The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Boston Bob Walks The Line

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

Bobby runs into a former lover and temptation creeps into his mind. The guys remember how much charisma "Boston Bobby" had in Las Vegas when a model/waitress was falling for his charms. Bobby fantasizes what would have happened had he pursued her. Jay gives him wise advice to try and ease his pain. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Girl, but she used to be mine. She's so fine. What a fine. Cool, goofy lead singer. I know. I love a band who figured out a guy who figured out being cool without having to have a good voice. Yeah. It's so impressive.

Just a goofy. Anyone can just do the cars. Yeah. Anyone can cover a car song. Let me hear you. Useless. Let's get back. Boston band.

Are they? Yeah. Boston. I don't know if I know these were. Eyes. Another new boy that you meet is really no surprise. Yeah. She comes again.

When she's dancing, eat the stormy skies. Make you flip. When she is dancing Eat the story skies Yeah I kind of like the way I like the way it skips What a weird lyric

He's my best friend's girl Skip I guess you're talking about her butt I like the way it skips I guess So he Where he's calling her it So he used to date his best friend's girlfriend There's a story behind this

Oh please tell me Oh no I thought I thought you, because of the Boston man, you had, there was a story behind this. No, I'm asking that my best friend's girlfriend used to be his chick, is the story I would think be as bad. It's his old girlfriend. Right. Now, fucking.

Have you had that? No, man, thank God. No? No. Man, yeah, that would fucking, no. I had that. Where your ex was dating someone you knew well? No.

I've had it a couple times. I'd have a rough time with it. That was, remember that it was like the movie? Was that movie with Matthew Modine? Where was all that? I remember that. I think they're all like, it's like three couples that were all friends, but everyone was with somebody else before.

I didn't see that. The kids were with the other one. Bye-bye love. Is that what it was called? On HBO and that's what you would just do. It was watch what was on HBO. Well, you know what it is? It's when, one time I was like, fine with it.

I was like, I was like great, man. How old were you? Age has to do a lot with that. It has, it was late teens and then 20. If Christine found true love in the arms of Justin Silver up, who might get between that? It's a bad one is Godfrey. That one hurt. Christine and Justin maybe were meant to be two queens living on a beach.

Oh, just two queens, just two queens combing down horses in a field. Yeah, Paul Reiser, Matthew Maudine, and Randy Quaid, and everyone was like with the other one's wife. It's kind of hot. it was like a kid it was like a fun like family movie but I used to watch it a lot you know I had a girl this weekend I don't know if you've had this yet I've had a girl every weekend no I had a girl this weekend um show up who I used to we used to date like we used to I mean I were you we used to fuck I was at the comedy connection Rhode Island best club in the fucking world yeah dude brings all the old pussy out and uh I think I'm filming

I'm going to film my special there 100%. Film my special in Rhode Island. That's a real 100%. There was no halibir on it. There was a 100%. Nice. So I used to, this Italian girl, stop being uncomfortable asking,

yes, I'll direct it. Do you want to direct it? No, I don't know how to direct. It's easy. You just got to, you have to come up with the camera shots that you want. Like the look. You're just going to come up with the look.

So stakes are so high. What if I whiff hard? What are you going to whiff hard for, dude? I go, Bobby, I gave my camera. I did my first pass. It's all drone shot. You have to come up with the design of the stage, what you want it to look like, right?

And then you have to come up with five shots, like a movie. So you have to, like I knew I wanted two rolling shots for transitions. Right. That wasn't used. They were just used as shots, whatever. But you need a main shot, and I wanted a roving shot. I wanted someone walking around getting different angles. That's all you've got to know.

You've got to look at the club. You've got to go there. Look at the club. Look at where you. you can put the cameras. Look at what the backdrop looks like. Can I wear one of those John Popper vests? You'd hold a lot of stuff,

so I can look at things who lenses sometimes? I'll get your lens, and I'll get your beret and get a little beret. I would really enjoy a beret. If I could just go full-on, like, 1920s director with baggy, just top pants? With the leather boots that come up to the knees? And maybe one of those horse whips? I don't think the letter, did they, they didn't have a horse whip. They had a cone because you have to yell to me.

Oh, right. I'd have a cone, so I'd yell you. Kelly It has to say director on it Kelly cut What are you doing Besides wasting my film That's not film anymore

But yeah No we're doing it on film Oh we're gonna do on film 75 millimeter What's the one that What did they do? Hey Flayden That was 70 millimeter

I want to cover the screen We're gonna have to open Kodak The company backup I don't know if you have that power But maybe you do Panavision's gonna get involved in this I don't know if there's enough room with the comedy connection Panavision.

You don't think there's no room for Panavision? Not to put a Panavision camera seven millimeter. Wouldn't this be also to be the first special that we say shot entirely for IMAX? And there's only room for five people in the audience because of your crane shot that you're on? Because, yeah. Swing me in. Bobby, hold that joke. Swing me in.

Okay, Bobby, from the first line again. God damn it, Bobby, I'm getting feedback. Swing me. Hang on, Bobby. I hate to stop you again. Swing me over. And then she went, Get this face out of the front row.

I don't want the front row seeing that fucking face. That's my mom, Jay. Apologies. Mama Kelly, apologies. Strike that. Leave her. Thanks. Leave her.

Get her a drink on me? No, actually, please get her out of the front row. Mama Kelly, you're going to need you back. She hasn't laughed since I've been up here. Swinging around, you're making everybody uncomfortable. Now, here's my question to you. My question to you is, okay. So anyways, we have so much talk.

I'm looking at this list. We've moved on, but hang on, let's stay with this. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, please. I have, all right, what do I go to? Do I talk about the girl, or do I talk about the special? Because I have a choice with the special. I can shoot it at the comedy connection, which I love. It's a insane room.

One of my favorite rooms, if not favorite room in the country. Yeah. They show up every year. I mean, people have seen me seven times there, and they just come. They're great crowds. Or do I shoot it? in the Comedy Connection's new theater that they just bought.

