The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Caller Topic (feat. Dan St. Germain)

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Dan St. Germain and the callers talk about quick sex experiences!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@DanStGermain ww.danstgermain.net#CrackleCrackle 

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! Welcome back to the Bonfire. I'm Dan Soto, that's Big Joe Prasin. We are on Faction Talk, Series XM 103, and joining us, one of my good friends, a friend

of the show, a friend of Jay and I, a friend of humanity, from his new podcast, Wrestle Rosts, which I was just on the whole Cogan, and they are roasting Sean Michaels on the next one Dan St. Germain welcome to the bonfire What's going on? Yeah last time I was here. I was promoting the old wrestling podcast now. I got a new one I'm really Expanding my horizons. Thank you. Yeah, dude. I like it stick with what works dude. It's a different dude great Dan was great on the show by the way, thanks. I thought my much amazing much. Oh man. It was really funny

I was I thought I could have done a better performance, but it was very fun to hear roast jokes. It's like Dan and his guys like Mike Lawrence and shit on that just wrote that right, awesome roast jokes. Yeah, Mike's on every week in Robert Carpolis, who does the WWE Creative Ish feeds, quarter million, you know, people, he just does wrestling roast jokes.

So yeah, it's a lot of great people on it. So like, I don't think we can, I've always said like we could never, we could never conquer the comedy podcast market, but we can damn sure, conquer the comedy wrestling podcast. Yeah, dude, that's what you need to get. Yeah, dude, just mitch it up more. Top tier.

Go get it. Yeah, it's a fucker. If you just make your goals more, like just keep lowering the bar that you accomplish everything you want. We'll just add another like adjective, you know, where like, like, noun to the thing.

Yeah. So I can see only Mormon wrestling comedy podcast. Damn, right there, you're coming into the top of the fucking pack. Yeah. The lead of the pack. Well, we're all right hippie podcast

you're the best alt-right hippie I am doing a Quaker murder podcast yeah only about murder yeah I'm doing I'm doing an Amish slash people who love electricity. I'm doing a circumcised history of World War II. Dan, before you're on the show, we were talking about hookups like, you know, movie, movie-esque. As Mike Fanoyo would say, soup to nuts and less than a night. Yeah, maybe not even knowing any.

To not just, just it had to happen and had to go down. And you've had some some heavy drinking days. Do you have what's your fast? What's your fastest? And take we're taking comedy out of it because in comedy, it's had like a weird, the crazy like, I mean, it really just depends on what we're counting. If it's like, hey, huh, do you take cash? Does that count? No, it's a fast. Like, hey, do you take cash? Does that count? You know what?

That's a fast, because that's everybody's fastest. I'm gonna break some land speed records here if you let me find it. Dude, I hooked up with these girls for a fast. Oh man, what's your trick? 1200 bucks. That's great. Yeah, I'll tell you what, if you go down

to a certain part of town, they're just like walking around. No, just quickest from like just chatting, seeing each other, bumping into it and fucking. I think that, I think that night, I within a couple hours that night, nothing like, it's only like the super, like only guys that will like Chris Hemsworth have like that,

like minute and a half thing, right? You'd be wrong here. These people really that are calling has had some wild ones. And we have a few that are still in the line if you'd like to hear them with us today. I would love to because which one you pick? Well, some of them sound like this is bar cult like the JR and Cali. Welcome to the bonfire. Now you used to work as a bouncer to bar, right? I still do but this was this was a nightclub that I worked at God it was oh, yeah I don't you don't want to give away the name of it. It was cheers and Boston It was a ladies night and like pretty much just for mostly women that would get

That's got to be fun when you're a bouncer of a place that's just all ladies coming to get fucked up well I don't know coming to get fucked up. Well, I Don't know until they get fucked up It's probably gonna be a man. It's probably a manager that place more than the B of now actually managers can you get a lot of complaints? Oh, yeah, who's good to be now the bar. No the bouncer. It's just hours of making sure girls aren't dead and calling Your friends to take the sure girls aren't dead and calling their friends to take the hunt. Dude, you, if you have a pulse, if you're a bouncer at a lady's night, your deadlift has to be off the chart.

Because you're lifting a lot of fucking not moving weight. Yeah. Oh, shut up, ladies. But J.R., you said that there was male strippers there too. Yeah, for the first hour for ladies, my just to pretty much get them to get them ready. And I was like, I barely went in. Not even 15 minutes. And I was on my break. And some I went to the girl behind the club and she, she pretty much blew me.

And then we were back inside. That's how did it, how did it come up? Were you guys talking about it over club music? Were you like, were she like, do you wanna go outside? And I was talking to her dick. No, she wasn't even, like she wouldn't leave me alone. And I'm about to go on my break. And then just regularly, you could come if you want.

And I didn't expect it, but the funny part is, I ended up picking up with her best friend, which I didn't know at the time. I pretty much later that night, I took her friend home. How did you find out? What a libido. You popped off with this girl in the in the back alley when you're taking your smoke break and then fuck later that night, a new chick. Yeah, when I went to her friend home, she was making out with another guy and I'm just thinking like, dude, I blew a load in her mouth, like not even an hour ago. Oh, man, where are all these girls? I don't even know your name. I'm taking thinking like dude I blew a load in her mouth like not even hours. Oh Where are all these girls? Hey, I don't even know your name. I'm taking your load

One maybe it was into it. He's like come here. He's like let me fish baby bird you Merry Merry Cuckmas baby What you say Christine? I said you love one. One and what? Of these fucking pig hores. I didn't Jesus, Christine. Oh, all right. Listen to your statement.

Dan, I just wanna tell you, we don't normally talk like this. This is not a character. Christine, with every stranger you fucked, you went and took the load down the chops every time I When I put it in my mouth and then politely spit it out in the bathroom. I wouldn't know you would So I didn't want to have like strange ones. I don't let men Inside me without speeding it out or in my pussy like that's gross. No See just you just pretend it. Yeah, that's the. No. So you just you just spittin' it? Yeah. Yeah. That's the

lie I would make up. If you realize if you realize you were once you realize you were so deep in this thing you had to pull back and see you spit it out. Yeah. You spitted it out. No, no. You garbled with it and probably did a bunch of weird fingers, shit, like fucking old porn stars. Dance with it and then put it right back in your mouth. You piece of shit. It's cool. I'm so much more black. You guys are just about to fuck now. Like that went from like a bird to like four-play. Yeah, we're just like, oh yeah, how'd you do with it?

Jeffy little gooey treat. You little sticky bitch. You little sticky hands. You just got your little sticky. Guys, we're fucking more lately. Nice. Nice. Sticky hands, you just got your little sticky guys were fucking more lately Did that's so funny the way that she changed it. It's like yeah, I used to have this hot girl in middle school that I dated that went to a different school You didn't meet her. Yeah, I mean she really she backed pedal quick. She goes you know one of these girls who takes come right in the fucking mouth every time. Unapologetically from strangers on 11th Avenue.

You took him every time she's like no I worded it wrong I shouldn't have given her an avenue out I go you swallow the coming time and when I said that word she thought that was going to be the deciding this up Christine. Decides she's gonna tell the truth and things like this or not this is a very fun thing with her she she gives tears of it by what we're gonna be able to do next you know i mean what are we gonna say next in the thing so no no jama real fucking horn i would make the guys think that i

swallowed it and then go spitted out in the bathroom that's a real horrible swallowing what you would you do with the open mouth talk Christine? We're going. I was really good. That was really good. You can't really quick you guys please. I'm like married So we'll have like we talk ourselves out of it and I will be like, oh man, wouldn't be cool We just like fucks in that closet and be like, oh, yeah, I have on my back. He has a new shirt Yeah, I have on my back. He has a new shirt Ritter like let's play this tape forward. This isn't gonna be great You guys just you guys just get into a fight where you're like well, I'd move the coat and then we'd fuck you Well, where would you move the coat? Yeah, we're gonna be good

Within the coach gonna be there and I'm gonna end up leaving without it and then I'm fucked for the day No, I'm not doing it. Oh my god I just remember to tell you that I was gonna stop by the store and I forgot to get sour cream. Yeah, me and Christine had a long-term relationship, one of those yesterday, where she was like, I wanna blow you right now and I'm like, ah, should I shit earlier?

And I gotta take a shower still, you know, I gotta shower today. And she was like, I don't care at all. Then I was like, yeah, but I still have to shit a little more and she was like, oh, all right then. Like that was the final, and she was like I don't care at all then I was like yeah, but I think I still have to shit a little more and she was like Oh, all right then like that was the final She get the final draw the final straw was that I have to shit again I got one more in the alone after that

Yeah, I just kind of want to let you know. I've got some butt moisture right now And I just feel like you would pay the price if you put your hand on it, it's a clamp sandwich. Well, my fault is I've bragged so heavily, and I mean it about how meticulously clean I wash my asshole when I shit that it's like, it does be like, why would that be a problem? And then I was like, well, I think I have to shit again, too. And then she was like, oh, there, I can see now why.

Jacob, I'm gonna tell you this, don't have a bidet yet. Don't have one yet. But the new showers we have, have the handles that come off. Look, you know they're removable handle. And they have a spray, like a hard single shot spray, thinking that in every shower now, I am going, I mean, as deep, a colonic deep, is that thing will go up my shitter and I love it. I do love it, but it's happening in a shower.

So it's different than a bed. This is the thing. It's like, you know, when you're a guy and you become secure, you're sexual out of things up your ass. It's not even like a sex, I think it's like a religious experience. You know what I mean? Yeah. When you have like a bunch of water shoot up there when I got pegged, you're like, I'm

not turned on, but I have nothing. This is God. Yeah, I don't mind. I don't mind the finger. I don't mind Christine's finger up my ass, but I don't like is the fish around for the asshole when you feel like, like, like, dude, dude, dude, dude. And then by the way, when they find it, they really get a fish around. It's like, but do do do do. And then by the way, when they find it, they really get around. It's like that's the belly button. Christine, that's the belly button again. No, but just like you know, like a little too high, little too low, you know, entry, entry angle is really important with things in your ass, Dan. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I know you don't probably know that, but I'm going gonna have to because now that the piss shivers is a side of prostate cancer I have to go yes, I get milked more I Don't know if a woman's ever hit my prostate with a finger in my butt. I don't know for sure Why did you do it feel it when you touch it? Yeah, I might have just been do-do. Yeah, I can feel do-do too. I know the difference between do-do Christine People are listening Christine ever

Christine ever pushed have you ever have you ever pushed do-do and then you're like oh That did you ever go in and think you guys like you feel like a the j calls it the Christine Christine looking me right now on the camera look directly in the camera at me wherever I'm on your screen I've done that a bunch in your butt and you know I do your butt and I just fucking act like I didn't and I just stop oh my god you serve me food with that same hand they afterwards I did she's like you want me to go make you a sandwich? Do you point out that you touch poop in her butt when you do it?

Nope, never. Never wants to. It's a common courtesy. Common courtesy, I don't say anything. But look at you now. Now you're spilling the beans. You're still gonna let me. Nope, never, never now.

Also I hate it because I'm a gay. Like you try to keep saying when you figure out. I didn't say your gay, my aunt Mona said you're bisexual. Why neither of those things? Tell her that, do not do it while you're setting a picture of you fingering my ass. Didn't embed with other men.

That'd be great. There's no greater. That'd be great if she's like, I said this picture to my guy. It's just me like this with a guy's finger up my ass. Yeah. Here you go. Hey, Mona, if Jay's not gay, why does he want you to finger his butt hole? Yeah, I think Mona's a lesbian. Whoa.

A racist lesbian. Oh shit. So Dan to catch you up to this family drama. Christine's Armenian aunt thinks Jay is bisexual because he had a threesome with another dude. I think she's half wolf because her eyebrows and beef touches. But you know what? That's just moana for you. Never met her. Oh my god. She's not just a pig. I thought to double these a pig. It was you and the guy didn't did you guys hook up or no? No, never.

