The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Birthday Flops & Skankfest (w/ Josh Adam Meyers, Jeremiah Watkins, Joe DeRosa & Tony Hinchcliffe)

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

Dan discusses his feelings on birthday gifts from Trish, Dan councils Jay & Christine on their relationship and the gang recaps Skankfest NYC.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi cameras is Black Blue and media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Hi, gamers, it's Black Blue, and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week. The crew is back together after a weekend of laughs at Skankfest. And on Monday's show, we celebrated Dan Sotas' birthday. The Bond Fire host told everyone about the interesting gift that he got from his mom, Trish. I don't mean to disrespect the great TRI-SH Trishish. So I need to just say in the history of my birthdays, unless my mom is specifically instructed on what to get me for my birthday, she blows it. She gives,

let me just watch, let me just wait for her to write that. I mean, she gets, she has birthday yes. She has birthday present yes. She does everything properly. When it comes to the birthday gift, she just fucking misses. Can I support that you love your mom very much? She loves the shit out of you.

My mom is the shit. She's the reason I'm not in prison or dead from drugs. She's just fucking great. She raised me by herself. God bless her. I love her to death. Everything I do, I try to help her out. She sucks at buying birthday presents.

Prisoner Dan, do you think that was one of the outcome possible? That comes to your life? I don't know. I just feel like if I was a person. Now, do you prison. I don't see that. Oh, I'd be killed myself I'm doing danger field while you're playing fucking Get in that stress with pieces made. There's all right toilet paper. All right I'm used if you want your pocket pussy back

I'm gonna fuck you and you gotta talk like Rodney danger field I'm telling you. You know, it's really hard. Hey, you ever be out in the yard and the Mexicans look at you, like, you're a burrito. I'm telling you, I get all the dick. My mom also has a policy of like, open your presence on your birthday. So I got this present. What'd you get? Dude, on my 30th birthday, my mom, it's your 30th.

My mom, when you hear what it is, you got them. Wait, hold on, this year, then you're talking about this year's present. Yeah, I'm not gonna say what it is at all. Yeah, I'm saying, but when you hear what it is, you're going to really love the fact that there was like, uh, because, dude, hang the pocket. You're going to be tempted to open this, but hang in the pocket. The payoffs are going to be huge.

I was thinking about that. My mom was like, when you told me I thought of that, I thought, oh, and she said, like, don't, you're going to want to, but it's big deal. So on my 30th birthday, I was in Denver for it. And my mom was like, I guess you were pretty sweet gift. And I was like, this, all right, it's huge. I unwrap it, it's this big box, and I pull it out, and it's a bronze statue of Joe Montana.

I'm just, I'm sorry. But you are a 49ers man. It's so hard for. I made my dog Montana. So it's kind of right. Yeah, that's, I, they said, I don't call that a bad gift. It means, also it bronze. No, but it's like getting you a penit, dude, put on your wall. It looks like my, but a bronze. What I told Garipane, what I told Garipane behind my mom's back, is she gave me the Heisman trophy of bad gifts where she was like, let's see how good of a son you are.

When I opened it, I just started thanking my coaches, because that's what it looked like. I was like, there's a lot of people I want to thank. I'm starting there for working with me. Coach Riches, thanks for always believing in me. So my mom, I get a package on Friday, this last Friday, and it's clearly a picture. It's a giant picture. My mom's like, I saw the package, or she texted me, she's like, it's clearly a picture, it's a giant picture. And my mom's like, I saw the package, or she texted me, she's like, the package arrived.

Don't open it until Monday, happy birthday, I was like, all right. Are you expecting Colin Kaepernick? Well, yeah, that would be great. Oh, yeah. Were you expecting maybe it was like something like, a picture of like she found, I'm like, your dad, her, and you, like, you're a baby.

Yeah, maybe I thought I was very emotional. I would even be as be as far as I would be surprised if my mom would know me well enough to get some sort of wrestling poster some obscure Japanese You know like all like for a crazy show that was Yeah, yeah, like something that she knew I liked she's really good at that shit. She's she's always on the right trail She just you never really like it would open it up And it was like an autograph picture of Macho, Macho, Macho man's having, like you would have fucking gone nuts, right? Sort of gone nuts.

