 3 3 2 2 1 1 perfect perfect perfect

Don't move it Okay, you can't move leave it you want it you leave it and it'll stick you want it to form a crust Yeah, you gotta go crust five minutes five minutes crust Four minute four minute three minute three minute, and then you take it off at one minute one minute, and you're done perfect skirt steak skirt yeah Price shouldn't matter right now. Well, maybe I'll do that. But yeah, I'm making it tonight, so it can only go so. So you gotta go up under the 45th floor

of a Skyrise to cook a steak? 31st? I mean, that's nuts. I'm afraid of heights, dude. I wouldn't be able to do it. 31st, but it's, yeah, no, living here sucks. I know, I agree. I'm agreeing with you.

But there's our new pot., living here sucks, I agree. I'm agreeing with you. But there's our new pot. That's a nice pot, Christine. God damn right it is. That's great. It's gonna look great just sitting out forever. Can I buy it off you? No, I like it.

But look, this was it, this was the recipe. That's not what it looked like. One pan orzo. It didn't look like that at all. How long did you cook it for? Christine, that didn't even semi look like that. It did look like that in the pot. It didn't though.

No, but look at the- It looks like this in the pot. Sure, but look at the, yeah, it didn't look like that. You bought a Le Creuset for that. What? Yeah. And it didn't come out.

What'd you buy? Le Creuset. It's the pot. I was very excited to get that brand. The fact that you know what a Le Creuset is bothers me. In fairness to Trey Bobby. I don't know if he does know that. I don't know if he does know I don't know if he does know that but it does say it on the screen. You read it

No, Jacob knows, you know the le Creuset is of course. They're really I mean, they're really a the Dutch ovens are like really popular You really need a woman to really just flow just do you don't have a Dutch oven yet the le Creuset around Yeah, I will why are you buying all this cooking equipment? You don't have a Dutch oven yet the lecruze around. Yeah, I will why are you buying all this cooking equipment? You don't cook Well, I wanted to start cooking and I thought my new awesome pan pot was gonna help it We'll help it be better, but you know pans don't do anything You know, we bought the same crock pot twice because she keeps destroying them and destroy a crock because there's no space for it So it sits on the stove And if you don't let the stove I didn't realize it's like if the oven's on and the crock pot's sitting on the stove,

like it's gonna burn through. Because it's gonna get hot. You understand that the oven gets hot? I didn't realize that like the burners would get hot enough to melt the crock pot with the oven being on. Look, it could happen to anybody. How many times? Twice.

What? Uh, two times. But we, uh, and everything I made in that, by the way, delicious. Everything I cooked in that thing was absolutely delicious. What'd you cook? I made in that, by the way, delicious. Everything I cooked in that thing was absolutely delicious. What'd you cook? I made grandma's meatballs once.

Oh, those are good. I made, what'd you call it in Miami? Brisket a couple times in that one. What did you say? Brisket, pot roast, pot roast. Pot roast, good. Couple times. Did we make brisket in it?

In that one, we did a corned beef. That looks good. That looks good. I thought it was gonna be fucking great, and it was awful, and I was so upset. What do you think you did wrong? You left... It must have been the lemon. She tried. It's literally, like, the only... You think lemon would make the difference?

I'm sure there's some chemical reaction for the acidity. Ask again. What did she do wrong? Christine, what did you do wrong? She tried. What was the texture? That was her first mistake. Mush. Trying. Well, then it was too much liquid. You had too much liquid and you didn't,

you let it, you let the orzo get, yeah, the orzo's gotta be al dente. But the flavor wasn't great. It wasn't just that the orzo was overcooked, it also had horrible flavor. The whole thing was a nightmare. I liked eating at work. I should just go be a waitress for the rest of my life

and have chefs cook for me. Sure. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Do that. Go waitress. I'm a waitress. Please, God. I want to make omelets with jacquepin. Yeah.

Don't cook. Bring the food to people. Well, at least you have a kitchen. That's what she's good at. She's good at bringing food to people. What'd you say? At least we have a kitchen? Yeah, I'm living off a folding table with an air fryer. Oh, but yeah, but that's still,

you will have better meals from dawn. Yeah, she cooks good in the air fryer. I mean, yeah, we're surrounded by boxes. All our food is in a fucking basket. You have to rummage through like a laundry basket. Christine thinks shopping is going to Trader Joe's and buying things that you can, and buying pigs in a blanket,

little chicken tikka masala bites, and what's the other thing you make? And little pizza. You don't like having the snacks around the house? But that's what she bought, that's shop, but she's like, I have to go to the store, I have to get shopping. And it's like those things, mustard,

like a thing of rice pilaf that'll never get made. More specifically, peanut butter pretzels. I love peanut butter. And peanut butter pretzels. I mean, is there any better snack? those things, mustard, like a thing of rice pilaf that'll never get made. More specifically, peanut butter pretzels. I love peanut butter. And peanut butter pretzels. I mean, is there any better snack? But that's what she calls the shopping trip. And then she comes home with like a,

I got this, it's like papaya juice soda. Like it's always some weird thing from Trader Joe's that doesn't make any sense. No, I usually get something to cook like one meal, but as we're cooking, you know, it's like we're not really storing stuff, so you just have to go to the local grocery store and grab the ingredients for the night.