They just bought a theater in the last year and a half. Redid the whole thing, and it's a comedy, they're doing comedy there. It's 850 seats. I like striking some tables in the front

of the Comedy Connection. Okay. Getting you a little thrust, a little square thrust so the people are all around you. Mm-hmm. I like that. Well, the stage of the Comedy Connection,

they are all around me. They are all in four sides. three sides three sides you for sure it's a high stage it's a little high yeah the stage also might be movable you just put a lower stage maybe we can move that's see now you're in director mode you're actually designing this the look okay i would play it do you see how easy it is stage a little high for filming it's a little high for filming you're above the people it's theater height stage right feeling so make the stage smaller take the stage out make it smaller smaller get more people around me yes okay now you're in director mode and smaller and obviously just shorter

shorter shorter smaller shorter you'd like the heads to be about your knees thighs maybe yeah well maybe maybe uh tits heads the top of heads at the tit you know what i'm looking at it here it doesn't it's not that bad no it's not that bad maybe i'm picturing it higher than it is yeah maybe you are i mean it looks beautiful they have a picture of it that's the old look find the new look on their instagram i'll have to get up there with my locations guy yeah you're gonna have to get up there with your lenses you need your lens let's go to my lens look at look at the way it looks now though they redid the whole thing and this is now when you see it dude where do i start casting the sluts for the opening sketch we're going to do wait a minute what i don't i don't want it i don't want hurrah before the

show what do you mean no it's just mean you fucking sluts what oh we fuck the sluts yeah but no it's for a sketch in the beginning um the sketch has nothing to do with that i just want you to be loose uh i need you loose for a sketch and i feel like that's the theater right there's the club that looks good right that's the club that's the club it's all brick now yeah yeah it's all brick yeah yeah yeah and it's all lit up that's the improv what do you know what do you're you're doing scroll down christ almighty scroll down scroll down scroll down

now it makes fucking right over to the left might go to my clip right there that clip that's what it looks like now it looks good right yes we light that up a different color not purple take the sign look at that looks good right we can put some stuff in the back like I'm thinking some maybe stacks what do you thinking

what do you think of marshals yeah well something not marshals I don't play I don't play well coming up maybe just do that though right come out and just hit Like one note, like fucking Marty McFly. What if we just put it like a 12-foot sandwich behind me? I think the special, and listen, I want it to be material heavy, but I'd like it to be also 70% AI. AI.

Just non-stop, like, the audience, just like, when we look, one time we go out to the audience, and it's all dog people. I like this. And then it comes back to you. And then, like, yeah, then it's another time. It just goes, and it's all dinosaurs. Yeah, maybe it's just like skeletons,

like, weathered, like, they're, like, their clothes, like they've been there for 100 years. We could have people laughing so hard. they're crying black tears. Everybody's crying black tears. Yeah, the whole, like we can show one row of table people just all communally throw up at the same time on the table. Right, out of laughter.

Out of laughter. At a laughter, yeah, they all just go. Right, and then one guy jumps on it and eats it. And then, I don't know about that. That's not for a compliment. You know what? That's gross out humor. I'm better than that.

I'm sorry. That's gross out of humor. I'm talent, dude. No, so what happens is they puke. They go down face first in the puke. We have somebody come in, like this is a thing that happens at your shows and they drag them out.

and then four new people come in. Right. Like there's always people ready to, like they can't wait. Like they were waiting outside to get into this. Right. How about one? They just start making out. The whole crowd starts making out.

Absolutely. And then for while you're talking at one point, just like four horses. I like that. This is AI. Yeah. Four horses just like stroll through. Right. Just like stroll through the crowd.

And then you don't acknowledge it. The audience doesn't. Hang on. Let me do fully work. I'll do fully work. Okay. Yeah. And you're just doing your thing.

Babo-boo, ba-ba-bbing. This guy over here. And it's nothing. There's not even. acknowledgement of what's happening just horses go by no one's thinking like this just the most fucking avant-garde thing i've ever seen in stand-up comedy i like that i thought my fully work was good until dj lou brought in real fully work started to get in there this guy's got his hands on everything he was getting nervous i was taking up his job i don't do

voices but i do sounds really good if we make the opening song journey we know for sure that bobby could just sing it every day for us coming oh how what if i end the whole thing on that That'd be great. I ended on Don't Stop Believing. Yes. And then the lights go out at the end. And then it's like they decide how it ended. Yeah, but there's a shadow.

And I have my finger up like Eddie Murphy. I don't mind that at all. What am I wearing, though? Now I need to know what I'm wearing. Oh, no, baby. Bobby, maybe like a B. For like Boston and Bobby. Boston, but I'm in Providence.

You got to, huh? I'm in Providence. It's Rhode Island. It's a different state. It doesn't matter. It's B for Bobby for Bobby and you're from Boston. You don't matter. Bobby from Boston.

What if I do a P on the Boston? him look it's starting to look like white power symbols okay all right you're right it's starting it's getting dangerly close to white power symbols that would kill in providence that would kill are you near uh what's called what's called hill federal hill federal yeah yeah yeah you'll do well there with that i murdered with the crowds that i saw this weekend they carry me out and get me a fuck a stromboli yeah dude everyone there is an ex-cop it's so funny because every like the whole front row there's like nine guys that look exactly like me now what happened with this girl you did it no i course not i'm married no but just like in the butt that's not even cheating i am married

and i love my wife yeah who you sound is on dude darn if she's listening oh she's listening all all right that's all baby he goes i love my wife you can go now baby she hasn't heard one podcast of one radio show i've ever done yeah dude you can fuck on the air she'll never find out i can fuck on social media and she still isn't find out she's never even looked at a clip Yeah, as long as you put the word SORA on the picture. Sora. No, no, no. No, that's me fucking our neighbor, two doors over on Sora.

