The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Big Lab Assistant

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Big Jay is back and riding high from the Philadelphia Eagles victory to propel them to the Super Bowl. Bob and Jay both acknowledge that SNL's Marcello Hernandez is a talented, sweet guy. They remember the days of their careers when they thought they were headed for stardom. Jay thought he hit the big time when he appeared in a movie as a fat laboratory assistant. Scenes from this movie are played to the delight of the crew. Bobby was in a few movies and thought he was going to be a superstar. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big J. Olkerson and Robert Kelly What's happened since I was last here no Love it or hate it Bobby It's a reality I'm happy I'm happy for you. I really am. I'm very happy. Thank you. I Just hate your energy. I mean It's well listen. Yeah What I'm really most excited to watch unfold because it's the best thing I texted you just yesterday Now becomes the best two weeks in sports broadcasting for a fan of one of those teams because the next two weeks is just Eagles

You know and Chiefs talk. Yeah about the Super Bowl, which is absolutely fucking great Also, we are about to enter and this will become historic the two worst weeks of a young Taylor Swift's life Her beautiful wonderful life my early prediction, and I said this and mark my words everybody Christine. Did I say this last night? Early prediction there is some sort of a public thing in the next two weeks where they have to be like yo Philly come on like that's a real human being you're talking about and making these dolls of or AI pornography or I'll give you a bunch more ideas. Or...

Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... I mean she's gonna have a real rough go for two weeks.

The worst. I mean you guys are the worst fans. Online there's gonna be stuff that people are gonna be like, all right, all right, all right, all right. That's bad. I mean it looked like Fallujah last night in Philly. It was crazy. I took to the streets It's a street started shooting guns in the air like Let yeah, Kansas City just fucking had barbecue and like went to be like yee-haw

Yeah, they went home They want it they were in their cars getting in there was not even they didn't have traffic at the stadium in Kansas City well, first of all, you know, there's some kind of like a hover plane like a an X-Men style hover plane that Taylor Swift takes out of that stadium something opens in the floor And then she just rises out of it and takes off She's about to have a really miserable two weeks. It's gonna be so rough and I Again can go either way, but I am very excited for two weeks Which by the way, how fun is this two weeks to the day Super Bowl Sunday is also

What listen to this story? Saquon Barkley's birthday is it yeah come on on the Super Bowl double check it Christine They said that on TV yesterday, and I was prepared to believe it because that's fucking pretty awesome But if he wins the Super Bowl on his birthday, that's a great present. I mean it's crazy He's he's like he's he's ridiculous. It's insane. He really is. I can't believe. Yeah, February 9th.

Yep, Super Bowl Sunday. How did New York let him go? You know what's funny? Lou, you watch all the hard knocks? Yes, I watch that part over and over and over. Can you explain? I'll be honest with you. I saw like once or twice, like the part they're talking about, but like what was the actual

story? I keep hearing it's over $2 million only was letting, like the part they're talking about. But like what was the actual story? I keep hearing it's over two million dollars only was letting him go and they let him go, tell me if I'm wrong on this. They were like they sort of had to make a decision on franchising him or Daniel Jones. You know Daniel Jones, you're a huge fan of him.

You told him to his face. Huge fan of Daniel Jones, yes. In fact. Is that the guy? Yeah. They in fact paid Daniel Jones a hug. Hugged Daniel Jones leg and told him he's a wonderful athlete. He gushed.

He gushed. Oh man. That's my boy. Can I smell your feet? What does your feet smell like turf? They franchised Daniel Jones instead and told Sequan he could check the market. They wanted him to get some prices and come back to them, but he's got a price for the Eagles, and he was like, you know what, they want me, and so I'm gonna go there.

And they franchised Daniel Jones, gave him all this money, and in the middle of this season, just let him go. Daniel Jones, so they have nothing now for all that mistakes. Wow. There should be a major firing over there. So I have no idea how they let him go.

Did you watch the thing? What was the guy say? Was there like a cavalier attitude about it? Like he'll be back. Absolutely, absolutely. He didn't think the market was out there to assign him or people that would want to assign him with his age. He's 20, by the way, he's 27.

When you hear those things, he's 27 years old. In football, that's 62. In football, it's, in football, he's 27 years old. In football, that's 62. In football, it's 27. Football, it's 37, for sure. Do you know what I mean? Let's look at his position. Oh, yeah. No, I said, he's like three more years of making an impact.

And you go, those guys, I was talking with somebody yesterday about the football players, how they just, for years, it's like their name is always up there and their team is great and they're like one of the best. Larry Fitzgerald, good example of that, like a receiver, I remember he was to just torch the Eagles all the time. It beat him to go to the Super Bowl the one year

and playoff a few times. And then like five years later, you're like seeing a Cardinals game and they're like Larry Fitzgerald, but you're like, he's still on the team. Like I haven't heard his name in five years. They just kind of go away. Yeah.

When did Randy Moss leave? You know what I mean? It was just one year he wasn't. Patriots. Yeah. They played for the Pats and then I think that was it for him. Adrian Peterson beat a kid, switched cities.

That was a year they. And then fucking went and then. 18 and 0. 18, they almost went 18 and 0. And then stupid Giants. God helped him catch a football on his head. Fucking losers. That was definitely a hard one to watch, I'm sure.

The game was over for you. That was the last time I was really into a sports team. It hurt you that much? It hurt me that much, because people were, I remember my friends. Only two things could do that to you, a woman in your sports team can break you, where you're never the same. Yeah, Kristen Foley did that to you a woman in your sports team yeah can break you or you're never the same yeah Kristen Foley did that to me

started banging a hockey player at Suffolk University then lied to me told me was her cousin Sean and I and I airbrushed their holes already airbrushed t-shirts for the hockey game yeah I was up like two days all just air but I didn't even had an airbrush you're good airbrusher no I good airbrusher? No, I was not a good airbrusher. I just bought one, you know me, I just buy the newest, latest and greatest. I bought the best airbrush machine. And I had it in. That's hilarious.