But snack shopping, I like going to charity shows. Do you have snacks for dinner? Are these your meals? Sometimes snacks are gonna be meals, yeah. We have to order in. Christine does nothing domestic. That's not true. Nothing domestic well.

When we were coming in here today, there was a, when we had held up, when we were getting water at the stand over there, it was, it made me realize how many, how much of my life, minutes I've wasted standing behind somebody when I have to buy something from a convenience store or a stand, and I'm waiting for someone to pick their stupid fucking lottery numbers if you play the lottery you are a world-class

jerk-off it's bad what what do you think is gonna happen when they don't think they're gonna win they know they're not gonna win. You know who plays the lottery all the time. Go on. Foss. Foss, oh yeah. Yeah, he's a dumb shit. Like we came back from a trip, flight. I parked at his house for some reason, and he's supposed to drive me to his house

so I can get my car and go home. We had to stop at the 7-Eleven so he could play his numbers. The local number. The local number. And I'm like, I'm exhausted, and I had to wait in the car, and then he does that small talk with the guy, and then he gets scratch tickets. There's this thing.

He's trying to get away from Bonnie so bad. Yeah, I fully understand, I fully understand the scratch, I buy scratch tickets a couple times a year, I'd say, and it's always, in my mind, I'm like, oh, hey, on the one in a zillion chance that I can win a zillion dollars on this, it's more to my, I go, oh, the bingo one is a fun game to play.

The crossword puzzle's like a fun, like, ooh, do I, this is the one you got. You do it for shits and giggles. You know, all those scratch-offs, you could just scratch off a spot and it tells you if you want or not. It means that you don't have to play the game at all, but I'm like, well, in my mind, I'm like,

ah, I spent five bucks and I'll play this game for a few minutes, it'll kill time, and maybe I win another ticket or whatever. But I've never been drawn to that. But also gambling's just not my vice. I hate gambling. I've never been drawn to it. I mean, not when I deal with prize picks.

Prize picks now offers injury insurance on your players. So that's good. No, no, I don't like I think it's fun. But like what people are looking for in gambling is a thing I'm never willing to take. I would never be like, I only own fifteen hundred dollars. So I'm putting a thousand right now on black. And let's just see if we do you know I mean like that's the exciting thing but also

Something I would just never do I do when the mega millions or the powerball gets up to a billion or some weird number I play I'll do a hundred bucks I'll fuck around with it because it would be the funnest thing in the world if you did win right? But if you can't make it to the store before the time limit, are you slamming your steering wheel? Are you thinking about it for more than eight seconds? No, I do it from my phone. You can play Powerball and lottery from your phone now.

Oh, that's bad. It's bad. That's bad for people. But it's fun. I'll play like 50 bucks, because if I win five billion, how fun would that be? What is it if you hit like the three numbers,

if you hit the daily lotto, what does that end up being? A thousand bucks maybe? Yeah, people love, yeah, you win like 1,500 bucks or something like that. It's such a dumb amount to win to like waste your time doing that every day. But then they have to go through their life every day, it's like, dude, I should play that number, like if a number comes through their life every day. It's like, dude, I should play that number.

Like if a number comes up, if someone goes, dude, 11 11, I got to play that number. I used to love that boss had that joke. He was like, let me get a one nine two. And he was like, one eight two. He goes, no one nine two, but now one eight two in case that comes up piece of shit. And really that's the mentality of it.

Yeah. I don't know. It's never, gambling's just never struck me like that. It's fun. The only gambling I do is, I gotta stay away from is the fairs. Like when you can win a, I remember we were on Jersey Shore

and there was a green guitar. We were spending like three days there and I kept going back because I wanted the green guitar and I felt like I could win it. Like an inflatable green guitar? No, it was a green guitar. You could win a guitar. An actual guitar?

Yeah. Electric? Acoustic. A green acoustic guitar. And I just kept playing and playing. What game? It was, I think it was a, I forget what it might have been,

like a dart game. Where you gotta throw the darts. Uh-huh. And I kept throwing and coming very close to winning the green guitar. You gotta do like three and then three it would like three games in a row to get the big prize and I just wanted that green guitar you ever get it no I made dawn go over and flirt with the guy and then you stole it and then she got it he wound up giving it to her she just flirting got it yep how long ago is this

buddy I like that this was when we were boyfriend and girlfriend Okay, this is a while back. Yeah, I was like go fucking go talk to him She went over she was like how do you play and she played the dominant? She almost won and then she did it again. I just take the guitar. I was like give me that whore for you I tell Christina go fake a seizure Christine go have a crazy seizure over there Yeah, gambling is a fucked up thing, man. I like it though, like when it's fun, when it's something fun, like, you know.

