The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Awkward Living

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Jacob learns about human centipedes and Black Lou has an awkward living situation to deal with!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson, and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to SeriesXM.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. I'm overly dependent on emojis. They're so ingrained in my head that I just thinkin' them, mainly the face with the hearts for eyes and the streamers and party hat, but even the turtle is popping into my

consciousness now. It's so lazy and childish. On the plus side, it is very share-like. New years was happening in America during our daytime time and I was already over it so I felt very Regina George whenever I got text from the States. We had a jam pack day, a swim and a dive in the morning, then over to the other yacht, Surrey. Back on our boat, the groups started watching a documentary about Jews on Broadway before dinner.

Jews love making documentaries about themselves, Jews in science, Jews in movies, Jews on Broadway. Dinner was mellow yellow, and I sat on the bale split, listening the music for a while before popping an ambien at 11 and getting into bed. 11pm for bed is so early. Randall Andy. Not when you're living yacht life, dude. Damn, dude, imagine just fucking dunking on all your fans like that. Dude, yacht. I went from one yacht to another yacht,

and then I ate food that would blow your fat, fucking minds, but the meal was mellow yellow. The creams were out of this world. And then I was on another boat, and then I took an ambion. Ambion, because my head is so full of money making ideas that I can't sleep. Can't turn it off. Can't turn it off. Even on Surrey the Yacht.

Whoa! Everybody, this is the Bond Fire. It's a faction talk, series XM103. Thank you, which I said I want to make a habit out of thanking Ron Beddington and the show Bednington, when we start the show every day, he is, I mean, our radio, Godfather. Yeah.

And, oh yeah. Also, yeah, they say, he throws to us every day. So I wanna make sure we give our love to the great Ron Bennington, the Bennington. Shout out, love, to Bennington, to Ron, and everybody there, shout out, love,

nothing but love on this faction talk Dan's gonna kick this freestyle for you on behalf of the show. Oh Yo, yo, we should get rockers. We should get fucking colors like a biker gang and give them the bedding tin and Jim and Sam Put them upon them faction talk dude. Welcome to the talk faction talk faction Jim and save doesn't throw to us That'll be a long throw. No, but they throw to Bennington and then Ben. But guys enjoy Bennington. And then hang in there. We're the human centipede of programming. We really are. It's right. It's asked to mouth, right?

Yeah, and we're the back end. We got open butt in the full mouth. We know that ship, but no one's sucking our ass hole. Hey, no one's sucking our ass. So good luck finding that. Is it, we, if you were human centipede to somebody, how much better would it make it if both of them were chicks? It's way easier. On either side.

Way easier. Oh no, weird. Things that aren't sexual. Still, we were saying this last night on Legion of Skanks. I mean, somehow, if you, I don't want anybody to spit in my mouth, I think it's grotesque. But I mean, I just, I'm gonna say Christine is my girlfriend, but for you, before you even dreamed of me sping your mouth, you would submit to Christine. All right, someone's got to spit in your mouth. You go, Christine.

I would. The hard part would be asking you if you're cool with it. I think Christine's got spit in my mouth. I guess you have a little. Here's why I would be cool with it. It's not sexual, but still it's something grosser and something in your mind goes like, is it gay to have a guy spit my mouth?

Yeah, it's fluid. Yeah. If you're exchanging fluids, it's better to do with a girl. You'd rather lick a girl's ass, hold on a guy's ass, hold. Oh hole. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. What is a chicken?

A human, yes. Question. A human centipede. What is that entail? Oh, it's from the bonfire series. Bonfire context. A human centipede is when three people are sewn to each other with a mouth attached to the ass, which I do. It's only wrong.

Okay. Sorry, no, you're lowballing here. Someone checked it after the first movie. Yeah, I didn't even see the first movie. There's no sentiment of people as you can see in human centipede three, whereas 100 prisoners long, Jesus Christ. 100 actors to do that. Just. Yeah, ask them out. And I'm guessing a very quick run of credits Some tells me human centipede credits don't slow roll like a Industrial light magic production. No, I think it shoots by super quick no one gets to love the first one was three people the second one may have been five Is or more? This is a porno one may have been five or more.

Is this a porno? I mean, I know what the hell are you talking about? I'm joking. You've never seen a trailer? You've never seen a trailer? I've heard it, but I don't understand. It's not a porno. It's a disturbing indie horror flick basically. And the first one is about a crazy doctor who has this idea that he's going to sew three people together

asked to mouth. For what purpose? To see if they will sustain through ingesting the feces of one, shitting it into the other one's mind if they just if they become a complete system. It's a flawed plot. Jacob. Yeah, because they would die immediately. Jacob make no mistakes. It's a flawed plot. I'm tapping out. I mean, I would never like put like my mouth on a, he couldn't sell my my mouth on a guy's ass. Well, no way. Jacob, it's luck of the draw. It could be a woman's ass But they roll a dice or something. There's no I don't know what the rhyme or reason they do it like your color palette. They go. You're a fall You're gonna be in the middle and your darkest hour. You've been abducted Dan

You're in a place where you know for sure. Look at here. You can't get out. You can't get out And then he tells you what his plan is. I I'm going to throw us around the room. Ready? You listening, Dan? Yeah. He's going to he tells you the plan. I'm sowing your guy's faces to your asses, but they go, okay, Dan, you're between Amber and Tiffany over here. Like, is it a party?

Is it a party you're going to still be like, thank God. Even if you're like, are we going to die? This guy's going to kill us, but still you're like, I am still happy I drew the- Yeah, I suppose they're the three dudes. Do you accept a small victory with actual emotion? Do you go like, man, this could have been worse. Now you, you have to get-

I could have been sewn to a man's ASO and a man's sewn to my ASO. That's a silent victory that you don't rub it in because you don't want it to change. Yeah, you know you're too happy about this. No, no, I hate it. I don't want to suck this girl if I ask to death. A question for Dan.

