The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bloody Band-Aid Salad

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

Jay needed to eat so he settled for a disgusting street pretzel. He complains that more often than not, he receives poor service at eateries. Bobby has a Goodfellas attitude when dining that the staff responds to. They throw the topic of horrible food experiences out to the callers, and one camper had a bloody Band-Aid in her salad. Bobby once got assaulted by a waitress with a coffee mug. *To hear the full show go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. You ready to do this, Jay? I am ready to do this. You ready to do this? I get to ask a question. Yeah, what's up? Six and a half inches. Oh, okay.

Well, then I got nothing left for the show. See you guys tomorrow. Crackle, crackle, crackle. Thanks guys for hanging in there. Bye-bye. Jacob. In a hell of a week, enjoy the pre-record tomorrow. God bless.

God bless. I don't know exactly who ice. exactly who ice unceremoniously booted out of this country yeah um but you always hear about the the hustle and bustle the city that never sleeps new york well whoever they deported must have been all the hustlers and bustlers because what's left is a service uh level in this city unlike i've never seen by the way went to a nice place last night and i'd say the service there is like it's it's wonky sometimes

And it's very, very strange. I went to, I was rushing here. It took me fucking forever to get here because of tunnel traffic was bad today. If I did voices right then, I would have went, get out of my way, traffic. I don't, so I'm not. I want to be, get to Montfriar.

Yeah. I'm Russian here. So I, uh... Russian. It took me fucking forever, so I was hauling ass Russian to get there. Move, get out. I will beat you.

I must get to the launch codes. So, and I was like, in my mom, I wanted to get, I wanted to, I thought I was going to be here with like 40 minutes to spare. I was going to get something to eat. I was going to eat. I'm starving. And then I'm seeing, like, I'm not going to get there. Then it's starting to get where I'm not going to get there. So now I'm rushing.

I'm walking super fast. At 45, I'm a block away, block and a half away. And there's a cart there. So I go, pretzel. They're already hot. I'm going to grab a pretzel. Some mustard in the water. It's easy.

It's easy. Easy. I go to the guy, pretzel in the water, please, mustard on the side. He goes, mm-hmm. And he pulls out of pretzel one, puts it on the flat top, which means it's already not going to be a good pretzel. It's old. It's old. Yeah.

You'd be better wetting that pretzel. Yes. Then actually heating up. I kind of know what's happening. And I see what he put on the thing. And he's just like mushing it down, like pushing it with the, you know, the flat top iron thing. And I'm going, you don't have to do that too long. I have to get to work.

I'm like running late. He goes, he's like, one minute, please. And I go, so I'm sitting there for like 30 more seconds. I go, it's fine, man, you can take it all the thing. And then I see him pushing on it and touching it with his finger. And then it breaks apart. And I see him pull another pretzel and put it on the guy. I go, I got to go, man.

I got to go, I'm sorry. Like, you're wasting another pretzel. I'm leaving. And I just walked off. And I was like, motherfucker. That was crazy. Yeah, that's nuts. I told him I go, buddy, I have to be, I said, I have to be in work in five minutes.

Did you tell him who you are? No. I'm a radio personality He would not have cared He might have I don't know The place that we got the hot dogs From when we went to the wrong cart

Was it was like We were there for 20 minutes It was so bad 20 minutes for hot dogs It was so bad that it was It got funny Yeah it did And then got bad again

Nobody because nobody was there wasn't a line You went through the whole emotions Of someone dying You all the stages of grief Yeah stages of grief With that fucking hot dog stand It was just us And the guy

Yeah well I mean, look, how do I say this? Who was selling you the hot dog? What hot dog? I mean, the pretzel. What kind of person? Yeah. A swarthy man?

Swarthy? Yeah. Who was selling the hot dog? Well, we were both there. I'd say also a swarthy and or Latino gentleman, young man. Neither of them really that interested in doing their job. Almost when you go to the carts nowadays, most times, and the guys aren't in them.

They're like sitting across the street or in a chair somewhere else and then they see you and they're kind of like and then you kind of go I guess no one's here I'm leaving they go no no wait I'm crossing the street it's like the mall kiosk

it's fucking weird yeah they're always at each other's fucking yeah they're just shooting this shit over at Hot Topics talking about their fucking lifelong wives I need to buy perfume made by an old Indian lady in a garage

it's just these are the things the whole idea was like I'm on the run Hot dog please hot dog in bun slap it with the toppings, hand it to you. It's like, that was supposed to be like, that was the thick money exchange. I'm out of here. Keep the change, bub.

Well, the thing is, is that not all hot dog people, not all vendors are legit. Like, there are some, that's why the one we were supposed to go to that day, that guy's, like, the best in this area. Like, there's a guy who goes around and. And yet we were so devastated by going to that Nathan's cart that fucking shoved it right up our ass so hard that we never even went to the good hot dog place. We've never been. Not one either day, we gave up. We'd rather go buy $40, tiny lobster rolls.

40? 90. I'm saying individually. Oh, yeah. They're not 40 either, though. Yeah, dude, you're the corrector. You correct when you feel it. You understand me?

Yeah, yeah, they're like 17 bucks. Yeah, you do not fucking question the corrector. Except, yeah, dude, it's fucking, the worst feeling in the world is that when the service stinks. It's a bad feeling. Usually, no, I hate... I think it's worse of a feeling to get molested by family, but, you know, different people. Some people don't understand that.

I don't understand that. I don't understand it either, dude. Yeah, I know. I didn't say you understood it. But you implied it with your tone and your eyebrows. There's three other people in this room here. They didn't feel like I applied to them. I don't feel like that was applied to you, Jacob?

Because you didn't look at them in the face. Oh, we're doing a radio show together. And then point to them. We're doing a radio program. You gave the old Pointeruski right in my old face. First I do a swirly fingers and then shoot it at you. My poor uncles. That's victim mentality.

I'm sorry. Fuck them. Bad service. Eat. Shit. Yeah, we were talking about that. You had a bad thing over the weekend, though. Yeah, what was my weekend one that was so?

Oh, oh, that was great. I took the two people who were in the row with me to Potbelly. It's right down bottom of the fucking hotel basically. How bad, first of all, how bad could a fast food pot belly those are going to be in? The whole thing is they got it down. It's soup and a sandwich, man. Dude, I worked at a, I worked at DeAngelo's,

and they make it so that you do this, you do this, you bang, boom, bang, in, out. That's the whole business model. You get them in and you get them out. Right. Well, there was the guy working there when we walked in, by himself, it seems, who looks like his mind is more interested in writing

writing that his baselines for his 3.282 cover band he's in. I mean, this guy was earplugs, face tattoos, floppy black hair, like long dangly earring, like all kinds of shit. Face of just couldn't give a fuck. Blank when we walked in. But starts making a sandwich finally for this black lady who's sitting down now

waiting. It's taking so long. For some, it's supposed to be like countertop service, you know? You're never supposed to sit down for the sandwich. Once you get your tray, you sit down. Yeah. So he's making, I was taking forever. I'm going like, is this guy working by himself? And I'm almost giving the assurance.

