The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Big Dong Energy

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Things get salacious on The Bonfire with talks of big dong confidence and puffy nipples!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, it's Big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday, and want more Bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! I've been really upsetting a couple audiences trying to convince them that the first conspiracy theory we ever knew was in middle school that someone got peanut butter looked out their genitals. Yeah. Oh yeah. I can name the girl that I thought in middle school. And somebody jerks off in school. Yeah, it was the jerk off and the peanut butter,

jerked off in the building. And someone got peanut butter, licked off their genitals. Yeah, for sure. And jerked off in the building, you can go anywhere from in a class to in the bathroom. In the bathroom. Most of the time it was always in the bathroom.

Or locker room was always the, like I heard you did the locker room. Just beating dick, I've never beaten dick in school. No way. I said I never did. Nothing I never I'm not currently in school. If I was in school now I'd probably beat off. You know it really actually strikes me as in the world we're in the cell phone world room. I would beat off a school twice a day. I honestly I could if there would have been Facebook I would have if I could have seen a profile pick a day. I honestly, I could have, if there would have been Facebook, I would have, if I could have

seen a profile pic of a girl I had to crush on and she was in a bikini photo, I would have gone down to the bathrooms in the back of the building and fucking taken one out. Not me, dude. I'd have found someone who looks like somebody from school and just pounded fucking baloney to it. I mean, they would have been, yeah, they would have been stains for me all over those school seats for sure I'm thinking about that now with with all these cell phones like high school in middle school have to be so much more Difficult to being like I saw a picture of your dick and you're like how how did you see that?

Yeah, you actually imagine more though like how amazing the console be to Jerk listen Can you actually imagine more though, like how amazing the cons of B2 jerk listen, it's just these things make the way around I feel if a kid in high school sends like dirty pictures like That's an age where you're like for sure his friends all saw it or at least a couple of them But if you could have so forget even someone your just a girl The odds are the girls, especially the hottest girl in school that you like. Somebody has dirty shit of her. And man, if you could jerk off to actual filth

of a girl in school while you were in school, I couldn't even imagine that would be. It would motivate me to go to school every day. Oh my God, I would, oh my God, I would have been such a more chipper student. I would have figured out a way to get up skirt shots. Oh, you're the hat.

Jay, why is your phone, why is your phone taped to your shoe? Just fucking do your thing. You know when they see those, you know when you see those videos now on Instagram of someone being like, watch this and it's someone with their phone and they're just doing like weird swoop things and like putting sparkles over it, then they show you the video and what it looks like. that would have been you with dirty picks in high school You'd have been like watch them work and you're like oh

And then a video going up their skirt you back. Yeah, I would have you you've been the Larry Flint of high school That's what I was gonna say I really would have I've been like girls listen here's what I would have done I would have been like none of these girls want to fuck me or Get naked for me, but I could it's almost like the grander scale what I did with that girl Desiree But I always tell the story about pictures. Yeah It's a bigger scale thing of that. I would have been like girls. You're also beautiful Like you should let me compile like be the guy who compiles all this Yeah, we could probably get a book out there and make a lot of money

Just some tasteful stuff like you guys, you know sticking two fingers in you from under your butt or Just you know just some good like real just spread your stink wrinkle Just really get that beat just get that bunger open up, you know when your mom or Joe found it You're scared upset voice when you go not my portfolio Mom or Joe found it, you're scared, upset voice, where you're going. Not my portfolio! My portfolio! It is my livelihood!

Mom, my livelihood! Go! Don't keep my portfolio! Jason, this is child pornography. Yeah, to you! To me, it's just pornography! Well, you know an Italy that could get me over $5 million.

Can I have one? I got to deal with the Rodrigo cartel. Oh, they're shipping some of those girls out in the morning. I gotta get down to the dock, mom. I'm picking up a bunch of girls. The ones that survived, I can keep. They're gonna put her in a crate. I gotta be there.

The Sonola cartel will cut off my heat. I'm not thinking. You're in human trafficking. I'm not gonna get it. You just didn't even trap. You're in human trafficking, is that what? No, Mom, do not. I'm gonna call that human trafficker and tell him you're out there. No, no, you're gonna bear this the shit out of me. And he's also gonna kill all of us.

