The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bonfire Staff Stand-Up

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

@theBonfiresxm

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to It is the Bond Fire. I'm Big J. Okerson. Dan Sodor is off today. They let me over here at Series XM. Pick whoever I want. A friend to come.

Co-host is with me. And... Do you look one other place when you think co-host for the bonfire and one of our absences then the legend himself Joey Roses, Joe Derosa, so unpopular, the incomparable. Good to see you guys man. It's good to see you too. I'm giving you a big big fun intro because I think we're gonna end up arguing later over a subject I have to take up with you. But until then I was saying, yeah, you were saying right before the show started that Austin, Texas

has got comedy clubs, indoor comedy club debut, the PIV. Jeremy Pivin, that's the big relaunch. A friend of mine in Austin DM me today and she goes, we finally get a club reopening and this is what they fucking put us through and it was just a picture of this week in Jeremy Piven I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you by the way by the way, what's funny is somewhere in the middle of that show two guys who would go to a Jeremy Piven show are gonna look at each other and go dude dude, comedy's fucking back. And they're going to like knock the holes. Comedy's back, dude. The PIV is working. New stuff out.

Comedy rocks. Yeah. I mean, it's the PIV, dude, with one of his hats that he wears. He wears those hats. Yeah. No one's even said to me once at a comedy club. They've got no one's ever said Jeremy PIV was here. And they go, you know what?

They're like surprisingly actually pretty good. No one, not one person has ever said Jeremy Piffin was here and they go, you know what's all like surprisingly actually pretty good Look now one not one person has ever said that like not one staff member was even like so taken by his fame That they were like I wasn't that bad. They're all like man. I love on tarage and that was a fucking pile of shit I've never heard anybody eat on a staff even say Jeremy Piffin was here and we enjoyed ourselves. Jeremy Piven was here and I didn't feel like I was robbed for my money. The Virginia Street Pro House, the guys on tour, the Virginia Street brew house. As a him-probe American comedy club, dude, he goes Dude he goes Goes bro. He goes dude still waiting to see dude

It is it's a stand-up officially available Man, he's just writing the clubs that people work. No, here's what I've never done I have not for whatever reason. I believe I have not even taken the time to watch a little piv live piv I think Jay I think that we have, when I was on the show, I think we Googled, I think we've tried to find it and we couldn't find it. There is no way we did not search for piv. Yeah, I think, Jacob's nodding and I believe you're right. I think we tried and it doesn't exist.

We just found him talking about the sweet lady that is comedy on a new show. Yeah, he's all about this and finding out your center and your boot, but a big. I mean, they buried that shit like Cosby's first allegations were very. I mean, he's got a public. His publicist knows what he's doing. But you better keep this shit quiet. Keep the internet. Yeah, Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah. Oh, no, this is, we found this before. We found this before. This is his, this is when he hosted the gala at, at, um, JFL and he doesn't, he, he says like a one line or written joke from the teleprompter and then brings on the, you know what I mean? It's not stand up. We got to find this. I don't think I bet he

probably, as people pull it down because we all know he's probably going to have some sort of major network special within six months. I can't believe he hasn't done one already, Evan, I got to be honest with you. You didn't, you didn't, you didn't, kids going special quick? 100%. He's probably rehearsing this like a monologue and they're gonna throw him up on one of these networks immediately Yeah, people are gonna watch it cuz he's famous. That's the craziest part. Yeah, is that a get together for all of you? Is that like a set-to-date? Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, that's a save the date I'll put that on my fridge to remind me of when it's happening. Piv live. Yeah, I'm not missing that You know, I want to be and I know if I go away from it, it'll ruin it for me.

Someone will ruin it for me. It'll be spoiled. What Christine? I know. Did you take the sea off the wall and put it back on up setting on backwards? No, yeah, I made it a J because everyone was teasing me on Legion of Skanks. So now to J when I'm in here to Jay, Jay Ocarus and genius. Thank you. No. You know, by the way, I like to get

to splice it together. The word Jay Ocarus and a genius from known to make it makes it Jay Ocarus and pause genius. It doesn't match. I just got my copy of that book in the mail. Did you? I got my, yeah, I didn't read it or anything, but I got my copy. Oh, the game of the old fucking Bubboots. I know, I know. I was kind of boy-cotted reading it, but the game of the old shaboy.

