The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Blind Dogs Live In Nashville

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Bobby and Jay are live in front of a Nashville studio audience at SiriusXM studios. Kid Rock snubs Jay at the Ryman Auditorium show the night before. Jacob is in attendance on Zoom and reveals to the crowd that his dog had his eyeballs removed. Then he declares that he is the toughest member of the Bonfire and would beat every member in a fight. Christine says that Jay once proposed to her and took it back because the universe stepped in. Bobby tries to get them to marry on the show. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly, live from the Sirius XM studios in Nashville. Bobby, I'm so glad you're willing to ham. I'm a big ham. I like to ham. You know I like the small talk. Nice shorts. Who's wearing shorts? Oh, those are pants. He just has holes all the way down the fucking knees.

Are you okay? No, I'm not. I'm not, I feel like we're sitting way too low. We are sitting really weirdly low. This is, I feel like a little person. I didn't think it was gonna be so low, but we're so much lower than the audience. Why?

And it almost, it looks disrespectful the way we're talking to them. I feel like that- Hey, you know the problem? I have sex with your mother, but I ain't your dad. I feel like that guy in the Maxwell tape commercial. He's, dun, dun, dun, dun. Those two old guys got that joke. They did.

Welcome everybody to the Bonfire Live in Nashville, Tennessee for the Nashville Comedy Festival. Fashion Talk, Series XM 103. Nashville Comedy Festival. Fashion Talk, series XM103. I'm Big Jay Okerson. That's the great Robert Kelly, and we are way low in these chairs. It is really small.

Look how big you guys look to us. It's comfy as shit, but I think it's almost too comfortable for broadcasting. It is. Hey, how was your day today? I don't know. Yeah, it's like when you go in for an audition, they have that couch that just sucks the life out of you.

That's what this feels like right now. Are you trying to connect with a room full of people who have never auditioned for anything in their life? Guys, you know what it's like, the hustle bustle of the active. You've auditioned for things? Insurance commercials? Have you auditioned for things, sir?

Yes. What'd you do? What was it? But not for that either one of those. Me and you had the same confusion I thought he was saying he was up for the role of Captain America. Oh, no wait the Winter Soldier And either of those doesn't make sense. Were you Captain America at the last one, when he was old and he came back? You were Fat Captain? Oh, that's cool. Wait, you were going to be a Captain America? No.

You were an extra, oh, you were in the background. You were somebody that Captain America might save. Really? Oh, you're not even that. You were somebody in the background that got smushed by a building. Did you guys get smushed? Hey there.

Hi, Christine. I'm somehow in the final cut, the director's cut, or I'm in the background. Christine, the actor, sit on his lap when he talks, please. Stop, don't do that. I think that's his boyfriend next to him. You don't want to fucking cock block.

That's the son. Well, that's weird, too What he meant was your son has a boyfriend definitely Yeah My gay guard that's your son. I feel so terrible. I thought you guys were dating Not yet. All right. Well, there you go, but that is his daddy These chairs are too low, dude. They're way too low.

I'm trying to keep my spirits up here in Nashville. Once again, I've come down. I keep lying to myself and saying, I don't care if I become best friends with Kid Rock. I keep telling myself I don't care. The first couple years I told you I did care, and we tried. And me and Bobby, historically, if you don't care. The first couple years I told you I did care, and we tried, and me and Bobby, historically, if you don't know, failed together

at trying to become friends with Kid Rock. The last time I did the show with the Ryman, with Bobby, we went over to his bar, and afterwards he took me by the arm and said, Jay, he goes, come here, I wanna talk to you. And we took about 15 steps to get where he wanted to talk. And in those 15 steps, I was like, I'm going to cut him off immediately

and tell him everything, every time I've ever seen him and how much I love him, is probably how he wants to start this conversation. And then he did, he turned around and I was like, I saw you the first time at this place and you were great here. And then you play all the instruments and the midget and blah, blah, blah.

It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen you do. And when I was watching him going, and then they did this and then I did that and I saw you here and I saw you there and I was just like, what the fuck is happening? Can I smell your hat? What did you, can I breathe your hair? I fucking queefed out on him real hard. It was so fucked up how you went total fucking queef. You went from the coolest guy I know at the Ryman, kicking ass to a fanboy in around 25 minutes. Made everybody around us uncomfortable.

And then Bobby goes, I'll save it, because he saw Kid Rock was smoking a cigar. Bobby's a cigar guy. Bobby's the cigar guy. Bobby's the cigar guy. I had two of my favorite cigars ever, and very expensive cigars. People who know cigars are like, this is the mother fucker.

Bobby. I had the mother fucker. Bobby, you're underselling. You brought one of those cigars. You brought one. Well, I smoked one, yeah. I had one left. Oh, okay. But these were your cigars for the night for you. This is your jam. This was the motherfucker

This was like I'm gonna smoke this after all this shit that went down I'll at least have this rolled by real Amazon fucking bush people. No, that's not true. That's not true children No, not children children of slaves. No slaves were involved in rolling my fucking cigars, dude It was you don't know that for sure dude. You don't know that for sure, though. I don't know that for sure, but... Does it feel, does it smoke like the sweet taste of slavery? I feel like it was so low that the people in the front row are only laughing and the people in the back are like, I can't see them.

The people in the back might not be able to see us. We need to get in stools, dude. I don't think this is gonna fucking work. Right? Do you wanna switch seats now? Yes, we do. We need to switch seats. Shut the fuck up, Christine.

Don't talk to her like that. Did you see that energy, though? She goes, now maybe. Yeah, I know. She did have a little. Well, there's a big thing of glass. She might wanna smush her face against it. I would take chairs the same height as everybody else.

Here we go. Here we go. That's too high for Bobby. He's going to get hurt if he falls. That's not too high for me. I'm fine with that. What if Bobby comes down? I don't like dang. Oh, this is so much better, Jay.

Come up here with me, dude. I don't know. I like this now. You can see everybody. There's some hot chicks over there. It's not just a bunch of dudes and couples. You don't know that. Hey, you want to get off your phone, you cocksucker?

Listen, this guy's on his phone. He also spent money on a Rich Voss shirt. He makes a lot of mistakes. Yeah, Rich Voss is a legend. You talk to him about buying it? That adds up. Where the fuck is Jacob? I need money to get home.

Can you buy one more shirt? Before I talk any more about this Kid Rock, my fucking world falling to pieces again. Where is Jacob? It says his name right there. I know, we see Black Lou. Black Lou, what's up? See me.

There you go, Jacob. What's going on, guys? What's up, Black Lou? Why are you speaking into a lantern again? I have to stay exactly like this. Lou, is it uncomfortable letting all of these white people into your stay exactly like this. Lou is it uncomfortable letting all these white people into your black home like this? It's got to be very disarming. What are you talking about? Isn't his relatives white? Yeah, it was a joke. Everyone around him is white.

Sorry about that. Lou lives in that house and the neighbors call the cops on him three times a week for breaking into the house. He's like, I have a key. Jacob's microphone is glowing. What the fuck? Jacob, that's not a microphone, that's a diffuser. Yeah, it's not cool looking, but it's working. That's a little girl podcast microphone you got. It is a podcast.

Jacob, are you talking into it right now? I am. Why do you? Jacob. I know you can hear me, don bullshit me Jake Jake Jake come on dude is that real Jacob I'm not falling for this is he fucking around is he messing around can you guys hear him hang on he's in orbit. Jacob, it might be a sun flare. I think Jacob's microphone is attached to his heart.

It keeps beating fast. Jacob, what is that thing? It's like, yeah, it's like ET's chest. Why did you get that microphone? Because I had to. What do you mean you had to? You didn't have to get one that lights up like Lord of the Rings.

Yeah. It was the one they had you look like an old creep fortnight player that fucking YouTube's Jacob do me a favor go get one of the dolls and show the live audience one of the creepy dolls in the room Yeah, you do Party does though you got a scariest one come. Come on get it. Get the one that you woke up in the middle of the night last night and it was staring at you. I'm dealing with a lot down here this week. What's that? Aside from the well the batats have been going through a little. Aside from the dolls my dog had his eyeballs removed. What? What? From the dolls? No.

Was it a curse? From the surgery. Wait. It's something you gotta get used to. Your dog doesn't have eyes? No, why don't you put the dog down? Yeah, kill it. Perfectly healthy.

What? The side effect. Buddy, I would put my wife down if she lost her eyes. Oh my gosh. You think I wanna stare into do sockets every day? I would stay with down if she lost her eyes. Oh my gosh. You think I want to stare into new sockets every day? I would stay with Christine if she lost her eyes, but I would learn how to cheat very quietly. Yeah, it's, yeah, they remove the dog's eyeballs and then they show the lids shut. Hey, can we see, fuck the dolls, can we see the dog's eyes?

Jacob, the dog's not not gonna know we're making fun of it Jacob bring over your Franken dog bring him over why don't you put that microphone in his eye who the hell taxidermies a dog before it's dead can't they get a fake dog eyes you know we were actually looking into those like Sammy Davis eyes but they don't really do that for dogs. No you should just fucking just make Google eyes put it on top of the stitches. Yeah well you know I get him a patch on one eye and get him a samurai sword for his back. How does why how old is the dog?

He just turned 10. What did you do to him? No, nothing, he just had a degenerative eye disease. He had a glaucoma. He had glaucoma, so it got so bad that the pressure was causing him massive headaches, so the vet said. You're telling the story while the beating microphone

is going on, it's insane. I can't do anything about the microphone color. But you could have not got that one. I really couldn't have. I'm pretty sure you can change that color on that microphone, by the way. You could definitely make it stop pulsing. I'm not touching the microphone.

Turn the beat meter off. No, I can't do that. Why? Because Big Jim said stay still don't move your head and that's goddamn what I'm gonna do. Damn Jim you put the fear of God in Jacob. I've never seen that before in him. Did Jim threaten to take your eyes out? Don't look at the camera look at the mic don't look at the camera or your dog won't be the only one without eyes in that town did Jim take the dogs eyes out was that a warning was that a serious XM mafia sending a warning to young Jacob Jacob woke up this morning with the eyes in his bed yeah what the hell? Jacob, we're sorry, we didn't know this was gonna happen. Eyes down! Mouth on microphone! He uh, T-Rex kinda... Don't look at us. Sometimes he'll bump into a wall

and it'll break your heart. Why don't you just put him in a room and leave him there? Well, he's getting used to it. Why don't you put a pillow over his face and cry and say, I love you a bunch? Why don't you paint him like an iguana and send him in the backyard and then get your BB gun? He's recovering. No, shoot him. I'll never know. Buddy, being a blind dog is going to suck. You can't fetch. You don't know. Shoot him. I'll never know. Buddy, being a blind dog's gonna suck.

You can't fetch. You don't know where the snacks are. He's all right. Oh, all right. Never mind. We project. He just wants to be a... He just wants to eat and sleep. Well, yeah, you took his eyes. Yeah. Well, yeah, you make a point. He used to love to look out a window

and get excited when someone new came home. Yeah, he can't even bark at the mailman anymore because he doesn't know he's there. No. No. He can't do any of that. Well, you know what? Maybe his smell will become better, like Daredevil.

Yeah, now I would worry that every time my dog was around me, I'm like, oh, it smells cancer. He does have Daredevil senses. Even for a dog it seems heightened now really well then try to shoot it and see if it dodges it no daredevil style maybe now I like how you're thinking if he did so you can't even take him for walks right no? No, no, we we can take him for walks He knows like he feels the difference between the grass and the sidewalk that type of thing Can you put a little stick on his nose into it? He knows nobody's gonna lead him into a fire hydrant You know what?

There's a matter of trust you should make it you should make an Instagram for the dog the blind dog You'll become a fucking millionaire. Oh he's so sweet. You got glasses did you get him glasses? No. Oh that'd be great. He just got his cone off. Oh that'd be awesome actually put like a bandana around his eyes and then tell everybody like it's ninja training or something like that. I had a reference but I didn't think anyone was gonna to get it. Like the Beastmasters father. Remember that? No, the father. I'm so sorry. I said that reference.

My apologies. Well, no one laughed today when I'd said that Christine dresses like she's lying to people, telling them about a werewolf and a vampire who fight over her when she goes to her dad's house. See? You gotta do the rest though, you gotta do the story. Well yeah. The story was great.

It's Twilight and then, yeah. No, but do the story, you being her, be her. It was pretty great. Go ahead. So anyway, there's this vampire and werewolf that fight over me. I'm like, the werewolf's hotter, but like the vampire is a vampire. And I mean, that's something, right?

Do a thing about the long war. So anyway, every time I leave, they rage a centuries long war about I love it. Over my hot box. Look at her, she's walking around, she's getting soaked thinking about it. She's on the ceiling.

There's no werewolves or vampires fighting over you, Christine. Sure, Jacob. Jacob's mic's working on that one. Yeah, look at that thing. Look at that mic glow. Okay, that was a good one. Thank you, Jacob. God, I hate his microphone more than anything.

It really is. it's something though. It looks like a candle's burning. It looks like a candle at a shitty Italian restaurant. Yeah, are you sitting shabas while you're talking to us, Jacob? You can use that microphone when your dog dies to put near his casket. I'm not gonna.

Too far, I went too far? That's my thing, I take it too far. But that's why we're here, to let you know. But now we know, we know where not to go. Now we know. My neck is hurting from having to crane to talk into the mic exactly like Big Jim says, but I'm not gonna let him down.

Were you practicing all night for Jim? I mean. You look like Larry King, dude. You're all leaned into it. And another thing. Look at the arms up in the thing. Let me tell you something. I don't believe this right here, not my president.

You gotta get suspenders, dude. Jacob, start wearing suspenders. Damn, I could talk to Jacob all day. Luke, can I hear your microphone real quick? Absolutely, how are you? Damn, listen to that mother fucking bass in that thing. So professional. Jacob? Yeah, listen to that motherfucking bass in that thing. So professional. Jacob?

Yeah, he's a voiceover artist. It's that soothing voice. Mine is a voice from hell. Well, I thought maybe your future microphone could do a little something for that. That microphone does blow. It does. Anyway, back to...

Last night was so great. We did the rhyming. We had a plan, though. This time we had a plan. We're gonna go to his thing after his Kentucky, what is it, the bar? The Kid Rocks bar, Honky Tonk bar. And I had the, now we were telling the story. I went up to him at the end.

After I had already whiffed hard. I mean whiffed, it was, I was sitting there watching Jay talk to him like, I don't want to be his friend anymore. You shouldn't. Kid Rock almost gave me an on the arm, that'll be plenty. And uh.

It was disturbing. Yeah. And then Bobby. Well when they were leaving and I see him, he's talking and I already called him Bob and he didn't respond. And. Bobby's plans to go too familiar.

I went too much, I'm a fan. I showed my ass. I seen him take out some dude, walked over with a cigar. And I'm like, I'm in, I'm the cigar guy. I know what's going on. And I got the motherfucker in my bag. Then I'm gonna walk up as a cigar guy to a cigar guy,

anybody knows, hey dude, I got this cigar, it's one of my friends, I wanna give this to you. And he's gonna go, no shit, really? I'm gonna, yeah, I want you to have it. Aw, thank you man, that's cool man, I love this, this is great. And you thought you were gonna get on the back of his ATV and put your arms around his waist?

And he was gonna take you off in the Kid Rockland, dude. Who knows what's there? He went, yeah man, I only smoke these. It's the only cigar I smoke. And I was like, no, but this is the motherfucker. This cigar is like a $60 cigar. And he's like, nah, I don't smoke anything but these. That's all I smoke.

That's it. Thank you, though. Appreciate it. So I'm holding the cigar. Kid Rock has turned around. And Bobby is now left standing with the cigar like this. To nobody. To nobody, except his assistant walks over and goes.

Mario, you wish it was his assistant. This was some guy who got in. Somebody walked in. Just walked in and goes, I'll take that and took my fucking motherfucker cigar and walked away with my cigar. Helping you in no way with furthering your relationship with Kid Rock.

Kid Rock, I got you this cigar. I'm good, I'll take it, dipshit. And the guy. And then I went down the wrong stairs four levels, had to come back up and go through the thing again to go find you guys. And when you come in and go back out, everyone sees you've done that,

so you have to make this face. I don't know, it's an idiot, it's doing around my thing. So last night, we were there, and I got, I think I have it on me in my bag, I bought Kid Rock cigars. They're called Short Story Fuentes. I went and I bought them.

I bought four of them. I bought the only cigar he smokes. I got ready to go. So Jay's gonna go out, murder, Kid Rock's gonna come back, fuck Jay. And I'm gonna go, yo bro, check this out. Hey, you do it every year. I know we rarely ever talk, but you do a good job.

Man, you should come into my world, be part of my world now. And I was going to have the cigars to be like, yo, dude, here's my fucking cigars. He's going to take them. I'm going to go with him. I was going to be like, I don't even do cigars, dude, but get wrong. And then we'd do this.

And then we'd be drinking bourbon and sitting at his White House replica. And we would sit there and we would like fucking, we'd be like, is that the midget's ashes? And he'd be like, oh yeah, it's the midget's ashes. Yeah, I do like a Trump impression. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so good.

But it's so bad that he's like, dude, I like that one the best. And then I'll be like, where's Uncle Cracker? And then I'll start crying, like, I don't want you to talk about it. And so I'll be like, hey dude, it's fine, it's good, we're fine. It was gonna be awesome.

It was gonna be so good. That's what it was gonna be. And Kid Rock was there, and you guys know this, at the Ryman, he sits on the stage to the left. So you're up there, and he's up there, and everybody's going up. One, two, three, four. First comic goes up.

Fiona kills. Kid Rock sitting on the side of the stage, laughing his ass off, leaning forward with laughter. She brings up Andrew Dorfman, the owner of Zanies, who does comedy. Hasn't done comedy in 10 years. Went up, did comedy last night for the first time in years. Murdered, Kid Rock, slapping his knee.

Popped his hat up a little bit. Then, interesting thing happens. Before Dorf gets off stage, he goes, hey, where is Bobby? Bobby, come out here on stage. So he gets Kid Rock to come out on stage, and he's like, where's the military? And then the military goes, stand up

if you're in the military. And a bunch of people stood up, and they turned the lights on, and they're like, God bless you guys, you're the reason America blah blah. Place went nuts. They're going nuts. And then he's getting ready to bring up Dave Smith,

who he doesn't know very well, who is a anti-war libertarian fucking thing. Dave Smith made me laugh so hard he leaned over to me and he goes, when the guy was like, stand up military people, and Dave goes, you're all war criminals. And he goes, when the guy was like, stand up military people, and Dave goes, you're all war criminals.

But in my, I thought Dave, I thought Dave might have a hard time. Me too, after that, especially after that moment. Dave went up and killed. Dave did great. It was so good. And Kid Rock over there laughing, and Dave's busting the balls of the crowd. And Kid Rock's over there laughing his ass off.

Now, I'm like, man, he seems like he's in a good mood over there, Kid Rock. I'm gonna go out there and lay it down right now. And Dave brought me to the stage. And Christine does have a video of this. We can't put it on the screen. I gotta say this, I'm watching you kill and I'm smiling. I'm like, it's happening.

We're doing this. Jay's killing. The progression was perfect. And then I'm looking at it's happening. We're doing this. Jay's killing. The progression was perfect. And then I'm looking at Jay and then I look over. I look over where Bobby's sitting and nobody's there. All five people he's with and himself, the chairs straight empty as I looked over. Now what I didn't know at the moment was Christine has on tape. She goes, ooh, I'm gonna film Dave bringing up Jay. And no one knew this until the video got watched back.

As soon as Dave Smith goes, Jay Okress and everybody, Kid Rock and all his people just stood up and walked off the fucking stage. Everybody. They literally went like this, yeah, yeah, let's do it. And they took off. Jay was up there killin', killin', and at one point he looked over to see. He's seeing, and they took off. Jay was up there killing, killing, and at one point he looked over his seat.

He's saying, he's probably laughing. I was in the middle of a sentence, I went, and you know, that's when you have to, where the fuck did Kid Ra, are you kidding? I was like, I'm drinking Coors Light, there's no trannies in these mountains. But he came back. Yeah, I said, at the end of my set, I have a bit that I start and I go, I think if you give

kids hormones or gender reassignment, you should go to jail. And Kid Rock went, chk chk chk chk. He sat right down on the side of the stage. I'm like, it's going to be a joke. Settle down, you fucking psycho. So, needless to say, Kid Rock's not here. He's not here. He's not here.

We thought we were going to get him. We swear to God we were going to get him last night and he was going to show up today out of the friendship that we created last night and he was going to come in today. The guy doesn't keep having me do the show because he doesn't like me and then I also found out last night, Festival Book's the show. Kid Rock's nothing to do with it. Doesn't give a shit who's on it. At all, damn.

I have a picture, oh. Thank you so much, you lovely vampire. No, no, no, no, no. She's a whore for vampires. Oh, sorry, vampire whore. Which is somehow harder. Huh? That's harder.

If a vampire offered to turn you so you live forever, would you do it? Yeah. Wait a minute, I had to be like a woman vampire or I had to be with a guy vampire? It doesn't matter. Well they bite you, I hope you know that. It's not a sexual transmitted thing, vampireism.

Do you know that? Yeah, but you get to look at each other sexy a lot. No, absolutely, but until one of you gets old. But you get turned into a vampire. Do you turn Dawn or at each other sexy a lot? No, absolutely, but until one of you gets old. But you get turned into a vampire. Do you turn Dawn, or do you let her die and then start again? You think I'm going to turn a woman in menopause forever to be like that? You do got to get them young, I guess, huh?

Yeah, you got to get them in their 20s, 27, 30. I want their hopes and dreams to be dead, but have no menopause. So it's between the 30 and the 38. Dude, if I was Joe Gatto, that's what I would say about those girls. Like those girls were 20, I'd go, no, they were vampires. They were turned when they were 20, in 1868.

In 1868, they were 20 years old. This woman's 2,000 years old, sir. Excuse me, you are a child to her. Have you met my child bride, the Highlander? You don't turn her so she stays with you forever? No, I don't, Dawn? No, I mean, I love Dawn. I love Dawn so much.

In this lifetime. In this lifetime, which is around 25 more years. want my dawn. No, I mean I love dawn. I love dawn so much in this lifetime in this lifetime Which is around 25 more years. Oh my god How much weight do you think you lost? You think I'm dying sooner than 25 years Yes What I think I got ten maybe that buddy I first of all I don't smoke cigarettes or drink or do any drugs at all.

So it's gotta be so much sadder that you're gonna die young. You could've just done all those things probably and had a similar outcome. Buddy, I'm gonna live, probably, my grandfather lived 101, my grandmother lived to 96. Right. Did he have a... Did he have a 1970s through 80s Robert De Niro-like weight fluctuation?

My grandmother was fat, if that's what you're asking. She had diabetes. Until she was 101? No, she was 96. She had diabetes. With diabetes? Yeah, she had diabetes. I bet she had a boring diet.

Yeah, she did have a...what the fuck? Yeah. Why do you want to live that long if everything's just boring? Well, I'd like to live a boring diet. Yeah, she did have a, what the fuck? Yeah. Why do you want to live that long if everything's just boring? Well, I'd like to live a long life. You don't want to live, you want to die in 10 years? You're happy in 10 years? No, but in 10 years I'll still be pretty happy.

I won't be old and having a, you think Christine's gonna feed me when I can't fucking, I wouldn't do it for her, I wouldn't expect she would do it for me. You think Christine's gonna stay with you for 10 years? As soon as you lock her, she's dumping you as soon as she gets married, she takes that house. I don't think we're gonna get married,

so she really has to wait for me to die and refuse to leave until then. Yeah, you mean Christine's only hope is being a squatter? Until I'm dead. And then squatter's rights will allow her to, not just all of my professional sports plastic cups, but also the house. Why can't you just get married?

You heard me. Why don't you just get married? What? I want you. Jacob, say it again. Oh, that was you. That was me. I'm saying, why don't you just get married?

Give Christine, Christine, would you like to get married? I think I would like that, Bobby. You would? Yeah. That is so sweet, man. Do you remember when he asked me and took it back? I mean, I don't know if we're supposed to talk about that. But yeah, wow.

We talked about it. Did we talk about it? Remember how we're supposed to get married and now we're just not? Yeah, it was, yeah, can we please? I said at Skagfest. You came up to me. I said at Skagfest, well, I came up to you,

I came up to you a little shelled because what had just happened was I jokingly said it downstairs. Yeah. And Rebecca goes, Rebecca goes, oh my God, if you'll do that, she will do that if you wanna do that. Like, you would be, that would be the greatest thing you'd ever do, and she's giving me all goose, and I was like, oh my god, if you'll do that, she will do that if you wanna do that. You would be, that would be the greatest thing

you'd ever do. And she's giving me all goose and I was like, yeah, maybe, maybe. And I go, I don't even know, I don't even know if Christine would wanna do that, like here, while we're here. And then, she runs up, and I think she presents to Christine, like, oh my god, Jay just asked to marry you

and he wants to do it this week. So then, Christine's like, yeah, no, I would do that. And I was like, oh. And then luckily, Isabella had a major medical catastrophe and the bonfire almost broke up and there was a lot of things that came in the play. You mean the universe? God actually struck.