You look at him like perfect nail that Trish. And listen, she has done great on gifts in the past. And I love her and I always appreciate every gift. And this one was just perfectly one of those like, no. What? Because I open it there? Because I open it. Hang in there. Because I open it.

Fight the urge to fucking rip into that thing. Yeah, so I open it up this morning, you know, and I'm like opening it and I'm like, what is this? And I take the wrapping off. Do you want to hold off? Because Jeremiah's okay. Look, I mean, yeah, I think that's the group. I'm curious.

Joining the group right now, we got a full house. It's Joe DeRosa, Jeremiah Walkins. So anyways, what I was saying is my mom kind of stinks at giving birthday presents She always is in the right vicinity, but doesn't nail it. So I open it up And it is a it's a it's a framed Denver nuggets poster But it's just the only way I can describe it is it would be the perfect gift it is if I was opening a local sports bar Be like on the hallway to the bathroom if you were like cool nuggets poster. It's like the logo breaking through hardwood

It's non-descript. It's completely it looks like she bought it in a drugstore Maybe she's just wanted you to have the phrase She bought it in a drug store. Maybe she just wanted you to have the phrase. That's what we said. I said, that was the moment. I thought the frame may have just come with that inside of it. And she was like, here's a frame. And I was like, is it a frame?

Which I, it's a frame. It's a good frame. Dan, I think that was a gas station gift that your mom got that poster out. Because my dad got my brother Spider-Man 3 on Blu-ray. Years after it came out. And I was like, it was a Christmas gift. My dad got my brother Spider-Man 3 on Blue Ray. Here's after it came out. And I was like, it was a Christmas gift.

And I was like, this isn't even the good Spider-Man. You got him the worst one. This is clearly a gas station. A man made a grand bag. He had worse. Because the parents, they just, they try to lean in and they just, sometimes they miss. I'm telling you where she got that man.

She got that at every mall has one. She got that at that fucking shity ass. Arts, you know, mall art shops where it's just framed poor shit. Yeah, it could be, it could be like a poster of Michael Jackson. But Joe, Joe, because I think you're, I think you're kind of right. I think it's one of those sports memorabilia stores where you go in and they sell jerseys and hats and then they also have like framed it's definitely from a store It's ever from a store in the mall that looks like it was a store in mall rest

But I fixed to a whole bunch of it really put a hundred dollars down it came from the Aurora mall I'll put a hundred dollars down. Why would I bet against that? No, no, no, no, I'm saying you're making me believe that dude my mom my mom got me in Christine for Christmas a couple years ago. A fucking way too unnecessarily big snow globe. And inside it's like, it's just like, you're the best. And a picture book of Carson wins. What? A picture book of like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like a book you did. She got me a book that you would get at the book fair when you were a kid. Where they had let you go for one period, just to the gym and look around books. By the way, really indicative of the human being I am and have become, I never at that book fair ever bought anything that was a book to read. I always got the color, I got 49 or 91 season. Yeah, yeah. Oh. I always got the color, I got 49 or 91 season. Yeah.

Oh. According to some media reports, Skankfest was not without controversy. On Tuesday's show, Christine, Jay, and Dan respond to a press release from the Brooklyn Bazaar regarding Louis CK's surprise set at the festival. Skankfest is being reported on now in major outlets like Newsweek and a couple other places saying because Louis CK showed up and did a set their painting uh... skankfest in a negative light kind of interesting because you guys are you know your work on the central

you're coming to film us for comedy central which has their cluster fest going on and you were there at the kind of a select the bad guys did you did you feel anyway skankfest was aggressive all alt-right, proud boy? No, not at all. I mean, I was slow.

Because you don't know, because these are like our fans. And you're like, these are all great guys. It's gonna be like finding out, you know, one of your neighbors like hit his kids. You're like, oh, fuck, I didn't know that. I was friends with them. I didn't have that working knowledge. Buddy, I'm sure we have plenty of Trump supporter fans.

Sure, fine. And fucking left leaning leaning extreme, whatever. I bet there's people that would not get along at all politically that are fans of ours. And I think that's something. I think that's something. And we had a transgender chick on fucking naked road. It was like, I guess I want to start with the Brooklyn

Bizarre. Yeah. I'm just as someone that's not, as someone that's affiliated with the festival as far as being a performer there, and had an amazing weekend. You and Christine, it's your festival. It's Christine's festival.

