The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Big Jay & The Beastmaster Justin Silver Contemplate Dinosaurs & Rich Vos Complains About Complaining

Episode Date: July 27, 2018

Big Jay and guest host Justin Silver review the new Jurassic World movie, and how to best get your dinosaur on a plane. Plus, Rich Vos joins the show and discusses the trend of people who go to comedy clubs to complain. Finally, things get testy in the Bonfire studio as Big Jay and Christine and the crew get into a heated debate about pasta bowls.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocasin. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM.

Any chance you saw the new Jurassic world movie now i mean that's move jake what do you think i know you love that kind of stuff i love that i love jorassic park the first movie i don't understand why that the plot was so bad was good when they were on the island

when they left the island it became incredibly trying to weaponize the dinosaurs the whole plot is to weaponize dinosaur I understand that and they're selling them like you know to I guess I don't know and then there's like the most generic evil rich people in a room like there's a Russian guy 50 million he wants the the most for Oshas dinosaur oh I remember what it was. They had a prototype one. And they go, well, it's not for sale. He goes, how about for $50 million goes, we can give him this super dangerous dinosaur.

It's not really tested for $50 million. I need this dinosaur as the next. And I want it dripping in drug carton or art. No exaggeration. They all should have been petting hairless cats. I mean, they were just, am I right? Yeah, absolutely. The whole thing that came in, like,

where's the e-vite to this room that go, goes, hey, you want to buy a dinosaur? Do you want to buy a dinosaur? A weapon dinosaur goes, I mean, I'll show up to the event. Let me see what you're working with. And maybe I'll throw a bid down. But some of the dinosaurs are sold before the most the scariest one.

They really just take them in like a big cage back to their country. And I guess they're just going to put them in a fish tank. Like a fish tank. I mean, you quietly transport it back to fucking Istanbul, or really, I'm gonna fuck this person's friends. No mention of that. How are you getting on the plane, first of all? I can't get that on the plane. He goes, nope.

He goes, I wanna say we did. You tell him what your therapy dinosaur. I don't know if he saw his vest. This is my therapy raster. Don't ped him right now, he's working. I'm sorry, I had a very stressful stressful childhood I would know for my therapist I would know for my therapist I have to walk around with this velociraptor

No he has to sit on my lap I don't care if he has to go under the seat during takeoff But then he has to be on my lap And we have to put this thing up You are not going to put puddles underneath this plane Now you're making him upset Just making me upset Man, we have to put this thing like you are not gonna put puddles underneath this plane Now you're making him upset just making me upset You know what fuck you Jeppeloo fuck you Jeppeloo

You know you get a nice yellow preview now Jeppeloo is Dinosaursists fly version. We allow you to bring your pet velociraptor. Bring your dinosaur weapon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, the dinosaur has to be on its own tray table outside of the case, please. And it's just the idea that, I think, I don't know. Just as they're just dinosaurs out and about in the world. In the world.

They just got out. So there's just some dinosaurs running around. They're not going to, but they just like, you know, the happy music and they all hug each other at the end and the dinosaurs. I guess if you know what bought one you feel pretty stupid Catch one I could catch one a dinosaur and Justin cuz how they're gonna use it in a war zone

I don't know how they drop them into the shit. Oh That's what was making Jacob laugh. I said When he told me they were gonna weaponize them I go what do Like, I was thinking, I was thinking more like militarize them where I go, you're going to see some guy holding a machine gun, like watching a, watching a gate and then a rope's going to fall down behind him and then just trying to die in his story. It's going to come down and slit his throat. Like a fucking, like a green beret. Yeah. I guess we're just trying to really go. Check point two checkpoint beach

Okay, everyone's in place But these people lost a raptor weapon. This is wolf mother the wolf then wolf mother the wolf then I have eyes on the target I mean these people were so evil that we're buying like a al-Qaeda could have brought a Velasa raptor I need the velocir raptor crazy Raven here try Sarah tops do copy yes try Sarah tops in place try Sarah tops you there Sarah tops do you copy try Sarah tops try Sarah tops do you I'm getting nothing try Sarah topsops look at murder like

Guys try Seratops we cannot answer another one of these battles until we get a dinosaur He goes what do you say a dinosaur? You know when they're finished is guitar have a good army, he goes, they have a small army, but two of the soldiers are dinosaurs. So that does put them at a pretty tactical advantage in a ground fight. It really does. Do you have boots on the ground? No, we have no boots on the ground. We've got three toad.