Vincenza will kill me. He's doing that. Can I have some too? Can I have a? Dude, getting too much. I do so much. Having nude, like, cell phones in middle school and high school have to be just fucking terrible.

Parable. Dude, I couldn't amat. Like, I would have, with the amount of effort I put in for these people, I definitely would have seen or verbally charmed my way into having, like, For these people I definitely would have seen or verbally Charmed my way into having like a pussy picture of Genesso Faragallian Samantha Montevani Two biggies and you would have had that the rest of your life, dude

You know what's awesome too is as especially when you're a young dude. I also believe as you see girls naked Your order would change For like who the hottest and least talk girls in school Think how much you could end you if you're a girl it's like oh, she has small tits But I don't give a shit like I like her small to good like in a shirt and then you see it's like a hundred percent nipple You know, I mean like one big puffer nipple on a chest like oh That took it down. She's not, she's now four. She was two also a girl that you're like, yeah, she's cute and sporty,

but I don't really see it. Then you see she's just got a butt and you're like, whoa, right? Exactly. That's like the playing shortstop really worked out for you all those years on the softball team. Buddy, people get that that lock in all the time. You find the girls like then it would you know it it goes both ways so then there just be some nerd swimmer that you don't

know and all the girls would be like he's got a monster tongue in your all that kid that I copied of him that's class yeah he's got a swinging high heat it's got a 2 by 4 Jake blekka's got a two by four Jake Bleck has got a fucking arm. It's got a baby arm. Yeah, well, I fucking yeah, for sure. It would definitely seeing the girls in high school naked would change your. You know what would have been felt even better though for the guys if you would have found out like a bully like one of the best football players who's like mean to everybody and then he's got a tiny dick and then you would find out and you'd be like, what's up? What's up, dude? You know, maybe we should remember this because this would be a great

Great caller topic is that people calling like what's the most like from like I'm excited to have sex with this person to seeing them naked Like what was the biggest surprise it made you go? I'm actually on this. I told you I had a lady one time right for sugar pants off. She was like I was in a major fire accident and then her thighs and everything look like Freddy Krueger, like Freddy Krueger face. And I was like, oh, but I was like, already I was like, I can't not. It's so shitty to not now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I didn't, I didn't fuck. I don't think I fucked it. I just like, I played with it pussy. But whatever it was was I just tried to like get the fuck out of there, but like I definitely felt like terrible Oh man, mine wasn't a skin one, but I've told you it was that I was with that girl at college

It was a swimmer and she flexed her back and I was like Too much Fucking muscle wings Muscle wings. I was like oh my goodness. I don't like this at all. I mean, I'm just built up. I mean, did she just make your arms, I like it, make sure arms move your arms like, oh. Dude, it went, my arms went from here to out. I was like, oh god, damn, did you fucking jack?

Look at those small tits. You run that risk of it being 100% nipple sometimes and that is, that's a bummer on small tits. On big tits, it's a bummer on small tits on big tits a bummer if it just looks like you know too big googly eyes yeah for sure but you could deal with big huge nipples on a big huge tit much better than a all-nipple little tit is tough yeah but imagine what women go through because they don't get to see the dog until it's out. So they're like, girl, I can always say though. If you have a little weird tit

that's just a 100% nip, you are a surgery away from making that look significantly better. Sure. If you, if you present small dong or a dong that grows in like, there's no correcting that. That is just four life.

And then there's just like, it's like an aftertaste you just got to deal with Yeah, that would maybe run those second the second picture I'd be fine with Thumbs the first ones I have a problem with the first one I'd be like come on. That's not real Looks like somebody put a fucking Looks like somebody put a fucking Cocktail ongers. Yeah, are those baby carrots? Nips are not good. I go honestly if I dip if I dip this in a mixture of mayonnaise and mustard I'll also notice Danny's

Those second titties are fine. They're fine. We're just going through weird nipples. Yeah, that's kind of weird. That's to a masculine, a small nip. Like that's too muscular of a tit. That person would really benefit from some breast implants. But man, do you, do you go on up?

