The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Breaking The Law (feat. Jon Carden)

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

What NOT to do when you are pulled over by the cops.

James Franco accused his sexual harassment. If James Franco asked his sexually harassed to get busied, then I better learn how to fucking a ski mask. You know what I mean? This is Big J. O'Coursen, and my new special dog, Belly Life from Skankfest, out now on YouTube. Scott Fulpe J. O'Coursen!

And now, the Bond Fire, with Big J. O'Coursen and Robert Kelly. And it's so long, girl, I'll sing it! I love country music. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Is that bad? Is that mean I'm getting old? Oh, I hate to. Welcome everybody. We're back. Thursday live. Live. The Bonfire, Big J. Ocasin, the man, the cutie, petudi, and me, Robert Kelly,

we're here with everybody. Lou, Lou, Jacob's somewhere, but he's here. He's in Florida, but he's in our years. He's in our years. And in our hearts always. Always. Our guests, Christina's here.

Our Christina's here. Yes, she doesn't have a seat in there. She has no latte. Oh, Frappuccino. She's finished her Frappuccino, but don't worry, she's sitting on a heating pad still to loosen her back up so she can crawl over to get some more later. I'll give you some of mine, yeah, animal. Who gets a small Frappuccino now? These are mediums.

It's like maybe drink it too fast. Yeah, it's, it's me. She really crushes it right there. Yeah, it's, it's a me. She really crushes it right there. I'll get a brain freeze from this. It's like a, it's like a matcha almond milkshake almost. Yeah. It's exactly what it is actually.

It's exactly what it is. It's exactly what it is. It's ice almond milk and matcha tea. But it's healthy because South Americans say so. It's green. Everything green is healthy. I guess sitting on this, very, very good buddy of mine.

I'm at him in Phoenix, stand up live. When I was out there doing a show one weekend, he was hosting that weekend. And then, you know, it's funny, Bob, you know this, you get to hit up by people on the road a lot. And almost when anybody goes, like, hey man, just eat all of you ever. And they should do that.

That's the shooting the shot is the right thing to do. Yeah Because it does work out eventually. Yeah, so many people have done like the hey, if you ever need me on the road I'd love to work with you and then John did the move talk about someone who gets my personality pretty quick It was like hey, can I do this gig with you? I'm like if you could do everything Imaginable to make it, that I only just have to say to one person, yes, it's fine with me. Absolutely. Just like the, he's got a ticket, he's already talked to the club, he's got his advance from the club, he's, so I loved that and so I get it down. I do the same thing. If someone calls me up, they're like, hey, I'm like, yeah, you take care of everything.

I don't, I don't, I'll say, yeah, I don't care. Yeah, you have to want it, right? You have to be willing to do the thing. Yeah, I hate when they call you up and like, I'll say yeah, I don't care. You have to want it, right? You have to be willing to do the thing. Yeah, I hate when they call you up and like, what, what bus should I take? What? Oh no. What about my year agent? Oh God.

You know, did that to me? Our friend, Lewis, one of the biggest fights we've ever gotten into. He calls me out when he was middleing for me at Mulligan's son. One of the biggest, we didn't talk for the whole ride until the show was the first time I was a banger. Yeah, because he called me out the day of, I told him, be at the train station at 12. Be at the white planes train station at 12.

I'll pick you up, we'll go from there. I need to get out of town before the traffic starts out. Okay, okay, Dougie. And then at, I think it was 11, 10, doggie, then at I think it was a 11 10 Doggy what train what train should I take? I'm like I don't fucking know what train get you there at 12 you have a child like white planes is the stop Dude yeah, what's insane? It's not like he doesn't like what he already knows the information to find out which one so it goes Alright, whatever. He's pissed at me. I you know, he's mad at me because I'm the asshole and then I get to white planes

I'm waiting there 15 minutes goes by he calls me doggy. You want a Starbucks? I go what? He went to the hot still one. He got off at hard still because they had a Starbucks So I had to go I had to drive backwards. He so he's like take get me at this stuff I had to go, I had to drive backwards. So he's like, take me to this stuff. I had to go back 50 minutes to this stop before white planes and pick him up. And dude, I flipped out. I was screaming. Oh yeah.

And Lewis was doing everything he can, not to just punch me on the side of the head like a gorilla. And then have sex with Don take over my life. I gotta give him credit. I was yelling at him like I could we could fight. Well, John and me just like, and we're on the road, it's good road dog. You know what I mean? We're both pretty mellow on the same things. Watch, we were baroned by John was unaware of the deep dark world of online pedophile hunters. And when I opened up his world to that, it was just two guys that were happy to go smoke

pot and watch pedophile hunts after the shows and eat snacks. We've watched a lot of pedophile hunts and eaten a lot of snacks. It's a pretty mellow hang. But a lot of tummy times. I hope you guys go two-fire down the hall and one day you're in the video And it's me and Lewis are doing tummy time watching you get Tummy time rules. You introduced me to tummy time in JFL and and I Haven't desired anything more. Yeah, since then. I don't do a tummy time with them. I refuse. I have my pride

I'll sit in the chair next to him. I won't lay on a bed. Tell me time with another dude It's can't you don't take your shoes off and lie on your tummy with Jay and then criss-cross your legs I don't I don't I get nice you stay on and then put your feet up in the back And you both twiggly to tell us together. It gives me a nice wide berth does it make for a less Desirable angle on the computer we're watching for both of us? Sure. But the man's from a different place. They don't sell. They still hide. Yeah. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. He's tummy tanned while you're there. Because at that

point, I feel like a golden retriever. You know, I feel like I'm curled up at the foot of the bed. Or you feel like a friend you have bonded. I'm a friend in a chair. Yeah. I don't know why John feels uncomfortable to touch shoulders with me while I'm in a wife, Peter, lay on my... Also, maybe, maybe, maybe, don't look at me with such disgust, Bobby. I think John's, John's gayer for not doing tummy time because what he likes to do is while I'm doing tummy time, he sits in a chair so we can stare down at my cleavage. I do, I do. I do.

I do. I do, they pick together just right and man, I get a little chub. Did we tummy time with me, you and Josh? Three man tummy time and watched three and a half straight hours of documentary. And I respect none of you for it. It felt like, and it felt like 10 minutes.