For me, it's buddy bets are the most fun thing. Best. And I only like betting genuinely on my teams. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like I don't have any kind of interest in like, it doesn't like, someone's like, let's put a hundred who wins, you know, Chargers versus the Raiders.

I'm like, I don't give a, like I, you know what I mean, like I'm just gonna check the score anyway, I'm not, let's put a hundred who wins, you know, Chargers versus the Raiders. I'm like, I don't give a, like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just gonna check the score anyway. I'm not gonna sit and watch. It doesn't make me care about the game more. Yeah, I like the Super Bowl stuff when we bet. We bet the jersey thing, that was fun. That was the funniest thing. I destroyed my jersey.

That was the first time they played in 2005. Yeah. We did that and I destroyed my jersey first and I gave it to you destroyed and you were like I wasn't gonna really destroy your jersey. He's like I was like a broke kid. He knew that. He was like I wasn't really gonna burn your jersey.

Oh well I thought this was a real fuck you to you but huh. This is because I fucked myself over there. And then we did, it might have just been like a small money bet when we did the one. But I like having the competing sides of food and. Yeah, what did I have? You brought a six foot hero, a six foot hoagie, and. You got steak and cheese. And you had seller food over on that side,

like some wings and stuff like that, and I brought the cheese steaks. Steak and cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cheese steaks, that one was. Steak and cheese. Oh, but that time it was cheese steaks. I know, but it's steak and cheese. It was cheese steak.

I mean, steak is the main thing and cheese is the second, so you're probably with the first thing. know, but it's steak and cheese. It was cheese steak. I mean, steak is the main thing and cheese is the second. So you're probably with the first thing. Yeah, but it's cheese steak. You're not gonna put celery lobster roll. You say like cheesy potatoes, cheesy something. There's always cheesy in front of it. You're not gonna say pickle hamburger. No, it's not, but pickle's not as involved

as cheese is on the burger. You're not gonna say cheeseburger. You do say cheeseburger. You're right, you're right. It's a cheese steak. Cheese dog, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. You're right, you're right. It's a cheesesteak. Cheese dog. Cheeseburger. Cheese pizza.

I'm sorry you had a bad dinner. We went to one of the best diners. You ever hear of Mount Kisco Diner? No. Let me tell you something. This place does weird shit. You know diners that do weird shit? No.

This diner does... First of all, the shakes are fucking ridiculous. The shakes are nuts. I love a diner. Look at those shakes. I love a diner. The shake comes with a piece of cake on top of it. Go back, go to the shakes.

That right there, Max got that. That is a- What was it? It's ane vodka taco. They take a chicken cutlet, make it into the taco shell, and then put the penne vodka in, and then sauce and cheese on top. What is this, someone's fucking childhood dream place? I don't know, dude.

It doesn't make any sense. I don't know. It's like the American Dads' stands restaurant. It's like the plates are made of pancake. Dude, dude, look at look at that dude Matt got that I want that it is so good it looks good the shot so good but that looks good but look at the shakes you click on the shakes Christine there's no pay the only pictures is this lighting let me see if I can Google image it deep-fried wraps

yeah dude it's it does a bunch of weird gimmicky stuff. I think diner is the wrong word for this place. It's a diner, it's Mount Kisco Diner. Look at that. Doesn't it feel dinery? It's a diner, it's 100%. Look at those, dude. No, no, I know it's called,

I believe that I'm saying, but they're a little above and beyond the diner. That's the one mascot last night. Do they also have, that's probably good for them. Look at that. It's a diner. All right. Dude could his feet felt wet Kids get diabetes look at that there. I mean, that's just nuts. Yeah

It was like black and tan or something down on the lower side They have some have some sour tape before you even get to the fucking that's crazy go to the chocolate cake one though the chocolate cake one is It comes with a whole piece of cake on top of the shake. That doesn't look good. It's good, dude. Look at that. Oh, the pretzels on the side?

Dude, the pretzels with the caramel. I mean, it's a brownie on top of the shake with pretzels on the side and then real whipped cream on top. Yeah. Fuck this place. Oh, I wish I was fat again. I'd go there every night. It's 15 minutes from my house. Look at this thing. I mean, look at that. What a dumb thing. You don't like that, dude? It's three waffles? It's three waffles on top with chocolate sauce

on the side of the cup, and then they put M&M's on that. And then they stop. Well, let me ask you this, Bobby. What's the approach on this? The approach, you fucking, you bite it. No. You take a bite out of it. No, you don't.

Yeah, you do. Take a bite. It's gonna topple over. Dude, it's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. It's gonna topple over. What's the approach on this? The approach, you fucking, you bite it. No. You take a bite out of it.