Do! That's Photoshopped. That's a thing. And if it's not, just cut them off at home. You've going up. Don't that's that's photoshopped. That's if it's not and if it's not just cut them off at home You've Saudder don't waste time. Yeah, just take half that fucking soup can down. You'll be fine Is there nipple is there nipple reduction surgery? Yeah, there is yeah look at puffs My father's now that's like a thing. That's like those my those faves look at puffs. That's now that's like a thing that's like those are my those faves.

Look at puffs dude. Yeah, that is a fucking uh, isn't it what they call it? There's like two macaroon sitting on our chests. What happened with you and Kathy? Oh, you mean old macaroon tits? Oh, macaroon tits. Yeah, now see these are all baddies. I don't mind prominent nips.

Prominent nips are fine. Those puffers are the problem. That I would get past too, but damn those things are bolts But we should we should we should have you know what I hope you guys enjoyed it on Tuesday All right, that's just just take this picture off now Make this all go away. That's the lady That's the lady from shining. Oh, that's a great. I'm actually far less of a judge. Dan's like a harsher judge than I am, I think, on these. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I said those are fine.

I think those are good. I like those titties. Yeah, I didn't say those are the wrong. You see, they were fine. You gave, it was very dismissive. Don't get going, me the back guy. I'm not, cause you had to go to the back. I made fun of that fucking puff. Now, I'm gonna bust this thing in 20,000 pieces Now the puffy I would you mean I was very harsh on the puffy's Guys with puffy nipples. I want to know like can put can nipples turn off a woman

Christine if a guy pulled off his shirt worse and had like real puffy nipples Would you just be like, oh keep a wife beat her on? No, I mean You might think something in your head, but I've never like seen anything sexually that made me like not Go forward with it Yeah, I was the wrong person Dan You know what I'm pretty cool with most things Have you? I don't know.

Am I getting that black? Blue, have you? Black. Blue, have you ever hooked up with a girl and like seen something where you're like, Hey, I don't know if I can do this. Just the inverted dipples through me off. Yeah, were there kind of like flat and the little pushed in. Yeah, and then she can see if it's not. And they come out.

That's cool. I just remembered a guy. And I remember I specifically referred to him as bitch tits, because it was the only time he'd had like flappy little a cups with big puffy nipples. And that on top of me was like, I just, I very much saw it. But I mean, like, Jesus Christ, I've stopped. When he was on top, did he put his hands back like he was riding you I've ever done that

Yeah, dude, I think you do I think you suck them and slap them around a little bit. You know, it's up It's up to your tits. I think I'm just saying Jacob thinks he has big nips, but he doesn't he doesn't I've seen him do we've we've got him naked in front of a live studio audience in these fine. Yeah, I've prepped for that We shape it in a row. He's like I've filed them down for hours No, it was cold in the room. I had to tweak them before like pinch them. Oh, so we look when they when they when they drink one, oh, I love them.

They're like, to me too. That's how I feel about my niche when they're like when they're cold. If it's cold, I get genuinely like, all right, I don't think I might think about taking my shirt off. But if it's more like, yeah, my whole chest looks better because it's like, it makes it look more muscular. Yeah, everything tightens up, dude. That's why you got to get cold. I remember when we were on the Joker's cruise, Jay put, um, like, suntan lotion on my back because we were going to the beach. And it was like, derosa, Nate, and like, all these people were around.

And I just remember having to be like, Hey, give me a sec. And I had to go and give my nipple small. I was like, Oh, yeah, I'm not puffing them out in front of all the boys. The boys don't. And you just you've just told a story about what I do every time I have to take my shirt off at the beach. I do it or cool. Jacob, I do it at home in front of Katie.

I make sure my nipples are cold and tiny. That's a good boy. Yeah. As much as I work out, and I'll be like all the press like, man, I just have no just no finch them. And I'm like, Oh, Jay has Jay is perma hard nips. So let's put on, but they're on big fat tits resting on a big fat belly. No, they're not. Stop it.

You're, you're always so cool to yourself. I got that side tit right there. All the way to the right. Oh, the right. Yeah. I'm stuck a pinch one and show you that, nah, I'm not gonna do that. I was gonna show you. Yeah, you will.

