The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Chatty Sex

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

It's a sexy Wednesday as the gang watches a girl who talks nonstop during love making!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the serious XM app. Go to seriousexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson... And Robert Kelly dead Oh

What a dancing vibe today. I got new underwear. I got I don't know if I can say because they're not a sponsor, but maybe they will be True classics underwear underwear dude. It's the silky. I don't wear silky underwear because I've always been too fat And now I wear these silk. It's like wearing nothing But you're wearing something I got some TJ's on some Tom John's that are the best feels I need to get some can you give me some sure of yours? Absolutely. Yeah a little bit. They're broken for you I wouldn't have I wouldn't have that sweet ASP in that chemical filled new bullshit. I want to smell it. I don't want to become old news before the end of the week, but I wanted to say, Christine told me just to say, I don't know how I keep blazing over this.

Pete crashed into a house. Yeah. Pete Davidson? Yeah, he bought another house and just drove into it. Just for car crashing? Check this out. I always wanted to drive into a house. Hey, hottest girl in the world. Come watch me crash into my house.

You all watch me crash into my house. What's the story there? Him and his girlfriend were together? Yeah, well this says, this is a new story. Teen girl. He's probably 30, right? Pete? Not even. Not even there. How old is Pete? Get the 20th maybe 26 or 7 29 is he good looking guy Pete? Yeah, good looking guy. He's a what's it called unconventionally good looking?

Yes uniquely uniquely good looking dude. Yeah, he's oddly attractive like you're just conventionally gorgeous My teenage girl was home alone when Pete Davidson, do you make a bigger Christine? Yes, sir. Pete Davidson, the speeding car, smashed into her family's Beverly Hills house. This is Danes' story. Leaving her a bit traumatizing

if instead of been an earthquake according to her family. The 16 year old dad told TMZ that his daughter was reading a book late Saturday. Okay, this girl was doing everything right. She's traumatized. I was reading about trying to make myself better. I was reading a book late Saturday. Okay, this girl was doing everything right. She's traumatized. I was reading about trying to make myself better. I was reading a book about helping people.

I just made my bed and my mom's bed. All right, nerd. When the 29-year-old comedian crashes Mercedes with girlfriend, Chase Suwander's 20s riding shotgun, the high end car, which coughs that was being driven at a high rate of speed, just struck just outside the living room, damaging a wall and knocking a window out of its frame.

Why did it get me to drive shotgun? Of course she's driving what she's doing, the back seat. The impact was so, she must have been sucking his huge dick and then her fucking, he came and it knocked her head through the roof and then they spun in a circle. But, yeah, she was convinced there was an earthquake, leaving her a bit traumatized to her dad all right bite it Relax 16-year-old

I mean you think it's the coolest thing yet Pete David's a crash nor house. There's a house. Did you fuck them? What a Hollywood thing this is becoming driving your car through a house Look in H. When into the living her car went into the living room really? Look, in Hage went into the living, her car went into the living room. Really? She died crashing through the fence and then into the house. Did you see the video of her? Why is, when you go back, is Pee wearing putt to him in heart glasses? Dude, did you see the video of Anne Hage?

No. Was taking off of the out of the garage area? No, she's in, zipped up in the bag, in the body bag. Oh, no, I didn't see. And then she just sits up, it's from zipped up in the bag in the body bag. Oh, no, and then she just sits up It's from like a helicopter, right and she sips up and like starts like she's alive and they just push her in the thing What's it for I swear to God? Maybe fake. I don't know cuz I only I watch things once and I pass it on his fact. That's fine. Yes I don't I don't do I don't like research on things. What are you a fucking nerd scientist?

Yeah, fuck that. We get to the Asians. It's Anne Hays, and she's in the thing in a body bag. They got the blankets over her head. Like she's dead, and she just sits up. And yeah, there it is right there. There it is right there. Watch, this is nuts, dude.

This is, what does it ignore the graphic footage of Ann fully covered in a sheet on the stretcher as she breaks The straps and sits up. I mean she's dead. She comes out of the body this is after the fucking thing. Yeah, she's oh Geez look she's body bag dude And they said she was dead on impact Body bag, dude. What the fuck? I mean, they said she was dead on impact. I mean, they got her whole face covered. She's in a body bag and she rips out of it. What the fuck?

And they keep wheeling, they're like, fuck, keep going. You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Burn bag? I have no, I don't know what all of it. You see the cars in the house, Jay house Jay. Yes removed from the living room And it was on fire right the whole living room car Yeah, the car caught on fire once it went through the the living room

Did they say like what she was on when she crashed did that come out? I thought it was on drugs and alcohol They see her in a previous footage like she she banged into the wall of a parking garage and then takes off People trying to stop her. Wait a second. She's covering the body, but was she dead? Was she dead On contact they say dude, no, no, no It said she was just burned and very bad from what I heard and And then they were taking her to, she died in the hospital. Oh, okay. I thought, oh, but no, but it is weird.