Jacob Honey? Dan, are you going to be uncomfortable making a duty in a girl's mouth? I'm going to be more uncomfortable thinking about eating the girl in front of me's duty. So by the time I get through chomping down that waist, you know, it's all behind me. Once you're all asked to mouth,

dude, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You're getting shit in your mouth. You think it's gonna be pretty, because it's a girl? No, it's just you'd rather that than a dude's turds. For some reason. I feel like my main focus would be, how am I gonna breathe?

I have a hard time breathing out of my nose. So if my mouth is fucking on a butt. Not only is your mouth on a butt, but also I don't. So I do that your nostrils are like touching butt crack. Yes, so how do you breathe? I don't know, man. What can you tell him, like, signuses, I can't do this?

Yeah, and then he's like, oh, but that would stop me from doing this. I'm a diabolical scientist, but. He's like, I actually have a note that says, I don't breathe what I'm I know because you have sleep out near I didn't do my research Can I offer you some afferent? He goes I don't like she don't dig around with that stuff It's actually pretty addictive and it can fuck your sinuses out. I don't really fuck around that stuff that much Do you have any flow? I don't give up on life like I like life, but if you told me that

on life like I like life. But if you told me that we're going to sow your mouth onto a guy's ass, I would, I would take my life. I'm pretty sure. Um, but what if it was a girl's ass? What if it was a girl's ass? Alone in this? Well, I would do this thing. You kill yourself before you take the shot that you're going to get out of this. If they simply sew your mouth to a girl's asshole. Jacob, let me ask you something. Are these? So let's say you get, you get duty in your mouth and then you duty in somebody else's mouth.

And then what? You said, okay, this happened now. Now unsold my mouth. Jacob, I know you go home afterward. No, you die. No, I think ultimately these experiments end in death. These are trial runs. You don't go back to your late shift of target

after you've just been so into it. But the huba, but you're, but you're upside then. Because your survival instincts at some point are like, okay, if I do this, maybe I'll get out of this. You were saying you'd kill yourself for a guy, but I would argue Jacob that if it was a girl with a nice crapper, just a dump on her.

And it's just it is just poking out over the sweet folds of her labs that are coming through that all four is positioned she's on. I'm saying, Jacob, you'd say, let's see where this goes before you kill yourself. It's a nice, if it's a nice female's ass. I know where it's going to go. She's going to duty in my mouth. That for sure, for sure, she is going to shit in your mouth, Jacob. I can't argue with you there. But you'd rather kill yourself and eat human shit ever in any situation. There is a chance if you eat this girl's doing, going to die. If you eat this girl's do to, but if you eat her

do to, there is a chance that maybe after the first one, you know, there's like stories of serial killers that they come and then they let the girl go because it's like, you know, maybe you have a chance, Jacob. You have a fighting chance to eat this, if you eat this girl's duty. I'm the one guy he's going to say, you know, the not, I'm the 99 others are going to, I'm going to let them die, but you can go home. Jacob, I'm saying and have a good go watch super girl. In between. Yeah.

You get what you needed. Yeah. Jacob, in between chewing on shit and shitting in someone else's mouth, you might be able to formulate a plan. He may have left a scalpel behind. Yeah. You can hide pocket that foot. He comes back in and save yourself.

And you might be able to cut your mouth free and breathe in. Look, when they say there's a fucking, when they say there's a meteor something coming to destroy the earth, I, my personality Jacob with you, I'm like, let's probably drive towards the center of the impact. Like, let's just get it over with. Pretty cool. Just get it over with.

Can we buy cigarettes? Yes. On the way. And alcohol? Yeah, yeah, dude. We're gonna get you fucking hanged up. I don't wanna be hanged up. I wanna be like, buzzed. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't want to be hanged up. I want to be like buzzed

Yeah, well, I know Buzz on me, but you're a it'd be really funny if while the while the shadow is starting to cover us as the meteor approach As I still look over Christine goes, you know, could you get it together? Yeah, drunk. You don't need to be like a Christine's gonna go is that the meteor? I'm not even fucking drunk. We're talking about you Is that the mere? I'm not even fucking drunk. What are you talking about? You always fucking live drunk. Dude, ending the world of the drunken fight with your girlfriend. Just the shadows covering you. You're embarrassing me in front of my fucking friends. Me, you're fucking me. Why are you like this?

Why are you fucking me? You're just fire. Oh god. My skin's floating off you're so mean I go guys I'm not even drunk. I don't even want to talk to you in the afterlife. I'm not even drunk So Jacob I am I'm the very much like let's go to the eye of the storm and just fucking eat it, but If you tell me you're sewing me onto a woman's finance, sewing Jay, underlying sewing, you're getting your mouth sewn through. It's the best of an awful situation you can get. Dude, so, I'm sitting down with the best of those situations. You don't give, you don't give life a chance. You don't give yourself a fine chance. Whenever you're alive longer,

you have more of a chance to think. Matter of mind, that life finds a way. Finds a way. You didn't stop yourself to ask the question, should you? But you were so busy fighting out, could you? Yeah. I, Jacob, I'll tell you right now. I went to college with the guy that kidnapped you and he told me 12 hours sewn on eating shit you survived you walk out of there you live you walk out two meals and how much is this girl?

Shitting she's hot. Oh my god. Jacob. Can I also give you the lunch I'm from eating this order? So you're getting pellets Yeah, I mean straight pellets. Almost nutrient sprites. The other guys in the other room, pipe fitters. You're in 214. Like it's gonna be this big burly, like a bear of a guy who just eats terribly. Jacob.

