The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Billy Squier Pants with Colin Quinn

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

Jacob buys new pants that Billy Squier would dance in and is too shy to model them in front of the great Colin Quinn. | Bobby tells stories about the famous table of The Comedy Cellar when comedians would fight each other. The same comedians would also gather for pick-up basketball games. | Jay and Bobby debate who has the better suburban home. Jay has convenience in New Jersey and Bob boasts about his cozy historical town. | Jay once had an agent who carried a briefcase with just an apple inside of it. Go to Colinquinn.com for all his tour dates and happenings! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. If you guys give me some big intro like every other radio show for 30 years, I'm walking out. Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend, one of my best friends. Can I say that, right? Sure. Are you my, I might, but I might one of your best friends. I have a lot of best friends. That's nuts. Louis C.K., Bill Cosby? Colin Quinn.

Oh, over the place. Colin Quinn. He's got a new series. Block by Block is streaming now on YouTube. dot com slash at Colin Quinn Blackwood wants a Oh blacklist picture Yeah telling him how to do radio Oh wow

Are you really doing this to Colin Move one of us How's this guys Great Oh man That was uncomfortable Let me help you Yeah

There you know That's it right there You like that Is this what's like watching me with Keith I mean I just got to take care of him I spoke to Keith today He says nice mini TV

Oh, you fuck You brought it up It's not a mini television It's not a mini television It's a large television For outside television Jay's got a 14 inch screen It's so much more than that

It's the greatest One of the greatest moments of my life Is seeing Jay Just seeing Keith walk into his Home Just amazing home And Keith just stumbles in With his dumb king

you TV you need a bigger TV I was so excited to show Keith particularly my house he was talking about it all day he told me this beautiful story about how Keith used to bring him make him come to New York from Philly when little Chubby Jay didn't want to come I remember

I'm just going to stay home tonight and Keith would call him up if you stay home you're never going to make it you got to be there stupid and he took those words and showed up every night in his little shitty car see and he was wrong but who knew Keith was an idiot then as much as he is right now

I remember Jay coming shuffling Kurt Metzger Jay and Little Kev coming in like oh shucks We were really out of nowhere Sitting where you guys belonged One foot on the bar stool And one foot on the little table

They weren't even allowed at that second table No not the second Yeah the B team Yeah that was weirdly like Russman Eve and Ben Bailey were on that team Yeah, that's right. They were on the outside table, and then we were on the outside of the outside.

They'd get in the car and drive home, and Jay would go, I talk to Ross Bennett tonight. And they'd go, who? I'd go, Eddie Strange? Come on. This room's got no history of comedy. I'm not there, all of you. Fuck all of you. Yeah, so, Keith, I was so excited to come show in my house, and he walked in.

And it's not a very big house, but I'd say front of house through. garage into backyard, 14-minute walk for Keith. So we, and then he made fun of my TV. As soon as he sat down, he goes, could you have a smaller TV? It's a 55-inch screen television outside. He said 14.

Nothing, nothing. There is a couple feet on either side of the TV. He could have got a bigger. It's being corrected. He could have got the bigger one. It'll be fixed. Especially because outside, you know, you have the whole world as your wall.

Yeah. So you wanted to be a little bigger. It's in a pavilion. It is. It's outside. He has a fireplace, refrigerator, pool, jacuzzi. He's saying small house, he's making me sick to my stomach. It's an amazing, huge, beautiful house.

It's a dream house from most people. Is he saying that to just be like, you know, like fake humble? Yeah, he's being humble. He doesn't want to... Like right now he's very happy that you're telling me it's a dream house? No. Yes, he is. He's sitting there going on.

Jesus. Come on enough. It's unbelievable. His house has a living room in his bedroom. Like a little living room with a little TV and a couch, a love seat. And he's got a step-down living room in his bedroom to the walking closet. Does he feel like the fans of Bonfire are going to be like, oh, Jay's changed. He's got too much.

Is that what it is, Jay? You want to be, you still want to be. Jay, you're getting mad at me about this, but it's because you have a beautiful house. This is a compliment. You need to accept. I don't know to lay everything out about your house out there to Vundra. He wants to do. He wants to.

I have an average house. He feels like he's losing street credit by having a fancy house. Bobby He's afraid someday he'll be on stage working at in Pennsylvania Nice house

Let me describe Bobby's house It's a nice little Two-level house And from what I know It can fit a trans person That's all I know of it so far Whoa A trans person

We had Norton over For Thanksgiving He wasn't the trans person It was his wife Yeah I was gonna say Fitting Norton is no It's not that it's hard You have a one bedroom

No no But he's being carried in By a Viking priestess Yes And we don't know If he's not the trans person the jury's out we don't know what outfits she puts on him

it's true yeah I assume she's want to sneeze during a blow job from making him a woman also and he is very malleable let's be honest malleable that was my favorite description of uh there was one of Joe DeRosa

leaving the cellar one night furious when he first started to come to New York slinking out of the cellar it was just that and it was I think him and Steve Byrne were trying to talk to chicks and Kurt kept going around and you know Kurt's like autistic energy for he just wants everybody to hear the joke

he's not really thinking that there's girls around her or something and he's a artist and he goes hey look is this is a funny picture of Joe the Rose and he just drew this very rudimentary picture but it looked so much like Joe and this awful picture and it was like a whole body thing and he was and he would just tell you he goes oh yeah it's really easy to draw Joe he goes

you just start by making two sacks and he just called it two sacks of Joe and he was making fun of him he goes and then you just kind of draw it like like, it looks like, you know, Joe left the house before he set to go out to, you know, like, Jello. He goes, he took him out of the mold too quick as all. And Joe was leaving being fucking furious. Like, ripped the picture up, which is even funnier.

Like, when someone gets an aggressive move and rips it up, it's the best. Oh, it's the best when someone gets actually angry. Exactly. Joe tried to delete the picture. Patrice doing dice to Norton when he had a girl at the cellar one night and kept telling him to be like, pick up my laundry. Oh! And as far as I saw Norton come over and, like, slapped the table.

And he goes, that's fucking enough. I have a girl. He was to curse, like, he quietly cursed out, Patrice. But seeing somebody get to the point, Patrice used to drive people to the point. I see D.C. Benny flip out on Patrice. Yeah. He did, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He could bring up a little. He could bring him out quick. The best was when Manny snapped on him, kicked him out of the cell. Yes. Manny was the owner of comedy seller. he was an older dude no one wasn't around at that time no one was at the wah

and it was the cellar table was usually Manny Ava Esty there was no Liz no Liz and it was me it was Norton me

Patrice and Greg Giroaldo and okay so everybody was talking like me and Geraldo were talking to Manny Norton was talking to Avre and Esti and nobody He was, not ignoring Patrice, but nobody was talking to him, and you know he can't have that.

So he was just sitting there, and I saw him just kind of being uncomfortable. And then he just went, yo, Manny, all your teeth reel? Manny, manny went, you motherfucker, you fucking embarrass me in front of my fucking, my woman and my friends, fuck you. And Patrice was like, yo, yo, no, no, no, I'm just wanting. and like and he tried to back pedal yeah and me and gerald went north we're just putting our heads down like

what a fucking dumb piece of shit you are oh god and he stayed angry at him he stayed angry at him and he kicked him out and then Norton stuck up for Patrice he goes look he was just trying to I know him he's just nervous

he just said something because nobody was talking to him and he goes fuck you too and then Norton left he got kicked out of the cell Bobby we're going to work on your friend impressions They all are just a version of you that you do for Bill Burr. Yeah, that's true.

And then Colin comes over and he goes, Hey, oh, you got thrown out of the thing all that with the thing, dude, and you had. Dude, you fucked up the thing with the impression guy, okay? So let's just settle down. It's not my fault. Where is he's out there impressioning without me? This cock's like I still wants impressions. He's my note and impression, right?

Hey, man. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. He's good. Norton is the guy who told me, though, about, like, you really got to be in his circle before he'll, get into the shit talking other comics with you because I remember coming him early on things

and trying to like bond over like huh this guy right he'd be like great dude just not talk about it anymore first of all no one's in obviously you don't know Norton as well as we do we're not in his circle if we call Jim Norton he might text you back a day later

but if you text him and text you back if you call him he'll text you back a day later to inform you like don't ever call me again Norton called me Norton called me and then in the conversation I got to call you back I was like what

he called me he's like I got to ask you a question I'm like yeah what's up he's like I got to call you back and never never called me back when you're being butt fucked fucked by a woman you need time he's got to think things through

before he talks to you he's got to snap back to the gym that you know not the person that's doing whatever in that godforsaken room I want to let you know Jay no you don't need time yeah he finishes fast by Jim's tight

Jim's very, very tight Yeah, Jim doesn't He never calls and nothing No No, has he ever called you and said Hey, what's up, how you doing? Never, you never call Would you answer?