The game of the old shaboy. What are you gonna do? A piv. Nothing, Christine. No live piv. I think somebody's... Did you try googling it not just you tubing it because if you Google live piv and click videos Maybe I could daily motion or something, you know, I mean there is no fucking way nobody on earth has captured this man on video Or audio it's just he's got like Evan to say he's got people on this dude like like this is, this is, he's got this shit getting scrubbed, man. There's a leak. I find that more impressive that he's scrubbing than like Star Wars, Disney scrubbing

Star Wars off of YouTube. Right. That seems a lot easier of a job because like they have a fleet of people doing it. The PIV couldn't have more than like two or three confused young 30 year old or something else. Look, I'm just gonna say it. We got to go dark web. He's somewhere in the dark web. I guarantee it. Guys, look how comfortable he is on stage. Come on. Oh, yes. We've got it. No, it's not. It's it's it's him on an interview. Come on. Can I be him? Nope. This is the best day found was just this picture. Oh, that is comfortable. Yeah, comfortable.

You know, give me a little give me a little taste of the, what you call it? The cone. Give me a little taste. No, I want a little taste to him doing the thing from before. The um, oh, God yeah, the jay's look at this guy god damn it. Yeah, he is a he is a fucking flapjack of a dude We talked to two we were on a Pat and I were doing we'll see you in hell a couple weeks ago and I forget why Pat brought up Jeremy Pivin's name But he was talking about something he watched that Jeremy Pivin was in. Judgment. And yeah, it might have been judgment actually and he saw my eyes go like kind of drift

a little bit and he was talking and he goes, you know, it's anyway in the movie. Joe, you're thinking about him doing stand-up right now, aren't you? Absolutely. I'm sorry, I really get my gooch. Oh man, you have go back to the JFL one. I just want to taste. This is his comedy, his stand-up comedy career for sure. I look forward to seeing this again.

This wasn't the spark that got him in the comedy. He was. Yes it was. No, no, no, no, this was this was the big. This is when it started for sure. I was at JFL. Dude, I was at JFL this year and I, the year that this happened. And I remember going to a poolside drinks thing with Neil Brennan to hang out with Jeremy Pivot and Brian Callan and Brian and Neil were or Callan was there talking about how he was writing for Pivot. Like this is like when it started. This is still in 2008 I moved out here on a Virgin America plane that was an entourage advertisement. So also like the show, I think that was the final season too. So I think it was once the show was over.

I mean, you didn't do anything for years in all of the semi-sacomic. Yeah, you're right, but there was a fight. By the way, also right there, it says Brian Cowan Live Podcast number five from nine years ago, Jeremy Piven, Brian Redbane. Pretty funny, it's all right. That's a great grouping of people.

God, give me a taste of the PIV. Yeah, I wanna do it. I'm just a very, I'm a taste of the piv. You have to do it. I'm just a very sexual being. I'm very much in my body. Very much in my body. I'm very aware of my power source. I usually breathe through my power source, mostly. And you know, being around this many great comments. We have the real comments

I'm a charlatan to be honest with you like I know literally I'm gonna make my way through this I'm a pretty humble. I'm like a this is so I have a text message for my project I'm a humble Stayed actor from Chicago Oh My dick It's the bit that he's reading. I'm humble from his phone There he doesn't carry saying he's humble, but he's also just like busy with other shit Comedy it's he's already discussed. He's not not funny. He's a funny actor

Turn your microphone on. Piper down. Potter down, Lou. Lou, pot, her down. Potter down. What? Thank you. Thank you, Lou.

Thank you. With you. I, uh, that was crazy. You can turn it back up now. I like it when it's you. Me too. Evan is, Evan's is right. He's funny in movies.

Yeah, I'm not saying he's like, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, I'm like, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know could turn it back up now. I like him a few movies too. Evan is, Evan is right. He's funny in movies. Yeah, I'm not saying he's a good, you can be a funny person. I, look, I've been, if I fucking went on stage and did stand up to hard, be fucking horrible. I have no practice or reps in it. It's not, and it's like, I can be funny with my friends, you know,

so it's like, you can't just, I don't know why they think you can just get up on stage and be good at something that takes so much time and skill. I I would like to pitch something and I want to add it to the laundry list of bonfire events that have never been produced, but that I partake and then making up on the show. The times have been on. I want to do the the the staff of Bonfire Standup comedy show and it's gotta be everybody that doesn't do something. It's gotta be the lose. It's gotta be Jacob Christie. No, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We just can't we do the head. I wanna know what it happens. In fact, I think Joe, I think you may have, I think you may have just given us the idea for our first live show back. Whenever we're back, our first live show,

like, I mean, like, you know, with an audience, maybe, maybe it'd be a moon tower festival, something like that. Whatever it is, we have the staff, yeah, do five minutes sets each. Oh, please. We'll write them five minutes. Five minutes. Me, Dan, and

Jay will write them for you. But you are. I would. I would. I would. I would stand up. No, Jay, once I write his own at that five minutes. What Jacob? I would work so hard to be good. That would be awesome. I think that'd be great. That's the beauty of it. We'll see who does the work and who does it. I think it's a good idea. I think it's good.

Christine, Christine will be a little cocky about it in her head. Well, we do resources. We seem to get resources. We seem to get resources. We seem to get it shake, spirit. Okay we do got resources. Good at shake spear. Yeah. Okay. Oh, to have writers for you're saying. She's, Evans knows everybody in comedy.

She could secretly buy jokes. We'd never even know, dude. If she has ghost writers for her, I'll be appalled. I'll be appalled. Everything I, everything I'll say, I'll beat Christina. I say, I'll show up myself. Jay, will you ghost straight my whole set? No

I'm not gonna watch you massacre my humor You guys know each other too well It's not this matter, but I want to run premises by you like what do you think of this? We hope me? I think it's fair enough. We will make okay Christina me would end up in a I think it's fair enough. We will make Christina me would end up in arguments if I was going for her because I have to teach her how to act the way to say it that should just be naturally the way you'd say this thing. It would be awful.

It would be nothing all her fault. Either I'm saying, I'll have no patience with her. No, I have to explain to my ghost. No, you got to say, you know, breakfast cereal, not just cereal. She goes, sorry. I just keep saying cereal. I go, breakfast cereals, but making that part funny, you fucking asshole. It's like when you tried it, it's like when you show your friend Grand Theft Auto for the first time, you're like, no, go to the left. Damn it. Because we've gone over this several times now. Oh, be so funny if we did this and we didn't know who wrote for who and Evans came out on

the stage and just sat down at a stool. We were like, Jay, Jay wrote or whole thing. There would be missed opportunity if you didn't wear knuckle gloves though, Christine. I did a fast big J impression ever. Yeah, that would be. I'll be honest with you, Christine, I would submit to you telling jokes of mine that don't require you being me and the joke and watching those fault of shit. It'd be a fun experiment to show that it really is. You got to tell it all a certain way. All right. Well, here's what we could do. J gives material to Evans. I'll give material

to Jacob and Soder gives material to Lou. And so everybody's going to do, it's tested. It works. It works. Real comics have done it. And they have to just take that material and go out and do it in their own way, in their own voice, in their own interpretation. And then, yeah. And then also, and then black Lulew has to use a material from Hamburgers set on deaf jam. Right. Black Lulew's got tourgers set. Def James set. In fact, I'm going to switch. I'm going to switch this up. I think I should write for Witsky. I should give Witsky and me probably a line a little bit more. And Dan should give

soda or soda should give Jacob jokes. And I think and you give Evans jokes. And then we'll get and black lives. Yeah, it'll be it'll be hamburger, shucky duckie. Yeah, shucky duckie. And Michael Collier. Yeah. I went all big personality black comics. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I went black looter do all Gary Owens comedy. Yes.

That's it. It's getting to you all Gary Owens. Well, by the way, it's not a bad choice because this, first of all, Gary Owen's got funny jokes. So like we can tell one of those and get an actual good reaction. You know what I mean? Right. It's got to be, we don't want to set, you don't want to set them up to fail, but also getting

a little hamburger in there is pretty funny. But yeah, all Gary Owen's, Gary Gary owns getting divorced, huh? That's wild Really I didn't know that yeah from his black wife of so many years what the hell is he gonna say now on social media Now I was married to a black woman so I could say this now I mean he came out against Ari when he came out against Ari that was the funniest man. You're like you see What black people do? Well, it was like the dad that got shot in the beginning of deep cover That's why his wife left him

Like what the fuck are you doing you nuts? She should be humiliating. You see black people when you rise up against the stank ass That is the white man Look what the fuck are you talking about? Sew a trash eating honky mother Have a stick foot Wet dogs smelling ass with your fucking goofy high-five tight asses goofy high-five-tied asses Holy shit

Marty tear it up dude big old asses God hanging down out of your tank top have it ass you his whole thing. Oh God, God damn way ahead. What is it? To be a I'm ready to try. Try to be quiet. I respect for my kids, but I don't know who that is.