No you don't. Yeah you do, take a bite. It's gonna topple over. Dude, it's like Jenga food. Look, it's Mount Gluttonous. This was the place that's here that had that type of thing. I remember we would talk about it. Nobody wants this bullshit.

You don't like it? We want Kisco Diner. Mount Kisco Diner is the shit. Christine wants... Yeah, same thing. Oh, look at that. Yeah, it's the same sort of thing. Dumb.

You don't like it? No. I think it's ridiculous. I mean, that's a dessert, though. If you're gonna get a dessert... It's not a dessert, though. You have to deconstruct it completely before you eat it. Yeah, with your mouth.

You just approach that with your face? You just face that thing? Yeah, if you're a fucking man, you just face it. That's wild. Max, look at your face. You're like, I'm gonna eat this. You're like, I'm gonna eat this. You're like, I'm gonna eat this. You're like, I'm gonna eat this. You're like, I'm gonna eat this. You're like, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah, with your mouth. You just approach that with your face? You just face that thing? Yeah, if you're a fucking man, you just face it. That's wild.

Max would get raped by a sundae when he was done with it. Okay, okay. That's crazy. Dude, I- You don't wanna do that. I mean, I can't. I can't do it, cause I'll die, but- You let Max eat that whole thing himself? You and Don didn't help him?

Don helped him a little bit. Yeah, but he needed those things. He took away all the candy they gave him in a bag. He drank the shake. What are these sandwiches? What is that thing over there? This looks bomb. No, get away.

That looks like something I've seen before though. The other one looks alien. Which one? Yes, that. Oh yeah. That one. The holy gnocchi. Yeah, it's gnocchi.

Chicken vodka parm accompanied with pan fried gnocchi on a sandwich. That looks good. Tell me you wouldn't take a bite of that. I would take a bite of that. Oh, holy gnocchi. We don't have this stuff here. What's that in the middle?

Look at this, mac and cheese and chicken. It's a Prado wrap. That's a good one. It's a chicken, cutlet, mac and cheese. Penny penny vodka penny vodka. I mean this place is crazy, dude I wish I would deep fry a deep fried wrap is insane Do you know how lucky I am that I got my stomach taken out before I moved to this fucking Yeah, of course meal in one. I don't know that looks good too. Popsicle on a waffle. No, it's a strawberry shortcake pop Yeah, strawberry shortcake on a waffle? No it's a strawberry shortcake pop. Yeah strawberry shortcake on a waffle,

cream strawberries and then a chocolate fudge. I mean I wanna go. Let's go, come up. Come up. Christine, see they're looking for cooks. Oh Christine, you want the waitressing job? Yeah, this place. People are looking for cooks in there.

Hey you guys wanna drown this in chicken stock? Yeah, obviously can't take a job as a cook. Huh? Yeah, she can't be a cook. This place will fucking plumb it out of control. Or a cleaner, or hang on, I think she can't get a job as a prostitute. Why can't she, she could do a prostitute.

You have to fuck to be a prostitute. Not you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She goes, you spent $150 for her time, then the prostitution starts. Now, for one hour of Christine sitting in sweatpants next to you on the couch, that's gonna be 150.

Now, for around the world, she could have her dirty feet out on your lap. How much for her dog? And you're thinking, that black will come off in the shower, it don't. You have black on your feet? No, I don't think she has black on her feet. Sometimes when I wear my rainbows in the shower, it don't. You have black on your feet? No, I don't think she has black on her feet. Sometimes when I wear my rainbows in the summer,

they'll like stain the bottom of my feet, the black leather. It stains the foot? Come on, Christine, I can't have Bobby getting hard at work. You tell him about our behind the scenes. If I saw Christine walk in the street, I'd fuck it. I'd pull over and say, what's up? I clean all the time. I make the bed every day. I vacuum it every day. I vacuum the it. I'd pull over and say, what's up? I clean all the time. I make the bed every day.

I vacuum it every day. I vacuum the house. I take care of all the laundry. You're crazy. You make me out to sound like a real fucking scummy slob. Go through those things again, and I'll tell you. Each. Go through each thing?

No. You make the bed every day. You make the bed every day. Almost every day. I vacuum every day. She doesn't vacuum every day. I straighten out everything every day. No, no.

So let's start. Let's slow down. OK. Vacuum every day. I vacuum every day. She doesn't vacuum every day. I straighten out everything every day. No, no, so let's slow down. Okay. Vacuum every day. I vacuum every day. She doesn't vacuum any more than I vacuum. And I probably vacuum more ultimately. And when I vacuum, I vacuum. What does that mean?