God intervened and was like, did not get involved in this. God actually tipped your daughter off a fuckin' ATV. She doesn't even remember it happening. She was like, I was going straight and then my ATV just flipped. And I was like, thanks God, good call. You're right, Isabella should have a forever scar

instead of me having a forever scar. He just signed for a settlement of his last divorce today. I just signed the settlement paper today. This would be the best day to re-up. Get a new car. Yeah, it's a super funding time. You got a new house, you got a new truck, and now you got a new marriage.

Re-up. She got a new car, too. She's fine. Ladies and gentlemen, we're gathered here today. Let's do it right now in Nashville. Yeah! Yeah! Buddy, fuck Kid Rock.

Let's have a rock and roll wedding, dude. Dude. I think Christine would rather fuck Kid Rock. Christine, would you get married right now? He looks like a priest. You play one on TV. Oh yeah, you were the back, but you were a background person in The Exorcist. Christina doesn't want to get married here right now.

Christine? No, I'd like to get married at City Hall quietly, privately, and not really tell people about it till it's been a while. To a black guy. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. I actually want to get married in private and not let anybody know ever until Jay grabs his chest and I get that house.

She might be right about that. We, until I grab my chest. You know what would be funny is if you leave the house, if you really leave all your shit to Gil. I know, I really. Secretly, she doesn't know. And then when you do kick the button, if you leave the house, if you really leave all your shit to Gil. I know, I really. Secretly, she doesn't know, and then when you do kick the button if you do, everything goes to Gil. It did actually all go to Gil, randomly,

who was my friend and a former security guard at the comic strip. Real quick, can you leave your microphone to Jacob? No. Okay. I'm with Jacob talking to that dumb fucking Chinese kid gamer's mic. Oh, he turned it on, good. Oh, he just turned his light mic on. Which means I gonna talk to that dumb fucking Chinese kid gamers mic? Oh he turned it on, good.

Oh he just turned his light mic on. Which means I have something to say. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait a minute, wait a minute. When you turn your mic off the light goes off. Can you turn the light off and have the mic on?

No. The gayest mic ever. The red means it's hot in the business. I love him. You're so precious, Jacob. Go ahead. What do you have to say? Well, I do want, I would love to be there

for the wedding of Christine and Jay, but I mean, I am also concerned. Like, what is, what do you think? What's your concern? Can you bring a doll as a plus one? Sure. But people are going to talk. You're not bringing that taxing dog with you, though. It's taxing.

Kid Rock statement, but I feel we've moved past it, so. But you lit up anyway. Yeah, well, I'm still getting used to lighting up the red light. I don't want to interrupt your wedding plans again, Christine, so please. I don't want to be the guy that stops this wedding from happening a second time.

What about the guy who's stopping the show from happening? Yeah, I'm going to turn it. Here, the red light's going off. Good. Camera, too. Christ almighty. You know what's funny is that we did the show at Sirius. The live show, we usually come in and just go into the studio.

Last time, that's all we did. But now this time, we're going to do the live one. Because we're supposed to have so many guests come in. I mean, we have a lot of them. It's the National Comedy Festival, they said to us. Yeah. We're going to have so many guests come in. I mean, we have a- It's the National Comedy Festival, they said to us. Yeah, we're gonna have, we're gonna have so many famous people come in here, it was gonna be nuts.

And we didn't have any- I said things like this, I have Jelly Roll's other phone number, relax. Yeah. I hope to God that's not his number anymore because he didn't write back. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't write back. Yeah Yeah, we didn't yeah. Oh is the Mike's hot go ahead hot Mike I want to say the last week the two of you

Kept bringing up Kid Rock Right was sad because I don't understand like you told so many stories and it seemed to never got through that. He doesn't like you but you kept Saying yeah, we're probably we're working on kid rock the both of you. I think earlier today I was still a place where maybe kid rock was coming. It's I'd rather be Jay where he doesn't like you He doesn't even know I exist on earth He's like oh that and he thinks you're that annoying cigar guy. Isn't that guy trying to push those bullshit cigars on me all the time?

Jacob, we need you here, dude. You're the face man for these kind of things. Yeah, I would have pulled together. God, how do we contain that energy to one screen? Wow, your face really goes through. Well, unfortunately, and I'm glad Jim McClure's not in the back room to hear this, SiriusXM gives us Zilcho Zappo help on getting guests. I mean, this is like literally, there's a studio in every corner in this town.

Everyone lives here. Jack White's outside, I think. Everybody lives in this god damn town, and we can't get anybody. Not one person wanted to come in. Not even a comic on the fact, not even our friends. Yeah, we started calling a list that we called the C list of people in case we can't get anybody we want or don't want but make sense.

Let's just get down to people who no one gives a fuck about. And they all said no. Nobody was interested in doing this at 4 PM. But luckily, it's a live show. So we had a little bit of fun here. Yeah, we had a thing. Now, when they usually have big guests here, they have a forum where you fill out questions.

And you guys, the audience, the live audience gets to ask the entertainer, like a Kid Rock or somebody really big questions. For some reason, they left that on for us. Not necessary. Well, Jim actually said it was a mistake that they left it on for you guys. OK, we didn't have to tell them that part hurts.

Jim, you could have just said, hey, a bunch of people said stuff. You don't have to go, we weren't supposed to. We thought this was a dumb idea. He literally said it was a mistake that they left it on for this show. They usually leave it on for bigger shows. But we have questions.

You guys asked questions. Well, several. So we want to get to these questions. You guys who asked the questions, are you here? Raise your hands. Nice. No. One lady just said, I won't.

We're going to find out who that is, why she probably asked a really shitty question. Yeah, I know. You better not ask shitty questions alive, you asshole. Well, should we go through some of these, Bobby? Yeah, absolutely. Let's go to the name. I'll read you a few. We have John.

Jim, can we say the last name or no? No. John says, does Bobby have any lingering effects after breaking his knee in Iraq? Okay, that's not a, I never broke my knee in Iraq. I broke my knee, first of all I broke my knee in a more manly way playing flag football in Niagara Falls. With Dane Cook.