I'm on the road so much. You've seen this too. I'm blown away how many like bum-fuck places on the road you go to where service will be like, you see them in the weeds with like one person, two people, just deep in the weeds. And then the person who's been sitting in the corner eating that you thought was just like a customer gets up, puts their apron back on. They're like, okay, you're like, yo, fuck face.

Come on, man, that's crazy. Playing games on their phone. Are you out of your fucking mind, dude? They're like buried over here. So I was like, well, that's going to happen at some point. Nope. Just this fucking doohickey who finally gets through the sandwich. Then I see him like, put his run his hands through his hair.

Because then you see that little, I've learned now from looking at Starbucks, that little machine that spits out fucking receipts. Yeah. His mobile orders coming in. It's lunchtime, you know what I mean? Yeah. Mobile orders coming in. Now this black dude comes in who's a door dash drive or something and he's wait. And then we don't say anything, but we're starting to look around like we're giving like the, I think we might leave.

Like this is crazy. We were standing there one point. They got like laughing and talking because we were like, we've been here for like 10 minutes and we're the only people that were in the store when we came in. So then he comes over to us and this is what got me. He came over and he just stared. He just stands across the guy and stares at me. and I went, are you ready, dude? And he goes, what can I get for you?

You had to initiate? I'd initiate. You're not supposed to initiate. I went, are you ready, man? He just stared at me. That's his line. Right. His line is, you ready to order.

And he goes, what can I get you? So I put the order in, he's not ready to any of it down. It doesn't really matter. We didn't even make it that complicated, thank God. Yeah, he's not a Greek waiter from the fucking 80s. You just see him slowly get to it. I mean, 15 plus minutes to get food.

We all got a half sandwich and a cup of soup. Pre-made soup. But did he have to make the soup from scratch? Soup, no. But I will say this. Soup came way after the sandwiches. Fuck off. Yeah.

Soup? A scoop? A scoop of soup? A scoop of soup? We all got a cup. We all got a cup. Oh, my God. And three fountain drinks that you get yourself.

And 15 minutes. And then what started happening was, thank you so much, Black, Lou. What happened then? Thank you, Black Lou. Thank you so much. Black Lou went down and grabbed you a little Agua. Little Agua. Because you didn't want to have to.

You couldn't wait. Couldn't wait. Couldn't wait. And a sandwich. Thank you. No, not a sandwich. Is that your pretzel? It's a pretzel? Well, there's no such thing as The Pretzel.

Well, it is. Is that The pretzel from the guy? Or is that a fresh pretzel? No, a fresh pretzel. That's a new pretzel, new guy. Brand new pretzel. Oh, okay. You didn't go back and have him go get the pretzel.

No, no, no. Fuck that guy. I'm a pretzel. Thank you, sir. you get it just to see what it tastes like. That other one? Well, I gotta be honest, this one doesn't feel great either. I know.

These carts are disgusting, too. I've ordered things from them and I've just taken a bite and thrown it out. It's like a weird re-microwaved wet corn dog. You're like, what's happening? I come in from the west side. I come in from the West Side Highway. You know the horses, they put the horses? Yeah.

A lot of those carts are just in there. So they wheel the cart down to like the West Side Highway to these big, huge buildings. And they just leave them. And then the next day they'll come and just get the cart and wheel it up to Times Square and sell that food. You know what I mean? There's some guys who actually drive in their truck and drop it off. But most of those ones you're going to, the carts are just in a hangar on the West Side Highway with horses.

And they just go wheel it out. I mean, if you think there's a guy making fresh pretzels in the morning. I don't even sort of believe that. But if you got a box of super pretzels from Costco in the morning and heated those up, people would accept that. Yeah, you would. People would very much accept that. It's not good.

No, I'm going to douse it with mustard at some point and get some of it in, or else I'm going to have to scratch my own eyes out. I'm so hungry. Even I got anti-annies. There was a cart, and that was fucking gross, too. Yeah, carts are not what they used to be back in the day. Back in the day, it was like one guy who made the best goddamn hot dog in the world. I'm going to sell it in Times Square.

Unless you're in a position you have to. Like that place on the corner here must be good. The quality must be pretty good. The halal. The halal. Yeah. It's like down the block. Yeah. That place is wild.

But not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't wait. Most of the food in New York City on those carts I would not get at all. No way. Except the hot dog and a pretzel often. So as I say that, I would never go to these carts except Bulgagi and Tide chicken and beef yesterday. But those are the ones where they drop it off with a, a car.

That's like a Vietnamese family that, you know, has secret recipes from 19 year, you know, of making stuff where they, that was good yesterday. When there's, when there's one cart, like an original person or original people, I'll get it off of that. Oh, yeah. I'm not buying it just off the dude from the stables. This hot dog's in water overnight in a cart. So this guy, this guy at this fucking pot belly start, then what he just does was. instead of shutting down Uber Eats as people started coming into the store

I mean just like a couple, three friends he goes he goes yeah we're not taking orders right now like what? Lunchtime in a pot bellies downtown. Not taking orders. I'm not taking orders right now. And then the black guy who was delivering who is the DoorDash delivers waiting for his thing forever.

He goes, just taking too long man. You messing up my schedule. And he's going to go and goes, you can't be taking all them orders at once, man. He started just shooing people away because he thought he was pleasing the black door dash driver. He made an executive decision.

Dude, starts to, I go, this kid would be fired into, if anyone gives a shit about this place in the ladder of the place, that kid would be fired in Tuesday. It's crazy what he was doing. Is that the one right in the hotel downstairs? Basically, it's like, yeah.

Yeah, right down from the hotel. Oh, man. I've seen these pretzels, the carts, and I see that the pretzels are just hanging. Well, I don't, like out in the element. Like, to, to like a net to pick up any germ that's flying by. Yeah, now these ones they pull out of like a little fucking bin.

All right. I've seen the ones where they're just, they've just, they're hanging on a clip. I don't think they sell those. They don't sell. They don't sell. They don't sell. That's the show. Bobby says that those sticks of chicken they have sitting out are like, I'm like, no, dude, those are from like earlier in the week.

They're just displaying. That's what they have. Oh, you think they're probably like coated. You don't think they throw that on the grill for somebody. No, they just look like real, they're real pretzels. whether they serve them to people, I don't know, but I look at it and like, I don't know how people could order them.

It's just, if you're not, if they're not, they're just, that's how I didn't die from COVID. If you're going to pay for something, though, like I know, I go in the restaurant and when, you know, they hire these young girls to, you know, the, the greeters or whatever the fuck they are.