I don't just do, like Christine vacuums. So the dog sleeps in bed, right? So hair goes everywhere, all over the floor, all over the bed. So she vacuums, so the dog sleeps in bed, right? So hair goes everywhere, all over the floor, all over the bed. So she vacuums the bed every day, the top thing, to get the hair off the bed. While holding the vacuum, another 30 seconds, you could just hit the rest of the room,

make sure there's no hair all over the floor, so our socks aren't covered in hair and I have to wear shoes in my house all the time. That's not what she does. So just the bed. So it would take 30 seconds, because you only have three rooms. Yeah, a full house vacuum is a two minute,

three minute job. Three minutes. Three minutes. But she vacuums every day. No. She makes the bed every day. Most days, yeah. Okay, one, you get one.

Doesn't vacuum every day. Legitimately, if I make the bed two times a month, I'd say that's all. She picks up every day. She picks up every day, yeah. And what was the fourth thing you did? That was it. What are you supposed to do, Psycho-Dick for an hour? That's a lot, that's a lot. That's a lot of stuff.

An hour of the Gunga Dix? I'm just like, I've seen comments online that's like, oh, Christine's such a fucking slob or whatever. And I'm like, I'm actually not. I'm actually a psychopath when it comes to organization. If his hoodies- Who online said you were a slob? I would love those comments, by the way.

If his fucking hoodies, I have his hoodies going from like black to blue to green to red. And if like a red's in the middle of the black, like stresses me out and I have to move it. Is that, cause you know he's gonna get mad? No. Cause you want it that way.

Yes. Okay. That sounds wild. My closet's organized, like everything goes from like by style and by color. The closet's organized. If you ask me where something is, I can generally tell you exactly where it is.

If I'm looking for a hoodie, I go, Don, where's my blue hoodie? Where'd you put it? That's what you do. I didn't put it anywhere. I left, it's supposed to be in the closet, it's not. Well, you put it somewhere, ugh! And then I punch a wall, and then I go out and I go, you touched my hoodie, you put it somewhere.

I didn't do anything to it. And then we have a fight, and then she'll go, here it is. I'm like, you fucking moved it, dear. And then I grind my teeth and I put my hood in I leave yeah, that's pretty good that she put your It your hoodies in order You almost never do laundry. Oh Shots fired I said even a shot fire. It's like I'm fine doing this stuff. I just don't like the I don't like you saying that I don't do any of it. I mean doesn't sound as a annoying part

I was like yeah, no, I don't do any of it. I mean, it doesn't sound. That's the annoying part. Sounds like you are. No, I just said you make the bed every day. Make the bed, do the laundry, straighten up, take care of the dog. Do I love the way she makes the bed? No. Come on. When she just pulls the keiki over everything else.

She does walk the dog, but yeah. No, definitely vacuuming. Not a lot of vacuuming. But also, like I said before, these are the things, you said you throw clothes on the floor and they magically get washed somehow, in case you take care of all the bills. I'm the breadwinner.

Yeah. I don't do, look, and I don't say this to be misogynistic. I just. You're just saying shit. I just, no. Oh. No, that's not it.

I work my ass off to live a certain way. I don't wanna do laundry, I'll just send it out. If Don was like, I don't wanna do laundry, fuck you, do your own laundry, I'd be like, baby, send it out. Pay somebody to do our stuff. They'll bring it back folded, they'll do it the way you want it. You know what I mean?

Like get a cleaning lady as much as you want. She cleans before the cleaning people come. I don't get it. She'll make me, like I'll pee before the people come and I'll have a little sprinkle on the seat. And she'll be like, clean that up. And I'll be like, they're coming in 10 minutes. Let them clean it up.

You don't clean that up every time you pee? What, the sprinkles? Yeah. Yeah, if I remember. What do you, how would you not remember? When Dawn goes. From putting your wiener away? When Dawn in the middle of the night goes,

you motherfucker, because you just sat in my piss. You don't lift the seat or bring it up? You don't lift the seat either? Depends on how late it is, how tired I am. I lift the seat and I genuinely wipe the bowl down. I told you back, that's why I used to wear socks. I used to wipe it with my sock. Oh God.

Well if I did that I would be getting hair and piss all over the seat of the toilet. I came out today, I had a pee so bad when I got here. I ran into the bathroom and I didn't realize it wasn't my house. I just was going into pee and I pulled my wiener out as I was going to the thing and forgot that there might be people in there.

And as I was going in, I pulled my thing out, and there was a, he didn't see me, but there was a guy in the back sink, and I was like, oh god, it's not my house, and I had to pull it back in. But I had my little one. I was walking to do Legion of Skanks at Ralph's house one time, we were doing it a couple years back

when we lived in East Village, and I was rushing over there, and I had to piss really bad on the walk. at Ralph's house one time, we were doing it a couple years back when we lived in East Village. And I was rushing over there, and I had to piss really bad on the walk. It was overwhelming. And I got to a part of a street where, look, there was no people, and there was a little corner thing, so I started to go there, and I was pulling my dick out,

and then I heard voices, so I'm like, there are people. So my body, though, went from like, here we go, to like immediately like, no, no, no. So I put my dick back, and then I'm rushing. All I have to do is get around the corner and halfway up the block to Ralph's place. And I turn the corner onto Ralph's block, which is highly populated, storefront restaurants,

