The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Cave Children (feat. Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on SiriusXM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the SiriusXM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Set up camp for a while We're all welcome there at the bonfire Get some blue drops And get blacked up, get some swamp wisdom From Jacob, while Christine laughs for our delight Come join us by the fireside We're all welcome there at the bonfire Big J's the man, Bobby's still not dead But that's okay, we love Him anyway Every fan is a friend

Pull up a chair and squeeze on Him We're all welcome there At the bonfire At the bonfire We're all welcome there At the bonfire I'm a cowboy Wow Wow. I only threw an insult in there. Do you, Bobby?

I didn't like that. I don't know where the insult was. What did it mean? He said, uh, Bobby still, he said, Big J's the man. Thank you. What's his name? Mitch. Mitch.

Thank you. Lovely song, by the way. Beautiful. Touch my heart. I don't know. He didn't mean to harm, but he said, uh, Big J. Good name. Lovely song, by the way. It's gonna be a song, beautiful. Touch my heart. I know you didn't mean you harmed by what you said, Big J is the man, Bobby's still not Dan,

but we love him anyway. I don't think that's an insult. I don't take that as an insult, because I'm not Dan. But they love you anyway. But that's my name. Despite that. I'm not Dan.

Okay. And I think we all have respect for Dan. Well, it's in the world of respect for Dan. I think we all have respect for Dan, but you know what, I'm not Dan. And I think we all have respect for Dan. Well, it's in the world of respect for Dan. I think we all have respect for Dan, but you know what, I'm not Dan, but they love me anyway. So I will take that as a compliment. I actually thought it was a beautiful song. Well, I hate country, but I will say I'm narcissistic enough

that I love country about me. And also, I again, I am balls to butthole on Yellowstone right now. And I'm all I'm bummed about on Zillow now is there's no house I can look at within like a drivable daily distance where I can have ATVs, possibly get into horses. Yeah.

None of these things can happen with a drivable distance to work. Well. I want an ATV, so bad. I want a hat. You want to mend your fence? I want to mend my fence. I want to get a spool of barbed wire

that attract their pulls and makes a fence as you go. And then I just have modern day barn slaves screw it in. And if you get mad at somebody, snap it so it hits their face. You can snap it right on. Snap it. Look who's here. And by the way, what a lovely world, Blackloo. These modern day slaves are white. Most of them are white. Shane Gillis in the motherfucking house. Shane Gillis. We're just talking of the wedding. Shane Gillis.

We're just talking to you, the little Yellowstone. You a fan? No. You never watched it? No. Dude. It's like Bobby told me to watch it. He's right.

It's fantastic. But I will tell you, Bobby, when you were asking me what's cheesy about it, I'll tell you, it's a modern day, and my friend Tom pointed this out. It's a modern day soap opera. The lines in it are so TV novella. I tried to watch one episode and it was like a tough chick playing poker with guys and was like, get out of here motherfucker. And I was like, all right, I'm not watching this. Yeah, you don't believe in a tough chick. You gotta just trash.

Yeah, fuck a tough chick. Trash. No, she's great. She also reminds me of my stepmother, Diane. But she, uh... Diane's got nice tits. She's a great character now, but TV Diane does. Yeah, she does have, they do.

It's a fantastic show, but there is a lot of like people talking in Shakespearean, and these are supposed to be like hillbilly cowboys, and it's like, I'd give you all of my tomorrows if you could give me your heart for one more minute. Yeah, but now. What are you guys doing watching this? First of all, that affected me when you just said that.

Yeah, Bobby's soft though. Bobby is. I fucked up. I went to therapy 15 years ago, and I fucked up. Yeah, Bobby got soft as hell. How long have you been going ever since? Yeah, I've been going ever since. You've been going to therapy for 15 years? Yeah, you know the thing.

When are you gonna go? It's not taken. He called me a lifer. I think I go now just to have a friend. Yeah, I understand. Just to have somebody to go to and be like, hey man, how are you? It's good to see you too.

Yeah, that's nice. Also, he's also the only person you could say this to and to and be like, hey man, how are you? It's good to see you too. Yeah, that's nice. Also, he's also the only person you could say this to and he knows what you mean, you go, I'm having the urges again. Oh, all right. It's good you came. It's good you came. 100% you can go to him and tell him everything. Like, you're fucked up shit.

I can't tell you everything. I'll tell you what. Alan, the therapist, is going to one day move to an undisclosed location and write a tell-all because everyone goes to the same guy. Yeah. A lot of people are like, Bobby hates Colin Quinn. Yeah, it's just going to be comics being like, I actually hate all my friends.

How come I'm not the one? It's going to be every single one. I've tried to get info out of him about other comedians. Yeah, and I'm sure everyone's done that too. every single one. I've tried to get info out of him about other comedians. Yeah and I'm sure everyone's done that. Does he say something about me? I can't tell you. I knew he was Bobby's guy when I went and I went to him maybe two times in person, two times telemedicine, but in the second time I went to him, maybe the first time, he got me something with my dad and I started crying.

And he goes, How many times in? Twice. Oh. I went, oh, this might have been the first one though. Took me a year and a half to cry. That's good.

Well, I said, I said, I go, did I cry, did I take longer to cry than Robert Kelly? And he goes, it's not the point. He just keeps it so serious. He's like, I'm just trying to deflect here. That's who got me with what you call it on. When I did Brian Koppelman's podcast like years ago, he got me said, I cried. They made the whole Legion of Skanks, by the way,

you should watch it, making fun of me crying on this podcast. But I started crying and the pull out of it, a guy who's not funny in that way. Like I couldn't pull, so I go, I started crying and he goes, oh, it's okay, you're emotional. And I went, I went, fag. And he went, don't say that word.

And then I went, sissy. He goes, don't say that either. Okay, it's just the reprimanded me. Okay, I'm sorry. He reprimanded me and I just took it. I was like, okay, you're right, I shouldn't say this. You never went to therapy, ever? I did a little, yeah.

And what happened? They just tried to make me not like my dad. That was it the whole time and I was like, well, I like him. I think your dad's a pretty nice guy. Yeah, I was like, he's the man. Yeah. Yeah, that was it. They tried to get you not to like him

and you were just giving him. I didn't have any money. I didn't have enough money to do it. You know, I'll keep doing it. I don't have health insurance or money. But I mean with trying to make you like hate your debt. Were you telling like me and my dad have this kind of rough go? Or are you saying like my dad rules and they go that doesn't rule my dad?

Well, he took me to hookers from when I was 11 to 15. That doesn't rule. Yeah, yeah, it was like, you know, did he hit you and I was like, yeah. That's not good. It's like, it's fine. I was a pussy. I was being a pussy. Are you gonna hit your kids? I don't know if I have kids. You're not gonna have kids.

Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah? Are you think you'll hit him? No. No, I don't think so. Well, it depends. No, on what? What'd they do? It does depend on what they do. Shoot a school. That's a woman. That's a belt. That's a get to

your room right now. You definitely got to come home to some heat. You shoot up a school and you're gonna get hit with the middle name. I never, I got hit, but I never got hit for anything. middle name. I never, I got hit, but I never got hit for anything. Like, I was late one day because I fell on my bike and he punched me, my stepdad punched me down the flight of stairs. Okay, yeah, my dad didn't hit me like for real, but he was your real dad. It was stepdads can hit like that. Stepdad's not. It's getting hit by a stepdad is not. Well, because he has the fury of not, this is some dude, he's just hitting the kid. I remember he yelled at me one day because I was, I think it was in like second grade. And I, you know, you haven't developed, you laugh yet?

Yeah. You don't like kids have, ha ha ha ha. They're stealing laughs from like where they see it on TV. And I laughed one day at something he said. And he goes, it's not your fucking laugh, fucking idiot. Stop laughing like that. And I was like, ah. Wow.

And it fucked up my laugh for years. I was like, I would laugh insecure. I'd be like, ah. No one's ever been able to make Christine insecure about that laugh. Oh, you can't. That's a laugh. That's your laugh.

And then you did a skank saw Monday and what you're gonna call it, the laughing guy is there who I love, he's the Middle Eastern Trumper who brings a sweet, he's a sweetheart, but that laugh is, it's brutal. He's not even trying to hide it. But yeah, but he just can't. Christine, do you feel for him when he goes?

I, my laugh's not like that. No, no, no, it's not, I'm just saying, but do you feel a guy that's like, he can't help that the laugh, no, it's not like that. No, no, no, no, not I'm just saying but do you feel a guy? It's like he can't help that the laugh No, no, no, no, no, no Christine your lips I could help it a little bit if you tried You think he's leaning into it. I think he's leaning into it. I think he likes me in the laughing guy Oh, dude, he shulks us right now dude. You throwing us some zen. He yeah What would I just put in my mouth? Am I gonna you're gonna love it? I just lose my sobriety. Uh, you're gonna feel it Yeah, you're gonna What did I just put in my mouth? Am I gonna? You're gonna love it. Did I just lose my sobriety?

You're gonna feel it. Oh, good. Yeah? You're gonna have to take a dump. Pretty quick. Do you feel it? I don't know anymore. I do it too much.

They're healthy though, right? These are good ones. They can't be healthy. I'm so addicted. But they're not like brown, like gum cancer. Yeah, you just leave it in there. Just leave it in. I just took one out. And put this one in? It gives you the goose. You get the goose's? No, I'm cancer. Yeah, you just leave it in there. Just leave it in I just took one out And it gives you the goose you get the goose's no, I'm just addicted at this point

It's just I have to have one in this because your dad hit you my dad My dad did dip I saw him do it. I learned from him No, the one time he hit me it was It was when South Park the movie came out and there's a part in the movie where they're like, can we have two tickets to Terrence Phillips's Assets of Fire, and the guy working the desk at the box office goes, nah! So I started doing that. I did that.

If anybody talked to me, I go, nah! And my dad one day, I was on the computer, and the phone was ringing right next to me. I didn't know it was right next to me. And he was like, pick up the phone, and I went, nah! And he ran over, and he tried to punch me in the chest, but I ducked. So he hit me directly in the nose and mouth,

just blood everywhere. It just felt like shit. And I was like, what the fuck, dude? He felt terrible. He was like, I'm so sorry. So it's not like he ever really hit me. He actually hit you in the face. He tried to hit me with the belt once.

Didn't really take. You know, my dad to hit me with the belt once right didn't really take you know was weird. My dad Only hit me once but in fairness. I only saw him about 50 times through my childhood But a high percentage. Yeah. Yeah, but he got me once up 150th of the time I get drilled. I wouldn't do any math. I wouldn't do any math. Percentages. That's percentages. That's math.

2%. But he... That's 2%. So, but it was... I remember, I was definitely being bitchy. I definitely deserved a crack for sure. And he just got me a the head, one of those. But it was because he was trying to get me to go to church.

My stepmother loved church every Sunday. But I just didn't grow up going to church at all. And I really didn't want to, and just arguing about it one morning and yelling. And I think after he hit me and I started crying, I think I started talking about it. And I'm Jewish. crying, I think I started talking about it, and I'm Jewish, also I'm Jewish. They tried to get you to the Catholic Church?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been to church, I don't think I've ever been to a synagogue, I've been to church probably 15 times maybe in my life. I used to go to, when I was a lifeguard at the Jewish camp for the summer. They forced you to go to services on Saturday. What else, what?

And they just, you had to go, because you're at a sleepaway camp. So I, me and two other Catholic kids, they used to sit us in the corner with napkins on our head because they didn't have enough yarmulkes. Oh nice. You should sit there like fucking assholes. Good. Fucking yentle. What goes on in there? Cinegogs? Yeah, it's just like pretty much playing in Hollywood and hiding. Digging? Yeah, yeah, digging. There's a lot of rocking. Yeah, tunneling to other Jewish places.

Constantly tunneling. Well, I'll tell you what was funny about what I was going to say about my dad was, so that was the only time ever. I do remember several occasions where he took a wooden spoon upstairs to go whip my stepbrothers asses, which I thought was pretty interesting. Like that's pretty weird. Yeah, spoon. I always thought it was because like it's much easier to take out that fury on someone else's dudes than your son. That feels, I don't know, it's gotta be harder to hit a stranger's kid. No, to a normal person. Yeah. It's fucked up. I think it's easy. But if you're full of violence and you're gonna do it anyway, it's like,

well, at least I don't have to hear from my kid's biological mom. I just beat these kids up. It depends, I guess, why you're hitting them. Is it for a lesson or? It's easy to hit somebody else's kids because you're not connected. Like to look at your kid and see him like,

dad. But you have to be a mom. He's gonna be like, he's gonna be like, sir, Gary, please don't hit me. Hey, mister. Does it make sense that I understand though You have to be but you have to be a monster. He's gonna be like he's gonna be like sir Gary Does it make sense that I understand though you could have the passion to hit your child? Yeah, you want to do better? Yes That the or whatever you're correcting bad. Whatever. Yes When it's someone else's kid, that's what I mean. It seems like it could how could you have that much passion? That's just I want to hit something. Yeah, I mean, that's hitting a five year old

or like, you know, a 10 year old for a, that's crazy. Yeah, it is crazier. Bobby, this is why you're a lifer, dude. Did you hear that? We brought up your evil stepfather and your stomach made noises. My stomach, oh, my stomach. Because that's the zen.