Has me on one this morning. So Claudia Jordan apparently. I know. Claudia Fox soul host that she accused her husband of being unfaithful with her so she should have put like post where she accuses her strange husband of being unfaithful but it was her inclusion of fox soul host and actress Claudia Jordan that confused the public um and what is she writing that's Claudia Jordan no that's her. That's why. Oh, yep. Body then.

Beautiful. This is her... This is Kenya's post that includes Claudia. Okay, try to be quiet. I respect for my kids, but Claudia Jordan has me on one this morning. 23 years together, Gary didn't have shit but a raggedy pickup and good credit. No place to live. Dallas, Texas Texas your old ass should have known better Married not separated married Gary Owen comedy all the energy you spent lying acting creating a fake narrative for these bitches

That want to be me you could have done it with a veggie burger and a glass of fake filtered water I'll be honest with you. Okay. That was all English and it read like gibberish. I have no idea It's one run on sentence that I don't understand at all so wait she's saying that that was it's her like yelling at her fucking boy her husband for cheating on her no I think she's saying Dallas Texas you made up a thick narrative of me and my husband being on the outs when it wasn't, it was this other woman talking about her husband. I think I think I love like that could be real. Yeah, I know, Jay.

You can have him, but you can't disrespect me and my kids in the process. Let her know a storm is coming. Oh, okay. So he was cheating. So Claudia Jordan, I guess commented on it. And then Dallas text is what she's calling the mistress. She's just referring to her as maybe the place she lives. I see.

So that's her nickname for the mistress. And she's saying, if you wanted to be me, you could have just had a veggie burger and water filtered water because that's what I eat or whatever I think, right? I don't think it's a confusing. Is that's it? That's the end of or whatever I think, right? I don't think. It's a confusing. That's it, that's the end of the story so far. I'm trying to say the part of the video, yeah, yo, when a black woman get angry, anything possible.

I've seen it firsthand. Yo, y'all talk about divorce. She's into dissection. This girl gonna murder me. I wish she go back to divorce. It got so cray cray Oh man, he does is He stinks to high shit every time I put on his comedy to show someone how much it sucks to dick though I end up laughing he's got funny he's got funny comics he's got some really good one tickles me every time you know trying to watch I watch this watch the trail you'll see a bunch of bullshit and they do all the fucking bullshit things where it's like him getting on the ground and jumping around and acting like silly and shit but then it's like it'll

play like a part of a joke and you're like, that was pretty funny. That was pretty funny. I know, it's upsetting. He's funny in a daddy daycare when he's dressed up like the pickle and these dancing and for other people and he's going, oh, oh, oh. That is why I'm telling you. He's like, yeah, he's funny. And I said, it's just his thing. He's like, blacks, he couldn't be wider.

And it's, he married a black woman and that just gave him some weird fucking pass in his life to be like, that's right. That thing with the R, he goes, God, I'm cool. I'm cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm cool. It don't matter to me goes, I'm cool. I'm cool. Yeah. Yeah. I'm cool. It don't matter to me, because I'm cool. It's like, why? You're married to a black woman. So there's nothing you

could do like shitty. So it's you couldn't. If you make a joke about black lives matter, something, it's okay. Because you're married to a black. It doesn't make any sense. He embodies. He embodies everything that we and like I cherish, I wouldn't be clear what I'm about to say. This is not me knocking where I came from, where the club I came from, the scene I came up, I cherish my time at the Lafayette. I'm proud of it. I made great friends. I sharpened my teeth. I had a great time. But there was a thing you had to fight against as a suburban white comic to not just pick up the bad habits of I'm in this kind of room. So I'm going to be somebody I'm not. And you were cognizant

of that current was and Rod and Mona and everybody respected us for doing that for being ourself. I actually, but I and Pandard, I pandored far more than maybe. Pandard in the beginning too. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Yeah, I definitely grew out of it, but I mean, I definitely did it in the beginning and did the thing. But when it was, I would see other people, I'd see like white guys go up there, like with everything, just like the hat cock to the side, like fucking, you know, like, you know, get on stage and be like, yo, yo, yo, ma, what's up? I'll give it up for the sisters in

this, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, adopt a whole thing. I go, oh, they look silly to me. Even though it's like, it would work. It's because the crowd hasn't been like made aware yet. And it's like, that person's actually mocking what he believes you are. Right. Exactly.