It is a text Well, now I wouldn't Yeah But a few years ago I would have You don't understand He's been doing this to us For like 12 years Yeah, he doesn't

And we bust his balls about it On the show all the time The show he used to be And he would Just look at us like, yeah He never goes like Oh, I don't do that Oh, I'll call you guys

guys. No, he just looks just like, fuck you. Yeah, why? What do we do? I think Jim just made a decision. Don't forget, Bill Burr, speaking of Bill Burr, he literally sat at the table. And I remember Buston's both going, you think you change your name to Bill from Billy, and you're not going to hang out at the table, and this is going to be your road to success. Well, guess who? Boy, was it. Jay, my name's Robert from now on.

Rob. Yeah. Paco, don't look at me in the eye. guys, fuck. God bless him, yeah. Do you think that, I always think this, do you think. I remember the shift, the Billy Bird of Bill Burr shift, yeah. Remember he left the table?

He's like, this is not a fucking place for success. I was like, he's crazy. Do you think that us trying to be funny and bust balls and have fun and being assholes to each other, do you think that that effect, maybe that was one of the things that affected our careers? Yes. Oh, you're asking me? No, I'm not asking for me.

Oh, yeah. Yes. I mean, yeah, maybe. I mean, who knows? I mean, I always thought that was the whole morning coming into this business, but it may have affected us. But look, those assholes from the fucking Fry's Club got away with this.

Why couldn't we? Because they had a place to do it. Yeah, maybe that's right. Well, that was the problem, too. Speaking of Patrice, now that you mention Patrice, you're not just us busting each other's balls like a Fryers Club, literally Patrice, other tables of nice people,

Midwestern people coming to a show, and suddenly they're like, a little tipsy after one. drink shh oh yeah yeah that's the other problem keith petrice you know what i mean yeah the blacks yeah you notice the fire club at fries club had no blacks did they have no blacks one for a hundred years dick gregory was the one for he died they got to figure new one i don't think he's a prize club maybe george kirby or somebody like that will you remember the fry's club no rejected yeah they wouldn't take your they wouldn't accept you i live two blocks away i went twice it makes my

stomach hurt every time I worked in I was like oh why I don't know just something about the energy in there it's gone now right yeah it's something else it's something else somebody it feels like it would always smell like old Jewish food yeah I mean I'm always like a soup like a very noodley noodley soup a pool table that nobody used yeah is this is that a pool table

yeah and a guy's very uncomfortable furniture uncomfortable was it a pool table with no pockets it was like one of those English no like snooker it's billiards yeah billiards but it would be cool to own that place It'd be cool to have a place to hang, like a comic hang. Yeah. We should do that.

They smoke cigars there, too. Well, you guys form your new gay Westchester Comics Club. You, Chrissy Day, Janice, fucking Paul Verz. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. Who did that too? Everybody says Westchester, but it's just the lie to make you feel like they want you to feel like the, they have made a bad decision moving up that far away. So they all call it Westchester.

Bobby lives two and a half hours up north. It's crazy. I know Bobby's town. It's pretty nice. It's a nice town. It's very nice. You have to get there. You don't know the town.

You've never been to the town town. You know, you've never been to the town town. I love his neighborhood. It's very, that's weird. I don't want to say, but. Is it where mayor of East Town lives? No, no. I'm in Jersey.

You're in one of the, you're not in North Jersey. You're in one of those South Jersey, Pennsylvania border towns. I know exactly where you belong. No, that's Joe de Rosa. Oh, that's where I belong. He belongs next to Tony Luke's You belong in Levitown, PA Right on the top

You're blowing in Chambersburg Oh yeah, no Levitown That's right where I belong, you're right Like a stone throw from Sesame Place I still go to a water park at this age Yeah He uh, no his town is nice He's got a nice

His neighborhood is nice But he's got that jersey It's just strip malls You know what I mean? Like there's no small town Like my town is a small old town Oh I know But where's a cheesecake fan?

don't have it well then how are you going to get to tie chicken lettuce wraps you don't get it you don't get that you don't have to tie chicken lettuce wraps up there i don't want to live in your stupid town ryan reynolds so you're telling you she would write off 17 we get it's pretty good that's close i know exactly where he lives this is your town yeah that's my town oh there's still a railroad yeah there's a train right oh my god yeah people work on it all the long day? No, I love, listen, I think Westchester is better than Jersey just because getting in and out of the city is better, because you don't have to go through the tunnels.

It's easier. Can be. It is. There's no bridge or anything? Yeah, until your highway floods. That's a good call, Christine. Right. Thank you for that arsenal.

I hate it. I hate that I tell him stuff once in a while and he just keeps in it his memory. What about when your thing floods? The sawmill, and it floods once in a while. The sawmill's a nightmare. The taconinic is the worst because it's deer's and turkeys. Two of your three ways into the city. No, I don't think the tautics are.

