The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bonfire Holiday Spectacular

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

The gang teaches a Scrooge the true meaning of Christmas! Live before a frenzied Village Underground crowd in NYC.

I'm Big J. O'Kerson and I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two-hour long episodes of the Bonfire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy, just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. We're having apartments. And now the bonfire holidays spectacular with Big J. O'Coursen and Dan Soto, live from the village underground in New York City. works in it. What's up comedy?

What's up Bill Tendergrab? I was called a comedy underground. What's up comedy underground? What's going to be like, welcome out to the bonfire Christmas spectacular. Our yearly treat. Our year's the day. We're out to the Bonfire Christmas spectacular. Cheers. Our yearly treat. Our yearly treat. This thing's like a bull-proof vest.

It's pretty thick. We were supposed to both wear dumb sweaters and I got tricked into being the only one that did it. And I was like, cool, we'll just both wear regular sweatshirts and then Christine's like, I went out and got one. Yeah. She said she like, you went, I was like, nah, Dan loves this shit. I'm a fucking mark, dude. Oh yeah, it's going to be back in the East Village, man.

Is it? Yeah, I'm never here anymore. I'm like always gone, so I'm never in this area. They did the coolest, most passive aggressive thing I've ever seen. Yeah. For these, there's a, for people who don't know, there's a 7-11 across the street from here. And notoriously, like, world star hip hop level bad.

And it all started and ended with the fact that every time you walked by that door, a homeless bum was gonna hold it open and stare at you and you would give him money for an action you didn't ask for. Just for leaving. And he'd give you a shit and he was like, I held the door and everything, dude. And he did nothing. It's the perfect hustle.

Well, people have to go through doors. Well, let me tell you something about our fine friend, the engines. They Wised up big time and threw an automatic opening door over there. Don't fuck with corporate America. But with every solution comes a new problem. Now when me and Dan were in there and during the fact we weren't accosted at the door by a crazy door holder, a six foot seven, I'm gonna use the word trans and hope there's no problems with that.

Walked in to everybody and went, sir, can I have five dollars? Five dollars. It's insane. And I was like, you didn't even hold a fucking door for me. Yeah. Yeah, we're taking shots a fucking door for me. Yeah. Yeah, quit taking shots down Fable Breath Far. Yeah.

Five bucks. How is that? Crazy. Five dollars. Is it smart though to just ask for exactly what you need for the, you know what I mean? Do you have 2750? I'm trying to see a movie with a friend. Jay, I can see myself giving in if it was so exact.

Dan, you started touching your pockets and I told you this thing was coming at you. Listen, you started thinking about it. You thought about it. You thought about it. I got a handle to it, I got a handle to it. He also said no sir, ma'am. He did that.

I did a little mix of all of it and I just, I just, I just, my fist with the bow. Yeah, you gave a show gun bow. Whatever powers you bring, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, We have our whole fucking awesome crew in the Muffa fucking house tonight. Of course we have Christine Marie Evans floating around here somewhere. There she is. There she is. Show yourself. Take a weird bow. Show yourself.

Yeah. Christine, thank you for the sweater. This will be the only time I will wear. Oh yeah, forgot you bought it because it has a coup. Yeah. For my Hina Kanzira. Come on. on man. I would have had this 10 years ago We were a problem that thing fucking this is like having an ankle gun for alcoholics You know I got one right here make your move make your fucking move. Yeah, you got to open a duster and touch it

Are we probably problem? I'm your Huckleberry? We have an problem here Been a problem of course we have you know them in love from everyone the glorious Jacob a Todd is with us I'm your Huckleberry. We have an Abrom here? Abrom? Of course, we have, you know, I'm in love with everyone. The glorious Jacob Atat is with us. Woo! Double fists. Our black king, the black tiger, Lewis.

John! So... Who's the genius who put a blanket hat so we can see him in the dark? Who's the genius? That's the comedy genius. Top shelf engineering. Oh man, there he is, there's Black Lou always. It's like a bell on a cat.

We used to have to make him clap so he wouldn't take your purses, but now we can see him. LAUGHTER Here he is clapping. And of course, you know the heartbeat, the life's blood of the bonfire, everybody. It makes him noise right now. For the incomparable DJ Lou Witsky.

CHEERING So close like a touch. for the incomparable DJ Lewitsky. Cheers. So close like a touch. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Yeah.

Shhh. What? What is that even? Yeah. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Yeah.

Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Yeah. Oh, DJ Flute. Yes. It's been fucking genius. Can we definitely point out how much DJ Lou Hates being on the stage with us? He hates it.

He's like a dog in a Halloween costume right now. It's just like, yeah, the fuck is this? We had many shouting fights about this. Yeah, he did not want to be a face. You guys have been a sassy duo for the last two weeks. We've been a bit sassy to each other lately, yeah. You guys need to have some hot gay sex after this to release all that tension. Yeah, sweat it out.

They really do just walk by each other like, what? I think I'm having a fantom pain right now. Did I bear my soul to you real quick, bro? Yeah. You feel like you're stroking out? No, no, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine, it's fine. I was with my biggest fear.

Yeah, Dan, be honest. I'm gonna be up here in this troop draw. Dan, do you taste Nichols? Yeah. Going down. You see the room going completely different. Dan, do you take snickles? Yeah, going down. Hey, you see the room going completely different. Hey, who's burning toast in here? I gotta go. Check it out.

No, I did a pre-recorded Philegia Nascanks this morning, and when I was sitting in my computer chair, and you can see on the video, I'm jostling a lot, because my dick fell asleep. Just your penis or the penis, too. Whole package. I think so. I couldn't feel it for a minute,

and then I had to slap it around for a while, like off camera. Jay, you've achieved tantric orgasm. Is that what that is? Tell me someone else is at their dick fall asleep. Okay, a few people, that's enough. Are they also fat? Not even Fusy asked the glue. Did they like that?

No one stoked on the idea of what happens. I've had it a little when I'm sitting off a couch playing videos, cutting off the blood to my dong, probably. Did it come back alive? Did it feel like needles in your dick? It did, but all day, it's like now, I feel it, right? And that's what I'm in right now. One of those, it's not alive? Did it feel like needles in your dick? It did, but all day it's like now like I feel it right? And that's what I'm in right now one of those it's not numb is it? I have to be like there it is.

To actually think to feel your dick has to be nightmarish. To be like feel it. It's fine chilling. Absolutely yeah yeah. You don't want to be in a room. You don't feel my dick anymore. I feel it though, it's fine. All right.