With Dane Cook. And I went and broke my knee. What happened is I tore my ACL and my MCL, and when you do that, I thought I broke it. I didn't know what an MCL or an ACL was. I just heard crunch, and I said, I broke my knee, dude, 87 times. And then on the last one, I heard a guy go,

I think he broke his knee. Dude. I think he broke his knee. Dude. I think he broke his knee, dude. Yeah, I went to Iraq with Colin Quinn and Dane Cook. That's two separate stories. Iraq was great, though. Iraq was fun. Your knee was fine.

My knee was fine. I actually went to Iraq with Dane Cook. I went to Iraq with Dane. The first time I went with Colin and Steve Byrne, who was on Story Wars last night, who lives in this town who we couldn't get on this show. Did Dane Cook get on the show? Literally, Steve Byrne.

Oh, yeah. We couldn't get Steve. He's fucking Byrne. Steve Byrne. Not even that popular right now. He could use the promo, if I'm being honest. I mean, he needs this. Not here.

Lives right up the road. I think he's an alcoholic. He might be an alcoholic. Let's get that out there. I think he's an alcoholic. I think he's doing drugs. He doesn't wake up till night. I'm just saying, if CPS wants to look into that.

Yeah, we were there. It was so funny. How did Dane Cook not get pussy for that long in Iraq? Did he fuck Iraqi chicks? I took their unibrow. I made it two eyebrows. Two eyebrows. He stole my bit. I made her cum. No, you can't get, you don't get pussy in war. What? What are you fighting for? You think he was trying to fuck the enemy

while we were there? Yeah. No. Dane? No. No. Dane would fuck an Iraqi girl? No, you don't.

What if she was 16? You make a valid point. That's a grandmother over there. Yeah, that's 87. Yeah, Steve Byrd did a fucked up thing to me while I was over there. We did this massive show in front of around 3,000 troops at night. There was a general and all, I mean, everybody was there. And Colin Quinn was on stage and there was lights coming up.

We're literally in fucking Baghdad at the pinnacle of this war. I mean, shit was on stage, and there was lights coming up. We're literally in fucking Baghdad at the pinnacle of this war. I mean, shit was going on, man. It was crazy. And I took this photo. This is right when digital cameras came out. And I took this amazing photo of Colin Quinn on stage from behind his silhouette in front of thousands

of troops in Baghdad. And I got this shot. and Steve was right there, and I go, dude, check out that shot. It was like the Ali shot over, you know what I mean? Like that shot I got, and I go, check out that shot, and he goes, oh cool, and I went away. He took the same photo, framed it, and gave it to Colin. Nice.

And I'm looking at Colin's, I went to his house, I'm like, what the, where'd you get that? He goes, oh yeah. It's my favorite thing ever. Steve Burns took that photo and gave it to me. It's my favorite photo of all time. I'm like, that's my photo! And Steve goes, you can't own a photo shot. Yeah, you can't fuck you you can't oh you can well He's half Asian, so I think he knows better That's true. You got a point if you're looking up camera law I'm gonna go with Steve Byrne on that one Asians do take stuff we make and then just remake it cheaper. That's right Kid Rock would love us

Damn, dude, kid. I would love that so much fell off and rolled on that one. Suck our dicks, China. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're not raising your hand. Because it's you. You have a question. You definitely have something you want to say, Jacob, because it can't be you just nominating yourself. Yeah, it can't be somebody with a light-up microphone. Yeah, you hibernate in an apartment because you're afraid of rats. Yeah, turn your Barbie mic on. No, I would say I'm the toughest among the crew. Toughest what? I mean, well, what's the criteria here? Toughness. All. Everything's tough. What? I mean, well what's the criteria here?

Toughness. All. Everything's tough. Reaching things, breaking things, picking things up. Pain threshold, aggression. Yeah. Yeah. That's me. Yeah.

All right, Jim, are our mics fucked up now? Can you hear us? No. Well, can you hear us? Jacob. Can I hear you? Yeah, I can hear you. You think you're the toughest out of the crew? I believe so, yes. Oh, wait.

I'm going to throw up. He's saying the crew. You're talking about Black Lou, DJ Lou, and Christine. No, when I say the Bonfire crew, I mean communal, like ever all of us. You, Bobby. Oh good, you know, I'm gonna throw Jim in there. I want one more person to be hysterical with the idea

that you think you can kick their ass. Jim? Watch your mouth, son. Yeah. Jim had a stern talking and now you're leaning over like an asshole. Oh, I didn't include Big Jim in this. Oh, OK, it's a Big Jim.

You're adding him at the last second. Oh, OK, so you would say Big Jim if not you. Of course. Hey, Jacob, what size shirt do you wear? What size shirt? Yes. And I mean at the store, not at the Build-A-Bear where you steal them. This is a size small.

Did you get that in Gentleman's Petits? It's a little tight in the chest, because my chest is big. Buddy, you're afraid of my son. I'm not afraid of your son. I could take your 11 year old in a fight. Good, you're fighting him at Skankfest this year. Listen, I'll tell you this. It's been an interesting two and a half years, Jacob, just so you know. Max has grown, he's gotten taller, he's thinned out a bit too, he's gotten a little more,

he's a strong kid. When he attacked you in front of that wall of missing Israeli posters, which was the greatest picture I ever took. At that day I was like Jacob is holding back a fury that if unleashed could hurt your son and your son's getting a little he's getting a little froggy with him yeah Max now may be able to to beat you up or at least subdue you I think I got another two or three years before that happens of being the toughest on the crew. Black Lou knows some sort of half-black karate. You're tougher than him, you say? Yeah.

I said yes, I believe so. You're tougher than Black Lou? I'm the head of light of everyone. Black Lou has the glow. Black Lou fought his father. Yeah, he has a belt buckle. I feel like I've walked in some neighborhoods that Jacob would never go through.

Well, because you can. That doesn't count. Yeah, because you can. Visually, you're fine. That's not a brag. I've walked through the scariest black neighborhoods that Jacob would never walk through. Yeah, I bet.

Yeah, no shit. Yeah, I got some neighborhoods in that Jacob would never walk through. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, I got some neighborhoods in Boston you can't walk through. Yeah. I bet you weren't wearing your reading glasses and your fucking Harvard sweatshirt when you did it. Yes, you have. I can't believe you think you're the,

Jacob, you're not even the third. I would say he's- Don't feel bad, fuck you. He's not lying. I would say Bobby, probably Bobby's got like a fucking Boston baby. He just got destroyed in paintball. First of all, that's fucked up, you're bringing that up. That was war. That was a different thing Okay, and I couldn't see if I could see I would have had a better shot

You would have died with looking at the ball looking at the paintballs hitting you Whatever Jacob, you know this hurts you and your son got taken out my son didn't my son just screamed motherfucker over and over again Now Bobby in fairness you were all screaming, we're done together. And then your son and his friend deserted you and fucking jujitsu dad. Yes. That's right.