Yeah, you will. No, you should have shown it. No, no, no, no. Last time I was like, the most I did it. Are these surgeries you can get? Is that good? It's before and after male nipple reduction, but I don't really see a big difference

in the before and afters. Me neither, but I also, Jacob, what's your technique? I do a nice, good. It's not the nipple, it's like the puffiness. What do you call it? What's around the nipple? Are yola. Are yola, it's like this puff. Yeah, my are yola. Jacob, what's your technique? Mine's a the puffiness. What do you call it? What's around the lip? That's the thing. Arriola. It's like this puff.

Yeah, my Ariel. Jacob, what's your technique? Mine's a rib tickle. Mine's a rib tickle in a little bit. So weird. It doesn't even involve his actual nips. Then tickles himself. It's so weird.

I tickle my ribs. It gets tighted. I got like this. Even doing it now, dude. Watch. I'm doing it right here. You see where my hand doing it right here You see where my hand is you guys can see where my hand is yeah, it's back here right on my back Not even near my nipple I tell you what I got tiny those are I got tiny those are I can think mine tight

You can think I'm tired that's crazy Black glue do you have to do the pinch you got to do the pinch you get him going? Oh, yeah, I got a pinch. Yeah, you got a Pinch that's the best guys black guys love their nips played with That is fact Fact, dude, they love their nips played with I and if they're not getting played with in the in the porn that I watch They'll just squeeze their own. I can never imagine. I can never imagine just sitting there being like, all right, I'm good. Jerking off and touching my own nips, even so bizarre, but black guys love it.

Why is that? Black, low? I really don't know. I don't like it. And for the record, white girls don't like touching him. So I don't know really. They don't like touching your nipples. don't know really. They don't like. Like your nipples. What do I, what do I do with it? Yeah.

But our black women comfortable with it or black women like let me slap that. Teddy. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Who you ask out again? You racist. You think his black loose black.

He has sex with black women. You're headier as to. You know what? That's it. I'm sorry. I'm going to go high. I think you've been in a party before, dude. I'm just looking at you to get high. Hey, I'd like you to know black lose and ask questions that fucking. I would have there is a thought, Jacob, now you talk about these tattoos. Yeah, maybe you get some tattoo over your nips.

You can make them whatever you want. That would be pretty cool. I make them eyes. Yeah, I would make mine out. They cut her nipple out and reformed it into a heart. My tattoo artist does it for breast cancer patients. Oh, yeah. Okay. But if you have nipples you hate, she can probably work with them as well. Damn, that's got to be a great, that's something you don't wanna have that conversation

in the lobby of the tattoo place. Shag, what are you looking for to get today? You're like, I kinda wanna my nipples redraw. Can somebody make one of my nips so hard and the other one a pot leaf? Okay. I was wondering if you could do both my devil horns, you know? So the one that was those that were rocking out

when they see my nipples. That we roll. Just letting them know that we run with the devil when my shirts off. Yeah, maybe like a lightning bolt on one. Run in with the devil. I was always jealous of guys just with good nips that could just take their shirt off right at the pool and just be like, what? I'm soaking or like my dad was one of those guys where he had a just a schmuck's body, but would just be like, yeah, whatever. I'm shirtless. I'm in my shorts. I got a little bit of a belly. I'm hammered. I Tanned

I really it's like yeah, it's like Bert like Bert's body Bert Christchurch body doesn't even strike me as like Hilariously bad body it's not at all. Yeah Yeah, it's just birds body, but I mean like I No way dude sitting down with my shirt off Sitting down my shirt off would be I mean I would it would be Hospitalizingly dangerous for me mentally But do you remember when we were talking about t-shirts and you were like I got to get t-shirts because you wore a sweatshirt to your mom's Retirement party. It was so hot. That's how I have one good t-shirt right now

I have like one t-shirt that I'm comfortable wearing out of the house to things and it's that white shirt with the ant on it I'm like I can wear this. Yeah, I got I got a Yeah t-shirt for me and I also like to layer a little bit. Yeah, you're a layered guy listen I would say we're fashionably the strongest in the fall and the beginning of winter area. I can't do anything for t-shirt. I can't go t-shirts though until I get this armpit thing handled. Because of the sweat.