All right, well then, I guess you're not by, you're just. That's what I said. I don't, I'm not by, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm just not homophobic. I know I'm not gay or bisexual. We actually took a lot of tech test on this. I know I'm not gay or bisexual because, cause those things are notoriously reliable

Well, you know it's funny. Not seven documentaries about how they don't work. I tell you what Weirdly enough this thing this thing would hit would hit pretty well for people If people it's it's it was an odd it was an oddly good we paid a couple hundred bucks for it was wild They got caught lying. You didn't know he's lying You're like really like selling out this line of checker like we paid like a couple hundred bucks for it. It was wild. They got caught lying. You didn't know he's lying. Yeah. You're like really like selling out this line of check. We're like, we paid like a hundred and fifty dollars. Yeah. That's the one that used on OJ, the hundred and fifty dollar. Yeah. Yeah. Because we got to deal on it. So they got a good other pretty pumps. But anyway, when you get when you buy a

sharp-reamage mishad's chair, they give you a polygram. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. But the thing is, no, I'm saying, is I don't think, I know I'm not bisexual, the reason I say it is because I'm not wiggled out by another guy's naked dick being in a room with me. I don't want to suck it or touch it. I just want to like, I don't, it doesn't wigg me out at all.

So it's like, how could it wigg you out? If you've seen like ISIS beheading videos, how could like a man's dick be bad? You know what I mean? Like I've seen all the horrible shit on live week. Like I'd much rather see a thousand dicks than some of this stuff I've seen on live week. But for nothing related to homophobic reasons whatsoever, I just think my days of Fucking a girl with a buddy or over ever retired. It just I don't I don't even get more insecurity than actually liking doing it Yeah, I don't even get any more why when I was younger. I was like I should like if someone was like Uh, I guess step forward. It's like Josh out of my ears doesn't wrote me a lot of some girl was like I'd fuck the book. I just I wouldn't even be some like now just like go fuck Josh. I get you know I was like

I would you would you would you do a sad kick on the ground as you said it? sex with Josh. Yeah, I don't know why like me doing it personally is it's not like a love watching gangbangs But do not no interest in like Be saying you're at the age were now that's a spectator sport watching gangbanks, but do not, uh, no interest in like being a guy at the age, are you saying you're at the age where now that's a spectator sport? Yeah. We're here.

I'm, you know, I'm mostly here to observe. Yeah, it's just that's it for sure. And if Christina and, and you just need to grow, what if the Christina to grow on a, uh, fuck, and we have a threesome, like, I get, I get it, but something around again is not that they're naked or there's another guy there. It's like, I feel silly in front of them doing it.

It's what it would be. You know what I mean? Like Dan watching my real fuck face, my like, yeah. Yeah. Well, you can't do it. It's like one of your friendships. Yeah, it's like you can do it.

People you really know. Yeah, it's not like't do it. Like what are your friendships? Yeah, that's what you can't do. People you really know. Yeah, it's not like your new friend Lewis anymore. Our testosterone is like naturally dropping. So like as we get older, we find more mental obstacles to fucking where I'm like, oh, I can't, you know, I, we don't want to do it in here. It's like, why?

Too many plants, you know? Yeah. You know, my knees, my knees are hurting. I'm taking forever. Yeah, you know, it's just like, you're like, so the idea of another, like, guy being there, I mean, I can't even with the medication I'm on, I can't imagine. Oh, dude, possible. Yeah, you end up just talking mortgage rates and just have a nice conversation. Yeah, you know what I found is I've actually found that an icy hot pad on your lower back is good

to help you sleep. Instead of her being like in your 20s, it's like, I'll suck you both off at the same time and in your late 30s, she goes, you know, I actually found some decent parking around over on 11. Just as exciting as I want an experienced girl because you want to hear those stories and they turn you on, but you're, I'm just too fat and lazy to make my own stories. But if I could hear, you know, like if we could play, you know, hey, who turns off the Godfather too when it's on TV?