I made a flu by it. Flu, when we were done, we're like, oh, we gotta get ready for shows. Good. We have shows to do. We just been a whole day out of tummies. We had snacks, we had snacks. But we did learn, I'll tell you what, and this is Bobby still heavy.

I've, you know what I said, I was worried about him when he'd been over to pick something up. I'll tell you what is in Bobby since being a 13 year old juvenile delinquent is when they knocked in the door and said security Bobby tummy to let he got up like the undertaker from tummy time it was But I ran he just rose up and ran into the bathroom and closed the door He just didn't want to be what we were in my room. Yeah, but you guys, this is a problem, Jay. You smoke weed in the room. And that fucks me up.

It freaks me out. I still, like, you're smoking weed in the room, and I'm okay with it, but I'm not. I'm scared. Because in my brain, I'm like, you shouldn't, you're not supposed to do that. Like, well, how do you have enough? Just, just, just.

I don't smoke cigarettes, everyone. I had that panic at first, too. When I first started all the row with them, I was scared too. But then after a while, you just kind of get used to it. I have foe. But I'll tell you scared me. I have had it. But they got me, but what happened was the guy goes, you're smoking in the room. And I went, I don't want to hear it. You're coming downstairs because you're smoking at the room. And I was like, shit. And that's when I was like guys, they want me to come downstairs. Like, I'm like, they're gonna downstairs, because you're smoking at the room, and I was like, shit, and that's when I was like, guys, they want me to come downstairs.

Like, I'm like, they're gonna fucking ask me to move hotels, well, I'll go over to the delta where there's balconies, so we won't have this problem. And I was looking on the bright side of that, that I'm gonna kick that, I went downstairs, and the guy goes, if he goes, you're smoking in the room, and it means 250 American dollar charge in the room and that means

250 American dollar charge to the room and I was like oh, you're just gonna charge me for the smoking He was like yes, it's gonna be on your bill. I'm like oh, yeah, all right, okay I'll pack up to my room like that. I was still he came back and I was still up another one. Yes I was still in the bathroom when you came back. I was still in the shower with the jars I was like Bobby, it's cool the coast is clear The first is out of the hall you were hiding on the bathroom. I get scared. I get scared Instinct what do you have warmth into the bathroom? You have warrants dude? I mean warrants. I used to a kill to be the once I killed a beaver dude and that fear Bobby that fear leaves you. The fear of impending arrest is always there. I still walk out of, I walked out of CVS today

and the beeper went off and I froze and I was like, I didn't do anything. I don't have anything. If you wanna check my bag and the guy was like, no, just go. You can steal $900 worth of stuff and we can't do anything about it. It does change actually John, though I disagree

because I did did I lived in 25 30 years straight through a fear of because I've had a weird amount of times being pulled over for like I get me because I know that break lights out and then they're like no you're actually arrested because there's like a warrant because you unpaid this or tickets or something. And I got it. So I had that fear for that. But once my record was clear, which has only been Christine what six, seven years that I've just been like, there's no issues. My license is all good, everything. Maybe a little longer. Oh, do I like to give the biz to a cop now? Oh, I like giving them the old fucking white guy. I don't want to lose the leader because they're still nasty.

They still come with the same nastiness that would make me go, sir, I'm very sorry. And now I go, I was like, why are you yelling at me? You fuck face. And they say that? Absolutely. Christina's begged me to stop doing it while it was happening. I made it.

I'm talking back to the cops. I'm 10 years old. I haven't seen this side. Dude, when I was in this female car. You're not supposed old. I haven't seen this side. I haven't seen this side, I haven't seen this side, I can't. Dude, when I was in this female cop. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to be in America. This female cop that was going like hard at Christina one point, I caught her a dumb bitch 15 times to her face.

And then she tells her sergeant, and he goes, what seems to be going on here? I go, she seems to not understand that she's a dumb bitch. And he even was kind of like, all right, baby. Like, just like, you know what I go, I don't know. I was like, what can you possibly do to send me about this? not understand that she's a dumb bitch and he even was kind of like all right baby I don't know what could you possibly do to me about this I mean she happens to be a dumb bitch I'm the one saying it and he was just like I just parked the car right yeah

he didn't hate it oh yeah he actually passed you and now he's like get we call that to her yeah she has a dumb bitch that That's dumb dumb bitch Kathy. Oh She was awful. We know it's off that cop block just in the nick of time. I think I know before I got shot It was just like revving up because they were always the cops were always doing something You know, I told that also paperman turn off his body camera and I'll beat him up I told that also paperman turn off his body camera and I'll beat him up

He goes do something about it. What are the second time is like do something about it? Like turn your turn your body camera off dude. I'll fuck you up They can't turn off and then he went inside The guys came out and they were like remember they're all like yeah, he's such a jerk off Well, they said he tickets them like he was like a cop that would like ticket other cop cars on the block Which in some weird way I respect, but also you're all senior a dick. I get pulled over 10 of two Yes, sir. No, sir Whatever you need sir the whole time. I don't care what they are on a pullover

I'll do that stuff. I get pulled over and I'm all, I actually have gone into stores where I see cops, order, and pizza, and I pay for everything. And I go, thanks for what you do all the time. I'm so terrified. I'm so terrified. I would never. Terrified it.

Yeah, dude, I've been arrested in the back of the car, thrown in jail. I'm sure. I just have that fear. And then when my thing was clear, when now that I can drive, and I have nothing to worry about, I just, and my uncle's a cop too. So I'm always 10 of two, yes sir, no sir, I am a complete pussy.

I'm terrified of getting pulled over because I genuinely, and I mean this, I don't know where any of the documentation I would need to give, if they go, do you have your license insurance, I go, I have my license for sure, and the car is definitely insured I don't know if there's anything in here that says that or I'm pretty sure there is That's even old one. I'm poor So the thought of getting pulled over scares the shit out of me because they're gonna take the one thing that I don't have Money That's scary. I remember that when I first got my car and

You got a ticket or something and you was like, 260 and you don't have it. And you had to go down to that office and see that lady and it's brutal. Now they have payment plans. Oh, do they? They have that shit back there. I'd ask my grandmother for 260.

She had to give me her money and then she had to had to pay her back and increments. I still think I owe her 80 bucks. But thank God she died. That's the best way to get out of a payment plan. One of my arrests were for an unpaid ticket. They gave me a $40 some dollar ticket because when, um, when me, whoever would drive up from me, uh, Kevin Hart and Keith Robinson, whoever would drive, you

know, everybody else would kind of eat in the car and get snacks at the gas station. Yeah. And then like, you know, the asshole would kind of eat in the car and just get snacks at the gas station. Yeah. And then like, you know, the ass hole jokes that we all did, especially back then was like, you know, if it was my car, would have they leave all the garbage in the car and pointed out, you know, I mean, like, you're like, oh, we're also going to leave all this here, who's Kev's car, we do it to Kev. So at the time it was my car, and when we dropped Keith off at his place. And me and he those garbage near me and Kevin just started like throwing the garbage on his like front lawn

It's all playful Keith laughing. Ah you mother fuckers. The Cubs came over They shine a light on some really like on the block park or something and it's like you know two three in the morning And they're giving us like, what are we doing? And I'm like, oh, we're just like, and they tell much drunk or anything. I didn't even drink at that point at all. And I was, they were just giving us a fucking heart. They were making a really big thing about it.

And I was like, yeah, we'll pick it up, man. It's like, I'm gonna be like, give me like a $450 ticket for littering. And I just, you might as well tell me that was a bazillion dollars and I just never paid it. And that was one ofillion dollars and I just never paid it And that was one of the times I got pulled over like yeah your license has been suspended for like a year I agree with the cops on that one 100% behind the office of the law god bless America Thanks for cleaning up the street to these scumbags

Trash on a Garbage dude I'm he's gonna go buy them all pizza. You know, I swear to God. I do it I'm a big fan. You know Pat Patrice is the worst. When we're down the, uh, my mum Bloomberg, when he was a mayor governor, what the fuck was he? Mayor, right? Mayor. Yeah. Mayor. He passed a law, uh, a sound, uh, law. Like if you were too loud, they gave you a ticket, right? Loud voice. Voice loud. Whatever. Anything loud a cop comes up gives you, I think it was a 250 ticket or something like that. How many tickets to Patrice get?

Well, we were in the car. It's a flip book. Back in the day, there was this tall, I mean, he had to be like seven foot cop, goofy white dude down in the West Village, just a dick. I mean to everybody, screaming, people in the street, get off the, get on the side. I mean, he's yelling at all the time off this get on the site. I mean yelling at

Interesting because those cops down there for one thing to a flaw One of the hang with the comic so because they all of tree treated him really well But I was addicted to the comics. Yeah, this guy was seven foot tall goofy white cop There was a dick to everybody and Patrice will go down the street in his big red caddo members caddy Yeah, and now we're in it and the cop Jumped in front of his car and just stopped him without looking just fuck you and it was telling him yelling at everybody Get off the street go you go now whatever and Patrice had this really loud horn in it and he he is one What?

The cop jumped He fucking Huh Just his whole body quivered this Gun almost fell out of his holster Everybody on the street went ha ha ha and laughed at his face Dude, he went pull over and he pulled the trees over and I'm like fine. I'm you know on me I'm like do you don't do that to police. Yeah, you know crazy right?

Patrice is he goes roll the window down. Patrice rolled it down like a centimum. And he stuck his lips up. He goes, yes, officer. And he goes, roll it down. And he goes, you're scaring me, officer. And he went, roll it down. And he goes, and he rolled down like an inch.

He goes, yes, officer. He was such a cut. And he goes, officer, you're scaring me, officer. You're threatening me. You're in the middle of the street. I just honked my horn. I didn't really do anything, officer. And then he goes, he goes, get on here're scaring me, officer. You're threatening me. You're in the middle of the street. I just honked my horn. I didn't really do anything, officer. And then he goes,

get on here. Just told me, get on. If he treesors a dick to cops. Well, that was good. Good for him. And I, uh, I mean, they won eventually. And the sound, yeah.

He goes, uh, Patrice, uh, 5,000 and two, uh, police one, but it's a big one. No, I've, yeah, I've never like been treated super nice by the cops, but then I said, it's the their dicks or the over compensation because they either know who I am or their fans or something like that, which is weird in the opposite. Not that I don't want it. I want that all day long, if someone's like,

I recognize you, here's a warning, instead of a speeding ticket or something, that'd be great. But like, it's either been, they seem to be super shitty to me, or they're like, I remember the guys would come to, the ones that came to the cellar. They was one of those guys was bragging one day,

and he was like, you know, we were like of those guys was bragging one day and he was like you know we were like oh shit we have weed and he was like smoke your weed man it's like I don't give a shit about that like weed check my records how many weed arrests I have zero and he goes and check my DUI arrests also zero he goes oh wait no there's one because my uh... sergeant was. So like, he made me give me because the guy was turning down the streets of the West Village, ping ponging back and forth into cars with his car. And he pulled him over when he had to give him a ticket on that one or take him in because his sergeant was with him.

I'm like, I appreciate that weed store you told. You should change your entire ideas on DUIs and what that's insane You just told he's like I just let people drive drunk home due to cares. I'm like you're fucking out of your mind That's a weird brag to have to me Don't arrest college kids for weed. I get it. That's fantastic stop a man who's ping ponging down the street Hey, you know, dude, keep your gun who's ping ponging down the street. You're like, hey, you know what, dude, keep your gun. I was like, I'll say this.

I'll say this. I'll say this. I'll say this. I love nothing more than getting pulled over by a fat cop in the South. It is the easiest ticket to get out of. Because all you have to do is pretend you got to take a shit. That's it. And they can relate to it on a molecular level.

So if you say, oh, if you say you were speeding because you're Yeah, speeding yeah, absolutely. It's the easiest ticket to get out. I thought you're like, why do you have this child that we've been looking for in your trunk? I gotta take a shit. I gotta take a shit He's gonna be like, okay, Bob, I go down to the Sam Rock. I asked Karen for the keys to the back. That's the good bathroom Do you know remember when I think Keith Robinson speaking that, Keith is coming on the show today. He's calling in. Oh, he's calling in, because it would be too taxing to get him up here,

but he's calling in on the show. God bless him about his comedy express gang, but the greatest story ever was him in Little Kav, getting pulled over, dropping Rachel off, down somewhere, and they were yelling stuff at her and the cops pulled them over Mm-hmm, and if there's anybody they were fucking whether yeah, they're fucking with it anybody habs Hey, hey white girl whatever and Keith is the worst with cops. I mean the worst the worst and they pulled him over and He was basically telling me to go fuck themselves

Kev is has his hands on the dashboard. Sure. And I know this because this story ends with Kev driving Keith's car back to Philly and then me driving it back up to go get Keith out of jail. So I was there for the end of this not the beginning of it. They did a college or something. They did a college with Rachel Feinstein who is just a very pretty, pretty young Jewish girl and they, two brothers dropped her off and we yelling shit at her.

They don't, they don't see the, that you got out of the car. They just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they

just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they pull and they say it's like no, it's our friend Rachel's even like no I don't like to drink my friends and like what and the cops but Keith just doing like the you know Well, I get told so we're mother fucker like he's hates them which I get Completely he's a fighting with them. I Love this story so much if you recall the moment. Yeah, his hands on the, he got to put his hands on the thing.

And every time they keep trying to grab his hand, he's going nope and pulling his hand away. Nope, nope, nope. They got so mad. And then they threw him on the ground and they kicked him. Well, hat will have to blow it up. Well, have to blow it up. They may.

No, no, no, no. Because that's the way he does this. That's the best part. They kicked him. He should his pants. And then he goes, he said he pulled out the pepper spray and started like, you hear the ball cocking around like clunking, clunking, clunking. And he goes, uh, eat pepper pepper spray motherfucker and they sprayed his face and he went,

ah! They was the end of it. The pepper spray was the final straw. I eat pepper spray for breakfast motherfucker. That's hilarious. You had shit in his pants. He went from there, a macho man from Philly to a baby. Shit is pants right on the side of the wash

in front of Rachel's house. They said they had a weapon and all he had was old man black hairbrush. You know, the big wooden hairbrush just to do that, his wave's brush. Yeah, it was actually, it was a hair dye that he got off his CVS. Oh my God.

There's nothing funnier than that. There's nothing funnier somewhere like, you can't hurt me and then immediately get hurt. I gave it wrong. And then he also just had like I don't know. I'd have to ask him to tell the whole story but when I picked it's fucking also 24 years ago. But it was so funny. Like I went to go get him that night and like, you know, he's like a comic and there's just like a couple different chicks that were like concerned about them like they all Convert keep us almost like oh let me stay in This all the side pieces cross buddy Bolton was a comic in New York for a while and he came down with he brought down

Is to bail they thought they had a bail amount which I don't think they did ultimately or they did but his brother came and did it But buddy Bolton came down he was like a hippie dippy dude sweetheart, but he can have a sack a leather sack full of soccer. J. W. Coins Like trade the trade has tender for his friend Keith What the fuck is a soccer J. W. J. $1 coins, you know, I mean It's like everybody goes soccer J. W.

Yeah coins. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, it's a soccer joy. It's collection. It's like, it's like, it's coin collection. Polaris. I got a ship in a bottle. What will that get me? Can that buy me any time? He brought all 50 state quarters. Yeah, it goes. Soccer joy. Your coins. I got six beanie babies. Oh, that's so funny. Soccer joy coins with them. He just, like a satchel fold. He pulls up his Bitcoin account. And then Keith walks out of jail. No, it was commando, no underwear. He had to cut his underwear off because he shit himself. Oh man, that's brutal. And he breath was terrible whenever and his first

pure comic. First thing, hey dude, I got you. Now I'll drive you back. Let's go back to Philly. Let's go home. Now we gotta go by the cellar. It's with the cellar for two hours and told the story to everybody. It's just such a comic thing. You're like, I got it. I'm like, Keith, you have like, you have no wonder, because I cleaned up, though.

Stop it, target on the way. Man, what a wild one. You have the cops and you, Keith was not a fan of the fucking cops either. But I just never had them just be like, I've never had them like hook me up. Or be like, I have a gold badge. The PTA card?

No, there's the PTA, that's the school. Yeah, you don't have a card for that. I do, I do, it's the PSA. But when you read it, the PBA. The PBA, sorry, all right, you don't have a card for that. I do. I do. It's the PSA. But it's when you know it's the PBA. The PBA. Sorry. All right. You son of a bitch. What are all these letters? I'm so confused. You never heard that. It's police. It's not a hood, but never. An association. Just shut up. You're right. I keep. It's basically what it is. It's probably something people pay into, but like'll happen as to you as a comic

a bunch. When a cop is like a fan or like, you're something to go, and they give you a card, has like their badge number written on the back, and it's got like a number on front. And the concept would be if you put it in your wallet or in your front window. It works. It is what? This is... Christina, my right, that it is never, ever worked for us.

I have ever? What do you have to buy? You used to put it in our window when we'd park in like, Chris Christina my right that it is never ever worked for us. I have ever Used to put it in our window when we parking like a spot that was like dicey On the goutie not get tickets. We'd get parking tickets anyway Why am I not about this? I got one of my car Because I think in a cell that's not a thing to sell I tell you what I have my my Because I think in a cell. That's not a thing in a cell. I tell you what I have.

My guy, my up where I live, gave me, when you're really in, you get the badge. It comes with a leather flip and it's a little tiny badge. Gold badge and when you have that in your car, you flip that open. Just go, they just tell you that. If they gave me that, I would abuse that authority like it was a real thing.

Can I tell you something really quick? I would just flash it quicker people. Can I tell you something real quick? What I would abuse that authority like it was a real thing Can I tell you something? I would just flap a flash of quicker people can I tell you something real quick What I did would a piece of shit. I am a Tf suck my dick. Are you going in? I was down the village on a spring day and I Was sitting on the there's a building with a round staircase over by the seller on six staff and I was sitting hanging out and There was a Asian one middle-aged Asian woman why is she Asian because she was why does she have to be for the story because she was yeah I'm sure it'll come in the play she was

there's gonna be something you say in the story where I go that's what they do she she she she starts yelling to herself here you go yelling right away that's what they do then she looks at me I look over at her I look over at her. I'm on the phone with Maddie Frost. I'm on the front with him. She looks at me What the fuck did you say? What the fuck did you just say to me now? Like yo yo dude dude dude dude this girl's flipping out. I think she's flipping on me. She comes over to me You racist motherfucker. What did you I mean? She's gonna kill me. She wants to fight me She's coming at me yelling at me

Her fist flowing dude She's going super saying How you can Sonic boom Dude she's coming at me. I had that stupid badge in my pocket, in my wallet. I took it out, and I flipped my wallet, and I went, hey, back off! Wow.

I went back. It was a little baby gold badge. It's a little small. But it was in the back. I know it's like an up and down pin, right? The pin doesn't go across. It goes up and down the back. It's a little badge.

It's in my wallet on the inside inside and it's a wallet that's uh it's actually a hundred dollar bill it looks out I flipped it I went hey back off Robert Kelly hip-hop police just say this it didn't work she she came at me I had to run she holding the badge I'm running up stick going hey, hey, hey, hey, in today's Temperature I was a library card. I would say in today's in today's temperature when someone calls you a racist Saying your cop isn't helping the cause You're not doing anything. You're going to go as card carrying racist

Yes, I have a badge of racism right here. I went to the whole school academy. I just, I remember when I whipped the badge out, I just looked over, I was so embarrassed, because I just saw this lady with her kids just laughed. I was like, I want the fuck you, though. Just a, just a, just a New Yorker was like, what do you do? That's what you do. In defensive respect for the badge that I will say, I still probably, you know, but you definitely have, is a thing where I just don't meet the cops that are doing like the thing that you're like, damn,

that's a good, a cop who's really trying to solve like something terrible that happened to a family. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like a real detective, the guys, but I just encounter the ones who it's like, they're like stopping bicycles at the end of the block for going through yellow lights It's like you don't have to defend that you hate cops and you're part of Antifa. You don't have to do that Well, we all support you do that you're in Antifa and you hate the Antifa anti cops. Oh, yeah, I

Cool, man. You're good. We're good. We love you no matter what did you hate police? Mm-hmm in all forms. Yeah black lives matter. Sorry. I chose a side I'll be pulled over tonight in your Uber Show you show your benevolence card. Yeah, I'm gonna show my fucking blue lives matter card I got up in the girls because what are you guys the police? See black lives matter Asian lives that blue lives matter card. I got up and she goes, what are you guys with the police? See, black lives matter. Asian lives matter. Blue lives matter. Never, I've never seen you,

like you've never gotten pulled over by a cop in our entire relationship. All the incidents with cops were always like weird stuff on our block. For the most part, yeah. Yeah, I've never seen how you like act with a cop in that situation at all It's a little different

Definitely because you just think if I'm in my car There's like I don't expect to be stopped walking on the street by a police officer and have something happen Do you know me as not my thing? Yeah, that I worry about getting pulled over in a car It's just like I know the process. I've been arrested Almost every time I've been arrested, I've been taken out of a car. Yeah. And you're like the toe, the night in jail. What is it I'm going in for, actually? Are they gonna let me out tomorrow? Fuck, is it Friday? I'm not gonna get out of here till Monday for something as stupid as I get unpaid seatbelt ticket. It was like shit like that.

It was just I just was so I didn't pick up like a adult responsibility. No, I'm still terrible at it. If Christine left me for real, I could do it, but I would definitely have to be like, all right, where do you pay the cable bill exactly? Like, did I mean like I have to figure it out? I don't know what bank run. I think he's that. I go to Donna, go, can I have money? I It is I think is that I Something I go to don't I go can I have money?

She hands me money I have to go do I have money? That's right. It's pretty good. Do I have money? Yeah, I Was going to my cigar place today I go can I have money to get cigars? She's like how much I'm like 700 Like what? Can I have money? Yeah, I asked Christine if I have money. She looks at I But you know, it's funny. She was saying something about dawn like calling for something for you for like one of the gigs We're doing yeah together and I was like oh, yeah don't does like I go yeah

Don's Bobby's Christine also just like does the things that I'm like yeah If I just sit there this trip. I'm doing with two Airbnb's on this trip Yeah, I'm going to and like I know I've pretty impressed myself I Can browse Airbnb? pretty impressed to myself, I can browse Airbnb. In the area that we're going to, and probably pick an Airbnb. And then I have to click a button, and I know now that the little square thing with the arrow is send that to somebody else, share button. That's great.

And then when I hit share, every device I have knows, you probably want to shoot it over to Christine, and I go, every device I have knows, you probably want to shoot this over to Christine, and I go, yes, I do. And then I go, Christine, can you make this actually happen? Like this Airbnb? Is this a possible? Because I... You have no idea how, it can actually happen.

I know it, can I know it's not that hard? It just seems like a, it would weigh on me. Like I had to go carry a boulders up a mountain or something. Once you know it, like now like seamless Uber Eats, like you're fine with those. Like that used to be all me, but now you go on those apps and you're like, Oh, boy, is he fine with Uber Eats?

I'm gonna get it out. I'll get it out. I'm getting 10 pounds because if I okay, he is with Uber Eats. Can I take into blame on this? I don't let Don do any Airbnb's for me because she did want an LA. Yeah. And I showed up and it was in,

it wasn't like a gang neighborhood. She doesn't understand LA. She thinks LA is LA, like you know, there's characters where I was literally in a gang neighborhood and I had to go through a cage to get into the Airbnb And yes when you got into the Airbnb there was a beautiful colored rug on the floor and a piece of art that she saw in the dumb photo But I had to blood in blood out every time I left I had a fake a Spanish accent like you Hey, you know where I can get a burr out here? Hey, I gotta go to Netflix for a meeting, y'all.

Yo, what's fuck better here? Lift her Uber Fucker. Yeah, man. Hey, man, you guys know Bobby, Bobby Lee. You know Carlos Mencia, otherwise known as Ned. Yo, do it Lopez. What about that guy, huh? You know him?

Dude, it was frightening. When he was frightening looking for this last Airbnb for him in LA, just on the map, it was hilarious. Like, right looking for this last Airbnb for him in LA just on the map It was hilarious like in the map. It said skid row and then there was just a high-rise luxury apartment in the middle of skid row That was available on Airbnb There should be some type of flag that they have to put for neighborhoods No, it's a big thing. That's the the whole thing about that hotel They said the Asian girl was haunted

and it turns out she was just like, all for meds and drowned. I know. Oh, it's not that documentary. Yeah, yeah. That's like Skid Row and now they turn. She's drowned in the water thing and everybody drank her. And now they turn you there.

Now there's the high rises on Skid Row. No, but it's not even crazy. Well, high up, but not just that. There's actually, it's like a double hotel thing there or something that's in that location now where that girl thing It's not like that same creepy thing. Yeah, but outside It's still like tuberculosisville Crazy

The wild inequality I got put up over there too and at night. It's just it's a nightmare I went to a jazz supper club by myself What a cultured man Did you wear an mascot any excuse to wear an mascot? I think Jacob was with me on that would you go with me Jacob? Thank you. Oh, Jake and excuse to put on cufflinks Dude I walk I was like I walk it was it was the most frightening thing I've ever done in my life. And I'm pretty street. Like I know how to walk down the street,

not be fucked with. I know how to make eye contact. I know how to, I know who to look at, who to kind of look through. It's an interesting eye contact. It's not, cause you gotta watch, it can't be friendly, but it also can't be combative

It's got to be a thing like I'm not even thinking about you. It's like you're doing your thing I'm doing my it's like I should to do that's the thing you don't your face is I got shit to do It's the same look you have when you go when your wife's been in Victoria secret too long and you want to get her out You walk in pissed off, but not an ass and not like an abusive husband you walk right to get in the car Yeah, then then then you Then you're strangled with panties You love him so much eat him Put it down your throat

Yeah, dude, fire at Airbnb man, that thing is we're gonna Airbnb my tiny house Yeah, to what the fucking Mice and rats are living in it while you're gone. Took a fucking Disney adventure up there right now. Is it deer wearing Bobby's robe, drinking coffee? Snow White is gonna use it for the springtime. Max had the poison apple.

We have Keith calling in at six. Keith Robbins' intensive for comedy express. We have to actually watch, we did not get anywhere near the end of that comedy express video. Yesterday we have to explain to John what comedy express is. But Max, is this the first one? Oh yeah, is this the first one? Is this the first of?

No, this is the C, Max. Okay. I was telling Jay before the show that I have my son, Giu-Jitsu, okay, a year and a half ago, I'm friends with Matt Sarah and Igor Gracey is up where we are and he put him in there and he's kicking ass, he's loving it. And then, but he's not mad at you.

No, he's not. That's not that hard. I mean, I was hit by a train. I'm probably a tractor and one of my... He, he, uh, a train. I was hit by a train. I was hit by a train. Probably a tractor, more likely. He, he, he, so last night I came home, he just got his belt upgrade, whatever. And he's really, there's a thing, you probably know this from him again,

there's a thing that happens where your kid kind of gets it. Like he goes off, like in the last couple months, I come home, he's drumming, he takes drum lessons, but he's doing it by himself, he's into it. Gotcha. He's coming home now and he's doing jiu-jitsu in the liver, and putting the mat out and practice and stuff. Like it went from just having to go to jiu-jitsu, having fun.

He's finding his interest. He's finding his interest, so I come home last night, and he's on the mat with his ghee, doing sprawls, and I'll send you the video, Lou. And I go, what are you doing? And he goes, he points at me with a mouthpiece in. He goes, you. That was, what the fuck, you mean me?

He goes, we're fighting, I'm fighting you. And I'm like, I thought we're gonna have like, you know, sugar-free popsicles and watch the good doctor, you know? I don't know, that's our, usually, that's our nice, I'm over that auto-home, he's like, you're mine. Dude, I swear to God, that's- I'm over that auto homies like your mind Dude, I swear to God over that autistic kid you Me and you dad now That's usually our night we have the a logical or a popsicle no sugar and then we watch the good doctor or we watch Shits Creek and because it reminds of a Mateo and

And you're gonna walk into the room. He's gonna ding a bell every time you go. Last time he goes you. So I was like, all right, I go over to the mat. He single legs me. He takes me down. And he goes on top of me and he taps me out. I mean, went behind me and choked me out.

He's like, today's the day. So I had, I got mad and then we started fighting. Right. And then he won. Well, what I did was I let him win. The last one, I let him have, because it was so, I was like so happy that he's into it. I was like, all right, let him have this.

I think I did the wrong thing as a dad. Oh, yeah, you got to take him down, dude. Well, I put him, I put him into the, into the I put him don't play this makes me cry This music makes me cry He's my boy He kicked my ass, I came home from midnight Jim for some reason I don't go to the gym during the day Oh man, throw roses, throw roses. First of all, I go to the gym late at night because nobody's there.

It's a 20 for any time fitness, best gym in the world, 35 bucks a month, nobody's there. It's me. How often can you go? I go as much as I want. Oh, Bob, with the interest any time, I have. Any time you can. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free.

We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free.

We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free.

We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free. We should have all gotten free Anyways, um, fraction talk. Faction talk. One eighth of radio. Yo. You know, Max's voice got three octaves deeper. The second he taps you out.

Oh, you know. Okay. You're listening to a fraction talk. That's right. Everyone your favorite hits. Your favorite morning, Sue. We're gonna see who's got the deepest pussy in New York City this week.

We got a couple of fat girls coming in here So anyways, he went to school today and I knew it he went to school with this confidence he probably shouldn't have And he got into a he got into a little squabble. Was he by any chance wearing his ghee tucked into jeans? Was he doing sprawls before school? No, yeah, no, he's not a lot of it. Because perhaps if he would have went dressed like Dalton himself from the roadhouse, right, perfectly caught there.

They probably would have known this guy's not to be fucked with. But you have to wear your ghee tucked into your jeans, you see. Yeah, I fucked up. Yeah, he, no, he went in today and somebody, I guess he was trying to get to a girl. It's hard to get, it's hard to get the facts out of a kid, you know what I mean? Because their imagination is everywhere. And they know, you know, they also, they also, I found with Isabelle when she was younger,

it's the feeling out like they, a very quick thing learned, little bits at a time and see where it's going. Where do they lead it? Right, where they look at your face. It's like, are you getting mad or if I go this way or that way? Right. Like, the question like, did you know this and they're like, no, and they're like, okay, you didn't know. So, and they're like, okay, all right, good.

It's a game of chess. See, my son literally broke my back. He jumped on me, elbow first, I was laying down belly down ass up bitch position Yeah, you know the position joy Um, and he jumped off the couch elbow first and processed fractured my my L2 and then I had to go to the hospital The whole thing I was there for nine hours and then on the way home I had to decide am I gonna tell him or have him arrested I haven't put in jail for breaking your back. I have Maxwell to went away. Was he mad because you were

teaching karate to Americans That's how they paralyzed Bruce Lee The broke his back because he was teaching Karate to Santa Feck Lou. They were teaching karate to Lou's Thoros Santa Feck whenever he gets chance to Santa Fec Lou. They were teaching karate to Lou's Thorne Santa Fec when I read your chance. Joseph's up for me please. Not directly. But it wasn't karate. Karate is Japanese.

Is it? Yeah. It's a ninja's or Japanese? Kung Fu is Chinese. And Ju Kwon Do is what he was teaching people. Wow. No, for you is Ju Kwon Do. For me was Jit Kundal.

It's a cum reference, Lou. How my cum reference, Jo's coming along. But, but he came home and he was telling me the story that some he went who's trying to get to this girl that's blowing him off. And he was, he was going to go confront a girl. Well, she was giving him the finger. It was a girl who was supposed to be his girlfriend or whatever, he's not in the half.

So he could go over to a locker and be like, kick my dad's ass last night. So he, this kid stepped in his way, whatever his name is. And he just tapped him. Like, this is what he said. I just tapped him a little bit. And then he, I go show me on, he has a big beam back. I go show me, and he smacked it hard. He was stopping Max from talking to the girl the girl. I want to talk to him

I don't know. No. I don't think he's trying I was trying to assault the girl No, I'm saying but she didn't want to talk to him and the kid was like they were doing a very hilarious young people version of like The lady doesn't want to talk. Yeah, exactly. I think this is the story he tells. So then the kid, the kid hits him, throws him on the kid him, and then the story that he tells, it's fucking crazy, he says the kid hit him and punched him in the first in the face.

He punched you in the face and he saw it, like you said, saw that I got mad at that. Like you don't let somebody fight. And he goes, no, in the stomach, in the chest, I go, then what? He goes, then I went down and then he took my, and then he took my head and he pushed it on the desk and he wouldn't let me up. I go, we'll let you up. And then he pushed me down to the ground.

I'm like, you're on the, did you get up? He goes, not right away. Because my big thing is get the fuck up. If someone hits you, get up, get in their face, or get away. You know, you get, but don't lie on the ground. Don't be a victim because they love that. Can somebody lay that speech right that part over there over to Cauchy 6'9? Pummeled in a bathroom of a, did you see that?

Just get up of a fucking L.A. sports club. Oh man, he got eight-town stomped. They weren't even in Atlanta. There he just, here's the thing. I don't think Max deserves that. But the teachers took him in the office and he has to write us something out. But then he comes home. I have a rule you don't get in double trouble, baby. If you got in trouble at school, I'm not going to put you in. You already got in trouble. There's no double trouble. You got in trouble at school. You're done.

You tell me honest with me, you're fine. Just don't do it again. Let me teach you something. And then you can go. Do you know the kid is? No. We got to get the update on this is going to have to be we got to see a picture of this kid because I've played this game a bit before too. I was like a bigger kid in school when I was younger. And I also had a good boyish face to play innocent on and not saying that Max like I'm not saying that Max instigated the fight at all I wouldn't presume that but it is it feels like he got a sense that like if he goes victim on the fight the whole way it's a much easier thing to tell at home like I I was just basically, you know, defending myself, getting my ass kicked more or less,

but like Max, that's why I'd be curious to see what the other kid looked like to be like. Here's what he said. I'll tell you what he looked like because he said, in this kind of hurt my feelings, and I think it's because I let him win the night before and I should have beat his ass. Your dad's an average standup.

And dad, I can't let someone say that. He said, he said, he said, dad, he's a lot bigger than you and I beat you last night. Okay. Well, man, you've said bad tone. I thought that. Yeah, you should have taken him down. You got him in participation trophy and you knew better than that. I know your heart. The problem is, I gotta go home and kill him. Oh, oh, you have to taken them down. You got a participation trophy. And you knew better than that. I know, your heart, the problem is,

I gotta go home and kill them. Oh, you have to go home and kill them. I gotta go be sure that I'm actually. They were supposed to get that kind of nurture from their mothers and their father was supposed to go differently with it. Now you have, you're being forced to give nurture from both.

Yeah. Do you see what I'm saying? So you're thinking, it's the very, one of my favorite things. And I'm telling you something about this, while funny and not the nicest thing ever, is hilarious. I think of something to do with this Bell's character. When her mom said that she was the best drawer in the house, when she drew a picture at Garfield, she was like, oh my god, it's a value of the best artist in the house.

And I was like, and I had already told her, great drop. She did a great job. And I remember, you're the best artist in the house. And I was like, and I had already told her, great drop, she did a great job. And I remember I was like, you're the best artist in the house. And she was like maybe seven, eight. And I was like, that's just crazy to say though. She's not, but she's really good. And if you get work at it, you can become a fantastic artist, which by the way, she is now

very good artist, right? Christine, I mean, back then I thought I had a artist. She's a very good artist, right? Christine, I mean, back that up, I think she's a very talented artist, but at the time I go, and I'm sort of just joking with her. I'm more making a joke, but she's getting like, cranky from the thing, and her mom's going, don't say that, he's kidding is about, you're the best artist in the house,

and I'm like, that's just another thing to say. I'm like a pretty decent artist. I should have beat up Max is what you're saying. I should have won. Yeah. So I'll go home to that and I'll beat the shit up. I'm gonna video tape it. I'll put it online.

I'll hear me later. Master girl. Yes, what you gotta do. You gotta make him a more well-rounded fighter. I thought his voice was a thing Louis was playing. I thought that was a black dude going, he has what you gotta do. No, no, no, no, no.

It's crazy. Oh, I gotta say also for the record of that, I then challenges a bell to a drawing contest, beat her obviously. It was a much better drawing. I did the same picture. And then Isabella reminded me when she was like 19 years old. She goes, then I started crying and then I drew a picture of her crying also. And I'm like, well, now you're a great artist and you're hilarious.

So those things worked out, I guess. Do you know my mom, I was going to art school before comedy. I was in college. I was going to be an artist. I was going to mass college of art transferring from Bunk of Hill. I was taking painting, drawing, everything. This was going to be my career before comedy. And it's all from a second grade.

We had to do a drawing, a charcoal drawing and my mom of a great date. And a clear for me. My mom helped me with the drawing. She basically drew the dog and I did a couple things here and there. And then I wrote my name on it and I went into school the next day to Miss Julian who was big on art. Really kind of a twatty teacher, to Miss Julian who was big on art really kind of Tawati teacher second grade teacher, but big on art. She loved that.

I go in with this drawing that's amazing of a great day. And she flips out literally takes me and I know I'm a phony. I didn't do it. My mom drew this fucking dog. She takes me through all the classes as this prodigy and she's like, look at our artist of the school and I'm going through all the classes holding up this drug that my mom did. And like, oh my God, how did you do that? And I'm like, I don't know. You just take the charcoal and you do a little harder here

and then use your thumb to make a shadow. I'm just repeating what my mom did. That moment in my head said I'm an artist all the way to college. Knowing it was stolen. Knowing my whole thing was built on a fucking lie. And you were like, but I'm gonna pursue this in school. Yeah, it's pretty impressive. I will say Isabella for sure through her young years. Like, quote unquote Isabella for sure through her young years like quote unquote Isabella

slash me One girl scout cake decorating contests. Oh, I decorated the share of that cake. We won big time Yeah, I got my parents helped me with like no projects I'm like, oh other parents would like just do the projects for the kids I didn't know is it was like maybe we should do this and be like this will the projects for the kids. I didn't know. Isabel was like, maybe we should do this. And I'd be like, this'll be better for that. Oh, mom, I'm dead, but she was on volume. So everything was kind of out of slant. Jacob, what did you, did your mom ever do stuff for you?

No. Oh, geez. I'm on my own. All on your own. Yeah, I mean, yeah, they helped a little, but she beat him into four classes. No, I really like I Isabel had to do a project on like so much she admired it was Iggy as Alia, which is hilarious, but like honey

I mapped and put the whole thing out. I drew when she had to draw a picture of the human heart one time and I did so Way too good and they still just bought it. They don't care. They don't care. The teachers didn't care. I want to get a picture of this dog. This dog, this great dang drawing, is was fucking unbelievable. Yeah. Like there's no way a second grader.

There was literally a complete fuckup the year before. Couldn't even churn butter. Like we did a butter thing outside and I fucked up and I just kept talking and I didn't turn it right and the butter got fucked up. All of a sudden I'm Van Gogh the next year. It should always be the great day and like picture together. You know, what's your next work? He goes, I'm still waiting for inspiration. But I do, you do call the great day and he goes, but Robi Artho, that was from years ago.

You know, scar far inside. He goes, that was from years ago, he goes, well, I must wait. It was years before I could make this one. I have Adam, I have Adam and paint on my eye. This one, I, I never saw another great day like the one I saw that day. There's no dog, it's ever inspired me like Mama Duke. I have some of my paintings from when I went to art school.

You. They're just not good at all. They're nowhere near as good as that painting of the... Thank God I did that talent show and started doing stand-up. Boy, you would always, whatever you did though, you'd always just do something and smudge it with your thumb

because that does seem like art shit. I've unnecessarily tried to smudge something in a drawing to make it and I go, that's not what I do at all. I don't know how it works, but it's a feel like if you have a little bit of that lead on your thumb. Oh, dude, so my paintings are bad.

I should please find them. I have one in my therapist's office. No. Dude, he told me. You keep him in paint. That's fun. And say this, dude. Where?

No. We gotta take a break in a minute. No, no, no, because Keith's coming. I tell this for, I don't know. I listen. Yeah. Real quick. A few years ago, a while ago, I was going through a lot of shit.

And he told me I should start painting again. And I was like, again, you mean, should I call my mom and tell her to paint my feelings? I know you said you couldn't anymore. You're not emotionally there, but it's time to pick up the brush again. Hey, mom, I'm feeling real depressed. I need you to draw it for me. So... You got to pull this thing off a big tarp off of like a palette. I had all the gear, so I took all my stuff out and I pulled it.

Hello, Barrett Dumber. It's been a while. Barrett Dumber. I don't know if you know Barrett number. Hello, cat me and white. I have a room. It's me, Bobby, from afar. Short, true, some here. Dude, I got my paints. So I take out all my stuff and in my therapist,

he has in his office, his clients have paid him with paintings. So all the art in his office is from people that he sees So my idea I'm going to paint him a painting that he will hang in his office So I paint three faces of me angry Happy and sad. They're abstract though. Yeah Not no it's not realism. It's like an idea. It's me. It's three faces. It's kind though. Yeah, abstract. No, it's not realism.

It's like an idea. It's me. It's three faces. It's kind of a vertical, you know, and I paint it and it takes me a while and I give it to him. I go here, I made this for you. And he never put it up.

This is weird. Never put it up. He probably put it on his refrigerator. No, it was a year later we got in a fighting therapy about some stuff and I yelled at him. I'm like, and you're in fucking put my painting up. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I say his defense. Can you imagine if Dan and Joe walked in the news got three Bobby Kelly? I Know that's where I'm saying I walk in there goes who panned us three Bobby Kelly faces Robert Kelly himself

I Hear you but the fact is it's like dude you have all these fucking artists up you put mine up You don't know get me to get me to take the easel out. I'm going to put this right up on the fridge. You see it's not there. Hey, the next person I saw the fridge notice it wasn't on there was, oh, no, I put it away somewhere safe. I got to get it free.

It's real art. Mental patient drawings. Yeah. This is more of the finger paintings of a lunatic. This is a Rorschach. So here's the deal. I came back the next week and it was right in front of the shitter. So when you come out of the day of shit, I can't even close that in front of the bathroom.

Oh, there's what it's for all my- Hey, enjoy the three faces of Bob and head yourself a dump. Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city

near you. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.