Send in the spitters. They have three dinosaurs playing drums and to lead the char. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's a pacifist, but he's a subjector. But he honors the draft. He respects the draft. What are you gonna do? It'd be a great thing. This is the adyne is so aware of like a fucking Oklahoma State University sharing opening up a letter. You've been drafted in the US Army. Ah!

Oh, and Look who joins us in studio everybody. And he's coming, I coming up sure with the same frustration we had as we were late five minutes today. The city is ridiculous. Twitch Voss everybody. Yeah. Who do you think is a fender more women or men at comedy clubs or who complains more? I mean with me, it's everybody, but people come to complain or they come, they do no research or they're going to see.

You know, it's just, it's a comedy club. But if it was something that I didn't research myself, someone goes, hey, you wanna go see this bear with me, they're my favorite bears. And I just sit on scene, go, yes. I'm gonna go with like an open mind, especially if I don't research it. And if I don't like it, I wouldn't complain.

You should be like, well, this is what I kind of signed up for. But if you take the time to research it and like, I don't like, I'd say, no, I don't like this band. I'm not enjoying it, don't go. But people walk in, I mean, you see so many, when someone sits in a comedy club in an angry face, it's so weird to have like, you're actively trying to get through like, what are you testing yourself?

Is it like an endurance test? Is this your David Blaine moment? Like, I sat through three hours of comedy and I didn't laugh once. Well, and another thing too, and this gets me, and I think maybe it's total arrogance when somebody, especially in New York, when they're on vacation from another country,

and they come here and they'll yell at you or complain until you, how things should be. I just like me sitting in a club in Ireland looking at a comical and this is wrong. It would be complete arrogance on my, on my man. That's how I look at it. Why not? Especially the bullies, you know, the English speaking, like countries, especially when I'm always blown away when I see a guy trying to explain to his girlfriend or two people who don't

speak English very well sitting in the front row somewhere just blank looking at an entire show. Like why? Like what's the point of being here? I would never go to a comedy club in Japan. Why would I do that? If I'm in Japan, there's a man I'm ninja training anyway. I don't know if you know there's a matter of ninja training anyway.

I don't know if you know there's a shortage. I don't have to laugh. Also, too, if you're blind, listen, the front seat, the front, feel my face. Go to the back, don't take up the, you know what I mean? Get a mental picture with your hands. Feel my face and head to the back. You could hear better than everybody anyhow.

That's great. Feel my face and head to the back. That's the new rich album. I had a guy in the audience once and he wasn't, look, I go, you blind. Next year, you know, he pops his head up and he said, well, you stink. I go, it took you 45 minutes to realize I wasn't going to get any. And then he throws something at me, he comes running to the stage and I kind of just stop him. Then he gets up, I'm going, oh God, he's coming at me again. Cut to, is the blind guy?

No, he was not blind, he was just. Oh, he thought he was blind. And he just said, you see, he just was nodding or doing what maybe on drugs. Anyhow, you cut to 10 minutes later, he's in the police car and his wife is outside yelling, you did it again. Holy shit. I was very at the beginning of the story when you said it was a blind,

I thought with the other blind guy, I thought you were still saying it was a blind guy. And you're like, he goes, you stink. And I'm like, yeah, well, I mean to you, like your senses are heightened. I mean mean you probably smell the shit I took yesterday He can smell you can smell a shim gonna take tomorrow You can smell me what happens tomorrow? You can smell three blocks away. What clone that guys? Because I smelled that punch coming a mile away He can smell you can smell the people on TV He can smell the people on TV. That's great.