And then there were the guy, the Roger Rods of the world that would go up and just be like, it's so funny that I'm so corny and white and whatever. And like, my point is, like like you said you grow out of it and he just leaned into it and made it a full-time gig and that's that's the resentment always had towards him as a comic it's like do i think you're funny i just think you're fake i think you're doing this you i think you're doing a character it's a character i just i character comedy doesn't see a black

person get a government check You ever touch a black woman's hair when she in a pool? Hell no. Yeah. I'm divorcing a black woman. People talk about a divorce contract. It's more like a murder contract on my life. Woo-hoo. She taking everything the house.

She taking my backhand and making new wigs Huh y'all married to a black one of these straight man M wigs don't they don't they be though don't they be though Oh Holy shit. Yeah, it's, it, it, but there's a lot of guys like that though, dude, where it's you want to, you want to fully hate them, but then they're like, God damn it, he's funny. I know. Oh, yeah, for sure. Well, that it, though.

You're always like, what the fuck are they doing? They're thinking you're like, Oh, God damn it. That is funny. So, bitch. What's that? Who was the other one? We got a different other one. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a same, I'm a, I'm a, say, I'm a, I'm we got a deal with other ones. I'm a man I'm a same by the gates person. It's a dear friend of lose

I thought Sebastian's thing from like just description and little years and theirs I thought was gonna be I'm gonna hate the stupid fucking Degoy character and it's gonna be lame to me And I've never watched Sebastian. I mean especially a specials. I was on oddball with him. He fucking makes me laugh. And he's really funny. He's really funny. Like, he's really, really funny. And so it's like, yeah, completely. So he's a person like that where I was like,

you're supposed to go like, oh, there's dumb scoongi with his goddamn dumb. And then you're like, and then you just watch like five minutes of him and you're like, god damn, he's good. He's really funny. Yeah, you're gonna eat the biscuit out of the bag. You're gonna use butter from the trash can. Why would you do that? I Jesus So Vagron

I can't I can't even Oh dude, I mean honestly a great example On paper dices a guy that you shouldn't think is funny, right? Yeah, he's a guy you should think is funny, but he can quickly she rocks me to my soul He's a guy you should think is funny, but he can quickly she rocks me to my soul Damn it. I don't even feel like like a younger person. It's like oh dude dice clay and they're like you know No, I know I know I know but I don't know what it is It's gonna go save five dice things like oh come on dude. I don't know it makes me laugh I like deeply I have a deep deep love and think Kathy Griffin's hilarious and

Damn it blue My clue Potter down I Have it I hear you though. She's she's another one that I want to hate with all my body and then she'll say something like I have fuck that's kind of funny. Yeah, I hate you special was classic. Yeah, her first one was her half hour was fucking great. Yeah, her thing on with stupid with a Bill Clinton, maybe laugh really hard. I remember that very good. But Kathy gripping out of him if she's like, why she became hated after she was already popped.

Nobody in comedy talks. Go to buy. I've been in this business for 10 years. I never hear because she's not around a scene of conqueror her because she's not around a scene of comedy because you're her because she's not around a scene of comedy she just does comedy to her own fans do you know I mean right no one's nobody's like uh I did I'm really into like uh Kill Tony guys and Kathy Griffin you know I mean we're just not like right well that's why I love like looking at Joan River's Kathy Griffin you see

like I don't know Corinne and Christina are two girls that I really feel like didn't give a fuck really about the scene And kind of just went forward with their own thing and it worked out for them. So I'm like, I don't know maybe it's a completely care about what they're seeing They didn't in the beginning they kind of went They just don't do that they got a bit Lou Potter down We can't we lose the Rosa

Shit Potter down We can't we lose the Rosa. Oh shit You got them on the same thing you got these fucks of the same thing We're hanging out with Joe de Rosa taste buds is this podcast he does with Savo cano It's absolutely fucking hilarious make sure you check that out Yeah, you tube on the no-press network channel on YouTube every Monday at 11 a.m. Hell yeah, it's the bonfire. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire. New episodes, every Tuesday through Friday mornings

and full shows, always on SiriusXM.