And I'm gonna suffer, and I'm gonna pay the price. No, you're gonna get a lady vegan. Jacob, you kill yourself then. I with you on that. I don't know. I think it's and I'm gonna pay the price. You get a woman, you get a lady vegan. Jacob, you kill yourself then. I with you on that. I don't know. I think it's how I handle it. I don't know, but I'll tell you this. It's definitive that I'm like, this is the worst

of the worst situations. But I'm telling you, I would just, they saw you on to a fucking laugh. I would go, Dan. I'm sorry, the same. Say what, Jacob? You're being a big shot. What? Just laugh. I would go, Dan. I'm sorry to say. Say what you're gonna? You're being a big shot.

What? The tough guy who wants to get, is gonna get some to a group. No, no, no. What are you talking about? I agree with the same thing. Why is Jbe in a big shot? I'm not big to be.

No, you're saying, yeah, I do. I try. I would choose life. No scenario. I would choose life if the situation was, you get to live longer right now. For sure, you don't know you're dying in a human centipede situation. Yeah, you don't know.

You're assume you're grabbing at life, but you're like, man, is there any way out of this? You have more time to think with your mouth sewn to a hot chicks. Great ass yoga instructor. By the way, I'm keep getting more information. Yoga instructor, very clean living yoga instructor and by the way having bus you look doesn't wax or asshole hairstie know why Jacob shouldn't have any done none hairless norwegian yoga instructor yeah this is not for me I don't like this at all even as an actor in the movie I know actors to struggle. You couldn't fucking pay me to be number 87 in the human

But Jacob, Jacob, the girl in front of you was hot Jacob. You'd walk around all fours with a fake Thing around your ass also if it got you your sad card don't act like you wouldn't It's good insurance. I am acting like I wouldn't and I'm telling you I would I know but you're I don't care about my sad card Yeah, it's good insurance. I am acting like I wouldn't. I'm telling you I wouldn't. I know, but you're I don't care about my sad card. Yeah, it's good insurance. Damn. Lou, there's no DJ. Lou, there's no way you feel that. That's probably probably I probably have to have another endoscope. If I eat all that shit, there's no way you feel this way, Lou. DJ Lou, please. I'm not I'm not.

Talk some sense in the Jacob, please. Yeah. Tough guys. Hey, listen to the alpha males talking now. What's so cool about this? They're so cool. You might as well. You might get out of Jacob. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a Thessian. And if I found my character in number 87 of the human centipede, in the acting, I'm telling you, I walk off set in my human centipede costume.

If they go, if they go, you're fake mouth that they have to Hollywood glue to the ass. I hate to Harvey, I hate to Harvey Weinstein is Brum Telling you want me to be in a human centipede. I'm going to need, uh, if I'm acting, I need girl in front dude behind. You don't have a choice. If I'm acting acting no, I do have a choice I can leave set I'm not forced to be on set of a film I'm saying if I get actually abducted and put it to a fucking a guy

Elunatic who found a place miles from when anyone can hear me scream Yeah, and they're gonna human centipede me and let's say you have an option to kill yourself. Yeah, I don't kill myself If they say they're sewing my face to a pretty girls great asshole if they show a full picture if they go by the way This is Kendall she we just picked her up outside in Atlanta. Thank you. Yes. I'll do her 12 hours Two meals will let you go. We send you home. Yeah I'm sorry. I gotta eat her hang on Jacob. I'm all in the silver dance or something interesting at me two meals will let you go. We send you home? Yeah. I'm sorry. I gotta eat her.

Hang on, Jacob. I'm mulling this over. Dan, there's something interesting at me here. So, Jacob, to whatever versions of her shits are. Jacob, sorry. Two alphas hashing it out. Sorry. Two big time rock stars here.

Sorry, whatever. Two bad boys. Two dangerous bad boys. So, they go, the guy just straight up lets you know, hey I'm a murderer, but I'm not a dickhead I'ma show you to this lady your mouth is gonna be sewn to this woman's asshole. Here's your stats Behind you Yeesh just shows a picture where they get an unfolds in the three. Yeah, center full picture

Yeah, center full hello. It's our interests Not eating poop pooping in the other's mouths. So you can see why we picture it. Okay, she's great. So she's at the front. For the project, she's great. She's at the front. You're in the middle behind you. Uh, you know, there's less. Not a demoying five. Just a dyno interest. Yeah, that was nip. That was just picked up. That is her right off the side of the road. If this is, we, she cries a lot, yells, she's gonna yell under your ass a lot. Okay, yeah, god damn.

It's a lot of this. Oh! You know what you're absolutely right. I open your ass. The vibration on your balls from that is gonna be awful. So now I do, I wanna guy behind me now because I think he's gonna cry. Oh, oh, oh.

Yeah, if y'all, if he cries be more that base though that base will make me come Stop it middle piece stop being hard. Christine. Can you base some into my nuts at later? Stephanie balcony says this is the weirdest pro life slash pro choice debate. I've ever heard she's right You're wrong. It's right. She's not wrong. It's, um, we're breaking it down. We're taking it away from the babies and putting it into the human's. I'd rather have a guy behind me. So a woman wouldn't have to see that awful view of terrible things. Well, her eyes are going to be sown to your back.

So it's like, she's not really going to see it. No, just her mouth. They always sell the mouth. Her eyes are going to be right on my ass cheeks. You're sure, but like, it's not still. It's not a good look. I'd be more I'd be happier with a guy so do my asshole And it's your asshole, but I mean you know you shouldn't really pick but but you I'm gonna land all the facts You've given Dan is what you say is happening. I I'm under the impression that this guy will

Unclip me and release me in 12 hours. He just wants eight millimeter film to jump off to in his cabin. I have to eat two shits from whatever this particular wheel of course. You don't know how many shits that's gonna be. Oh, she eats two meals. Yeah. What kind of meals? Protein heavy.

