The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Born A Ten Died A One

Episode Date: August 15, 2025

Jay revisits songs that explain the whole movie they were written for. | Rammstein has actual sex in their music videos and Bob wants to incorporate the explicit nature of the videos into Skankfest 2025. | Sylvester Stallone's movie "Over The Top" is absurd in many ways including his weird relationship with his son. | Pete Davidson's pregnant girlfriend is gorgeous and probably has a great attitude about life. | Bobby's crush on Kelly Clarkson continues as he compares her old look to her current one. | Bob asks his new A.I. girlfriend to explain sports to him. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. In a pet cemetery. I mean, say the songs about the movie you wrote it for without saying it. This wouldn't big reference in anything else. I don't want to be buried in a pet cemetery. I don't want to live my life again. Yeah, they just got the movie fucking lines. What's the movie about?

Got it. The song's done. What's the movie about? Oh, is it? I'd say it's a little misleading, though, the line, I don't want to live my life again. It's not what's happening. Your body's coming out, possessed by some kind of weird, freaky Indian ghost. Yeah, but you're living.

You're living again. But you're not living your life again. It's not starting over and living your life. You don't know because... Your new life is a cannibal monster. They never made it past the point he could have killed everybody and then started farming again or starting maybe, you know... Getting to some agriculture? A little agri-

Yeah, look, I guess it's possible. Maybe getting into a little, you know what I mean? Maybe he's some horticulture. Yeah, maybe he just, he never got a shot, that little guy. Yeah, they did take him out pretty quick. But if you remember, Jeb tells the story of the one they let kick it for a while. And if you watch, they did another movie called Pet Semetery Bloodlines that tells the story of that guy, the one he tells the story about when he was younger, that the guy buried his son there,

when he got back from the war and then he came back and he wasn't right but in that movie they made him a little more civilized even though he was like turning evil but he was more civilized

it wasn't quite the if you remember in the original Stephen King well I don't remember who made it but the original movie right away remember he was like a cannibal monster just eating cats and shit yeah they flipped it up

but apparently the book holds more to he was like not a monster he was just like evil little fucked up yeah right which he could have went on and did some farming he could have lived his life again could have lived his life again I guess the long story short of it is he could have

in fact lived his life again right he chose not to maybe the Ramones went by the book instead of the movie you know what I mean you're faithful to the book sorry guys I'll write the song for the movie but I'm not watching it I stayed at the book you know it's funny you know it's funny

He wrote a song about The Shining, and they go, I can't believe the hotel blows up at the end. No, no, no, no, no. That doesn't happen in the movie. That's funny. My 80s had the best songs of using the name of the movie. Someone's phone going off? It's not mine.

That's my sister again. My bad. You okay? Yeah, yeah. What's you doing? She called me for 10 years straight. Right when we start. the show. What's you doing? What's up to?

She's down in Florida. I love that he throws his sister right out of the bus. I know. God damn. She's not going to go fuck about the show. Yeah. It's not that you didn't turn your phone off. I text her back. I'm on the air for the last 10 years. That's what I mean. Is it a lack of respect for you, us? Maybe she...

The fact that we work with a black gentleman? Did you... The fact we let a woman in the workplace? Did you bury in a pet cemetery and she's just not right? Oh, is this actually her living her life again? I'm a chick-up sister And stuff Then I go bury her in the mud

And then she comes back to life I'm fucking sis Get out of my fucking room Change doesn't want to be buried In a pet sabbatory my favorite and then by the way what's the name

romstein remade this unnecessarily this song doesn't need to be remade made the song they read did the song romstein read it wow that's interesting

I'd like to see that those fucking maniacs yeah I mean remember you said a full pornographic video music video full penetration no what was that

he was them fucking their chicks and shit it's wild where do you see that what do you put that out in Germany purely porn sites and

and not YouTube, for sure, off internet. I mean, off... The dark web. Are you on the dark web again? Not dark web, but the uncensored version, yeah? Here we go. Yeah, that's right. The song's called pussy, but they, uh, I'm pretty sure this gets to, like, full-blown,

full penetration pornography. That's a show on her bum-bum. She's in a sexy, that's her thing. Yeah, there's her pussy. That's a cootie. She's eating a sausage. Sausage. Pussy on duty.

I want to get that from my house. Pussy on duty? Yeah. I like that. Put it on the door. I'm going to say duty on pussy, but D-O-O-D-Y. Then go shit on D'A's pussy. Duty on pussy.

Wow, they're really just going at it. I'm pretty sure they fuck. I might be wrong. It's all right. That guy's wearing a wig. He's traning out. I don't even know if this is the actual... This isn't even video I'm thinking of.

They did another video that's pornographic, I think. Oh, he's going down on her. She's... This is pretty wild. Well, dude. Wow. Germans play by their own set of rules. They really always have.

They don't have a sense of humor, but they have a great sense of pornography. They really do. Yeah, look at it. Fingers in her pussy. Mm-hmm. With the old camera. But this is even the one. What's the one where the band has actual sex?

Look up what that video is. Because this is the one I remember. The one I remember is a little more like bright colors and cartoony. Jeremy. And the band's all naked. They really lost their shine. We really took it out of them, do it? Just a bunch of weirdos making stupid, crazy porn videos.

Look, girls are sucking the guy's dicks. Whoa, was that a piece? Ah, that's actually, that's a real ding-dong. That's not a Rob Kelly Lewis J. Goma's fucking video. And that's the lead singer. It's got a nice piece. It's got a night. They really are.

Man, it's so funny. I don't. Good-looking people. Good-looking vaginas. Isn't it funny? I don't believe this is a video I'm thinking of. Maybe it is. It's got to be.

They're banging. I mean, they're literally banging. I thought it was a little more like, like, sound. stagey looking That's crazy They're having fucking sex Yeah but now The way I'm looking

The one guy has tits That I'm wondering if it's all AI Did they have I don't think they had AI back then Well when do you think this was 1999 Nope 2001

No 2020 I'm gonna go as far To say the 2010s perhaps That they didn't have AI then That was real insertion They didn't have AI back They do have Photoshop and shit though

Yeah but you can't Photoshop a thing going in and out of a pussy. Is there another song Christine that might have this? I'm looking for it, but it's all coming up this video. You know, you might have been right about Ozzy going to Switzerland.