They covered her in a, oh, I guess you, maybe she was burned and they were trying to keep her. That's what it is. Yeah. That's what you're right, Jacob. I mean, not a, I mean, my story's better. Your story's way better than she was in zombie. That she was a dead zombie that came back to life.

Yeah, I thought, I thought, and he's zombie is better. I didn't know Sherlock Jacobs was in town. And, uh, Jacob, can you please smoke your pipe when you're doing this? I mean, what the fuck just happened to this amazing thing we could have spread? Is peed in trouble for like drinking or something?

Or was he just speeding and doesn't know how to drive? Because his legs are too lanky for the small car. From what I've seen, there's no comment yet. Really? That's bad happen with Kev too and Kev. They were like he was in a car accident and then it was like, they were like, well he left before the police got there. Like what?

Like he's left the car there? Yeah, but didn't he get a, I love all these guys get so much money that they buy a fucking fast and furious muscle car. That goes 900 miles an hour and then they put a haul and drive Yeah, they put a guy who's four foot two behind the wheel. Yeah, and he steps on the gas and it just goes out of control Yeah, it has two choices. He can drive the car or he can look at the windshield both of those things aren't happening at the same time It's a two-man operation Plastic cup boys breaks It's a two-man operation. Plastic cup boys, breaks.

Plastic cup boys, good gas. Plastic cup boys, faster, feeling good. Take the turns, plastic cup boys, push. AHHHHH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They triggered waterworks after striking a fire hydrant, too. Did he was like a It was a whole scene Oh, it's a fire So saying he isn't it. He's in a movie accident Tom Hanks movie water shooting from the skies from the faucet as fire Celebrity thing to get things under control. So I have a body on it. I'll stop building

You know what crazy coyote painted a street on the side of that building. And then I saw the Coyote go down the street. And I hit it, it's a car. It's a house. I know how an animal came right in the front of my car. Came out of the car. I can't do a peat at all. You're not going to book nobody can.

You're not going to stand on this. But there's a crazy Coyote out there. Wow, that's crazy. Poor Pete suck, everything's so amplified when you're famous too. Well, I don't know, but I mean, it is a guy smashing a car into a house. That's not really amplified. That's like, what the fuck?

What do you have? You know what I mean? It's not like he, you know, people being famous really puts the stink on him crashing the car by speeding to someone's house. Yeah, he scared a little, a good girl nerd who just got, was reading her book. I'm not in with this girl. I don't, this girl's trying to get in the papers. I don't trust her shit.

Her thing is bullshit. She's hacking the government. I'm triggered. I'm whatever. I'm traumatized by this. Like, shut up, lady. You have to tell everyone if somebody drove a car into your house. I would tell 100% of people I wouldn't keep crying. I'll go, all I was doing was filling in on my registration for the Peace Corps. And next thing I know, a thing comes to the house. And now I don't even know if I can go on a Peace Corps anymore. It's fucking weak.

I was building a machine that turned air into water for the neighborhood. Because California's in a drought again. And then all of a sudden, It's fucking weak. I was building a machine that turned air into water for the neighborhood California's in the drought again, and then all of a sudden I was just making a volcano for my science project Fucking dork I was and H H would end up inside her house. How about that? Where's the in H family? Yeah? And H H should have been, remember, I was a fucking, I went to generous his first boyfriend and Hays, in my living room,

and then came back to life. She was on fire and then she came back to life when they put her back away anyway. I have a neck tattoo now and a nose ring. I know. Things are different, you asshole. It says that nobody was sighted with anything. Wow.

Nobody's in trouble. Really sorry. Dude, I would get a big payday out of that. I would do exactly what this girl's doing. Break me off a mill. I would be like, look man. Fix the house completely and break me off a mill. I break me off a mill but a mill and plus tax.

I don't want to have a mill and then have 800. I want a clear mill. I want a clear mill. Clear me a mill, Pete, and bang my wife. I'd like you to bang down. Also, give her the fucking biz. Give her the business. Put those big juicy same-sized lips right on her face. Man, if you fuck Pete, David Sincristine, we might, you might find some old shit you lost way back in your pussy. We didn't know about. that where I put the my back is fixed She's got there was a quarter pound of cocaine way back in my pussy Did you lose this watch?