you know what I mean? And I go, and I go, I'm not gonna make it to Ralph's. And I pull my wiener out and start pissing, or to go piss on a tree, right in front of the window of a restaurant that people are sitting at. But as I'm pulling my wiener out, it's not coming out fast enough,

and I just piss all over my pants. And then it's one of those, I just finished pissing in that tree, fell like an asshole, and then called upstairs and went, guys, I'm gonna be about 15 20 more minutes I'm gonna have to go home now and jump in the shower I'm rinsing myself off and come back over and they're like, you know, well, we're running late I'm like I just pissed off. I'm not coming in covered in piss. So it is what it is now

Did you ever pee and you think you're done and then you put your ding ding back in and then more pee comes out Yes in your pants. Yeah, I've learned the move with that and then you put your ding ding back in and then more pee comes out? Yes. In your pants? Yeah, I've learned the move with that sometimes, sometimes I just pull my wiener out to pee and I have my belt and everything still kind of pressing in on my balls. That pushes it up.

And what happens is, you're holding it, then I realize now, it's like, after when you think you're done peeing, get those balls loose, and I bet there's a little more coming out. That's the secret. You can't keep your balls pinched at the top. You can't just pull wiener out, or you're not gonna know

when you're done. Balls have to be dangling to know that they're completely empty. That's one to grow on. The whole package needs to be out, because it will hold a little sprinkles. It's gonna hold a little something in there. Then you put it back, and then you just put your wiener away,

and then when your balls loosen because the pants aren't pushing on them, a few more drops come out. Little couple more drops, and the drops feel like a lot more than they are. It does, your dickhead feels wet, and you can feel the rub. Drops of pee feel like leaders in your underwear.

The amount of piss that's there feels like it's way more. It's so uncomfortable. I did it in that. That song, now she's back in the atmosphere with drops of pee in her underwear. Hey, hey, hey. But tell me, did the winds sweep you off your... You guys know Train, huh?

Lou, you son of a bitch, you went with me to that show. Why were you not singing along? My friend worked at, I think it was at Reuters. So they had to wear suits. This was a few years ago. I don't know why that is still around. Why people have to wear suits to work, like suit and tie. You see these guys walking around New York

with suits and ties and briefcases. It's like, dude, loosen it up. Let's let go of that shit. I think they like looking like that. I understand looking, I like to look. A suit looks good. Look, a suit looks good, but a tie and shoes, I mean, let people be comfortable.

You know, it's like women wearing high heels. Knock it off. Every once in a while it looks sexy when a girl... Okay, I get it. But wearing high heels every day, jamming your foot into this little tiny weird thing... Makes your feet ugly. Well, your fucking wish came true. Now these girls are running around like running sneakers

with their sundresses. It's a ridiculous style choice. I don't... I have no idea what's happening. I'd rather take that than some chick jamming her foot. You know, like a nice woman dressed up in a nice shoe. I would take a high heel over a girl wearing a nice dress and a flat shoe, like some pig. First of all, a sundress is my thing. Yeah, but now you're okay with wearing sneakers.

But there's ballet flats. There's a bunch of flat shoes you can wear. I don't know why the style has become like your running shoes with your dresses. It's crazy. People should be comfortable. Some dump of shit in a style has become like your running shoes with your dresses. It's crazy. It's awful. People should be comfortable.

Some dump of shit and a pair of hokas and a nice flower dress. I think, you described me. No, I'm saying. Drag Bobby. Like high heels are stupid. Every once in a while, I love a nice high heel. They make your legs look nice.

Huh? They make your legs look nice. They're an optical illusion. They make your legs look better than they are. It't be comfortable high heels cannot be comfortable. They look no I only wore them once it was pretty bad. No, they're terrible right? Yeah, it was awful. Why'd you wear high heels? I had to dress like uh It was like a drag queen thing for a commercial, but it was a commercial for like Stand-up, New York or something what the fuck it was for. You're getting a f***ing sag minimum to put high heels on your queens.

They gave me money when I needed money. The footage like never even made it to YouTube it's not something you can find. No it's out there somewhere. You just trashed drag queens but for $8.50 he dressed like one. Oh my god you probably got me to do gay porn for a couple of thousand at some point. You had fishnets on? It was a whole thing. Oh, where is this? Was it fishnets? Yeah.

There's a video of a song. I remember I saw it and I was like, what the fuck? You had fishnets and high heels? Yeah. For how much money? It had to be thousands. Not a lot, no, it was probably a few hundred. No, no, it was more than a few hundred,

but it was probably like, not much more than that. It was probably under a thousand. Did you have to talk like a woman? No, I was like music playing. Did you have to walk like a woman? No, I was like music playing Did you have to walk like a woman? No, I think yeah I think the idea was that it's like a guy dressed up like an ugly woman You know, I mean like that was the idea wasn't supposed they weren't trying to make me like hot It was just like they couldn't help it once they it was very directly

It just turns out that I was it turns out that your eyelashes and eyes just make it happen the whole thing I'll tell you what the the AI generated girl-mes are fucking stunning, but the reality was not. We should, if we ever do a Halloween thing, we should dress in drag. All of us do drag? No, just me and you. Oh, yeah.