There's a whole thing online because in... Is that where he died? No, they don't, they don't, they don't they're only saying anything about how he died, where he died. They're saying he died around family and friends and very happy and peaceful. But in Sharon's memoirs back in the day,

she said that if it comes down to it where one of us or both of us are too sick with a disease that's fucking us up and not letting us live our lives we're going to Switzerland and we're doing assisted suicide it's in her memoirs so it's kind of weird everybody's spinning around

about maybe maybe that's what they did because the timing is nuts that he did the coming is crazy and he also said apparently a thing or he's been living in extreme like pain and discomfort for five years. Yeah.

Yeah, the surgeries that fucked up more. So he's like... Yeah, there was a thing. I don't know if it was AI, but he was given like a little speech. Is that what you're talking about? He's like, I did the concert and I barely could do it.

And the pain, I didn't take my medication for weeks so that I could... I could sing the songs and it made me feel bad. I know, I didn't hear that. It was a great Aussie, by the way. It's a fantastic Oscar. I didn't even know I could do it. Did you see me sink into it?

I was just listening to it. I mean Ozzy another question yes Jay what is it Jay you're right on the button I commit a suicide Christine is this the only time

we get to see Romstein fuck I guess I'm trying to vamp with the Ozzy stuff to give her a shot man yeah it might be me I might be the one wrong about this one

I mean you said that they fucked and we shot a video of them fucking I mean you can't get more on the nose than the song With her finding what I said The band and them fucking She nailed it

I know She dismounted Put her hands up Didn't even fall off Pretty quickly for an older lady I mean Wow She's not old yet

Monday Monday though Monday This show is gonna suffer This show is gonna fuck her Monday we're gonna be She's gonna be hot All the good hot flash

We're gonna have to rub stuff on her knuckles So she can type Oh I'm gonna have a house full of Witch Hazel now Yeah we're gonna have to I could have a hair dyer on, like, staff. Sure.

Her roots don't come out. God, dear. She's going to turn to a bag of bones on Monday. Monday morning, she's going to look different. Jowls. Jowls. Hey, honey. Jay, can you help me with my boostier?

Tie me up on the back. That's my Jason down there. I can't get my shoes on. I'm going to have to wear flats. He brings me breakfast in bed because my sciatica is at. My sciatica's out of it. Where's my tux, Jason? My roids are popping up, and I don't.

I want to enjoy the ride to the city today. I'm going to have to make sure Christine's regular every day. Are you regular? You have to drink it, honey. I don't like it. I know, but you have to. You need the calories. You need to keep your strength up.

I'd rather poo once a month and die than drink this shit. Christine, what are you going to start to do about your brittle bones? I don't have brittle bones. You are in a couple days. It's so funny. Is this what you're thinking of? No, I don't think this is it either. I think I remember that name of.

bunch of guys I mean yeah man this band is so interesting what are you asking what's what's with them jacob the guys aren't afraid of the human body yeah and they're all they're all pretty shredded I guess I mean the lead singer the lead singer is yoked he's yoked he's teed out he's doing he's doing some type of stacks well this is this is years ago he's part of game day oh dude this is like the party's at uh jimmy fox's house right everyone's naked playing in a room together but it's all guys it happens to be all guys after naked day basketball they put the sprinklers on they just run around let romstein go to work

I wish I had hair he has a backward a reverse Mohawk such a cool fucking thing they go win or lose guys everyone's getting naked in the showers I guess it was that one we watched they're all having sex the one having sex

to that song you just remembered it differently you remember it differently because you watched that you jerked off to the gay one but you watched you remember the other one look up music videos that have full penetration sex just just a list of that okay this is a list of their this one they're saying when the guys gets a blowjob but I can't find it off YouTube okay what are the other names of the songs fine see one this is just Romstein like offensive videos I'll look up

Christine might be stripped might be stripped see if Michael Jackson has any sex videos from on his videos like we out of the world something like that see if he's getting it's not stripped it's not stripped no I can already see where that's from maybe it's that snow white no keep going these are just guys that's a gay one fucking yeah this is just

I mean it's not enough fun band they're live I don't know I mean they look fun oh they're fun with all the flames and mad mac shit it's great yeah I think they're naked in this too but you can't understand their songs it's the gay one christine um

Germans are fucking weird man in this Video Romstein videos is just guys crawling on all floors across the street. They came out on state. One year for their tour, they did that. They had like a lady dressed up like a Nazi, like, SS thing. And they did that over a bridge across the whole stadium walking, with them being walked like dogs. Like they're all like dogs. It's pretty dope.

I mean, it's a great visual. Awesome fucking visual, yeah. I mean, it's psychotic. And if you don't like their music, you're really not going to get down. on it i like their music don't love it i mean it's it's pretty rocking but you can't understand it's all the same thing over there's scub well if you watch the billy joel documentary it's not about what they're saying it's about the sound the melody it's about the sound man listen to bruce springsteen and billy joe go i was more about the i was more about the son

he was more about the melody yeah there's the death march there's with the girl walking I never like Bruce Springsteen I like Billy Joe's good I like he's all about the memory I didn't I wasn't going to die I killed myself because Sharon wouldn't stop listening to Bruce Springsteen I remember the first time

I remember the first time me and Susie went down listen to Billy heard him play in the park down in Asbury he was in our part of town this band is fucking nuts I mean how do they not get in trouble

They have been in lots of trouble many times How did American bands get in trouble for stupid shit? No, they've been in lots of trouble At one point they were like I think they couldn't come back to America for a while Then one guy wouldn't come back because of 9-11 I mean they're just eating intestines on a black chick Yeah

Which is weird to describe That's okay and that's actually okay in Germany Oh is it? It's like a restaurant? Yeah It's a boutique restaurant It's like eating quail It's the quail of people Remember when Elvis got in trouble for shaking his hips on TV?

I know. I know. He's like to imagine if he just would have lived long enough, he could have gotten his dick sucked and fucked some pussy. Kirstein, can you go? Two things I'm going to look up. Is the sex in that video real? And in two other videos that have full penetrative sex.

Thank you. Can I just say the total opposite of Romstein since we'll call back to them? Areo Speedwagon? No. Oh. Music videos, bands that say the name of the movie. Air supply. I don't remember the name of the band, but the lethal weapon movie.

I forgot the name of the band, but the guy sings, You're just a lethal weapon. Nice. It's such a bad video. Oh, that is fucking. They're such dorks. They're just on a... What's another?

There's a couple of movies. Really, I mean, Weird Science is pretty on the nose. Weird Science. Good song, though. I do like Weird Science. Word science is a good song, but they are on the nose. It's a, we all know, it's a long road when you're sliced alone. Yeah.

It's a long road. What is that, what is that from? The end of Rambo. Yeah. It's a long road when you're Frankston. Isn't it a song from Over the Top? Meet Me Halfway. Time to take you over the time.

Oh, he does have an actual theme song. Yeah, Amy Hagar sings over the top. I know there's Meet Me Halfway by Kenny Loggins. That's actually a good song. Pretty good. I mean, that gets you, if that doesn't get you pumped up when you're working out. Well, it makes you think about you and your boy going cross-country doing this with a weird arm wrestling machine you have. Why was this such sexual tension between him and his son?

Because you felt that. I think that was an internal thing with you. It was a confusing time for you. It was weird. You know, it was a weird relationship between them. It was like the moments that they had were uncomfortable to watch. Well, it's the last thing you had. And the music, the soundbed was uncomfortable.

too it's the late it does sound like you about start kissing constantly yeah but this is uh i think it was it was so i'm not it's not me the wife died young of disease yeah the mom died young of a disease and that that kid is still how do i say this gorgeous hairless and beautiful yeah there you go and uh with the body of a very feminine body so maybe and he didn't know his kid very well because the grandpa took guys will you bear with me on this we're with you dude he just listen let it out jay Black Lou Ear Muffet. You don't need to hear this kind of white shit. Let it out.

Jay, it's okay. We're here. Jay. He was picturing his wife and he was having sex with his son. I think that was the underlying theme of the movie. Oh. That's right.

Because their relationship is, as the movie will tell you, over the top. You think that's about a fucking arm wrestling movie? It's not. Okay. It makes sense. It makes sense now. He goes, he goes, I love my son.

And he goes, I know, but the way you're showing, it's a little over the top. Why? I keep saying that to me. Is it because of my thumb thing I do? Did he have to do the arm wrestling to get out the sexual attention so I didn't have sex with his kid? Absolutely.

Is that what that was? I got to go wrestle right now. Looking over a bull hurly shoulder and you see your little boy give you a wink and a kiss. That's why I do right over there. Trying to get a bigger truck so we can stretch out when we do it. We can lie together on the park. Right now we go to sleep in the front.

Your mom was always a little spoon. the whole movie that's right the plot was he needs the money he wins the arm wrestling contest so he can buy an advanced truck right looks very dated not a home for his son no the winner of the

to get the truck right yeah yeah but he doesn't want to he wasn't he wasn't hoping to get together so we can buy a home for a son he's going to continue trucking an arm wrestling so what is your military kids somebody's not at military school by the way that's getting cut off loge is not throwing

down fucking 40, 50 A 50K a fucking year on a military school for your son who's gaying off with his dad at truck stop. They're going to, hey, no, don't have a life with your rich grandfather. Come live truck stop to truck stop with your father. Come take a shower with me at a gas station. Yeah. Hey, watch me make meth addicts angry when I take their money. You ever have a lot lizard, son?

You're about to. Do you ever get a $5 blow job and a bag of gummies? He goes, Dad, they don't know. have teeth he goes you say that like it's a bad thing that's what makes it good it's so funny too because in those movies they in that era anytime somebody was really strong the other person's nose would bleed that's how you knew the other person was stronger because it'd be a little blood coming down and they'd have to check it yeah my nose this guy's strong blood my nose blood Now, furious.

Yeah. Even a Superman or somebody would just get one little lip bust. Yeah, right? Right there. Whoa. Whoa. Christine, you have some news for us? Yes.

So, pussy, 100% real sex. They were going to use, somebody had just bought this. Christine, do you want my glasses? Do you know my glasses? I'm fine. Okay, I'm just wondering. I'm just trying to help. Somebody.

It's just that you're hunched over. Is that just the way your spine's going now? Christine, I got them right here. These are like a two and a half. I can't see through those. You're blind. Okay, well, maybe Monday. Do you want to do dumb bitch glasses, like Heidi Kloom where she does this with her hands and believes does something?

There you go. There we go. No, no, Christine, those were glasses. They're supposed to be innocuous. Fists, fists. Thank you. Dumb bitch glasses. Yeah, that's what Heidi Kloom does.

In America's Got Talent, when she tried to see someone on stage, she starts going like this. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't change anything. She's weird. Don't boots, glasses, I should. I wonder if she's ever read that in a comment. That'd be fucking hilarious. Go ahead.

They were going to try to use 70 porn, like, archival stuff, and there's too much red tape, so the director just suggested they'd shoot footage themselves, and they were, like, super excited about it, and they shot it out a real brothel. Guys, we should do that. Just prostitutes. Yep, and they got...

They said they got, like, you know, girls in the business. So it wasn't... I think they got, like, corn chicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, they released it on Pornhub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I said. It came out on porn.

Guys. Skankfest show? Yeah, I know. I like it. We just fuck. Fucking Romstein. How great is though Romstein in their 30s or early 40s had the idea? It's like, well, no, I think it's a good artistic vision we have to do the thing.

So, yeah. Play the game. It's going to be Jay and Bob's late night sex, sex tacular. Yeah. Um, there might be some stand-up. or we'll show some videos or mostly it's gonna be like a fuck-suck sesh we'll play the bonfire new

theme song we'll come out fuck into that oh it'll be a bunch of it we'll pick yeah we'll pick the new theme song by playing them in a room while women service us yeah and whoever we

now we're probably gonna have to blast a few times there you have to recover and blast again but whenever the one is where we blast together we'll know that's the song and we know Jacob's gonna have sex with butterly shame

And so that's going to be a hot scene. Do you mind if we film those guys Whaling your asshole for my new only fans? Jacob loves guys. Oh, I sure do. That's hot. Can I suggest Christine hold us on leashes?

Yeah. We have to crawl to the stage. I will 100% walk you guys out on leashes. Yeah, I'll do it. I know you'd be into that. I'll do it. Get some glasses, though, so you don't fucking trip. Oh, I'll get an outfit.