I found a I found a 1997 time X you're no, that's not yours No, we didn't graven on the back. It's you Derek with Eric to Derek with the Derek um blip on his amazing life oh this you're consequential to the awesome life he's having now

it's got a great life if i ran into a house it would just be like uh... some guy ran a car into the house yeah they're gonna give my credit guy rams car into house bald guy with a weird long belt. Start asking gets out asking everyone in the house frantically. Would you have sex with my wife? Yeah, a guy in Chaps driving a Honda CRV from

thump in mon skin. He's wearing a Rolex skin and an old Honda. We didn't. I'm an asshole I what is this? Jake was praying his penis got torn off so Lynn will be safe Lynn's never gonna be safe and really what is this Jacob you never say from every girl you it didn't get torn off give any attention for He may have ran it over though. We don't know we don't know where it was at the time If it was out he ran made it for our own penis.

Right over his own penis. I've seen it happen. Lin's safe. Lin is absolutely safe. I love Lin. I wanted to show you this for, this could be, this possibly could take some calls, maybe, on this one. I, a fan, Rachel Fellows, I wanna say it was say it was I'm so glad you didn't say fine steam

No, Rachel fellows gave me this on On social media I think Instagram sent me to look at this. It's so funny. It's so here's it I've said this before I get Open relationship I get all that then that all that makes sense to me Open relationship I get all that all that makes sense to me Filming this I don't fully understand this is a couple filming the girl goes out and fuck somebody else I Guess is the story here and then comes home and this is the video they make of her husband just fucking her Which doesn't even look it's bad looks like he's like shape, guy who's fucking her pretty good, but instead of her enjoying getting fucked by him,

she's just going like, so then I walked up to him and I was like, that's a big deck. And she's just talking like she's talking to somebody at a grocery store while this guy's whaling on her and it really made me laugh. And it made me think that you probably have a girl saying weird shit during sex story and that's why I thought maybe a caller topic of a vice versa guy. What's the weirdest thing someone said to you during sex? But that may be a first hour of Monday show thing for you open the calls because we don't have a ton of time left.

But I wanted you to see this. I know it moves so fast. It moves very fast. You still think one more commercial break? This show is very fast. You still have to take one more commercial break. This show is very fast. We turn it up, turn it up. And then basically it was just like, OK enough of this and we both got naked.

Yeah, first of all, I forgot to say, she also has due voice, which is great. Then he was like, uh, put it in my bowl. But I mean, set the scene. She's on the bed getting with her legs up. Yeah. To toes are up in the air. He's, I mean, he's really slow pumping at the beginning. Slow pumping her.

Like, she's dry or something. Well, this is his jam. So he's going to come quick. Oh, so he's concerned. Okay. If he hasn't go slow. But the fact that she is just, this is the hilarious reciting of it makes me laugh

Children just like Just go nice. Yeah, so he'll like go nicely and then all of us Nope no for play nothing just go right do it and And then Get in fucking numb. So he switched to just him on tap, which is the first time we did that. And it was fucking just like, he had my hair. It's just that him, his moving is butt in and out while it's having, it makes me wave. It's like, and she's like, and I'm like, he's getting more near as she talks.

But it makes me, I mean, dude He is dick has no effect on her tone I mean, it's the same it's you should your dick should change a woman's tone at least to go with at least to go like and then Cane yeah, she's no and said she's like and I Yes, he went or right he went no right no left. Yeah, it was left Yeah, yeah Exactly, I mean he's pumping hard. He when she gets on tops my favorite because then you get to see a lot more of her Like it's her from behind, but she's really just like fucking going and then yeah, you said you see the hands really like And that unfluff pillow is just bugging me. I don't know if it it's bugging you Jacob but it's bugging I want to just get the pillow off

the bed or fluff it up you're late flat yeah it looks like a sad muppet just something with it you can reach around and put his finger up like but which you know me I've got to be fucking in the moment it's gonna be ass-blown here. And you know, I've been loved there. You know me. She has goofy, goofy supermarket lady voice. Do you remember the girl used to come around the seller years ago?

Hey, already. Yeah. Yeah. The blonde basketball player chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Samantha. Samantha, she was sweetheart, but she's come around always for,

and hang with like already of them And that's what she said like to me too. Yeah, and Danny put it in like him He put a finger on my butt. You know, I gotta be pretty in the moment for some butt play And he did this new position We're basically like Your doggy style, but instead of all fours you're basically like sitting on your legs and style but instead of all fours you're basically like sitting on your legs and It's it is amazing because like is Bonnie

There's no tone change at all. I mean nothing that would bum me out I would be suicidal after this. I mean 100% I would like It's just kink. I don't I'm not even kink shaming the kink I get the kink what I don't get is filming this but this is a vital who's this for Because you know, I might want to go back and look at that picture of my ass none of our heads and her explaining something It doesn't make any sense. He does have a nice butt though. I mean guys built. Yeah, it's a good butt. It's a good butt Oh my god And he's like I Chicago for sure that's what it is. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god. You're heart pounding

He's like I can feel or like feel when you're like taking a breath. He's like you are so tiny Just you know what I'm saying. He's's like, you are so tiny. She's like, he's just doing, I know, I know. I'm saying, he's like, he says you're so tiny. Yeah, I'm there. Whole body on my dick, like it's fucking amazing. Ha. You're about 45 minutes. Yeah, like I am going to be walking, like I've got something stuck up my butt tomorrow.