I'm glad we could do a little help. Reach up my hole and touch it. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be. I'll tell you if this guy works with his hands or not. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, Oh, that guy's a laborer right there. Yeah, I know a machinist hands on my dick when I feel it. You know the museum in Philadelphia

with all the fucked up shit though. Never gone, but you're the mutter museum. Yeah, the mutter museum. They started like years ago, I don't know what, do you work there? Why did you get... She loves it. Yeah!

Fuck, I'm a tiny-jong! I love tiny skulls! But it is, it's like, go and you see all this fucked up shit and then they had me come back me and Gary Veter and they're like, we'll give you a tour of behind the what like all the stuff that's in the jars that's not behind the scenes. Yeah. What is that? I was like a whale. Here's a Frankenstein I'm waiting for another arm for. These two can join twins are about to die. Yeah, so they're not showroom ready. Yeah, do whatever three students clonks you

want to do with them now because these kids They're not long from the world. Poor rocket through just looking at random shit And then there's just a penis in a jar and I was like, what's that? She was like, oh that was from penal cancer and I was like, no What it looked like it was just a little fucking float and weiner. Oh You hope a dick got cancer it'd be big at least Yeah, what if you don't want to have- Like you flew too close to the side? Yeah, you want to get chemo on a little dick

and then just be a little hairless little dick. Yeah. No way, dude. I'll tell you what, if I have stage three dick cancer, you're not chemo in my dick. It's over. You're not going to let a microwave it? No, I go down with the ship, dude.

I'm not going to have where a fucking band-and over my fucking fuk-a. You'd have it under your waist like a floss pluckler. I gotta glue a murk in on every day, and boil the house. Jay, your penis. What my pants fly down, and everybody sees I have no dick hair. We have to compliment how good your penis looks that day. Dude, that looks healthy as hell. Really, I think the treatments are working.

You're really strong for this. They let you ring the bell with your dick on your final day. I'm going holistic. I'm whacking with alo. Yeah. It's working. It's working. It's stronger. Man, we really took it to cock cancer this early, huh?

What's the holidays? Day. Happy holiday. What the fuck is Blackflow there, you know, so thank God. Oh, thank God, Black loser. He's going to unplug and then really lose the flip. Son of bitch, we lost him.

Where do you say Jacob? Well, I don't know. I should bring this up now. When I had a surgery a few years ago. Oh, no. Jacob. Oh, no. Jacob. Oh, no. How do you always come with random shit?

Tell me you didn't do your dick for weeks. Well, no, I woke up after the surgery. And it was on my neck, but my dick was hurting every time I peed. You hurt when you pee? Oh, man, it's making my weiner feel weird. Yeah. No, keep telling your story. It's actually very embarrassing now that I'm, You heard when you pee? Oh man, it's making my weener feel weird. Yeah.

No, keep telling your story. It's actually very embarrassing now that I'm... Well, I think you have an entire room of people. Who does that? I have a story. Nah, it's not the right time. Huh? Cock can't say you say. I'm having a...

I've got a little tail. But I'm just having that battle in me like... There's private Jacob and producer Jacob are raging against each other right now. And producer Jacobal was wins out, so I am gonna tell this story. Yeah. I think the people, the people on it now.

All right, well, like as I... Jacob, you don't get to it it my dick's gonna fall back asleep Yeah, well I went to the doctor I already feel yawning Well, I hope there's a payoff here Always is Jacob well, I went to the doctor and you know it was about my neck But I said, you know, I'm having trouble peeing it hurts hurts every time I peen out, it burns. And he said, he got kind of quiet. And he said, yeah, we, we have to cathode to you for the surgery. And we had a little trouble putting the tube in. Oh, you didn't think there was going to be a payoff?

You got fucking... You got, you got fucking nicked by a catheter? That's like a space shuttle, I had no idea you were that tight, dude. Dude, your piss and come out of you like a super-soaker, too, I'm gonna... Yeah, dude. Well, I'm gonna say this, I have P'd next to Dan, and it's like a fire-hoes sound compared to mine. Like, I do have a tight stream, but... Yeah, I didn't know you were listening to me. Dan, I'll be honest, but you can't not hear it, dude.

You got a dick hole like a fucking can of tennis balls, dude. How funny would it be if I actually had a tiny dick in just a wide mouth? Oh, that's like a fosters band. Yeah, then this is not about... My head's mostly whole. It's the most disappointing cragier in the world. I come along, but it just kind of comes out in one big circle.

I've heard a big head, but big hole. I just drooled, hope. Yeah. You have a mushroom head in the lemon hole. Think falls out of me like sap. Oh, it's like pushing up a push-pop. LAUGHTER Oh, sorry, Jacob. I think roll a comb like cake.

I think we're like cookie batter. Yeah. Last we left you, you were being violated by a catheter. Go ahead, they fucked us on a little hole with a catheter. He got quiet, and I was, it was just an uncomfortable silence in his office, like, because I'm now picturing a room full of operating staff. To someone saying something, go, damn, John, you fucking God. You shut up, Rick.

Look out of my hand. I don't know what happened, but he left it at that. And so I just said, oh, okay. You do say it's going gonna stop burning at some point? He said, yeah, it'll go away in a few days, but I mean, he was not gonna give that up until I brought it up. Oh, you did not know that something was in your dick and then find out.

Wait, you said you brought it up, did you bring it up at like the end of the appointment, where you like one final thing. Yeah, because like dick-hole rehearse and each of you got off brought it, did you bring it up at like the end of the appointment? Were you like one final thing? Yeah, because like dickhole rehearse and each of you go off as glasses he went. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the truth. Sorry. I was having some unfwego salsa before I did your operation. You got fucking.

Sorry. You got salsa, fuck it. You sorry. I got a little tapatillo in You got some habanero in your your rethra. It should wear off any day. Maybe soak your dick and milk Did you just leave it like that like you're like cool. Thanks doc. I was so uncomfortable because like I said all I could picture was the operating staff just staring and waiting for this a picture was the operating stuff just staring and waiting for this. God, it to poke me with the catheter finally, yet it where it needs to be. Do you

think it's like a Capri Sun? Like you just got this. I just want to poke this thing in the bottom. It's just going anywhere. Yeah. I'm going anywhere. I go through the center. They didn't say anything until you said something. You might have a case on your hands. Yeah. Yeah. All the tiggets are you, Jacob?

All right. There's another surgery story. I'm just surprised. Let's move on. I do love it now if Jacob pulls his dick out and I grow up and goes, oh my god, he goes, I know tight as a nickel, right? I think it's a stop of fly.

Jacob does kegels. Every time he's mad at Lou, he tightens his dick pole. Yeah. His dickhulk can hold a paperclip for three minutes. But they won't put that in Guinness. Jacob, do you have... Jacob, how much I petition? Do you have surgery scars and shit all over you?

With all the mishaps? Oh, dude, that'd be great if you have a fucking slice right across your dick hole, like a fucking pirate. It's working now. It's all good. I don't like the help part. So what was the other surgery? It's scary. I mean, do you want to make this surgery time?

Yeah! But maybe I should save this to next. Too late, Jacob, you open the floodgates. See, you're going to make people appreciate their holidays more. Jacob, you already cathetered it. Now it's time to let it flow. Well, we started in the front. Now we move to the back.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what, though? That is good producing. Man, Jacob. Because you were like, if you were to start it with the ass and then go on to the front, you would be like, I don't know, Jacob.

No, front to back, everybody knows how you don't get an infection. I... No, I swear. Jacob, I didn't know you've had all of your holes operated on. Your surgery history of a retired porn star. Well, church is close up my game. Then before you know it, my pro last blessing.

Jacob was pink, loving. Jacob was born in the 70s, but all his holes are from the 90s. He's got newer... Yeah, back when Jacob's lower half was a contract or all his vivid. Yeah, back when Jacob's lower half was a contract girl vivid So what happened on the back nine Well, you know, I was I was in acting class. Oh, that explains everything Yeah, it's true Hollywood story right now and I all of a sudden I don't know if you can have it now known as casting Calchassol. My God. The doctor looks at it because I hope still into the group.

So, Jake, what did you go in for? Well, I was having, it was hurting to sit, and I don't know what was happening. I felt like I was sitting on a stone. Turns out. Sitting on a stone? Yeah. Is there this fucking audio-slave song? Yeah.

I thought, I thought it was an Irish curse. Oh, I guess it's on the stone, you need. I think the fuck I looked at him right in the eyes. Yeah, it's like sitting on a stone. Sitting on a stone feels like a quick way to get your dick to fall asleep, by the way. Yeah. I feel like this is the two worst stories

I could tell for personal life, Jacob. Well, so far, you're one for one on awesome. Yeah. Well, all right. So I couldn't sit and I realized something was up. And then I had to get home and squat and look in the mirror. And it turned out to be a good Jacob. You didn't know what was happening. You didn't know what was happening.

You didn't went to the doctor. Jacob. Well, yeah, once I saw what was there. Hold on, guys. Sclaoring question. Glaring question. Why was the squat necessary to see it? Because I wanted to see...

We're like little Kim on the club of our album? It was that. It was a drop in, were you showing that Nick went out of the cake? No, tops of fake ones. I'm gonna tell you something, if I ever saw... There it is, there's all that cake. If I... Ah, app someone opened the bakery.

Yeah. Like these honey buns. I tell you something, if I saw a shot of myself squatting over a mirror, then it gave a much bigger problem after that. It's stopping me from getting to sharp things in the house. Oh. I'm going to hurt myself. I go, no one's, I can't believe anyone's ever seen that coming at them. Yeah, I like my asshole licked. No, I got home and I prison searched for myself in a mirror because it was on the right outside. Did you call off to see a pucker?

It was a bump. It was a bump and it turned out it was an inflamed hemorrhoid. Oh, buddy, you got a fucking bad butt grate. Yeah, so I had to drive, I drove myself to the hospital. Damn, that's tough. You know, it's tough. Yeah, and then I said, I don't think I have a hemorrhoid to the emergency lady because I was so embarrassed. You mumble, you mumble, it's over. I'm almost the entire time.

Oh, no, I got a hammer on her. She said, would you say country mouse? I said, I got a goddamn hammer-oid. I couldn't say anything. I said, I think this is just like, this is a fucking serious scene. Mmm, cha, we're gonna fix you right up. You go to the emergency room in Queens with a hammer-oid. Well, this was the great state of New Jersey, the Garden of the State.

They're in their majors. And so she checks me in, I'm on the emergency room bed, and the doctor comes in, spreads my butt cheek open, and goes, yeah, that's a hemorrhoid. I'm going to get a scalpel now, we'll take care of that for you. Because the procedure is you cut it open and let it bleed out. No!

You just use those pads and these somethings. No, Jay, this was beyond that. This has to come out now. Why? You had emergency hemorrhoids surgery, I didn't get hurt in that. I think you got him like wildfire. I think you guys, I think you just got a guy

that was at the end of a long shift. I'm going to cut this idiot's asshole open. Do you understand how it's watched the man get shot in the head? He's like Dexter, he just loves the blood. Give me all of it. So he cut Ian and just walked out? Well, no. I'm going to have to.

You buy your drink after? I mean, Kayon goes, he goes, Hemroy to side, you get a nice colored asshole. You're 99% asshole. He goes, you wipe good. No discoloration, the elasticity is. I'd get a young man. You have the asshole of an 18-year-old. I'd never see I could barely get a pinky in there. God, sweet guy. I've seen some very accepting assholes, Jacob, and yours. Not so much.

Well, you guys know I work out and I do think I do my leg work. The fuck does that have to with anything? Well, I'm getting to it. If you keep cutting me off, funny guy. Oh. Oh. There he is. There he is.

Only so far you could push him in. It turns out I might have been like my leg work out, like all the pressing, the squatting, because I want my glutes to look good. And apparently that inflamed it. But now cut to the emergency surgery in the emergency room. Yeah, you get in. He says, oh, he said, you could wait, but it's better to do this right now.

So he said, okay. So he goes, gets his gear and walks in with the hottest nurse I've ever seen in my life. Nice, dude. And I was mortified because he said, turn around and he puts the... I'm going to kiss her first. If I were you, Jacob, I would have done everything I could to fluff up and then point it down so it's coming between my butt cheeks I go, sorry, sometimes the head peeks out. That's not it full-mast and that's what you're thinking

I'm not hurting myself by laying on my own boner if that's what you think Does that what you think is just not what's happening? I couldn't think that fast. So I just faced down and he put like you raised your emergency gown and he put like a towels around and then he had to spread my butt open and he cut it in front of her and apparently it was a clot. So he held it up on the scalpel and she, and said, look at that to the nurse, and she held it. Is that when she fucking ripped her dress,

open her started massaging her own tits? She's, oh, oh my god. Oh my god. You just saved that boy, man. You just saved it. You just helped that tight dick-hold guy out of a real jam. I was like, he like did he shut him up watch. Did he hold it up on his knife?

On the tip of the scalpel, he held up this hot... Oh, that's so bitch. Like, as if the humiliating me get maximum humiliation, he held up my shame to her Look how close she's got it. This hot the hottest nurse. I was in love with her of course Did you tell her and she went? No, hey, I wasn't in the right mind. I think it's developing a something pretty serious All she said was oh, yeah, and that was it. Damn, she should have harassed her.

You should have grabbed a tit, just made a scene. I don't know what I got out of telling you all this, but I'm saying, I got to feel like... Jacob, you earned our love and respect. It's very sweet of you to be as open near the hallways. There it is. You're a sweet man. Jacob Patton, everybody. How does he do it? But both sides better than ever now. I just want that on right now. No. New and improved, dude. New and improved. God, dude. Jacob, you're assing Dick Holwell like a million bucks now. Who wouldn't go No, new and improved dude new and improved god dude Jacob your ass and dick whole world like a million bucks now who wouldn't go to do j-loo you don't have any

crazy ass hole surgery stories? No don't chip shape over here you just live with hemorrhoids like the rest of the world right? You don't go put on a show for local nursing students too. You don't present to a bunch of fucking hot ladies in a hospital like that, do you? If you have a dick or asshole problem, you die from it at home. I thought that was the undisput- They're going to have to go the death certificate for that one for me. Because you think I have dick cancer? Well, we'll have to take your word for that, I guess. I'm not going to let some hot nursing student fondle it around because I only have problems with it. I already know this problem.

Looks like I need to get my house in order. Oh. And those blight bright fluorescent students? No way. You're gonna see all the veins deep underneath my dick skin. He held it up like he ripped the heart out of me. Ah! Kalima!

Kalima! Kalima! Oh, I could feel it leaving my body. And then he took the scabble, his could feel it leaving my body. And then he took the scabble, his eyes rolled back in his head. And then he came out with it. I found the evil. Damn, dude.

That is impressive that you tell stories like that, Jacob. I'm proud of you. Anything for the bonfire. Thank you, dude. Hey. Now I don't feel so bad about my sleepy dick. It's just tired. Black Lou's got a big announcement. Black Lou does have a big announcement.

Black Lou, where are you at? Turn the hat off, dude. Yeah, turn it off. You were in full stealth, man. Black Lou, sorry, I hate to steal the announcement. But Black Lou is officially off. How so rough. Yeah.

Woo! That's right, everybody. That's right. He paid his due to society. Come on up, Black Lou. Is that Mike Workin? Check, check. Yeah, Black Lou, everybody makes noise for Black Lou.

The one in the old me. Cowboys, Eagles, Christmas Eve. That's the Black Lou sit down. Don't worry, I might take a squake back up. Jacob's gonna have a seat. Jacob's story really rattled you, didn't it? I hated it, but I loved it, but I definitely have it now. That's how I pick up your works. Any sort of hyper-contry, you're like, that's not the fight.

Whatever you have, I have it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's funny, but it's not cool. No, it's not cool at all. I want that as a top. That's always my laundry Can we get a drop of that? It's not funny, man. It's cool. Oh Black Lou what tells what's going on in the black loose world big big news Do it I'm having another kid.

Yeah! Congratulations. Thank you. Biggers. Yeah. How are you? Do you know what it is? Can you announce that?

Mrs. Johnson hates sea and cum. She hates to see it. Go, just put it wherever I can't see it every time. No facials in the Johnson household. What's great about this show is that later his son can listen back to that show deck. That was a perfect description to be polite for the holidays. Jay was very polite for the holidays. I did pretty good.

Uh, boy or girl? Boy. Yeah! Hendrick's going to get a little baby brother. Jay, have you have such masculine sperm? Yeah, you come cologne. I mean, I'm only one actual kid in, but I think those abortions felt pretty feminine.

You touched the stomach first? Yeah. Were you, how much were you guys trying? Was it most of the summer? What was it? A lot of the summer. Yeah. My mind's coming no. I'm trying to get after it.

They're pretty fantastic. But my body's coming. My body's coming me ever. It's so funny. I've never in my life been trying to have a child. So it's got to be like, I watch other friends go through that too, where it's like, we would hang out tonight, but we have to fuck on a schedule. And you had to do that, right?

You had to do that, right? Did you guys have like a fuck calendar, like an advent calendar? Yes. We'd be like a cockering one day and you're like, oh, fun! Were you at one point doing it just mechanically, just watching a game over her butt?

And he's like, ah, she goes, oh, almost there, right about there. There it is! There it is! He's like, you want to wear pizza? Let's get a pure biology going. How long did it take from you guys trying? Were you like pretty successful right at the top? I took about two months. There were in those ovulation weeks. Did you find the problem was that your penis was going too far back to get it further? Yes. It was shooting out.

He was going down the wrong tunnel. He was up in her guts. That's not where the fucking eggs are. Come doesn't go to the tummy. What do you think I got a tight dick hole shooting that far? Dude, Jacob's like a fucking sniper off the deck. Dude, no doubt, dude. Jacob could probably know those ladies that shoot ping pong balls out there pussying. Damn, dude.

Jacob could come him out of there. Yeah, did. Jacob's com- He think, he think, he think. Jacob's com shots are fast and true. They fly with purpose. Black lose come, keep stopping off of bodegas for chips and shit. It turns out flame and hot flavor to come. Doesn't get people pregnant. Two boys dude, that's fucking amazing, Black Lou.

Congratulations, Black Lou. Thank you. You're loving it. We love you so much. The Bonfire family keeps expanding. Woo! With half-black children, which is pretty good for optics. Pretty good for optics when you go off-

It's gonna help a lot of the old episodes, ain't it? Yeah, when you run, when you run up the ladder of old, serious XM, they're gonna like the looks of that. Like, of course you got those letters saying we're racist, but have you met Black Lew and his half-black kids? Because we're nice to them. Born under a, born under a bonfire watch. I was like, all for it, did you hear that?

Pretty cool. DJ Lil, why don't you go have a baby? That's not cool, but... Well, we need to have another bonfire baby. We know Jacob's dickhole's too small for the kid sperm to get out. It's gonna shoot right out of our ass. It's just getting the fluids. Yeah, It's gonna shoot right out of her ass. It's just getting the fluids. Yeah, it's gonna blow right out of her.

Jacob's gonna overshoot the eggs with his... Yeah. Jacob's cum is like putting your finger over the water fountain tool. Ow, ow. Ow. Ow. Dude, you can wash concrete with Jacob's cum. Ow.

I got power washed with giz. Yeah. I thought that was a mole knocked it off. They call it Superman come. Well dude, are you relaxing at all on stage? Do you need a beer? I got some campaign. Oh! Where's the campaign? I want some campaign. Oh, here you go.

Don't give me the fucking corny ass fucking mimoso. You're saving all the reds for yourself, aren't you? You are, dude. How many bottles of wine in there are you right now through cans? All right. So we should tell you guys, for those of you who don't know, a little bonfire context. Jacob's family makes a thing called campaign which is wine in a can Animosa anima most anima most of the can well we looked at the alcoholic Volume I think wait you got to say how it went down because me and Lou were like fun Promotion for the show let's shotgun these motherfuckers And then we just grabbed the cans that were in front of us and I grabbed the mimosa, which is the alcohol content of whatever else you

try to get a teen. 6% alcohol vine, it's like a beer. It's like a regular beer. It's like Zima for dudes. But DJ Lewinsky got the red wine. Turns out this fucking can of wine is the equivalent of half a bottle of red wine. And he put back three, and I thought, I mean, he had a bottle of wine in seconds. Someone in campaign headquarters didn't go like, guys, this is a hobo amount of wine. If you go, if you go back and listen to the audio, at one point, he was trying to turn up,

Jacob's microphone, just put on local news from another channel, and let it play for a couple of seconds, he goes, I don't know, man, I don't know, this fucking Jacob are the news. Yeah. Full purple teeth, like a vampire. Yeah.

No, I want one of the half bottle of wine, James. That's all I got, I brought the light ones because we're professionals. Oh, you brought them. He did just look down to look up at me for those who you can't see his face. Yeah, no, it's fine. This wouldn't fit in your coosie anyway.

Hey, Luke, you bring him nice and warm, so they feel the same coming up. You brought him from just outside T-neck, where he... He bearings him in the woods like James Brown did his money. Where'd you keep these in your pants pockets? Stop the car right up here at this mile marker There's a champagne's buried in the forest Yeah, it's warm man Quake in my dick up my Come's gonna taste like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like,

I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like,

I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like,

I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, You found the body? Jacob really showed that shit, huh? Because it's not just you guys. This is a radio show. So that's gonna go out over there. We're gonna get a text from Jacob when this goes.

Do you guys care if we take out those stories? That's a Christmas show's gonna be like, Hey, that's right about you. Black Lou, you're having a son? Yeah, he's taking so sleep. Anyway, Lou, you had a kid? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm about.

I have other Heineken Zero. Uh, hello. I'm trying to get Dan fucking almost boozed up. He's trying to placebo rate me. Yeah. You're okay, we've all wanted this for eight years. It's my Christmas present. Merry Christmas to me.

Happy Hanukkah. Oh yeah, happy Hanukkah, everybody. Happy Hanukkah! Do you know how weird it's getting out there in the world? I was at this weekend where I was flying at an airport. This lady next to me was a black lady and she she goes first of all I realize I asked a pretty racist question I didn't mean to she was in front of me at a clear and pre-check and she was like I don't gonna take my my computer out of my bag like I don't gonna take my

shoes off yeah and then she goes to the things when I went through I go is your first time going through a clear and pre-check? Cause I go, it's pretty awesome, she goes, no. Oh, that's like, you seem so blown away by the concept of it all. I was like, no, I wasn't asking you because you're blackly. And then she goes, and then she goes, Merry Christmas. By the way, sorry if that's not your thing, but I say Merry Christmas, I go, it's okay. I go, I'm Jewish, and I don't give a shit.

She goes, well then happy Hanukkah and moved on. She went quick, I'm Jewish, and I don't give a shit. She goes, well, then happy Hanukkah, and moved on. She went quick. I was like, why is she mad at me? Good counter punch. Because I can't have her. Because I can't have her. Because I can't have her. Because I can't have her.

Because I can't have her. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club.

I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. I'm not being part of this country club. first time, so why would you say that? Have you ever flown before? Yeah, yeah. You ever been on the big metal birds? I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

As our first segment over, that's crazy. Yeah, it's been up there for a while, too. Really? No, we suck. Yeah. We have a lot of great, a lot of wonderful Christmas hijinks for you guys ahead here. So we're going to take our first break.

It is the Bonfire Christmas spectacular, everybody. Alright, let's come back from commercial break now, everybody. We're coming back from commercial break, everybody. And now back to the Bonfire holiday spectacular with Big J. O'Crisson and Dan Soder, glide from the village underground in New York City. But uh, Bubby. I wanna give a lot of must for Grisma. It's just haunting. I love it. I wanna give a lot of must for Duh.

Oh no. It's just haunting. I love it. Welcome back to the Bonfire Christmas Show live from the Village Underground. Serious XM, Faction Talk 103, I'm Dan Soder, that is Big J. Okerson. It's Christmas in New York. That's it, it's all I got. I'm most excited for January 2nd, because all the tourist leave Rockettola Center. Should every guy on the bottom fight have to come in on Monday with a picture of themselves in a mirror from underneath? Why are you gonna make us do a squat check?

Yeah, let's all do it in front of a hot nurse Jacob fucking oh I love him so much. Should we Talk about what we say we're gonna talk about Is this not the time we can talk about it. Yeah, all right That is such a fun slurred this is the tie. Toe is now or not. This is it. I'm still in the front of you.

I'm just a boy looking out of the boy. I'm saying I love you. Drop the fucking hammer, Mary. Who's pulled the bandaid off? I'm ready for it. I'm ready. I'm ready for it. Kiss me now, brothers and sisters. Who's coming with me? Who's coming with me?

But yeah, we could do it. I'm not sure I know what you're talking about, but we could do it. We talked about on the phone, then Jacob thought that I was angry. Come on. The whole thing. Oh, man. Or do we not? Do we just... Just like, sometimes Jacob gets upset. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want an upset Jacob, I love him too much. And he'll like take JSI and be like,

are you? Do you hate me? But it's such a sweet way that you're like, oh, sweet, sweet, Jacob. Yeah, he gets very sensitive, so too good everybody. Do not fuck this up for him. Everybody, we all know that the Kermudgeon on this show, of course, is DJ Lewitsky. Probably made him sit on stage right now. He hates it so much.

He's the man that needs the most love. Right? I just don't like attention, that's all. You love attention. I want to be mysterious. Yeah, well, you only want attention from gay men. But this isn't that kind of attention. I invite you over without presuming you're going to blow me in my friend.

I just wanted a nightcap. So do they, dude. That's all I want to say about it. That's all I want to say about it. I think you guys were all shopping at the same store. Jacob, I'll say a thousand times. Those guys had every reason to believe you were going back to let them spit roast your face on the asshole. You gave them every reason to believe that was going to happen.