I think more people die in the tachonic than any other highway. It's a fucking, I'm frightened. When I do Pachy-Sovet of a tunnel, I should sentence myself to death to live near you. You don't know, no, no, no. Yeah, but if your tunnel leaks, you're done. Oh, no. Yeah. Didn't you ever see daylight?

And if something, yeah, but you're not. There's angry, the tachonic, for some reason, and people, they have roadways, and that's after DiPaolo left. He used to live up there, too. He left the fire, he left the fire and never stopped raging. You know, DePaul's town was kind of ghetto. What town? Austining.

Well, Sing-Thing's right there. Yeah, it's like, we were looking at there, but it was like the schools sucked, and it was kind of ghetto. But where he lived, he just lived in the woods. What do you mean by ghetto exactly? How can I put this? Low income. No income.

Paco's roommates. Did the corner? Stores have drinks that were under 50 cents. Yeah, they made their own popsicles. That's small town. That's not small town. It's hilarious. Yeah, it was, yeah, there it is right there.

No one's at any of these places. Nobody cares by these mom and pop shops. It's a ghost town you live in. Yeah, it is a little fuck. Mine? I'm out in Passaic County, dude. Cheesecake Factory. P.F. Chang's.

Home goods. Home goods. Look, you got all the ship. There's a Marshalls. You can't walk. Because I'm really not quite in mall shirts yet. Are you still DXL? I'll still do a DXL.

I'm so glad I haven't been back there. I walk by. I drive by, I'd give it to the finger. It was, I hate it. I hate the DXL. It's not the best choices. I like the fact that the rest of the guys don't really, they feel uncomfortable when a guest comes in,

and they're like not in contributing because they're like, they don't know my vibe. I like that. Jacob's flat out afraid of you. you. I watched it happen. Jacob's afraid, right? He's afraid. He's intimidated by me.

He was going to do a bit. You know, I loved him on the big Christmas show. He had a bit where he was going to show us that he got a pair of sweatpants that he thought might be hugging his ass too much. But why, yeah, why would you hesitate with the bit after I was so goddamn supportive doing the big Christmas fucking show? Oh, because, yeah, Christine made him feel bad. Well, Christine also shamed him.

He FaceTime Christine for some odd reason to show her. her, his ass in the pants. Wow. And she secretly took pictures of that to show us. And not secretly laughed. I guess you want to be kicked off series

radio. No, that's fine. That's how Opie got fired. No, I know. But Lou actually gives me $10 to film him shitting every day. He goes, come over the top, so I don't even know you're there.

So what happened? So he was trying on pants was the bit? Well, he was going to see. He wanted us to tell him if he had, like, like, you know, like leggings on. He was worried about his head. This guy's got no muffin top. Oh, he's ripped, huh? Shredded.

But he wanted to put it on, he was going to put him on and let us kind of judge and, like, you know, if it was funny, laugh at it. And then I said, we'll do it after when we have Colin in here. And he goes, I don't want to do that in front of college. No, no, no, no, no. You have, Colin is the best judge of tight sweatpants. Well, I probably am. I just bought some, well, not sweatpants, but exercise pants. Maybe I could contribute.

You bought exercise pants? Yeah, I guess. What is that? What does that mean? What the fuck is that? I forgot what they called. Wait, how old are you? How old are you that you bought exercise pants?

Is it a onesie like Jack La Lane? Oh, yeah. It feels like it is. Does it have the one crossbody strap? You can lift weights that have the weight number printer on a big circle. So, Jacob. What? Come on, just change into the pants.

Let's just do this. We have some music. We might as well do it. We have a little sexy movie Because you know what the thing is When you try to wait until the right time Then it always fucks up I mean

This seems like the wrong time And it probably is But for now No I saw any excuse to get Jacob to peel down Yeah Are you wearing them under there? No

No Whoa Now you don't want I want to make sure you're okay with this What's that? I gotta take him off Hey this guy's still friends with a couple What do you mean

This guy still friends with a couple The Westies over there You're gonna fucking get naked in front of him I like that he goes No Like what the hell? I don't know the fucking rules in the game. Are you playing Bill Squire?

That's right. The song that took him down. Billy Squire? Yeah. Oh. It's okay. I'm not going to crawl on the floor. Come on do it.

Remember how he danced all like this, Jacob? I want to remember. You're saying this is going to be his Billy Squire moment? Absolutely. I bailed on everyone. I bailed on Billy Squire. By the way, you know what would have brought him back? He changed his name to Bill Squire.

That's true. It worked for Bill Squire, that comedian from Cleveland. God, this video was so sad. Actually, you're wearing the same pants he's wearing. Oh, my God. Well, you know, it's funny. I'm wearing the same pants. You bought Bill Squire exercise pants.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You got yourself a pair of Billy Squires. Now we just need to get you alternate. Now we need to get you alternating color tank tops to wear on top of you. I mean, are you kidding me? This is crazy. Oh, no.

Oh, this is great. Put them on and do the dance. What the fuck? I'm not doing the dance. Do you, wait, but stop. Dude, I'm going to ask you a question. Do you have thigh pockets? Yes.

Wait, this is Mac Weldon. You have thigh pockets? What are you putting in there? Fake muscles. Let me see. Back up. Get the camera. Paco, get the camera on him.

Oh, there's him doing, there's him cam girling Christine. Yeah. Where was it? They're not Billy Squire pants, but they're not not Billy Squire pants. The double tank top look should come back. Jacob, those hug your fucking shit are great. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

I think they look great. They look really good. Do me a favor, bend over a little bit just to see what happens when you bend over and exercise. Turn that way. Turn that way. Not bad. Oh, man. Give me a taste.

Yeah, just arch your back a little bit. Are you doing like dead lips with those? He is. You do, like, dead lips? Yes. Nice. Jacobs, don't you do the thing where you, like, put the weight, like, right above your pussy and, like, hump up off the side of the bench?

It's called, they're called hip thrust. Hip thrust, you do those, right? Yeah. Me and Jacob and the boys do a rubber band, resistant band workout on Saturdays once in a while. All together? Over Zoom, yeah. We do.

Over Zoom? We should all get those. Nothing gay about that. I'm not involved. You should be. I got some weights. I got some weights in my hands. I was fucking around with that.

You do, yeah. Yeah. In front of the TV? No. It's too small. The Wade's blocked it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

The weights blocked the screen. I told Keith to come inside and see the six other gigantic TVs, but it would take him 72 hours to get through my house. I like that Jay's really annoyed by Keith. Are you really getting a TV? On the one hand, on the one hand, on the one hand, on the one hand, you're saying, please don't, you know, try to down play your house on the other hand you're getting mad when somebody else downplays it he didn't downplay it he lies to people and says i have a 14 inch monitor outside of my house and i'm gonna get a sound bar on that some bitch too the sound was a little low i'm just saying

good that you get you watched it from a hot tub you like an eagle's fan yes yeah all right i don't know yes you do yeah but pennsylvania's so big you could be a fucking steelist fan yeah but philadelphia's Philadelphia. Yeah, but I figured you might be from that other part. You said I wandered over to Keith in Philadelphia? To Western... That's only the Shane story. Do you think we all have Shane's origin story?

From a small town in Western Pennsylvania? Nope, I was right in Black West Philadelphia. Playing basketball, and then Keith found my black ass at a black comedy club and brought my black ass up to the intrusion to you, white motherfuckers. He goes, I know Colin quit, I say, sure shit, you don't.

I don't like the fact that Shane got a scholarship to West Point playing football. It pisses me off. Why? Because I want to be that. At what position? Basketball. I'm not going to say it. Well, no, he was smart to do that.

You don't know the positions in basketball. But he would have confused him. If he said small forward, you'd be like, is that meant soccer? Do you remember we played basketball in Japan? Yeah, of course. That was pretty good. Fun. I mean, you smoked me.

He's really good at basketball. We played before. It's the only sport I could. Wait a minute. I played with Jay years ago. We played late night. And it was Jay against Patrice. Yeah.

And I have to say, Jay was very impressive. I still remember your spin. He had the spin move. I ended up in my body and Patrice's large torso. Yeah, and Patrice was really, but he was taller. I do better with people that are taller than me because you can get under.

It's rare that I can get like under somebody to move them back. Were you there the night that we were all playing and Sherrod Small took Matt Frost? Yes. And picked them up and slammed them. Yes. I was there.

Jay, you were there? You were there? You were there and the body slammed them. Always. You were there, Jay. We only played three times. It's true.

We really did. You were there and we got Norton pom-poms and a horn because he didn't play. We would just watch us play. Remember that? We got him pom-poms and his little horn. But we were there one night and they just got serious. Yep. And Sherrod just picked.

Matt Frost up and slammed No, I'll tell you exactly what happened. They were both holding the ball and they both got serious and he wouldn't let go of the ball. So, Sherrod picked him up, he's still holding the ball. And you heard thump?

The whole activity was borderline dangerous because we played, it wasn't Fourth Street. We went over to like 27th and like ninth in the projects. That's why none of us stuck up for Matt Frost just in case we had to get out of there. Sherrod was going to be just fine.

Do you know why? we stopped playing right no because one night we're all playing we played like three times with the last night the brothers in the projects were like they were like oh shit and they all came out they're like you guys guys want to play too we went oh we're done oh we're actually just leaving yes of course you could have my ball and you can have this little white cheerleader bald guy I knew a kid they grew up there Irish they just be like 20% Irish those projects Those particular ones? Yeah.

That's kind of the Midtown, right? Can't you say that? No, Chelsea's joke. Can't you say that about everywhere? There's a gay, there was a black. They had everything. The place was crazy. So you got your new, first of all, I saw your hour the other night.

I watched it. You did? Yeah, dude, it's infuriating that you get a whole new. Thanks. His first joke was so good. He said, well, I'm going to kill it, but he's like, I don't do these crowdwork stuff. I'm not doing any of that stuff. I have jokes.

For losers. And I'm going to do my jokes. It's the lazy man's comedy. Then he goes, what do you think about that? Yes or no? It was so fucking funny. He looked at these two kids. What do you think about that, fellas?

Yes or no? It's such a great fucking hour. So you're doing this new show on YouTube. What is this about? Well, block by block is just, I'm selling down. What the fuck? We got time left.

It's me, you know, going around interviewing all those old New Yorkers. I got a few more coming up this year. You know what I mean? Just people, as you know, that I just want to... I mean, in my dream... If I could live my dream, I would go to Target and just grab every old lady and just say, I want to talk to you about your life

for the next two hours and just film this. That would be my dream. What did you do instead? Stand up. Hang out with us. Put all I'm saying, but I... You know, I used to do all these people from little, like, every block. Like, I'd like to do every block in New York.

So you'd like to be a scholarship West Point basketball player who eventually went on to interview the elderly of New York. I don't think West Point basketball. I think he's an achievable dream. Let me ask you a question, though, because I think I saw one of the episodes. Is one of the guys in the episode the guy that I sat next to at your special? No. Maybe.

Remember the guy with the, all Pierre Cardin? Oh, you're saying there was a plant? He had a plant for the crowd. No, I was going to interview. I was actually going to interview him, and he's very sick. Okay. He can't interview him. No, because at one time when I told you the whole story about a special debacle.

I told you that, right? They set you behind a camera. They sat me behind a fucking guy, behind cameras. It's a lack of respect that I feel like Colin has kept his chest out about the entire time. It's where you were going to sit. Don't forget about the guy with Tourette's behind me. I'm spitting in Don's hair that she just got done. Twit-ta-ta-ta-ta-c-c-c-c-c-twitchel.

Every five-second. Woo-w-w-w-rinsing, to-tot-tut-tut-tah. I'm like, I fucking want to murder somebody. Then he gives me this... Hey, how much do you pay for that ticket, though? What did you pay? No, he pays for my shows. He's the only one.

No, I pay now. I pay now. I never fucking... No, you did pay. You paid for that one. No. Not for that night. You paid early.

I paid. I paid, but you said, I got you. That's right. He said, I got you. So when I walked in, I literally walked in like. Collins got me? I walked in like, yeah, she's going to be like, oh, Mr. Kelly, come down this way. Oh, different entrance.

No, she went right. Louis pointed in the door to the left, right there. And I went, huh? In the back of the fucking theater. Anyways, next one. I thought it was going to be a fire escape for you just get out. He goes, go, now go at the back. The next one, the next one, I got mad at you.

I'm like, I called them that night. I'm like, this is after, they filmed a special. I called him, I'm like, go fuck yourself. You're a fucking asshole. And the next one, he's like, dude, I got you. I'll never let that happen again. I'm so sorry, it was amazing. It didn't happen again.

What happened again is I drove, I drove all the way two hours in traffic to make it down there. I made it down there. But you're only living in Westchester. It was traffic. And then. But you're like, right there at my times jay nice it's like

it's like that was here and that was just like it was at five o'clock it was an accident somebody hit a deer there was a flood there was a deer there was a race riot yeah so I get all the way down there there's literally somebody waiting for me Mr. Kelly I'm like this is what I like bring it wait right here

we're going to get you they forget about me in the hallway I got to go hey you guys oh yeah come with us they sit me in a row and his one of his friends that he he's talking about This guy is a fuck murdered people He's an Irish mob guy From Brooklyn

Not like yesterday though All Pierre Carden Like a mocked turtleneck Jesus Little pinky ring He's got a clattering upside down Because he murdered people I know there was a thing anymore

And I'm fat He looks at me He looks at me I go hey excuse me He's with this He's Guma He looks at me I go excuse me

He goes Ah fuck And I'm like I'm sorry Like I have to get in this row And he, come on, he goes, come on. This guy's going to get Cheeto fingers on my Perry Ellis suit. He goes, come on, get up, let him in.

So I kind of go, I remember that goes like a plozy. Yeah. I'm like, you know, she rolled her eyes as soon as she saw me. She's like, oh, God, chewing gum. So I get into my seat next to me is another fat girl. She sees me immediately just puts both their fat arms on the thing. Like, you're not getting these arms. So I had to hold my tits.

The whole thing, and then what do I see in front of me? A fucking camera. Is this heaviest? This is the heaviest part. This is one of them. This is, I was pretty heavy. This is, I had to hold my tits the whole show because I would literally have touched serial killer, friend of his girlfriend, and I would have been murdered.

And the fat's out next to me. Fatso next to me would have fucking elbow me. Fucking Simone I was sitting next to him. Whatever agent friend, fat friend you would. And then, and then there's a camera in front of me. So I'm literally. spending the whole show, I just wanted to look around, I'm looking around the camera, and I'm just

mean-monged. Oh, and you're holding your tits and trying to lean, which sucks. It sucks. You now have no support of your arms to, like, lean on. Like, you could lean like this, or you could lean like this. But I understand as a fat guy, when you're hugging tits and trying to give yourself like some what I would call peck cleavage almost.

Yes. You, if you lean, you're going to, like, it's no good. It was miserable. So now, I don't even ask for tickets. I just buy. I buy tickets. I buy tickets. I get front row and I want nothing from his people or him. But you wanted to see that you spent the money for front row. Yeah, I do.

I do tell them that, yeah. You said front row? Yeah, I get front row. Do you hate that? No. No. Really? Because when I grew up in New York,

everybody that I've ever known has been in my shows for the first few years. Like, ah, my friends would come in start. When I first started, it would be like, and I was, you know, when you knew you don't even understand, like, you know, the other communities are like, your friends are really being an asshole. I was like, ah, what are they complaining about? Like these professional comedians I was like an amateur

Get the fuck out We heard that one last time we were here And they go you're a dick It was a couple of fights They tried to attack these comedians A couple of my friends That's all right It's just an umbrella

And yeah So yeah So it was just kind of I'm used to people I know What's your worst What's your worst story of I have so many myself Of bringing

Just the wrong Letting the wrong person come To a show where they fuck Where they just fuck the night up. I've had so many of those where it's just goes, I brought a, I invited almost like just a synopsis, I invited

a guy who owned a strip club and his bartender and they brought two of the stripper girls, prostitute stripper girls. Strippers are the worst audience. For front row to watch me hosting for Brian Regan at Carolines. Oh my God. Story ends with one of the strippers punching an old lady in the face in the front row.

I have my little brother at Boston the comics come home. They have a huge VIP thing after and I got literally my whole family in this VIP thing which I never should have did and my little brother who's drunk off his ass kept going Jimmy Falun sucks and I'm like his family Jimmy Fallon's in this room it's not like we're at a bar oh and I literally said hey man you got to stop that he's like I know but he sucked I go but you got to stop talking oh my god he's like yeah but he sucked and I'm like I know but I grabbed him at one point I go listen to me

You gotta stop fucking saying that Because this is gonna fuck me up There's people here everybody's here This is not a this is VIP This is Jimmy's family friends agents And he goes He goes all right all right all right He pulls back

And he goes but he does fucking suck I just walked away I just left the party I left my party And left my brother there I went back to the hotel Have you ever the pleasure Of bringing the either or of the Steinbergs

Back somewhere with you The guy where he goes, hey, where's your manager? He goes, he's the guy licking the hummus off his fingers because he dipped his fingers in the hummus. I told him to Evan Steinberg went to an MTV meeting with me and he was wearing the, he was wearing, he was wearing Rocky sweatshirt from Rocky One where he kept his hand in the tit hole pocket.

And he fucking, he hung a lug into a water cup, put in the middle of the table. And he goes, let's talk Big J. O'Kerson. It didn't go great. Oh, my God, yeah, he's a good man for that. The Steinberg Management, I'm so glad I was involved in that for like a year and a half, just if I can hear all these stories, man. You did go, you went with him for a year.

I was with him, and then I told him, I gave him an ultimate, I gave him a month. I go, you have a month to get me on Jimmy Fallon or I'm leaving. A month of that day, I called him up, and I met him at Starbucks. I go, you're fired. Patrice, did me nice with the, he told me, convinced me to leave Ken Trush. He was like an independent guy. I remember Cantrush. And he goes, leave Ken Truches and go with the Star.

Steinberg's got everybody right now. It's the way to go. Like, they're kind of working for everybody. And so I did. And I mean, three months later, I think it was after Bill Burr fired them for Evan physically attacking Conan O'Brien at the Aspen Comedy Festival. You, like, put him up against the wall and ask him why Bill hasn't paneled on the show yet. Oh, my God. I think Bill fired him in the moment.

And then, yeah, and then Patrice just fired him. And I was like, Patrice, you told me to come over here. He was like, yeah, well, you know, leave too. And I was like, but I have nowhere to go. Like, no one's looking for me. So I stayed. My first manager, I thought his name was Ken, it wasn't Ken Truce, but it's Ken something. And he would meet me.

His office was he'd meet me in the staircase in his building where he lived a walk up. And we'd sit on the staircase in his building, and he'd talk to me about it. You wouldn't even let me in his apartment Which was a shitty stick And we just sit there I was like this is a show business Steinberg shared an office With another company

That wasn't in the business I got caught up I got caught though At one point you thought you need I didn't even know what an agent The difference being an agent The manager was And you'd hear the word manager a lot

Because there's a lot more of them And they were like You know that's the thing You needed a manager That's kind of coming from the black circuit too Because they would be like managed By their cousin Right

That's right I just managed them Like Keith The Comedy Express Yeah But I wanted a manager Like so bad And like

In different times When I was like When did that second season The Z Rock It was funny because like I didn't have a manager I was like I need one And Kurt Metzgervall

People's call him up He goes You know that guy that runs That Tuesday night show And at this You know Bar is pretty like ambitious kid Man

I think he's ready to do something again So he was my manager And he would show up every day He's just a dude He was not like a suit guy He would show up on set every day wearing a suit with a briefcase that had an apple and a piece of paper

and a new hot young assistant that was his assistant on set and he would just tell some girl like, I can get you on a TV set for something. And I gave this guy my career. I'm like, sure, take 18% probably of everything. Of course. Well, by the way, we'd all like to know

about the first season of X-Roc since anybody in the business never heard of what you're talking about. You're not wrong. I have to keep it out there to everyone's mind. Z-Rock was a... He really brings it up like it's two and a half men. Yeah.

Back when I was on a little show called Cheers See Rock was a show It was in the IFC channel It was me Patrice was in it Oh On the IFC channel Bring up the trailer, Christine, help

We're gonna go No, but he's got to prove that's a thing now We gotta go I don't care We fire me We're gonna show them to show them is Oh, Jeff Gouldons in it. That was a Jeff Gould.

That was a fat guy that looked like Jeff Gouldon. Gilbert Godfrey, Patrice. Jeff Gawlin was doing it. Joan Rivers. Who's that band? Z-O-2. Oh. Yeah.

They're not a band anymore. There you go. They'll look like they spend a few dollars on the show. Yeah. Oh, look at that. It's Gilbert Godfrey. You make a star Gilbert Godfrey. You mean Gilbert Gaffir that did anything?

Oh, no. Oh, they're playing in kids' parties? Three guys. Oh, Patrice. So Neal. He's dead. Oh, I guess we don't care. Oh. Oh, oh, it's Big Jokerson. You know, happy I am knowing that Patrice the misery he felt on the sets going into... Oh, Lynn Coplitz. Everyone loves Lynn Coplitz. Oh, Greg Geraldo, too. Oh, my God. And Jim Norton was on it. Oh, this is bad. I thought you were joking and you were on it. No, no. There's an outside shot. You were on it.

Were you on it? I don't think so, but... may have been on it um it's no sister pink no all right check it out go to our go to our plugs yeah go to uh Colin Colin Colin has a new series block by block I've seen a couple episodes of it it's really interesting and funny is streaming now on YouTube dot com slash at Colin Quinn and he has shows coming up in Westport Connecticut East Greenwich Rhode Island uh he's in Rhode Island Catskills where you in the Catskills that's where I am um I don't know You're in the Catskills.

I thought you were in Westchester. I'm a little lower than the Catskills in New York for tickets and all the tour days. Please visit Colin Quinn.com. He is the greatest. He's the legend, not Rich Voss. He's the legend. I'll say it. Yeah, me and Jay would talk about that.

We're taking that away from here. Robert Kelly live. No, what are we talking about? Big Jay is going to be this weekend. BigJ Comedy.com. He's Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh and Toronto. This weekend.

We'll see you guys. Next week. Enjoy the pre-record tomorrow. Go Corey Feldman.