My stomach, yeah, it's gonna fuck you up. Yeah, it's kind of fucking my, am I teeth gonna fall out? From one? I don't know, dude dude my gums are one salty Zinn I've never done it my eyes are vibrating right now Decent amount of Nick I mean, I'm starting to feel like I'm gonna throw up

My agent was hanging out with me and I like just forced him to take money to shit for the next half hour We're at Rogan's club and we're like in the you know at the bar downstairs. We're drinking. He's like, let me try one of those I was like, all right. He just went yeah It was Ethan and he was in the bathroom for a for real 35 40 minutes shitting just shitting Why is it run through you like that? Great 35, 40 minutes. Shitting. Just shitting. Why does it run through you like that? It makes you shit. It's real useless. Okay. Great agent.

Top tier. Yeah. You just can't handle it. Top tier shit. This next segment is brought to you by Metro. What is nada, yada, yada? It's a fun way of saying something serious. No BS, which is important during tax season.

Metro won't screw you over with surprises, trick secrets and gotcha or bullshit. Switching to Metro means saying no to compromise. I wanted to talk about this yesterday, but I think you'll enjoy this too, Shane. Because I brought this to the group myself. The Terppin family, we never got to it, right, on the show? Yeah. Do you remember the Turpin family? So that was where they found the 13 kids. They were chained in the basement.

The parents, the dad had a bowl cut. And the mom gave us a little taste of the Turpin family, if you can, Christina Ramon. You don't remember this at all? I don't know. This story, one girl escaped, got out and told a neighbor in Cleveland that one. No, no, that was another one. That was great This was California capturing people is Yeah, yeah, you need a certain house for that so that is a scary fucking family

Well, they're all like like there's 29 year olds in that group that look like they're 12 years old because they just been like Yeah, they're never outside in the sun. They got to Disney. They did go to Disney. They do say it. When they get this girl, if you can find the body cam footage, the cop, this is what I loved about this. It's bad, he'd go back there.

This is what I watched. I watched the body cam footage of the day they went in there and found them in the chains and shit when the girl comes out. Cops? They gotta be such cops all the time. It's so, you know, we saw that video of the guy setting himself on fire and Dave Smith made that joke,

the cop still comes in with his gun drawn. He said, the cops only have one speed and it's the same, this cop, she's like, my family is, I snuck out, my family's chained up, like I want you to look into this. Kind of, he's like, my family is chained up. My family's chained up. Like I want you to look into this kind of, he's like, yeah, he goes, what do you want? Medication or something? And she's like, what's medication?

He goes, all right. You don't know what medication. He's like pills. And she's like, I think we've taken pills when some people have gotten sick before. And they just ask her all the, and she's just like, being sweet. And they said, it's funny. That guy, and she's just like, being, you know, sweet, and they said,

it's funny, that guy, because he looks into it, ends up becoming her hero, but he's a, a conti cop the entire time. Oh yeah, dipshit, is it? They're chained up. Would you have a little wacky tobacco tonight? Wait, so they were chained up their entire lives? Yeah.

Often at nights they chain a few of them up, yeah. Why? Because they'll get away. Yeah, but they're kids. Why are they chained up? They believed, I mean, they're crazy religious people. One of those things, they think they're keeping their kids from the world and protecting them or whatever.

The mom hated them, so she was super mean to them and the dad just kind of was like a dope You'll see the dad's like a fucking as a bull haircut as I go. It's wild looking Show the couple show the Do you want to hear this you can play this yeah Hi Jordan. Hi. What's going on? I? Just ran away from home. Okay, and I I just ran away from home. Okay.

And I live in a family of 15. Okay. My two little sisters right now, chained up. They're chained up? Yes. Or are they chained up at? On the bed. Now, mother didn't chained them up just to be me.

Okay. Okay. They're chained up because they're broke here. But I'm sorry if I talk too much broke here. Uh-huh. But I'm sorry if I talk too much. Okay. Oh my God. He's not being like consoling at all.

He's like, yeah? But this is a guy. Can I just say something? This is a guy with kids. You know what I mean? Like, you have kids that say stupid shit all the time. I don't know, man. I think you come out to someone else's stupid kids.

It's a little smoke that's fire. Chained up. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I would. His kids probably said some stupid shit that day. She's asking them to help free her. You know what I mean? She's not going like, like I ran away and I'm gonna throw up.

Take me somewhere else. Spit it out. No, I don't want to. I'm not, no, I'm not. You're not, no. Damn, dude. Can't do what a pussy you are. This is for men.

Yeah, I'm fucking, I'm a man. I'm a, I to fucking die right now God damn it. What I got the guys. Yeah, look at the dude They're the guys is that his hair is that a wig the clear? I'll tell you this the mom's too pretty for him She's gasly dumb and dumbers He looks like a comic from the 80s. Yeah He looks like a comic from the 80s. Yeah, he really does. Yeah, it's like a geechy guy or something. He had like nine evening at the improv. Got rocks. He, uh, well, the guy who had to treat children. No.

Oh yeah, he's an engineer for Northrop. No, he was an engineer also. And they were... I respect his hair though. I don't mind the hair. He went for it, dude. He's an eccentric. But yeah, so they chain the kids up the cop go back to the cop footage Because he's never nice This all brings me to a grander point. This is Jordan Turpin the girl talking Okay, how did you do your parents know you left your house? No, they won't Do you take any medication? What's medication medication? Yeah, what's medication? Do you take any medication? With medication. Yeah, with medication. Do you take pills?

Do you take pills? I think I've ever taken it before. Right, I have it. She's like 18 or 19, that girl. The reason I called and we managed to get out here, this one with scary scenes I've ever done. I'm terrified. Yeah, I called my two little sisters to change up right now. You have pictures of your sisters chained up? Yes, but I would have yeah, I would assume she was schizophrenic I would assume she's fucking out of her mind too. It's like little kids usually walk up high

Yeah, and she's old and talking like a child. No, no, he hasn't you can't tell she's old She looks a little kid. Okay, so I'm saying like he's just there's no console even if she's out of her tree He's nothing consoling. She's like, yeah Let me guess you're all whacked out on some shit Where are they from? California the Northern California. Okay, it makes sense. Yeah, I Okay, it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

I don't have proof of everything, but I have proof that my sisters are chained up. So see, those are the places that make it known that. And see how dirty she is. Are they now? You're so filthy. We don't take baths. She keeps adding bad shit.

She keeps trying to enhance like, no, they're chained up, that's not enough. Oh no, they're dirty. They're also dirty. No, the room isn't clean. Yeah, what do I have to say to get you in this fucking house? She's trying to get 19 years of pure daily abuse

out in five sentences to a guy who's going like, did it now. Oh, okay. Okay. Is this playing the violin next to her? Yeah, we're gonna need a back up we got a fucking liar I gotta agree at the top the cop that pulled the gun like this kid the guy on fire I would have pulled my he should have shot that guy I mean yeah there's the guy what are you how are you gonna the guy with on fire is coming at you you gotta shoot him what are you gonna do push him away it on fire is coming at you you gotta shoot him What are you gonna do push him away?

It's not gonna get to you gonna go no Now do once you're on fire for 30 seconds you start walking like Frankenstein people get away Do you change for he's speed that video that guy was still I can handle I can handle a lot of videos that video I didn't know it was coming because fucked me up when they started it Lewis was like he was like you never seen this shit. I was like, no. Yeah. I can handle like a beheading. That one, burning guy is like. Well, you have to give him the commitment he had because I would have lit myself on fire and went,

free pal, ow, ow, fuck, ow, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked, piss on me, do something. I wouldn't know. He never stopped, dropped or rolled. No. He just stood there and said, free Palestine. He got it out. He got it out. At got it out a lot.

At some point in his head, it was just in his head, but he went, free Palestine. Free Palestine. He goes, man, it's taking a long time to die. Free Palestine. It definitely went through his head for a second. He's taking a long time. I thought I was going to like, the fumes or something

would get me by now. This zips. He handled it though. He was like that fucking monk in Vietnam like yeah it's our American it's pretty impressive that's the tenacity of our American soldiers dude yeah see American boosts the beast did bootcamp system I bring this up he had to think Wait a second, I'll save Palestine. Like, what the fuck?

It's terrible. Because it doesn't even hurt. Hold on a second. I just see whips. Or you just pointing this guy to the face. You can take off. No, don't show it. I don't want to see it. I don't want it either on world stars blurred, but it's just like

Now the things that bother me about this the fucking noises he's making people are making I don't know very much That's a tough one, but it's tough. Yeah, someone getting crisped Yeah, I really get mad that they got mad the cop for pulling his gun. What the fuck? What's he gonna do? Yeah, the cop is probably Terrifying he's freaking the fuck out. Oh, I'm not mad at the cop for pulling his gun. What the fuck, what's he gonna do? Yeah, the cop was probably, that was terrifying. He was freaking the fuck out. Oh, I'm not mad at the cop, I just think it's hilarious. It is funny, instinctively, it's like, fuck, stop.

Stop. Please change. The gun. What if he's in a different situation? Yeah, what if he just works, do what I'm saying. What if he just put it out, he's like, this one out, he's like, what's up? Just walked away.

He'd be, that'd be God. I'm gonna pass out. He is legend. Why? There's just a little bit of his name. No, not that. You got it. That's long enough.

That's it? Yeah. You did it. Now swallow it. What? That's all the warm dude. Well, I bring this whole story up just to say, I feel bad for this girl in this weird street interrogation.

I feel bad for their circumstances and the way they lived with these awful, awful parents. She is now an influencer and I immediately, I don't like her again. I want her to be back chained to a bed. It's like Britney Spears. It's like, yeah, they'll lose. Maybe those parents knew something. Yeah, it's not crazy to keep an eye's like, yeah, it'll lose. Maybe those parents knew something. I guess it's not crazy to keep an eye on her, at least.

I like this new Britney Spears better. Dude, this girl. She's out there. I mean, she's out there and her dance is a fucking hot. She's out there. You think they're hot? She's finally just being a pig in her living room. She's having fun being a pig in her living room.

It's totally fun. And she's by herself. Is somebody filming that or is that just her on a tripod? I have no idea. Oh, it's her on a tripod. Because I always feel bad for the person. Doing like night flicks and shit? Yeah. The person has to film it when you have to go, hey, I want to do my dance today and

some assistant has to go, okay, hold the camera. Has anyone mean that into a fucking Benny Haunas-like counter? Who wants to see the volcano? Any Hanas like counter? What'd you do? Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss No problems with that. Oh, she's showing you crack. Good for Brittany. What a batshit lunatic. I love it. I love how she's in an evening gown. Yeah, she has fucking Pete Davidson eyes. They're always like dark Justin Silver.

It is raccoons. Can you go to a picture, not a picture, go to a YouTube video of Jordan Turpin being interviewed, something where she has the bright blonde hair. She's insufferable. Oh man. She talks on the upswing, looks like she came out and immediately just made like one annoying white girlfriend and was like, all right, this is how people act.

Yeah, I mean, think about it, she was chained up the whole time. The first thing she saw was TikTok. TikTok, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but this has been in her. Jesus Christ. This was chained up the whole time. The first thing she saw was TikTok. TikTok, yeah. Yeah, but this has been in her. This has been in her the whole time. Yeah, she was chained up on that bed. Chained up.

Getting down. Did you have any interviews? She did a lot. I am a little bit for the hair. Yeah. Urban siblings, rescued from Riverside County's so-called House of Horrors. I love her. She's kind of cute and adorable.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. Yeah. Her siblings rescued from Riverside County's so-called House of Horns. She's kind of cute and adorable. She's completely cute and adorable. I love her pigtails. No, I don't know what it is. I'm not rooting for her anymore.

I'm doing my best. I'm so happy she got her father's hair. No, here's what it is. Here's what I think. If she can come out of this, this unscathed, being an influencer and living life and giving peace signs at monuments everywhere, being chained to the bed wasn't all that bad

is what I'm saying. Like, you can't argue with the raising if they snap back like this. All of them, all the girls that come out when they get interviewed, they all have beautiful hair now. They're all lovely. They're doing well. They cry a little bit in the beginning,

and then it jumps right into, you know, and then they're like, you know, yo, Krayton, right now, use code turpin. It's pretty, you know what I'm saying? I don't know why, like, she's so undamaged from it now. And I'm like, fuck off. You didn't get that bad then. It was the motivation of saving my siblings and I

because I don't know what would happen if we just stood for even another year because it just got, it was just getting worse She sounds great. She sounds fantastic Yeah, I see a tiktok or something go where tiktok Go to the tiktok. I'm trying to get on board. Yeah, no dude. You're gonna try my best I'm gonna make you guys hate this poor girl. I Kind of like it. I'm gonna follow Jordan Turbans had it too good for too long if you ask me

How long she been out? Not crazy long two years, maybe three. That's I'm saying she snapped back so easy Damn 1.4 million followers fuck I got nothing beast I'll tell you what did yeah. Let's chain ourselves to something Bobby. She's a student of dances. Jay, you're way out of line on that. He is, right? I kind of like it. Jay, this is fucked up.