Yeah. Show me some skin. Show me my table. They're the worst human beings. in the fucking world because they look at you and judge you how they're going to talk to you

by what you look like and what you wear. And where in the restaurant they're going to seat you. And when they're going to see you. I gave them every bit of reason for that when I flipped my lid at the East Hampton

whatever place it was called. Oh yeah, when you flip my lid there. You know, if you can't wear shorts, they go, doesn't fucking say that anywhere. Don't tell me that if you took my money, you fuck face. And then my one of my least finest moments in history.

So I was walking out, I go, Oh, don't worry about this. I have a radio show on Series XM, and you'll hear all. Wow. What a fucking drill-do. It is a hard. That's one of those dildos that's on a drill

that you can spin inside of somebody. It's, it is hard not to, that is always inside of you somewhere. I'll ruin you. My army of fucking people who like me. Fuck it.

Did it jerk off? I have one of the first podcasts on the East Coast. You just know her being laughing at you. I have to name other people. You know, do Dan Soder and Big J is? Yeah, well, I work with them. Have you heard of Alice Cooper? Because he likes Gary Goldman.

I know Gary Goldman. I really did bug me. I've recently really got into your friend who I thought was lesser known than Bobby. Oh, yeah. It is, I mean, getting shitty service is the worst. Because your intentions are so, you're so excited to go somewhere. I expect.

And get your. Well, I expect pretty fine service. Well, you expect good service, not great. Right. You expect good service. And then when you don't get it, it's like when you go to these gas stations on the road. I think you should notice, especially if you go to a fucking Ruby Tuesdays or something, you should expect good service.

You shouldn't expect great service. These aren't fucking like, you know... Just good. Yeah, good service. But shitty attitudes. Now, what I don't like, I don't fucking... I'm a good tipper, and I don't like fucking with people's thing I'd tell years ago. I had a friend of my...

She was with a guy, and we went out to dinner. And, like, he put... He told me... He was, like, trying to tell me, this is my thing I do. It's like, maybe early comedy if I was doing it at all yet. And he does the thing, like, every time they mess up, I take a dollar away from the tip I have laid on the table. I go, that's... You're a monster.

You're a fucking... He's starting with $10. Yeah, it's also probably starting with less than fucking the tip. What garbage. What a... Because, by the way, you know, we're 19. He's starting off with a 5%er. Fucking garbage human being.

What a trashy thing to do. Oh, I hate when they... You whittled it down to $7. It's like his thing. Like, he came up with a cool thing to do. It's not cool at all. Fuck him. I don't like that, but really, like, outlandishly bad service.

I've had some goodies, man. Duns, one of my favorite smoked meat place. in Montreal. I used to go there all the time. We'd go because it was late night. It'd be open late night. We would go there. I'd always order.

I'd bring people. And one time I go, I go, and blah, but I think, you know, it's a diner. So I'm going to get a milkshake. Let me get a black and white milkshake. And the guy goes, yeah, man, he goes, I don't have a lot of people here. I don't have time to do that. And I went, what? He goes, yeah, there's too much going on here.

I don't have time to make. make a milkshake right now and I went no you look you should tell me it's broken you lie to me lie in some way say the machines down we were we ran out of ice cream whatever the fucking thing to go like no dude it's like well to be Montreal's like the poster's child for shitty customer service oh they're the worst they're the fucking I always heard it's because that's why our friend Brian Baldinger used to say you always walk in and do the stupid like, what is it? O'ois?

No, bonjour. So they think you're Canadian. At least for a minute. Respectful. They think that you're American, rude twat. When you come in, you go, hey, how are you? Can I get a, in their mind, they're kind of like, ugh. This American.

They're probably going to tip me good. Not like these fucking, these Euro fucking cosplayers. It did help saying bonjour. Really? I won't do it. I go, hey, I'm American. Do the right thing. You want me to tap my fucking beautiful American credit card over here?

Then you better do the right thing. I actually got, I used to go to Bickford's all the time. I don't know if you know what Bickford. It's like, it's like an IHop. But it's in Boston. They had a thing called the Big Apple. It was just this huge apple turnover with syrup and butter. It's like the best thing in the fucking world.

And we used to go there every night. It was like a hang. Like you can meet chicks. We'd go there after meetings. Like on my little AA dances, We went there That's a great move I didn't appreciate that

I open up He giggles Yeah there it is Dude look at that fucking thing They still got it What is it? It's called the big apple And it's just this massive

Apple turnover French toast pancake It's a tort Is it a tort? Is it a torte? I think that's a tort, Jacob It's the size of a pizza Personal pizza

Well they do have a little apple for you, Jacob. But I always go the big apple. And, oh, it was so good. And we used to go there all the time. We were there so much. We'd go there after meetings.

We'd hang out. We'd talk our little AA stuff and get the big apples of coffee. And on like Fridays and Saturdays, it's packed. Like everybody would go, because it was 24 hours. 24 hours, yeah.

Everybody would go there. All the clubs. So there was chicks everywhere. Dude, one night this waitress was such a twat. Just rude. And I know she's busy. And I was being very polite. And it finally.

got to the part, I was like, you know, you're being rude. She cracked me with a coffee mug. What? I crossed my face, dude. She took the mug and just went, fucking smack me. That just trumps any of my stories. I've never been attacked by a waitress. Boston, man, huh?

I was in shock. Like, and my friends at the table, like, oh, shit. Like, everybody was like, what the fuck? And I got up, and I wasn't anybody at the time, so I couldn't, I would 100 You don't know who I am. I'm on the bonfire. And I just got up and I was like, I'm suing you. And I, and I.

A diner waitress? Which I think is worse than saying that I've a rich. You're going to the slammer. I take you for everything you're worth. Dino waitress. I remember I called a lawyer. I literally got a lawyer. And the lawyer looked in.

He's like, hey, man, I'd just take the hit on this one, literally. But he was like, you're not going to make that much money off of this lady. Getting garnish her tips. Well, I thought I was going to sue Bickford's and get big apples for the rest of my life for some shit. Oh, that'd be nice. You think that would have been a settlement? I would have been a settlement. Free big apples forever?

Fuck yeah. Were you angry enough that you never went back in? No, of course I went back. I love the big apple. I would look in the window to see if she was working. Yeah. I was scared. Was Tina there?

Fat bitch. I was a little, I was terrified of her being there. But yeah, I met me. Dude, she out of nowhere, this lady just snapped. She was having a bad night. She just snapped and just fucking cracked me. in the face with, and it's one of those, you know those 24-hour

diner, Bickford's coffee mugs, those little thick fuckers. Heavy bottoms. So they drop them on the carpet, they won't break. That thin, thin carpet. Oh, it didn't break on my fucking face. Yeah, dude. I was outside all huffing and puffing and puffing.