She's like, can you airbrush our sorority hoodies for the hockey game, like sweatshirts for the hockey game? And I did it. Boilerly? Each logo was different than the other. Yeah, no consistency. No, I think I just spell one of the girls names

Sarah Sarah who's coat? Oh, it's supposed to be Kate the lines weird Yeah, fucker and fuck show on her and she did my airbrush past was a beeper cases That's not didn't do it. I would get it done at the mall You take it peeper you drop it off and I think both times maybe that I had it done. Because I was pretty excited. Once the pagers flipped to the side view, I was excited to go to the side view. Didn't care about airbrushing anymore.

I like the... What was the flip? What was the kick? The kick? Side kick. No, but I'm talking pager times. I know, but the next level was the side kick. I loved my side kick. When you got the bigger... When you got a little bigger screen... I loved the sidekick. I loved my sidekick. When you got the bigger, when you got a little bigger screen.

I loved my sidekick. Oh, the sidekick. And you got the keyboard, remember that? I do. Sidekick was the shit. I wish they could bring that back. They did at one point. I'd do a sidekick now instead of an iPhone. Like a hyped up, juiced up sidekick with AI.

Buddy, you could probably get me onto a sidekick. No, the screen's too small. Nah, dude, listen, ready? Watch this, flip, sidekick. No, the screen's too small. No, dude, listen, ready? Watch this, flip, sidekick it, thumb it, flip it back. How about this though? What? Yeah, like the sidekick, the screen has to be the size of an iPhone.

How about this, the sidekick, but the screen expands because they have flexible screens now, rolls out to a size of an iPhone screen. How's that? That'd be a weird shitty screen. Oh, you'd just be a negative dude. Come on, we're supposed to brainstorm. What do you wanna call T-Mobile?

I can, I know Greg. You think you haven't thought about this? I know Greg. Greg's your guy? Greg's the guy who started T-Mobile. Greg Timothy Mobile? Yeah. Do you know him?

No, no, no, no, I do the Wikipedia. Oh, okay. Oh, Sidekicks, what a great show starring Chuck Norris and Ernie Reyes Jr. Yeah, it was a good game yesterday, and I got money from Fennoy on the second game, which made me happy. Yeah, you did. He wanted the Bills to win. He wanted the Bills. I knew they weren't gonna win.

Kansas City's gonna win. The Bills are just jinxed. That whole fucking... I love... Well, I'll tell you... I love Buffalo, but it's a cursed place to be. I do live in fear that just, not God or anything, but man, through these playoffs, you really got to see. The referees are, they won Patrick Mahomes happy. Yeah.

I mean, they do not come at that guy at all. And almost, I should say, the Chiefs in general. I mean, the amount of face masks they were getting away, like crazy shit that just didn't get called. What do you really want Philly fans and Buffalo fans meeting somewhere? That's just, I mean, you might as well just light the fucking place on fire.

I'll tell you what, yeah, that would be a real bottle rocket in the Superdome for sure. You don't want people who are trying to escape a place. I know. Also two places yelling that they'll understand, they call Kendrick Lamar's halftime show jungle music. I don't understand this jungle music Yeah, they'd have to cancel it Yeah, Buffalo is bad

I mean, there's nothing worse than seeing a hot chick in Buffalo who just was like take me out of here So before I forget this question black little question. Yes Christina me we're having a debate last night is glow R's name Glowrilla because her nose is very wide? Honestly, I have no idea. That's the first I've heard that. It wasn't a debate. You just said that. Wow, he really, he really chunked you into that racist shit. Well, you know what? She's gonna try to wing me under the bus. Can I tell you how that conversation actually went? Oh, God. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait.

There's a lot of firings going on today. I said it's Glowrilla. Called Glowrilla for a reason. Then it zoomed in on her face. And I went, oh. And Christine went, her nose is so wide. That's what happened. Wow. I didn't say the word wide nose at all. and Christine went her nose is so wide Wow black luma the question

Ball still near that one or She was awful on SNL I Didn't watch it. I heard SNL is getting funny again. Like it's kind of getting funny. Is that false? No. I've always, I stayed with it always though. So I mean, there's definitely been like casts and seasons that were better than others and they hit some stuff.

I was happy to see that. It seems like so far this year, they're not doing nonstop pre-recorded stuff. The show is becoming a sketch show that you kind of just go to a studio to watch. I felt like everything was like pre-done songs, song, song, song, musical thing, but now it seems like they're moving a little bit. The weekend update's always pretty great.

Weekend update's great. Didn't they do a song, a boy band song with what's his name? Timothy Shallow? It was Girls. Right,'s his name? Do you shallow? Right, what was it? Are you thinking Marcelo or Marcelo and the guy right Timothy? Shallow my till is that same. Yeah, it wasn't a boy band thing. It was the actor kid Yeah, they were singing songs about how good looking they are their baby faces. Baby faces. I'll tell you what I watched that Marcelo I gotta give

credit where credits do Marcelo Hernandez used to come, when I would do hilarities, I still do hilarities, nothing's changed for me. When I would do hilarities, Marcelo would show up and come with weed, and he was going to college out there. And he was doing comedy, I guess, and he was a young kid, and he would come bring weed

and hang out, and I'll bring weed especially, I'll sit and bullshit with you all night if you're a comedian, you know? I do that with mini hot dogs. Yeah, yeah. If you bring mini hot dogs, I'll bullshit with you all night long. You got me all night long.

Prepare for your next gig if you wish you'll go with mini hot dogs, by the way. Hey, Bobby. I love a mini hot dog. Will you take large hot dogs, cut up, and small hot dogs? No, I will not. Okay.

So just know that before you feel like an ass and stand there with a bunch of cut up hot dogs, you're gonna thumb up your butt. Not unless you cook the ends. I was gonna say, how about if they cut them up and then also maybe wrap them in some sort of a pastry and they make homemade. No, no, if you cook the ends,

if you cut them up and grill the end of it so it seals it, with a pastry I'll do that, but it should be a mini hot dog inside of a pastry. Bring mustard, better. Okay. Well, Marcel, but I wanna say he used to bring weed all the time, and weed bullshit. He was a nice enough kid, but the club treated him literally.

They're like, how did he get in here? Is he bothering you? No. Get outta here, you little scamp. Like, yeah, I was like, he's fine. Like, he's fine. And sweet kid, and then he interned at Skankfest one year. Really?

