The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Blue Copper

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Bobby is sad that Paco is quitting stand-up because comics like Bobby broke him down. | Jay defends taking GLP-1 shots for many reasons including the special powers they give him. He had a bad reaction to a shot called Blue Copper, but that didn't deter him from the lifestyle. | Bonfire friend Steve Rannazzisi was in a Fantasy Football battle with Carrot Top the night he went to the hospital. | The guys hate cruise ship gigs because they feel trapped. | A new Instagram trend is hot A.I. women performing stand-up comedy. *To hear the full show go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I'm very sad. Did you hear that? What? You don't listen to me. You don't care about my feelings. What was it? You were just talking to Paco. I'm very sad. About what? I think we broke...

I think... Are you being emotional? No, I swallowed... Lobster? I had chip in my throat from earlier. Do you have lobster roll in your throat still? Yeah, something... I am emotional, but I wasn't being emotional emotional.

Man, we look like fucking idiots. We've been eating deli food for fucking 11 years as a Luke's lobster roll, two feet away from here. So good. Look at my finger. Yes. Follow my finger. Yeah. Focus.

Well, you almost died on lobster. I'm sad. Yeah, I thought it was about the lobster. No, it's not about the lobster. What's it about? Paco. Why? I think we broke Paco.

How so? I don't know. He just seems like he's becoming a regular human being. Instead of. Silly. I'll do anything. Paco, his outfit changed. He's wearing casual dress.

Well, he said he's taking a break from stand-up. He's taking a break from stand-up. I wish he would have told me that when he asked me to do a weekend with me so he could film and I got him a hotel room, but now he's just filming. It's fine, I guess. He's not doing stand-up. No. So he's coming, he's moving out of the entertainment world into the behind-the-scenes.

I could have not filmed the weekend at all. It's not that big a deal to miss. a weekend of filming. Yeah. I thought I was doing it to get him some spots. Yeah, to work on this stuff. I already paid Dylan for this job.

So I'm paying extra money just to have Baco film. He's coming and not going on. Yeah. Though you say that, then you cancel the trip. You cancel the flight and you get your money back.

No flight driving. You get your money back for the hotel room. Hotel room for sure, yeah. And just say, I don't need you. You don't need to come. Yeah, right? Yeah, you don't. What?

You have two guys that film and one's not going to do stand-up? Yeah, no, it's fine. Listen, I'm okay with no guest spot going up on the show. Do you know what I mean? Like, makes the show move faster and stuff. There's no, like, X-Factor, really,

besides what I already know. Tristan Bowling's featuring is going to be good. Josie's hosting, I believe it'll be a good show. So you're going to have Josie, Dylan, Paco, and Tristan. There's no Dylan. No, Dylan. It was Paco. Paco asked me to go on the road a lot,

and I'm not able to bring them a lot. But I tell them I always find something. I go, I'm going to find something for you, though, so we can do something. Yeah, I love your speeches. We book this one. We can give speeches. Yeah, we have this one here. Kid, I'll find something.

Look at me. Look at me, Paco. Look at me. I'm going to tell you right now, I don't have a lot, but I'm going to find something, kid. And I tell them to bother me. I go, you're not bothering me at all. Overtext me about it, because I don't remember and I'll miss the text, and I won't answer right away because I don't have an answer, and I'm going to forget. Because I don't care about you and you really have other things to care about it.

Right. Yeah, right. So. So it bother me a lot because I'm going to avoid, I'm going to ignore most of the shit you sent me. So bug me until I can't, I have to go, fuck, I'll fucking answer it. It's like you know how to read language nobody else can. Yeah, it's called fucking dealing with feature X. Yeah.

So I go, you know, hit me up whenever. And he was like, so I told him his date. But to me, it's not that he really wants to be involved in the filming. I think it's always like, I'll film. Four. And I'd like to go on the road with you. I overbooked this weekend So I said, well, that's fine

I'm still bringing Paco anyway Because he's going to He'll do the filming He's going to do Dylan's job But I'm going to come out of pocket extra Because I don't have to pay Dylan individually for the gig But I would have to pay Paco for this

For coming and filming me It's not changing when I'm paying Dylan For the month So when he's like, yeah, I'm taking a break From comedy right now for a while I'm like, oh, well That's weird timing right at the week of the

I was taking you on the road because she wanted to get on stuff I don't think he was asking me to go on the road with me because he wants to fucking film really bad like that's not what he's reaching out for help

do you think that's like you know when some people do things like you know pop pills and try to kill themselves or say dramatic shit I'm quitting I'm quitting everything right now

I just got to get back to who I am is he reaching out for help I didn't even consider that because I'll tell you what I did, which is not good. And I think I did this with another friend recently this weekend. I said something about like cruise ship comedy

and where it's like where comedy goes to die. But I also always say too, I'm like, look, if you're not doing well in comedy and it's a way to make a living and you want to do it, and you're still doing, I still respect that you're doing comedy to make a living. And I was like, but you know, when you look at who's doing it always,

it's like the funniest fucking, like, awful, whatever. And that comic goes. Joe and Eddie, one of my best friends of all time. that joke that comic said to me the comics said to me no no here's the thing I think there's really good comics there's comics who work on cruise ships who give a shit about comedy still

and write new material and everything but there's also the guys who just go I know the act I go I know the buffet times that are the best I know that you know I watched that they're certified scuba divers you know what I mean and how to they actually can

they can book their own fishing trips and they're captains yeah they just know like you know what I'm saying there's those guys But the person I was talking to was like Made a thing, it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm worried about hitting this wall here Where it's like I'm getting to an age where I might have to like start looking into cruise ships And as someone who would do great on cruise ships

Probably too, you know what I mean? And I was like, so I completely changed the thing. I go, well, no, no, no. I mean, it's a great living actually if you're willing, if you want to do it. If it's like the job doesn't bother you. Yeah. To me, I mean, I'm getting ready to, I'm going on Burt's thing in a little bit. And like, I'm not dreading it because I'm going to stay pretty inebriated with Joe.

Joe DeRosa and Bert the entire time. But, like, as far as, like, a thing itself, like, I just, it's a cruise, man. At this point now, all I feel, the second it takes off from the doc, I'm like, well, locked in, man. Yeah. This is it. And this is, these are the things I can do for the next one. I'm doing Coltis Cruise in April, April's 20th year.

And, uh, but his is cool because you do one show the first night, 20 minutes. And that's it. And then you're just hanging out, me and him hanging out in his relationship. room fucking doing stupid shit. Sure. I'm saying this is going to be, I'll enjoy this because I'm going to go and hang with Bert and fucking DeRose and DeRose are probably... Yeah.

Bert's always fun. Right. Yeah, no, man. He's a fucking blast. Hang out with Bert. No, the hang will be fun. Fucking having not one real conversation without a camera in your face and listening to all the shit he's got going on and...

Yeah. Yeah, those are fun. And DeRose's just shit face fucking. I'm fucking... Yeah, that sounds like a blast. Yeah, I guess I'll go on the Calta Cruz. I'm sorry. Geez, Louise.

Get to eat. Get to fucking eat. Definitely eating. There's a lot of eating. You know, all the cruises. No, I'm just fucking with you. Don't be so sensitive. Fucking trash Calta.

But it's a... It's going to be... Yeah, it's such a trap thing feeling at this point now. I've just done so many of them. No, I hear you. So far I got living, it would be a tough thing. But these guys... I know a lot of these guys, because when we were coming to Boston,

to get a cruise ship. Big deal. For the older guys, it was like, if you could just get it, you're set for life. Because now you just go and make money, blah, blah, blah.

But it is, it's a whole different world of comedy. You don't have to write new jokes. You really can't. Because they like your hour. They want you to do that hour here. That one clean. This one.

A little edgy. They want consistency, and they want you off the fucking stage. Yeah. And that's not where real stand-up kind of live you were fucking trying to create something different every night but and their jokes are stale because a lot of them are like old bits that still kill in front of a you know america sure yeah you know gazing the military you know shit like that well the burq crews too i've also

asked for like i'm also like load me up because of the trap feeling of it yeah with guys load me up no just like load me up it's like i'll do any little kid dancers you want me to sit there and judge and talk during the belly flop contest and whatever all the stuff they put together on the boat i'm like involve me and all that because like let's go like let's do something because like besides that you're just like sitting and you're like well i guess we're waiting to get off this you know you can't make a choice like i'm gonna go well you know watch a movie now or something it's just not that does he have like a separate area up top that you get to hang in like the uh the sal did yeah they do yeah so you get that little like that little village the VIP village that you

guys all stay in right oh i didn't no i don't stay up there oh you stay in just a regular room yeah No. No, it was a nice room. Very nice room, actually. Yeah, it's a weird thing. A boat is a weird thing. But it's, and God forbid it's the ocean stinks. You know, if it's, you know, the wavy.

Oh, see, I don't mind that at all. I think it's neat looking at it. I hate it. I get sick. It's just whatever it is. If it was two full days, like three nights, two days, and you got out of thing, that's, like, perfect. I think I could have fun that whole time. Yeah.

There's something about it's always just a day too long where that last day you're like, is that America? Like, you know, when you're looking out of the side of the boat, like, are we getting close to the thing now? But it's not even that. They usually get to, they get to Tampa the day before and then they just park it because their port isn't until tomorrow. It's like, dude, there's the bridge.

Let us just get. Let's get the fuck off this thing. The fuck off this goddamn thing. Caldas cruises, I think it's like, I have to be off for like two weeks, which is Nuts. No. It's a two-week, 20-year anniversary cruise. It's not two weeks.

Well, I'm telling you that's two weeks. I've got to do two weeks. We go to, we're going to Brazil, and then we go around the horn. We got to go, it's called the round the horn. We go around the horn of South America, and then we get up to Chile, and then we go back up to Costa Rica, and then we actually cut through the Panama Canal, up into Mexico, Guatemala, over to Houston, and then we do New Orleans, and then we go back to. Tampa. It's like a two-week thing.

Dude, that's crazy. I feel like you made every bit of that up. Well, then you think right. You're a winner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a feeling. Fuck, man. How do you take... How would you even take me serious? Well, two weeks wasn't long enough to make it like... Two weeks is perfect to believe. It was perfect. Enough to make you a huh? Are there actually two-week cruises? That's crazy. Two weeks? Enough to make no, hmm. People love cruises, man. I find them like, to me, it's a living hell.

Depends what you're there for. If you're a gay and you want to go fucking gay off hard, it's got to be the best thing in the world. Best thing in the world, unless you pours turkey and Saudi Arabia. Then if you're all the worst. If you're a person who doesn't have a give a shit about quality of food but likes abundance of food, cruise chips you're thinking. You can just go, hey, it's, you know, it's midnight.

We just had disgusting fat people sex and there's nothing to do. We can still go buffet right now if we, want to and get like a full fucking prime rib platter and you can go to room service and it's free you just call up and they'll give me pizzas three pizze set over three pizzas and four shrimp cocktails and one tuna fish sandwich that was on white bread and they'll send it i know but you're you're locked in this enclosed place with four four thousand people yeah that's insane that i would sign up for that keeping this mind you can't keep your mind keep your mind here keeping your mind here four thousand people who by the end of the first day at least know exactly who you are does that make sense what

i'm saying like it made things difficult like and by the way everyone's sweet so you want to stop and do pictures of everybody so it's not a matter of like it's not the people there's no gripe with the people it's the position you're put in that i remember uh on that berk cruise when christine was like she was killing me we'd like all right let's go we're going to leave the room and get to the dining area and go get some food and we would start like walking and you just we got to a spot she goes i have to go to the bathroom i go no no please don't get as soon as we stop walking yeah she's come out of the bathroom there's a line of people and i'm not going to stop that so i'm gonna like i'll take 50 pictures right then and there and then you're like all right all right guys

we're gonna go grab some food now and so it's like you just better than just being able to walk around anywhere and nobody even knows who you are that would suck not on a cruise well i was actually i mean it's a good feeling i mean like you're so you're so appreciative of of course The fact, you know. That's why, like, Caldas Cruz, it's only 500 people, it's not the whole boat. So he, it's a section, he has a section of the dining hall, which is kind of cool. And when you walk through, one time I was, the last time I went home when I walked through, every table was like, Bobo, Bobo, as I was walking, Bobo.

So kind of, I don't know, it's kind of fun, but does not, it's not the whole ship. The whole ship is. No, no, for sure. It's also, you got to keep in mind, like, I'm not judging other, the fans in any way. It's me too I try to think What a nightmare would be If like

Look at my behavior With Jerry O'Connell An Elite Singer of War on Drugs Could you imagine if I was If I went on the War on Drugs Cruise ship And like this guy would be like What I've gathered

If I gave him the energy Of those texts Yeah In person Like you know I'm saying So it's like you You're trapped in a situation

With that Do you know what I mean So for every person It's just like Hey man I just want a picture Hey man I love your stuff There's someone

Who's gonna be It's too much Yeah Well they just Hey, we're old friends. Keep talking. We don't know each other at all. They keep bringing up.

Oh, man, take it easy. One more. And they just keep bringing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, dude, I got to go eat. I have to go eat. Yeah. And so, but it's like Skangfest.

I don't want to be, like, I never, like, hang in, like, I don't think I've, the green rooms I'm never in. No. You're, I don't think you've walked out in the green room last year. I didn't, I didn't go to the, I didn't see catering last year. I went, I went twice, but I'm always in the cigar lounge. Yeah. Right, which I'll go in there. It's outside also, which I like.

But I mean, I'm just like, I'd rather bounce that. I'd rather hang outside until I know what it is I have to do anyway. Yeah. Scanning Fest is great. You just keep moving. I wear a disguise every year that nobody knows about. So that's cool. What's that disguise called weight loss?

That's a compliment. I know. I'm going to fucking let it go around the room a little bit. I was enjoying it. It was a good one. Everybody get in the room? Why are you laughing, Jacob? You're good?

The guys had dramatic weight loss with different costume every year. I was thinking like the idea of a cruise that's not a work cruise. I mean, just to go on a cruise, just to go on a cruise is insane to me. Right. And there are people that's what they look forward to. As I said, ironically, the only cruise I would ever go on is something that I was a fan of thing if that was immersive in that. Be it gay sex, swinging, heavy metal, hip hop, little dance, old girl dancing, which I've become a big fan of.

Well, just me, you, Makamuki. What's her name? Shout her out, dude. She's the best dancer in the world. She's good. I went on a regular cruise, me, Don, Max, with the Coltons. Because they cruise, they cruise. He went on a cruise last week just to 40 cruise

because they love cruising. What garbage. We hated it. Of course. Me and Don hate it. Because, I mean, of course. It's just, after a day, you're like, oh, fuck.

The saving grace is they seem to have figured out internet. A little bit. It's expensive as balls. It's crazy. Like probably $100 a day at least, I think. At least $100 a day. It's $100 a day, yeah. But it's like...

I watched like... I remember watching like the Eagles game like live. I was able to get that like in the middle of the ocean. Tell me time must be awesome on a boat where you just kind of rocking. Listen, and they'll deliver you. You can call room service and go bring me those frozen drinks. When I watched the game on the one and Christine and everybody got off the boat, that might have been the Burt Crows too.

I ordered four. giant daqueries to my room and just smoked pot on the balcony and cigarettes and just watch the Eagles game. That was lovely. That's great. And you get every nut your towel is a different animal. That's right. You also get monkey and elephant towel. You get monkey and elephant towel, which is the fucking best when you come back to your room and there's a little elephant on your bed.

Matamihu. Miyu, Mutu, Mutu. I've been watching a lot of still carnival cruise fights. I can't imagine being a comic on that cruise. I just saw the one. I thought when they stopped having black people on board. they thought it was going to get better. Still, now it turns out white trash or bad?

I don't think it's not stopped. I keep watching. I know, Jacob. The joke is because they changed a bunch of rules that everyone was like, we might as well be saying black people don't come here. Do we have to get him the comedy book that lady wrote, Judy, Judy, Judy, Tudor?

Or Judy, Judy, Toaddle or whatever name is? Judy Gold or something. Christy? No, Judy, Judy, not Tuna. Not Tudda. She was a comedian. Judy Goldberg. Not Judy Gold.

Judy, Judy Carter. Judy Carter. Judy Carter. We have to get you that. When they come for the comics is Judy Gold. No, no, no. I never read her. There is, Judy Carter.

Stand-up comedy. The book. And the comedy, the new comedy Bible and the comedy Bible. Yeah. Is Judy Carter hilarious? I have no idea who she is. I'm not familiar with her work. Just the books.

A lot of comics are teaching comedy. Yeah? Yeah, I follow a lot of people that are teaching stand-up comedy. and how it's very funny. Are they successful? I don't know who they are, so I don't know if that makes them,

I would say that if I know you... You're following comics who happen to do it. Oh, they just teach, they're teaching classes. What the fuck is this? Judy Carter. That's Judy Carter. Oh. It's a misdirect.

It's called the misdirect in her book. You want to lead them down this way, but then take a left. Jacob, I want you to read Comedy Rule of Three's chapter tonight, and then tomorrow will be a small quiz. That's the comedy Bible for me. Comedy rule of three is. God bless.

Yeah, there's a, there was a thing of the, Lou sent the AI comedians now. They're actually, they're doing, it's so funny, it's the hottest fucking white chicks with the biggest black asses and the biggest tits, and they're doing stand-up comedy. Well, it's actual comedians. No.

No, no. The bits. Are from comics. Oh. And it's the voices. It's the voices of the comedian. Whoever the comedian is, it's their voice. They're putting these, like, fucking crazy-bodied and face chicks over them.

That's hilarious. So it's like, this is like Adrian Appalucci or something. You know, successful, that girl right there would be with Adrian's jokes. Wow, I know, right. Dark. I would go see her. I'd open for her. She'd be the darling of Maga, though.

Oh, my God. Oh, she really is. This is what's crazy about it. It has hot girl comic fucking energy. And she just turned and let them see her butt. That may have been. Oh, God. Does it ever show you, go to find a video on YouTube.

I'll show you like the AI versus real of extent of comedy. Because, yeah, it's the girls. And they all wear like Avenger outfits. Oh, yeah. All hot comic girls. Crazy camel toed up. Yeah, they all look like they fucking fought for like Delta Force. Or some starship.

Dude, me and Finoy were laughing at the end of the phone because he said the name. I've heard the name before, too. I know who she is, I think. But I was talking about how annoying it is. I watched, like, minutes of the Kansas City Chiefs game this week. It was a Sunday night game. Minutes of it.

And in those, I mean, seven minutes I saw of the game, twice they threw to Travis Kelsey. And, I mean, they immediately. They don't even hide, like, they don't even slide it in. It's so, like, and they show Taylor Swift, lose their mind. then these guys say the words that go, oh, T-Tay-Tay's enjoying, like an old fucking goofy, white former quarterback has to go. T-Tay's over there enjoying it, which is so lame.

And I guess another girl who's in the stands is Madison Beer dating someone in football that's like a big deal? Because he was like, I like when they show Madison beer, like she's gorgeous. And I go, is that possibly her real name? It sounds like a model girl who decided to say things guys like. You know what I mean? Like, my name's Tits Man Cave or something. Just like.

She's engaged to a Chargers quarterback. Justin Herbert, there it is. So I guess when he does something, they show her. Let's see what she looks like. Doesn't seem like her name is made for that? Because my name is Madison Beer. That's hilarious. My name's Madison Anytime Anal.

She looks fake. Yeah. She looks AI. Well, her name sounds AI. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. My name's Julie convertible.

My name's Stephanie. gaping pussy for your hotcock. Good God. Good God. One more, Jay. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Just one. I want one more, dude. You got me into it. Come on. One more. No, I love it. Dude, fuck you.

I want one more. All right, fine. Come on. My name's blowjob workman's comp. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Jamie. That one guy did, though, still. That one guy just does not like me.

I wanted to talk about... Wait, is this something that you saw, like that? No. No, no, no. It's just like they show who the comedian is doing it, the joke, and then they show the a thing layover. Don't worry about it. The fucking...

So you did last night, you did Legion of Skanks. I did. I've been done it in a while. Yeah. And you came on and Steve Renazizi, three for life. Steve happened to be in a very funny situation this particular week where he's in a TikTok, we're not TikTok cameo for the cameo thing. He's big on cameo.

He's in a cameo of fantasy football league. I was too. Fantasy Football League, no. No, I used to be big on... Yeah, physically big on cameo. I was big. My numbers were up. Yeah, they sure were.

So he's in a big cameo fantasy football draft or league. And it's all these people, like he has to play against like exhibit. Like it's all over the place, all these weird celebrities. And this week he happens to get put up against carrot top. Karatop who is as we speak recovering from suicide attempt for being exposed for being I guess a gay ginger yeah some guy had um I guess footage of him yeah and he was extorting him for money he did before and then he's doing it again so he just decided to instead of paying I'll just take myself out and you'll get nothing yeah well it wasn't it was you starting to take the actual

lawsuit right or he just asked for his he just asked him for it like he just saying settle or I'm gonna go public with it yeah I think that that's I think he actually gave him money before you did yeah and then he was like I want more money and uh he was like I don't know what it is though I mean it's got to be something crazy a million dollar demand yeah he was being extorted by this guy who has stuff on him though he has some stuff so he should to kill himself wild first of all yeah but to be playing him this week and the timing of it was, I was like, well, is there a lineup set? He goes, yeah, before he tried to kill himself,

he set a beautiful lineup that as of going into last night, Monday night football, Caratop was up by 11 points. And so I said, well, is it over? He goes, well, it wasn't over because he had Cooper Cup, he has Cooper Cup, and Steve has Jackson Dart. both were playing last night and the thing,

Cooper Cup gets scratched he's before a game of scratch he doesn't play in the game so all Jackson Dart has to do is get 12 points and I was like I don't know how fantasy works maybe you guys know better than I do but I don't know how that works

because is that doable? He goes if he has a decent game he should have 20 points if he's a decent game first fucking drive Jackson Dart goes down looks like he's going to be out for a lot of time

fucking knees all fucked up and he's done he doesn't get any points and i believe now i haven't checked with him today steve renazizi lost to a dying caratop in the hospital steve able-bodied known for being a fantasy football guy yeah did a show takes a fucking l to to a dying carrot top but this might sit a perfect lineup this might be the thing that carrot top brings him back he might come out of his coma and be like i won i have something

to live for what if you want enough to just pay this guy off again fuck i should i should not kill myself yet. When the guy goes, I want two million dollars when he goes, can I see how fantasy runs out that works out this season? Says he's awake and breathing. Oh yeah, they said that for a while now. Yeah. Now, when you kill yourself, you try to kill yourself and it doesn't work. Do you feel

bad? Like you can't even do that? I just flat out. You know what I mean? I can call me wrong. Say it's insensitive. I think if you kill yourself, if you try to kill yourself and don't kill yourself, how fast that should go from people being like, oh my God, we love you.

You have so much to live for to when they're back on their feet again and you go, you got what you wanted there, huh? Yeah, exactly. Because they go, if you wanted to kill yourself, you'd be dead. Yes. Unless to kill yourself fuck up is like you do the old, you put a gun in your mouth and like you just fucking Richard Jenny style. Yeah.

Like you're like, oh no, I just shut my fucking cheek and ear off. I got to do it again. You put it in your mouth and accidentally hits a tooth, the filling knots to do you. Yeah. It takes a weird Kennedy. ricochet. So, I mean, that could happen. But generally, I think if you put a fucking gun to your head and pull the trigger, I think you did. Yeah. I mean, you could pretty much do it. I think if you take an amount of fentanyl that is larger than the body should be able to take, you'll die. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a building high enough that you could just fall off of. He's on the Luxor.

And you're not, oh, you'd jump down from the inside. You'd slide down that. Get to the inside. Okay. You're Jackie Chan if you were on the outside. Yes, absolutely. You land right on your feet. I got to be honest. There might be nothing more fun setting than sliding down the luck. Even if you were doing a two kill yourself, there's going to be a moment where you're going to This is awesome. No, the middle of the Luxor, you could fucking go right down. I think the hotel goes like that, right? I've never been inside, but I saw it on a mind freak before. That'd be a great death, too, if you work there, and then you land and you have something

funny written on your chest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, Caratop, dude. He just explodes with a bunch of fucking slinky feet and just crazy things. Yeah, dude. It's not a weird hotel in Austin on the highway that's like that too, remember? What?

Where it's like the insides, like leveled like that. Yeah. I've been a couple places like that. I hate them. When you're up on a high floor, I have to hug the wall. Oh, it doesn't wig me out on the heights at all. I just think it's a weird. It gives it motets.

I'm going next week to Cleveland. The Cleveland Hotel is like weird like that. I have to hug the wall on the top floor. I have to hug the wall. You're inside and out. You're out. Outside on the inside. It's very, very weird.

It's the first mall in America. The first indoor mall in America is that hotel. The gallery has featured in Superman. Beautiful. It's beautiful. It's really nice. It's beautiful, however, it's weirdly non-functioning. It's more of, like, a rental space for weddings.

Weddings and stuff because I don't think a lot of people stay in that hotel. It's a really weird hotel. Well, I, there's not. And the stores are like a post office. Yeah. Maybe a coffee shop, but everything else is just like, then it's like, you know, a dental assistance school maybe or so. It's like nothing makes sense.

Remember they do like inside street fairs too. So it's like we were there one time and there was like, you know, a bunch of booths set up with different things. It used to be all those storefronts on those bottom two levels. That's where people went to get all their shit. It was like a mall. It was a real mall. It was a real mall.

And then they have like a food court still, but it's just a Chinese restaurant that blows. And then they have... And then all these other ones in the top are rooms, which is... I like the rooms.

The ones that are in the... Look out onto the mall, they're cool. I'll tell you, I don't mind the rooms when you're inside of it because they all have living rooms. They have a living room

when you walk in and then the bed... And the bed of the back. I do like that. Real good for smoking pot. Real, real. Never had a problem in that hotel for smoking pot.

Not once. Cleveland's a place for somebody is like, watch your purse. Like, I had my purse sitting right. next to me and they're like, no, you have to wear it. It's an extremely dangerous wild

downtown area that should not be traversed by a single woman in any way. Is that one street? But even when you cross the hotel street, you have to be careful. It's the whole, I would call it plus sign down there. Like the promenade, the street that the

back of the hotel is, and just around that area, it's all so dicey and shit. The end of the block is where someone got shot at the Christmas tree lighting. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. When I was there.

Yeah, it's, you can't get off that main little strip. But even if you're on the main strip, the homeless are the people that are like sit down next to you? Yeah. Put their arm around your girlfriend, try to intimidate you or something. Like, hey, y'all want to give me a couple dollars, right? Yeah, they're very aggressive.

Weird place. Yeah, Cleveland is a weird place. It's a good food. Good food city, though. They have the best fa in America. Really? Yeah. Best fa in America.

I'm not getting it. Why? I don't want to. Do you like fa? No. Why? I don't know. Do you know what fa is?

Yeah. What's fa? It's a stupid fucking egg in your soup, a hard-boated egg. No, that's ramen. That's ramen. Oh, yeah. I'm talking fa. Yeah.

It's Vietnamese ramen. Why is it they're the best? I don't. It's just one of the best places in the country is in Cleveland. Who's recipe is. Superior, Superior Fa is called. Really? And here's the thing.

On the corner, they have a fa restaurant with lights. It's all lit up. It looks awesome. That's not the one. You got to go. I don't know what it is. You're saying foe with the attitude when someone says, uh, Giro. It's, and I'm, it, I'm making me able to scratch the table.

Because. You're plugging fah in too much. Because most people say foe. I know. Okay. It's, uh, but this place you have, stressing me out. When you get this far, you have to go. Well, we've gotten this far.

When you get this one, You have to go in the back of a building and there's just like a dirty door. And you go in there and you go downstairs and it's this little shitty looking restaurant. But the fa is the best in the, one of the best in the country. I don't want it. You want it. I'm going to slimeans to get their stupid fucking corn beef or whatever. That's good.

That's because you're a... Oh, Jew? No. I would never say that. It is what you were going to say. Jew. Jew. Jew.

That, that, that, that. that's you. It's weird how Cleveland does have good food. It does have good food. The best of certain, like, I went to a dim sum place there that was fucking nuts. Really? Yeah, it's in a Chinese mall. You can, like, you know, those, it's all Asian.

You can buy, like, fucking throwing stars and nunchucks. And then next door, it's just fucking dimsas. Actually, Ohio would, like, when I'd go to my dad's when I was younger, like, the stuff whatever order food or pizza even, it was like, actually always pretty really good. Pretty really good. It was really good. And I think that is, I think mobster people and Italians did jump into the old Cuyahoga Falls area.

So I think there is a lot of good food out there, strangely. Yeah, it's weird. A lot of Italians in Ohio. They got the, you know, the, they have a marketplace there too. Like, you know the one in Philly indoors? It's all the different places. Reading Terminal, yeah. Redding Terminal, yeah.

They have one of those in Cleveland, and it's been there. It's like a hundred-something years old. and it's got all the food but you can haggle with the people Really? Yeah, you can haggle like certain things It's amazing The West Side Market

That's it right there It's so fucking cool I feel like this is the same place in New York Chelsea Market No West Side Market Chelsea Market was made fucking six months ago

No this see this looks like a Yeah Like a meat smith That's not really No but they have meat smith They have vegetables Did you say it looks like a meat smith Do you think that's what they call meat smith?

I'm on meat smiths. It looks like a meat market. Is that not what they call meat people, meat smiths? Oh, my uncle was a meat smith, so believe me, I know Chuck. How about you? Meat Smith.

He's a meat smith. Yeah, my uncle was a fish smith. She just had Smith with the other things. Oh, yeah, my father was a chicken smith. It was a chicken smith. Dude, my aunt's a smith of chickens. My aunt's a mushroom smith. Smith.

Smith. Yeah, that place is good Really, for all the blah I could say about Ohio When I live there and didn't want to live there I go there a lot for comedy And when did you live there? My dad's for like six months Oh, back of the day, okay

I always never had a problem with the food there I was also a fat kid in a problem with any food Yeah But I mean, but coming from a place that did have good food Like Philly When I went there I was never like Sandwiches here suck and whatever pizza sucks I thought it was all pretty good

Yeah, it's really good That place is all. Awesome. I went there and stuffed my fat face with a bunch of stuff. That was when I was at my fatest too. I went Bill Squire. Just knew where to take me. He was fat too, right at the time? He was fat. He was fat. Is he? Yeah, I forgot fat again. But he lost it all at one point. Lost it all and then gained a little bit back. So he's, uh, he's fat again. That's the greatest part about fat people when we just go up. Come back. You don't know who you're getting. You know what mean like a couple years later you show up it's like dude you look fantastic two more years you

come back uh you fucking went back i'd like to believe i just couldn't possibly if i keep jamming this needle in myself i'm just gonna shoot up for the rest of my life i never want to are you supposed to take it forever i don't care i'm taking it for i don't know yes i'm stopped taking it i gained like 26 pounds in a month but wait but if you're lewis numbers but if you work out that's jamaican skank fest jamaican lewis numbers right there what but if you if you If you work out... That's what a problematic man gains. If you work out, you won't gain it back.

Or if you also don't overeat. Sure. That you don't overeat. Oh, yeah. That's always works, and I've really been able to keep my weight off without drugs. Probably wouldn't have to stab ourselves in the stomach with a needle if we could do that, Bob. If it was that easy, you should say. I'm saying it.

Let me get a pen and write it down, actually. Write this down. Write this down. Is diet? That's the eye before e rule, right? D-I-E-T? Yeah, the diet. Don't eat as much and don't eat bad food.

And exercise. I want to say is there a C, is EXC or EXC? Do you know that thing you just bought and you put in your garage? Sure. Use that. Oh, really? Yeah, use that. That system of pulleys?

Yeah, I use that. Okay. If you use that like 20 minutes a day, you would not have to worry about... Change your life. You would not have to worry about taking the shot. Well, how about if I order what I like to order for McDonald's and eat all of it instead of taking three bites of three things and going, well, I hate myself and food. And getting rid of it.

You can't be on my... That thing forever. Why not? Have half a stomach forever. Buddy, I want to put so many holes in my stomach that at one point when I drink water, I wanted to shoot out like a fucking sprinkler. My stomach can grow back. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. I had to be, yeah, around two years. Tummit fat. Taze. Don't fucking take that back right now, you witch. Take that back. Take it back in the universe.

Take it back in the universe. She took it back. So. It's an audio medium. You got to say something. Just cut to me. You, you, my stomach, yeah, after two years, it could get bigger again to where I could eat more.

Do you just worry about that? It's growing. It's growing. Every day. We go, Bobby, it's growing back. No, Doc. By my stomach, you hear it on the show a lot? It's like, feed me, see you.

It's working out. No, it's like, I want food. It's exercising. They're trying to get to you to get to me. It sounds like it's stretching. It sounds like it's going. A lot of people will beat the band. I know.

Oh, yeah. I think there was a Jewish guy, a Hasidic Jew guy, learned that if you drink hot tea or hot water, it would loosen the band. It would make it loose so you could get more food down it. Yeah. Yeah. Frickett.

Yeah, they would... Fat tricks. He was like a third-degree burns on my esophagus, but I'll tell you this. I ate a whole pizza last night. That's some ingenuity. Listen, my ex, my ex-wife. Got the band, got the lap band, and lost like 18 pounds right away and then completely stagnated forever.

Gained weight back and more. And the thing that's worked for her for years now, whatever her fucking Monjaro is. Well, I gained weight. I lost a lot of weight, started gaining weight back year two. And then I had to do, I had to start working out more to keep the weight, you know, keep it off and actually get toned a little bit. Yeah. So if you work out three times a week or four times a week, you would, you probably, you would,

you wouldn't have to, you wouldn't have to, like, take the shot. You would, you would maintain what you are or lose weight. No. Yeah. No. I've worked out, I've worked out really psychotically before. I've worked out so, I've worked out so much more than I work out right now regularly, many times my life.

CrossFit five days a week. CrossFit five days a week. Yeah, but you guys were still eating, like, fucking. cattle. You're not taking that out of the equation still. You just keep saying exercise, Margo, right. So you want to be able to eat whatever you want and not, and just

have a little bit of it for the rest of your life. Yes. You just want to throw food out for the rest. Yes. Like, I'm not even going to finish that. If you walk to Cleveland and back. That would be healthy. That would probably be better. Probably going to have probably a leg's tone too, probably a little bit.

I'm just saying. If you eat less calories, I'm just waiting for the liability. Then you burn. You're going to burn calories. They just came out with a new one. I figure out the name of it. It starts with an RETA.

Reda. Yeah, we're just waiting for the liability waiver on Reda. Reda. Yeah, we have to sign a liability waiver to be human guinea pigs. Do you really? Yeah, because it's not FDA approved, but I heard it's better. And we have friends that say they could just send it to us, but then that also make you really sick. It doesn't.

It makes you sick. No. That's not true. No. If you take too much. I talked to Dr. Gail who took it, and he's like, I stopped taking it because it was making me sick. Oh, really? He's too much.

We have a... He took too much. But you keep the muscle. It lets you keep your muscle. Yeah. You lose weight. Yeah. And there's a third thing that it does the third thing.

It does the third thing. No, it does not do that. It makes your tits grow. Does not do that. You're going to use a quill. You can't wait. There's one more thing it does. I think with hormones.

Oh, it loosens your ass. No, it doesn't do that. It's like a pauper. It doesn't do that. It's like a pauper. Doesn't pop your ass. Faginal rejuvenation. But it's supposed to be like a...

Oh, well, give me a fat ass? That'd be great. It's supposed to be amazing, but you know what I did get from Dr. Gale, which is awesome. You said this, yeah. Yeah, the... The peptide juice.

The 1-5-7, but you put it under your tongue. You don't have to inject it. Does it burn your tongue? No. It really burned J. No, that was different. That was copper. I injected blue copper into my body.

Did you really? Yeah, and it felt like somebody was stabbing me and left the knife in for a while. for like a day or so. What is that? Blue copper. What the fuck is that? Games Day Men's Hell said it was awesome.

They said blue copper? I thought that was a B.P. They gave me blue copper and B.P.157, they go, if you mix the blue copper with BP 157, it won't burn that much. They go, the BP 157 doesn't burn at all. The copper burns like snake venom, so you're going to want to inject it together so it softens a blow of the sting. It didn't, and I never took BP157.

But what does blue copper is supposed to do for you? I don't know. You didn't, you injected something. Well, the guy told me in the moment, it told me something. I don't know, powers, gave me powers. You too will take anything. I think you said I'll see through walls maybe. I'll take anything to be skinny.

Yeah, let me sign your waiver. Absolutely. I've been fat since 1988. Yeah, I don't get a phone. If I grow a tail but I could tuck it down one side of my 32 waist pants. I put on a pair of size. 29. There's a two.

in front of brilliant. Yeah, that feels good. I know. I'm 27. I can't fully sit in them. Christine's still a little larger than me. Don't you think if you worked out like three days, three days a week? I do go out there and work out.

I don't know. I mean, I still have a fucking 200 pound 11 year old. You ride your bike 30 miles in it? I'm talking right now. No. Do I think that exercising now as a 40-year-old would benefit me more than as a kid? No. I think my, I think everything.

I think not benefit me. me more, I think like what I... Lazy bitch. That's not what I meant. The older you get, the more you have to walk. It's harder. The more you have to walk and lift weights. Because your muscles start going away, the older you get, your leg muscles, your arm muscles. And the older you get, you have to, with little lightweights, keep that muscle, because that's

what saved your joints. Huh? What do you say? That's what saves your joints. That's what saves you. So, no, I'm saying I've somehow managed to work out. You're a pussy. I've worked out.

I'm active. All that. And still just fat. Like, I don't know what it. And it's like I have a horrible eating habit. You're saying that, you're saying it like you're a human being. Right. If you take the manjaro.

It makes me not a human being. Probably, I gave up drugs. I gave it like I've given up. You want. You want. You want. You're not saying to give up the food. You can eat the food you want.

Bobby? No. I'm sorry. Christine. I know what the issue is here. Stop. I've had enough. I let you guys both entertain me. And now I've had it.

And now I've had it. Bobby is being defensive, as a lot of people will be, against Manjaro, because he went under the knife before it came out. So he has to convince himself, for his own psychological reasons, which we all understand, that he made the better choice to have his stomachs. taken out and left on the floor of some fucking tile room. Versus me and Christine taking a little zip-sap in our bellies. And if we don't take it next week, it's gone. If we don't take it next week, it's like they went back in and put the half of your stomach back in.

Every week I could make that decision. I'll be honest with you. The fact that this wonder drug came out two months after I got my stupid surgery and my fucking friend doctor didn't tell me that this might be available. That's right. And I went in for a four and a half hour. surgery, lost feeling in my index fingers in my thumb. What?

Yeah. When I woke up from surgery, I couldn't, I had no feeling in my index. And then the doctor came down. I go, what's this? And he goes, I don't know. And I go, I won't be able to hold the mic again. Like I'll have to get one of those like carrot top mics that goes around my neck. Oh, what's a tightest mic?

So then they, this is the worst part. They said, we're going to put, this is terrible. I don't think I've ever told me by this. They were like, we're going to send you down for an MRI. So I'm like, okay, they wheel me down to the MRI in the hospital. They put me on the bed. I didn't fit. So as it's going in, I literally started going out, out, out.

