The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bert Kreischer & Mike Vecchione In Studio, Everlast Stops In & The Guys Write Their Own "Pete Davidson" Song

Episode Date: September 3, 2018

It was a celebrity packed week on The Bonfire as Bert "The Machine" Kreischer sat in with Dan and Jay, along with comic Mike Vecchione. Dan admits to Bert that Mike's home workouts leave him feeling uncomfortable. The one and only Everlast stops by. Bert Kreischer offers to get naked if Everlast will perform "Jump Around" acoustic. Find out what happens! Finally, Jay and Dan thought they could sing a better song about their friend Pete Davidson than Ariana Grande, so they did. Tune in to hear their punk composition, "Pete Davidson!"

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O'Coursen. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM.

We're in the Salacious hour. Yeah, did it get all all. Big jokers and Dan Soder, booze, Suck right here. We're telling secrets now. So, yeah, now joining us. Look, can I do the intro? Please. Ladies and gentlemen, my Askimo brother,

Mike Beckion. Hell yeah. You're having me on, guys. We never told the Askimo brother story. Two, one of my favorite stories. On the bottom life in life But I know it from I mean I just kind of from both of you guys have told me It's like they did the high school and he dated in college. Oh wait a wait a alright

This is why he writes jokes and I The Dallas I can't fucking believe the different different we are. So I think we addressed it that he was Mike the wrestler and he was burnt. Oh my god. That's what I just did. Yeah, just do it. Please show him how it's done. My god.

Dude, I love Mike goes, hey Mike, what happened in Apollo 11? Well, we're having Apollo 13. He goes, they got launched, they almost spied. Then they came back, they almost died. Then they came back. Everyone's all right. You go, that's it. This is the definition of our different,

the way we look at our art form. Stylistically, 180 degrees difference. Mike goes, get to the point and make them laugh, right? And I go, hey man, we don't have a lot of material. Let's string it out. You guys, I just go, all started on a rainy day. Mike goes like this and sends out the bodies in the basement. I call it Big J.

I'm like, hey man, I'm forming at the Mulligan's son. Can you come and open for me? He goes, I got this buddy Mike, do you mind if he hosts? And I go, yeah, I don't care. He was just funny as shit. So we go up, it was a horrible show. Do you remember how bad that show was? Yeah, I remember it.

A guy in a wheelchair with a straw, the, the, for movement. Yeah, for movement, walked out of my, when I was on stage, he walked out and heckled me in between breasts on his straw. He was like, it was that bad. Stopped and then took another breath, I was like,

you suck. Woo! And then we get done and I had to drive home that night. I had to drive home that night. I had to drive back to the airport. So we go back to Big J's room and we smoke a little bit of weed. Or I think maybe Jay and I did, or maybe I had a couple beers.

I remember I just did knuckle pushups. And so we're sitting there, but you know, Vecchio, he's not a very like outgoing guy. He doesn't talk a ton. He's not selling himself. He's not a self-promoter. A real weirdo introvert. Sorry, I call it a water tower shooter vibe. So I say to Mike, I go, hey, man, you're really funny. Where are you from?

And Mike's like, I grew up in Ohio, but I went to school in Florida. I said, I'm from Florida. I love doing that. I go to Florida. And he goes, oh, yeah, I went to Boca. And I went to school in Florida. I saw him from Florida. I loved doing that. I was from Florida. And he goes, oh yeah, I went to Boka. And I went, wait, are you serious? And he's like, yeah, I said, I dated Miss Boka high and he goes, I dated Miss Boka high. And I went, wait, when did you graduate? And he goes, 91. And I went, Alex?

And he goes, you're a burp from FSU. And I went, did you wrestle? I didn't do it. I did, I go, you're Mike the wrestler. So Mike and I almost got in a fist fight one night. What? I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that.

This is why you stretch the story out, Mike. I forgot about this, but I didn't realize. In my mind, when you said that to him in the hotel, you go, are you Mike the wrestler? He just took off a T-shirt and it was a singlet on it oh his mouth started to get all four you found him so there's this guy rocket rashi rashi rashi rashi

rashi one of my best friends we were we wrestled together all right you're not racist we get it all right this was pre-9-11. This was pre-9-11. All right. We're good. It's a rocket went to Florida State and he was cool. I knew him. He lived in the rich people's dorms. We were friends with him and all the bokeh kids knew him.

We go down to visit Alex. We have this guy that lived in Miami. Me and this guy Jeff Hartley go down and Rockets. I want you to come by my house or have an apartment. We went there and I show up with Alex. Mike is standing behind like an island, a kitchen island. Just both hands full. Nope, nope, but sleeve is shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a blazer. It was hot. I would arm under armor tights under basketball shorts. No, no, it was way before that. I would argue a flat top. Yeah, hell yeah.

Arms posted up like this and just staring at us. And Rockets right next to him. I saw a picture on that Mike's parents house. He saw a picture of that exact pose you're talking about. Yeah, that's what we call the power V in the van. Yeah, like. And my buddy Jeff just, they're both similar energies. He dials in on Micah's set.

Like, like, oh, what's this? Oh, posturing, huh? What do I remember? And they start literally Micah's not backing down. And all I can remember is Alex is like, he's a really good wrestler. I don't want to get on the ground with anybody. I don't want to fucking take this to the mat.

All I remember doing is talking shit and then turning around and running up to the car. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha because it is funny that I just I know Mike and just seeing him being like, well, there she is coming in with fucking a new boyfriend for a stay fucking Alex is being disrespectful coming to rock. It's like this. What was your team name? The Boka. The Bobcats.

The Wildcats. The Wildcats. I thought it was going to be a big hit. Not Wildcats. The Boka Raton, the Boka High House Boats. Yeah. The Shuffle Boards. The Sox and Sandals.

The Boka Raton, the shuffle boards the socks and sandals the bugger it's on the Voresies It's so funny now to have met him. Yeah, and know his personality listen to it was great if you would have just pushed me And I worked with a casino and they're like no top now For me you fucking just open for me get down on your knees Hey big mouth Because here's what I do. I don't fight you house parties. I get into the same business you Big Joe garson dan soda of course hanging with our guest Berk-Rysher the machine My special secrets I do this as a job. I'd love this

Mike Vekky out into coming in studio Mike works out in our apartment sometimes Can I tell you I was about to start this conversation? studio Mike works out in our apartment sometimes. Can I tell you? I was about to start this conversation. Right there! Right fucking there! I swear to God! Where did I hear this?

Where did I hear this? Guys, your energy's toxic. Okay. Right now, it's really toxic. I swear to God I wanted to know what equipment he had, where he did it, because I envisioned it in the bathroom right in the door jam. I'm impressed by your commitment to fitness and that you'll find the time to carve out to care about your body.

Mike, go, you ladies go back to screen. I don't like this new character, Backstab and Jay. You see jealous, Jay, on Thursday, but Backstab and Jay, making a difference. So, I wanted to say that Mike's at-home workout is so intense that it's the only time I felt that uncomfortable at home since I was like 12

and I could hear my mom getting bone by her boyfriend It's the same That's why that's why initially I actually go in the other room Did you give him a present? He got it and get it. He's like why did I could just be out here with my headphones on riding and working on my stuff I'm like now you don't understand. It's like pretty embarrassing what I'm about to do. It's crazy. Wait, what is it? Walk me through it. Dude, hey, dude, Bert, I know you have the Mickey Manel gene.

Yeah. This is like fucking universal soldier training program. I've almost worn the fist fight, Christine, like she was a guy. There is something about the feeling and Mike, you're right to almost send him on his way. Send him on his way. There's nothing make somebody angrier than watching somebody else work out

and you're doing something that you could be working out instead of like, how about this? You wanna get deep on it? I was playing. I was playing UFC to the video game and working out. You're in the workout part. All in the video game.

So that was puttin' to work. To hell yeah, he's fucking doing it. He's a soda middleweight champion putting in work. Nice fucking land him down. He's gonna move up to light heavy. My daughters will come into the band-kate from one of the treadmill and they will talk to me while I'm on the treadmill and I'll be running and I'm gonna take, leave me alone. Like I need to do this by myself.

And then they all found it funny and shit. So the all three of them would stand right in front of the treadmill and try to talk to me. So then I got pissed off and I did it to my wife while she was working out. Oh, flip that bitch on her head. She was so, she was doing a 21 day fix and she was doing a little workout

and I just come in and get right in her face. I go, is this hurting you? Are you tired? Oh, hey, walk me through your workout real quick. Can I do that to you, Mike? When you're bare crawling? I wouldn't, I go, Mike, what's your bare crawl? Yeah, dude, I sort of got this

is some real like Navy Seal shit. You walk me through it, walk me through it. You shoot different kinds of workouts one. I'll do a 30 minute run the other one's Spit sorry you got 30 minutes the other one's targeted for drunken monkey style. Yeah Come in. He's just fucking balancing weird he goes damn throw played it Yeah, I go I forgot it's the year of the dog, so he works on his man to style. Attack me genuinely for many fucking angle. I got you. I love that you do it.

I already minute work out. Like, by the way, 30 minute run, and then I come in, and then what I do is I do jumps on the steps outside. So by the way, all our neighbors are like, by the way, 10, 10. Can you take my favorite part? I don't care about the neighbors. He's going like, don't, don't. And then you just see these girls like,

hi. I'm sorry. I'm just like, I hope it's actually a flyer inside. How do you look with your shirt off you? You know the hood? Ah, no, no, I'm a mess right now. Bro, but I'm a mess.

I don't, I'm a mess. I hope on the post board, you know, inside your building, it's got a thing like, weird man doing squat jumps on a, I wouldn't say weird man, I'd say man living his best life. Yeah, that's what I would say. Jay, that's fine. I was on a team mic second ago.

You just turned on me. What are you jumping to us? Sorry, I brought humor into it. When I did the triathlon, I trained for the triathlon. When I did the triathlon, I was really scared of the swimming part of it. How far is it? Quarter of a mile, it's not that far actually,

but it is really hard if you don't swim. It's really hard. And you also, did you run before or bike before this one? No, no, swim goes for it, because most dangerous to least dangerous. Swimming, biking, running. So I do the swim and I'm so, yeah, I'm like so into it, like in the moment.

And the sun's coming up over the mountains. It's like seven in the morning and I'm swimming. And you know how like you get in that moment? I can all I can think of is patrisis say this thing called douche chills. When you say the thing that's the most embarrassing thing, but you don't mean to say it. So I'm doing the swim, I'm looking up, I see the mountains. I see the sun coming over the mountains

I'm in the middle of like a hundred people swimming and I hear my voice in my head go you're living your best life That's a comic I want you fucking idiot. That's your mickle of ultra-mo You worked hard so you get to play Last joint just on the bonfire This is great. They never give us cool guests. This is the best. Oh, yeah They told me I got to pop in I was like I'm literally on my way to the airport But I was like oh wait, I'm not just gonna like flake. Let's go. Oh, man Then we would have been J would have been Oh, y'all got to go in y'all. Yeah, oh hell no

This is exciting for me also because what less than a year ago At a deli by my house a month after I saw you perform With house of pain at Irving Plaza I bumped in you at a deli and told you that my radio. I said on my radio show We've made we voted you the coolest white boy In all white boys. Yeah, we shook hands. I was certain after you left as I said to my girlfriend was with me at the time to Christine over there. I did say I go. I wish it's any one of those guys now who just did that thing.

Hey, here's how me and you are related in some weird way. Oh, well. You also did a kind of a weird fringe thing, where you go, I got a radio show and I voted you something. And you're like, I'm gonna die here. And then I think I listed some on my TV credits.

It was not a good look. You go, I was on Comedy Central. I was on IFC. I was in Flip Flops and Sox, man, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know I was I was on IFC. I was in flip flops and socks, man I didn't know how to react. I didn't know I was gonna bump it ever last. Do that? Does that happen when you're out getting food? Just people just like looking at you like oh shit Hey, I depends if I got my fuck you face on or not, you know hell yeah, you try to keep it awesome Talk a lot. Yeah, a lot. Yeah, a lot. So what's the thing that people can say to you that hits you where you go?

Oh, you're a legit fan like where where you go like, like some guy just mentioned my, my new special, if I say that, then like who, at least whoever's listening to your shows, I'm gonna use it every time. They see me. Here's a good people. If I approach it here, Port Argo, judgment night changed my life.

Yep. Here we go. There's mine. I'd send a movie. I'd send a soundtrack. Yeah, send a get with ice cube I see I see yeah, you signed me to my first deal that would let me know you've been rocking for a while for sure All right, so angry you stole that from me

So you guys at the arving plaza show where I was singing every word up in the balcony Oh you guys are probably too busy eating cereal and playing video games or something. Oh cool I don't know but oh you guys are probably tough mudder training or something Oh, here I was over there fucking white boy wrapping it up in the balcony. Do you realize you're giving in more to the myth that you're the psycho fan? It's like, I thought it was you the best person. I was up in the top of the theater. Anyway, I waited every word with you. I waited for the backstage door for three hours. You never came out. I had a father's day card for you. I totally

like your face. I don't remember any other stuff. I was looking at you like, man, this guy I think. Don't make me lose my TV appearances again. That's what you said in the deli. You start listening off when I could have been from. Well, maybe you've seen my nose. Like this. I was walking into a bodega. It was probably looking for a sandwich or something. Yeah. Bodega sandwiches are great. No, that's what it was. Only in New York. I know. I wanted to put that which I had. I had it in the world.

A nice target ham sandwich. Fucking Dayton. I'm not walking into a shitty deli in Paris in order in like something on a hero. I'm just not trusting it. Yeah. The board's head. This is what sells me. You were getting a sandwich.

That's how I had you hostage. You were probably high and you probably were. We you were getting a sandwich. That's how I had you hostage You were probably high and you probably were we you were weighing it out So I talk to this fat annoying idiot who's wearing a tank top comfortably With the biggest cycle move would have been if you finished the sandwich order for him And you go he also likes regular mustard I need to back fuck out of here. You just know salt your blood pressure Excuse me. I was at the doctor's office. I tried to back the fuck out of here. You got no salt, you're blood pressure. Excuse me? I was at the doctor's office.

I tried to talk to you then too. Hey, where did the name ever last come from? As a fan since I've been a kid. I used to be, originally when I was, when I was, first started rapping, my, my colonel E Rocky, which was Eric Rock's Everlasting. And then I just, shopped right to the last ever last. I'm such a huge fan for such a long time.

Such a long fucking time since I was eight, 17 years old. How do you 17? Is it, I know, you know, jump around probably to some degree, the bane of your existence in many ways. But I mean, it's, well, as soon as I've heard it go different ways, John Popper told me from blues travel or that he'll play The what's the runaround song whenever anyone even asked me to play it on the street because he's like that bought me everything I've ever had like so some people don't run from it at all

But I mean like the only time jump around was a problem to me is when I first released why before since the blues I put it away and right, you know, and I wouldn't do it for probably about two or three years And you do acoustic versions of it, and you know, and I wouldn't do it for probably about two or three years. And you do acoustic versions of it, which is awesome too. Yeah, that was like a few years back, I did an acoustic album. I just was like, fuck it, I'll do it before some hipster does. Yeah, you just bumped out of a barista at Williamsburg. Remember the idea I told you about, or I was going to jump around acoustic?

Yeah, I ruined that for him. He knitted furiously that evening? Can I ask you a You don't have to answer this just but like there's some lines you leave out when you do the acoustic version I own the album and why did you leave them out? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like maybe I'm old enough for God Everlast this is how we approach you about having CTE I love that I love I bought the album. I love it. I loved I watch you live now You're gonna make me fucking listen to it

What's up? What Larry's never get? We're just trying to get you to play it to be true We have a guitar right there. We can't set up if you could play it I swear to God I'll get totally naked. You that's great. Whatever you want. I'll do I feel like you just guaranteed us not happening Whatever you want I'll do I feel like you just guaranteed us not happening Bert no one's gonna accuse you of being a good vibe reader nothing about me thought first off because I'll do whatever you want I'll get naked I'll suck you dick. I'll give you my entire collection of game pornography

You know anything striking your fancy because you put the song on murder and enemy of yours Oh You're fancy because you put the song on murder and enemy of yours I will track him down. Oh, man. I gotta start listening to this show Common Central finds out what we're actually doing they're gonna fire us that's why camera started going up Do we are legit fucking fans here? We're all really successful people Special out right now. I'm a fucking big. I'm fucking obsessed with my friends with Joe. I'm going to fucking point at you. I've seen you with you. I'm gonna fix you as yeah. I know who you are is what I'll say I like Ariana Grande is when I was like Cuz Pete's like what do you know I'm going to do the ball and fire that's how the whole conversation started and I said that in Ariana Grande

It goes Irian and grandi and you're like I mean, it's just fucking weird It's a good thing you heard our joke about our joke about it because we said it to Pete. But then last week, we played the song that she wrote on her album on sweetener called Pete Davidson. And there's no way you can't laugh at that if you're a comic, especially a friend of Pete Davidson. This is known since he was 15 years old, as most of us have.