And this is something we brought up on Monday show. Are you going to get clipped? I? Told you I'm worried about that clip because I'm gonna say I will think all day long I will be like I feel I feel this metal clanking around my arm. Yeah, I feel part of your machine You feel yeah, I'd rather have them just murder them from the outside with lasers Yeah, but the laser thing I bet doesn't work very good and Botox. I don't know. Fenoy did it. He said it was good. He waited. Fenoy did the Botox and the armpit. I think, yeah, I think someone hooked them up and gave him the Botox.

Maybe we should have the world's amigo on to talk about it to really break it down. Never know, but I definitely on Tuesday, we definitely talked about people calling it into say things they've seen like surprising Somebody gets naked really like oh man. That's gonna be great one time. I got hammered at the creek This was years ago and I hooked up with this girl and she was like Hamma in my period and I was like hey whatever and I was hammered and she's like I'd let you titty fuck me, but I have psoriasis and I was like What and it took off her broad is. He was my dad died my dad died from that

I go oh that's crazy you got in your 20s my dad got it in his late 40s and it was cuz he was a piece of shit Anyway, get those titties out. What are those purple patches? Oh, man. So we're what do you have Gorbachev tits? Is that a thermal map of the US? Is that a topography map? That's his no, it's a bobbitzer elevation. Oh, I'll let you to be funny, but I'm, but I'm cracking and peeling as I'm she said. Yeah, dude, like don't come in any open wounds if you don't mind.

Dude, she had a body like a fucking flea market toy. Something that's been passed for generation to generation. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah, finding out stuff people have when they get naked. And like I said, women draw the short end of the stick because you don't see dicks until they're out of the underwear. Is there a way Christine that like women can get ahead of that like by grabbing the

crotch or as they also call it big dick energy? You have to like try to get the guy hard before you see it right then you're already in it. You're already in it. Due to small sighting, a sighting, a soft sighting being your first one has to really kill the mood. If you're like, well, hold on. Let me get there. You know, Christine, I'm sure Dan can relate this with the big hat hog he's got on him. All right.

Before me and Christine hooked up the first time she said that her and another girl who worked at Stanton, New York used to say like, like, big jokes and walks around. He's got a big old dick. He's got a big dick and I remember big dick energy was before it was called that and I was like Christ. Shit. Shit. Wait did she say this after you guys had already been dating or before?

Like right before? Before. Okay I was going to say because like in the before you go like okay. No she said up to me before she saw my dick. Oh, really? She built a lot of expectation for something to only crush her emotionally. She was nice.

And Amy, and Chris, you have a beautiful dick. You gotta stop being so upset with her. It's photogenic, for sure. Well, it's gonna be so much bigger after I get to surgeries. You can get more surgery, even a get the surgeries. I'm going to look like the cat lady. I won't stop it all the cat lady. Dude, once we turn you into Ken with a weiner, you're going to I can't wait for plastic J. Plastic J. I might go with no weiner

with several attachments that I can do. Oh, it make that work. Oh, it's a little weird kind of weiner I want. Well, just like, you know, more like a pop on, like a snap, you know, like snap shirts, like you know, button down shirts with the snaps. Yeah. And I can just easily snap on like a long flopper and then I could put on a boner. No, you wouldn't want that.

That's too much. You'd have to bring around your briefcase of accessories. What if you got lost in an airplane? That's fine, dude. I'll always be wearing one. You get fucks more of the flopper, Dan. Yeah, but with your flopper, what if you're like, hold on,

I gotta get my briefcase and then you pop it open. And then you just put a new one on and you're like, yeah, I'd love to put a new one on, yeah. This one here digs trenches. You know, this one can open a bottle of wine, which is pretty sweet, put it down. Oh, I have the black dick, I have the curved dick. Phillips head. What do you need right here? You need to grab it. So, one sixteenth, one sixteenth, uh,

uh, French kind of measurements you're using. What's your dilation like? You wider long. I'll get some calipers in there real quick. I just went with some calipers in there. See we got here. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I go. Right. I would go. That's Jay's toolbox and we would all laugh. Oh, laugh and laugh and laugh. That is funny. Someone that is a funny thing for a girl to tell you way early

before they see your dick like, yeah, I didn't know you got a big old dick. Yeah, that's like that's like a girl just being like you, honestly, the way you walk around you're so confident It's so sexy and you're like I hate myself. Yeah You go that's pretty crazy you think that cuz I'm always doubting every single thing that I do I think I've a girl said it goes you know girls aren't attracted to this lack of confidence They'll then bitch I'm not attracted to your bitchy behavior tell me about confident. Guess what? I don't like vocal cuts. Yeah, shut up. You know there's lack of confidence is unsexy. Yeah, you bring it up

Even less sexy fuck both way to reign on my parade You mean that You mean me Serpent let's take a break. Well Christine wasn't being mean in that thing. I think she would just like I guess I guess assuming it at my size and height and everything like that, that she was like, maybe this guy's got, because I'll tell you, the worst thing I see in pornography is when a fat guy has a big huge horn. And you're like, oh, so it doesn't just have to be the fat thing.

It's just also genetically, you might just have a big old, huge cock and be fat. Doesn't matter. What's that, Jacob? I would say generally, I think a big dick guys have that the world is my oyster attitude because at the saga, we've gone over this at the gym. They just, it's like they make the gym their, their, their personal space. They can't wait to show their penis to everyone. And it doesn't, it's a age list because he could be 85 and they'll hang out. But Jim, you're absolutely right. There was this kid

in my dorm hall, right? He lived on the hall. He lived the floor above me in my dorm. And I wasn't like the shittiest dorm dorm and he was always so confident about talking about dune Like he would he would talk about it like everyone wanted to talk about it And not that it wasn't the most nerdy shit in the world and that's what I learned about that kind of confidence because he was a swimmer and This girl that we knew in the dorm hooked up with him and she like ran up and down hallway telling everyone how big this deep dick was and I was like, oh really? And I just remember she was a real desert slut and I remember her being like I remember her being like, yeah, everyone knows that really skinny Super skinny tall guys have monster dicks and I was like is that a that's a thing?

And then I saw this kid and he was just that like that exact frame and I was like, is that a, that's a thing? And then I saw this kid and he was just at like, that exact frame and he was like, do you know that in the second book of Dune, you could just, I was like, dude, man, this kid's got all the confidence. The rumor mill is great though. But the rumor mill to get going is, I had things like,

do she pull revisions? Yeah, Jason doesn't shower every day. Like, those are things people yell in the hallways, but I like yeah, I do yeah, they'd be like Dan farts too much and I'm like I'm a gassy boy and some day that'll be And one day I will go pro One day I'll fart you a mic and it'll sound like I poop my pants. I Know a guy he was He also had a monster dick, but you know, like Floyd from

true romance, Brad Pitt character. Yeah, the stone. He was that, yeah, fucking Floyd. When he was that high all the time that he could, he was barely coherent and couldn't move, women would come to the room, hop on him, ride him and leave like a conveyor belt of people coming in because he was good looking monster dick and they just, all the word got around just like you're talking about. He was a wasn't conscious. There was a buddy of mine in college that would just get so fucked up all the time. His nickname was twist and his uh... his balls

his ball found out his brother started calling them that his balls got twisted when he was in middle school but then uh... again okay but we call them twisted and i was always he was like he was the guys like what's up you guys want to get fucked up and then we found out he was just mail in all of the hottest girls in Arizona were like you're a door to you hang out with us how do you get it?

He just had this attitude where he's like, I'm just counting and they come over and we fack. And I was like, I was amazed at the woman that he had sex with and then it just found out. He just had a fucking baby arm and you're like, man, that rumor went around and all the hot girls played telephone with each other. Well, that was fun on my name when we talked about, well, that was fun on Tuesday when we talked about it with the audience, the things they've seen when they just to surprise, the

surprise of naked. Surprise, naked surprises were a lot of fun on Tuesday. Do you remember when, how you pre-recorded? Good job. What's that, Jacob? I remember when we did have women call in talking about bad sexual experiences with guys, guys who were assholes to them. And no matter what, all the bad experiences, as long as they had a monster, don't, they