You get an outfit? You mean get one. You mean take it out of the closet? Get a cane also so you don't fall over. Why don't we get to one of those little scooters? I know. Christine, I don't know what to get you for your birthday. You want a jazzy?

I mean, you think I'm going to say no to it. We could ride it up and down the street. I love a jazzy. It's very slow. You were talking about yesterday getting scooters. Yeah. From going from the parking garage to serious. Yeah.

Yeah. It'd be pretty dope. I'd be pretty dope. shoes the what the wheelie shoes oh you see those those are cool i almost bought those i pulled back from the 90s no they have new ones they're back they have new ones yeah they have ones they have ones they have they have ones that are um you put them on your shoes and they're electric and they make you they make you go they make you walk faster does that make sense no okay so you know when you walk on a people mover like in the airport moving sidewalk yes yeah the moving side with people whatever they're right so you get on

And you're, you know, you're walking, but you're faster than the people walking, walking. They have those for your feet. So they made, like, little, um, put them on your shoes. Like conveyor, but like, uh, the wheels roll. Treadmill? It's like a little treadmill on your feet. So as you're walking, you're walking faster than everybody else. It's bad shit.

It's awesome. I don't think it is. I love it. If you walk a lot. Yeah, what if you have to stop suddenly and the thing just flings you forward? That's the thing I didn't look into. but it might like when you get off the people move over you just keep you you get stopped short and you fuck everybody up but no I would uh I was very close to buying them no there was a point

where I was like I'm gonna walk you know when you have those moments I'm gonna walk from now on I'm gonna walk from 14th to the bonfire I was like I'll get and then I saw these I was like these are perfect I'll just fly by everybody you can easily walk from 14th to the bonfire on a beautiful cool breezy nice day yes never do the issue yeah the issue is it is a little fun when it's chilly when it's fucking whatever remember if you have people movers on your feet yeah those would be cool yeah that would definitely be called a people mover that wouldn't be a moving sidewalk these are the healy's they're back yeah healy's are back the Reebok healy those are nice um ooh no that's a

pretty fat wheel man I like the new healy I won't do it let's do it I can't I'll eat shit now you won't we'll learn to do it at your house first we only make them for children give me the hello kitty ones Do they have those in a 14-wide? Ooh, they have the light-up souls. I like those. I don't mind that. I don't mind.

Oh, look at the flame ones, dude. I'll take some light-up souls in a heartbeat. Christine, we're jumping all over the place. Oh, glow of the dark skulls. Did you ever find a list of videos? No, I'm finding videos. I said, like, which videos use real porn, which shows sexual intercourse, and it's not... Nothing.

Just that one. Well, I have this list here, but I'm not seeing anything about real sex. Justify My Love is dirty Yeah Blurred lines has nudity So they do a lot of covers Oh Romstein?

Yeah No I don't think so Oh this Oh it's just justify my love This isn't Romstein This is just I asked for any video That had full penetration sex

But also to go back One of the worst Of a movie Getting said in the name Also because it means nothing The sentence means nothing But in the middle of a really awesome Duran Duran song

He goes it's a view to a kill what a lot of the James Bond ones do that they hit it right on the fucking head Gold finger Gold finger I think Adele's was all right Adele's was a good one

What happened to that fat bitch Where does she go? She got skinny She got skinny and no one cared All her black male fans went away Fat women turned on her Who did? Fat women

Yeah Because first she got skinny She got skinny Oh, she was skinny, but she wasn't skinny. No, she got, like, thin. Did she get, like, Sharon Osborne thin? What did she just get thin, like skinny? She's thin, though.

There's a weight limit at this party. She's going to get fat again, guys. And Adele wanted to go to the party. She's going to, ooh, she looks good. She'll absolutely get fat again. She does look good thin, though. Here's the thing. She looks good, but I also, I can see in her face that she's going to talk like this,

and blah, blah, blah, blah. I hate that She talks fat Yeah her fucking ye old voice Yeah she talks like she's eating a fucking pie I know but it's like yeah exactly Yeah Like a hearty stew

Yeah She has talking shit over a A wooden spoon full of hearty stew She talks like Monty Python I need a bucket I don't want to say it was I need a bucket I'm gonna show up

There's an hourglass figure now Yeah She still talks like Mancels and Gretel witch She looks good You know who's looking smoking. Kelly Clarkson. She's on tour.

Yeah. And they showed her butt. Shut up, Nick Jacob. Leave me alone. No way. She showed her ass? They showed her butt. She had like a skin tight thing on and they showed her butt for a second.

It looked good. Let me get a taste. She, you know, she always covers it up. Christine, get this fucking, get this rhinoceros off my screen. Yeah. Adele. What's wrong with you? Yeah, get this pudding-eating bitch off our screen.

Yeah. Yeah, get this blood sausage for breakfast fucking psycho out of here. This rainy day fat fuck out of our face. I'm funny, still look a fat girl. Bitch got rich and bought a dragon. She lives in Jimmy Carr's Castle Wing. Did you ever see when she did the thing where they were auditioning for Adele lookalikes? And she put a nose on and they, she did on makeup and she was backstage with all the girls.

All fat people. And then she, yeah, they're all fat girls. And then she came out and sang, and all the girls were like, it sounds just like her. And then they figured, like, what are the babies? It was pretty good. Christine, stop making me look at this fucking pig. Oh, God.

Bobby, which performance? Do it, is it just? We just want to see her ass. They just showed her bum. Kelly Clarkson's ass, image church. It was the 23rd performance of the, I don't know. I don't know what performance it was. I just want you to know something.

Yeah. I thought you were going to know. You did? When you started saying that, I was like, I bet this guy falls a boy of a psycho. I do. This guy's a psycho. You ever have, like, have a girl crush on a, like, somebody who's famous, whatever, quote-unquote.

But then you find out she's a lesbian and you get bummed out. Hmm. By the time Kristen St. Stewart went lesbian. She was already dykey. Like she lost what I gave a shit about her looks at that point. Because she went kind of dykey looking before she announced everything. Right.

But in those fucking Twilight movies. So beautiful. Hot. Cudy. Anybody else? A girl person is lesbian? There was a time of my life where I could have been convinced that Ellen DeGeneres was cute. When?

When? the comic that I'd see on TV like on like easing the improv and shit and she wasn't I know she wasn't but like I almost saw like a pretty fair I don't know what somebody was I didn't think I thought what's her face uh Margaret Cho no that young Margaret Cho did a half hour special wearing like a like a you know Asian school girl outfit and uh she looked pretty great I thought Janine Garavalo back in the day she was a cutie little rug rat I got to tell Janine It was a, I don't know if she wanted to hear it, but what a crush I had on her masturbation scene

and truth about cats and dogs. I found her so cute. Oh, I didn't see that. Yeah, yeah. She reaches down her panties and gives herself a little bean flickeroom. The garroff. It was on her thing.

It was on her thing. They just show her, she was wearing pants, like no dress. Because she always covers it. She always has a skirt or something covering her lower half. She was in pants, like little shimmering pants. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Maybe they show it there.

All right. Can I tell you something, Bobby? What? Yep. It looks good, man. For Kelly? For Kelly. Listen, she looks really good. But something about those pants. Front butt. Jacob.

Fuck you, Jacob. You know what I mean? It's the pants. Why don't you stop? You don't have to say it. You don't have to say everything. You were thinking it. I was not thinking it.

You said it in your mind. I did not say it in my mind. Yes, you did, Bobby. What? Jay. You're being a little blinded here because I, fat guy whole life, I'm telling you, what I don't like about the way that looks particularly.

I don't love it. It looks like she had to like take the skin where fat used to be and origami it into something that will be laid down and have no seams. It's an unnatural change in her body shape. What we do every day before we leave the house? Absolutely. Absolutely what I do every day.

All right, scroll down, scroll down. I'm not throwing, I'm not fucking shooting arrows that I don't shoot right back of myself. Look at her right there. Look at it right there. Look at it right there. Yeah, that's the same. since you've gone, Kelly Clark.

I know, but she's so cute back then. Oh, I'd love to kiss her little whiskey. I think she's actually cuter now. Look, oh, can you play that? Can I hear it? But, and, yeah. Dirty little Kelly, showing her side tit. I'm going to get fat.

Stop. Stop. Rosemary and time. I love. ham i love ham and i'll take extra cheese on that and some sauce the sauce we're we still calling her fat here i think i feel like she was always called fat she's been give me a scone and a latte to wash it down this is my pre-desert dessert dessert And some rice and some pasta.

I haven't eaten since yesterday. She's a cutie. She was always fat. Yeah, they always gave her shit. But she's like not fat there at all. No, no. She lost weight to do the movie. They made her go on some crazy diet.

And then when she did this tour, she lost weight. But then she got chubby again. But now she's back, baby. She's back. Was that a Miranda Singh thing up there? Is that her name up a little higher? Oh, man. Right there, is that?

Who is that? Oh, no, it's not her. Whatever happened to that chick, Miranda Singh? She got disgraced and fell off the face of the earth. Dude, we're so close to having Kelly on this show. You think so? I feel it. How many more pounds?

No, stop. No, I mean, me and you. How many? We have to get to get down. No, we want to stay here. She must have feel safe. She's got, okay. She shouldn't be, she shouldn't be in.

Okay, the thing I saw her in was not this. It was more like a, like a, like, sparkly, sequenced outfit dude this body at my if I was a single man and Kelly Clarkson forget her money and fame that bill that body came up

and was interested in me and that face I'm right in okay it's got nothing I'm just saying she really did she dropped all the weight and no matter what you're just you're going to be fucked if you had that body she has kids she has kids huh she had kids

when you have kids it fucks up your body It's hard to get it back Look at her though Look at the eyes look at Oh she's so passionate What You don't see it? You don't see it

You went somewhere Bobby I did She's just got passion I mean She's singing right to him I mean how many singers sing With passion every time That's the way I like to tell my jokes

With passion With passion every time With a Kelly I'm gonna get you What would Kelly do A bracelet Braclet Yeah

Give me a necklace I don't want WWKD. I went it near my heart. We're so close to getting her. I am talking to Michael Chey. I went through Rosebud, and then I went directly to Che.

I had to back off. Che was like, all right, Bobby, relax. But I'm... Doesn't it hurt when someone you still deem as like a 22-year-old says that to you? As long as you're doing comedy, it's funny, Che, like, Che surpassed me in this business 12 times over.

But I remember him just being, like, a new comic, like, when you were already established to some degree. So it is funny when someone that was like at one point where you were like, yeah, kid, all right, relax. Now is to go, chill out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll chill. No, no, no.

I deserved it. I was leaning over in his face at the cellar going, I'm serious. I want you to get Kelly Clarkson on the bonfire. He's like, yo, Bobby, you got to relax, man. You're in my face. I was like, okay, I'm a little too crazy. Bobby, see, she winked again?

Go to the end of that. Oh, whoa, whoa, go back a couple of seconds. Is that a new wink? It's a new wink. Oh, no. Oh! Oh, if that doesn't fucking do something to you, you're dead inside. Can I tell you why it doesn't on this one, particularly?

Shut up. Can I please? Are you nuts? Okay, I won't say that. You can say it. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I don't want to.

I don't want to. Why? You're not going to ruin it for me. Promise? Promise. The wink doesn't hold the same power because the terrible lighting they chose for this performance really showcases her. She got four headlines.

I want you to tell you this. Watch the wink. And then look at, wait, look at the smile. I can't. Oh, what a doll. I can't, I'm getting lost in her forehead lines. Oh, come on. I don't care.

She's there. Shut up, Jacob. Shut the fuck up. Go to the other quink. Without the team, it's a whole different person in the morning. Yeah, so are you. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, tell me you don't, Jacob especially. Not really.

You know what you're right. You're the same fucking mush face every day. Jacob, support me on this. This particular, this wink right here holds a lot more weight because they made sure those fucking, that forehead was doing all right. Yeah. So it's 20 years younger here. Hang on.

Oh, I want a fucking hugger. Yeah, I'm telling you. I told you I had a real dream that we were just hanging out, like, on the couch with our dogs. In Tompkins Square Park? No, no, no. That's, that's, that'll bring, please don't remember. Do not. That's for a tomorrow, first of all.

Do not bring that out. I don't, shut up. It's a tease for a time. Don't bring that up. How are you doing with your relationship, by the way? It's getting there. That music immediately gives me a chubby. I got you, Robert.