Oh man, like keto. So it's gonna be, are you talking about thick logs? Are you talking about a spray? Don't know yet. We don't know, she's a vegan too. Oh dude, thick logs, I logs? Are you talking about a spray? Don't know yet. We don't know, or she's a vegan too. Oh, dude, thick logs, I don't know. What about a spray, dude? You getting that binocca?

I feel like that butt binocca? I feel like you get thick, we just open it back. Ha ha ha ha. You ever just pour water near your mouth and just open it back to your throat, and you're like, I wonder if you could like take a spray mostly like that. Oh, like the way chicks and porn do it

with coming and push it back out their mouth. Oh, don't do that. Like the way chicks important do it with coming and then push it back out their mouth. Oh, I won't do that. No. And I'm also gross. She's two thick meals. Yeah, 12 hours. In 12 hours.

And then you just got to survive the wave. He better let me go after that, because I'll tell you what, if it doesn't, that's when you just go, I'll, I will just pull my face and rip my lips off this girl's asshole. And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna go nuts. You die from the pain. You made me eat fucking two meals worth of turds. And you're not letting me go. And you know this woman's look at her body. Her system's not prepared for these things you gave her so you're admitting kind of if that was the case You buck too. Would you kill yourself you wouldn't kill yourself. I don't know where am I kill myself?

Jacob how would you kill yourself if you were if you were kidnapped? I don't know I mean if I knew what was gonna happen. I don't I Had to see what the environment. Oh, I would try to kill was I'm janky like it's so much pussy that I don't have to worry about being so into a woman's asshole. You think we're alpha males. I argue you're the alpha male. You think you think we think we're so desperate. We want it so bad that we'll just be so into women's assholes just to be near a woman. You said before you're a struggling actor

that you're gonna be, you're willing to be a number 87 on the Human Center P list, and then you think you're gonna go to the set and be a diva. I own, and you're gonna tell the director, I own, I want a guy behind me and a woman in front of me or I will. Right. That's what you're, you think you're the,

you're in the power seat. No. If you even have the nerve, if you're that desperate to even take the role You're gonna start dictating there's no nerve to it. It's just saying like I can't go for it I can't honestly give you down the brass tax. I'm taking it as a passion project. Okay. I let him know coming in I don't want money. I don't want money. I want to suck ass I want to suck ass away my suck buddy. I'm not looking for money. I'm looking to suck some fucking ass I read the script and I'm in Figure out where it's suck ass time

All right, so Jacob. There's zero chance if you get a document you're just killing yourself Yes, I will find a way. All right, survival instincts, dude. What survived? There's no, I don't believe I'm gonna survive this. You know what, Jacob does have a good, I know I'm gonna survive a big, big hairy dude, making a duty in my room.

Jacob, I don't know what you were threatened with, Michael, but you keep going back to this hairy dude, doesn't exist. He's gone, he's left. He's right. This is a beautiful woman with a tight taught ass. I mean Sierra sky Sierra sky. Sierra sky. We'll name her The girl in the front of Sierra sky You are sown to Sierra skies chicken on her by the way

Well then Jacob I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like I don't like Jacob Jacob of course you don't want to do none of us want to do this. We've been abducted. We're abducted What choice do we have now? I gave you my choice. It's kill yourself or suck this hot chick's ass What you just turning into a hairy man who just had a terrible meal? You think I like this? I was supposed to be going to see cars three I had an apple and then I did abducted and now I'm getting sewn to asshole four is three, I had an interval and then I get abducted and now I'm getting sewn to the asshole. Oh, it's a hot chick. It's only bright out there. It's only the shit about your hypothetical that when you know if you get there, you don't

have the choice. Sure. Okay. But if it's here as sky, if it's here as sky, as he's priming me for a thing, I go, is this here a sky? And he goes, yeah, I'm like, oh, go call it in. Maybe somebody can duty in your mouth. I wouldn't. Why are you,. I wouldn't why you lash now Jacob we don't want them to No one here is seeking out a human set of people know what you're taking the weird way

We're simply just saying if it doesn't the hypothetical I am done. Okay. I understand hypoth Hypothetically, I gave you my answer. I don't want to talk about this anymore. What I'm most concerned about, Jacob, is that you can't even picture or fathom the concept that the person's shitting in your mouth isn't a fat, hairy man. I can. I am picturing it right now. I'm still tapping out.

Okay, that's fair. You know? You've done all the different Fucking DJ Lou would get with suck the s-hole of a fucking Bayon four DJ Lou what what are you doing in that situation? With Jacob I don't like assholes Not one asshole. Oh, man. You stay away from girl but holes too Not one asshole. Oh man.

You stay away from girl but holes too? I do a little poke here and there. That's just fun. I mean poke and you wouldn't put your tongue on a girl's butt hole? I did once and it stinks and I'm never going back. Stings? This is an electric bottle. Did you have a paper cut on your tongue?

Oh fuck, I'm sorry. I shove lemons up my ass earlier. I have a lemon bite. I have a citrus booty. You don't have any open ones. You touch your tongue when asshole wants it stung and you never went back. Yeah.

How did you touch it? You are not a good lover. Did you just, do you think DJ Lou is a great lover? I bet he just pounds it out. Do you, Jacob's walked off the show. That's all I've said he is. He's done. Jacob, do you picture that DJ Lou is a very good lover?

I think from the stories that he told me, I think Luke can fuck. He's done Jacob. Do you picture that DJ Lewis a very good lover? I think from the stories that he told me I think Luke and fuck yeah, he's pretty damn good. You know what? I actually agree with Jacob because of the stories Lewis told them also a lot of Latin women. Do you spend a lot of time? Do you spend a lot of time eating that cho cho? That punan name you get out for a while. Go down, I go down. Dude, when you're a smoker, all your taste buds and smell are fucking shots. You can get down there.

He stays away from the butthole. Yeah, you can breathe underwater. Maybe my cigarette tongue did mix with the butt juices. That's what it was, stung. It's probably the nicotine that fought back. Look, I'm not saying I'm doing things the right way. My tongue has probably touched the butthole of many people whose last name I don't know. But uh, women's women. We're I love women's women's women's women's

women's. Black flu. In this situation, do you take your own life or do you let the lady poop in your mouth and for 12 hours, then you leave? I would jake about I don't like that. I don't think I'm serious. I are not. Jacob turned the whole ship. Yeah. Oh, thank you. You kill yourself. I would try that. Jacob, I'm serious, I'm not. Jacob turned the whole ship. Yeah, no thank you. You kill yourself. I would try to, yeah. Jacob just did the I am Spartacus. I am Spartacus.

Wow. Christine, you kill yourself? Or Jason Mamo's poop, right in your mouth. I mean 12 hours. Yeah, it's a lot to shift. It's a lot, but you get out of it. But your eyes are looking right to butchie, those chiseled butchieks.

Yeah, you're looking at his lower back. I'm just weird exercises for it. I mean, no, you can't, do you want to shittin' Momo's mouth? Cause honestly, Jacob's right, we're not gonna be in the power seat, except for right now. Yeah, well, you could shittin' Jason

Momo's mouth for sure, but would you accept his shit in your mouth? You're thinking a girl though. Yeah. Yeah, well you could shit and Jason and I was mouth for sure, but Would you said his shit you're about you're thinking a girl though. Yeah, you'd rather have a girl shit in your mouth Yeah, yeah, right weird But he's in peak Aquaman shape Christine. No, it's not Aquaman anymore Jacob hour back to the hot check again Sierra Sky is gonna take dumps in your mouth for 12 hours Yeah over killing myself. Yeah, yeah, right? I think we need to do a lot of mental health check with some of our employees three to three I have a question. Yeah, black blue. This might be the swing boat if it's Sierra Sky sure then then Christine

Yeah, then me yeah, okay, if Everyone's having two meals each aren't I getting four meals just the front no one can If everyone's having two meals each, aren't I getting four meals? No, just the front. No one can't everybody can have two meals each. Only there's only one person doing the eating front of the centipede. Everybody else mouth is so doing assholes all the way down. Yeah. So you want to be second. If you're going to be sewn in, I mean technically you want to be first so you can blast back. Best thing to be in a human centipede? First. First. First. First. You get the food, not the shit in the mouth. Yeah, that's why South Park human centipede was one of the best episodes Where they do gonna make fish I do fish or of a new repaced and they have it on you can watch HBO Max on six days

The air see you make it Yes How do they make them go in 12 hours because I'm pretty sure I would seize up out of them go in 12 hours because I'm pretty sure I would seize up out of being very uncomfortable. Well, if this guy plays by his own rules that isn't a piece of shit, then he's going to let you go on 12. Okay, you did the 12 hours. I don't know. Unhook him.

She held back. But Jacob, you're right. My thought is always this guy is a killer. I'm just saying, what do you give yourself most time to think during? Do you just kill yourself at the concept or do you so let yourself get so do a girls asshole eat her shit for a while? Because you know at least you have the 12 hours to think about what you're going to possibly do. Yeah, you're buying. You think you're going to be in the you're buying time? That's your time. You're what you're gonna possibly do. Yeah, we're binding. You think you're gonna be in the... You're binding?

That's your time. You're gonna be very clear headed during that 12 hours. You're gonna be planning your escape. Jacob, I've always done my best thinking with my mouth on an asshole. So I would probably say, that's where I'm at.

But your mouth. It's your asshole phone, but he also. I don't know if you're familiar with Rocky Mountain style education, but having your mouth over an asshole. Oh boy. No, it'll get you thinking. Tell me. East your butt off of somebody else also.

True. That's fair. Oh man, you really give me the willies. It's whoever was behind me if they just elect Eventually they're gonna have to My concern is Is there a little room between because what's got my concern also being the first Girl shit guy shit any shit. It's gonna splash outside going in my mouth. No. I'm worried about throwing up Very real possibility and so you're gonna have to take that back down all man

Then you're gonna butt fucker with puke Oh Blow puke up her ass She's like Tennis match Try blow it back a brass hole By the way strong move if you're the second person in human centipede if you think about that when she says I'm gonna have to go really just pace out some hard blowbacks and see if you just physically push that shit back up

It happens. I'm in this shit really really bad and then bought myself hours before. You ever do that? No, no. You never been like zero hours taking a shit and then some reason it's able to go away. I know what I was thinking, yeah. And then it comes back the second you walk in the door. But it could be hours you buy sometimes.

You're like, oh, I guess, when I started a conversation, I lost it. That time I made my aunt sick in San Francisco because we were at the hotel, it went away. We were at Geordelia Square eating ice cream, and I was like, I have to shit. And she's like doing here, I was like, ah, it's kind of gone.

And like, three hours later, we're back at the hotel, I'm like, I got a shit again, it made her sick. She's like, oh God, okay. Yeah. Okay. I've turned up like that so many times. Oh, no, no. She's not the one who's trickling out,

she's like, oh, no, no. She's so good at puking because of drinking. Oh. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, is wearing what and where they wearing it. What I wanna get into actually is black Lewis and you need some advice from us. Yeah, black glue has his sister-in-law staying with him. Is she staying with you or live with you? No, she lives with us. She lives with you. And she's asking if her boyfriend, which it hasn't been a long relationship. It's your sister-in-law staying with you.

I love you. She lives with us. Lives with you, okay. And then now she is asking if her boyfriend can come and live with you too. No, no, no. Can come and stay over. Like regularly or just once? Like every couple of weekends because he's a Marine and he's on base sometimes. So a lot of times he comes off and maybe goes to Boston.

If you want to add to this, I can tell you. And he's backed up. If you want to add to this, Buckloo, you can say this is essentially how my manager got killed with this story, letting the boyfriend in of the person staying with you. I will be honest, I did bring that up in an argument with my wife.

Yeah, that's fair. We don't know this guy. Odd, high variable, right? He's a question mark. The guy completely, you got a newborn in the house. Also a year, but I mean, that's a newborn. I mean, you have a baby. But is she, is the argument that you're going through

with your wife right now? Like, now I don't want him here. Let him go somewhere else. And she's like, is the argument that you're going through with your wife right now? Like, now I don't want him here. Let him go somewhere else. And she's like, come on. Let him come hang out here. What is the argument specifically? Well, one, I'd like to meet him before there's any talk of him coming over to sleep. Great point.

And two, it's just, it's just a little awkward because, you know, she's like a little sister to me. I've known her since she was 14. So that is, you know, she's like a little sister to me. I've known her since she was 14, so, I have this, you listen, they're 23, they're adults. We were all 23. We're sure what the fuck's going to go down. And you're a house. Yeah, we're an adult now.

That's a very, very tough thing that I felt when I, when I, Isabella, you know, young. So a lot of my friends were also like in their young 20s and stuff when people just they didn't realize that would It come over and I'd be furious. I'm like hey when you and you're that girls did over my house last night like whatever You know carless friend and my friend so because did you guys like fuck on the couch last night? Like oh, yeah, dude. We fuck you like hey could you not look? That's really Isabella like plays and fucking It's a different thing when most people are like 20's like so what man we fucked yeah, we fuck Here there it doesn't matter. It's the difference. Are you tossing them a beer and then tossing them a angry look?

Right, and that's what is it's becoming an adult so like Lou Your families in place man. You don't want some There's it. It's too much of a question mark You don't want some variable you don't want some leather there's too much of a question mark. You don't want some variable. You don't want some leather neck in your house, just fucking loud, taking names, telling, No, no. Yeah, I mean, you gotta meet him.

That's what you gotta do. You gotta meet him first and be like, Hey, are we cool? No, but you just wanna meet him to assure that you don't want this. There's nothing this guy can do on opening meeting. 23 years old. Marina know that's going to make you go. I'm cool with this guy just kicking it around the place. When you see his feet up on your furniture or he walks

in watching TV that you something you don't want to watch. I'm going to tell you walks in with a Dallas Cowboys Emmett Smith jersey on walks right in and goes black glue big I don't want to be upset with me, but I'll tell you, I don't want to be upset with me, but I gotta say, me, I'm super anti this. Yeah, buddy. What is that noise coming from loose house? It's exactly. Oh, I can't believe it. Yeah, buddy. What is that noise coming from lose house? It's exactly oh I can't believe it's like wind blows in town. Oh

What's your sister-in-law's attitude towards this by the way Jacob a perfect sound effect? Oh my god Fucking Hendrix is it Hendrix is gonna come out like with like condoms that of a trash can. Oh my god. Yeah, don't touch that Please just gonna mimic the noise that you heard Ow it's so big and you should marine is your sister-in-law to you kind of like does she know you're the one holding it up? Yeah, definitely okay, and what what's her attitude towards you like come on? Lewis, no, she's cool with me. She um Yeah, definitely. Okay. And what's her attitude towards you? Like, come on. Louis. No, she's cool with me.

She, she's really just more or less trying to make sure that my wife is cool with it. He met my wife on a Thursday when I was recording the bonfire on purpose when I wasn't here, basically, not on the others. Yeah. So I'm still kind of, does a listen like him? She said it was a very nice boy. Is this like a short term?

Sorry, I ran out to get his belt. Is this like a short term a few nights like come stay for a week thing or I'd say one or two nights a week the course of a weekend Maybe maybe once a month twice a month at the most. He'll stay for a couple nights, once or twice a month. Now I hate it. Now I'm a daughter of a, I mean, I'm the son of a single mom, bring it all in, dude. I get ready, she's long as you don't need your cereal.

No, that seems, I think like four times a month. She's living with you, the sister. Yep, we have this point. We're in full time, like no. Good question, rent free? Nope, not rent free. She's living with you this sister. Yep. We have this question. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no.

A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no.

A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like no. A whole time like for. But there is security though. I do remember that, yeah, there's a question of security.

Definitely a question of security. Well, he's a Marine. So he can take out his security. Yeah, so he's also trained and dangerous. Right. Yeah. Imagine him having a night terror and then you got fucking Rambo losing your house.

Well, do you think you might have to say to a, you know, Carla was dating a Soldier for the father for other daughter is Is a soldier like I think is a bell didn't you wasn't just like a gun in the house all of a sudden and shit like Is about knew where it was. I'm like what the fuck nice like it's crazy. You get good at firing it And he's a lunatic this guy it turns out so also this is a guy's like Just cleaning his gun. I don't know damn Lou. It might be like I know you pay right here could you if she moved out you're fine, right? You don't require her red I'm good. I'm saying you don't require her rent. No, I think I guess doing it for a favor for her

She just wanted to get out of Boston and live her life in New York. New Jersey. She's into fashion. So she's trying to kinda, you know, I don't want to be an adult out here. So it's fine. Even she's paying rent then. You may have to pull the old like adult card and be like, hey, look, that's just, you pay rent, but this isn't the kind of house where this is going to be all right. Like when you get your own place, you can do your thing. No, I think it's a real thing.

I would say flex the Christianity when his bell when his a bell was a baby when his bell was a baby like legitimate thing like for my house it was like yeah you can't smoke weed here yeah remember that at my plate can I walk over to Nate's yeah you guys were exactly you guys go over to Nate so we're going to lose this and come back and be like you guys want to eat yeah where's this turkey I with all of it? I got one milk and I want to sit on the floor. Can I just, you know, like, my, because my wife hit me with this question,

because, you know, she's trying to get me to be a better man in the thought process when it comes to women. She asked me like, oh, if it was your brother that was living with us, would you say the same thing? Oh. And I was like, yeah, I think it's not fucking old girls in my house. Yeah, there you go.

I would never let that slide. I agree with you. I think you're right. I think you're absolutely. I didn't switch either way. I'm not bringing some fluszy into the house with my one-year-old son in there. It's not a guy, girl thing.

It's a strange or put, listen, why me and Christine, like why Mike Fenoya was a great roommate for us for what we were looking for, was because he's married and his wife lived in Connecticut. So, there was essentially, and they were into the lifestyle. And their lifestyle, you guys will listen to that if it was the episode.

But they were just like, they lived, Mike went there on the weekends, and he lived during the week in the city with us. So, one there was that, he was there only a couple nights a week anyway. And the other thing was he wasn't bringing home, like I couldn't at that age that I was when I was in a Christine was not an age

where I could sit back and walk. And by the way, I also selfishly require the freedom for kind of what the things I wanna do, but within reason, obviously. Sure. But at the same time, like, if, man, that's what war me down. The discomfort of Fnoia was like,

and he's had people come over before, but if he was like, hey, I'm actually having a little bit of a party this week and I'm like, ah, ah, ah, I put up like, there's no way. I'm one of those people that like, I can put up with a lot of shit and a lot of times I'm very bad at identifying that.

So finally, a bubble's over. It's where I go zero to 60. It's just all the bubbles over. And I'm like, ah, fuck, I shouldn't have been doing this. Pants and Pete wore on me because I was two old. Number one, I was two old to live in that windowless room. Yeah. And even Vecchiano was like, you're two old to live

in that room, dude. It's driving you nuts. Because you got to keep the door open, because it gets too hot. And then like, and handsome Pete was living a life of like going out, going to clubs, coming home at three o'clock in the morning with random women. Yeah.

I was like, yeah, I know. One time my wallet was on the kitchen, on the kitchen desk, the kitchen table or whatever. Four o'clock in the morning, he just comes home with these two women and I just hear him yelling and I'm like, well, I gotta get my wallet out of there. I woke up, that was my first thought. I'm like, I don't know, these bitches. I'm fucking gr- snag my wallet. So I go out and grab my wallet and when I go that's- we're having a pizza party. And I was like, just get the fuck out of my house.

I don't care. But it wore me down till finally I had to be like, Vekkyone. Let's go get our own place. Because Vekkyone is, you know, older than me and much more mellow. And so it really got to a point where I had to be like, I had to tell Pete, it's like, it's not you, it's your lifestyle. I don't want that around. I don't want people coming and staying with me that I don't, his friend threw up on our couch once

and I had to ban him from having friends over. We kicked this guy Ari out. Do you remember Ari at all? We lived with you, you were really young, but like he would just refuse, like I was like like we had a balcony I'm like just smoke weed on the balcony. Yeah, it's attached to the living room. So it wasn't like leave This was the place you lived in with the Rosa. Yes, and before you moved around the corner from Nate

No, that was all around the corner from Nate. Oh that same place So the third floor apartment was on one side of the street We just moved to the back side of the street back side of the street is where I met that's when I started hanging the house house You house house where you guys would go up and have that balcony over the garage. Yes, this was a balcony No, no shark. There was a smaller balcony, but it was like right off of the thing I just refused to smoke read out there just kept getting like caught like doing it in this room like dude. Is it that important? You know, I mean like just go right there and And so we had all these kind of like wars up again, but get it was because I think it's like I get it

You paying your rent, but it's just not a house like that. Derosa the funny one I may have told us in the show But I got mail in time so I was like dude you brought a random Chico last night like you know me and Carl I get paid in Cag, I get paid spots. Yeah, she's cash. She's waiting tables. She was waiting tables to strip cash. And we come up and just put it on the bar. I go in and this lady is some ladies walking through it. That's what he told me.

He goes, yeah, I don't think she was really a thief. He goes, I don't remember. She looked really good at the bar. And then we got back here. He said, he borrowed the room. That's when she like, she took her shirt off. And then she goes, do you give me a couple of water, please?? And he got her couple water and she popped off like a nipple, where nipple was like a suction cup, because she had a mastectomy, I guess, for cancer.

So like, I just dropping that and the thing and he was like, it was hard to be excited after that. She's like, now, what's up with all the scratch on the bar. You were doing it. We gotta divvy that up or? He's fucking that up. Us thing. But I'm eyeing those ones. Dude, your roommates could bring home dates when, like, did you have a rule against having strangers come over? Was it kind of like,

most people just got that it was a house for the baby most of the time. So it wasn't really that kind of house. That is a weird thing though. I'm not gonna lie. I know you guys are on the baby side of it, but just to be like hooking up with the girl at a bar and be like,

let's go to your house, mom. There's this baby. There's a baby there. I don't know, baby. And I want it, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's why Joe moved out like ultimately. Damn. No, no, no, no, no to me. I like doing it to you. I Don't like that. It doesn't feel good. I don't like when you say things that I don't mean it all. No, not blaming you

I'm saying what's funny was it was sort of understood it was that kind of hell. It's just like there's a kid there So it's not like yeah, Joe a minimal amount of decent Joe was in his 20s So his thing was just like yeah, dude dude, I want to like, Joe party. I mean, he's in the play. I'm saying, I'm saying, so Joe was like, no, dude, I want to get hammered and go and like, you know, hang out and he's throw up outside and then go score some blow from one of our friends, Joe. Yes.

Because I was hanging out with him. There's this crazy. The high enough. So, uh, there was, but most of you will realize that it just wasn't that kind of place. Then our last roommate we ever had. Was that the flying squirrel?

Flying squirrel, Jim. She, I just know her from Jay's bit when I first moved here. I have to listen to Jay recently when I came home when, that mean Carla, we're gonna stay and fill you after a six years game. But instead, we came home.

Yeah. And she told me we I'm coming home. So we came back to like her, this guy is like clothes all over the place and everything. And I aggressively threw this guy out. I remember that. And he said he was a fan. Big fan.

Yeah. And he's walking out and he goes, I love your comedy, dude. Was that what she was like? And I was like, get the fuck out of here. And then I was like, that was kind of nice though. Hey, that felt good. Is she the one?

Was it her sister that was the lesbian that came over to Thanksgiving? That was mean? No, that's her aunts. It says, Isabella's aunts. OK, I'm mixing the two jokes. Now wife. Isabella's wife, yeah, Isabella's wife.

I remember that old bit. Yeah, what was it? You're like, I had her over Thanksgiving and she was a lesbian and she was rude. And she's like, yeah, isabel's wife. I remember that old bit. Yeah, what was it? You're like, I had her everything's giving and she was a lesbian and she was rude and she's like, I don't eat ham. Oh, I'm not serving pussy. Yeah, well, that's serving pussy for a second.

Yeah, yeah. I remember that bit. I was like, one of the bits of my first move here and then you did the flying screw thing about her flying away off the balcony. That was no, you're mixing up two stories. I know, but I mean, another. Oh yeah, that was about the roommate. It was all about the same time though that you're

doing those bits. It's in my mind. She moved out to she moved out a month before me and Karla got married and just didn't pay for it. Just backed up on all kinds of money. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. It's cool. The newly married couple. That's what was my angry joke about. I go, yeah, she's just like, I said, she said, fuck you guys jumped Jumped off the thing like a flying squirrel. Do you remember, Jim had a, she had weight loss surgery and she was really heavy. So she had all that flappy skin. Ah, it was so gross.

Do you, what are your earliest memories of your dad's friends? Is it like Lewis or Dave? It's Lewis. One of your, you gotta talk to microphones. Yeah, Lewis and Dave coming over. And then just like Dave probably stayed over a lot, right? It's on the neighbors' house. So Dave, when you were like, from the time you can remember,

yeah. Dave was just like around. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's so funny. Wasn't Nate first? No. No, Nate and Laura lived around the corner.

Yeah. And that was, that was was they would all hang out Out Laura would babysit me after school, but like when I would be with dad. They was always there. Yeah That's so funny the babysitting baby David is about. Yeah Oh, she calls you watching her babysitting. Yeah, we were such children It's just so funny. We get us me me and Dave, we get us from school. Yeah. We go to seven of them.

Do they think it was your two dads? Oh, for sure. They're like, no. They didn't say anything, but probably. They're like, oh, me and Dave would walk, we'd walk to the bus stop. Me and Dave would walk to the bus stop like a gay couple and pick us up from the bus stop.

And then we would go, someone's gonna take us off. Can I just say from a child's perspective, it makes Isabella look fucking cool and kind of dangerous that these two weirdos are coming to pick you up. I was always so in awe of people who had cool people pick them up, because my mom was always like work mom,

you know, and she'd be like, come on, we gotta go. And I'd be like, all right, bye guy, you know, I want two dads. Pretty quickly at that school, I became the guy who jumped on the bus and Punched the bus driver what you know the story the bus driver of some new bus driver who was weirdly He just kept he went nuts, I guess and just started telling all the kids to shut up and Like we keep driving past mean all the parents And then like for like a half hour.

And then the last time when there was like a Freddie Krueger movie, like the bus goes past one time and you see the kids in the back with those who are in the car. He's so wet. Yeah, we're making phone call to call cops. We're calling everybody. The next time he's coming in the block, I go all the parents, I go,

just come stand in the middle of the street. He has to stop the bus and we're all sitting in the middle of the street and We do that and then he opens the bus door and this guy starts cursing. I was prepared to be like yo Dude what the fuck's go I wasn't thinking like hit first It was the fact that he opened the door. He goes what the hell are you doing? He was like a German guy or something, right? He was like what the hell are you doing? And I was like what and, and I started hitting him. And I go, I go get the kids off the bus.

Or someone goes, the guy goes, I'll get the kids off the bus. Did you watch your dad kick the shit out of the bus driver? Yeah. And then he kicked the front of the bus. Yeah, it's your dad's move. It's his part and move. I've seen that. Oh yeah.

Send it. Send it. Still gonna send it. He's gonna beat your ass and kick your I've seen that. Oh yeah. Kicking calls. Send it. Send it. Still gonna send it. Just gonna beat your ass and kick your car, mother fucker. That's hilarious. It was, it was ridiculous. Yeah. It was the most strange way to think it was.

But I thought Isabelle didn't know. And then when she was like, I told you, I was like, for two weeks, I just drove her to and from school. Her mom would drive her to school. I'd pick her up from school. She'd have to go on the bus. And then if there are a couple weeks, Isabella said I was like, anybody talking about it at school?

And she was like, no. And I was like, I thought she just didn't know it was going on. And I was like, hey, you probably started out of taking the bus again tomorrow. She goes, okay, could you not fight the bus driver this time? I was like, oh, he saw that. Yeah.

Ha ha. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Sirius XM!