The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Aww Man, She Kicked Me In The Ghoulies.

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

The guys flag the campers to call in and explain what it is exactly that Ghoulies do...Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! Man, I just can't do it like I used to. Ordered some mac and cheese and some wings last night. Dumped hot sauce all over it. I had a bunch of soda and really paid for it this morning. I bet. Is that one where it's making noise in your lower stunnacle forcomes out of your

ass? It was. I didn't sleep. I had a super early wake up time for billions and my chest was lava all morning. Oh yeah you had the fucking the hot burps. Yeah and then I put down a dump on set that can I tell you. Yeah was fucking impressive. Really? Crawled out the bowl. Did it breach the water so they say above the water. Out of the water dude. Where it was all kinky on the sides its tails flat out the water I gotta tell you something uh it was really impressive again gotta take it to go with the bed if I gotta make complaints about the department the water level in the toilets is for pressure is great and it's it by Wush is as good as it's gonna get as good it's gonna get outside like that fucking gas station toilet we used to have yeah man you guys had it where we could have

flushed. Yeah. I thought it was the tube system in an old bank. You don't even know it's Christine's given birth to three children in our relationship and all three of them. We weren't ready for and we just sent them down the fucking. What about when they all come back for revenge? The pipe babies. What have they come back for you? And they'll reach up through the pipes and grab your nuts when you're on the toilet. Mommy, daddy. Do you remember Iraq, Nephobia? They come back for you and they'll reach up through the pipes and grab your nuts when you're on the toilet.

Mommy, daddy. Do you remember Arachnophobia? They're ghoulies. When the art kids are ghoulies. Yeah. Could you remember an Arachnophobia where the spider bites them on a toilet? Mm-hmm. That legit fucked me up for three years.

Where I had to check the toilet. The ghoulies didn't get you? They come out of the toilet too. Ghoulies didn't affect me as much as Arachnophobia affected me. Yeah, I guess there's more of a chance of a spider coming up Your thing than a gooey and real life than a gooey up your butt Christine bring up a gooley stop sexting Jacob Do me favor if you can stop sexting Jacob for five seconds. She goes your hot mouth right on my pulse what? She goes as you slowly press inside of me and I feel all of your length what guys?

Yeah sure Brandon My mouth and your my my toes in your mouth and my pussy in my hand what guys You're beard covered in my juices. Yes Look up what goolies sure for I am your forbidden peach there's a new uh. Yeah, you coming right out out the butt right at the ball dude right up your butt, right? I don't think so I don't think they come at you. I don't think they cope your butt. Christine look at what goolees do, please. What do goolees do? This is where we might be able to take a phone call somebody might out there know what goolees do I just feel like that thing coming up your butt

What's isn't goolees to is that the concern the worst movie ever made? Or was that chud too? It was one of those. Those trolls too. Troll too. Troll too. We used to watch it at Barcelona Bar. Yeah, that was a big thing.

It's like the concern of the worst. It was a worse-reviewed movie of all time. Yeah, I've been on change. That changed for the way. The only time I've tried to watch it twice, my friend Jess put it on at Barcelona Bar and like, you and like you know do a thing where she shuts the door except for the regulars we could smoke inside bad ass the two times I tried to watch and I blacked out and I don't remember the movie yeah yeah

you're drunk both times I was like hey what happened do we start watching that movie and they're like yeah throw one P.E. Herman to cross the bar throw throw one from what I remember. It was pretty scary looking, so it was relatively scary movie as a kid. I'm willing to admit something. I was scared of the first leprechaun movie. Why is that terrible? You were young and that was a scary character. Because where I grew up, if you admitted that, you were a pussy. Also where you were from though, I bet the idea of a midget was very far.

I bet there was a lot of tini's out there. So the fact you saw a real thing like that talking and you were like, how is it possible? This is well before CGI and all that shit. Of course it was terrifying to see a half person walking around, really walking into walking. And I'm just gonna tell you this Colorado logic, that thing's gonna get you killed in the winter.

So, yeah, if that's part yeah if that's if it's part of your wagon if it's a part of your wagon trail did I tell you about my aunt's fear of little people now like but please do to point where she would we would have to turn off the TV if there was a little person on it or change the channel immediately yeah could not watch Austin Powers. I told you about Brad Williams thing, right? What? I haven't told that on the show. That seems crazy. A JFL like the 2011 maybe or 12 was doing the nasty show with Bobby Kelly, Brad Williams, Bridget Everett. What year? 2012 was like the year

that you were there? I was there in 11 and 12. 12 I don't remember because I was mostly blacked out. So I don't know if it was 11 or 12 either but I was doing the uh I think it was 12. So I was doing the nasty show and uh the stage manager guy kept telling everybody. Oh you have said he's trying to get through it because he's a he's afraid he was afraid of little people and then Brad came out one time jokingly and Did like a Benny Hill run around the car with him when the guy was like seriously stopped And then he got in his car when there was a moment and he jumped in his car and sped down the block and never came back That's yeah, so I definitely have I remember you telling that story

I think I followed it with the story of my aunt who's my dad's sister my aunt Karen did acid She did a lot of acid when she was a teenager. Yeah a lot of acid. She dropped. She was in downtown San Francisco Break it on through the other side. Yeah, she was this was probably like Late 60s early 70s. I want to say he was probably late 60s She did enough acid that her and her friend went into a hotel tripping and they went up to the banquet room and it opened and it was a little person convention and they got off the elevator. They couldn't get back on the elevator and they were freaking out and couldn't get out of the room. It's a personal hell. If you're afraid of, if you're afraid of, no, that's what made

her afraid of. Oh, that was the moment where, yeah, and then from the, for the rest of her life, she'd be like, if they came on, I was with her in Alaska. She was like, Danny, Danny turned off the TV. I do not want to watch it off the virus. And she was like, I can't watch this movie. I cannot watch this movie. It's been disproven that there's little people towns, right? Yeah, I think they did that show. No, but I'm saying they say always they go, Oh, you know, there's a little person town and upstate in New York or I think it's all been disproven right it's not real just a tiny your analysis a tiny your thing but then a guy like me just a lonely guy like me wants to move there and be there a fucking minute oh my

god for getting their new bolded you're the boogie man all around my deep voice but you'd be the kid and that's my point is anyone can be the king of midge town so I don't know five rumored little people villages Villages is a really that's the most racist thing to say about it. Yeah, it's called a village. Why don't you call it a hamlet? Yeah, why don't you call it a five rumored little people hobbles? Hey look We have a little fern gullies that we found out about yeah Go back in here hobbit hole little people. There's no way I don't show that's all right No right. No, that's not for little people. That's for gullies. Yeah, that's for gullies. And that's not what we call little people. That's not a derogatory. There we go.

Now that's what I'm talking about. Tucky Midgetville. Now, here's what I'm talking about. I have a feeling it's called Midgetville, though, because the houses are small. Yeah. But little tiny house. And what is that? You find out that's not even a big house, it's just compared to those houses. They are little people communities. So it's groups of little people that get together and I think things are sized differently

to be more convenient for them. You're saying they start this, they are the pioneers of this land. Yeah, I think they go. They have moved and they have been like, yo, it's just dominate like where my mom lives, like in a housing thing like that, like a community, like a development development is what I mean. And development is not a great. It says that's not for little people. It's for Jehovah's Witnesses. There we go. They live in small one bedroom. Yes, places. We all know Jehovah's Witnesses though, are very little people.

Also, my aunt, was it Jehovah's Witness? Was she? No. Yes, she became a Jehovah's Witness to get off crack. Damn. Should've occupied that time. That was a shock. Come on.

Shake it out. It's my dad's sister, do you want to tell him? To get off crack? She ruled, though. Damn. Hang on, we have two calls. And both of them are things we want to hear about. Sister do you tell out to get off crack? She ruled though damn Hang on we have two calls and both of them are things we want to hear about first. I say we go to Luke in leviton What do you think P.A. Yeah, dude says you know what ghoulies do Luke You're on the bonfire buddy

Luke you there buddy See you alright. Yes, again. Are you in Levittown, PA? Yes, sir. Fucking sesame place, bro. I'm more of a little trove guy. Give me a rolling rock any day. No, dude, sesame place. What is sesame place? The ultimate sesame street water park adventure.

What is sesame place? It's a water park. Sesame? Yeah, Dan, it's a F and water park. Sesame. Yeah, Dan. It's a F and water park. Do they have slides called the Elmo and like the cookie monster? I haven't been there in Elmo's 10 year. I apologize to say, but when I went, yeah, it probably was like big birds wild.

Bloom. Big birds bath. Yeah, big birds bath. Snuff a lot of gussies show or time. Bert and Ernie's private bath. Yeah, big birds bath. It's not floppigates his shower time. Bert nerdy's private showers. Yeah, and there's this weird ride. The haunted house and you on there in Gordon shows you his weeness. But it's doll. It's that nerf shit. Gordon, you're a real person. Oh, why do you have that? Why do you have Sesame Street penis? Holly Robinson's that I believe. going from sesame street alright thinks so

lacrosse over there so i look in leviton please tell us what gullies do exactly i don't think it's go up your butt now i don't think so i don't so from what i can i can gather gullies are like their dwarves that comes with a panic cult and if you do their bidding Or if he what does it talk? You have to do a dangerous ritual in order for them to give you everything that you desire

It's They're like They're like ugly only wepper cons you know toilet jeans. Oh toilet jeans Okay, that makes sense that doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, they're like jeans. Oh, toilet jeans. Okay, that makes sense. That doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, they're like, ah, too far to not on. They're like, amagoli.

Hey, what's up? I'm Jeff Goole. You want to go to the Olympics and win bronze? A young man and his girlfriend move into an old mansion home where he becomes possessed by a desire to control. Okay, so they make you, right? They lure you in. Is there a trailer we might be able to watch Christine to understand what Gouli's do

If they indeed fuck your butthole if you wouldn't mind. Thank you. Dan you're hung up on this butthole thing Pretty sure Luke just said that dude. We both agreed. We're gonna do a starfish Monday You said we're gonna tie everything in the anal. You said everything goes up the butt on Monday. You called it. You said it. It's in our Advent calendar, our Bonfire Advent calendar. Oh yeah.

Scream factory. Go for a scene you can play. 1984, I was one years old. On Blue Ray. Pause it already. Here's my problem with this. I gotta explain these people at home. Some guys having a housewarming party. These people are all young. So they're having a housewarming party and what it only looks like a looks like a haunted estate. It looks like Clue. And no young person, dork or not hanging out with these chicks already has old, timey books lining the entire plot. You know what I mean? It's just...

But it's his parents house, bro. It's not what he said. He said it's a housewarming party for him. Dude? Oh my god, just go ahead. You go play Christine. Where are you? Do we order this and watch this as a family? Goolies? Yeah. Goolies is also another word for testicles on Urban Dictionary. It says like, ah, she kicks me in the goolies. I'll be honest with you. I've never thought of that and I thought that someone else did first. Yeah, I do. You should be stuck by goolies. Oh, through honest with you. I've never thought of that and I'm going to someone else did first. Yeah, you should get stuck my goolies. Oh, through which you'll and terrible special effects. Hey, look at my gooli. Oh, so goolies look. Oh, what? There's the gooli. That's the guy. Hey,

what's up? Oh, man, they're boning and all these goolies. See, this is creepy. It's like having a. Yeah, crawl around. Well, it's like they're like furbies. Well, they had to make, but this is back when they didn't have to like having a Crawl around well, it's like they're like Furbies Well, they had to make but this is back when they didn't have to make everything there was no computer stuff for What did you confuse? Yeah, they're once and what everything was all puppies? Furbies remember furbies furbies were like little mechanical gremlins Right sort of

You know there's always a thing with I don't know if you feel this way about movies like this But I felt this way about child's playing stuff Sometimes smaller stuff that can get to me or a rack nephobia or whatever will scare me like a spider bite But something like a goolee now that I see it's the size that it is send it, dude Yeah, dude exactly all fucking punt it You get near me if I got, if I got four-site, I see it coming and I got my shoes on, game over. Game over, I don't even need to be strapped in,

I can have my slip-ons on. I'll fucking kick the shit out of it. I think we're, Jacob, look who's in the mother fucking house. Don't acknowledge him yet, he's good. He doesn't like hearing us, he says no. Oh wait, do you see the call from Utah? If the man's name is meat face, yeah, it is. It is. It means meat face 10. All right. Don't judge his name. That's his thing. Oh, is that meat face in Utah? Is it British? Yes, my name is meat face. Yes. Hell yeah. And

is this possibly true? You've been to a Jor village. 100% it's actually accessible to anyone here in Utah. It's actually right near East High School that they filmed that. To be East, whatever dance movie, whatever it was. You can drive through there, but the widgets get really mad and they start throwing rocks at you. Hang on a second, that's one whole area. Did you mean that shitty dance movie as in Footloose? No, no, no, that teenage. You got it, sir?

That's it. I don't know what one takes place in Utah, but so when you drive by, are they throw rocks at you? If you drive into it and drive around like everybody knows about it, but if you feel like they just carry around little satchels of rocks. Yeah, I was going to say what a dwarf way to handle a situation. Did you know, you know, I always leave the house with my thing on me. I bet they use like real like slingshots and fucking stuff like that. Definitely they use dwarf weapons. Yeah. Battle Axis.

Tiny bow and arrows. That are actually suction cups instead of arrows. Clubs? Yeah. People with clubs, yeah. Is it called Hobbitville? Yeah, Chris. It is.

There's a video, a news story that just came out in 2020. Damn, meat face. They've had a lot of fun. I judged a book by your cover. I don't think your story was going to be real with a name like meat face But meat face I got the year's Call me egg face right cuz I Reim fine meat face I believe in the whole time I ticket

Trust me story. I do want to hear this new story Welcome back. You may have heard of Hobbit land. It's a secluded piece of Salt Lake City Near what's mr. College And you probably know it from new stories of today or as an unusual place you drove by When you've read about it in your Bible from being damned to hell Think it all is fucking super Utah and religious And people that are straight-laced in Utah they have Lego hair. Yeah, so serious. They come out of they come out of a machine like Vader in the morning is a favorite of our Real nice Christie real nice real nice real fucking this is real nice what you're doing. I can't see his perfect

By the way you Todd didn't forget that you gave me COVID. I'll be back I'll be back you fucking non-soda drinking fucks I'll be back. You fucking non soda drinking fucks I'll come back. I shall reap my revenge back. Well the fucker don't worry. Yeah But fucking I yelled him for getting my Danny the COVID. Yeah, give him a boy the vid Me not come on the lawyers for you guys yellow lawyers for I had to stick up for me I came for lawyers for Zaz and Jay's coming to Utah to fucking wax that ass I don't want to walk 13th East of course Hobbitville is a favorite of our Craig worth that he joins us live in the studio He goes, he's actually got a little bit of a problem

He looks like a guy that's banned from dude He looks like he looks like he might be he's a midget sitting on another midget's neck Yeah, or he or he has a confession in a police station where he goes, I just like their tiny hands on it. Yeah. Yeah. They can wash every nook and cranny. God understand something man.

They get their little hands on you. You can feel the power. Yeah. Salt Lake City's ABC affiliate news guy whoever this guy is Definitely looks like he's done some best. What if I told you toys. Yeah will be made for children He's definitely yeah, he's a very He's a voluntary mall Santa every year doesn't want the money just once fucking kidasses on his knee and he just blows He money. He goes down to the bar and Hobbitville and just has them out. And the alcoholics eat string cheese.

So if you watch our little fingers work through the cheese, he go, that's it, that's it, that's it. Fuck that's it. He goes to the dwarf OTB and bets on the on the dwarf races. Yeah, he goes, I know which one's fast. I'll take him trained in myself. Gotta keep playing this. Well, you know, it's now vacant.

Then it's posted, no trespassing. But a lot of guys great. We were authorized to take a look. I found one of them down by the creek and I pulled his little pants off and I spanked his big door. I guess I can't want him brought him back to my home where I torture the information out of him. The little teeth come out so easy. By the way they can't sustain on just candy. I hang them upside down and I bleed them from the

little arms. My wife calls me a cruel bastard. I tell her she doesn't know the half of it. I hurt them and then I fix them up. It's a sick cycle I'm in. What if I told you I was making them half-machine? Giving them normal people legs. Oh, like crann, crann, from crang. I stretch them. Break an amazing land and it's worth watching tonight. This guy looks like his voice. Yeah.

It is now hidden by fences, but as late as summer, you could see the place. Only in its post-Glory days was it called Hobbitville, a curious place of signs and trees and rock that once held lamps as the night has a thousand eyes. Hell, yeah, you got to be real scared of the night. You got to be, you don't know what's coming out of the wood. That's got to be... Oh my God, yeah, when a half- your community could be taken off by raccoons You better build a fucking moat

Fire the flaming arrows that the siege continues how about that Jacob is that gonna be a problem with serious? Do you mind telling me that's gonna be a problem serious? Now that we have voice quality control. No, there's voice quality control. That's the voice I would do for voluntary dwarves that live in a place called Hobbitville, defending their home from a sort of small wildlife with flaming arrows.

In my mind, Jacob, their voice is gonna go, fire, odd three, flame your arrows. I can't worry about getting in trouble for that gentleman the night has a thousand eyes But only we have small sausage fingers My hands feel to have no bones, but they're very strong. I know. I've blocked the windows that opened up to the floor. And by the way, pause before you judge me, you better have felt the sweet soft cupcake lack

of firmness in a dwarf hand because I've shaken many. I feel like I'm destroying whatever gelatin is in their hands. Because I've shaken many Whatever gelatin is in their hands There's bone in there, but that's a what you want to play a good prank on me if you're a little person when I shake your hand go Oh I can't really do you ever tell the story of the security guard in Montreal on bonfire? Yeah, Christine you got to be here on the show. I don't know what's happening and I'm concerned about it This is the third show in a row where you asked me why don't I tell a story that I told on this episode Moments ago. Yeah, I

Well, I was hearing that as I was texting Jacob. So sorry Jacob somehow it all boils down to you. Where there were tons of trees. Oh, what's another word? Tons and trees, books and running books, sermons and stones and good and everything. I feel like I just opened a portal by the way. By the way, he has the same thing that gets you,

get your spirit into a chucky dough. Yeah. Oh no, is your program gonna have goolies now? You know what's funny with you? Tons and trees, Books and Running Brooks? What is it, Sermons and Stones and Good and Everything? It doesn't sound right when I say it like that, Jacob. Tell the people, it's serious.

You have to go Tongues and Trees and Books and Running Brooks, Sermons and Stone and Good and Everything. Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh Well, hello Mr. Baird. Are you ready to ride your ostrich to work? It was a Navy area. For George Allen was also president of the zoo. It was nature. So I thought they kept birds, because it's what they wrote everywhere. Like that was like their, that was like their car dealership. It's when they get birds. Wait, none no this is the saying this is for dwarves There's a thing it's like a thing is that the reveal I think this is gonna be a reveal hold on keep playing I think it's gonna be now do you want to know the craziest thing these people are half the size of the regular man

Because it said it was an aviary and I'm like Is that for like a bird sanctuary? Yeah, like you can't have a fucking hawk around these little fucking Up man, they'll be gone. That's what I'm saying. Maybe that's their car dealers I gotta funky Fly rank or Excelsior and beyond And it was a place designed to reflect Collins poem list to nature's

teachings. Alright, let's skip ahead. Let's skip ahead. Yeah. Is this going to say in this cool place? Oh hang on. Hang on. This guy's got some ideas about bitches. Little weirdos coming around. Dip in your knees. He's going to bring it up. I got in trouble for going through their grave. It was I came here like Godzilla and kicked down all their homes by accident. I told them I was a god. I do remember having my 22nd birthday here. My girlfriend at the time, one of my roommates, tried to make me a nice kick.

And we had a little people came and took it. Look at that little well. I don't think that's it, dude. A little house. Oh, here comes any pepper toad. Now, can I take this as a place for a tour? I just like if any pepper toad got the role of Gorbachev. I want to hear his, I want to hear his outro. which was like if any Peppetone got the role of Gorbachev. I want to hear his outro. I bet you thought I was going to talk about little people. I don't mix business and play.

That's called a fetish. This is work. The Sugar House Prison, which was located just down the street in Sugar House Park, sure prisoners thought it would be a perfect place to hide among the beautiful sains and trees. Nope, Mrs. Ellen, caught them all. She always caught the kids that went over their clothes. And her mouth and her bones and her butt hole.

The fuck is so much entertainment is so boring. Like it's just so goddamn boring. You know what I'm saying? She killed all of them with her bare hands What a lot of people don't know is Miss Allen was classically trained in hand-to-hand combat and Explosives expert me face me face me face You like George You like us, dude you like bro. You face. Do you think Vincent's gonna lie? I don't think so. I don't even know dude Vincent, Pennsylvania

Hey, man, what's up? You're on the bonfire. I'm working on it. I had a engage with I like that a year All right, so Dan this brought back horrible memories when you said you were afraid of like spiders tickling you yeah, okay Yeah, I went to a so-called filmot in New Mexico. It was a backpacking trip, a boy scout, like a couple hundred thousand square miles. You know, you go over a couple of over like 10 days, you go like, you know, 200 miles. Yeah. One of the things they told us was the toilets that we had, because it was just a backpacking trip, was you've had these things called red roofed in.

They were a hole in the ground with a wooden box on top and that's it. Okay. And one of the things that it's common to New Mexico are black, black widows, brown replicings and wolf spiders. Wolf spiders are gnarly dude. They're all one of the brown recluses. That'll kill you and soak in a black widow but wolf spiders look crazy. Yes, also they're gigantic. I don't know if you in a black widow, but wolf spiders look crazy. Yes, also, they're gigantic.

I don't know if you've seen one up close, but it could cover your face. That's how big it is. Well, I have a very large head. I think I have a wolf spider, Kristina. I need to see it. Dude, dude. The wolf spider?

All right, so I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to take a stick with you and smack it around on the inside. That way all the spiders that are hiding out in the warm enclosure are big and scared away towards the bottom and they scared out. Well can I ask you a question real quick? I'm sorry interrup is real quick question. When you slap around the the stick in the in the poop box and these spiders come out. Man Christine is bringing up wolf spiders. Fuck that creep. You know it's fine If you you look at it one direction to be creepy, but if you put this voice to it

Coming out of here to take a midnight poop that guy could crawl to my my stinker any night It's me wolf's water I just want to tickle your neck I'm a tickle your Nuts You like me to just think about deadly venom until you're big dog is all I want to watch your flesh rock Hey, he's got spikes on his skin that is terrifying. Yeah, all right So you were saying you go into you go to take a shit in the middle of the night and you're stickless. You're going raw dog Yeah, I just I'm like I don't fuck it., you know, I haven't seen a spider this whole fucking time.

So I go, this is like seven days into a 10 day trek. I go and I sit down and I'm doing the business and all of a sudden I just feel something like crest my balls. And I'm like, what the fuck was that? And I like, I hop up, I'm just dirty. I hop up and I'm like, what the fuck was that? And I like, I hop up, I'm just dirty, I hop up, I'm like, what the fuck was that? And I talk like my little flashlights that I have. And I see one long arm sitting at the front of the toilet hanging out just,

I looked in from the back, wolf spider sitting right where my dick was, literally came up and just pickled me a little bit. Guess who was from the rest of the trip the last three days I shit on a rock squatting like a man for the rest. Yeah, right. I mean maybe that wolf spider was just trying to fucking get you to a nice place you know I think you're being a little rude to the wolf spider. I want to play I want to play I want to try to stand squat on the box and see if I can hit the hole. Oh, it's like, yeah, just do basically like a corn hole it.

Like see if it's slide in. Yeah, I'd see if I can just drop it down. I don't know. Organs don't do that. So it didn't bite you at all, thank God. No, no, it's just tickled my balls with a weird hook arm. Did you guys get ready? Is there a... Can I ask you a personal question?

The film is between you and me. It's your utter, you know, I'm an adventurous man, but no, I was more thinking like, uh, did that give you any sort of that develop a phobia for you that you didn't even have before? Uh, I won't shit and hold anymore that I don't know it's a solid toilet. She goes, Vincent, stop doing it on the counter. That we own this place. There's no spiders here.

He's like, I can't poop in a toilet. I got to do it right here on the counter. No, you probably love a good toilet. But I mean, there's people going to be afraid of like, snake. How many real stories are there of snakes coming out of a toilet Chris. That's not real. Why would you say that? Why would you even I've heard a lot of stories about I told you did I stated that my uncle was dating this rich girl when I was a kid and I went and stayed at her house in Bel Air and it had I Went to the bathroom in this really nice house and there was just a mouse and it was, it like

doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you're in like the poorest place or richest place, there could be something like this. No, no, no, no, no. You're rich people, those rich people you went to see their house were garbage trash people who don't deserve anything. Imagine being a mouse or a rat or a fucking snake and you find the tube where you're like, I'm going to get out of here, I'm going to get out of here, I got a fucking snake and you find the tube where you're like, I'm gonna get out of here I'm gonna get out of here. I got fucking daylight and you come out and it's someone's asshole and you shit dropping on you

And you're like fuck this You just stinks the toilet You get totally dead so real There's like my poop at billions Reach in the water. Oh, dude. Fuck you. Dude, dude.

Fuck you. If that comes up, if that sees your, if that sees your goalie's diagonal in below you, it's gonna strike. It's gonna strike your nuts. Oh my god. You imagine a snake's mouth just wrapped around one ball. Yeah, you're not saying. Just first to me, we're gonna put your hands on me. I'm sorry, bro

I don't I don't like that we do this. I'm so sorry All right, let's take a break. Oh, hey, we'll take a break. Oh, Jesus. Oh my god. No. Oh my lord. No. Oh sweet lord. Alright, we'll take a break this time fire. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!