The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Carbonara (feat. Josh Adam Meyers)

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

The Bonfire's favorite homie and foodie, Josh Adam Meyers returns with delicious gifts. Josh had a date go bad with a woman who brought a friend along . Jay and Bobby describe what it's like being a comedian on a cruise ship. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly, that's something that uh Black Lou was showing me outside his cock. He's got the Jim Brewer. Oh god The Jim Brewer old show on that you did the interview the marshmallows interview Marshmallows, it's got a bunch of comics from our time like a montage of it and some people I haven't seen years like John Bush It's a great example. John Bush John Tim Young, crazy-eyed Tim Young. Tim Young, I think, made his way to the cruise ship circuit. Sometimes when you see a young comic, but a comic who was around and then just isn't one day, sometimes you could check cruise ships and they're on the cruise ships.

It's a life. I wish they did a documentary on cruise ship comedians because be boring I don't think so no it would because there's no nothing salacious at all You're not allowed to hook up a lot of them are there for reasons that a salacious Well problems in the states salacious Well, I know a couple guys Back and that was a big thing.

When we were coming up, the guys above us, the big thing for them to get. Cruise ships. Cruise ships. And there's cruise ships that leave from Boston, right? They leave, well, they leave from Boston, but they would have to go to Miami. They'd fly them down to Miami most of the time. Back in the day they were flying, but I remember one guy, he was an old guy, Bob Cybell. He was like an old comic, but he was well respected,

really funny, old dude. His whole thing was, I wanna get on the cruise ships, man. Cause he was at that age where it's like, I just wanna, I don't have any kids, I wanna. And he finally got it. And he- Killed himself three weeks later. Worse. He hooked up with a girl in the cruise ship

Mm-hmm, and it was the captain's girlfriend. Oh jeez so we got a knock at it knock at his door and they were like hey, mr. Sebel we're gonna upgrade you to a better cabin and they Took him up to the deck and flew him out on a helicopter Oh hilarious flew him back to shore and flew him back to Boston. There was another comic, I know, that had sex with a guest on the cruise and they helicoptered him off the cruise if you get caught. It's weird, you're not allowed.

It's like, it's against contract, I guess. It's against contract, especially with the captain's girlfriend. I think the captain's girlfriend goes, even there was no contract goes about saying steer clear that it is funny when someone has like crazy stories because there is a whole circuit of like C club comedians and stuff and D club comedians that run around the country just kind of like half living out of their car and they have so many stories of like didn't like uh I mean I think he's bigger than that but like that Donnie Baker guy, remember?

Like, someone's like, someone, like he fucked someone's husband, or fucked someone's wife, and the husband came shooting at him or something. It always comes down to somebody fucking somebody's... Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I remember a couple comics, your stories like that, like somebody coming after him, but that's my point almost. When you go, so wait, you went to a comedy club,

fuck the comedian and now our life is ruined and like, you know, we have to get divorced and the kids and blah, blah, blah. And you go, what comic was it? You're praying to God for a Theo Vaughn. You're praying to God for a Mark Normand or something. You're praying to God for a me or you. You definitely don't wanna hear like-

Bob Seibel. Yeah, Bob Seibel. Ron Johnston. Yeah, who's that? He goes. He's a 50 year old has been doing it for eight years. You fuck Chuckie Mavelli That's funny goes what happened he goes, oh my marriage was great until fucking chips Cooney rolled into town Do you know how the guy got caught? Was it just like cameras or something? Yeah, they they've I don't know the details of it. I just remember he I remember him wanting it so bad and finally getting it and then everybody was so happy for

him that he got it because you have to this one I think there's one woman who books them back then I think it is that now too. So you have to audition and when you get accepted you just go. They put you out, you just keep going cruise ship after cruise ship as many as you want. You go 3,500 bucks a week. You do your show. Sometimes there's two shows, sometimes there's a show every night. Some of the show where there's all ages and a dirty one. You have to have two hours. Back then you had to have a clean hour and a dirty hour now they let you do a little a little a little dirty, but you have to have a

Clean sometimes you have to do them as the people are boarding. They have comedy shows and they do kids But for those guys back then 3,500 a week Consistently no rent, no mortgage, no, you're just on a ship over and over. You're going fucking parasailing, you're learning scuba diving, you know how to drive a moped.

You know what I mean? You're going, you see all these places in the world. It was like the thing, especially back then in Boston, because a lot of guys got paid in cash, so they got in a tax trouble. Was it young comics that were hoping to get that thing or was it the comics no it was the longtime dinosaurs that were like if I get this it's it's a wrap because you have to either be for that

lifestyle to work for you you either have to be young and single or older and married or with somebody for a long time for that it's going to be or you could be older and single too it works out too out, too, but if you're... There's just... There's guys who... It's guys when they give up. When it's like, it's not gonna happen. I'm gonna be on the road for the rest of my life playing in Chinese restaurants in Boston.

Okay, yes. So let me just go do this. I don't have to deal with club owners. I don't have to deal with rejection. And... But these guys, I actually did a show, the PBA, the big one for the cops, was down in Florida somewhere, I don't know what it was, and they hired me to do a show there,

but the lady who booked it was the cruise lady. So she had two of her cruise comics on before me, and I had to close it. And I'm not kidding you, dude. These guys get an hour of material, and they polish it. Oh, yeah. And it is fucking fire. They go up and murder.

But it's jokes... Benign shit. Well, one of the guys had a joke about gays in the military. Mm-hmm. And it's like, yo, dude, you can be gay now. You can be trans and be an admiral now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, fire the rocket!

You know? But people were dying. Like, these cops didn't give a fuck. They were murdering you. On the most basic shit. They don't want to be, uh, to have to even like listen or invest in some kind of story. They're just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like you, Jimmy, yeah.

Right. They were like elbowing each other. They murdered in front of me. I had, my first five minutes, you know, I'm not trying to fucking, you know, be a regular comic throw a word here It's like hey miss you taking your father out for a thing. That's my husband. What? What's he a hundred years older than you? I mean, oh my god. I must look back into marshmallows Yeah, those guys man, I know a couple of them and they love it.

I mean, the classic on this show is always going to be the Steven Scott doing mouth instruments on the boat. What is this? He has no dates. What? Is he on a cruise? I mean, he was. He's got to be on cruises.

You can't. You can't. You don't promote a cruise. He does in purple. No way. Go to the videos. You can't you know, you don't promote a cruise. He does in purple No way go to the videos. We don't need any of this So you're expecting your fans to not to actually buy a cruise ticket. That's fucking pretty wild I mean this is I expect people come on. You didn't know this the voice tremendous Now I've never showed you this. I don't even know how this guy is. Yes, you do

I swear to God Steven Scott is that was a news reporter here in the city and he would be at the comic strip Who's a comic strip guy all the time did this seller for a little bit and his whole thing as he makes? like it was not his whole thing as comedy was just bleh, but This thing is so cruise ship ready and it's so ridiculous with a live band. He does He tries to explain you this like, you know, there's always some kind of thing like I didn't have a lot of friends growing up So there was all the noises in my head dumb fucking introduction to this and he starts a

Playing his voice triments and then he goes around to real trained musicians who have worked hard at their craft and even they as good as they are have ended up backing up this fucking idiot on a cruise ship and It's just it's just why I watch it. Take a peek. Enjoy yourself Give me a little taste of what he's showing you. Okay. I don't know this guy. He was on America's Got Talent a few years back. Oh yeah, I see it's working. We have that drop. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's just doing the thing.

This is crucial. Oh, let's do it. I feel like I'm getting into some kind of prison some day. What I do is I go into my room, whip out my best imaginary Fender Stratocaster, and I'd wail away on these imaginary guitar licks. Hi. I'm a friend of Stratocaster and I'd wail away on these imaginary guitar licks. Hi! He's dedicated his life to this. Oh yeah. See what I mean? He never gets older.

I Do you imagine Bobby could you imagine I just bought a house I might Weekends it might be doing this shit Bobby's voice German voice tremendous solo Sunday cruises my dear Thursday through Sunday cruises with the voices in my head. Alright, try this. Here we go. That's a hard one. Oh my god, the banter.

The cruise ship entertainment is gonna be, I swear to god, it should be like a docu-series. I would have been okay if somebody threw something at him over this. I'm not for that. I'm not for violence on stage, but if someone chucked something at him, I'd be like, I can't with this! It's just a Carnival Cruise mug. That's Bobby. I'm Jay.

And to get our full show, sign up for a SiriusXM subscription at SiriusXM.com slash bonfire Support our show don't be some jerk off. Just taking the free stuff Let them know you want us to be here forever or we won't or maybe we won't subscribe That's a good stones right there, but they're never gonna play that at our show though. I don't know. I don't think they... I looked at a bunch of set lists all over the place. We're hanging out with Josh Eddermeyers. You know that voice.

I'm back! He's back. Josh is gonna be at the New York Comedy Club, Stanford, Connecticut, May 24th, in Zanies, Nashville, June 10th. After that, Boston Boston Springfield, Massachusetts St. Louis, Los Angeles for tickets and all tour dates go to Josh Adam Myers calm So you mind if I do something before we get started into all of this because I literally have rushed here from Los Angeles I was in LA Sunday and Monday and then I and I took off and I've landed at 230 and I've beelined here Here here. I dropped my dog off where here right where here here. How do you miss was it here? Right here here

There's this there's just some stuff going around that that I am a snack eater. Yep. Yeah, I came in there's no snacks There's snacks right there, bro. It's bad snack. Okay. Well, yes, you got that's what's a Christine complain Yes, guess what motherfucker because it's about to change because I went This motherfucker got you some. Oh! $20 of chocolate ruggala, $20 of Florentines. Now stick those up your ass motherfuckers. Get them on the table bitch. Now who do I throw my carbonara at you cocksuckers?

God damn dude. The people like, I'm sorry I wanted to hang out with y'all. And then before I could do it, it's the same shit that happened last night with this girl where I was like I was like You know she paid You gonna have all that no a woman of your stature shouldn't be If you get garlic bread, I think I'll have some of your garlic bread too. You ever dip it in marinara? Real good. Come on, girl.

That body don't need all that flan. Can I take a sip of your root beer? You gonna have the filet mignon and the porterhouse side. Come on, break me off a little piece of that. Give me a little flag of that steak. You know, I see you're not eating all the rest of your shrimp. Let me get the tails. You can suck on your shrimp tail.

No, she, I went out, she came to the show. She brought a friend. We go, I did Shimi last night. It was great. Tim Dillon showed up, fucking, it was a lot of fun, man. The store was really great the last couple days. And the week that we were there for the, it feels like it's kind of back. Do you know what I mean? It was awesome. It really, really has the last couple days. And the week that we were there for the, it feels like it's kind of back.