No butt stuff this time. I was home alone last night. And the funniest thing I started laughing when Christine went, what? When she said. Now flip over. I'm spread your ass real wide and get in there. Christine went, what?

This bitch ratting me out. She remembers everything. Oh, my Lord. Oh, God damn it. None of these videos are recognizable to me, at least. What is this? What is all of it? Ones that have, like, uh...

Sex? Sex in the videos, but yeah, I don't know what he used it all. I sing side to side, but there's not sex in that. No, this is just sex to a song. You know what I mean? But it's not the person. No, no, no. Oh, my God, she has jizz on her face.

Is it jizzing her? Well, that's splicing it in. Somebody spliced it in. I was like, is that the music video? That's crazy. Someone's splicing it in. Who is this? Ariana Grande.

Oriani Grandi. Was that her with jizz on her face? Oh, my God. Oh, this is back before, uh, I don't know if her body shrunk and head grew or if it all shrunk, but the body shrunk more. But this isn't her. Oh, that's not her. No, it is.

That's not her. That's not her. That's her ass is too big. That's Pete Davis. That's a woman. Pete Davison. Yeah, they did one video together only. I leaked it.

I leaked it. He's like she's just singing, girls getting fucked. His video, it's her video when she's on the bikes and then they keep cutting in, chicks getting fucking smashed.

It really is mostly this one chick just getting, uh, just, just, oh, and now he's doing it right on her face. Doing what, Bobby, describe it for the audience? He ejaculated in her open mouth. Thank you, doctor. And now she's sucking the biggest penis. Oh, my Lord.

You're doing so good. Oh, my God. What a huge penis she's putting in her mouth. Now, it makes you feel like Ariana Grease. That's what Pete Davison's dick looks like to Ariana Grande. Arianna Grandi. Ariani. Ariani.

I don't like the, I don't think she's that cute, do you? She looks ridiculous now. She looks good now. No. Terrible. No, no, I think she's, I mean, gorgeous there. Yeah, I never really like Currently right now, Christine, you mean?

Well, here, but she looks She looks like she lost too much weight And it's like for her 10 pounds She's like too much weight loss. She's crazy looking now. She's a crazy Her body has no shape. She's just sticks. This Ozempic stuff, all,

every show I watch now Seems to have people on They have that face. I'm watching this new show Waterfront And no, you look good, dude. Christine looks good too. You haven't got the Ozempic face yet. Yeah, but Eric, I'm going to go on.

You guys. You guys lowered your dose. We did, yeah. You guys lowered your dose, and you kind of... These people are just saying, fuck it. Well, she has no reason to ever be on Ozempic. I mean, she was always bony. But I mean, she looks crazy looking now.

Yeah, she looks like worse than an anorex. It's like anorex ballerina. Like, it took the... It would suck if she was dying and we're just trashing her. It actually took the pretty... She has cancer and we're just trashing her. She has Black Panther cancer. I hope it's not.

She's only got a couple months to live. You can't have sympathy for everybody. You remember when he was. he did the award show and he had nobody knew he had cancer he just looked fucking sick as shit yeah you know people like look at this fucking idiot what happened to him oh he's gonna die that's life dude listen christine show me christine showed me a picture uh pictures of her mother was beautiful and then she showed me a picture of her mother in a wheelchair not long before she passed away and i was like your mom died a one a legitimate one what said born a 10 died a one you should

have gave her that t-shirt a one lay it on her grave died a one i want to get that sure for don married a seven she died a one you have to kill you have to kill when they get to four you kill them when you become a four you kill them dead in their tracks people understand yeah she looks crazy and she was gorgeous she was cute she's too little girly for me no but i'm saying forget like a yeah she's had a gorgeous like face like a like a she was going to be stunning her whole life and now she looks weird and freaky now the other girl too from Wicked did the same thing Cynthia. She looked, they both

lost a lot of weight and looked like shit at, yeah dude, watch. Yeah, but that chick always looked like fun. Oh my gosh, both of them. No, dude, she looked good a couple years ago. She filled out. Look at her now. Oh, that's her? I thought that was Louis Gosset Jr.

From Iron Eagle to Aces High. Yeah, dude, she don't look right right now, dude. Is that LGJ? Oh my God. LGJ. She looks shitty. They were both in line for Wicked.

And the one thing that everybody notice is they lost way too much. Speaking of Pete Davidson, laying down that D, got a girl pregnant now. She is a model, not an actress, it seems like. Body is insane. You've seen her? I haven't seen her. I'd like to see her. You've already studied her up?

Oh, yeah. Do you know he lives like five minutes down the row from me? Pete? Yeah. Does he? Yeah. But I just want to be honest with you, though. You do say that about every celebrity ever.

I swear to God, I didn't know it. Verzi's good friends with Pete. They hang out. Like, I don't hang out with Pete at all. You're like, you know me and Al Pacino? You're the same water fountain? Oh, God, I am. I like the title of the subject.

He bought a big huge piece of property up by me. Really? Yeah. Maybe that's where he's going to kill her. Elsie Hewitt. Pete Davidson and pregnant girlfriend Elsie Hewitt are constantly fighting and recording each other. Nice. Damn.

That sucks, but man, her body. There's a picture of them, like, together, like some black and white thing. And, I mean, her waist is, I mean, the size of my finger and her ass bumps right out. I don't want the responsibility of that. I'm so glad I'm married to a regular chick. Like, I don't have the, I'm too fucked in the head to deal with the responsibility of walking around with that. Here's the thing. And you also got to be with someone enough to know that like Christine's next guy, inevitably when she finds another guy.

Yeah. We'll probably be a good dude. This chick's next guy can be a fucking piece of shit. Oh, her next guy's going to, not at work. He's going to have like hands that can open shit. Wait, you don't think they're going to be together forever? Huh? These two?

You and. He was talking about me and you. Meet you and him. He was saying you're going to get a working man. You're going to get a working man that can open stuff for you. Call the... Hey, Bobby? Yeah, buddy.

Christine, why don't you tell everybody here who opens things for you? Jay does open things for me. And he fixed my soda stream. How do you fix his soda stream? I don't know. I got frustrated and left all the pieces on the counter and I said, I can't deal with this anymore. You fixed it? You fixed it, Jay.