Yeah, they left us behind. Fucking pussy. What? What the fuck did you say? It had to be said. I don't know, that microphone is cooler now for some reason. I love it, because the way he's talking, that confidence, I like it too. But I'm telling you right now, Jacob, could you flat out beat the shit out of DJ Lewicki? I don't figure it.

I mean, like if we had to? Yes. Yes, I guess, yes.. I mean, like if we had to. Yes. Yes, I guess, yes. Yes or no, Jacob? Yes, yes. You can beat up, I can make you a promise right now if Black, that DJ Lou would probably accept. DJ Lou, would you fight Jacob oversized gloves

at Skankfest this year? Yeah, fuck yeah. You guys might really get some shit out. That might be good. Look at Jacob. He's arm over the shoulder. He's like, what? Sure, I don't give a fuck. Your mic's getting a lighter red. You asked who was the toughest.

Now you're setting up fights. Yeah. I mean, that's the... You make it seem like that's a crazy chain of events Now you're setting up fights. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the end of the movie. You make it seem like it's a crazy chain of events that would happen. Who's the toughest? And now we're going to fight?

Well, yeah. You asked me. There's only one way to find out. Well, I think the toughest two people are you and DJ Lou. So we have to find out once and for all, right? I'm all right. I love how quickly DJ Lou gets angry. Fuck yeah I will. Lou's not angry. Lou put his glasses right back on he's like guess training starts next week.

Look at Lou he's drinking raw eggs in there. DJ Lou are you DJ? I'm basically training. Yeah right. DJ Lou are you gonna not train and just go in there and try to kick his ass or you gonna take it a little seriously? I'm gonna take it very seriously. Jacob DJ Lou has an inner anger towards you yeah drink that you uncomfortable son of a bitch yeah yeah he's trying it with this the upper cuts he's gonna throw in or to send you cartoonishly over the fucking ropes. I can't wait I feel like a complete puppet master the way I orchestrated that, but it's gonna happen.

Christine, lock it in. DJ Lou! Well, it's booked. Oh, okay, you put your hand on your chest like please don't make them do this. No, no, no, it's fine. They'll sign a waiver because DJ Lou might die. And also, Jacob's got a rage in him

that we might not, we might have to pull him off like crying and screaming while he's like a rage in him that we might not, we might have to pull him off like crying and screaming while he's like banging on Lou's chest. He's just biting Lou's Achilles. Yeah. He's like a little dog just answering bullies from 25 years ago. I'm not a twerp, you're the twerp, you twerp.

Eee. I hope DJ Lou takes his eyes out like his dog. Jacob and his dog have to move to Florida. Just until you clunk into each other on tables nonstop. Oi, Jacob, your visiting's becoming a bit troublesome. It gets me here. What's up, Christine? So Jacob thinks if he fights you or Bobby, he'd win?

Yeah. You think if you fought me Jacob, look at me. You're looking at it. Look at me. So you're thinking toughness as like, life toughness like getting shit done. If you're just doing fighting. Getting shit done?

You've overcome so much. You think that's what we mean? You mean from life's hardships? What are you talking about? You worked at a horse farm. I was in jail when I was 13 you fucking asshole. You think you had's hardships? What are you talking about? You worked at a horse farm. I was in jail when I was 13, you fucking asshole. You think you had more hardships than Bobby? I was in 18 foster homes.

Because a French guy you lived with used to jump you? Do you have any birthdays I celebrated with people I didn't know? Raise your hand if you worked on a horse farm for an entire summer. I worked on a farm my whole summer. From the jail, the jail made me work on a farm. Me and my friends broke into a horse farm,

and one of the guys crazy dutily, Mr. Hans, let one of the horses fuck his ass, and then, uh, and then tragically, he died later that evening in the hospital. But I didn't work there. To answer your question, I didn't work there. All right. I think Jacob is a little delusional.

No, I don't think so at all. I think he's gonna kick Lou's ass. Lou, watch your back. Uh, mm-mm. See some other questions here. Heather says, I'm an oncology nurse practitioner in Knoxville, and not a day goes by that I don't listen to Big J and Bobby. Oh

Nice. I've been listening to them separately for ten years And I love them together on the bonfire Nice it's a good one I'm taking days away from my cancer patients to come to Nashville Comedy Festival to celebrate my 23 anniversary anniversary of my hubby. Oh Festival to celebrate my 23 anniversary with my hubby. Oh. Our marriage has literally lasted this long because our favorite thing to do together is listen to the Bonfire and Bonfire Jason comedy.

Seeing the Bonfire live equals her snake pit. That is so sweet. We've kept a couple together, 23 years. And we've only been doing the show together for three years. Two. A little over two. Two years, just barely over Two. A little over two. Two, yeah.

Just barely over two. Barely over two. It's felt like three. I don't know if that's a good... That's good. It's good. Yeah, it's comfortable. It's more.

It's more comfortable. Yeah, yeah. But she's saying that the last two and a half is only worked out because they love comedy together, which means it's become a sexless, loveless marriage. But it's easier to stay together for the kids if they could just laugh together and go whack off and separate. And listen to two guys who have sexist,

loveless relationships. Sexist loves relationships. Christine, I'm sorry, I'm not a wolf or a vampire. Um, Stephanie asks, uh, I don't want to ask this question. Was there a question in there, or was that just a thing? No, I just wanted to know that we're great. Where is she, are you here?

Hi, that is the, look at the couple right there. Look at them, she's arm in arm with them, because this is. Yeah, sure. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, real quick. I need to stop, I'm pretty sure. I'm not, say that into the microphone. So my question was have you ever fucked a black guy

because that's how his Q&A opened recently. It's my go-to question, yeah. Right, yeah, yeah, I have. That was my question. That's how I got the job. I fucked Black Lou. That was the one thing, if I could take it from, I could take it from Black Lou, I could get the gig.

That's how Dan got the job, by the way. Fucked Black Lou. Fun get the gig. That's how Dan got the job, by the way. Fun fact. Fun fact. Fun fact. This question, Bobby, could. What? It could open up a flood. It says, what's your biggest pet peeve of each other?