I know. Ha, ha, ha. I can barely feel you right now, because the bruise hasn't set in yet. The what? The bruise hasn't set in yet. I can barely feel you right now, because the bruise hasn't set in yet. Yeah. What the fuck does that mean?

From the bigger, stronger weaner, I think. Oh, from the bigger deck. So she got a bigger deck, and that's why, she's home, she's talking about it. She's able to talk to him, like she got a bigger deck and that's why she's She's telling him about it. She's able to talk to him like she's a serial killer that just murdered somebody. She didn't, there's no, there's no effect to her.

This means nothing to her right now. It's only the other thing that mortar her because this, she doesn't need to be enjoying this at all. That's a, that guy has a nice piece too. That's not a small piece in shape. In shape, solid piece piece and he and she's giving him nothing. Looks like he fucks kind of weak though for being completely on it. Wait a minute. It's not a great late. He's not it's not good. Doesn't look like it. No,

it's not helping. You need a little help. She's not helping. You need a little fake. This is his thing. No, you need a little. No, she's right though. No, Christine's right. This is his thing. No, you need a little. No, she's right, though. No, Christine's right. This is his thing. Love that you flip flop. We can just make you change. Just like that. I'll turn back on this. This is her. It's his thing for sure. Yeah. So without a doubt, it's almost the point, but it's his, I wonder if he's also like, and also because her thing's not a board with it. Well, no, I've seen these before where the guy likes to be insulted about it. So I get that also.

This is just so matter of factly. It's like, it looks like she's not enjoying fucking him at all herself. She's just like, doggy style now. Okay. So then he goes, what's your favorite kind of hot dog? A 711. I say the big bite.

He says the cheesy quarter pounder. Like, yeah, there's no, it's nuts. This conversation is nuts. That she's not, not even a, like I need a, so I went, yeah. Oh my God. And then he said, oh boy. And then he said to me, like, damn, I enjoy it.

She's just like, she's like, oh my God. She was, have you ever had, do you know there's an adorado flavor? It's super spicy not show. Anyway, he had those on his fingers, which really hurt when he fingered my butt hole. But my time here, I am rough draw. So that's that grossest thing I've ever heard a woman say I rubbed raw I would throw up I would puke on her back if she I'm rubbed raw I'm done I'm rubbed raw for sure all right cool hand Luke I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I Yeah, you have a fuck hamburger? It's basically what you're doing right now. Anywho. Uh, yeah.

Oh, my pussy's like ground chuck. I got nothing. Oh my god, what a fucking shit person. This person is shit. And I don't like her Dan Adamin tits, by the way. Yeah. Her tits stink. Yeah, her tits suck.

It's just like a, like a, uh, uh, uh, uh'm like a uninhabed Jewish boy. Sorry, I've got little party hat tits. Well, you still come to my bar mitzvah. He has B and H tits. Then for sure for it. I just bring that up. I just said I was like, because I said, it's just after, it's after. No, it was during.

And he's like, what would you do? Just like walk around with both of us and I was, why don't you bring it up during the set? I told him I was like so weird looking. I hate both of them. Oh, oh, he invited, she invited the guy to go away with them. But she fucked. Can I ask you a question?

Can I just ask a couple questions? Is this her boyfriend? Or husband? That's her husband? Yeah. So this guy in that shape with that penis is fucking this, that's his wife. That's, he chose that.

Yeah. And they're still together. So that's his thing that he likes. And he lets her. She's probably in shape is what it is. Cause like she, she's got a boyish bond. He's a triathlete t bond. You could try actually tips. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

They're javelin' thrower titties. Yeah, I got to. I was just sure. I was just gonna say, yeah. Povalt. Yeah, those are. Yeah, was that Lesbian movie from the 80s with all the fucking Olympic team?

Oh, fuck. You know what I was talking about? The Olympic team. Yeah, it was all the Lesbian girls girls trying out for the track and they just It's not so really cool in American and obviously they just fucking suck. He chose a pussy's in a Hostile not what is it personal that's it personal You know to see personal best. No, I'm gonna. I'll do what a movie so I'm an overhand stroke to that since it's Lesbo Oh, dude. It's great Lesbo stuff great Lesbo stuff personal best and it's American it's Lesbo stuff. Oh dude, it's great Lesbo stuff. Great Lesbo stuff, personal best. And it's American, it makes you feel proud.

Oh. But yeah, that's pretty nasty dude. Good, keep going. I mean, I hope this video ends with him reaching back, grabbing a machete and slicing her throat in the middle of a sentence. So I'm, No, that's what I said.

Put that on the list. Let's live for Monday. I wanna hear people think over the weekend of things calling like strangest things someone said to you or stopped having sex because of the strangest thing that was said or done or done. Yeah. That's a good color topic.

Mine was untimely. In the middle of it. Yeah, but like really meant it. Like, please let me go. I think let me go was right after that. Really? No, I'm kidding. go. I think let me go was right after that really I'm kidding Fucking hostage Let me go

God christine give me some more because he's got another position. That's my favorite. Oh god He was on top and I was just on bottom and I was like whispering in his ear We're talking bears And tap and I was just on bottom and I was like whispering in his ear. He's on top. I'm on bad. I'm we're talking bears. Couple of jerk offs. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's what I get a dip beef. You get Italian sassage. You want me to be for the whack?

You with this guy put his sassage in you and you're going to ask him to come on a vacation with us. You treat me like a brick fuck. You play to Zane these last nights, big Jay? I heard he's into what we're into. You're all worked up over it? Maybe I'll go down there and I'll suck his cacket. I'll come tell you about it. I haven't felt your cock in seven years. You know that, right?

Fluff up that pillow for me, would you? It's budget. You keep pounding this hole with all your strangers yeah you've been in my ass twice you didn't even know it that that resort right and I was like yeah I think we're getting it and he's like what would you do just like walk around with all of us make it all day and I was like fuck yeah and he's like what would you do just like pull us into the room whenever you wanted to fuck and stuff and I'll hold you up. He's like, I am so nervous.

I'm gonna back up Christine and Lou have a field day with these because this is a good one. This has good. This is great. I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. When he was fucking me, I was like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

Right now I complete sentences with, and now I'm giving a dissertation. while you're giving me everything you get. Yeah, I'm giving them my thesis by you I'm filibusting your cock right now I came hours ago I just don't want to make dinner I was like, hey, would you ever come to Florida with us? And he's like, oh, yeah, that's right. He's like, you're looking in a place at that Rosalina. You see why you staring at me? You want to see me invite somebody on vacation with us?

You know, and he's like, what would you do? Just walk around with both of us and make it all day. And I was like, fuck, yeah. And he's like, what would you do? And he's like, what would you do? And he's like, what would you do? And he's like, what would you No. And he's like, what would you do? Just walk around with both of us and make it all day. And I was like, fuck yeah. And he's like, what would you do? Just like, pull us into the room whenever you wanted to fuck

and stuff. And I was like, you know, he's like, I have no- He's pounding her. She's doing nothing. Yeah, she's going fuck yeah. She's literally doing everything he wants. Probably. But God bless her. So this is everything he wants. Probably. He's a god blesser.

So this is what he wants her to jagey hammer. I don't think it's her thing. I think it's more, I feel she seems clearly into the idea. Well, it's also, it's also this all for only fans. But how can you fake, how can you not be affected by a cock in you at all? Like at all, can that happen? Yeah. Jay, I fucking, I fucked up.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize it until I'm sorry. It's been a real growing weekend. Bobby's first week, we found out that both of our girlfriends are cheating pieces of shit. They had sex with two of our friends. Joe DeRosa and Colin Quinn respectively. Yeah. DJ Luz gonna lose his girlfriend, the Colin Quinn. Yep.

That's a quick, that's a no brainer. It's come for sure. It's come. It's come. It's come. I do. Jacob won't let himself fall in love. He thinks every girl's going to be taken by Pete Davidson eventually.

This is why we treat him. He's like, I'm just sitting here taking up your time while you're waiting to fuck Pete Davidson. Who? You'll find out. He'll hit your house. I don't know. I don't know. It's so funny.

I don't see that there's anything, this besides anything, then comedy though, this part of it. He does though. He like, like the more she talks the more he gets going. You can see. No, I know, but it doesn't start. But you think it would start like, do you think here's what I guess when I'm asking Christine, has she doing making the choice? Because look, it's like you could be stoned and giggling and then talk to a cop and realize that you have to talk.

It's you're not going to be like, hey, officer. You know, I mean, is she, I can watch my favorite comedy and not laugh if I choose not, you know, I mean, you have to let yourself kind of laugh to some degree. Is she stopping herself from feeling anything here and just being like this part of it, like I go fuck this guy for pleasure and then I'm a hole for him while he talks while I talk all this shit. Yeah, it sounds like the number one thing for her is to get the sentences out. Really? Above all else, above for her own pleasure for sure.