And this was before cell phones, too, so I couldn't even call the cops immediately. And I just had to go home. And, oh, my God, it was a fucking nightmare. So, yeah, I've had bad service. If you guys want to call on your bad service stories, it better be a goodie. I'll just be like they took a long time to bring my whatever. 8669-1969.

It's a caller. Topic. Yeah, I left Justin Timberlake had a barbecue place on 9th Ave. Oh, yeah. Country grammar, something like that. Yeah, something like that. And I was so excited because that's, like, we moved into 9th Ave when 9th Ave was just kind of bodegas and shitty places. and all of a sudden it started becoming everything.

Did you get a harsh reality that Justin Timberlake didn't really give a fuck about that restaurant? I was so excited about this restaurant. I know. Southern hospitality. The service there was so from the front girls at the front who were just rude and they were talking to each other and I'm standing there waiting for them to look at me. Probably for like two minutes, which in hostess time, what's that, 25 minutes, 30 minutes in hostess time? literally and I just stared at them and then they finally looked up one of them looked over me

and he went yes she said yes look what what do you mean yes what I was like yeah we'd like to eat here tonight I'm out of the gate fucking hot and uh she goes yeah well we can put your name on the list I go do that like everything was a question to me how long ago was that that was the week it opened 2011 the week it was going to say new Bobby I watched you when I was starting to get hot. Yeah. Me, you, Dawn, Christine, several Montreals ago. Where?

Oh, yeah. We got told to go to a restaurant by Bruce Hills. That was bad. We sat there for 30 minutes, at least, with not one person coming over the table, and Bobby did such a... It was so cool. And Max was there, too.

It was so cool. He went over, and the guy came over, and Bobby did the thing where he grabbed his, like, the side of his hand. You know what I mean? Like him pleading with you, my man. He goes, we're just, We've been here for like a pretty long time ago.

We'd maybe get some bread or something for the table, some water and bread for the table would be nice. He was like, oh my God, yes. And then they started like paying attention. But it was sweet and nice. Yeah. But mafia nice. Yeah.

The hand touch? Yeah. I would have never in a million years. It's a power move. Yeah. I would have a million years I would have never. I think there wasn't there also like a, it's our girl's birthdays and you're kind of embarrassing us in part of.

Yeah. There's a little like. Oh, yeah. It was Dawn's birthday. It was Dawn's birth. It was both of us. It was both of us. It was your birthday.

It was our lady's birthday. We're like three days. It was like the 28th and the first. And I was in, my son was there. So yeah, I did. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into me. And I was like, listen. I know you're busy, but this is, you know, it's kind of embarrassing.

This is our lady's birthdays. Nobody's eating that. It's been a half hour. I got my little son here. He's young. He's hungry. Get some bread to get inside of us. A little bread, some butter, just to keep us, you know, satiated until you,

so we stay in the game. I understand you got a lot of. going on. Yeah. But listen, and then I looked him in the eye, I go, right?

Right. Right? They brought over bread. Absolutely. They brought over bread. Right? They comp some things, for sure.

They definitely comp some things. I think they comped dessert. Yeah. They took care of us after that. But yeah. But you put the hammer down. I put the, it's the subtle,

the subtle hammered down. But I remember I looked him in the eye and I went, yeah, right? Don Kelly. Yeah. Don Kelly. Yeah. on Kelly Bejean.

I think, well, it took a lot. When I got hit with the coffee mug, it really took me out of the game for a long time. People have too much excitement over celebrities' restaurants. Imagine how I felt when I went to Justin's P. Ditty's restaurant, and I didn't rape or get raped. Neither of those things happened. Nobody watched me had sex.

I didn't watch anybody have sex. Nobody came on me. Nobody rubbed coming my nipples. All the things that P. Diddy promises when you go to one of his places. And you didn't get it. Nope. And we're all white. You get it.

Now. Now I could. You would get it. And you'd bow and put your hand on your chest as they calmed on your tits. Yeah, I go, hey, P. Diddy, I'm going to put my wiener against the glass. Kiss the glass. You love it, you homo. Thinking about the dollar thing, the pulling it away and like the level of restaurant that you must have been at.

East Side Marios. There's like no way that they didn't fuck with your food. East Side Marios was a fantastic. No, I corrected this issue. Like, I handled it. I was like, I just put the way up. I'm like, that's not happening. You know, well, we

It was crazy It was just like a thing where I'm like, I can't sit here and eat While they're watching them do that No And it was basically make her think it was a joke, dude, please But like East Side Marrows My favorite Italian place

Turns out it was a franchise But I loved it so much Their bread Top notch Best bread on the game Well me, well we did one time Which I do love doing it

I've done a bunch of times When the waiter comes over We start tipping them Right away Tipping them right away Here's, hey Here's 10 bucks. Give us good service tonight.

And then he comes back. Someone else. We did it with me, Bert, and our managers when we were in the Grand Canyon. And in the Grand Canyon, they have this steakhouse. It's like real old,

everything's wood, fancy, cool place. And we went in and we just, we just tipped the guy. We just kept like a competition. We just kept giving him five and tens. He must have made like $150.

Great. We got the best service you could get from anywhere that night. You laid on good. The place knows you. They'll be pretty attentive. You know what they got great service is, Platiforma.

Platiformer is almost too good because they're at your table where you get a little problems of the thing. Service is the wrong word for it though. That's a whole different situation. That's people, it's like grab a sword, walk around, look for green pieces of paper. Yeah, but you got other people coming up,

refilling your drinks. The manager's always coming over. Anytime they clean your plates, take your stuff off. What the fuck have you done at Plattoforma? I would never been treated like that. At Plattaforma? No.

Oh, dude. We got treated. Just like the best service I've ever had at Platiforma on 49th Street. You have to stop calling the best service when they don't bring you any food. They bring you the food. No. They bring you the steak. Yep.

No. Dude, when you get the steak, you know me. Uh-huh. I don't want this. If they don't like you, they're going to bring you the fucking bacon wrap bullshit. I want the bacon wrap bullshit. I don't want the fucking baker. I want the, the, the, the, what is that?

The baccata. I want the lamb. I want the baccata. I want the ribs. Why are we going to platform again? Let's go tonight. I'll go tonight. You're off story.

Fucking story wars. Fucking story wars. But we went to the Texas, whatever the fuck are. The platform over in the mall near your house. Yeah. They changed. What's it called?

Fogo de Chowl. They changed their pork. It was sucky. It's disgusting. But I got the guy to bring me what I wanted. How good did he treat me? He didn't treat you good. He kept me giving me the end of everything.