wanted, they didn't mind. I remember like a- It's like a restaurant. You know, the service't, they want, they didn't mind. I remember like a, it's like a restaurant. You know, the service could be shitty. Everything could be suck. But if the meal's good, maybe, yeah, go on that. It's like the thing in men and black that erases your memory of the recent past. Yeah, you're, there's a, there's actually a trigger in women that if you get your dick deep enough, you can fucking flip the switch and they forget that you're a raging. Because you've been wrong and shitty all night,

but oh my gosh is that thing guzzled holy shit I won't say who it is but someone that we know that dated Kurt you know they're like yeah the relationship was real tough but then anytime I see him on stage I start sweating thinking about it's a dick Angela Jesus that's kind of a thing where they're like oh my god and someone who's watched Kurt have sex before he fucks like a like a zombie with one purpose to move forward Just goes blank. I there's nothing emotional or sexual about it's just like

It's just like a basic a good he can almost be talking to himself or thinking of jokes He just goes like a machine of fat dick fuck. Yeah, Kurt Fuck's like a Mexican boxer fat dick fuck. Yeah, Kurt, uh, Kurt fucks like a Mexican boxer. He just only comes forward. It's like, it's just like dead eyed and just like going at a speed. Oh my god. Yeah, it's gotta be. We were very young.

When I say this, by the way, we were very young. He's matured. Now sometime we may have become a very generous lover for all I know. That was my favorite. That's possibly my favorite Lewis J. Gomez line of all time on you know what dude you're talking about fucking this girl and I go Lewis what are you talking about he goes I'm an excellent lover and he wants to say it like a way of life that he was like I Fancy myself an excellent lover. We argue about this on a skex a lot of time I am all we both now agree that we both are probably very good generous lovers

Because we both get man what good generous lovers because we both give this man what an image what an image overhaul that would be if you guys change from Legion of Skanks to generous lovers and you guys use this you David Lewis talk about all the generosity that you like to I would argue Dave might not be Dave might not be a generous lover don't throw shade like that. I'm not throwing shade Dave's got to had a big horn his whole life And I don't know if it makes him a generous note me and Lewis are insecure about our dick So we are both like to eat your pussy for a long time Kissing all that kind of shit just trying to be good at all like the sensual stuff it was involved in fucking

But not yeah like because we're like oh really you guys come out heavy with a yeah you guys come out heavy with appetizers Yeah, yeah, yeah, we go appetizers are heavy When you pull when you pull the case thing off the main Entrez you're like right? I'm already Dave's just one of those hot dog stands where he's like I'm gonna reach you some weird water And you're gonna love what I gave you Yeah, by the time I fuck by the time I fuck I really hope to be like all right

You came a bunch of times like let me just be out of your hair here like two minutes just let me fucking fuck this out Yeah, I'll be out of your I'll be out of your hair in two minutes if you just lay back and You know what a mom eats dinner like after everyone's taking care of and you're like I'm gonna have a little side for myself I'm just gonna I just be a little plate over here for me. You don't mind. I'm just gonna knock this out real quick I don't mind standing and eating. I don't mind sitting eating You guys enjoy it you and I'm here for you to enjoy it. No, it's not about me at all I'll just this is me. I look at this is me look like I'm in and out. I'm in and out there. I bust. I'm here for you to enjoy. No, it's not about me at all. I'll just this is me. I look this is me look like I'm in and out I'm in and out there. I bust. I'm done. I'm done

But did you it was that cool that I fucking ate your pussy until my face hurt? Remember remember when I had a jaw tick for a week Yeah, remember I switched hands four times because my fucking forearm muscles are starting to fucking turn on me. Remember I showed up with a bowling risk guard? I just didn't say to me, I try to fall in love with every person I fuck while I'm fucking them and that really hit home to me. Hit home to me because every time I have sex it's like it's I try to make it as fun as possible.

I always do it like we're working a professional wrestling match. I go, here's how it's gonna go, brother. I'm gonna come in there and hop in there. I'm gonna take the couples chops across the chest. I want you to whip me around and then I'm gonna give it right back to you. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM!