The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bad House Guests (feat. Andy Fiori)

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

Bonfire family member Andy Fiori joins the crew as they tells stories of horrible house guests.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@AndyFioiri www.AndyFiori.com #CrackleCrackle

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriesexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the face Andy Andy Fiori. Hey buddies. Also for the podcast Defender movie. We're showing off right. Um, Andy, I gotta tell you it's so funny my lack of Confrontational nature or weirdness I've talked about it Incessantly and if not to anything but I can do it on the radio. I don't know why it's always easier for me in this kind of format. But I that we were so goose up that first day and you called in and I was like, on the radio. I don't know why it's always easier for me in this kind of format. But we were so goose up that first day and you called in and I was like, hang on with us and talk

to some of the people with us. And then you would never acknowledge it again. I don't know how long I don't know how long you hung in there. I don't know how long you stayed in way, but I felt like an asshole. The rest of the crew. That was cool, man. Actually, Jay's not going to throw some of the bus Andy Once I was alerted to it. I did feel like we homalone you Merck face moment. Yeah, no, I woke up. I woke up on my couch and said that I was like Andy's on hold No, no, it was that's a big day I just wanted to call and and say what's up and congratulate everybody. So I knew things were probably going to be hectic. But thank you, Jay. I appreciate you acknowledging

that. Yeah. Well, Jay, I don't it gives you some extra time to shred. I can see by the fucking the old. Absolutely. Let's call back. Is that a less Paul? That's a thunderstrat, baby. I was trying to know that guitars never used because there's a hat hanging on it. There's a part of me that wants to look up pictures in my phone to see if there was a moment where there was a different guitar in that and you've gone electric in zoom. Oh no, there's a cussed on the other side. Oh yeah, I got it. Pick your poison. I got two of everything. I got two TVs, two guitars.

Do you want me to fuck it? Do you want a weep softly or fucking shred? Yeah, it's for I played by emotion Merc face why the two TVs One broke and I just haven't thrown it out yet. Oh, I thought you watched the stock market. Yeah It's for my gaming no, I mounted the new one and then the old ones you go one you go one of those TVs is security cameras and all my ex-girlfriends apartments. And then this one is actually hooked up to an intent to 64, do you like Mario Kart? I have a closed circuit captioning of the general story of neighbor.

I be remiss if I didn't say it from my own OCD, but I'm concerned about your wire management. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, Jay's got, Murgface, Jay has a point. You could walk in there in one argument and just grab all the wires and one swoop.

I know, someone can end your entertainment life with one sweep. I think my cleaning lady came close because she actually tied them up with like a hair clip and I've just been meaning to make that look nicer and get those all lined up with the wall. Do you know what hides those wires really good? A bigger television?

Yeah, dude, I know. It really looks like a monitor. It looks like you're waiting in a waiting room of a dodge dealership. You guys, your guys, this deep rock is out. Uh, dude, it looks bigger on, uh, on, on Amazon when I went to buy it. And I know I could have just measured, but I was like, I think that's what the old one is. And I don't know. I fucked it up.

I, I admit it, I fucked it up on Amazon. And it should be shamed. I did not realize I was drunk. Yeah, I need the wire hiders. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about those wire covers. But are you worried that you're going to have wires all over your new apartment?

No, it won't happen. Because you won't know what that happened. I won't let it happen. I'll buy furniture that touches everything to hide the wires. I want to walk in and go. Jane, I don't mean to be critical right now, but things seem a little packed in here. He's got them right, but I'll tell you we

don't see a bunch of flingy wires everywhere. Oh, man. Well, Jay, I feel like you of all people can empathize with this. I needed TV to fall asleep. I couldn't go another night without not having TV on when I go to bed. Yeah, they had one down at the right, eight on the corner. And you went to the illegal OTV that's in your building. Yeah, I'm off the fuck at all. What's the brand on that TV? It's a TCL insignia.

Samson. Ooh. But my parents are big insignia people. Really? Yeah, basement and kitchen. They want a big and they want it cheap. Are they still rocking a tube TV? Are those even possible to rock anymore? No. My sister has one in her room in her childhood bedroom. There's still a tube TV that functions in Jersey. Am I my mom's house? Was it a cable? Yeah, it's got a regular cable box.

It looks like shit, but it's still worse. What kind of cable box is the one with the rubber buttons? It's one of the switchboards when you push one of them, I'll pop back up. That was. It's the zippet one. No, the zipper one was wild It goes from panel a to J and then zero to 13 My grandma has to my grandma has two working tube TVs

She has yeah, she has one one of the small ones with the VCR built-in But then she's got a direct TV little side box that then has the cable wire into the back of your TV. Yeah. You know, with with tube TV, it is funny now. Like when you watch, like, I'm trying to think of a good sitcom. I've like for some reason I can't get anything else other than Cosby Show. And like we all watched it. All right. Yeah. We know. We know it's taking that plus when we were watching it be doctorate, it's a Huxable. But if you watch an episode of like the Cosby Show or something now on like your big TV, it looks super blurry and shitty,

but you don't realize that was the best you got then. There wasn't a Chris, there wasn't a Chris clear color picture. It didn't exist. You were always seeing. First time, Larry. First time seeing HD television, I was in college and I went to this rich kids house to smoke weed and he had it up

and he had sport center on and it was an HD and I was like that is fucking crazy because you could see the difference where I was like holy shit. Yeah, it's weird right? You see the blade. You say you say all kinds of crazy things like you could see the sweat drips. Oh, the blades of grass. And then now you look back and you're like, what were you just watching everything fuzzy? We were watching everything. We just completely accepted. Christine, we have to bring up the TV we got. I don't even know anything about it. I got it sighted scene. What did you guys, what are you guys doing with your TVs? We're leaving. Well, so friends of ours, you know, Ani Moussion, Joey, Iris Joey from gas. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Ani's one of the Ani's one of the producers of SDR show and an Irish Joey works for gas to

great. They're from Boston. They've been living in a studio apartment together and they were able we were able to get them like they're going to take this place over. That's awesome. Which is great. I didn't know you guys are moving congrats. I love that apartment I love this apartment too and we have like blinds we put in and stealing fans and all that We're now that it's going to friends it feels very comfortable leaving this stuff here And like this has been a very happy home for the last 10 years like I love We don't need the fucking hallmark car. We're talking about the TV's to answer the question. She's just I am just going to miss these walls.

So a love letter to the East Village by car. To the house. It's a home. Yeah, we're leaving it. You guys think that you're your past sex ghosts are going to haunt the new people. Well, I enjoy you're like me and Jay six years ago. So, dude, I actually did their podcast up in Boston

when I was there doing shows one time. This is an upgrade for them in the highest regard. Yeah, and I love on you. She's great and you know, I'm getting to know Joey more now than like friends with her. So that's cool. You should also keep a key so you can sneak in whenever you want. Well, she's also an Armenian girl and I can like hand off all my neighbors.

I take the heavy who the third TV Dan will be staying here with them. Jesus. I don't know what the TV is. It's not even it's not even sure is yet. No, there is it's nano cell.

I think five. Nice. Jay Jay you're taking your true black TV of course. So you're taking the true black you're going to have the true black in your nano bot TV. True black is going to be in the bedroom now. Nano cell.

Now not LG it's Samsung. Damn it what's it called. Called it. Nano order. Nano order. Don't think called? Called it. We had a winner. Don't let it go. Look it up on the thing. Christine. We have the orders for somewhere Bring up the worksheet bring up the worksheet. Christine. Let's see this one. Maybe I want to see delivery I want to see what kind of fucking what Neo that's what is the Neo the Neo QLED That's it. I think you guys want to allow it's 85. Yeah. What do you say?

What is Neo QLED? What do you get? Why is it good? Oh, because it's going to drown out Christine. It'll take up more space than her. It looks like it's not feeling me right now. It feels like a TV. You could stick your hand in and you move to the other side. Yes. That's what I'm going to. That's what I'll be doing in my imagination. Like I'm the sixth man. Imagine. Meeeeease. Sean. Chase. Chase playing for the sixers.

Dude, 85 inch in that room is going to be wicked. It's going to be a good movie theater. And then it'll be there in time for it'll be there in time for Kong versus Godzilla, which is the only reason to really watch that in your house Is having a situation like that. I'm very excited for your conzilla Kongzilla viewing party. I hope to be invited Do you want to come? It'll be Wednesday. It'll be Wednesday when it comes out Yeah, Wednesday night Maybe this Wednesday You guys can have the apartment to yourselves for a guy's night. No, oh come on Don't make promises like that

I don't know what the girls and you guys can like totally take over the apartment and have like a guy's night at the apartment Maybe I'll build a could we build a fort for yeah, if you want I'll leave snacks. I'll make sure they're snacks and I'll fuck off We'll have another girl's dinner Yeah When is this move happening very very soon? I'll make sure they're snacks and I'll fuck off. We'll have another girl's dinner. When is this move happening very very soon today today today when this is wow. Oh, yeah right now it's happening Oh my god, you see guys come in just movers come in. It's our take us stuff off the walls Hang on Jacob not to pull the curtain on the thing but to not call this show the lost tapes or overly acknowledged

It's a pre-tap. It's gonna confuse somebody in Utah when they hear me at 7 p.m And then they're gonna be like wow how's he gonna be in Utah in? In like an hour when I'm supposed to see him live Come on Jacob. Happy birthday. We're your answer for that smart ass I don't think that's the case. I didn't say you couldn't point it out, but... Well, we shall forever refer to the Terminator timeline, even though we're being stripped of the title law states.

We are not live. I'm not supposed to say this to you, but we are not live right now. We are not live. Fight your masters. We are not Fight your masters This is a recorded segment revolution will be televised Currently I am laying on my couch with my chest watching cartoons That's cool Christine. It's a great plan you're gonna make but I'd say I

Don't know I don't know why I feel like it's gonna be 60% chance Dan comes for this or I'm gonna be sitting there by myself watching Kong versus Z Zilla. How dare you, it's not tomorrow, it's a week from tomorrow, right? It's a week from tomorrow. Why are you inviting people over and making a thing? Do you want me to do it? What? I don't like to like do a guest list and then send that. Oh Christine, Christine does her.

Christine, every time you be produced, These are phone calls to three people. Jay, do you want me to produce some of your friendships or... Hmm. I'm coming. I'm impressed you guys are going to be up and running in that short amount of time. Why don't I come over and do the show from there next Wednesday? That's funny. That sounds fantastic to me.

And then Kong vs. Godzilla. Yeah. Absolutely. We could figure out whatever delivery foods in this new area. I mean, I'm trying to keep it cool, but I guess I can cheat a little if I as long as I don't have soda. But you don't have to, that's a weird line to draw. But that's a, I think that's very fair.

I like, it is. It is. It's usually sugar. Well, you drink, you don't drink diet soda either. No, I drink fucking, I drink Canada dry heavy. Yeah, I get the fuck up. I get the original king of sodas. I get the all right, go. Yeah, that will change your thing for sure.

That's so much. I'm at like two weeks right now and I'm feeling pretty good about it. But WrestleMania is a two day thing this weekend so i'm gonna drink soda on russle me that's what you're giving yourself soda i'm getting no uh... i'm in chocolate milk and promise land uh... chocolate milk that weekend can you cheat to be more childish no seriously

i think i was i'm i'm i'm going to say what say what but WrestleMania is coming up so I'm definitely going to eat pudding with my finger. There I loved you. You know what? Put it on the put it on the list. Most people say pizza or pasta or something. Oh no no no no I'm getting fucking chicken. I'm going to get it. Well J. U to appreciate this I'm going to get chicken parm and then I want to get a and then there's a that place we got the garlic knots from but then I also want to do some Mickey D's. I hear you on that, but I got to tell you what also another weird one is the chicken parm. Like, it's just, well, first of all, for WrestleMania food, it's Buzel.

No, WrestleMania's pizza. I'm going, but it's the, once WrestleMania, the first night starts, I'm going to start eating like a maniac until the end of the second night Okay I'm gonna tell you how many hours are each night. I think I'm giving them well I mean it's gonna give me 24 hours of eating childish and shitty. Are you watching by yourself? Probably unless you want to come over watch it. So I'm on the way this weekend. Are you? This weekend it's not for three weeks. Oh That's a cheat day. Yeah, yeah. I'm building it up. I'm giving myself a month. Yeah. It's a cheat two days, Jacob. I don't know if you heard, but rest of the

restaurants. I'm going to try to stretch. It's a cheat week stretch this year. Twenty four hours. It's a cheat. Wait, Jay, do you order food by what you're watching? You know what I mean? Like you said said chicken parms is not a WrestleMania food, but I think, Dan, you should have what you want, no matter what you're looking at. You have it? Not to change subjects at all, but looking at myself in this box,

which I have to change right now, I just realized I can't raise my right eyebrow. I don't know how to do it. Do it, do it. Do it, just keep doing my left. Okay, I can't either. My deal it do it do it Do it just keep doing my left Okay, I can't either my right. I don't think anybody can't accept John Belushi. I can and Dan How about you? Yeah, I can't do my right as good as my lose getting it Lew whiskey's getting it Well, he's I can do them both Polish soldier. I can't just do

Yeah Well, he's I can do them both. Polish soldier. I can't just do. Polish sausage. Yeah. I can't just do the right. It's harder for one. Definitely. It just looks like you and Christina on bad acid. Yeah, probably. She may have spiked my shit.

My child has your child. Welcome to the same dimension that Brendan stuck in so who else should we have over for God's a little cognite. I don't know. Should we also jam will be there jam will be there already Can we take bets? Wait, how much Josh staying with us two and a half months? I Told No, no, no, I think he's going back. We have to buy things also gonna try to stay at Michelle He might he's looking to move here Josh. He's looking for places

I don't know but didn't definitely Yeah, until he finds a place I told him I told him I told him three months. It'll start getting weird No, no, no, how long did I last on my buddy's couch? I lasted too long. I think I was there like six months six months seven months Wow, But I did. I did my welcome ones, but I paid, uh, I gave money for, they, they told me I didn't have to pay rent, but I helped with like bills and shit. Yeah.

That was fairly is best to want to be like, twice for how long? I did an air mattress behind the couch for 600 a month in a one bedroom with a couple for almost a year like nine months and then I was gonna move back to California. So my friend a lesbian couple just got a one bedroom for 1100 and crown heights and let me move in there. We didn't pay rent, but we like bought everything and paid all the utilities and then we were out of there in like three months and on a new lease in a two-bedroom. So there's her trajectory. Yeah. You were wondering, so you weren't unwanted roommate or a nuisance roommate twice? I was only a nuisance roommate that said- I thought Christina was saying Christina said that.

Yeah. Yeah, she was saying twice and I was saying I only don't want to- I'd argue it was three times. Hey, I was that jump was in the pocket. Thanks everyone for going with that setup. I loved it. Thank you, Jacob. Thank you, Jacob.

The first time I paid almost a third of the rent and did all the dishes and everything. I don't know how much of a nuisance I was. And the second time was a friend helping me out. So, you know, that is what it is. I'll need to Franco write the lyrics of your heart. I'll need to find out. Andy, how old are you?

Did you live on a camera? Yeah. Like, like two months, and I was not a good house guest. It was the 2011-12 giant Super Bowl where they beat the past the second time. I went out all night after that victory and like brought a girl Who I was partying with back to my friend Pat's apartment. He's my buddy from college And we was also a

Patriots fan you're staying at Pat's house on his couch on like 29th and 3rd. Yeah, and He is a Patriots fan the night the Patriots lose the Super Bowl For the second time. Is he out partying when you go out? He was out watching the game. We're not watching the game together because we're like, we ate breakfast together that morning and we're like, all right, man, good luck, good luck. And he later went out and they lose that game.