This is a success story if you ask me. She's trying, dude. No. This is what every fucking little girl does. Go talk to other fucking cave children Go talk to other children who are being kept in For being chained to a bed she's doing fantastic. She's got a great up so far. I'm saying maybe the parents Likeable I think the parents may have gotten a bad rap is what I'm saying. I hear you on that the defense should be

She's fucking better than all your shitty kids Yeah She's killed. She's better than all of your shitty kids combined even if it's just the one out of 15 Now no, I hate her. I love her. Yeah Currently right now? She's probably 12. You don't look well, Bob. You're alright. How many milligrams were in that?

Six? That's six cigarettes. No. One milligram of nicotine. We're having fun. Look at my hand. I'm on nicotine 12 right now. Drinkigarette 12, just put another one in. Drinking water I think just made it worse.

No, water will help. It just wetted. It's just wetted. If you're gonna be great. Get some coffee in there, get that blood pressure. Fuckin' drinkin' coffee. I was just blood pressure. I'm gonna have a heart attack.

I'm gonna have a fucking roof. Yeah. And what have we learned today? A lot. We did learn a lot. Yeah, I don't know anything about sports. You don't know a lot about sports at all. And we did learn that despite my best efforts, I can't make you guys turn on Jordan Turpin. No. I think

your heart of hearts, you know, she's an evil genius waiting to take over the world. And you guys just keep falling in and believing her bullshit if that's what you want. I'm telling you right now that's a yada yada yada. That sure is a nada yada yada. That's a nada yada yada. You know what, you guys didn't want to hear my yada yada. You said nada yada yada to my turning on Jordan Turfitt. She's a fine young girl. It turns out she is, everyone, but you don't have to take yada yada in life.

Don't take yada yada from your wireless provider. Metro by T-Mobile has no contracts, no credit checks, no surprises, and nada y yada, yada. Stop by one of over 6,000 Metro stores nationwide. Speaking of heart attack, how about, said Richard Lewis? Is that how he died? RIP, yeah.

That's what it said in the article I read. That sucks. How did he die, heart attack? Heart attack. Broken heart. No season, 12th curb. Man, what are you gonna do? I used to watch when I was a kid,

that was the time again of like, you'd catch a sitcom that you didn't care about at all. Bobby, you would catch a sitcom that you didn't care about at all. And you would see that you'd watch it because it would just happen to be on. Why do you, is that the addict in you, Bobby? That he just handed you a thing?

No, he did. No, no, I know offer you showed him like the presentation that it is said let me get one of those well yeah you're all right you're the worst you're gonna be fine you're the worst for recovering yeah so glad I'm not you're recovering you're recovering. I'm so glad we're not hanging out all the time. A few hundred times. Let me fucking drunk. Green buzz. Sometimes it's nice to feel a little sick. Bobby, you're green. And your pupils are dilated.

Ah, my fucking head. You're sweating. I thought you smoked cigars. I do smoke cigars. That's why I thought I could handle it. I smoke cigars every day. Yeah, it's a different. And it is like cigars, I get fucked up.

You can get fucked up off cigars. I've gotten twisted off cigars. Wow. Because the nicotine and some of them are worse than others. Some of the maduros are heavier. So you'll get a nicotine high and it makes you sick. And this is like, this is fast. Yeah, it's right in there.

This is fast. Right into the blood. But I like that you don't have to spit. I don't like, that's the one thing I don't like spitting. I agree. That's why I switch to this I used to dip constantly you still got the cool feeling of having like that thing in your lip Yeah, it's nice. It's a little chop off of the six station give a yeah, you got a wink Jacob Jacob I haven't seen you in so long You look so good. Thanks, man. Yeah. His body is tight.

Good to see you. Dude, how are you feeling this week, man? Are you fucking... Yeah. Pretty good. I mean, it's... I mean, it was pretty wild to see you on that show and come out and... I mean, I was nervous for you, because I'm like, please don't fucking blow.

You know what I mean? Please don't blow. Of course. Yeah. Because then we're all going to have to be like, hey, dude. Yeah. Good. You know what I mean? Please don't blow. Yeah, yeah. Because then we're all gonna have to be like, hey dude. Yeah. Good, you did good. Yeah.

You don't have to use words like good. Well, because everyone's going like, it's gonna be good because you're fucking great. So it's gonna be fantastic. And then after the un-texted things are just kind of like, I really feel terrible now if I set you up to fail. Well, it's like when I did the Tonight Show, everyone was like, oh, that's fucking great.

You got, I'm gonna fucking die. I did it but I did it alright. What's happening? And after the show people like dude that was good. Yeah. The one thing that sucks is because of all the articles saying I sucked. Yeah. Like people are coming up and like I thought it was good. And I'm like, yeah. I thought it was good. Probably more people were telling you it's good because anyone's saying it was bad. Yeah. But you do, like, dude, your skits on your show

that you do are fucking awesome. And you're such a great comic actor. I think you're like one of the best comic actors, right? And then you have to do these skits live and you have to look at the cue card. Yeah, that was the hard part is reading. Yeah, you realize you can't fucking read. It's kind of far away and it's a,

you're trying to say it. It's just marker, right? Is there, do they tell you to do a certain thing? Yeah, they try. They're like, all right, here's how this character should be. And then you just get out there and you're like, I just gotta read. I'm just gonna read these fucking words.

Right. Yeah. And they changed the script in between, they changed it up until the last second. Into the last second. So like I'm literally reading some of those for the first time. For the first time.

Yeah. I would have fucking broke. I would have panicked. Yeah, that bothered me a little. And I can't read, I can't even read you right here. Reading is fucking difficult. It's tough. It's tough.

The table read was impossible. Did you? Table read, so there's 40 scripts, at least, and everybody that wrote them is in the room and they're like, praying that you do well with it so that there's sketch kids picked. But I'm seeing them for the first fucking time. So I'm just like, and there's no breaks in between sketches.

It just goes straight into the next one after the last page. And there was one I was reading. It was Chase, actually. And it was, I was reading. It was Chase actually and it was, I was supposed to be like a British chef on like a chef show, cooking show and like I didn't read it, British at all. Like midway through the table read it was like, you haven't been British at all this whole time, haven't you?

I was like, no. No, I'm not even British. It's like, all right, I just fucked that for Chase. Do you have a British accent? On the spot, probably not. You can't do one? No, you go first. Hello. All right, I can beat that.

Hello. Yeah, just do Australian. Hello, here we are, yeah? No, Jay, do British. I don't have to do British. I do a British. I do a good Jason Ellis. It's an impression of his only fans.

I go, oh, eh, eh, there it is. Eh, wait, wait, eh. All right, all right, Slava. Does he have, does he have no soul? Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Not anymore, not anymore. He doesn't have anymore. You get, it's like no one to call? No, no, no, no, no, no. You want to say something? Not anymore. Not anymore. You guys not anymore?

What, you get, it's like pegged or something? No. You thought the guy setting himself on fire was tough to watch? What's Jason doing? Uh, you know what? Every Saturday. It's fun. He took it all down.

Oh, okay. He's just a guy having fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just partying? No, I could do British. Not right now though. You can't do that. I can.

I can do them all, baby. You can't do them all. Chinese. No, I'm kidding. I was gonna go for it. I'm back. But when you went in there, did you have an idea, I wanna try to kind of address that

and do a skit on that? Yeah, we talked about it. And why didn't you? Cause I was kinda hoping that you'd address that or something or- I don't know. There's really no way to do it where I'm, I don't know. It's kind of a set up to fail.

People can only, it's risk versus reward. People can only get angry or get shitty about it. And then- And he just sketches me coming in and saying, I'm so sorry. Or I'm coming in and going, I don't give a fuck, which neither are very likable. You know, I don't know.

How many skits have yours got in? None. You didn't get any? Nothing. How many did you have? Three, four. We got in, me and McKee, I brought McKeever. We got in there and immediately folded.

We got in there, we gave them like three ideas and they were like, yeah, you're right, they suck. We suck, sorry. These of you didn't sell them good because you're like, yeah, we couldn't sell them at all. How'd they pick the order? My favorite one got cut, the email. The email?

Yeah, I don't know what the reasoning is behind anything. It's gotta be guns. But they released it, so that's all all the matters so when did you film that one then Thursday night or no Friday on Friday yeah okay yeah are you up all night every day yeah but really only on Fridays a long one Friday's a long one yeah Friday you got to go in and film all the pre-tape sketches. Now will you? And then rehearse all the sketches.

Were you like at the end of this and you did it and you're out, were you happy? Was there a part of you like, dude, I wish I was part of this? Like, or you like, dude, I'm so glad I didn't get this fucking job. Yeah, all right, yeah. Yeah, I bet.

It was, yeah, I got done and I was like, oh yeah, this worked out. Yeah, cause you get to go home? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, I got done and I was like, oh yeah, this worked out. Yeah, because you get to go home? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, damn, you guys got to be back here on Monday. That's fucking crazy. Start that all over again. That's crazy.

Yeah, it's a really, it is a really fucking hard job. I don't know how they do it. It's crazy. I don't think, so everybody this whole time has been like, you dodged a bullet, you wouldn't have fit in there. And I've been like, I don't know, I think I could have done it. You, I mean, you could have done it in there. And I've been like, I don't know, I think I could have done it.

One week I was like, ah, I'm all right, this worked out. It worked out, but if you were on the show, you would have been one of the stars of the show. Yeah, but this worked out. Yeah, this worked out, right buddy? You had to sleep in on fucking Monday. And you still got to experience doing the show. Yeah, the show was fun to do also,

which I didn't think it would be. Has anybody ever done what you did, got canceled from? Are you the only person that's ever done that got? Norm got fired. Yeah, he came back. But he was on it for years. Yeah, no one's ever done. No one's ever got it, got fired,

and then did so good on their own, they were like, come back and do this. Was this a plan? Was this kind of a thing from the beginning? When you got fired? Like, look dude, this is the culture we're in. We gotta let you go, but you'll, we still got eyes on you. If I had to guess, it was never said to me.

Lauren seemed, he was always in contact with me over the years. I think he always wanted me on the show, and he wanted to, I think he wanted to prove that he was right, that I was funny. Yeah, I would say that. So he was happy that you went out and proved that he was right, that I was funny. Yeah, I would say that. So he was happy that you went out and proved that he was right?

Oh yeah, he was happy, yeah. But then I have no idea, maybe it was being nice. Yeah. Maybe it was like, Christ, what was that? This guy, go up on cool. It must have killed them though, because they let you go and then you went out and just did it on your own, your own on YouTube and became huge.

And you stand up dude, you're one of the funniest guys out there and it fucking annoys me. Because I'm always at my cigar lounge and they have a TV room and they're always like, you know that shame guy? Even in, I was doing a pitch for a show for me and the guy, we're about to pick and the guy brought you up Even in, I was doing a pitch for a show for me and the guy, we're about to, and the guy brought you up. And he goes, this is this week.

We're about to like soft pitch. Bobby, I like this idea, but I'd picture you being more of a Shane Gillis type. No, they started bringing up Shane and how he good he did. And they're like, do you know him? I'm like, yeah, I know him. And he's like, he's so fucking funny. He was so good.

I was like, no, I know what you said. You're like, yeah, funny. He was so good. I was like, no, I know what you said. You were like, yeah, he's great. I love him. I said, fuck, he's awesome. He's one of the funniest. And then he goes, yeah, dude, I go, hey dude, do me a favor. Next time we're about to start a pitch with me as the guy.

Can you not say no? Yeah, don't tell me about somebody else. Don't bring up the hottest fucking heat in. And then he goes, he goes like this, well, is there a way we can superimpose your face on the Zoom, his face over your face on the zoom? I was like, probably not, probably not fucking asshole. I'd rather create that way.

But all the cigar guys, they always bring you up. You're always the fucking guy. Skull guys, my demo. It is 100% cops, firefighters and plumbers. Cops, for sure cops. Plumbers are your, guys, anybody over fucking six feet is your dude. For sure. Guys on testosterone love you, dude.

They love you. They never, Rogan was big for that. They never bring up, hey, let's watch your shit. They're always watching Shane stand up clips in the fucking lounge. I wish it would slow down, cause I would hate me. Why?

If every time I look at my phone, it's the same fucking. I don't think, I think in the- It's too much. I'm, I'm, I wanna slow down. I think in the insular world. I would hate me. If you're in the insular world of comedy.

Yeah, then I see it a lot. But I mean like, I don't think in the, no, I don't think you're over, I don't think you're like over saturated as well. Probably because I searched my name and read comments. If you look at your name, it's gonna be just as a fact. But the thing that you do that's fucking awesome, and I've talked about this, is that you never,

you're never really taken aside on anything. You're doing comedy the way it is. Unless I have a couple Bruce Keys. No, I'm not talking about in a car, in the way to the gig. When traffic, you're on one side. But like you always, your jokes are always making fun of everybody

I'm trying yeah, which is what comedy is supposed to be yeah, you know you guys do it Yeah, do the exact same thing yeah, but you I mean you really I mean I'll say this you're fucking highly intelligent No, you're smart dude. You're a smart kid. Dude. You're fucking brilliant. What'd you do with there? Why are you being all fucking nice? Do you know I said this to you for your fantasticly brilliant Christine Have we vamp long enough for you to have found some video that makes this turpent bitch look like a fucking We're stalling turpent I mean Jesus Christ dancing to tiktok There's nothing I haven't got an answer on the age yet. She's gonna She's hot

Jack kill that that darkness is gonna come at her at some point Dude she got chained to a bed for 20 years. Yeah Really what was under sheets fucking meme ideas. I mean fucking she's gonna be on a fucking show with you and Ralph someday Oh, definitely for sure honor I wanna review her then. She goes, I got the gang bang porn. Well, I guess I was in the way when I was younger. This is making me love her even more, Jay. How was the party after?

It was all right. It went from like, I had like one hour. As soon as the show ended, it was like my family and friends in the dressing room, and then we got to like take pictures and stuff. My niece was there. That was nice. She was like getting pictures with like 21 Savage Sal was there. My niece loves Sal She was like, oh my god, Sal Valcano's

He's the man But then it went straight into like it was like the end of any show where you're just shaking hands and taking pictures For the next fucking four hours because they do the party after at some restaurant And it's just everybody from the show and all the entertainment interiors there, and you're hanging out. And how long? Solid queso fundito with that place. I didn't even get to eat.

I just had to shake hands. Queso fundito. And then you sit with Lauren for a while, you talk to him for a while, which is very nice. And then we went to the stand after, and the stand was just packed. So funny. You're such a comic. And then we went to the stand after, and the stand was just packed. So funny, you're such a comic. And then I stood in the corner at the stand for like two hours,

and then looked at my phone, I was like, it's six, I'm going home. You went home? Yeah. And what'd you do when you went home? Just fucking went to sleep. Were you fucking just lying there, like what the fuck just happened?

No. That was the night, that was Thursday night, it was that night. Thursday night leading into it, it was like I did Coke all night. It felt like that, that was Thursday night, it was that night. Thursday night, leading into it, it was like I did Coke all night. It felt like that, like I've done, obviously I've done Coke all night before. It felt the exact same, like I was laying in bed,

staring at the ceiling, and like my heart was pounding, and I was like, holy shit, yeah. That's awesome. Now it's done, what a fucking shoulder drop when it's over too. Yeah, makes Radio City a little easier, I'll be honest. I really don't give a fuck Standup yeah, yeah, you're just gonna walk out and do shit, right? Yeah, we're excited about tires though, right? Tires is all I am tires. It's really exciting. We filmed that this year

All right We filmed it in Philly like Westchester Westchester. Yeah, yeah, that was nice. But that one's gonna be exciting, because everybody's gonna get to see Steve Gerben and how funny he is. He's incredibly funny. Steve Gerben. He's in a couple sketches that you've seen.

Gilly Gives, okay. Yeah, he's got real bad arthritis in his hands. I'm trying to help you remember what he looks like. But you'll see, he's the star of that show. Yeah, yeah. I think it's awesome, was it in Variety or something, but it had like Kyla's name and stuff. Kyla's in it?

Kyla's one of the main characters. So this is the Netflix thing? Yeah, we got a TV show. So it's like, oh, it's a sitcom. Yeah, it's like, yeah. What is it about? Just a workplace at a tire shop. Sorry, I don't know.

You didn't see the pilot pilot? The pilot was great. I didn't see the pilot. There's a pilot? Wow. I mean, the very first thing you did. Oh, the YouTube video. Yeah. It's like, damn, we put out a pilot.

We should have piloted. What the fuck happened? That's great, dude. Are you excited about that? I'm very excited about that. I think that'll be, you know, nerve-wracking again, because everyone, it'll be the same thing.

They're gonna do the same thing. Every one of these fucking publications is gonna be like, this show sucks. But you're gonna have to be in casting and all that shit and pick people. You're gonna pick people to be in it. No, we already filmed it, we made it. Oh, it's done.

Oh, shit. It's already started. It's not a release date. I mean, I, So you're gonna do the casting and you're gonna put people in it? I did, I did, I don't know if you saw Louie. You were great at it.

I was pretty good at it. You were great at it. I can act. Yeah, we still talk about, was it bang bangs? I would love to fucking be in season two. There's a release date already, Bob. I don't fucking know, dude. I didn't know that, I'm sorry.

That's fine, no, no, no. I just saw the thing that you got a Netflix deal. I didn't know that was out there already, I'm sorry. I'm it's totally fine. I'm excited. I'm excited to see you It makes me pretty uncomfortable This show has changed Well, I'll tell you what don't get Jacob going on that Jacob's reeling from dance fart. He's so happy I'll tell you what happens Dan fart in here yesterday? No, I fart in here. You know, I fart, but I fart because I had to have a certain diet, you know, protein and all that and I

have bad gassers and he would... Why should I be okay with that? But I don't fart. I don't, I never farted like, like, like, fuck you. I let it slip out and I apologize immediately. Okay, you acknowledge that you did fart before everyone smells it? Or do you let people, or do you let everyone in the room go, oh my God. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

And then you go, my bad. I'll say I've done both because I've, they're not like loudfarts, some of them are little tiny ones where I was like, let me just see, I don't think that affected anybody. And it did, because it was bad. And then there's been times where I've run out of the room

in the middle of conversation and just left the studio, fired it in the hallway and came back because I felt so bad. Everyone in shade 45 is like, God damn, look at that. Yo, you fucked up Gucci Mane's freestyle, dude. Yeah, but Dan came in here yesterday and he literally turned towards Jacob and let out a fucking

long, long ripply far. I'm telling you, you loved it. Didn't say a word. He went like this. He literally grinned. Like he's smart. He never, he never unfolded his hands from his chest and then crack and looked and he was almost a wink, laughing at me and Bobby while he was cracking on Jacob. Jacob has made a real scene about Bobby's farts in

here before and I will say he just ate Dan's like it was the fruit of life. Why are you being a lady about it's farts dude. I'm not being a lady but first of all they're singling me out. I didn't like that. Shane, this is like a space, so it's a vacuum sealed studio. It would piss me off. And it's not once or twice, I'm fine. It was like, I don't know what, the number's been like 30 now. Yeah, but no way.

No, no, no, no. Very mellow. No, not 30. I'd say six. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'd say six or seven, and here's the thing, I changed my diet. I started eating rice, like a dog, because of you.

So my ass- And it's working. Okay, fine. It's great. Rice is good. But I expect your attitude towards farts to be towards everybody. It is.

The same way it wasn't yesterday. It caught me off guard. It didn't catch you off guard. So you're being nasty. And he's not a dance, really a guest on the show now. Oh, okay. What can I do? I don't know, not smile and breathe in. It seems like everyone's against you.

They're a dancing guest on the show. You tried to catch some in a jar. You were doing this with a jar, but you're trying to catch fucking lightning bugs. Yeah, like they're a fireflies. Oh, get under there, Jacob. Oh, he's giving you a little more. That one sounds wet.

He really. I take the brunt of it too. But a silent fart that stinks. Is bad. To do is also as funny as it gets. 100% silent. It's so fucking funny to fart and then look around and watch someone like.

There's nothing funnier. And I do that face-grate shame. The funny is technically is the, yeah. I've let them out. Jacob falls to pieces. I do that face great shame the funny is technically is the Jacob falls to pieces I've let them out and just sat here And sorry to affect everybody individually Like I saw the air in the room goes that way that way and then it goes over to Lou I hit one I was with O'Connor. This is maybe not that funny you guys, but O'Connor was across the room. I let out a silent fart.

He got hit with it within a second, dude. This thing shot across the room. It drilled him. There must have been a back draft. He just farted. I was like, no. And he was like, oh my god, it stinks like shit in here. You said no?

Yeah, I denied it. It's very funny to say no. I mean, it's just you and another guy in a room in Florida. You got no Where you just go after I've said the no and acknowledge that I smell too good no I smell that too actually What the fuck is that? You move Florentine they landed a plane because of his farts. No. Yeah, they got on there like listen Whoever's doing the ocean. They just took it down We're gonna things definitely rotten. We're gonna this thing's definitely rotten

We're going back and we're landing the plane if you don't stop. That's how bad his gases were And land the plane yeah, there's nothing better. I think if I fart yeah, I think I've farted on planes Oh my god, that's all I do. I fart the entire flight. I Love far because you can't really hear it either, because is that that hum from the engine? Yeah, you can get away with it. Everyone's laughing at loudest fuck. Do you know how it rare, it rare, and I can't believe it in all these years now of doing comedy and flying so many times, thousands of times, I'd have to guess. There's only been like a beautiful woman, or girl sitting next to me three or four times,

but it's my nightmare when it happens. Cause I'm like, my plan is to sleep the whole time in a pretty situation. It's not so bad, I hate, but it's funny how rare it is that an attractive woman sitting next to you on a flight. Well, you sit in first class. Yeah, it's usually just old white guys. Yeah, you're right. It's always old white guys. Yeah, you're right. At my fattest when I used to fly I used to I remember there was a hot chick sitting next to me for like the first time ever. I was so excited and I saw her

Disappointed face when I had a scoop buyer. Yeah, I hear you and I woke up and I used to snore on planes and I didn't know this. What do you mean you used to? I used to snore. You stopped? Because I got this thing, this pillow that straps my around, it goes around my chin. On planes you put that on. And it... Bobby, you strap your chin now? There's a pillow. You look like a lunatic. It doesn't matter if you snore. I'd rather snore than be sitting like that. I woke up, I woke up facing the girl on the flight in comfort plus, cause I'm not fucking you two. And I was going like this.

Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz. That's the way I snored. On a flight, I would go bzzzzzz. I, you know, the pillow up to here would look like, remember they took the, they might have took Darth Vader's helmet off? That's the only thing that's up here,

telling everyone you're sorry for what you've done, what you've become. I definitely have sleep apnea. And on planes, it's crazy. I'll pass out and I'll wake myself up like, ah! Like. The other day we-

And you got a lie, you're like, yeah. There's a grimmit on the wing. Oh, sorry. I passed out again on the wing. I'm sorry. I Passed out again after we landed And it's I woke up snoring with my mouth open all the lights on in the plane And the plane was like empty you we got to get off. Yeah, and I was snoring loudly I had that recently you land and you're like oh oh I'm up, and then it's a slow taxi, just going right back and then it's a lady going,

and they always give you like, some kind of like, like they feel for you, everybody goes, who, you were a tired guy, huh, you're like, you're already making that face to them, like, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm Yeah. Which one's my back? I always embarrassingly laugh. I laugh. Really? I'll snore myself awake and be like, no one's looking at me. It's insane.

They can't hear it. Nobody says anything. They just, when you wake up, they're just looking at you like you're a fucking asshole, you're ruining the whole flight. Yeah, and I'm usually in a sweatsuit, just mouth open, four years in front of me. I have headphones on no one's Norval me and also I think with the sound of the engine I mean are you gonna hear I've heard some dudes snore really yeah, it makes me laugh

Yeah, here's somebody snoring Here's someone snoring in a hotel room next to you is almost better hearing them fucking Snoring is funnier than the fucking. Dude, my dad, if I go home, my dad puts on a fucking clinic with that. I've never heard anyone snore. You can hear him downstairs. Oh, yeah.

Scream snoring. Yeah, my dad sounds like air raid shit. It's really problematic. Yeah, I don't, my snores were bad. He's probably dying. My snores were bad, but the end part, when my mouth That's the Tommy Pope does that he does that

I'll tell you what that'll catch me But you know like that'll catch me when I fall asleep It's an old man thing too God forbid this was never my problem when I was younger But if I go to a movie theater and I am slightly not into the movie dude, I'm out ski so fast and I and having like Isabella or Christine or someone have to tell me and I'm just doing like the like the first start to fall of sleeps and I'll do some of that too the lips thing thing, we're just like. Pfft. Yeah. Pfft. By the way, it's also the most childish, maybe not,

but one of the most childish things about me in the world is I still. The mittens? No. Keep going. The chain that doesn't connect to a wallet? Mm-mm, no, that's not it. The blue in your hair?

No. Okay. It is, I still, I'd say only about 15% of the time, 20% of the time, well I say I'm falling asleep when I'm falling asleep. I still lie about that like a child. Are you falling asleep? No, why?

You're snoring, you go, I'm just breathing heavy, I guess. And I know I was just asleep. I don't know why I'm like, nah, I guess they have to latest. I'm gonna beat the sun. That doesn't go away. That's every dad watching sports Every time my dad would be asleep on the grinder. I'd come in. I'd be like, can we please turn off It's West Coast baseball game I'll watch it. I'm what I'm talking back on We're gonna take a break. All right. We're gonna break

Back on we're gonna take a break. All right, we're gonna break Shane Gillis radio city music hall New York It's this weekend Friday March 1st and Saturday all shows sold out Yeah, but mate. I don't know. It could be some available now I'm gonna release some after that. He's gonna be in Chicago, California, Portland, Boston For tickets and all other tour dates go to Shane Gillis dot com.com. Nope, nope, nope. Shane M. Gilles. Shane M. Gilles. Shane M. Gilles. He told you he can't read.

What's the M? Michael, my middle name. Ooh, I like that. Michael. My middle name's Michael. Is it? Yeah. Mine's Patrick.

I know. I knew yours. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. One time on the show we called. I'm Patrick Kelly. One time on the show we called my father and asked him my middle name and he didn't know it he said a name but it was the

wrong one that's pretty funny yeah it was like James and he's got tires will be premiering on Netflix May 23rds hey we'll be right back everybody it's the mom for everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robertkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Clap your hands.

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