And then I had a scream, I don't fit. I don't fit. I'm stuck. And you heard them panicking go, back, get him out. Get them out. And then I slowly start to smush out of this thing. Can you bring up in the back? Can you play in the background while he tells us?

bring up the slingshot with the fat kid. I guess like a famous, famous thing the slings out with the fat kid where he's like, he's like, I'm too big for it. You get him to leave you out. Have you ever seen this? I don't think so. This guy's shown to me recently.

And I guess it's like an old viral video. It's so fucking funny. It's a fact. Miss Janice or something like that. Yeah, stop. Oh, this makes me sad. What? Why? This just reminds me of me.

This is just me. This doesn't make me sad. There's a slingshot ride. It's a lady taking, I don't know, some outreach program, which takes care of some chubby kids. Or it's just their fat kid. Turn it up.

No chance. Well, he calls her Janice. Janice. This is me. This is me in every possible way. The bitching, the almost crying, four chins when you're fucking 11. I think he is wearing a karate ghee as a shirt also. Oh, God.

Oh, he can't hold on. Stop it. Stop it. Oh, my God. By the way, her casual laughing the whole time. She almost hung himself. I'm falling. Oh, my God.

He's panicking. He can't pull himself up. He's so high up. He's holding on for life. I'm stuck. I feel so much empathy for this. Dude, that whole staff's trying not to laugh. Oh, my God.

Can you do me a favor? Bring up the Family Guy version of it. Bring up Family Guy a slingshop because they, this is one of the ones that family guy nails, like, it's Peter. And Quagmire is the lady. And he's like, it's not even just the Peter doing the, the, Jan is, you know, Mr. Quagmire, Mr. It's not even that as much as Quagmire's the whole time going, he's just like, he's just like, it's just like gently enjoying it. You're going. I feel like, uh, it might be too heavy this ride.

No, no, they account for all types of people. You're fine. No, no, I'm too heavy. I'm too heavy. I'm too heavy. I'm too heavy, Glenn. I'm too heavy. I'm too heavy.

That was my childhood, yelling I'm too heavy for the, having the, it's the, or the thing you try to hide most about yourself, and then you feel like you're, that's a thing. You always feel like, all right, somehow I snuck onto this thing, because they don't know I'm too heavy. And then you go, I'm going to be the whole problem. I'm fat. I need to be let off this thing. I'm ruining. I'm gonna kill everybody. Everyone's gonna be dead because of me. You're like confessing to the world. Yeah, dude, it is. I'm too heavy. Dude, when they stuck me in that MRI and I literally

felt my my arms get stuck and there was a choice is like I can't feel my fingers there might be something internally wrong with me right now or not do this. I was like, I don't care. I just won't have I won't feel I want to fail in my fingers. You got to get me out of it. And when they pulled me out, they were like, this is the biggest one we got. Did they take you to the zoo? That's Louis CK.'s joke. Is it?

There was a 600-pound lady, and they're like, yeah, you got to go to the zoo. And then she was at the zoo. She's like, hey, okay, the rides are over here, the animals. She goes, no, I'm not here for that. I'm here for an MRI. And they go, okay, go wait in that hay. During COVID, they made fat people. go to the zoo because he didn't have MRIs big enough for 600 pound people that's humiliating

nobody should be there should be no such thing as a 600 pound person oh there's plenty of those just should not exist I would listen there should be some I mean you get to 400 like there's I was class hey well the genius the genius of those guys who keep exploiting like the uh the EDP guy E Depo C 445 and like the guy who did the documentary on on him I showed you, did a documentary on another, like, kind of slightly disgraced, I guess, like, YouTube figure. And anytime they

have the EDP guy and his girlfriend talking, or his girlfriend at the time talking, or him and this guy, they just put him in front of, like, a smorgas board of, like, fast food and shitty stuff. This is they keep going, like, what's your problem? He goes, stuff like this, man, I shouldn't be eating this.

They're just, like, sitting there eating, like, four burgers, like, eat. Have you seen this? Like, they're just, like, it's a layout in front. Whoever's doing it's funny. You have to be, like, hey, could you guys just sit either end of this table here? Can we have this? We have to have this? There's different fats, though. Like, Jay, you've been consistently...

No, he's been consistently a fat dude your whole life, kind of the same fat. Yeah. I actually went through the actual buildup of becoming a really fat, fat person. So I... And what's funny about becoming fat... Yeah, I lived at Rock Bottom for 41 years. Yeah, you were... You were there, but I went from, like, I was at 2.30, like, this is too much.

And then all of a sudden, I was 260. I'm like, I got to do something. And then when I went over 300, I was like, this is getting fucking bad. And you don't, like, to go from 320 to 360, that happens just so fast and weird at that point where I was like, oh, my God, I'm 360 pounds. Every time I got on a scale, I was like, oh, it's going to be around, you know, two something. And I remember the time she had to go, she had to flick it all the way to the end. And it didn't budge. And I was like, she was like, you have to get on the digital.

Oh, no. The clanks, the three clanks, I knew everything was still shitty in life. Yeah, dude. I went. When I would go, clink, clink. And then you see him shuffle around the bottom one. Then you hear clank. You go, ah, fuck.

They went over three. They ran out of weight to weigh my fat ass. And I would always lie. Not lying intentionally, just thinking I wasn't as fat. as I was. I used to lie to myself. My favorite was to get on things and just like if I anywhere,

I would just like, I believe that I think it's true. If I put my finger on the wall and just put some pressure on my finger that I'm taking 10 pounds off easy. Yeah. I think that's cool to true. I think so.

Or if you take your shoes off. Oh, well, I did all those things. I tried to weigh like I was getting ready for a fucking UFC fight. Yeah. Yeah. Ow, fuck, I hate this place.

They just smashed his ass. His elbow went a fucking really good act out. Yeah, when you progress from, you know what I was 185, 195 for a while, and then I slowly ramped up to 360 pounds. That's a lot, but it goes in 10-pound increments, all of a sudden you're just 10 pounds heavier. And you're like, I'll get that off. You said, what do you think that was? That 10 pounds was on you, I just ate?

Hey a second, how am I 10 pounds heavy after one meal? You eat a 10 pound lasagna. You know what's... Oh. All right, that math does check out then. When you're really fat and then you get into working out, like, for a couple months, and you think you got it, and then you just lose it. Oh, man. I'll tell you what, I've said things.

When I've gotten into, like, months when I was doing CrossFit, especially, I was like, how did I do life when I wasn't working out this crazy all the time? You feel fantastic. And then you have, like, a week where you're sick and you don't do it at all. and you're like, oh, this is how I didn't do it for all the time. There's more fun happening here. There's so much, it's so funny how one thing can just knock you off that workout high that you got. Yep.

One thing, a miss flight, a couple day vacation, a birthday. Cheeseburger high. Yeah. The only thing you get rid of exercise high, a delicious burger high. Yeah, you got, the thing will mean. A full pizza high. Because as you get older, too, there's more celebrations. Do you know what I mean?

Like there's a birthday, there's a wedding, there's always a thing. Bobby, did you ever order late night food and try to meet the guy out front so Dawn wouldn't hear it get delivered? Wow, that's a good question. I've never done. I don't think. No, I think Dawn had given...

I mean, never with Christine, for sure, I've never done that, but I mean, Christine, the thing about Christine, probably one of the reasons I was whether begin with at all was because at 2 in the morning if I went I really, it's so stupid, but I mean, I would eat McDonald's right now if the world wouldn't call me a piece of shit

and she'd already be like have the Uber eats open. She's like, what would you get exactly? Like nuggets and some burgers? Yeah, she's not, Don would never do that to me. Dawn, some of the biggest fights I've gotten to do is with Don. We got no fight. Of her letting you be fat. No, her not.

We were in Aruba and they opened up this brand new pizza place, but it's personal pizzas. and I was like She got one pizza and a salad And I was like What the fuck? We get two Like you get your own

It's a person She's like We don't need all that We just let's get this And then we'll see if we want another pizza We can get it I'm like Oh you are

Personal pizza And she was like We're splitting a personal pizza Yeah which doesn't even make sense to me It's not personal No it's not personal It's like Now it's fucking now it's the town bike

Dude everyone gets a ride Yeah but she's like It's enough I'm like honey I can eat two Joe's pizzas by myself. You don't know me. And here I am having to fucking deal with this margarita personal pizza.

And now you're making me look fatter because I'm going to order another pie. If we order at the same time, it looks like we want to try both. Yeah. That's why I love about you, though. Shameless. Yeah. I appreciate that. I live with a lot of shame.

No, I have a lot of shame. I don't do certain things because I was like, you're going to say something. I feel less to that shame now. Now I'd be like, all three pasta dishes we're looking at because we'll try a little bit of everything and then we'll take some home or we'll give it away to whoever. Do you know what I mean? But like, when I was like, well, you order one thing?

She's like, well, I don't want people to be talking. You know, I just have this. No, I don't need any extra of anything. Yeah, Don, I remember Don came out of the bedroom one night and ripped food out of my mouth and threw it in the garbage. Really? Yeah. Like she was stopping it, like she found you shooting up.

Yeah, she was like, you're done. Wow. and grabbed it out of my muff, threw it in the garbage, because I was, I would sneak eat late at night. I wake up at night. And she came down to reprimand you and said, you're not allowed to do that? I just wasn't supposed to because I was too fat.

And I wanted to figure out a way how to, I was trying to figure out a way how to muffle the microwave beeps, like the when you push it, like the beep, beep, beep, when you, beep, beep, beep, just those. You know what I mean? Like, I wanted to take the sound out of the microwave so I could just hit it and, you know, go to three minutes without hearing the thing.

Oh, do you go, ah, ha, hum. Yeah, yeah. Bam! Yeah. And then you have to stay by it because at the end, beep, beep. You got to beat the beep. You got to beep the beeps. I've tried to beat a beep in my life.

I try to beat the beep, I think every time I used to microwave. Oh, fuck it. It's such a fat guy. It's like fatso, fatso, fatso. It's done. Fatso. That's what I hear. And now my fridge, if I, if I leave it open, it beeps, which,

which is another. Fatsso's in the fridge. Fatsso's in the fridge. Fatso, make a decision, Fatso. Yeah, I hate it. No, those things won't go together. I want to correct you by it because I'm a fat historian. Self-proclaimed, yes.

But the person you're talking about is Michael Hibranco. He was the 600 pounds. I think he was actually around 800 pounds. Okay. And he was on the greatest show of all time. It's never been matched inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. I pulled the greatest promo for Howard because he was told

on no scale here works for you we're going to have to take you to the Bronx Zoo and so he gave like a confessional it's so humiliating Well can't you just guesstimate at that point No but I mean he went Now they're going to bring me where they weigh

A horse Remember this scene where they When fucking Gilbert Grape's mom Decide she has to to go get the kid back she has to go get fucking uh retarded Leonardo DiCaprio still cute oh adorable oh yeah he can still get it retarded if he was if that was actual Leonardo decaprio he'd get more pussy than me in my life still no problem arnie climbing trees

and all that yeah i'm gonna give him a bath i know he's scared of baths but i'm gonna give him a baths but i'm gonna give him a bath and then fuck him um but with the scene she goes to the police station to get him and she's like oh well they took my little retarded boy i got to get down there. I have to make this right. And she doesn't, she gets out of the car. Remember, the car raises up when she gets out. But the neighborhood's, like, watching her. And I'm like, there is a level of fat like that where people are like,

God, damn. But it's funny because I probably could have reached that, like, the way I was progressing and how I was just going up from, you know. The shape you were, if you were walking in clothes, I don't think anybody overthinks. I mean, they would think that's a really fat guy. Yeah. If you were walking around with your

shirt off at that point, it would have been a spectacle. Yeah, I had to wear a curtain around a t-shirt. I mean, every shirt I had, you could fucking jump out of the plane and survive. He's the one where they broke the wall. They had to break the wall and lift him out with a crate. Oh, yeah, I remember that. All right, well, here we go. Jay.

Yeah. Tell them about my special, Jay. Okay. It's happening December 12th, and it's happening in Providence. Woo! And if you want tickets, they're on sale right now at PunchUp. slash Robert Kelly. That's right.

The Saturday, December 12th, be there, sell it out. Let's add a show. Let's sell that one out. We want two takes of this. I'm saying that somehow like I'm a producer, but I'm using the Royal Wee. And make sure you see him live. Oh, you get tickets for a yes.

Punchup.com. slash Robert Kelly. He's also going to be at the Brooklyn Improv this Saturday, September 26th. After that, Port Charlotte, Florida, Boston, New Orleans, for tickets at all of his tour dates. Go to punchup. dot live slash Robert Kelly

and make sure while you're there again, get those tickets for the special. And go to his YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy and you can catch him every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar doing his thing thing. And make sure you listen to his podcast.

You know what dude and the regs, both available wherever you get your podcasts. And Big J. Okerson is going to be at Magoobie's in Baltimore. This weekend Friday, September 25th and Saturday the 26th. After that, he'll be in Cleveland, Seattle, Denver, for tickets

on all tour dates, big jcomedycom.com. He's all over the place. Make sure you get tickets because he sells out quick. YouTube.com slash at BigJ. Ocerson for his videos and his specials and his live videos. Be sure to check out Legion of Skank Story Wars wherever you listen. And we'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

So hang in there, fatties.