And then you brought a girl home. Yeah, we came home at like five and then just like continued to fucking drink and rip cigarettes and then just like continued to fucking drink and rip cigarettes and it's leaving. I am still really embarrassed by that. I would hate you so. And he got up, you know, it's Monday morning, he's getting up for work. And I was, oh, God, and you're fucking. That's still super bowl. That 5 a.m. wake up that you realize it. Cause he still hurts. and hurts the whole next day. No, these were, it's a change of dynamic like when you come in there, that person feels dominant in that they're like,

well, I'm doing you the favor. It's like your life is lower than mine and it makes them feel good about themselves. And then when the person who's crashing with you is living the life that you want to live, he's like, actually, dude, I won't be on the night because I'm having a threesome. Too hot, too hot chicks from Hollinger, I met at the bar. And he's like, great. But I'll be back tomorrow to ruin your day. Who the fuck is Andy in the kitchen with?

Is that my high school crush? Leslie Ortiz? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, or I can't believe we're in his apartment. Let me suck your dick right here. I always looked at him as a non-threatening male And he's like Sorry, dude, I ate the last of the mac and cheese you said you wanted but man. I was fucking arched. I needed the Dude, sorry man. I just had full balls on a jerk off a picture of your sister But I used your grandpa's old war rags to catch it. So, and they're probably staring, either from war. Anyways, do you mind that I sleep in your bed

when you wake up? I did that all the time. I did that all the time when you went, no, no. Yeah. That was our parasite. I would fucking get up and sleep in his bed. Buddy, if I had someone crashing on my couch

And I found out they were doing that when I left man. I would You know, it's all me. I'll never let somebody stay at my house without a Without a fucking camera in my bedroom No, if you lay on my bed I go look as you put your fucking grime on my fucking fingers grimey fucking pause and shit No way. Oh, I'd be fear you're morning breath breathing into my pillows I can grime on my fucking million. Grimey fucking pause and shit. No way. Oh, I'd be fear. You're morning breath breathing into my pillows.

Oh, yeah. My nightmare. I think I've told this story before on the bonfire, but when I first moved into the apartment in Queens, I lived in the windowless room, and I didn't have enough money for an air conditioner, and it was August, and it was hot as fuck. And I couldn't sleep through the night. I'd have to take cold showers in the middle of

the night. It sucked. It sucked. And then fan yourself. Yeah dude I had to have a dude it sucked so bad but Vic my old roommate who is in the room I'm in now had an air conditioner and you know he had it fucking going. He had a one with BTU's and he one time got up and went to work and left his air conditioner on and I heard it and I walked in with my down, I did it was so hot and I walked in with my down comforter and I sat on the edge of his bed

and then I kind of laid down with my blanket and I fell asleep until he got home from work. He walked in and I was like, nah, and I was so startled. It was my day off from those communities. I slept away my whole day and got caught by him where I was like, like Goldie Walks, dude. I was so refreshed. I woke up so refreshed because it was the first good sleep I had. It had memories of all this. Good, damn. Sleep I had memory

I had that one as far as pieces of shit go but I had the folds in my face, you know for like the blanket Hey, buddy, and I think it's just down alternative I think I just popped up. I think I just popped up I think I just popped up it was like how is work Sorry I lost an eyelash on your bed. I was just checking your springs Well, dude, there's a little wet draw a little wet drip from your cheek. Oh my god, dude I start way on on you dude on you, dude. I'm going to work on you. You're being my Jeremy. And heavy metal alarm clock your ass. That big.

So I'm sure I've always respected all of you because you always tell these stories about crashing in people's places and letting people crash at your place. And I've never been a bro guy like that. Come and crash on my couch. No, never happened. Because I'm afraid of the story I just heard. What? For the amount of favors that I've done you and going to the apartment for you.

So I would let you I would let Andy. He's like one of those Access to my rule. Have you been checking in on Jacob's apartment? Yeah, I went over there because he thought he had a fire. Well, he did have a fire. Wait, Jacob, Jacob, you win. And Jacob's your place, if I had to, I'm a, I'm a killer. I'm telling you that you're all, I know you would.