You just kind of look like this is hilarious. As I said on the show. The biggest entertainer in the world. Arguably the biggest. If Britney Spears in 1999 would have wrote a song about Gara Pay. Fucking weird. Anyways, we brought up the song and I said it's a minute 45

and Jago's how long did you want it to be? And I brought up the one who said I didn't know it was a punk song, which turned us into doing a punk song called Pete Davidson. We got the hook and I think we all know from the hook now we've just brought in an actual musician. Yes. Is that right Lou? Yes, this is Ryan Havers who works here. Hi Ryan. Come on up to the mic. Let's take a seat real quick. He is a professional guitarist and a serious XM and play. We're just gonna fire this thing out. Huh! Am I on? Am I on? Huh!

I'm warmed up. We get the guitar pretty loud. Yeah, yeah, there it is. Ah! Yeah. Oh! Oh! Hello! We are the Bonfire! And this is a song for a man that we both love.

Mr. Pete Davidson. One, two, three. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. Everybody loves Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. Everybody loves Pete Davidson.

And I love. I love. Pete Davidson. I love, breathe in Davidson I love big Davidson in the night I love Pete Davidson because I'm not tight I hear he's big, that's what I'm told He's dick hangs heavy even when it's cold Pete Davidson, Pete Davidson

Everybody loves Pete Davidson Pete Davidson, Pete Davidson Everybody loves Pete Davidson, Pete Davidson, Pete Davidson Everybody loves Pete Davidson, and I love Pete Davidson I love Pete on the stage, I love Pete It feels me the rage, I love him when he's got his crowns I love Pete, because he's my own! Peep Davidson, Peep Davidson, Everybody loves Peep Davidson,

Peep Davidson, Peep Davidson, Everybody loves Peep Davidson, and I... Yeah! Peep Davidson, We're your Peep, we're your peep! Leave your peep! I wanna go offy upy! Well, fuck the queen!

There it is. I think we got a hit on our hands, fellas. One take. I'll be honest. We're not gonna get any better than that. I feel like I left my body. I became rancid for a minute. I don't know if you guys saw this but I really feel like I was Sid Vicious there for a second. Alright, let me figure out real quick just because I don't want to damn it. Walk out here thinking he's the shit. Let me say a guitar for one second. Let me just...

See, my nail is right here. We'll quick Yeah, but I was funnier than I was good. So I just figure here. Go right. Thank you Oh, before you before you put that on just let me say it real quick Let me just let me do a little walkin real quick just it blue. This was the cord. I was telling you about Lou. It's right here See got a coat. I Got a lean into it. I think it's called a hack minor. What? I'm nothing. No, I've just had.

I've heard it before. Just give Ryan Beggist a thing. It's his instrument. He doesn't want your hands on it. For you. I used to fill my calluses with the glue and then just keep playing. But I guess, you know, you don't care about that. Take your guitar back, Ryan.

I don't know. Cool, thanks, Ryan. What do you think? Do we run it one more time? Then they would hate it if we run it one more time without producing it more. Oh, yeah, you're right. So let's just, can we take what we did and then add it?

Yeah. We put drums on it. Yeah. I mean, I can just say the second verse, I think you came in a little bit too quick and I was behind you I tried to get I suck You might just have to line that up a little bit. No, it's fun. Oh, it was good We know we did great pro tools it. No, it's a single track. Oh, it's a single track. We don't need to pro tools

It man. It was perfect perfect. You tell me yeah, is that what you think? You think social distortion pro tools it dude? No, they Huh, what do you want to play again? What? I used to make Danry do it. That doesn't seem nice. Oh, dude I mean, I did I nail mine sure, but I've been thinking about it longer I would I put more but that's not your fault. Do you think you look a little bit more than I do? thinking about it longer. I'm gonna put more, but that's not your fault. Do you think you'll have peat more than I do?

I think it reads that way. Although you know? Jacob, I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up for a second. Oh, I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the BondFile at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.