The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Campfire Crossover (feat. Robert Kelly, Ari Shaffir, Mike Cannon & Mike Feeney)

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

5-24-19

You're listening to Comedy Central! Also, be sure to follow us on all social're at the comedy camp with the comedy camp with Robert Kelly. Very fun. Very, very fun. Yeah, I was more fun than I thought it was gonna be. I must say. Be rod Becky Rodriguez, who's in the studio with us now. As always on Wednesdays was on comedy camping trip. It was a blast. I had a great time. I had a very, very good time. One night was fine. One night was a day of action. I didn't think we missed anything. I didn't think we were there for it. But it's sleep.

I think we brought the party with us quite honestly. I can't sleep. I think we left everybody else bushes everybody just went home at that point. Except for Ari. Ari wanted to go to the room. I heard Ari just lives out there. She's on his face and running to the woods or something. Ari just lives out there.

He just goes for it. He doesn't give a five. I love that. I went to stay for three days. What? Three nights. Are you creating? Three nights? Mm-hmm. Why? I love it. I want to just like live up in the woods for a day. I get a nest suit I could wear so I don't get eaten constantly by ball. It's you need

bring better candles and maybe I'm not eating this like green acres Super rural. She's very really in the woods in the world and you what does that even mean? Could you eat some more? Can you guys do a bearer? Girls challenge in both you survive outside for a weekend 100% she'll fall apart wait I would totally win a bear girl's challenge You're the most even a chance not even a chance of that you don't think so no not until the battery on my laptop runs out Then I'm gonna fucking fall shit

Yeah, I can probably get two days of what I need out of it. No, I mean, it's not even roughing it There's electricity. There's goddamn air conditioner like there everything's right there There's a story down the street goddamn air conditioner Well, I mean, it's like I wouldn't I've never gone to the woods to camp in the woods without any of the amenities before. I actually just think it's fun to go out. I say we drop both of you off, a tent in a sleeping bag on a backpack. I hope she tries to come over to my fire.

I hope she tries so I can look at her face when I did my hair. You guys won't be together. We're gonna drop you off miles apart. No, I just went two camps next to each other No, you can't really look at each other. I want to look at her does fire See never want to be made for me guys No, I want you to see your fail you know, I want you to see your own failure

He just wants to make sure I'm okay. I don't I'll give you none of my boar I cut a board you're the travel or not by the hands do you guys think a week in the wilderness you can make it no You're the travel not both hands do you guys think a week in the wilderness you can make it no Four days. Nope. Yeah, I've gone 10 days on a master cleanse You can make it a week and oh no like with what the credit There's drinking syrup and pepper have to do with living in the woods I just figured you don't eat for 10 days and hope somebody saves you Surviving the woods no, you mean like you're saying with the amenities Dan 10 days Without amenities three days

Like you do you get a tent in a sleeping bag and fire starting equipment, but you're not inside you're outside you're completely outside Jay yes, Jacob. Yes, your thoughts Would you make a duty in the woods? No, not a million years. You'd have to if you're a standout of your No, I wouldn't I'd run to somewhere and until I shit myself. Why'd you say duty? I mean, what do I say? You're too old. You're never too old.

It's uncomfortable to hear a grown man be like, but you take a duty? Did you be angry? Make a duty. Oh, yeah. Would you have a shit? Well, Zona, yeah. It's fucking Lona, yes.

Christine, you've, all right, mate, taking a shit in the woods. I like how you asked the girl much more grossly You said you've cam You know a couple yards down the way like none of this was like Have you no then you guys are never been camping. Yeah, yeah, she's hitting in the woods That you shit in the woods I'm shit in the woods of course That doesn't mean me fishing.

Wait, which is Wolverine? You're not watching going into the porta-potties. It was so disgusting. You've never experienced the pleasure of shitting in the woods. You're right. I never have. What do you do? You build a toilet and some sort of stand?

No, you just squat and sit. Yeah, take a hole. I thought Becky was setting a trap for the raccoon last night. She was just opening a can of beans. I say like a knife. Yeah. I like you're saying raccoon. Like I was jokingly say raccoon. Raccoons.

Raccoons. It's a raccoon. Right? That Becky made cowboy beans. Did you guys have a, they just had a fucking can of beans that was bubbling on the fire? In Iraq. It's a fucking piss.'s just burned to sugar. It was crazy Uh, it was pretty cloppy, but I but no, I'm saying we know indoors at all Outdoor tent sleeping bag. Can I bring a generator last 10 days? No, you could definitely do it

I could do it. I'd be miserable though. I'd hate it. Could you outlast Christine? on pure Spite, yeah, absolutely on pure spider. I could No actually what I would do is I would end up leaving in the middle than I angry myself like slapping my own arms from bug problems And then I'd go over and I'd kick her tent poles down Leave her out there and I go enjoy your next fucking five days dick face. Where would you go? Where would you go?

Where would you go? Would you go home? Home. Yeah. So that you wouldn't have to stay? Yeah, all right, Grizzly Band. Let's fucking find your way home, Trappers. Hello, everybody.

This is DJ Liu. This next clip is from the Lost Tapes. The guy is all on camping with Robert Kelly. And now here, Jay, Dan, Bobby and the gang tell six stories around the fire. Robert Kelly joins us, everybody. Hi, guys. Our guests, Mike Fini. Hey, thanks for having me.

And from his own podcast. The stupid little podcast. The stupid little podcast stupid little podcast Brandt. Wow. This is all comics sitting around. When I was in eighth grade I found out my girlfriend got figured by every one of you. Nice. The same summer. Wow. I was riding my bike over the night. Same time. Old four fingers. Every time Dan starts telling about the story, he's looking into the fire. It's staring into it. Sometimes I still see your face in the flames.

Yeah. She's like a damn human bowling ball. She couldn't believe the way her eyes wide and when she saw me close the padlock on the chains on the door. You think it? And like that blue tip match with my fingertip. No matter what anyone says, death doesn't solve your problems That's why I said that Robert

It is really nice. I never got caught a fucking by my parents, but a girl. I mean a girl that I dated after The girl I lost my virginity to we didn't fuck we did everything else, but immediate she was like a a fucking Bassoon player in the school band that like she like put my hand up her shorts did chicks her parents were like I mean outside of a window on their deck like barbecuing like I mean behind us like she was screened and she was like putting and I was like terrified chicks that play specialized instruments are always the freakiest. You hear that always the way that works You'll pursue the suck the best dick. That's the way it works

So funny as you always thought the band kids and the theater kids were nerds and you realize they're all fucking each other. Oh, yeah with the flute He he fucked this white check who played the Viola he fucked this white chick who played the viola. What is that one, the one you stand up? Chello? The cello. Yeah, I played that too. He said it was such a dirty girl. We're gonna come back to that, Brandon. She said, but right after they fucked,

she just went over and naked and picked up her cello started playing Some chubby white chick on a cello naked a jewelry yard Floutist and she was one of the wildest fucking Floutist yeah, she played the flute and after she she would ride J while playing the flute You think we'd come out of a basket You don't come out of a basket? Yeah, baby, you want a basket? You want the basket? Yeah, I want the cobra.

That girl, that second girl, the one that wanted me to finger while our parents are right behind us, she never wanted, she wouldn't fuck, but she blew me ones and told me that she wanted me to come in her mouth and then immediately, like part of her thing when she wanted to come in her mouth is also spitting it right back out into your own bush. And your bush. Yeah. Do you want a baby puk? Yeah.

Probably. Why did you want to get married? It's funny. It's funny. Some videos where they do it to like, zany music. It's like babies being like, well, but I rather you know, I rather do a dad's beard. You fucking lay gack all over my bush. Yeah.

I just want to snowball your own bush. It's a real weird thing to pull out of your own bush. She's tsunami you. Yeah, it's a come tsunami. Because that's what's all about. It's whipped, that's whipped, come. Yeah, tsunami. Yeah.

Whip come is harder to get out than regular. We're at paid my coming, man. Yeah, I didn't let it leak back out. Yeah, that's terrible. The cappuccino noise, or something. Gawr. Shit. Shit.

She bombed me. Did she, she morang your gins? You morang it. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series 6M 95 or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM.