The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bad Batmen

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

The whole crew goes to see the new Exorcist movie and for his birthday, Jacob recites a thesis on the only actor to play Batman correctly.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Just another day! Whoa! Damn, here's the scene, Bobby. You ready? Yeah. The seat goes back.

My hair's been cut. And then he starts laying out the tools on my chest to get to the shaving. He's already grabbed my cheeks and put the hot shave on. And this song kicks in. And let me tell you something, he's hominit. He's coming to go. He's going to go. He's like hums got like a little accent to it. Mm-hmm, you'll hear. I can see him snap it and then he does a little twirl. Oh, there's no. Oh, not the strong.

Please, I don't want to say it. I don't want to find the strong. I almost said you're experienced, but I must fell asleep. It was just so much. How do you not? This is perfect. How do you not fall asleep when his his equal size fingers are just moving

your face? What a powerful moment that was in my life. Like my hand, my pinky, every finger's different size. His pinky to his thumb are just equally something. Plump and Dominican. You've told me a little more about his modeling career. He's lucky to his thumb or just equally plump and Dominican. You tell me a little more about his modeling career. You know he says to me today he goes,

You know I like you. You're famous, you're a home bear. You should have your embassy bring you out like that with that accident. He's on the bump fire But he's also famous he's famous, but he is home though. He's humbled and I don't like that you make it in roads, you know, can I just say something? Yes, you haven't invited me in a long time. It was a haircut one was gonna take too long. Well, and I'd go early well I think you're trying to make in, right? Two months, I think. Three Mondays from now.

Okay. I mean, you got a date with Destiny. I thought, I think you're trying to squeeze me out, you're getting a little nervous. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't rob you of that experience. Can I tell you why you shouldn't do that? Why? Because it's gonna take both of us to break this guy down.

It's going to. It's gonna take both of us. For the three of us to just get out of here. Yeah, it's gonna take both of us to break this guy down. It's going to. It's gonna take both of us. For the three of us to just get out of here. Yeah, it's gonna take both of us. Taking him up to that tiny house, dude, we would. Oh no, we're gonna go to his, he's got a home, he's got a farm in the Dominican Republic. We're gonna go to, what he does.

Yeah, he has a farm. Yeah, he goes back to the farms in Pempsons, Dominican Republic. Man. And we show up all his children are gonna run up to us. His spillover, his spillover pussy in the DR, I bet is Dan Cook, 1999 caliber. Yeah.

Absolutely. As we put it, like the- Welcome to the farm. The goats come up. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Eh, the little horny. Hey, jack. The horny.

Yeah, he has, because he has one horn missing Dopted him on the road. He is I like to take them when they are sickly and then I mend them Make them right for the world again Listen a little group of old women come by with Brad and honey. Oh, dude. He's not even good at haircuts My hair cut today is terrible It's long and short. You fucking the sides are too. It's the whole thing. Yeah. He does the beard, they're like a motherfucker. He is. And I don't care. No. I just like hearing him talk to me. He gives me a time of day for a little bit. This guy would never talk to me in any of the situation. No. He'd walk right

by you. He'd walk right by me. But now He thinks I am somebody. But with a kind heart. He goes, my friend, you have no idea. I cut hair so many rich people, super famous people, you got no idea. But I like you. Get your famous in Humbun. Sorry. That is Petey. My head rooster here at the farm. Sorry, that is Petey, my head rooster here on the farm. Who's that? Okay, that right there, that's Squawky. That is my second best rooster on the farm. Sounds like a chicken. It may have been a chicken.

I am no farmer, I am a larper. I leave it to my several sisters and cousins to run the farm. What's who's that? Oh, that's Mooy. I am not very good with names of animals. Imagination is not my game. Hello. My game is sharp beard.

Mooy, Mooy seems nice. Yes, Mooy is very nice. Hi, Mooy. Wait, maybe that's what is Mooy. Is that Mooy? That's Mooy. They're all Moe. Wait, maybe that's what is movie. Is that me? That's me. They're all movie Eventually we shall kill them and eat them They are dairy cows, but I like to eat them anyway

It's the circle of life, right? He's the circle of life somebody was saying you need to love and then you eat damn, dude I've a kissing him by a sunset is bone or material, huh? Yeah, for bonfire context Talking about Isaiah Isaiah the barber Our our beard barber and Jay's hair barber Dominican. If you live in New York start going to them and tell them how you got there Don't do it. Don't do it. Why don't do it? Why? Because one day we're gonna want to go there and it's gonna be pain. The line's gonna be out the door. Out the door.

We're gonna soup Nazi the guy. Yeah. Don't do it. Fuck. I went the world to see though. No you don't. When you stop modeling he has no. He has no social media. Was he wearing linen? Yes. Oh, fucking love linen. The shirt he goes, my friend goes, when I was younger, I used to be much bigger, you know, like muscles, and I wore shirts and pants to tie, and then no more. Now I'm almost 30. He's almost 30. He turns 30 December 31st. He's a New Year's Eve, of course he is.

Of course he is. God made him. He was a gift from God one day. He's a gift from from from Jesus. Yeah, but America, Jesus by our calendar. Did you have a rope belt on? No, no, here's the other thing that bothers me. How good he is.

Wow, Alex Carlotto, you think you know what I'm on bonfire? No, this still blows my mind. This is the best. No belt. Oh doesn't need a belt because he slim and has an ass The ass holds up the belt little you know Yeah, you don't have a belt a little go-beltless. Of course you will I lost some of my ass and my pants falling down really, but your ass would hold them up It used to but I think I'm losing my feminine hips. When I see that in a movie, when they show a guy's flat stomach going into his pants, and there's no belt, I'm like, damn, that makes me so furious and jealous.

I just saw that move with Chris Pine. Yeah. Oh, he had no belt. Just a pants. Just some pants, no belt. And then he had a Chris Pine movie you watch. I'll judge it. He had a, it was the one with the, that weird one that he with that singer. What's his name? No one that just came out. Then he got the guy spit on him at the premiere. Harry, Harry Styles. So, steppered wives. That's correct. Yes. Okay. He came out his first scene. He's such a good looking dude. He has a ray bands and he has a shirt, the shirt, and I can never wear this shirt, it goes to his pants, to the top of the pants. You know that? I know exactly what you mean. It fits him perfectly. Sometimes got a little roll on the bottom. Doesn't even matter. He put his arms up And he still couldn't see his stomach.

What a it's like a goal. You want to see a handsome Chris Pine? I'll always Revert you to that one cowboy movie he did modern day cowboy. They were bank robbers. Yep. I was you know, that was a good looking fellow in that there was a Sheridan Taylor Sheridan movie From the guy who did yeah does Yellowstone. That was his flick. He wrote that. Oh, did he yeah What's it called do you remember it two sunsets and a boy nope? Hey, hey, hey, what is it? Heller high water. Heller high water is close. Yeah, too spicy Yeah, that was his move an apple a day an apple a day keeps the cowboy away Come on. Yeah, showing good pictures, but there's a goodie. Yeah Yeah, Chris Pine is a cowboy. Can I tell you I bet that's with Jacob wants to see in the mirror so bad

cowboy Chris Pine It's a great movie and he particularly is a handsome cowboy. I don't like when he plays slick the shaved face. I look a little rugged. I'm most impressed by a man who can shave face completely and look phenomenal and then grows a beard and like comes through again. Sodor had a little bit of that, but Sodor would grow, he'd let the beard get, he wanted the beard too long.

I was like, keep your beard stylish and you're gonna look like fucking Don Johnson in the late 80s. Yeah. And he, He just turned into Sasquatch. He just, yeah, he lets it go out too big. Too big.

And then he gets rid of it. Yeah. But he looks great with no beard. Yeah, Soda's a good looking guy with no beard. Yeah, so does a good looking guy with no beard. Yeah, Chris Pine is just... Chris Pine's gorgeous with no beard. Can I tell you a flaw? Can I tell you a flaw?

Hmm. A flaw with him? Sure. That you might, because my thing with famous people is finding their flaw. Oh, that's my thing with hot chicks. I do it with famous people like... For good.

That Denzel, I found his crooked finger Vince Vaughn's fucked up thumbs. Oh see I don't try to take down dudes as much. I can tell you Show me the elite women that you think are the hottest of the hot and I will tell you exactly why I will not fuck them I don't I don't try to take them down. I just try to notice their flaws so I can feel like okay, you're human Oh, I take him down. I try to publicly point notice their flaws so I can feel like, okay, you're human. Oh, I take him down. I try to publicly point out their flaws. Chris Pine, he has a mole on his right side of his face that he will not get removed.

I'm seeing it, I feel like right now. It's on the right, typing Chris Pine's mole and it's too much. It's on, yep, it's on the right side of his face under his ear. Under his ear. Yep. Right, there it is. Look at it. It's too much. I mean, it's right there. I have a lot of that going on in my face and shit too. You do? I mean, stuff, sure. You got nuggets. Yeah, not a lot of puffy stuff, but I mean, I got this little thing.

Here. That thing's a risen. Yeah. So easy to get that zapped off to. That doesn't. Doesn't take it away. That's sexy. Now that still works. Now, if that was a girl, I would tell you that's why she's the gross pig. If M. Roder had that pig, disgusting, disgusting pig, but, uh, but not Chris Pine, um, still pulling it off. I can't do it. I'm Chris Pine beard all the way. You shave that beard. It's a little sissy-ish for me.

You know what I mean? I want a rugged man to hold me down. That movie he was in the other day was court. He's fucking, I mean, yeah, he's a slithle. He's the slick, was court. He's fucking I mean Yeah, he's a sliffle. He's the slick beautiful though. It's not my thing. I kind of like it You know, I mean yeah, I like a like a Leo de Caprio with his hair flopping in his face not like a Wolfel Wall Street slick back. It's not my like Titanic Leo. Yes I like Romeo and Juliet, like him yelling and rain.

Married. Yes. Yeah, that's the kind of sexy I'm looking for right at him. At a Leo. Leo's never been a beard guy to me. You throw a beard on him. It looks like a girl trying to pretend to be a boy. He had a go-tay in a movie. He was playing, yeah, that was a good movie right there. He said go-tay in a movie. He was playing, uh, yeah, that is a good movie right there.

He said go-tays in several films. Yeah. That would ever shitty island when he did. And the year was shutter island, so it was close. When he was in the CIA, that movie. Yep, there's too much. Yeah, I like him to be boyishly handsome. I like, I picture Leo as a smooth,

hairless. I'll have him from behind. I will take him, he not me. Stand up, turn around and bend over. Yes, that's right. Say to him. Oh, who put on the, I'm just Pete thing on the list. Was that black love?

Yeah. Oh, I was at the other Pete Davidson thing. So funny. You didn't like it. Oh, oh, was that um the other Pete Davidson thing? So funny. You didn't like it? Oh the the the the music video. Yeah. Well, there's two things that were kind of uh in the news was his monologue was pretty epic. Did you see his monologue? Yeah, I thought he did a good job with that. I think he's not the monologue necessarily like the cold open. Well, look what are you gonna do? Yeah, no, I think he did the right thing. I know I thought he, I think he, not the monologue necessarily, like the cold open. Well, look, what are you gonna do? Yeah, no, I think he did the right thing. I know I thought he was great.

Yeah, I mean, I thought the monologue was, that's a tough one. When someone, I don't know if he came up with that or someone was like, hey, why don't you do this? That's a tough one. Oh, yeah, so in the week with the week that they come back, after all the strikes. He's so self-deprecating though,

he knows where to throw that in and make you feel comfortable with him, you know what I mean? Oh think it's great. I think that opening you watch it Jacob the cold open was really good. It's just like a heartfelt thing about bailed on that. You know he's a child basically of like terrorism. Yeah. And like basically saying that he's like he feels like I mean bad about that. That what a host for this week. Yeah really.. I mean, wow. Who else could have been almost, you know, like Nobody almost make sense that it was that it was him. Yeah, I suppose maybe I suppose not so much as Ashtie you know my family was the Holocaust. Yeah, I Spice ravers as Steve because you're right. She was probably a raver

Yeah, she's raven by spice was the music guest. I don't understand it at all. I'm sure you're right. She was probably a rave. Yeah, she was rave. Ice spice was the music guest. I don't understand it at all. I'm at Witsend with black female rappers. It's the same thing over. They sing after songs wiggling their ass. Like no one's ever like, they're really good. It's just they shake their ass. 18 times in their songs.

I saw that. That sexy red thing was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. Why do you always have to go to ice? You know can't they go to another I know right yeah The names are just ice cube ice tea Long Island ice black Lou you have court that hair tight You got a deck press got he looks good. Yeah, got tightened up. What's up, black. Lou? Oh, there's ice spice on us And now he's not listening to us. He's not listening. He's he's he's watching ice ice water name ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice First of all, I don't even need to go through and tell you like whatever with this girl Like she's just like a lady. Same thing with that sexy red girl. They're built like, they have like the Ethiopian bellies.

You know what I mean? Like they're out. Like they're not heavy. They're not heavy. They're just like poof. They have a bloated starvation belly. Yes. Bloated starvation. It's full of air like someone. Yeah, someone bike pump their asses. Yeah. That we saw sexy red B T awards. They just stand there and talk about their pussies. Sounds like Brendan Sagalo.

A little bit. A little bit. You know, Sagalo, you got that ice spice flow. They have the same belly. But they just, it's chance. And they shake their ass. And it's chance about their pussies. It. We're playing hitter.

Come to the big toe. Pow pow. Just let's pow pow. Let my head, he just took it down. Yeah, they hit like she's like was annoyed she had to do it. Oh, also the other thing they do that I hate Bobby they just a hundred percent of time imagine if like Guns and roses went out and just played fake instruments exclusively and then Axel Rose did sing but over the actual original recording of the song. That's all that's happening. They're playing, they're not playing like even the background music for it. They're playing the song and she can come out and kind of like sing a few

of the words of it. Right. Watch this. When she gets on stage, this is, we'll put this up by the way. At the bottom of the fire. sex at sex m this is the BET awards sexy red Jacob tell me you've seen less presence on stage ever he's got nothing yeah she's got nothing I mean carnivore and megastallion like building like so I'm saying the reason those guys are big stars megan the style and cardi b is like they have like personality it kind of goes with it music's the same kind of shit.

We agree though that. And they're good. The only award show to watch these days is the BET awards. God damn right. Person you'll have super gay, artist making out in front of hardcore. Yes. Classic rappers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, what else do you want to see? Look at it. Let's turn this up. Nothing. Nothing else. Look. Look. We know who is what my soul is.

Because you don't want to be. I don't quit. And I can't win me. I want to win. She's on pills and she's like how to perform. This is she's giving a book report to school. Check out the rest. Check out the rest. There you go. There's shakes that I asked for. This is giving a book report to school.

There you go. There's shakes are asked for you. Was it shake your dreads? Shake your dread. What if you don't have dreads? Well, you got to do that. I was just doing but your lower lip and just nod your head. Bus your head, bus your head, bus your head. This song she wrote this bus your head, bus your head.

I'll be your head. She tried to get the song. Bus your head, Bussio head. This song she wrote this. Bussio head, Bussio head, Bussio head. She tried to get the song to the end. Bussio head, Bussio head. She tried to get this on the foxhole. We'd throw her right the fuck out. Oh really? I'd like to hear that turn it up, because she's about to kick it in her next song.

There's a lot of titties out at this award show, by the way. Skie. What's up? Yeah. What's up? Skiii. What's Skiii? If you see me trying to see what's up. Skiii. Stuck. Skiii. Skiii.

What's up? Skiii. What's Skiii? Skiii. What is that? Skiii. Tell me what Skiii is. Skiii Tell me what ski is. So boring.

He's so boring. Skiii Skiii Back in the Foxhole days we knew what hip hop was. I hate this. I hate this. I'm a bit of like in contrast. This was Cardi B and like the stallion. Oh, yeah, it's the BAT awards. This was the MTV awards and they just like I'm saying but they know it's a performance So glad comics don't have to learn choreograph moves. You imagine it's suck. Fight to go to fight to come out.

Bobby, if me and you are watching, if when me and you tour together, if me and you don't have a group choreographed dance at the end of the show, or how do we start the show? Like we come like spinning out and we fall in line with like the dancers and do like a little quick thing. I mean, I learned it, but I'm so glad we don't have to do it. No, we don't have to. We want to. We want to.

It's different. Christine, there's nothing on my screen except ice, ice, black screen. But anyway, yeah, it was a, you know, on another note. Yeah, we took Robert to the film this weekend. Yeah, we had, we went to the last Wednesday after the show. We all went to the eight o'clock show of the exorcist. What, believer, by beginning? Believer.

Believer. It was so shitty. On a shit burger. In fact, I would argue taking you to that movie instead of a different horror movie, was a rookie mistake. Was a rookie mistake. Brought to you by Snickers, rookie mistake, maybe you just need a Snickers that Snickers, the official chocolate bar, the NFL, check out Snickers.com slash NFL to learn more.

Rookie mistake, this movie. Rookie mistake. It had a lot of potential though. it had a lot of potential though it had a lot of potential I just don't understand when someone was all makes a superhero movie how do you not make the best superhero movie ever you could make whatever story you want make like the best story I don't know what's going on with horror movies though they did the right thing at the beginning because the exercise was good because it was slow. It built very slow.

It was almost like a normal type of movie about a family at first, right? And the actors were great and it built and built. And all of a sudden you're in this awful horror movie with a chick stabbing herself in the vagina with a cross. And you're like, this is fucking the fat. So that's the bar back in the 70s, right? And they haven't gone beyond that bar.

Even this movie, at one point she was in church and the girl was, because it's so politically correct and they don't wanna offend people, she, there was a play with her thing, her little coach or something. Sure. But they just, remember that? And it was like, we're all like,

Wait a second. They take a lot of... They're showing you're discomforting, it goes, well, they're little, I don't know, like, for John or a suit, I think the thing whatever it is. Well, because you either go for it or you don't. I'm with you.

You don't have to, because then it makes every good, but you go, did they just do that? Whether we all had that feeling, no, I didn't say anything in the theater time. I was like, I thought I must be wrong. I was like, was they trying to show that she was playing with herself? I couldn't tell. Because you don't want to be the guy going, everyone's going to know you weirdo.

Hey, is that little girl playing with herself? In church. This is the most politically correct exorcism of all time. For those of you who haven't seen it, there's literally three religious. Spoiler alert. It sucks. So just listen. There's three exorcisms going on at once. There's a Catholic, a Protestant, and a voodoo priestess doing simultaneously trying to perform an exorcism. It was a real everything in the kitchen sink exorcism. Yeah. They would have had the the the Arabs and the Jews, but they were fighting out front of the house. Yeah. Yeah. They were protesting down the street

They had their own issues go it all. I don't think going on spoiler alert the devil wins. He just says no Pick one of these two kids They finally do and that's the end of the movie Yeah, I mean, there's still Politely correct again The black family won And the white girl got this person was very, very definitely trying to make sure. Look at Lewis happy. It's right. Fuck that.

Yeah. We were talking about that cut a little before you like deck press cop, bro. He can't. He's a sharp, audio issues. He can't hear. Oh, I thought he did hear Lewis happy though, that the, the, but it was so fucked up because the, when they, it says you have to choose yeah, and The way it was weird because the the white parents were freaking out Losing their minds and the black dad was staring down his devil daughter Like fuck you bitch just staring at her like not even show an emotion

And I was like that that he's like that's some bad ass shit If my if your daughter is fucking Turning her head and flipping out and the devil inside her. Yeah, and he was just staring at it. He didn't say shit Yeah, he was just yeah, he sort of didn't believe it fully. Oh, I was weird It was like you just staring at it like fuck you you ain't gonna get me bitch You're just it was right it was like These two girls vanished for a couple days. They never told you when they went into the first of all

They they walk away from school and they go into this little Soirdrain like a half-soirdrain and they would do in some shit to talk to their mom her mom and then they just gone And then they show up three days later come back and they're like slowly possessed They never show you with that's what happened in the sore Nope They never like they never show you the actual like in the exorcist you hear banging Right then you hear like she's talking to, she said she's talking to somebody, Mr. or whatever the fuck his name was, Mr. Rickett, what was his name?

And he had like a name or something. Mr. Howdy, I think it was, right? Captain Howdy. Captain Howdy. So the build up, they were kind of showing you her getting possessed slowly. Yeah. Things were happening. Noise is, what the fuck was that? And you go on the room and she's like, I don't know. This, they literally just disappeared, showed up with the fucking devil in both of them. And they're possessed, yeah. And they didn't show anything. And then everyone's like, no, they're just,

they're just acting weird. They're not really possessed. So then they go, all right, this is the movie encapsulated very quickly. It's, they come home from the hospital, because everyone's worried about them, but no one is willing to admit they're possessed. They bring them home, they tie them to two chairs

back to back in a room. They get involved a priest, a Catholic priest that they need to ask. It is two scenes. She asks him if he would do it. He says, I don't know, I'll take it to the higher ups. The higher ups, they don't do it. He shows up and gets killed. I mean, in minutes.

No character development. You don't know what this guy's motivation is. Why he cares about anyone? Yeah, he was stressed. He was, he was high stress and freaking out the whole time, but no idea why. No attachment to the family, it was just... And the voodoo lady.

Had a nowhere. Was like fucking nuts, it's like, why voodoo? Like neither one of the families with voodoo, people, like where the fuck did voodoo come from? Well, you can't just have two black people in the home movie. Well, you could have had a Baptist. They figured it had a Baptist. Yeah, that would have been... They figured the voodoo would probably you could have had a Baptist. You could have had a Baptist. Yeah, I think that would have been.

They figured the voodoo would probably help the black girl a little more. Because it started in Haiti. Oh, yeah, okay, that makes sense. So, you know, bringing all the things together. We can't wait to get it. Did it start in Haiti? That's where the movie opened up.

Okay, the movie opened up. That's where the... That's where the mother died. The mother dies. The father is set up with, you have to choose between your daughter. We can save one. We can't save one. He chooses the mother. The mother dies. They wind up saving the daughter. But that's not the one he wanted. He wanted the mom. But the devil didn't come from Haiti. The devil came from that fucking store in the middle of the woods. Bobby, you're gonna have to choose a different word other than sewer.

It sounds weird when you say it. Sewer? Sounds like you're just saying soar. Sewer. Yeah. Soar drain? Sewer. Sewer.

Sewer. That sounds like whoa. Sewer. Sewer in the sewer. Sewer. Let me wait. In the who-no. read, in the sewer. Sewer. That's a sewer.

I don't like that. Sewer. Sewer. Okay. All right, you ready? Yep. They were in the haunted sewer. Now, haunted sewer.

Yeah, you get to get that R on the end. Oh, it's a Boston thing. It's a Boston thing. I'm sorry, good sewer. Haunted sewer. Haunted sewer. Don't overthink it anymore. I can't help it now.

Sewer. Err. How about if I do the sewer? Sewer. By the way, they conjured the devil in the sewer, doing almost nothing. I mean, how easy is it to conjure the devil? Saviour Luigi, but Saviour Luigi board money.

Just go hold a trinket from a dead loved one. And that's it. You're pretty much guaranteed to be met by the devil. Yeah. But they were met by the devil in the sewer. Yeah. Yeah. I will say all of the except for one good

Maybe one of the only good horror scenes in the movie completely useless having The mom come back from the first one useless met nothing what a paycheck achieves I'm saying the character achieved nothing they brought nothing to it Other than the say Alan Burston Alan Burston other than to say they wanted her character to let you know that Since she wrote a book about being the mother of an exercise kid Yeah, that her daughter hasn't talked to her At all Anymore the character Linda Blair played. Yeah hasn't talked with all and that was all I mean I

Should have leaned over and said it when I go. Oh, this is Linda Blair's gonna pop up at the end of this first scene. Like, there's no reason for her not to. And then by the way, it's all she walks into the room. She goes, hi mom. And the movie ends. No drama, nothing built. No drama. She put her old Linda Blair hair on hand on her mother's lap in the movie and they I was like oh she's possessed again because her hand was fucking atrocious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Age, mental, hard. Wow.

Ellen Burston looked better than... When the Blair had it, yeah she did look pretty bad, Linda Blair. She had a weird career, huh? Poor kid. She was known as the exercise kid. She got an Oscar, right? Yeah. She win.

She did, I believe, right? I remember. I think she did. I think she did. She did. Let right she win she did I believe right I think she did I think she wanted she did let's just say she did let's just say she did she won that and then she was seen as like a kid you know she's a kid actor then she just had that she had to burst out when she turned like 18 remember everything was just showing her pussy non-stop her big furry box she showed her pussy and something oh yeah Linda Blair yeah she should be a few times so far you know The sort of things that people know celebrity skin dude slurry smooth magazine chain nose who showed their pussy and when

I'm a bit of a mr. Skin She showed her I don't I never saw her vagina Best support oh a Christine type in the devil was the star type in Linda Blair pussy, please Into the search engine If you wouldn't mind you show me the mom's pussy. I'll be impressed Ellen Burston. Yeah, you show me that pussy maybe Is that a sign of when you career tanks as an actress you you show you the giant? No, it's all that now that's if you're famous. No

Wait, where's the bushy the bushy beaver one keep going keep going You typed in nude Christine. I said the type in the word pussy. Are you even listening to the show? Where do you go Christine? Should I put it? Oh, that's not really her Keep going that that's her The shower scene stuff You know she was in those movies like J.O. Bates. You know, babes locked up.

I didn't see any of those. She was in some really shitty stuff. Wow. But nice fair burger though for sure. Yeah, she's hot. I call it burger. Why is it? Who keeps calling me? People learn my shit.

Yeah, it was, but there was, I got to give it. There was for me, because weren't my shit. Yeah, it was, but there was, I gotta give it, there was, for me, because I'm a pussy, when they were building it, when they brought the girls home, and he was in, when the father was in the house with her, and the lights were going off, and she was just in appearing places, they should have did more of that, they should have did more of that. They should have did more of him alone in her just being there

because that scared the shit out of me. There was a couple jump scares where I was like, fuck this. If it was gonna go in that, if it was gonna slow roll like that, but they never went to the other girls house and showed her doing creepy shit. They just, it was a waste of characters. They could have just done, like at that point, just do the fucking black family story.

Yeah. I don't understand what involving the other family had anything to do with anything. It was just like there was no purpose to the moon. I didn't give a shit about these children dying or the parents being like they didn't make you care about anything in that movie at all whatsoever I was so frustrated for the last half hour of the movie because we weren't getting we weren't getting good Bobby because it wasn't that scary So for the last half hour of the movie, I was just like Bobby hold this popcorn Just so I'm like, I'll throw popcorn around. I'm sure a bunch and that'll be at least fun

The beginning had a couple of goodies. The beginning had a couple of goodies, but it was that they went too fast, man. They were going slow and then they just went fucking 90 miles an hour to get to the end of that movie. They wanted it over. Well, tell you why you know they wanted it over too. Multiple slice it how you will. Murders take place during this exorcism in the house, including one of the girls. Multiple.

When the cops come in, they just do the cops just run right past everybody to be like, oh my god, what has happened? No one seems to be being questioned. Are you okay? No one up against the wall. Hey, there's several dead bodies in here. Yours doesn't smoke in a cigarette. Yeah, but what about the moms got stabbed in the eye with a crucifix?

No, but there's like the cops don't show up for that. You can't, I don't care if you're possessed. You can't assault somebody in the eyes. No, you definitely can't get just somebody's eyes. She was just in the hospital. Nothing happens to the girl. And, and she's in the hospital and it's not even hurting her. If you get stabbed in the eyes. Nothing happens to the girl. And, and she's in the hospital, and it's not even hurting her. If you get stabbed in the eyes,

I'm- Yeah, so much excruciating pain for a long, long time. For a long time, she was just sitting there getting eye patches on her eyes the next day. Yeah, she was like, hey, look, these things happen when you start dicking around with a devil. I'm used to it. No, don't do not blame yourselves for this.

I will not be able to live with myself if you guys blame yourselves. Handled it like a champ. I mean, not a big deal, if she just lost her eyesight. And she's a writer. She's gonna have to learn braille. Yeah, she had like a,

these things happen attitude towards it. And she had such an amazing house on the ocean that she's never gonna see again. Absolutely worthless, no views. Just getting the apartment. The best part of that movie was her house. Her house was, I mean, epic. Dream.

When he showed up at the house, and she was just sitting there having tea, and you could see the ocean out the window. Would you help us with this exercise? You know, things are going pretty good over here. It's fine. I mean, worst case scenario, my daughter never shows up again.

We already know she's prone to demon possession. So, you know, maybe it's for the best. We're not near each other. By the way, I would like to say, agree with Bobby, who said when the father brings the girl home, the black family. Yeah. And then they start with the low level possession. Yeah. That is freaky, but he has no reaction to it. Like low level meaning the girls just in the bathroom all out of nowhere. While he's brushing his teeth, then she says nothing. He puts her walks her back into her bedroom, goes back and he goes back into the bedroom, the bathroom to finish

brushing his teeth, and she's instantaneously back in there. Yeah. I know it's not the biggest thing in the world, but it's not humanly possible, so you should be freaked out. Yeah, you should be thinking of this. I would be concerned. You don't go back and brush your teeth. You get the fuck out of the house. Everyone's accepting stuff. Everyone's accepting stuff.

They really have like a, don't worry, everybody. I know this kid. This isn't that weird. If you woke up, especially in a tiny house, right? Let's see you're a tiny house Oh, and you just like started coming to think and Max was just like smiling. I like that smiling Oh wait, but like like awake and just smiling and you're going you're going max Maximus what are you doing? He just never stopped smiling at you or Start singing like a weird lullaby type song. you're good. You'll take his head off.

He could be. He first of all, he's not Max anymore. He's dude. He's not Max dude. Dude, what are you doing? Dude, get, stop fucking doing that, dude. Stop looking at me like that, dude. And then I go outside and I like the house out fire with Max and Don in it, because I don't

want Don to have to deal with the pain of losing. Yeah, yeah. Sure. You're right. There's something. This is you could process that kind of pain yourself. I just light it up Getting your woman through that pain also What a pain in the ass that would be I would suck. I wouldn't do it

They both go up in the I would hear screams from the devil and Don Bob you make a really good point if your child's gonna die You should also hope to your significant other dies with them. You got to start over. Yeah, you got to just go from scratch You got to put on you put on the sad, sex, shit in life, but at least when you go home, you were like, you're like, wow, I dodged a bullet of taking care of a grieving mother also. I was got the time.

Deal with dog going, you shouldn't do a go fun me. Goodbye. Oh. I'm just on Instagram, hey. I don't know if I'll be able to have sex for the next 10 years. Oh, great. I'm gonna do it again, all that's for me. I next 10 years. Oh, great. I'm sure I just kicked you into that fire.

I'm going to do that anyways. Maybe I'll go and let that. Listen, I've heard Max have nightmares, and I'm just like, he's cool. Like, don't go checking him. No. Bobby, did you? He's in a bunk bed, first of all, I have to climb a ladder, which is terrifying, because you have to go up and you don't know, what if he's right there?

What if he's, like I have to climb up this, it's not like I can just go in the room and he's on my level. I gotta go up this creepy ladder to his room, to his bed, and then go up there and he's, what if he is possessed? Then I'm up in his air, and then he can just attach himself to the ceiling

and... Robert, why don't you go chop up my turds in the toilet? You know, Bobby, I want you to know what these organically did. You, it's not going to read good in court. What? You half whispered into the microphone. You go, go out there and now I should probably go home and set foot. And then you, then you stopped yourself and started giving us,

and then started giving us legit reasons why you think Max might be actually haunted by somebody And this might be necessary to do this. Yeah, well, we'll give you something to watch you Like max made a weird noisy other day actually guys just you know, maybe it is going down So if you hear about a fire at tiny house I've heard stuff at night in bed like something fall. Yeah, and don't like go check on that. It's like no No, I don't think when you get your guns. I have a gun, but I'm not first of all, if it's a, if it's, I think my house, the old lady,

who used to live at the house, who died right after we bought the house. In the house, she died. No, she died in a hot, but she was very protective of my house. She wouldn't let people work on the house. She wouldn't let anybody come near the house to stir up the spirits Like like the gutters weren't clean for like 10 years. They couldn't be she wouldn't let that like anybody do the bushes She wouldn't let anybody near the house. She just didn't want people to and then and then we bought it and she died and I swear to God I smell her Oh my god, I just got this shit scared out of me Someone just entered the room.

Who? I don't know, I didn't know what he was just coming in. Somebody else came in. Damn, Lou, I was gonna try to convince him that that person wasn't real. God, Lou. He's real. He's real.

He's real, dude. He is, he's very real. He's real, he's real. He's here. Trying to fix black, Lou's audio. I believe. Yeah, I do. I think she's, I can can smell it that mildewy

Because she's in there. Yeah, I think she's in the the closet with the heater Yeah, I think she's in there. I think she lives in there Because when I open that I I can feel a weird vibe. She's probably gonna go inside of max Take over him just a 20-old lady. She was an evil lady. There's secrets in that house. That's why she didn't want people to work on it. Yeah. There's secrets in there. What do you mean secrets? Took the Kevin Bacon movie where they raped a retarded girl and put her in the wall. Maybe you might have like a raped retarded girl in your wall.

Maybe that's the smell. That might be the smell. Retarded rape. Oh man. Was that smell like mothballs and old pizza? Yes. Bobby, yes, it does. It's like a heart attack taste like nickels. That's exactly what it's like. Yeah, this movie was a dud. It had such potential at the beginning.

It had great time. Good laughs for sure, but I mean, like it wasn't, it just, it wasn't scared. I'll tell you what was scary the amount of food that Christine and you ordered that was terrifying Yeah, I mean you guys wide plans. I sent mine around the horn Christine just load it up like fucking scooby-doo Snag they were plates on top of plates she goes I go I got a pepperoni pizza coming so don't order a pizza She goes well get the other pizza tonight. She goes. I swear to you. pizza coming, so don't order a pizza. She goes, well, I'll get the other pizza tonight. She goes, I swear to you, I'll send it around to everybody. She crushed the whole pizza herself.

It was so good. It was crazy. Christine, Christine got a personal pizza. She kept going. It was definitely personal. It was personal. You took it personally, that's for sure. I ordered a case of Dia, but I think they fell on the ground and they tried to burn off

the dirt. Yeah, it was crispy. It was fucked up. Everything. And it came last, which is crazy. I don't give a bad review of the look cinemas because they're trying something. I think they have not great staff is what I want to say because everything there is just not for what they're offering which seems like a relatively high-end experience not high-end but they'll bring the food to you at the table and like you know they're charging the same for pretzel bites you get it like an AMC or something but AM C gives you a big old thing of pretzel bites. With, yeah, cheese. Yeah, this one gives you, they're all coming on like real plates too, which is too much,

and like, like eight pretzel bites total, and it's just all too fancy. Yeah, no, it was not, the food was fine, but it was, It's too fancy, it doesn't taste great. It was not great, but there was a lot of it. You guys, you did enough, fuck around. No, we didn't fuck around. You guys was a lot of it you guys you did not fuck around no We didn't fuck around you guys ordered a lot of food and then we were passing it back to everybody behind us And then I I went to get a I think a a slice of pizza that was left and Shannon just handed me a Biss cream and I stuck my hand in the ice cream yeah Christine, Christine, we're ice cream. I didn't order ice cream. I ordered Nutella binyees,

and ice cream happened to come with that. I mean, she got the dessert. How many binyees were there? Four, I had one, and I think that went to waste. Oh, now she slowed down to the binyees, I guess, all of a sudden, that's where she dialed it back. I think you can't, like in a scary movie, you can't order 17 appetizers.

I'm glad we did that one because the movie wasn't great. So at least we have a couple slices of pie, a little slice of pizza pie. And here's the thing too. They did. They did. They did. They did.

Satan. That scared the shit out of me. What's happening? This is all, this is cause black Luke in here? Yes. I gotta cut the feed here because. Black Lou is looking at us like the father was looking at the possessed child.

I know, I gotta get it off the screen as I say, so distracting what's going on. Black Lou's staring at us like we're all possessed. Well, we had an idea, Bobby. And I like this idea. Gasex? Gasex? Swap and wives?

Yeah, yeah. No all that. Making love to Jacob. Yeah. We have a lot of ideas. Well, it's Jacob's birthday. So we better make love to his ex. We were going to make love to you today, even if you didn't want it. Jacob, is that your thesis?

Yes. You're holding your hand? You have a what? I wrote a thesis last. It's been something that's annoying me for the last few weeks. Why are you staring at me? You asked me I know but am I in your thesis? No, there's nothing to do with you or anyone in the room really wow that hurt

You sort of thesis. He wants us to hear it. I would love to hear it Jacob on this It's my birthday so I can feel it birthday happy birthday. Thank you both I want you to the floor yours Okay This has been on my mind for a while I want you to the floor's yours. Okay. This has been on my mind for a while. And actually Dan, somebody who's tricking me, I shut my mouth for eight years. And I'll say this to his face when I see him. Because this needs to be said.

Yeah, straighten it out. Straighten it out, dude. This is about Batman. Okay. Now any particular Batman or just interesting you say that. Okay. The question is who played the best Batman? Okay. Then for years can kept saying Michael Keaton and I didn't want to I don't want us you know I've bit my tongue. Sure. But the time is now. I'm going to set everyone straight. Now this is what I feel. Christian Bale is the best Batman because he's the best Bruce Wayne. Because he's the best Bruce Wayne. He's the greatest Bruce Wayne because he's the only one who didn't play Bruce Wayne as Batman without a cape and mask on.

Every one of them but Christian Bale had the- I'm so angry and I want justice for the murder my parents face on them when they walked around in public. In an instant you would say that's Batman. Yeah. I know this isn't comedy but it's important to me. Now, what is Batman's only day job? He has one thing to create subterfuge, to create a public persona that is so outrageous that no one would consider for a second that he's Batman and Why because there are two things you know about Batman one whoever is a super well-funded and two whoever is got a

gigantic chip on a shoulder So probably more likely more than likely I would say yes guaranteed he has a big penis of course So already Bruce Wayne is gonna be a prime candidate for everyone's gonna think he's the dark night because he's ridiculously wealthy and his parents were murdered, right? He would have to work extremely hard to throw people off the scent. It was the only actor that ever made it, whoever did this and made it look extremely fun, Christian Baal. He jumped into public fountains with hot chicks in restaurants,

supermodels, partied with a Russian ballet on his yacht, made a drunken embarrassment out of himself in board meetings. The only Bruce Wayne that was a playboy. And then he bought the restaurant just to stick it to him. Right. Because that's what he does with his money. He throws it away on stupid shit because he's an imbasol. The public persona. And even when he's trying to be serious, praising Harvey Dent,

for instance, at his fundraiser, no one sure if he's sincere because no one believes he takes anything seriously. That's how good he is at making an embarrassment out of himself. That's how effective he is as Bruce Wayne. He's so fun as public Bruce Wayne that no man living in Gotham, I say, dreamt of being Batman, because everyone dreamt of being Bruce Wayne under Christian Bale's Batman. No. Deep down, any normal guy wants to be a hero.

They have that in the back of his head, right? Yes. But Christian Bale was the only actor that was such a publicly fun Bruce Wayne that men of Gotham guaranteed said to himself, I would rather be Bruce Wayne than Batman. I'm right about this. I'm getting to the end.

I was playing in the background while you were talking, by the way. The scene where he comes in with three models like a fucking G. Because he's awesome. You're straight up G. Now, you can't say this about any other Batman except Christian Bale. Uh, because they all thought of themself that there's no way this man man anyone who saw another Batman is gonna say wave to them say hi Batman if you see any of the other Bruce Wayne's

in the street you immediately know he's Batman. Christian Baal though as Bruce Wayne if you the guy looks at his watch it's 2 a.m. in the morning, Bobby. Yeah. Said what's Bruce Wayne doing right now? He's dick deep and pussy right now. He's not fighting crime, because he doesn't give a shit. Top notch.

Top notch, the greatest pussy of all time. Yeah. Paid for. By contrast, Ben Affleck never cracked a smile as Bruce Wayne miserable. Yeah, miserable. Robert Pattinson was a depressed emo Batman. Yeah, he was. Another jerk off and even bigger jerk off to me. Didn't even try to find a way to lift. Didn't do nothing. A scrawny Batman, who scrawny emo Batman. Yeah, yeah.

Stick to be a very important. Right. if either of you saw these Bruce Wayne's on the street you would wave to them and say hey Batman Immediately, yeah And and this is where I hurt Dan because he needs to be hurt to to grow up a little bit Sure, you know some grown-ups to do the same goes unfortunately for Michael Keaton should have given this pep talk before he quit the show So now sure this would have drove him away early. It would have let me, it would have left even earlier. He, Michael Keaton was a great batman, but he had the same fatal flaw as the rest of them. He was a sad Bruce Wayne in public.

His private Bruce Wayne scenes are great because he's a terrific actor. And I, I cut him a break because he's working with the script he had. He wasn't told to make a public spectacle so I like to cut Michael Keaton a break. But still, he was the second best Batman way better than every other Batman except Christian Bale. The other Batman's are so boring also. They're no different from the batman persona. Batmans? The same Bruce Wayne's. The same batman persona that you basically can't wait, you can't wait for them to put

the bat suit on. It's almost like just a filler. Like you're such a boring batman, put the Bruce Wayne, put the suit back on and go fight crime. I don't care about anything. Yeah, that'll kind of sucked. I loved Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne as much as I loved when he was when he had the cape on. My last point, now typically the superhero in any movie takes a backseat to the villain.

The villain is the most well-written part. Is it? Is it all the juicy roles? When you play that song, I hear Fat Man. Is that is that a bad, that's a bad sign, right? Yeah, it is. That's another one. I even put on the list. Campy, campy Batman. Which when I was a kid, that's all I had, so I loved it. And I didn't see the camp. Yeah. I had my mind made it serious. But it wasn't. No, because you stand for justice. Yeah. Now, Heath Ledger was the iconic Joker, the greatest villain in any superhero movie, the best. And it takes a great performance as Bruce Wayne and Batman to hold your own with Heath Ledger's Joker. And Christian Baill managed to do that. Any other of these other Batman's would have fallen into the background. Batman. Batman. Like a background prop. I've laid it out for you now. And by the way, I'm only

referring to Batman Begins and the Dark Knight, not that piece of shit the Dark Knight rises, which is a hunk of crap. And turns, it's an awful movie that turned Christian Bale's glorious Bruce Wayne into the same depressed Batman that all the other of them were. Now, not only that, he's super serious, but he's also a broken old man who needs electric knee braces because he has no cartilage and

his knees. Fuck off. Fuck right off. He did get his back broken. In the movie because he sucks now. Because the movie sucks, the movie is bad writing. Oh, by the way, Bobby, but he got his back fixed by getting a gigantic punch to the back because that's what fixes paraplegics.

Well, chiropractic, you know, people say it'slegics. Oh chiropractic It you know people say it's not real the chiropractic medicine is a guy who can't walk Apparently no doctor. Just if only a doctor was up to punch somebody in the spine. They'd be walking again right now or What a dumb movie get involved with diamond Dallas page. Yeah, DDP Beota which they may have talked about that. He's not really a glory hound, DDP. So he, uh, man, you know, by the way, Mike Fenolia shows me, he goes, you got to go look at Diamond Dallas pages Instagram. It's just all inspirational speeches on a beach. And then he goes like, get after a brother and it walks off the camera.

It's so goddamn funny. Jacob. Jacob. I appreciate you giving me this. I feel like I wanted to say that for about two years now. Very concise. These are the things that matter to me. I know the world's falling to pieces. Oh, I'm glad you played that clip. Did you ever watch? If you ever want an alternate take, like everyone shits on Christian Bale for going off on that. Who is it? The lighting director.

The lighting director. There's only one actor that came to his defense, and it's really the funniest. I actually believe it now. If you ever listen to an old interview with John Qsecton on the Howard Stern Show, this was when this had just broken. Howard was having a blast asking people, asking actors their and they all said yeah you shouldn't do that. And Q-Sack was the only guy I completely understand why blew up. You don't understand how these British lighting directors act like divas and they'll hold the movie hostage for ten hours setting up the set.

The lighting shot and you can't say anything to them because they'll make you look like an asshole but he said I could get a college student in America to do it in 50 minutes what they take an entire day to set up anyway I just thought that was funny that he was the only, that defended him. Right. Give me a fucking answer. Oh, good for you. Technically, yeah. Good for you. And how was it? Oh, good for you. He gets a lifetime pass.

I hope it was for you. For being such a good Batman. For being the best Batman ever. The best Batman. He is, I agree with you. He's the best Batman. He's the greatest. And I would say, I would say, I mean i guess michael kitten is second second yeah yeah the

others are garbage they're not even in the same so joege cloney valk that flag you don't horrible horrible Bad man Bobby you sent the uh you know you know what you know what that is though I tell you what people who think that People that think that Christian bill is not the best pat man That's a rookie mistake man. I'm telling you right now. It's a rookie mistake. It's time for a rookie mistake brought to you by Snickers rookie mistake. Maybe you just need a snickers snickers the official chocolate bar of the NFL

Check out snickers dot com slash NFL to learn more Don't ever think that Christian bail is not the number one Batman. It's a rookie mistake It's a rookie mistakes. Should we take a break and I'll hit myself for it? You should hit yourself I punch myself for the way I felt you know what I'm gonna do. I was a I'm gonna eat a lot George Clooney guy what? It's nice that you allowed me to do this. I was gonna do this last week But it's even sweeter than you did this on my birthday. It allowed me this time. It's your birthday. Is it important? I guess not.

It's important to you. Hey, it's important to you. It's very important to me. It's important to us. There it is, thank you. And it's important to the listeners. I hope so. Yeah, so because maybe you get this stuff out now

and you don't yell it, Lou later. Sure, to the lot of people, we'll probably think of this very chaotic time in the world. This was gonna be your dissertation about why you're pro-Israel and against Hamas. Yes.

But this was also important and needs to be talked about. We can't just fold every topic in the world into this fucking war. Yeah, I thought the world needed a distraction for a moment. They did. You know what you gave it to. You know what, is real needs right now? Christian, Christian bail, Batman.

A Christian bail, Batman. They're the Christian bail in the, actually all the Batman. All them, they need all them. All the Batman at the same time. All the Batman. Batman. Batman.

All the Batman. At the same time, we have to take a break or we're in trouble. We have to take a break It's good to be back. It's Monday. The world is going crazy Everything's happening don't look at your Instagram. Don't turn on the news. Listen to the bonfire And then you know what we bring up stuff you need to know which Batman is the best don't go see the exercise It stinks now when we come back we break down the slaughters happening in the Middle East. Everybody, it's the bonfire.

Babies are dying. Batman. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SeriousXM.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

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