You know what I mean? Just bring up the hits. I'm very audible like that too. I like to hear just like a rank fucking story about you. About your past. Oh yeah. Christine would take that at, it's so funny, like Christine is very sexual, but man,

the thing she takes personal or or or or. Christine doesn't know, she's like, I shit on a Ferris wheel, you're like, no, that's not it, that's not it. No, no, no, warmer's warmer closer she says she understands but then we'll be in a real argument of like so what just like fucking means not enough like you got to hear this thing and it's like I don't if you could for sure on paper write it down like fucking you write this minute is not enough but that's not what it is fucking you's not but part of fucking

you in this one like tell me that time you were a pig slut Please But it also I also understand why Christine we get to know it because it's also like like yeah I want to fuck you. I didn't sign up to be a storyteller I just mown and get laid like you're putting you want me to put like this is not happening work You're putting, you want me to put like, this is not happening working. It's crazy. Okay guys, so here it is. So I go to this bar, they say it's mostly a sailor's bar. Now, if you've ever been to town on Fleet Week, you know, a lot of sailors come in.

So, where the bar, where the bars of the beers are cheap and the women are cheaper. Now, you can throw little jokes in there. She was pretty far. Yeah, it can throw a little jokes in there. She was pretty fun. Yeah, it's like, I just use it. Like, I don't know if you do this with the earth. This is not happening, but some things you just added in because you wanted the joke in there.

Sure. Yeah, then I saw this. Wipe it, wipe it, wipe it. Anyway, I don't know where else to put this one. You guys, I got more sailors in me than a submarine. Anyway. Any hoops. Yes.

It's all Rickles jokes. Yeah. I can't helples jokes. Oh my God, dude, that is funny. Dude, the thought of adult story time. Oh, that's so funny. Under bedtime stories. She has so much. She did. bedtime stories. She goes, it was, I was right outside of a carnival just outside of town and I sucked my boyfriend's dick and like what happened And then she goes he came everywhere By the way, you told me like you told it the other night

Voices do his voice So you want to go get a drink also the thing is the thing is as you're fucking first of all coming mid story makes me feel bad because it goes and then When I started sucking his friends dick you Like change the story change it to a shot. Yeah funny. She goes She goes everybody came and I went home. I don't know That's when they started calling me their personal God you go I have to go

I'm gonna get you down at the story Did you guys ever gin up any eating that lingueenie? I do not get mad the story don't you say That's so funny you go last time you tell me you're just defensive because you came you go last time you told the story you didn't call his eyes beautiful. Yeah you didn't say you didn't say last time you loved it so much you just said you loved it. The immediate male insecurity rubber banding back on a dirty story ago. Was that really the hardest you've ever been fucked?

I thought I, I thought I'd put you through a whole lot of it. Dude, that's the fun. Jay like, Jay will fuck girls and then like the whole point is like he comes and tells me the story of it, but it's like sometimes in story time you get a little like, oh you put on fucking deaf tones. Yeah. I've said it a thal, I've said it. Fucking deaf tones.

I've said it a Christine, don't give out my move. Don't play deaf tones for the bitch. What's uh oh do that's one of the funniest reactions ever. Poor Christine and I will give her a poor Christine on this one and you remember this uh Dan. I told this on the show before but for sure we're me and Christine were early on dating right and just everything was like whatever and she thinks she's dating like dirty comic that I'm probably into.

Not Judgey Wudgy was a bare Jay Okerson. I thought I was dating the comedian on stage at Jay Okerson, it's a different movie. Should we go anyway, the sole crush of Christine going, when she goes, I go, do you ever fucking get the comic? She goes, oh my God, you're gonna laugh at this. She goes, John F. O'D. Donald and I my soul was crushed

for months. It's a good time man John. Yeah cool cool. I hope it was like Richard Jenny. I don't know. Yes. Richard Jenny. Well, I give dance plugs.

Uh, WrestleRose, check out the podcast. WrestleRose with Dance Age Remain. Uh, Yes, so does great on it. WrestleRose the link to the Instagram, at the Bond Fire, SXM, bigjaycomedy.com, Dancer, and welcome. Bye. Bye, bye. You've been listening to Syria's XM's Bond Fire.

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