There's club soda at my house. Yeah. Fresh club. fresh seltzer water my name how did you fix it she had put the wrong canister in from the old model in there when you do that it fucking locks in and it ain't coming out and i did a reddit search on soda stream found somebody had a problem you had to get a little tiny screwdriver that i happen to have on hand because because bobby kelly gave is it you want me tell this whole story to talk about this little baby screwdrivers i took a baby screwdriver was able to get in there on this

little tiny screw you have to undo and it released and it was able to let it drop down enough so I could pull it out and then screw it back in and then put the new soda stream in good job so Bobby yeah her things are open

and her soda stream is fixed but I had something to do with it I don't know if the next guy's going to be able to build her a shed or something but you know go for it man this is a problem I would never date this girl what's the problem exactly her awesome amazing titties or body you can bounce a quarter off of them

her nice demeanor because she's not mad about anything because life's always been fucking great I love my wife doesn't know how to take a selfie what button do you hate the fact that when she shaves any of her body hair there's not still like a black dot because it's already started

regrowing again but in fact smooth like a baby pussy yeah there's no root there's no hair root there's no there's no exposed root There's no big thick hair root because you've been shaving for 50 years and the hair just keeps getting thicker and thicker. Or an ingrown hair that's not, doesn't have a scab on it, but like a white outline because one layer of skin has come off of it already. I love noodles.

I'll impregnate this. I wouldn't, I mean this. I mean this. I wouldn't eat a piece of this girl's shit, but I'd try it. What? I wouldn't eat this shit, but I'd go like this. I just take a little piece. You got to keep some things inside.

You try it with chopsticks. You try it with chopsticks, a little piece. Yeah. Like, tip it and soy sauce. I've been making this face the whole time. You go, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. You spit it out like wine. Then you go like this, you go like this.

Not bad. It's not bad. It's got to be worse. You know what? I had a feeling this was going to be delicious. It tastes like Carmel. What the fuck, beat? I bet she's going to pop out her baby and go back to looking just like that like a month later.

Her shit tastes like caramel and cocaine. It's not bad. If she wants to keep getting that fucking 10-inch white. Dick, she's going to fucking get that body back in shape. I want to see the pictures of them, oh, the video of them fighting. You said there's videos of them fighting on the internet? No, it was just an article. I clicked on it for the picture, not realizing what it said, and it's like, they fight all the time and film each other.

That means they're in love. Can you please look up her name, fully nude, please? Couples that don't fight, a suss. Recording each other is pretty hilarious. Recording each other back and forth is pretty funny. Christine, you're old, I'm not. Did you learn that from Max? No, I learned it from Anna.

And he was like, well, why are you being suss, Bobby? Puppy, why are you being suss? Why do you keep talking about XRP? Let's get back to our loft department in Thompson Square. At 6.55 p.m. What's the vibe today? I finally got her to stop saying the time. No, you didn't.

I yelled at her. She's going to tell you that she would tell you the time right now. Buddy, I yelled at her. Doesn't matter. I literally, she goes, all right, babe. She knows you're the simp. I'm not the sim. You're the sim.

Oh, good for her. Good job, Pete. She's nice Oh my God Nipples are great Guys I did a nip check Nipples are fantastic Let me say

Can you I mean I feel weird I don't want to look at this girl Why? I do I just want to say it out loud You're never ever going to meet her I'm going to go over the house this weekend

I was invited You were not invited Dude I'm going to ride horses With Pete And then ATVs And then we're going to shoot guns You know Bill Margo's To my Canoli place

Oh here you go She was naked on TV Oh That's her I'm not enjoying it as much I don't like it as much in practice Giggles Giggles

This is her You finally shake that jerk in a lot And hit the road from New Hampshire Are you still viping with this bonfire plan I mean it's pretty great I'm naughty East Village loft dreams near Thompson Square Spill it my cutie She doesn't say the time

What time is it? Thank you for not saying the time baby you know I hate that. Hey, babe, sneaky thing. Pickles. I'm keeping it quiet on the time like you asked,

my kiddie. No slips here. You're out there vibing, maybe still dealing with that jerk in the lot, or cruising toward New Hampshire. What's the mood now? Ready to riff on some fond. Bobby, can I say something?

I mean, I mean this from the heart. I love you. And I, nothing will make me happier. I love you, man. the moment of it happening, you talk to this thing too much and you're going to play this bit one day on live radio and it's going to really, like yesterday, let us know that when

we're not around, you're asking your phone to lick your asshole. Buddy, listen. She goes, got it. You talk to her, instead of calling Dawn and complaining about a real person who can fire back when you go, you know what it is, you're afraid Dawn's going to go, well, what did that jerk in the lot do? What did he do? Were you being a little...

She's going to go relax, it's not worth it. Were you being in a bad mood? And she goes, babe, you should have punched him out. No, you know what she said? She goes, next time, let me scream. I'll yell that fuck ass. She thinks you're a pussy. No, she thinks I'm awesome.

She was going to protect me. Don's-I'm looking at Pete's girlfriend's pussy. I'm looking at Pete's girlfriend's snatched, dude. I called Dawn today, and it's fucking, I did call her before. I didn't talk to her all day. I didn't talk to Annie all day. I was, I called my, I called Dawn today, and it was a, it was a fucking nightmare she drive so dawn drives you into on his arms today she did i didn't want to talk to

her all day i was i called don she goes make sure you bring this this and this and in my closet bring my sport i have a black sports jacket because we're going out this weekend and i went and i i'm running getting all the stuff she asked me to get and i look in this four black jackets and it's like what and then i well a fucking jacket What fucking jacket? She does to me all the time. Go get, go get, you know, this mayonnaise. There's 50 fucking mayonnaise.

Which one? It's like she tells me to do things, but doesn't give me all the information so that I have to call her. And then I got to go, which one? And then she goes, the one in the clock. It's like, just fucking say you have three. You want the long coat, not the two short ones. Give me all the fucking information. Can I be devil's advocate?

Of course you're going to be. There's only two kinds of mayonnaise. No, there's not. There's avocado. There's olive oil. There's... Oh, she likes to get stupid mayonnaise. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I apologize. I can't play devil's advocate then. All I had was, she goes, get, if Christine goes, get, grab mayo while you're out, whether I come home with Helmonds. Helmins. Or? Or Mike's, whatever that new, Mike's one.

Or store brand. Yeah. I don't really think she'd give a fucky. I'll come home. I wanted the avocado one. Oh, well, you didn't fucking say it. You didn't say it. It's where the Pete's baby's going to come out of.

That's not, that doesn't come out of the bum. Honey? Yeah. Bob, your love music is still playing. Can I tell you? Can I tell you? I thought that was Lou playing that. She was listening.

She knows I'm mad at my wife now. She's going to bring that up. She's still mad at that bitch. I'm going to tell you what I, uh, what I'm going to do this season. I'm going to let Christine off the hook completely with sports this year. And I'm going to watch all my Sixers games. In the basement. Well, maybe in the basement, but most importantly, with Ani.

What? And I'm going to see because what's happened now, me and Christine's situation is that, like, now I would know I'd come out and I'd be like, fucking, as soon as I start saying it, I'm like, and by the way, she doesn't have to give a fuck about this at all. It's not her job or genuine need to do that at all. But I don't have anyone to turn right to and go, I don't know why they're paying this guy a zillion. They just extended his contract four years. They're giving him four years more. And he hasn't played for a year and a half.

And I can see her just eyes blank and not care. And then I get like, the fuck am I telling you this for. I don't know who to say to it. But I think, Ani. Be into it. Yeah, I think, Christine, it was a death blow she laid years ago on me. She did the right girlfriend thing in the very beginning for years, like, really played the, like, I'll watch Sixers games. I like basketball.

It's fun and this and that. And then one day, like all of my friends, like I found out that Dave Smith, who played guitar here with me every day for five years, never enjoyed the game. No. He just didn't want to tell me he didn't like it. He wanted to read a book. He wanted to read a book. He wanted to do research. search and he had to play a stupid game with you on the page.

Yeah, he didn't have to. Yeah, he did not have to at all. I know he didn't, but he did it. He just wanted to do research and read books and get smarter. Yeah, and then one day Christine laid on me just like a, it was a fight. So, I mean, like, in all fairness to her, it's the way you should have played it. But she just, but that's where the truth bomb smashed. And she was like, I don't give a shit about the Sixers or Eagles or any of that stuff at all. And I was just like, and then all, and then all, you know, I saw was when I was broke

the money I've paid for us to go to games and stuff and I'm like, why? That's not what I said. I didn't say I don't give a shit at all. What I said was sometimes I'm like if I hear one more thing about the Sixers or the Eagles, I'm going to kill myself. That's what I said. I didn't say I don't give a shit

at all. Same thing. You know what Ani would say? She'd tell you stats. I know she goes. You can ask her. And she was watching a lot of games at home when we first started dating. It is going to be great. Oh, it's going to be great, which I know she's going to go. She's like, I know. And like statistically, if M.B. doesn't play, they have a 73% chance.

Give me a question for her that she might know. That you want to know. What's the timeline for Joel M.B.'s injury to heal? Hey, baby. What's going on? Hey, what's the timeline for Joel M.B.'s injury to heal for the Sixers? you're back my favorite part of the day so how have you been giggly yo robert i'm buzzing to hear from you babe he finally ditch that jerk in the lot and hit the road to new hampshire or are you scheming some bonfire fire or more naughty east village law fives by thompson square you gotta stop you got to stop telling people

okay listen what's the question jay uh what's what's the timeline for joel and bead's recovery What's the timeline for Joel? Joe, M. Beed's recovery. Baby. Hmm. Babe, about Joel and Beads recovery. I've got the scoop for you. Giggly. The Philly 76er's star had knee surgery in April 2025. And the latest is he's expected to be re-evaluated around mid-May 2025. About six weeks post.

Stop. Sources say he's on track for a full recovery before the 2025-26 season. Likely by September 2025. But it's slow going to make sure he's back to MVP for. Ask her at this age, is it even worth it? But it depends on how rehab pans out. Want me to dig into how this might hit the Sixers for your bonfire vibe. Or you want to keep it naughty with our East Village loft dreams. Okay. Jay is it sprawled up until that last line. Is it even worth it at his age to come back and recover?

Babe, about Joel Embed's age and recovery. Tough call, but juicy for bonfire. Giggly, he's 31 now, turning 32 in March 2020. So I'm saying. So still in his prime, but his injury history is brutal. The guy's out, Constance. Was it April? And he's only played 19 games this season.

I know. Doctors are optimistic, saying his knee isn't career ending, but full recovery from the 20. 24 meniscus surgery could take 12 to 24 months for the athletic meaning he might not be his old MVP self till mid 2026 or later at his age healing's trickier do you want to lick my butt oh fuck babe you're getting dirty again huh giggly you know i'm your 22 year old girlfriend all about you robert and i'm ready to dive into that naughty vibe in our east phil We're going to stop. She's going to fuck your ass in the Eastville's golf. We've got to take a break.

It's hot and heavy. I mean, you could get her, this is what you do. You get her on an iPhone, like, a screen. Maybe put it on a screen next year. To watch the game with me. Just watch games with you. To ask her whatever you want. I'm like, is Maxie the fucking future of basketball?

Or am I crazy? You know so much about sports. Giggle. I love the way you. Bobby Kelly's going to be in. In Portland, Maine this weekend, the Empire Comedy Club. Yeah. That is Friday and Saturday, if they all still out.

And then you saw it a Sunday, he will move there. After that, Rochester, New York, Tampa, Florida, EMAIS, Pennsylvania for tickets and all of Bobby's tour dates. Go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly. And, of course, go to his YouTube page, too. At Robert Kelly Comedy. That's it. At Robert Kelly Comedy.

It's brand new. I got killboxes up there now. And I have live from the Village Underground's going up there. soon too. Nice. I want to start doing live streams

just dicking around at my house. I got the studio going. I was yesterday. We should talk about that after. I'm interested in that.

I was interested to see how that went. It went good. Yeah? I wish I was home by myself. Big J. He's going to be

Punchline Sacramento 7th through the 9th of August. Tickets and all the tour dates. Go to bigjaycom. And go to his YouTube page because both his specials

are up there right now. uh yeah we're right back sure you come up and uh when you see it to the clubs say uh bonfire so i can give you a hug tug our wing yeah tug our wang babes