Wow, that's a good one. What? No, dude. You know, the one thing. I don't have a pet peeve. Like, something you do that makes me angry? I don't know, man. You make me giggle a lot.

Like, you're such a silly bitch, and you never take anything serious. That's true. So it's not like when you do stuff with people that when they get serious or when it's, that's when they do things that kind of piss you off. But you're never not trying to be funny. So it's always been stupid and funny with you.

That's a great answer. Thanks. I'm gonna do the same kind of thing. My biggest pet peeve about him is that we don't get a chance to spend more time together. I love you man. He loves his family. I love you dude. Brian asked do you have your passport and did you get your shots? Yeah both are handled. I think I'd like to come back

with Rob to America. America. We'll ask these questions though when they ask the question have him raise their hand so we can put a face to the name like we just did with them. Stephanie? Stephanie, where are you? Who just wants to know our pet peeve? Oh, look at Stephanie. Just wanted to fucking start a fire and leave.

Is it true that Bobby touched Christine's tit when you turned around the other day? What? Who asked that question? Did I touch your tit? No. Oh, sorry. No, I've never, I've never seen her tits. Huh? I've never, I've never, what'd I say? I didn't, I generally didn't hear what you said. I've never seen Christine, I don't even look at Christine, I don't even look at Christine like that. What's happening? Just go to the next question. Bobby just makes fun of my

small boobs. I don't, You don't have small boobs. You have small boobs. No, that's what he means. He said he's never seen them. She's flashed you 12 times. You just say you've never seen them because she has small boobs, you piece of shit. You have perfect boobs, Christine. Thanks, Bobby.

You're welcome. I think I know what your actual pet peeves of each other are. What? What kind of shit do you? You know what? I hope you don't get anything. I hope you lose it all. I hope all you get is plastic cups.

Maybe not even those. What is it? You could have the ones with Ben Simmons on them. What do you think our pet peeves are, Christine? Well, they're just silly little ones. Like what? Micro-corrections and Insta-reels. You don't like fucking Insta-reels?

She's giving you her complaint, dude. You don't fucking like my Insta-reels, and you don't like when he micro-corrects. You don't like my Insta-reels. First of all, mother fucker. I watch your reels. Well, I send, when I see something that could be for the show.

Oh, Bobby, another reel. It's already seven in the morning already. That's Christine. She should've started to sandbag me. I'm gonna sandbag her. I'm sorry, I gotta wake up early, and that's when I look at my reels. Must be nice enough to wake up early, Christine.

Yeah. This bitch, dude. Fucking Christ. Swear to God, it hurts. Your micro-corrections are to help. They're really not to hurt, so I get it. I just want to think about the whole thing. Yeah, dude, I know how to say Wilton Goggins.

Did I fuck it up again? To the best of my knowledge. I don't let you micro record. To the best of my, I got you, I'm gonna do it right. To the best of my knowledge, if memory serves me correctly, everyone in the world except you understands now that's Walton Goggins. No, that's not it.

You had it. You've watched every show he's been a part of. that's not in Goggins. No, that's not it. You had it You've watched every show he's been a part of that's not the way you do it You twill you at the end suck my god Christine hates this about you Do one more question before we got to take a break Hmm, oh I like this one. We're not gonna like the answer though. Psh, psh, psh, psh. Will Bobby buy Max's first car and what will it be?

Yeah, I will buy, I'm already picking it out. What is it? A van with a fake logo for a company so we can abduct children? You give him every opportunity to really destroy the world. No. Hey Matt, here's an apartment in a 3D printer. Go shoot a school. You come in bragging, dude, Max just figured out how to make a working AR-15 with a 3D printer. The kid's a fucking genius. He was, he wants me to buy him, he's, he wants me to buy him a dirt bike right now.

I'm worried about some of the things you're exposing him to. When me and Christine came over for Thanksgiving, we were like, you loving it up here? He's like, it took my guns away, but luckily we go back up to Vermont, I got all my guns up there. I'm like, all right, John Wick, what's this kid looking forward to? Well, in New Hampshire, not Vermont, you asshole. It's New Hampshire. It's one of those gay hippie places. We have a lot of guns. And I got him NRA certified.

We shotguns all summer. So he's into guns. He has a bunch of guns. He was bummed that he couldn't have his guns where you live. Yeah, you can't have guns in New York at his age. Well, they could have plastic ones you make on a 3D printer in your psycho basement. But I think I'm going gonna get him an old,

like an old Camaro. Why? I'm gonna get him a car that if he's not, something old, easy to fix, number one, doesn't take a lot of shit, and if you smash it up or bump it up, it doesn't matter. Why a Camaro?

Get something safe. Like an older car like that. Maybe he's not a Camaro. Get him a Buick Century. What? No. It's a fuckin'. Get him a Buick Century. What? No. It's a fucking brick shit house, that thing. A Century?

It was good enough for my pop-up. Oh God. But I'm gonna get him an older car like that. I'm not getting him a new car. I'm gonna get him an old. You're getting him a 57 Mustang souped up? No, not a five. I'm not getting him a fucking muscle car.

You're gonna spoil him. You wanna live through him so bad, you're like, ah, Max keeps getting his dick sucked in the pocket in the driveway of the house, Dawn's getting upset. I hope he gets his dick sucked. I know you do. You're gonna make him come in and breathe on you.

That almost made me, I mean, that's the grossest thing. That's my son. No, I didn't, it would have been him sucked. What the fuck? We gotta take a break, everybody. We gotta take a break. But, I didn't. It would have been him, suck. What the fuck? We gotta take a break, everybody. We gotta take a break. But when we come back, we have a very special surprise for you guys.

Yeah. So we'll let you know what that is when we come back. I'll tell you, it's not Kid Rock. It's not Kid Rock. But it's going to be better. I wouldn't even give you a head fake on that. It's going to be better. It could possibly be better than Kid Rock.

Wouldn't be able to hide my excitement if he was here. I wouldn't be able to go, maybe it's, I don't know. I'd be like, it is, it is. He's here, should I call him Bobby or Kid Rock or Mr. Rock? And we're live from Nashville, it's the bonfire. Big Jay's got shows tonight, tomorrow, and all week, right? No.

Yes, at the end of the week I leave Thursday for Atlanta. I'll be in Atlanta New Helium Club all weekend. I'm all over the road. Big Jay Okerson's North, Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. Got it. If you get it, you get it. You get it, you get it. Alright, we'll be right back. It's the bonfire.