Do you know what I mean? Like it really, really has a good vibe again. Yeah. Good vibe. And so this girl comes who I'd been like, I've been hooking up with on and off and I wanted her to come back to the hotel, which we've had sex already before,

but she's like, not like I guess she's like, I'm just tired, but then she's like, hey, let's go out to eat. And I take her out, her and her friend out. Bitch, I thought you were tired. You're tired to fuck. Yeah. But'm just tired, but then she's like, hey, let's go out to eat, and I take her out, her and her friend out. Bitch, I thought you were tired, you're tired to fuck. Yeah. But you want some, but you wanted,

she goes, I just need some fuck fuel. I need some dantana. Well, we didn't. Some carbonara might get my mouth juicin' for your hog pig. Yeah, you get the idea. So I take her, so they go to Jones, which is like this Italian restaurant,

it's not dantana's quality at all, but I take her to they go to Jones which is like this Italian restaurant It's not the intense quality at all, but I take them there we get we got Burrata we get fucking pizza and we get a salad and we're hanging and then out of nowhere. She just goes Hey, I'm just really tired. So I'm going home. She already called the uber right and And I was like, okay cool. You're leaving from here and she's like, yeah And then we walk outside and then her friends like well, I'm gonna call an uber and I go where you where do you live? Are you gonna blow me a chicken palms were no you tell me if I did what he did was right or wrong She then I'm gonna go cuz I'm still hungry cuz you ate everything All right, I'm gonna have the chicken piccata and honey, what do we have?

I did kind of eat every course guys heard of a Tori I Had some of it a couple weeks ago He said I paid for it. You say after her when you were reaching over to her plate. She was excuse me I paid for You call I see please I keep itching to get that ooh becoming I go boogie the Beppo style. It's family It's family. It's family. Family. No, but then I tried to be like, so she's

like jumping in her Uber. And I go, OK. And I look at her friend. I go, where do you live? And she's like, oh, I live on Beachwood Drive or whatever, which is close enough to like the hotel that I stay at that it's like not a pain in the ass. So I'm like, I'll just give you a ride.

And she's like, what? You're not going to give me a ride, but you give her a ride? And I was like, you called the Uber, it's already here before the time I found out. So- Wait, who are you giving a ride to? Her friend. I tried to like be nice to her

because I'm trying to fuck the one girl. I was like, oh, well I'll help her friend out because she already has an Uber going home. Does that make sense? No. Wait, you took them both out to eat? No. No, I wanted to hang out with one girl,

but she brought her friend. You paid for both? And I paid for both of them Yeah, yeah, it was it was there was like three things, but how'd you not see that? She brought the friend. That's to not hook up That's like no because she's brought a friend Yes, maybe but also at the beef already hooked up before if a girl said if but I've same if it was a hookup And she goes can I bring my friend to go to dinner with you that's saying like that? I don't want to hook. That's how I would take that a complete

Or no, and I know it's it's definitely cock blockable, but you were like I could bust through it I'm gonna drive your friend home Did you uh did you try to fuck friend no not at all it's like I especially cuz what happened was then She's up my friend you go booger to pepper, baby. It's all family style I got a little bit of everything scampi a friend Michelle. I got a couple extra arugula in my pocket That I hid from Jane Christine check this out inside pocket rice balls Oh, I got some pocket catch-a-dory. Left corner pocket chicken dumplings.

That's why I wear these pants with all these pockets. I actually use my cargo supplies. I got five peanut pretzels left. That's so funny. I'm bringing my friend, so just so you know, he's like, I love that. That's another dish I get to pick from. If she goes all the same things, her you go, hang on, sweetheart, I know you're new here, but you can't get the same thing as her because I'm going to get a little taste of everything.

You need to get a different dish. We all got a diverse of style. It can be a parmesan, but it can't be a chicken parmesan because we've already got that represented. Or you can get the veal parmesan. You can get the a chicken parmesan because we've already got that represented you can get the veal parmesan But if I was you I'd get a piccata Just let me pick for everybody I'll order for the table I did I did order for Put spaghetti in front of this one Slap the rigatoni meat sauce over here. I'll have the Sunday gravy

We got to get dessert Even if you don't want it we gots to get Tony meats also we hear I'll have the Sunday gravy Try to get us is every week that we already had to Come in Terra Mizzou is great I'm driving your friend home. I'm driving your friend home. I'm taking a Tartuffo ball in my pocket after I fuck you in the ass. Bitch, I'm gonna eat Spumoni off your pussy. It's Neapolitan. Chocolate, strawberry, and me.

You travel with fucking cookies. Those came from LA. Those came, the only thing that comes from LA. I think it's illegal what you've done. The hall, really? No. I went through, dude, I went through. doesn't come from LA. I think it's illegal what you've done. It's not. The hall, really? No. I went through, dude, I went through. Josh, it's not. I know it's not.

Because I went through TSA and they didn't even stop me at all. You can take cookies from LA. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. What's funny, but this is actually God's honest truth. I wanted to make sure that these were as fresh as fresh could be, so I woke up at 3.45 a.m.

because my flight was at six and then I drove to fucking Canters, bought these. I'm so happy for you, of all people, that it was serving. Canters has become a bitchy angry place. Oh, it's dude. No one enjoys, I've gone there and they go, yeah, we're not giving the cookies right now. And you go, why not?

And they go, it's just, they go, it's're not giving the cookies right now. Why not? It's just they go it's busy. I don't feel like walking over there Yeah, and he goes I think you're supposed to make a better lie than that. Don't tell me the real reason it hurts I don't want to I had that I'll always I always remember that from a Montreal. I don't like your face Your face bugs me a place called Duns that I love the smoked meat from in Montreal, but another one just Montreal in general though, the service up there is garbage. They fucking are shit. And I remember going to Duns and I go, I'll have the smoked meat sandwich and the fries and you know, I'm gonna get a strawberry milkshake actually. And he goes,

yeah, he goes, I think it's too busy for that. and I went, what? He goes, it's too busy. He goes, I don't have time to make the milkshake and I was like, no, I think, is the machine broken? He goes, no. And I go, you should tell people the machine's broken and I just like, I won't do that for you. I know it says it on the menu, but I don't have time to cross that out. So I'd better just to tell you, I don't feel like making it. I know it says it on the menu, but I don't have time to cross that out. So, I'd better just to tell you, I don't feel like making it. I didn't feel like it, you didn't wanna do it. That's crazy.

You gotta kinda respect it. I respected the gangster. I mean, it's like a bartender hating the girls that order the espresso martinis, cause they're like a pain in the ass. You're the male version of the espresso martini bitch. Well, I'm not, because he didn't make it for me reluctantly. I'm a fat man who he went I'm not and quite frankly I'm saving your life. Not only am I being lazy the way I want

to be, I'm also being a fucking hero. He actually did it. Maybe that guy's right. Maybe that was the day I turned around and go, that guy's right. I surely shouldn't be having milkshakes, dude, with smoked meat and fries. He actually did that because of that. What's that, Christine? Just the girl being pissed about you. Was she just pissed that you were offering her friend a ride like she thought you were going to hook up with her?

Was she going to try something with her friend? Because she did already order. Then she accused, because the Uber, she literally let me know that the Uber was there. The moment she was like, I'm leaving. Oh, and the Uber. That at the moment she was like, yeah, I'm leaving. Oh, and the Uber is here. And so I was like, oh, I guess we're walking out. And then and then, you know, she gets in the Uber and I say, I said, we're a friend. I was like, do you or I don't know.

She was getting she's getting in as I look at a friend and I'm like, do you need a ride? And she's like, yeah. And then she like, she's like, you give her a ride, but not me. And then gets in the car. I open the door. I'm like, dude, was this a large boisterous black woman? Had she asked you for a ride? Oh, you won't get her ride, not get me right. but not me and then gets in the car I open the door like dude was this a large boisterous black woman motherfucker more shit on this motherfucker

with your dust ass I should have got a tiramisu to go one of them canales slapping up with the cheese and the chips. I should have got Canokis motherfucker. This goofy ass white motherfucker. More parmesan on it. More parmesan.

You're going to drive home some skinny bitch instead of taking me home. What? Did she take the food home too? I don't know. We ate the food. Did you say it all? I mean I. Sorry.

That was a dumb question. The pizza, the pizza, the pizza, the girls ate a lot of the salad, everybody kind of just ate and then the burrata, they didn't really fuck with the burrata, so I did most of the burrata. Good for you. Yeah, but it's like good because they had like really good like flatbread garlic naan, kind of like Italian garlic naan.

Yeah, it was good. Garlic naan, sounds good. But the, but the thing was, so she gets in the car and then I'm just like I'm like what the fuck dude And her friends like she's like let me give you a ride home I'll give you the Intel on her and I'm like I don't really care like this is me This is annoying. This is being this is more the friend you drove home So she's gonna be Intel in her what's her and I go this is this is so different

I say to her listen. I was like I'm 44 years old. She's you know 30 I was like I don't fucking need the headache. I don't really. You have to give your age. Look, I'm 44. I'm half. Next year I'm gonna be 45. Last year I was 42. I got 30 summers left. That's Bob Kelly's joke.

AKA somebody else's joke. AKA somebody else's joke. Bobby stole a stolen joke. I didn't steal it, suck my. So then she calls, she calls while we're in the car. Are you sucking her titties? I try to pick up and it just goes blank. Then it happens again, it goes blank.

And then she calls her friend and then she's like, she's like, and now you guys won't call, you won't pick up the phone and blah, blah, blah. You sure she wasn't black? No, I- Your impression is very black. I mean, your impression is- I called, you answer, that's how it work.

I call her phone and you don't pick up and now she's with you? Hey let me ask you a question I've been known the bitch was a slut from day one since I met her we were both working at Pathmark together I'm a hoe, I know a hoe We stole de-rotarin' at Rite Aid together We suck the same motherfuckers dick

I know this bitch. Hey, was the other girl, let me ask you a question. This is a very, very poignant question. Was the other girl that you were giving a ride home, was she as hot as the girl you wanted to bang? No. There you go. But she was hot though. Hot enough, but not hot enough to even think about.

Not like. To ruin the other one. She looked like, you know she looked like, she looked like Genevieve Jolie. I think that's her name. The porn star. Oh, I thought you would know. I mean, Genevieve.

Jolie. Christine, have fun trying to spell that when you Google it. Gion you got a J. I think it's with a J. I think it's with a J. J-O-L-L-I. At any point when she said she was bringing a friend

were you like threesome. She'll be this girl? This girl's eyes are close together. Friend like her, yeah. Oh, it looks like her eyes are too close together. Why don't you just Google her name? I don't remember names very well. She's really hot.

She's all right. She's really hot. She got that grip. You've spunked a lot to Genevieve Jolie? Say what? You've spunked a lot to Genevieve Jolie? I have, yeah. Tell you what, our right, her left pussy lip

is a real dangler. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like a Muppet Muff. Dangly-spangly. It really, actually, it looks like, if you look at her pussy sideways, it looks like a mouth with a tongue sticking like this.

Yeah, it does. It looks like a little kid. Yeah, like it's going, hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Like the Nirvana, the Nirvana load up. That's what, mm, mm, mm. Like the Nirvana. That's what that girl looked like.

Mm. So did you drive the girl back to the house and? I drove her back to her place. What was the intel? Did she give you intel? What was the skinny? She's like saying, like, she thinks, like, she doesn't want to think you're like a fuck boy.

I don't remember, to be honest with you. It was very like. I tuned it out. I was like, I saw her mouth go like this, I saw her mouth go like this, but all I heard was, skiddly daps, skibop a wibbly doo. I was just thinking about the taramasu I didn't get. Oh man, I really would have loved this.

Can't believe this bit. Look at it, looking like Genevieve Jolie in a belly full of no dessert. What's that, panna cotta over there? I hate it. Let me get a panna cotta. Hey, you having your snacks in your house? I did divert about five minutes to come talk to y'all.

Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If you wouldn't mind. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Also, y'all, your third of the tip was $8. FYI. Also, you can Venmo me later if you ain't got the cash on you because I gotta be honest, I got change. I got jail. I got jail too. I'm big on cash, Al. Yeah, I pay Metro PCS. I have everything wrong. Well, that's nice that you got the cookies, man.

Did you eat any? No, I didn't eat any of them. You didn't have any what? Completely unsealed bags. No, because I bought my own. I bought my own to bring. Yeah, I didn't want to like, I wanted these to be thick and robust. Can I tell you something about this, Josh? What? Me and Christine, last night at Morton Williams, purchased those kind of cookies. They had them there not nearly as good not nearly as good. They weren't bad

They were bad. They weren't bad. They were these I just said when I when I when I bit it I was like They're good, but they're not the ones from Cantor's. Yeah. Well now you got him Now you got about $20 worth of them, which I think is about four cookies Just you know, did you bring me my turkey chili that you ate? No, because you offered that. I like you thought about it, though. He goes, did I bring home turkey chili? I was trying to think, wait a minute.

I brought the doll. At what point of the night did I eat turkey chili? Let me remember that. Was that after I ate his Greek salad? Bobby, I couldn't. Bobby, I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. But I did bring you this wholeel chili. That was in between the

quesadilla of Justin and the turkey club of J Big Jay Okerson. He's looking like his fingers pointed at the meal. Okay a little bit of that. A little bit of that quesadilla. A little bit of quesadilla in my life. A little bit of thing makes Josh ear full. Whoa! That's fucking stupid. Ah shit. Everything's stupid. It's very sweet of you to bring these cards. Very nice. I love you.

Just tell me where to send the carbonara. I'm so excited for us. Oh, should we itemize it? I mean, I will bring, like, I can do that. I mean, I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that.

I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. I love you. Just tell me where to send the carbonara. I'm so excited for this. Oh, should we itemize it? I will bring, I can do that. Let me come on, let me find a good carbonara spot

in New York and then I'll just come on one day and I'll just bring a big fucking. You can't bring a carbonara. Jacob will never touch it. Black Lou's got a family, so he'll probably get in trouble for eating dinner at work and not eating at all. It's gonna get hard.

It's gonna be like a brick by the time it gets here. DJ Lou's gonna bring it home and put tuna fish and peas in it. Yeah. He's gonna eat it like a cookie. He ate his carbonara and needs a little something. Peas, canned tuna fish. Bread crumbs homemade. Have you had his fucking food yet? Yeah. Peas, canned tuna fish. Bread crumbs, homemade.

Have you had his fucking food yet? Yeah. I mean, I grew up on it. My mom used to make chicken, what was it? No, tuna, crema tuna over white rice. Oh, god. So it was tuna fish, crema mushroom soup, peas, white rice.

Bobby, he only dealt with his, you only dealt with DJ Lewis for a little bit, though, because it came right back out of you. It was because it was cold. It wasn't hot. It wasn't fresh. No, it was hot. It was hot.

He melted the Kraft slice on top of it. Yeah, it was bad. You think that Kraft slice just melts itself? On that, yeah. It just cries over it. It's a chemical. No, it wasn't that bad, Lou. I mean, it wasn't the best.

For gas station ingredients, I thought it was pretty good. It's pretty good for gas station ingredients, without a doubt. In a pinch, tell you what, if you were starving and your stomach was hurting, you'd eat the shit out of that. Prison, it's better than prison loaf. It's better than prison loaf.

If you were in Rikers Island, it'd be fucking awesome. We were on the Jelly Roll Tour, one of the guys on our bus who had been in prison made, I guess it was prison chili, and it was like fucking romaine, not romaine, the noodles, the noodles, the ramen noodles. Ramen noodles, Hormel like beans or whatever. Put it in a fucking bag, he called him Swellin' the noodles.

You gotta swale those noodles in this huge bag of noodles and then he cut up pieces of Slim Jims as the sausage. Yeah. Ew. And then he took Doritos, crushed them up and mixed that. Dude, it was great. No it's not. It's a prison thing.

I've seen this on prison shows. It wasn't bad, it wasn't horrible. You're high, it was great. Wasn't as good as the Antanas. No, God no. No, it wasn't horrible. You're high, it was great. Wasn't as good as the Antanas. No, God no. No, it wasn't as good as Jones either. Last night. Even Jones last night.

I'ma drive your friend home, you uberin' bitch. I shoulda gave you a bag of chili. Yeah, I took you to a nice place. I don't even, you know what you're missing out? I learned how to make bag chili. My man, prison chili. Yeah, this is gross. Oh, here's prison chili with hot dogs. I mean, it's kind of what we had that that band made, Christine, right?

They just made ramen with little hot dogs cut up in it. Yeah. That's not... No chili. No chili. Yeah, that's disgusting. Ugh. It looks like shit.

Yeah, it's not great, but when you're high... You're like, we're not in prison anymore. Yeah. We don't have to do this. You're like, we're not in prison anymore. Yeah. We don't have to do this. He's like, then stop sleeping in my bunk. You gotta swell those noodles. Well, let me tell you, we're actually not in jail anymore. He goes, right, so stop sneaking in my bunk.

You better sit down when you pee. I don't want no splash. Prison chili. Nope, nope. Although, it does look like the other thing, Bobby, that I do kinda wanna try. What'd you call it, American chop suey? Yeah, that looks good. American chop suey's awesome. But it's just, but it's comfort food flavor, awesome.

It's not like a, you can't, nobody can make like a stellar one. Yes you can. How? Baby carrots. No, no carrots, you can't put carrots in it. It's onions, mushrooms, peppers, saute those, and then you get the hamburger, saute that,

and then you get the elbow noodles. I do it with rigatoni, because it goes inside the rigatoni. Like the meat goes inside, like a little tube. You almost made DJ Lou hard over there. And you gotta eat it with a spoon. You can't eat it with a fork. You'd be a fool to. You gotta eat it with a spoon. It's't eat it with a fork. You'd be a fool to.

You gotta eat it with a spoon. It's like what hamburger helper is based on, right? Yeah. Well, it's what it was. Hamburger helper came from that. It's high level. It's high level hamburger helper. My mom never let us, we never ate that ever.

I'll make a few. Hamburger helper, we never eat that. I had a handful times in my life. We never did stovetop. We never did any of that He did stovetop we did still we did all the white trash stuff with that we did stovetop minute rice I said our only highfalutin thing was that our our frozen pizza was French bread pizza That's right stovers stovers was good. Yeah, Elio's. I thought people who got Elio's was trash.

I did like Elio's. No, no. We'd get Elio's sometimes and we'd rock it down, but you knew things were going all right. Mom had a good week at the big and tall clothing store if we were fucking eating some fucking French breads. But Stouffer's, you had to wait so long to take a bite because you would burn the roof for your... It would just immediately stick.

Also, if you make it good, it's a two step process. You have to microwave a little bit, then you got to oven it, like you got a toaster oven it. I did it without, we didn't have microwaves, that's how old I am. You had to put it in the oven for fucking 45 minutes, and then let it cool, because when you bit into a Stouffer's, for sure, it vacuums, it fit your mouth,

like a dental, and it would just stick. The hard crust would stick to the teeth, and then the hot lava, lava cheese, and sauce would stick to the roof of your mouth, and you had to peel it off if you didn't eat it right. Yeah, and you'd go look, if you looked at your, like the gums underneath your, underneath your teeth, you'd have to wear like fucking haunted house curtains.

Like holes and shredded, like pieces hanging off. You had to go from a side, you could never go straight on with the Stovars. You had to go from the side so it didn't fit your mouth perfectly. Yeah, you have to do little small bites throughout. Little small bites. If not, dude, I think like pizza mouth.

I feel it's what happens when people pour tar on you, when people tar you to burn you with hot tar. That's what I feel like it does because it gets on you and you can't escape it. You can feel there's a pepperoni wedged up in there that's just destroying everything. It's like the guy who poured the gold in Game of Thrones on the guy's head.

Exactly, yeah. A king for a crown or some shit. Yeah, absolutely. Stouffers was great. Stouffer's would fuck your roof up. I used to steal it all the time when I was a kid. When I was out on the streets, we'd go in and steal Stouffer's pizzas and the fried chicken.

The TV dinner fried chicken was great. Oh, God. That was so good, dude. It would take five hours to cook, though, for some reason, because it was just frozen solid. You ate a pigeon. I'll tell you, a fat kid thing for sure. Those kids meals, those popped up in my life

when my brother and sisters were born. And so whatever that brand is where it's the kids. Snackables? No, the kids TV dinners. I forget, but they had pretty good desserts. And I would just, like you said with the, what you're doing with the girls last night, I would stare at like you said what you're doing with the girls last night I would stare your kids cuisine I would stare I would stare at

my siblings while they eat their kids because we're hoping to God they didn't eat their desserts so I can go in for them actually I do remember the kid cuisine brownies were great brownie hot but that was like molten lava too that was like molten lava that's why all these kids get fucking dying from peanuts Stupid shit Brownie bites kids cuisine tic-tac-toe cookies. I Mean it's just all cancer. Oh I'm certain of it. But man kids, leftover, whatever they would leave over.

I did SpaghettiOs for sure, though. But they were just things you kept in the house. Well, listen, anything's good when you put a pile. Like a nuclear holocaust. My SpaghettiOs, when I was done putting cheese on SpaghettiOs, it was a different color. It went from red to pink. You ever eat cold SpaghettiOs?

No. No, I'm not that fucking. There's no reason to, ever no reason to it wasn't that bad it was kind of sweet you crack your word can't fucking ate it crack open a can and just spoon it in your oh you we were fucking trolley hobo sometimes I didn't have time mercenaries and predator sometimes I had a fight for a living. He's eating out of a thing. He's just shaving with the hoe. Camp town lady sing this song. Doo da, doo da.

I'm drinking, drinking, doo da doo. Boating chocolate brownie. Burning my mouth. Can I have some pick-out-a? And I have in my life. I've had... I would just let Josh go if we could. Let him go as far as he can with that song. And the time is almost done. I've had just like just go

I've had have we ever once Christie do we try one time to do TV dinners like let's just do it one time I think we went to key food years ago, and we're like let's just do TV dinners But we always but it's almost a novelty of like oh, let's go pick out like two TV dinners and get it. But I remember times in life a Handful maybe five TV dinners. I've ever had my life. It's a sad you can't make that not sad Well, you had to get the tables back then the foldable TV dinner tables in the living room trash Because it was it when you when you used to eat you see it at the dinner table No, you had TV dinners. We you would eat in front of TV his family. Why do they? Watch TV. There's a was just like nine people almost nobody was home I got was lying on the carpet. Yes watching TV from his bedroom down the time

100% laying on my stomach eating a cheese stick on the floor. What the fuck man? We're carpeting we had carpeting. Okay, that makes a better... I thought it was matted. No. It was like a deer lying down in grass for the night. Looked like Rohan Marley's dreadlocks. Did you see the Chase Belly button imprinting the carpet?

We had puffy carpet in Philly, and then we moved to South Jersey, it was carpeting, and it was a new house, so it was a new carpet, it was great. Yeah. Now. It was carpeting, and it was a new house. So it was a new carpet, it was great. Now it's not carpeting, actually. I think now they got rid of the carpet. But when I was younger, yeah, my spot was laying on the floor on my tummy, eating my food on the floor.

That's so sad and cute at the same time. Felt great. I wanna see it. I loved it. Oh my God, a big, by the way, when they wrapped cheesesteak, like no economy of that paper at all. The paper was just huge. You'd unwrap the cheesesteak

and your big fucking french fries over here. Ah, it was so great. Those days are gone. No they're not, you can do them tonight. We got a cheesesteak on Sunday. Christine's been sick from it ever since. Really? It was a bad cheesesteak, it wasn't very good.

It turned. That's what I'm gonna do tonight. I'm gonna drive to Philadelphia and get a cheese steak. I got nothing to do about it. Oh dude, I would love a fucking roast pork sandwich from Tony Luke's. That's the fucking, what's the one in the- Tony Luke's in Brooklyn.

What's the one they got in the market? What's that place? Ishka Bibbles now. No. In Philly. Starts with a D, right? Yeah, D. That one was great.

Fuck, someone's screaming at their computer for radio right now Del Del frescoes now Keep going Del computers the font Del Harris Look at reading terminal to hell cheesesteak Delaware sandwich shop Del Monte. He fucking said it, what should we call it? Del computers. I said Del computers.

Oh you did? Delicious. Del. Adele. Denix. Denix, that's what it is. Denix. That was probably one of the best sandwiches I've ever had.

I think, dude, here's what's crazy about Philly sandwiches and how great they are, is that everybody sucks the dick of the cheese steak, but I'm telling you, the roast pork with broccoli rabe and provolone might be... I've said this. I go, you guys really fucking jerk yourselves off with the cheesesteak. It's better than anything else.

The roast pork sandwich, never seen it any other city, and I've never had a sandwich that good. You never saw the cheesesteak in any other city until Boston stole it and flipped the words It's a steak and cheese and we had it before I even knew a fucking Philly existed steak and cheese should have the word Egg in the middle. There's no egg in it. I know there should be there should be no egg. It's a hunk of shit It is not I don't say go to Philadelphia and get the fucking chowder Because you can't get good chowder, but you can't get a good roast pork sandwich. They don't have it

They don't have good roast beef sandwiches. Boston has insane steak and cheese. It's all right. It's great. It's all right. It's great. And there's a few great places. Philly, every place is great for cheese steak.

Not true. Did they just submit and start calling it a cheese steak? Because Boston Magazine is saying cheese steak in Boston. Ooh, pussies. No, they didn't. They bailed. No, they didnesesteak because Boston Magazine is saying cheesesteak in Boston. Ooh, pussies. No they didn't. They bailed. No they didn't. Look, Boston Magazine, these are the best places

to get a cheesesteak in Boston. Nah, that's just some philly asshole that moved to Boston. That's also a really ugly cheesesteak right there. It's terrible. Bread looks good. Nah, that sucks. That looks ass.

That's an exotic place. That looks all right. That's all right. That looks like, what is that called? Owls. Is that a steak and cheese? Al's Cafe. Steak and cheese. No, these all say cheese steaks.

Damn. They submitted, you took the knee. I didn't know that that was a thing, that it was like that Boston had the steak and cheese. Yeah, it's just a rip-off. Because in Maryland, in Maryland, in Maryland there was a place TQ Subs, my buddy, me and Greg used to go there for lunch.

TQ Subs? Do you know it? No, I don't. But they had this, there was a place, TQ Subs, my buddy, me and Greg used to go there for lunch. TQ Subs? Do you know it? No, I don't. I was just talking about it. But it was a Greek owned and it was very like, Jacob, Jacob liked it. Stockin', the guy would talk like,

he's like, number 45 Stockin' Chess! And that would be like the order. So that was where cheesesteak, What was it called? He would call it steak and cheese. What we say? Stock and chess? Number 45 stock and chess. I like that better. Stock and chess. Hoshua, hoshua. Josh. Right, hosh.

Hoshua Hosh. I uh That pork sandwich though you guys should promote that more than just dumb cheese steak or steak and cheese Have you ever been to? Have you done dead crow in Wilmington? Yeah, so there is a place I could they see put you with the ballast hotel and and I ask every I haven't answered yet Have you been no? Okay. Well, you should it's a great room. It's a great room. I'll set you up with the people Okay, well you should it's a great room. It's a great room. I'll set you up with the people

You better hope this sandwich she's talking about is good because it's a hundred seats no, it's Yeah, it's 150. I think you're okay for it. So no, it's a hundred they moved it. They moved it's bigger I was not downstairs one anymore. No, it's bigger. It's a bigger venue That being said though, I the hotel manager They said they said Guy Fieri came for diners drive-ins and dives and there's a restaurant called the copper penny And it's owned by this guy from Philly and he does that this is what he did on on Triple D was the roast pork broccoli Rob sandwich and provolone it's So fuck I did I went there for the two days. I was there. I had three out of the four meals I had that sandwich. Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives.

Copper Penny, if there's people out there that fuck with it and they know what I'm talking about, fucking DMX. It threw me with the triple D. Let's connect over it. Let's connect over it. He said triple D and I went, tits, what? And then I stopped listening to you

and I kept thinking of triple D. You're thinking of the midget from Total Recall. What'd he say now? Now what about Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives? I tell you what, the roast was the roast sandwich in in Chicago Stinks Italian beef it blows good one. I don't want to dip don't dip my sandwich and make the bread wet I don't mind that it's gross. I don't want a wet piece of bread who the fuck wants that Dip it yourself you dip it. I like when you dip it. Well You dip it. I like when you dip it. Well at Maison Pickle we all dip our sandwiches.

Listen, when you guys dip, I dip, we dip. When you dip, I dip, we should all dip. Everyone dips. When you have the option of dipping, I'm fine with that. Bobby, just put your hand up on my hip. And then if I dip, you dip, we'll dip. We'll dip. Yeah, dipping it on your own.

For them dipping it and they dunk it, yes. Christine, your thoughts? You're a dip. We'll dip. Yeah, dipping it on your own. For them dipping it and they dunk it. Christine, your thoughts? You're a dip. I thought she was a dingbat. They're all dingbats. Christine's a dip. She's a dip. Dip.

I'm so hungry right now. All this dip talk? I know, dude. I'm fucking... All this talk about Triple D? What does Triple D say we should do in New York? I slept through the fucking flight meal. What was your meal? It would've been like, it was eggs and.

Avocado toast? No, no, no, it's like eggs and, you know, like fucking a ham. Delto? Is it Delto? Yeah, it's Delto. I'll tell you exactly what it was. It was French toast, it was Greek yogurt with fruit,

or it was the Fattata. It was the Fattata, yeah. Thank you. it was Greek yogurt with fruit, or it was the fatata. It was the fatata, yeah. Thank you. But I still would've ate it, I fucking, I live for that. I always go, I go to Greek yogurt. I get excited about plain food. Is something about getting free food, because I was growing up.

It's not free. It's not free. It's not free at all. But it's free to me. Sure, yeah. And I just want other people on the plane behind me to see me eating. Yeah, it feels great. With silverware. It feels great. Sure, yeah. And I just want other people on the plane behind me to see me eating. Yeah, it feels great.

Silverware. It feels great. Oh, it makes me so, because I remember watching people in first class eat them, get the meal, and they would come over and drink the drink and then the napkin and then the plate, and I would smell it and I'd be like,

fuck, and I'd be sitting eating like sun chips or a biscuit. Oh yeah. I was so jealous. So I had one of those moments today, so I go to drop my car off at the Hertz and then you get on the bus and the bus takes you to LAX and it stops first at Southwest. And it's a packed bus too.

It was 6 a.m. We're the first flight out basically. And so they drop a bunch of people off at Southwest and then like they get to the Delta terminal and like me and then like these two girls and this family get off. And I'm Delta one So they have a special entrance on the bottom floor that there's literally like a door guy there that checks your name

He goes, okay you come in. I mean, it's like dude. There's no wait. Then there's like you go through the TSA There's nobody bothering you and then they take an elevator up to the Delta Sky Lounge It's it's the most baller shit It should be the way it should be for the amount of money that we're spending to fucking fly. And all the other people followed me to the gate and then I got through and then they were like, yeah, it's like, so this is for Delta.

And he goes, are you on Delta One? They're like, no. And he goes, yeah, you can't come in. And I just looked back and I was like, sorry. Sorry, bitch. You know when I get that is when they're boarding the plane, and people, they don't understand the zone or what, they just go up, and they're just about to call first class,

and they go up, and they give it, and I know them, I just see that blue thing on their phone, and I just let them go, and they get up, and they go, first class, and then they have to walk by all of us, and they go, oh shit, no, we're not boarding you yet. Beat it. I love that.

Oh, I do that when people start doing the early lineup and I'm first class, I love stepping in front of that whole thing. It looks like it's gonna be odd, but I'm just looking, if they ever said anything, I'd be like, yeah, I'm looking over your shoulder, you're not going in first before me. So I'm just gonna, I know you've been standing

here 15 minutes, but this is how it works. Unfortunately, dick face. Here's what happens though. Sorry, soldier. Or, what else is how it works. Unfortunately, dick face. Sorry, soldier. What else is great is when they have the line and you've missed your initial first class zone, and so they have the lines for two or three that's lying out the door,

but then they have that other line that's- The priority line. The priority line, and you just go- You just go- How about- I give Su-Fies, I disappear into the jetway. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I got, have you got caught though, when you're boarding and all of a sudden some wheelchair lady comes up, you're like, oh sorry. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Back up. Oh, I've been stuck. I've been stuck.

I've been stuck behind a wheelchair lady. I'll tell you what I do always, and it does backfire sometimes, is I tell whoever's with me if they're not in first class I go even when I go up just go with me to get on the plane. Yeah, they always let that happen always always I say that But at least two or three times they go you're not first class and then I'll be like, oh they're with me and they go Okay, but they're not first class and I go sorry and then they have to stand out there and eat all that shit

stand there to kind of try to sneak on first. I'm already on the plane, that doesn't matter to me. I'm like, well I was in first class. Keeblee, that asshole told me he'd be able to go on right behind me. What a jag. What a total jag. Should we take our final break? Let's take it man, Let's take our final break. Josh Adam Myers is here. He's gonna be at New York Comedy Club in Stanford. Awesome club. You're gonna love it.

Go out there and check it out. They got a bunch of restaurants around. Connecticut, May 24th. Zany's Nashville, June 10th. After that, he's gonna be in Boston, Springfield, Massachusetts, St. Louis, Los Angeles. For tickets and all of the tour dates.

Go to joshaddammeyers.com. Check them out. Yeah. Robert Kelly is gonna be in Port Charlotte, Florida June 7th and 8th. After that St. Louis, Timonia, Maryland, Portsmouth, New Hampshire and you can see Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Seller for tickets and all tour dates. Go to punchup.live

Robert Kelly Big Jay Okerson will be at the Irvine improv June 7th and 8th after that He'll be on the fully loaded festival tour with Burt Krasher all over the country through June For tickets and all other tour dates visit bigjaycomedy.com For tickets and all other tour dates visit bigjcomedy.com Cotton slash carbonara When you go see Josh bring him a rugelach