You know, she's a little... Christine Lewis and Rebecca Trends festival. And... I'm like a figure headed, I guess, for sure. You know, it's based off of our thing. I would say in wrestling terms, if this is AEW, your Cody Roats, you know, she's tonic. I don't know how to get the reference, but I'll take it.

Someone listening right now, she was just heard that and they're like so to nailed it. But what I mean is, it's Christine's festival, it's Lewis's festivals, Rebecca's festival, we're just participants, Justin. Yeah. You know, we were all there all weekend. And to read Brooklyn Bazaar coming out and making it sound like

Like it was the opening scene of dark night and it was the Way and yeah, they came in and did a set is So yeah, so the Club put it up. Oh yeah for Louis performing in the appa Bring it up only because and while you're bringing up out brings I want to make sure I get these lines because there's a lot of lies. Brooklyn Brasar putting this on Facebook and Instagram saying regarding Louis CK's appearance of the Brooklyn Bazaar the other night. We would like to

state that this was a surprise appearance in that the venue had no prior knowledge that his performance would occur. Shrewd by the time he was brought through the side entrance by promoters and put on stage. Fall the time he was brought through the side entrance by promoters and put on stage. Fall. Fall. He was there for hours. Hold on, by the time he was brought through the side entrance and by promoters and put

on stage makes him sound like a circus animal. Let me tell you what happened. One side entrance doesn't exist. Yeah, there is it. You can't get in from the side. They have to keep them wet the whole time. So we can go through the whole thing. We have to get Willie on stage. Just pouring water bottles in his

blow. Quick, everyone show pornography to him so we can masturbate his way to the stage. He moves like a snail through his own sludge. He I walked into the green room and Louis was talking to my two best friend, two of my best friends, Jatin' Nay. Jatin' Nay, Nate and Jatin' I got excited. I got excited. So, Jatin' Nay? That was more than my intro of him. It's not worth it.

No, it was. Fuck. But it was like one of those things, because I knew List told me, he was like, hey, I think Louie's coming by. It's gonna come by. Yeah, he's gonna come by and hang out. And I was like, oh, he's not going up.

He's like, no, he just wants to come by and hang out. Oh, then Lakeup, Jew, were you guys in the room for Louie? Listen, dude. Are you in the room? Yeah. Oh, you were in the, yeah, goddamn it. Lakeup, Jew. Yeah, you were in the room.

I was like, Lakeup and Jew. So he was in the green room and he was just hanging out and you could see him kind of like relax. Like he was on. He said he wasn't even going on. He was asked if he wanted to go on a couple of times then we just no one to bother him after that and just let him know that if he wants to go on,

we'd be thrilled and anything you want. But if you want to just hang, just hang, because he came legitimately to hang. Yeah. Now I mean every comic had the feeling that when he gets there and sees the vibe, like, he's gonna wanna do it. Let's hope so.

Well, that's also one of the best parts of Skankfest is, and I think Corey and Lincoln and Griefling outsiders, the excitement that the fans have for the shows themselves and the people on the shows is very contagious and very authentic. Jeff Ross has never been booked on Skankfest there every year. Every year because he always seems to be coming in the town.

Like one year it was Ro Spaddle filming and then cluster fast. It's always like he has a big shoot conflict with it. And he's still comes and makes his last day. He comes always just to show up. Yeah. Pop on stage from it. I'm proud, sir. Oh my god.

Yeah. Well, let's get to it. He was in crowds, sir. Oh my god. Yeah. Well, let's get to it. He was, by the time he was brought through the talking about Louis CK, the time he was brought through the side entrance, by promoters and put on stage, it was too late for our staff to stop it. Management felt stopping it may put our staff in danger because of the large crowd.