Have you seen the guy that is the, you know, they troll, they do all these things on the internet, these kids figure out a way to do stuff. They're getting Sora. They're going into Walmarts and targets. They took a picture of this guy in an aisle, just hanging out. They did Sora, some hot shit come up, making out with him. Then he went up to the guy with his wife walking out, go, yo, bro, have you seen this girl and it's him

just making out with this smoking hot chick and his wife is like, you see her face just go, what? He goes, I don't know who that girl is. He goes, dude, you know who this girl is. Have you seen her? And his wife's like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you fight? You're making out with her. That's hilarious.

Buddy, it's scary as shit. Because how are you, how can you explain to a 58 year old woman that you're Oh, so the older people? Yeah, she doesn't She doesn't understand AI or fucking technology. And her old husbands making out This hot chick. He's making out with this young hot chick.

Yeah, he's doing a lot. Please find that. He had one guy, the guy at the front, the old guy at the front, they go, dude, you're crazy. He's like, why? And something like that. And then he just shows him ripping his shirt off and just shaking his own tits. He's like, where did you get that? He's like, he doesn't understand that AI has happened that fast.

Yeah, I don't remember that. I forgot to say everyone, Jacob's coming to us live from Sputnik. Jacob Ground control to Major Batat Jacob Are you there Oh good Great how are you

You sound fantastic What's up dude What are you doing You played softball today What's this look What are you doing Why are you just like a lesbian Yeah

What are you a fucking Are you a roadie for a lilyth fare Yeah You look like you make your own Wooding cutting boards At a fucking At a flea market That's a real

day off cleaning the garage hat. Now you leave it on now. Leave that on. Put that hat. You got to put it back on. Jacob's wearing one of those hats with the metal back. Oh, God damn it. He does. It's a metal back. Yeah, he's wearing merch, free merch hat from a bank. Oh, yeah, the fucking, the hat straps is like a Boy Scout belt.

It's exactly like a Boy Scout belt. It's a Boy Scout belt. It's got teeth. So it's like, it's Army Green. He looked like Captain America before he came before he came Captain America. before I went into the Captain America fucking machine. You're like a celebrity chick trying and not to be noticed at a grocery store.

You're as sad as somebody who wasn't let in the army. Yeah. He goes, hey, is that Ellen DeGeneres going into that grocery store? Is that Ellen DeGeneres trying to get noticed? Oh, you got a new mic, though, right? No, that's that one that was talking. That's a new one, right? Oh, there's the, oh, there's the light.

It's the one that lights up when he talks like. kit there's the old influencer light i bet he influences on the weekends when he goes the floor i bet he has a whole other life on social media we don't know he does yeah if we were getting the jacob's phone it's fucking murky in there for sure there's all kinds of stuff he's got one the lizard killer where he just goes out with his pellic gun and takes out big iguanas oh yeah there's like weird stuff he does like makeup tutorials yeah jacob's famous in florida i bet he can't even like go through the airport without signing stuff or taking a little selfie hell yeah is that what the outfit is that's your famous Florida outfit that's how people recognize you are you cooking a bunch for

Thanksgiving Jacob down there no no cooking but you love to cook yeah oh yeah who's cooking what you're gonna do you're gonna go out you're gonna go out somewhere you're gonna go ding dong da Chinese you're gonna do Chinese you got some Chinese takeout Do an old Jewish Christmas? Thanksgiving's canceled. You're not going to have turkey? No. Jacob's family thinks the pilgrims are pieces of shit.

They were. They were. They were. You're right not to celebrate it, Jacob. You're right. I'm not celebrating either. I'm canceling Thanksgiving. It's over.

I won't be going to Thanksgiving. I'm going to have meatballs. I'm going to go, I'm going to buy a gobbler and throw it at passing cars. Every day of the time, I went and got turkeys at the supermarket, and they gave you, if you spent so much money, they gave you a free turkey. So I got a free turkey. What are you, Nino Brown? You're trying to bring to the ghetto?

Well, there was a woman's battered shelter behind my house. So me and Norton walked over, he goes, when they come out, I'm just going to throw it out and go, here, feed those bitches. You go, hey, you probably haven't heard this in a while, but cook this or else. Hey, bitch, cook this turkey. Have this done in four hours or else. Yeah. Turkey's not going to cook itself, you fat fuck.

You want more bruises on your elbow, bitch? Get this done. and make it moist get it done um so anyways this girl i used to have sex with i mean crazy sex yeah and i would go over her house she lived in a basement apartment i did a lot of girls that lived in basement apartments for some reason a piece of shit and uh i used to go over there dude and and just she was italian i go over where was this some revere bought back in boston boston Back when I was hot Bobby And I would go over house

And we would I mean dude We got to the point where I was like Bending her legs Making her knees touch her fucking ears Oh there she is We would just fucking Yeah

Just doing as much as I could Just to make her know Who Bossman was Yeah And then right when I was done Boss man Bobby That's what I want to be called From now on

Oh my God My God If I did that to dawn She'd burp And fart in my face And I remember And then she would cook She'd have meals

Like she would cook for me Like I did I made you lasagna And we'd go out and buy Our little tiny little lonely table We'd have Italian home-cooked meals You'd fuck her in a basement apartment Oh man

It was so hot She lived down the street from me Knees pin in her ears Oh we did so much great stuff So many great I remember she had a twin bed too Which was weird Wow that's small

She had a little lonely I live alone bed I've gone back the girls' apartments in my young days that were definitely kicking it in a some girl worked at the Boston comedy club she was cute she was like a Polish chick or something

yeah if you saw her you'd remember her she worked there for a couple years but uh... we never... no but she like bangs and like she was just if you saw her you'd be like oh yeah but uh I thought we were gonna hook up one time I went back to her stupid fucking Brooklyn apartment watched Requiem for a dream on a computer next door on a fucking twin-sized bed

I left it was like turning light out I had to go back to Philly still I think I went to black to South Jersey You're like ugh This sucks Dude you gotta be a pro to fucking a twin bed You gotta know what you're doing There's not a lot of room

There's not a lot of room to maneuver And get things going You gotta hang her off the bed You gotta get her legs up You gotta and twin beds don't have a lot You know a big king has You have a lot of movement It's like you know

When you're on that little bed, it shakes too much. You will fuck up your rhythm. Yeah, you know me? I like to windmill into different positions and stuff. Yeah, I know. From my back to missionary, I fucking kick my, I spit my legs around and I get up like that. Oh, yeah. So a twin-sized bed doesn't work great for me.

Yeah, you made that lesbian laugh her head off. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Nice. So she, I go, oh, you had enough like that? And then I fucking zip it, I whip it around. man hard pop up so she came down I haven't seen her you know what I mean it's so long and she came down uh this weekend with no uh no I mean not ter me both of us you don't I mean both of us but I no look at that face though you got hot Bob still

in there do I yeah dude and hot Bob equal hot box do I yeah do I still have Boston Bobby and me you got it dude got it for sure All right. The gals always love Bobby Kelly. Who am I giving it? No, they don't. No, you're wrong about that. Dude, I got no.

Girls always love Bobby. But here's the thing. Here's what you haven't, I think, settled into yet, which you should. But being old and chubby and having fat over my penis? Yes. But not that. But you're a handsome fella. Yeah.

Got a great shaved bald head. Thank you. The beard is rocking. Thank you. What you don't realize is you're not hot young Bob anymore. Now you're what the kids call a zaddy. A what? a total zaddy what the fuck is a zaddy it means the young gals like you but you're you're not seeing

it because you're thinking they're going to be looking at you with uh still of like the let's get into a fucking closet and fuck the shit of me right now that's what happened to hot bob can i tell you what really what was affecting me too well let me finish this sure this point though yes now what you're not seeing is that same young girl it's more of like a hey give me like you know i was like Hey, tell me that I'm a cool person. Like, do they want your approval? Yeah. Like a father.

And then they want to suck your dick. Okay. That, okay. Okay. But here's a problem, I think, too. That guy still lives in me. A zaddy? No, not Zaddy.

Hot Bob. Boston Bob still lives in me. I believe Black Lou has seen Boston Bob. But when it comes out, when he comes out, he comes out and bad things are going to happen to his marriage you know what I'm saying when when Boston Bobby comes out I have to I have to put him back in the case it's like the mask I got to take it off it's like do you go is it like uh do you think like you're relapsing if you go and put on like one of your old motorcycle jackets are you like yo don't take it off

last year at Skangfest I went in the motorcycle jackets I went to the bungalow at the Circa, and I walked in. Just the poor girl? Boston Bobby came out. I don't know if you saw it. I wasn't there, but Black Lou talks about it as legend. Legendary. I saw it too. It's real. And he came out, and I broke her down. I broke her down. This chick was an 11, and I broke her down, and I made her a human being. And once I make him a human being, then I become a God. and when I become a God

is when I'm dangerous but when I get into God mode I don't know if I'm going to come back I don't know if I don't know if so I have to pull the mask off and walk away because I love my family I love my wife in sweatpants and a sweatshirt that's mine

with a hair up and her roots growing back and you know some type of freckle on a chest and you know has you know I like that I love that she sleeps with a pillow wall between us like Game of Thrones. I like that most of the time she sleeps downstairs with Max or, you know, that I want to go back to. Bobby, I don't want to be the asshole here.

Yes. But clearly, you mean everything you're saying 100%. 100%. But still, you're a zaddy. You should accept some of that, a little bit of that affection. I know, but if I do, I might, I'll go back into it. No, but it could make you feel good. I'm not saying dunk your doodle, dude.

I'm saying, I don't know that that's the thing. feel goods listen i like the feel goods i don't know how to stop i love the feel goods but i want the feel goods now you can you'd be surprised i love getting my pee-p-touch by new people but yeah i love it of course i love it i love it there's no i love breaking the seal of a fresh vagina of course just dry dry oh warm cake yeah oh oh oh i love that feeling oh oh i love being behind a girl one leg up, Captain Morgan just banging in and out and then getting that.

I only give them half. This is my, I only give them half. I give them half. So they think your dick is small first. I have. No, they like it. It's fine. And then I push it all the way in one time

and I see them go, ah, ah, and then I pull it out and give them half. You don't get that. And I tell them, I go, you don't get the rest of that until you deserve it. And then they make sure they deserve it. And then I push it all the way in

and then I just let it go. Where do you want it? Where do you want it? Bobby. I think I'm speaking for everybody here when I say, yeah, I don't think you want that at all. I agree with you. I want that. I want that.

Oh, you do want that. I want that. I want that so bad. So you don't think you could walk the line of like, you pop out? No, but it doesn't even change. If I ever walk the line with anything, I have 75 knives. I have 15 flashlights. I have 14 seat camping cookies.

I have 19 tents. You got 15, you got 15 finger chopsticks. Yeah, dude, I got fucking 15 finger chopsticks. I don't walk the line, brother. I got you. Okay. So you can't Zaddy. You have Zaddy energy. I could keep their mouths shut

if you know what I'm saying, listen to audience. If you let me know ahead of time that you're cool. Yeah, if you let me know you're not going to keep it if accidents happen. Bobby pull out way early. Oh, oh. Do I love to come inside and go, Oh, my Lord.

Do you love me? And they go, I love you. And I go, me too. I'm leaving town tomorrow morning. Do you love me? Bye. Oh, God, I miss it. But listen, I'm saying about the walk in the line of like,

because it's not changing anything you're doing. You're still meeting the people. No, I don't have it. No, but you're meeting the people, right? Yes. I'm just saying what you think you're not getting, you're getting, you got to change your perspective on how you're receiving it. because you you think a young girl

I think you get a little thing where like these young girls necessarily aren't like you're like I am old to them and if you want a connection with a chick where you're doing like the we're too hot people going off to go animalistic fuck what you get is the feeling of like hey isn't that

that cool that 24 year old girl definitely would have fucked me it's a nice feeling but here's what you're missing what happened at the pool of Circa to get those young girls to be comfortable to get those young girls, I can't be a zaddy.

I got to be Boston Bobby. And I got to turn into this, yo, what's up? What are you doing? Get over here. Talk to me. You're talking about out in the wild, though. You're talking about out in the wild. I'm talking about after shows where you can get this. You're already getting the same adoration.

You're just drinking it in the wrong way. But here's the problem. Yes. Here's the problem. It's always been the problem with me. This is why I got caught cheating. This is why I was a piece of shit. Because if a girl comes out and shows me that and then I accept it,

the second she touches me in a sexual way i have to finish i'm like i'm like ben effleck and the accountant i got to finish i got to finish i have i have sexual autism go home and slap it around a little bit dude slapping around don't do it bro really with the idea that you're like yo that 24 year old girl wanted to fuck that doesn't just feel good and you can go fucking slap it every day i fight not going to a massage baller and getting somebody to jerk me off. Oh, just go. Thank you.

That's all I was looking for. Thank you, Daddy. You're fighting that all the time? Get out of time. Get out of here. Dude, I... The Dong gets mad at that. You just tell her that I said.

They'll keep their mouth shit. You want to stay in this fucking beautiful country, they will. She's got to get a translator to fucking wrap me out. You can sew their mouth shut if you want. I think you do whatever you want to them for the right price. They're slaves. Yes, Jacob? Have you seen the Circa girl?

Never saw. I could have got... I think actually loose in the picture to Christina. This is why I know Bobby I know it is dangerous for Bobby Because we were all He got the girl we all wanted I was in a room full of probably

And you're saying 15 comics I'm not asking this to be shitty at all Yeah I'm just saying I want to know What the extent of it was And all of you guys can concur

This girl Would have Give Bobby her number And hung out another time with him I believe it's not I know she's working I know she's her job To be friendly

Right She was genuinely Falling for it paid attention to nobody else was totally engaged with Bobby. Oh, Bobby, I mean, if this girl gives you a time of day, you should leave your family. Jay!

That's the point. That's what I have to avoid. I had to never, I went, I never went back to the pool. Dude, I don't want to be this guy, and I hate you're making me say this on National Radio. Yeah. This is, girls, better than your family. Yeah, she's better than Max.

She's better than my family, my immediate family, and my extended family. Yes. I would tell you what, this is. I'll tell you what, it's harder. it's hard to feel bad about not seeing your first grandchild when your face is buried in that dumper, dude. You're not going to care. And I'm telling you what?

When she starts sagging up, you're going to cash you out into another young you because they're going to wonder what the hubbub is because this one was there already. They get the stink on you. Last night, I sat down at my kitchen table. My son was, he went out and grilled steaks for everybody. My wife made vegetables

and rice and all kinds of other stuff, biscuits. And we sat down at a kitchen table with my son and his girlfriend, quote-unquote. Why she's a guy? No, I'm just saying because they're young. Oh, because she's a guy. With his quote-unquote girlfriend, if you know what I mean. Because they're young.

And we sat down at the dinner table. My son cooked the steaks. My wife, we all sat down. We had a beautiful dinner together. I finally have the family that I never had, that I always wanted, and I had... Jay, Jay, Jay, yes. No, I'm sorry, you were saying something, but Thanksgiving? I understand, but you have to, you have to know this, right?

There's an age difference between us, right? Yes, negligible. I'm an, hang on, I'm an addict, okay? and number three I did a lot of fucking I did a lot of I had my fill of crazy I've done it all

I've done it all her you're selling me dude but the one thing you're selling me hard you brought this to the table about this girl seeing the people when you're not able to do anything about it and because you can't walk that line you brought it here so you're saying it out loud to try to convince yourself, and I'm with you.

That's exactly what I'm doing. Listen to me. And listen to me. What? And I know, and you should, nobody should use me as their guiding force in any possible way. But here's the problem.

But I'm telling you you should find at all costs a way to fuck this girl behind your family back. Here's why, though. Because I'm also, what conflicts... You should have a Vegas residency. If I did, my marriage would be over. Because I'd be fucking dancers two at a time. And I used to.

I used to... Oh, buddy. Once this one's walking around with you The other ones are going to wonder What other holes of yours they can work Dude, do you need your butthole spit in While this hot one fucks you? Dude, I did it all

Every other comic was trying for her They all bombed Here's it there's that Jacob, honey, is that you? If I do this, if I did that You forget the other side of me The romantic side Romantic Bobby's in there too And I fall in love quick

Dude, do you know how romantic you're going to feel On a fucking veranda with this fucking piece of shit? I know this is what's going to happen we're going to bang we'll bang for a minute right she'll at some point realize that i'm 55 right and realize that you know i'm bobby kelly from the bonfire but i'm not a millionaire i'm a thousandaire dude it's not my fault it's the bonfire's fault it's serious x7's fault it really is oh you're gonna get all kinds of people listen hey look at that i know i know dude i was in that mode and I thought that was dawn do you know what I did right don't know unless it's at

home depot and it's in the spaded shovel aisle and I love don't's ass I love a small ass listen I actually disengaged from it I felt it it came out I was right there I was literally going to go listen I got a show tomorrow night of skankfest you're coming I'm getting you tickets bring your girlfriend whoever you're going to bring don't bring your boyfriend because you're crazy if you do that. We're going to hang out... And wear this butt plug that I control from my phone.

Oh, God. And when you show up, be wearing this butt plug, I control from my phone. Do you know what I did? I went into the... I went into the crystal booth that Superman went in

and I had my powers taken away. He had them taken away. And I went in the pool with Ari and I talked about fucking Guatemala with Ari for an hour. No, Bobby, well, you didn't realize, though? And you didn't know this

and I should have told you this beforehand. Yeah. I reversed the crystals. What? So, while we were all getting it on the outside you were safe on the inside oh okay so he's still there smart very smart very smart i i just i just dude if i turn it on here's a thing too i have no like she's smoking hot that's great but i i i get when i get into it i i don't care who it is i'll i'll i just

want to I want to bang I want to have sex look I'm telling you drop a couple of pancakes in this one's back your name's out there now I'm not dropping it on her back I'm dropping it right in her face yeah that is the place to do it I'm gonna kiss her let her know let her know she's not too pretty for this batch on your stupid face goddamn right you're right what do you want it face what do you want it she goes my stomach and you go I heard face yeah and then just do it anyway I'm gonna blind you on your left eye for an hour and a half I'm sorry I heard face she's anywhere but my face I heard face I heard face Yeah, I just, I just, that guy is still there, but I don't have it.

Like, so this girl shows up with her new boyfriend. Who's my age? Boyfriend. Yeah, she's dating. She got divorced. Wow. Yeah, a lot of people. Here's a problem.

She killed them? A lot of girls that I used to bang have already been through a life. Right. You know what I mean? Like, what I got all the best years of it. The husband. She's got kids. You know, so we're at the same thing.

But she shut up still looks, look hot. would have been fun as hell but I was just like hey man nice to meet you you guys make a great couple blah blah blah I did all that stuff and you cried in a bank vault No I went on jerked off I went to a hot dog place

Got a hot dog and they went jerked off With the bun? Yeah with the bun That's what you should do Save yourself those carbs You eat the hot dog and then jerk off with the bun No that's hot Oh

She loves her dog Yeah Bobby Yeah You just fucking break up I like saying it like you guys are in a high school relationship. Just break up, dude. Yeah, it was a weird because I saw her. I saw her.

And this all goes back to my best friend's girl. Not that he's my best friend, but to see this guy and know what I've done with her. Yeah. Know what I could do with her. Oh, I do like that. You know what I mean? I like that a lot. When that comes up, yeah.

Yeah. But you don't know that guy that she was with. So that's a different thing. I'm saying, like, if someone you're with, no, I love when you see, it's, there's Just any guy would be long if you didn't say there was that little fun thing. By the way, being happy for somebody and whatever, it's like, no, it's great. They're a great person. I'm glad they found happiness, whatever.

He goes, I wonder if that guy knows that I dragged my nuts across her face or something. You know, some wacky fucking thing. I mean, if this guy knew what I did to this girl, he wouldn't be with his girl. Sherry would. No, no, no, no. No. In your 50s, you got to be over that shit. Oh, no, no, no, naked polka night with my friend.

guys uh we've we've done we we had a lot of fun back in the day yeah a lot of fun and just looking at him and he's old he was older he's everything he he uh he he was older like he looked you know 55 like i look at guys who are 55 or 50 they look way older than i do yeah it's like crazy because you're a zaddy bring up the definition christia zaddy he uh show bobby he's total There's no way he's doing what I would do to this day, by the way. To this day, if me and her hooked up Saturday night, I would have took her back to the room and I would have done a lot of shit. Knees behind the ears.

Roll play. Fucking wet finger in the butt for sure. I would have made her act. I would have made her staying character. You're a sexually attractive man, especially an older one who is fashionable or and charismatic. Yeah. I'm afraid to let that person out because I don't want to. It's out.

I don't want to ruin my life. It's out, Bobby. Yeah, but it's that. Yeah. Yeah. This is a problem. Here's the problem. Is that every chick has a phone, every girl has a social media.

You can't do fun secret shit anymore. No, not if you're going to do it. Not if you're going to do it fucking, not if you're going to do it like Joe from impractal joker's style and bring dip shit 19 year olds to your fucking hotel room and they ask to kiss their belly buttons or whatever. That was dumb as shit. What did that bag slut say? I don't think the girls are going to blow your spot up. I don't think that's. It's a, it's, I, I am so happy with my life.

These young girls, they want to please you because you're a zaddy. I just, I just love my life right now so much. Yeah, say five more times. I love my life so much. I love my life so much. Wait, make him say, do me fair. Can you make him say it into that girl's ass, please? Oh, wait, hang on me.

Yeah, I was saying, I don't have a problem. Nice. Also, do me favor, I like my, Christine. Throw her name up there and see if there's a, uh, only fans leak. Would be the word you type? Don't do this to me, Jay. I was going to check it out. I don't do this.

No, this is going to seem like a good girl. She's probably not splitting her gash. No, she's a professional model. Huh? She's professional. Totally. Girl who works in Vegas as a bartender and she's an 11. She has no naked photos anywhere.

No. Why would she? What are you got? You've seen them? Oh, no. We also found out that she owns a fashion label. Yeah. Thanks to you.

Yeah. She didn't say shit to us all day until you came, and then she started just giving out information. She has a fashion label? Yeah, we just had a little chat about that. What is it? Yeah. Fucking asshole hats.

Boston Bobby wasn't listening to this dummy. Yeah. Let this bitch yammer on, dude. I'm just watching that mouth and seeing which quadrant I'm going to put my wang in first. Yeah. God damn it. I'm not fine. I love this, though.

Bill Bean says you are absolutely booty-licious, babe. Yeah, she is. That's a funny thing. That'd be a funny thing. Please don't put her thing out there. I don't want her to get a bunch of fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she wants it out there.

No, she does not. She doesn't want. Let me tell you something. The video clip I put up. of my, of the sister with the brother, and I thought they were together, and she's a singer, she hates the fact. She got, you know me guys,

started contacting her about wanting to date her, like hundreds. Can we see if she can call in? No. Why? Because I don't have Boston Bobby right now. You don't have to, I want to ask her, I want to ask her if she was feeling,

she was feeling the vibes. Well, she's not going to say that right now, dude. Why? Because I need, I need, it's the, it's the minute, it's the moment, it's the thing. I walked into a room full of comics, all dudes, and this chick was there, and it just came out. He came out, like buddy love. Yeah, he popped out. He came out, and I just, and when it took over, I let it go.

And I didn't see all the other dudes around me. I didn't give a shit. And then I jumped in the pool with an old Jewish guy. Well, I was going to tell you something. Yeah. As your friend. Yeah. I wasn't there when you guys talked to him at this girl.

No. And I've never met her, but I'm willing to love her as much, if not more, as I do your family right now currently, if you just choose to go that direction. I appreciate that. That means the world to me. I have a pool now, and it looks like she likes to be around water. She does. She can come swim. Yeah.

She can come swim. Oh, look at her diving in the pool. Oh, God. I have to put extra salt in that pool, though, for all the cum loads that are going to be popping out. It goes, yeah, pooling guys saying it goes, it's a little murky in the pool. this water yeah you're gonna have to get like a metal skimmer yeah yeah oh yeah bobby's girlfriend's running around again i don't know he's in the young chicks i guess god man she's hot what team is into what's that football thing whatever team you want dude she says it's stadium swim it's for

circa yeah yeah that's her work outfit yeah there was there was a brief get her away from all this she's after being objectified by a bunch of people get her away from that i just keep her there no No, you want to take her away from her. You get her up to Cotona. You don't know. No, dude, I'm not bringing it to the good life. Buddy, can't you say something? I think this girl, and correct me if I'm wrong,

when you were going through her Instagram there, Christine, it looks like she makes a pretty good lemon square. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Now she's a 12th. I know you love lemon squares. I do love a lemon square. Buddy, you leave her in Vegas,

because Vegas, she's going to get beaten down. Stowe her away. She's going to get beaten down. Vegas kills these girls. They go out there with all these hopes and dreams, and she gets beaten down. You got to pull her out before she gets on the heroin, though. No, right?

I'll pull her out for a little bit and then bring her back. Yeah, never until she hits heroin, but when she's right at the edge of doing heroin... I come into town and we go and we hang out. You sweep in, you get her back on her feet. You're feeling good about life. Baby, we're going to be together forever. Then you fucking just leave again.

In the middle of the night one night. Continually send her gifts all the time. It just comes in the mail. A little Louis Vuitton purse comes in the mail. She's like, oh, this is from my zaddy. Total zaddy. Yeah. Sugar Zaddy.

Look is that. Let me tell you this. If I was a multi-millionaire, I'd cheat in a second. If I didn't have to worry about Dawn getting my house and me living in a tiny house, I would be out there banging away. Just how much she wants you around. I just throw 10 grand right in their face when I was done. Hey, keep you mouth shut up, stupid.

I want another 10 grand. Here you go. I don't care. You'd get blackmailed for sure. Oh, I would love it. I'd love to get blackmailed. That sounded weird. Yeah, it did sound weird.

I bet she's okay with that, too. I bet Dawn's fine with that. I bet this girl's okay with that. I know. Don's not okay with that. Don's not okay with that. She barely liked Patrice. I told you, that's why I knew Dawn was a good one.

I used to bring all my girls to the cellar. Any chick I dated, I would bring to the cellar and sit them at a table with Godfrey. And then Artie. A lot of them would walk out. They were still fun. I'd be like, you're done. And Dawn walked out when I go, what do you think of that? she goes they fucking talk a lot and loud i was like she's the one she's the one she's the one i will love

you forever i will get to the one i'm going to cheat on you for a while but i'm going to get serious and then uh you'll be the one that was that great i used to love that patrice joke he goes my girl's been with me oh it's the best joke was it for like seven years but i know my girls my girls would be my my girls would be with me for six years i've been with three months it's so true it's such a guy The only guys are going, oh my God, I've only loved you for the last three months of our marriage. You go, she would be six years. I've been with her for like three months. It's the funniest fucking joke ever.

Every guy relates to that. Yeah, that's great. I mean, look, I really am the happiest. That, and the other one he had, like, the relatable things, just, like, not wanting to hurt people's feelings ever. And he used to have that joke about, uh, my tea goes, man, goes, my chick goes, I don't want to break up with her. I just wanted to get, like, hit by a bus. and just be gone from the earth completely. He's like, I don't want to just break up with her.

That's going to hurt her feelings and make her sad. I just like her to have maybe she was hit by a bus and erased completely from the earth. I've actually thought about, like, like these, they're called intrusive thoughts. Oh, yeah. I've actually thought about like. All the sympathy pussy I get if I found Christine dead on a bathroom floor.

Oh. Because I pay for everything and she doesn't, I pay all the bills. Like if she did. Like when we were split paying, I never really thought about it because, you know, I'd have to change my lifestyle. Sure.

But if something, I've thought about it, if something did happen or I get to live the same life, I would just have to get like a nanny for Max. I need a house manager. Yeah, I would just have to get like, we'd still do all the same shit. Except it would be with some smoking hot from Jersey with tattoos or off.

But we would be heroes because of how we tried. Yeah. We tried our best. God forbid, I take that back. I want nothing to happen to Dawn. I do want it to get over this fucking menopause shit, though. What an annoying excuse that is. It's dry.

We'll fucking spit in it. This young lady here is a few years away from that still, though. A few? Yeah, yeah. You out of your mind? In fact, this girl's, I'm guessing pussy is wet in every single one of these pictures. My guess would be her pussy is sloppy soaking wet in all these pictures. Yeah, she stays away.

There's no hair down there for sure. So she definitely is just all. always slick. It is weird to see Don naked now because she got her boobs taken out. So she's got her original titties back. OGs? She got her OG and they literally made them like the same except they fixed her nipple when she had like one nipple that was bigger than the other back of the day,

which kind of weirded me out. She had a mole I had her get rid of. I didn't do it. I just kept mentioning it. I thought you just kept telling the doctor while she was under just different things you wanted to change. I just kept saying. Also take a rib out. You know they take those off.

You could tie like dental floss around that. It would just die up. but her now having her new titties it's kind of it's kind of sexy to have a new a new body to be around not that I you know we do anything really yeah yeah yeah we're gonna do you got to figure out do you know you can do things you know you can do things with their body isn't it funny that girl from Vegas yeah I don't have to figure out anything I'm gonna eat her ass cunt um by the way I'm gonna literally eat her ass cuss cunt I'm gonna literally eat her ass cunt I'm I'm literally going to go from the top of her clit to the corner of her ass wrinkle.

And she's like, ah, I'm going to go deeper and deeper. I'm going to make her come five times and then beg for it. And then I'm going to do the half in, half out. And then she's going to beg for it. And I'm going to give her the whole thing and then pop it out and then go back down. You really got a real thing about this giving them a little bit in the whole thing. That's my technique. It's my thing.

Bob, he really married to this. Give them a little, make them ask for the whole thing thing. It's a proven technique over years. I discovered it in the 80s. It took me through the 90s in the early aughts. Ooh, that's not bad. And it was a... Good, straight in Miami Vice.

It was a great move. Great move. I like it. You know what I used to do, too, a lot of times? I wouldn't let them do anything to me like the first time. That was a mind fuck. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would never let them do anything. I would just please them. I'm... That's my mindset has always been. in that it would be like yeah i've i don't know if i've ever just gotten like a blowjob if something's going to happen if no sex is going to happen my brain would always go to go down on them oh i've i love just a blow job that was my that was actually my favorite movie you know you're hop-op oh i love just i'm going back to morbidly obese jay i love just the

blow job i love a chick who's go all right let's go i want what i'm a suck you dick it's still my personality though no if girls if girls like i want to suck your dick i really i think my my instinct would be like i wonder if i can go the other direction first if i could do them well are you also like are they going to be any good it is it's going to take me forever to come it's a lot of that but it's also in my mind i'm like that person leaves more being like man that guy is fucking awesome not like i just chugged his load it's the worst after a chick swallows you load and you have like 10 more minutes in the car together you just have to see her and you know the kisses coming you're like I didn't ever got a ton of car blow jobs I've got a so my yeah

sounds like that was your jam oh I loved it I loved it because I had cars when you could get a blow job you're a bench seat in the front I had a 67 Chevy Impala yeah you could have an orgy in the front seat yeah you got two perps in the back yeah I used to have a a Hyundai hatchback and my move was to get them outside the car Hyundai Hyundai Hyundai Hyundai yeah was it Hyundai hatchback it was a Two to a Hyundai hatchback. What year? It had to be 80s. Was Hyundai around then?

Yeah. Late 80s, early 90s, yeah. It was my first new used car, because up until then I had $250 cars, $300 cars. Grand Torino, 280 ZX. Due to the auctions? No, I just would buy them, like, I would just buy them off of dudes. That was it right there. It was a red one, but it was gray.

It was the gray one. Yeah, there it is. I had that, which was a new car back then. there was a new company and uh yeah that's what i've said it must been hundi being brand new manual you had a you had a you had a shift it that back went up and i would put them in the back put the seats down and put their legs up in the corner and just go to town and my move was always to eat a girl's butt on the first date if we if we got down i'm eating your butt that's so like you're so before you're ahead of your time because yeah because nobody ate butt it was like gay

Yeah, I think I've always, I've always done that too, I feel like. Maybe not the exact first time always, but I think it's a, I think it's surprising. Also, a lot of times when I've done that, it's the first time that's ever been done. Right. To them. And then it's like, it can be like a point of like a real like, holy shit, you opened up my mind to that. When I was in my 19, 20, 21, 25, I'm dating girls my age. they never had anybody to lick their butt

but going to some butt back then especially the 80s 90s is gay it was just gay it was nuts it was it was crazy crazy but I like to look at a girl's butt in the gayest way like behind them I mean a real asshole licking like it is a guy

I didn't do that I didn't like that dude I put their legs on the legs are way up. No, for sure. I would... That's how you incorporate. But once in a while,

you just got to go, just maybe just a full-on ass eat? No? I did the ass lick and then lick the... I would always go back to the main frame. Of course. I would go down a little bit, get into it, and they would go nuts,

and then I'd go back up. But enough from behind, full-tong-bath to a bunghole. Yeah. Okay. Different strokes, right? Different strokes, baby. That car did me so good,

except it never started in the rain. I fucked a girl who A girl who worked with my mom Who was fat in my Yeah, yeah That is the gay way But I tell you what That's hot

Whatever he just did He just ate her ass, dude You know, remember that movie So you do it Two girls and a guy Robert Downey Jr. ate Heather Graham's ass No

Oh, I got a full heart on In the movie theater Oh God What a movie The guy from the bear The guy from the bear He ate Brian Williams' daughter's asshole Buddy in fucking

Robert Downey Jr. Just spun Heather Graham around and just ate her ass and I got a full heart of because that was my thing I loved eating ass and I never saw a I like a good ass eating

I agree yeah the problem is when they do it to you I've always felt bad have a girl eat your ass I always feel bad after because I'm like I made her

she didn't no girl wants to eat ass yeah they'll go down to the balls they'll definitely do the taint but then when you start holding your ass cheeks open and throwing your legs over your head

it fucks up the mood It is, yeah. It's hard to introduce. When they turn over and you're on all fours presenting your asshole. Yeah. And then when you go, get in there. And your leg's got to be up. Yeah, it's humiliating.

No girl wants to hear when they're licking your ass on the outside, get in there. Yeah. It's humiliating. It's goddamn, I want to say sorry to all of you. If you're listening, I apologize. Every lady out there, I apologize. That's coming straight from Zaddy Bobby. You see him go in and get a facecloth and wipe their lips.

Zaddy Bob. Zaddy Bob. Zaddy Bob. We should take a break, yeah? Yeah, we should take a break. For tickets and all the tour dates, visit punchup.com slash Robert Kelly.

And make sure you check out Bobby's new YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. And he's at the Village Underground, 7 p.m. Fat Black Pussycat. Every Tuesday. Every Tuesday. Every Tuesday night. Go to BigJ Comedy.com and YouTube.

com slash at Big J. Hokkison for his live shows that he's doing that are killing it. And get the Them Day special. It's up there right now. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.