I thought me and Christine would do the boy thing. Yeah, that'd be fun. We could wear a tuxedo. Yeah, that's that. And a side part. That's hot, I don't wanna see that. That was one of my favorite points. Ginger Lynn did that in the movie.

She snuck into a house and had to dress like a dude in a tuxedo with a top hat. And the guy was like, I'll try this gay stuff. And he just started, I was like, this is the hottest thing ever, I can't find it anymore, I don't know where it is. I've looked for it for 13 years. I can't get, when women dress like guys for a joke, I can't stand it. I dress like guys for a joke, I can't stand it.

I remember that nine and a half weeks when Kim Basinger came in with like a, she dressed up in a suit and had like a mustache or a beard on, you wanted to vomit. She was so hot. I'm filling up right now. I don't know why there's something about that. A chick with a fake mustache, real mustache,

I'll punch her in the mouth. A fake mustache, I'm fucking tell you something about that. I meant to tell you. A chick with a fake mustache, real mustache, I'll punch her in the mouth. A fake mustache, I'm fucking her mouth. Um. To finish quickly. Gluck, gluck, gluck. Just a little eyeliner mustache you like? Gluck, gluck. Go ahead Jacob.

So my friend was in, he had to go pee. This was like, you're talking like a fancy business. You know, one of those, like an upscale bathroom. And so he walks in and he sees a guy in a business suit, his pants down around his ankles peeing. Like he sees this little tushy. And the guy's, my friend was like, I'm horrified, like what, you don't know how to react.

That's a parenting thing, dude. Because it's just crazy that a guy did that. There's a kid in our school, Adam, did that for too long. There's always a kid who did it a little bit too long. Pants down to the ankles, whole tussy out. I know this is a grown, it was older than he was. That's how Butters pees on South Park. Yeah, that's a parenting thing.

And hold the shirt up too. I know a guy who sits to pee. Because his parents never taught him how to stand to pee. So he just sits and tucks it, even to tinkle. That's a parenting thing. You gotta teach a kid. It's bad parenting. Yeah, it's bad parenting.

It's like a VP. You know the guy, it's like he just backed out because he didn't, how do you risk? You should be able to slap that guy's ass as you walk by. You can't stand next to him. You should be like, what's up, dude? Yeah, it's me and Soto's girls.

There's AIJ. Yeah. I'm way hotter. You are a pretty girl. I mean, dude, you're not bad. Well, that two of them are Dan, that's me. That looks good. Wow.

You're a pretty girl. Hell yeah. That's weird. You look like your daughter. So go back to that other one. Right? There. Yeah.

You look like your daughter. Yeah. I never thought of that. Your daughter is exactly your face. I never thought of that. Your daughter is exactly your face. Lucky her. Yeah, lucky him. Speaking of AI, I can't present in a new song

about Jacob using AI. Really? Yeah. I love it already. Let's hear it. It's already the runaway hit of the fall. I forget his name, but it's on there somewhere. Give me a taste.

What's that? Who was that? That's Jacob. No. Let me see that. Yeah, that is me. Is it really? Going down to Florida To honey guanaps They watching Got Talent Rather play with creepy dolls In my grandmother's basement I'm a cowboy Yellowstone stole my ideas

My name is Jacob Like a buck, a buck, a buck So I'm a silk big simp Spinning seed I'm a silk big simp It's fucking freezing Christ christine It's freezing in here

I need a kiki cold blanket and a campaign beer. I want to dodge oven dance farts like rarefied. I'm waiting on gas who touch the thermostat. No, no, no. Where are my chains? Where's my level of scroll? Have you heard the bonfire? Spokesman has a husband and he has a business

that has something to do with carpentry. I'm being guessed to simpry. I'm a guest. Simp him. I'm a cowboy. Yellow. You know. I'm a cowboy. Yellowstone stole my ideas. And I stand by that.

I'm a cowboy. Yellowstone stole my ideas My name is Jacob, I come back, I come back up the top I'm a self-big sippin' spinnin' scene I'm a self-big sippin' it's fuckin' freezin' This steam is freezin' in here I need a kiki cold blanket and a campaign beer I want a Dutch oven dance farts like rarefied areas

I'm waiting on guests who touch the thermostat Oh no, no Where are my chains? Where's my leather love scroll? Have you heard the bonfire spokesmodel has a husband And he has a business that has something to do with carpentry? Great, it's still simping Where are my chains?

Where's my leather love scroll? Have you heard the bonfire spokes Spokesmodel has a husband and he has a business that has something to do with carpentry He's great, he's craig-p-try He's great, still simp-ish I'm a cowboy, yolo, yungo My favorite part coming up My name's cowboy, yel-a-stone-stone Stole my ID I'm a cowboy

Right here I'm a cowboy, stole my ideas My name is Chica Baka Baka Baka Batat I'm a self-defeating fantasy The picture is so much Big simping It's fucking freezing This is how I look in my head

You guys, do you guys see this when you see me? Yeah. Aren't these real pictures of you? No. Face on Costner's frame. If you're talking about the 13 jackets Costner's wearing, yes. But it works. That's how I look. That's how you look. A campaign beer. Oh, don't see me wearing my dark hair.

No hating on guests. Who touch the thermostat. No, no, no. Dude, you are three inches away from being a man. That's great. That was great. What's his name, Christine? Jonathan Rhimes.

Jonathan Rhimes. Fantastic work. The video was amazing. That was fantastic. I don't know if the lyrics go with the picture, but. Dude, you are so close to that. You are so close to being a cowboy. Yeah.

Right here. I mean, right there, dude. A couple more inches. You only see in Studio Jacob, so you don't know. What? You only see in Studio Jacob, so you don't know. I know, I think you're kidding. You only see Cold Jacob.

I'm a cowboy. You only see cold Jacob. What's the difference between studio Jacob that is freezing? It's two different people. All right, what do you do at home that's different? You're roping cattle? No, no, a story of Jacob is worse than studio Jacob. Florida Jacob is the real Jacob.

Is the real guy? Yeah. I gotta go down there and check it out. You'd like a, he's a good hang. He's a good hang? You've never seen him in his element. That's true. It's great.

Didn't I see you in Florida? I came to see you. Yeah, you came to see me. Yeah. It was real similar. No. I didn't notice any difference. I couldn't go shoot.

You were the same height, you had the same energy. You said it was a- I've seen Jacob in Denver, he came up clanging from his spurs. Shhing, shhing, shhing. That'd be funny. If you did see him outside the studio, he was a totally different guy.

That'd be great. I saw you in Denver. Yeah. You came to see me once? His shadow, you see a shadow come up, you're like, what the fuck is that? Hey, hoss. Yeah.

Hey, hoss. Jacob, this isn't your radio voice. I don't show my real voice. Yeah. Hey, dude, you did a funny show. I didn't like all that dirty stuff, but you know you got to do what you got to do You got to do what you got to do The wildlife in Florida you kill it You kill the wildlife no, I killed the wildlife that shouldn't be there. What's going on us. No not the blacks Jay Oh

Cubans in iguanas nope. I think you blacks, Jay. The iguanas. Oh, Cubans in iguanas. Nope. I think you can kill Cubans there. No, you can't anymore. Why? Not anymore. But if you can see them far enough out, you can shoot the inner tube and they'll drown.

You can do that, yes. Okay. You can do that. Jenga, let's go to the shoreline. It's not an inner tube. It's actually an oven. They're floating on ovens. Whatever it is, let's sink them. If we sink their crafts, they can't get here then.

I'm real big on building a border wall. Did you see that thing? What town is it in? I think it's in, okay Springfield, Ohio. So they have an influx of Haitians. And apparently, they're just going into the lake And apparently, they're just going into the lake and grabbing swans and just snapping their necks and cooking them.

Oh, eating them. They're just eating them. They're going in and just. Just swan, a Haitian dish? No, but it's a. Of all times, we need a Will Sylvans here. No, but it's a big bird that, imagine, you know, you're just gonna fry up.

So they're going and just killing shit in the park. They're just murdering animals and eating them. Uh-oh. It's nuts. It's crazy. There's a video I sent. I don't know if you have it, Christine. Sapace?

Sapace. I'm just doing well, things I know. There's a guy walking across the street just holding a dead swan that he snatched out of the park. Why you, why you, why you not cook this swan? My brother was in a line of traffic on the highway Major highway it was just at a standstill for some accident He saw a guy in a in a van a cargo van get out with a baseball bat

Went to the to the guardrail and beat an iguana to death, okay Everybody and just took it back into back into his truck for dinner. He's gonna eat it. Yeah, but iguanas an invasive species. I'm all for eating iguanas. I think a swar. You are? Yeah. You think you can eat iguanas? I wouldn't, but I'm all for it.

I've seen plenty. They actually, people say. There's a guy that eats iguana eggs. That's only in Tijuana that happens. No, that happens in Florida. I follow that. I'm getting up there because. Guys, it's simple. It's only in Tijuana that happens. No, that happens in Florida. I follow that. I'm getting up there because... Guys, it's simple, it's right there in the words.

I wish I was in Tijuana eating barbecued iguana. Guys, am I on a Mexican radio here or what? No one gets my fucking dope ass references. I got it and I loved it.