Yeah, so he's a Skankfest volunteer at Brooklyn Bazaar. Brooklyn Bazaar. Fuck man, we've been passed so quickly. It's insane. It's nuts. He's always been a sweetheart. Right, nice kid, and then he got the, you know, I don't know if he did Montreal or something.

I don't know what it was, but he ended up on SNL. And I'll tell you, he's their go-to. I mean, they use him, the character, he does the immigrant ads and stuff like that. He's fucking great. Beyond his years, I would say, of experience. He does a good job with that character. He's one of the few people

bringing back a recurring character anymore. So it's like, he's killing it, man. I'm impressed with him. I do like him a lot, too. He's still nice when few people bringing back a recurring character anymore. So it's like he's killing it, man. I'm impressed with him. I do like him a lot too. He's still nice when you see him around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of times when you, you know when you know somebody when they're just like a hanger on her,

or they're new and they're just really nice, and then they get something and their whole demeanor changes. Yeah. You walk in and they kind of fake and ignore you. Well I bet he's also got none. I'm sure his shoulders have dropped because women are sucking them down from his cock.

I mean, he's getting family. The characters he's doing are getting like beyond SNL. Like, well, no, he did the one thing. Well, he did the thing with Sabrina Carpenter and like she brought him out in LA at her concert to do the character from SNL. Do you think that we didn't get success like that because we would have got AIDS?

Like God didn't want us to have AIDS? God didn't want us to have AIDS God didn't want us to have AIDS Like you know I'm saying like Look at I would love you guys should be successful. You should be doing all this stuff, but you'll die of AIDS within six months Yeah, because you don't have the ability to wrap it. You don't have the ability to say no What are they said it'll happen right now? You know what, dude, because here's the thing. Also, me and you were both old men at this point, so I think this is fair to say. Yeah.

I do want that money. I don't want the things that come with it anymore. Like... Working? No, no, no. I don't mind work. But it's like, I... Rehearsing? You know your routine, going on the road.

You do your show, you do a one night, two nights, maybe three nights on the thing. It'd be great if those were theaters that were packed and stuff, but you go on the weekend. The idea of like, like what his schedule is right now, is like when he's not doing SNL all week long, and he gets off, like he's probably pulled 50 directions

to meet for another movie. We're too old. I don't wanna go, it's like, all right, I have three weeks off of SNL, we're on a three week hiatus, we come back, whatever. So that means I have to go out, finish talking to this guy, someone's trying to write a pilot for me that they want me to be in, and something,

I'm like, ah! Yeah, okay. I feel like, wait, when can I play Madden? I already only get to play like two hours a week. I got home Friday night after the second show. I got back to the hotel room. I pulled the covers up. I took my socks off, got into bed and pulled the covers up.

What time is it? And just started smiling. I think it was one o'clock. I was like, I was like, mmm. Yay. This is nice. Yay. Oh, I was so happy.

Could you imagine having to go do something? Yeah, look, I love pussies much the next guy, but That's got almost nothing to do with the thing. It's not even like the after the show. It's the after the show I want to be able to do what I want to do, not like a seven bazillion person meet and greet or, again, I don't even mean that like meeting the people.

I mean like a paid, you take a picture, we're moving on, picture don't even mean that like meeting the people. I mean like a paid, like, you take a picture, we're moving on, picture moving, I think that's weird. And you can't stop the momentum. Once the momentum happens, you have to keep that plate spinning. Right, that's what everyone says. Yeah, it's like, oh, well, the iron's hot, so you have to do much more work, I go.

Yeah. Thought the iron's hot, man. Let's just sit back and watch it burn, baby. Yeah. Like, iron's hot. You need to travel just sit back and watch it burn, baby. Yeah. Like, iron's hot. You need to travel substantially more. That doesn't sound right. Now, it is funny.

We have one person that goes against all of it, which I do love so much. How he does that, it blows my mind. Ari Shafir, release special. They're like, hey, release a special, Ari. It's like, great, special, well received, man. Let's get out there on the road. He's like, I'm actually gonna vanish for about six months

until everyone forgets about this special. I'm gonna go find water for Indian kids for the next year. I'm gonna go learn how to speak Hattuotsi. He really doesn't give a fuck. Unbelievable. I just wish I saw my blade, my iron get hot. I would just wish my sark, you know when it gets red for a second and then you, I would just like to see my blade get hot that so it's pliable

I've just seen black cold steel for a long time. What was your tell me your first? Please this will be a good conversation. What was your first? All right, man. Here we go like career. This is it I know there's been several for all of us, but what was your first, like, now by the way, as you get older, those things don't become here we go. You don't think, oh you're going on a great tour, you're going on a thing.

You lose that sense of like, yo, this tour I'm going on might expose me, you know, maybe we'll make news somehow with this, and no one cares. But what was the first time where you were like, oh shit dude, like wow, I'm in this and here I this, and no one cares. But what was the first time when you were like, oh shit dude, like wow, I'm in this and here I am dude. Hello show business.

It was Adrenaline Run. It was the guy who, the show runner was the guy who invented the A-Team, Frank Lupo. What year was this? This is 98. Okay. 98, Frank Lupo, A-Team, Hunter. You're doing comedy how long at this point?

Stu Siegel Productions down in San Diego, maybe eight years, on and off. Biggest comedy. Yeah, maybe six or eight years, somewhere in there. How long were you started? I started, well I started in an improv group first with The Owl and the Monkeys for two years then I quit. No, I'm talking, after you went to the conversion camp and came back straight. But then I quit comedy for two years.

So when we all broke up... What, to shake off the gay of improv? I went and did theater. Bobby, tell me this story as an Indian immigrant and you're on a desert island. Which Indian? Uh, dot dot dot. I was once a boy...

I can't do voices. Racist, racist. Um, dude, I... Yeah, dude, I can't do voices. Racist, racist. Dude, I quit comedy for two years. I got a movie, The Last Saturdays. Then I got another movie, Koala Bear Kid, starring me and Billy Burr. Okay. And then I got an Off-Broadway play in Boston.

I did for six months. And then I went back to comedy. Now, it's so funny these things that you thought were like your path, because there was weird, there was things where I knew were not, but I also got a pretty good taste early on. For me, when I was doing comedy six months,

got BET's Comic View. When I was on my way to that Comic View for $150, it didn't matter. Television was everything. We've talked about this before, where it was like, the kid across the street was in a fucking Froot Loops commercial. He might as well have been Brad Pitt to everybody.

You're like, oh, this guy's an actor. He's Hollywood. Yeah. That's when Dane got 7-Up. I think it was 7-Up. Yeah. And he was famous. Yeah.

Like, he left Boston. He moved to New York, and Barry Katz got him an apartment. He shared an apartment with an old gay guy. Didn't tell us, he just said he had an apartment. And then we showed up and he goes, yeah, my roommate's coming back. Me and Patrice were like, roommate? He's an old gay guy.

He's an old gay guy. Me and Patrice were like, Dane's fucking, Dane's gay, he has to suck this guy off for fucking. He must want to be there. He had to go on the couch. Did you just get famous? Who gets famous and gets a roommate? Yeah, mine was.

Dude, I got that gig in San Diego when I booked that, when I was getting $9,500 an ep. Yeah. And I was fucking famous, dude. I remember walking through the mall with my my hat down Because I didn't want people to recognize me come on. It was a pilot No one saw it yet. Yeah, unless it was the crew was walking around I like you had that kind of confidence in you I it was taken from me so quick

That comic view realizing that I was actually fucked over more than anything else and I was fucking over like sag aftra What they bought they were boycotting it because the money yeah, like their deal was just grotesque for comic view And so I like but I did it. I didn't give a shit. I was like they're like I'm like unions doing comedy for six months the fuck is a you there's a comedy union and So I did I came back union. And so I did it and I came back. But by the time I did, because I remember having to talk myself up for shit. Like I was in that movie.

Christine, you can find that streaming anywhere online. From Other Worlds, the shitty movie that I was in where I played big lab assistant, that hurt. Small lab assistant wasn't that small. I thought I was going to be famous with Ghost Town when I played construction worker number three. But that's almost what I'm saying, like you did get that kind of confidence on things,

like you're saying like, I got that movie last night at Eddie's, like we could look at it last night at Eddie's and realize that's not gonna be a big movie. Not then though. That could have been a hit. Maybe, and what was the other thing you said? Koala Bear. Koala Bear Kid.

Koala Kid. So you, because you're saying the terms, you're like, then I got that. Yeah. Which seems like a thing where it's like a guy you knew was like hey I'm gonna make a shitty movie, and I want you and bill burr your friends Like what are the odds that friends would get cast in it well? It's funny because when you do that young and common movie when you do a movie it gets you another movie

It gets you another movie like acting is like that yeah, but level of movies like koala bear kid Yeah, you'll but but that actually got me into a movie with Mark Ruffio. Ruff that guy. And Amanda Peel. So somebody saw me in that, put me in that one too. And Mark Raphael and Amanda Paul. Ruffalo. Ruffalo's.

Amanda Peat. Amanda Paul. Penske. Peat. Ruffalo. But acting does that. It gets you, they'll see you in that. Or you know, and they'll be like, ohesky, Pete. Ruffalo. But acting does that. It gets you, they'll see you in that. And they'll be like, oh, that guy's good.

Koala Bear Kid got you that? Koala Bear Kid got me Last Night at Eddie's. And then Last Night at Eddie's got you. Last Night at Eddie's got me the play, right? Got me the play, Four Dogs and a Bone, John Patrick Cheneley, which is wrong too. See, I'd be... And then that got me the movie with Mark Ruffio, and then I got a...

You wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be an actor. I was gonna say you wanted to be an actor, so it all just makes sense, because in the things you're saying, if they were like, like I got an audition way young in comedy for no reason at all for South Pacific,

like on Broadway, and I was like, and they sent it to me, and I was like, what the fuck? And they go, yo, if you get equity on Broadway, it's like blah, blah, blah, much money a week, and you get the insurance, and I was like, and they sent it to me, and I was like, what the fuck? And they go, yo, if you get Equity on Broadway, it's like blah, blah, blah, much money a week,

and you get the insurance, and I was like, what? In the South Pacific, I don't even know what the, it was the Steinbergs, they were like, just learn the songs, man. Dude, I kinda wish I did Broadway a little bit. But Burr's doing it, right? Burr's doing it. He's doing it with Glengarry. Yeah, but he's, I mean, here did Broadway a little bit. But Burr's doing it, right? Burr's doing it.

He's doing it with Glenn Gary. Yeah, but he's, I mean, here's the thing though. You do Broadway, you work your way up and become something. Yeah. Yeah, Burr's on Broadway because he's Burr. Yeah, he's Burr. No, I got it. Yeah.

No, for sure, but I mean, like, again, it's almost that idea of that if they were like, Jay, they want you to be in Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. I'm like, what? No, it's a weird thing. Really? Yeah, for what? I would fucking love it.

I love sets, I love the trailer, I love the other actors. I love sitting around small talking. Plays, I love play. Dude, being backstage, rehearsing, opening night, all the people came, all the people that gave the money. You have to go to- Bobby, you like being clapped at

by gentlemen wearing scarves indoors. Yeah, I do, man. You have to go to parties before, like, all the people who raise the money to get out. You have to go to these weird fucking cocktail parties. I think you're supposed to fuck the donors. I think you're supposed to go to a room. I've seen SVUs about that.

Shh. You have to go suck off the donors. You have to suck them off. No, you have to. No, you can just let them jerk off on your nipples. No, they tell you have to jerk them off. Yeah, I went to...Us about that. You have to go suck off the donors. You have to suck them off. You have to. No, you can just let them jerk off on your nipples. No, they tell you have to jerk them off. Yeah, I went to, in the back bay, we had to go for Four Dogs and a Bone.

I had to go to all these parties with all these rich white people, like the richest people in Boston, who were donating to the play. And we had to go to these weird fuckin' parties and hang out and talk to some old lady by some weird antique table. Yes.

Yeah. This dressing room is dedicated to my husband. I kinda like it though. Who is one of the greatest stage performers. Robert, where did you get it? Is it available to stream, Christine? Well, is this it? Yes.

Because I couldn't find you in it. Yes, it is it. You can't find Jay in anything he does. He's always cabin. That's when they're breaking in the museum at the end What is this who is in this so here? It's these scenes right here. I'm in it with this guy. Who is that guy? That's me is that you but back up. We have a conversation before that you look like Chas Bono You look like Chas Bono, I don't even have an argument against what you're saying I

Look like Chas Bono. This is't even have an argument against what you're saying. I look like Chaz Bono. This is a terrible movie starring Cara Buono, who was Christopher's girlfriend, I believe, at one point in The Sopranos, and she was Artie Lang's girlfriend in Beer League, and she was hot. She was also in, is she in Euphoria? No.

Was that Dave Chappelle? Maybe she is. I think she might be, actually. She's someone's mom. Well she's got a big zit. Look at the zit. But pause it for a second, Chris. You know it's a low budget when they can't even

pop the zit and cover it up. Oh yeah, it was low budget I think. But we, and the guy star of it is Isaac Banquol. And he was the French guy ice cream man in Ghost Dog. Going around the room? I love Ghost Dog. He was his best friend, remember?

Yeah. But he spoke French, he didn't even get anywhere in the community. I mean, the fact that you remember his name is just a superhero power. I was in a film with him. Yeah, but you, I don't remember anybody's name. I ended it, I.

Well, he's in Ghost Dog. I didn't even know Jacob's last name. Bobby, it was the first of two movies I've been in, and it was pretty young in my career. So when I came home, you had to tell people I just did a movie with who. Okay, his name's Isaac Backhole, and he was the French ice cream guy in Ghost Dog,

which was pretty neat. He was there for the big ending scene that rules. What's the name of this movie? From Other Worlds. What is it about? A Brooklyn mom. A Brooklyn mother who I think there's an alien invasion happening maybe. She's abducted. And you played, you don't remember the plot but you remember the guy's name? I played Big Lab Assistant. Yeah well the movie, seeing the movie, seeing the movie, the only time I've watched this movie it was a highly traumatic experience, especially in hindsight

It even hurts more what a what a doofus I was now You didn't have a name in the movie that no one called you anything big lab assistant They just called you big lab. That's a rap for big lab assistant Everybody clapped for him and I just stand in a circle people clapping me fat and a too tight You know, they don't do that anymore. It's illegal to do that to clap for me No, look, I remember, I showed up at an audition when this fat girl went and grabbed her side and she was like, fuck.

I'm like, what? She goes, they couldn't give her a name. And I looked at her side and said. Tubby shit. It just said fat friend. Yeah, I stopped. They can't do that anymore. I started, oh, it's funny.

That's changed in the time that I was auditioning for stuff because I used to that would always bum me out And it would be like not even that they give it a name. It's like you're bringing playing Steve dash Fat greasy disgusting pig slob hard to love smells bad Looking for a Jay Okerson type They have to give a name that you A proper name. I didn't get it. You didn't forget. But I was in the, oh also Robert Downey. They have to give you a name now.

Also? Every character can't be known as cashier. You can't be fat waitress. Hey Bobby. They used to do that. I don't want to impress you more, but You can't. This is gonna impress you more.

No you can't. I forgot, not only in this film with Isaac Pankol. Is it French? I don't know. And I don't know how you say his name. And Carabuono. Also in this film. That's French.

Also in this film. Yeah. Robert Downey, Sr. The father. Oh yeah. No shit. That's something. Is it though? Yeah, that's Robert Downey Jr.'s dad.

And he was big back in the day, kinda. Was he? Yep. I'm not familiar with any of his work, but. I think he was a producer. Maybe. I think he was more of a producer. Possible.

But he's in this film with me. Christine, do you have any of my acting work, please? I can't wait to see this. I wanna sleep. Oh, we got him. He's hitting insane jumps. You said he talked before, but... I do. We argue about pizza. Toppings, I believe.

After this scene? Christine, I saw it once. Here we go. You're not even on the IMDB credit for this. Shut up. You're not on here. I don't see Isaac bang hole or whatever. What don't see him You do see him. Hold on. You're on a different movie then no carabono. Okay, Robert Downey senior are the top ones Neither one of you are on here. I mean he's the main is it under Chas Bono look for Chas Bono Cast just jazz but well, I'm gonna top cast on big lab assistant you have to click all

cast see all cast okay hold on oh I do see Isaac deep deep bank hole the bank hole yeah but do you see lat Chubbock away you see I don't see Jay you're wrong you're gonna see let me push it all cast hold on I'm in top cast I'm going. You see, uh. I don't see Jay. You're wrong. You're about to see it. Let me push it. All cast, hold on. I'm in top cast, I'm gonna go to all cast. All cast, please. Here we go, hold on.

Look for Jolly Chubby Assistant. Okay, now this is the full cast. Big Lab Assistant. And I mean, once you have to hit the next level. Yeah, Jacob, I'm not the star of the film. I'm Big Lab Assistant. You're under the key grip. I keep going down.

Melissa Leo's in it. Is she? Yeah. Didn't know that. Yeah. Am I below her? Yes. He's there.

Is he there? Oh, you're third from last. What is it? Kristen Schaal's last. You're above Kristen Schaal. You're Big Lab Assistant. We should call it, that should be your nickname. Big Lab Assistant. Big Lab Assistant. BLA. BLA. BLA.

Blah. Blah. Blah. You're above Kristen Schall though. That's pretty. If you would like to see my work, Jacob. More than anything. Christine, can we have the lights please? It is blinding. Thank you. Oh, this is nice. I like this movie atmosphere Back it up back it up back it up. Oh my god. You look like it. You look like a lesbian. Yeah, I mean Christine you didn't meet him at this. Can you set the scene? Yeah pause it. I'm a big lab assistant

What's the scene here? I'm a big lab assistant talk to little lab assistant what's the scene here I'm big lab assistant talk to little lab assistant what is your motivation okay we're arguing because it seems like we have a bit of a contentious relationship it would appear and I was just giving all this in prep I made some choices and going to craft services. And something that has to do with the plot of the movie is being done and worked on at this museum in the basement where the lab assistants are. And so. You mean the lab assistant and the fat lab assistant is.

Yes, and fat lab assistant. Flaw. Flaw and blah. Flaw and blah. And then you see here, what you'll be hearing is, Cara Buono and Isaac DeBakal are just sneaking around in the hotel, and they have to get into an area where I'm at. Meanwhile, me and Small Lab Assistant are having this conversation.

Hey, you want toppings, man? Like what? Sausage and mushrooms. Mix together. Or half and half. Half sausage and half mushrooms. Or spinach. Well, which one? Oh, God.

Wow. Don't worry. Wow. Now there's Carabono and... Carabono and Isaac are back whole hole they're breaking into the trying to break into the work where you are Please please please but Jacob, please back to the lab Wait what no now you gotta skip ahead 10 seconds mushroom. I would like to watch his choice when oh, okay

I would like his watch his choice when he looks up to the sky. That one Wow what an active choice Now you see again, they're trying to break in they can't seem to quite figure it out the music is saying comedy For ice cream on top. I don't know what the hell you're talking about half the time You know that Ivan? Just pick one so I can call and order. Order. Oh, Philly accent was bigger.

Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, my lord. I didn't, yeah, this is... Look, Philly garbage you are. I lived in New York for... Which one? I lived in New York for a year.

I mean, it says 2004. It may have been filmed in 2003. Yeah. Which one? Yeah, which one? Pick one. What do you want one? Go Birds. All right. I don't want to hear any shit if you don't like what I pick And now they said it was beautiful timing

What are you holding my big fat body Jacob said oh god. Oh god. He couldn't believe I sauntered up the stairs like that. I was so pretty impressive Did they have a rope on you or some type of? They did that was a lab coat doesn't was it like circus Olay where they had some type of system Yeah, I was attached to the walls I was pulled up to stuff three other guys had to jump off a balcony to get you up the steps Yes, Bobby a series of police and three gaffers. I want to say something to you right now. Yes, and I mean this yeah You never shaved that beard again. No, I know. Listen to me.

My face is much smaller than that. I don't care. I don't give a fuck what happens to me. I don't. You never shave that beard. In fact, I want you to get a fake beard in case some fire happens at your new house where you're grilling and you burn off your beard.

I want a spare beard. That's a fucking good idea. Christine, what about a fake beard? One just goes over, like glasses over my ears? Yeah, just in case. In case. Because whoever that fucking dude is... Yeah?

Is not you. Um, well, he's the thing. Or that woman, or that left-wing protesting... That wasn't me. ...Palestine loving asshole that person is. That was a young phase, Jay. You should be working at a barista. All I could grow was a little bit of chin hair.

You look like you loved really rich coffee. You can make a heart with foam. What am I, 23 in that? Jesus Christ, dude. Well, yeah, cause. I'm over 24, 25. Yeah, 2003. Oh, that wardrobe lady had her fucking,

had her work cut out for her you well, here's the way you setting your sizes I think this is probably why one of the reasons I don't like acting stuff so much I'm having to be in anything cuz they have to make your clothes. No, no, I would love if they made my clothes Wow What the the costume it's like that's not a lab coat. There's a lab a shirt. No, mama, that's a lab coat on a regular sized person. That's a regular, that's a lab coat on Jacob. Anybody else in this room? It's a terrible lab coat. Can you go back so I can see Jake come out from the door?

I wanna take a look. By the way, notice me. Look at me not making eye contact with the camera. I mean, am I a pro or what? But look at your little limp wrist. Watch your limp wrist going up stairs. They said be casual. Watch how casual you are. Look at his little. Going up the stairs. Look at his little. Doot de limp wrists going up. This would be casual watch how casual Yeah, look at his little going up the stairs

Casual don't look at the people under the stairs. I know we're there you You're a thespian. I'm a thespian Yes, Jake have a question I'm watching the two of you tell me if you agree bobby myr you're an actor yes i'm a thesbian j is authentically philly where that guy looks like he's he's that you could see him acting that small lab assistant is clearly putting on a uh... a performance now that guy comes from hell's kitchen and this in uh... has been working off off broad-Broadway for years

with his roommate that he lives with, Greg. And that's him genuinely angry. And then I came in and acted circles around him. That's right, everyone. I've always had it. Why were you so, why were your hands so relaxed but the rest of your body wasn't going up those stairs? Acting's reacting. I was just reacting to the situation. I think the situation called for some limparis. Can you show me his Liberace wrist? I really do come out with a Roger from American Dad, like, hmm.

Really? Watch this. This is fucking awesome. You love it. I really do. Is this your only scene, or is there more? I think there's a little bit more. Watch.

Do, ba-do, do, ba-do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That's when they add fully working, because you're breathing heavy walking up those stairs. Do, ba, do, do, ba, do. Hey, can you ADR yourself not breathing heavy? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Can you come in and just give me some room tone? Hey, when you get to the third step, hold your breath.

The camera's not going to be on you. But I'm telling you, wardrobe for every thing I've ever done, it's I was on Z-Rock for two years. Every day I'd walk in, the next thing worse than the next, you're like, damn, man. It's a nightmare. And here's the thing. I was fat.

They had so much to work with. But they weren't tailoring stuff. So they were like, what's your size? 3XLT from Big and Tall. So it's like, here's a bunch of the ugliest like busy fucking like And they're like, oh my alright man. Yeah, I guess sex and drugs. They actually made my shirts. Yeah Yeah, they made my shit cuz I was like a team When we shot the pilot I was thinner

Yeah, you said and then when we got to the show I got fat again and then the second season I was fat in the first season So they had they wound up making my shirts my point of this was by this point though I had I had known already this wasn't making it This was like I was excited to do it cuz a movie, but I didn't feel like I was like got it Like and then on to the next one. I've never felt that. I thought everything I made was going to be the one. I thought last night at eight was going to be the Fast Hams at Ridgemont High from Boston.

Have I never told you? I really thought of it. For Boston? Yeah, I thought it was going to be, yeah. A Boston classic. I thought I was going to get a call from Ben and Matt the next day. Goodwill hunting, too.

Hunting season. I mean, if you see me in that though, it was probably the best I've ever looked. I was very, I mean I was. Last night at East? I was like Marlon Brando, fucking young Marlon in that one. I know, I made you kiss that pig.

I'm just kidding, she's a sweetheart I'm sure. It's funny to say that. Yeah. You said, were you allowed to get fat for sex, drugs and rock and roll? Normally they don't want you to put on weight. Come on, come on, look at that. You look like a Mohican.

I mean, what? You look like a beautiful Mohican. What's a Mohican, like an Indian? Yeah. Carabuano's stranger things, mom. Stranger things, right. So when I, when we did the pilot and I knew I had the pilot,

I went on one of those diets, like keto, and I lost 40 pounds. And Larry came up to me when we were in the fittings and shooting the pilot. He was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, what? He goes, I just wrote this whole season with a ton of fat jokes.

He was like, I better see you at the fucking craft services stuff and doughnuts in your fucking face if you lose any more weight Let me tell you something. That's the thing. I've been waiting to hear my whole life I mean, I was like you got it boss. Yeah, that guy really is Dennis Leary is a fucking asshole Leo Leo Dennis Leary is a fucking asshole. Oh, you know, you buddy. Oh, you'll be yo I heard sometimes he drives really slow in the ultra-fast lane while people behind him are going insane And I heard one time he parked in handicapped spaces while handicapped people made handicapped faces I'm writing a pilot with him right now. So are Are those insults? That song was everything to me in ninth grade.

We bought it. We bought the No Cure for Cancer to have that song. I'm an asshole, yodel-yoh, yodel-yoh. Oh, you make everybody do it at the thing? Now that, that's, you're being treated like a ham. Did I ever tell you about going to see from other worlds I May have at one point. What is it? Well, it's the movie that I was in that we just watched the clip from Yeah, it was in theaters. So it was directed by Barry Struggats

Name the guy he wrote death becomes her. He was director of this. It's a good movie. So but he wrote it He wrote that after this note It's a good movie. So, but he wrote it. He wrote that after this. Nope, before. And Married to the Mob. He wrote Married to the Mob this, that, and then he did this? He directed this. Oh, okay. And I think wrote it though.

Whoa. It's bad. I don't know if he still directs. If he does, it's good. I'm gonna watch this tonight, by the way. You should. I can't wait. I know, you're gonna pull it apart.

It's not a good film. But, so, they call me, like, maybe two years later, almost. That's what a good film. But, so they call me, maybe two years later almost. That's what I'm saying, I was pretty young in that. Because like two years later they called me and they were like, hey, it's premiering at a theater over on like in the East Village. On like 12th Street or something. I was like, oh, I'm sorry, where is it?

I'm like, oh shit, that's that like big ch? I'm like, oh, shit, that's that like big chandelier movie theater, you know, the East Village Cinema, is that what it's called? Uh, the East Village Cinema. Christine just went, mm-hmm. Yeah, idiot. She's like in the business, yet as stupid. So it's that, so I was like, oh, that's like a pretty like,

shit, that's like a theater, hell yeah. And so I'm driving to the, this is when you had to print out MapQuest directions to things to see this place What's exactly I go? Hmm, that's on like the side of the road though Like around the corner from it where the address is going Oh, maybe that's like what they mark their address as like the back door or something

Yeah, now it's another theater that might still be there. It just shows like Movies you've never you know, it's like you just write write one in film and get it up there tomorrow if you wanted to. Movie theater, it's a really bad theater. It's still there, we're driven by it. We're trying to think exactly where it is. It's 12th, I believe. It's on 12th Street. We should write and film a movie today

and film it on my iPhone and put it there this week. We can. So I went there, and I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna go see it while it's there. It was there for like a week or something, they said. I went to one of the days, pretty, like middle of that week, me and Carla, my ex-wife went to go see it. And we get in the theater, and I see that,

I see that, there it is. I see, what's it called? Cinema Village. Cinema Village. There it is. What a hunk of shit. Let me see the theater, can you scroll down? There, right there. look at that theater room. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,

10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 20 seats. Far too many. They were, 20 seats, far too many. So we go in there, I'm all excited, I see the poster of the movie. Are you in the poster? No, I see the poster of the movie and I'm like, oh wow, they like, fucking became a movie.

This is so neat. We go in and we buy tickets. We go sit in the theater. No one else in the theater. Not a person. Okay. It is what it is. We watch the movie.

I come up in it. Carla, when I'm on the screen, starts taking out her phone to take a picture of it. Right. Before you had video on your phone, we phone to take a picture of it. Right. Before you had video on your phone, we'd just take a picture. And I'm like, and I go, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And she was like, what are you embarrassed of? She's like, no one's here.

Like she had the point of no one's here. There's no one here. Like they'll be like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh yeah, I guess. And then at the end, she goes, I wanna take a picture of your name in the credits. And I don't know if you can go back to the picture of the theater at least the one that we were in has like it's you know, it's a theater and then like a stage area almost in front of it with some seats and

Carla was waiting to take a picture of my name big lab assistant big jailer Jay Okerson and as it's scrolling up a guy comes out at the end of Carol Burnett with a mop and a bucket. And he starts just mopping the stage in front of the screen. And Carla's going like, sir, do you mind moving? And he's like, what? And he's like, he's in the movie. I went to take a picture of his name. He's like, oh, all right.

I was like, it's so humiliating. I don't know why it is, but I hated it. So then I go to the front desk again, and they were like, oh, someone said you were in this, or something. I was like, yeah. I was like, do you have any extra of the movie posters, by any chance?

And she was like, no, they only gave us the one. She goes, but we have these postcards. I go, oh, can I take a few of these? She goes, take them all. And she handed me like, I mean 200 postcards that were in the movie poster. You gotta go past these at our front. I swear to God.

And then as I'm leaving, I was like, oh man, I wonder if I can get one of those posters. She goes, you know what? She goes, you know what? She goes, no one's come to see this movie except you, and they opened the key thing and rolled the poster up out of the fucking window for me no one cared about this film I thought I was like I have to rent a tux

oh I thought it was gonna be Radio City but I guess this will do I think that's what Stavros' movie was. Where? That gorgeous one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was what they played his movie. I mean, how fucking funny is that? Yeah.

They gave me everything, and then all of that got destroyed, I believe, in Hurricane Sandy. Thank God. But yeah, I may have another scene or so in here. I don't know, I can't remember really. I see the credits. How far down in the credits are you?

Pretty far. Where he's pretty low on the IMTB. But also I don't think there's actually a lot of people in the movie from other worlds. What's the music play at the end? Barry Strugeatz. Strugeatz. Produced. Produced by no one I've heard of.

Oh, associate producer, though. Todd Thaler. Oh, he's big. Moe Flam. I remember Moe. Good guy. That's a fake name. Joel Hirst did the editing.

Nice, good, had you involved? Charlotte Bork. She sounds fat. Production design. Pierre Faudet's, the music. That explains that. Antonio Zaraes, the costume designer. Hardest working guy on the show.

Mark White, music supervisor. Casting. Jonathan Strauss, by the way. Pause that. Jonathan Strauss is all SVU, Law and Orders. He books them all? Wow. And you know what what I did this movie

I've never been in one law and order ever he does a hundred percent of the Booking for I guess I I guess I know him because he's booked me four times. Yeah, you don't know anybody's name You don't take the time. I don't because I'm a thespian you're always saying your own name in your head I'm just I'm just moving on to the next project. All you hear is the sound of fluorescent lights in your name. Carabuono. One. Okay, I'll accept that. Okay. Isaac DeBancol. Two. David Lansbury.

Sergio Lansbury's... Robert Peters. Number four. Is this actually the music? Alyssa Leo, number five. Some foreign shithead is mumbling over this. Paula. Tiagi Schwartz, Peter Bartlett. Quinn Shepard and Jonah Meyerson. Nine, 10.

Got to be coming any soon. Alberta Vasquez, Laurie Tan Chin, she was pretty big part. Number 12, 13 and. And Joel Dillefuente. Oh, you're after the special guest. Nope. Nope Wow, we go right to the so yes, you understand why the guy started mopping We hung in there. Yeah, so I wasn't in the first run now Christine if you could jump ahead a little bit here

We get to the cast production Okay 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 D'Wondra? 31 32 33 34 35 Hey! Hey! 36! Woo!

That's funny that the other guy got small lab assistant. Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. Thank you. Yes, I sit in the theater with you like a common foe. I'm just a regular old schlub piece of shit like the rest of you. I am a man of the people. Small lab assistant. Gregory Korostyshevsky? Korostyshevsky.

How was he to work with Jay? Kora Szefski. How was he to work with Jay? Pleasant. Very sweet guy. He's been in a few... He's been in a lot of stuff. He's got a... He's like a little Russian.

A lot of commercial work. He's... Character work. He's a character actor. So are you in that, too. In that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I played Chas Bono. Why could... I know when you get there, you're just like, guys, you could just put me in clothes while I look as good as I could possibly look instead of ill fitting khaki pants and I think, but yeah, that's all. I've never gone into a thing. One time when I did, was it billions?

I went to billions and they fucking tailored me a suit and I was like, this is fucking beautiful. Did you get to keep it? And then I asked if I can keep it and they said, absolutely not. Really? Yeah, I was like, but is fucking beautiful. Did you get to keep it? And then I asked if I can keep it and they said, absolutely not. Really? Yeah, I was like, but you tailored it to me. They went, yep.

And they go, then we'll tailor it to somebody else after. Oh yeah, that's, well. I failed every audition I had for Billions. I mean, fucking bombed. To the point where, after I was done with like the second one she went like that my fire eight sausages the that made me the sound I'm over your explanation for the sound is what will make me nauseous at some point because I

was sorry I ate potato chips and shit earlier no cuz I had these little baby saw oh sorry guys I had some spam right out of the can. It just won't stay in me. I had these beef sticks and we were going on air, so I just chewed them. Don't eat beef sticks before the show. I shouldn't have had beef sticks before the show. And then I had the coffee and it's.

Gargle a little hot sauce, you had a bag of something. Yeah dude, as soon as I was done with my audition, she was like, she just looked at me, she tilted her head like a dog, she went, would you like to try that again? I was like, I guess. But it's not gonna work. Clearly we're not enjoying each other.

He used to, he used to, though, I felt like I was getting fucked. I felt like he was giving me auditions to just give me the audition, because he liked me or he knew me. Well, I was getting out of the way. I felt very getting out of the way. It was a character that could not be brought back. It was a one-off scene one thing they were like a pot dealer or drug dealer in Montreal

Mine was like an old Jewish lawyer an old lawyer My my guy was like 60 and then you see the guys that got it you like They would just give me auditions They were giving me a shot to go in and feel good about it because there's no way that I was getting old Jewish lawyer. Oh yeah? Yeah, not. I said, I said it's a little tone, a little passive aggression in your voice.

I wasn't, no. Oh man. Yeah. God bless him, but. We have to take a break. I really love you. Because I have something I want to tell you about, I don't know if we can talk about it on air.

Why? Even if I don't use names. Do it. Because it's so interesting. Do it. No, not do it because it's so interesting do it no no no do it Say no names. No. I don't do it. Why do it we need. Let's go We'll talk about on break. You let me know if we just talk about it. It's a goodie. Okay But if I say we should talk about you have to talk about it. Oh sure okay great, but no names I'll guarantee no names. Yeah, no name situational situational. Situational, no names. Yeah. If.

If. Okay. All right, we'll talk about it. Do we have commercials right now? This is one Bobby's gotta read. I got it right here, baby. It's gonna take us till the next, till we come back. Yeah.

I'm kidding. Dude, I'm, first of all, I've been nailing these. I know, you've been by yourself, you've been rolling by yourself, and thank you so much, by the way. I know, I missed you though, I really did. I always miss you. I fucking missed you so much. You're so hard. It's not the same looking over there and seeing a little tiny bald guy Jim Norton over here farting a chick's come into my seat

We'll be right back We got a guest coming in to correct. Yeah, I got a guest coming in. We'll be right back. It's 3 p.m. It's It's the bonfire.