Yeah. But her pussy has never bruised yet. But she, yeah, it's not, it's not meant to meet yet. It's not, yeah. I haven't been pounded into tomato paste just yet. Yeah, you can't put me on a piece of toast yet. Yeah. I think I can still house a child in here.

Can you guys be in a vagina and feel it? Like, how have you ever had sex where you're just kind of like, huh? I've gone numb and gotten in my own head about not being able to come. The feeling though, oh yes, for sure. Unless you're coming, you can always like stop doing, yeah, everything that's like,

is fake, not fake, not fake, not the right word, not fake. It's the thing. But I believe that there's vaginas that your dick is made for. And then there's vaginas that you fuck, right? And there's ones that are made for everybody. Yeah. Oh, the old, a Unisex one size fits all?

Yeah, old public plus, so good here. No life, they're on duty, swimming your own risk. Uh, that pussy's got an app, you can sign up for it. You can hook your apple, pay up to that plus. Only five people a day, though. We have one more. We have one more. We have one rule. Why am I turned on and I'm not what?

Christine, you have said it. Oh. I think that, no, my point is Jason, if I can call you Jason. You can. Is that, there's some, and now I've had sex with some girls that, I mean, I meant to fuck you.

We're meant to fuck. We're not meant to talk after. We're not meant to talk after. We're not meant to hang out. Like we annoy each other or she, I don't know if I know her, but I would assume I did, but we were not compatible socially. But when we fucked, it was the greatest sex I've ever had.

Every time, all the time, amazing holy shit. And then those girls that I fucked, like I had to knock it out of the park chemistry. But Johnny, on like somebody I've only hooked up with like once. I said I love you little girl. And she said, I mean, the first date, like she looked at me and I looked at her and it was so holy shit. She never not happened.

Yeah, she was like, I love you. And I was like, I love you too, Mom. And I'm kidding. No, we both said I love you. At the same time,. Yeah, she was like, I love you. And I was like, I love you too, Mom. And I'm kidding. We both said I love you. At the same time, it was weird, but it was right. You know what I mean? And it was said I love you to girl that you don't love. Yes.

Okay. Thanks, wife, Christine. Christine, I'm sorry. I knew exactly. I know. But you deserve that one. Well, no, here's what I mean. I mean, I meant the joke, obviously.

But what I also mean by that is, like, I've probably said that to Christine before I really had a full grip on what that would, like, entail. But you never said it as a kink. Like, I've done it as a kink. No. Oh, I've done it. I've actually said, say, you love me.

Really? And they'd be like, what? I'd be like, say, you love me. you love me. Really? How you love and did you be like, what? How they say you love me? You love me and as we're having sex and like, and then they can take it. Yo, I facking lavier. That's not dawn. Don't stuff a cent.

That's that lady. That's my fucking Chicago. Chicago lady. You see the cops this year? They got to do it, kid. You know what, a fucking copby's are going to do it, I think. Hey, you see that podcast? Are you garbage? That's a good one right?

Come on come on Christine bring it home this video. It's a lot of the minute or so They're going to resort together Perfect his balls his head his everything Is like I babe I left my phone out in the other room like by the time we were into it and fucking like I can't even process that when I'm that deep into an orgasm The entire fucking time it was amazing He's just so good Like it's just it it's, yeah.

When you've got a dick that can literally bottom you out, or you can feel that you're bottoming out. What? How was she said? I've never said battle me out. When I have a dick that can bottom me out. When I have a dick that makes me feel. When I have a dick that makes me feel.

Bottom of my head. Bottom of my head. Oh man, I've never hit the back of a pussy. I don't think all the way. The end of it. We're pussy ends. Yeah. She don't think all the way, the end of it. We're pussy ends. Yeah. Yeah.

She can't breathe. She can't breathe. It's just, you block it something. You block it something big. Pull back, pull back. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my heart. I said that and I've never felt the feeling of a woman's palm above my dick or my lower

stomach above dick. I've never felt it go, wait, wait, wait. I've had that. Yeah. I've never found a go wait wait wait I've had that yeah, I had a I remember it vividly the girl that I got beat up for I remember when I was real I had abs. I had six back with the V dick and and she picked my shirt up and then I'm did my pants and she rubbed Her hands down my abs and she went oh my god nice. Yeah, you know what I said What nothing? Yeah, God damn right? Oh my god. Nice. Yeah, and know what I said? What? Nothing. Yeah.

God damn right, oh my God. Yes, your God is right here. Yes. No, I'm talking about the hand of while you're fucking a girl. Yeah. The feeling of her hand going like, like, wait, wait. Like, it's like too much. Like, you're giving too much.

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. But no, I do love hearing that someone rubbed your abs. Okay. Beautiful abs. Your beautiful, beautiful abs. Now I have sorry. But no, I do love hearing someone rubbed your abs. Okay. Beautiful abs. You're beautiful, beautiful abs. Get flabs.

Let's finish this video out here because she never stops. She gets on top next. This is so good. Like it's just, it's yeah. When you've got a dick that can literally bottom you out or you can feel that whole, yeah, thing, it it's like oh my god every single fucking point got me to come like eight times in 40 minutes but he did he just like he's you tell him anything else about the trip I I will and I did. I told him about the dungeon. I told him about the club. I was like, you

are unlike it's literally just sex and party and the entire time and breaking for food. He's like that is he's like that. I would be so down. I feel like I do feel like the guys not super stoked that the guy got invited to a trip. He's like, so what'd you say next? I said, you gotta go, we'll pay for you. Yeah. Oh, we'll totally pay. You gotta come to Little Nikki's birthday. It's next week.

We're having Peter at Chuck E. Cheese. Can you be cool and then we'll go off and you can finger blast me in the bathroom. Yeah. You do wanna go- You can finger blast me in the magic room in the back. You wanna go blast me in the bathroom. Yeah. You can think of blasting in the magic room in the back. You want to go blast me in the back room where we have a door to explore a person?

You can go dig out my badge in the ball pit if you want. You're running out of time with this. How much money? You run out of time. How much time we got left on this board? 10 seconds, 20 seconds. No. 10 minutes.

OK. You see this board? Yes. She's the most boring person in America. I would find this hilarious. I was saying he should want to fuck her so she shuts the fuck up. I think you're talking about the girl, not us. Yeah, you took that person. You know, you bore. No, she's the boy. She's relentless. He's kind of a bore to you. Yeah, I

mean, the guys really not too much of shit. We're made for each other Go but you's never been to Florida. So he's like that would be so fucking worth it Yes, he's telling you that first dance. I did I did as we were ending sex Yo, right at, yo he goes, the door, the door. Yo, right at the end he goes. Get first dibs and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, he's like, soul. Oh, he's stories. Oh, so even our story sucks.

The story does suck, she's not telling the story good. When you got the dick to the bottoms you out Yeah, I didn't even feel my legs all the time Are you done yet when he releases that calm his whole body shakes and then his I got to give her this by the way releases his commas a weird way to put it But I like it. Oh, you got a huge dick. You're holding it like a lot back. Yeah, really hey You can release on me I can't just say his balls are literally perfect. Those are the best nuts I've ever seen a little balls, dude

Those are nice balls. Yeah, they're too up. They're perfect. I like them to lay a little bit. I like a little drag on my beans. His nuts look great. Well, he's got a big dick, so this little nuts don't really make much of a difference.

I need my nuts to be heavy and pulling away, so it gives him more dick, you know? I think his nuts are good when his dick goes down, but when his dick gets big, it uses that skin for the dick. And then his balls get little. Bing, yeah. Now, all right. Like a little drag.

Christine, take us home. And then with it being in so far, it's like, oh my god, them. Anywho. He's like, you have my calm, undemand. He goes, the second you say you want it, it's there. She's stupid. What a a storyteller. So everybody, I say Monday, get your stories right in this weekend of worst things ever said to you during sex or worst things so whenever did during sex.

Julian McCullough is one of the best stories ever. They told when he was here last time, the get awesome. A girl, a girl, a girl he knew, total guy to get off you like you should get off me get off me She'll change the mind about fucking yeah, and the guy was like all right, and he gets all this sort of flexing For her and she goes what are you doing and he goes you said get awesome? I mean he knew what it meant also Not only was he wrong when he got it wrong. He was like oh, I know she was me get awesome. This is happens a couple times was he wrong when he got it wrong he was like oh I know she was gonna get awesome this happens a couple times and so there's got to be stories like there out there in the world we'll take our final break

everybody and then we're bringing home we have a great loss tapes for you tomorrow we're calling Quinn we did enjoy that. He's a fun one. We'll be right back to take this thing all the way home take this thing all the way home it's the new bot fire what keeps the plan it's been i bet he's an annoying dude though jack white really? i bet he's an annoying dude

why? i think it'd be a regular dude no well i love. I'm so sad. I don't get to see these guys. I bet Jack White thinks the world of himself. You think so? I do. You think he's like, what's that other dude that I was going to the cellar? John Mayer. Maybe. John Mayer. John Mayer. Maybe John Mayer is just like has the guy had a bad day. He's even pulling off being in like the grateful dead somehow. I don't give a shit about the grateful Dead, but I mean like he's in the grateful dead and his John Mayer career. Yep. And he's always involved in comedy stuff. His hair's going nowhere He had him all their best Right Katie Perry. Yep. I watched speaking of Katy Perry. I watched what's the guy Russell brand? Yeah, that she was with

Yeah, on Bill Marl last week. It's great You think I thought he would kept going too much. She was like go go go. It's a little. I love that he called out Fucking media. Yeah, oh generally speaking generally speaking. I mean, yeah He's annoying to listen to because he's just on and on and on Yeah, he has nobody around him to tell the shut the fuck up. Yeah, so I thought Bill Maher was gonna be a hey dude like relax I thought that he called I mean not to get too political No, he said the shemi. I didn't disagree with what he was saying. I'm showing everything But it's also like I hope you'll get a little idealistic with their whimsical bullshit. Yeah, I mean he's a little

I mean I hate guys who wear like rip clothes that will bought ripped. Oh, it's like fuck you, dude. Damn it. Yeah. Yeah, suck on that Aaron Berg. He won't meet me. That's for sure.

I don't mind a gene. Okay. I'm short. I'm talking a shirt. Ripped on purpose shirt. I'm sick. Or a man with a see through shirt and any capacity. And I don't mind.

You're not, you have a problem with me for sure or if you have a the V-neck is too deep Yeah, yeah, it's no and by the way these are all Enviable things that in my life. I've wanted to pull off. I want to wear a V-neck white t-shirt and some jeans Oh, this is all these may be barefoot These are all things I want and I will do if I lose 10 more pounds or sit comfortably in jeans Indian style come on dude. I'm gonna space wig if I lose 10 more pounds. Yeah, but a long one You're gonna go for you to grow it out. I'm gonna grow it out. I'm gonna get I'm gonna get hair plugs Okay, and I'm gonna wear I'm gonna wear a berkets docks

Mm-hmm and a very deep V-neck. Oh yeah. What's that linen shirt? I like that. And maybe a ver... I said, I said it when I was gonna come out of quarantine being a multiple chains guy and I did not. Because the chains I got, turns out it's gonna be

quite an endeavor for me because if I wear anything, I guess it isn't like really good jewelry. My neck starts to itch, hive up and turn green. So I have to be pretty careful with my chains, but I'm seeing you, Bobby, in a deep V, with a couple longies, and a couple mid-range, and maybe one short one.

How about a scarf? Yeah. What type of necklace? Is it wood or is it metal? Oh, there's multiple. There's woods. There's beads. There's metal. There's maybe a fancy. Maybe I'm actually a pretty expensive one in there too. The people wouldn't even know. Like an LV? Yeah, maybe yes. Yes, for sure. Yeah. Maybe a something just like something. Oh, that one is actually expensive. Yeah, what's that? Who is he? The rest of those must be from his travels to the Congo or whatever. Where he does arts. Yeah, like's that? Who is he the rest of us must be from his travels to the Congo or whatever where he does arts?

Yeah, like all the bracelets I earned and he feel I know we only have a minute or so left here, right? Did you enjoy your first week Bobby? I have enjoyed every second ever with you, man I'm excited to take this fucking trip with you, dude. It's gonna be great Dude this week was awesome. I love being here It you know, I know that you know this show is means a lot to a lot of people, but I feel like it's in good hands. I love everybody here. It was a great time and the fans could not be more supportive and cool, except for two of them. Yeah, two of them are really awesome. Yeah, one was Dan. I mean, get over it. What a piece of shit. No, great time in them. So, Bobby, should we put out there in the east of and eat the wind sense more naked pictures for the Bobby Kelly bonfire

No, I think it is it's your show now. She's probably sent some new new the other nudes were just for that was for the insoder bonfire Fuck Jay. Yeah, marry me fuck me marry fuck me But that's not even the Polish price and some new ones for Bobby I think but send them through Jacob, if you wouldn't mind. He has to make sure he's gonna be okay. Christine, go to the plugs, please. Bobby, I know what, he's gonna be at Side Splitters. That's for God damn sure.

Only shows left Thursday and Friday, second show. All of the shows sold out. So if you're coming to see me. Beautiful, and after that Salt Lake City, why is guys coming up? Sarah Toga Springs, Austin, Texas for the Moon the moon tower comedy festival you can see me and bobby rolling around together come say hi come say crackle crackle gang bang us yeah come gang bang us

rubbercat alive dot com big jokerson will be at stanford this friday march 10th new york comedy club brand new club that i'm excited about it so i heard it was amazing and then louisville march 17th and eighteen after that he'll be in roach as to spoke and west niaq about it. I heard it was amazing. And then Louisville March 17th and 18th. After that, he'll be in Rochester, Spokane, West Nyak, and Detroit for tickets all other dates. Please visit bigjadeacommady.com. And we fucking love you guys, and we will be back next week Monday live. Crap, okay, I'm going to home the bonfire. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show.

If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomb fire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. I stepped on your crackle crackle. I stink. to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.