I write to you, George, to letting you know the war is over Louis CK has gone and in his wrath lay only broken and fallen so Danger from the large crowd and I can tell you I can tell you what's for sure by the way the staff there Blown away with excitement. Yep, that he walked through the front doors and to and also with him going on stage blown away the excitement I just want to read this sentence one more time Manager and this is management felt stopping it may put our staff in danger Because of the large crowd by the way stopping it would have been coming to me Christine Evans and Rebecca Trent and lighting him so the lie to put out, that they thought coming to us to tell us,

hey, by the way, there was no fly list. We were not told nobody could perform. They knew we were gonna have droppings and everybody there seemed to be super excited. He was going high. By the way, if he was late, like, like, frantically lit by one of us, he would have quietly,

and would have seemed like Louis CK did five minutes. And by the way, they'd asked us to like, by the way, no one would have done that. Nobody would have done that. Nobody would have done that. It would have been an argument. And it would have been interesting. What violence? But I made this, I made this venue.

We all made this venue. So much fucking money this weekend. Fucking crap. I've never had somebody that I've made money for like that. Turn on me publicly. That's why you got to keep your bitches back to the apology from Brooklyn Bazaar. Every time I read another send every I've tried to stay on social media

completely over the last few days of anything with the fucking Legion of Skanks Milo situation. Tom, it's better just to not look. Sure. Well, this is let me let me return to the apology. This event was a rental of the space by outside promoters, our music programming department and their affiliates had no hand in managing the booking of this event Perfect time to say that you like when you see outside We go oh yeah, yeah, you guys management booking. Oh you guys are so fucking high in mighty What do you guys do in pollock weddings on Thursday and death metal bands on Friday? You fucking hacks you guys are a shit location that they brought a cool punk rock

That's fuck the Brooklyn bizarre My little baby turns into wife today And it's like hey, what's up? We are Satan's nightmare And then they're like Louis CK Threatened lives of all of our staff. They're such foolish shit assholes. Do you know how many people Ari Shafir put his dick on this weekend without asking? A lot.

Louis CK is a problem. Yeah. He's the one who's trying to focus everybody. You want to hit him with the falling down? Down with Ari Shafir. Not the bad guy. Ari Shafir put his ass hole on another man. Louis CK should just throw Ari Shafir into the butt song.

Oh dude, that'd be great. What is guy here? Oh, come on, man. Luis, in case you just throw, I should fear to the bus. I would do that be great. What is guy here? Oh, come on, dude. And back to it, our music program and department, and there are affiliates had no hand in managing the booking of this event. It was done directly with the venue and not through them. We'd first like to apologize to our community

and staff for what occurred. Dude, do you know what occurred? Sorry, stay. Sorry, staff has seen all that awesome comedy. David Tell interview. You saw David Tell give a first long form interview. You watch fucking Gilbert Gottfried watched all these legendary comedians.

Don't worry, play the drums. Yeah, you got Bill Burr. Oh, Christ, Bill Burr was a hair. Oh, no, what else? Also, you got this. The second club that said billburne, not welcome. The whole thing too, it's like the right after this was my favorite tweet. Right after Louis went on Bonnie McFarland went on stage and called Louisiana. Pervert. Yeah, we would, we would first like to apologize to our community and staff

or what occurred. We'd like to apologize to the music department because they've put a lot of effort into making Brooklyn, Bizarre a safe space with diverse programming, which is what skankfest was. And what other fuckers? You had a training on a naked roast. Yeah, which sounds. We let it blacks.

We just candy cat people. Yeah. You want to know how diverse it was? There were two Indian Scottish guys. Yeah. You want to know how diverse it was? You want to know how diverse it was? There were two Indian Scottish guys. Yeah. Oh yeah, with braces. They were coming to my show in Edinburgh. They're like, don't say that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Classical. Classical. Classical. Fuck out, don't say that. And you're like, what the fuck is that?

It's crazy. I'm just like, what the fuck is going on? You're coming to Edinburgh. Dane. Fucking three. I was seeing what's funny. It's so, I say retards were a lot of it. And Lairist got angry at myself

because the most emotional moment of the thing for me was, we did have a lot of handicapped people there this year. Yeah. And there was a guy at the end of the night when I took a picture with who just seems like, he was laughing at stuff, but it's like, I don't know what he has, but it was very debilitating. Oh, I saw him on two crutches. And I took a picture with him,

and I think his dad maybe, or his brother, who braw him there, and he was so excited. It was such an ador- It's so- It was so sweet. And this guy, who's heavily afflicted, in some capacity gets what we do. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

But the thing that's so, the thing that's so infuriating, and I think maybe we can explain this to people because we're too close to it, I think, in some aspects to really explain it, we will make sure to be more clear when discussing our guidelines and policies with outside events and to vet these events more thoroughly. Yeah, give us a good talking to him. We just made this. Let's see some of the comments.

Go to 411 comments. Let's see what the people are saying. I wish everyone would pull up their big boy and big girl panties and grow the hell up. Yeah. All right. Kathleen! You're lost. Scaring Fest is likely your biggest draw. I said to the venue. I was like, look guys, when we texted them and we're gonna have a conversation with them tomorrow. I'm like, you're kind of digging your own grave here, man. Like, they apologized behind our backs with lies. Okay, like, what am I supposed to do with that?

What are we supposed to do with that? Like making it up. No, they're making it out, like telling me, like communicating something with me would have been unsafe and they're apologizing to their staff. Like it is nuts. So here's the thing, this is on their Facebook, but it's also going around. So what's happening, which is awesome, is a lot of the comics that were on the festival

or just like we haven't defined, we haven't had to defend ourselves at all, which is great. And I think we just owe our fans and our power to the Brooklyn Bazaar because the way that the Brooklyn Bazaar is making our fan base out to be, when it's time, I mean, we had like grown men crying tears of joy.

We had people working together, Karin Fisher just put this out. She said, I've never seen men be more scared of woman than a skank fest in a go-way. I almost heard you do it. Yeah. There was a time when I thought they were the problem. Then I smelled them and saw their bellies

filled with ballpark Franks and was so happy they have this comedy fest because they're misfits just like the rest of us So to take it to take like this group of like really Tindalline ballpark is a solid brand I fucking love to do it, but that's a that's a beautiful statement by current Fisher And yeah, man, it is it's like everyone that wasn't there has these like these very staunch opinions about Skankfest and you're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

If you would have been there, it felt like a fun comic book convention. It's like Cam. Hey, Cammers is Black Lou again. And on Wednesday's show, things came to a head between Jan Christine as Dan tried to mediate the situation between his co-host and the bonfire executive producer. Communication is key, guys. I thought that was a drop. I literally thought that was a drop.

Communication is key or what? I think any of our problems. I think just the fact that we talked about it and brought it outside of our own household is good. What? Do you realize what a horrible person you want now? I realize that last night. And I realize at the old time and I told you have to get me shit together a little bit.

If I'm going to be dealing with all these projects at the same time, I recall you saying I told you a lot of time. Move out. Who cares? Jason, we made progress. You're backsliding. No progress. Okay.

I'm going to move out. When you tell me you want to go all the time and I say if you want to go, you're free to go and I would devastate me if that's what you wanted. Do you think when I come back from Scotland, you're gonna be not living there? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it. She just goes, I said, if that's what you want to do, go ahead. I said, go ahead. It would totally devastate me and blah, blah, blah. You did that. Those are separate thoughts. It's not at all. Just because I'm saying you're free to go, you're not obligated to be with me. No. No.

What? What? What? What? What? You know, it doesn't mean that if you left me and that was your decision, it wouldn't be devastating. You said, you don't want to have your own happiness because you're worried about devastating others. That's why you find yourself in a lot of the situation you already have. Welcome to round two of Bonfire therapy.

Wait, we were out. I just started, I don't have to say anything to Christine at all. I would just say, it's our god damn emotional. It's on audio. This is my thing I ask for all the time, by the way. It's on audio. She said, I tell him all the time, if you want to go, like go, I don't care.

I'll be fine, who gives a shit. That's what he said. Now you're saying you'd be devastated and whatever. He devastated, but I would be fine. I'll survive. Please. Those both those statements are true. It would be devastating, and eventually I would be fine. If I can get through my mother's death at 15,

I can get through a breakup at 34. Let's see. I told you, Lord, I can't handle his death. Well, how about we you two kill myself? No, don't do that. Don't ruin me, I'll do it this shit. No, I won't do that. I have a daughter. So you know, move out before you kill me.

Yeah. Wait, what? I don't know. I'm just saying, I don't want this to be the fucking clip that they use in court. Move out before you kill me. I don't understand. I'm just sitting there in a fucking wrinkled dress shirt. I'm all I Didn't take that

I'm in a dead go after Jay first You're her first I'm getting something the rampings of a woman who punches herself in the face and calls the cops instead I would always go after it then significant You fucking gone girl Jay from this I will I'll just be I'll just Clap it they're leading Jay into the prison of like I'm gonna I'm gonna look for a place I'll get a place and then we'll see so you think by the time I come back from Scotland from French festival you'll have a new place. When's that? Oh, end of August.

Oh, yeah. Or like going then, yeah. We have probably, I, I, it's on the road like four weeks. You don't think there's gonna blow over in two days? No. You don't think there's blows over on Sunday when you get back from Captain Brian's on the comedy club.

You don't think you guys will be fine by Sunday? No. I think you will be Listen particularly Sunday. I haven't enjoyed a Sunday with Kristen this show back this up. I haven't enjoyed a Christine has systematically destroyed my only day off Sundays for the last 12 in a row how so You can ask her you It's not really a system. Which is system.

I said I go it's my name. Are you the Bill Walsh of Rooning Sunday? Yes. I leave alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Beijing and complaining, but whatever. This, that, the other thing, she gets high and just starts talking about like every fucking like daughter, divorce her lives, her friends, our future, our family,

all the important stuff, but I also have a tendency to plan too much and a lot of things that I find fun, most people find terrifying and scary and they don't really have any conversations. You get hot, no you get very like that. I get lying, I want to plan my entire future and everybody else's futures and I want to figure out property buying and I want to figure out branding and I want to

I'll success paths and Christine. It's like literally what I do at home for fun. Stop. I know I just have to I'm learning but hold on. Christine I was I was really with you and I had to try hold on about I'm trying Jay. I don't need you, don't rub it in. Stop. You were saying that you like to talk about buying properties and selling times, which is, I'm trying to be on your side, but you're making it sound. Hold on, you're making it. As someone else that's also on the road and comes home and Sundays is, they all, you're making sound.

Like Jay comes off the road and you try to sell them time shares. And you're right. Exactly. And so much I was giving you by her and other people things. Jay, she's just fucking railed off Coke. Oh, Jay. What if I told you she probably do our literally standing on money, you're standing on money.

The ground. Christine probably secretly does Coke. All right. Well, don't start are the start to smearing her campaign i don't really i don't know what's up secretly drink too because it's been two years guys today right to the big deal about my your side ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know if I got that clean Cuz just cuz I was so impressed with lose bear naked ladies pull out Perfect jock and now it's just a watch to my head Yeah, I think J. Also is this image like he goes on the road and I just like fucking I don't know sit at home like a house cat or something

I thought you I thought you risky business that every time Jay would have a new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new day, Jay comes home Sunday. Um, Jay, you know, it's like I should have fucking, I need to be more mindful about like no work on Sundays. No work on Sundays. Let's get that on you. Let's get that on a nice, it's hard to live together. I'm just gonna work. Let's just get that engraved on a piece of wood for your, I don't care what day she works for.

Well, no work is also no family plans, no, no work talk, no, uh, no financial future planning, no power of attorney talk, no, I mean, you guys have regular power of attorney talks? No, we've had a power of attorney talk of like, hey, if you're not going to be divorced, I should probably be your power of attorney. And then I don't know, I just feel like I'm in this relationship that's so steady. And whenever I bring up the thin ice that it is on because of the, you know, legal situations and the way the house

a car. Look, every time Jay says he wants to break up with me, I go, well, there goes my life, there goes my job, there goes my radio show, there goes my festival, there goes my community. So what he doesn't understand that he does to me is that at the most extreme points of my life, and when I'm really working hard to make everybody else fucking happy, he's telling me that I'm fucking not being good enough to him. So it's hard. What do I'm back in it, baby? I'm going to be in the bonfire, couples therapy. I was just wearing this. How do you do you think she's right? You think that's how it is? No. How do you think it's different than that relationship? Yeah, well, like just how would she set where she's like, you know

Trying to please like I don't I have no idea what you talking I don't know what you talking none of it has anything to do with our relationship. All that is me being good at my jobs I am not good. I'm I've not been a good girlfriend. I don't know like do you guys need to go get your good? I don't know like what I can say about that like I am a good assistant I'm a good producer. I'm good at organizations, like I'm a good entrepreneur. I wish we were better on Mike. I'm really not a great girlfriend. Like I'm learning.

And I did, if I was a great girlfriend, he would have made me his wife by now. Like I'm obviously not a great girlfriend. That's the bottom line here. But if that's something you should put on yourself. Oh no, I should because I have to believe that if Jay wanted me to be his wife, I would be his wife. Otherwise everything he's doing is because of what he doesn't follow his own pet. Like, if I don't believe

that, then it's just an argument as to why he hasn't done it yet. So what can I come up with? If J. Wann, me to be his wife, I would be. Wouldn't I? I don't even understand the word she's saying. She's saying if you love, you don't really know either. If you loved her more, you would marry her. I'm sure, I guess. Hi, I am DJ Liu. Thursday's bonfire was the airing of 2019's Skankfest show in Brooklyn. The amazing Tony Hinge clip was on stage

to talk about the naked roast and ultimately everyone's dick sizes. Here's the clip. You're doing two killtonies here, right? Yeah. Good night, Namarro. Thank God you don't have a naked clause where they have to be, you have to see

their weird balls while they're failing a comedy. Oh, I swear to God. I'm not. You still think about balls last night, right? I almost, I'm not exaggerating. I almost physically passed out laughing so hard last night's naked roast. When the retarded guy came out,

and I've never seen a guy with a dick more retarded than he was. He was retarded, but it's usually a Down syndrome. That's usually the deal with the universe. If you are retarded, you get a huge, beautiful dick. Right. We're retarded. I'm just, what? It's a big old retard dick, yeah.

What's weird is whatever whoever's laughing in the back was a laugh of honesty really. Ha, ha, ha. It's just behind me like, ah, ah. That's why I go help volunteers so I could see all those dicks. I mean, he was blessed with nothing. Nothing. His jokes were bad, his dick was horrendous.

His jokes were, no one understood a word he said. It's almost the perfect, that's the perfect one. We should look at those fucking, dude, his nuts. Each one had its own sack. It looked like, if you grab his dick and do it, like a milk bag game. Like a butter. No, no, it was, I wish he was here.

On the contrary to that, my good friend and cast made on Kiltoni, the great Joel Berg judge last night. Well, that's only cheers for that fucking hammer he had, dude. He should only be naked. And he literally has huge dick energy and he came out and of course you're curious right? It's your body you're gonna look and the fucking it was so big. It looked like Jacob's microphone Wait Tony you had never seen it being on the road with him as much. No, but I've all the fuck you do with your people on the road Damn, I don't know what do you think Shane and I bumped tummy alright?

Wow, I don't know what you think Shane and I bumped tummy. All right, everybody. Time to compare Dixon to Hotel Room. Shane, Justin, it's time for naked hide and seek. All right, go ahead. Time to see who features and who hosts. Get him out. If you point me up, you get the at more time. No, you're not far off though.

It's been close because we do this thing sometimes called a Mexican drum off if anybody that comes up knows how to play the drums, they can challenge Joel for his entire job. He's never lost it, but it's a drum solo versus a drum solo. First guy goes and Joel usually comes out and puts on a big show. One of the things he usually does he has a sock over his penis. And I've always wondered how he got the sock to stay on his penis, but now I understand. Yeah, you know. Because his dick is a foot size 9 through 12. His dick is a hein sock.

His dick is just a filled out sock. You know how much that hurt? See, he even hear that. When I went to, I may have said this in the show before, when I was going to the light therapy, which is basically standing on like a tanning booth, more or less, they give you a really long sock to cover your dick, and I had to roll it up like Adu Bice's hat, like it looked like just a Yamaka,

and then I would fucking tuck it into the, where my fucking leg into my thing, the holding in place, because it's not, there's nothing worse than being in a tube, and the dick thing, but I don't wanna get fucking, you know, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, He gets a little fuck out of the hurt. When a clown wears a little top hat. Yeah, second president.

Dave Smith, thanks Smith picture. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious. See, while this guy's still not a fucking tube sock, he's gonna go shovel snow. Yeah, this guy goes, give me a surgical glove, this will be funny. Did you, so when he walked out, you're like, oh, there it is. That's another time

I mean I I was just dying of laughter like I mean there's something about seeing your buddy who should have a Giant dick having a giant dick the crowd went crazy His dick was literally like four or five times a bigger than it Yeah, I got to hit him with that Dennis Green but they are who we thought they were I hate to go back to the well of how impressed I was, but it was thinner at the base and thicker to top, which means when it gets big, that thing thickens up noise.

Oh, yeah. You just call that a rattlesnake. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I think it's coming at ya. Then a little rattler lets you know it plumps up. I'm telling you about inch three, there's a part where most girls got to go all right So you know we are

So you'll put him on your naked Avengers with Justin if you're putting together a super team of naked dudes Yeah, to judge a naked roast battle. Yeah, I mean I'd hilarious between Four dicks that were out for SDR show last night. You missed a lot of cocktail I Told you not to leave. And then all the dick at Naked Rost, it's amazing how many of them looked identical. I mean, every guy's dick was just about an inch and a half to two inches soft. And then fucking Joe Bird came out. And I mean, I've never seen a guy more confident

my life I mean he was sitting with such a swag his dick was hanging over the chair yeah that's basically his version of being seven foot tall and show there But it is. That's his... You got a Big Dick over. Joe Berk. Joe Berk. Man, you got a big dick when dudes are talking about it the next day. Yeah, yeah. It's the comic. I'm having a fucking Comic Con panel about it.

Yeah. But if you show up with a big dick for a naked roast battle, you are a seven foot guy showing up to a gym to play basketball. We're like, this is... Let me see if I can get laid in this place at all. Anybody think that dick was too big? You sluts.

You fucking baggy pussy sluts. Whoa! No, they all are slushin' out. I'ma shit a clap? I have a girlfriend. You do have a shirt, the shirt of a guy who would be mad about it. Another guy, big dick. It does mean I fucking kill hookers. Yeah.

And so it tells. Shirt is free. Another one of my favorite things about naked roast battle is year after year watching Zac Amico's dick go farther into his body. It's like this year, it was just the piercing. Yeah, and all sack underneath it. Now you realize why that piercing's necessary in case you got to go there.

Yes. That's a safety harness to pull it out of the body. I'm sorry man, I got to check your dick. Oh no worries. Yeah. Oh that piercing's not sexual at all. It's to pull my penis from the innards of my body. It's like how you inflate the safe preserver on the airplane.

Pfft! Pfft! He thinks he's about to get blown. He's like, hit there and do it! Pfft! Damn, you got a big fat serious. No, I know. I have a real medium.

I got a real 86 mile over. Would you pull it out in public ever? Nope. I wouldn't care if a picture of it went around the world hard. If you did, but soft dick in a room full of life people. No, they tell their friends and then their friends tell, it's the same way fucking a plan of the apes disease killed everybody. If it was a flight attendant who starts telling people on the loudspeakers.

If it was a, like a small audience on a Caribbean island where the humidity was it was hot so you knew you're gonna get a good dang balls were hanging heavy and the whole package is hanging. Maybe. I'm gonna have to have a rager that was like coming out. Coming up bound up seems like a good. And so funny that the conditions I need to get naked in public or show my dick in public would be so funny that it would be the, I'd have to lay on the ground legs wide open

and then push on either side of it, so I feel like it's all right. And I'll be like, send in the line, just as if you will walk by, I'm like, how are you? Oh, dude, I'm like, how are you? How are you? Welcome to Skankfest. Happy Skankfest, enjoy the Skankfest.

Enjoy the Skankfest. I'm gonna show you the little side show. Step right up. See the lion man's penis. You see big J's on the landing between the stairs. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Well, if girls doing hula hoop, hey, everyone.

That'd be Skankfest. That'd be Skankfest. A literal meet and greet. Who is now the artist formerly known as Big J? Yeah! Oh, fuck it, dude. So we should do that next year. Yeah.

Grow or not show it to you, Oakerson. Big J and his new sidekick, Little J Pokers. Yeah. Come see it! And then I'm just barking people in. Come see the J's! Come for the little one, stay for the big one! I'm saying it, big man, little peanuts, come on!

Yeah, hope you enjoyed this week's Pest of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand of the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. out the bonfire at SXM.