I think you gave an arm touch there too, but it was like a slightly different touch. It was under the elbow. Not the goon. Not the goon hand. And when I'm serious, I grab the actual hand. And I hold your hand so you can get my energy. And the goon hand is when you grab the elbow and just pinch a little bit behind it. That move was under the elbow holding it just gently that he knows at any point I could squeeze in the gune.

hand could come on. Bobby does Reiki with the staff. I do transfer my energy. Bobby's super in the touch. That guy, I like the touch. Job you guys in the touch. And he, uh, he fucking, he definitely, I mean, dude, he treated me like a, I mean, he was bringing me everything I wanted and giving me, you know, when they cut at the steak

places, the Brazilian places, they sliver a little piece off and you get your little tongs and you take that. That was, he was doing that to Jay. With me, he was just pushing the whole piece off. There was no slice, icy, he just pushed. he just pushed the whole piece off onto my plate. I feel like that was more of an insult than being cool. He's like, he's like, here you, fucking brown bear.

Well, you know what? I don't want any trouble, take this. No, looking at it, maybe you're right. Hey, fat guy won't stop touching me. Hey, you going down. What do you want? Here, take the whole steak. Maybe you're right.

It's all perspective, Jay. We got callers? Yeah. All right, let's get to some. I can't see any of these. We have... I'm so blind now. Robert.

Robert in Oregon? Yeah. Let's go to that. I'm happy that makes him that he can't read that boy, too, now. I can't. I've actually went through the evolution of your eyesight on this show. Where are your glasses? You're old, too.

I am old, too. Robert in Oregon, you're on the bonfire. Hey, crackle, trackle, guys. What's up, right? crack off. Sorry. Anyway, yeah. So, I mean, my wife is notorious for always somehow finding something in her food.

Worst one, bloody band-aid and a salad. I'm sorry, say that again? Oh, God. A bloody band-aid in her salad. Did she order that as a protein? She asked her on the side, actually, kind of like our Meg Ryan. Oh God They fucked it up

And they put it in You know What color? Was the blood like a dark blood Like it was just bleeding Or was it like a A couple day wound No

It was a freshy It was the kitchen worker Did you see the outline of some ointment Maybe like an ointment To help heal the wound quicker Like a neosporne or something You know I didn't have my microscope

That's fair That's fair Let me ask you a question When you found the bit, was she about to eat it, or did she find it first? It was like, it's how she always finds it, man. She went, ooh, free band-aid. Yeah, I mean, really, yeah, I mean, you know, it's always a positive there. But, you know, she just finds them when she'll be eating something, and she finds a hair in her food.

She finds this, that, you know, all of them, I just see the paws, you know, and you just see the look on her face, and I'm just like, oh, shit, what did she find this time? Now, what does the restaurant do for you in that situation? So she got comped on her Band-aid for sure. But, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hindsight, they probably should have comp the whole check. Oh, they didn't? They didn't comp the check?

No, just that plate, just the entree. Did she re-get the same meal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, that, she didn't, she didn't eat it. Nobody was concerned about the finger of the person prepare. No, no. Is it still bleeding? It was just a little dot.

I would never order the same. I wouldn't be able to look at the same dish again, not seeing a bloody band-aid. I don't know if it was like an hall of God. One of those, like, franchisey places that me and my ex-wife went to at some point, and she used to find stuff in her food a lot. It seemed crazy.

I'd find hair a lot, but she would find stuff. And her worst one was a piece of, like, rigatoni or something. And it was, there was plastic on it. and a staple, like, through it. Like, it was, like, just when they closed a bag or something, you know what I mean? Like, it got cut, and it just, the staple and plastic just stayed through the whole process of cooking and sauce,

and no one caught that. And it was just, I was like, oh, my God. The worst one I had, me and Dawn up in New Hampshire, they just opened a farm-to-table restaurant, right by a river, brand-new, farmed-a-table, packed. This place was gorgeous. I'd rather have them butcher the meat, though. I don't feel like doing that right on the table.

I'll be over here I liked it so we ordered the food and the food's coming it looks amazing it's just like really we're very impressed

and then Dawn ordered a like a fried chicken sandwich with a roguiler and all kinds of stuff on it and she was just about to take a bite and something wiggled and it was a

it was a big green worm was in the lettuce. She was about to just and she would have bit it in half. How has she ever had lettuce since? How? That's forever for me, I think.

And the waitress came over and like, hey, you might want to, there's a worm in my sandwich. And we were expecting to get free. She went, it is farm to table. It came right from the farm to here. Yeah, let me change my order then. I'd like to have a half cow

and a corn stalk. Can you do any of the work farm to table? Farm it a little, would you? Can you give me a soup without the crickets? Well, it is farm at tables. So, yes, that burger is going to be covered in cow shit. Yeah, but she was like, do you want another sandwich? Don't was like, absolutely not.

I'll never be able to eat that sandwich ever again. I'd probably go farm, clean it, maybe chop it up, get it prepared to eat, then clean it some more. And then cook it for me and then put it on the table. Yeah, how about put it through, like, some type of magnified? glass, make sure there's nothing squiggling. What am I with fucking Joe Rogan? I'm eating fucking, I'm eating woods to kitchen. I remember now the worst thing that ever happened to me.

I had ordered, this is back in the day. They had high tops at the restaurant and you couldn't get up in the chair. Oh, Christ, that's got to be humiliating. You and Brad Williams are fucking, are giving each other alley-ups. We only have bar seats. It was a pizza and Italian food restaurant. And I ordered, I don't remember what pasta I ordered, but anyway, I get it home. I ordered it to go.

I get it home, I open the foil top, and I'm eating, really enjoying it, and then I taste something, and I look down, it's disgusting, bitter. I look down, and it's a full line of cigarette ash. The guy, the chef had obviously had a cigarette just dangling in his mouth and let the whole thing burn out and just fell right into my dish. Didn't give a fuck. Well, didn't notice it obviously. You didn't go give it to that little. a cigarette be burning all the way down to the... I don't think you should cook while you're making food for a restaurant.

Yeah. I agree with that. I don't think you should. But I'm sure he didn't see it and go send it out. And I love to smoke, but I wouldn't assume that I could have one fucking dangling while I'm plugging... Maybe you're tortellina. Yeah. When you let that thing burn out down to the cotton, something's going to fall off.

I bet he just rested it on there while he was cooking other dishes. You're in Jersey, Lou. You know what? You were probably, were you a worst customer than bad service? I was a bartender for many years, so I was, I have no tolerance for bad service, but I'm a great tipper. Are you great service when you worked at a bar? Oh, yeah, I hustled. I hustled like a motherfucker.

Yeah. Nice. That's pretty fucking good. I mean, it's so far. I was at. Blackwood, do you know what bad services? Oh, yeah. I'm just joking.

when I go to white establishments I even know your black service I mean you're not tipping free though right so like Is it good bad Who gives a shit? Yeah I don't think there's I mean there

Like if I walk in I mean there is a thing with race With certain service You know what I mean? Where? Well I mean I'm not not with you If I go to an Indian

If I go to a restaurant And it's not Indian food But it's all Indian people Yeah I know the service is gonna It's not gonna be like the most over friendly. Agreed. It's going to be like, what do you want?

Okay. Agreed. Well, I say it's my, it's my, it's the wah-wa theory. But if I go to an any restaurant and it's any people, they're usually super nice. I'm saying it's the, it's, that's the fucking effective, like, fuck. I had it and now my effect is going. Wawa theory, buddy. The Wawa theory is that if you go into a Wawa-Wa-W-W-W-and you see an all-black staff, yeah. The sandwiches aren't going to be very good because there's no wah-waws in the hood ever. Right.

There's a song about it. Yeah, there's a song about it. Yeah. So there's no, there's no of like, well, I know when I go to a Wawa, what I want, so I want it to be like this. It's a job. It's a subway. Right. So they just treat it like a subway and everything stacked all shitty and awful.

But if you go to a beautiful lily white Wawa, oh, they say they lay. They take the turkey and they commercial lay it where it's got like two loops. Yeah. But I swear to you, if I went to a fucking Waffle House and it was a bunch of fucking, like, like white people where I would assume it's going to be terrible. I tell you this, if I go to a place and it's a lesbian-owned place, service is going to be amazing. Food is going to be off the fucking charts.

Yeah. They don't need you to man-splain the menu to them. If I'm with Don, it's great because Dawn is a, I think. Dyke energy? She wants to, yeah, she has super dyke energy. Nice, good. Super. She loves.

What's up, gals? You're being powerful back there and making casseroles? Why are you with him? Oh, turn it up. Let everybody know what's up. Lesbian-owned places. Great service. Bobby, there's no rap songs for your favorite food places.

Bring a Wawa to the hood. No Wawa in the... By the way, I think her first line is like... She goes something and goes, because they goes, I understand. He goes, they just don't want to get robbed like 7-Elevens constantly. She's just like, I understand. Don't put a Wawa to... But she's going, please, please bring one...

There's no more CVS is in the hood. Dwayne Reed's either. Crazy. We got other callers? Who are the other callers? Of course. Let's see here. Let's get a good one. Who do you got, Jay?

Can you read it? There you go. Right in front of your face. There we go. There we go. That's too close. Uh-uh-uh. Oh, this is good. How about a different take here? We have Spivey in Texas. Spivey?

What's up, boys? I just want to say, first of all, I love y'all. I listen to y'all on the road all the time, and you are fucking awesome. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Spivey. So I was 18 years old, first job waiting tables. I had a table of about seven people. I have seven iced teas that I'm bringing out. I take the first one off and all fucking seven of them dropping this old man's lap.

And he's just looking at me. And it's this slow down at time that just fucking we locked souls. And it's, oh, it was the most fucked up thing ever. The manager had to comp the whole table. I still think about that old man to this day. I mean, it is a good perspective. I waited tables. You ever wait tables?

No. I waited tables for a while. Yeah. And there are customers, man. Customers are, they can grind you. Oh, dude, they can grind you. Soda told me many stories. I'm going to tell you right now because I'm here.

Soda's gone. Yeah. So he told me all his stories. He told me all his stories. I told me all the stories. Well, that's why I'm here. Thank you. I just stop fucking reminiscing, asshole.

No, I'm not when you know, his probably sucked. And your story's good. Yeah, soda told me a lot of things. I, we used to have a, this blind lady was the work, blind lady. Also in fairness, soda was a waiter until three years ago. There was a blind lady that came in. It was me, me, Gary Galman and Al Del Benny worked at this restaurant. La Familia Georgios.

That's when Dane was doing a stand-up spot's behind your back. He was working at a pizza place. I don't know if you started the dog. Sure he was. Sure he was. But we were all working there. and every day, like, it was almost every day or every the day, this blind lady with her dumb dog, her seeing-eye dog would come in.

And she's a twat. She's just the worst human being ever. And she would come in and just entitled, fucking ask a million questions. We're fucking, we're weeded. And she just made everything. It just sucked. And we would fight. As soon as she came in, I'd be like, we'd just run.

And whoever got stuck with her, we'd just run. would get her. And one day she was walking by the front door. We all saw her and we were like, fuck, something happened with her dog. I don't know if she saw a squirrel. And they're not supposed to do this. The dog just took off and dragged her on her face down.

We had a big window in front and we just saw her disappear and then reappear at the end of the restaurant and just dragged her by her face down the sidewalk. I mean, how hard you laughed. We were, laughing so hard that she, then she came in to get kind of like medical service. She's, her whole face was just bleeding and she's crying. We were trying so hard to just shut our fat faces from laughing. Of course.

Oh my God, it was the greatest day ever. Just to see this blind lady just get, she's there and then she's not. And then she comes and she's just all blood on the side of her face. Dude, that sounds like, that was making me, remember when a Lainey, porn PR? She had Gian Bray's for like a year or two. you remember that when when she couldn't walk really oh what she had the cane yeah yeah yeah dude when she showed up to gas digital one night

and butterly was there and she said like she just had no control her body she was always like coming down the stairs and gonna fall needed help and she said you just pushed the button for the intercom and she goes it's like oh my god I'm already falling yeah usually just go it's like it's jay and they buzz you and she goes like I'm already falling yeah dude waiting table the

The other side of it, though, people do suck. I mean, they're the worst. I told you about a guy who fucking took the tip away a dollar time. It's like a shitty, of course. People are awful. No, no, listen, there's probably far shittier about a customer. They just by numbers, like customers and waiters. You know what I mean?

There's definitely shitty people who are sitting at all restaurants all the time. No, I never did that job, thank God. I never. And I lucked out. I guess it wasn't luck, but it's like, definitely such, by the time I got to jobs where somebody was going like, I've got a problem with you and the job you're doing, these were jobs. It was there.

It was like karaoke around the corner from the comedy or the comedy cellar? Fat like Pussy Cat. Every Tuesday night, 7 o'clock. When I used to run the karaoke upstairs. And people come in and they'd go, why I used to, you know, I'd be like, I'm sorry, it's a shitty karaoke system. Like that song, it's just a number on it's wrong. She goes, well, that's the song I want to sing.

I go, no, I know. I wish I could. It's just like a bad system. So, like, if they're labeled wrong, I don't know where to find the actual song. If it's labeled wrong. She goes, but I don't understand. I play it. And where it gets a point where you get to a point where I go says like, cunt.

I don't know what to tell you. Pick another song, you dip shit. And that's why you don't work to sell her anymore. And then they go to the manager. And then I go, and she goes, I'm going to get the manager. I go, yeah, good. I was going to tell them so we could laugh together anyway. You're going to save me a trip.

Dude, our manager at the restaurant was, I mean, I don't know, she might be like a 90 years old flow. She had like three teeth, old Italian lady, cotton candy hair. And she would sit and do scratch tickets during the lunch rush. She would just sit at a little table. and do scratch tickets she'd eat bread and she'd have to dip it in coffee because her teeth were so soft she'd have to soften the Italian break

because it was too hard for her to chew and she's a miserable she yo hey Bobby I'm literally at 15 tables I'm weeded Bobby go down and get me 15 scratch tickets I'd have to go get her scratch tickets in the middle of the rush and I was going to say that she's scratching

where she's like during lunch rush and she goes you almost get shit from her every day and she goes one cherry two cherries you fucking cock suckers I'm about to kiss my sweet ass goodbye She would do this She could scratch the top She would scratch the whole thing off

And just scratch and no As soon as she scratched It's a fucking loser She would just know if it's a loser You're not playing the game It's a loser You still have five rows to do I'm not gonna win I can tell

Because it's a two And there's a three and a four It's not gonna win It's something also I said when I used to work at a 7-11 There's something you could scratch On the ticket that just tells you if it's a winner or lose right away.

So she, but I would love it because anybody would come in who would complain, they'd be like, I want to see the manager. I'm like, you really, you don't want to do this. Like, I want to see them now. I'd be like, okay. And I'd be like, Flo, what? You just hear, what?

And then she'd come over. What do you want a free lunch? This better be good, I got two cherries. She would walk over, what do you want free? What do you want me to comp off the meal? Well, I was just going to say that I ordered. Yeah, all right, it's, Com, comp her, comp her.

All right, you got a free meal. We'll see you next time. And she would just walk away. She didn't give a fuck, man. Was the food good? Dude, the food was great. They gave... Great food.

Yeah, it's the best. Well, back then they had this lunch special. What kind of food is it? It's Italian. It was five meat, five dishes for $5. What? That's usually not indicative of a good place. Dude, it was such good food.

They would have, they would always have three meals, like a pasta dish. ditch three different pasta dishes. You got to think back, Bobby. We're both internal, even when times you weren't internal, fatso's. Yes. And I'm starting to realize

because food was my girlfriend when I was growing up. I'm coming as by myself. Food has been my sister, my girlfriend, my lover, and my wife. I'm starting to feel this way too. And a lot of times

there are things that were great from your childhood that were delicious. Yeah. But searching for that Chinese food it's going to be as good as then and searching for that, I promise you, those places weren't much better.

They weren't better. They weren't better. what you had and you can get an abundance of it. Buddy, I'm telling you right now, the food at Lafamilly Georgios was fucking incredible. There's too many words. Buddy, here's the thing.

They had two restaurants, one in East Boston, one in the North End. They literally had to get a limo to ship people over to the other restaurant because that's how big the line is. If you go there, there's a line always out the door. But they had this thing where they always had lasagna and like an eggplant, like a meat lasagna

you're in an eggplant palm and then three different dishes. And you would get it on a plate, like just a scoop of each for five bucks. So lunch was fucking nuts. For like an hour and a half, two hours, there's a line out the door just people getting this downtown Boston, North End, they wanted this lunch deal. And they would all come in. And those people who were getting the nickel chases, it was all nickel chasers. You know what I mean?

At night, it went to a regular restaurant. Look at that food. Look at those piles. Yeah, they're known a pound of pasta with every. meal. They have a thing called the pound of pasta with every meal. That's a fucking stupid Carnegie's deli with their sandwiches. It was the Carnegie Deli of

Italian food. They had one that was the, what was it called? It was a fish dish. It was five pounds of pasta and three pounds of seafood. And if you ate it, you got it free and a T-shirt. It was crazy. And the only people that

ever did it with thin little fuckers. No fat people could ever do it. Time to make the sandwich. Yeah. Let's see. Angel hair. Love it. Little neck. Oh, pans-eared sea scallops.

This place rules. It is good. You ever go to Boston? Go to La Familia Giorgio's. Where's it at? It's right in the north end by Bova's Bakery. Damn, they have everything. It's right in the north end, dude.

Come on. Yeah. Well, you can't just say Bova's Baker. That means nothing to me also. It's another landmark. That's like I go to Alpha's Pizza House. What is it? Run the corner from Brindmar Pizza in the library?

Dude, Bova's Bakery is fucking famous. That's like saying go to Pat's steak. It's right next to Pat Steaks. No, it's not the same as that because you know those places. Yeah, well, everybody in Boston knows Bova's Bakery. But everybody outside of Philadelphia knows Pats and Genos. You could go to the North End and go, where's La Familiar Georgios? And they just point to it.

It's that everybody knows La Familiar Georgesios. The bakery is famous, too. You can go right, you can say Bova's Bakery or La Familiar Georgios. Tell me what comedy club is near. It's on the other side. It's in the North End. The North End is, it's only like two streets or three streets of food. and it's on one of the food

it's on the not the main food street it's on the side food street yeah you gotta do that on a day of the year off what's it's so good dude can't go to work after that it's so fucking good dude

well you've done dantanas and worked I don't feel good yeah it's not yeah it's not yeah it's not they have a chicken bono fattuna it's chicken tri-colored twittalini in a cream sauce what's it called chicken bono fatuna

wanna say it sounds like you're saying It sounds like I was tuna. Yeah, that's what I kept things. Chicken born a for tuna. Chicken born for tuna. No, chicken bono for tuna. So it's a chicken that's in love with tunas? It's Italian, bono for tuna.

Yeah, chicken's got a boner for tuna? No, I got it. You think I don't speak Italian? Chicken born a for tuna. Buddy, I did a little time in there. Do they have a lunch mess? Do they have a luncheon? What's the name of the place?

Let's fucking go. No, it's La Familia George. Yeah, but they're really leaning into LFG, dude. Let's fucking go. If you go there, don't fuck with the guy Al, the owner's usually there. You don't want to fuck with that guy. I don't think so? I think I'll grab his fucking hand. I think I'll do one of those moves. I'm going to go, hey, why don't tonight we try to make the service? That place looks fantastic. It's so good. Why is there no lunch anymore? Why is there nothing good like this near me at all? That's so good, dude. Oh, I used to work there and bring food home all the time. I bet. Oh, God, so good. It was your girlfriend. It was my lover. It was my lover. Yeah, dude. You know, my dick's not long enough to fuck an entire pound of pasta. That's a good. That's your girlfriend. It was your girlfriend. It was my lover. Yeah, dude. You know, my dick's not long enough to fuck an entire pound of pasta. That's, that's a lot of pasta. That's, That's why I met Dawn, by the way.

Really? She was a waitress at La Familias. Really? Yeah, she used to save me because I was a terrible waiter, so she would take my tables at the end of the day because I would quit every day. And you gave them to her. Oh, fuck yeah. Because she would massage your penis.

She would give me rides. She would give me rides. Yeah, you gave her rides, am I right? At one point. Fucking Puerto Rican mustache rides. Now the bitch has a Lexus and doesn't have to eat any rides. I want all this stuff. Oh, it's so good.

Oh, it's so good. Now I want to tell you now. It's so good. Chicken palm. I do it. Everything's fresh. Now I'd love delicious Italian for that one. It's such a good place.

Oh, great. Oh, salt and boca, my favorite. It's such a good one, too. Fuck all you guys. What else do they have there? Do you have anything else? I'm so hungry. I can't look at it anymore.

Dude, eat that pretzel. Think it's salt and boca. Let's take one more. Let's take Kobe. Kobe from Portland. Has a hell of a story here. Crackle, crackle, fellas. Crackle, cackle, c cuss up, buddy.

What's your crazy story here? Could this possibly be true? It's 100% true My wife's cousin He was eating with her Found a full bat In her soup Like a Batman bat

Not a baseball bat Not like a cigar Yeah like a bat Like a flying bat Now was this when you were at a Wuhan Farm to Table place Yeah Was this a Vietnamese

Farm to Table restaurant Because I prefer to have my bat Already pre-butchered before I get there I like to be farmed To clean the bat To kill the bat To butcher the bat I like the teeth out, the hair off.

Yeah. You know, they're not that big, so it's just like... Oh, my fuck. Oh, my God, you're not the first person to have this happen? No, they order it. Oh. That's the bat soup. Yeah, they eat bat.

I never forgot that picture. It's just a bat in clear broth. And by the way, it's teeth are like, it's like furious at you. I bet that broth is tasty, though. Oh, my God, dude. Were you able... Did you get your purple belt after that, Kobe? Dude, you know, they caller before said that they didn't comp anything.

They tried to charge for the meal. Shut your face. Yeah. Should, wait a minute, dude. You found, wait a minute. So it comes to the table. What is the dish again? It was soup.

It was, you know, dark. Well, they didn't charge, they didn't charge it for the bat, though. Yeah, not the bat. That's cool. So she found the bat in the soup. So the, and then you said, hey, there's a bat. How did you present? My thing is how did you present it to the waiter, a waitress?

Were you polite about it? Or did you be like, there's a fucking bat in my suit? There's a bat in my fishol. He was very polite about it, but they were like, no, we're not. We're not confident anything. Are you kidding me? They go, why? Because you got, oh, you're such a baby.

You can't just pull the bat out. You got extra. You got extra in your two. Dude, pull it out. What do you need more broth? I'll fucking re-broth you. Isn't it weird that we're still polite in those situations? Excuse me.

Yeah, I know you. I know real quick. Yeah, we won't more breath. Because you know. I just, but there's a bat in my suit. Yeah, you know exactly why, because they're fucking come and your food are both in the back where you can't see. All of their come and all of your food are back there. All of their shit, all of their boogers and your food are out of your sight.

That's why you please. And same way, when a cop's going like, I could have let you off with a warning, but I'm going to give you four tickets. And you go, I please thank you very much, all of us, you're the best. She didn't immediately scream. Yeah, like... No, it's probably an on-purpose bat in the fact to see if she caught it. Wow. You think they did it on purpose as like for shits and giggles?

Yeah, that's just like, oh, let's see if they eat the fucking bat. Yeah, did your wife, like, murder a local child or something? Why do they want that happened to her? Do they serve bat? You're sure you want your chick wasn't cheating on you and that was her, the guy who's cheating, it was the cook and he was mad at her for fucking... She said, I'm going to divorce him and she never did. Yeah, and then she brought you. You in those fucking restaurant.

Now you're eating bat right in front of this guy, bitch. I bet he's not going to French kiss you after you have bat in your mouth, you slut. Did you guys eat there or did you leave? No, they left. Okay. Okay. I wasn't there, but they left. Oh, good, yeah.

You leave after a bat, I think. Fucking bat. What's going to make that better? You go, there's a bat in my soup. And you go, oh, no, it's a baby bird. Oh, no, it's just a dead baby bird. It's Halloween. It's crazy.

Everything's crazy. Well, goodbye to, goodbye to Darry, soups in public restaurants. Yeah. No more there's it. It's a squid ink broth. I'm okay, man, actually. I want to see everything in the broth.

Hey, can you clear up this miso? I'd like to see the bottom of it, please. Make sure I don't see any fucking eyeballs or fangs, angry fangs. I'm never eating French onion again. Thank you so much for the call, my man. That was fucking, ooh, that's wild. Crazy. Wild stuff.

Wild, wacky stuff. Bobby Kelly, guess what? What's up, buddy? You might not know this, dude? You're filming a special. A one hour special, December 12th in New England. Whoa. Uptown theater.

Right? No, it's called? Nailed it. It is in Providence. But we're calling in New England for the sake of argument here. Tickets are on sale for that. Well, you listen. Right now.

Stop messing up our promotional scheme. Yeah, it's our branding. It's our branding, dude, and you keep fucking it up. Apologies. Just go with the branding we give you. But maybe, like, tell them it's in Providence, too. Yeah, do both. Are you calling in New England?

England Patriot? Listen, what? Are you calling it New England Patriot? No, we're not going to... No, I thought maybe that's what you're going to do. No. It's New England. It's branding.

The New England. I'm going back to New England. You want the racists from all three places. I want them all from all... I want New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine. I want Boston, Massachusetts. You heard it here. All of New England is welcome.

No blacks. No, I want to... I need a couple. You need a 13 original colonies to show up. I want blacks. I want blacks. on a lot of that. After the show, Bobby's going to pour tea off the side of a boat. That's December 12th. Tickets are going to go fast for this. So get them right now while they

still last. Punchup.com.com slash Robert Kelly. Be there. It's going to be an amazing night. He's got so many good people working on it. I'm so excited. I'm so excited for you. And then he's going to be at Laughston, October 16th and 17th. After that, Louisiana, he's hitting Lake Charles Lafayette and New Orleans while he's down there for tickets in all of his tour dates. Go to punchup.com.com slash Robert Kelly. Do yourself a favor. And check out his YouTube at Robert Kelly Comedy. And if you really want to get down with him every Tuesday night, he's 7 p.m. The Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Sower.

And it is fucking great. And listen to his great podcast. You know what, dude, and the regs, wherever you get your podcasts. We got to shorten that up a little bit somewhere. No, I like it. We only do it once. All right. Big J. Okerson is, we'll be at the Emerald City Comedy. That's enough. That's all. That's enough for me. Yeah, just check him out.

Crackle, Crackle, BigJ Comedy.com. He's going to be the Emerald City Comedy. Seattle. He's going there this weekend, the 8th through the 10th. After that, he'll be in Denver, Rochester, Austin, Los Angeles, and Breyer for tickets and all tour days. Go to bigjeecom.com,

YouTube.com, slash at Big Jokerson. He does his live show and also Legion of Skanks and Story Wars. Wherever you listen, make sure you check him out. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.