That's funny. The worst people ever, I was at a, Che did his show at the VU and there was a girl sitting right in the front with a boyfriend and she was just like, you know, they were talking to her and she'd cut off anything the kid would say and she would go, he does whatever I tell him to do. And everyone go, whoa, and he just kind of sat there nodding his head like, I kind of do. Dude, chicks, a ball, a lot of my shows,

they give all their dudes. And some of them on purpose, like, I've kind of a shitty thing. And then some of them just, they think they're being nice. In some weird way, they always come over and they go, hey, what's up? Like, this is, again, this is another week,

and I'm talking about the road, we know the road or whatever whatever people come up and they go He's your biggest fan. He wants to totally suck your dick and lick your ball So he take a picture with him or whatever and you're like all right, like don't you fuck this guy? Like why would you want him? Why you should make a little lady in fucking make his two-foot pussy to come over and ask so would you go over and like If you wanted to this guy would toy lick your butt hoes my boyfriend and the father of my children Whatever when they when they go to see when I when I go can I take a picture no problem

But then all of a sudden they don't know how to work their camera would they've been using for 15 Year's or phone or whatever and you know, I'm trying to sell product, you know buy or scram. I you know I got product here product you know buy or scram you know product I got product here the best and you sell in bundles now Christine for the record when she's making food gives a lot of things on plate that should be in bowl she's real big on that she's real big on salad on plate she's real big and on plate isn't crazy it's salad bowl is more appropriate. What's the matter? It's something, it's salad.

You have to like get into, you know, I was really hoping you were gonna go like, pudding, you know, like that's just ridiculous. Soup on a plate. Now that's her fault. No, never soup on it. Serial, yeah, black loot is good. Serial.

J.L.X. Piston bowls and salad in bowls. Hey J.L.T. I'm gonna tell youls. I don't care. You can't say this. You have a really correct pasta on a plate. I, I, I, pasta on a plate at a restaurant. You can, but even pasta at restaurants, they tend to give you a plate, but it's like, it's got the bowl, it's sort of like, bowl bottomed. What?

Jacob, don't worry, you're fucking guys. Yeah, do I look like I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I Fucking cultured assly when Rukkies guys It's caught a pasta pull Yes, you need something to set it in it's caught a pasta blade. I'm sorry your craft mac and cheese comes in a box Fucking garbage piles No, I don't want Don't you get all country on us fires are pretty good show Don't you get all country on fire is a pretty good show That's what I said. I'm the one that wrote it I'm tired earning you facts. They keep posting a bowl to keep to keep the heat it keeps it in the nest

They keep the pasta twirled up to keep the heat in Contains the twirl if you were open the idea I'd suck you dick. I Walk in the studio to go Dan what happened though? I came in early and I woke up and James was blowing cheeky with a couch. Wait, are you talking about pasta in a big, like, serving bowl? Or eating out of a bowl? Eating out of a bowl. They keep it in a bowl.

Then they twirl the pasta. They keep it. It's called a needle, the nest. So it stays tight and nest so that the heat stays on. I'm a big fan of bowl pasta in a bowl. Sorry. Stop using paper plates. Yes, sorry balls. Sorry fucking plate pasta Christine. No, you could definitely put it by I'm just saying. You do like a lot of things. I'm with you. Thanks bro. I also hate our bowls. Whoa, now we're getting to a deeper issue.

Jay, are you aware of this? Yeah, my grandfather made him what? I was 10. No way, it's from target. Yeah, my grandfather made him what? Yes, when I was 10. And the way it's from Target. Ffff. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Way up in Lod too.

He goes, yeah, Miguel I'm putting some thoughts in your doom. Yeah, he goes, my goes, hey, Miguel, these were your grandfathers. Your grandfathers. Your grandfathers. Your grandfathers. Your grandfathers. Your grandfathers. Your grandfathers.

Your grandfathers. Yeah, my grandfathers. My grandfathers grandfathers i and postables at sirlo tab telling you're gonna you'll never go back i never want to use a rump over this desk and dropkick someone in the

chest that's fucking man dan talk to me i'd like to step up my possible yeah we're talking about the store what should i call it sir a table?

The Table Sir the table That's the name of the story I'm gonna go there and I'm gonna go there. I'm gonna scissors kick a fucking display of flamingo plates Sir Welcome to Sir let that be Listen just mean for the table It means on the table

On the table or Or on the Welcome to our other table Oh I guess Christine's been a lot of time Sir let's go No Someone are there earning their fucking pastables SHIT GO KICK IT

Hey it's Big J.O.K.R.S.C. And I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th-APM Eastern on Comedy Central Radio Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bond Fire at sexm. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.