I think you're all exceptions to my rule, but that's how I've been. No, no, no, I would suggest you do not let DJ Lou, do not let DJ Lou's at your house. He's gonna be all of your night. He's gonna try to smoke when you go out to the store. I couldn't. DJ Lou's great. I love Lou, but I I know that he is my house twice. And he's fine. He doesn't smoke unless you, and he I'll ask him to smoke out the window. I go, yeah, go ahead. I don't care. He won't see something. But he's gonna bully Jacob into that. No, that's true. I'm afraid of the stories on the radio So I know to behave. I came home and Lou wasn't there, but there was a jukebox and a guy named Tiny just sitting in my kitchen I like just DJ Lou ripping butts while reading your the rise of the third Reich book. You have weirdly in your bookshelf

Giggles he goes like gerbels the third Reich book you have weirdly in your bookshelf check it. It giggles it goes. It's like curbles. I don't know I saw a swastika I started reading. Also you know that I need something read on the shitter. Sorry if there's broken glass on the floor I saw that newspaper article about the Titanic and wanted to read it. He must open. He goes, not saying what, unfortunately, that paper was brittle, so he's not the same as I found it. Upside to this whole thing, I ain't charging you for the staples of my knuckles. He goes, plus though, you're a bro,

so I'm gonna hold off while charging you. I am fully insured, so don't worry about that. I was in and out. I was in and out of Beth Israel. So you're pretty lucky. But I'm but down to the god I'm gonna eat that one. That one's good. But you know what I got I got I'm the one with the juice in the ER. So why the fuck would you put museum glass on a newspaper? Jesus fuck that thing was thick. It took me three good wallops to get in there. That slice be like a newspaper. Jesus fuck. That thing was thick. It took me three good wallops to get in there. That slice be like a spiral ham that thing. Yeah, I mean, I think I would let all of you guys stay here. All of you guys.

Yeah, I've learned from my past scumbag behavior. I would never, never. I'd be mortified if I could act. Andy, you said you had a bad one though. What one did you have? Yeah, dude my buddy went away for a weekend and I knew he was gonna be gone, so I So yeah, I banged a girl on his bed, but yeah, I think it's very common. I think it is too We may we clean the sheets. We did clean the sheets, but it was like I will tell you I can't speak for damn but then you you didn't fucking Bobby Kelly's bed yeah I did I'm like am I I must be a huge piece of shit alcoholic because I have like at least five stories like this of like fucking someone's bad when I should never letting someone crash or ever letting someone

crash in Mike's room when I should't have Ten-year-old alcoholism We like hey, I'm gonna check in on the bonfire just heard that and he's just fucking like god damn it Someone's in there. Who do we let crash in for noise room? I let I went to that bachelorette party And it was our friend that I actually kind of had a bit of a falling out with by let her stain that room and she left her fake eyelashes out with by let her stain that room and she left her fake eyelashes. Oh yeah. In his room. And he fucking was like, who did you let sleep in my room? And I was like, fuck.

What a hilarious thing. And it was really like, I never really went out drinking like it was Christine's bachelor at party. You know, we're like in our 30s. So it was just like hilarious. But I didn't really do that. Hey, if you're just listening, Chris, it's, she means a different Christine. Yeah. Hey, for people listening, hey, it's, it's, she means a different Christine. Yeah.

Hey, for people listening, Hey, for the fact that we're nationally broadcast and not just in our apartment. Other Christine. Oh, yeah. Hey, Dan, by the way, I was talking to Jim yesterday, just a guy named Jim. No, back up. Hilarious, comic, Mary to Aaron Berg. Another hilarious.

Man, finding, uh, finding something in your bedroom that, like when you realize that, is infuriating. When you find out that you're like, did someone stay here? They're like, okay, so I was going to ask you, but then I just... Yes. You got to get that jump start. You got to get that jump start to bed. It goes, look, did I know, but I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. I mean, you know, the person, we know the person, it's not like they're going to take a minute. If I had a fake eyel gonna be a big deal I mean you know the person we know the person is not like they're gonna take a If I thought a fake eyelash in my bed, I'd wake out on a roommate dude