Well, I see that now. I think you did it. Is that why you want to squat over on the air for me? You think I'm going to see the track marks? Yeah. So I was with the... But we want you... You don't love Christmas. I'm not even going to celebrate it. You're not going to share it?

That's what I mean. He says shit like that. You're like, what the fuck? That's crazy, dude. I don't like that. Skip it. I'm done. You don't like Christmas at all. Oh, Christmas. This guy, you gotta, you guys might be able to have a little group

hang. Little fuck Christmas. You ever liked Christmas? That guy's wearing a Trump hat. He might shoot you, Lou. Christmas is American! Why don't they put Holly and Barry's on my Starbucks cup no more? I want it Christed out.

It's in Christ's birthday. You don't care about Christ's birthday? No. None of it, Santa. No. Do you care about the Armenian Harry or Jesus birthday? Because that's sometime in January, Christine of it. Santa, no. Do you care about the Armenian hairier Jesus birthday? Because that's sometime in January, Christine tells me. I don't know, it's the once a year she shaves her toes.

Merry month, Merry month for us. Merry month for us. Merry month for us. Fluid, sound. I want you to come a little more center in the stage here. Is it possible to lip-black Lou take over the board for a second? No, he doesn't. It's his front center as I get. Come on, dude.

You're not feeling it at all. No Christmas spirit. Even with Dan wearing that silly jacket. It's just so fucking stupid right now. I know. And you would shake him giving us those two stocking stuffers of his fucking whole surgeries? What an early Christmas present was Jacob embarrassing himself. He laid himself out there looking like God damn fool.

10% of his audience has no idea who they are. I've got there by and tickets to see a regular comedy seller. That must really suck if that's the case. That must really suck. I show up for Sam Morrell. Yeah, and this is what... Is George? DJ Nu.

DJ Nu. Tonight, thou shall be visited by spirits of thy past. You must learn the true meaning of Christmas, and how you have come to be. An old friend will be your guide. He will appear when the bell chimes. Breast! I can't wait to see this. Bell chime.

bell chime Yeah, dude, it's better you love Christmas. Don't be so down. It's a raccoon Lou. There's a live raccoon on this stage. It's a raccoon! There's a live raccoon on this stage! Hey buddy. Lou, do you know this raccoon? Why is it your chosen guy? Hey buddy. It's been a long time. Boy, you sure have grown.

You probably don't remember me, but I used to go to school with you and your brother. Well, I didn't actually go to school. I just went along for the ride in your dad's exterminator van. I just wanted to tell you, on behalf of all our critters, how terribly sorry we are that we humiliated you and your brother. We never meant to embarrass you. Boy, for a heavy smoker, your dad sure was quick. We used to call him Marshall Witsky. We'd all scurry for cover, but hey, I guess I just wasn't fast enough.

Jesus. Side-bond fire context. If you're in the room, a loo used to be driven to school in an exterminator battle. Several critters. So when they'd open the door to school, people would hear the frazzled sound of critters banging against metal cages. Hissing and spitting when whatever critters do. Putting their fangs on the fucking cages.

Showing dogbarranty. And Lou would have to name them? You thought your parents dropping you off was embarrassing? Did I not have to, my mom walking me to school with her tits out, then fucking bring me to school with a bunch of caught vermin? I wish it had warned Will. This might be PTSD for him. Is Will here?

I don't know. Okay, good. No, he's not here. What is he doing? They're right there. Catch him. warned will this might be ptsd for him as well here i don't know okay good now he's not here but he's doing their right there catch him he's out there finishing your father's work and solo here i stand on hind legs pause extended in loving friendship and i say to you now on behalf of all us critters how Very proud we are of the man you've become You make people laugh every day

Right on right and to see And to see that sad little boy turned his pain into joy for so many others all over the world makes us critters proud. I just want you to enjoy Christmas. Oh. I bet you won't eat that lettuce record.

Oh, he did it won't eat that lettuce record. Oh, he did it. He ate the lettuce. Oh, where is that lettuce from? I thought that was just stage lettuce. That's what we start calling weed stage lettuce. Damn, he really going after it. I am but one being that you've touched on your journey. There are so many that have felt the goodness that is Lew Witsky.

Some of them, you've never even met face to face. Oh, this is fun. What is that music? Who's music is that? Look, WWE in it. That can only mean one thing. Our first ghost is here. DJ Lou, it's Bunny the Cam Girl.

No. I swear to God, I swear to God someone on the side goes, it's by me! Ha-ha-ha! The girl you almost bought a car for using prepaid credit cards, you remember her? Woo, you remember her? What the fuck was that about, Lou?

You almost bought a girl a car! That embarrassed me in front of Bunny again. You won't even move in with your girlfriend. Yeah. You bought you almost bought this person you never met a car with prepaid credit cards. So you don't see it, you thought about it, you started making moves.

Hello, handsome. You look very sexy tonight. I drive all the way from Alabama to be here. I am real Southern Belle. Is this how she got your money, Lou? Every time. I wish I could spend more time, but I had to take care of my sick mama. The hospital bills cost so much, I work every day to pay.

And you give me money and I can talk to you. I love that this accent's going all over the floor. Pretty hot, huh? It's really, I see it, Lou, I'm getting it. I get it. I'm not gonna lie, the mix of accents does something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, here in her mother's sick is tragic.

I'm sorry about your mom. I do love a fluid accent. Yeah. I want you to cook gulp for me. She knows about the gulp. A man who cooks his cat, she's a hot baby. Just so you know, I make my mom-moms meatballs and are pretty sick noodles and cottage cheese.

I could probably get you a couple of pre-paid cards. Bonnie, how'd you like to share some lettuce with a raccoon? Oh, you guys are so rich. I know you are so generous, Lou Baby. Will you give me money? Time is running out. You see Lou, even your bunny sees what a giving person you are. That's the Christmas spirit and it fills my heart. Please enter credit card number to keep talking.

Lou, you want to throw your digester in there? I don't think we have a credit card to give you bunny. Oh, so this is not going to happen? But my friend Carl gave me right here. He doesn't like when I take a long time. Oh, I mean, you know, hang out. I'll talk to you after. Yeah, we don't have anybody. This is bullshit then.

I'm going to go fuck you guys. Fuck Christmas. You guys are all cool. I got lost in the swoop. Lou. How much money did you actually give to that woman online? She emptied my credit card, but I was smart. I had a pre-game. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what, what were you possibly gonna say to fix that? I loaded up a prepaid card with only $20 on it,

and every time you hit the link, it would be empty. Smart. That's the spirit of Christmas. Fuck you, man. You must scratch. Let's make some noise for Bonnie, everybody. Have a Bonnie. Yeah.

Woo! Good job, John. Oh, wow. Woo! It's a good job. The first goes. What could that be? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha DJ Lou. DJ Lou, our next guest put you on the path to wearing that cap for the last 36 years. You remember him from having an awkward backyard barbecue talk with him. It's none other than New York mess legend Doc Goodin! Wow!

Holy shit Doc Goodin is here. Wow! In the flesh. Hey, how you doing, Lou? Alright, man, when the bonfire cracker's... I'm... When the bonfire... When they told me you had celebrating, I couldn't pass it up.

I just couldn't, you know? As the world champion, 1986, New York man, I had to be here, baby. Damn, Lou. I get to come to this special occasion like this and find young men like yourself, man. You such a good little boy. Sure, I get paid a normal fee. Sure. Special occasions like this and find young men like yourself, man. You're such a good little boy Sure, I get paid a normal fee sure, but they ain't about the money in fact I'm never more happy to mingle with these common folks in here

They told me you would be you know, they told me about the backyard party. You remember that? What I say you remember what I said Of course you know, nigga, uh, it don't ring the bell, man. I'm just happy to be here, man, you know. Most of them hard drugs I did got me arrested. Hope that wasn't with you, though. That wasn't with you, wasn't? No, the next day you got arrested.

Oh, yeah, the next day. It's all a blur, Lou. It's all a blur. Shoot a hung out with us more. I started too, but you know, I got to go do some drugs and celebrate my 1986 championship. Yeah. The party never ends. Lou, I heard you make a wicked casserole. See, do your casseroles get never all the ghosts love your cooking. Yeah, and you love, you love it.

Hey Lou, and you love smoking, right? I dare you. Hey, that's a hang right there, boy. He sure does. Uh-huh, thank you. I can attest to that, Doc. All right, cool now. Watch it now.

Here's him. Well, let me tell you about another man, Lou. Let me tell you, Lou. I love smoking. I do. I do. Let me tell you something, Lou do I do let me tell you something I'm tell you about love about smoking about a legendary basement from the New York men. You remember

Keith Hernandez. Oh Yeah, now you say smoke them when you smoke them. I got them baby dude. I love all of the Matt's pandering But I heard I heard even more was even more impressive that they told me real good at running the showboard. You're really good at that. Look at that, dude. Dr. Kudden knows about you running the board, Blue. That's true. The terrible, star barrier of backboard ops.

Oops. Might not be that wrong. He's got a push on him, Doc. But goddamn, this is a lot to read, Blue. Look, I'm happy to be here with the board. Shit. These things gave me two whole paragraphs, goddamn. I got a little school education, damn it.

Uh, doing so good. Doing so good. You know, the hits home run for the Bob Fire every weekend for nights a week, man. I'm happy to be a Zedru. He sure does. He does. Oh, shit.

And seems like I owe you. week man I'm happy to be his entry. He sure does. Oh shit. And uh, it seems to like I seems like I owe you. I just came here to tell you my man that there are heroes everywhere. They don't always wear uniform and throw a hundred mile fastball. Sometimes they look like ordinary jules with nice from fat asses like yours. Yeah. And it works a one to two. And that's the DJ Lou. Never forget the bar fire and the 86 meds and that's because of you. Lou Merry Christmas. Oh, good.

You're a hero. Doc Good and everyone. That is incredible. He's out. You know, I love that Doc Goodin, even as a Philadelphia fan. I love that Doc Goodin, because we both shop at Big and tall for car heart hoodies That's so cool Jay so cool. I don't have that celebrities are just like us. You see Lou sometimes your heroes are impressed with you Oh my goodness. Oh my Goodness. Oh my god. Speaking of heroes. Oh my god.

Eddie Veterans here. You smell like marijuana cigarettes. Wow. Eddie Vetter. This is incredible. Young Eddie Vetter's here, dude. How did you do it? Well, hey, damn, Jay. Y'all can both fuck off. I still like your music.

And hey there, LW! Sure as wild being one of your events for a change? Sure gives me the willies when I spot your match hat at one of our shows! They told me you've been to over 85 Pearl Jam concerts over the years. I told them that that was 85 anxiety attacks I've had on space. You and that freaking, freaking clone you show up with. You shut up, Eddie Veter twins are normal. Fuck off, that's the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Two bald men that look like aliens in no body hair. Damn, I've never agreed with Eddie Federer more about things. They remind me of those two freaking checks from the Shining. Yeah, completely this forever. Hold on. I do appreciate your dedication to the band though, brother Lou. Hell, they even told me COVID didn't stop you from showing up to a last show. Hold on any, uh, for Bob fire context for a little people, uh,

Chris, see Lou's brother whiskey, Lou, little bonfire context, Lou popped positive for COVID and then went to a Pearl Jam concert. Because he had the first non-transferable tickets in the history of concerts. By the way, everyone heads up if you're in front of you better.

You never know this guy's just gonna roll his eyes back and drop into an audience. Yeah, there's a couple of people who might have a good claim about the shoulders, you know. You never know who he's trying. You could be dropping right now. No, he's back. Everybody's back.

That's pure core strength. That's what we're looking for and then he better. Let me tell you guys, somebody he got that COVID in came to our show. Turns out, your smogas cough combined with the virus wiped out a group of chemo patients from Cooper University Hospital. Right next store. Right next store to the amphitheater. Whoever wrote that did some Googling.

I know. My mom does a little respiratory pool work there. Jane knows it from real life? Others know it from a search engine. My mom picked up some pool shifts. The funniest shit was those kids were finally all clear to enjoy the show from the lawn. And you killed them. Do you know I like dark hair? For poorest people who can't afford medical help, you killed them that long, Lou.

Because you're non-transferable tickets, where the shitty estates in the house. You see, Lou, you are so loved. Your skills and your passion fill everyone with the Christmas spirit. Don't you feel it? You just cut about 15 of my lines there. But the racoon, damn, dude, he's directing. Wasn't the only one that was off book four, too. Actor and director. Sorry, Eddie. Oh, good.

Fuck it, I'm a man director. Hey, brother Lou. Yeah. It's time for me to get back to rockin' a roll. But just remember, the next time you're at one of our shows, I might be weirded out seeing you from the cuter of my page, Brother Jay. Stage. Stage. Yeah!

That was it? That really was it? Yeah. Yeah, really was it. Fuck, that's funny. Fuck you, Brother. Fuck you brother. You fucking dance call it with brothers And yeah, I might check under the tour bus to make sure you're not pulling a max caddy on us Katie, dude I know See preference. That's a weird one right rough. I was called Rick. Oh, good sec

Again, I fucked it up again. Again, I didn't really know what to say. Ocasack, it's okay, I'm an idiot. But I also, let me tell you something, brother. I know why I'm suddenly turning into Hulk Ocas. Well, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, brother. I respect the hell out of you. You make your own music for the Bodfire.

Dude. And that's a beautiful thing oh any better everybody don't see what should be jump wow Gonna be pretty gonna be pretty hard to top that one Lewinsky Oh my god, he's in a man's hands Damn dude, yeah, Josh's dick hair is mad at down with sweat. Yeah Yeah, when he peels off their steam's steam that comes off for sure, dude.

See Eddie Vetter, dude. He's people love you. Lou, they want you to have the Christmas spirit. All my heroes. Can't you follow the how this is done? I can't believe we got them all. Eddie Vetter, that's incredible Lou, but hey, there is just one ghost left to show you how much love you have for Christmas. And I think I hear him right now. It's either the trunk roll yelling out might have been the funniest day. I am.

Try it again, Jacob. Try it again, try it again, Raccoon. I think I hear him right now. He should be here any second. Mm-hmm. I've just been informed that our guest has left the voicemail. Sorry, DJ Liu. Oh, it's me! Santa Claus! Sorry, my two sweet boys! Unfortunately, I couldn't make the live show, but I heard that one Lewisky was a very good boy this year. I had to go to Key West and get some stink on my stockings.

Oh, I can't make everyone happy if Santa isn't happy. Anyway, Merry Christmas and I'll call you on your birthday. Oh, maybe. I think Santa just carried us, dude. Damn. I think we just got carried by Santa Claus, just like our dads. Sorry about that one, DJ Lou, but all the other goes showed up. Pretty cool, though.

Hmm. Oh! Oh! Oh! Baby! Oh! Hee hee! He's here! Hee hee! Oh wow!

He showed up! He showed up! We'll hold! Look at that! He's here! He's here! Hee hee! Hee hee!

Hee hee! Hee hee! You're not Santa? Hee hee! you're not Santa That's not Santa boys He you mean what's up slipknot what do you what do you say? Oh? Step Santa I thought it was ho, we got steps in it. No, no, no, hold on, I got socks.

I got some treats for your campfire here. Oh, we didn't cigarette. I got some cigarettes for Lou. This is offensive as someone who's lost his ball. I got some a Lou special oregano. Oh, Lou's oregano. Lou's oregano, he likes it in his casserole, so I hear it. There you go.

You're so fucking... SIGARETS IN A REGINO, Lou. You look like you're gonna He likes it in his castle. There you go. You're so fucking sick. Sigger up to the regano, Lou. You look like you're gonna be doing better in your career. Breakfast and champions. Hey, yo, so, yeah, I know I'm old Satan. You know what you want from me? Oh, this is awful. I'm basically the guy who caused all the little boys and girls' houses whose families can't get their shit

to get it. He, he, he. Shouldn't it be ho-ho-ho? He's the guy who caused all the little boys and girls as houses whose families can't get their shit to get it. He, he, he. Shouldn't it be ho-ho-ho? No retarded, he, he, he. Wow. That's a stepdad. Wow.

Clearly wrong and mean. The big guy, he, uh, has some clever little Jewish elves who are very good with copyright infringement patents. So he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he He's not wrong, but not right, right? Don't put your belt in that way, his face. Anyways, I know I'm not the real guy, Lou, and I know you've been bombed, but I got a very special message from somebody. I think it might cheer you up. You guys want to hear, should we play it? It's a radio show, so absolutely.

All right, roll the tape. There's nothing I love more than the video. The screen's coming down. Wow, who could be on the screen? Hey, Melissa. This is going out to PJ Levitseki. Good friend Santa told me that your friend's Jason and Daniel I think you're the glue that hold their show together.

There must be something else. He also said, put a regano, because his real family is a tuna casserole, and that you use all gas station ingredients. I've never heard anybody doing that before. You like the maghiver of home cooking. It just goes to show what a maverick you are, turn them water into wine like that.

Send me a plate next time you make some, okay? Louie, baby, what? Love to try some of that. I also heard you love to drink and play greeztunes for people you meet at a local bars. It just goes to show you're always trying to make people feel special. And that's why your friends and fans love you, buddy.

I hope Christmas blesses you with the miracle of Hanukkah from the Jews. And you have a marble light that lasts eight long days. Merry Christmas, Fijiaru. Or as your Latino girlfriend say, Feliz Navi. Bum bum bum bum. Alright?

Alright? You bring the Christmas joy to everybody, all your friends, and your fans, and your family, all your long. It's time you felt the Christmas joy yourself. Okay? I love you, pal. I'll see you next year, maybe in February. Wow, DJ Lou. How crazy is that? DJ Lou, from bunny to Cupid to Eddie Vetter to step Santa Seize the beauty of Christmas, and you don't you feel it?

All right fine God bless us all use people What a fun Christmas and be fury aka step-to-step let's bring everyone back up here come on Get everybody up here right now everyone who was here part of the show Doc good and also known as Reggie Conquest. Karen Feahan. Playing all the money. Andy Fiore. DJ, where's Black Glue?

Where's Black Glue? Black Glue, everybody. Black Glue, everyone. Long and strong come. Get it. Where's the first DJ, Lou? Where's Christine? One, long and strong come. Get out, where's the horse, DJ Lou? Where's Christine, Christine? Christine, get out. Christine, get up here.

You son of a bitch. Wrong way, idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Learn the room. And finally, and everybody, the man who put that whole thing in his head. If you could please step forward, make some room here for Jacob, everyone. How about it for the man who puts it all together?

Jacob, Patat! Take a bow. Take a bow. Jacob. Take a bow, everybody. Everyone, throw your roses at Jacob. Let him know, everyone. Throw your roses.

Yeah! Give him your roses. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Yeah. What a beautiful moment. Everybody, we are the baton players. Now, let's take a baton.

We love you guys. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays to all of you. Merry Christmas to all of you. Thank you all, all of you. No, see you guys next time. Thank you. Thanks for coming out to the show. Thanks for listening.

Don't forget that the Bond Fire is a radio show. A full show. We got a studio and everything. You can listen to us on SiriusXM or on the SXM app. It's basically the same thing. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. here at 6M.com slash bonfire for a special offer.