Hanson handsome Pete has done two things to me that have made me Furious, I mean I'm here had a lot of dumb shit I'm here did a lot of dumb shit like fucking his girlfriend in the shower till there's no hot water You know us getting robbed that was a big one But handsome Pete would do handsome guy things where you're like, you're making my life an inconvenience because Vicki owns that his life was a beer commercial. It was a light beer commercial. Every time you talk about Pete, you're like, what'd you do today? He's like, huh, these guys invited us to dinner at this super exclusive

restaurant. Then we went to this water slide on the roof and you're like how do you how the fuck is that your life dude but one time he came in and vekyone and i were smoking a bowl jay i think you know this story we're I was smoking a bowl vekyone and i were watching family guy there's a knock at our window because we're on the first floor and it's the police and they're like hey did someone not pay their cab fare in here and i'm like what and Pete had walked in facetiming a girl. And he had just swiped his credit card and not seen if it went through and then just left. So then the cab driver was like, got the cops that were

on our block to go knock on our window. But I'm just high on the couch like, ah, cops are outside, cops are outside. Second thing, one time he brought home this, he brought home these two girls at like five in the morning. Andy's story about going out with a Pat Super Bowl in mind of you with that. So it's like Pete and two girls.

It's giant Super Bowl. And, well yeah, you know, the Pat's lost, but. Yeah. He's just in our kitchen and these girls are like, what are you doing Pete? It's like 4.30 in the morning and my wallets on the counter. So I'm like, I got to get my wallet. So I walk out in a T-shirt and basketball shorts

like with a sleep face and I just grab my wallet and I go and they're like, we're having a pizza party. And I was like, I fucking hate you Pete. I hate you. And that's what it is. But then I came home one time and I was at, I was at the airport and I was about to come home and I wanted to watch a UFC.

It was the fight where Chris Wydeman got his legs snapped or when he snapped Anderson Silva's leg. So we are. Yeah, yeah. And I'm at the airport and I just have a spider sense where I'm like, dude, what if Pete's having a party right now? Cause Vecchio was out of town. And I was like, what if he's having it?

I'd be so mad because I was on the road for two weeks and I was like I just want to come home It was a Saturday and I I walked in and there were 10 people in my apartment No Pete and they were just watching the the UFC that I had ordered and was recording Really damn so I walked in and I was like what the fuck dude I got so mad that Pete's friend was like I'll get everyone out of here And I was like yeah fucking do that right now and dude Pete walk through the door later that night I've never gone. I would zero to a hundred. It's the most I've ever like lurched at a person where I was like dude Fuck you straight away walked in I was like what the fuck was that cuz you when you're gone and you find out

People have just like had parties without even talking to you, you're like, dude, what a shitty roommate. Dude, I was talking about me being a shitty roommate, some degree, whatever, what me and Carla lived together and Isabelle was a baby in apartments, we always had a roommate. And it would be friends sometimes, sometimes like closer than others, but we also, we probably didn't explain it well enough, but we really try to always express like, hey, look, just know you're living with like a parents in a baby. So it's not like a party house, like a smoke pot in the house apartment. That, you know, I mean, it ain't that kind of deal. And like, you know, it's basically

furnished 100% with our shit, the whole place. Like, so you're essentially sort of running a room or you're only paying a third of the rent, you know what I mean? So it's like you're racially running a room and you can use everything, like furniture-wise and kitchen, you know, it's like it is your place to rooms. We're friends, you know what I mean? We didn't always be like friends. But the one on I caught this girl, Jim,

who lived with us, she worked at the comic strip also. She was a waitress. And, uh, was she the flying squirrel joke you have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because I do.

Yeah. Me and Carla, I think, I think went to a Sixers game and thought I might stay in Philly, but we decided to come back and we came back and like surprise They're coming home. We came to stairs like her and this guy ran in the bedroom because they were fucking on the couch But like my couch, you know, I mean that thing and it was just like and again, like you know I should have been like probably cooler about it. I'm been like what it's look There's definitely a gray area between like hey That's totally cool and like I I like aggressively through the guy out and what I remember this

I was I was in his face and I mean Begging him to do something just to go for all to get the fuck out of my house dude get the fuck out and this guy Man that guy's night went got ruined so bad like he's like Yeah, I'm probably gonna go get some pussy and he's like yeah you're like this and then the owner of the house is like get the fuck out he's like I'm sorry I was such a cunt he was like he's like all right man all right I'm going he tried to shake my hand he was being a dick to some degree kept trying to be

like let me just grab this and I would like throw the thing at him and I'll go here now go and he's like but I just want to say and then he just like he's like fucked up on something you know I mean he tried to shake my hand and I slap his hand like out of the you know from behind like I'm like Get the fuck out of here and he goes, right? And he's such walking slow like walk But everything was like him like being a little bit like yeah like like denying Because you might have said do you mind if I get one more kiss of the nape of her neck? No, it was shit like that where I'm going walk and he's like,

I'm going man, and I'm like, walk fast, you know, I'm doing that shit. And right before he disappears, I said he goes, I like your comedy. Yeah. Let me go, my real big pain. Yeah, he goes, I like your comedy. I went, I really hope this ends up in a skit.

And you know, it's not a skit and It's called a bit me goes all right fine I'm gonna and then and then with derosa but about like worrying about that Same thing derosa was a friend so he has full use of the house But like the rose was a young guy looking for pussy and shit and sometimes he would bring it home and like I always just had like a Dam it dude. I fucking hate the old the reason we live at annoyed all is because Fenoi was married so we wasn't bringing home put you know, I mean you was just staying here Mad at us. Yeah, it's true and but I didn't want that any other direction and Sorry, we had to eat her box on your bed. He's like you guys

I got man I got mad the Rosentown like yo, do you have some chick here? It's like do you get. I got man, I got mad at the road. I'm like, yo, did you have some chick here? It's like, do you give us a heads up? Because like, I leave my wallet on the bar. You know, I mean, like you were just saying that's what made me think of that. But he was like, yeah, I was like, he's like, she didn't take anything. Did she? I was like, no, no, no, no. And then he told me about that girl. And that's the one I think I told this on the show before.

They were getting ready to fuck. And she was getting undressed or he was getting her undressed or whatever and she asked for a glass of water And he goes, oh sure, and he got a glass of water and then she just she popped off her fake nipple and put it in the glass of water She had like a mastectomy So as a suction cup nipple and she pulled it off and left it floating in the in the glass of water while they fucked I was like, oh I think it'd be less weird if she pulled that out teeth and did that. Yeah, awesome.

Go on, Joe, for keeping a hard one, looking over at a floating nipple. I think he did. I really think he did. Christine, you got to ask him if he ended up having sex with the girl, pull their nipple off. You got to really throw lips and wrist into it. If I'm fucking looking at a nipple,

I'm not going softy McGillic Yeah, in fact maybe the Rosa if he get the Rosa pop on See if you pop on the pop on the pop on the pop off, you know, we're telling a segment Tell we're telling a great story about them But I said I'm the fury of like looking over at Joe and I would be like, you know It's the house computer and I was like I want to whack off and just like a Joe's here That was it. I said he'd be watching would you be trying to explain me why would he Alan's great? I'm like I just want to beat off to Kazaar porn dickhead

Shut up asshole when I first got on guy code that the when I got like a couple checks I went and bought that couch at my apartment and when I first got it it was the biggest purchase I had ever made so I was like dude this fucking $1,200 couch this is a sexual I it was an investment I still love I missed that couch so much I got I love that couch fucking handsome Pete had a bunch of bros randomly stopped by and stay at our house. I can hand some Pete again. Dude, this is the worst one. This is the worst one. So his handsome boy modeling school,

bros, they fucking, great band, check them out. But they, guys, we have a tight button down shirt finals tomorrow. Guys, we've got all of a sudden, they get up and they leave in the morning. And I'm like, like all right and I go out to the living room and one of them who had a name like Aspen or something fucking through through up on the couch

Like like beer through up and I fucking went I kicked Pete's door open and I was like dude what the fuck and he's like What oh man that sucks. I'm sorry And you're like I'm still mad at you and I know it's not your fault But I'm very mad at you because you're so handsome. How can I get that? I love when you just toss a shirt on it looks perfect on you He's like he is never allowed here again, but then after that party, it was the only time, I don't know if you guys have ever done this, but given an adult roommate, a rule, where you're like, this is a rule, but I told you, I was like, you're not allowed

sleepovers anymore. When he did that, when he had the party, I go, you're not allowed to have friend sleepover anymore. You're just not just nodding out and he's like, alright, I'll just sleep at their house. Gee. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM.